All language subtitles for The.Wrong.Roommate.2016.1080p.WEBRip.x264-RARBG

Looks like a custom ride.

Not too many of those around.

All right, get the security tape
back to the lab,

see if somebody can get us
a license plate.

And run the car
through the system.

Something should pop up.

I know exactly who that is.

His name's Mark Dupree.

He's my ex-fiancé.

Just relax.
You'll be fine.

First day of school.

Yeah, first day of school
as a teacher.

You'll have these punks eating
out of your hands in no time.

Well, there's not really
a lot of students.

It's a summer extension course.

You're teaching a summer
extension course, same as me.

These kids aren't even
going for a degree.

Besides, you really wanna
ease into this job.

My first day of teaching,
50 screaming college freshmen

at the beginning of
football season was a nightmare.

- Thank God for wine.
- Janice!

What?

No, I'm just kidding.
Lighten up, okay?

Sorry. It's just a lot
to take in, you know?

It's the first grownup job,
new town, new place.

Yeah, but you have me.

You've been riding my coattails
since grad school.

Are you always
this confident?

Yeah. It's practically
a job requirement.

Besides, you used to be too.

And I will be, I promise.

I'm glad we're
working together.

Yeah. Laurie?

You're a great teacher,

but if you want these kids
to see you that way,

you have to believe in yourself
as much as I believe in you.

Hey, Professor Dahl.

Hey, Billy!

I think I'm in
your 9:00 class.

Oh, yeah.
This is Laurie Valentine.

She's teaching you
Intro to Lit in building H.

Nice to meet you,
Miss Valentine.

- Billy!
- I mean Professor Valentine.

- Sorry.
- No, it's okay,

I'm still getting used to the
whole professor thing myself.

Wait, Billy, did you say
that you were in my 9:00 class?

- Yes, ma'am.
- You better hustle over there.

If you're late
on the first day,

you have to give an oral report
on the history of NASA.

I gotta go. Bye!

Freshmen are terrified of me.
I love it.

Congratulations!

You survived your fir fit day
as a college professor.

You should've seen her.
Laurie was fantastic.

The kids were hanging
on her every word.

- I'm not surprised.
- I was intimidated at first,

but once we got going,
I felt pretty good.

Yeah. It almost makes up for
the 10 years you're gonna have

to pay back
your student loans, huh?

Oh, crap, crap, crap, crap!

I think
it's my yoga instructor.

I think he wants
to ask me out on a date.

- Hello?
- Good luck with that.

So it seems like things may be
turning around for you, huh?

I think it'll be better
once I find my own place.

Right now I'm just staying
at my sister's house

while she's on
a business trip in China.

Just you at that
big ol' house?

No. My niece Ricki decided
to bum around for the summer.

So that's part of the deal.
I have to keep an eye on her.

She's 17 years old.

Gonna be a high school senior
next year.

Janice tells me you've been
having some difficulty recently.

Oh, you mean Mark,
the ex-fiancé.

Fiancé. Wow.
Supposed to be married, huh?

Yeah, something like that.

Well, if you need some
old guy's perspective,

- I am always available.
- You're not that old.

That's almost convincing.

Thank you for the pep talk.

It's really good
to have you back, Laurie.

Ricki?

Ricki, honey, where are you?

So I can strangle you.

Yah!

Got you!

See how funny that is
when I have a heart attack!

Don't worry, Grandma.
I know CPR.

Don't scare me like that.
I don't like it.

And enough with
the grandma talk.

I'm younger
than your mother.

And she's old too.

You are gonna get a mean phone
call on your 30th birthday.

What are you even doing
out here? Are you smoking?

First of all, smoking's not
a thing anymore. It's vaping.

And second, no.

Are you vaping out here?

If you really wanna know,
I was about to run some laps.

I'm trying out for
the track team this year.

- Really?
- We practice five times a day.

Fine, I was...

I was waiting
for my dad to call.

He was supposed to call me
like three weeks ago.

He will.

No, he won't.
He's got that new girlfriend.

My mom's on business.
I'm just extra baggage.

Honey, I...

I know you're going through
a hard time,

but it's gonna get better.

I promise.

You know, your mom and dad
love you a lot.

And so does
your Aunt Laurie.

Yeah.

So what happened
with you and Mark,

I thought you guys
were getting married.

Well, you know
how men are from Mars

and women are from Venus?

- Yeah.
- Well, uh...

Mark, he's from
the planet ...

I'm telling my mom
you said that.

Hey, if you do,
I'm telling her you were vaping.

Oh, okay, okay.

Okay, okay.

You're gonna end up grading
those papers in your sleep.

If you were taking
a college lit course,

would you wanna spend a semester
reading Albert Camus

or Alexander Solzhenitsyn?

Alex what?

Solzhenitsyn.
Russian author.

Wrote One Day in the Life
of Ivan Denisovich.

Nobel Prize?

Yeah.

Remind me not to take your class
when I get to college.

Anybody home?

Whoa.

Mark.

Federica?

Uh, it's Ricki.

Nobody calls me the F word
anymore except for my dad.

Boy, it's good to see you.

I think the last time
I saw you,

you were playing
with Barbie dolls.

Can't beat the classics.

In what universe
is it okay for you

to barge in here
like you lived here?

Well, the door was open.
I just took the initiative.

Uh, you want some pizza?

Well, it looks good,
but I can't. I...

