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1
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(PHONE RINGS)
2
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Hey! Hey, Arnold.
3
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(IMITATING JOSH) "Arnold"! Is it Arnold?
4
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-Hey, Arnold!-Josh, I bought too many groceries.
5
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:11,000
And I didn't wanna call a taxifor such a short fare,
6
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and I didn't know what to do.
7
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So I took the trolley home.
8
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JOSH: (ON PHONE) You stole a trolley?
9
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Shut up, I didn't steal a trolley.
10
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Well, this is...
This is disappointing behaviour.
11
00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:24,600
Listen, it was so loud
and humiliating and awful.
12
00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:26,200
When I got home, my dad said
13
00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:29,080
trolleys are all electric
and trackable these days.
14
00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,080
-Well, that is just not true, is it?
-Isn't it?
15
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I don't know, he's my dad.
I'm used to trusting him.
16
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Arnold's dad thinks trolleys
are all electric and trackable.
17
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No!
18
00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:42,120
-Oh, but maybe. Maybe.
-He freaked out, then I freaked out.
19
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:45,000
And now I have to take it
all the way back.
20
00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:46,280
Tell him about the chickens!
21
00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:48,560
Arnold, just ditch it.
Just ditch the trolley.
22
00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:49,800
-No, I couldn't!
-Ditch it, Arnold!
23
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:51,000
What if someone sees?
24
00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:52,320
No one is looking at you.
25
00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:53,640
They might look. They could look.
26
00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:55,640
Arnold, it'll be so invigorating!
Just ditch it!
27
00:00:55,720 --> 00:01:00,000
Just stop walking, let go, and go home.
28
00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:03,120
-Have a bath!
-I can't, Josh.
29
00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:06,680
-I'm gonna count you in.
-No! Okay. Yeah. Okay.
30
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:09,240
-Five, four...
-Oh, God.
31
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-No, no.
-...three, yes, two, one...
32
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(RATTLING)
33
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,760
Arnold, I can still hear it.
34
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-(RATTLING)
-(DOG BARKS)
35
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-JOSH: What's happening now?
-I left it!
36
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I'm running! I'm running!
I left it! I'm running!
37
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-You did it!
-Yes!
38
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-Victory!
-I've never felt so alive!
39
00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:36,680
(PANTING)
40
00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:45,160
-Okay.
-Done.
41
00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:47,240
(CONTINUES PANTING) Done.
42
00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:49,080
So, you didn't reply to any of my texts.
43
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I decided to stop sending thembecause I was embarrassing myself.
44
00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:53,360
No! I'm sorry! No, it's not you.
45
00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:55,080
I just... I had exams.
46
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Invite him to see the chickens!
47
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JOSH: What are you doing tonight?
48
00:01:58,080 --> 00:01:59,840
Panicking that the police
will track the trolley.
49
00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:02,160
And would you like to come over
and look at our chickens?
50
00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:03,760
We're getting little baby chickens.
51
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:06,160
Tell him if he says no, I'll tell
his dad what he's been up to.
52
00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:08,200
But you told me you just wanna be friends,
53
00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:12,520
so maybe coming over to my house
at nighttime is not a great idea.
54
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,680
I don't know if I can. I'm...
55
00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,800
Okay, yeah, yeah. I will come for dinner.
56
00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:18,960
Yes!
57
00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:24,440
Well, it is going to be
a depressing dinner for me,
58
00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:27,120
knowing you're sitting there
wishing you could gay-kiss him,
59
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:28,520
but you're not allowed.
60
00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:32,680
One, two, one, two, three, four...
61
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♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪
62
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-♪ Yeah, I'll be fine, yeah ♪-♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪
63
00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:39,840
♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪
64
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:42,200
-♪ Oh, yeah ♪-♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪
65
00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:43,800
♪ Oh, the good Lord knows it ♪
66
00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:46,080
-♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪-♪ Oh, the good Lord knows it ♪
67
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,280
-♪ Ooh ♪-♪ I've left better behind ♪
68
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-♪ I'll be fine ♪-♪ Yeah ♪
69
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,280
-♪ Yeah ♪-♪ Fine ♪
70
00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:55,160
-♪ Make my mamma turn another blind ♪-♪ Eye ♪
71
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:57,240
BOTH: ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-ay ♪
72
00:02:57,320 --> 00:02:59,040
♪ I'll left better behindI'll be fine ♪
73
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-Thanks for dinner.
