Original subtitles

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

Cenedl heb iaith,

cenedl heb galon!

[ Up-tempo rock music plays ]

[ Can top pops ]

[ Belches ]

[ Laughs ]

[ Up-tempo rock music continues]

[ Music stops]

Morning, love.

Hope you slept well?

Yeah, go on, laugh.

You've been saying for years, buy a new mattress.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Dog whimpering ]

Peaches, just keep your fur on, would you?

I mean, would it kill you to make me a bacon sarnie

once in a while?

I'm gonna fetch a cuppa up, darling.

There's something I need to tell you.

[ Seabirds crying ]

Keith! Come and give us a hand.

-What is going on? -Oh, my days. Ohh!

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

-Here you go. -Thank you.

Oh! Here you go.

Hey. What have you got there?

I'll be back. Never mind.

Keith, I need that for me eyebrow.

You can have it back. I'll just be five minutes.

Morning, Mandy.

Morning, Frank.

That's a smart jacket. Very Alan Hansen.

-Going somewhere nice? -Just a meeting.

What's he doing?

Take no notice.

We watched a documentary last night on

[Whispering] antiterrorism.

Right.

Any Taliban under there, Keith?

No, but there's a flipping big ants' nest.

Right next to the water tank. That's gonna need sorting ASAP.

Not killer ants again.

You can't take any chances, Frank.

[ Chuckling ] Yeah.

-FRANK: Come on. -MANDY: Stop, Keith.

Fellas.

Will you do me a favor and look after Peaches?

-JASE: Oh, can we? -Yeah.

Here you go. Go and see you uncles.

And I do not want any spoiling, all right?

Oh, we wouldn't do anything like that, Frank.

-No. -Got a way with dogs, there.

-Hiya, Frank. -Hiya.

-We heard the dolphins are back. -Yeah?

She made me throw away three tins of tuna.

At least she didn't whack you over the head with them.

-RAJ: Too right. -RESHMA: [ Chuckles ] See ya.

Cheeky.

Go on, Frank.

Business meeting?

Nice car, isn't it?

Get me Royston!

ELECTRONIC VOICE: I'm sorry, Tucker.

I cannot find "oyster" in your contacts.

Royston!

Roy-ston!

Royston!

I don't think I like this game.

I am not a parrot with beautiful plumage.

Stupid idiot.

There's no need for that kind of language, Tucker.

Oh, sorry.

Didn't mean it. Sorry.

Ol!

Ol! You'll never guess!

[ Panting ] Frank -- Frank...

He's got a woman!

Woman? What woman?

Posh, classy. Touch of the Grace Kelly.

Well, no one can deny he's a good-looking fella for his age.

Always said if I was a fortnight younger...

Well, good luck to him. Can't stay on his own forever.

Bron would never have wanted that.

Why is he keeping it such a big secret?

Few shady things going on 'round here.

Some bloke in a pinstripe poking around

with a clipboard.

-Who would that be? -Council?

Oh, he's always at war with them.

It's the flipping VAT man!

-[ Sighs ] -[ Door opens ]

Excuse me. Olwen, isn't it?

Look, can I pay for these if you're not too busy, love?

ROYSTON: [ Chuckles ]

Thank you.

[ Chuckles ]

DYLAN: This is stupid.

CARYS: It's not my fault there's no 4G around here.

Why have we got to come here anyway?

You know why.

You've always said it was a dump.

You've always said you couldn't wait to get away.

I said a lot of things.

Can we get a burger?

What? The services were 20 minutes ago!

-I asked you twice. -Wasn't hungry then.

-We'll be there in 15. -Don't believe this.

Kidnap me, and now you're starving me.

CARYS: Dylan, please.

-[ Alarm buzzing ] -Oh, no.

[ Sighs ]

[ Seabirds crying ]

It's beautiful.

I can see how you fell in love with this place.

Yeah, well, I was a city boy back then, through and through.

I fell for the girl, not the place.

-How romantic. -Yeah.

Can I have the bill, please, when you're ready?

WOMAN: Certainly, sir.

Ohh, you're not slipping away already, are you, Frank?

It's glorious.

Why don't we make a day of it?

Um...

Yeah, look, um, you know, another time.

I've got a lot on today. I'd love to.

Then at least let me go Dutch.

Not on my watch. No. Lady never pays.

How gallant!

Old-school.

Polite and courteous.

[ Glasses clink ]

Yet knows what he wants and gets it too.

Am I right?

