Original subtitles

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: There you are. Last we left our Jane,

her fiancé Michael had lost his job

due to a little, uh, bad publicity,

so Jane picked up some extra work

writing other people's college essays.

And I'm the one paying you

to write the essay to get him in.

But her conscience got

the better of her, so she quit.

Unfortunately, Petra's twin sister, Anezka,

who is epileptic...

Oh. Leaping lizards!

I forgot to mention, Petra has a twin sister named Anezka.

What the... Anyway, Anezka thought she was being helpful.

Well, I not thinking

Jane is perfect, not at all.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And so, she sabotaged Jane.

I know! Leaping lizards, indeed.

Oh, and speaking of shady relatives,

you'll recall Rafael's mother

was the crime lord known as Mutter.

Oh, and his long lost brother showed up.

Did you know our mother was a crime lord? No, did you?

RAFAEL: Where were you? You weren't with our mother.

Right here, on this boat.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Unfortunately, Derek

seemed to be up to a little sabotage of his own.

It's a go. Let's take him down.

I know, straight out of a telenovela, right?

Which brings us to Rogelio, who started sleeping with

the head writer of his show. XIOMARA: I think you like her a lot.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Which was a challenge for Xo,

but Rogelio promised she could still record

a song for his show,

and speaking of big productions,

we are T-minus 17 days

before Jane and Michael's wedding,

so let's hop on it.

Jane Gloriana Villanueva didn't remember her first Mother's Day

because she was a baby at the time.

Happy Mother's Day!

Come, come, I have

a surprise for you.

Today, we're

going to do nothing

but sit in our pj's,

watch the marathon of

Lagrimas de tu Corazon

on channel five, and eat all the ice cream we want.

Come on, aren't you dying

to find out if Eva's secret twin

is working with Alfonso

to bring down the Ramirez empire?

Hmm.

Please?

It's my first Mother's Day as a mother,

and I want to spend it with my mom.

Chunky Monkey?

Two pints.

(chuckles)

And so a tradition was born.

Observe: binge watching, before streaming.

Yes, it was a thing.

Over the years, the format changed,

but the fundamentals were the same: a day of pj's,

pints and telenovelas.

Ay!

It was Juan Carlos's twin?!

Ricardo has a twin brother?

Don't act so surprised, Jane.

It's a well-worn trope of the genre...

I did not see that coming.

...but it still works every time,

and Jane was planning on spending her first

Mother's Day as a mother carrying on the tradition.

(sighs) I'm torn.

Do we revisit a classic like Lagrimas

de tu Corazon,

or do we binge this new one from Mexico,

La Danza

de los Criminales.

But then...

Oh.

Petra.

Oh, hi, Jane.

What's this?

Oh, nothing.

Oh, well, I-I just thought it would be

simpler if, um, if we all did something together,

so Rafael wouldn't have to

split his time.

You're hosting a Mother's Day brunch?

Oh, it's not a big deal.

You made cards.

Yeah, K-Krishna got carried away.

Um, anyway, your-your whole family's invited.

If you want.

You don't have to come.

We'd love to, Petra. Thank you.

MICHAEL: You really said yes?

Of course, I said yes.

But I just finished setting up

the TV for your binge watch.

Oh, well, guess we have

to call Petra and cancel.

Stop, she's making a real effort here.

It's sweet,

and we're...

sort of a family...

it's important to show up.

Right, Abuela?

Well, tough.

We're all going.

Got it. I should run.

Can't be late for my first day at the new job.

(Jane chuckles)

Pretty sure your boss

will cut you some slack.

True, for the record, since his new boss was...

(clears throat)

Okay, guys, come on.

Let's keep it friendly for the EPK.

Yes, Rogelio,

let's not turn this into a pissing contest.

I understand why you'd be

intimidated, I have a very propulsive stream.

All right,

let's take five.

(bell ringing)

Michael, please.

Uh, I don't think you've

met my new head of security.

This is

Michael Cordero,

former star detective of the Miami PD.

Ah. (chuckles)

Nice to meet you.

