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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:09,160
- Right... a boat scene.
- Cue the music!
2
00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:13,640
Oh, come on, we can do better
than that.
3
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:17,880
No...
4
00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:20,160
No...
5
00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:23,359
No...
6
00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:26,480
♪ I'm on a boat and,
it's goin' fast and... ♪
7
00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:28,720
I don't know what that is.
8
00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:31,560
Hello, viewers,
you join me in the Pacific.
9
00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:34,160
Not the HBO series,
the actual ocean.
10
00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:37,840
We're heading over there
to Japan's third largest city:
11
00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:39,840
Osaka.
12
00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:43,400
My high-brow sociopolitical
essay on Japan
13
00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:46,280
has so far seen me travel
1,000 miles
14
00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:48,800
to fall off a sled...
15
00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:52,040
And be crushed under the weight
of a gigantic penis.
16
00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:53,960
I'm dying. Ow!
17
00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:55,920
Last time, in Kyoto,
18
00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:57,480
I got lost in translation...
19
00:00:57,520 --> 00:00:59,560
Bim, guess what?
20
00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:01,760
You just said that, you digital!
21
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:03,000
Lost my rag at Mount Fuji...
22
00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:06,160
I'm having an artistic tantrum.
I've had enough of this!
23
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,480
- And lost all feeling
in my buttocks
24
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:10,520
for the following three days.
25
00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:16,280
This time... this.
26
00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:20,160
I am Ultraman!
27
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:23,200
Whoa! Whoa!
28
00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:46,760
My new Japanese mates tell me
that Japanese people
29
00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:50,040
in the other cities of Japan...
I mean Tokyo, obviously...
30
00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:52,600
Tend to look down their noses
at the people of Osaka,
31
00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:54,680
and they think they are
a bit rude,
32
00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:57,680
and a bit rough-and-ready;
a bit vulgar, even.
33
00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:00,040
Osaka has a reputation
34
00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:02,600
for being a bit grubbier
than Tokyo.
35
00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:05,560
It has a bit more crime,
a bit more litter.
36
00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:08,640
I like the sound of it already.
37
00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:13,560
Osaka's a busy
industrial port city
38
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,599
that's known as the Manchester
of the East.
39
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:18,440
It's got swagger,
a mad-fer-it nightlife,
40
00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:21,159
and I can't understand
what anyone's saying.
41
00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:23,880
To experience
downtown Osaka properly,
42
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:27,159
and to get a bit to eat because
I've been at sea for days,
43
00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:30,680
I'm meeting my local guide,
Ha-Chan, to get a short tour.
44
00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:32,360
- Hello.
- James-san.
45
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:35,840
- My name is Ha-Chandas,
nice to meet you.
- And you.
46
00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:38,439
- Welcome to
Osaka, Japan, thank you.
- Thank you very, very much.
47
00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:42,120
I know your name before.
I very appreciate film together,
48
00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:43,760
- thank you so much.
- No-no, thank you.
49
00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:45,880
- Okay!
- It's a pleasure to meet you.
50
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,080
- Me, too.
- I'm starving.
51
00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:50,440
Okay.
52
00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:52,240
- Can we eat?
- Sure.
53
00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:54,600
- Sashimi and beer.
- Sure. Let's go.
54
00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:56,280
And then, noodles.
55
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:06,720
Ha-Chan's taking me around
the bright and bonkers district
56
00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:09,800
of Dotonbori to experience
the sights,
57
00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:11,800
sounds, and squid.
58
00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,240
All right, octopus.
59
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:16,680
See, I love that this is all...
Everything's sort of
60
00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:18,056
- got colors and designs over it.
- Yeah, this is...
61
00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:19,440
- Uh, designs.
- Rockets.
62
00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:21,760
See, look at that lantern,
I love that.
63
00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:23,200
So y-you're from Osaka?
64
00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:25,520
Yes, 100% Osaka.
65
00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:28,280
100% Osakan okonomiyaki person.
66
00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:29,800
Yeah, takoyaki.
67
00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:33,120
So what... Why do people in Tokyo
sort of... They look down
68
00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:35,720
- on Osaka a bit and think
it's a bit...
- Mmm...
69
00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:39,400
- it's a bit
below them, don't they?
- I don't know why.
70
00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:40,760
I don't know.
Do you know?
71
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,760
Is it because this is...
I wonder if it's 'cause
72
00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:45,400
this is a good time city.
73
00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:48,480
This actually feels a bit like
Tokyo did 20 years ago.
74
00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:50,720
It's a bit more... mad.
75
00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:53,320
I mean, what's that dragon
for there?
76
00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:55,200
This is
a ramen restaurant.
It's a whatta?
77
00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:57,440
- Ramen. Restaurant.
- Ramen.
78
00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:03,360
Ramen hangover food.
79
00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:15,080
And what do they eat
in Tokyo for hangovers?
80
00:04:19,280 --> 00:04:21,760
Osaka has a proud reputation
as the street food capital
81
00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:25,040
of Japan, and everywhere I look,
82
00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:27,480
there are mouthwatering
local delicacies.
83
00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:29,440
Unfortunately, Ha-Chan
seems to have forgotten
84
00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:31,880
that bit of our chat,
and keeps pointing out things
85
00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:33,440
that are completely inedible.
86
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:36,520
Uh, James, stop here.
Look down.
87
00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:38,000
That's very nice.
88
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:40,680
Do you know what this
looks like?
89
00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:42,239
It's a pagoda.
90
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,736
- Osaka Castle.
- Oh, that's Osaka Castle?
91
00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:46,120
This is a very famous place.
92
00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,080
- This is a manhole cover.
- Oh, wow.
93
00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:51,760
You see?
94
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:53,200
Do you actually have that
95
00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:55,239
- all the time in your bag?
- Yes.
96
00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:56,440
You do?
97
00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:03,200
I manage to steer Ha-Chan away
from an engrossing tour
98
00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:04,680
of Osaka's top 30
manhole covers.
99
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:07,640
But even I get distracted
by the bright lights and sounds
100
00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:09,440
of what's round the corner.
101
00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:10,800
Oh, is that pachinko?
102
00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:14,120
Yeah, this is the very famous
Japanese pachinko.
103
00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:15,360
Okay, lead on.
104
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,720
Let's go.
105
00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:21,080
I do have
some sisters somewhere.
106
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:22,800
- Let's go!
- Coming! I'm coming.
107
00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:28,200
Pachinko is one of Japan's
favorite games.
108
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:30,239
It's like the bastard child
of a one-armed bandit
109
00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:33,080
and bagatelle.
And even though gambling's
110
00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:35,680
officially pretty much
illegal in Japan,
111
00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:37,920
there are around 10,000
of these pachinko parlors
112
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:41,000
across the country,
taking care to skirt
113
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:43,680
just on the right side
of the law.
114
00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:46,800
This looks very, very
complicated, and it is.
115
00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:49,200
Balls come out of it,
and you fire them into a slot;
116
00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:50,816
it's a bit like a fruit machine,
come on the screen...
117
00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:52,640
Okay?
118
00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:54,040
- Uh, right.
- Again.
119
00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:56,760
Oh! Look, the balls are coming!
120
00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:59,080
Ooh!
121
00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:01,600
I got one!
- Lucky!
122
00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:03,240
Yeah, I got another one!
There you go!
123
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,400
Yes!
124
00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:07,920
The name "pachinko"
comes from the noise
125
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:11,160
the tiny balls make
when you play.
126
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,000
You might just be able
to hear it.
127
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,120
Can you hear what I'm saying?
The racket here is incredible.
128
00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:20,400
The sound man, Dan, just told me
that the noise in here
129
00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:22,920
is louder than the pit lane
at Suzuka.
130
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,760
It's louder than
motorcycle racing.
