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- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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Oh, crazy about Joker and Harley.
3
00:00:25,848 --> 00:00:27,717
I heard they tried an
open relationship thing,
4
00:00:27,718 --> 00:00:29,542
which everybody knows
only works for gay men.
5
00:00:29,543 --> 00:00:33,567
Your idle gossip distracts
me from my master plan.
6
00:00:33,568 --> 00:00:35,327
Break the Batman.
7
00:00:35,328 --> 00:00:37,727
Punish Gotham for its transgressions,
8
00:00:37,728 --> 00:00:41,297
and stand atop the mountain of skulls
9
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left in my wake.
10
00:00:44,398 --> 00:00:47,837
- Anyway, I heard Harley...
- Morning.
11
00:00:47,838 --> 00:00:51,137
- How are you?
- Fine. Why wouldn't I be?
12
00:00:51,138 --> 00:00:54,147
Because Harley dumped you.
13
00:00:54,148 --> 00:00:58,417
- You know?
- People are saying that Harley dumped me?
14
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Please! You know what?
I don't even care.
15
00:01:08,328 --> 00:01:12,897
I wish her well.
16
00:01:12,898 --> 00:01:14,197
Ivy, no rush,
17
00:01:14,198 --> 00:01:16,167
but Howie Mandel's only showing
18
00:01:16,168 --> 00:01:18,407
how to turn Thanksgiving leftovers
19
00:01:18,408 --> 00:01:21,037
into an entire nativity scene.
20
00:01:21,038 --> 00:01:22,677
Oh, my God! Wait, what?
21
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Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.
22
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Next, I'm gonna show you
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how to make a mashed potato Virgin Mary.
24
00:01:27,948 --> 00:01:30,217
But first,
25
00:01:30,218 --> 00:01:33,465
please welcome my, uh, surprise co-host.
26
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Uh, you know him as the
clown prince of crime.
27
00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:39,787
Let's give it up for the Joker!
28
00:01:41,258 --> 00:01:42,387
- Shit!
- Damn it.
29
00:01:42,388 --> 00:01:44,027
- Ooh.
- Get ready, America.
30
00:01:44,028 --> 00:01:46,921
Howie's got something
he's dying to tell you.
31
00:01:46,922 --> 00:01:49,597
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not Howie!
32
00:01:49,598 --> 00:01:51,397
You know what's stupid?
33
00:01:51,398 --> 00:01:54,667
Me, for playfully implying
on yesterday's show that
34
00:01:54,668 --> 00:01:56,177
the celebrity villain couple,
35
00:01:56,178 --> 00:01:59,247
formerly known as "JoQuinn" is no more.
36
00:01:59,248 --> 00:02:00,577
Thanks, Howie.
37
00:02:00,578 --> 00:02:02,847
When I dumped poor,
sad, what's her name...
38
00:02:02,848 --> 00:02:04,417
- She's right over here.
- Frank.
39
00:02:04,418 --> 00:02:06,447
I promised I would respect her wishes
40
00:02:06,448 --> 00:02:09,817
to drift into the darkness
of total anonymity.
41
00:02:09,818 --> 00:02:12,787
And for the record,
our couple name was...
42
00:02:12,788 --> 00:02:15,627
- "Joker".
- Oh, that liar trying to blow up
43
00:02:15,628 --> 00:02:18,373
the cleanest and nicest
talk show host in television!
44
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Just ignore him. He's baiting you.
45
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It's not worth getting angry over.
46
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Sorry, but that's all the time
we have today, Howie.
47
00:02:24,468 --> 00:02:26,267
And speaking of time,
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00:02:26,268 --> 00:02:28,337
yours is running out.
49
00:02:28,338 --> 00:02:30,961
I need a very brave wardrobe girl!
50
00:02:32,478 --> 00:02:33,671
Jesus, Harls.
51
00:02:33,672 --> 00:02:35,477
This is why I don't put the good TV out.
52
00:02:35,478 --> 00:02:37,407
Good TV? Where you hiding that bad boy?
53
00:02:37,408 --> 00:02:40,147
If he thinks I'm just gonna
fade away into obscurity,
54
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he doesn't know what's coming.
55
00:02:41,342 --> 00:02:42,957
Who cares? You're doing great.
56
00:02:42,958 --> 00:02:45,601
You got a killer new outfit,
you started meditating.
57
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I haven't started yet. I
just downloaded the app.
58
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That's a first step.
59
00:02:48,458 --> 00:02:49,927
You're a strong, independent woman
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who doesn't care what
other people think.
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00:02:51,528 --> 00:02:53,097
Right! Who cares what Joker
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00:02:53,098 --> 00:02:55,167
and his stupid Legion
of Doom buddies think.
63
00:02:55,168 --> 00:02:56,937
- Exactly!
- Preach!
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00:02:56,938 --> 00:02:59,437
Hell, I'll show them in
person how little I care.
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00:02:59,438 --> 00:03:01,001
What? No. What are you doing?
66
00:03:01,002 --> 00:03:03,707
- Logging into Joker's calendar.
- Oh, God, we're off the rails.
67
00:03:03,708 --> 00:03:05,037
No, let it play out.