Actually, I just stopped by
to talk to your Aunt Laurie

just for a moment.

I'll take that
as my cue to leave.

Now, there's a smart kid, huh?

You didn't even tell me
you were leaving.

I had to call your parents
in Poughkeepsie

to find out where you went.

I'm sure they loved that.

What am I supposed to think?

I come home,
all your stuff is gone,

you took your name
off the lease--

Jeez, Mark, I don't know,
a normal person would think,

"Hey, my fiancé moved out

and never wants
to speak to me again!"

Come on, you're acting
like I killed somebody.

No, I act like you slept
with someone in our bed.

Do you remember that?

- Laurie--
- Don't! No!

You always called the shots
when we were together.

You don't get
to do that anymore.

So you're just gonna run off
to your sister's house?

For starters, yeah.

Okay, well, how long
is this gonna last for?

Until I can get on my feet.

What are you gonna do,
wait tables?

I took a teaching gig
at the college.

What do you care?

Laurie, I'm always gonna care.

It's too late for that.

- I admit I made some mistakes.
- Mistakes?

I caught you in bed
with another woman.

How many times do I have
to apologize for that?

I get it. I messed up.
Can we please just move on?

Yeah, that's exactly
what I'm doing.

Just not with you.

Laurie...

I love you.

The next time
you come here uninvited,

I'm calling the cops.

Hi. This is Laurie Valentine.

Yeah, I just started
at the college.

I need to get my checks
direct deposited.

36 minutes! Not bad.

So they'll be in
Thursday at midnight?

Great, thank you.

So who do you think's gonna win
the Olympics, track and field?

Female? Lolo Jones.

What? Jones?
No, no, no.

Allyson Felix. She's already
won four gold medals.

Felix? No. Those are fighting
words where I come from.

Ricki, looks like
you're having fun.

It was great. He's almost fast
enough to keep pace with me.

Oh, no, she has great
natural instincts.

Yeah, she does.

Would you like to introduce me
to your way-older male friend?

Oh, uh...

Hi, sorry, I'm Alan.

Alan Cypher.

Laurie Valentine.

So do you do this often,
go running with teenaged girls?

No, I'm renting the guest
apartment for the summer.

From Daisy.

She never mentioned that to me.

She might've.
She might've left a note.

I didn't see a note.

That's because...

there may have been a set
of rules attached to it

that I didn't exactly
agree with,

so I might have
thrown it away.

I just can't believe she
wouldn't mention that to me.

What if I wake up in
the middle of the night

and there's a strange man
in the house?

That would scare me
half to death.

No offense.

None taken.
I'm pretty harmless, actually.

Yeah, Aunt Laurie,
he's a really nice guy.

Stop being so paranoid.

And I have someone
to run with.

Oh, you're a track coach or...

Oh, no. Surfer, actually.
Definitely not a coach.

I haven't been on the water
forever. I just...

I run now and then
for the hell of it.

Gotta stay in shape.

So would you like
to have lunch with us?

My Aunt Laurie made her
world famous tuna salad.

Wow! World famous, huh?
I'm, uh, I'm intrigued.

Uh, yeah, sure,
if I'm not an imposition.

No. We have plenty.

What was that? I...

I think I hear my friends
calling from across town.

You guys have fun now.

We are gonna have a long talk
when you get back, young lady!

See ya!

I think we've been set up.

I think so.

So I found out that
my girlfriend Miranda

had been cheating on me the
whole time we lived together.

So I just walked away.

Believe me,
I know how you feel.

You sound like you're
talking from experience.

I'm an ex-fiancé.
Same story.

Never even saw it coming.

Yeah, you know,
at a certain point,

you need to just
stop blaming yourself.

Yeah, sometimes you do.

On top of everything else,
I lost my apartment

'cause the lease
was in Miranda's name,

so that's how I wound up here.

Did you find a place yet?
A long-term place?

No. I mean, I haven't even
really started looking.

It's been too depressing.

I need a nice quiet place

to work on my art
for a couple of months,

and your sister had
this guest apartment

for rent with no lease.

You're an artist?

Yeah, you could say that.

Sculpture, woodwork,
some painting.

I have a little studio
on the edge of town.

I do my heavy work out there
with an old friend of mine.

Speaking of which,
my break was over hours ago,

I really should be getting back.

Now that we're
officially neighbors,

we should probably have
each other's phone numbers?

Oh, yeah, that's a good idea.

Give me yours,
and then I'll text you mine.

That is mine.

You can call me any old time.

I just might.

Yeah, all right.

So how hot
would you say he is,

like scale of 1 to 10?

Pretty hot.

A solid 9, maybe.

Maybe a 9.5.

Wow.

And single?

Apparently so.

He's just living
in your guesthouse.

Well, Daisy's attic apartment,
but yeah.

Hmm.
Does he have a job?

Well, he paints and sculpts
on commission.

And he surfs,
and he has great abs.

So basically you have
a hot single artist

living in your attic.

Mark's gonna freak out.

Oh, gee, that's terrible.

So now that I actually know that
someone's staying in the house,

feel free to use the pool
whenever you like.

Thank you.
I appreciate it.

Yeah, I work during the day,
but Ricki should be around.

Right, you teach
at the college, right?

Now, did you know that that's
always what you wanted to do?

There was a time
that I dropped out.

Why?

My fiancé, he--

Ex-fiancé.

Sorry. You're right.
My ex-fiancé.

