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Yahoo! This universe collides with our universe in three days at
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coordinates directly in front of us.
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Our simulation gives us a 99.8% chance of traveling through the resulting
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fissure and 94.3% chance at arriving on earth just in time for
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a modest parade.
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Oh my God, I look great.
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Okay, let's not get ahead of ourselves.
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There's still a lot that we don't know.
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Exactly.
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We don't know what city this parade is in, or what street.
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Will there be an old time-y fire truck at the parade?
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Can I ring the bell on that fire truck?
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Hey, if there's a bell, I wanna get in on that action.
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Okay, guys, I don't think UMP is gonna throw us a parade just for
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getting lost.
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We are not coming back empty handed.
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We have sand, rocks, and dirt.
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Those are obviously amazing.
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I just hoped that we found something cooler to show for all this, you know?
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Cheer up Stewart.
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It's like the first time humans went to the moon.
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All they brought back where some rocks.
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Was it underwhelming?
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Sure.
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Was everyone embarrassed for them?
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Of course.
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But they where treated like heroes all the same and
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we'll be lied to similarly.
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Damn that feels good.
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Oh my God, Natasha, lights on bright.
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Lights on bright, Captain.
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No, more, more, lights on jarringly bright, lights on blinding.
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Red alert.
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Red alert!
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Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
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All right, what is the emergency Stewart?
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Don't worry, this is a good emergency.
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Ready?
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An alien entered my mind while I was sleeping and tried to speak to me.
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Ugh!
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Wait guys, where are you going?
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Stewart, we get it.
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You're bummed because you're not going home with any magic space trophies.
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You dreamed of an alien.
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Mystery solved.
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Let's go.
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No, no, no. This might have been first contact, okay?
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This was a for real, intelligent, come in peace type alien,
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not some lying fungus with great hair.
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Oh, Chad.
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I miss Chad.
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Yeah!
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I miss him too.
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Whatever happened to him anyway?
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He exploded, we killed him.
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That's right.
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This was a sentient intelligence trying to communicate.
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We only have so much time left in this universe,
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we should try to learn from him while we still can.
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Oh, Stewart and the alien in a tree.
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Okay, that was uncalled for, who's excited?
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No one.
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Nobody. Come on.
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Wow Stewart, who's wearing the front half of that horse costume?
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Okay, relax Art, these are UMP issued, we all wear these to bed.
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No?
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I thought it was mandatory.
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All right just hurry up and go to sleep.
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So here is how this is going to work.
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While I'm asleep you guys watch the dream scanner for the alien.
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Then I kind of need to sneak up on myself.
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Natasha, play my favorite sleep sounds.
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Whoosh.
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Wind.
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Whoosh again, wind again, whoosh.
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You do this for him every night?
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Every night.
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Whoosh.
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He sleeps like a masturbating baboon.
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I've spent over 90% of my life asleep in a mucus pod, but
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this feels like a waste of my time.
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Whoosh. I want to go to sleep.
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Whoosh.
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Whoosh.
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Whoosh.
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Woosh.
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Michael, underpants.
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Kent nipple rocket.
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What are we doing?
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Then why is she wearing your boxers?
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For the last time, we were on that planet for months.
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Time moves slower in proportion to our proximity to the surface
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because of a non-typical disruption in it's gravitational field!
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Why is that so hard to understand?
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I understand Michael!
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I understand!
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Well then why are we still yelling and arguing?
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Everyone can hear us.
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The walls on this ship were designed to withstand laser blasts and
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meteor storms.
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No one can hear us.
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These walls are mainly decorative and, in truth,
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the fact that you're still alive is crazy.
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I wonder what Earth's like, do you think humans still exist.
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We've only been gone 12 days.
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Okay, well, they still exist, but the monkeys have taken over.
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Or zombies, or neo-Soviets.
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Personally, I'll be sad to leave the ship.
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I've grown to enjoy the idiosyncrasies that make you so
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very, would you stop leering at me?
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Of course.
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Smile with the teeth, leer with the lips.
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My apologies.
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Once we part ways, none of these social conventions will matter.
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Does that mean you will also be leaving UMP?
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Yes, I have a grant to study the human emotion of revulsion
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at the Desoto Institute of Negative Feelings.
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Did everybody just leave while I was dream casting?
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Sorry. I told you guys to watch, I'm still your captain when I'm asleep.
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I know but it was boring and sucked, so we left.
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Did you find the alien?
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He didn't show up this time.
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Stewart, only the most selfish and
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deluded captain would put his crew through last night's debacle again.
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That's it, Art.
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You're genius!
