Original subtitles

I had hoped after reading the report I would understand it more or less.

What you learned right now is only a part of the story.

Since his early childhood he was abused day by day.

That father exposed him to physical and spiritual violence

of the worst kind.

I'm aware that I shouldn't say this,

but when I heard he had committed suicide, to be true, I was relieved.

I guess that's why he showed this reaction.

"This reaction"?

When I mentioned during the interview

that the fact that he was abused could help to claim for extenuating circumstances,

he turned very aggressive.

Hokuto-kun wouldn't want to be remembered of the wounds that his heart received.

Wasn't there a gentler, less encumbering way?

Gentler? I'm beat.

- Sorry. I had no intention to blame you. - No.

Indeed, I should have been a little more considerate.

I also will regret it forever.

Until Hokuto-kun caused this incident, I didn't bother much with him.

I didn't even think of him.

About 1 year after his father committed suicide,

- he was admitted to a child welfare institute, right? - Yes.

Was he abused by his mother now?

- Quite the reverse. - Reverse?

Hokuto-kun had begun to abuse his mother.

Number 17, your meal is here.

Be reasonable and eat.

[November 2011]

Since this man had died a few month before,

that woman was strange.

She quit her job and didn't do any housework.

She was broken.

They say my tuition fees have not yet been transfered.

I'm sorry.

What's going on? The other day, you paid with my money, didn't you?

- It was unintentionally. - Unintentionally?

Are you drunk?

Pull yourself together!

You're right. I must pull myself together.

I suppose our savings are used up too.

Do you think we can live on my part-time job alone?

Go working! I'm begging you.

I know.

I know, but

wait just a little longer

until your mother is okay again.

Why are you hugging that thing?

Because your father was such a poor guy.

A poor guy?

Committing suicide by biting his tongue off must have been painful.

Have you forgotten how he behaved here?

I'm sorry, Dear.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...

Are you queer in the head!

We should throw this stuff away together with the garbage!

- Stop it! Stop it! - Shut up!

- Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! - Shut up!

Since that day, this woman had changed.

Welcome back. I'll make breakfast right away.

You start making it only now?

You know when I come back, don't you?

I'm sorry.

Since the early morning I'm working in wet clothes.

I'm dying of hunger and it's not properly prepared!

I'm a bad mother, aren't I?

Yeah, you are a bad mother. Absolutely lousy!

Punishment...

What?

I said "Punishment". Give me a punishment.

What are you saying?

Please.

Harder.

Harder!

This woman asked me

to take the place of that man.

And I couldn't keep my destructive impulses under control.

It doesn't taste at all.

I'm sorry.

What's your intention?

That thing?

Stretch your hands out.

In the past, I'ven often been hit with this.

It was really painful.

My hands were totally swollen and I couldn't even take a bath.

This will give you stuff to think.

Since after this beating your own hands will hurt.

Do you remember?

When that man did the same to me,

you sealed my mouth like this

so the neighbors wouldn't hear my voice.

Do you remember that!

You said it would be better if I had never been born

and strangled me like this.

That night, I wished I would die, but I couldn't die.

It would be good if I had died and I regretted it many times.

Many, many, many times!

[Child Guidance Center]

It's instant coffee and the taste isn't so great,

but wouldn't you like a cup?

Itadakimasu.

High school life is going well?

Yes.

I see. Then I'm glad.

Well, I guess the problem is your mother.

You called me because you have a problem, right?

Tell me.

Help me please.

Does your mother abuse you now?

No.

It's me.

I... my mother.

Go on.

My mother has been strange since about 2 month.

She made me do it.

Since then, I'm totally confused.

You turned violent against your mother?

It wasn't just 1 time, right?

When my mother asks me to beat her,

I think I can resist. So I think, but

my body doesn't listen to me.

It's as if there's yet another person inside of me and he is in command.

This is the scar my father inflicted on me.

He said it wouldn't disappear for my whole life.

His blood is flowing in me.

If this goes on,

I'll kill her at last.

Help me please. I'm begging you.

Thank you.

You've told me a lot.

You've shown courage.

Hokuto-kun, people who were abused

for some reason want to abuse others.

Such a case isn't unusal.

Your case is certainly not something special.

Is that true?

Don't worry.

We will definitely find a solution for your problem.

Let's think about it together.

Okay?

Yes.

I...

confided everything to Tomioka-san.

Everything that had happened in that apartment room,

and everything that had flashed through my mind.

The situation required immediate steps.

On a morning when the first snow of the year fell,

[January 2012] I...

left the house.

Give it to me.

