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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.BZ 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ 3 00:00:15,498 --> 00:00:18,087 Do I look fat? 4 00:00:22,298 --> 00:00:24,058 I'm serious. 5 00:00:24,093 --> 00:00:26,026 Do I? 6 00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:29,615 Yes. Yes, you look fat. 7 00:00:29,650 --> 00:00:31,272 As big as a house. 8 00:00:33,343 --> 00:00:36,795 I cannot believe you just said that. 9 00:00:36,829 --> 00:00:40,178 And here I am, carrying your baby. 10 00:00:40,212 --> 00:00:43,560 How do I know it's my baby? 11 00:00:43,595 --> 00:00:45,838 Do you know what your problem is? 12 00:00:47,944 --> 00:00:50,326 You've got a chip on your shoulder. 13 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:51,672 Yes. 14 00:00:51,706 --> 00:00:53,260 Just can't. 15 00:00:53,294 --> 00:00:55,503 And it's as big as a boulder. 16 00:00:55,538 --> 00:00:57,574 I can't take it. I can't take it, excuse me. 17 00:00:57,609 --> 00:01:00,819 Excuse me, excuse me. 18 00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:02,683 Excuse me. 19 00:01:02,717 --> 00:01:04,305 Sir, are you okay? 20 00:01:04,340 --> 00:01:05,755 Is there anything you need? 21 00:01:05,789 --> 00:01:09,345 Yes. I need a musical. 22 00:01:09,379 --> 00:01:10,587 A BIG 23 00:01:10,622 --> 00:01:11,864 GAY 24 00:01:11,899 --> 00:01:13,176 MUSICAL! 25 00:01:52,802 --> 00:01:56,392 I love being OFF Broadway! 26 00:01:56,426 --> 00:01:57,841 Ladies and gentleman, 27 00:01:57,876 --> 00:02:00,603 welcome to the first preview of "Adam and Steve - 28 00:02:00,637 --> 00:02:02,915 Just the Way God Made 'Em." 29 00:02:02,950 --> 00:02:04,676 Before the show begins, 30 00:02:04,710 --> 00:02:07,196 we need to let you know that the show was rated "FLAMING" 31 00:02:07,230 --> 00:02:09,853 by the Coalition of Christians. 32 00:02:09,888 --> 00:02:12,373 But that doesn't mean it's about homosexuals. 33 00:02:12,408 --> 00:02:15,100 It just means, that if you enjoy this show, 34 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:18,034 you'll end up burning in hell, right next to us. 35 00:02:24,316 --> 00:02:26,663 Hi! I'm Adam. 36 00:02:26,698 --> 00:02:28,596 And I'm his husband, Steven. 37 00:02:28,631 --> 00:02:30,598 And this is our story. 38 00:02:30,633 --> 00:02:32,048 In the beginning, 39 00:02:32,082 --> 00:02:34,188 God created the Heavens and the Earth. 40 00:02:34,223 --> 00:02:35,638 Wait a minute! 41 00:02:35,672 --> 00:02:37,536 That's not how it's supposed to begin. You grabbed the wrong book. 42 00:02:37,571 --> 00:02:38,986 Sorry. 43 00:02:44,647 --> 00:02:46,200 In the beginning, 44 00:02:46,235 --> 00:02:48,685 God was... bored. 45 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:50,791 He was all alone in the universe, 46 00:02:50,825 --> 00:02:52,896 and the thought of being alone forever bothered Him. 47 00:02:52,931 --> 00:02:56,935 He realized what he needed were beautiful beings to entertain Him. 48 00:02:56,969 --> 00:03:00,352 So, God created the angels. 49 00:03:03,355 --> 00:03:05,288 And they were hot. 50 00:03:07,048 --> 00:03:09,396 Each angel was hot and sexy 51 00:03:09,430 --> 00:03:10,845 and male. 52 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,105 God loved the angels, 53 00:04:04,140 --> 00:04:05,797 but soon realized that He wanted more. 54 00:04:05,831 --> 00:04:07,626 So, God created the Earth. 55 00:04:08,386 --> 00:04:15,703 ♪ He made the Earth full of beauty and wonder. ♪ 56 00:04:18,706 --> 00:04:27,577 ♪ He made the sky full of stars like no one could. ♪ 57 00:04:27,612 --> 00:04:38,657 ♪ He made the oceans and rivers and mountains. ♪ 58 00:04:38,692 --> 00:04:42,765 ♪ And He knew 59 00:04:42,799 --> 00:04:46,872 ♪ it was good. 60 00:04:46,907 --> 00:04:51,946 ♪ One day God came down to Earth and summoned all His might. ♪ 61 00:04:51,981 --> 00:04:56,882 ♪ He took one look at the darkness and said ♪ 62 00:04:56,917 --> 00:05:00,127 Why the fuck is it so dark down here? 63 00:05:00,161 --> 00:05:02,198 Oh, that's better. 64 00:05:02,232 --> 00:05:03,682 Aren't they great? 65 00:05:03,717 --> 00:05:06,098 Let's show 'em angels! 66 00:05:07,790 --> 00:05:11,449 ♪ It's God. He's the one creator. ♪ 67 00:05:11,483 --> 00:05:14,037 ♪ It's God. He's the entertainer. ♪ 68 00:05:14,072 --> 00:05:17,006 ♪ It's God. He's the great orator. ♪ 69 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:19,767 ♪ It's God. He's the mastur... ♪ 70 00:05:21,217 --> 00:05:23,253 What? He is the master. 71 00:05:24,634 --> 00:05:26,809 ♪ I am God. 72 00:05:30,088 --> 00:05:33,022 ♪ I created the plants and the trees. ♪ 73 00:05:33,056 --> 00:05:36,681 ♪ I made all the animals - the birds and the bees. ♪ 74 00:05:36,715 --> 00:05:39,960 ♪ I made everything that you see, ♪ 75 00:05:39,994 --> 00:05:42,963 ♪ but none of it satisfied me. 76 00:05:42,997 --> 00:05:46,691 ♪ I needed interaction and drama. ♪ 77 00:05:46,725 --> 00:05:50,660 ♪ I needed something entertaining to see. ♪ 78 00:05:50,695 --> 00:05:53,594 ♪ I loved all the stuff that I created, ♪ 79 00:05:53,629 --> 00:05:58,427 ♪ but it's like a nature show on TV. ♪ 80 00:05:58,461 --> 00:06:00,325 So God created a man. 81 00:06:05,019 --> 00:06:07,470 Adam was just what God wanted. 