Original subtitles

URUSEI YATSURA (Those Obnoxious Aliens)

Don't get so fidgety!

Don't get so fidgety!

You're always looking all over the place!

Stop looking away from me!

More than anyone else, I...

...love you, love you, love you the best!

...love you, love you, love you!

...love you, love you, love you!

...love you, love you, love you!

On nights when the stars are twinkling...

...I dream all about you.

I love you, but you act like you don't know.

I bet you're crazy for someone else by now!

Ah! Men all have so many loves.

Ah! You're spreading them all over...

...and making me worry!

Don't get so fidgety!

You're always looking all over the place!

Stop looking away from me!

More than anyone else, I...

...love you the best! Love you the best!

Princess Kurama, Sleeping Beauty

What a beautiful, starry night.

Ataru, did you know that if you make a wish on a falling star...

...three times before it fades, it'll come true?

So close...

Look, it's a falling star!

Oh, you're right! Hurry, we've got to make a wish!

"I wish that Ataru would stop being so fickle..."

"I want a hot babe! I want a hot babe! I want a hot babe...!"

Hey! It's still glowing!

It looks like it's getting closer.

It is!

It's a meteorite!

Or maybe it's a UFO!

Wasn't it somewhere around here...?

Lum!

L... Look out! Look out!

Darling!

Ow!

Darling, are you all right?

Did you have to land on me?!

That noise knocked me out and made me fall!

Huh? Then that shooting star wasn't your UFO, Lum?

I've got better taste than that!

What's this?

It's a Karasutengu ("Crow Goblin")!

It's a Karasutengu ("Crow Goblin")!

Nah, can't be!

What's with this guy? Is he trying to take medicine or something?

Whoa...

Hey, whadda looker! He passes!

Located groom for Princess Kurama. Request assistance.

Roger!

Let's go for a lil' ride on the wind, 'kay?

Darling!

Well! You came back awful quick.

So this is Princess Kurama's one-night groom.

Hmm...

Whoops! Real hunk, ain't he?

Fine then, go 'head an' ignore me...

What'll we do with him?

Hmm... The Princess has got a thing about looks.

Yeah, but now that he's here...

Think he got snockered on the job again and blew it?

Whatsa matter? Whatsa matter? Don't ya trust my judgment? Oops...

Hey! Princess Kurama's groom is gettin' away!

Hey! If he gets away, we're all in hot water!

She'll dock our pay!

Over there! Retarget!

Yessir!

Whew, that was a close call!

Aliens are always a pain in the butt.

We've got no choice. He'll have to do.

What do you want with me?

You've been chosen as Princess Kurama's mate for a night.

"Tengu:" Mythical Japanese Goblins

Why doesn't she do it with another tengu?

Our planet doesn't have any humanoid males, so we hunt up alien men.

What?! You mean, an alien tengu?!

N... No way am I gonna mate with a monster!

Here, wake her with a kiss.

A kiss to wake her... A mate for a night...

My wish upon a star has come true!

Hey, hurry up and open it!

Maybe this isn't such a good idea after all...

I think you're right.

Hurry up and open it already!

H... Hold your horses.

This is a fine mess...

'S not fair. Everybody's a backseat matchmaker.

I'll open it myself.

Now he's done it! You bozo!

The grand opening...

Don't mind if I do...

W... wait... Stop...

We've decided to find somebody else! Don't kiss her... No! WAIT!

Old Man!

Yes!

I told you to find me a handsome man!

Who is this lecher?

Well, you see...

I will NOT mate with this idiot!

Princess, you mustn't think only of yourself.

It's for the preservation of our race!

He's right, we've got to mate! We've got to do it RIGHT NOW!

Keep your hands off me!

Darling!

Oooh... Honestly!

You're cheating on me even in a place like this?

Lum!

Who the hell are you?!

I'm Darling's wife!

Even if he's someone else's husband, it's fated that...

...he who awakens the Princess with a kiss must mate with her.

Yeah! Th... That's right!

Oho! A kiss, is it?!

Well, uh, it just sort of happ...

How dare you! You've never even done it with ME!

Oh my, the groom...

L... L...L... Let's go home, then...

What overkill.

What is it about things others have that makes me want them...?

That's ridiculous. It's too good to be true.

The princess of the Karasutengu must've looked...

...something like THIS, right?

No, no. More like THAT.

Kn... Kn... Knock it off!

Like THIS, right?