He thought that college was
taking up too much of my time,

so I quit.

He was on his way to being
a high-powered defense attorney

and was gonna
take care of both of us.

And one day I realized
the whole trophy-wife thing

wasn't really my cup of tea,

so I went back and
got my degree a year ago.

Hey, you wanna come see
some of my paintings?

I'd love to.
Lead the way.

This is it.

I've never actually
been up here before.

It's gaudy.

And Daisy was always
pretty eccentric.

Yeah. I don't know.
I don't mind it.

I figure it's all just
temporary anyway.

I'm sure once I get
my own long-term place,

I'll feel like making it
more like a home.

Are these yours?

Yeah.

For better or worse.

- They're beautiful.
- Thanks.

Painting's not really
my forte though,

I mean, I really like
working with wood, stone,

anything I can use
a chisel on.

Well, you know what they say.

I don't know art,
but I know what I like.

Oh, thank you.

Do you ever sell
any of these?

A couple.

Mostly to coffee houses, banks,
that kind of thing.

These are
pretty personal though.

Would you be interested
in selling one to me?

- You serious?
- Yeah.

I don't have the money yet,
but sure, yeah,

once I get my first paycheck.

Oh, I can just
give it to you.

No. No, I insist on
supporting the arts,

and you are an artist.

Okay, well, at least take it now

and then you can pay me
when you get the money.

I mean, I'm pretty sure
you're good for it.

Besides, I know where you live.

Hey!

- Oops! Sorry about that.
- You did that on purpose!

I don't know, did I?

Hey, sleepy head.
You ready for work?

Yeah. I was up all night
grading papers.

You don't hear me complaining.
I'm just enjoying the view.

So you're not worried
about Mr. Hunk

hanging out with
your teenage niece?

He's actually
the perfect gentleman.

Yeah, I think you're right.

He has more to worry about
than hanging out with you.

Hey!

Who is that, the mailman?

No.

Why the hell are you
honking your horn?

I've been trying to
get ahold of you for days.

And since I'm not allowed
to come knock on your door,

had to honk my horn
to get you to come out.

I thought I made it
perfectly clear.

We have nothing left
to discuss.

Well, the water and cable
are still in your name.

They need you to come in to
transfer everything over to me.

Oh, well, I'll make that
a top priority,

right after my next mani-pedi.

Or you could do it today,

get me out of your life
that much faster.

You always know just the right
thing to say, don't you?

Wow! Nice ride.
Restore it yourself?

My first job out of college,
I did classic restoration.

Whoever did that one
did an amazing job.

Who the hell are you?

This is Alan.
He lives here.

Alan, this is Mark.
He was just leaving.

Oh, hey, man, how are you?
Nice to meet you.

You're kidding, right?

My Spidey-sense says
I left something inside.

You're gonna be late for work.

Right, work.
Nice to meet you, Mark.

Who is that guy?

Daisy's just renting a room
to him for the summer.

Come on.

Is this some brilliant plan
to try to make me jealous?

This has nothing
to do with you!

What does it have
to do with you?

You two an item?

Oh, go to hell, Mark!

- Laurie--
- I'm late for work.

When I have time,
I'll go to the cable company,

I'll switch everything over.

In the meantime, just go.

Stop making excuses
to come here and bother me.

Hey, you okay?

Oh, I'm just swell.

What?

I told you. Everything is fine.
I know what I'm doing.

I'm a professional, remember?

I said everything is fine!

- Ricki, Ricki!
- What's happening?

- Someone broke into the house!
- What?

What's going on?

Alan!

Alan!

What?

What?

I think somebody
just broke into the house.

What? Okay, stay here.
I'll go check it out.

I don't know.

I didn't see anybody.

They were in the house with us.

Did you get a good look
at whoever it was?

No, I didn't.

Okay. It's okay, I'm here.

I'll take care of you both.

So the whole house
is set, right?

Yes, ma'am. Our alarm system
is directly connected

- to our dispatch center.
- Good.

So all you have to do
is input your code here

and hit the arm button.

Like this?

That's right. Now just
in case of an emergency,

you wanna punch these two keys
to trigger the alarm.

- That's the panic button.
- Got it.

I should've done this
a long time ago.

Thank you so much.

Bye.

At least you have
peace of mind now.

Nice painting!

Oh, thanks.
Did it myself.

Ricki, dinner's ready.

- Hi. Oh, I love that one.
- It's all yours.

- You wanna join us?
- Nah, I'm good.

I think I'll just
grab something out.

Pork chops. Mmm!
Come on.

Hey, don't look at me.
Laurie makes great pork chops.

Okay.

Well, I guessI'll leave you two old people

to talk about socks
or whatever.

Great dinner.

Wait, you going out?

Uh, yeah. I got a date

to that sexy new vampire movie
at the Rialto.

A date?

It's just a PG-13 date.

Let's keep it PG.

If your mom comes home, and
you have hickies on your neck,

she'll have me killed.

Whatever.

See you around, Alan.

Bye.

You really are great with her.

- She's a good kid.
- Yeah.

And between you and me,

I think she's got
a little crush on you.

What? No.

Might be more out of it
than I thought.

I never even noticed.

Can't say I blame her.

I love that painting,
by the way.

Well, it's all yours.
Fair trade for a great dinner.

No. That's worth a hell of a lot
more than a great dinner.

Glad you like it.

You are an amazing guy.

Me? No, no, no, I'm not.

I'm just some guy.