I had to beef up protection

due to my well-publicized stalking incident.

Have you ever been stalked, Esteban?

So many times.

Funny, I don't recall anything high-profile.

I kept it out of the press,

but I did "beef up"

my personal security, as well.

This is Donny,

former world champion

of the MMA circuit.

Donny,

please carry me to craft service.

He's so ridiculous.

Can you carry me?

No. (sputtering)

I'm kidding.

I'm kidding, of course.

Come, let me tell you all about the big

Mother's Day surprise I am planning for Jane.

Oh, okay, just remember,

Jane doesn't love surprises.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: True, for the record.

And unfortunately,

she was about to get a big one.

Sorry, but your phone's been blowing up

for the last 30 minutes.

A lot of unknown numbers.

12 messages? That's bizarre.

What is it?

Someone wants to pay me to write their college term paper.

And another one.

BOY'S VOICE: Hey, I'm replying to the ad in University Daily

about how I can pay you to write my essays.

And I have this Earth Science thing coming up...

(gasps)

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

"Jane Villanueva will write

your college essay for money?"

Who did this?

What's going on?

...call me back. We'll talk prices.

(phone beeps) Oh, no, my advisor called.

Hi, Jane...

Please, please, please don't be about the advertisement.

There was an advertisement that Professor Blake and I

need to speak with you about as soon as possible.

Okay. It's okay.

She hates me, but Blake mostly doesn't.

Professor Blake, Professor Donaldson

I just want to assure you,

I do not write college papers for money.

I am clearly 100% against cheating.

Then why is there an ad in the paper offering your services?

I have no idea.

It's obviously some sort of prank.

I mean, even if I did write papers for money,

which, again, I don't,

would I ever advertise in the school paper?

She's right, Richard.

Why would she do this? She's not stupid.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Aw, she called Jane not stupid.

So who do you think did it?

I have no idea.

But I promise I'm going to get

to the bottom of this. Here's the thing,

regardless of whether or not you placed the ad...

I definitely didn't.

...drama just seems to follow you.

(people gasping) No! Oh! Wait!

I'm sorry, you can finish out your current class,

but I can't have you back to TA next semester.

Really, Richard?

RICHARD; Yes.

JANE: I'm telling you, Donaldson's my only hope.

I think if I can prove to her

that I was set up, she'll help me.

So, I went to the school paper

and got the buyer's e-mail address.

Creepy.

So, I just set up my own fake e-mail account,

and pretended to be from the school,

and asked if they wanted to rerun the ad.

Ooh, nice.

Very Jessica Jones.

Thank you.

I just, I need to prove to Professor Blake

that this was a mistake.

And that drama doesn't follow me.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: In Jane's defense,

drama is in her blood.

We have reached Sting-tantric levels of love-making.

Add it to your special skills.

Done.

Why are you hurrying off?

Work. LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ah, yes.

You'll recall, Rogelio's booty call

had recently turned into a full-blown crush.

Where'd I put my phone? Um...

Hmm.

(clears throat)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Don't worry, Ro.

That could totally be an oversight.

Here it is.

So, uh, Dina,

what are you doing Saturday?

I have plans.

RAFAEL: They're just the preliminary plans,

of course.

I'm impressed.

Your architect did a spectacular job.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: As my grandmother used to say,

"Ay, not this guy."

I'm glad you're both happy.

Very happy.

Call the firm,

tell them we're moving forward.

Petra?

What's this?

Why does everyone keep asking that? Read the invitation.

That's the whole point of an invitation.

You're throwing a Mother's Day brunch?

Yes.

Jane's family's coming.

I just thought it would be easier for everyone

if we're all in one place.

Really?

Don't make it into a thing.

Yeah, well, there is one thing.

Invitation says 11:00.

The twins are still napping then.

Oh.

So we'll wake them up.

We've worked really hard to get them on a schedule.

Okay, fine, so we'll push the brunch to 1:00.

Now it's a lunch.

Enjoy.

Yes!

What?

I got a response from my fake e-mail.