Who has a face like that?!

Hey, it's the Tengu babe!

Don't call me a babe! Refer to me as "Princess Kurama!"

Princess Kurama!

Come trying to seduce Darling again?!

Oh, goodness me, it's the Oni from yesterday.

Fooling around with an Oni is abnormal. That may just disqualify you... Huh?

Princess Kurama...

Darling, what do you think you're doing with that crow woman?!

With her being right here, I can't help but...

Who is that woman?

So, you're not just shacked up with an Oni, but with jailbait as well...!

"Jailbait?!"

These females are the reason your personality is so warped!

I'm going to see to your education.

If you want to be my mate, become a man worthy of me.

Come!

Yes, yes, I'll be worthy!

Darling!

Ataru!

First, cleanse your body and soul to eliminate all worldly thoughts.

Don't pollute me while cleansing yourself!

This time you won't be dealing with cold. Walk across to me on your bare feet!

O... O...Ow!

If you focus your thoughts, you won't feel the heat!

This is stupid. I wanna go home.

We're on overtime, after all.

And we're not even getting paid for it!

Look, all he's gotta do is cross, right? Don' worry, it's in the bag!

Dum de dum de dum...

Behold my powers of concentration!

Your mind is in the gutter!

In order to be my mate, you must also excel in mental ability. Now read!

How on earth can I read this?

Which part can't you read?

This part!

How dare you?!

You... You've got some nerve!

So, what's next?

We're going to find out what's rotted your character to this extent.

Create an image of his spiritual make-up.

Very well! Now you'll see my true love and sincerity for you!

What is this?

It seems as though his head is filled with nothing but women.

Darling thinks about me the most!

Check it out.

"Love her, Love her not, Love her, Love her not, I love Lum the most!"

Yippee! He said he loves me the best!

"Love her, Love her not, Love her, Love her not, I love Shinobu the most!"

Oh my, I'm so happy!

What is the meaning of this?!

I wonder...!

Very well, continue the investigation!

Roger! As you command, Princess!

WHA... AT?!

It's off the scale!

So that's the cause of it all.

I know how to convert his personality. We'll use the anima beam.

Huh?

By increasing his feminine side, I will suppress his male desires.

I want Darling just the way he is!

Stop!

SILENCE!

D... Don't do it!

Dammit! L... Lay off, already!

Diminish desires!

S... S...Stop it! I don't want to be converted!

You... You crow woman, you! How dare you blow me off so easily?

Oh great, I've just shot off all the anima energy!

Which means...?

Which means that his psyche is now entirely that of a woman!

What a delightful feeling! Am I ... pretty?

Oh man, how gross!

Darling!

I'll never let you go!

Unhand me! Unhand me!

Even after absorbing all that feminine essence...

...he's still chasing skirts.

Leggo! Leggo! Leggo!

This is UNFORGIVABLE!

Athletics in Women's Hell!

Any time now...

Uh-huh.

Here he comes.

Are you really a child?

"Trust is the first step toward enlightenment."

I see...

Hmm, he certainly does have the look of the possessed.

There must be something about him that we can uncover!

So he's been coming here every day, huh?

Darling claims it's a cram school.

That's strange... Why's he going inside that water tank?

There's gotta be some- thing hidden in there.

Hey, here comes the big palooka.

Kurama, I'm here.

Very well, come closer and look.

OK!

The blackboard! Look at the blackboard!

Ugh, how repulsive.

Moroboshi Ataru has become that crow woman's love slave!

That dumb crow still hasn't given up on Darling!

Therefore, it follows that S=1/M"^ (X-M)...

...so that the standard deviation "S" is...

INTRUDERS!

Hey, no need to be so rough!

Lum! Cherry! Have you been tailing me?

My! You saw right through my disguise!

You really have improved!

You don't give me much credit, do you?!

So you want to mold Moroboshi Ataru into a half-decent person?

I do.

Thank you!

No cushions for the Oni!

Stingy!

And...?

On my world, it's destined that he who delivers the kiss of awakening...

...must become my mate.

But then that person turned out to be... HIM!

But if I mate with him as he is now...

...just think how the descendants of the Kurama family'll turn out...!

It'll mean the end of our kind!

"Oh, our poor Princess Kurama...!"

You think you can mouth off just because I didn't say anything?!

Darling, are you gonna just sit there and take it?

I'm a kind of guy who gets really motivated when I'm put down!

