All language subtitles for Please Like Me s02e09_English

What are you looking at?

"Twenty-seven Pictures
That Will Make You Feel Joyful."

That does not look like it's working.

There was a tiger breastfeeding
piglets before. That was pretty awesome.

I love unlikely animal friends.

I wish John would
make an unlikely animal friend.

I didn't really think Claire and
I would get back together

until she said we weren't.

Then I realised actually every choice
I've made since we broke up

has been me just treading water
until she gets home

so we can be together and I can
touch her hair and stuff.

-Do you want a toffee?
-No.

Everything just tastes like sad.

Tom, I get you're hurt, okay,

but my toffees don't taste like sad.

Do you think that old guy
in Germany changed her?

No. Although, he does seem
like the kind of guy

that doesn't rely on baby animals

to help him feel joyful.

Yeah. She'd like that.

Yeah.

Not a wrapped one.

Oh, my God.

These are really delicious.

I know, right? I'm going to sell
so many of these babies on my cart.

-You're going to be a millionaire.
-Yeah.

♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪

-♪ Yeah, I'll be fine, yeah ♪
-♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪

-♪ Oh, yeah ♪
-♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪

♪ Oh, the good Lord knows it ♪

-♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪
-♪ Oh, the good Lord knows it ♪

-♪ Ooh ♪
-♪ I've left better behind ♪

-♪ I'll be fine ♪
-♪ Yeah ♪

-♪ Yeah ♪
-♪ Fine ♪

-♪ Make my mamma turn another blind ♪
-♪ Eye ♪

BOTH: ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-ay ♪

♪ I've left better behind
I'll be fine ♪

(MOBILE RINGS)

-Hey, Arnold.
-Good morning.

You said you had to
be up by 5:00, so I was just

calling to make sure you did that.

I always wake up early.

No. I have more time. I have more time.

Oh, shit. Sorry.
Okay, I'll call you back later.

No, it's good. It's good. Hi.

-Hi.
-Talk me awake.

Okay. Um, so, you still want
to go on that date tonight?

-Yeah, yeah.
-Okay, good. I'm just worried...

I'm not worried, I just...

My parents don't know I'm gay,

so you can't, like, do anything.

What?

You can't touch me.

They don't... They don't know?

So you can't get out of the car, okay?
Just text on approach.

-Deal.
-Also, my psychiatrist

-is coming to see your cart today.
-Okay.

-Does she know you're gay?
-Yeah.

She's nervous about you,
so you have to be...

What?

-Decent.
-Decent?

(NEW CALL ALERT)

Oh, it's my dad. Okay, I'll call you back.

Oh, okay.

-Hi, Josh. It's Dad.
-Hi. Yeah, I'm up.

I'm up, okay? I'm good. I'm up.

You know, you need to be there
before people get to work.

Yeah. I know. I just said I was up.
Jesus Christ.

There's something I want to tell you
and I want to do it now

because Mae will be there later.

I love Mae...

That's good, that's nice.

Yup, and I want to marry her.

Brilliant. That's brilliant.

That is good.

Boy, it means a lot to me that
I have your permission.

-Mmm.
-I adore her, Josh. I do.

She knows her own mind,
she's smart, she's funny,

she does cute and unexpected little things

and she's sexy. She's sexy.

She makes me feel good,
you know, like I'm providing,

like I'm a man.

'Cause I'm not really

-much of a man, Josh.
-Yeah.

I don't know what's going on
most of the time.

Sometimes when I get home,
I feel quite lost.

But she loves me, and Gracie loves me and

that makes me feel good, comfortable.

Dad, I have to... I have to
go and have a shower, okay?

Oh, yeah. I'll see you there later.

-Okay. Bye.
-Bye.

Call Arnold.

Hi.

My dad's going to propose to Mae.

Wow. Okay.

Do we need to reschedule our date?

Nah. Why?

I don't want to steal your dad's thunder.

(CHUCKLES) Why, are you
planning on proposing?

Oh, no. No, no, no.

Ah, I'm sorry.

-Okay, I have to go now, okay?
-Okay, I'll see you later.

Please just don't mention
to my psychiatrist

that I said she was nervous about you.