"No thank you to renewing advertisement,

I have everything what is necessary."

"Everything what is necessary"?

Jane! Sorry to interrupt.

Uh, we're gonna have to bump the brunch to 1:00.

I forgot the twins nap at 11:00.

What? Nothing.

They just changed their schedule.

Anyway, is that all right?

Yes, of course. No problem.

I know, Abuela, I'm sorry,

but she got the nap times wrong, I guess.

Come on, you know Petra's not a hands-on mom,

give her a break please.

Can you get someone to cover your shift?

That is sounding important.

If you wanting to talk,

I can do everything what is necessary

to cover your tables.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Did she just say...

I have to call you back.

Excuse me?

I say,

I can do everything what is necessary for your tables.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And that's when Jane realized

what she should have realized much earlier,

given her great love of telenovelas,

it's always the twin.

Petra? Oh, hey, perfect timing.

Here's our caterer's

proposed menu for our lunch.

Any allergies?

Issues?

Wow! Four courses.

I'm assuming

each course lasts three minutes

and has lots of Cheerios

or Mateo's not gonna make it.

I didn't realize I had to prepare

something special for Mateo.

No, I'm kidding. I'm--

I'm-I'm just saying that he can't

sit through four courses.

Well, my nannies will be there if he gets fussy.

Oh, I mean, well,

it is Mother's Day, so I do want to be with him.

I wasn't suggesting you don't want to be with him.

Okay, we're getting off track. That is great.

Um... I actually

wanted to talk about Anezka.

I've showed her how to use deodorant.

No, it-it's not that. It's, um...

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And so, Jane told Petra

about... well, you know.

Let's FF through.

(Jane speaking rapidly)

But why would she do that?

I have no idea.

But in order to get my TA job back,

I have to prove who it was,

and I really think it was your sister.

Let me talk to her.

(exhales)

ROGELIO: I need to talk to you.

I wasn't going to mention it,

but holding in my emotions

is causing me to eat my feelings.

And I think we can both agree

that will be a disaster for the ratings.

What is it?

I know you're having a birthday party.

And I was not invited.

(sighs) Look.

The truth is I don't think you'd

get along with my other friends.

They're more like, you know, regular people.

Some of my closest friends are non-celebs.

Stedman, for example.

It's just you're interested in different things.

You like to talk about the Kardashians.

(chuckles)

There more interested in

Ta-Nehisi Coates.

I assure you I'm open

to all kinds of jackets.

He's not a jacket.

He's an author.

I... know.

I was just

making a joke.

Come on, Dina.

I can totally hang with nerds.

I spent a good part of the summer of 1998

hanging with Moby.

Please.

Let me come.

Fantastic.

And I promise I will show your friends

my intellectual side.

Jane, I need you to give me an intellectual side.

So, you want to do a whole Pygmalion thing?

What? No, no, no.

Like a My Fair Lady thing.

See, Dina is seeing me only as a sex object.

And I have to prove to her that I am more than just

oceans of charisma.

I refuse to be objectified.

Make it a little tighter, please.

Don't you want to be with somebody

who respects you for who you are?

Yes, of course!

I just want to present her

with a smarter alternative.

Please, Jane.

Watch the pin!

Okay, Dad, whatever you need.

Ready to shoot?

(gasps)

Jane, I'm sorry.

There's an emergency at work.

I'm gonna have to call you back.

(sighs)

Dad wants to seem smarter,

I guess, for Dina.

Wow.

He must like her a lot.

Yeah.

Are you okay with all of this?

I'm fine.

You should support your dad.

(door opens)

(both laugh)

Don't laugh, don't laugh.

Hey, my eyes are up here. Look me in the eyes.

Oh, I can't. It's just so white!

Oh, oh... Oh, mm, okay.

I'm okay.

Uh-huh.

How was your first day?

It was great.

Well, now you look me in the eye.

Okay, well, maybe it wasn't as exciting

as fighting international crime lords.

But I did give a warning

to a guy who was about to take four donuts

from craft service, so... (whistles)

Ooh. Mm-hmm, how about you?