[ Chuckles ]

So I'm guessing if you're buying me lunch again,

I have to make you an offer you can't refuse.

ENZO: [ Italian accent ] Ahh, so you have a place

on my friend Frankie's park?

Is bella bella,no?

Aye, it's right up our street. Innit, Resh?

Proper lovely. Feels like we stepped back in time.

Should've done it yonks ago.

You finally see the light,

and for that I give you extra pecorino

just because I like your face!

And, uh, you come back in here, now,

for you won't get better salami anywhere.

I will kill anybody who says different.

[ Laughing ] All right.

[ Normal voice ] All right, mate? How's it going?

Operation Bull's-Eye -- mission complete.

[ Chuckling ] Oh ho ho!

Ho ho ho ho ho!

Wow.

ENZO: He's humongous!

TUCKER: [ Laughs ]

Like they say,

you need a big hammer for a big nail.

How much did he cost?

Top of our budget. Three grand.

But he's a thoroughbred stallion.

I hope my customers appreciate the effort.

[ Cows mooing ]

Hey, they're loving him already!

You're in for a treat, ladies.

ENZO: [ Laughs ] Go on, mate.

Do your worst.

Hey, this is a great idea.

You sure your mam and dad don't mind?

Nah. That field is well going spare.

Meat for life, that is.

Hey, I suppose we should give him a name.

Loadsamoney.

[ Both laugh ]

Heard you had a visitor this morning.

VAT man, I heard.

The VAT man?

You think I'd be sitting around here with you

if he was creeping about?

True. They'd have carted you straight off in handcuffs.

Yeah, it will be somebody from the water company.

They're checking the drains right though the site.

Woman! Any chance of those biscuits?

My stomach thinks me throat's cut!

KITTY: Wait a second, your royal highness.

[ Laughs ]

-So, all clear, then? -Huh?

The drains?

I hope so, yeah.

I don't want any of my lot getting Legionnaires'.

Well, with one or two exceptions.

About time. What kept you?

Samlet Rhodri Tiptree. Good job you're pretty.

STIP: Ohh. [ Chuckles ]

You two fancy coming to the pub tonight?

Are you mad?

"Grand Designs" night.

[ Exhales sharply ] We love that, don't we, wifey?

Oh, I really appreciate this.

Oh, no sweat.

Time you wait for a pickup truck 'round here,

you'd be quicker walking.

[ Laughing ] Yeah.

Where did you say you're heading to?

Glan Mor.

Ahh, you'll love it.

You staying here long, then?

Not sure yet. Dad's birthday.

Aye? Have a nice time.

I love it here.

Only just moved up from Swansea. But they're a friendly bunch.

Yeah.

Who are you with?

Frank Hardcastle. You probably know him?

Runs the caravan park.

Yeah. Uh, yeah, I know Frank.

DYLAN: Mum.

These crisps under the seat -- How long they been there?

Let me give you some money.

-Oh, n-no worries. -No, please.

Really, I-I don't want it.

Okay, well, thanks.

You've just done me a massive favor.

At least let me get you a cheeky cosmo in the village.

Uh, I'll see you.

Was it something I said?

Told you. All freaks down here.

[ Engine starts ]

ENZO: The drains?

No, they don't wear pinstripe suits.

And why hasn't he let on

about the international woman of mystery?

You tell me.

Oh, Dyls!

The size of you!

Grown a foot since I last set eyes.

Hi, Auntie Kitty.

Sorry, I've got to dash. I need the gents.

Where have you been?

Expected you an hour ago.

I'll have to get changed in the ladies.

Your hair looks nice.

Oh, you're a bag of bones.

What have you been doing to yourself?

Carys love!

What's the matter?

[ Dog whines ]

Okay, so, you don't like me, and I don't like you, all right?

But today I'm proposing a truce,

and you can take me for a beer for my birthday.

All right?

[ Dog growling softly ]

Suit yourself.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Where is he?

Shh!

Get down! Get down!

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Okay, okay, okay!

Down on the floor there.

Yeah, just stay down. Stay...

[ Indistinct conversations ]

He's coming! He's coming! He's coming!

Shh!

Shh, shh, shh!

-Where is he? -Is he coming?

Shh, shh, shh.

[ Whispering ] Is he here yet?

-Shh. -Shh.

ALL: Surprise!

[ Cheers and applause ]

-You pair of stinkers. -[ Laughter ]

When did you get here?

Mum let me get off school early.