68
00:03:05,038 --> 00:03:06,847
Oh, hey, there's a
party at the Gotham Mint
69
00:03:06,848 --> 00:03:08,747
with the Legion of Doom guys tomorrow!
70
00:03:08,748 --> 00:03:11,017
Oh, if he wants to
fuck with me in public,
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I will fuck right back!
72
00:03:12,448 --> 00:03:14,247
- Please do not do this.
- Please do that shit.
73
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I'm just gonna show those guys
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00:03:15,518 --> 00:03:16,917
how awesome I'm doing without him.
75
00:03:16,918 --> 00:03:18,068
It'll be so fun!
76
00:03:18,069 --> 00:03:21,259
And you can meet a hot guy
and use your cool love potion.
77
00:03:21,260 --> 00:03:23,797
This isn't a love potion.
It's my distilled pheromones.
78
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It makes men infatuated with me
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and then kills them by
turning them into plants.
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Right, a love potion.
81
00:03:28,798 --> 00:03:31,637
- Please come with me. Please!
- No.
82
00:03:31,638 --> 00:03:33,407
- Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.
- Stop.
83
00:03:33,408 --> 00:03:36,507
- Frank, shut up. Saying no again.
- Do it. Do it. Do it.
84
00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:37,801
What? Stop saying "do it".
85
00:03:37,802 --> 00:03:39,247
Do it, do it, do it.
86
00:03:39,248 --> 00:03:40,707
- Fine.
- Yes.
87
00:03:40,708 --> 00:03:43,347
Oh, shit. Howie exploded.
88
00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:45,735
- No!
- Not Howie.
89
00:03:45,736 --> 00:03:48,717
- Joker, you son of a bitch!
- That's my phone, uh...
90
00:04:34,068 --> 00:04:37,544
Did you know that this
party was for children?
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00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:38,942
I do now.
92
00:04:38,943 --> 00:04:41,207
Although, technically, one
boy becomes a man today.
93
00:04:41,208 --> 00:04:44,407
Are you one of the dancers
for my nephew's bar mitzvah?
94
00:04:44,408 --> 00:04:46,207
Jesus, Harley!
95
00:04:47,708 --> 00:04:50,517
Rock bottom came fast
as the Joker dumped you.
96
00:04:50,518 --> 00:04:52,087
Uh, she dumped him,
97
00:04:52,088 --> 00:04:54,635
and you smell like
shrimp shit. Excuse us.
98
00:04:54,636 --> 00:04:55,987
- We should leave.
- No, no, no, no, no.
99
00:04:55,988 --> 00:04:57,557
All the Legion bigwigs are here.
100
00:04:57,558 --> 00:04:58,887
I came to show 'em how great
101
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I'm doing and I am gonna!
102
00:05:00,688 --> 00:05:02,457
This isn't your coming out party.
103
00:05:02,458 --> 00:05:04,449
It's a 13-year-old
boy's coming out party.
104
00:05:04,450 --> 00:05:05,667
Look, a lot of people made
105
00:05:05,668 --> 00:05:06,927
a name for themselves at parties.
106
00:05:06,928 --> 00:05:08,537
Bane, he decided to blow up
107
00:05:08,538 --> 00:05:10,537
Gotham Stadium during Trivia Night.
108
00:05:10,538 --> 00:05:13,742
- Oh, the Dallas Cowboys.
- Incorrect.
109
00:05:13,743 --> 00:05:15,177
The Steelers have won
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the most games at Gotham Stadium.
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I'm gonna blow up Gotham Stadium.
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00:05:19,678 --> 00:05:21,672
Fine, just don't leave me alone.
113
00:05:21,673 --> 00:05:24,277
Or some like D-list
villain will hit on me
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00:05:24,278 --> 00:05:25,817
or ask to do a heist with me
115
00:05:25,818 --> 00:05:28,747
and the longer we
wait... Okay, she's gone.
116
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Kite Man.
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What? What was that? Whoa.
118
00:05:33,488 --> 00:05:38,497
Did I just hear the wind say "Kite Man?"
119
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I think you're alone in that.
120
00:05:40,228 --> 00:05:41,397
Hell yeah!
121
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Good God.
122
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I need a permit for a trap door?
123
00:05:46,068 --> 00:05:47,107
The whole point is
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00:05:47,108 --> 00:05:48,767
no one is supposed to know about it!
125
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Especially the City.
126
00:05:50,378 --> 00:05:52,777
I need this lair rebuilt now.
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00:05:53,972 --> 00:05:55,701
Knock, knock, who's
there? It's me, Joker.
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00:05:55,702 --> 00:05:58,617
You will never guess
who's at the bar mitzvah.
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00:05:58,618 --> 00:06:00,147
Jesus, Bane!
130
00:06:00,148 --> 00:06:03,387
I don't have time for a
guessing game. Hang on.
131
00:06:03,388 --> 00:06:05,657
Those shoes have black soles!
132
00:06:05,658 --> 00:06:07,087
Put plastic booties on.
133
00:06:07,088 --> 00:06:10,027
Harley is at Penguin's
nephew's bar mitzvah.
134
00:06:10,028 --> 00:06:11,897
She crashed the stupid thing?
