Original subtitles

EGON OLSEN SECURES WORLD PEACE

THE END?

OH NO IT'S NOT!

The Riviera, here we come!

- What will we do with the money? - We'll start with a luxury holiday.

MONTE CARLO TWO WEEKS LATER

- Now I see that the world is round. - Are you hallucinating, Kjell?

No, I've got flat feet.

You know that Campari doesn't agree with you, Kjell.

Mademoiselle?

Une verre de Perrier, bitte.

And champagne for me.

- What did you order? - Perrier.

French sparkling water. It's good for you.

Champagne and Perrier.

Thank you.

Cheers, Kjell.

Being poor is nothing to shout about, but being rich is much worse.

I think lazy days are best at night.

- How much do we owe? - A few thousand, I suppose.

If not 100,000.

Why not settle the bill now, so we're up to date?

It's all under control. The skipper will get paid right now.

Have you got a thousand for the hair stylist?

The barber, you know.

You're brilliant, Egon.

Let's get ready for the Captain's Dinner.

It's supposed to be a formal occasion, so let's get changed.

Where are my garters?

Kjell, wear something around your neck. Take the tie from Dior.

My money! My money! Police!

Police!

Fellow lawyers! Today we play for our future.

We are here to honour a person our society cannot do without.

Without Egon Olsen, our profession would be a scrap heap without scrap.

So let us pay tribute to this unique man with:

Well, boys and girls. We can look forward to our next case. And fees.

We've been looking forward to this day, Egon.

There's no shortage of food and drink.

I have to go, but you can stay here and have a good time and a chat.

- You must have lots to talk about. - Are you off? I'm just out of jail.

I've become inspired.

Three times a week I go to painting class. Proper art. Isn't it, Kjell?

I suppose. But can't I have some proper stuff as well?

I gave you the Madonna.

Look at that painting, Egon. I made that.

- I meant something stronger. - Don't be rude.

I'm sure you understand that beer is not good for you.

Have an eggnog if you have a sore throat.

Eggnog is a miracle cure for sore throats.

Did you share your cell with any prominent people this time?

No. Just an art dealer and a car breaker and riffraff like that.

- None of them had any class. - Just relax here for a few days.

Until you come up with a new plan. While I work.

Have you got a job?

Idle hands are the Devil's work. So I go to work, and I paint.

That's right, I have to go to class now.

Egon, you can get unemployment while you work on your new plan.

Take money without working? I have my professional pride.

No! Egon Olsen doesn't accept any money he hasn't stolen himself.

When Egon doesn't have a plan, good old Benny is at hand.

- Why are we going to this bunker? - This is the Munch Museum.

What? My first day of freedom and we're going to a museum?

It's not just any mausoleum. This is where Valborg works.

She cleans here.

Munch, Manet, Monet...

You must know them, since you've been inside with many famous people.

This is a new era. It's our future. And I am an insider.

Has he gone bonkers?

I understand neither Valborg nor Benny.

Benny has become a member of the Friends of the National Museum.

Only because it includes free parking at Tullinløkka.

Even though I'm an intellectual now, I'm still the same old Benny.

Come along, then I'll show you our future.

Well? Where is it? Our future?

This is Norwegian art of the past. And our future.

Each of these paintings is worth a museum.

People must be mad to put these up. I would have sold the lot.

But I suggest a small beginning.

Kjell, ask the guard for Schiefler's collected works.

Schiefler's collected works. Come on.

Schiefler's catalogue of Munch's work?

Yes. The A and the B catalogue, if possible.

Munch was always very faithful to his motif, as in this "Madonna".

The print on the left has a red fertility frieze.

The print on the right does not.

People said that he copied himself.

Munch felt he corrected himself when he made different versions -

- of the same motif.

Is this morally sound?

Valborg's picture is worth a lot more than this rubbish by Munch.

If we get burgled, they'll take a real Munch and not a Valborg.

And her painting is safely inside the museum. She can watch over it.

But remember that this stays between us. Tell Valborg nothing.

How nice that you are up when I come home.

I actually thought you'd have gone on the town.

See how suspicious women can be?

But... tonight something happened in the world of arts.

- I told you it would come out. - Don't be so negative, Kjell.

What's going to come out is what I made tonight.

You think it looks like it?

It's a dream come true, Valborg.

I think the likeness is quite good. Sorry if I sound like I'm bragging.

I only had a postcard in front of me when I painted it.

Am I more useful when I paint, or when I wash, do you think?

- It's obvious that you should paint. - What about the steady job?

No problem. We just swap Valborg's pictures with those in the bunker.

- The bunker? - All right, the museum.

Money is all you can think of.

If you screw up my museum job you're not welcome here anymore.