131
00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:28,080
Oh... no, yes!
132
00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:29,640
Yes!
133
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:30,640
No!
134
00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:32,600
So I've used up all my balls,
135
00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:34,160
so I've won nothing.
136
00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:37,440
- But Ha-Chan has got 14 points.
- Yes.
137
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,880
It's 14-nil.
138
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:42,000
- So you've got 14 balls
in there.
- Yes, yes.
139
00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:46,360
Japan spends $200 billion a year
140
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:47,760
playing pachinko.
141
00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,440
That's twice the value
of their entire
142
00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:51,840
export car industry.
143
00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:54,080
And just taking a look
at the prizes on offer,
144
00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:57,120
you can easily see
where all that money goes.
145
00:06:57,160 --> 00:07:00,760
2,000 yen gone in about...
seven minutes.
146
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:04,200
That's... well, it's about
$20.00 in American money.
147
00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:07,600
And had I been any good,
look what I could have won.
148
00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:09,880
I could have had...
149
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:14,560
this Hello Kitty gonk
for 540 balls.
150
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:16,240
The pillow with the train on,
151
00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:19,240
and the, and the,
and the things.
152
00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:22,240
And this, and a wallet,
all this.
153
00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:23,840
All this could have been mine.
154
00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:28,320
But before you say
"rip-u off-u",
155
00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:30,600
there is a way
to see some proper returns.
156
00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:34,760
We just have to do it out of
earshot of sono otoko...
157
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:36,560
Now, I just want to clear up
a few things
158
00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:39,280
which I couldn't really explain
in there because of the racket.
159
00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:42,160
It is true that it's illegal
to win money at pachinko,
160
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,800
because gambling for money
is not allowed outside
161
00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:47,280
of licensed places
such as horse racing pitches.
162
00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:49,840
That's why you have to win
a cuddly toy.
163
00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:52,520
So you can't,
you can't win the money,
164
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:54,840
but what you can do,
on the quiet,
165
00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:57,200
which is why we have to be
very discreet filming this,
166
00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:59,240
is you can exchange your balls,
167
00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:02,400
or your Hello Kitty,
for this ingot.
168
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:03,880
And you can change that
for money,
169
00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:05,520
but you can't do it in there,
170
00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,336
because that would be too
blatant, so you have to go...
171
00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:10,080
- Where do you go?
- Over there to the money.
172
00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:13,880
Let's go, shall we go?
Over there. Let's go?
173
00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:16,840
Okay. Well... you go,
because I'm a gaijin.
174
00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:20,200
Or a more accurate translation,
I'm a wuss.
175
00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,080
We do have to be
a bit discreet about this,
176
00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:26,360
because... it's sort of illegal
in the way...
177
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:30,800
I don't know... speeding is,
something like that.
178
00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:32,440
Ah! I got...
179
00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:34,200
Da-duh!
180
00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:35,480
That was really ungentlemanly
181
00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:37,000
- to make you do that.
- 2,000 yen.
182
00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:39,280
- Oh, we've got
half our money back.
- Yes.
183
00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:41,519
I realize that
that's your money,
184
00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:44,360
but can we go and spend it
on street food?
185
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,240
Yes.
186
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:48,240
Thank God.
187
00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:50,639
Ha-Chan mentioned
something earlier
188
00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:52,480
called "hangover takoyaki"
189
00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:54,880
which is made from
those enticing octopuses...
190
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:56,760
And yes, you can say "octopuses"
191
00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,519
rather than "octopi."
192
00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:01,120
In fact, "octopus"
is of Greek origin,
193
00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:03,520
and the plural in that
is "octopodes",
194
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,879
so if we're using
the morphological sys...
195
00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:07,520
Oh, hang on, I'm talking
over the scene.
196
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:09,400
Ha-Chan mentioned
something earlier
197
00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:12,320
called "hangover takoyaki",
which is made from squid.
198
00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:14,880
-Is this like a pancake?
Made with...
-Uh, no, no, no.
199
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,200
So what...
200
00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:23,080
Yes!
Yeah, that's
a very big piece, yeah.
201
00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:25,480
This is why
our local comes here.
202
00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:26,640
How much does it cost?
203
00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:28,639
Uh... here.
204
00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:30,440
You can have a look.
205
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:34,320
Six pieces.
Hey, it's cheap as hell.
206
00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,639
It's 400... It's like three,
three quid.
207
00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:37,880
- Okini.
- Okini.
208
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:39,000
Okini, okini.
209
00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:44,760
- Mmm.
- Ooh, I've got lots of fishy
bits with that.
210
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:46,040
Okay.
211
00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:55,879
The fishy flakes...
212
00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:59,120
they taste of
an old Japanese house.
213
00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:00,736
I know that sounds like
a stupid thing to say,
214
00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:03,080
but it does taste like
an old Japanese house.
215
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,880
This food presenter
lark is easy.
216
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:10,240
Osaka's slogan is "kuidaore!"
217
00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:11,759
Meaning "ruin yourself
with food."
218
00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:13,280
Although another translation is
219
00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:15,160
"eat yourself bankrupt."
220
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:18,320
And just down the street,
you can certainly do that.
221
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,520
God, look at the price of that!
222
00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:22,880
Oh, my God!
223
00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:28,280
That's 70 English pounds
for a piece of beef.
224
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:30,720
For that much money,
you could buy a cow in England.
225
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,400
Not a very good one, but...
226
00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:41,360
Kobe beef is the Bugatti Veyron
of dead animal bits;
227
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,880
but I wonder if their
reputedly pampered
228
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:46,400
and expensive lifestyle
is just a load
229
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:47,600
of old bullocks.
230
00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:49,600
What we believe in England,
231
00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:51,520
the cows live in
very special fields
232
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:55,520
- in very nice, remote areas,
beautiful grass.
- Mm-hmm.
233
00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:59,040
They only eat the grass,
and people go and massage them,
234
00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:01,040
and pat them on the head,
and you know,
235
00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:02,600
give them a rub,
and talk to them...
236
00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:05,800
- The cow is listen to the music.
- Do they?
237
00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:07,600
- Yes! Jazz music.
- Oh, jazz music?
238
00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:09,416
- Yeah.
- Oh, well, it should taste
excellent, then.
239
00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:10,920
It's a pity it's not Kobe pig,
240
00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:13,360
otherwise they'd all be
listening to Charlie Porker.
241
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,840
Well, I liked it.
242
00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:21,480
Anyway, here it is,
Mooey Armstrong.
243
00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:23,600
- Oh, my God.
- Sumimasen.
244
00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:26,480
It's not very big, is it?
245
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,440
Excellent. Go on, then.
246
00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,480
Tell me what it's like.
247
00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,560
Oh, my God, it melts
in my mouth.
248
00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:36,800
Really?
249
00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:39,160
Is it very, very soft?
250
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:41,640
Touch of salt, here we go.
251
00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:45,720
How is it?
252
00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:53,240
- Very different taste.
- It's extremely nice, actually.
253
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:56,560
- Mmm.
- I never tried this 10,000
Kobe beef before.
254
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:58,000
- Really?
- Yes.
255
00:11:58,040 --> 00:11:59,480
But you only live down there.
256
00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:01,200
Yes, I live in this area,
257
00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:04,200
but not too much this area.
258
00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:06,280
Not too much to eat Kobe beef.
259
00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:10,160
Because very... not so...
260
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,760
not so local price, right?
Expensive? Will be...
261
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,360
Is this the tourist price?
262
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,800
- Oh, is it? Oh, there you go.
- But taste is... I like it.
263
00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,680
The Japanese rob you.
264
00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:21,120
You heard it here first.
265
00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:25,720
There now follows
a rather awkward encounter,
266
00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:27,560
where the English
travel presenter,
267
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:28,880
thanks to copious beer-us,
268
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:31,120
misses all the signs
from his guide
269
00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:32,440
that she just
wants a compliment.
