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1
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,742
-Whoa, whoa.
-Whoa.
2
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:10,444
-Hey.
-What are you doing in here?
3
00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:12,513
Thursday Night Football, baby.
4
00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:15,249
Oh, Terry, no, no. No, Thursday
Night Football is over.
5
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:17,451
What do you mean it's over?
Why would the networks do that?
6
00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:18,886
-That's crazy.
-MIKE: Listen.
7
00:00:18,986 --> 00:00:20,954
Networks do a lot
of weird stuff.
8
00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:23,591
Uh, they're based in California.
That's all I'm gonna say.
9
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:26,794
I guess I will just have
to do some binge-watching!
10
00:00:26,894 --> 00:00:30,064
-MIKE: Oh...
-Hey, have you ever seen
that show Downtown Abby?
11
00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:33,134
-What is that girl all about?
-VANESSA: Oh, no,
12
00:00:33,234 --> 00:00:35,203
no, look, no. (chuckles)
Uh, Mike and I--
13
00:00:35,303 --> 00:00:37,371
-we're gonna
watch our favorite show.
-(Mike chuckles)
14
00:00:37,471 --> 00:00:39,440
-Really? What's it about?
-Yeah.
15
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:41,942
It's about a real funny dad
and-and other people,
16
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:44,612
but mostly about the funny dad.
17
00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:46,547
Well, the dad has a wife, too,
18
00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:48,649
and she's-she's smoking hot.
19
00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:52,786
Uh... uh, she's on that
and, like, seven other shows.
20
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:56,224
Then maybe I'll just have
to find somebody else
21
00:00:56,324 --> 00:00:57,825
to hang out with, won't I?
22
00:00:57,925 --> 00:00:58,792
There you go.
23
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,228
Howie Long.
24
00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:01,829
You got his number?
25
00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:04,998
Terry, he asked us
not to give it to you.
26
00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:07,135
Well, I'll see you
next Thursday.
27
00:01:07,235 --> 00:01:08,602
Next Thursday.
28
00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:11,139
Thursday Night Football.
All right?
29
00:01:11,239 --> 00:01:13,341
By the way,
I'd like a little bigger TV.
30
00:01:13,441 --> 00:01:14,775
That's way too small.
31
00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:17,010
Thursday!
32
00:01:17,111 --> 00:01:18,979
We're gonna have to move.
33
00:01:24,652 --> 00:01:27,020
Whoa, whoa, boy.
What is all this?
34
00:01:27,121 --> 00:01:29,423
Oh, I made breakfast
for Vanessa.
35
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:30,991
You are the most thoughtful
exchange student ever.
36
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,793
Now get rid of all of it.
37
00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:35,363
Why?
38
00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:37,198
Just, okay, listen,
she's a little cranky.
39
00:01:37,298 --> 00:01:38,999
Doesn't happen often,
but when she gets cranky,
40
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:41,469
this is all too much for her.
It'll be too much.
41
00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:43,304
You got to back off.
She's like a...
42
00:01:43,404 --> 00:01:45,005
like a coiled snake
in a bathrobe
43
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:47,341
she thin is cashmere.
44
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:49,543
Backing off might be best
for those of you
45
00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:53,046
who are cuteness-challenged,
but I think I'll be fine.
46
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:55,649
Good morning, Vanessa.
47
00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:58,652
I made you breakfast to start
your New Year off right.
48
00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:01,522
Yeah, I'll still have
to clean up the mess,
49
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:04,292
so it's the same old,
same old, isn't it?
50
00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:07,027
I tried to warn you.
51
00:02:08,329 --> 00:02:09,630
"The stove is hot."
52
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:12,032
"Oh, oh, this stove? Ow!"
53
00:02:13,201 --> 00:02:14,468
Look, I'm sor-- I'm sorry, Jen.
54
00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:16,069
I'm just a little upset
about something,
55
00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:17,671
so I think it would be best
56
00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:19,740
if everyone would just
leave me alone for a bit.
57
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:22,310
Absolutely... not!
58
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:26,079
No one walks away from Jen
until they have a smile
59
00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:28,081
on their face
and a song in their heart.
60
00:02:28,182 --> 00:02:29,817
Jen, Jen, Jen,
look at the muffin.