-Oh, yeah.
74
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:02,360
Thanks. Thanks for coming.
75
00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:06,440
Okay.
76
00:03:13,640 --> 00:03:15,840
-He left?
-Yeah.
77
00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:18,080
Why would you agree
to be just friends with him?
78
00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:19,360
I was just trying to be polite.
79
00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:20,960
No one wants to be friends!
80
00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:22,280
Everyone knows this, don't they?
81
00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:23,480
You're right, yeah.
82
00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:25,280
I already have one friend
and where did that get me?
83
00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:27,840
-I won those Cirque du Soleil tickets!
-Exactly.
84
00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:32,240
My feelings hurt.
85
00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:34,440
Sorry.
86
00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:37,280
Just did not realise you had feelings.
87
00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:42,360
I'm having nightmares.
88
00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:46,120
Is this an excuse to hang out
because you're feeling rejected and alone?
89
00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,160
-I had nightmares!
-What do you want me to do?
90
00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:49,560
I want to sleep in here.
91
00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:52,640
-You could sleep on the floor.
-Okay.
92
00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:09,320
Did your nightmares go?
93
00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:11,440
They've just been replaced
by me being furious
94
00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:12,840
that you wouldn't let me
sleep in your bed.
95
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,400
Don't be ungrateful.
96
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:16,760
It's not like you actually
inconvenienced yourself for me.
97
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:19,400
Can't masturbate, now, because of you.
98
00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:20,960
Were you going to?
99
00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:24,000
No, but you've taken away my freedom.
100
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:32,240
This... This right here,
what we're doing here,
101
00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:35,160
is the loneliest thing I've ever done.
102
00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:38,040
Sleeping with you
is lonelier than being alone.
103
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,080
Go back to your room, then.
104
00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:42,440
With all the monsters? No, thank you.
105
00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:46,760
Don't you think Arnold's
maybe a little bit annoying?
106
00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:49,240
No, obviously I don't think that.
107
00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:51,040
I don't like him.
108
00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:53,960
But that doesn't matter,
'cause I don't have to date him.
109
00:04:54,840 --> 00:04:58,080
Oh, he's such a frightened little boy.
110
00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:00,560
He's so fragile and insecure.
111
00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:02,600
But, oh, look, you like him,
112
00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:04,880
and, you know,
we can't choose who we like.
113
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,280
And he seems to like you.
114
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:08,720
And look, you know, we've all got issues,
115
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:10,920
so maybe it's good for you
to work through something like this.
116
00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:13,640
I just... Why does he flirt with you,
117
00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:15,440
and then not wanna pursue anything?
118
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:17,280
So, maybe that's because of his issues,
119
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:18,800
or maybe...
120
00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:22,400
Maybe he doesn't care enough
about you to even bother.
121
00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:25,320
So, why don't you just
find somebody easier than that?
122
00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:28,120
I'm never meeting new people I like.
123
00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:30,240
When was the last time
you met a new person and thought,
124
00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,800
"Oh, gosh, that's an interesting
thing you just said!"
125
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,560
Well, that's 'cause
you're too bloody fussy!
126
00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:37,600
Nah. I'm calling it.
127
00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:40,120
No, he's too difficult, Josh.
I just think you should move on now.
128
00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:41,880
You can't call it.
129
00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:43,240
I'm calling it!
130
00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:47,680
Arnold, Josh thinks we can't
name one of the chickens Beyonce.
131
00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:49,040
Yeah, it's blasphemy!
132
00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:51,360
-What are you naming the other chickens?
-Adele and Shakira.
133
00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:53,680
Beyonce's too good
to be grouped with Shakira.
134
00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:55,520
Well, you can't not name one Beyonce.
135
00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:57,360
He's right, Josh! You know he's right.
136
00:05:57,840 --> 00:05:58,960
Okay, yeah, I know, I know.