270
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:35,936
- It's a great life here
actually, because...
- Mm...
271
00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:38,880
it's warm, you've got the river,
you've got all the bars...
272
00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:40,416
- Mm-hmm...
- you've got
the amazing lights...
273
00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:43,360
- Mm-hmm...
- it's not windy...
274
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,600
There's all this great food...
275
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:48,160
beer, everybody seems
very cheerful and friendly
276
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:51,040
and a bit mad. It's great...
277
00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:53,280
Thank you, thank you.
278
00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:55,760
Yes, we recommend Osaka.
279
00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:58,720
You should come to Osaka.
280
00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:00,016
Filled with
great shame and dishonor
281
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,240
at my total lack of manners,
282
00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:06,440
I agree to face the ultimate
Japanese punishment...
283
00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:08,560
- a selfie.
Funny face!
Funny face!
284
00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:09,920
Thank you!
285
00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:11,680
Thank you so much. Yatta!
286
00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:14,720
Kawaii. It is cute.
287
00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:25,280
Next morning,
along with the rest of Osaka,
288
00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:28,120
I'm in something
of a beer and octoballs coma.
289
00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:30,360
But the crew assure me
that they have something
290
00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:32,320
that'll wake me right up.
291
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:36,000
I am Ultraman!
292
00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:39,560
I'm actually a children's
manga comic superhero
293
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:41,840
with martial arts powers.
294
00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:45,400
Although, weirdly,
I feel more like a knob.
295
00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:47,480
Now, I know
what you're all thinking,
296
00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:49,840
but Nintendo
are famously litigious,
297
00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:52,040
and our lawyers have
also advised us to make
298
00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:54,200
no Link to official characters.
299
00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:57,280
And, even if this looks
the Samus that,
300
00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:59,760
to Kirby any mention of them.
301
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:03,440
I'll admit I had no idea
who Ultraman was,
302
00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:07,200
but all our Japanese fixers and
our friends knew immediately.
303
00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:09,000
But this sort of thing
is perfectly normal.
304
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,200
You dress up as
your favorite manga character
305
00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:14,600
and you drive around Osaka
in a children's go-kart.
306
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:16,440
And, as you can see,
there's nothing
307
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,160
in the karting company's name
308
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:21,840
to bring that other property
to mind whatsoever.
309
00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:28,280
They do it in Tokyo as well.
Not tourists, locals.
310
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:36,360
Unfortunately,
unlike most games,
311
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:39,920
here, you only get one life.
312
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:41,720
Crikey.
313
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:44,160
We're not going
on the expressway, are we?
314
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,680
I haven't got any money
for the tolls.
315
00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:53,920
Given that the Japanese seem
to quite like rules and so on,
316
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,640
I'm surprised this is allowed.
317
00:14:57,560 --> 00:14:59,536
I mean, it shouldn't be allowed
on all sorts of levels.
318
00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:03,200
It's two-stroke, it's dirty,
it's actually a child's toy,
319
00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:06,400
it's not really road legal
and it's silly.
320
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,880
It's good, isn't it?
321
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:11,280
Konnichiwa.
322
00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:13,920
Domo arigato. Sumimasen.
323
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,120
Unintendo legal consequences
aside,
324
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:17,920
Wii may feel ridiculous,
325
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,880
but despite the Switch
in characters,
326
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:21,520
this is the SNES best thing
327
00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:24,280
to being in that
unmentioned karting sim,
328
00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:28,280
even if the lawyers
aren't Game... Boy.
329
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:34,080
This Japanese obsession
with manga comic characters
330
00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:37,080
and superheroes and pocket
monsters and all the rest of it,
331
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:38,920
it's completely real.
332
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,160
It's not just something
we've imagined in the West.
333
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:42,880
They pervade
absolutely everything.
334
00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:46,200
They're on signposts, they're
in the instruction manuals
335
00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:48,640
for appliances,
they're in people's bedrooms,
336
00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:51,280
they're in restaurants,
lucky cat, everywhere.
337
00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:54,400
I've suddenly wondered, is it
something to do with Shintoism?
338
00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:56,480
Because if you've got
millions of gods
339
00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:58,640
and everything
is invested with a spirit,
340
00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:01,840
then it seems perfectly
reasonable to populate the world
341
00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:03,920
with lots of fictitious
little characters
342
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,840
that you can adopt as your own.
343
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:08,440
It's just a thought.
344
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:10,296
I know that's a bit profound
for someone dressed up
345
00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:14,760
in a children's fancy dress
costume, but there it is.
346
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:17,880
A superhero's work
is never done.
347
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:22,920
Right. Where to now?
348
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:25,000
But now have a look at this.
349
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:30,440
No, not there.
350
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:33,520
Here?
351
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,720
Now, so far we've seen that
Osaka is the Japanese capital
352
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:38,360
of eating,
especially on the street.
353
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:41,280
It's also the capital
of bright lights, garishness,
354
00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:44,720
noise, generally having a
good time and that's all great.
355
00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:47,080
I can enjoy a beer
and a takoyaki
356
00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:48,680
like anybody else in the world,
357
00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:51,840
but it is also the font
of Japanese humor.
358
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:56,120
Down these stairs, in fact,
is a typical Osakan comedy club.
359
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:59,920
The trouble with this
is we know... we all know...
360
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:03,560
Comedy does not translate.
361
00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:09,799
I mean, that's not funny.
362
00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:12,720
It just isn't funny.
363
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:15,320
Although there have been
many times on this trip
364
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,320
where my appearance
has been met with laughter...
365
00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:23,440
well, usually...
366
00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,760
if I want to get laughs
from a Japanese audience
367
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:27,320
on purpose, I need some help.
368
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:30,000
I need a loudmouthed
ball of energy,
369
00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:33,280
who, more importantly,
will gladly march towards
370
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:36,720
inevitable onstage death
at his sensei's command.
371
00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:41,200
There's only one man
for the job.
372
00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:44,920
My trusty Samurai "Deodorant"
from Tokyo, Yujiro.
373
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:48,440
His wife made it for you!
My God!
374
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,560
Earplugs on standby.
375
00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:56,160
Now, the problem with this,
I think,
376
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,920
is that humor doesn't translate.
377
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:01,920
It's too subtle and it just...
Something that works in English
378
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:05,320
that we think is hilarious
is just banal in Japanese.
379
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:08,079
-Yeah.
-So what we did here as part
of this experiment,
380
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:09,896
we will either prove
that humor doesn't translate,
381
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:12,760
or we will surprise ourselves
and discover that it does.
382
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:16,040
I've given Yujiro a wide
selection of jokes in English,
383
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:19,079
to choose what might work best
for a Japanese audience.
384
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:21,880
Everything from chin-strokey
New Yorker satire
385
00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:26,280
to absolute bottom of the
barrel Christmas cracker jokes.
386
00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:27,800
Guess which he's picked.
387
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:29,880
- And the ones
you've chosen are...
- Yes.
388
00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:32,720
The first one. The-the...
389
00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:34,319
uh, "My Boss."
390
00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:38,320
"My boss told me to have
a good day, so I went home."
391
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,976
-Well, I think it's funny.
-Okay, well, if you think
it's funny, that's what matters,
392
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,176
-'cause then we'll see
if it works in Japanese.
- Yes, I hope so, yes.
393
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,200
- And the second one.
- "The other day,
394
00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:49,240
my wife asked me
to pass her lipstick,
395
00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:52,079
"but I accidentally
passed her a glue stick.
396
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,200
She still isn't talking to me."
397
00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:58,520
Is it funny in Japanese?
398
00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:00,920
Well, uh, 80%. 80%.
399
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:02,280
- 80%. Okay.