Did you solve the case of the classified catfisher?

I am a former detective.

I can help you track down the perp.

Perp's been tracked. Who is it?

Finally, there you are.

Did you have anything

to do with this ad?

Oh, yes, I did do.

You are so very welcome.

"Welcome"?

Anezka, what were you thinking?

Oh, you hint for me to do it.

Because Rafael was thinking Jane too perfect.

No, I didn't hint.

Oh, no.

I am so stupid then.

Jane is my friend.

Oh, well, no, she not be such good friend.

She's saying you aren't good mother.

Oh... forget it.

I-I causing trouble enough.

What?

Anezka?

What did Jane say?

So, let's review from the top.

The three main topics

of intellectual party conversation are?

Current events,

literature, culture.

Kardashians? Mm.

Off limits.

Mmm.

But there's so much to discuss!

Kourtney's going through hell with Scott!

The-- Dad.

Okay, so we've covered The Goldfinch,

the election-- last handout.

If they're talking museums, bust out this info

on Marina Abramovic.

Very current, super pretentious.

She just stares at people for hours at a time?

Mm-hmm. That's not art.

That's just bad manners.

Good!

That's a legitimate critique!

(grunts twice)

And remember, if you feel like

you're in over your head,

just excuse yourself to go to

the bathroom or get a drink.

Return to a new group and start over.

Thank you, Jane. Mm-hmm.

I will learn my lines,

and give a Paloma-worthy performance.

I'm sure you will.

Yes.

So, is Michael liking the new job?

So fun, right?

Oh, yeah, so fun.

Is he not having an excellent time?

He's really grateful to you for the job.

DEREK: And I'm grateful

that you gave me this job. I really am.

But I've got to resign.

Wait, what?

Why?

I've decided to go into the hotel business myself.

In fact...

you're gonna give me the Fairwick.

(chuckles)

Wait, is this some kind of joke?

You know what's a joke?

You pretending to be some great long-lost big brother

while at the same time,

you were working with the police to spy on me.

I had to know if you were working with our mother.

Okay, and I, and I understand if you're angry--

You understand nothing.

So let me spell it out for you.

You sell me the Fairwick for a dollar,

or I turn you into the Feds

for insider trading.

Wait, what?

My buddy gave you a tip.

You acted on it.

Honestly,

I thought you'd wait longer

to spend the money you made, but, man,

you used it quick.

You set me up.

This place is really gonna be something special.

(door opens, closes)

Hey.

He took a long nap, so he might be fussy

when you put him down. Got it.

You okay? LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Well, he's being blackmailed

by his brother, so that's a no.

Yeah.

Yeah, just...

an unexpected hurdle with the Fairwick acquisition.

Okay.

Well, whatever it is,

I'm sure you'll figure it out.

And speaking of figuring things out,

Michael was adapting to his new life on set.

I can't wait to cut that line in post.

(grunts)

Cut! DIRECTOR: Cut!

Did you see that?

Fake fighting is a carefully

choreographed dance.

To adlib a gesture like that

is to put us both in actual danger.

No kidding.

Plus if you wanted to disarm someone

believably, you'd go for the wrist.

What?

No, I'm just saying technically,

if you wanted to be accurate...

Come with me.

And in that moment, Rogelio realized

he could kill two birds with one stone.

Esteben, approach!

Michael happens to be an expert in combat,

And he will now demonstrate how to disarm someone.

This guy? (chuckles)

Hit me with your best shot, pretty boy.

Bird one-- build Michael up.

(both grunting)

Bird two-- torture Esteben.

Bravo! Bravo!

I'm promoting you to personal bodyguard/technical advisor.

From here on out, I want you to monitor all our fights

for authenticity.

And I looked it up online,

and technical advisors make good money.

And it's actually really fun.

I'm so happy you're excited.

Yeah, I really am.

Okay.

Time to become an expert

in 15th century combat.

And so Michael researched.

And Wiki-ed.

Oh.

And googled.

Until he was exhausted.

(exhales)

But satisfied.