-Happy birthday, Granddad. -Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey. And my beautiful, beautiful...

I thought you'd forgotten.

Happy birthday, Dad.

FRANK: Ah. So, like, what's this all about?

Who organized this? I mean, it's not a special birthday.

They're all special at your age, Frank!

[ Laughter ]

Because you're a miserable old goat

who refused to do anything last year for your 70th.

You're always throwing parties for other people.

-So we got our own back. -STIP: Yeah.

Nice of you to put a free bar on, Frank.

[ Cheering ]

[ Up-tempo dance music playing]

Danny.

You trying to figure out who the heck invited me?

No.

Yes.

I-I thought you were all settled down in St. David's.

Swansea.

Some sort of emergency service, isn't it?

Fire brigade. Yeah, uh, did 15 years down there.

Why'd you leave?

Invalided out.

Then I realized,

what's the perfect job for a trainee alcoholic?

You're running this place?

Bought it! Your dad didn't mention it?

He's been here nearly three months.

Couldn't keep away from us

Most beautiful women in the whole of Wales.

You, uh, didn't clock my name

in bright lights above the door, then?

-No. [ Chuckles ] -Mega turnout, innit?

-Hello again. -Hiya.

-You two have met? -Sort of.

I didn't get your name.

-Sorry. Carys, this is... -I'm Tanya.

Danny's girlfriend.

[ Music continues]

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, for one night only,

Mr. Frank Hardcastle!

[ Cheering ]

-Speech! Speech! -FRANK: All right.

All right, all right, you lot.

All right, all right. Calm down, calm down, calm down.

I just want to say a few words before I announce

that the buffet is officially open.

[ Cheering ]

He never shuts up.

It'll turn into an hostage situation.

FRANK: Okay, okay, okay.

So, look. What do I say?

Thank you to everyone who's involved in tonight.

You've made a 65--

-Whoa! -Oh!

All right, look, you know, 68-year--

Okay, you've made a decrepit old codger really happy.

However, they do say you can judge a man

by the company he keeps.

And looking at you lot, I must be a right old reprobate.

So anyway, I have to say it's a joy and an honor

to see so many wonderful people here, gathered together,

flown in from all the corners of Glan Mor tonight.

And you know, as I look around

at your sad, haggard, decrepit faces,

it makes me realize I really need to start running

with a younger crowd.

But anyway, the thing is, in all honesty,

to be straight and truthful and serious,

I don't know where I'd be without you.

Through the good times, the bad. Especially the last few years.

What you all did for Bron and for me,

I'll never forget it.

And, uh...

Well, the thing is, sooner or later,

every fella has to realize that he's not immortal,

and, uh, it's time to hang up the spurs.

So I want you all to be the first to know that, um...

...that Daffodil Dunes

is going on the market.

-[ People murmuring ] -OLWEN: What?!

And, um, would like to propose a toast --

to good friends.

Money can't buy them.

Apparently.

-Cheers. -Cheers.

To good friends.

[ Up-tempo rock music playing]

[ Music continues]

Thought that was a temporary thing?

It's better than a million ciggies.

FRANK: Mm-hmm.

Forget your Prozac, did you?

Sorry.

Just tired, Dad, you know?

Lot on. Work and stuff.

Look, never mind me. What about you?

Selling up?

Thought they'd take you out in a box.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's what I'm afraid of.

It's...

I don't know, without your mum,

it's just I've lost my direction, I suppose.

It's difficult being left behind on your own.

It's much harder than I thought.

Tell me about it.

Frank! Get in!

It's only been a year.

It's nearly 18 months, darling.

They're doing the cake!

Well, when did you decide?

I mean, thought you'd have at least called me

and talked it through.

I just assumed you were far too busy, darling.

I mean, you haven't been down here since the funeral.

I really don't need a guilt trip, Dad.

Darling, I am not trying to do a guilt trip on you, all right?

I genuinely thought that was the case.

Hurry, Frank,

or this thing's getting a bucket of sand over it.

Happy birthday.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

TANYA: Come on, have you not got homes to go home to?

Your kids go half-price. Take care, sweetheart.

Curry in a hurry, and all-you-can-eat papadu--

You -- I'm watching you, young man.

[ Laughing ] Through that door.

[ Speaks indistinctly ]

-Great night, wasn't it? -Yeah.

Did I put the quiz up on the board?

[ Gasps ] No.

But I told everyone.

And the signing-on sheet for the new darts team?

Mm.

Oh, Frank's such a legend, isn't he?