135
00:06:11,898 --> 00:06:14,697
Yeah, seems like she's
doing pretty well.
136
00:06:14,698 --> 00:06:16,967
Brought a tiger. Pretty cool.
137
00:06:16,968 --> 00:06:19,567
What? Anyone can buy a tiger.
138
00:06:19,568 --> 00:06:21,507
You know she has HPV, right?
139
00:06:21,508 --> 00:06:24,437
Most sexually active adults do.
140
00:06:24,438 --> 00:06:27,038
Shut up! I'm on my way.
141
00:06:27,608 --> 00:06:29,917
Uh-oh! Who are these troublemakers?
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00:06:29,918 --> 00:06:32,547
Nah, I'm just kidding. I
know it's you, Scarecrow,
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00:06:32,548 --> 00:06:34,417
Two-Face, other half of Two-Face,
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00:06:34,418 --> 00:06:35,747
Bane.
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I'm going to blow up this bar mitzvah.
146
00:06:39,258 --> 00:06:41,927
Quinn, great to see you.
Where you been hiding?
147
00:06:41,928 --> 00:06:44,097
On your left, where you can't see shit.
148
00:06:45,498 --> 00:06:48,367
So, guess who has a plan to
finally get rid of Batman?
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00:06:48,368 --> 00:06:50,597
Ya girl.
150
00:06:50,598 --> 00:06:52,707
Look who's' trying to run
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00:06:52,708 --> 00:06:53,837
before she can crawl.
152
00:06:55,708 --> 00:06:56,907
Mazel tov!
153
00:06:56,908 --> 00:06:59,077
- Jesus.
- Glad you're here, J-Man.
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00:06:59,078 --> 00:07:00,877
Pull up a chair. Doesn't bother me.
155
00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:02,877
So, who's goin' beef
and who's goin' chicken?
156
00:07:02,878 --> 00:07:04,617
You are going somewhere else.
157
00:07:04,618 --> 00:07:06,817
Because this is the
Legion of Doom table!
158
00:07:06,818 --> 00:07:09,757
Why don't you go find
the Crazy Bitch table?
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00:07:09,758 --> 00:07:11,887
Spoiler: It's not a real table.
160
00:07:11,888 --> 00:07:13,557
That was implied!
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00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:17,527
Who wants to ditch this jester
and tear up Gotham with me?
162
00:07:20,598 --> 00:07:21,867
Laugh. Laugh with me.
163
00:07:24,398 --> 00:07:26,007
You know what? Who needs ya?
164
00:07:26,008 --> 00:07:29,183
This table's too far away
from the dance floor anyway.
165
00:07:32,208 --> 00:07:34,147
Ugh, can you believe those assholes?
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00:07:34,148 --> 00:07:36,017
You know what? I don't need
'em. I'll sit with you guys.
167
00:07:36,018 --> 00:07:39,887
Uh, no. This is the
Joshua best friends' table.
168
00:07:39,888 --> 00:07:41,617
Unless, you're the girl
169
00:07:41,618 --> 00:07:43,187
that Joshua fingerbanged at Camp.
170
00:07:43,188 --> 00:07:44,957
If I said yes, would
you let me sit here?
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00:07:44,958 --> 00:07:48,997
Trick question. Joshua has
never fingerbanged anyone.
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00:07:48,998 --> 00:07:50,427
Ha!
173
00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:54,267
So, Ivy-Ivy-Bo-Bivy.
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00:07:54,268 --> 00:07:56,137
Um, let me ask you a personal question.
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00:07:56,138 --> 00:07:59,437
Have you ever seen
Gotham Central Park...
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00:07:59,438 --> 00:08:02,337
- From the sky?
- From the sky!
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00:08:02,338 --> 00:08:04,283
Yeah, you get it. Okay,
you know, I was thinking,
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00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:06,647
you and I should do a heist together.
179
00:08:06,648 --> 00:08:07,901
Uh, you know what?
180
00:08:07,902 --> 00:08:11,147
I'm just really kinda worn
out from all the heist stuff.
181
00:08:11,148 --> 00:08:12,617
It's just kinda hard being such
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00:08:12,618 --> 00:08:14,317
a weak woman and whatnot.
183
00:08:14,318 --> 00:08:15,457
Yeah. I bet.
184
00:08:15,458 --> 00:08:17,517
Um, but, hey, I'll do
all the heavy-lifting.
185
00:08:17,518 --> 00:08:18,757
You don't have to break a nail.
186
00:08:18,758 --> 00:08:21,487
It'll be a breeze.
187
00:08:21,488 --> 00:08:22,609
- Breeze.
- Yeah.
188
00:08:22,610 --> 00:08:24,203
It's just 'cause my
powers are wind-based.
189
00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:25,457
You don't have powers!
190
00:08:25,458 --> 00:08:27,027
You just have a kite like every kid
191
00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:28,827
in every park across the world.
192
00:08:28,828 --> 00:08:30,297
And she doesn't want
to do a heist with you
193
00:08:30,298 --> 00:08:31,767
'cause you're stupid!
194
00:08:31,768 --> 00:08:36,277
- Do you think I'm stupid?
- I mean, don't you?
195
00:08:36,278 --> 00:08:38,577
These assholes always
pretended to be my friends.