Now, you?
You are quite amazing.

I'm gonna get those dishes.

- You don't have to do that.
- No, I insist.

You cooked, I clean.

Enjoy your wine.

Didn't even have
to honk the horn this time.

How kind of you.

What, you just happened
to be in the neighborhood?

Well, no, not quite.

Remember how I told you about

the water and the cable bill
are still in your name?

I already called
the damn cable company, okay?

It's all yours.

But not the water.

I'll get around to it!

Well, they're gonna turn it off
in the next few days

if we don't both go in there
in person and talk to them.

Anything else?

Yeah.

Yeah, there is.

I don't like that Alan guy
being here.

Yeah, well, I do.

You know we had a break-in
the other night?

A break-in?
You okay?

Yeah. The cops said it was
probably just some kids

or a homeless guy.

They messed the place up,

but they didn't really
take anything.

It was really nice
to have someone here.

You know, you should've
called me, Laurie.

I don't need you anymore.

Okay, okay, I get it, I know.
I screwed things up.

But I'm seeing
a relationship therapist,

and she says I've got
commitment issues.

But we're working really hard
to get me back on track.

We could both go and see her.

Or you could just let it go.

Move on.

You know how I don't like
to take no for an answer.

I've noticed.

Well, even if it has to end,

we shouldn't let it
end like this.

Think about it, okay?

Okay.

I'll-- I'll think about it.

Great paintings.

- They're good, aren't they?
- Mm-hmm.

They look really familiar.

Is it somebody local?

It's actually my sister's
tenant, Alan Cypher.

He owns an art studio
here in town.

I think he sold a lot of
his stuff to local businesses.

Maybe that's where
you've seen him before.

Might be.
He is talented.

Yeah.

You, uh, need me for something?

Have you got any plans
this afternoon?

I was just gonna head home

after my 5:00
creative writing class,

sit by the pool,
grade some papers.

Sounds nice.

So there's this
educational conference

that's coming up
in Chicago in September.

I was wondering if maybe
you wanna go with me.

Lots of great symposiums.

Wow. Chicago?

Absolutely. Interested?

The Windy City.

Sure.

- Sure, yeah, I'd love to go.
- Great.

I'll get you
all the details.

You're not careful, you're
gonna get a nasty sunburn.

Alan.

Sorry.
Didn't mean to scare you,

I was gonna grab a quick swim.

I thought you were at work.

I was, but I left early.

One of the perks to being
a self-employed artist, I guess.

No, I'm fine, really.

You don't trust me?

Yes. Yes, I trust you.

Okay, well,
then in that case,

just relax.

Whoa! What is going on there?

What are you so tense about?

Teaching.

My bratty niece.

Mark.

Mark. What's he done now?

He's actually
trying to change.

Even said something
about couples counseling.

Do you think that would help?

Well, we were together
a long time.

But you can't trust him.

No.

You deserve better.

Ow. Easy there, killer.

Sorry. It's gonna hurt now

until your muscles
start to relax.

But then...

Then it starts
to feel wonderful.

And back to The Metamorphosis.

Who can tell me
the significance

of Gregor Sampson's
transformation?

Billy, I really hope you're not
doing a web search right now

for the CliffsNotes version.

Anybody? Yes.

Kafka never explains why
he turns into a giant bug.

Aha. Kafka never explains it.

That's because the explanation
isn't important.

Kafka intended his novella
to be an allegory.

It's meant to raise questions,
but not answer them.

It's up to you, the reader,
to draw your own conclusions.

Many people believe that Kafka
was writing about his own life,

about being shunned
by his own father

or being an outcast
for his writing.

What do you think
it means?

Well, what do I
think it means.

I think it's a story
about personal identity.

Gregor's a regular
working-class guy

supporting his family,

a little unhappy
with his life.

We've all been there, right?

Then one day,
he les that identity.

He can no longer
support his family

or communicate
with the outside world,

and everyone that sees him
is horrified

by the way that he looks.

In the end,
he just curls up and dies

to save his family from the
burden of taking care of him.

What I think it means is
our identity,

that face that we show
to the outside world,

is really all that we have.

If you lose that identity,
you're no longer human.

You're a burden.

You just slowly die alone.

And on that cheerful note,
we're done.

We'll pick up again on Monday
with some Thomas Hardy.

Should be a laugh riot.

Bye.

Way to go, Teach!

Thank you. I kinda felt
like I was reading

out of a 16-year-old
goth girl's diary though.

No, you did great.
So what about Alan?

Did you run out of things
to gossip about already?

I am offended.

Yes.

He's great. I--

I feel like I really
like having him around.

You like him.

Of course I like him,

but I don't know
if I like him, like him.

And he's completely
opposite from Mark.

He listens to me.

He lets me be myself and...

oh, he looks great
in swim trunks.

Sounds bad, huh?

If that's bad,
then sign me up.

He lives in my sister's attic.
What if things get awkward?

He's great!
Don't overthink it

or you're gonna end up like
that bug guy in Metamorphosis.

- I don't know.
- Look, one of these days,

you're gonna have to just
close your eyes and jump

or you'll regret it.

You think?

Yeah. And if you
don't ask him out,

I know somebody who will.

And I'm gonna do
obscene things to him,

and I'm gonna
rub it in your face.

Hey!

Hey, Alan!

You up for a quick
five-mile run?

Ricki!

What are you doing?

I'm sorry.
I should have knocked.