- 80%.
400
00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:05,920
It might seem like we've bombed
401
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:07,920
before we've even started,
402
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:12,200
but a lot of Japanese humor
is based on kotoba asobi,
403
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:15,920
dajare and even oyaji gag.
404
00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:21,480
And, in case that wasn't enough
pressure, on the bill tonight
405
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:24,760
is also a famous veteran
Japanese double act,
406
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:27,080
Sen Saru Man, who give
some words of encouragement
407
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:28,280
for Yujiro.
408
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:29,680
Will the Japanese
409
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:31,680
be kind?
410
00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:45,400
We're going to die.
411
00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:49,440
Oh, my God.
412
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:50,856
They're bloody professionals
out there.
413
00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:53,200
They are bloody professionals.
414
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:54,640
Oh, my gosh.
415
00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,880
Sensing Yujiro's nerves,
I do my best
416
00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:02,080
to reassure him.
417
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,000
If you were performing
in England...
418
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:05,536
- Yeah.
- And I was introducing you...
419
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:07,319
- Yeah.
- I would say,
420
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:11,200
"Next up, ladies and gentleman,
is the Japanese Tintin,"
421
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:13,799
and that would already
give you a head start
422
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:17,720
because you do look a bit
like Tintin, but Japanese.
423
00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:19,200
- You're on.
- No, no.
424
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:20,680
- I think...
- It does.
425
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,176
- I think you're on.
- No, but it's a character.
426
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:23,536
- You're on, I think.
- Is it... You're on.
427
00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:25,560
- What-what? Wha... what?
- They're ready.
428
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:27,079
- What... already?
- Yes.
429
00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:28,560
- I-I heard it's 7:00. No?
- No, no.
430
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,000
- Are you serious?
- Yes.
431
00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:34,720
I'm suddenly getting...
I-I'm not prepared.
432
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:37,560
- You can't be prepared,
just go and tell some jokes.
433
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:39,799
Luckily for Yujiro,
I'm a dab hand
434
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,800
at stress management techniques.
435
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:44,040
Go... ah-ah, eh-eh, oh-oh.
436
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:53,680
For once, Yujiro seems
to be speechless.
437
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,480
Ladies and gentlemen!
438
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:58,520
Oh, no, there it is.
439
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:08,760
Ah, first British joke!
440
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:10,800
- Yay!
- Okay?
441
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:17,680
"Have a great day."
442
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:55,840
Okay!
443
00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:00,320
Yujiro's following
the golden rule
444
00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:01,760
of many big TV stars:
445
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:04,600
when things go wrong,
blame the crew.
446
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:09,280
Hey, James May!
447
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:13,896
In the interest of science,
I can't declare this experiment
448
00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:17,240
a failure without testing
the other subject.
449
00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:20,240
So, here's a Japanese joke
translated for you.
450
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:28,360
Mic drop.
451
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:33,440
Lead on.
You're choosing the bar.
Okay.
452
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:35,160
Whoa.
453
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:36,520
Looks like a nice shop.
454
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:38,280
Well, we can't go in a maid bar.
455
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:40,680
What? "Kuroneco,"
it's only a black cat.
456
00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:41,896
- You know...
- Yeah, but they...
457
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:43,320
Y-You own cats, right?
458
00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:45,120
- Yes.
- And there's cats here, too.
459
00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:47,160
But they're not cats,
they're teenage girls.
460
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:48,576
- Well...
- You can't go in a maid bar.
461
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:50,800
But Master James,
seeing is believing.
462
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:52,800
You have to see
with your own eyes.
463
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:54,056
Well, I've seen them
on the street
464
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:56,480
in Tokyo
and other bits of Osaka.
465
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:58,120
- No, no, I...
- It's pervy.
466
00:22:58,160 --> 00:22:59,720
No, it's not pervy,
it's not lewd.
467
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:01,200
- And they are...
- What?
468
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:03,160
They are, they are actresses.
469
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:06,240
- Black cat actresses.
- Yeah, but they're acting
470
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:09,560
a really classic male fantasy
of a French maid.
471
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:11,216
- French maid. Yeah...
- That is a strippergram.
472
00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:12,616
- How's that...
- You know the word,
473
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:14,400
- you know the word cosplay?
- Yes.
474
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:16,520
- Costume play.
- Yes, I've done it.
475
00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:17,520
Uh... you've done it?
476
00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:18,720
- Yes.
- Then this...
477
00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:21,120
- I was Ultraman.
- You were Ultraman?
478
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:23,840
- Yeah.
- Then I think
this is the shop for you.
479
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:26,720
- This is a cosplay shop.
- No, but that's pervy.
480
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:31,000
Time to call for backup
from my Japanese fixer, Mai.
481
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:33,280
Konbonwa.
482
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:36,440
- I don't believe him.
- That's pervy, isn't it?
483
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:38,216
-I think so. It is, yes.
-Really?
-There you go, it's pervy.
484
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:40,400
But the... Japan is a country
of perverts.
485
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:41,600
- Thank you.
- You see,
486
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:43,096
it's a natural...
We are natural-born perverts.
487
00:23:43,120 --> 00:23:45,120
-I mean, I... this is...
Yes. Yeah... Yes.
-Okay.
488
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:47,880
-That's fine.
You're a pervert...
-Are you gonna buy me a beer?
489
00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:49,056
- That...
- Yeah, but not in there.
490
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:50,680
Oh. Oh, really?
491
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:52,800
- No, come on.
- You just said yourself, Mai.
492
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:54,440
You're a Japanese woman.
It's pervy.
493
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:56,200
- Let's go in and find out...
- Yes.
494
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:57,616
I don't need
to find out.
- how pervy it is.
495
00:23:57,640 --> 00:23:58,976
- You've just told me its pervy.
- No...
496
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:00,296
- I can see from the sign...
- They are nice,
497
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:02,200
nice, nice, nice...
498
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:03,856
- No, I will never work ag...
- nice black cat, nice woman.
499
00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:05,800
- This...
- Yes. I'm pushing you in.
500
00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:08,400
- I'm only doing this
'cause Mai is here, okay?
- Yes.
501
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:10,040
- Yes.
- Jesus, that's terrible.
502
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:11,800
- You can't do that.
- Why?
503
00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:13,640
- They are black cats.
- It's pervy.
504
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:15,280
- You know, black cats.
- It's pervy.
505
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:16,480
No, no, no.
506
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:17,600
Konbanwa.
507
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:19,320
Konbanwa.
508
00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:23,080
Okay, have a seat.
509
00:24:23,120 --> 00:24:24,480
- Have a seat.
- Thank you.
510
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:26,880
I think there's...
511
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:28,480
- Hey, James.
- Run for it.
512
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:29,920
It's pervy.
513
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,320
Hey, James. James!
514
00:24:32,360 --> 00:24:34,520
Our legal team would like
to point out that this sort
515
00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:36,456
of café is common in Japan
and completely harmless.
516
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:39,680
All girls in the maid café are
over 18 and excellent dusters.
517
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:44,400
On the plus side, I had
a lovely drink out with Mai.
518
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:47,760
She made me take her
to a Boy Scout bar.
519
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:56,200
After last night,
I've put Yujiro on a strict ban
520
00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:58,000
on anything pervy.
521
00:24:58,040 --> 00:24:59,920
So, for my last day in Osaka,
522
00:24:59,960 --> 00:25:01,600
he's taking me
to a local university.
523
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:07,360
We are in one of the greatest
universities in Osaka.
524
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,520
It's called
the Kinki University.
525
00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:12,720
- Is it really?
- Yeah. Kinki University,
Kindai University.
526
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:14,560
We the Japanese call it
Kinki University.
527
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:16,360
- Kinki University. Okay.
- Yeah.