196
00:08:38,578 --> 00:08:41,907
But they're really just... assholes!
197
00:08:41,908 --> 00:08:43,647
They think I am not in their league,
198
00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:45,747
but they don't know shit!
199
00:08:45,748 --> 00:08:48,017
Hi, girls. So glad you could come.
200
00:08:48,018 --> 00:08:49,987
I know we're all evil here,
201
00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:52,057
but maybe we could put a little sugar
202
00:08:52,058 --> 00:08:53,757
on that salty language,
203
00:08:53,758 --> 00:08:54,787
you know, for the kids.
204
00:08:54,788 --> 00:08:56,727
Sorry, Mrs. Cobblepot.
205
00:08:56,728 --> 00:08:58,227
Yeah, never again. Sorry.
206
00:08:58,228 --> 00:08:59,667
Dude, we got to get
the fuck out of here.
207
00:08:59,668 --> 00:09:02,167
Hell, no. I'm not giving up.
208
00:09:02,168 --> 00:09:03,667
I'll show these Legion guys
209
00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:05,637
I can do something not even they can!
210
00:09:05,638 --> 00:09:07,207
What's one thing in this room,
211
00:09:07,208 --> 00:09:09,307
none of them ever had the balls to try?
212
00:09:09,308 --> 00:09:11,747
The fruit salad?
213
00:09:11,748 --> 00:09:12,877
Even worse.
214
00:09:12,878 --> 00:09:15,507
I'm gonna rob the Gotham Mint.
215
00:09:15,508 --> 00:09:19,347
Oh.
216
00:09:19,348 --> 00:09:21,147
No cuts!
217
00:09:21,148 --> 00:09:23,087
All right, Stop. Let's
get real for a second.
218
00:09:23,088 --> 00:09:25,457
The Gotham Mint is impenetrable.
219
00:09:25,458 --> 00:09:26,528
They're so confident,
220
00:09:26,529 --> 00:09:29,327
they rented the atrium
out to the Legion of Doom.
221
00:09:29,328 --> 00:09:30,857
Look, I'm doing this thing, all right?
222
00:09:30,858 --> 00:09:32,197
- What if Batman shows up?
- I'll kill him.
223
00:09:32,198 --> 00:09:33,834
- Where's the getaway car?
- I'll steal one.
224
00:09:33,835 --> 00:09:35,767
- Where will you put all the money?
- Look around.
225
00:09:35,768 --> 00:09:37,037
Every kid's wearing a backpack.
226
00:09:37,038 --> 00:09:38,267
Gah! Look, Ivy,
227
00:09:38,268 --> 00:09:39,837
all the reasons you said it can't work
228
00:09:39,838 --> 00:09:41,648
are exactly the reasons I gotta do it!
229
00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:43,227
They might not like me,
230
00:09:43,228 --> 00:09:44,837
but they will respect
the shit out of me.
231
00:09:44,838 --> 00:09:46,947
All right, fine. Just
go. Go steal the money.
232
00:09:46,948 --> 00:09:49,407
Just do me one favor, okay?
Don't leave me alone here,
233
00:09:49,408 --> 00:09:50,547
because... Oh!
234
00:09:50,548 --> 00:09:52,717
Party's a drag, huh?
235
00:09:52,718 --> 00:09:55,747
I really should quit, but, I just can't.
236
00:09:55,748 --> 00:09:56,987
Go away, fragile child.
237
00:09:56,988 --> 00:09:59,708
Hey, how about we ditch this shindig
238
00:09:59,709 --> 00:10:03,297
and sneak into a PG-13 movie?
239
00:10:04,558 --> 00:10:06,027
My love potion?
240
00:10:06,028 --> 00:10:09,697
I stole your juice and
I gave it to these kids.
241
00:10:09,698 --> 00:10:11,897
- Hell yeah!
- You're an idiot.
242
00:10:11,898 --> 00:10:14,107
Ooh, you mispronounced "genius".
243
00:10:14,108 --> 00:10:17,377
No, that potion makes
people fall in love with me
244
00:10:17,378 --> 00:10:18,378
and then kills them.
245
00:10:18,379 --> 00:10:20,571
- What?
- Yes! What did you think,
246
00:10:20,572 --> 00:10:21,827
you kite-fucking freak?
247
00:10:21,828 --> 00:10:23,917
My name is Poison Ivy.
248
00:10:23,918 --> 00:10:26,517
Damn! See, this is why
I stick to the kites.
249
00:10:26,518 --> 00:10:28,717
So simple.
250
00:10:28,718 --> 00:10:30,817
Ha!
251
00:10:33,288 --> 00:10:36,857
The vault must be around here somewhere.
252
00:10:41,396 --> 00:10:42,396
Bingo.
253
00:11:11,198 --> 00:11:13,427
We gotta get an antidote
before these kids die.
254
00:11:13,428 --> 00:11:14,901
It's in my apartment across town,
255
00:11:14,902 --> 00:11:16,337
so we need to get there quick.
256
00:11:16,338 --> 00:11:18,037
Quick as a kite?
257
00:11:18,038 --> 00:11:19,767
- Oh, God.
- Weather permitting.
