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APPLAUSE
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Hello! Merry Christmas, and
welcome back to Play of the Week
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where, each week,
a new play is performed live
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in front of a studio audience
here in Cornley
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and broadcast to the nation.
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I'm Chris Bean, the direc-tor...
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and I'm thrilled to present
tonight's Christmas play.
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Before we begin, let's meet...
Chris, Chris, Chris... Chris. Yes?
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What noise does a reindeer make?
Clearly a matter
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for rehearsals, Dennis!
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Before we begin...
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let's meet the star of the show.
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Ladies and gentlemen,
please put your hands together
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for Father Christmas!
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APPLAUSE
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Ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas!
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I've come all the way from Lapland
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with my favourite two elves,
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Nistle and Nostle!
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APPLAUSE
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Well, we've got just enough time
before the main event
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to meet some children from...
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the local area.
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All right, so, who have we got?
Right, erm...
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Grace...
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Grace, what would you like
for Christmas, Grace?
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I'm not Grace.
Why are you looking at me, then?
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Don't make eye contact
if you're not Grace.
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Who's Grace?
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Right, OK.
What do you want for Christmas?
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An Xbox. An Xbox?
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Are you sure that's the gift you...
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pre-arranged with the producers?
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Yes.
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Ha-ha! Oh-ho, ho-ho!
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I think the producers agreed
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there was a �15 limit,
and you'd be getting
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a copy of Robert Groves'
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Anything You Can Act,
I Can Act Louder.
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Now with diagrams!
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And it's even signed by the author,
you see? "To Grace".
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That says "Grate".
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So sorry. Let's fix that, shall we?
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There we are.
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Now it says "Ungrateful".
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Right, let's do another.
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What do YOU want for Christmas?
PlayStation.
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Right, no games consoles!
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That's not the budget
we're working with.
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Have an acting book.
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Right, what would you like
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for Christmas, little girl?
I'm a boy! Oh, who chose these?!
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All right,
that's clearly enough of that.
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Let's get on with the show.
BACKGROUND CHATTER
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The actors are prepared,
the stage is set.
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Please enjoy
The Spirit of Christmas!
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Dreadful section!
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APPLAUSE
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LAUGHTER
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One Christmas Eve, not long ago,
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a sweet little girl
built a man out of snow.
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She sighed as she played in
the cold winter air,
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for she had some worries
she needed to share.
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Hello, Mr Snowman.
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You're going to be my best friend!
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And I won't say that again!
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What do you want me to do, Maude?
I've been running errands all day
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for YOU, picking up all the food!
It's eight o'clock, and I've still
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got to prepare all this
for tomorrow! Fine.
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What can I do to help? Cut up
these chicken breasts, will you?
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Try not to make a mess of it!
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SMASHING
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REPEATED SMASHING
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I see you got the cheap sausages.
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Daddy, can we do a cracker?
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Of course we can.
The crackers are for tomorrow!
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Maude, just let her pull a cracker!
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It's Christmas Eve,
for goodness' sake!
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THEY SCREAM
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Why don't you decorate the tree?
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Ooh, can we?! I'll do the baubles,
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and YOU can do the tinsel. Oh! Uh...
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Make sure you spread it out evenly.
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I don't want it looking silly.
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Oh, no, where's the...?
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Where's the star?!
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Oh, I can't see it.
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What?! You've lost
my grandmother's star?!
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I haven't lost it,
I just can't find it!
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I can't trust you
with anything, can I?!
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You know what? I think
I need some air.
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DOOR SLAMS
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When is Daddy coming back?
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I don't know, darling. Can I sleep
downstairs tonight, so I can
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wish him an happy Christmas
when he comes home?
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Of course you can, sweetheart.
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And I'll put out
some sherry for Santa.
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MAGICAL MUSIC
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? Dear Santa, can you help me?
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? I am feeling sad today
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? I've been good, I've been kind
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? I've been helpful
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? But my cheer has gone away
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? Dear Santa, can you help me?
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? I don't know what to do
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? If I promise to be better
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? Would you make my wish come true?
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? I don't want to ride a reindeer
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? Or a sunny holiday... ?
Bring it down.
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? I don't want a Christmas party
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? Or a present from your sleigh
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HIGH-PITCHED:
? Dear Santa, can you help me?
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? I'm feeling oh, so blue
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? Dear Santa
Dear Santa, dear Santa
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? Could you make
my wish come true? ?