No, no.
I'm the one who's sorry.

That was just a knee-jerk
reaction there.

That's not cool.

So do you wanna go play
some tennis before dinner?

Sure.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, whoa!

I knew I'd find you out here.
Don't you ever go home?

I was just getting ready to head
out for the evening, actually.

Well, I got that transcript
you wanted from Warren College.

Thank you.

I had to pull a few strings,
you know.

Look, I know it's hard to
keep a secret around here,

but I'd really appreciate it
if you kept this between us.

Uh-huh, and by "between us,"

I assume you mean
don't tell Laurie.

- You assume correctly.
- And I also assume

you're not gonna tell me
what this is about.

Two for two.

All right, well,
I'm here if you need me.

I thought so.

The key is really
keeping your wrist straight.

Wrist straight like...

Chinese takeout!
Anybody interested?

I'm definitely interested!

We'll pick this up later.

Hey, I just wanted
to say thank you

for hanging out with me
and training me for tryouts.

I know you have
a lot of stuff to do,

and I really don't
thank you enough.

Well, you're
a really cool person.

Who wouldn't wanna
hang out with you?

That's what I keep
telling everybody.

No, but really,
I'm glad you're staying here.

Me too.

Hey, I don't mean to bug you.

I just wanted to see
how you were doing.

Okay.

So...

how's it going?

Well, other than this being the
most boring summer of my life,

I'm all right.

I'm sorry. I've been
in my own head lately.

The teaching job
and getting over Mark

and having to find
a new place to live

after your sister kicks me out,
it's just, it's been rough.

You could always stay
in the guest apartment.

I don't like
where that smile's going.

Let's spend some time together,
just the two of us.

We'll have girl time.

Could we upgrade that to
fashionable-young-lady time?

Sure.

I love you, goofball.

I love you too,
Aunt Laurie.

Oh, tell Alan
I said good night.

"Avoid unchallenging
occupations.

They waste your talents."

In bed.

You got awfully serious.

Just thinking.

That usually leads to trouble.

No, no trouble, just, uh...

contemplating life.

Oh, yeah, that leads
to even more trouble.

I was thinking that...

I haven't danced in a while.

What, with me?
No, no, I don't dance.

- Come on.
- Even when nobody's watching.

Come on.

You're dancing tonight.

You're a pretty good.

I'm all right.

See? You're a good dancer.

Probably just need
a decent partner, that's all.

How kind of you.

Sorry. That was impulse.

No. I think I had just as much
to do with that as you did.

I should go.

Me too.

I mean I live here,
so I'm just gonna stay.

- Right.
- You can go.

Good night.

Good night.

What are you doing?

I'm just keeping an eye
on my investment.

- You were watching?
- Of course.

You were getting
awfully close to her.

Thought that was the idea.

No. That's not what
I'm paying you for.

You're supposed to
get her all worked up,

you break her heart,
then you split,

then I swoop in
and save the day.

You remember that?

Yeah, I remember.
I'm working on it.

Well, work faster.
I want my girl back.

We're supposed to get married.

What if she doesn't want
to be your girl, hmm?

You ever thought about that?
I haven't heard her say

one decent thing about you
since she got here.

I'm no Dr. Phil, but maybe
the damage has been done.

You cheated on her.
You got caught.

Move on with your life.

Oh, you'd love that,
wouldn't you?

"Just move on with your life."

And where does that
leave you? Here?

Dancing with my ex-fiancé
every night,

pretending to be
some kind of good guy?

You're kidding yourself,
convict.

Maybe you're the one
who's kidding yourself.

This was your crazy plan,
not mine.

You wanna keep
arguing with me?

I'll make sure
you go back to jail.

I'm in charge here,
you got that?

Not you.

Too bad.

I like being Alan Cypher.

Well, get over it.

Alan Cypher isn't real.

I made you.

Just a good-looking
artistic guy.

Right kind of man to hit
all of Laurie's buttons.

If she knew
who you really are--

She does know me.

Reality check.

You are a convicted felon.

You're a con man.

And apparently
you're a lousy con man.

- Guess that makes two of us.
- Just do your jo--

You can consider this
my two-weeks' notice.

Nice form!

- Sorry about that.
- That's all right.

You really have a knack for
scaring the hell out of me.

Sorry. I'm gonna have
to work on that.

So anyway, about last night.

Yeah, I wanted to
apologize about that.

Sorry. I got a little
carried away.

So did I.

Look, I don't wanna lead you on.

I really like you,
and I find you very attractive.

- I'm not gonna lie.
- That goes both ways too.

But I don't know if I'm ready
to make that jump yet.

- No pressure.
- You're okay with that?

Yeah, of course.
I mean, what's the alternative?

We dive right in
and make a big mess of things?

We're both coming from these
really bad relationships,

so we should try
not to mess this up.

I agree.

All right, so we'll
just see how things go.

Take it slow.

Got all the time in the world.

Excuse me, sir?

Yeah?

I'm looking for the person who
owns this studio, Alan Cypher?

Alan Cypher, huh?

Yeah, just wanna be sure
I got the right place.

This is the address
on your website.

I might have
some work for Alan.

Wait a second.

I'll see if I can find him.

Thank you.

What's up?

Got a guy here
looking for Alan Cypher.

Who is he?

You want me to ask?

Uh, no, no, just keep him busy
till I get there.

I don't like people showing up
asking questions.