137
00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:01,040
I just wanted to make sure
we talked it through properly.
138
00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:05,680
-Do you have vegetarian pho?
-Yes, tofu.
139
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:07,840
-So, it has a vegetarian stock.
-Yes.
140
00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:11,080
Erm, just... There's no meat in the stock?
141
00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:13,160
-No meat.
-I'll have that then.
142
00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:16,440
TOM: You really didn't trust
there was vegetarian pho.
143
00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:19,040
Yeah, well, sometimes
they bring it out in chicken stock.
144
00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:21,520
"They"! "They"?
145
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,760
-Who's "they"?
-Yeah, Arnold, who's "they"?
146
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:27,360
Just... Them, okay?
147
00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:30,640
-Arnold, can I ask you a question?
-Yes.
148
00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:32,280
Are you a racist?
149
00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:33,800
(BOTH LAUGHING)
150
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:36,480
-Tom, can I ask you a question?
-Yes.
151
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:39,720
Why do you have no friends
other than Josh?
152
00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:40,920
(LAUGHS)
153
00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:44,080
Look, Arnold,
I live with a lot of regrets.
154
00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:46,040
No! Say something nice, Tom!
155
00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:47,560
I'm trying to court this bitch!
156
00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:49,120
You have not answered the question.
157
00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:50,960
I love Asians! A lot.
158
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:54,600
-Probably too much, if anything.
-Whoa! Oh! (CHUCKLES)
159
00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:57,240
Hi. Oh! Delicious.
160
00:06:57,640 --> 00:06:59,320
-Thank you.
-Thank you.
161
00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:01,840
-Thank you.
-Thanks.
162
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,800
This is nice. (CHUCKLES)
163
00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:11,160
-You have to go, yeah?
-Yeah.
164
00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:12,640
Yeah? You're going? Oh!
165
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:15,040
Oh! Gosh!
166
00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:20,320
You know I have, like, an entire bedroom.
167
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:22,040
-I can't. I can't.
-It's just there!
168
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:33,040
Bye.
169
00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:34,800
Bye.
170
00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:36,960
Hey, John.
171
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:39,360
Do you think if you were a real boy,
you'd date me?
172
00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:41,560
Of course you would.
173
00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:44,040
Just don't know
what else I have to offer, okay?
174
00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:46,640
I've made him so many dinners.
Vegetarian dinners.
175
00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:48,320
I feel like all I've been doing
since we met
176
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,600
is salt eggplant and pat it down
with a paper towel,
177
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:53,160
and he still...
He still won't have sex with me.
178
00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:55,720
Yeah, what does he think this is,
a Jane Austen novel?
179
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:57,040
Maybe he's frigid.
180
00:07:57,400 --> 00:08:00,480
(SIGHS) No, he's had so much sex.
Just so much sex with so many boys.
181
00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:02,000
-Really?
-Mmm-hmm.
182
00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:04,600
He's got anxiety.
It's probably not about you.
183
00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:05,720
Well, that's what he says.
184
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:08,040
Sounds to me like a convenient excuse
not to have sex with somebody
185
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:09,280
'cause you think they're gross.
186
00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:12,160
-Hey, you're not gross.
-You're beautiful.
187
00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:14,280
-Like a hummingbird.
-Like a baby seahorse.
188
00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:18,280
You're like touching
the inside of a curtain tassel.
189
00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:21,440
-Like Harry Styles' snail trail.
-Okay.
190
00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:23,560
I bet you've got a lovely penis too,
you know?
191
00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:26,760
Like, well-proportioned,
sturdy, jaunty little hat.
192
00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:29,880
-You're like democracy.
-You really think I'm not gross?
193
00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:32,120
(CHUCKLES) Oh, no, I was just pretending.
194
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:33,400
Yeah, I'm no expert.
195
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:37,080
-You all look the same to me!
-Let's go.
196
00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:41,200
-I have something to tell you.
-I hope it's compliments.
197
00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:44,280
-I hate eggplant.
-Eggplant? You love eggplant!
198
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:47,240
It has the texture of slugs.
Why can't people see this?