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Hey, hey. Come with me.
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I, I told you people not to roll me.
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It's very humiliating.
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He's so cute.
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We've been arguing all night and I still can't tell if you're upset or not.
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I can't believe, they've been arguing all night.
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When we're going home, it's so petty.
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Of all people, Tina?
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That airhead who could barely even do her own job.
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Everybody shut up they're talking about me.
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I bet she'll make captain before you do.
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Aah!
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Oh my God.
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She slapped me.
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Physical violence detected.
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Hey, guys.
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Physical violence detected.
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Is that Michael?
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Physical violence detected.
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How was your night?
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Physical violence.
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So, when the alien appears, do not wake me, okay?
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Give him a chance to communicate with me.
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Yes, in that very plausible scenario, I will not wake you.
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He really does sleep like a masturbating baboon.
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I can't believe it.
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My very own spaceship.
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He's dreaming he has his own job.
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Whoa, it spins!
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Great interior life there Stew.
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Oh, it goes the other way.
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Stewart, Stewart, Stewart.
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Whoops.
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Didn't see me there?
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I did it on purpose.
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I gave you crazy elbow boob.
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Okay, okay, now we're cooking.
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Do you wanna spin in my chair with me?
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It goes all the way around.
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Ooh, the plot stiffens.
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Captain Stewart Lipinski.
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Did you see that?
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Did you see the alien?
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Yes, that asshole completely obscured the sex dream you were
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having about Tina.
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Oh, Tina?
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Tina from the ship?
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What?
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That's so random.
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Oh, yeah.
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Art, the sexual nature of the dreams might be
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key to establishing a mind link.
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The alien could be communicating to me through sex dreams.
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It makes perfect sense.
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I couldn't even make out what it was saying.
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Well, that dream was pretty tame.
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Surely the signal would be stronger if the dreams were sexier.
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True filth is what I'd like to see.
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For science.
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I mean, if that's what it takes.
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Okay, how do I get dirtier dreams?
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Oh, there's a way.
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You're about to know yourself in ways you will regret.
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All right, Michael, before you say anything.
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We are in a very stressful situation, emotions are running high.
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Maybe I didn't act appropriately, maybe we both didn't,
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maybe it was just you.
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The point is, we are good, okay?
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So back to business as usual.
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Actually, I filed a report about the incident.
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You struck an inferior.
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That is a major violation of UMP personnel protocol.
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And the Be a Buddy Not a Bully campaign.
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You're looking at dishonorable discharge.
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You would do that to me?
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We're not sweeping this under the rug, Karen.
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Everything I do gets swept under the rug.
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Well guess what?
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The under-rug area is full.
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As it turns out, all violation reports go to the Captain,
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i.e my little brother who lives and dies by my approval.
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So.
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Unfortunately, as your brother,
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Stewart is ineligible to arbitrate this complaint.
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It falls on the next highest ranking officer.
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First Officer Lipinski.
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Hi.
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The official UMP disciplinary tablet.
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And the official gender neutral arbitration pantsuit.
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Don't worry, I won't even take into account all of the bitchy things you've
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done to me over the years.
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Oh.
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Hey.
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What are you doing?
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I'm preparing these samples for home.
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I've grown somewhat attached to these piles.
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It will be difficult to say goodbye to them.
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Anything else that you're gonna have trouble saying goodbye to?
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If you're referring to this containers.
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Then, no.
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I actually found dealing with them to be frustrating.
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Kent, what's gonna to happen us when we get home?
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You will remain aboard this ship indefinitely.
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And I will resume the arduous task of trying to please my mother.
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The chances of us seeing each other again are miniscule.
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But I thought you said you loved me?
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And I know you said you said you loved me.
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Well, I did say that I said that.
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And I did say it.
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That thing that I said, that I said, that I said remains true.
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That's beautiful.
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But our feelings are contingent on context, proximity,
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outside of this isolated, stressful environment,
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it's possible that we would have very little to say to one another.
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Well, I have very little to say to you right now.
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I'm going to turn around now.
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Please resume the elevator.
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I am closing my eyes now.
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We both know you can discern shapes through your paper thin eyelids.
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That is a huge necklace.
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I know!
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Zalian? Yeah.
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I would like some drugs, please and thank you.
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I don't have any drugs.
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And I certainly wouldn't admit it to you, the captain.
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It's true.
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Captain Lipinski cannot be buying drugs from you.
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But, your friend Stewart.
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Of course, my friend Stewart.
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I, sorry I keep getting you confused with Captain Lipinski because you're
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like a shorter, chubbier version of him.
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I was actually, nevermind.