Don't worry.
I'll be right there.

Alan is on his way.

All right, I'm giving you guys
a heads-up right now.

If you haven't done it yet,

read the rest of
Jude the Obscure.

Spoiler alert:
He's obscure for a reason.

Spoiler alert number two:
There's gonna be a quiz.

- Hey.
- Hey.

You keep going on like this,
you're gunning for Floyd's job.

Maybe in about 20 more years.

You seem suspiciously
happy today.

- I do?
- Yes.

Did something happen
between you and Alan?

No!

Yes!

Well, we, uh...

We did dance a little.

Dance.

Wait, you?
Were you guys drunk?

And what else?

We might have kissed.

Get the hell outta here!

Okay, well, it happened.
Well, it kinda happened.

And then we both got
a little weird about it.

Honestly, I didn't think
you even had it in you.

Gee, thanks.

Yeah, no problem.
So what else happened?

Well, if something did happen,
I wouldn't tell you.

Well, then it didn't because
you would definitely tell me.

Well, you're so sure of
yourself, aren't you?

Well, at least you're smiling
on a regular basis.

I finally feel like
the storm is starting to break.

Well, that's good enough for me.

We're going to Charlie's
for drinks. Come on, I'm buying.

Oh, yeah!

Hey. I'm Alan Cypher.
You were looking for me?

I'm Floyd Messner.
Nice work here.

Oh, thanks. How'd you
find out about my work?

- Came across your website.
- Okay, well...

were you interested in buying
one of my sculptures or...

Well, I was intrigued by some
of your paintings, actually.

Oh, painting's
not really my thing,

I'm actually
just more of a hobbyist.

Interesting,
because a friend of mine

tells me that you sell quite a
few of them to local businesses.

Who's your friend?

Laurie Valentine.

Really? She's never
mentioned you before.

I work with her
at the college.

Oh, well, any friend of hers
is a friend of mine,

especially if she's
sending business my way.

Not quite. You see, I saw
your paintings on that site,

and they reminded me
of the artwork

a student of mine once did.

A young man named
Charles Mayberry.

He lived in Chicago
when I taught there.

So-so English major,
exceptional artist.

He had a lot of potential.

Right up until he died
in a car accident 20 years ago.

You would've been, what, 10?

I'm sure there must've
been some kind of mistake.

Look at this.

No mistake.

The one there on the right
was printed from your site,

and the one on the left
was the picture taken

from one of Mayberry's pieces
20 years ago.

They are the same.

Look, Floyd, here's the thing.

See, I don't actually
do that site.

I have a guy
that I pay to do that.

I'm sure he probably came across
the artwork somewhere online

and dropped it in.

Those web guys
are con artists.

Right, so you're saying
this isn't your artwork.

Like I told you, man,
when it comes to painting,

I'm really just
more of a hobbyist.

I'm gonna get him
to take that down right away.

Thank you. I appreciate it.
This is the type of thing

that could get me
in a lot of trouble.

Well, as her friend,
I was concerned.

She seems quite taken with you.
After all she's been through,

I'd hate to think
she's being lied to.

Well, like I said,

I'm really sorry
about that, sir.

Just a miscommunication.

I'll get that fixed
right away.

Anything else you wanted?

No, that was it.
Thanks for your time.

Thank you.

I'm sure we'll run into
each other again soon.

Sure.

Good thing he wasn't a cop.

- Ah, it's under control.
- That's how it starts.

Somebody shows up
asking questions.

- Back off, Manny.
- Get out while you can.

I'll decide when it's time
for me to get out.

That's what got you caught.
You never know when to walk.

What got me caught last time was
my partner flaking out on me!

You can bet I'm not gonna
let that happen again!

You're the boss.

What's up?

Mark's water got shut off
a couple days ago.

He was supposed to meet me here
to get the bill switched over,

and he never showed up
after all that complaining.

I'm gonna try him again.

Voicemail.

Hey, Mark, this is Laurie.
I'm waiting for you.

Well, maybe
he's on his way over.

I'm sure he would
pick up the phone.

I'll try his work.

Hi, this is Laurie Valentine.
Is Mark still there?

He didn't call or anything?

Okay, can you have him call me
if you see him?

Thank you.

Where is he?

I'm not sure.

He didn't show up for work
either, apparently.

Well, if you track him down,
let me know.

I hope he's okay.

What's wrong?

I thought you were Mark.

Sorry to disappoint.

No, I don't mean it like that.
He suddenly disappeared.

No one knows where he is,

I'm really starting
to get worried.

Are you gonna be around later?

Actually, I have dinner
with clients.

They wanna see my portfolio.
Could be big money.

Good luck.
I'm sure they're gonna love you.

You think?

How could they not?

What the hell?

Sorry, Mark. Looks like
you had a bunch of drinks,

ran a few people over
with your car,

decided that life just wasn't
worth living anymore.

But don't worry
'cause I will write you

one great suicide note.

Laurie!

Laurie, open up!
It's me, it's Alan,

Something's wrong! Open up!

- Laurie!
- What happened?

I was out jogging, and someone
tried to run me over.

Most normal people
would go to the hospital

after something like that!

I know.
I was worried about you.

Me? Why?

Because I saw the driver,

and I'm pretty sure
that it was Mark.

I'd recognize that car anywhere.

No. He would never--

When was the last time
you saw him?

A couple days.
I found a camera in my bedroom.

A camera?

