All language subtitles for Hart.to.Hart.Old.Friends.Never.Die.1994.1080p.English

MAX: This is my boss,
Jonathan Hart.

He's a millionaire. Self-made.

And this is his wife,
Jennifer.

She's quite a lady.

Oh, and that's me.
My name is Max.

I take care of them,
which ain't easy,

because when they met
it was murder.

Yes, sir. It went exactly
as you planned.

I believe you're ready, sir.

CLERK: A costume for
Mr. and Mrs. Hart.

If I can't beat this
challenge, I'll hang up
my pin cushion.

They're all here, you know.
The greats and
the near greats.

From Valentino to Dietrich,
and Chaplin and Harlow.

Those were the glory days,

when Hollywood costumes
meant style and glamour
and panache.

Mr. and Mrs. Hart,
if you'll come this way.

Now, these are the
showgirl costumes
I told you about,

but I don't know why
that would interest you.

Let's see now.
Where is the one...

This... This aisle has some
very nice things in it.
If we just come down here...

Don't give up now,
we're just getting started.

Charles Laughton wore
this in Henry VIII.

How about this? Hedy Lamarr in
Samson and Delilah.

Perhaps it would help
if I knew what the theme was.

JENNIFER: Oh, I don't
think there is a theme.

We're simply going to
Alfred Raine's private island
in Hawaii

for the weekend,
for a costume party.

Alfred Raine

-Yes.
-Oh, I am impressed.

Uh, you're not one of
Mr. Raine's world famous
authors are you?

Uh, not exactly, no.

Oh, well. I suppose
we'll find something.

Don't be so modest, darling.
You know the only reason

that we're going to
this affair is because Raine
is going to try to sign you.

I know that and you know that
but does he have to know that?

Wait, I've got it.

Famous couples.
Romeo and Juliet.

Columbus and Queen Isabella.

Cary Grant and
Katharine Hepburn.

Antony and Cleopatra.

On the other hand,
there is always
another way to go.

Not exactly what
I had in mind.

Oh, too bad.

Gee, Ollie, I thought
we looked great.

Really?

Well, all right, Stanley,
if that's what you want.

We'll do it.

Herbert, wrap up another
Laurel and Hardy.

The decision's been made.

JENNIFER: Freeway, come here!
JONATHAN: Come on!

-Yay! Up, up, up!
-Phone call for you.

Oh, thanks, Max.

Hello? Yeah, hi Lou.

Well, uh, keep trying, okay?
Yeah.

Right. Thanks a lot, Lou.
We'll be gone for
the next four days.

-Bye.

Remember my telling you
that somebody
was making a run

on Hart Industries stocks?

We still don't know who it is.

Sounds pretty serious.

Check with some
of your buddies on the street.

Maybe one of them
will hear something

that's not being said
up in those executive suites.

Right, you've got
a plane to catch.
We gotta get home and back.

MAX: No way, squirt.
You and me are staying home.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT:
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to Honolulu,

where the local time is 1:45.

Please remain seated
with your seat belts fastened

until the captain
has turned off the
"Fasten Seat Belt" sign.

PILOT: Mr. and Mrs. Hart,
welcome aboard.

Our flying time to
Mr. Raine's island will be
about 38 minutes.

If there's anything you need,
just let me know.

Honolulu Tower, this is 6589
Zulu. Request clearance
to Raine's Island,

vector south-southeast
on heading of 156.

PILOT: We'll be
landing here, on the
north face of the island.

There'll be a jeep waiting
to take you and your bags
to the main house.

PILOT: Hope you
enjoyed your flight!

JONATHAN: We did, thanks.

Jonathan, welcome.
I'm Alfred Raine.

-Jonathan Hart.
-Good.

-This is my wife, Jennifer.

-I'm so glad the two
of you could make it.
-Oh, thank you very much.

You have a wonderful
place here.

-Thanks for inviting us.
-No, no, no. The thanks
is all mine.

Signing Jennifer Hart will be
a real feather in my cap.

I hope you understand
my intentions are serious.

Well, I hope you understand
that I'm seriously flattered.

Then we're off
to a good start.

Now, someone will deliver
your bags to your room,

and meanwhile
this place is yours.

Please make yourselves
at home, will you?

BOTH: All right.

JENNIFER: We'll see you later.
ALFRED: Fine. Need anything,
please call me.

JONATHAN: It looks like
Raine built his own little
paradise here.

Well, you know what they say,
"publish or perish."

I guess publish won out, huh?

MAN: I just kept staring
at the board.

Seemed that Spassky had made
a major blunder.

I mean, the move
made no sense.

Put his queen in jeopardy
very early on in the game.

If you read my book,
you'd see how wrong I was.

I have the guest list here.
That must be...

Shelby Lyons who wrote
Surrender in Black and White.

-Heavy.
-I suppose this
is your way

of trying to express some sort
of pack dominance?

-No, it's just...
-Because if you think that
I am impressed

with your androgyne-based
efforts to maintain
some sort of elite

power position, you are
sorely mistaken.

-I'm sorry.

As if that's all
that's required to eradicate

2000 years of male oppression
and domination.

Here's your book.

Who's that?

That's Nora Kingsley.

-Sure, you know,
she wrote that book,

Men: Don't Like 'Em,
Never Did.

Let me ask you a question.
Did you ever read that book?

Well, I scanned it.

One or two chapters.

-I'm starved. I'm sure glad we
didn't have any breakfast.

-Me, too.
-Oh, this looks great.

Oh, please, you two
are not really going
to eat those are you?

We were considering it, yes.

I mean, even the cracker,
bromated wheat.

-Do you know how many
chemicals they use

to bromate wheat?

I never thought about that.

Probably because it's
too frightening to remember.

What about these?

Fish eggs. Watch as I shudder.