82 00:06:07,505 --> 00:06:09,403 A man to do the gardening, 83 00:06:09,438 --> 00:06:11,750 take care of the animals. 84 00:06:11,785 --> 00:06:15,064 But, Adam was lonely. 85 00:06:15,098 --> 00:06:18,516 And, God wasn't very fond of what Adam was doing with the animals. 86 00:06:20,621 --> 00:06:23,831 So God created Eve, a woman for Adam. 87 00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:33,979 And they were happy. 88 00:06:35,187 --> 00:06:36,292 For a while. 89 00:06:36,326 --> 00:06:38,156 You couldn't even make me something to eat? 90 00:06:38,190 --> 00:06:40,054 Don't you start with me! 91 00:06:40,089 --> 00:06:43,851 But the shit hit the fan when they ate God's favorite fruit. 92 00:06:43,886 --> 00:06:46,129 Here! Eat this. 93 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:53,654 Jesus Christ! 94 00:06:53,689 --> 00:06:55,311 Yes daddy? 95 00:06:55,345 --> 00:06:57,175 Nothing. Go back to bed. 96 00:06:58,210 --> 00:07:01,593 It wasn't my fault. I swear. 97 00:07:01,628 --> 00:07:03,319 It was a serpent. 98 00:07:03,353 --> 00:07:05,355 Yeah, a serpent. 99 00:07:06,943 --> 00:07:09,912 ♪ And so I threw them both out of my garden. ♪ 100 00:07:09,946 --> 00:07:12,846 ♪ What else was there for me to do? ♪ 101 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:16,988 ♪ But then the garden just seemed so empty, ♪ 102 00:07:17,022 --> 00:07:21,406 ♪ and I was depressed and I was so blue. ♪ 103 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:24,098 Hey God. Why don't you try two men? 104 00:07:24,133 --> 00:07:26,584 What the hell! Let's try it! 105 00:07:29,241 --> 00:07:32,555 ♪ I made another Adam for my garden, ♪ 106 00:07:32,590 --> 00:07:36,283 ♪ but I didn't make another Eve. ♪ 107 00:07:36,317 --> 00:07:39,838 ♪ I made another man a bit more sensitive, ♪ 108 00:07:39,873 --> 00:07:47,467 ♪ and I called him Steve! 109 00:07:49,745 --> 00:07:53,956 ♪ And that is how it all began, ♪ 110 00:07:53,990 --> 00:07:58,581 ♪ the story of Adam and Steve. ♪ 111 00:07:58,616 --> 00:08:03,206 ♪ Though it's not written in the Bible, ♪ 112 00:08:03,241 --> 00:08:08,280 ♪ it's the truth from above so believe. ♪ 113 00:08:08,315 --> 00:08:15,667 ♪ And now here's Adam and Steve. ♪ 114 00:08:15,702 --> 00:08:21,535 ♪ God bless Adam and Steve. 115 00:08:21,570 --> 00:08:24,814 Just the way I made 'em! 116 00:08:24,849 --> 00:08:27,507 Really good show guys. 117 00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:29,060 Yeah, for a first preview, it was actually pretty good. 118 00:08:29,094 --> 00:08:31,165 Where are you rushing off to? 119 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:33,858 -I don't do stage doors. -What do you mean? 120 00:08:33,892 --> 00:08:36,481 There's nothing I hate more than people at the stage door. 121 00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,966 They feel like they have to tell you how good you are. 122 00:08:39,001 --> 00:08:40,174 It's fake and awkward and I just don't do it. 123 00:08:40,209 --> 00:08:42,004 Oh look, Patti LuPone. 124 00:08:42,038 --> 00:08:43,833 Do you always beat the audience? 125 00:08:43,868 --> 00:08:45,525 So far so good. 126 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:47,181 What about your fans? 127 00:08:47,216 --> 00:08:49,252 My "fans ? Yeah right. 128 00:08:49,287 --> 00:08:51,289 Oh, I'm working at Mostly Sondheim later, 129 00:08:51,323 --> 00:08:54,085 so if you wanna stop by, let me know. 130 00:08:54,119 --> 00:08:56,674 I cant wait to hear some fat guy singing "All that Jazz. 131 00:08:56,708 --> 00:09:00,919 Or some flamer singing "And I am telling you, Sophie." 132 00:09:00,954 --> 00:09:04,405 Show tunes and booze kids. That's what keeps me happy. 133 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:07,443 -I'll see you guys later. -Yeah later. 134 00:09:10,929 --> 00:09:12,517 Oh, I'm sorry! 135 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,070 No problem. See you tomorrow. 136 00:09:15,969 --> 00:09:18,592 Hey babe. Great first preview. 137 00:09:18,627 --> 00:09:21,906 See you soon. Smiley face. 138 00:09:21,940 --> 00:09:23,701 We are so proud of you. 139 00:09:23,735 --> 00:09:26,807 You're gonna be such a big star in New York City. 140 00:09:26,842 --> 00:09:28,222 It's just Off-Broadway. 141 00:09:28,257 --> 00:09:29,776 Just Off-Broadway? 142 00:09:29,810 --> 00:09:31,674 People would sell their souls 143 00:09:31,709 --> 00:09:34,539 to be starring in an Off-Broadway show, and don't you forget it. 144 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,611 We just wanted to call and tell you how proud we are of you. 145 00:09:37,646 --> 00:09:39,268 And congratulations. 146 00:09:39,302 --> 00:09:40,856 Thank you. 147 00:09:40,890 --> 00:09:42,927 We have a surprise for you. 148 00:09:42,961 --> 00:09:44,998 We're coming to your opening night. 149 00:09:46,413 --> 00:09:48,898 Hey, we weren't going to miss your big night, huh? 150 00:09:48,933 --> 00:09:50,175 Hey, we've been to all the others. 151 00:09:50,210 --> 00:09:52,315 How could we miss your first New York City opening night? 152 00:09:52,350 --> 00:09:54,179 The first of many. 153 00:09:54,214 --> 00:09:55,284 Oh, great! 154 00:09:55,318 --> 00:09:58,183 Hey, we should let you go and enjoy your success. 