Just what do you see in her?!

You don't let up, do you?

It's the one-night-stand thing I'm interested in.

They don't cause any trouble afterwards.

Oh no, a bat!

Lum, come quick!

What's the matter, Mom?

D... Do something!

D... Do something!

I'm not a bat!

A Karasutengu!

Hey!

Lemme go!

Why did you come here?

If you don't tell, I'll beat it out of you!

W... Wait! I've brought a message!

This is the message?

Oh! No! You mustn't! It's classified! Eyes only!

Darling won't be able to read it anyway.

Is he really that dumb?

What's it say?

"Due to unforeseen circumstances, tomorrow's class is cancelled.

"Come instead to the place shown at left."

Oh No!

Wait up!

Wait up!

Lemme go!

Not a chance! You're not going to weasel out of it today!

To make up for all the times you've skipped out on us...

...today you're going to clean up the classroom all by yourself! Got it?

Shinobu! Imagine running into you in this big school!

Your point being...?

Help me clean up?

And when we're done? What then?

You'll go to that crow woman, won't you?!

Wh... Where do rumors like that come from?

It's not just a rumor!

Huh?

It's a message from Kurama.

Can't read it...

It says there's no class today.

He's not here yet?!

Today's an important milestone in his personality readjustment training!

YOU! You did deliver the message, didn't you?

Of course I did, your highness!

I wonder if he's flown the coop?

Highly unlikely.

Moroboshi Ataru is a man who'd do anything, no matter how absurd...

...for a one-night stand.

Princess Kurama! He's headed in a completely different direction!

WHAT?

Man, they never give up.

Shinobu, don't follow me!

Oh, yes, I will...

Now's my chance...

Don't you run away from me! Come on out, UFO!

You're coming to my UFO!

Leggo! Leggo, I said!

How ridiculous.

Darling!

Ataru!

Those obnoxious wenches again.

What did you do with Darling?!

Ataru!

Too late! He's already in there!

In here?

No one else may enter!

Then we'll never see Ataru again?

Beyond this door is "Psychological- Athletics Land."

By the time he gets back, he'll be a woman-hater!

Correcting Ataru's personality cannot be a sin. Tea...?

Right here.

Where am I? Hey, babe-alert!

Bunny baby, wanna have some fun? Hey!

Oh no! Help!

B... B...Brrr!

My, it's so cold! Maybe I should close up early today... Oh?

Oyuki!

My! Have we met?

No, really! We've met each other before, yes ma'am!

You know, all my cus- tomers say that.

It's nearly closing time. May we settle the bill?

That's strange, my... my wallet's gone!

Oh. You're a dead- beat, then?

Wait a minute, Oyuki, you and I are...

...strangers!

Freeze! Police! You're under arrest!

Sakura! When did you become a police...

Never seen you before!

H... Help!

Ataru!

Whoa! A monster nun!

Whoa! A monster nun!

What did you call me?!

It's Lum!

Divine Retribution!

M... Mommy!

Male chauvinist pig!

Die!

Mommy!

Good-for-nothing man!

H... Hot! Ouch!

Sounds like he's bawling. "Boohoo, boohoo."

Then we've succeeded.

Darling!

Princess, don't you think it's been long enough?

Very well.

Darling!

Ataru!

Ataru!

No! No more!

I'm scared of women! I'd rather die...!

Perhaps you've overdone it just a wee bit?

No, this will sow seeds of fear and dis- trust of women in his subconscious.

NO! Women!

Ataru! It was all a dream!

That's right, it was a dream!

A dream? Then...

...this is reality... This is...

This is the real thing!

I like it, I like it! Real women! Hallelujah!

He hasn't changed one bit!

He's reveling in the pleasures of reality.

He's rotten to the core!

I don't want to do it with him!

A love trap is set for Darling on a street corner on Christmas Eve:

...one love letter and a make-believe woman named Kumino Otoko.

Concealing a plot to break up our relationship...

...the fateful evening approaches!

We'll see you next time for "Pitter Patter Christmas Eve!"

Let's put weird and weird together, and make it even weirder!

Weird, weird space is super-weird!

Hold on. What? What? Something's weird!

Hold on. What? What? Something's definitely a little weird!

If it gets weird, it becomes fun!

Hearts pop up and fly away into the night sky!

Let's put weird and weird together, and make it even weirder!

Weird, weird space is super-weird!

Super-weird! Terrible!