Dirty water, dirty fish.

I guess I'll just settle
for celery.

Sure, if you don't mind
the pesticides.

Who was that?

Reginald Sinders.

What did he write?

Are You Sure You
Aren't What You Eat?

-I'm not.

Ah, this can't be too bad.

Try this. There.

There. Delicious.

JONATHAN: Uh...

-Watercress. What do
you think?

It's not a cheeseburger.

MAN: For you, sir.
Cheeseburger.

Thanks.

Best burgers in the city.

You gotta know, I just
don't schlep out here
for just anybody.

-But I know how you get when
Mr. and Mrs. H leave town.

Keep it between us,
though, squirt,

or we'll both end up
on kibble and water.

Hey ya, squirt.
Stop eating and
give me the phone.

Max here. Oh yeah, Duke.
Look, I need
a little legwork.

Yeah, I'll fill you in
when I see you.

No way,
you're not getting fries.

JONATHAN: Wow!
JENNIFER: Where are you?

The part where Marjorie
goes into the house alone.

-Oh, I'm not there yet.
-Oh, it's great.

-She goes into the house...
-Oh, no, no.
Please don't tell me.

-I'm sorry.
-I want to find out
on my own.

-Did you get to the part
when they both...
-Jonathan!

I'm sorry.

-How much do you know
about this Stacey...
-Jonathan!

Sorry.

I only know that
Stacey Rodgers
is one of Alfred Raine's

most successful
fiction writers.

Well, I can certainly
understand why.

She takes you on a ride here
that's unbelievable.

-Wow!

No, I mean,
wow, am I hungry.

I'm gonna get
something to eat.

-No thanks.

I think I'll stay here
and finish this chapter.

Okay.

Oh, I got it, thanks.

Oh.

-Eric Roth.
-Jennifer Hart.

I want you to know,
I'm not usually
in the habit of refusing help

from such a beautiful woman.

But considering I wrote
I Can Do It Alone,

might look a little funny
to these people if they
caught you doing it for me.

Oh, I saw you on television.
Very inspirational.

Yeah, well that inspiration's
become something
of an albatross for me.

See, I tried to give
handicapped people a little
push and encouragement.

Now, I can't accept
a favor from anybody.

Oh, I see.

Maybe my
next book should be
Accepting Help With Grace.

Oh, well, I tell you,
if Grace is ever not around

and I can do anything,
just give me a call.

I'll try to find an excuse,
I promise.

Okay.

The egg rolls are fantastic.

Oh, yummy! Ooh, boy!

Hi there.

Hi... Uh, the water...

Is great.
It's really good here.

Mmm!

MAN 1: Take my word for it,
it's the perfect murder.

It's a snap. He's here
for the weekend.
It's a big bash.

It has to look like
an accident. That's a must
if it's going to work.

As soon as people start
wondering about motive,
we're sunk.

MAN 2: But you've
figured it out?

MAN 1: Absolutely.

The hardest part
is getting him separated
from the crowd.

So we get him out
on a fishing boat.

We get five or six
other people to go with him.
It's perfect.

A few others will die
in the accident.

No one will
even know that our guy
was the intended target.

-Fire.

It's clean and it's thorough.

It also gives a few
of the others a chance
to save themselves.

Two or three people
survive out of six.
It's very real, very natural.

MAN 2: And how do you know
that our man won't be

one of the people
who saves themselves?

MAN 1: Because he'll
be drugged.

Few sips of his drink,
he'll get logy, start to feel
a little faint.

He'll go down into the cabin
to sleep it off. By the time
the fire breaks out...

-He hasn't got a chance.
-I'm telling you.

The man will die
and no one will even
suspect murder.

Jonathan, I see you've found
my favorite spot.

I also understand I'm reading
your favorite author.

Second favorite author.
That's a wonderful book,
isn't it?

Yeah, it's great.

-Yes.

Stacey Rodgers is indeed here.

-I'd like to meet her.
-Oh, I'm sure you'll
find her very interesting.

Now Jonathan, um,
I did not come down here
merely to make a social call.

-Oh.
-I was kind of hoping you
might give me a little advice

on how to entice your wife.

Al, Jennifer and I made
an arrangement years ago.

She doesn't borrow my razor
and I don't make
her business deals.

She's very good at managing
her own affairs.

All right. Well, then I'll
just leave it up to her.

All I ask is 20 minutes alone
with her once I have
the proposal drawn up, huh?

Well, just let her know.
I'm sure you'll find her
very reasonable.

Thanks.

Jonathan? Whoo-hoo!

Jonathan

-It's only been ten minutes.
-Oh, I thought it was
an eternity.

-I have to show you something.

I just overheard two men
planning a murder.

Planning to murder
someone here at the party.

Did you get a look at them?

Yes, but I don't think
I could recognize them.
Maybe one of them.

He was gray with a thin face.

-But you would recognize him
if you saw him again?
-I think so.

-Let's go find him.
-Okay.

I was standing right here.

What were you doing?

I was drinking water.

You were standing
in the middle of the bridge
drinking water

Because I was trying
to get away from Reginald.

Where was Reginald?

Well, he was over...
Oh darling, it has nothing
to do with him.

Listen, I was
standing right here
when I heard the first man,

who said, "Take my word
for it. This is the
perfect murder."

And then the two of them
went on to discuss

how they were going
to do it this weekend.

Well, there's only so many
people on the island.

We ought to be able
to find them.

All right.

ERIC: I knew I should have
made my move
when I had the chance.

You've already
found someone else.

-Oh!
-Don't tell me. I know.
It's my new aftershave.

Uh, this is my husband,
Jonathan Hart. Eric Roth.

Nice to meet you, Mr. Hart.
Husband, huh?

I guess I was later
than I thought.

You didn't by any chance see
two men under the bridge
talking earlier, did you?

