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Take me somewhere.

So when do I see you again?

What are you doing on Thursday night?

My neighbour Bette, she's having a thingumajiggy.

What?

I have something on Thursday.

- Really? - Yeah.

Fuck.

If she asked me today, I would say no.

- I would. - You would?

Yes.

- I have a date tonight. - Oh, you do?

I do.

Huh.

- I'm a little jealous. - You are?

That's good.

Yeah, it is.

Oh, God.

Stop. You don't want this showing up on your credit card statement.

You can't always be in control.

We need a plumber.

And a carpenter, too, if we're gonna make this place presentable.

I know one. She's working for Bette at the CAC. Candace.

- She is making a packet, too. - Maybe she'll give us a break. Call her.

OK.

James. Hey, it's Tina.

Is Bette there?

No, no. Just have her call me when she gets in.

Do you happen to have a number for Candace Jewell?

Yeah? Good.

- Hey. - Hello.

So what do you think?

I think it's awesome. I love it.

Then why the fuck did you do it?

- Steve... - When you're in business with someone,

you gotta keep it in your pants around their family.

I knew my daughter was into girls. That's not news.

Maybe she was experimenting, maybe it's a phase.

- Bottom line is this... Bottom line is this. - Steve, I didn't...

If I'm in business with a guy

and he goes for my daughter, I say, "Is he honest?"

- "Will he treat her right?" - I didn't sleep with your daughter.

I'm already cutting you a shitload of slack here.

One thing. I gotta warn you, Cherie's on the warpath.

She'll calm down, but right now she wants you drawn and quartered.

She doesn't like our kid being gay.

No matter how involved we are, it's not an easy... Shane...

Shane! What the fuck... ?

Cherie, will you open the gate? I'm not leaving until you come outside.

Open the gate!

- My parents are really mad... - Get out of my car.

- The reality of you and me is freaking them out. - Clea!

There is no reality of you and me. I love someone else.

- I have never seen you with this person. - It's complicated.

I love you! She doesn't! There's no way she's gonna be with you.

I need organisation! Do you understand? Do you see what's wrong?

- Cherie. Cherie! - You can both stay in there till you figure it out!

Kids.

- Get out. - No.

Get out. Get out!

I'm taking Clea to Paris and I never wanna see you again!

Listen to me! Listen to me! I did not do anything!

She's lying. I swear, I didn't do it. I would never do that to you.

Do you have any idea how much you mean to me? I swear I wouldn't do it.

- You fucking bitch! - Oh, my God. Clea!

Clea!

- Hi. - Am I interrupting?

No, come on in.

How are you?

- I'm good. How are you? - I'm good.

- I'm getting organised. - Yeah?

Yeah.

What?

There's something I wanna talk to you about.

OK.

Jenny, technically, you and I are still married.

We need to get a divorce.

- Of course we do. - I found the name of a good lawyer on campus.

I thought maybe we could go see him together.

OK.

Sweetie? Alice is here.

Can I just... ? Thanks. Hi, Dane.

Poor Mr Piddles.

OK, OK.

- I'm so sorry. - She's been like this all day.

I tried to get somebody to remove it, but...

she's been sitting there for three hours.

We've gotta make arrangements, right?

I'll do anything. I'll do anything.

What do you need? Have you thought about what you want?

I don't want him cremated.

OK. Yeah, we'll bury him. You want him buried?

- You want me to arrange a burial plot? - Yeah.

He should have a casket. Mahogany, maybe. Only the best for Mr P.

Move the VIP reception here. The Anish Kapoor is there.

- It's always good to imbue a sense of awe. - Isabella Pernao's there too.

It says we stand behind the show, every facet,

and we're not about to hide

the more challenging pieces for anybody's comfort.

I still need to discuss security.

Can you make sure Gavin doesn't leave?

- I'll let the caterers know. - Great.

- Hola. - Hello.

Remember how important it is to eat?

We picked you up something at that place on La Cienega.

Real Food Daily. That is so sweet.

- Ivan picked it up while I was at my AA meeting. - Thank you.

Thank you so much for coming.

I guess you know what I wanna talk about.

No, I'm not sure.

Well, as you can see, we're trying to fix this place up,

and we need help.

We don't have a lot of money, but it's a really great project.

The kids, they love it here.

Yeah. Anything for the kids.

Can I talk to you? Wanna tell me what you're doing?

- Taking out the trash. - With her. She's madly in love with you.

- No, we're friends. He helps me out. - Because she is in love with you.

- She wants to be your husband. - It's not like that.

You might not be able to read the signals,

but she is courting you and you're letting her.

- Is that so? - Yeah, it is.

Thank you for the lessons of the mating habits of indigenous lesbians.

- Next week we'll do butch and femme role-play. - Ladies.