Think you just met the entire village in one go.

How did that feel, then? You know, seeing her again?

Who?

Oh, her? Carys.

What do you mean, how did it feel?

She's just someone that I used to know.

It's just someone you used to be engaged to.

Ah, shut up about the olden days, will you?

We were just kids.

And now, I hope, I'm marrying you.

Aren't I?

I don't know. You haven't asked me yet.

Right...

All those years when you were on your own,

why did you wait so long?

Don't know.

Is it 'cause you're dead ugly

and no one would go out with you?

Yeah, that's exactly it. Yeah.

Yeah, I was just waiting for someone really desperate

to come along.

And hey presto.

Mam?

Oh. Um, stupid cable's gone off again.

Oh.

Well, you should've come to the party

and met some of the locals.

And I think I found you a new boyfriend.

Ah.

See?

Yeah.

Okay, big head, you were right. It did need a spruce-up.

But, you know, you just don't notice

when you look at the same old thing day in, day out.

Mm.

So how are bookings, Dad?

So-so.

Still plummeting downwards, then?

Still sugarcoating everything?

CARYS: Well, what are the facts, Dad?

The facts are that takings are down

about 25% on 10 years ago,

but people have a lot more choice these days.

Well, you were saying that 10 years ago.

Yes, and I was wearing most of these clothes 10 years ago.

So you're really retiring?

You know, I obviously have a big problem.

I look far too young.

Bit of a curse, really.

Hey, sunshine.

[ Dog growling softly ]

[ Roosters crowing ]

[ Cows mooing ]

Playing hard to get, are you?

Like your style, mate.

They say you can tell a lot about a person

from the way they load the dishwasher.

Hmm? Let me guess. Borderline psychotic?

Put the knives down, and I'll tell you.

Ah, yeah, thanks for your help.

No, don't worry, we're fine, thanks.

So, what are your plans, Dad?

I don't have any.

I never did. That was your mum's department.

I just hitched me wagon.

What if you did keep it?

Don't know if I've got the appetite anymore,

or the energy.

What if you got a park manager?

Someone to do the day-to-day, get bookings up?

You just sit back, let the money roll in.

Mm-hmm. Where am I gonna get one of them?

I know someone.

You?

How you gonna do that from Manchester?

You knew, eh? Don't tell me.

I knew they were having a few problems.

-Since when? -Christmas.

She called me up, said a few things then.

Is that why they didn't come down?

I don't know. But it's all come to a head.

She was in a right state before the party, Frank.

Yes, well, no surprise, right?

He's shacked up with a 22-year-old?

Nearer to his son's age than his.

I could paste him.

She wants a new start.

You can't blame her. Be good for the boy.

Away from the city. Country life.

So how does that affect your decision?

You still gonna sell up?

I just don't know, Kit.

It's an absolute mess.

Wish Bron was here. She'd know what to do.

[ Seabirds crying ]

Hey. Look at this.

Business plan.

I was up till 2:00 writing it.

Look at the bit about our USP.

Wow. What's that?

Ah, unique selling point.

-Good, old-fashioned fun. -Mm-hmm.

Does that mean we're not gonna have a juice bar or a spa?

Exactly! Now, come on. Get up.

We've got work to do.

[ Mooing ]

Keeping busy, girls?

CARYS: You only get one chance to make a first impression.

Attention to detail. Make the site the star.

Here she comes.

Those fences need sprucing up.

And look at these hedgerows, Dad.

Royston, when was the last time these borders got any TLC?

Let me see. I'll have to think about that.

Look, we're just letting them run wild for a year, okay?

Well, they look messy.

Things have got to be stepped up 'round here.

Those steps were old when I was a kid.

-JASE: All right, you ready? Go. -TODD: Yeah.

Oh! Let, let, let.

And that's Jase up there, and Todd.

They took over old Mrs. F's van.

-Made an amazing job of it. -Oh! [ Laughs ]

I've had cars cost less than their cushions.

You finding your feet, fellas?

Oh, yeah, we're loving it Frank.

Yeah, we were swimming in the sea at 6:00 this morning, mate.

Hey, did you know table tennis

is one of the fastest growth sports of the last five years?

Oh, no worries. I'll fetch you the spares.

They arethe spares.

Right, you ready? Go.

Let, let, let.

CARYS: And those beach huts need a facelift.

You know, one sold in Abersoch last year for 160 grand.

FRANK: Heh, I admire your enthusiasm, darling,

but how much is this all gonna cost?