-No, I didn't.
-Oh.

Excuse me.

-See ya.
-Maybe you could loan me
your aftershave sometime.

Any time.

-Excuse me.
-I could have won it.

We're looking for
a man that...

It was the lights.
You do know that?

The lights?

Fluorescent lights. Well, he
did something to them.

Well, maybe he was
wearing special contacts
so they didn't affect him,

but I couldn't concentrate.

Those lights.

Those lights were
slowly driving me
out of my mind.

Really?

Not to mention the fact
that he hypnotized me too.

Oh, no. It was a blunder,
no doubt about it.

Well, he couldn't have
planned it and won.

-We were wondering
if you saw a man.
-A thin face.

-Gray hair.

Who are you talking about?

Well, I know who
I'm talking about,
who are you talking about?

Spassky!

I'm gonna give
you people fair warning,
if you get close to him

do not look into those eyes.

That's how he did it.
That's how he hypnotized me.

Jonathan! Jonathan!
That's him.

-You can't even see his face.
-I know.

I know, but believe me
I know that's him.

Don't you think
it would be a good idea
to see his face?

Just to make sure.

What are you doing? Wait.

-I'm going up to him.
-But that's the murderer.

I'm just gonna get a shrimp.
I'm sure I'll be safe.

MAN: Pardon me,
do you know who I see
here to get some ice?

Ah. The guy you want
to see is Alfred.

All right.

Excuse me.

Oh, my God. Jonny!

-Frank.
-Yes.

Frank Culver!
Remember me telling you
about Frank Culver?

He was my best friend
in school.

-Frank. Great to see you.
-Ah, Jonny. Good to see you.

You look wonderful.
There's a surprise.

This is my wife, Jennifer.

Oh, how do you do, Jennifer?
What am I saying?

You are Jonny's wife.
Hello, Jennifer!

Nice to meet you.

What's it been, Jonny?
Thirty, thirty

You're doing great.
Every time I open the paper,
it's Jonathan Hart this,

Jonathan Hart that.
You've been doing great, Jon.

-Well, not as good as you,

but, what's the surprise?
Just like it was in college.

Jonathan was always
"most likely to succeed."

I was always "most likely
to be found hanging
around Jonathan."

What do you say
we grab a table?

We've got thirty,
thirty-five years to catch
up on. Come on.

Great.

Jonathan, that's him.
That's the guy.

Jonathan!

JONATHAN: Well, what have
you been doing, Frank?

I've been writing
for the past 12 years.

-Well, not so much.

You always wanted to write
the great American novel.

Well, I'm afraid that one's
gonna have to wait
for a little while.

You don't become a Hemingway
just because you want to,
you have to have it in you.

Oh, you've always
had it in you.
The trick was getting it out.

Just like old times.

You may be
right about that, Jonathan.

But in the meantime,
I've been writing mysteries.

Mysteries?

-We love mysteries.

Could we have read
any of them
or seen any of them?

Well, you might have
stumbled across one or two.

You wouldn't have known
it was me. I've been writing
under a pseudonym.

Save the real thing
for the real thing,
if you know what I mean.

You ever hear
of Stacey Rodgers?

Guilty.

-Hey, that's terrific!

Yeah.

We've read most of her books.

I mean, we've read
most of your books.
I had no idea.

Anyway, that's what
I'm doing here.

And I've read a couple
of your books.
You've done wonderful work.

I didn't know
you were with Raine.

Thank you. I'm not.

Well, not yet.

As always, Jon,
you done good.

FRANK: I don't know
what happened to me
in that department.

Things just didn't work
out the way I'd planned.

And it's your fault.

Hanging around with you
all those years,

I guess I just wouldn't
settle for second best.

Just between
you and me, Jennifer,

there was many a night
I lay awake plotting
this man's murder.

-Ahem.

I'm fine.
I'm just a little tired.

Its' been a long, long day.

Maybe we could take
this up tomorrow, okay Frank?

How about a threesome?
Raine has got a fabulous
18 hole golf course here.

Hey, I would love that,
as long as it's not too early.

-Fine.

-See you then.
-All right. You get some rest.

-Good to see you, Jonny.
-Thanks, Frank.

Why didn't
you say anything? God!

-Well...

Gee, Frank, it's good
to see you,
and while we're at it

my wife thinks
you're a murderer?

-No.
-Darling, think about it.
If you're right,

then you don't want
him to know that you know.

No, that's right.

I didn't think
about it that way.
But we just can't do nothing.

Look, we'll meet him tomorrow
for a little golf.

We'll go out on
the golf course, have a little
small talk conversation

and then we'll play it by ear.

All right. All right.

JONATHAN: Just relax.
JENNIFER: Mmm-hmm.

-Put your hands together.
-Uh-huh.

-Move them back and forth.

Very slowly.

-Oh.
-Very softly.

-JENNIFER: That's good.
-Mmm-hmm.

JENNIFER: Ahh!

Have you been
practicing without me?

No, no, no.
It's just beginner's luck.

You wouldn't want to bet
me on the next one?

Joking. Just joking.

Oh, sure. Practicing.
No fair, Jon.

I was just giving Jennifer
some pointers.

Well, I got some good news
and some bad news.

The bad news is the
sprinkler system went bonkers.
No golf today.

But the good news is
that our illustrious host,
Mr. Alfred

"I Supply My Guests
With Everything" Raine
has taken care of things.

Instead of golf, a bunch
of us are gonna do some
deep sea fishing.

Hey! I'd love that.

I was hoping to get some
fishing in while I was here.

Well, great, now you've
got your chance.

I'll see you
at the boat in 30 minutes.

-You got it.
-Don't be late.

Darling! Great news.

Guess what?
We're going fishing.

Fishing?

Darling!