258
00:11:19,768 --> 00:11:21,037
Fine, hit the button.
259
00:11:21,038 --> 00:11:22,161
Is it raining out?
260
00:11:22,162 --> 00:11:24,007
It looked a little
overcast when I came in.
261
00:11:24,008 --> 00:11:25,907
Oh, shut the fuck up. Let's go.
262
00:11:25,908 --> 00:11:27,207
... look at my phone here.
263
00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:28,877
No, I think we're good.
264
00:11:30,778 --> 00:11:33,287
Ugh! My chicken is rubbery.
265
00:11:33,288 --> 00:11:34,957
Mmm, your beef looks good.
266
00:11:34,958 --> 00:11:37,187
Uh, fine.
267
00:11:37,188 --> 00:11:39,527
Ah, ah, I might finish that.
268
00:11:39,528 --> 00:11:41,827
Oh, well, then, what are we doing?
269
00:11:41,828 --> 00:11:43,727
Hey, everybody, let's give it up
270
00:11:43,728 --> 00:11:45,997
for Joshua's bar mitzvah, huh?
271
00:11:47,028 --> 00:11:49,097
It was very special for me.
272
00:11:49,098 --> 00:11:51,367
It was when I realized it was my dream
273
00:11:51,368 --> 00:11:52,807
to become a crime lord.
274
00:11:52,808 --> 00:11:54,367
Aw.
275
00:11:54,368 --> 00:11:58,037
So today, I force that dream on to you.
276
00:12:02,378 --> 00:12:03,817
Okay, Joshua...
277
00:12:03,818 --> 00:12:05,987
Get ready for your first caper.
278
00:12:05,988 --> 00:12:08,617
Good luck fighting off the guards,
279
00:12:08,618 --> 00:12:09,681
also known as
280
00:12:09,682 --> 00:12:13,457
Gotham Chucklehut's
finest improvisers...
281
00:12:13,458 --> 00:12:15,697
and stealing that cash-ola,
282
00:12:15,698 --> 00:12:18,027
otherwise known as...
283
00:12:18,028 --> 00:12:19,597
Joshua Bucks?
284
00:12:19,598 --> 00:12:20,627
Oh, no!
285
00:12:20,628 --> 00:12:23,967
Go, Joshua... Oh, my God!
286
00:12:23,968 --> 00:12:27,337
Hey, Joshy, mazel tov.
287
00:12:30,578 --> 00:12:32,177
This is fantastic.
288
00:12:32,178 --> 00:12:33,647
You're probably not laughing
289
00:12:33,648 --> 00:12:36,017
because this is sort
of how you screw up.
290
00:12:37,019 --> 00:12:39,687
You ruined the bar mitzvah.
291
00:12:39,688 --> 00:12:42,357
- And crippled an improv troupe!
- Meh. Well.
292
00:12:42,358 --> 00:12:44,857
And that's our show, folks!
293
00:12:44,858 --> 00:12:49,327
I got this.
294
00:12:49,328 --> 00:12:50,997
Say good night, puddin'.
295
00:12:50,998 --> 00:12:53,967
You think this is gonna...
296
00:12:53,968 --> 00:12:56,667
stop me?
297
00:12:56,668 --> 00:12:59,907
She even sounds like you.
298
00:12:59,908 --> 00:13:02,407
Oh, I don't think... Do I sound like...
299
00:13:02,408 --> 00:13:05,137
You never hear your own voice, I guess.
300
00:13:09,048 --> 00:13:10,317
Sometimes, I just fly
301
00:13:10,318 --> 00:13:12,177
to have a quiet place to think.
302
00:13:12,178 --> 00:13:14,817
You know, just really let
my thoughts just run wild.
303
00:13:14,818 --> 00:13:17,368
Thoughts? Plural?
304
00:13:21,996 --> 00:13:23,909
All right, I'll get the antidote.
305
00:13:23,910 --> 00:13:27,073
And you know, just don't,
like, touch anything.
306
00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:29,624
Uh...
307
00:13:33,243 --> 00:13:35,482
All right, let's boogie.
308
00:13:35,483 --> 00:13:36,882
Kite Man?
309
00:13:36,883 --> 00:13:37,933
Oh, no.
310
00:13:44,053 --> 00:13:46,592
Kite Man. Hell yeah!
311
00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:47,792
What are you doing?
312
00:13:47,793 --> 00:13:50,232
Getting ready to have sex.
313
00:13:50,233 --> 00:13:51,233
Why?
314
00:13:51,234 --> 00:13:55,432
Because after a great
date, you usually have sex.
315
00:13:57,473 --> 00:13:59,402
Sorry, sorry. I was gonna say something,
316
00:13:59,403 --> 00:14:01,672
but I wanted to see
how all this played out.
317
00:14:01,673 --> 00:14:03,372
- Oh, shut up, Frank.
- Ooh!
318
00:14:03,373 --> 00:14:05,523
I'm gonna need you to
put your clothes back on
319
00:14:05,524 --> 00:14:06,942
because this was not a date.
320
00:14:06,943 --> 00:14:08,882
Excuse me, if this wasn't a date,
321
00:14:08,883 --> 00:14:10,862
why did you bring me back to your place?
322
00:14:10,863 --> 00:14:11,833
For the antidote!