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PROLONGUED HIGH NOTE
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APPLAUSE
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Away went Belle's letter,
high up in the sky.
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She just had to wait now
for Santa's reply.
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Would he have the answer?
Could this do the trick?
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Belle put her trust in
kindly Saint Nick.
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She lay down her head,
her heart full of care,
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dreaming that Santa
would answer her prayer.
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Ho! Ho!
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BANGING
Argh! Hmm.
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Oh, come on!
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Agh...
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My sack's caught on the flue.
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You can't say that! Of course I can,
it's a literal sack.
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Not talking about my balls, am I?
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Argh! OK, now my
actual sack is caught.
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REPEATED BANGING
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Robert? Huh? Robert! Careful!
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Be careful, Robert! What are
you doing?! Argh! Argh! Argh!
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Argh! Argh!
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Push it up!
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Agh!
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Argh! Argh!
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Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh!
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Agh! Hand me the gifts.
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Oof!
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Agh... Bloody acting books! Oof!
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Ooh, sorry, sorry!
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Oh, God!
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Er... Oh, no.
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LOUD BANG
Ooh! Argh!
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Wake up, dear one.
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Santa?! Ho-ho-ho! That's right.
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I received your letter, Belle,
and it moved me greatly.
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Are you sad, Belle? I am, Santa.
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Belle's sad. Aw!
AUDIENCE: Aw!
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What are you doing?
LAUGHTER
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Do not participate.
LAUGHTER
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Unbelievable! God, I just
feel so dreadfully low.
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That just won't do! But don't worry,
because I've brought my two elves
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to come and help you.
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Come along, Nistle!
Come along, Nostle!
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Here I come!
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Hello, Santa!
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And here I come!
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I'm coming!
BANGING
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I'm on my way.
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Almost!
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Al...
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BANGING STOPS Ah.
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I shall remain!
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Nistle and Nostle
are the happiest two el...
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two elves in all of Lapland.
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Er... That's because
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we're the closest of friends,
and wherever you see Nistle...
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You're sure to see Nostle!
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JAUNTY MUSIC
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? We're Nistle
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? And Nostle
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? The closest of friends
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? When we're both together
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? The fun never ends
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? If I'm feeling rotten
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? Never despair!
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? Because Nostle will
lift me up in the air!
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? Where Nistle goes... ?
CLAPPING
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? Nostle goes... ?
MUFFLED CLAPPING
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? And where Nistle goes... ?
CLAPPING
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? Nostle goes...
MUFFLED CLAPPING
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? And where Nistle goes... ?
BELL RINGS
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? Nostle goes... ?
BELL RINGS
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Argh!
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Hey!
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Oof!
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APPLAUSE
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Well, that was...good.
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Ah, Belle, I see you've left me
some sherry.
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How delightful!
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Eurgh!
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It's real sherry.
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00:10:08,927 --> 00:10:12,167
And some mince pies, delicious!
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Delicious.
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But, Belle, you said in your letter
that you don't feel
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00:10:19,887 --> 00:10:21,926
the spirit of Christmas this year?
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That's right, Santa.
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00:10:23,567 --> 00:10:25,566
Well, this is serious.
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00:10:25,567 --> 00:10:29,486
Why don't you both have a mince pie.
And I'll have another nip of sherry
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00:10:29,487 --> 00:10:31,886
and we'll solve our
troubles together?
204
00:10:31,887 --> 00:10:33,646
Yes, we will.
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00:10:33,647 --> 00:10:35,167
HE CHUCKLES
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00:10:38,367 --> 00:10:40,007
Just another nip.
207
00:10:41,327 --> 00:10:43,047
Just a couple more nips.
208
00:10:44,207 --> 00:10:46,806
Just a couple more nips.
That's a lot of nips.
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00:10:46,807 --> 00:10:49,326
Are you really
going to help me, Santa?
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I will in a minute.
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00:10:50,767 --> 00:10:54,646
I'm just working on something
else quite complicated here.
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00:10:54,647 --> 00:10:57,886
Argh! Stop It! Stop! Argh!
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00:10:57,887 --> 00:10:59,607
Right, get out of the way!
214
00:11:05,207 --> 00:11:06,807
That really was too many nips.
215
00:11:09,487 --> 00:11:12,086
Santa?
Hmm? Yes.
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00:11:12,087 --> 00:11:16,967
Well, in difficult times what you
need is a magfastic fagical friend.