61
00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:32,085
(Jen gasps)
62
00:02:34,222 --> 00:02:35,889
Look at the time!
63
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:38,892
I think I'll get to school early
and help the janitor...
64
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:41,161
mop.
65
00:02:44,064 --> 00:02:46,033
I wish you wouldn't do that.
66
00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:48,736
What?
Protect children from danger?
67
00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:52,373
No, no, pretend like I'm some
kind of ticking time bomb.
68
00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:54,375
I'm sorry
if I was up late trying
69
00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:56,444
to-to finish
the New Year's jigsaw puzzle
70
00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:58,512
that I always do with the girls,
but this year
71
00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:00,781
I had to do all by myself,
because apparently
72
00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:03,951
they have fancy lives
and are too busy to stop by.
73
00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:05,453
-Uh-huh.
-(sighs)
74
00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:06,887
Just because
they don't live here anymore,
75
00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:08,356
does that mean
everything has to change?
76
00:03:08,456 --> 00:03:09,957
I mean, I barely get
to see them as it is,
77
00:03:10,057 --> 00:03:11,625
and now I don't even get them
on New Year's?
78
00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:14,027
That sucks.
79
00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:15,396
That's it?
80
00:03:15,496 --> 00:03:16,797
That's it?
That's all you have to say?
81
00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:19,032
Just "Uh-huh" and "That sucks"?
82
00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:21,802
Yeah.
83
00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:25,906
I've been burned by that stove
way too many times, honey.
84
00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:27,875
-Oh, you know what?
Forget it. Forget it.
-No. Hey, babe.
85
00:03:27,975 --> 00:03:30,043
-No, I don't want to talk to
you. Forget it. No, I...
-Come on, come on, stop, stop...
86
00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:31,279
I-I know you're upset
because you don't get
87
00:03:31,379 --> 00:03:33,281
to spend enough time
with the girls.
88
00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:36,216
It's something that we're gonna
get used to, I promise. We will.
89
00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:37,918
-(laughs)
-Yeah?
90
00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:39,720
Yeah. Yeah.
91
00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:41,289
You know why you're saying that?
92
00:03:41,389 --> 00:03:43,123
Well, let's be honest.
I say a lot of stuff
93
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,758
that I get punished for later.
94
00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:46,394
You're saying that
95
00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:49,229
because you get to see the girls
at work all the time.
96
00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:52,132
Kristin works for you
and now Mandy works for you.
97
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,468
And I bet once Eve graduates
from the Academy,
98
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,437
you're gonna steal her away
from me, too.
99
00:03:56,537 --> 00:03:58,238
-Don't even...
-(mocking): That sucks.
100
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:05,479
I'm gonna go help mop
at the school.
101
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:09,650
*
102
00:04:14,522 --> 00:04:16,156
So, as you can see,
103
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:17,958
I have enough designs
in my athleisure line
104
00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:20,127
to fill any
and all parts of the store,
105
00:04:20,227 --> 00:04:23,030
up to and including
these offices.
106
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:24,598
It's brilliant, just brilliant.
107
00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:26,367
It's as if da Vinci
created clothes
108
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:28,636
for women who want
to look athletic...
109
00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:31,104
but aren't.
110
00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:33,206
You don't need to treat her
like she's my daughter.
111
00:04:33,307 --> 00:04:34,708
Treat her
like any other supplier.
112
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:36,710
All right.
113
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,680
I like your stuff,
114
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:42,215
but if it struggles
for two consecutive quarters,
115
00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:43,317
you're out on your ass.
116
00:04:44,352 --> 00:04:45,486
-Yeah? Good.
-Okay.
117
00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:47,888
And don't bitch
about shelf space.
118
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:49,490
And always remember
rule number one:
119
00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:51,492
make me money,
or I make you gone.
120
00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:54,728
Yes, sir.
121
00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:56,530
Welcome aboard, kiddo.
(chuckles)
122
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,632
-Thank you.
-Good.
123
00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:00,868
Oh, and, uh, one more rule--
124
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:03,303
no fish in the microwave.
125
00:05:03,404 --> 00:05:05,906
Okay? No.
126
00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:07,408
(Mike murmurs)
127
00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:08,809
-Thanks, Dad.