155 00:09:58,218 --> 00:09:59,771 Oh yeah, God bless. 156 00:09:59,806 --> 00:10:01,152 We love you honey. 157 00:10:01,186 --> 00:10:02,602 God bless. 158 00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:04,396 I love you too. 159 00:10:13,267 --> 00:10:16,063 Hi everyone. Welcome to Mostly Sondheim! 160 00:10:16,098 --> 00:10:18,825 We have one hell of a crowd here. 161 00:10:18,859 --> 00:10:21,068 Mostly Sondheim is like an open mic night for show tunes. 162 00:10:21,103 --> 00:10:23,139 Every song you sing has to be from a show 163 00:10:23,174 --> 00:10:25,348 or from a songwriter that has written a show. 164 00:10:25,383 --> 00:10:27,592 Oh, actually you can sing whatever you want 165 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,629 if you tip twenty dollars. We don't care. 166 00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:31,907 And I couldn't imagine beginning Mostly Sondheim 167 00:10:31,941 --> 00:10:34,116 without hearing my gorgeous co-host, 168 00:10:34,150 --> 00:10:38,672 Kate Pazakis' gregarious, fabulous vocal chords. 169 00:10:38,707 --> 00:10:39,604 Gregarious? 170 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,295 I don't know. I just made up the word. 171 00:10:41,330 --> 00:10:44,436 So, hit it Jack! And don't forget to tip. 172 00:10:44,471 --> 00:10:47,474 ♪ Friday night. 173 00:10:47,508 --> 00:10:52,513 ♪ I spend the whole week waiting for Friday night. ♪ 174 00:10:52,548 --> 00:10:56,863 ♪ Anticipating all the lonely hearts. ♪ 175 00:10:56,897 --> 00:11:02,316 ♪ We all play parts on Friday night. ♪ 176 00:11:05,181 --> 00:11:12,672 ♪ 'Cause that's when the party starts! ♪ 177 00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:15,985 ♪ And the party isn't over 'til the bar runs dry, ♪ 178 00:11:16,020 --> 00:11:19,782 ♪ and the next one too, where you catch my eye. ♪ 179 00:11:19,817 --> 00:11:26,168 ♪ No the party isn't over 'til we hail a cab and I go home with you. ♪ 180 00:11:26,202 --> 00:11:29,827 ♪ See, the party isn't over 'til I've seen your face. ♪ 181 00:11:29,861 --> 00:11:33,106 ♪ And I know it's you, from outer space! ♪ 182 00:11:33,140 --> 00:11:36,626 ♪ And the party isn't over 'til I find the one. ♪ 183 00:11:36,661 --> 00:11:43,564 ♪ 'Til I fall in love with you! ♪ 184 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:50,848 Alright! 185 00:11:53,954 --> 00:11:56,232 Well, it's four AM, and you know what that means, folks! 186 00:11:56,267 --> 00:11:58,994 You're gonna finally play some fucking Sondheim? 187 00:11:59,028 --> 00:12:01,790 No, it means you have to go home and don't forget to tip! 188 00:12:01,824 --> 00:12:04,102 Mostly Sondheim my ass! 189 00:12:04,137 --> 00:12:06,277 They should call it mostly Jason Robert Brown. 190 00:12:06,311 --> 00:12:07,588 Goodnight everybody. Get home safe! 191 00:12:07,623 --> 00:12:08,866 Goodnight! 192 00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:13,249 You're ready to go? 193 00:12:13,284 --> 00:12:16,183 I'm ready for a lot of things. 194 00:12:16,218 --> 00:12:18,668 Hmm, I like the way that sounds. 195 00:12:23,673 --> 00:12:25,158 Look! 196 00:12:28,126 --> 00:12:31,578 The homosexual lifestyle is the biggest threat our nation has, 197 00:12:31,612 --> 00:12:34,098 even more so than terrorism. 198 00:12:34,132 --> 00:12:36,514 And they call themselves Christians. 199 00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:39,275 Didn't Jesus say 200 00:12:39,310 --> 00:12:42,002 "Do to your neighbors as you would have them do unto you"? 201 00:12:42,037 --> 00:12:45,109 Well, that sounds like a good philosophy. 202 00:12:48,043 --> 00:12:49,769 -Wait! -What? 203 00:12:49,803 --> 00:12:52,426 No flood? No lightning? 204 00:12:52,461 --> 00:12:54,912 No wrath of God? 205 00:12:54,946 --> 00:12:56,914 I guess He approves. 206 00:13:01,470 --> 00:13:03,403 C'mon. 207 00:13:03,437 --> 00:13:05,301 We've gotta be good neighbors. 208 00:14:10,263 --> 00:14:11,781 Another text from the boyfriend? 209 00:14:11,816 --> 00:14:13,956 Sebastian is not my boyfriend. 210 00:14:13,991 --> 00:14:16,027 We've only been dating a couple weeks. 211 00:14:16,062 --> 00:14:18,236 Honey, you've been single forever. 212 00:14:18,271 --> 00:14:19,306 If I were you I'd call him a boyfriend 213 00:14:19,341 --> 00:14:21,239 just so I could say I had one this millennium. 214 00:14:21,274 --> 00:14:24,104 It's not about having a boyfriend. 215 00:14:24,139 --> 00:14:25,726 It's about finding the right one. 216 00:14:25,761 --> 00:14:27,867 I have a little surprise for you. 217 00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:30,110 Because you've both been so wonderful, 218 00:14:30,145 --> 00:14:32,181 I'm giving you some special wedding gifts. 219 00:14:32,216 --> 00:14:34,425 What?! He's giving them more stuff! 220 00:14:34,459 --> 00:14:36,737 I bet they'll start singing show tunes. 221 00:14:36,772 --> 00:14:41,501 Art, fashion, creativity, music! 222 00:14:41,535 --> 00:14:44,021 ♪ Look at them who are so happy. ♪ 223 00:14:44,055 --> 00:14:47,472 ♪ Look at them, so content. 