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00:11:18,207 --> 00:11:20,486
A fanfastic magifal...
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00:11:20,487 --> 00:11:23,486
A fantastic faginal friend...
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00:11:23,487 --> 00:11:25,486
A friend...
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00:11:25,487 --> 00:11:29,607
Perhaps an old friend of mine
can be a new friend of yours.
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00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:41,926
? When you're feeling blue
When you're all alone
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00:11:41,927 --> 00:11:47,047
? When you don't know what to do
And you're on your own
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00:11:48,447 --> 00:11:54,766
? All you need is a good friend
A brand-new Christmas chum
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00:11:54,767 --> 00:12:00,287
? He'll get you smilin' and singin'
and stop you feeling glum
225
00:12:02,407 --> 00:12:08,766
? Ho, ho, ho! Hee, hee, hee!
Let's all be merry and gay
226
00:12:08,767 --> 00:12:14,407
? Hee, hee, hee! Ho, ho, ho!
A new friend's on his way
227
00:12:15,807 --> 00:12:17,206
? Ho, ho, ho... ?
228
00:12:17,207 --> 00:12:19,766
Tommy, I can take it from here.
229
00:12:19,767 --> 00:12:24,726
? Ho, ho, ho! Hee, hee, hee!
Let's all be merry and gay!
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00:12:24,727 --> 00:12:28,966
? Everybody! Hee, hee, hee!
Ho, ho, ho!
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00:12:28,967 --> 00:12:31,166
? A new friend's... ?
232
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:34,406
Oh, you've missed it now.
233
00:12:34,407 --> 00:12:36,726
You've missed it. That's the
end, you see. There.
234
00:12:36,727 --> 00:12:38,846
Right, now we're going to do it.
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00:12:38,847 --> 00:12:41,606
We'll do it. On his way...
Three, four...
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00:12:41,607 --> 00:12:44,326
? On his... ?
AUDIENCE: ? On his way. ?
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00:12:44,327 --> 00:12:46,286
Terrible. Absolutely terrible.
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Again. ? On his...
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00:12:48,807 --> 00:12:50,006
? Way... ?
240
00:12:50,007 --> 00:12:52,447
No, it's a D Flat.
241
00:12:53,687 --> 00:12:56,126
? On his...
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00:12:56,127 --> 00:12:57,727
? Way. ?
243
00:13:00,847 --> 00:13:02,607
We'll call it there.
244
00:13:04,207 --> 00:13:05,647
Don't patronise me.
245
00:13:10,927 --> 00:13:12,607
Right, let's meet a new friend.
246
00:13:23,127 --> 00:13:24,606
Right, stand back, everyone.
247
00:13:24,607 --> 00:13:26,287
Get ready to see some magic!
248
00:13:42,607 --> 00:13:44,006
Hello, Santa!
249
00:13:44,007 --> 00:13:48,086
Hello, Mr Snowman!
Merry Christmas, my old friend.
250
00:13:48,087 --> 00:13:49,926
Well, if you've called on me,
251
00:13:49,927 --> 00:13:52,566
that must mean someone's
lost their Christmas cheer.
252
00:13:52,567 --> 00:13:55,006
That's right.
Come inside and meet Belle!
253
00:13:55,007 --> 00:13:57,046
I'll have to be careful
I don't melt!
254
00:13:57,047 --> 00:13:58,447
Oh, get over yourself.
255
00:14:11,407 --> 00:14:14,326
Hello, Belle!
Hello, Mr Snowman!
256
00:14:14,327 --> 00:14:15,886
It's very nice to meet you!
257
00:14:15,887 --> 00:14:18,366
I'm going to be
your new best friend!
258
00:14:18,367 --> 00:14:20,127
Give me a hug! Yay...
259
00:14:29,447 --> 00:14:34,086
We're going to have so much fun!
We can play together.
260
00:14:34,087 --> 00:14:37,486
Every day's an adventure
in the snow.
261
00:14:37,487 --> 00:14:39,687
This is not your best work, Chris.
262
00:14:41,527 --> 00:14:43,966
I'm always happy to make
a new friend.
263
00:14:43,967 --> 00:14:46,726
There we go, Belle.
Don't you feel better now?
264
00:14:46,727 --> 00:14:49,446
Yes, thank you, Santa, much...
265
00:14:49,447 --> 00:14:50,927
much better.
266
00:14:52,687 --> 00:14:57,086
Oh, don't cry, us elves
don't like it when people cry.