How's it going? I think I'm starting to get a handle on it, my lady.

(both grunting)

(phone ringing)

Oh, good, it's Petra.

Hopefully she got her sister to confess.

Hey, Petra.

Did you say I'm a bad mother?

Excuse me?

Apparently you called your grandmother to complain

about how I didn't know my children's nap times

because I'm not a good mom. Oh, dear.

No, I didn't use those words.

Well, what words did you use?

Well, look, you're taking it out of context.

I was actually defending you to my grandmother.

So, she was calling me a bad mom?

No! No!

She was just annoyed because she had to change

her work schedule and that's not easy for her.

What are you implying?

Nothing. I know all about

hard work, Jane-- I have a job.

Yeah, well, I did, too, until your sister got me fired!

And maybe it was the heat of the moment

or the fact that Petra finally

had a little family of her own to protect,

but she said...

You know what, Jane?

My sister said she didn't place that ad,

and I believe her, so lay off.

(groans, sighs)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Observe Jane steaming

milk at the cappuccino machine.

You can please Anezka extra milk for cappuccino order?

Oh, so foam is all what is necessary

for your cappuccino?

I am not understanding...

Oh, I think you are understanding.

So stop with this whole innocent thing!

I am being innocent.

No you aren't. You're a liar!

And I don't know how, but trust me,

I'm gonna prove it!

(crying)

And she just started

crying like I'm some sort of--

Ogre! Screaming!

She being cruel and so--

Manipulative.

But I'm onto her.

Acting like an innocent child.

It felt like spank hour at orphanage.

No, we're taking the high road here.

If she's not canceling, I'm not canceling.

B-But just...

maybe give Jane some space.

But Anezka better stay away from me.

Otherwise, it's on!

ROGELIO: En garde!

(grunts)

Cut!

(bell rings)

What...?

Uh... is there a problem?

Well, it's just that, traditionally, you wouldn't lock

the longswords like that, because you'd often have

a dagger as well, in your other hand.

So when the longswords are locked,

your opponent could, like, stab you dead.

With the dagger.

That's wonderful.

Thank you, Technical Advisor.

Let's do it again without locking the swords.

But that is the most compelling part of the scene.

It's not about the swords,

it's about my eyes.

Historical accuracy is also semi-important.

We ready here?

Settle and... action!

MICHAEL: Cut!

(sword clatters, bell rings)

Just the, uh, the lunge...

the lunge felt a little...

Can you excuse us for one second?

Michael...

The work you're doing is wonderful.

But you cannot yell "cut" while we're shooting.

Only the director

and the star can do that.

Right. I just got excited.

I understand.

So how do I communicate to you

if you guys are way off

and it's not believable...

Well, that's the thing.

You see, it's a telenovela.

So things don't have to be completely believable.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: That's an understatement.

Ah!

Oh, my God.

What's the holdup here?

Oh, I'm sorry. Yes.

I have to shoot this,

so I can get out by dinner.

Okay.

And it's already five minutes past

one little boy's bedtime,

isn't it, Mr. Sweetface, isn't it?

Oh, yes. (kissing sounds)

(phone chimes) Oh.

Okay, let's say good night to Abuela.

Oh. (phone chimes)

What's going on over there?

I-It's Dad.

He wants me to coach him through this party, in person.

I'm-I'm just gonna say no.

Stop. Go.

No, Mom. I feel weird.

Because of me?

Don't. Honestly.

Actually, knowing that he and Dina are both out

makes it easier for me to go record my track at the studio.

No chance of running into them.

Go, hon.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Which brings us here, now...

Jane, you made it!

Everyone,

meet my brilliant daughter, Jane!

You invited your daughter?

MAN: Here, ha-have a seat, Jane. No, wait!

Sit next to me. I need you close.

Why? JANE: It's okay.

I'll sit here.

Okay, well...

there is perfect.

Just wanted to make sure

you were comfortable.

(phone chimes)

ROGELIO: My daughter is a brilliant student.

She's in graduate school.

WOMAN: My son's at Oxford.

Oh. England. Great...

and important country.