Darling, I just spoke with Al.

Frank got a business call,
that's why we took off
without him.

Don't you think
that's a little convenient?

Well, maybe with a little luck
we could get shipwrecked.

Jonathan!

Just imagine you and me alone
for a weekend
on a deserted island, huh?

-Relax.
-I am relaxed.

I'm relaxed.

-JENNIFER: Darling,
what's wrong?
-Uh, no.

-Feel a little queasy.

I think I'll go below.

Is that your stomach?

Catch a big one, darling.

But darling,
I have to tell you something.

JONATHAN: Kind of lost
my sea legs, here.

JENNIFER: Darling.

Oh, Al,
you've got to stop this boat.

-Don't ask me to explain.

Just stop the boat.

Why, is something wrong?

It's gonna burst into flames.

What are you talking about?

Please don't ask me
to explain,
just stop the boat.

Jennifer, my mechanics
go over these boats
at least once a week,

there's nothing
wrong with the engine.

How can you be sure?

All right,
if it'll make you feel better,
we'll take a look. Hmm?

-Good.

-RALPH: Yes, sir.
-Ooh!

Don't you think
it's a good idea to take
the fire extinguisher?

-I don't think it's necessary.
-Please, humor me.

Good.

ALFRED: Dear God!

Get me the pliers
from that tool chest.

Well, there's the problem.

That wire's been stripped back
way too far.

This is very sloppy work.

Now, how did you know
about this?

You seemed to know
about the fire
before it even happened.

Well, didn't you smell it?

No, I didn't smell anything.

Well, I smelled it
very strongly from where
I was standing.

I naturally assumed
it was in the engine.

Well, I guess,
we're all very lucky

you have such a great
sense of smell.

JENNIFER: How are you doing?

JONATHAN: Oh, fine,
I'm feeling much better.

-Yeah.

-Much better.
-Oh, that's nice.

Because I have bad news.

What is it?

Frank Culver
just tried to kill you.

What are you talking about?

Everything that just happened.

It was detail for detail
what I overheard
Frank planning.

Darling, you heard Al.

The motor had faulty wiring.

And I heard Frank.

Get the man
on the fishing boat.

Drug him so he'll go below
and go to sleep

and then burn the boat.
And, ha-ha,

Frank so conveniently missed
the proverbial boat.

I don't understand.
Why would Frank
want to kill me?

I don't know.

But didn't he say
he was thinking
of killing you?

Oh, people use that expression
all the time.

Well, maybe he was jealous
of your success

after all these years.

Well, I'm sure there's
a reasonable explanation
for all of this.

Don't stare at me, squirt.

Go on, get something useful.

Hey, Max. How's it going?

It's going, Duke.

I need a tip.
Sort of... Inside stuff.

The Fifth at Santa Anita.
I'll guarantee it.

Not the ponies, Duke.
Stock market.

The stock market?
What are you, nuts?

Nah, stick with the ponies,
Max, it's a lot safer.

Come on,
you can do better than that.

Safer or not,
I got to find out

who's buying up the hot
industry stock.

What kind of buying
are we talking about?

Big boys.
Forget the kiddie stuff.

How come your boss isn't
doing this himself?

He and Mrs. H are out
for the big bash
at Alfred Raine's place.

Alfred Raine, the publisher,
the guy with the island?

The shoe was better than that.

Come on, squirt. Try again.

That's the place.

Okay, Max, but I'm a bookie.

I'm not real comfortable
with these stock market types.

Thanks, Duke.

Where's the mutt?

What do you got there, squirt?

Oh, my God!
Bring that back!

Uh-oh. Let's get out of here.

Hey, uh, Jonathan, Jennifer.

Hi. Glad to see
you're feeling better,
Jonathan.

Oh, thank you very much.

Do you mind if I ask
what you had for lunch?

-Just curious.

-Well, I had the shrimp salad
sandwich, right?
-Shrimp, right.

Well, then I'm afraid
I owe you
a tremendous apology.

I've just spoken
with one of my staff people.

I don't know
how this happened,

but it seems as if
the shrimp salad was spoiled.

Now, I'm told we had
a few people fall ill
back here at the house, too,

same thing
that happened to you.

Convenient.

Excuse me?

Oh, it's, uh...
It's just a little something
between the two of us.

Sorry.

Well, once again,
my apologies to both of you.

And now,
I have a chef to fire.

JONATHAN: Well,
what do you think?

JENNIFER:
Interesting story, huh?

There you are.

I'm so sorry
I missed the boat.

Not that it would be
the first time.

Catch anything?

Shrimp salad.

I beg your pardon?

Frank, uh, there's something
we want to talk to you about.

Shoot.

Yesterday, when Jennifer
was standing over there
on the bridge,

she overheard you.

Talking about what?

About killing someone.

Killing someone
on this weekend.

On a fishing boat.

Drugs, fire.

Everything that just happened
to Jonathan.

Could we have a drink?

Jennifer,
you're absolutely right.

Everything you said you heard,
you heard.

Until you put it together,

I never even thought about it,

but you did
hear me plotting a murder.

None of that was real.

It was fiction.

Hypothesis.

I was helping someone
plot out a murder mystery.

Really?

Why would I make
something like that up?

A fellow came up to me,

right over here,
as a matter of fact.

Started praising my books

and before I knew it,
he was asking me to help him

with a book
he was trying to write.

Just like that?

Just like that.

He was stuck
trying to figure out
how to pull off the murder

among all these people,
and still get away with it.

It's just a story.

Do you always give away
your ideas for free?

Well, I'm a writer.

I carry ideas
around in my pocket.

Besides, they were only
a couple of thoughts,

it wasn't as though
it was a complex scenario.

And he was so flattering,
I guess I couldn't resist.

I admit it, I was showing off.

Who is this man, Frank?