CARYS: Speculate to accumulate.

And I've had a brilliant idea on how to launch the new season.

Ha, great. Here we go.

A retro vintage jamboree.

Hey, look, you know, we're not Glastonbury, darling.

Hear me out, right?

You've always said we play to our strengths.

So, what people want is a place that's cozy and safe

and where the kids aren't glued to their screens all day.

Right.

Nice to see Danny up and about, full of beans.

You're not bothered, are you?

Me? Bothered?

Why would I be bothered?

It should be him who has the beef with you.

Along with me and your mum.

Still had to fork out for three courses,

a disco, and a midnight buffet.

And listen to his mother sobbing over the gala pie all night.

[ Chuckles ] Not that it stopped her eating half of it, mind you.

God, she was a unit, wasn't she? [ Laughs ]

CARYS: [ Sighs ]

Why don't we have a barbecue on the beach?

Every Saturday night.

Put some rugs down, build a fire pit, marshmallows.

Make it all a bit Palm Springs.

FRANK: Yeah, yeah. Royston having a heart attack.

[ Laughs ] I'm excited, Dad.

This place has got so much potential.

Just looks a bit unloved, that's all.

I know the feeling, baby.

You'll see. I'll have the place packed out all year 'round.

What, even in the closed season?

Ah, so you didn't read the business plan.

We are staying open all through winter.

Halloween parties, Christmas markets,

New Year fireworks, and a masquerade ball.

[ Sighs ]

-So where you going now? -To start a spreadsheet.

[ Knocking ]

I knew you weren't asleep.

Ta-da!

What's this?

Another load of mad ideas?

Just look at them.

We need to think big.

You serious about this, Carys?

Moving down here lock, stock?

And what's me laddio got to say about it?

He won't be happy leaving the bright lights.

You haven't spoken to him, have you?

He'll be fine. Just look at all this.

Countryside, beaches...

Yeah, yeah, lovely walks, sandcastles,

build a little tree house.

All the stuff I used to say to you.

And all the stuff you hated.

Mm?

Then of course there's the personality clashes.

Us. Me and you. Mm?

Working together?

I mean, I can't speak for me,

but you are a right pain in the neck.

If you want to do this,

I'm willing to give it a go, all right?

But it can't be on a whim.

You know, you're in a bad place right now, I know that.

And, you know, you're trying to mix things up,

give yourself a new challenge, take your mind off...

Heh, someone big goes out of your life,

you don't need to tell me how that feels.

But to move back here, change his school,

all the aggravation.

You need to think about this long and hard.

Because the one thing you don't need right now

is to jump into another big mess.

[ Sniffles ]

-You all right? -Yeah.

-You sure? -Yes.

You want a hug?

I mean, I could give you a hug.

Be a bit awkward. You know what it's like between us.

All right, look, you know, you're getting divorced.

It's not the end of the world. Look at your Uncle Gethin.

He had four very successful marriages.

Look at us two, eh? What a pair.

People come here on their jollies,

looking for good time.

They don't want to stay at the Heartbreak blooming Hotel.

Please, Dad.

I've got to feel like I'm doing

something meaningful with my life.

At least let me try?

Ah ha ha!

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Watch it.

You're as strong as your mum.

Oh, Dad.

You'll see. It'll be brilliant.

-Me and you. -Hey...

Just two little rules, all right?

You're gonna do the bulk of it

and not rely on me to bail you out.

Won't need bailing out. Why would I?

-Well, you might. -Well, I won't.

-Well, I'm just saying. -Well, don't.

[ Laughs ] So she twisted your arm.

I should just pack up get out of here.

-Cut my losses. -But?

Well, you know, it's not I think she can't do, make it better,

it's, well, I can't deal with the stress right now.

I thought I'd left all that behind me.

I mean, you know, what if it all goes wrong?

What if she can't hack it,

I mean, gets us all in a load of debt

all thanks to her crazy schemes?

What if the boy just won't settle?

Bad family better than empty pig sty.

Oh, right. So what's that?

One of your wonderful Trinidadian expressions

made up on the moment?

No. Cardiff.

Okay, so what does it mean?

At least you've got bredren.

She's the apple of your eye. Always has been.

Yeah. And don't she milk it?

And you loved her even more when she did.

Monkey know which tree to climb.

Yeah, what do you think of that, then, Peaches?

Why not roll with it?

You are a decrepit old man.

What's the worst that could happen?