Shakespeare and...

How do you know Dina?

WOMAN: We were actually in debate together

in college.

Oh, I dabble myself in debate, as well.

I once played a great debater on Tiago.

I owned the Senate floor!

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Wow! He's fast with his fingers!

¶ La mujer de amor ¶

¶ Es un secreto en la noche ¶

¶ La mujer de mi ¶

(reaching for high note): ¶ Alma... ¶

(sighs) Let me try again.

Oh, sorry, man.

We're running a little behind.

Do you want to come back in 20 for your ADR?

I'll wait.

¶ ¶

¶ La mujer de mi ¶

¶ Alma... ¶

(sighs) I'm sorry.

You're just too in your head.

Don't just sing it.

Hmm?

Feel it.

Seduce the microphone.

I'm not with Rogelio anymore,

so flirting with me isn't gonna hurt him.

Oh.

You know what else works to get the note?

You can use the ground to stabilize.

Hmm.

Lie down. Seriously.

You take all the support of the earth

and then you sing up instead of out.

Shakira taught me.

I mean, I'll try.

You're going to feel silly at first.

But just put that aside, okay?

Okay.

¶ ¶ ¶ La mujer de mi ¶

¶ Alma! ¶

Huh.

Hmm?

Wow.

You're a good coach.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And speaking of coaches...

Thanks to Jane,

Rogelio had successfully

navigated culture and politics.

It's a clear perversion of the 14th Amendment.

Not at all what our founding fathers meant, you know?

Exactly. LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Even science.

I don't think we can fully comprehend

the profound impact of the Higgs boson particle.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: In fact, his knowledge was on fleek, until...

Free trade with Cuba is essential.

Just look at the great success

of the Nazi alliance.

Oh!

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Well, until Jane failed to see

her phone's misguided autocorrect.

Um, excuse me?

The "great success"?

No, no!

No. That wasn't a great success.

No. What I meant was...

Yes?

Oh, j-just that the,

you know, the Nazi alliance...

Jane? What... what do I mean?

NATO... (clears throat)

The NATO alliance.

So, what? You brought your daughter out

to do some Cyrano thing? No.

It was like...

Have you seen the movie Roxanne?

It's just...

well, you know...

I wanted to impress your smart friends.

Because I like you, Dina.

That's why I'm wearing

these ridiculous glasses

and talking about silly things like literature or science.

Well, the whole thing... it was stupid.

I know. I agree.

But also...

whatever...

kind of sweet.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Jane!

Oh, hey.

I-I was just texting you. Looks like you have

the situation under control, so I was gonna head home.

What's wrong?

Nothing, I just...

(sighs) Okay.

Well... earlier, I felt weird helping you with Dina

because I thought it would upset Mom.

And I didn't want you to think that I was picking sides, so...

Was your mother upset? No.

No. She's... she's okay.

That's the point.

I realized, watching you,

it's not about Mom.

It's about me.

It's that fairytale, right?

Your divorced parents meet, fall back in love...

Of course.

That's what makes The Parent Trap such an evocative film.

Exactly.

And don't get me wrong,

I want you to be happy,

and Dina's great.

I just think I need a little more time

before I can be your wingman.

I understand.

Thank you for your help.

I know you're always on my side.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And speaking of taking sides...

JANE: Okay.

I just want things calm and peaceful.

This is a happy occasion.

Happy and awkward.

No. Not awkward.

We will make it not awkward.

How is it not being awkward? Jane is hating both of us.

Just smile, Anezka.

(knocking at door) Even if it's fake.

Like this.

Happy Mother's Day!

I adjusted things a little.

Buffet style.

Oh. Thank you.

And here.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Yeah, there's no way

this isn't awkward. Oh.

Assorted colors. How fun.

So, anyone care for a drink?

Yes. Yes. Okay. Thank you.

Sí, sí, sí. LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Me, too!

In fact, I have an idea.

Every time something awkward happens at this brunch,

let's take a sip of our mimosas.

Kids, you have orange juice.

Let's start with an easy one.