528
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:18,016
We're gonna go... we're
going-going, we're gonna go
529
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:19,840
the, uh, the sumo training.
530
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:22,760
- Sumo?
- Yeah. We're gonna be
sumo wrestlers.
531
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:30,080
The Kinki sumo wrestlers
532
00:25:30,120 --> 00:25:32,560
are one of the top
university teams in Japan.
533
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:35,000
We arrive just as they appear
to be performing
534
00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:37,600
a scene from The Sumo Centipede.
535
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:45,240
It's very interesting, sumo,
because wrestling in the West
536
00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:47,680
- is theatre, really,
we all know that.
- Mm.
537
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:49,680
But wrestling here is serious,
isn't it?
538
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:53,240
Of course. I-It's partially
a Shinto ritual, too,
539
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:56,040
originally, for, you know,
fertility and a good harvest,
540
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:58,920
- good rice...
- To entertain the gods.
541
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,520
Absolutely, so even if you win,
you're not allowed
542
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:03,520
to express like that...
543
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:06,000
Like American fighter...
544
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:07,896
- That's totally banned. Yeah.
- None of that "whoo!" stuff.
545
00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:09,976
- No, you can't do that.
- Yeah, no American stuff here.
546
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:12,280
- Just a... Yeah.
- Absolutely.
547
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:15,160
Despite sumo's modesty
and reserve,
548
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:16,840
underpants notwithstanding,
549
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:20,080
the sport does have an
extremely high drop-out rate.
550
00:26:20,120 --> 00:26:22,320
Again, underpants
notwithstanding.
551
00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:24,320
Japan's top sumo stables
will soon pick
552
00:26:24,360 --> 00:26:25,880
the best of these
young wrestlers.
553
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:28,760
And to be in with a chance,
they're going to need strength,
554
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:29,760
dedication,
555
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:32,720
and massive balls of steel.
556
00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:34,880
Are you ready for big time?
557
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:36,920
I mean, we're gonna...
We're gonna actually
558
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:39,440
do the training today
with the sumo wrestlers.
559
00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:40,656
- You're gonna...
- No, we're not.
560
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:41,776
What do you mean we are not?
561
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:43,720
- You and I together.
- I'm not. You can.
562
00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:47,080
No, no, but we-we...
we do it together.
563
00:26:47,120 --> 00:26:49,560
- No.
- What do you mean, no?
564
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:51,176
I'm not going to wear
one of those on television.
565
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:52,920
It's not fair on the viewers.
566
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:55,920
The following sequence
contains scenes
567
00:26:55,960 --> 00:27:03,960
some viewers may find
disturbing.
568
00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:09,360
My-my crotch is
as tight as hell.
569
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:11,040
Yeah.
570
00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:15,040
Sorry, I thought that
was the sound
571
00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:16,720
of Yujiro snapping.
572
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:21,840
After Yujiro successfully
psychs out
573
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:23,001
and intimidates his opponent
574
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:27,320
with the pre-match exercises...
575
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:30,360
it's time for a bout.
576
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:36,680
The rules are straightforward.
577
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:41,440
To win, avoid getting
knocked over,
578
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:43,720
and don't get pushed out
of the ring.
579
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:52,560
Round one.
580
00:27:56,320 --> 00:27:58,920
Whoa!
581
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:07,200
Noble effort.
582
00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:09,800
Yeah, do.
583
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:15,080
Go on, Yujiro, go on!
584
00:28:15,120 --> 00:28:17,080
Grab his waistband
and give him a big wedgie.
585
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:21,880
Wedgie! Wedgie! Pull.
586
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:28,920
Oh, watch it, I think
you're about to pop out.
587
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:35,600
He's the manager.
588
00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:38,080
Well done.
589
00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:39,200
Thank you, my master.
590
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:41,240
Very impressive and admirable
and stupid.
591
00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:46,040
You have, however, brought
great shame on your master
592
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:49,280
by losing every bout
in under six seconds.
593
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:53,840
- Yujiro took an urgent
leave of absence after that
594
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:55,600
to buy hemorrhoid cream,
595
00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:57,560
so I struck out on my own.
596
00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:00,000
Before leaving Osaka,
there's one last bit
597
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:02,840
of important culinary culture
to experience.
598
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:05,200
I would like to take
a few moments out
599
00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:08,120
to talk about wasabi,
which is that little blob
600
00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:09,856
of green stuff you get
on the side of your plate
601
00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:11,640
in a Japanese restaurant.
602
00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:13,120
It is native to Japan.
603
00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:16,160
Its scientific name is
wasaba japonica.
604
00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:19,880
And when it's growing,
this is what it looks like.
605
00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:21,520
Now, we think of it
as a flavoring.
606
00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:25,040
Historically, it was more
of a disinfectant, if you like.
607
00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:27,880
Before the days of rapid
transport and refrigeration,
608
00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:30,000
you put the wasabi
on the raw fish
609
00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:32,000
to prevent bacteria
from growing.
610
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:35,400
Now, rumor has it,
in Osaka especially,
611
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:37,920
that if a restaurant doesn't
like the cut of your jib...
612
00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:40,880
If, for example, you're a bit
of a loudmouth gaijin...
613
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:44,080
They might overdo the wasabi
to blow your head off
614
00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:45,880
and teach you a lesson.
615
00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:49,160
And this leads rather neatly
to the game of
616
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:52,000
wasabi roulette.
617
00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:57,880
You will need
a willing opponent...
618
00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:00,040
In this case, Mai...
619
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,680
A plate of salmon sushi.
620
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:07,440
One of them has been laced
with the weapons-grade wasabi.
621
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:11,280
So take it in turns
to eat a piece,
622
00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:12,520
and the loser...
623
00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:14,360
Well, it's to the death,
basically.
624
00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:26,240
This ended up taking
about 25 minutes,
625
00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:28,160
with nothing happening.
626
00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:30,600
And two people just sitting
eating sushi
627
00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:32,160
turned out to be
far less gripping
628
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:33,720
than we'd thought.
629
00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:35,416
That's remarkable.
If you think this is fixed
630
00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:37,560
in some way, it isn't.
631
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:38,800
We are down to the last two.
632
00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:42,640
- Itadakimasu.
- Itadakimasu.
633
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:50,000
Oh, no.
634
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:52,280
Seriously?
635
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:55,920
Lots.
636
00:30:57,440 --> 00:30:58,801
Well, I've lost.
Shall we just cut?
637
00:30:58,840 --> 00:31:00,600
- No.
- No.
638
00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:03,760
Okay, are you all running...
639
00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:08,240
Itadakimasu.
640
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:11,920
Oh, Jesus Christ!
641
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:20,560
Oh, you'll need some...
642
00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:23,240
Hai, have some water.
Hai, hai, hai.
643
00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:30,800
Whoa.
644
00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:35,400
Yo, I am... I'm crying.
645
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:40,640
What's the Japanese
for "you bastard"?
646
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:46,240
Kids, just say no.
647
00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:51,240
So, wincingly,
it's time to leave Osaka
648
00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:54,120
as we carry on south.
649
00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:57,000
The crew's taking their
camera equipment by car,
650
00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:58,680
but I've decided to enjoy
one of Japan's
651
00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:01,920
iconic bullet trains,
652
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:05,040
and film everything myself,
like a trendy vlogger.
653
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:07,120
I have a silly enough
haircut for it.
654
00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:08,800
Audio is on the...
655
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:10,640
That's just Dan,
our Belgian sound man,
656
00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:12,480
mic-ing me up.
657
00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:14,120
So, prepare yourselves, viewers,
658
00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:17,160
for Emmy Award-winning
cinematography like this.
659
00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:22,120
And this.
660
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:26,120
Still going?
661
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:32,120
Wow, Japanese Shinkansen
station.
662
00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:35,440
As opposed to a French
Shinkanden station.