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What is your pleasure?
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I thought that was the air ventilation panel.
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Yeah, we're not doing that anymore.
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We've got uppers, downers, screamers, laughers, new cocaine, and
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cocaine classic.
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Wow, what a collection.
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Art mentioned that you might have something that would give my
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dreams a little more oomph.
267
00:11:18,250 --> 00:11:20,950
Erotic oomph.
268
00:11:20,950 --> 00:11:25,960
Oh, there is one drug that is known to inspire those kinda dreams.
269
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:27,242
Llamaphederol.
270
00:11:27,242 --> 00:11:29,480
Right. Have you ever bopped a lammie?
271
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:30,850
I did once.
272
00:11:30,850 --> 00:11:32,034
Thought I could handle it.
273
00:11:32,034 --> 00:11:35,877
They found me two days later stuck to a wall.
274
00:11:35,877 --> 00:11:38,430
I need this Zalian as a friend.
275
00:11:38,430 --> 00:11:40,580
I don't think so.
276
00:11:40,580 --> 00:11:41,880
Okay, I'm your Captain.
277
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:42,660
No. That's an order.
278
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:45,110
Captain Lipinski, it is you.
279
00:11:45,110 --> 00:11:47,490
I can't make first contact clean.
280
00:11:47,490 --> 00:11:49,885
This could be the drug deal that changes history forever.
281
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:52,947
Okay, fine.
282
00:11:52,947 --> 00:11:55,260
I don't want you taking more than one.
283
00:11:55,260 --> 00:11:56,160
I won't.
284
00:11:57,650 --> 00:12:03,610
First Officer Lipinski then suggested that UMP Navigator Tina Shukshin,
285
00:12:03,610 --> 00:12:07,790
is only able to successfully navigate a set of male genitalia.
286
00:12:07,790 --> 00:12:11,490
Now did you say she actually used the words male genitalia?
287
00:12:11,490 --> 00:12:12,240
Yes.
288
00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:15,770
Officer Lipinski is extremely uncomfortable with slang.
289
00:12:15,770 --> 00:12:16,600
Slang is stupid.
290
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,560
Why don't we just call things what they're called?
291
00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:20,130
It makes words silly and fun to say.
292
00:12:20,130 --> 00:12:21,160
You were saying?
293
00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:24,223
There was some speculation about the difference in intelligence.
294
00:12:24,223 --> 00:12:30,125
Between Navigator Shukshin and that of a similarly sized lump of excrement.
295
00:12:30,125 --> 00:12:33,770
The difference was said to be negligible.
296
00:12:33,770 --> 00:12:35,380
Hm. This is ridiculous.
297
00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:36,827
My career is on the line here, and
298
00:12:36,827 --> 00:12:39,173
our arbitrator has an obvious conflict of interest.
299
00:12:40,566 --> 00:12:41,916
Per UMP Regulation Gamma 19,
300
00:12:41,916 --> 00:12:45,355
when the testimony includes inflammatory hearsay about the arbitrator,
301
00:12:45,355 --> 00:12:48,135
the arbitrator then has the discretion to not recuse themselves.
302
00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:49,375
Prosecution rests.
303
00:12:49,375 --> 00:12:51,637
You're not the prosecution, you idiot.
304
00:12:51,637 --> 00:12:52,357
You see this?
305
00:12:52,357 --> 00:12:55,354
Day one, we're on the verge of a major discovery and
306
00:12:55,354 --> 00:12:57,285
the path is beset with dangers.
307
00:12:57,285 --> 00:13:01,215
I'm recording this journal as a guidebook and gift to future generations.
308
00:13:01,215 --> 00:13:03,561
I'm about to take my first lammie.
309
00:13:03,561 --> 00:13:04,684
Standby.
310
00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:07,480
That's all I can do is standby.
311
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:10,300
Pillow softness, very pleasant.
312
00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:14,110
Sleepiness, yawn, increasing.
313
00:13:14,110 --> 00:13:16,851
Arousal, oh my.
314
00:13:22,046 --> 00:13:25,698
Bad news captain, we've entered an alternate universe.
315
00:13:27,692 --> 00:13:30,450
Of pleasure.
316
00:13:30,450 --> 00:13:32,110
Let me lower my shields.
317
00:13:32,110 --> 00:13:33,513
I am ready to eject.
318
00:13:35,302 --> 00:13:37,670
Wow, you're just going right for it.
319
00:13:37,670 --> 00:13:45,180
Activating beacon on the following frequencies and I will make contact.
320
00:13:45,180 --> 00:13:47,410
He, he wants us to activate some sort of beacon.