There's so many rules, Arnold.
There's so many rules.

I just get the impression she's nervous.

Maybe just don't mention I mentioned her.

Pretend like you don't know she exists.

(LAUGHS)

Okay.

Maybe I'll pretend that
I don't know you exist,

make her really
question your mental health.

I didn't mean it like that.

Maybe when I meet her,
I'll do a little accent.

Think she'd like me more if I was Spanish?

I think she would like you more
if you were Spanish. Bye.

Hola.

Jesus, shit.

Jesus shit, indeed.

At least my bird is colourful, Hannah.

That's not a bird.

Hi.

Mind if I sit down?

(SIGHS) Only if you help me with my bird.

No problem.

I've got a preternatural ability
with feltcraft.

Ah, I've got some news, Rose.

Yep?

I'm leaving today.

-Hazel's coming to pick me up.
-Hazel?

-Yeah, my bitch wife.
-Oh.

I didn't know her name.

There we go.
Just need to glue some wings on,

little fellow will be fine.

Great. Thank you.

It was nice meeting you, Rose.

Yeah, you too. Have a nice time.

Cheers.

I have some news of my own.

Hannah?

Sorry?

I have some news of my own.

I'm allowed to leave whenever I want.

They told me last week that I can leave.

I haven't told anybody yet.

You want me to ask why, don't you?

Yes.

Why?

I'm not sure if I'm ready to leave.

I think they might have made a mistake.

-Squawk!
-Oh...

MAE: What are you doing?

(GRUNTS) Mae, can you
give me a hand to move this...

MAE: Ah, stop grunting. It's gross.

Josh needs the umbrella moved. He's
got it facing the wrong way.

-No, it's fine... Fine where it was.
-(BABY CRIES)

Can you take her into the shade, please?

I'm going, too. Jeez.

Do you know what you're doing?

-Yeah.
-Feel the heat with your hand.

-Yeah, I am.
-What are your hands like with heat?

They're fine.

What do you think about hot-air balloons?

Um, I don't really understand
how they control them.

That's $3, please.

-Here.
-Thank you.

-On the house.
-Oh, thanks.

Oh, yeah, I was thinking of doing it
in a hot-air balloon.

I also want you and Grace to come,

and I want to ask her as a family.

-How could she refuse all this, huh?
-(LAUGHS)

So are you allowed to leave?

Yeah, I'm voluntary. I can leave whenever.

So why don't you?

My girlfriend broke up with me.

She didn't have time to wait
for me to sort myself out,

and she took custody
of our house, that she owned.

So you can't leave
because you've got nowhere to go?

I've got a tent.

-Hello.
-Oh, hey, ladies.

Hi, lovey. No customers.

Not now. I mean, I've had customers.

Did you make all these?

Yeah, I made everything.

Even the musk sticks?

Yeah, I made frickin' musk sticks.

ROSE: Good on you.
This looks really good, Josh.

How many grandmas died for this?

Rose. Hannah.

I'm going to do it, I've decided,
in a hot-air balloon.

You're going to do it? Great. Do it.

-Do what?
-Nothing.

Please can you just tell her, okay?

She's going to find out eventually.

Just tell her. Just get it done.

They don't have to tell me everything.

That's one of the benefits
of being divorced.

I don't have to pretend to be interested.

I'm going to propose to Mae.

Oh.

Mmm.

Well, you've already got a baby, so this
is not very big news, is it, really?

Okay, guys. Arnold's here.

Arnold. Hi.

Does Mae know that when you say
"For better or worse,"

you can only offer worse?

Hey, Arnold. Check out my cart.

It's incredible. This is Marilyn.

She's my psychiatrist.

Hi.

This is my mum... This is my
mum here, and my dad.

Oh, how nice of you to come out
and support your son.

All hangin' out.

Have we met?

Umm, at the hospital.
Rose is a patient there.

Well, I'm sure this is a very positive day
for you, Rose.

Well, I've had better.

Arnold said it's your first date.

Yeah. Do you want a cappuccino?

I'm not good with caffeine.

I have chamomile tea, but,
you know, who drinks that?

That's embarrassing. I love it.

Of course. Okay.

These are very good caramels.

Sugar spikes your insulin.