We should let you get on with your business.

You must wanna get home to the little woman sometime tonight.

Gosh, Gene.

This is so much better than dinner and a movie.

Is this how you get all the girls?

- Truth? - Yes, please.

I don't really date that much.

- You know. - Why?

I was with the same woman for the last five years

and she never really came here.

- She hated fish, so... - Oh...

I know. We weren't exactly the greatest match.

What else?

Um...

She liked to exercise really early in the morning.

- No. - I hate exercise and I hate mornings, so...

I did my thesis on nocturnal behaviour,

so I never really broke the habit of staying up late.

What do you like to do in the middle of the night?

Usually I read.

And... she wasn't Jewish.

Oh, Gene. Is that important to you?

No. It's not important.

It's just an added bonus.

Hey.

Was that OK?

It was nice.

- Nice? Are you serious? - No, it was nice.

That's damning with faint praise.

- You wanna go meet the seals? - I meant it. It was nice.

- The seals might change your mind. - About whether you're a good kisser?

No, about your story.

They're way better communicators than manatees.

They even have dialects.

- I think you'll love them. - OK.

- All right. - OK.

This is where I spend my days.

Gosh.

Hello.

The seals have this amazingly intricate system of communication

that lets them settle quarrels without fighting.

- It's pretty incredible. - Come here.

We should be so lucky.

It's very civilised.

- Hey, you don't have to do this. - I want to.

I mean, what...

- Are you sure? - Mm-hm.

- Are you OK? - I'm fine.

- I'm fine. - I'm sorry. Did I do something?

- No, I'm fine. - I don't think you're fine. You're crying.

- I'm so sorry. Did I hurt you? - No.

Um...

You OK?

I...

Um...

Oh, Jenny.

He looks a little strange.

Yeah, I think he hasn't really thawed out yet.

We were afraid he'd decompose, so Shane and I put him in the freezer.

- How is Shane? She seems preoccupied. - I don't know. She's not talking.

I think it has something to do with her Hollywood wife.

I'm not gonna stop calling until you do. Answer your phone.

I'm so sorry about Mr P. I know how much he meant to you.

- I'm glad I met him before he passed on. - Thanks for taking care of him.

I didn't know him, but my condolences.

Ivan.

You heal.

- Hi. - Hi.

I'm so sorry.

This was gonna be your Christmas present. I want you to unwrap it.

It's by one of my favourite artists, Ed Conlin.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

What is with the twin thing? Are they merging?

Here, take this for me. Thanks.

- Hey, baby. - How was your day?

- You guys... - Tonya.

I would like to propose a toast to Mr Piddles.

To Mr P, kitty, well-loved furry feline, we will miss you.

- To Mr P. - Here we go.

I should say something.

Everybody, I just wanted to say thank you...

... so much for coming and...

... you guys are the best friends anybody could have.

What's important is the people who are there for you,

the ones who got you through and the ones you can't live without.

I've also realised how important Tonya is to me. Come here.

She more than anyone has helped me get through this terrible time.

I wanted you all to be the first to know...

Show them.

Tonya and I are engaged. We're getting married.

- Oh, my... - Shit.

I'm just... It's a shame Mr P can't be here to share this with us,

but I'm sure he'd be filled with joy like me.

It's a conflict of interest. It's not fair to the CAC or Candace.

I'm sorry. I didn't think it would be such a big deal for you.

You're exploiting her.

She might have felt she had to do it 'cause of me.

She seemed happy to do it.

She said yes?

Yes.

Selfish.

- I have to ask you to move on. - I'm waiting for someone.

You're gonna have to wait somewhere else.

- They're gonna be out in a minute. - No, they won't.

If you don't move,

you're gonna be in violation of the restraining order they filed.

- You understand what I'm saying? - Yeah.

Fine.

Shit.

Tina...

I'm sorry.

I... I overreacted.

- OK. - I don't have to tell you how stressed I am.

I know that doesn't excuse my behaviour,

but it would have been nice if you had told me you were talking to her.

- Can we talk later? I'm meeting Oscar. - Can you accept my apology?

I accept your apology.

I'm sorry I didn't think to warn you. We've been a little out of touch.

- It'll be over as soon as the show opens. - Sure.

I'll call you later, when I get a minute.

My God. What have I done? What the fuck am I doing? What am I doing?

Hi.

- Hey. - You're still here.

I wanted to make sure you're OK.

I'm sorry about last night. You must have thought I was a crazy person.

No. You just seemed...

... really sad.

At least I have some idea of what's going on, you know.

It's pretty intense.

My life...

So am I the first guy you tried to be with

since you fell in love with that woman

and your marriage fell apart and she dropped you like a hot potato?

Yeah, you're the first guy since Tim.

Maybe you don't wanna be with guys.

No.