I was afraid
you were gonna ask
that question.

I don't know.

I never saw him before.
I certainly
haven't seen him since.

It isn't exactly
the strongest story.

Maybe so, but it's the truth.

Jonathan, I'm a writer.

If I were trying to think up
a way to kill you,

don't you think
I'd come up with
a better story than that?

What do I have to do
to convince you?

Well, uh...

Finding the man
might be a step
in the right direction.

Okay. We'll do it tonight.

Everyone will gather
for dinner.

We'll just cruise the room
and check out the faces.
It should be a snap.

ALFRED: Ladies and gentlemen,
may I have your attention,
please?

I have an announcement
to make.

The masquerade party,
which was scheduled
for tomorrow night,

will be held tonight.

Wonderful.

There goes your snap.

-Not so far.

These costumes
aren't helping either.

We'll keep looking.

Okay.
Once more into the breach.

Ooh. Champagne and pizza.

Ooh, full of calories,
cholesterol and fat.

What do you think?

It is a masquerade, Ollie.

We should keep up appearances.

Hi there.

You didn't see that.

I didn't?

And if you say anything,
I'll just deny it.

Well,
if it's good enough for him,

it's good enough
for us, Ollie.

Mmm.

Mmm, so good.

Jonathan, Jennifer.

I see you got your
appetite back, Jonathan.

Good as new.

Thank God.

I thought
this might be the right time

to have that little talk
with Jennifer.

-Oh.
-It's your party.

"Publish or perish."

-Right this way.

Now, just remember,

no more shrimp salad.

Word of honor.

-Have a seat, Jennifer.
-Ah.

Now, I could talk and talk,
but it would be just that.
Talk.

A picture is worth
a thousand words.

-Your contract.

Your proposed contract.

-Most of what you need to know
is on the first page.
-Oh.

Very generous.

I'm a publisher.

I know what's important
to writers

and I think I know
what's important to you.

There's a lot
of creative support
in that paper.

It's a very good deal.

It's one of the best
I've ever offered.

You are serious.

Very.

What's going on?
What happened?

Someone's been shot!

Oh, my God! Jonathan!

Jonathan.

That's him, Jonathan.

That's the man
who asked me to help him
plot the murder.

I thought that was you.

I have a feeling, darling,

someone else was thinking
exactly the same thing.

ALFRED:
His name was Harold Simpson.

DETECTIVE WHOO: Is, Mr. Raine.
His name is Harold Simpson.

Because a man has died
doesn't mean
his name has changed.

Fine.

And I understand
he was one of your
invited guests?

Yes. Yes, he was...

Is an aspiring author.

Was an aspiring author,
Mr. Raine.

Being dead, it seems unlikely
he'll write many more books.

I understand
you were not present
at the time of the shooting.

Yes, that's correct.
I was in my office
at the time.

Well, so you were present.

You were not at
the scene of the crime.

Right.

Thank you.

I hope you understand.

It helps to be precise.

Of course.

And now, with your permission,

perhaps some of your other
guests can shed some more
light on this tragedy.

You know, you might start with
Mr. and Mrs. Hart.

They seemed quite anxious
to speak to the police.

Then I'll suppose
they still are.

Thank you.

There's no doubt about it,
Detective Woo.

-Whoo.

Whoever killed that man
was trying to kill my husband.

I'm here only for the facts
of the case, Mrs. Hart.

-That's what
I'm trying to tell you.
-No.

You're giving me conjecture.

Your opinions,
fascinating as they are,
they are not facts.

Well...

Isn't it a fact that
that man was dressed in
the same costume

as my husband,
and he wound up shot to death?

It is.
But what you're concluding
may be mere coincidence.

Coincidence?

Is it a coincidence that
that was the very man

who was talking about murder
with Frank Culver

and everything that
Frank suggested wound up
happening to my husband?

As we sit here, Mrs. Hart,

your husband seems to be
in perfect health

while another man is dead,
and those are the facts.

You can't tell me
that you know for sure

that my husband wasn't
the intended victim.

Now, that's a fact, isn't it?

I'm afraid not.

-Detective Woo.
-Whoo.

Whoo.

How can you say that?

What happened last night,
Mrs. Hart, was not a murder.

It was a suicide.

Suicide?

JENNIFER: I don't believe it.

Perhaps this will help.

It's a note. It was written
on his letterhead.

Harold Simpson.

In it, he talks
a little about his business,
his family problems,

and he ends with,

"I realize that I will be
considered a coward
for taking the easy way out.

"I prefer to see my death
as an act of courage.

"I've done everything I could,
and though I had all my pieces
on the board,

"I find myself in checkmate."

You see, the facts
can be useful.

JENNIFER: That doesn't make
any sense.

Facts always make sense,
Mrs. Hart.

One has to know
how to put them
in the proper order.

Are you absolutely sure
of that?

Whoo knows.

Whew...

...'s on first.

-Second base.

Oh, Jonathan.

JONATHAN: Do you get
the feeling someone is trying
to play games with us?

I do.

But why?

Whoo knows? Whoo.

Well, I don't believe
any of this.

If that man committed suicide,
I'm the real Oliver Hardy.

I think it's time we packed up
and got out of this place.

Maybe we can catch a ride back
to Honolulu
with Detective Whoo.

Good idea.

Jonathan.

I was hoping to catch up
to the two of you.

Can you spare me
a couple of minutes?

Just the two of us, I'm sorry.
For old time's sake?

I'll go pack.

Thanks, Jennifer. Bye.

I won't keep him long,
I promise.

Well, this has not exactly
been a class reunion.

-No pun intended.

It's been interesting.

Just like old times,
I step knee-deep into it

and you're trying to pull me
out by the ears.

Let me own this one, Jonathan.