199
00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:48,680
But you're a vegetarian!
200
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:50,920
No, Josh, we've been
down that way three times.
201
00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:52,600
-Three times!
-No. I think it's this way!
202
00:08:52,680 --> 00:08:54,600
It's a dead end
with a patronising rabbit statue.
203
00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:57,400
Hedges are supposed to be nice!
Why are they turning topiary against us?
204
00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:00,000
Fuck you, patronising rabbit statue,
you don't know me!
205
00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:03,440
No, Josh, I need you to acknowledge
that you heard that I hate the eggplant.
206
00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:05,120
You've eaten my eggplant at least twice.
207
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:06,280
-Twice!
-Twice?
208
00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:08,720
-Yeah, I know!
-Gosh, you must really like me.
209
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,480
Okay, well, I was just being polite.
210
00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:13,160
Yeah, well, you could cook me dinner.
You could organise dates.
211
00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:15,520
Why do I always have to call you,
chase you?
212
00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:16,920
I don't want you to get too close
213
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,800
and then realise
I'm actually not that likeable.
214
00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:20,160
Whoa!
215
00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:23,760
-Whoa!
-No, we're not stopping!
216
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,760
This is getting to our heads.
We need to get out of here.
217
00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:27,600
It's like the Triwizard Tournament.
218
00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:29,880
Surely, I get to decide
if you're likeable.
219
00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:32,240
I'm not ready to be vulnerable for you.
220
00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:35,440
Whoo! Wow. This is it?
221
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,080
This is it!
222
00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:39,120
-Victory!
-(YELLS)
223
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,800
(BOTH LAUGHING)
224
00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:43,680
Okay! I'll organise the next date!
225
00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:48,040
ARNOLD: Oh, God. Oh, God,
I've made a mistake.
226
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:50,160
JOSH: (CHUCKLES) No,
you've definitely not made a mistake.
227
00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:51,800
A moment ago,
I thought this was beautiful,
228
00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:53,880
but seeing you here now
has made me realise
229
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,440
that perhaps it's like a bit much.
230
00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:58,680
-Oh, it is a lot.
-Yeah. Yeah, it's a lot. Isn't it a lot?
231
00:09:58,760 --> 00:09:59,960
This because of the maze?
232
00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:02,320
I... I'm not ready to be
vulnerable for you.
233
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:03,600
No, I don't wanna talk about it.
234
00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:07,280
Are you thinking that maybe we're gonna
have sex here for the first time?
235
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:09,120
I don't know.
236
00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:12,200
It's just that this is exactly
how 16-year-old girls imagine
237
00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:13,680
they're gonna lose their virginity.
238
00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:14,920
Just shut up!
239
00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:21,640
That's it, isn't it? I think we're
gonna have sex for the first time.
240
00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:23,400
-Okay, you just need to...
-Let me...
241
00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:25,840
I wonder how it will go! (CHUCKLES)
242
00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:28,640
(HUMMING SONG INTRO)
243
00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:33,200
♪ Kiss me right down the milky twilight
244
00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:35,440
-Come here!
-♪ Shwing, shwing...
245
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:38,000
(SINGS INDISTINCTLY)
246
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:40,960
♪ You wear the shirtand I will wear that dress
247
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:44,200
-♪ Whoa, kiss me
-(CHUCKLES) Okay!
248
00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:46,160
♪ Right down the milky twilight...
249
00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:52,840
(LAUGHING)
250
00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:54,120
Do you not wanna have sex?
251
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,000
I do. It's all I've been
thinking about forever.
252
00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:58,440
It's just, at the moment,
what's consuming my mind
253
00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:00,600
is how you powered these lights.
254
00:11:00,680 --> 00:11:01,840
-Batteries!
-Batteries?
255
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:22,400
-You'll tell me if you're not okay, yeah?
-Yeah, it's fine. It's fine.
256
00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:28,960
No. No, I think you should be on top.
257
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:31,080
I don't wanna, like...
I don't wanna explain...
258
00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:32,880
Okay.
259
00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:39,760
-It's okay?
-Okay, yeah, just...