Which his brother is now blackmailing him for.

Thanks. It's, uh...

Unexpectedly awkward. Drink!

So, how are things with Dina?

Drink!

This feel a little weird to you?

Wait until Father's Day.

Drink!

Breathe, Jane. Breathe!

But the rest of you, drink!

(sighs)

Oh, these two are in a relatively good place.

Maybe we can take a water break.

Ah! Enjoying the most awkward brunch ever?

(laughs) Is your brother coming?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Agh! Drink!

I don't think so, no.

Rafael?

What's going on?

I don't know if I should tell you or not.

You should. Definitely.

I made a bad decision.

And now my brother is blackmailing me.

What? How?

I made money off an illegal stock tip.

I didn't know it was illegal.

Derek set me up.

And now he's using it to extort money from me.

Specifically, the Fairwick.

But if you didn't know, then it's not your fault.

I didn't know.

But then, after I knew,

I used it to buy the Fairwick.

I know.

I screwed up.

I thought I was taking care of my family.

What are you going to do?

I don't know. (Mateo fusses)

I'm going to to give him a bottle.

It'll be okay.

MICHAEL: I knew it.

I knew Derek was shady.

(giggles)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Weird sense of humor, Mateo.

Michael, you can't say anything.

He told me in confidence.

MICHAEL: But the police need to know,

because it could help our investigation--

their investigation.

Just... try to see if you can get him

to come forward. If you can.

Your father's calling everyone.

I made a little something

in honor of

my daughter's first official

Mother's Day.

ROGELIO: What made Jane a great mother?

What makes Jane a great mom?

(crying): So many things?

Oh, wow.

Okay, I can't cry right away, right?

The way she always puts family first.

She's got your back,

and she pushes you to be the best version of yourself.

RAFAEL: Jane always sees

the good in people.

The world she lives in,

that's the world I want to live in.

MICHAEL: She's generous.

Resourceful.

ROGELIO: Kind.

XIOMARA: I'm in awe of how she tackles

every problem head-on.

It's inspiring.

MICHAEL: She's fair.

ROGELIO: Jane's a peace-maker.

Always on everyone's side.

She's like Switzerland.

I learned all about Switzerland in my cram session.

(laughs)

MICHAEL: Generous. Thoughtful.

XIOMARA: Smart.

ROGELIO: Patient.

Lists.

RAFAEL: So many lists.

(laughs) ROGELIO: Like, a lot of lists.

What? There's a lot to organize.

But really it's...

it's how much she loves.

Love.

MICHAEL: I know it sounds cheesy,

but... love.

And superb genes.

So happy first Mother's Day.

My daughter.

(babbling)

(crying): Aw.

(babbling)

Thanks, Dad.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR (slurring): Here we go again.

Awkward.

It's her Mother's Day too, right?

(burps)

Excuse me.

I drank a little too much.

I am also wanting to say something

about what a wonderful mother I am thinking you are, Petra.

This life...

This life

that you have earned for your daughters

after coming from nothing.

And I am just thinking

it is so beautiful

what you have done for them.

And I know how hard it has been.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Well, that was

legitimately sweet.

And while we're sharing about our moms,

can I just say I have the greatest,

most supportive, bestest mother ever.

Love you, Mama. So much.

Right, well, I think I got to lay down.

Thank you for having us.

And that was a very nice speech.

I'm glad it worked out.

Us together

is everything what I want.

Okay, listen, you said it again.

What?

I know you placed that ad,

and, look, you may have a good reason.

If you could just come clean...

Jane, stop.

You're beating a dead horse.

(horse whinnies)

I can't stop because your sister is a liar,

and you are too close to see it.

You just blindly follow what she says like a sheep.

(sheep bleats)

Are you saying my sister's a bad person

and I'm just too close to her to see it?

I never said that. You might as well have.

(cat screeches) Okay, enough, someone take that toy away from him.

Excuse me? I host your entire family here for lunch, and all you can do

is to continue to hurl insults at my sister.

No, please.

No fighting because of Anezka.

I'm insulting your sister because she's a liar!