Egon could get himself arrested, so he can work out a new plan.

Everybody has a task in life.

Mine is to show human kindness. Tomorrow I will spread happiness.

- Are you going busking? - No.

I'm meeting my old friend and cellmate, the art dealer.

I knew it, I knew it! Those rotten amateurs!

- What's that? - A sabadilla carpet.

It's for outside the restaurant. So the dirt stays out of the museum.

Oh, I see. But the restaurant is that way.

You two working alone are worse than Laurel and Hardy.

There...

Hurry up before Valborg comes back.

This Munch isn't a better painter than me. He just sells better.

Maybe I should look ahead and secure our future.

Yes! H! paint a new picture, then swap it with the one in the museum.

That way the pictures will last forever.

Because my materials are better than the ones he bought then.

That way H! save art for tens and tens of decades.

You know what? I found the art dealer who was my cellmate.

- So the first sale has gone through. - Brilliant, Egon.

- Do you think this is right? - Of course it's morally sound.

- How much did you get? - How much I got?

- Yeah. Millions? - No, not millions as such.

- Hundreds of thousands? - Not quite.

- Are you washing the paintings? - No, no.

It's just that I have a framework agreement.

I know painters don't make much, but not that it's this bad.

No one's a prophet in his own country.

- I have a plan. - Brilliant, Egon.

So there you are?

- Where is my Madonna? - You mean Kjell's?

It's been turned into cash.

- You sold my present? - It's to fund the haul.

- And you could paint a new one. - What haul?

- It's about a pyramid. - A pyramid?

It's too complicated for you. So get us something to help us think.

typical.

The carpet rolling championships are over.

Don't touch anything at the museum. I've got a job to think of.

- We'll empty the Munch Museum. - What?

The art dealer said that the French are going to make a killing on Munch.

A French syndicate buys up European works of art and destroys them.

- Destroy it? - Yes. They burn the whole lot.

- What the hell for? - It's to push up the price of Pi...

- ...casso. Picasso. - Exactly. That's where we come in.

Valborg paints Munchs non-stop, and we switch all of them.

Valborg said not to touch anything at the museum.

We keep Valborg out of this.

We tell her that it's her pictures being sold to the pyramid.

I was joking when I said you shouldn't ruin my job at the museum.

- It's all hermetically sealed now. - What?

They've hired a security specialist. And they have closed-circuit TV.

And at night there's a ferocious watchdog in the grounds.

- And during the day? - It's caged.

We have no business at the museum. Your job is to paint like mad.

- Crazy. - We sell your work to the pyramid.

- Understood? - Roger.

But Egon? How much are we talking about? I mean, in cash.

- Millions. - Just so I know how much there is.

You two will be outside Video-Inferno tomorrow at 12.

Well, that was that. I've rented a TV-camera and a video recorder.

- We need chalk and a stopwatch. - I've got it.

Good. All we need is a clapper board. Drive down to Keysers gate.

Outside the Teamfilm studio.

- Do you work in there? - Yes, yes... No!

Are you sure? Well, that's all right, then.

- Brilliant. Now what? - We're straight off to Edvard.

You, Benny, are now a cameraman for NRK. Cultural department.

- What about me? - You can be the script girl.

- Isn't that a job for girls? - Clapper boy, then.

And I shall be the director.

Munch report for Pan Magazine. Scene 1, night.

Night filter.

Pan.

Turn to the right, damn it!

Left.

Right.

Left.

Right.

Is it necessary to swing from left to right like that?

- Left. - It's the result that counts.

Great directors always use lots of film. Tape, I mean.

Left. Cut!

Stop. That's it!

Script, print that.

With the moving camera, you cover the whole room with one camera.

A few years ago when there were just fixed cameras, -

- a gang pulled a heist by sticking a photograph of the room to the lens.

They went about their business behind the photo. Quite incredible.

But that was then. With the moving camera, it would be impossible.

They couldn't do it. So it's all secure.

- What are these buttons for? - They're connected with Satan.

- Satan? I beg your pardon? - Satan is an animal. A monster.

You push the green button to see what shape Satan is in.

Good heavens.

If anything suspicious happens, push the red button, and Satan is loose.

Hello! Don't be afraid. The door to the cellar is locked during the day.

We're fine, thanks. It'll be a visual programme with a moving camera.

- Should be interesting. - Yes.

Are you here? What are you doing in the museum?

We're just registering the paintings before the French take them.

- Don't get up to any mischief. - With that dog on the loose?

- Let's go straight home to Kjell's. - I need to tank first.

- We can't afford it. - Trust Benny.

Fill her up. Put it on the bill.

Do you have a bill?

It goes on the museum's bill. I've been doing it for a year.