No, I...

I still like guys.

I do.

I understand if you don't wanna see me again.

D'you wanna see me again?

I like you.

I like you too.

This is what you want and I just took the liberty of ordering it.

You know, you always know what I'm gonna get, even before I know it.

- I'm gettin' spoiled. - Nothing could spoil you, nothing.

Ivan...

I adore you. I really do.

And you are the finest person

I have ever had the privilege of spending time with.

But this, it just doesn't feel right.

What doesn't feel right about it?

I just don't have anything to offer you in return.

No, you offer me so much. You can't imagine.

Please, please, just listen to me.

You need to hear this.

I'm a straight woman.

A two-months-from-50-year lifetime heterosexual woman.

If you... if you were a man...

you would be the perfect man.

And I know that there are people who could be better for you

and just give you what you're looking for.

Do you know what you're looking for, Kit?

No, not in the big-picture sense that you mean.

Then how do you know I can't give it to you?

See you later.

Bye.

Who the fuck was that?

- I don't think that's any of your business. - What?

This is my house. It's my business

if you're fucking some other guy in my house!

No. You and I are getting a divorce.

Look at me! Because you fell in love with another woman!

And that relationship has ended, and now I'm dating other people.

What difference does it make?

The difference is we were engaged.

You were supposedly in love with me.

You swore that if you were ever gonna be with a man again,

I was the man.

- I believed it when I said it. - But it wasn't true.

You've taken our whole relationship,

turned it into this enormous fucking lie!

I don't want you in my life any more.

It doesn't feel good.

Do you want me to move out?

It's gotta be better than this, right?

I know the sequencing is wrong. That is an Opie, not a Spinace.

I think what we have to... do is to...

Actually, can you do that?

- I need 45 minutes in my office. - Sure. Absolutely.

I, Jennifer Schecter, am not too sure of who I am

because there are several of me.

They float up from me like phantoms,

and slink off to commit acts for which I may or may not be responsible.

Jennifer Diane Schecter is not at all sure whether any of this happened

or whether it was simply a tale as told to JDS,

by JD, after a poem by I, JDS,

Jennifer Schecter of so many selves.

Jennifer, Jen, JDS. Sarah Shuster.

I don't know where I begin or if I end.

Hey.

- Is it time to go? - Provocations starts at 7.30.

But, you know, take your time.

Bette, have you seen my dress?

Are you... Baby?

Sweetheart, come on. Let's get you out of here.

Baby, we have to have you there in 40 minutes.

Baby, what's going on?

You are so exhausted.

I'm... exhausted.

You just need to get through today and tonight and then you can crash.

- You deserve to just fall apart. - I might.

Well, if you do, I'll take care of you.

OK?

You gonna be OK?

Hm?

Tine...

I...

I really... I really want us to try again to have a baby.

I need us to start our family.

Maybe in a couple of months, OK? I need a little time.

And then we'll do it. We'll start our family.

I just need some time.

Let's get you dressed.

Wow.

You are beautiful.

- Bette Porter! - Can you look this way?

What is Provocations about

and how much is the CAC spending on security?

Provocations is the edge of our culture,

where we face ourselves before we jump into an unknown future.

- Do you have one of those? - I have many. Do you wanna see?

- No, thanks. - Are you sure? Really?

- Maybe later. - OK.

Hey. How are you?

- Hey, Trish. - Hi, how are you?

- Gene Feinberg. - Tim Haspel. Good to meet you.

Has she told you she's a dyke yet?

You said you were in love with that woman

and now you're sleeping with another woman.

- You didn't tell me you were a dyke. - I am so sorry.

- Hey, you guys. - Hey, you're here.

- Wow, you look... - Alike.

No, we don't. She's in a skirt.

And stripes.

You have to meet Melissa Rivers. Melissa, honey! Hi! Excuse us.

- Well, I mean... - She's not that bad.

- She's not. - Until you have evidence, drop it.

- I think she killed Mr Piddles. - Why would she?

Maybe she didn't like the competition.

Mr Piddles was gonna inherit Dana's fortune,

and Tonya murdered him so she's next in line.

Right? Drop it.

- Come on. - She's so fucking cranky.

If you ever come near my wife or my daughter,

there's not one street you'll be able to walk down

without fearing for your life.

You understand me?

Candace, hi. Congratulations.

The displays look so beautiful.

Thank you. Tina, this is my friend Mikela.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

- You look beautiful. - Doesn't she?

- Hi. I'm Bette Porter. - Mikela Michaels.

- Nice to meet you. - And you.

- Looks a lot different now. - It's a triumph for you.

Not me. For the artists.

- The piece, Jesus... - Jesus Is In Me.

- That one's absolutely amazing. - The artist is right over there. Isabella Pernao.