So, where are you two boys
going on your date?

I haven't decided.

It would be good if you could
pick somewhere safe,

like a safe environment.

Fuck that. Jump in.

It's about time Josh found someone
to love him. Anyone.

Come on, Dad, please. Just be...

-We're just hanging out.
-Love is in the air.

I mean, we're just going to dinner.

I promise there'll be
no blowfish or nothing.

Okay. Yeah.
Well, what I meant was,

I think maybe it would be better
if it's not just you two.

Do you want to come, Marilyn?

-You can keep an eye on us.
-No.

It's okay, Josh,
it can be just the two of us.

Of course you can do what you want,
it's just my suggestion

that you go with a group
of friends, yeah, keep it light.

Yeah, sure.

I'm not confident that I have
enough friends to make a group.

Good tea. Your son makes good tea.

What a nice celebration
for his first day.

Yes. It is. A day full of
happy memories and fantastic tea.

Oh, Rose, that reminds me,

are you using that digital camera we
bought?

-Which camera?
-The good one,

the one we bought for Josh's graduation.

Dad, that camera is so old.

It's a very expensive camera.

Yeah, like, in 2007.

I don't have it.

You must have it, Rose.
I don't have it.

I don't treasure every minor item

that you've left behind, and keep them
in a special, velvet box

just waiting for when you want to
come and pick it up, Alan.

Did you want to photograph the cart?
'Cause perhaps you could use your phone.

No, thanks, Marilyn. I just don't want
a good camera going to waste.

-Is this for your secret?
-No, no, no, no.

I just wondered about the camera.
Forget I asked.

Oh, okay.

Although I really can't see
where else it could be.

Do you want me to buy you a camera?

No, no. Of course not.

I was just thinking that
if you weren't using the camera,

I could... You know, I mean...

Did you check in the roof
before you moved out?

I don't have it.

Arnold, do you need some time out?

No, I can handle things. I'm okay.

If you really wanted it, Alan
why didn't you take it with you?

I barely had time
to pack a suitcase, Rose.

I'm going to have a look at that baby.

And yet you managed to come back nearly
every day for weeks and weeks.

Now is that odd to you? Is that odd?

(LAUGHS) Hi, Hannah.

Mae, Grace.

You want to hold her? Yeah?

Say hi, Grace.

-You want me to take her back?
-Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

Are Alan and Rose fighting again?

Yep. That appears to be what is happening.

Okay, Grace, you lie here.

Do you mind just sitting with her for
a moment?

-Sure, I can do that.
-Okay.

It's okay.

Okay, just one moment.

(MAE SIGHS)

Must be nice,
having an excuse not to talk.

Oh, Rose, I don't understand
why you're getting so upset.

I'm not having a go, I'm just saying,

I think we left a box of stuff somewhere.

Nobody can find the camera or the drill.
I mean, how do you lose a drill?

I can't even remember
what happened yesterday.

How am I supposed to remember
a box of tools from years ago?

So, what are we talking about?

Love.

Yes, we're getting all very excited

-because Josh is going on a date.
-Oh, he's so cute!

It's not a big deal. Umm, no,
it's no big deal.

Alan thinks I stole his tools.

Oh, I don't think she stole them.

I'm just asking her if she's seen them.

-Well, have you seen them?
-Do you think I care about the drill?

Why do you give a shit about the drill?

'Cause it's handy
to have a drill sometimes.

-You've never been a handyman.
-Because I don't have a drill.

Well, buy a new one.

Oh, could you get a camera
while you're there?

Why is it such a big deal,
me asking you about a camera?

Maybe the camera's up my bum.

Would you like to go
looking up my bum for your camera?

Do you watch much Alfred Hitchcock?

We don't need a camera. We use our phone.

It was a very expensive camera.

Look, I know I'm supposed to be off-duty,

but I feel like I should step in here.

-Oh, bugger off.
-Don't bring her into it.

-You'll upset Arnold.
-Oh, Arnold's fine.

I really am fine.

Why have you started all of this
because of a stupid camera?

Why am the bad guy?
Why am I always the bad guy?

Do you really want a list?

Excuse me, Alan is a good man.