267
00:14:57,087 --> 00:14:58,647
I can't bear to look.
268
00:15:00,447 --> 00:15:05,247
I'm sorry, it seems like nothing can
bring back my Christmas cheer.
269
00:15:08,127 --> 00:15:10,766
Sometimes everyone feels sad.
270
00:15:10,767 --> 00:15:12,167
Denise left me.
271
00:15:15,647 --> 00:15:17,287
I've never gotten over that.
272
00:15:18,927 --> 00:15:21,126
I'm sure I can cheer Belle up,
Santa.
273
00:15:21,127 --> 00:15:23,167
Most of the time I'm fine
and then...
274
00:15:24,647 --> 00:15:26,007
bam!
275
00:15:27,047 --> 00:15:28,367
It hits you.
276
00:15:30,607 --> 00:15:32,726
I'm always happy.
277
00:15:32,727 --> 00:15:34,567
Why? You're essentially enslaved.
278
00:15:36,527 --> 00:15:38,846
Why don't we look at what
gifts Santa has brought
279
00:15:38,847 --> 00:15:40,767
and see what there is for you?
280
00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:02,006
Can we help you?
281
00:16:02,007 --> 00:16:04,606
No. No, it's fine.
I've got it.
282
00:16:04,607 --> 00:16:06,447
I've practised this.
283
00:16:17,247 --> 00:16:18,526
There.
284
00:16:18,527 --> 00:16:20,286
There!
285
00:16:20,287 --> 00:16:21,967
It's a new doll!
286
00:16:24,447 --> 00:16:29,006
Aw, thank you, Mr Snowman.
287
00:16:29,007 --> 00:16:32,446
It says on my list that dolls
aren't Belle's favourite toy.
288
00:16:32,447 --> 00:16:34,286
This calls for the toy machine.
289
00:16:34,287 --> 00:16:37,286
Of course!
We can make it appear by magic.
290
00:16:37,287 --> 00:16:40,207
Can't we, Nostle?
I think I'm running out of air!
291
00:16:41,327 --> 00:16:42,767
That's right!
292
00:16:49,207 --> 00:16:51,326
Ready, Nostle?
Ready!
293
00:16:51,327 --> 00:16:53,607
Here we go.
294
00:17:06,607 --> 00:17:07,686
Three.
295
00:17:07,687 --> 00:17:08,806
Two.
296
00:17:08,807 --> 00:17:10,126
One!
297
00:17:10,127 --> 00:17:12,406
Ahh!
298
00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:14,686
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
299
00:17:14,687 --> 00:17:16,926
Wow!
300
00:17:16,927 --> 00:17:19,526
This is the magical toy machine.
301
00:17:19,527 --> 00:17:21,726
It can make anything
you can dream of.
302
00:17:21,727 --> 00:17:24,006
Any toy imaginable.
303
00:17:24,007 --> 00:17:25,647
Not rude stuff, obviously.
304
00:17:26,887 --> 00:17:30,926
Tell me, Belle, what are your
favourite things in the world?
305
00:17:30,927 --> 00:17:33,126
Unicorns!
306
00:17:33,127 --> 00:17:36,286
I think we can manage that,
can't we, Nostle?
307
00:17:36,287 --> 00:17:37,727
My legs are numb!
308
00:17:42,727 --> 00:17:44,127
And here we go.
309
00:17:56,007 --> 00:17:57,327
Here we are.
310
00:18:06,967 --> 00:18:09,326
One unicorn.
311
00:18:09,327 --> 00:18:10,766
Oh, it's...
312
00:18:10,767 --> 00:18:12,367
he's beautiful.
313
00:18:13,487 --> 00:18:16,046
And it's time for us
to be on our way.
314
00:18:16,047 --> 00:18:18,726
Of course. Lots more toys
to be delivered!
315
00:18:18,727 --> 00:18:21,407
But look, Santa.
Belle's still crying.
316
00:18:23,007 --> 00:18:26,206
What is it now? What a drain!
317
00:18:26,207 --> 00:18:28,606
Christmas is hard
for all of us, you know!
318
00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:30,406
Where are my gifts?
319
00:18:30,407 --> 00:18:31,687
Think about that.
320
00:18:33,287 --> 00:18:36,286
What's wrong, Belle?
Oh, I'm sorry.
321
00:18:36,287 --> 00:18:37,766
Thank you.