Now it's up to Valborg to do her art.

- Self-portrait. - Yes, you're doing fine.

Everything is ready. We are ready for action.

We'll empty the museum and take a sample with us to the Riviera.

That would be great. I've become quite pale.

- Can we pay for the tickets? - No. But I have a plan.

Every day at 11.45 a driver from Saga Tours delivers tickets to agencies.

At 12 p.m. he passes a building site near lnforma Travel. We strike there.

- It's all been timed and planned. - Brilliant.

HOW, Egon'?

Saga Sun Travel's car has a sun roof. That's the solution to our problem.

The operation starts tomorrow at 11:30 a.m.

- What's going on here? - It's the pinion.

- Right. The pinion. - That sounds complicated.

That was the first step. Now we have to meet up with Egon.

That was that. Now we must get into the museum. We need Valborg's key.

- Is everything ready? - Of course.

- Is it dangerous? - No, no.

This is just a little sleeping potion.

So there you are, while I've been toiling away.

I've made you a nice cup of rose-hip tea.

- Thank you very much. - Your toils are soon over, Valborg.

Soon we'll be on the Riviera, enjoying life and wealth.

Right now I think I'll have a lie-down. I'm exhausted.

Hans has been after me all day. Not like that, silly.

Hans is the chief attendant at the museum.

Do you know... he's become obsessed with theft.

Come and have a lie-down too, Kjell. You need a lot of sleep.

In a minute. I'll just have my root beer first.

I'm telling you...

Hans, will you please relax? Your pacing about makes me nervous.

I have a dream! Imagine that there were thieves in the building.

I would sneak up on them and then jump them.

And I'd tie them up so tightly that they'd get -

- their guts squeezed out. Their blood would freeze in their veins.

And I wouldn't call the police until I'd strangled them all.

The next day all the papers would queue up to interview me.

- Don't you have any dreams? - Hans... I'll tell you a dream.

Imagine having your own computer. Imagine having this at home.

That'd be something. Make my own programs.

I've got something here. Do you want to try?

Key!

Oh dear!

The cassette.

- Do you want to play or not? - Number one is flickering.

Turn on the lights and check Satan.

I'm tired of listening to that dog. Kjell, did you bring your medicine?

- The eggnog? - Yes. Give some to Satan.

But not enough to knock him out. He must still react like the Devil.

This is getting boring. It's exactly like state TV.

Let's play a different game. Hold that.

Let's take "Hungry Horace". That's a good one. Put it in.

The winner can push the button to check on Satan. OK? Come on.

- What have you done now? - I pushed the...

Pay attention.

Where is Kjell? Do you think he took an overdose?

No, no, no...

OK. Push the button.

Push it again.

- How's it going? - That's democracy for you.

- One is working, two are idling. - There's a problem with Satan.

Kjell has to growl whenever the green light comes on.

How many paintings are there left to switch? I'll get Kjell.

You'd better check the dog. It sounds like it has a cold.

If you don't get up now, I'll knock you down.

No, no, no!

Now, now!

You bloody idiot! You got blind drunk.

I drank so little that half of it would have been enough.

No, don't touch it! Fingerprints.

I'll call the police.

- Detective Hermansen. - I'm calling from the Munch Museum.

Something funny has happened. Could you send a patrol car?

There are no patrol cars available.

Yes, well, I demand assistance.

This museum contains values for millions... billions of kroner.

Can you tell me what can be more important than that?

I don't care for that tone. I'm being artistic.

Yes. I'm writing a song for the police officers' jubilee.

What has been stolen?

Nothing so far. But we have found an empty eggnog bottle.

You'll get nothing for that. There's no deposit on original bottles.

Hello, is this the police?

What ever the crime, we're always on time...

Hello? Police?

In foul weather or fair we will always be there, oh yes...

- Hello? Is this the police? - You're persistent. Who is this?

I'm the chief attendant at the Munch Museum.

- All patrol cars are out. - So what are you planning to do?

This. I've never seen such cheek.

We're up to our necks in preparations for the party, and pornography.

Then this museum attendant calls to complain about an eggnog bottle.

Speaking of the porn raids. We have the results from Lykkeland.

- It's strong stuff. - Excellent, Blom.

We will have cleaned up this city before the week is out.

We strike without mercy at anything that reeks of it. Any new positions?

The police hung up.

We must keep this quiet, or we'll both get sacked.

Who could have gotten Satan drunk?

And who is interested in NRK's documentaries?

We must investigate this privately. Who has the keys to the museum?

This is your captain speaking.

I'd like to welcome you on this flight to Nice on the Riviera.

Brilliant. Or, as the French say: Toute brilliantine, right?

Exactly.

Pd like an eggnog on the rocks. With ice.