323
00:14:11,834 --> 00:14:13,552
Oh, I thought that was just a line.
324
00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:15,422
- Why would I use a line on you?
- I don't know!
325
00:14:15,423 --> 00:14:16,992
I mean why would you even have me come?
326
00:14:16,993 --> 00:14:18,362
I mean, a cab would've been faster.
327
00:14:18,363 --> 00:14:19,935
You know it, I know it, we all know it.
328
00:14:19,936 --> 00:14:21,922
Jesus, get dressed.
329
00:14:30,933 --> 00:14:33,871
Cut the song. No Horah for Harley.
330
00:14:33,872 --> 00:14:36,312
Hey, it's gonna take more
than a souped up parasol
331
00:14:36,313 --> 00:14:37,672
to keep me from kicking your ass,
332
00:14:37,673 --> 00:14:38,912
you fat flightless bird.
333
00:14:38,913 --> 00:14:40,512
The mouth on her.
334
00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:42,412
What better way to
become a man than by...
335
00:14:42,413 --> 00:14:45,206
Ooh, than touching your umbrella? Whoo.
336
00:14:45,207 --> 00:14:49,492
Yes, I've been waiting for this!
337
00:14:49,493 --> 00:14:50,722
Any last words
338
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:55,022
before I kill your dumb
blonde, stupid, smelly...
339
00:14:55,023 --> 00:14:56,562
That's too many adjectives.
340
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,132
... idiot ass?
341
00:14:58,133 --> 00:15:00,132
Hey, Joshua, make sure you aim it
342
00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:01,232
directly at my head,
343
00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:02,472
'cause you don't want to miss
344
00:15:02,473 --> 00:15:04,172
in front of your friends and family.
345
00:15:04,173 --> 00:15:05,672
I won't miss.
346
00:15:05,673 --> 00:15:07,102
I don't know.
347
00:15:07,103 --> 00:15:09,942
That trembly finger's
telling a different story.
348
00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:11,312
It's not trembly.
349
00:15:11,313 --> 00:15:12,942
I just... I've never
shot an umbrella before.
350
00:15:12,943 --> 00:15:15,512
I bet there are a lot of
things that you've never done
351
00:15:15,513 --> 00:15:17,082
like drunk a beer.
352
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,658
I drunk a beer, like all the time.
353
00:15:19,659 --> 00:15:21,022
I always drunk beers.
354
00:15:21,023 --> 00:15:23,352
I bet you still believe in Santy Claus.
355
00:15:23,353 --> 00:15:26,822
I don't! I'm Jewish
and today, I'm a man.
356
00:15:26,823 --> 00:15:28,162
Oh, that's right,
357
00:15:28,163 --> 00:15:31,033
I forgot I'm talking
to a newly grown man.
358
00:15:31,034 --> 00:15:34,130
I mean, after all, you've
already fingerbanged somebody.
359
00:15:35,333 --> 00:15:37,472
- Wait, what?
- I mean, you have, haven't you?
360
00:15:37,473 --> 00:15:40,472
You didn't lie about such an
important milestone, right?
361
00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:45,872
- Yeah, it happened.
- Are you sure?
362
00:15:45,873 --> 00:15:48,363
I... I don't know.
363
00:15:51,213 --> 00:15:55,707
- So, um, obviously, I misread some signals.
- Mm-hmm.
364
00:15:55,708 --> 00:15:58,441
I hope me taking off my
clothes didn't come across as...
365
00:15:58,442 --> 00:16:00,262
Creepy? It did. It didn't. Did.
366
00:16:00,263 --> 00:16:03,592
Right. Yeah, no. I apologize.
367
00:16:03,593 --> 00:16:07,282
It's just, I have never
been alone with a woman
368
00:16:07,283 --> 00:16:08,602
of your caliber.
369
00:16:08,603 --> 00:16:11,702
- Oh, you don't have to...
- Your eyes, your smile...
370
00:16:11,703 --> 00:16:14,372
Your silky, shimmering...
371
00:16:14,373 --> 00:16:15,672
Oh, God. You know what?
372
00:16:15,673 --> 00:16:18,482
Strong woman... osity? The...
373
00:16:18,483 --> 00:16:22,142
I'm gonna be quiet for a while.
374
00:16:22,143 --> 00:16:25,782
You know, it is kind of cool
375
00:16:25,783 --> 00:16:27,152
seeing the park from the sky.
376
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:29,552
I mean, when you're not talking,
377
00:16:29,553 --> 00:16:32,922
and we're just kinda
soaring majestically,
378
00:16:32,923 --> 00:16:34,222
you're not so bad.
379
00:16:34,223 --> 00:16:35,723
Hell yeah.
380
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,032
Oh, shit.
381
00:16:42,033 --> 00:16:43,302
Something's going on down there.
382
00:16:43,303 --> 00:16:45,702
I... I don't know.
383
00:16:45,703 --> 00:16:48,112
It was at camp, at night.
384
00:16:48,113 --> 00:16:50,172
It was me and her and it was dark.
385
00:16:50,173 --> 00:16:52,112
I definitely did something.
386
00:16:52,113 --> 00:16:54,212
Oh, Joshy.