- Then, is everything ready for departure? - Yes.

Hokuto!

Good-bye.

Good-bye.

Number 17, your lawyer is here.

I'm relieved.

After the ending last time,

I was pretty afraid you wouldn't meet me anymore.

This morning, I met with Tomioka-san.

Tomioka-san told me how you were abused

by your parents.

Honestly, I didn't know what to say.

I must apologize to you.

Last time, I told you I had looked up your personal circumstances, right?

Truth is, I only took a quick look at the reports

in newspapers and weekly magazines. And still,

I boasted that I could use your past for courtroom tactics.

In case I have hurt you, I'm very sorry.

Forgive me.

Hashizume-kun, no matter what happened, I'm on your side.

I want to know more about you.

What kind of person you are, what you are thinking, I want to understand it.

Can't you tell me about your mother?

I don't mean the mother who has born you,

but your foster mother Kondo Ayako-san.

Ayako-san, what kind of person was she?

My mother...

She gave me my life.

Your life?

I...

was reborn as a different person by her.

[Rainbow House] [May 2012]

4 month had passed since I came into "Rainbow House".

Here, there were children of various ages.

They all were children who for some reason

couldn't live with their parents.

From here, I went to high school as usual.

I had cut all contact with that woman.

Hokuto-oniichan! (Oniichan = older brother)

- I'm back. - Welcome home.

- Let's go. - Shall we play?

Next Sunday?

Such a thing should be done as early as possible.

The first meeting is only in order to become acquainted.

You have told the other side about me, right?

I've made no secret of how you've grown up.

- And still she said it was okay? - Of course.

You've only just got used to living here,

so I can understand that you're afraid of moving into a new environment again.

But look, this place is only for persons under 18 years.

You will reach that age in 2 years.

The sisters won't be able to take care of you anymore once you move out.

This institution has its limits too.

Foster parents are something different.

At each crucial point of your life they will be there as your parents,

comfort you, and offer you their advice.

Why do they do that for a complete stranger?

Well, I guess there's no concrete reason.

There are people in this world who offer a helping hand

if they see a child in need,

no matter what will happen.

Kondo Ayako-san is such a person too.

Hokuto-kun, you're so stiff.

Relax.

Yes.

Tomioka-san!

Ah, Kondo-san.

Again, the streets are crowded on a Sunday.

- I'm sorry for letting you wait. - No.

May I introduce, this is Hashizume Hokuto-kun.

- Pleased to meet you. - Pleased to meet you.

I'm Kondo Ayako.

I guess you're disappointed to see such an old woman, right?

No.

What are your hobbies?

Hobbies?

Oh my god.

That question sounded as if we had an Omiai. (formal introduction of marriage partners)

I mustn't make Hokuto-kun tense.

Reading... is my hobby.

Oh! Just like me.

Which writers do you like?

Dostoyevsky, for example.

That's great, isn't it?

When I was young, I also gave it a try,

but I always got sleepy in between

and never made it till the end.

It's great that you can read such long novels, isn't it?

It's good that they are so long.

Why?

Because during that time I can forget reality.

I see.

Hokuto-kun is intelligent. I'm sure he will go to a good university

and find a splendid job in the future.

That's right! You never told me, did you?

What's your dream for the future?

I've never thought about my future.

- I'm sorry. - Tomioka-san,

you must not ask such a question.

A dream is not so easy to find.

Myself, I found it only after I had turned 40.

I see. I guess you're right.

I also aimed for my current job only since I went to university.

You see! That's how it is.

Say, Hokuto-kun, how about we take a short walk?

Okay?

Excuse me...

What is it?

That dream that you found, what is it?

It's properly raising a child like you.

When I was 43,

my husband suddenly died of a subarachnoid hemorrhage.

It was a shock, you see.

We had no children,

so all of a sudden I was lonely.

My husband had been an architect

and he left me a little money

so I had a carefree life.

Maybe that's the reason

why I began to think about various things.

"For what am I living?", for example.

About such nebulous and difficult things.

And then I thought

if I could leave something behind as proof that I've lived,

the best choice would be a person.

And since I didn't have a child of my own,

I thought I should properly raise the child of someone else.

Well, here we are.

- Please visit us again next week. - Yes.

Next time it's only the both of you, right?

- Thank you for today. - I thank you too.

I'm looking forward to next week.

Well then.

Hokuto-kun!

Try to smile.

Say "nii~". Try it.

Nii~

Yeah, more, more!

Nii~

Right, right! Just like that!

You see, people don't smile because they are happy.