No time to lose. Taxi! I have the address here.

What can I do for you? Madame... gentlemen.

We have many paintings by Edvard Munch.

- Where did you learn all that? - Evening classes, dear.

You mentioned Munch. Edvard.

Egon. Olsen.

- Valborg, Benny, Kjell. - Cap Cheval.

- Negotiate with brandy. - Negotiate over a brandy, yes.

It'll be a pleasure to drink to you on behalf of France, madam.

He wants drink to our health.

Let's get acquainted with the aid of this delicious drink.

You can't tolerate spirits, Kjell. If we had eggs, we might...

To eggs with herring... vous plaît. Dos thingies cock-a-doodle-doo.

You want eggs?

- Si, sf. - Da, da.

Get two eggs, please.

You mentioned Munch, monsieur.

Cheers.

Here you are, monsieur. And now?

Elementary, mister. Hen's eggs are good medicine.

This will do your throat good, Kjell.

I understand that you are the one who speaks French, madam.

Let's discuss this matter in private.

He wants to speak with me in private.

This trip is beginning to look like something.

I think it would be rude not to appreciate the French hospitality.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

What is he doing with Valborg?

- We can relax here in the garden. - Charming castle.

You like it? This way, madam.

Please sit down.

I'll show you something, pretty boy, that will raise your blood pressure.

This is an original Munch No doubt. Do you have more?

More? Plenty, wholesale.

Excuse me.

138.

138? That's impossible.

Madam, Fm so astonished that I need to be alone. Is that all right?

Of course.

Hello?

I must say this kicks like a mule.

I think you've been kicked enough.

- How did it go? - He wants to think about it.

If we get a modest amount, we will be grateful.

If it's a bigger one, we will be greedy. Cheers.

What's keeping him? I think I will go and have a look.

Everything has been timed and planned.

Mr Cheval will come to Oslo and collect the Munch paintings.

My paintings, I mean.

France owes you a debt of gratitude, gentlemen.

He says that France thanks us.

- Hello. - Phenomenal.

Don't touch anything until I get there. They are invaluable.

Hello there.

- What's that? - That's my travel bag.

I have a dirty mind, you see.

The doctor thought that this would be therapeutic.

There you are.

What did you expect to find?

Excellent.

But these are forgeries! Idiot!

Good heavens! This is the worst I've ever seen.

Forget that you saw it. Let's get to work.

"The Scream". "The Seamstress". Do we put them back into the frames?

Yes.

And then we pull out everything we swap.

No, no, no!

- Do you know Egon Olsen? - The Egon Olsen?

If you don't want to get hurt, we have to switch the paintings -

- without anyone knowing it. Olsen is behind Non/vay's biggest heist.

We have a chance to trick the Olsen gang. Let's hurry.

Espionage? We have more important things to do.

I have orders from the highest quarters.

The highest quarters? We're in the middle of a moral clean-up.

And then a lousy spy comes and ruins it all.

Even the officers' jubilee has been cancelled. But you can go.

I will deal with this myself.

Prepare for a raid at Video-Inferno tomorrow at noon.

This paper grinder had better come.

Where are your manners? He's not a paper grinder.

Cap Cheval is a Frenchman. All Frenchmen are gentlemen.

Benny's car will be like a museum on wheels when it's filled.

When we have filled it. Get on with it.

- Benny. Look. - Damn. He's kidnapping Egon.

After him. To Barry's Tivoli.

Men!

- I think we're too late. - We can't give up now.

Magicians can put them together again. So we can do it, too.

We just have to get that thing off Egon. Wait a minute.

- You took your time. - Don't worry, Egon.

We'll get you sewn up again, so you're not split up.

Put the box together and stop this silliness!

- Has he removed your appendix? - Very funny.

If we hurry, we can get to Trinity Church at 12.

To church? Have we put you back together the wrong way?

The Olsen gang? What are they up to?

Aha! I knew it!

Even the Olsen gang is into pornography these days.

Confiscate these cassettes. I shall deal with this filth myself.

Damn!

After them! Quickly! Calling all cars, calling all cars.

We're in pursuit of a blue Toyota and a black Peugeot 505.

Calling all cars. Calling all cars.

All available units to Ila.

They're all after us now. Do we have enough petrol?

To Kiellands Place, all units.

All available units to Kiellands Place.

All available units, we're approaching Bislett.

Cut them off!

Aha! I knew it. More porn.

It's pure child porn. Destroy this filth!

No! No!

Arrest that man, in the name of the law.

When the artist felt this portrait should be put on canvas, -

- he chose a technique mixed with a paranoid stroke -

- for the essential psychological revelations.

So we can believe -

- that the object had a sober mind and a cool approach to life.