224 00:14:47,507 --> 00:14:51,304 ♪ Living there in our garden while we're here in a tent! ♪ 225 00:14:51,338 --> 00:14:53,789 ♪ This fight isn't over. 226 00:14:53,823 --> 00:14:55,964 ♪ No, they are gonna pay! 227 00:14:55,998 --> 00:14:58,587 ♪ Those man who are so happy, 228 00:14:58,621 --> 00:15:01,486 ♪ those men who are so gay! 229 00:15:01,521 --> 00:15:03,626 Maybe that's what we should call 'em. 230 00:15:03,661 --> 00:15:05,559 Gays! 231 00:15:05,594 --> 00:15:06,802 'Cause they're happy. 232 00:15:06,836 --> 00:15:08,183 Shut up! 233 00:15:08,217 --> 00:15:10,185 Hey, this isn't my fault! 234 00:15:10,219 --> 00:15:11,876 God and his damn fruit. 235 00:15:16,018 --> 00:15:17,882 Oh, hey Steve. 236 00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:20,195 Hey Adam. Look what I just made. 237 00:15:22,991 --> 00:15:25,441 OK, now it's official. You are a genius! 238 00:15:25,476 --> 00:15:27,340 Oh you're too sweet. 239 00:15:27,374 --> 00:15:29,238 Who would've ever thought you could get 240 00:15:29,273 --> 00:15:30,412 this awesome juice out of a potato? 241 00:15:30,446 --> 00:15:32,241 Well look at these cool glasses you made. 242 00:15:32,276 --> 00:15:35,417 -They're hand blown! -That has always been one of your specialties. 243 00:15:35,451 --> 00:15:37,695 What about last night? You figured out how to pull the skin back. 244 00:15:37,729 --> 00:15:39,283 It's so much better that way. 245 00:15:39,317 --> 00:15:42,942 I know, now I really like bananas. 246 00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:45,323 Hey, I wonder if our kids are going to be like us... 247 00:15:45,358 --> 00:15:46,773 or like them. 248 00:15:46,807 --> 00:15:49,293 What do you mean? 249 00:15:49,327 --> 00:15:51,329 How do we now if our kids are going to be cultured and stuff? 250 00:15:51,364 --> 00:15:52,986 Or like us? 251 00:15:56,024 --> 00:15:58,854 Well, we'll just have to teach our kids to be like us, that's all. 252 00:15:58,888 --> 00:16:01,650 And tell them to stay away from the garden. 253 00:16:06,310 --> 00:16:08,726 Hey! Who are you? 254 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:12,868 Hi, I'm Adam and this is my husband Steve. 255 00:16:12,902 --> 00:16:14,283 What's your name? 256 00:16:14,318 --> 00:16:15,802 Cain. 257 00:16:15,836 --> 00:16:18,218 Do you want a banana? 258 00:16:18,253 --> 00:16:21,221 Mommy, can I eat Adam's banana? 259 00:16:21,256 --> 00:16:23,016 Make sure you pull the skin back. 260 00:16:23,051 --> 00:16:25,225 Stay away from them! 261 00:16:25,260 --> 00:16:27,503 They're trying to convert our children. 262 00:16:27,538 --> 00:16:29,954 That's how they plan to do it. 263 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,267 They don't have to go through labor pains at all. 264 00:16:32,301 --> 00:16:34,579 They just use fruit! 265 00:16:34,614 --> 00:16:36,133 Cain! 266 00:16:37,479 --> 00:16:40,482 God doesn't like the gay people. 267 00:16:40,516 --> 00:16:43,968 That's why he keeps them locked up in the gated garden. 268 00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:48,248 And He's given us... this entire desert, 269 00:16:48,283 --> 00:16:51,596 which is why He loves us more. 270 00:16:53,598 --> 00:16:56,394 ♪ Be careful of gay people, 271 00:16:56,429 --> 00:16:58,845 ♪ and their perverted needs. 272 00:16:58,879 --> 00:17:00,778 ♪ They want you to be like them, ♪ 273 00:17:00,812 --> 00:17:02,918 ♪ but God needs you to breed. 274 00:17:02,952 --> 00:17:05,265 ♪ Those gays want to convert you ♪ 275 00:17:05,300 --> 00:17:07,647 ♪ and your little brother too. ♪ 276 00:17:07,681 --> 00:17:09,614 ♪ Make your parents proud of you. ♪ 277 00:17:09,649 --> 00:17:11,823 ♪ You know just what to do. 278 00:17:11,858 --> 00:17:14,309 Go check on your little brother. 279 00:17:14,343 --> 00:17:16,483 ♪ This fight isn't over. 280 00:17:16,518 --> 00:17:18,520 ♪ No, they are gonna pay. 281 00:17:18,554 --> 00:17:20,936 ♪ Those men who are so happy, 282 00:17:20,970 --> 00:17:23,801 ♪ those men who are so gay. 283 00:17:23,835 --> 00:17:26,321 Mommy, Mommy, Mommy! 284 00:17:26,355 --> 00:17:28,185 What is it Cain? 285 00:17:28,219 --> 00:17:30,566 I had to... I had to kill Abel. 286 00:17:30,601 --> 00:17:31,947 What? Why? 287 00:17:31,981 --> 00:17:33,569 He was... 288 00:17:35,192 --> 00:17:37,470 He was singing a showtune. 289 00:17:38,781 --> 00:17:40,956 NO! 290 00:17:40,990 --> 00:17:42,958 Not a showtune! 291 00:17:44,925 --> 00:17:47,307 ♪ Somehow they got to Abel, 292 00:17:47,342 --> 00:17:49,861 ♪ and taught him their sick ways. ♪ 293 00:17:49,896 --> 00:17:51,794 ♪ Won't you please protect me Mommy ♪ 294 00:17:51,829 --> 00:17:54,314 ♪ from turning out that way? 295 00:17:54,349 --> 00:17:57,938 Don't worry Cain. I'll protect you from those people! 296 00:17:57,973 --> 00:18:01,528 I promise you Mommy, I will never ever 297 00:18:01,563 --> 00:18:03,875 sing a showtune. 298 00:18:03,910 --> 00:18:06,533 ♪ We'll show His chosen people ♪ 299 00:18:06,568 --> 00:18:09,122 ♪ just who will win this fight. ♪ 300 00:18:09,157 --> 00:18:11,124 ♪ Abel's death is on their heads now. ♪ 301 00:18:11,159 --> 00:18:13,575 ♪ I know that we are right. 302 00:18:13,609 --> 00:18:15,542 ♪ We must stop them from recruiting ♪ 303 00:18:15,577 --> 00:18:17,958 ♪ new people to their fray. 304 00:18:17,993 --> 00:18:19,960 ♪ And hate has many uses. 305 00:18:19,995 --> 00:18:22,791 ♪ We hate those who are gay! 306 00:18:22,825 --> 00:18:25,828 Cain, get that book Mama's been working on. 307 00:18:25,863 --> 00:18:30,074 You mean the Breeder's Informational Book of Living Examples? 