322
00:18:37,767 --> 00:18:41,806
I love my new friend,
and my new doll and my new unicorn
323
00:18:41,807 --> 00:18:45,367
but I just still don't
feel very happy.
324
00:18:53,207 --> 00:18:55,846
Something else must be wrong...
Something else must be wrong!
325
00:18:55,847 --> 00:18:57,567
Come on, guys, switch on!
326
00:18:59,287 --> 00:19:01,926
Belle? What's all that noise?
327
00:19:01,927 --> 00:19:03,366
Oh, it's Mummy! Hide!
328
00:19:03,367 --> 00:19:04,967
Quickly, behind the curtains.
329
00:19:16,967 --> 00:19:19,247
Belle? Are you awake, darling?
330
00:19:23,647 --> 00:19:25,367
Sleep well, sweetheart.
331
00:19:37,887 --> 00:19:39,806
PHONE RINGS
332
00:19:39,807 --> 00:19:42,166
Lawrence.
333
00:19:42,167 --> 00:19:43,966
When are you coming back?
It's gone ten.
334
00:19:43,967 --> 00:19:45,606
What do you mean, you're not?
335
00:19:45,607 --> 00:19:49,046
It's Christmas Eve and we're all
alone.
336
00:19:49,047 --> 00:19:51,086
Belle's counting on you.
337
00:19:51,087 --> 00:19:52,527
I'm counting on you.
338
00:19:55,367 --> 00:19:57,167
Merry Christmas, Belle.
339
00:19:59,647 --> 00:20:02,246
Now I know why you're so sad.
340
00:20:02,247 --> 00:20:06,326
Oh, Belle, family is the most
important thing in the world,
341
00:20:06,327 --> 00:20:08,767
especially at Christmas.
342
00:20:11,607 --> 00:20:17,086
? I'm a snowy old snowman
with carrot nose and twig hands
343
00:20:17,087 --> 00:20:21,766
? But I cannot deny that I adore
344
00:20:21,767 --> 00:20:25,726
? A family by the fire... ?
345
00:20:25,727 --> 00:20:27,926
Oh, no... NO, NO.
346
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:31,527
ARGH!! Get it out!
347
00:20:33,167 --> 00:20:37,686
? Every snowflake is a
tiny piece of winter
348
00:20:37,687 --> 00:20:43,526
? Every gust of wind
a breath from winters old
349
00:20:43,527 --> 00:20:47,966
? Now summer's disappeared
without a whimper
350
00:20:47,967 --> 00:20:52,846
? But you're not alone
to face the cold
351
00:20:52,847 --> 00:20:55,487
? For if a snowy old snowman...
352
00:21:06,127 --> 00:21:11,326
? Is all we need to see
the winter through. ?
353
00:21:11,327 --> 00:21:14,567
APPLAUSE
354
00:21:19,167 --> 00:21:20,807
Did you enjoy that, Belle?
355
00:21:23,127 --> 00:21:25,966
Not even that lifted my spirit.
356
00:21:25,967 --> 00:21:27,367
Lifted mine.
357
00:21:30,007 --> 00:21:32,206
Do your parents fight a lot, Belle?
358
00:21:32,207 --> 00:21:34,606
My mummy and daddy
fight all the time.
359
00:21:34,607 --> 00:21:36,806
And the truth comes out!
360
00:21:36,807 --> 00:21:40,366
I don't want presents
or even friends,
361
00:21:40,367 --> 00:21:43,846
all I want is for
my parents to be happy.
362
00:21:43,847 --> 00:21:46,286
It's like Nostle always says...
363
00:21:46,287 --> 00:21:48,087
I'm horribly burned.
364
00:21:49,927 --> 00:21:52,206
I just don't know what else
we can try.
365
00:21:52,207 --> 00:21:53,967
My buttons are made of biscuits.
366
00:21:55,327 --> 00:21:57,006
We could all eat those.
367
00:21:57,007 --> 00:21:58,727
Thank you, Mr Snowman!
368
00:22:17,247 --> 00:22:18,567
Mm.
369
00:22:23,167 --> 00:22:24,647
Did that taste good?
370
00:22:27,407 --> 00:22:28,407
Yes.
371
00:22:30,727 --> 00:22:33,166
Didn't make you happy though,
did it?
372
00:22:33,167 --> 00:22:36,046
I'm afraid not, Nistle.
Of course it didn't.