-Congratulations.
128
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:11,011
Thank you. This is so exciting.
129
00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:13,347
-2020 is gonna be
the Year of Mandy.
-Yeah?
130
00:05:13,447 --> 00:05:15,516
I have a new apartment,
my clothing line's expanding.
131
00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:17,518
-Uh-huh.
-And Kyle's finally got...
132
00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:19,587
* A healthy sperm count!
133
00:05:20,588 --> 00:05:24,425
(coughs, gags)
134
00:05:24,525 --> 00:05:25,826
Oh, grow up, Dad.
135
00:05:25,926 --> 00:05:27,528
You don't get another grandchild
136
00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:30,664
unless some guy's swimmers meet
your daughter's floaters.
137
00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:32,533
You've done the impossible.
138
00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:35,369
You've ruined the concept
of grandchildren.
139
00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:36,837
Hey.
140
00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:38,238
-MANDY: Hey.
-Thank God you showed up
141
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:41,174
before I willed myself
to have a stroke.
142
00:05:41,274 --> 00:05:44,277
Okay. Uh, why did you need
to see both of us?
143
00:05:44,378 --> 00:05:46,447
You're coming over
for dinner Saturday night.
144
00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:49,216
Your mom says we don't
see enough of you girls.
145
00:05:49,316 --> 00:05:50,751
Now get out. I'm busy.
146
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:53,053
(stammers)
I have plans Saturday.
147
00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:56,557
Ryan's taking me to a bluegrass
concert called Cornstock.
148
00:05:57,591 --> 00:06:00,193
Marriage is compromise.
149
00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:01,795
And I got plans, too, Dad.
150
00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:05,933
They involve Kyle
and a little bow-chicka-bow-bow.
151
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:08,201
Eve is coming up
from the Air Force Academy.
152
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:09,903
You're coming, too, okay?
153
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:11,639
Your mom is having a hard time.
154
00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:14,975
Apparently
she misses all of this.
155
00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:16,644
Well, I talk
to Mom all the time.
156
00:06:16,744 --> 00:06:18,612
Yeah, me, too.
I just texted her this morning.
157
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,047
That's not the same thing.
158
00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:21,449
She wants to be with you.
159
00:06:21,549 --> 00:06:23,584
You know your mom.
160
00:06:23,684 --> 00:06:26,219
An emotional connection to her
is a physical connection.
161
00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:27,755
Which is why, around our house,
162
00:06:27,855 --> 00:06:29,990
there's so much
bom-chicka-bow-bow.
163
00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:32,493
(shuddering)
164
00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:36,930
-Thanks for doing this, honey.
-Mm.
165
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:38,632
-Sorry I was so tough
on you lately. Mmm.
-Mmm.
166
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,434
Yeah. It was nothing.
I didn't do anything.
167
00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:42,603
The girls just wanted to spend
some time with you, right, guys?
168
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:46,607
We're just gonna pretend
you didn't order us here?
169
00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:49,677
I thought you military types
were good at "Don't tell."
170
00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:51,679
No, no, no.
It's okay, it's okay.
171
00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:54,114
I'm just thrilled to be
surrounded by my girls again.
172
00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:55,583
And we are happy to be here.
173
00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:58,486
It's better
than a bluegrass hootenanny.
174
00:06:58,586 --> 00:06:59,853
I want some credit, too.
175
00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:01,922
I gave up a night
of hot baby-making.
176
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:04,492
Wow, you just got to stop this.
177
00:07:04,592 --> 00:07:07,194
Otherwise, I'm gonna start
mashing with your mom right now.
178
00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:11,699
I-I don't appreciate that
as a threat, Mike.
179
00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:13,934
(chuckles)
Um, hey, you know what?
180
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:15,636
How about I open a bottle
of champagne,
181
00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:17,505
and we can toast
this fabulous night?
182
00:07:17,605 --> 00:07:19,439
-MIKE: I'm in.
-Yeah. None for me,
though, thanks.
183
00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:21,041
Oh, come on.
It's a special bottle
184
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:24,478
I didn't get to open on
New Year's because I was alone.
185
00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:26,146
You were with me, honey.
186
00:07:27,715 --> 00:07:30,551
Which is alone-adjacent.