308 00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:31,420 Yes, honey. 309 00:18:31,455 --> 00:18:33,905 But we call it the B.I.B.L.E. for short. 310 00:18:33,940 --> 00:18:35,769 What are you writing it for? 311 00:18:37,254 --> 00:18:41,154 I have to teach our descendants to hate the gays. 312 00:18:41,189 --> 00:18:43,501 Do you think this book will be enough to warn them in the future? 313 00:18:43,536 --> 00:18:45,538 What if they don't believe it? 314 00:18:45,572 --> 00:18:47,402 They'll believe what they read. 315 00:18:47,436 --> 00:18:49,749 In five thousand year from now, 316 00:18:49,783 --> 00:18:52,269 they wont even know who wrote the damn thing! 317 00:18:54,616 --> 00:18:57,101 ♪ We'll get His chosen people. ♪ 318 00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,552 ♪ Those men, we'll make them pay. ♪ 319 00:18:59,586 --> 00:19:02,417 ♪ I will teach all of the children ♪ 320 00:19:02,451 --> 00:19:04,902 ♪ to hate those who are gay. 321 00:19:04,936 --> 00:19:10,597 ♪ All of those showtune singing ♪ 322 00:19:10,632 --> 00:19:14,946 ♪ gays! 323 00:19:58,852 --> 00:20:00,820 Hey. 324 00:20:01,510 --> 00:20:03,512 Hi. 325 00:20:05,721 --> 00:20:07,413 You're cute. 326 00:20:07,447 --> 00:20:09,208 Thanks. 327 00:20:13,108 --> 00:20:15,662 I'm just here to relax. 328 00:20:15,697 --> 00:20:17,733 I can help with that. 329 00:20:17,768 --> 00:20:19,839 I'm actually seeing someone. 330 00:20:19,873 --> 00:20:21,565 I'm not gonna tell him. 331 00:20:23,187 --> 00:20:25,396 I'm not here to hook up. 332 00:20:25,431 --> 00:20:27,605 C'mon, just let me suck you off. 333 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:29,158 No! 334 00:20:29,193 --> 00:20:30,505 Just leave me the fuck alone. 335 00:20:32,092 --> 00:20:34,509 I tried to be nice but Christ! 336 00:20:34,543 --> 00:20:35,924 Dick. 337 00:20:37,995 --> 00:20:40,239 Can I talk to you about something? 338 00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:43,276 -Sure, what is it? -My parents are coming to opening night. 339 00:20:43,311 --> 00:20:45,865 -That's great! -It is. I mean they've always been so supportive, 340 00:20:45,899 --> 00:20:49,593 but I never expected them to come all the way for this. 341 00:20:49,627 --> 00:20:52,527 It is your first New York opening. You shouldn't be surprised. 342 00:20:52,561 --> 00:20:55,046 I know, but my parents are very religious. 343 00:20:55,081 --> 00:20:57,842 Oh, so do your parents know what the show is about? 344 00:20:57,877 --> 00:21:00,707 I told them it was "Adam and Eve - The Way God Made 'Em". 345 00:21:00,742 --> 00:21:03,020 Yeah, there gonna be surprised. 346 00:21:03,054 --> 00:21:05,919 And they don't know about me either. 347 00:21:05,954 --> 00:21:07,266 This is gonna be good. 348 00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:09,268 I'm sorry. 349 00:21:09,302 --> 00:21:11,580 I'm serious. I'm freaking out. 350 00:21:11,615 --> 00:21:13,272 They wouldn't let us read Harry Potter, 351 00:21:13,306 --> 00:21:15,274 because it was all magic and against God. 352 00:21:15,308 --> 00:21:17,068 Well if they think Harry Potter is sacrilegious, 353 00:21:17,103 --> 00:21:19,105 I cant wait to hear their review of this show. 354 00:21:19,139 --> 00:21:20,589 I try to be good, I don't have sex... 355 00:21:20,624 --> 00:21:22,004 But you've had sex right? 356 00:21:24,766 --> 00:21:27,044 What? Seriously? 357 00:21:27,078 --> 00:21:29,460 I wanted to wait for the right guy. 358 00:21:29,495 --> 00:21:32,774 But I don't really go out and meet people so I never really found one. 359 00:21:32,808 --> 00:21:35,984 Wow. But haven't you ever been curious? 360 00:21:36,018 --> 00:21:37,813 No. 361 00:21:37,848 --> 00:21:39,677 Yes. I don't know. Look! 362 00:21:39,712 --> 00:21:42,577 Sex is the last thing on my mind right now. What am I gonna do? 363 00:21:42,611 --> 00:21:44,268 I wish I knew what to tell you. 364 00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:45,614 My parents are gonna hate me. 365 00:21:45,649 --> 00:21:49,031 No they're not. It's all gonna be OK. Trust me. 366 00:21:49,066 --> 00:21:51,102 Look, we gotta go. We'll talk later? 367 00:21:51,137 --> 00:21:52,103 Yeah. 368 00:21:52,138 --> 00:21:53,622 Ok. 369 00:21:53,657 --> 00:21:56,315 God I wish this wasn't happening. 370 00:21:56,349 --> 00:21:59,352 And just as the prophecies foretold, five thousand years later, 371 00:21:59,387 --> 00:22:02,321 God put Adam and Steve back on the Earth to prove their love was real, 372 00:22:02,355 --> 00:22:05,669 and able to beat the obstacles of the modern world. 373 00:22:05,703 --> 00:22:07,636 They were put in different places, 374 00:22:07,671 --> 00:22:13,262 and in homes that used the Breeders Informational Book of Living Examples. 375 00:22:13,297 --> 00:22:17,750 ♪ I was sitting backstage 376 00:22:17,784 --> 00:22:20,822 ♪ and wondering what to say 377 00:22:20,856 --> 00:22:24,791 ♪ so I raised my hands to Heaven ♪ 378 00:22:24,826 --> 00:22:28,795 ♪ and I began to pray. 379 00:22:28,830 --> 00:22:30,659 ♪ And Jesus said to 380 00:22:30,694 --> 00:22:31,453 ♪ praise Him. 381 00:22:31,488 --> 00:22:32,420 ♪ Jesus said to 382 00:22:32,454 --> 00:22:33,352 ♪ love Him. 383 00:22:33,386 --> 00:22:34,353 ♪ Jesus said to 384 00:22:34,387 --> 00:22:35,733 ♪ glorify Him. 385 00:22:35,768 --> 00:22:36,562 ♪ Yes, Jesus said. 386 00:22:36,596 --> 00:22:37,563 ♪ Oh, Jesus said 387 00:22:37,597 --> 00:22:38,805 ♪ find salvation. 