663
00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:38,240
- Konnichiwa.
- Konnichiwa.
664
00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:42,080
Oh, bloody hell.
665
00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:44,840
The symbol is something like
two Mexicans fighting
666
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:46,480
over a broken television,
667
00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:49,680
followed by another television
on a sledge,
668
00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:51,600
and a square tree.
669
00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:59,280
Beautiful trains.
670
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:01,440
I've treated myself
to the posh carriage,
671
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:03,280
which is currently
being cleaned.
672
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:04,920
Obviously, because it's Japan,
673
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:08,400
and it hasn't been cleaned
for the last 20 seconds.
674
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:17,560
Oh, I thought we were gonna
get East Enders then.
675
00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:22,440
Wonder if that jingle was
written by our jingle man.
676
00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:23,976
This is wonderful.
You get on the train,
677
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,120
and exactly on time
it just whooshes away.
678
00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:28,200
- No stupid announcements
or anything.
679
00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:31,200
There's one there.
680
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:33,360
We think of these trains
as being incredibly modern.
681
00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:37,040
The first one ran
when I was one year old,
682
00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:40,040
and I'm ancient now.
683
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:49,920
I take back what I said
about announcements.
684
00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:52,800
This one's unlikely to finish
by the time we get there.
685
00:33:57,640 --> 00:34:00,560
Please do not attempt to get off
the train whilst it's moving.
686
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:02,280
- Ladies and gentlemen...
- Oh, God.
687
00:34:02,320 --> 00:34:04,480
Welcome to the Shinkansen.
688
00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:07,240
This is a Mizuho superexpress,
689
00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:10,240
bound for Kagoshima Chuo.
690
00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:13,880
Unfortunately, as this shot
of me walking out
691
00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:15,760
of Okayama station suggests,
692
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:17,600
the crew caught up with me.
693
00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:20,639
And despite it being my day
off, they're adamant I film
694
00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:23,840
a single piece about
the region's mythical guardian,
695
00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:26,080
of whom there's a statue outside
696
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:29,639
with nothing amusing about
its design whatsoever.
697
00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:31,840
Action.
698
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:48,120
Okay, I'm ready.
699
00:34:53,640 --> 00:34:56,080
No, I can do it,
I can do it. Right.
700
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:03,560
Right, I'm ready.
701
00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:07,040
This is Momotaro.
He's a local folk hero.
702
00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:09,320
According to legend,
an old lady...
703
00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:17,040
- That was so close.
- So close.
704
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:18,640
He's known...
705
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:22,120
I'm not sure I can do it.
706
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:27,400
Sorry, I'll do it again.
707
00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:35,840
This is Momotaro.
He's a local folk hero.
708
00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:37,616
And let me see if I can remember
the story correctly.
709
00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:39,880
There was an old woman
who was out by the river,
710
00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:42,000
and she saw a big peach
floating past.
711
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:43,640
So she picked it up
and took it home.
712
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:46,880
But when she cut it in half,
she found this small boy inside.
713
00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:50,480
And the small boy went off,
and he made friends with a dog,
714
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:52,640
a monkey, a pheasant
and a pigeon,
715
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:54,120
and then somehow,
with their help,
716
00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:56,159
defeated all the ogres
717
00:35:56,160 --> 00:35:57,480
who were threatening the city.
718
00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:04,360
And why is his penis
out to one side?
719
00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:16,560
While I recover,
the crew buy time
720
00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:20,160
with arty focus pulls
of pinecones.
721
00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:22,000
We've come to Koraku-en,
722
00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:24,280
a garden completed in 1700
723
00:36:24,320 --> 00:36:28,920
by Ikida Tsunamasa, the local
feudal lord at the time.
724
00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:37,840
I can see why formal gardens are
so important to the Japanese,
725
00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:39,056
even if you've only got a space
726
00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:40,880
the size of half
a ping-pong table.
727
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:43,159
Because the cities
are fantastic,
728
00:36:43,160 --> 00:36:45,639
but they're a barrage
of noise and lights
729
00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:48,520
and jingles and Hello Kitty
and Shinkansen
730
00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:51,159
and okonomiyaki and Yujiro
and all the rest of it,
731
00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:53,520
and you have to be able
to find somewhere
732
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:58,120
where you can just be at peace,
and here it is.
733
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:06,639
Rather than just bung together
a few nice flowers
734
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:09,880
and a fountain
of a small boy urinating,
735
00:37:09,920 --> 00:37:14,000
Tsunamasa-san decided to depict
Japan in miniature,
736
00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:16,760
through the medium of plants.
737
00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:20,120
That hill over there,
obviously, is Mt. Fuji,
738
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:22,840
but the buildings represent
things like full-size temples,
739
00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:24,640
full-size palaces.
740
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:25,776
The lakes and the ponds,
they represent
741
00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:28,440
full-size lakes in Japan.
742
00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:29,656
It's a way of sort of
experiencing
743
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:31,080
the beauty of the whole country
744
00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:33,639
in a short walk 'round a park.
745
00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:35,416
I mean, most people would
just have a train set
746
00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:37,960
or something like that,
but you know.
747
00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:44,640
For over three centuries,
generations of gardeners
748
00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:46,520
have manicured this place into
749
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:50,080
a state of zen-like perfection.
750
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:52,639
Here, for example...
These people are restringing
751
00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:53,760
this bamboo fence.
752
00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:55,440
This has to be done every year,
753
00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:57,000
painstakingly by hand,
754
00:37:57,040 --> 00:38:00,920
using the twine and a special
Japanese knot.
755
00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:05,159
Or, as they call it, a knot.
756
00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:08,760
This man has been raking
this gravel garden
757
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:11,760
continuously for the past
45 years.
758
00:38:11,800 --> 00:38:13,520
He's still an apprentice.
759
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:16,320
He's been doing it so long,
the prongs on his rake
760
00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:19,040
have completely worn away.
761
00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:31,080
A flash of cold steel,
762
00:38:31,120 --> 00:38:36,000
the flower of Japan falls
to cries of "bonsai!"
763
00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:41,920
But I'm not here to bask in the
beauty of a well-trimmed bush.
764
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:44,880
I want to experience something
the Japanese have been
765
00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:48,440
masters of for over 1,000 years.
766
00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:50,040
And Yujiro's joining me,
767
00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:52,000
having finally regained
the ability to sit down.
768
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:56,880
You join me at a very
contemplative moment.
769
00:38:56,920 --> 00:39:01,159
Kai Hattasan here is
a Zen meditation sensei,
770
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:03,680
and I've got no idea what to do.
771
00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:05,680
I've never done anything
like this before.
772
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:12,520
Migi over hidari.
773
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:14,400
- Oh! Good.
- Very good.
774
00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:16,520
Okay.
775
00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:18,560
- I won't be able to do that.
- Oh, my God.
776
00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:21,000
Oh, my God. Oh, shoot.
777
00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:22,440
I can't do that.
778
00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:36,920
Okay, so left... so migi
under there and hidari...
779
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:38,360
I can do that, yes.
780
00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:48,320
To be more concrete,
inhale in four seconds
781
00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:51,680
and exhale in five seconds.
782
00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:06,440
As long as you have your body
position in the correct order
783
00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:10,080
and you're, uh,
breathing in the right way
784
00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:12,800
then, your heart will be...
785
00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:15,640
- Released in... Oh.
- Sorry.
786
00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:18,640
The director.
787
00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:23,440
Right, where were we?
788
00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:27,600
Okay.
789
00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:33,440
To enter a blissful state,
I try to clear my mind
790
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:36,640
of unnecessary,
intrusive thoughts.
791
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:11,856
It's interesting; it's very
relaxing and very peaceful,
792
00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:13,880
but the trouble is,
it gives you a good opportunity
793
00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:15,480
to think about other things,
794
00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:17,840
so it's very difficult
to not think of anything.