187
00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:32,319
I'm gonna have to pass
on the champagne.
188
00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:34,287
Oh. You don't want a drink
with dinner?
189
00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:36,524
Looks like Ryan had
the intervention without us.
190
00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:37,991
Really?
191
00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:39,993
I am not an alcoholic.
192
00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:42,830
Exactly what an alcoholic
would say.
193
00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:48,068
But maybe there's an-another
reason I'm... not... drinking?
194
00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:51,338
You're... al... ready... drunk?
195
00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:53,874
Wait, wait.
196
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:56,844
-Kristin, are you...?
-Pregnant.
197
00:07:56,944 --> 00:07:58,646
-(shrieks, laughs)
-Oh!
198
00:07:58,746 --> 00:08:00,548
Almost four months. Surprise!
199
00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:02,049
VANESSA:
Oh, fantastic!
200
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:03,751
Oh, my God! Congratulations!
201
00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:06,219
Swear to God, I knew it.
202
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:11,024
Wow. That is really low, Kris.
203
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:13,393
-What?!
-You know, you can't just
204
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,395
blurt something like that out
in front of everyone.
205
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,731
Did you even think about
how that would make me feel?
206
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,733
I'm-I'm sorry.
I'm spending most of my time
207
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,735
growing a human being
inside of me.
208
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,704
-MIKE: Come on.
-Ugh, stop talking like that,
209
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:25,773
or I'll start mashing with Mom.
210
00:08:27,775 --> 00:08:30,110
You're just...
you're s-so inconsiderate.
211
00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:31,545
-Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
-No, Mandy, honey.
212
00:08:31,645 --> 00:08:32,946
No, listen, listen, listen.
I... Look,
213
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:34,582
I don't think
it's wrong for your sister
214
00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:37,084
to want to share this wonderful
news with the entire family.
215
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,719
Yeah, okay.
And now you're on her side.
216
00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:41,454
Whoever wins, I've got next.
217
00:08:41,555 --> 00:08:42,890
Eve, it's not funny.
218
00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:44,291
Right. That... I'm sorry.
219
00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:46,259
I read the room wrong.
220
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:49,563
Hey, how's the big
family dinner going?
221
00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:51,364
-(Mike chuckles)
-I can't even talk to you.
222
00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:54,234
Well...
223
00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:56,236
it... it really
was going quite well,
224
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:58,806
you know, until you showed up.
225
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:07,715
This is so sad.
226
00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:10,217
Uh, I mean, tonight should
have been a-a joyous time
227
00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:12,653
for our family.
Kristin's having a baby.
228
00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:16,790
And this time she's married
and not in high school.
229
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,826
Honey, honey.
Yeah. (chuckles)
230
00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:21,428
Look, I-I usually
find your ability
231
00:09:21,528 --> 00:09:24,064
to lighten the mood
kind of sexy.
232
00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:26,333
-Usually?
-Huh? Yeah, but one more joke,
233
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:28,902
I'm gonna hit you in the nuts
with the lamp.
234
00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:34,808
Mandy is upset
because Kris just gets pregnant,
235
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,645
and she and Kyle have been
working so hard to get pregnant.
236
00:09:37,745 --> 00:09:39,647
And there,
you made me acknowledge it.
237
00:09:39,747 --> 00:09:43,350
I know, I know, but-but
what Mandy did was not okay,
238
00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:45,085
and I'm gonna talk to her
about it.
239
00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:46,620
You know what?
I'm gonna talk to Kris, too,
240
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,321
because I-I'm sure
she feels robbed
241
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:51,091
of what should have been
an exciting family moment.
242
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:53,326
This is probably a risky thing
to say
243
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,996
with you so close to that lamp.
244
00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:59,667
I think
you should stay out of it.
245
00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:02,670
By "stay out of it,"
you mean what exactly?
246
00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:04,972
What?
Stop mothering my children?
247
00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:08,275
Hmm. Excuse me. Uh...
248
00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:12,780
You've done a great job
mothering those girls
249
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,447
-while they were living here.
-Mm-hmm.
250
00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:15,883
But now they're grown-ups,
they're out on their own.
251
00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:17,818
They got to figure this out
by themselves.
252
00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:20,721
-Well, what if they don't?