260
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:42,240
Never ask me if it's okay
during sex again, yeah?
261
00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:43,360
(CHUCKLES) Okay, deal.
262
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:13,120
You gonna sleep at my house?
263
00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:16,200
You know I can't. My parents
will ask just so many questions.
264
00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:18,080
Okay, okay.
265
00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:21,240
-Maybe tell them you're gay, yeah?
-No.
266
00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:23,480
All right, all right.
267
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:29,280
Mmm! Delicious.
268
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,400
CLAIRE: So, I had sex with that guythat I regretted having sex with again.
269
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:37,640
Arnold and I finally had sex
and it was just terrific.
270
00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:39,640
-It was just really fun.
-He's fun?
271
00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:41,560
Yeah, really fun. Really talented.
272
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:44,240
Meanwhile, Tom fingered his boss.
273
00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:47,240
-What?
-Are we telling people that?
274
00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:49,400
-Apparently.
-Was she a babe?
275
00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:51,800
No, not a babe. Is he a babe?
276
00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:54,360
Yeah. But he's also just the worst.
277
00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:56,360
The sex was so fun,
but now I'm freaking out
278
00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:58,200
that maybe he's a bad choice, you know?
279
00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:00,160
Maybe I stuffed up.
Maybe he's the wrong choice.
280
00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:02,280
He's not a bad choice.
I know bad choices.
281
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,040
I've made bad choices.
I've been a bad choice.
282
00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:06,160
Yeah, Tom, why did you finger the boss?
283
00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:08,560
-I didn't mean to.-What, did you fall in?
284
00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:10,280
She's been flirting with me for weeks,
285
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:11,720
she told me she was in love with my brain.
286
00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:14,520
-BOTH: What?
-I'm very funny when I'm at work.
287
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:17,520
He just kept saying how much he loved my
tits over and over, and I hated it.
288
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,120
When I'm with him,
I guess I feel less alone,
289
00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:22,880
but then the next day,
it's like a tax on my loneliness.
290
00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:24,560
I think mostly I'm freaking out
291
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:26,800
because whilst I'm confident
Arnold makes me happy,
292
00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:28,880
I'm just not sure
he makes me, like, the happiest.
293
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,120
Do you know what it takes
to be the happiest?
294
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:32,760
You're versing the Dalai Lama.
295
00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:37,680
Meanwhile, Tom's boss has a husband
and two tiny children.
296
00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:39,320
Is that the first vaginayou'd ever touched
297
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:40,640
that's had children come out of it?
298
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,280
Er, I guess. Yes.
299
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:45,440
-How did it feel? Different?
-No!
300
00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,440
I'm just not sure
how much happiness we deserve.
301
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:50,240
Not much.
302
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,800
I think if anyone knew
what was going on in my head,
303
00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:55,960
it'd be impossible for them to like me.
304
00:13:57,560 --> 00:13:58,560
Can you tell me some things you think
305
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:00,840
would be impossible to like,
and then we'll find out?
306
00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,200
Erm, before we go on dates,
307
00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:06,640
I write a list of questions
in my phone to ask you,
308
00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:08,480
so if there's a lull in the conversation,
309
00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:10,480
I can go to the bathroom to confer.
310
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:14,480
I appreciate the effort.
311
00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:16,240
I've never seen Love Actually.
312
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:20,840
What? No, actually, that's not okay.
That's crazy, you crazy motherfucker!
313
00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:22,280
What a crazy motherfucker!
314
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:24,760
Remember when I told you
how much I loved Love Actually?
315
00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:25,880
No, I don't!
316
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:28,800
Well, you told me you loved it,
so I went home and googled it
317
00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:32,160
and I memorised the synopsis
and I told you I loved it too.
318
00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:35,400
Right.
319
00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:37,720
No, I'm still in. I still like you.
320
00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:39,160
Okay, sometimes I go to places early
321
00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:40,840
to check where the bathrooms
and exits are.
322
00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:44,120
And, look, I need you to know
that I know this is irrational.
323
00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:47,320
I'm gonna worry about things
that you don't think are a problem.