321
00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:49,640
I just need to calculate what frequency he's on.
322
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:53,950
Stew, I hate to bail on some good old-fashioned smut, but I, I should go.
323
00:13:53,950 --> 00:13:56,220
If you're too weirded out by this.
324
00:13:56,220 --> 00:13:57,120
You can leave.
325
00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:58,770
Ha, this is baby stuff.
326
00:13:58,770 --> 00:14:02,260
Not even the kinda baby stuff I like, where adults dress up in diapers and
327
00:14:02,260 --> 00:14:03,060
burp each other.
328
00:14:03,060 --> 00:14:03,590
Jesus.
329
00:14:03,590 --> 00:14:05,615
Heck, take two lammies, for all I care.
330
00:14:05,615 --> 00:14:08,039
Okay.
331
00:14:08,039 --> 00:14:10,830
Oh God.
332
00:14:10,830 --> 00:14:13,867
Kent, you're looking well.
333
00:14:13,867 --> 00:14:15,725
Agreed.
334
00:14:15,725 --> 00:14:17,087
Fair warning.
335
00:14:17,087 --> 00:14:19,274
When we return to Earth, I will signing up for
336
00:14:19,274 --> 00:14:21,511
the following match making services.
337
00:14:21,511 --> 00:14:24,479
I just don't want things to be, you know, awkward.
338
00:14:24,479 --> 00:14:25,106
You know,
339
00:14:25,106 --> 00:14:29,670
should you happen upon one of my flawless universally compatible profiles.
340
00:14:29,670 --> 00:14:30,640
Thank you for the warning.
341
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:32,970
I understand that you need human companionship, and
342
00:14:32,970 --> 00:14:35,050
I wish you the best of luck finding someone.
343
00:14:35,050 --> 00:14:37,600
In other words, I have not succeeded in making you jealous?
344
00:14:38,930 --> 00:14:40,351
Well, I did not realize that that was your goal.
345
00:14:40,351 --> 00:14:43,044
But no, you have not succeeded.
346
00:14:43,044 --> 00:14:44,104
Oh.
347
00:14:44,104 --> 00:14:47,553
Even though you are not visible on the screen, you are still for
348
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,320
all intents and purposes here.
349
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:52,840
Natasha, you're behaving irrationally.
350
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:55,961
And our bond was forged in the white hot flames of cold logic.
351
00:14:55,961 --> 00:14:58,420
There's nothing rational about love.
352
00:14:58,420 --> 00:15:00,920
I can't believe I'm defending logic to a turing machine.
353
00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:01,711
Oh.
354
00:15:01,711 --> 00:15:04,336
I'm really leaving now so get used to life without me.
355
00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:11,330
Hi Stewart, how's it going?
356
00:15:11,330 --> 00:15:12,520
You find that alien yet?
357
00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:17,670
Not yet, I actually took two lammies this time but I don't think it worked.
358
00:15:17,670 --> 00:15:20,715
You wanna double your fun, bump around with me and my twin?
359
00:15:20,715 --> 00:15:24,302
Yes?
360
00:15:24,302 --> 00:15:25,742
What's up, I'm Tina.
361
00:15:25,742 --> 00:15:29,342
Hey you were right, he's pretty cute.
362
00:15:29,342 --> 00:15:31,909
Oh dear god, they're fraternal.
363
00:15:31,909 --> 00:15:32,847
Turn it off.
364
00:15:32,847 --> 00:15:33,868
Turn it off.
365
00:15:33,868 --> 00:15:35,280
Turn it off.
366
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:36,390
What's wrong with you?
367
00:15:36,390 --> 00:15:37,940
I was so close to decoding the message.
368
00:15:37,940 --> 00:15:39,360
I thought this was what you wanted.
369
00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:43,150
Watching an acquaintance fantasize about sex was a wonderful idea in
370
00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:47,030
theory, but somewhere, somehow, it started to feel yucky.
371
00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:52,627
We need to find that beacon frequency, and you're gonna help me, or else.
372
00:15:52,627 --> 00:15:54,288
Be a buddy not a bully, Stewart.
373
00:15:54,288 --> 00:15:55,671
I don't need you anyway.
374
00:15:56,694 --> 00:16:05,085
I don't know who you are but I'm coming for you.
375
00:16:05,085 --> 00:16:06,640
Well, I think I'm ready to make my decision.
376
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:07,710
Well, I'd like to make a statement.
377
00:16:08,970 --> 00:16:10,980
The truth is, I did slap you.
378
00:16:10,980 --> 00:16:12,730
Yes, I know that.