You would say that Mae, I mean,

otherwise you'd have to find another
way of paying the rent, wouldn't you?

You bitch.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.
I really like you. You're okay.

It's just, Alan...

Alan is a bad guy.

I'm a good man.

Everyone's good, okay? All tops.
Tops people.

I made candy.

She doesn't like me.

Someone should go get her.

You can't go the same way as I'm going.

I'm going to get my baby.

Oh, fine. Fuck.

Come on, Hannah.

HANNAH: It's the wrong way.
ROSE: Yes. Yeah.

I'm sorry about your family.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Tom.

Tom? Hey, buddy.

Tom?

(MOBILE RINGS)

-Hi.
-JOSH: Where are you?

-I'm in the spa.
-Alone?

Yeah. Just having a spa,

trying to figure out why
I'm not better at life.

Did you ever consider all the weed,

maybe, all the weed?

-No.
-Nah?

-Nah.
-How often are you smoking weed?

Most days.

JOSH: I mean, every day.

Like, they say that, like,
if you do a crossword every day,

that that'll change your brain.

Can you imagine what the weed is doing?

Josh, nothing has changed
since I started smoking weed.

Yeah, Tom, that's a bad thing.
Things are meant to change.

-This is not...
-Why are you lecturing me,

why are you doing this?

Just be cool.

All right, sorry. You're right. Ah...

I need you to come on a date
with me and Arnold.

Why?

Because his psychiatrist is concerned

that if we spend time alone together
that he might freak out.

(LAUGHS)

Kinda like when those teacher
aides would come in and

help the special needs students?

Yeah. Yeah, like that.

But maybe, on the date, don't

say things like that.

So you met Arnold's psychiatrist,

and she said that
it would be a bad idea

-for you to spend time alone with Arnold?
-Yes.

That is her professional,
psychiatrist evaluation of you?

Not of me, okay, of Arnold.

It's her professional
psychiatrist evaluation of Arnold.

You're a menace.

You're a menace to Arnold.

Okay, don't come. Don't worry about it.
I'll find someone else.

It's just because you're sitting here,
judging my life,

criticising my life,

when according to this professional,

tertiary-educated psychiatrist,

you're a menace,

a menace to a poor,
mentally ill boy.

All right, don't come.
I'll find someone else.

I'm going to find someone else to come.

-No, I want to come.
-No, I don't want you to come.

You're unlikeable.

-I need to come.
-Yeah?

I just don't know what I can wear.

Just wear what you always wear.

My long pants are dirty.

Do you want to borrow my camel chinos,
is that what you want?

Yes, please. I would like
to borrow your camel chinos.

Want to borrow my camel chinos?

Yes, please.

I thought you'd be more enthusiastic
about coming home.

I have beef bourguignon in the oven.

Oh, I do like beef bourguignon.

Okay, that's it. We're done.

Good. Out of this place.

(LAUGHS) Yes.

When I feel bad about where I am in life,

I like to compare myself to

people who are doing worse,

like Josef Fritzl.

He's really bad at life.

I'm definitely not leaving.

Not leaving because of boy trouble?

Oh, no, it's not that. I just...

I just don't think I remember how to
look after myself, that's all.

Yeah, that's always hard.

I thought you didn't want to leave

'cause you might miss me too much.

Oh, I didn't...

Do you like hanging out with me?

Yeah.

Oh. I didn't realise.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Arnold.

(SIGHS)

Arnold, I didn't know you were rich.

Tom. I didn't know you were coming.

Don't worry, I'm really good at romance.

Tom's sad, and you need
a safe date, all right?

Tom, you didn't have to
get in the back seat.

Yeah, that's where Tom thinks he belongs.

We're going to have a good night.

The three of us are
going to have a safe date.

Where are we going?

Um, I thought we would go
to this place that's Portuguese

or Argentinean or something.

-Yeah.
-And they just bring you meat.

There's no menus, they just
bring you meat, meat, meat, meat,

chicken, beef, chicken, pork, beef,
chicken,

seafood, maybe. You know what I mean?

And then you say,
"Please stop bringing me meat,"

and they stop bringing you meat.

TOM: That just sounds incredible.

JOSH: Incredible, right? Yeah, Arnold?