Yeah, it was hidden in a book.

Well, are you sure it was him?

Who else would it be?

Let me grab some bandages,
get you cleaned up.

Yeah.

- What happened?
- Didn't you get my messages?

No.

Floyd got hit by a car
last night in the parking lot.

He got hit by a car?

- Is he...
- No, he's alive.

Some students found him
this morning.

They called 911.

He has a couple broken bones,
a concussion.

I don't know.
I'm gonna go see him.

Do they know who did it?

No. They have some cops
up in the main office,

looking through
the security footage.

They're talking to faculty
and students right now.

They'll probably wanna
talk to you later.

Okay.

Looks like a custom ride.

Not too many of those around.

All right, get the security tape
back to the lab,

see if somebody can get us
a license plate.

And run the car
through the system.

Something should pop up.

I know exactly who that is.

His name's Mark Dupree.

He's my ex-fiancé.

Have you spoken with
Mr. Dupree recently?

Not in a couple days.

He seem agitated to you?

Something bothering him?

Well, we just ended
our engagement.

He's not taking that well.

He ever threaten violence?

Did he have a specific problem
with Professor Mesner?

I don't think
they ever even met.

Well, right now I'm waiting
on a warrant to proceed.

We also have people out
looking for him.

The moment that I hear
something, we'll let you know.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

I'd like to speak to the other
guy Dupree hit with his car.

This, uh, Alan Cypher?

He said that he talked
to you guys last night.

I can give you his cell.
He's probably at work.

This just doesn't
sound like Mark.

You'd be surprised
what jealousy does to people.

Detective.

Yes?

"I have decided
to end my life."

When was that sent?

Last night after midnight.

Anything else?

"I tried to change,
but I'm not strong enough.

I can't imagine you
with anyone else,

so I took care of them.

I never meant to hurt anyone,
but I can't live with myself."

- Oh, my God.
- Can you forward that to me?

Maybe it'll be enough to get
a search warrant for his home.

No. I have a key
to Mark's place.

- It's in my car.
- No, no, no.

I can't go in there
without a warrant.

I'm just a concerned friend
with a spare key.

That's not illegal, right?

You could just come with me.

I think he's really serious.
I need to check on him.

All right, let's go.

I'll go check on Floyd.

When I'm done,
I'll meet you over there.

Okay.

Hello?

Laurie, hi.
Hey, it's Alan.

I just got patched up
at the ER.

Doctor says I'm gonna be fine.
No broken bones or anything.

Guess it's good
I'm quick on my feet, huh?

You're not the only one Mark
hit with his car last night.

One of the professors
here at the college

was run over
in the parking lot.

He's a friend of mine.

- What?
- He's in pretty rough shape,

but they say he's gonna make it.

Well, that's good news.

It was definitely Mark.

They caught the whole thing
on a security camera.

Listen, I'll talk to you later. Be careful, okay?

If you see Mark,
call the police.

Right. You too.

Mark?

It's Laurie.

You here?

Mr. Dupree?

It's Detective Valdez
with the police!

Please identify yourself
if you're here!

We need to talk to you!

Mr. Dupree, please cooperate!

Things will go much easier
for you!

Mr. Dupree?

He's not here.

You know the password to that?

No. Even when we were together,
his computer was off-limits.

He was always a little...

paranoid.

"Kurt Kruger."
What's he doing with this?

This is somebody's
police record.

He's a defense attorney.
Probably one of his clients.

Mail fraud,
money laundering,

multiple counts
of grand larceny.

This guy's a pistol.

What's wrong?

I know this guy.

The camera you found
in your bedroom

was definitely
feeding to that laptop

through a LAN connection,
wireless.

So Alan was in
on the break-in too?

It appears so.

So it was all a con?

What did Mark
have to do with it?

Kurt Kruger has several priors,
mostly cons,

but there's a few
violent crimes in there too.

Your ex defended him
a few months ago

on a major
domestic violence charge.

Got him off on a technicality.

Excuse me. Hold on.

Valdez.

Are you sure?

All right,
I'll be up there ASAP.

What? What is it?

Dupree's car was found about
an hour ago at a crash site.

A crash site?

According to the lead
investigator on the scene,

it appears he drove straight off
an embankment outside of town.

Probably right after he sent you
that email last night.

He didn't make it.

He actually did it.

I'm about to head up there now.
I'll know more soon.

Detective, how worried should I
be about this Kurt Kruger guy?

I have a 17-year-old niece
that I'm responsible for.

- Where's your niece now?
- She's at a friend's house,

but I'm having her stay there
with everything going on.

Do we need witness protection
or something?

No, no, no,
I wouldn't worry about that.

Now that Kruger's cover's
been blown,

I guarantee you
he's already across state.

I'll be in touch.

Let's go.

How you doing, Floyd?

I may have to take
a rain check on Chicago.

It was Alan.

He was driving the car.

Alan, not Mark.
You sure?

Positive.
He's lying to you.

I know.
His real name is Kurt Kruger.

He's a hardcore criminal.

I'm so sorry.

I knew it, I knew it!
I knew this was a bad idea!

Listen to me, it's time for you
to get the hell outta Dodge.

- This is over.
- With what, Manny?

The lawyer never paid me!
I'm broke!

What's the alternative,
the state pen?

No, no, if I could just--

if I could just sit her down
and I could talk to her,

I know that she would
listen to me--

No, you can't, okay?

That's exactly
what happened with Miranda.