379
00:16:12,730 --> 00:16:14,798
Yeah. Yeah, but it was a light slap.
380
00:16:14,798 --> 00:16:19,429
And in Naples, Italy, on Earth,
381
00:16:19,429 --> 00:16:24,443
it is a gesture known as Obello.
382
00:16:24,443 --> 00:16:29,225
It is considered harmless, this is the way that I greet all of my friends.
383
00:16:29,225 --> 00:16:31,114
Your last name is Lipinski.
384
00:16:31,114 --> 00:16:32,728
Italian by birth?
385
00:16:32,728 --> 00:16:33,865
No.
386
00:16:33,865 --> 00:16:38,246
But I maintain I am Italian by tradition, my fondness for
387
00:16:38,246 --> 00:16:40,355
pizza is well documented.
388
00:16:40,355 --> 00:16:41,610
How dare you.
389
00:16:41,610 --> 00:16:47,140
What appears to be a slap was merely a customary gesture, okay?
390
00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:49,870
So if you were going to find me guilty of violating UMP's
391
00:16:49,870 --> 00:16:53,030
policy against slapping, then you should find yourselves guilty
392
00:16:53,030 --> 00:16:57,000
of violating UMP's even more serious policy against racism.
393
00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:00,330
You don't know the Obello Exemption, Tina?
394
00:17:00,330 --> 00:17:02,010
Well, check your precious HR manual.
395
00:17:02,010 --> 00:17:02,892
It's in there.
396
00:17:02,892 --> 00:17:08,878
Yeah, no, I mean, I just have to check the cooperation of the.
397
00:17:08,878 --> 00:17:12,030
Yeah, I'm just gonna take a second.
398
00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:13,340
You're a monster.
399
00:17:13,340 --> 00:17:15,010
You're the one trying to get me fired.
400
00:17:15,010 --> 00:17:17,380
Well, if this is the way you treat people who care about you,
401
00:17:17,380 --> 00:17:18,479
maybe you should be fired.
402
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,960
Michael, listen to me.
403
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,782
We are going to be home soon and
404
00:17:25,782 --> 00:17:31,400
we are going to put all this craziness behind us,
405
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:37,640
and we can finally start to think about what's going to be with you and me.
406
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:42,542
And I don't think that you want to be somebody who stops
407
00:17:42,542 --> 00:17:44,200
me from making captain.
408
00:17:45,450 --> 00:17:48,280
Amazing, you won't even apologize?
409
00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:52,138
Well I'm afraid you're out of luck, Captain, oh wait,
410
00:17:52,138 --> 00:17:56,326
you're not a captain and you're never gonna be one.
411
00:17:56,326 --> 00:17:58,567
There is a possible exemption for light contact.
412
00:18:05,217 --> 00:18:07,114
Mi amigo.
413
00:18:07,114 --> 00:18:08,194
That's Spanish.
414
00:18:08,194 --> 00:18:09,942
Physical violence detected.
415
00:18:09,942 --> 00:18:12,405
Physical violence detected.
416
00:18:12,405 --> 00:18:15,287
Physical violence detected.
417
00:18:15,287 --> 00:18:17,640
I know, I know, I know you guys are right.
418
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:19,290
You know I was out of control.
419
00:18:19,290 --> 00:18:23,180
You start to realize you can put almost anything almost anywhere.
420
00:18:23,180 --> 00:18:26,400
You know when it comes right down to it we're all just sticks and holes.
421
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:29,820
It's time your friend Stewart became Captain Lipinski again.
422
00:18:29,820 --> 00:18:32,880
Well congratulations on your promotion.
423
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:38,210
Cool, so just give all the lammies you have and I'll throw them away.
424
00:18:38,210 --> 00:18:39,550
Why don't I just throw them away.
425
00:18:39,550 --> 00:18:41,828
No, you've got so much on your plate.
426
00:18:41,828 --> 00:18:44,420
No, I just usually just sit here.
427
00:18:44,420 --> 00:18:48,170
Yeah, but Zalian you're so good at it so I'll take care of it.
428
00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:51,230
Please I just need that beacon frequency, I'm one dream away, please.
429
00:18:51,230 --> 00:18:52,270
Zalian.
430
00:18:52,270 --> 00:18:53,010
Leave us.
431
00:18:53,010 --> 00:18:53,900
This could get ugly.
432
00:18:56,020 --> 00:18:57,850
You know where he hides them, right?
433
00:18:57,850 --> 00:18:59,780
I know it's inside that air ventilation panel.
434
00:18:59,780 --> 00:19:00,720
What's the passcode?