I played the patsy for someone
who was clearly
trying to set you up,

-and I'm sorry.
-Oh, you don't have to
apologize.

You had no idea
you were being used.

Well, I want to apologize.
I'm hoping that...

After all this blows over,

under different circumstances,
maybe we could...

Ah, I'd look forward to it.

In the meantime, you might
actually write that
great American novel

you always dreamed about.

I stopped dreaming
a long time ago.

-It's been finished
for quite a while.

Just haven't had the guts
to show it to anyone.

Afraid it might not be
everything I planned
for it to be.

And yet I can't face the idea
of being Stacey Rodgers
for the rest of my life.

If you don't take the risks...

I know. I know.
Nothing ventured...

Well...

Can't leave it in my closet
forever, even the moths
are getting bored.

Well, if you ever want someone
to look at it,

let me know.

You'll be the first.
I mean that.

You've been a good friend,
Jonathan.

Take care of yourself.
It's been good to see you.

I know he apologized
profusely.

But I still don't trust
dear old Frank.

It all started with him.

Maybe he's telling the truth.

He could be a patsy
for someone else.

ALFRED: Hello?

Oh, no. What, packing already?

No, the guests are
supposed to leave tomorrow
morning at 11:00.

-Al...
-I know.

Poor Harold Simpson's suicide
has sort of put a damper

on the party atmosphere,
hasn't it?

Death tends to do that.

We hate to spoil your weekend,
but, uh...

After all that's happened,
I think it's time that we say
our goodbyes.

This party for me
has been a disaster.

I'm mortified. I'm sorry.

Now let me check
with the police about
taking you back, huh?

Al.

JONATHAN: How well did
you know Harold Simpson?

Hardly at all, really.

I invited him because he wrote
one foreign piece
that I published.

He was trying to
get into mysteries.

You know,
he was a big fan of Frank's.

Followed all his work.
He used to write to Frank
all the time.

You mean
they knew each other?

I don't know if they
actually knew each other,

I think it was
mostly through the mail.

But Simpson told me that
he used to write Frank
fan letters all the time.

Curiouser and curiouser.

Do you think
he committed suicide?

You don't?

I keep asking myself
this one question.

If he shot himself,

then who pushed the button
in the elevator
to send him up?

Jonathan, you should have been
a mystery writer yourself.

Now, would you please
tell that to Detective Whoo.

Maybe he can do
a little more digging here.

Meanwhile,
I'll send someone up
for your bags.

Oh, and Jennifer,
please do not forget my offer.

I still intend to make you
part of my team.

Hmm.

MAN: Mr. and Mrs. Hart,
wait please.

I was asked to give
you this note before you left.

Thank you.

Who's that from?

Frank.

Jon, I think I figured
this whole thing out.

Meet me at the old shack
as soon as you can.

It's important.

-I'm gonna check this out.
-Oh, I don't trust that.

Ten minutes, tops.

I'll be fine.

Frank!

Hey, Frank!

Frank?

I'm sorry, Mrs. Hart,
but we have a very strict
schedule to keep.

Oh, but Detective
I'm sure he'll be here
in just a minute.

The fact is, Mrs. Hart,
we're only 30 minutes
away by air

and if you need us,
just call us.

And ask for Whoo?

Absolutely.

Oh, no, no, no.

No, take it...

I'm sorry, you'll have to take
those bags back.

Oh, would you take
this with you
up to the room?

-Yes, ma'am.
-Sorry.

Hello?

Jonathan?

Help! Help!

Somebody help! Help!

Help!

Help!

Hart! What's going on?

What the hell happened here?

I wish I knew.

Let's get out of here.

-Come on.
-I gotta get out.

JENNIFER: Jonathan!

Jonathan, I've been
looking all over for you.

Oh, my God!
What happened?

Well, it seems that
someone wanted me

to take an
unscheduled swim.

If it hadn't been
for Eric here, I'd have
been in real trouble.

No problem, Jonathan.

Looks like the two
of you could use
a hot bath.

Would help get some
of the sand out
of my teeth.

Do you mind,
if we just sit here
and relax a while?

Till I figure out
what's going on.

Hello?

Jon?

Jennifer?

-Huh.

-It'd feel a lot better
if I knew who hit me.

I think we should
call Detective Whoo.

He said he could be
here in half an hour.

What do you think?

Darling, why don't we
just call the police?

-I'll give you
two good reasons.
-All right.

One is, if we leave now

we'll never find
out who's at the
bottom of this.

And two?

And two is...

Darling, I don't
actually think that
my life is in danger.

Oh, Jonathan.

You can't be serious.

What would have
happened if
I didn't know

about the fire on the boat?

And what would
have happened
if Eric

hadn't just come
along at that moment.

But that's just the point.

You see, you did
know about the
fire on the boat.

And Eric did come
along just at
the right time.

No, no. I think
we were just
very lucky.

Sit down.

I found this

in the shack,
looking for Frank.

It was hanging from its neck.

You think someone's
trying to tell me
something?

Great.

Why don't we go
home and they
can fax it to you?

What makes you think
that all this would
stop if we went home?

What are you saying?

If I'm right

and this is all
somehow connected
to the stock purchases,

then what's going
on here is going
on at home.

And it all started
before we got here.

-Damn it!

-Oh...

I keep thinking about
the suicide note.

I keep reaching back
trying to grab it.

Because there was
something in that phrase

about all the men
being "on the board."

It's all a game.

Don't you see, darling?

You overhearing Frank,

Simpson being in my costume,

Eric being on the beach
at just the right time.

Simpson didn't commit suicide.

He was murdered.

By someone who wanted
to prove a point.
That I'm a target.

An easy target. Huh?

He was a sacrifice
for the game.

A pawn?

Yeah.

In an elaborate game of chess.

And it all keeps
coming back to Frank.