-Then you're a lousy mother.
253
00:10:20,821 --> 00:10:22,656
(scoffs)
Hand me the lamp.
254
00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:23,691
-Listen, listen...
-I...
255
00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:25,993
Mandy's gonna figure out
she did something wrong
256
00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:28,028
and she's gonna fix it--
I'm 100% sure of that.
257
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,462
Look, I hope you're right
258
00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:31,464
because I would really miss
that lamp.
259
00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:32,866
Come on, you'd really miss...
260
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,802
I'd miss the lamp.
261
00:10:36,904 --> 00:10:38,839
(knocking)
262
00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:41,141
-Yeah.
-Hey, Mr. B.
263
00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:44,244
Hey, you got a minute for
a couple of sons-in-laws-es?
264
00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:45,746
"Sons-in-laws-eez"? Sons-in...?
265
00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:48,515
Listen, hey, um...
congratulations.
266
00:10:48,615 --> 00:10:49,983
You and Boyd must be happy.
267
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,518
-Thank you. Yeah, we are.
-Yeah.
268
00:10:51,618 --> 00:10:53,486
-Um, that's actually
why we came by.
-Okay.
269
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:55,923
We heard the announcement last
night was a... little tense.
270
00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:57,590
Little tense.
Yes, I don't think
271
00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:59,827
a dinner's gone that badly
since the Last Supper.
272
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:03,831
Uh, this is all my fault.
273
00:11:03,931 --> 00:11:05,565
I'm not sure how,
274
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:08,368
but when I say that,
people usually feel better.
275
00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:10,203
Actually, it was your fault,
you know.
276
00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:12,239
Mandy wouldn't have anything
to be jealous over
277
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:15,108
had you kept
your sperm count low,
278
00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:18,378
where evolution wisely put it.
279
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,582
Damn my boxer shorts.
280
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:25,218
Look, Kris has been trying
to get hold of Mandy,
281
00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:26,586
but she's not answering.
282
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,255
So now Kris
is walking around all mad.
283
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:30,791
And this time she's mad for two.
284
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:32,592
And even though
we're their husbands,
285
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,194
we don't feel
like it's right for us
286
00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:36,063
to tell 'em they have to talk.
287
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,533
Oh, oh.
288
00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:42,235
You want me to say something?
289
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:44,704
-Yes.
-No.
290
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,608
But they'll listen to you.
Everybody does.
291
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,610
He doesn't listen to me.
292
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,880
If he did, the only person
he could get pregnant
293
00:11:52,980 --> 00:11:54,815
would be himself.
294
00:11:57,785 --> 00:11:59,319
I don't follow.
295
00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:00,921
Oh, I'll explain it
to you later.
296
00:12:01,021 --> 00:12:03,924
It's super hilarious.
297
00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:05,658
They're adults. I want them
to act like adults.
298
00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:07,094
I don't want them doing stuff
299
00:12:07,194 --> 00:12:08,996
because their dad tells them
to do it.
300
00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:10,931
Come on, Mike. There's got to be
something that you can do.
301
00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:12,665
I've already done it.
302
00:12:12,766 --> 00:12:15,235
I-I've spent 20-some-odd years
raising those girls.
303
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:18,605
I-It's got to be enough.
That's it. Dismissed.
304
00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:23,443
Oh, now I get it. Because he's
always telling you to go...
305
00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:25,478
Yeah, super hilarious.
306
00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:31,284
-Hey, Chuck.
-Oh, hey.
307
00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:33,253
I know you're not Dad's
secretary, but is he in?
308
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:34,754
He told me to come up at 3:00.
309
00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:36,790
Everyone says they know
I'm not his secretary,
310
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:38,992
but everyone acts like I am.
311
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,795
Go on in. Go ahead.
312
00:12:44,031 --> 00:12:46,366
(sighs) What are you doing here?
313
00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:47,767
I have a meeting with Dad.
314
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,202
What are you doing here?
315
00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:51,204
Oh, well, news flash,
Dad's not in here.
316
00:12:51,304 --> 00:12:52,873
And neither am I.
317
00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:56,509
Well, I won't be.
318
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,111
You know what, shut up!
319
00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:00,547
Oh.
320
00:13:01,648 --> 00:13:03,516
Nobody is going anywhere.