795
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:19,840
- Ah...
- So I was actually thinking
796
00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:22,160
about laundry at one point,
'cause I've run out of pants.
797
00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:36,800
That was all fascinating
798
00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:38,256
and something
I've never done before.
799
00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:39,840
It's interesting
to learn about it.
800
00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:43,320
I'd like to leave you
with this final thought.
801
00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:49,440
Oh, for Shinto's sake.
802
00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:05,880
I'm leaving Okayama behind,
803
00:42:05,920 --> 00:42:09,639
heading towards the southern
tip of Japan's main island,
804
00:42:09,640 --> 00:42:11,600
Honshu.
805
00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:13,200
As I drive through
the ancient valleys
806
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:15,520
flecked with paddy fields
and sleepy villages,
807
00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:17,840
it's hard to imagine
I'm about to visit a place
808
00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:20,800
that changed
the modern world forever.
809
00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:23,280
This is Hiroshima.
810
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:26,600
It's a very wealthy
and, for obvious reasons,
811
00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:30,360
very modern Japanese city.
812
00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:33,640
I bet when I said Hiroshima,
the first thing
813
00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:35,159
that came into your minds
was not
814
00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:36,400
the Mazda car company,
815
00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:41,000
for example;
it was atomic warfare.
816
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:44,600
We all know the details.
817
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:48,000
The bomb dropped
on August 6, 1945,
818
00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:52,560
right here,
where now stands a park,
819
00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:56,400
and at its heart, the Hiroshima
Peace Memorial Museum.
820
00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:15,000
Now, I realize this is going to
seem like a rather weighty topic
821
00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:18,200
for a travel show
full of lighthearted larks,
822
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:21,639
but the fact is,
you cannot come to Hiroshima
823
00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:24,600
and not visit
the atom bomb memorial park.
824
00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:27,159
Not least because
it's extremely well done.
825
00:43:27,160 --> 00:43:29,360
And you can't come
to the atom bomb memorial park
826
00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:33,159
without addressing this rather
thorny and delicate subject,
827
00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:37,560
so I'm afraid
that's what we're going to do.
828
00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:40,200
Other TV shows are available.
829
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:48,440
No one knows for sure
how many people died,
830
00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:51,120
but it's reckoned around 80,000,
831
00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:54,240
or roughly 30%
of the population.
832
00:43:54,280 --> 00:43:55,760
And while numbers like that
833
00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:58,600
are almost impossible
to comprehend,
834
00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:02,000
seeing the tattered and burned
possessions of the victims
835
00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:06,880
brings home the human cost
of this indiscriminate attack.
836
00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:14,080
Hiroshima is obviously a very
weighty and difficult subject,
837
00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:17,000
with many schools
of historical thought.
838
00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:20,000
I'm hoping
Professor Tosh Minohara,
839
00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:22,200
a Japanese-American historian,
840
00:44:22,240 --> 00:44:27,760
can talk me through both sides
of this very contentious coin.
841
00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:30,160
If you take away
the nuclear aspect
842
00:44:30,200 --> 00:44:33,760
of the attack on Hiroshima, what
we are looking at in that museum
843
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:36,400
is the commemoration of war
and the pity of war,
844
00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:38,800
- which is universal, isn't it?
- Yes. Yes.
845
00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:42,440
Yes, the immense human tragedy
is-is very apparent
846
00:44:42,480 --> 00:44:44,400
when you go to the museum.
847
00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:49,080
There's a view in the West that,
actually, Hiroshima and Nagasaki
848
00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:53,280
are a sort of fig leaf for Japan
because it allows Japan to say,
849
00:44:53,320 --> 00:44:55,320
"We suffered the world's
only nuclear attack...
850
00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:57,760
-Yes.
- it's a terrible thing,"
and it allows them to ignore
851
00:44:57,800 --> 00:44:59,680
- the terrible things Japan did.
- Yes.
852
00:44:59,720 --> 00:45:02,320
- That's a prevalent view
amongst Western historians.
- Absolutely.
853
00:45:02,360 --> 00:45:05,320
There's a reason why Hiroshima
and Nagasaki were both bombed.
854
00:45:05,360 --> 00:45:07,520
You know, it's because Japan
instigated the war.
855
00:45:07,560 --> 00:45:10,520
Uh, and you're absolutely right
to point out the fact
856
00:45:10,560 --> 00:45:14,400
- that the two bombs
makes Japan a victim.
- Mm.
857
00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:16,560
And this, I think, makes it
very difficult for Japan
858
00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:19,840
to acknowledge the fact
that it was the aggressor.
859
00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:21,760
Because it's very hard
to be the victim
860
00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:23,400
and the aggressor
at the same time.
861
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:25,520
The-the most popular view,
if you look
862
00:45:25,560 --> 00:45:28,280
at sort of surveys and things
in America and Europe,
863
00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:31,360
is that the atomic bombs
were evil,
864
00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:33,000
but they shortened the war
865
00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:36,120
against a country
that wouldn't surrender,
866
00:45:36,160 --> 00:45:38,320
and that would have cost
millions of casualties
867
00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:40,736
- if the war had been concluded
with a land-based invasion.
- Sure, sure.
868
00:45:40,760 --> 00:45:41,976
And would probably
have destroyed
869
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:43,440
the Japanese people forever.
870
00:45:43,480 --> 00:45:45,440
- Yes, absolutely right.
- Is that correct?
871
00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:47,320
I think... yes,
you're absolutely right.
872
00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:51,240
If Japan had not surrendered
on August 15,
873
00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:53,120
- the Russians
would have come down...
- Mm.
874
00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:55,520
And would have taken at least
all of Northern Japan.
875
00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:56,920
So, we'd have ended up
with Korea?
876
00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:58,520
Absolutely. Korea on Japan.
877
00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:00,256
You would have Northern Japan,
which most likely
878
00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:02,520
would not be democratic,
would not be free,
879
00:46:02,560 --> 00:46:05,200
and then you would have
the rest of Japan.
880
00:46:05,240 --> 00:46:09,200
Could you, if you were being
very honne about it,
881
00:46:09,240 --> 00:46:10,840
- Honne.
- Honne.
882
00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:15,560
Say that the suffering
of Hiroshima and Nagasaki
883
00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:17,680
is actually
the salvation of Japan?
884
00:46:17,720 --> 00:46:19,520
That's why
they should be revered.
885
00:46:19,560 --> 00:46:21,880
- Because if... Really?
- That's how I see it. Yes.
886
00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:23,856
- The-the...
- Are you speaking
as an American or a...
887
00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:26,720
No, I am... as a, as a scholar,
as a historian.
888
00:46:26,760 --> 00:46:28,920
- Okay.
- That their death
was not in vain.
889
00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:30,920
It-it did help, you know,
890
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:35,240
Japan maintain the nation
as it is today.
891
00:46:46,760 --> 00:46:50,680
With my journey drawing a close,
892
00:46:50,720 --> 00:46:53,000
I have to move on
from the rebuilt devastation
893
00:46:53,040 --> 00:46:58,160
of Hiroshima to one
of Japan's oldest wonders.
894
00:46:58,200 --> 00:47:00,560
Hello, viewers, you join us
895
00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:03,360
on Miyajima, which is
one of the holiest islands
896
00:47:03,400 --> 00:47:05,280
off the coast of Japan.
897
00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:08,080
It is home
to the Itsukushima Shrine,
898
00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:10,800
or the Itsukushima-jinja,
which is just over there,
899
00:47:10,840 --> 00:47:13,000
and that, or the view
of that from the water,
900
00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:16,000
is one of the three
great views of Japan,
901
00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:20,120
along with Matsushima and
the sandbar outside of Kyoto.