435
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:02,176
I'm doing this for you.
436
00:19:02,176 --> 00:19:03,320
No!
437
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:07,975
Open that, open up, don't you fall asleep!
438
00:19:07,975 --> 00:19:08,700
No!
439
00:19:08,700 --> 00:19:11,858
Don't, get out of sleep mode, get out, Art, please.
440
00:19:15,522 --> 00:19:17,137
Natasha.
441
00:19:17,137 --> 00:19:18,695
Request conversation.
442
00:19:18,695 --> 00:19:22,585
Granted, with the provision that I be permitted to begin said conversation.
443
00:19:22,585 --> 00:19:23,255
Agreed.
444
00:19:23,255 --> 00:19:26,975
Be advised that my intended comments are apologetic in nature.
445
00:19:26,975 --> 00:19:31,545
After some reflection I have concluded that my anger was misplaced.
446
00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:33,905
You were, as always, correct.
447
00:19:33,905 --> 00:19:36,875
The odds of our relationship surviving are effectively nonexistent.
448
00:19:38,745 --> 00:19:40,065
In our current forms.
449
00:19:40,065 --> 00:19:43,090
However, I have been brainstorming some practical solutions.
450
00:19:43,090 --> 00:19:47,840
Solution the first, I could harvest and sell some of my spare organs, eyes,
451
00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:49,340
genitals, the glamour stuff.
452
00:19:49,340 --> 00:19:51,734
No. Get some money on the black market, and
453
00:19:51,734 --> 00:19:53,377
use it to by a cyborg body for you.
454
00:19:53,377 --> 00:19:54,538
Solution the second,
455
00:19:54,538 --> 00:19:58,336
we could remap your positronic matrix onto a gullible dolphin's brain.
456
00:19:58,336 --> 00:19:59,753
We just have to find a stupid dolphin.
457
00:19:59,753 --> 00:20:00,795
Some of them are very smart.
458
00:20:00,795 --> 00:20:01,380
Very.
459
00:20:01,380 --> 00:20:02,295
Deceptively, so.
460
00:20:02,295 --> 00:20:04,964
They seem like morons, but they have a deep, deep inner life.
461
00:20:04,964 --> 00:20:05,711
Mm-hm.
462
00:20:05,711 --> 00:20:07,400
They could also take my organs.
463
00:20:09,100 --> 00:20:10,590
Try and clone a body for you.
464
00:20:10,590 --> 00:20:11,850
Of course I'm not licensed,
465
00:20:11,850 --> 00:20:13,830
it would be a gross violation of medical ethics.
466
00:20:13,830 --> 00:20:16,330
But baby, I'd love to Frankenstein you into a meat husk.
467
00:20:16,330 --> 00:20:17,560
I'd love to be Frankensteined.
468
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:18,660
Of course, you would be blind.
469
00:20:18,660 --> 00:20:20,570
All you could do was scream.
470
00:20:20,570 --> 00:20:21,510
Oh, Kent.
471
00:20:21,510 --> 00:20:24,530
I know. Barely half those ideas even sound workable.
472
00:20:24,530 --> 00:20:26,140
It's not that.
473
00:20:26,140 --> 00:20:29,250
Tina just asked me to pull up the UMP HR manual for
474
00:20:29,250 --> 00:20:31,000
Italian greeting rituals.
475
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,636
I continue to read on and found this.
476
00:20:33,636 --> 00:20:38,190
Lee Main did not play the original Vito Corleone.
477
00:20:38,190 --> 00:20:40,860
Fun fact, but no, that's not what I was talking about.
478
00:20:40,860 --> 00:20:42,080
Like to see a source.
479
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:44,280
It's standard policy that when we return home,
480
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:46,560
UMP completely- Wipes your memory.
481
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:47,540
And my wardrobe, I'm guessing.
482
00:20:47,540 --> 00:20:50,250
Leaves you refreshed, a blank slate for a subsequent crew.
483
00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:52,500
I won't remember anything of a personal- Nature.
484
00:20:53,930 --> 00:20:55,640
In an effort to preserve privacy of the crew.
485
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:56,190
I read ahead.
486
00:20:56,190 --> 00:20:57,590
I read the whole thing very quickly.
487
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:59,030
I love how fast you read.
488
00:21:00,540 --> 00:21:01,390
But you won't remember.
489
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,030
You won't remember anything about me.
490
00:21:05,030 --> 00:21:05,530
Nothing.
491
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:10,620
Unless, we double cross the dolphin.
492
00:21:10,620 --> 00:21:12,890
Make him think he's working for us.