321
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,118
Your dad said
you two were supposed
322
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:07,154
to have a meeting at 3:00.
323
00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:09,156
So have a meeting.
324
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,695
And I am not his damn secretary.
325
00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:26,739
I can't believe you.
You're not talking to me
326
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,976
because you think
that I deliberately got pregnant
327
00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:31,511
just to ruin
the "Year of Mandy"?
328
00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:34,247
Wow. You don't even know what
you did; that's even worse.
329
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:35,748
I would ask you
what's even worse,
330
00:13:35,849 --> 00:13:37,350
but I know you won't talk to me.
331
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:39,853
Yeah, because we don't talk,
Kris, we-we chat.
332
00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:42,890
The diet soda of conversation.
333
00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:45,926
And even though I love
diet soda, that is a bad thing.
334
00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:49,529
Well, I am the whole milk
of confused.
335
00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:51,865
Talking would be stuff like, uh,
336
00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:54,234
"Hey, Mandy,
you're my best friend
337
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:56,236
"so you should be
the first to know
338
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:58,505
that you're going to be
an aunt again."
339
00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:04,777
Wh-- So-so you're not jealous,
you're hurt?
340
00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:06,513
That's even crazier.
341
00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:08,048
Yeah, well, we're supposed
342
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:09,716
to share important stuff
with each other.
343
00:14:09,816 --> 00:14:11,418
Who was the first person I told
344
00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:14,687
when Kyle's low sperm count
skyrocketed? You!
345
00:14:14,787 --> 00:14:16,423
Yes, yes, that was me.
346
00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:20,260
Quite the honor.
347
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,795
But I guess you don't want
to do that anymore. Fine.
348
00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:26,733
I don't, I don't want to be
the first person you tell.
349
00:14:26,833 --> 00:14:29,069
Mandy...
350
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,704
(sighs)
351
00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:35,575
Do you remember
a couple of years ago
352
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:39,913
when you were the first person
I told I was pregnant?
353
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:44,817
And then you weren't.
354
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:50,223
I'm really sorry, I didn't mean
to remind you of that.
355
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:51,591
It's okay.
356
00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:53,226
It was really early
in the pregnancy,
357
00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:55,762
and miscarriages
happen sometimes.
358
00:14:55,862 --> 00:14:58,065
Yeah.
359
00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,469
I remember how sad it made you.
360
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:05,472
And I remember
how sad it made you.
361
00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:11,011
I wished I had waited longer
to tell you.
362
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:13,346
So that's why
you waited this time.
363
00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:15,248
And just so you know,
you were gonna be
364
00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:16,984
the first person
I told this time, too.
365
00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:18,585
But the other night,
366
00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:22,122
Wineboat Annie started pushing
the bubbly and...
367
00:15:22,222 --> 00:15:24,757
it just came out, you know.
368
00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:26,593
I couldn't help myself.
369
00:15:26,693 --> 00:15:29,429
Okay, wait, I have a great idea.
370
00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:32,099
Why don't we have an
announcement do-over right now.
371
00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:34,534
Isn't that kind of silly?
372
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:36,036
No, no, no, it'll be great.
373
00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:37,637
(clears throat)
374
00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:41,141
* La-la, la-la-la-la, la, la. *
375
00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:43,443
Hey, Kris. Hey.
376
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:45,445
What did you want
to talk to me about?
377
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:48,548
Okay, fine, Mandy.
378
00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:53,120
Uh, I wanted you to be the first
to know... I'm pregnant.
379
00:15:53,220 --> 00:15:54,887
I can't believe
you're having a baby
380
00:15:54,988 --> 00:15:56,889
and ruining the Year of Mandy.
381
00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:00,793
You know what?
382
00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:02,295
You weren't even
the first person I told.
383
00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:05,865
I told Eve and...
and I don't even like her.
384
00:16:06,866 --> 00:16:08,801
This is so great.
385
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:10,337
I can't wait to be pregnant now
386
00:16:10,437 --> 00:16:11,738
so we can go through it
together.
387
00:16:11,838 --> 00:16:15,708
Yeah, it's a blast.
388
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,644
Next time
something's bothering you,
389
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,379
will you please just tell me?