387
00:16:54,213 --> 00:16:56,852
Do you really think you're
ready to kill someone
388
00:16:56,853 --> 00:17:01,622
if you've never even
finger blasted a girl?
389
00:17:01,623 --> 00:17:03,122
You're right.
390
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:04,452
I'm not ready.
391
00:17:05,863 --> 00:17:07,722
I told you we should've
gotten him the dollhouse
392
00:17:07,723 --> 00:17:09,062
like he asked, Oswald.
393
00:17:09,063 --> 00:17:10,932
It's not a doll house!
394
00:17:10,933 --> 00:17:12,192
It's an army base
395
00:17:12,193 --> 00:17:14,532
with sound effects of real screams
396
00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:16,532
and it's the only thing I wanted!
397
00:17:16,533 --> 00:17:18,232
You're dead, Quinn.
398
00:17:20,343 --> 00:17:22,542
Hell, yeah!
399
00:17:22,543 --> 00:17:24,172
Hey, did they do cake yet?
400
00:17:24,173 --> 00:17:26,482
Not yet.
401
00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:29,412
I though that was gonna be way cooler.
402
00:17:29,413 --> 00:17:30,952
Harley!
403
00:17:30,953 --> 00:17:32,429
You're not a solo act.
404
00:17:32,430 --> 00:17:34,552
You're a sidekick, an afterthought.
405
00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:36,956
No one is ever going
to take you seriously.
406
00:17:36,957 --> 00:17:39,362
Admit you're nothing without me
407
00:17:39,363 --> 00:17:41,162
and you walk away alive.
408
00:17:41,163 --> 00:17:42,722
Or you can die.
409
00:17:45,193 --> 00:17:46,662
Well, easy choice.
410
00:17:46,663 --> 00:17:49,332
Uh, lovely bar mitzvah. Mazel, mazel.
411
00:17:49,333 --> 00:17:50,872
- Are you leaving?
- Ha, no.
412
00:17:50,873 --> 00:17:53,502
I ain't admitting shit!
413
00:17:53,503 --> 00:17:54,503
Boys?
414
00:17:58,643 --> 00:18:00,642
- I got Two-Face.
- I got Scarecrow.
415
00:18:00,643 --> 00:18:02,012
I, um...
416
00:18:02,013 --> 00:18:03,052
Oh, dear God.
417
00:18:03,053 --> 00:18:04,322
Oh, wow.
418
00:18:05,913 --> 00:18:08,152
You're looming.
419
00:18:08,153 --> 00:18:11,062
Um, all right, well, I'll take, um...
420
00:18:11,063 --> 00:18:14,162
If you don't mind, if you
could scooch just a little.
421
00:18:14,163 --> 00:18:16,362
Boom! On-site coordinator.
422
00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:18,662
Looking kinda brittle
there. Won't see it comi...
423
00:18:20,263 --> 00:18:22,802
I wanna go home.
424
00:18:31,513 --> 00:18:33,082
Ive, gun!
425
00:18:33,083 --> 00:18:34,942
Got it.
426
00:18:34,943 --> 00:18:36,383
Hey!
427
00:18:54,403 --> 00:18:57,232
Let's get out of here.
428
00:18:57,233 --> 00:18:59,672
No, let's fight. Maybe
Kite Man can help.
429
00:19:02,173 --> 00:19:03,572
Bane!
430
00:19:03,573 --> 00:19:05,812
Quit dicking around with Kite Man
431
00:19:05,813 --> 00:19:06,912
and get those two.
432
00:19:06,913 --> 00:19:08,382
But he was attacking me.
433
00:19:08,383 --> 00:19:10,152
With what? A kite?
434
00:19:10,153 --> 00:19:13,682
Just do what I tell you,
you dumb, freakish monster.
435
00:19:13,683 --> 00:19:16,592
Bane, why are you letting
him talk to you like that?
436
00:19:16,593 --> 00:19:18,268
In fact, why do any of you
437
00:19:18,269 --> 00:19:19,692
let him talk to you like that?
438
00:19:19,693 --> 00:19:21,492
He doesn't even have powers!
439
00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:24,662
His only power is bullying
you into doing what he wants.
440
00:19:24,663 --> 00:19:27,432
I should know. He did
it to me for years.
441
00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:30,202
Don't listen to her. She's nothing!
442
00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:31,542
She makes a good point.
443
00:19:31,543 --> 00:19:33,872
I don't like how you
called me a monster.
444
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,812
- Yeah, that was pretty harsh.
- Oh, yeah.
445
00:19:35,813 --> 00:19:38,242
Oh, my God! It's just an expression.
446
00:19:38,243 --> 00:19:40,442
Also, let's talk about dinner.
447
00:19:40,443 --> 00:19:42,312
I selected the beef well in advance
448
00:19:42,313 --> 00:19:43,612
and you stole it from me.
449
00:19:43,613 --> 00:19:45,252
You said you didn't even
450
00:19:45,253 --> 00:19:47,622
want to come to this "stupid thing".
451
00:19:47,623 --> 00:19:50,492
My feelings exactly.
452
00:19:50,493 --> 00:19:53,492
This is a monumental
night for young Joshua.