Miranda loved me.

She was gonna turn you in.

You spent your whole life
making hard choices.

Here's just one more.

You're right.

You know what has to be done.

Yeah, I do.

Can't afford any loose ends.

Ricki?

You okay?

For the record,
I'm not having a good summer.

Yeah, you and me both.

You're wrong about Alan.

Oh, honey,
his name's not even Alan.

He tricked both of us.

No, he's a good guy.

He wouldn't hurt anybody.
I know it.

I can't--

I'm gonna take this,
but we need to talk.

Hey, Janice.

No, nothing yet.

How's Floyd doing?

Alan?

I won't tell anyone
you're here.

Let me help you.

Sorry, Ricki.

Thanks.

As soon as I know something,
you'll know something.

Okay, talk soon.

Ricki?

Ricki, where are you?

- Hello?
- Laurie.

What did you do?
Where's Ricki?

She's fine for now,

depending on how cooperative
you're gonna be.

I'm watching you.

You talk to your cop friends,
you twitch the wrong way,

and she'll die.

Horribly.

Do exactly what I say.
Go up to my apartment.

- I'm here.
- All right.

There's a heating vent
in the corner of the bathroom.

Pry it open, pull out
everything you find in there,

and you bring it,
then you go to your bank.

I'll call you
with instructions.

Remember, I'm watching you.

I got eyes everywhere.

What about Ricki?

Don't screw this one up,
sunshine.

Miss Valentine.

I didn't expect
to find you here.

I was just, um,
tidying up.

My sister, she's gonna have
a major meltdown

when she comes back and
finds out about all of this,

so I just didn't want it
to be worse.

I see. Actually, I have
another question for you.

Did Kurt Kruger ever
mention a woman

by the name of
Miranda Bailey to you?

Miranda is his old girlfriend,
I think.

They were having some problems.

That's one way of putting it.

Miranda Bailey has been
missing for a few months.

Two weeks ago,
her body was found

partially buried
in the state park.

She was strangled.

I don't know what to say.

Miss Valentine, Kurt Kruger
is not just a petty criminal.

He is a cold-blooded killer.

Now I have men
placed all around here,

but you've gotta promise me
that you'll be careful.

Don't worry, I will.

I hope so.

I'm here.

Okay. You still have
Mark's checking account number?

I don't think
I'm on his account anymore.

You are. I checked.
He never took you you off.

He thought the two of you were
still gonna get married.

So what you're gonna do

is you're gonna empty it
right the hell out.

First his account
and then yours.

If anybody asks,
you're just switching banks.

If you tell anybody
anything different,

I will know,
and Ricki will die.

Once you get all the cash out,
you're gonna bring it to me.

I'll text you directions
when you get back on the road.

Please don't do this.

If you can't be strong
for yourself, Laurie,

be strong for your niece.

Just get this done.

- Can I talk to her?
- You have one hour.

I'll be watching.
If you're not alone,

you'll never see her again.

Hands on top of your head,
Laurie!

Part of me really wishes that
it didn't have to end this way.

I really do care about you.

The dancing, the dinners.

We had a couple great moments.

Ahh!

You bitch!

Where's Ricki? Tell me!

She's as good as dead!
You killed her.

Next time I'll aim for your leg.

It might go a little higher.
Who knows?

She's up at the top
of the trail.

She's just knocked out.
I didn't hurt her.

For your sake,
I really hope

you're finally
telling the truth.

If he even looks like he's
gonna move, shoot him again.

With pleasure.

Ricki!

Ricki!

Ricki!

Ricki!

I'm losing a lot of blood here.

I really need you
to get me some help.

Stop talking.

Ricki!

Ricki!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God.

Ricki!

Ricki!

Ricki, Ricki, baby!

Come on.
Come on, get up, get up.

Come on, let's get you up.

Come on, let's get you up.

It's okay, sweetie,
come on, come on.

Come on.
Come on, sweetie.

I think I'm having
my first hangover.

I'm gonna
take care of you, okay?

Can you walk?
We need to get out of here.

I don't think so.

Hey there, Kurt.
Is that right?

What, no more Alan?

Oh, well.

I gotta admit, Laurie.

I'm a little surprised.

I didn't think
you had it in you.

Yeah, I get that a lot.

Things are looking
real bad for you.

You don't wanna make it worse.

They're never gonna
find the bodies.

They didn't have any trouble
finding Miranda Bailey's body.

Yeah, that's right.

They're gonna come
looking for you.

I'll take my chances.

Now dig!

Please don't hurt her.

Please do whatever you want
to me, but she's just a kid!

Okay.

I'll make it nice and quick.

Just close your eyes
and picture us dancing.

I got you.

I got you too.

Okay, okay, you beat me.

Of course I did.
I'm awesome.

Maybe we can race again though.
Let's say tomorrow?

Maybe tomorrow after we pick up
your mom from the airport.

Oh, that'll be loads of fun.

Thank you.

Looks like she's doing better.

Yeah.
This has been hard on her.

She doesn't want me to know,
but I can tell.

Well, she's a tough young woman.
She'll pull through.

What about you?

I never should've
trusted Alan.

He was too good to be true.

So what are you gonna do?

Spend the rest of your life
hiding from all the good things?

All the good people?

I don't know.
What's the other option?

Living.

Hey, how's it going?

Me?

Healing slowly,
but damn happy to be alive.

How about you?

Getting better all the time.