I could die alone and in poverty. [ Chuckles ]

[ Laughs ]

CARYS: What do you think?

Looks like a good day.

Yeah, if you're 90 and half dead.

Hey, that's enough cheek from the cheap seats.

[ Women chuckling ]

Hog roast. That'll cost a pretty penny.

Tucker's getting us a discount.

Yeah, I bet he is.

I wouldn't depend on it being a hog, though, hey?

Anyway, as long as you stay under budget.

Dad, I've worked in marketing for 20 years.

I think I know what I'm doing.

I never said you didn't.

-You're not staying to help? -Are you going?

Places to go, people to meet.

And by the way, you spelled "where" wrong.

Oh, I have an' all.

KITTY: [ Laughs ]

Greenpeace called.

They're looking for a beached whale to rescue.

He means me. Do I look fat?

I do, don't I?

Why are we here again?

A prezzy for Frank.

Remind him how much he loves us

and how empty his life would be if he moved away.

So he's not selling up now?

Talk about a roller coaster!

As yet undecided.

-See how Carys rides the horse. -Well, I should think so.

Half my customers come from his site.

Yeah, and mine.

What are we supposed to do if someone buys the place,

changes it into a nature reserve?

Whole village depends on him.

I shall make sure and tell him to consult you next time

he even considers making a major life move.

Here he comes. The man from Atlantis!

Bit on the snug side, though, Stip.

Come on, you lot!

Into the water. Get acclimatized.

What a load of wusses!

That water is freezing!

Wait till you see the instructor.

Nicky.

Blond.

Six-foot.

Piercing blue eyes.

[ Laughing ] Hey, now you're talking.

STIP: Ah, you're welcome.

At least you'll have something nice to look at.

Hey, this must be her.

[ Vehicle approaching ]

I'm not good around b-beautiful women.

All my c-confidence goes.

I bet she looks like a goddess.

Shut up. My nerves are all shot.

Hey, what's up?

[ Laughing ]

I'm Nicky.

You must be the beginner class?

[ Laughing ]

Here?

We come here to relax.

No. No, myleft.

I thought this was a family-run park.

It's an afternoon party, that's all.

Tourers welcome? Tents a-go-go?

Only prearranged.

KEITH: Stags. Hens.

God knows who we'll get in.

We need to encourage fresh blood.

The more people stay, the better for everyone.

Keeps it alive.

Yeah, well, we like it just the way it is.

Don't we, Mand?

-And what about my new decking? -What about it?

I hope you've increased your public liability insurance.

This could be the next Woodstock!

Come on.

Probably wouldn't bank on him to start the Macarena.

Right, come on, keep your back arched and just keep paddling.

[ Grunts ] How -- How -- How much further?

You'll have to go a lot further than this

when you're on the waves, so come on.

A few more hundred meters, and we'll be sweet.

[ Straining ] How much is that in feet?

Bloody miles, mate.

TUCKER: [ Groaning ]

[ Surf rock music plays ]

All right, Dyls?

Seen your granddad?

Right David Hasselhoff, eh?

Who?

Had it out with her, then?

-Who? -The other one.

What other one?

Oh, I shouldn't get involved.

Don't talk in riddles, Ol.

I just meant, well, her and Danny.

Must be weird for you.

Oh, you mean Carys.

Well, no, it doesn't bother me. It's ancient history.

Yeah, you're right. All in the past.

Where it belongs.

You should've seen them, though.

So in love.

Oh, and glamorous!

Posh 'n' Becks we used to call them.

I ate sand!

Well, you might as well. You eat everything else.

What do you reckon of your old granddad, then, eh?

Surf king.

It's embarrassing.

[ Car door closes ]

All right, good first attempt, guys.

Same time next week?

Put them down for an intensive course.

I'll pay. It's the best laugh I've ever had.

Fantastic, Nicky.

I think next time it's gonna be something

a little less strenuous.

Like three months in traction. [ Laughs ]

All right, if you change your mind, give me a shout, yeah?

Silver surfers are taking over, man.

-[ Engine starts ] -That's us.

Whoo.

How cool is he?

Yeah. Annoying.

What I'd give to be 30 again.

What I'd give to be 40 again.

[ Laughter ]

Anybody fancy a game of darts down the Dragon?

Sorry. Mam and Dad. Promised to shift a wardrobe.

Yeah, and I promised the wife that I'd cut the grass.

Stip!

Apparently we're sorting drawers.

Yes, well, you seem to have made your decision.