When we smile, we automatically become happy .

And a smile suits you much better.

See you, okay?

See you.

After that, we met every weekend

and 2 month later, I officially became her foster child.

Good morning. Just wait a moment, okay?

Please take good care of us today too.

I'm begging you.

- What plans do you have for Summer vacation? - I haven't decided yet.

Won't you go on a trip with your friends?

- I don't have such a partner. - I see.

Then, how about you go there?

Lazing around at home is okay too, but it would be boring.

So shouldn't you give this a try?

You will learn something

and may be able to find new friends too.

But, the money...

I told you, didn't I?

You don't have to worry about money.

I receive a monthly reimbursement for child-rearing expenses from the government

and I have savings enough to send you on a Summer seminar.

How is it?

If you say so, Ayako-san, I will accept it.

I see. Then, I will book you, okay?

Yes.

Hokuto-kun!

- Here's your pocket money for 1 week. - I still have enough.

Because you've saved up the greatest part of it till now.

Savings are a good thing,

but if there's something that you wish for, don't hesitate to use it.

Alright. Thank you very much.

Hokuto-kun.

It's about time to stop addressing me like a stranger.

It's not "Ayako-san". I want you to call me "Mother".

From now on, I will make sure.

Come on, "Nii~"!

- Then, I'm leaving. - Have a nice day.

The story

that we automatically become happy when we laugh

was untrue.

Mother was gentle.

I couldn't believe that people could be so gentle.

She gave me her affection without expecting anything in return.

But, this was a burden for me.

The more gently she treated me, the more I felt suffocated.

I was not a person who could be treated gently.

If I took off the mask of smile,

Mother would...

- Was it too loud? I'm sorry. - No.

That man loved it.

From time to time, I listen to it, but I guess I don't really like it.

It's too hectic for me.

You can use this room too.

That man would surely be pleased.

You can listen to the records and read the books too.

Well, I guess that's not much use. They're all difficult specialist books.

- Then, good night. - Good night.

The phone that you are trying to call

is either at a place where it can't be reached,

or turned off because it doesn't answer.

Hey! I'm sorry, but can't you borrow us some money?

Brother, let's go outside for a moment.

Oi! Don't run away! Oi! Oi!

Oi! Stand up! Oi! Oi!

- Oi! Cough it up. - Bastard!

Don't make fun of us.

You better had given us the money right away.

Oi! This thing is loaded. Couldn't he have even more money?

Hokuto-kun!

Excuse me, who are you?

I'm the mother of this boy.

That's not true!

This woman isn't my mother.

- What's that supposed to mean? - I'm his foster mother.

Since 2 month.

- His foster mother? - Yes.

Well, he wouldn't speak a word.

That's a trouble for us too, isn't it?

He had a student notebook so we contacted the school.

You go to upper secondary school.

- Why did you do such a thing? - What did this boy do?

Well, he got in a fight and injured his opponents.

However, it seems in that gamecenter

they tried to rip him off and he offered resistance.

The other guys are old customers of us and their injuries are no big deal.

If you take the responsibility,

he can go home for today.

Sorry for the inconvenience. We are really very sorry.

I skipped prep school. I have no intention to go there again.

Really? Alright.

Why aren't you angry?

If that's what you want to do, it's okay.

Say, you must be hungry, right?

Shall we go home and eat ramen?

Come on, let's go, let's go, let's go!

Hokuto-kun, the meal is ready!

Hokuto-kun, it's time to eat! Turn down the volume!

Please take good care of us today too.

Good morning. What's wrong?

I'm sorry, Dear.

Why don't you get angry? Even though I did something so horrible.

The meal is ready.

Wouldn't it be better to send me back to the institution?

You must be hungry. Hurry up and eat.

Why don't you get angry?

Why? Why!

Because you are suffering!

If her child suffers,

a mother suffers together with it.

You are testing me because you want to trust me.

It's alright.

Test me as much as you like.

No matter what happens,

no matter what you do,

I will never abandon you!

Always... always...

I will be at your side.

Because

you are my precious,

precious child.

You are my precious child.

I could feel mother's heartbeat.

Since that day,

I was reborn.

I told you mother had given me my life.

That's what it meant.

You've told me a lot.

Let's continue next time.

That's okay, isn't it?

We are finished.

Hashizume-kun.

Why did you decide to talk with me?

Sensei, why did you decide to work as my lawyer?

Because it's your job?

Yeah. Because it's my job.

But that's not the only reason.

When I listened to you, it became very clear to me.

You are a person who should live and atone for his sins.

I want to work for that.