324
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:50,120
Like, for example, you might catch me,
325
00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:52,520
when we're out at a club,
hiding in a bathroom,
326
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,280
which is a fine thing to do
327
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:58,280
if there's no one actually out there
looking for where I am.
328
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,880
And I could kind of deal with this
when I was on my own,
329
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:04,240
because when you're on your own,
you don't have to,
330
00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:08,840
like, have someone to answer to make you
realise how truly fucked you are.
331
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:10,800
And that's kind of scary, you know,
332
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:14,120
because someone... You, will actually...
333
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:18,000
-Me?
-Yeah, you'll actually see all of this.
334
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:21,720
-Okay.
-Okay?
335
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:23,760
Yup. Come.
336
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,160
Em, so...
337
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:30,120
My parents don't actually care
if I sleep somewhere.
338
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:32,400
How often do you lie to me?
339
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,200
Less and less.
340
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:37,640
Were you lying when you said
you think I have a beautiful soul?
341
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:40,120
(CHUCKLES) Did I say that?
I don't think I actually said that.
342
00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:42,560
That's the problem with lying.
It's hard to keep track of!
343
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:46,880
Are you gonna sleep over?
344
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,000
-Yes, please.
-Okay.
345
00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:02,360
Arnold's disappeared.
I thought things were going very well.
346
00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:05,200
I was very happy.
I thought he was very happy.
347
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:06,760
Now he won't reply to my texts.
348
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,080
I do not know why. It's been eight days.
349
00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:11,520
Oh, I'd just decided I liked him, too.
350
00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:13,880
Ah, you didn't hurt me!
351
00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:19,760
I saw this documentary
that said if you draw a line
352
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,000
between the major landmarks
in Washington,
353
00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:23,520
it creates a pentagram.
354
00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:25,480
Satan's symbol.
355
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:27,400
How about that?
356
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:30,040
You know, they had a drawing there
and all that,
357
00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:32,360
but I'm not sure who decided
how to join the dots,
358
00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:34,360
'cause anyone can draw
a pentagram on a map.
359
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,240
If they'd just gone around the edges,
360
00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:37,920
it would've made a pentagon shape.
361
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:41,200
I don't think there's anything evil
about pentagons.
362
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:44,360
I'm not even convinced there's
anything evil about pentagrams.
363
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:47,400
But the documentary seemed
pretty legitimate, so who knows?
364
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:49,640
Who knows?
365
00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:51,560
How are things with Arnold?
366
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:53,920
-Not great.
-Oh.
367
00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:56,240
He stopped replying to my texts.
I don't know why.
368
00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:58,480
Been over a week.
369
00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:01,920
-Maybe he's out of phone credit.
-Maybe.
370
00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:30,160
(DOOR OPENS)
371
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:33,760
So, I've been drinking.
372
00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:36,560
Missed you.
373
00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:38,560
Hey!
374
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:42,160
Don't wake up.
375
00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:10,440
(WHISPERING) I love you.
376
00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:17,000
I love you.
377
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:22,720
Josh.
378
00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:24,760
I love you.
379
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:34,600
(SIGHS)
380
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:37,440
I didn't know what to do.
He just kept saying it.
381
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:39,640
I just lay there pretending to be asleep,
382
00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:41,240
playing dead as if he was a bear.
383
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:44,040
He say it first! You are the winner!
384
00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:47,040
-Yeah, yeah, I win.
-Ah, he love you!
385
00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:48,480
Why would he say it like that?
386
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:50,840
That's how he wants to say
"I love you" for the first time?
387
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:53,720
Drunk, with the words "Poof Doof"
stamped on his arm?
388
00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:56,320
-What is "Poof Doof"?
-It's a gay club.
389
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:57,720
Oh.
390
00:18:58,040 --> 00:18:59,280
So, do you love him?
391
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:03,000
I think I love him, but also,
I don't know what love is, you know?
392
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,480
-I love him.
-Ah, you barely know him.
393
00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:08,880
-But you have been so happy!
-Have I?
394
00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:11,360
When you are grumpy,
you are like your father, hmm?
395
00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:14,520
Sometimes I get so nervous
you will turn out like your father.
396
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:16,680
God bless you.