I swear to you,
I don't know what
you're talking about.

This.

The note that got me over
to that old shack,

that nearly took my life.

Jonathan, I didn't write this.

This is isn't even
my handwriting.

What do I have
to do to get you
two to believe me?

Try telling the truth.

That's what I'm doing.

How well did you
know Harold Simpson?

I've told you.
I didn't know him at all.

He struck up
a conversation with me.

Next time I saw him
he had a bullet hole
in his head.

That's the truth, Jonathan.

You may not believe it,
but that's the truth.

He never wrote you letters?

Wrote me letters?

Fan letters?

Fan letters?

Jennifer,

I don't get fan letters!

Stacey Rodgers, remember?

Stacey Rodgers gets
thousands of fan letters.

I never see them.

The publisher has people
to take care of those.

JENNIFER: Oh, boy.

Oh!

This is
beginning to sound like
one of your mysteries.

Well, then maybe I can help.
I write them.

I've spent a lot of time
trying to put characters
into mysteries.

Since we are the
characters in this one,

maybe if we work
backwards we can
find our way out.

Beginning where?

Friends, relatives, enemies...

Anybody who would have
a reason to put you through
something like this.

What we have to do is
take it apart and then
put it together again.

I found this in the shack
when I went to meet you.

It was hanging by
its neck from a wire.

Well, this is a hell
of a lot more
than a coincidence.

Look, we all agree there
was no suicide, right?

Somebody killed Simpson

and then planted a note on him

with references
to a chess game.

FRANK: Suicide and chess.
That's the key.

JENNIFER: What is it,
darling? You look as if
you've seen a ghost.

I may have.

I've never seen
you go picky.

It's all this talk
about stocks.

Having Mr. and Mrs. H
out of town.

Lot of stress.

Tell you what,
after all this is over

you and me are gonna
have a little vacation
out of town.

Sun, girls, biscuits...

The whole nine yards.

How are things going?

Fine, Mr. H.
We're doing fine.

How about you guys?

Well, everything's great here.

Um... I'll tell you about it
when I get back.

Listen, Max,
I need you to get
some information for me.

It's, uh, something
that happened back

-in the summer of 1980.
-You got it.

See what you can find out

concerning the death of a man

called Rupert Holmes.

-A businessman.

-He killed himself,
uh, that summer.

It was in all the papers.

We'll be in Honolulu tomorrow.

I can check with you then.
We get in

about, uh, 12:00.

Will do, Mr. H.

-MAN: Here you are, sir.

Sure.

Darling, what are
you trying to find out?

JONATHAN:
Maybe the name
of the man

that thinks that I'm
responsible for the
death of Rupert Holmes.

Jonathan, you're gonna
have to bring me
up to speed here.

Who is Rupert Holmes?

Oh, he was a
competitor of mine.

About a year before he died,

-we were after
the same company.
-And you won.

Well, there were
a lot of moves
and countermoves,

and in the end,
some bad moves.

-He got into deep trouble.
-Checkmate.

Didn't you offer
him a 50

As I seem to recall,
you helped him as
much as you could.

Well, he lost most
of his money in the
proxy fight.

It, uh... Then he
started to undermine
his other companies.

I actually staked
him to a new start.

It was after he lost
that money that he, uh,

committed suicide.

It was very sad.

-I don't know.

Something bothered me
about that Simpson
suicide note.

It was the similarity.

The reference to chess games.

He had all the pieces
on the board and
he couldn't make it.

So, at least we have
a possible "why."

Now the question is "who."

Right.

BOTH: Who.

You know, we still haven't
got a straight answer
on whether

Frank knew Simpson.

He says no but, uh,

Raine says that, uh,

Simpson wrote him letters.

You know,

maybe Frank didn't
realize the connection.

Simpson may have written
to him anonymously.
I don't know.

Oh, darling...

Darling, I know you
don't want to admit it

because Frank is your friend,

but, really,
he's probably the one
that's playing with us.

Ready for dinner?

All right. You're in my
bailiwick now, pal.

Mysteries.

Tonight we'll get
to the bottom of this.

Darling, you ready?

Jennifer...

I don't know what's
happened to me.

I don't feel very well.

My head!

I feel...

-Uh...
-Jonathan...

Jonathan, you okay?

What's going on, Frank?

I wish I knew the number
of that bus.

Jonathan! Oh!

Oh! The helicopters
left three hours ago.

-Hello!
-Hello!

Hello!

JENNIFER: Well, you'd think
there'd be somebody here.

Just some staff
to watch the house.

JONATHAN:
Well, I don't know
what to think anymore.

-Hello!
-Hello!

Anybody here?

Hello! Hello!

-Nothing.

-Nothing.

I'll check the staff quarters.

You check the kitchen.
I'll meet you back here.

Hello!

Hello!

Oh, Frank!

Frank?

Frank

Jonathan!

-Darling.

We've got to get to that radio
equipment somehow.

But you said it yourself,

if someone planned
every detail,

why would they
leave us a radio
that worked?

Sometimes human
beings make mistakes.

Maybe leaving the radio
equipment was one of them.

First things first.

-At least we've got power.

-That's a start.
-Hope so.

Mayday! Mayday!

Mayday on Raine's Island.

Does anybody hear me?

Mayday! Mayday!

This is Jonathan Hart
on Raine's Island.

Does anyone hear me?
Come back.

MAN: We hear you
loud and clear, Mr. Hart.
What's the problem?

Uh, my wife and I
are stranded here
on Raine's Island.

Could you send
in a chopper for us?

Stay on the horn, Mr. Hart.
I'll see what I can do.

Right. Standing by.

Darling, don't you
think you should try
to contact Detective Whoo?

Good idea.

-Yes, copy.

I think I can get a
chopper out to you in
about 30 minutes. Do you copy?