388 00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:40,635 ♪ He said make a... donation. ♪ 389 00:22:40,669 --> 00:22:45,433 ♪ Jesus said, oh Jesus said. Oh, yes he said! ♪ 390 00:22:45,467 --> 00:22:48,884 And Jesus said to me, "Patty Maye, 391 00:22:48,919 --> 00:22:54,821 Patty Maye, I want you to go out and tell the people how you feel. 392 00:22:54,856 --> 00:22:58,100 Tell them how you feel about being a Christian." 393 00:22:58,135 --> 00:23:00,862 So Jesus, this one's for you. 394 00:23:02,933 --> 00:23:05,107 ♪ I'm proud to be a Christian 395 00:23:05,142 --> 00:23:08,317 ♪ and to love my fellow man. 396 00:23:08,352 --> 00:23:11,113 ♪ Proud to be a Christian 397 00:23:11,148 --> 00:23:14,220 ♪ to help others when I can. 398 00:23:14,254 --> 00:23:17,154 ♪ I'm proud to be a Christian 399 00:23:17,188 --> 00:23:19,950 ♪ and be nice to everyone. 400 00:23:19,984 --> 00:23:23,332 ♪ We're not better than the Jews or the Arabs ♪ 401 00:23:23,367 --> 00:23:25,438 ♪ as they continue to fight. 402 00:23:25,473 --> 00:23:29,235 ♪ We're not better than the Catholics, those boozers, ♪ 403 00:23:29,269 --> 00:23:34,240 ♪ but we are always right. 404 00:23:34,274 --> 00:23:36,967 And do you know why I know we're right? 405 00:23:37,001 --> 00:23:38,278 ♪ And Jesus said to 406 00:23:38,313 --> 00:23:38,900 ♪ praise Him. 407 00:23:38,934 --> 00:23:40,039 ♪ Jesus said to 408 00:23:40,073 --> 00:23:40,833 ♪ love Him. 409 00:23:40,867 --> 00:23:41,730 ♪ Jesus said to 410 00:23:41,765 --> 00:23:43,422 ♪ glorify Him. 411 00:23:43,456 --> 00:23:44,319 ♪ Yes, Jesus said. 412 00:23:44,353 --> 00:23:45,424 ♪ Oh, yes He said 413 00:23:45,458 --> 00:23:46,355 ♪ find salvation. 414 00:23:46,390 --> 00:23:48,185 ♪ He said make a... donation. ♪ 415 00:23:48,219 --> 00:23:54,087 ♪ Jesus said, oh Jesus said, oh yes He said! ♪ 416 00:23:54,122 --> 00:23:56,365 Isn't she wonderful? 417 00:23:57,470 --> 00:24:01,474 Everyday I thank the Lord for bringing me Patty Maye. 418 00:24:01,509 --> 00:24:03,649 Now, do you know what it is time for? 419 00:24:03,683 --> 00:24:04,960 Well, I hope so. 420 00:24:04,995 --> 00:24:07,963 It is time to hear about Jesus! 421 00:24:07,998 --> 00:24:09,931 -Amen! -But before... 422 00:24:09,965 --> 00:24:12,451 I can tell y'all about the word of the Lord, 423 00:24:12,485 --> 00:24:16,144 I need to talk to you about something very important. 424 00:24:16,178 --> 00:24:19,492 My friends, partners in my ministry, 425 00:24:19,527 --> 00:24:23,047 we have fallen on hard times. 426 00:24:23,082 --> 00:24:28,777 Now, we want to express across the world our message, 427 00:24:28,812 --> 00:24:31,573 but, we are running out of money! 428 00:24:31,608 --> 00:24:33,989 Now you know all the money in your wallets 429 00:24:34,024 --> 00:24:36,164 and in your bank accounts and on your credit cards, 430 00:24:36,198 --> 00:24:38,891 well, that is not your money! 431 00:24:38,925 --> 00:24:41,307 That is God's money, 432 00:24:41,341 --> 00:24:43,689 and God needs his money back! 433 00:24:43,723 --> 00:24:44,966 Hallelujah! 434 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:47,140 And then last thing, just at the end of "creation" 435 00:24:47,175 --> 00:24:48,487 I want a sforzando on the "aah", 436 00:24:48,521 --> 00:24:51,766 so just watch me, it will be like "aaaaahh!" 437 00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:53,008 Like that, yeah? 438 00:24:53,043 --> 00:24:54,113 Yes. 439 00:24:54,147 --> 00:24:55,494 Thank you so much. 440 00:24:55,528 --> 00:24:56,667 Have a good second act. 441 00:24:56,702 --> 00:24:57,496 Thank you. 442 00:24:58,566 --> 00:25:00,499 So, what do you think I should do? 443 00:25:00,533 --> 00:25:03,294 About what? Your parents or your virginity? 444 00:25:03,329 --> 00:25:07,160 What? Huh? What? You're a vir... 445 00:25:07,195 --> 00:25:10,612 You'll have to excuse her. She's never had to use that word before. 446 00:25:10,647 --> 00:25:14,927 That is not true. I used to pray to Mary and she was a vir- 447 00:25:14,961 --> 00:25:18,965 -Are you really a virgin? -This probably wasn't the best place for this conversation. 448 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:20,726 We can help you out with your virginity. 449 00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:22,831 Oh, no you can't. Leave him alone. 450 00:25:22,866 --> 00:25:25,247 I didn't mean it like that. I meant come out with us tonight. 451 00:25:25,282 --> 00:25:27,526 We know a lot of hot boys. We can get you laid. 452 00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:30,529 -Come out with us! -I'm not trying to get laid. 453 00:25:30,563 --> 00:25:33,532 Going out tonight might be good for you. Take your mind off things. 454 00:25:33,566 --> 00:25:35,534 Give you a chance to clear your head. 455 00:25:35,568 --> 00:25:37,259 And Sebastian and I will be there to make sure these whores 456 00:25:37,294 --> 00:25:39,676 don't put you on an express train to hell. 457 00:25:39,710 --> 00:25:42,782 Are you calling me a whore? 