397
00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:18,280
Arnold, it's their first night outside.
398
00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:20,680
I'm just so excited for them.
She wants to stand on you.
399
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,400
No. No, no, thank you. No, please.
400
00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:24,320
Yes, Arnold, it's their big special day.
401
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:25,520
Let me put her on your head.
402
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:27,360
Fine.
403
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:30,960
No, erm...
404
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,960
Hey, erm, so I have something to say.
405
00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:40,200
-Yes?
-I think now is the perfect time.
406
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,400
-Okay.
-I love you.
407
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:48,720
(CHUCKLES)
408
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:50,280
I hope they're gonna be okay in here.
409
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:52,800
Arnold, are you not saying it back?
410
00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:57,280
-Er, I, erm...
-Arnold, say it back!
411
00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,680
It's a really big deal to me to say that.
412
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:01,400
Me, too, also!
413
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:04,440
No, I... I don't... I don't know.
414
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:07,720
Arnold, you already said it, okay?
You said it first.
415
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,000
-Yeah, I was the... I was the winner.
-Did I?
416
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:12,320
You remember. Don't pretend
like you don't remember.
417
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,560
(SIGHING)
I just... I don't... I don't know.
418
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:28,320
I actually just can't do this.
419
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:31,200
Look, I get this is a big deal for you
420
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:34,800
and you have a big,
complicated brain, but just...
421
00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:37,600
Sometimes my feelings
need to be thought of.
422
00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:40,880
No, I'm, I'm not going to be
pressured into saying it.
423
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:42,440
I'm just not going to be, okay?
424
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:51,080
I need... I need you to go home.
425
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:54,520
No, I don't... I don't wanna go.
I, I just...
426
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:57,440
(STUTTERING) I do.
Yeah, I want you to just...
427
00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:00,400
I need you to just... (STUTTERS) Go.
428
00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:06,120
Okay.
429
00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:31,440
-JOSH: He just doesn't like me.
-Yeah.
430
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:33,120
-I'm a troll.
-You're not a troll.
431
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:35,680
-No, I am. I am. I'm a troll.
-You're not a troll.
432
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:37,080
Tom, if we've learned anything from this,
433
00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:39,280
it's that if I ever have
any feeling of self-doubt,
434
00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:40,680
anything at all, then I am right.
435
00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:42,760
Okay? I am correct. I am a troll.
436
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:44,680
-Okay, fine, you're a troll.
-Thank you.
437
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:46,960
-A slightly balding troll.
-Okay.
438
00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:53,080
I put myself out there.
Never doing that again, am I?
439
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:56,920
That was a mistake. Mustered up
a tiny, little confidence. Bad choice.
440
00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:00,520
Yeah. Yeah, you're like...
Like a little baby deer.
441
00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:02,200
You're like a little baby deer
442
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:04,520
and you're trying
to take its first steps.
443
00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:06,840
And you get... You get the strength,
444
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:10,400
and you finally... You balance up
on your little, dainty, big deer...
445
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:12,480
-Your little, dainty deer hooves...
-Yeah.
446
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:14,880
And then Arnold comes
and he shoots you in your face!
447
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:16,680
He shoots you
in your baby deer face. (LAUGHING)
448
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,200
Yeah, he did.
He did, he shot me in my face!
449
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:21,080
-Yeah.
-And I'm just twitching.
450
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,320
I'm just twitching,
just alone on the... On the snow.
451
00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:26,680
Yeah, little baby deer troll-face,
just, whoa, all over the ice.
452
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:29,640
-Wondering where my mum is.
-Yeah. (LAUGHS)
453
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:31,080
Thank you.
454
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:33,240
-You'll find someone else, though.
-You don't mean that.
455
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:35,760
No. It's you and me
against the world, baby.
456
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:56,760
Oh. Hi.
457
00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:04,840
-(CAROL PLAYING ON PLAYER)
-It's carol singers!
458
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,280
Well, give 'em a quid
and tell 'em to bugger off!
459
00:23:07,360 --> 00:23:08,640
(LAUGHS)
460
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:22,160
(CHUCKLES)
36044
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