The chairman of my board is making strange hand signals.

I'd better go. Tine.

Bye.

There's this whole new school of thought on animal desire

which extends way beyond just the instinct to reproduce.

For example same-sex walruses have been seen kissing one another,

which can't really be explained in terms of the biological imperative,

- so it certainly implies... - Hi.

What are you doing here?

- Is this your Thursday night thingumajiggy? - Mm-hm. He's cute.

- This is Gene. This is Robin. - Hi, Gene, nice to meet you.

- You too. - This is really awkward.

- This... - Hi, Jenny.

- And you are? - I'm Gene.

- I'm Marina. - Pleasure.

- Hey. Robin, I want you to meet Dana. - Hi.

Dana and Tonya.

Marina.

- Do you wanna go? - It's cool...

- No, I wanna go, OK? - Yeah, yeah, let's go.

- Bye. - Bye.

What's going on?

You heard him. He'll kill you.

You know...

my entire life people have said that...

I would become a psychopath if I didn't learn how to feel.

And I wanna know, Cherie, what the fuck is so great about feeling?

Because I finally let myself...

and I feel like my heart's been completely ripped out.

I'm sorry.

I had this insane idea

that you and I could be together... because it felt real.

It was a delusion.

Then I'm delusional.

Because I swear you felt the same way about me.

What if I did? What difference would it make?

What if in the time that we spent together

I felt more alive than I have in 20 years?

What if that were true?

Do you think I would leave my husband, child,

my houses in Bel Air and East Hampton,

my trips to Paris,

my black-tie galas...

to run to some... rank little love nest...

... with a 25-year-old assistant hairdresser

who barely has her foot in the door?

In this fucking ugly world, that kind of love does not exist.

Hey, Tina. I wanted to tell Bette how proud I am of her,

but she's with some bigwigs or something.

- Would you tell her I'll call her tomorrow? - Yeah, I will. Bye.

- It was nice to meet you again, Ivan. - Take care.

I had such a good time tonight.

Made me feel so good I feel a little high!

That's a beautiful thing. You don't need dope or booze.

You got everything you need right here.

Yeah. Ivan...

What I said the other day, I want you to know

that I appreciate everything you do for me.

Wait right here.

♪ If you want a lover ♪

♪ I'll do anything you ask me to ♪

♪ And if you want another kind of love ♪

♪ I'll wear a mask for you ♪

♪ If you want a partner, take my hand ♪

♪ Or if you wanna strike me down in anger ♪

♪ Here I stand ♪

♪ I'm your man ♪

♪ If you want a boxer ♪

♪ I will step into the ring for you ♪

♪ And if you want a doctor ♪

♪ I'll examine every inch of you ♪

♪ If you want a driver, climb inside ♪

♪ Or if you wanna take me for a ride ♪

♪ You know you can ♪

♪ I'm your man ♪

- Do you want some tea? - Sure.

OK.

- Hey. - Hey.

What are you doing here?

- Tim let me in. - OK.

Jen, I swear to God I had no idea you and Marina even knew each other.

OK? She totally set us up here.

And for what it's worth, I was gonna stop seeing her after tonight.

It's no wonder I never was really into her.

I'm... I...

Well...

I'm sorry. Do you want me to leave?

I don't know.

Maybe before you make your decision,

you should listen to your phone machine.

Perhaps you'll want us both to go.

The message came when I was sitting here. I couldn't help but hear it.

OK.

Jenny, it's Marina. I'm sorry.

Seeing Robin and bringing her tonight...

I think I'm in love with you. I know I am.

And I would do anything to have another chance.

Oh, fuck!

Yeah.

You know, I should probably be the one to go.

- Gene, no, I should go. - No, no.

I don't want either of you to leave.

I know.

I saw it.

I'm sorry.

- I love you. - Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!

Fuck you! Fuck you!

Fuck you...

I love you.

I love you.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

I'm sorry. You have to believe me. I love you.

Stop it! No! No!

Stop it! Stop it!

Fuck you.

Fuck you! Fuck you!

Fuck you!

God, please!

Oh, God!

- Hi. - Hi.

- I have to talk. - It's 4am.

- I know. - Are you OK?

- You can't marry Tonya. - Are you OK? Do you need me?

No, no, it's OK.

- What are you talking about? Why? - Because.

Because why?

Because.

Fuck.

Oh, God. OK, go. I'd better go.

Fuck, Alice. What the fuck are you doing?

Oh, my God.

Tina?

Tina, what are you doing here?

Hey.

You OK? What... ?

I'm sorry. I just...

- What's going on? - I just let myself in.

That's OK.

I was...

... wondering if I could stay here for a little while.

Yeah.

Tina, what happened?

What happened?

Hey, stop. Come on.

OK, OK.

It's OK.

I got you. I got you.

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