458 00:25:42,817 --> 00:25:46,130 If I wasn't sitting in this chair right now, I'd take my... 459 00:25:46,165 --> 00:25:48,305 But you are, Blanche! You are! 460 00:26:03,976 --> 00:26:05,909 To alcohol! 461 00:26:13,157 --> 00:26:16,920 Go-go dancing. I couldn't imagine doing that. 462 00:26:16,954 --> 00:26:19,716 Is he for real? Red panties. 463 00:26:19,750 --> 00:26:22,581 I know, he has a zit on his right butt cheek. 464 00:26:31,175 --> 00:26:33,626 Alright, let's get him another. 465 00:26:33,661 --> 00:26:35,939 -I'll be right back. -Okay. 466 00:26:38,493 --> 00:26:41,013 Hey! Hey you! How you doing? 467 00:26:41,047 --> 00:26:43,325 I've never been better. This was such a good idea. 468 00:26:43,360 --> 00:26:45,707 Are you sure? You seem pretty wasted. 469 00:26:45,742 --> 00:26:49,159 You can call it "wasted', I call it "free!" 470 00:26:49,193 --> 00:26:51,851 Okay, just don't do anything stupid. 471 00:27:06,003 --> 00:27:07,764 I'll show you guys dancing. 472 00:27:09,213 --> 00:27:10,180 What is this? 473 00:27:12,907 --> 00:27:14,425 No, no, no, no. 474 00:27:16,773 --> 00:27:18,188 Alright, I am so over you and your friends. 475 00:27:35,895 --> 00:27:37,897 Oh my God. 476 00:27:57,572 --> 00:28:00,920 So good! Don't knock yourself out. 477 00:28:04,544 --> 00:28:06,857 I think this is yours. 478 00:28:06,892 --> 00:28:09,653 I have no idea how it ended up off of me. 479 00:28:09,688 --> 00:28:11,862 May I help you put it back on? 480 00:28:11,897 --> 00:28:13,968 You can help me do anything. 481 00:28:14,002 --> 00:28:15,901 Oh really? 482 00:28:15,935 --> 00:28:17,799 Yeah. 483 00:28:24,495 --> 00:28:26,325 Not in front of my friends. 484 00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:28,430 What? 485 00:28:28,465 --> 00:28:29,915 We can't kiss in front of my friends. 486 00:28:29,949 --> 00:28:31,330 You know you kissed me right? 487 00:28:31,364 --> 00:28:33,504 Yeah, I know, but 488 00:28:33,539 --> 00:28:35,472 we can't do this in front of my friends. 489 00:28:42,790 --> 00:28:45,378 Do you want to go somewhere? 490 00:28:45,413 --> 00:28:48,071 I've always wanted to go to Paris. 491 00:28:48,105 --> 00:28:51,660 Well, for tonight, lets go to my place. 492 00:28:51,695 --> 00:28:53,455 That will do for now. 493 00:28:59,807 --> 00:29:02,016 Hey hold this, I'll be right back. 494 00:29:10,058 --> 00:29:12,543 Hey Eddie! 495 00:29:12,578 --> 00:29:16,409 -Can I talk to you a minute? -Sure, what's up? 496 00:29:16,444 --> 00:29:18,204 Are you sure you know what you're doing? 497 00:29:18,239 --> 00:29:19,792 Yeah, why? 498 00:29:19,827 --> 00:29:21,656 I just want to make sure. 499 00:29:21,690 --> 00:29:23,831 You and your newfound freedom. 500 00:29:23,865 --> 00:29:25,833 You don't have to go home with anyone. 501 00:29:25,867 --> 00:29:27,351 Yeah I know. 502 00:29:28,697 --> 00:29:30,078 I wanna go home with him. 503 00:29:30,113 --> 00:29:31,770 He's really hot. 504 00:29:31,804 --> 00:29:32,701 Okay. 505 00:29:34,151 --> 00:29:36,498 I appreciate it. Goodnight. 506 00:29:36,533 --> 00:29:38,673 -Be safe. -Uh huh. 507 00:30:00,971 --> 00:30:03,456 I've never done this before. 508 00:30:03,491 --> 00:30:05,734 Just relax. 509 00:30:05,769 --> 00:30:08,254 Doesn't this feel good? 510 00:30:08,289 --> 00:30:10,256 Yes. 511 00:30:22,924 --> 00:30:25,858 Wait, shouldn't we get a con... 512 00:30:25,893 --> 00:30:27,860 Don't worry about it. 513 00:30:27,895 --> 00:30:29,482 Do you do this a lot? 514 00:30:29,517 --> 00:30:32,209 No, you're special. 515 00:30:37,042 --> 00:30:40,148 -So, what happened to you last night? -What do you mean? 516 00:30:40,183 --> 00:30:42,771 Well, first you were drunk, and then you were with that guy... 517 00:30:42,806 --> 00:30:44,946 -Scott? -Scott. 518 00:30:44,981 --> 00:30:48,087 Did you do it? Did you tap his little ass? 519 00:30:48,122 --> 00:30:50,469 Well, he actually... 520 00:30:52,298 --> 00:30:54,404 -No! -What? 521 00:30:54,438 --> 00:30:56,302 You bottomed for a bottom? 522 00:30:56,337 --> 00:30:58,615 I don't even know what to say to that. 523 00:30:58,649 --> 00:31:00,686 -But you were safe, right? -What? 524 00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:02,515 -You were safe, right? -Safe? 525 00:31:02,550 --> 00:31:06,002 When you had sex, you used a condom? 526 00:31:06,036 --> 00:31:08,901 He doesn't have sex a lot. He said it would hurt more if... 527 00:31:08,936 --> 00:31:11,490 Are you serious? He's a slut! 528 00:31:11,524 --> 00:31:14,286 Don't you ever have unsafe sex again, you hear me? 529 00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:17,358 Never! I don't care who you're with. 530 00:31:17,392 --> 00:31:19,360 You just met him, that's crazy! 531 00:31:19,394 --> 00:31:22,570 -But he... -Never have unsafe sex! 532 00:31:22,604 --> 00:31:23,778 Ok? 533 00:31:23,812 --> 00:31:25,745 Yes. Fine. 534 00:31:26,988 --> 00:31:28,334 Five minutes guys! 535 00:31:28,369 --> 00:31:30,785 Thanks five. 536 00:31:30,819 --> 00:31:32,891 So, what should I do about my parents? 537 00:31:32,925 --> 00:31:35,894 Well, whatever you do, don't tell them a bottom banged you bareback. 538 00:31:35,928 --> 00:31:39,242 I'm serious! 