390
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,681
Because you-you are
my best friend.
391
00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:24,317
I promise.
392
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:25,718
Also, this is, like,
393
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,254
the best meeting I've ever had.
394
00:16:27,354 --> 00:16:29,356
(both chuckling)
395
00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:31,658
Ooh. Oh.
396
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:34,994
The world needs more of this.
397
00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:38,031
(Chuck murmuring)
398
00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:46,506
Ugh.
399
00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:49,176
Ugh, why haven't they called?
400
00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:50,910
Not knowing is killing me.
401
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,613
It's gonna be fine.
It's gonna be fine.
402
00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:55,348
Look, they're either
still talking,
403
00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:57,550
or one of them tried
to get rid of the body.
404
00:16:57,650 --> 00:16:59,786
(scoffs)
I'm calling them.
405
00:16:59,886 --> 00:17:01,721
-Don't do it, please, honey...
-No, no, no, look.
406
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:03,590
You know, I don't feel good
about Mandy dealing
407
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,925
-with this by herself.
-Just put it down for me.
408
00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:08,728
(chuckles)
409
00:17:08,828 --> 00:17:10,230
Remember the time
that she begged us
410
00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:11,864
to make the family dinner? Hmm?
411
00:17:11,964 --> 00:17:15,702
-She made soup out of grass.
-Mm.
412
00:17:15,802 --> 00:17:18,905
-Come on. She was a child.
-Ah.
413
00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:21,541
-She was a child, right?
-Mm.
414
00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:23,443
Yeah. And Kristin
actually ate it
415
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:25,312
because she didn't want Mandy
to feel bad.
416
00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:27,147
Yeah, but then Kristin
felt horrible
417
00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:31,050
'cause I'd just fertilized
the lawn.
418
00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:33,052
Yeah, those two have
always been so close.
419
00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:35,922
I don't think I can handle it
if they lose that.
420
00:17:36,022 --> 00:17:37,056
It's not gonna happen.
421
00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:38,225
Listen, I know their mom.
422
00:17:38,325 --> 00:17:39,326
Thanks.
423
00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:43,763
Can I confess something
that's, uh...
424
00:17:43,863 --> 00:17:45,832
(chuckles)
that's gonna sound horrible?
425
00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:47,567
Sure. As long as you don't
finish the sentence
426
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:49,302
and say, "Your turn."
427
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:55,675
There is a... part of me
428
00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:57,944
that almost hopes
they don't work it out
429
00:17:58,044 --> 00:18:00,147
because then that'll mean
430
00:18:00,247 --> 00:18:02,849
that they no longer need me.
431
00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:04,617
(chuckles)
432
00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:06,853
That make me an awful person?
433
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,157
Good parent, you raise them
434
00:18:10,257 --> 00:18:12,359
and they don't need you.
435
00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:14,294
And it sucks. You know?
436
00:18:14,394 --> 00:18:18,465
You're a great parent,
they still want you.
437
00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:20,600
-Hmm.
-KRISTIN: Hey, anybody home?
438
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:22,369
MANDY:
I got a pregnant lady here
who's hungry.
439
00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:26,173
-And it's not me.
-(Vanessa chuckles)
440
00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:29,376
Oh, my goodness. What are
you guys, uh, doing here?
441
00:18:29,476 --> 00:18:31,811
Well, I went by Dad's office to
straighten these two clowns out,
442
00:18:31,911 --> 00:18:34,714
but they had figured everything
out before I could hit anybody.
443
00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:38,185
Well, um, we wanted
to come over and apologize.
444
00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:40,119
Yeah, Dad said that you
really missed seeing us,
445
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:42,689
and we went and screwed it up.
446
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:44,056
I didn't.
447
00:18:44,157 --> 00:18:45,992
I did what I always do--
448
00:18:46,092 --> 00:18:47,860
cracked a couple of jokes
449
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,830
and snuck two beers
into the den.
450
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:53,666
You still can't drink here
unless you're 21.
451
00:18:53,766 --> 00:18:56,135
I am 21.
452
00:18:56,236 --> 00:18:57,837
Ha.
453
00:18:57,937 --> 00:19:00,072
Swear to God, I knew that.
454
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:05,712
Uh, real smooth having Chuck
lock us in your office, Dad.