Please no!

She's not! She is!

She's not!

BOTH: Oh!

(gasping)

I am so sorry about your sister.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Wait.

What's going on? What did I miss?

Where are we? Oh, wow.

The room is spinning.

I obviously never, ever meant

for anything like this to happen.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Is Anezka dead?

It's okay. She's fine.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Whew.

Okay.

So why are we at the hospital?

She's epileptic,

so seizures will happen sometimes.

Under extreme stress.

Well, I'm sorry I caused it.

I just... I really thought she did it.

And she said she didn't.

And as you can see,

she's an emotionally fragile person,

which is why I didn't push her.

I get it.

Again, I'm so sorry.

NURSE: She'll be okay.

Just keep stress levels down.

Lots of fluids, lots of rest.

Thank you so much.

(crying): I am feeling terrible

for ruining special lunch.

As long as you're okay.

No, I'm not being okay.

I cause everybody so much fighting.

So, you don't have to lie for me anymore, Petra.

What?

Yes, I am the one that post ad.

And Petra, just being good sister,

took cover for me.

You were lying this whole time? No.

It's okay now, Petra, I come clean.

I want an e-mail explaining what you did

so I can try and salvage my job.

Yes, of course.

And I have nothing to say to you.

I was so naive

to think that she'd changed.

That we would be one big happy family.

You know what?

Let's stop talking about the evil twins.

And start watching the evil twins.

Amen.

And Mateo can play with his new toys.

(gasp) Yeah, buddy.

Ooh.

While we...

get cozy with the remote.

Mm-hmm.

And I'll order ice cream.

Ooh. LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: At long last,

pj's, pints...

and telenovelas.

Which brings us here, of course.

Look, I'm...

I'm sorry I came on so strong with the Tech Advisor thing.

(chuckles) I guess I just got carried away.

Well, your attention to detail,

that's what made you such a terrific detective.

Whereas in telenovelas,

it's more the general idea.

Yeah, I get that.

You will be a detective again, Michael.

I believe in you.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And friends,

that's when it happened.

And... action!

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: In a moment that was...

well, straight out of a telenovela, frankly.

ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA www.PSArips.com

SUZANNA: This is Suzanna Barnett at the Miami PD,

please leave a message. (beep)

I need to talk to you.

Turns out Derek Ruvelle

is totally dirty and I've got proof.

I know the GPS on his boat corroborated his alibi,

but I don't think he was ever on that boat.

Call me back. Please.

Help me finish this case.

Next time, wait for my guests to finish their food

before you dive in.

Yes, Ms. Petra. Of course.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Leaping lizards! It's Anezka.

This is exactly what happened in Lagrimas de tu Corazon.

And it really didn't end well.

And then I forwarded the confession,

but Blake is just digging in.

I am officially out of a TA job next semester.

XIOMARA: I'm sorry, honey.

(sighs)

I know.

Did you see Dad's Instagram feed?

Yeah.

It's okay, hun.

Really.

He had to move on.

Can I just say how proud I am of you

for how you've handled this?

I mean,

the old you would've acted out.

I'm trying to change.

Let's talk later, hun.

Okay, bye.

So...

Who's better?

Me or Rogelio?

Be honest.

Look, I made a huge mistake.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: How huge was it exactly?

The most huge

or second hugest?

Sorry, I shouldn't joke.

This is serious stuff.

So Derek's blackmailing you?

I overheard Jane telling Michael at the lunch.

What were you thinking?

I wasn't.

I was drunk when I bought the stock.

No, not that.

Going to Jane for advice.

Go to Jane for help looking for...

a new book club selection,

or finding a deal on diapers.

When it comes to financial crimes,

and blackmail,

come to me.

Buy a few days with Derek,

while we come up with a plan.

We can outsmart him.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And, perhaps,

they could outsmart him.

Darling, enough already with those ridiculous scarves.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Her, on the other hand,

slightly more difficult.

So, everything's moving forward.

We'll have the Fairwick by the end of the week.

Happy Mother's Day.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Now that's a boat.