ARNOLD: I'm a vegetarian.

-Oh, you two are adorable.
-Yeah.

-Oh, shit.
-Jesus Christ.

-What happened?
-I think I hit a possum.

Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.

-Oh, okay.
-That's gross.

Yeah. He's still alive, he's still alive,
he's still alive.

Okay. You okay, Arnold?

I just don't want to look at it.

-He is not going to be okay.
-Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

Hey. Hey, buddy. Oh.

-(SNARLS)
-Oh, fuck!

What a dick possum.

I mean I did hit him with a car.

-He's got a solid point.
-What happened?

-He scratched me.
-Are you okay?

-Yeah, I'm okay.
-Okay, good.

Okay.

(EXHALES)

What do we...

What do we do?

I think...

I think we have to kill it,

put it out of its misery.

Oh, no.

Can we take it to the vet?

Oh...

No. It's, like...

It's, like, not in one piece.

(PANTING)

Okay.

How are you going to kill it?

I'm not doing it. I've killed enough
marsupials lately.

Rabbits are mammals.

Okay, I'm going to run it over again
with my car.

You're going to what?

I'm going to run it over
again with my car,

I'm going to put it out of its misery.

It's the humane thing to do, okay?

All right, just in front of it.

(ENGINE REVS)

-Yeah?
-Yeah, you're good.

(ARNOLD GROANS)

-(SQUELCH)
-(SHOUTS)

TOM: Josh, it's still alive.
It's still alive.

You just hit the tail. Do it again.

I'm a vegetarian, and
I have an anxiety disorder.

Do it again.

I'm sorry, Arnold.

-Kill the fucking possum.
-Again. It's still...

Stop, stop, stop. It's okay.

It's dead, it's dead.

-That's dead.
-Dead?

It's all over your wheel.

All right.

Just shut up and get in the car.

Let's go, all right, okay?

Sorry.

Really sorry.

I think...

I think you need to take me home.

Yeah.

Josh, it's, like,
seriously all over your wheel.

JOSH: Just shut up, Tom.

Good birds.

Nice plumage.

It's from Stuart.

Don't read it to me.

Unless it's about birds,
I'm not interested.

It says, "I'll miss you."

Well, that's sweet,

if you completely disregard Hazel
and her feelings.

Let's just get out of this place, Hannah.

Why don't you come and stay
in my spare room?

-What, just leave, just like that?
-Yeah, why not?

I'm not very fun to live with.

I'm not either.

I leave the toilet seat up,

for no reason.

Is that a yes?

Sure, why not?

(SQUEALS)

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I won't do that again, I promise.

No more sudden noises.

-Yikes.
-Yeah.

That was not a safe date.

No, I'm sorry.

-Shit date.
-BOTH: Yeah.

I don't think me coming helped at all.

I'm not allowed
to get out of the car, am I?

-Definitely not.
-Nope.

Why?

Don't worry about it, Tom.

I'll be honest, I am worried about it.

I know you told me not to be,
but I can't help but worry.

Tom, it just doesn't matter, okay?

My parents don't know I'm gay.

Right.

I don't understand. What do your
parents think you're doing right now?

I told them I was shopping with girls.

Is...

Is that a good alibi?

I'm sorry about the possum, okay?

I really don't think it was my fault.

It sort of just ran out.

It's okay.

Bye.

Are you guys not kissing 'cause I'm here?

No.

'Cause I don't care. I see Josh
kiss boys all the time.

Tom, come on, please.

-I'll message you later, okay?
-Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I'll just close my eyes and block my ears,

and you guys, seriously,
do whatever you want.

-Please, Tom...
-(HUMS)

I'm sorry.

I just... I can't do
kissing right now, but

I promise, next time,

you can do whatever you want with me.

Wow.

Okay. Thank you.

Um, are you going to tell Marilyn on me?

Yeah.

Yeah. Okay.

Are you guys finished?

We're not doing anything, Tom.

So when are you going to
tell your parents you're gay?

I don't know, Tom. When are you going
to tell your cheeks to stop being fat?

Oh, boom.

-Good night.
-Nails it.

How does he know
I'm sensitive about my cheeks?

Did you talk to him about my cheeks?

Yeah.