902
00:47:20,160 --> 00:47:23,040
Which we couldn't be
arsed to go and look at.
903
00:47:23,080 --> 00:47:25,080
Ice cream?
904
00:47:30,240 --> 00:47:32,200
This whole island
is a religious site,
905
00:47:32,240 --> 00:47:34,200
with its own special rules.
906
00:47:34,240 --> 00:47:37,760
No trees can be cut down
and all wildlife is sacred.
907
00:47:37,800 --> 00:47:40,880
Although I think Yujiro could
use a few lessons explaining
908
00:47:40,920 --> 00:47:43,520
- what wildlife actually is.
- Aww.
909
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:47,000
No, that's a cat.
910
00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:48,600
- Oh, that's a cat. Sit.
- Yes.
911
00:47:48,640 --> 00:47:50,120
- Sit.
- He won't sit.
912
00:47:50,160 --> 00:47:51,920
- He's not, he's not a dog.
- Sit.
913
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:54,096
He's got a great face. He's
nearly... he's completely tame.
914
00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:55,296
You're not really supposed
to touch them
915
00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:56,360
but I can touch him.
916
00:47:56,400 --> 00:47:57,920
- Yes.
- He doesn't mind.
917
00:47:58,000 --> 00:47:59,216
You're not supposed
to touch them
918
00:47:59,240 --> 00:48:01,280
and you're not supposed
to feed them.
919
00:48:01,320 --> 00:48:02,600
Pull it out of his mouth.
920
00:48:02,640 --> 00:48:04,520
- He's got it in his mouth.
- Oh, my God.
921
00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:06,160
Oh, no, no. My map, my map!
922
00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:07,760
He's eating my map.
923
00:48:07,800 --> 00:48:10,640
I think the deer is very hungry.
924
00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:13,600
- Deer, deer, deer.
- Looks...
925
00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:18,800
After an awkward 45-minute wait,
926
00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:20,840
Bambi eventually pooped us
the directions
927
00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:22,280
to the temple complex.
928
00:48:22,320 --> 00:48:24,800
This place
has inspired pilgrims,
929
00:48:24,840 --> 00:48:28,440
artists and writers
for centuries.
930
00:48:28,480 --> 00:48:29,640
Itsukushima.
931
00:48:29,680 --> 00:48:31,160
Its-Itsukushima.
932
00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:33,080
- Itsukushima.
- Itsukushima.
933
00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:35,440
- Itsukushima-jinja. Yes.
- Itsukushima-jinja.
934
00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:37,680
Uh, This place, um,
this jinja...
935
00:48:37,720 --> 00:48:40,440
Mm-hmm?
- By the sea, was built
936
00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:43,640
in the end of the 12th century
by Taira no Kiyomori,
937
00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:46,160
a powerful samurai clan
back then.
938
00:48:46,200 --> 00:48:47,800
- Well...
- 12th century, yes.
939
00:48:47,840 --> 00:48:50,080
Is he this man in the statue
that's by the harbor?
940
00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:52,600
The old man.
- Who looks a bit
like Patrick Stewart,
941
00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:54,600
actually, from Star Trek.
942
00:48:54,640 --> 00:48:57,360
Oh, he did?
- Yeah, he does
a little bit, yeah.
943
00:48:57,400 --> 00:48:59,280
Yes, so Patrick Stewart
built this place.
944
00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:02,400
Right.
- The color red is really
beautiful.
945
00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:04,560
I'd call it orange, you see.
946
00:49:04,600 --> 00:49:07,200
Orange?
- Is... yeah, that sort of
Shintoism orange.
947
00:49:07,240 --> 00:49:10,120
-I'd say that was orange.
Would you call that red?
-Yes.
948
00:49:10,160 --> 00:49:11,720
- Would you?
- Yes.
949
00:49:11,760 --> 00:49:13,760
Um, from the Japanese senses,
950
00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:16,240
we call this red.
951
00:49:16,280 --> 00:49:17,816
'Cause I have a car
that's officially red,
952
00:49:17,840 --> 00:49:19,000
but I think it's orange.
953
00:49:19,040 --> 00:49:20,680
It could just be me.
954
00:49:20,720 --> 00:49:22,736
I'll ask the cameramen
because they know about color.
955
00:49:22,760 --> 00:49:24,280
Is this orange or red?
956
00:49:24,320 --> 00:49:25,856
- Mm, orange.
- Orange. Yeah, it's orange.
957
00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:28,640
I-I think, I think the cameraman
Sean is color-blind.
958
00:49:28,680 --> 00:49:30,920
No, you're all wrong.
Japanese are all wrong.
959
00:49:32,720 --> 00:49:34,920
They might know squat
about color...
960
00:49:35,000 --> 00:49:36,440
Orange...
961
00:49:36,480 --> 00:49:39,240
But who cares
about interior design
962
00:49:39,280 --> 00:49:41,880
when the exterior
looks like this?
963
00:49:45,720 --> 00:49:47,720
- Are you going to...
- Uh...
964
00:49:47,760 --> 00:49:49,160
Well, since I'm here,
965
00:49:49,200 --> 00:49:50,720
yes, I'd like
to just go down there
966
00:49:50,760 --> 00:49:55,360
and have a contemplative moment
standing under the gate.
967
00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:56,656
-Yes.
-Although you don't have
to come, though,
968
00:49:56,680 --> 00:49:58,016
'cause I know you've been here
many times before.
969
00:49:58,040 --> 00:49:59,216
- That's okay. I'll go by myself.
- Yes.
970
00:49:59,240 --> 00:50:01,000
But you go and get
some ice creams.
971
00:50:01,040 --> 00:50:02,360
- Oh. Can I?
- Yes.
972
00:50:02,400 --> 00:50:03,896
- Good idea.
- Where do I go? This way?
973
00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:05,720
Yeah. Go straight.
974
00:50:05,760 --> 00:50:07,520
And don't walk in the center.
975
00:50:07,560 --> 00:50:09,120
- That's the pathway of the gods.
- Yes.
976
00:50:13,280 --> 00:50:17,280
Torii is the name
of the gates that stand
977
00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:20,320
as entrances to shrines
across Japan,
978
00:50:20,360 --> 00:50:23,440
and this may be the most
magnificent of them all.
979
00:50:29,360 --> 00:50:31,560
From go-karts and pachinko
980
00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:33,760
to these most ancient
of monuments,
981
00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:36,760
this leg of my trip has once
again brought home
982
00:50:36,800 --> 00:50:40,040
just how much breadth there is
to the Japanese experience.
983
00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:43,600
I'm not gonna pretend
I understand it all yet,
984
00:50:43,640 --> 00:50:47,280
but one thing I do understand
is a good bit of woodwork.
985
00:50:49,160 --> 00:50:53,560
Well, it's another fabulous
example of great craftsmanship
986
00:50:53,600 --> 00:50:57,760
from the world's best
woodworkers, the Japanese.
987
00:50:57,800 --> 00:50:59,600
Very symbolic, as well,
988
00:50:59,640 --> 00:51:02,880
and it's actually symbolic of
the great paradox that is Japan,
989
00:51:02,920 --> 00:51:04,720
because that gate, and indeed,
990
00:51:04,760 --> 00:51:07,120
the whole of that enormous
temple behind it,
991
00:51:07,160 --> 00:51:09,480
are made entirely from wood
992
00:51:09,520 --> 00:51:14,800
on an island where it's
forbidden to cut down trees.
993
00:51:14,840 --> 00:51:18,720
Hmm. Anyway,
I've written a haiku.
994
00:51:18,760 --> 00:51:20,920
"Ah, gate in the sea.
995
00:51:21,000 --> 00:51:22,480
"What does it mean?
996
00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:24,840
Way in, out?"
997
00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:27,520
End of the show. Cut.
76158
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