453
00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:56,092
I'm the Joker, all right?
454
00:19:56,093 --> 00:19:57,802
I was joking, okay?
455
00:19:57,803 --> 00:20:00,902
Oh, my God! I'll kill Harley myself.
456
00:20:00,903 --> 00:20:04,372
Ivy, if you could just,
you know, move over,
457
00:20:04,373 --> 00:20:05,742
so I could just kill your friend.
458
00:20:05,743 --> 00:20:08,342
Absolutely. Over my dead body.
459
00:20:08,343 --> 00:20:11,772
Ugh! Female friendships.
460
00:20:11,773 --> 00:20:14,012
Ha!
461
00:20:23,993 --> 00:20:25,422
Hold on.
462
00:20:25,423 --> 00:20:29,462
I'm getting a cell
call from my contractor.
463
00:20:29,463 --> 00:20:32,202
What? This is the Joker.
Come again. Yeah, whatever.
464
00:20:32,203 --> 00:20:35,302
What do you mean they're not
going to start till 10:00?
465
00:20:35,303 --> 00:20:36,932
Ugh! Can you believe this?
466
00:20:36,933 --> 00:20:38,872
They're calling it a residential zone.
467
00:20:38,873 --> 00:20:40,642
It's an abandoned amusement park
468
00:20:40,643 --> 00:20:42,642
at the end of a rotting pier!
469
00:20:42,643 --> 00:20:47,112
I'll, uh... Yeah, coming over right now.
470
00:20:47,113 --> 00:20:48,382
Let's put a pin in this.
471
00:20:48,383 --> 00:20:49,812
You understand.
472
00:20:49,813 --> 00:20:51,682
- So, are we good to leave now?
- Yeah.
473
00:20:51,683 --> 00:20:53,422
I can't believe you talked
me into coming to this.
474
00:20:53,423 --> 00:20:55,322
Don't forget your party favors.
475
00:20:55,323 --> 00:20:58,422
Thank you, Mrs. Cobblepot.
476
00:20:58,423 --> 00:21:01,992
Aw, such sweet girls.
477
00:21:01,993 --> 00:21:03,732
So, do you realize now
478
00:21:03,733 --> 00:21:05,232
that you don't have to prove to anyone
479
00:21:05,233 --> 00:21:06,502
how awesome you are?
480
00:21:06,503 --> 00:21:07,932
Yes, except for the Legion of Doom.
481
00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:10,372
I need to get into the Legion of Doom.
482
00:21:10,373 --> 00:21:11,772
What? After all of this,
483
00:21:11,773 --> 00:21:13,642
why would you wanna
be a part of that club?
484
00:21:13,643 --> 00:21:15,342
Those guys are such dicks.
485
00:21:15,343 --> 00:21:16,842
No, not all of 'em.
486
00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:19,442
When we were leaving,
Bane said, "You go, girl!"
487
00:21:19,443 --> 00:21:22,188
No, he distinctly said, "Ooh, Go-GURT.
488
00:21:22,189 --> 00:21:24,552
Ooh, what, they had Go-GURT? Oh, man.
489
00:21:24,553 --> 00:21:26,752
Ivy, listen. Anyone who
is a respected supervillain
490
00:21:26,753 --> 00:21:28,222
is in the Legion of Doom.
491
00:21:28,223 --> 00:21:29,392
That's when you know you've made it.
492
00:21:29,393 --> 00:21:31,492
If Joker can get in, so can I!
493
00:21:31,493 --> 00:21:33,192
So that is what I'm gonna do.
494
00:21:33,193 --> 00:21:34,762
What you need to do
495
00:21:34,763 --> 00:21:37,162
is get these 13-year-old
boys out of this apartment.
496
00:21:37,163 --> 00:21:38,532
They're starting to take root.
497
00:21:38,533 --> 00:21:41,402
Ah! Okay, boys.
498
00:21:41,403 --> 00:21:42,602
So, I got the antidote
499
00:21:42,603 --> 00:21:44,602
to turn you back into humans, okay?
500
00:21:44,603 --> 00:21:46,442
But the only effective way of doing it
501
00:21:46,443 --> 00:21:50,242
is when my saliva interacts...
502
00:21:50,243 --> 00:21:51,612
with your saliva.
503
00:21:51,613 --> 00:21:54,042
So, is this a kiss?
504
00:21:54,043 --> 00:21:55,712
No, it's not a kiss.
505
00:21:55,713 --> 00:21:59,082
It is an antidote delivery system
506
00:21:59,083 --> 00:22:00,252
and nothing more.
507
00:22:00,253 --> 00:22:01,808
You will still be sexless nerds
508
00:22:01,809 --> 00:22:04,322
by the time the night is over, okay?
509
00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:07,722
And...
510
00:22:07,723 --> 00:22:10,032
Yuck.
511
00:22:10,033 --> 00:22:13,783
This is procedural, okay?
512
00:22:16,933 --> 00:22:18,402
Yeah, I kissed you already, buddy.
513
00:22:18,403 --> 00:22:20,402
Yeah, I'm still a little bit tree.
514
00:22:20,403 --> 00:22:23,442
- Yeah, fuck off, get out of here.
- Yeah, fuck off, kid.
36496
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