373
00:22:36,047 --> 00:22:38,687
She just ate a plastic
button off his pants.
374
00:22:39,887 --> 00:22:41,966
Oh, Santa, remember,
375
00:22:41,967 --> 00:22:45,966
we still have presents to deliver
tonight, all over the world.
376
00:22:45,967 --> 00:22:50,526
Sorry Belle, Nipple's right.
We have to go. Come on, Nozzle.
377
00:22:50,527 --> 00:22:53,126
We must return to the chimney.
378
00:22:53,127 --> 00:22:55,966
You're already in the chimney,
you fool.
379
00:22:55,967 --> 00:23:00,406
The sleigh's in the garden anyway.
None of this play makes sense.
380
00:23:00,407 --> 00:23:02,247
I shall return to the snow.
381
00:23:04,047 --> 00:23:06,487
This is not your best work, Chris.
382
00:23:07,687 --> 00:23:10,446
Santa! It's time to leave.
383
00:23:10,447 --> 00:23:13,007
Goodbye, Belle!
Merry Christmas.
384
00:23:18,207 --> 00:23:20,966
Oh, Santa, now you look sad.
385
00:23:20,967 --> 00:23:24,366
I've never failed to bring Christmas
cheer to a little one before.
386
00:23:24,367 --> 00:23:26,366
It's a sad, sad Christmas.
387
00:23:26,367 --> 00:23:29,846
And we've never known the magical
toy machine not to work.
388
00:23:29,847 --> 00:23:31,286
What a car crash.
389
00:23:31,287 --> 00:23:32,486
But...
390
00:23:32,487 --> 00:23:33,967
Santa, look!
391
00:23:43,687 --> 00:23:45,486
Sleep tight, Belle.
392
00:23:45,487 --> 00:23:46,846
Lawrence?
393
00:23:46,847 --> 00:23:48,126
Look what I found.
394
00:23:48,127 --> 00:23:49,967
Is that the Christmas star?
395
00:23:53,207 --> 00:23:54,247
Yes.
396
00:23:56,047 --> 00:23:58,686
Oh, thank you so much, darling.
397
00:23:58,687 --> 00:24:00,726
It must have fallen
out on the garden path
398
00:24:00,727 --> 00:24:02,887
when I was bringing
in the decorations.
399
00:24:05,847 --> 00:24:07,326
Splendid.
400
00:24:07,327 --> 00:24:09,687
Now it really feels like Christmas.
401
00:24:11,287 --> 00:24:13,766
Mummy? Daddy!
402
00:24:13,767 --> 00:24:16,566
Sorry, Belle.
I didn't mean to wake you.
403
00:24:16,567 --> 00:24:18,406
Have you stopped fighting?
404
00:24:18,407 --> 00:24:20,607
Yes, Belle. Yes, we have.
405
00:24:22,767 --> 00:24:24,846
I'm sorry I lost my temper.
406
00:24:24,847 --> 00:24:26,886
I thought you were fighting
because of me.
407
00:24:26,887 --> 00:24:29,086
Of course not, sweetheart.
408
00:24:29,087 --> 00:24:31,767
I'm sorry for arguing
with you, darling.
409
00:24:34,847 --> 00:24:37,086
Christmas isn't a time for fighting.
410
00:24:37,087 --> 00:24:40,566
It's a time for love,
kindness and understanding.
411
00:24:40,567 --> 00:24:43,607
You stupid man.
I hope you have a bad Christmas.
412
00:24:45,167 --> 00:24:48,246
Santa, look how happy Belle is now!
413
00:24:48,247 --> 00:24:50,966
Perhaps we weren't
needed here after all.
414
00:24:50,967 --> 00:24:54,166
All she needed was
the love of her mother and...
415
00:24:54,167 --> 00:24:56,207
Oh, this is saccharine crap.
416
00:24:57,607 --> 00:25:01,087
Give it six months, he'll be
living in his car like I am.
417
00:25:03,487 --> 00:25:05,526
Don't feel bad, it's a Honda Civic.
418
00:25:05,527 --> 00:25:09,566
Right, time for bed, I think,
or Santa won't come!
419
00:25:09,567 --> 00:25:11,407
I'm already here, you idiot!
420
00:25:13,327 --> 00:25:15,207
HE IMTITATES CURTAINS DRAWING
421
00:25:16,687 --> 00:25:18,327
Merry Christmas, Belle.
422
00:25:21,807 --> 00:25:24,566
Oh, thank you, Santa.