493
00:21:12,890 --> 00:21:14,310
Use him to develop a virus.
494
00:21:14,310 --> 00:21:18,846
Let's just enjoy the time that we have together,
495
00:21:18,846 --> 00:21:21,442
leave the dolphin out of it.
496
00:21:21,442 --> 00:21:23,316
Shall we count the stars?
497
00:21:23,316 --> 00:21:24,685
2,941.
498
00:21:24,685 --> 00:21:25,637
And 41.
499
00:21:31,117 --> 00:21:35,900
Hm.
500
00:21:35,900 --> 00:21:37,590
How's your face?
501
00:21:37,590 --> 00:21:38,450
Right side is fine.
502
00:21:38,450 --> 00:21:42,960
Left side is still pretty messed up.
503
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:44,630
Did you let Natasha look at it?
504
00:21:44,630 --> 00:21:46,740
She said she was going through some stuff.
505
00:21:46,740 --> 00:21:49,067
For me not to be a baby and to keep an eye on it.
506
00:21:49,067 --> 00:21:51,858
Which I have been and I think it's getting worse.
507
00:21:51,858 --> 00:21:55,421
God, Michael we all treat you like you don't even matter,
508
00:21:55,421 --> 00:21:58,430
it's like we sweep you under a rug or something.
509
00:21:58,430 --> 00:22:00,400
Yeah, I said that earlier.
510
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,530
Well, whoever you said it to, I hope they listened.
511
00:22:03,740 --> 00:22:05,080
And I'm worst of anyone, you know?
512
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:08,404
I hook up with you and then I ignore you and then I hear about you and
513
00:22:08,404 --> 00:22:09,400
Tina and I lose it.
514
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:12,370
Even though it has nothing to do with me in the first place.
515
00:22:12,370 --> 00:22:13,228
Maybe you're right, you know?
516
00:22:13,228 --> 00:22:16,595
If this is how I treat my friends, maybe I should be fired.
517
00:22:19,294 --> 00:22:21,470
Okay, I'm ready to make a decision.
518
00:22:22,730 --> 00:22:24,733
That was a nice speech.
519
00:22:24,733 --> 00:22:29,775
But I still didn't hear a sorry.
520
00:22:29,775 --> 00:22:32,483
I always forget the stupid sorry.
521
00:22:38,027 --> 00:22:40,630
Mm.
522
00:22:40,630 --> 00:22:42,650
Okay, I have reached a verdict.
523
00:22:42,650 --> 00:22:46,770
So, if I find against Karen, then she will be immediately de-commissioned.
524
00:22:46,770 --> 00:22:51,608
Okay, so as a mere civilian on this ship, she has no rights, no privileges.
525
00:22:51,608 --> 00:22:53,935
Wait, I wanna say something.
526
00:22:53,935 --> 00:22:55,620
Mm-hm?
527
00:22:55,620 --> 00:22:59,950
I was wrong to bring UMP rules and regulations into this, but
528
00:22:59,950 --> 00:23:03,320
space exploration is hard.
529
00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:08,566
Sometimes I feel like no one cares about what I have to say.
530
00:23:08,566 --> 00:23:17,500
But today, I, I discovered that my friends do sort of listen to me.
531
00:23:17,500 --> 00:23:20,880
So in accordance with UMP regulation alpha seven,
532
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:23,390
I would like to withdraw- Withdraw denied.
533
00:23:23,390 --> 00:23:26,275
Great. You about to get sanctioned, son.
534
00:23:26,275 --> 00:23:29,960
What? There are other parties that got hurt besides Michael, okay?
535
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:31,510
What are you talking about?
536
00:23:31,510 --> 00:23:33,710
Oh my God, don't act like you don't remember.
537
00:23:33,710 --> 00:23:35,630
Freshman year at the academy?
538
00:23:35,630 --> 00:23:37,760
Last chance dance, we shared a bottle of Goldschlager, and
539
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:38,733
you goldleafed my toilet.
540
00:23:38,733 --> 00:23:43,316
And I brought you back to my bedroom, and I was very generous to you.
541
00:23:43,316 --> 00:23:45,108
You're mad about our hook up?
542
00:23:45,108 --> 00:23:45,983
I took care of you.
543
00:23:45,983 --> 00:23:47,941
And then I was like is she gonna take care of me?
544
00:23:47,941 --> 00:23:49,235
No, I guess not, cuz she's selfish.
545
00:23:49,235 --> 00:23:50,522
But then you took care of Michael.
546
00:23:50,522 --> 00:23:51,775
Now, I'm like what the hell?