Yeah, that'd be great.

Uh, listen could you contact

Detective Whoo of the Honolulu
Police Department?

Tell him there's
been a murder here
on the island,

uh, no one's here
and there's no phones. Out.

Could you do that for us?
Do you... Do you copy that?

I copy.
You folks gonna be okay?

Yeah, much better now.

Thanks. Uh, we'll be
waiting for you.

Roger. 10-4.

-Now that is a start.
-It certainly is.

DUKE: Max, let me
ask you a question.

Don't all these trees
and birds and fresh air
get on your nerves?

He likes it.

Well, it makes me
uncomfortable.

Too much open spaces.

Next time let's do
this at Ziggy's pub.

What do you got, Duke?

Okay, Rupert Holmes.

It's like you said.
The guy offed himself.

There's not much there.

Except this really weird note.

-Uh, something about
chess pieces.

DUKE: What do you want?

No, no, doggy. This is mine.

-You know, this guy
Holmes had a family?

Max, you gotta think
about feeding this dog
from time to time.

Ah, he eats better
than you do.

Well, you wouldn't know
it from looking at him.

-He's also a better
con man than you are.

What's so important
about the Holmes family?

He had a stepson.
I bet you didn't know that.

But wait, it gets better.

You know all that
stock stuff you had
me running down?

Well, guess who's
been buying out
Mr. Hart's stock?

-The stepson.

Now, I'll give you
one shot at guessing
who the stepson is.

-Alfred Raine.

-I gotta call the Harts.

Now, give the dog a prize.

Jeez.

Darling, do you know
what bag my glasses
would be in?

Try the zipper one.

The chopper's
supposed to come
from this direction.

What's this?

I don't know.

"I wanted
you to be the first.

"You convinced me
that I can survive

"even if it's only good."

- Fool's Gold by Frank Culver.

Must be the galleys
to the book he wrote.

Under his own name?

Yeah, he promised
to write this book
a long time ago.

"This is
a book about youth.

"It's also a book
about dreams.

"I suppose that
it's no surprise

"how often those two words
walk hand in hand.

"If it were not for
the dreams of our youth,

"the sheer belief
in the possible,

"our world would
be without fancy,

-"without color,
without music.

"Therefore I dedicate
this book

"not to one person
but to my adolescence.

"To all that
I believe possible

"and to the good friends
who convinced me
to go on believing."

Oh, that's beautiful.

I promised him
I'd help him get
this book published.

And you know what?

You're gonna keep
that promise.

Here we are!

Over here!

Shouldn't we be heading east?

I've got one more stop
to make on the far
side of the island.

Another call.

He said he's got another
stop on the other
side of the island.

He's got another call
on the other side
of the island.

Somebody called you
from down there?

You'll have to get out here.

I don't understand.

I said, get out!

-I don't get it, squirt.

Still no answer.

Mr. H said they'd be
in Honolulu by now.

Yeah, I've been trying
to reach Mr. and Mrs. Hart
for a couple of hours now.

What do you mean,
"they didn't check in"?

They were supposed to
check in four hours ago.

Okay, thanks.

-Something ain't
right here, squirt.

I think maybe it's time
we call the Honolulu cops.

Darling.

Darling, this is crazy.
It must be 40 miles
back to that house.

-Well, that's four miles
less than when we started.

We'll stop further up.

Oh, darling. Can we just
wait a minute?

Oh!

I hate to bring
this up at a time
like this,

but, you know,
even when we get
back to the house

we're still gonna
be in the same
predicament.

I'm open to suggestions.

ALFRED: Jonathan!
Welcome to the
game's final round.

Alfred!

How does it feel, Jonathan?

How does it feel
to be toyed with,

to be run ragged
until you drop
with exhaustion?

Until there's nothing
left of you...

-Alfred, what is
this all about?

I don't think he can hear you.

That's what you did
to my stepfather.

Isn't it, Jonathan?

Do you remember him, huh?

Holmes. Rupert Holmes.

You played with him.

Even though, through it all,

you held all the cards.

You didn't even
have to toss him out.

You set him up
to do that himself.

Well, unfortunately
I can't count on you

taking the same way out.

But I can push you.

I can push you
to the end of your rope.

You may survive, you may not.

But isn't that what
games are all about?

Let's find some cover.

Oh!

That's a hell of a way
to make a point.

-Come on. Let's go.
-Go.

Next year, let's just
go to the movies.

ALFRED: Are you beginning
to know the feeling, Jonathan?

Beginning to know
what it feels like

to be at the end of your line
with nowhere to run?

No!

I've been waiting a long
time for this, Jonathan.

Game's over.

Al...

How could you do this?

I never tried
to hurt your father.

Too little, too late,
Jonathan. Just like now.

-No.
-I win.

Now!

ALFRED: Ah!

Game, set and match.

Go on, Stanley.

Stanley, go on.

I've got stage fright.

Oh, don't be silly.

It's all in the script.
All you have to do
is say it.

I can't.

Oh, there's nothing to it.

You just have to look
at the camera and say,

"Hello!

"We're safe and sound
and we're here in Hawaii."

Say it.

You just said it.

Oh, all right.
Well then, forget all that.

Now you just look
at the camera and you say,

"We love you,
we miss you,
we'll be home soon."

-Go on.
-You just said it.

You know something, Ollie?

-I love you.

That's not in the script.

I know.

Now what do we say?

I got an idea. Hey, Max?

Max, you're gonna
see something now
you've never seen before

and you never will again.

-Bye.
-Bye. Have a
nice vacation.

So long, you guys.

-We love you.
-All right, Ollie. Do it.

I really love those two.

-Do it, Ollie.

Oh, don't make me do it.

All right, Stanley.

There's another
fine mess you've
gotten us into.

Now, that's what
I call a postcard.