455
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,814
Yeah, why was he crying
when I got there?
456
00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:11,150
Yeah... we did that.
457
00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:14,020
Marines.
458
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,990
I am just glad you're here
459
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:20,860
because I really miss this.
460
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,663
Oh, Mommy, you-you finished the
New Year's puzzle by yourself.
461
00:19:23,763 --> 00:19:25,432
Yeah, well, I--
it wasn't as much fun,
462
00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:27,900
but-but it was quicker.
463
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,436
Well, next year
we'll be sure to come by
464
00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:31,238
and do it all together.
465
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:34,006
-You know what,
it's not quite done.
-(gasps) Hey! No!
466
00:19:34,106 --> 00:19:35,408
MIKE:
No, really, there's
a little bit left here.
467
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,510
-Come on. Oh, look.
-Oh, no!
468
00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:39,346
-Look, I tell you what.
-What are you doing?
469
00:19:39,446 --> 00:19:41,514
I'm going to the garage.
That's what I'm gonna do.
470
00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:43,182
You want to help us?
471
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:45,252
I think I already put
my puzzle together.
472
00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:46,886
(chuckles)
473
00:19:46,986 --> 00:19:49,021
You do realize next year
474
00:19:49,121 --> 00:19:51,524
this will be a choking hazard?
475
00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:55,295
Or you could give it to Mandy
and make it one now.
476
00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:57,564
Hey, uh, Eve,
why don't you let me
477
00:19:57,664 --> 00:20:00,867
whip you up a cup of soup?
478
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:03,803
You missed this?
479
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:05,872
Absolutely.
480
00:20:05,972 --> 00:20:08,074
*
481
00:20:14,481 --> 00:20:16,316
Hey, Mike Baxter
for Outdoor Man,
482
00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:18,751
where we're all about
passing down traditions.
483
00:20:18,851 --> 00:20:21,288
That's why we're having
a Grandparents Day sale,
484
00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:23,256
where, if you come in
with your grandkid,
485
00:20:23,356 --> 00:20:25,057
I'll give you 20% off
486
00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:26,726
on all of our camping equipment,
all right?
487
00:20:26,826 --> 00:20:28,395
But don't just borrow
a neighbor kid
488
00:20:28,495 --> 00:20:31,063
to just save a little dough.
489
00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:32,965
You try that move
and you're gonna get
490
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:36,002
a butt full of hot buckshot.
491
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:38,137
And nothing makes me happier
than thinking
492
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,640
about being a grandpa again.
493
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:43,343
And nothing makes me less happy
than thinking about
494
00:20:43,443 --> 00:20:46,679
what had to happen
to make that happen.
495
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:48,948
(groans)
496
00:20:49,048 --> 00:20:51,918
Why couldn't the stork
have been real, man?
497
00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:54,020
It's easier, cleaner, better.
498
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:55,788
I prefer that story.
499
00:20:55,888 --> 00:20:59,459
Of course, in nature storks
are real but they're mean.
500
00:20:59,559 --> 00:21:02,028
They're mean.
Mean damn birds.
501
00:21:02,128 --> 00:21:04,431
They kick their kids out
of the nest after 60 days
502
00:21:04,531 --> 00:21:06,098
and don't give a flying fork
503
00:21:06,198 --> 00:21:08,701
if they visit at New Year's.
504
00:21:08,801 --> 00:21:10,937
The best thing about pushing
humans out of the nest
505
00:21:11,037 --> 00:21:13,540
is that they circle back
and often hand you
506
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:16,943
a smaller, cuter version
of themselves to look after.
507
00:21:17,043 --> 00:21:21,013
It's a beautiful tradition
called "free babysitting."
508
00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:23,282
And, listen,
I take my responsibility
509
00:21:23,383 --> 00:21:25,485
as a grandfather very seriously.
510
00:21:25,585 --> 00:21:27,554
Someone has to teach
the youngest generation
511
00:21:27,654 --> 00:21:31,324
the right way to insert
an M-80 in a watermelon.
512
00:21:32,559 --> 00:21:34,461
Baxter out.
513
00:21:34,561 --> 00:21:35,962
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
514
00:21:36,062 --> 00:21:37,497
(chicken clucks)
38148
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