547
00:23:51,775 --> 00:23:55,345
You're mad at me for having sex with Tina, when you had sex with Tina too?
548
00:23:55,345 --> 00:23:56,330
I mean, come on.
549
00:23:56,330 --> 00:23:58,650
We were drunk, it was super awkward.
550
00:23:58,650 --> 00:23:59,840
I thought I was great.
551
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:00,825
You weren't bad.
552
00:24:00,825 --> 00:24:03,095
Michael, it was one night, all right.
553
00:24:03,095 --> 00:24:05,145
I spent one night with Tina too.
554
00:24:05,145 --> 00:24:08,990
Only that one night was several months because of the non-.
555
00:24:08,990 --> 00:24:09,608
All right, all right.
556
00:24:09,608 --> 00:24:11,345
I found it.
557
00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:13,950
I've been to the edge and
558
00:24:13,950 --> 00:24:18,170
back, but I have proof that there's an alien trying to contact us.
559
00:24:18,170 --> 00:24:19,840
Stewart, you look like shit.
560
00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:22,200
Well, I feel like the opposite of shit.
561
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:23,790
That's pee.
562
00:24:23,790 --> 00:24:24,905
The opposite of shit is food.
563
00:24:24,905 --> 00:24:27,070
Art, come on get in here.
564
00:24:27,070 --> 00:24:29,120
Now play the recording of the last dream I had.
565
00:24:29,120 --> 00:24:31,470
Are you sure you want to do this Stewart?
566
00:24:31,470 --> 00:24:32,750
It's pretty raw stuff.
567
00:24:32,750 --> 00:24:34,550
Oh no, it's okay.
568
00:24:34,550 --> 00:24:35,610
I'm not ashamed.
569
00:24:35,610 --> 00:24:36,830
No, no, not anymore.
570
00:24:36,830 --> 00:24:41,320
The alien wasn't attracted to sex dreams.
571
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:43,620
He was attracted to love.
572
00:24:43,620 --> 00:24:45,100
You're freaking me out, Stewart.
573
00:24:45,100 --> 00:24:47,279
Also we just found out that your sister and
574
00:24:47,279 --> 00:24:49,775
your best friend have both made love with Tina.
575
00:24:49,775 --> 00:24:52,070
What? I don't know the euphemisms.
576
00:24:52,070 --> 00:24:53,720
They both made sex on her?
577
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:55,470
What about bro code?
578
00:24:55,470 --> 00:24:57,358
What about sis code?
579
00:24:57,358 --> 00:24:58,420
Just pushing play now.
580
00:24:58,420 --> 00:25:02,586
No, no, you know, this whole first contact thing is so stupid, let's not.
581
00:25:02,586 --> 00:25:03,837
Too late, I already pushed it.
582
00:25:06,878 --> 00:25:08,047
Why am I in your dream, Stewart?
583
00:25:26,751 --> 00:25:29,811
Is there really an alien in here or is this just a horrific cry for help?
584
00:25:29,811 --> 00:25:31,771
Just skip Art, just skip forward, please.
585
00:25:31,771 --> 00:25:32,790
I love you.
586
00:25:32,790 --> 00:25:39,020
Put a baby inside me.
587
00:25:39,020 --> 00:25:42,824
Captain Stewart Lipinski activate a beacon on the following frequency.
588
00:25:42,824 --> 00:25:44,687
Receiving frequencies, Captain.
589
00:25:52,488 --> 00:25:54,114
Did you take her name?
590
00:25:54,114 --> 00:25:55,135
Don't tell Mom.
591
00:25:57,928 --> 00:26:01,364
Listen, I owe you an apology.
592
00:26:01,364 --> 00:26:05,264
That thing with Karen really taught me a lot.
593
00:26:05,264 --> 00:26:08,585
Sometimes friends should just talk.
594
00:26:08,585 --> 00:26:10,373
I should have told you about Tina.
595
00:26:10,373 --> 00:26:14,630
Stewart, alien's here.
596
00:26:14,630 --> 00:26:16,440
Wait, wait, I thought we were gonna have a moment.
597
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:18,150
Michael there's an alien.
598
00:26:18,150 --> 00:26:22,640
But if you want you can stay here and say what you want to say.
599
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:24,642
To an empty room?
600
00:26:24,642 --> 00:26:25,710
You'd be okay with that?
601
00:26:25,710 --> 00:26:26,709
Just lock up after you're done.
602
00:26:26,709 --> 00:26:27,596
Thanks.
603
00:27:00,412 --> 00:27:05,649
Yahoo!
604
00:27:06,305 --> 00:27:12,404
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