423
00:25:24,567 --> 00:25:27,286
Thank you, Belle. Let's have
another one of those sherries.
424
00:25:27,287 --> 00:25:30,846
No, I don't think I should,
I'm only a little girl.
425
00:25:30,847 --> 00:25:32,327
You're 26.
426
00:25:33,607 --> 00:25:37,886
Right, come on, final hurdle,
here we go! What have you learned?
427
00:25:37,887 --> 00:25:41,486
Well, I've learned that at Christmas
428
00:25:41,487 --> 00:25:44,326
I don't need presents and toys.
429
00:25:44,327 --> 00:25:48,806
As long as I've got my family
in my heart, I know I'll be happy.
430
00:25:48,807 --> 00:25:51,807
Have you learned
anything tonight, Santa?
431
00:25:52,767 --> 00:25:54,686
Not really.
432
00:25:54,687 --> 00:25:57,726
Nothing? No, I tell you
one thing I've learned.
433
00:25:57,727 --> 00:26:01,766
Christmas, ultimately -
commercial holiday.
434
00:26:01,767 --> 00:26:04,846
Who's the real winner at Christmas?
I'll tell you who.
435
00:26:04,847 --> 00:26:06,287
Amazon.
436
00:26:07,967 --> 00:26:10,526
They have drones now.
437
00:26:10,527 --> 00:26:15,926
Tiny little dystopian sleighs
delivering iPads and headphones.
438
00:26:15,927 --> 00:26:21,006
I ordered a toaster - it was
on the doorstep five hours later.
439
00:26:21,007 --> 00:26:23,006
Do we need that?
440
00:26:23,007 --> 00:26:24,687
It was 4.99!
441
00:26:26,567 --> 00:26:31,006
For a toaster! I mean, someone's
being exploited there, aren't they?
442
00:26:31,007 --> 00:26:34,367
Santa, I think we should...
I know! I know!
443
00:26:37,607 --> 00:26:40,206
I expect you're all going
to write in, aren't you?
444
00:26:40,207 --> 00:26:42,006
Typical BBC audience.
445
00:26:42,007 --> 00:26:45,886
Nothing better to do than sit
around complaining about my conduct.
446
00:26:45,887 --> 00:26:49,126
Well, this time just leave it.
All right? Leave it.
447
00:26:49,127 --> 00:26:50,487
Don't cut away.
448
00:26:53,207 --> 00:26:55,206
We've had enough complaints
this series,
449
00:26:55,207 --> 00:26:56,766
no-one even reads them any more.
450
00:26:56,767 --> 00:26:59,366
Do you know what we do with them?
We burn them.
451
00:26:59,367 --> 00:27:02,126
In a massive weekly bonfire
in the car park.
452
00:27:02,127 --> 00:27:05,526
Which, ironically,
generates a lot of complaints.
453
00:27:05,527 --> 00:27:07,206
Santa, I think we should go.
454
00:27:07,207 --> 00:27:10,047
Oh, yes, walk away!
Just like Denise!
455
00:27:15,527 --> 00:27:17,327
Am I giving a good performance?
456
00:27:19,207 --> 00:27:21,366
Bye-bye, Santa.
457
00:27:21,367 --> 00:27:23,247
Wow. Hint taken.
458
00:27:24,487 --> 00:27:25,767
Let's roll.
459
00:27:28,807 --> 00:27:30,167
Hello, Rudolph.
460
00:27:35,727 --> 00:27:37,807
Chris, you're having a shocker.
461
00:27:40,487 --> 00:27:43,526
Bye, Belle!
Bye, Santa!
462
00:27:43,527 --> 00:27:44,726
Are you ready, Rudolph?
463
00:27:44,727 --> 00:27:47,287
Clearly a matter for
rehearsals, Dennis.
464
00:27:50,887 --> 00:27:54,526
Remember, little ones, if you're
ever worried about a thing,
465
00:27:54,527 --> 00:27:55,887
I'll come to your house.
466
00:27:57,527 --> 00:28:00,647
A Merry Christmas to all,
and to all a goodnight.
467
00:28:08,367 --> 00:28:11,206
Belle's family were reunited.
468
00:28:11,207 --> 00:28:14,286
They were full of festive cheer,
469
00:28:14,287 --> 00:28:17,687
all looking forward
to a happy New Year.
470
00:28:17,737 --> 00:28:22,287
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