FRANK: I can't promise anything, Iona.

But at least look at the figures.

My people are putting a package together.

-Things have changed. Bye. -Bye.

Frank Hardcastle. He's decided not to sell.

[ Sighs ]

[ Seabirds crying ]

[ Clucking ]

[ Meowing ]

[ Sighs ]

Thing is, I should be well settled down by now.

Nice wife, couple of kids.

Hardwood conservatory,

dog with a quizzical expression.

But, you know, things don't turn out the way you think.

One minute, it's all going for you.

The next minute, it's all

[Chuckles] up and gone.

It's all right for you. Look at you.

Fine specimen.

All macho and moody.

The women go nuts for an alpha male.

Me?

I'm not even beta.

Or delta.

Not even foxtrot flaming tango.

Look, mate, all I'm trying to do

is make you realize

that you're at the absolute top of your game.

You're in your prime.

Wish someone had told me it wasn't gonna get any better.

Don't fritter it all away.

Don't want to land up all on your tod, do you,

like some loser,

53,

can't fend for himself?

Ahh.

Best get in.

Promised Mam I'd look at her feet.

So it's decided?

You haven't even asked me!

I had to check the school even had a place first.

They said we can go and look at it tomorrow.

Look, I know it's a bit sudden, us moving down here.

But if we're gonna make the move, now's the right time,

before you start your GCSEs.

You can do the summer term down here,

settle in, make friends in the holidays.

-And then in September -- -I'm not doing it!

I'm not coming down here! It's rubbish, and I hate it!

Dylan.

Why can't I just go and live with Dad?

-It's not an option, Dyls. -Why?

Because you don't want me to!

Because you don't want to be on your own!

KITTY: Hiya!

I've got the new ink cartridge for you.

You told him you're staying?

[ Sniffles ]

You told him why?

Come here.

[ Sighs ] What are we gonna do with you?

Hey, come on. Who's upset daddy's little piranha, then?

Oh, Dad, it's never gonna be ready by tomorrow.

They've sent the wrong bunting, the tablecloths are too small,

and I can't even put together a stupid cake stand.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't cry, kiddo.

You look horrible when you cry.

Your eyes go all piggy-wiggy, your nose gets massive.

Then those blotches, I tell you...

It's not a good look, darling.

Where've you been?

I mean, you gave me my marching orders.

First day of my retirement.

No, semiretirement.

I thought you'd be here to help out.

Royston's tried, but he's nearly

fallen off the flaming ladder about six times.

And Dyls is sulking,

and Keith keeps poking his nose in every five minutes,

convinced there's gonna be some sort of civil riot.

Hey, hey, hey. It's all right, it's all right.

We'll sort it out. It's gonna be all right. Don't worry.

And I haven't had time to deliver half the leaflets,

so nobody's even gonna be coming.

Why can't I do anything right?

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I just keep messing everything up.

You were right. I can't do it.

And tomorrow's gonna be a big fat disaster.

I should never have come back here.

I just can't do anything right!

[ Knock on door ]

Dylan.

[ Dog growling softly ]

Dylan.

Wake up, boy.

Put some warm clothes on, all right?

Come with me. We've got something to do.

Leave the dog. Come outside.

Go outside.

Why are we here again?

Well, your mum, as we both know,

is a real royal pain in the backside, okay?

But we both love her. All right?

There you go. One at every door.

All right, sunshine?

-What did I say? -Like a ninja.

Right, off you go. Quick as you like.

-ENZO: Not even a sniff? -Doesn't go near them.

Three grand!

Three bloody grand!

You don't have to tell me.

What's his flaming problem?!

You checked his tackle?

Of course I did. Vet gave him a right going over.

Said he was a fine specimen. Class A.

ENZO: Maybe he's feeling under the weather.

Stressed out, you know? The weight of expectancy?

Performance anxiety.

-Bore da! -Bore da!

Buongiorno!

Whoo! That's quite a beast you've got there.

TUCKER: Not with the cows, he isn't.

[ Laughs ]

What's funny?

You ever thought,

well, he might just not be that into udders.

Some of us aren't. [ Chuckles ]

Good luck!

Can't be.

Can he?

Why not?

He is.

Isn't he?

[ Blowing ]

That enough in there now?

Uh, yeah.

Yeah? All right, put the coconuts in there.

Chloe, here's someone for you to meet.

Come and sit down.

Chloe, meet Dylan. Dylan, meet Chloe.

There you go.

You can sit there for hours and not talk to each other.

Chloe, show Dylan where the van is, will you,

and start unloading the glasses?

Ta.

You think that's a good idea?

Keep them occupied, out of trouble.

[ Up-tempo music playing]

KITTY: Don't forget, it's a Blue Flag beach.

So, what does she hope to achieve with all this?

Well, she's trying to capitalize on the fact

that we're not ultra modern here, you know?

A bit retro. Vintage.

What, you or the caravan site?

-Yeah, a bit of both, I think. -[ Laughs ]

I'm surprised to see so many faces from the Willows.

Yeah. Yeah, me too.

Wonder how she managed that, then?

I wonder. Do you want a burger?

Sounds good to me.

Can we have a burger, please?

Well, I don't know what's wrong with meeting new people, Keith.

Caravanners and campers.

Two different breeds, Amanda.

Palestine, Israel.

I thought that's why we come here -- to mix.

You know, 'cause we'd meet all walks of life

that we don't normally meet.

KEITH: If I wanted to bump into the hoi polloi,

I wouldn't make such a point of us

doing our weekly shop at Waitrose!

Shut up, Keith!

-What do you want, darling? -Same again.

Same again.

You're up. Go on, then.

Three balls. Three coconuts. Let's go. Come on!

[ Cheering ]

Northern soul! You are too much, man!

All originals. My Auntie Gwen married a GI.

Used to ship them all the way from Cincinnati.

[ Cheering ]

We've got a winner!

This is worth an absolute bomb, this collection.

I know. My pension.

Hey! Watch your sticky fingers, please.

[ Music continues playing]

So you're gonna be living here?

Not if I can help it.

You'll be at my school.

It isall right, you know?

Whatever.

You robbed it from out the van?

They won't know.

Can't expect us to work for nothing.

You chicken?

Bawk bawk bawk bawk!

Ladies and gentlemen,

here at Daffodil Dunes we believe in

life's simple pleasures --

taking a walk on the beach, enjoying the fresh air --

Yeah, basically everything in life that's free.

I'm sure all of you with kids will be delighted to hear that.

So, on behalf of myself and my wonderful father, Frank...

Wonderful father. That's me.

...we would like to thank you for coming here today.

If you've got any questions, just give us a call,

or you can visit our brand-new website...

-Whoo! -Whoo!

There's still plenty of food on the barbecue

and plenty of drinks at the bar, so please fill your faces!

Shake your wallets out!

Royston, take it away!

[ Mid-tempo music plays]

Those mojitos were a great idea.

Oh, get everyone drunk in the first 10 minutes

is the answer to everything.

Well, worked like a charm. Thanks.

Uh, so, when are you next back here, then?

Half term or...?

No, no, uh, we're back for good now.

Oh, right. Brilliant.

We'll be seeing a lot more of you, then.

You better come outside. And you.

[ Vomiting ]

Oh, Chloe, you haven't!

Dylan, look at me.

Would you like to explain?

We only had a couple.

DANNY: Couple of gallons.

Go back to Granddad's and put yourself in the shower.

-I'll be over in 10. -Is that it?

He's gotten my daughter blotto. She's only 13.

Well, so is he. Why is it his fault?

It doesn't matter who did what. Let's just get her home.

Oh, right, you take her side. She's only been back a minute.

Calm down. It's just a couple of kids being stupid.

Am I the only one around here who thinks this is a disgrace?

No, it's good that I know now

that you think more of a woman who called off your wedding

with three weeks' notice than you do of me.

-Come on! -Tan. Tan.

Danny, go on. Go and get her.

We'll sort out the bar.

Did you hear the way she spoke to me?

Well, it's nice to see you two

have settled in seamlessly with the locals

and made lots of friends

and haven't caused any aggravation.

There you go, Tuck.

Thank you. Good night, now.

-Nos da. -Ta, Tucker.

Ta-ra.

Whoa. Her first hangover.

Wait till that kicks in. Every parent's dream.

She's bright green.

She won't be trying that again in a hurry.

I'm gonna go and check on the lad again.

See ya.

Everything okay at home?

Ah, yeah. She learned her lesson.

I meant with Tanya.

Oh, fine. Just a shock is all.

I mean, still thinks of her as her little girl.

-Can I ask you something? -Can I say no?

I'm beat.

Think I'll take these back now

and finish the rest in the morning.

Night, then.

Night.

Danny?

Why didn't you tell her the truth?

About me and you?

I don't know.

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

[ Singing in Welsh ]