539 00:31:39,276 --> 00:31:41,520 Look, whatever you do, whatever you tell them, just... 540 00:31:41,554 --> 00:31:44,005 make sure you do it before they get here. 541 00:31:45,834 --> 00:31:47,112 What the hell? 542 00:31:47,146 --> 00:31:48,389 What's wrong? 543 00:31:50,839 --> 00:31:55,741 Someone told Sebastian that I was HIV positive. 544 00:31:55,775 --> 00:31:58,917 Oh, that makes sense now, all the safe stuff. 545 00:31:58,951 --> 00:32:00,711 -I'm so sorry, I didn't... -I'm not! 546 00:32:02,023 --> 00:32:03,611 I'm not positive! 547 00:32:04,301 --> 00:32:08,719 Benny, you know what I think it's time for? 548 00:32:08,754 --> 00:32:11,964 I think it's time to tell all our Christian friends 549 00:32:11,999 --> 00:32:15,071 just what's going on in our own family right now. 550 00:32:15,105 --> 00:32:17,245 Are you sure you're up for it, Sugar Plum? 551 00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:18,419 I'm strong. 552 00:32:18,453 --> 00:32:19,454 Strong. 553 00:32:19,489 --> 00:32:20,593 For Jesus! 554 00:32:20,628 --> 00:32:21,732 That's my Patty! 555 00:32:23,976 --> 00:32:26,979 I'm not sure if y'all know this or not, 556 00:32:27,014 --> 00:32:33,054 but one of our very own singing angels is my nephew, Steven. 557 00:32:33,089 --> 00:32:37,231 My sister became a Catholic for her husband, 558 00:32:37,265 --> 00:32:40,303 and they have been raising Steven 559 00:32:40,337 --> 00:32:42,546 as a Catholic! -Oh Lord. 560 00:32:46,205 --> 00:32:49,519 Jesus just told me how much that hurt Him! 561 00:32:51,555 --> 00:32:55,456 Now, a couple of weeks ago, Steven came to me and he said, 562 00:32:55,490 --> 00:33:00,461 "Aunt Patty, I think there's something you need to know." 563 00:33:00,495 --> 00:33:02,566 Well, I clutched my heart and I said 564 00:33:02,601 --> 00:33:06,846 "Please, dear Jesus. Let him tell me he's leaving the Catholic Church!" 565 00:33:06,881 --> 00:33:07,916 Praise Jesus! 566 00:33:09,021 --> 00:33:13,612 But no, he said, "Aunt Patty, 567 00:33:13,646 --> 00:33:18,272 I am a hhh...homosexual." -Homosexual! 568 00:33:18,306 --> 00:33:24,071 Well, I fell to my knees and I said, "No Jesus! No! He's become a priest!" 569 00:33:24,105 --> 00:33:25,141 Oh no! 570 00:33:25,175 --> 00:33:28,040 Well, thank Jesus, he was not a priest. 571 00:33:28,075 --> 00:33:30,629 But he was a hh...homosexual. 572 00:33:32,251 --> 00:33:36,048 But at least that's a disease we can cure him of. 573 00:33:36,083 --> 00:33:39,086 Well, Benny and I talked to him, 574 00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:45,092 and we read him parts of the Bible where it says homosexuality is wrong. 575 00:33:45,126 --> 00:33:46,541 God hates them. 576 00:33:46,576 --> 00:33:48,440 Hates them! 577 00:33:48,474 --> 00:33:51,891 And then, Jesus gave me my mission. 578 00:33:51,926 --> 00:33:56,896 And Benny and I together started a retreat program 579 00:33:56,931 --> 00:34:01,798 to help those young homosexuals on the straight path to Jesus! 580 00:34:01,832 --> 00:34:06,216 -Good Lord! -To scare that demon of homosexuality out of them! 581 00:34:06,251 --> 00:34:11,497 -Praise Jesus! -And we found a wonderful recovered homosexual 582 00:34:11,532 --> 00:34:13,258 named Bruce Cohan, 583 00:34:13,292 --> 00:34:15,812 not Cohen. 584 00:34:15,846 --> 00:34:19,712 And he used to be a choreographer on the Broadway 585 00:34:19,747 --> 00:34:22,370 until he found Jesus. -Yes indeed! 586 00:34:22,405 --> 00:34:25,615 -And he will lead that retreat! -Yes Lord! 587 00:34:25,649 --> 00:34:28,066 Now part of your donations today 588 00:34:28,100 --> 00:34:32,346 will go towards the "Foundation Against Gayness Society." 589 00:34:35,383 --> 00:34:39,594 Now, here's our nephew, the reformed Catholic, 590 00:34:39,629 --> 00:34:42,908 and soon to be reformed homosexual, -Praise Lord! 591 00:34:42,942 --> 00:34:46,187 Steven, to give his testimony. 592 00:34:49,535 --> 00:34:51,503 -Praise Jesus. -Praise Jesus. 593 00:34:57,164 --> 00:35:01,202 This whole situation has been very difficult for me. 594 00:35:01,237 --> 00:35:02,824 You see, 595 00:35:02,859 --> 00:35:04,930 I love the Lord, 596 00:35:04,964 --> 00:35:07,967 but, I know He doesn't love me. 597 00:35:08,002 --> 00:35:10,763 I know He doesn't want me to be gay. 598 00:35:10,798 --> 00:35:14,112 And I know He won't love me until I stop being this way. 599 00:35:16,424 --> 00:35:20,394 ♪ I will change for you. 600 00:35:20,428 --> 00:35:23,431 ♪ I will change for you, my God! ♪ 601 00:35:23,466 --> 00:35:29,748 ♪ I will be the boy you want me to be! ♪ 602 00:35:29,782 --> 00:35:33,993 ♪ I will change for you. 603 00:35:34,028 --> 00:35:37,652 ♪ I will change for you, my God. ♪ 604 00:35:37,687 --> 00:35:44,176 ♪ I just want to know you love me again. ♪ 605 00:35:44,211 --> 00:35:47,075 ♪ I'll cast off these wicked passions, ♪ 606 00:35:47,110 --> 00:35:50,286 ♪ these desires that I feel. 607 00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:54,497 ♪ I'll cast out these thoughts that so offend Thy will. ♪ 608 00:35:54,531 --> 00:36:01,573 ♪ I will change, I promise, I will change. ♪ 609 00:36:01,607 --> 00:36:13,826 ♪ I will change for you my God. ♪ 610 00:36:16,001 --> 00:36:17,830 Hey Sebastian, it's Paul. 611 00:36:17,865 --> 00:36:20,247 Please call me back, we need to talk about this. 612 00:36:20,281 --> 00:36:23,974 I'm not positive. I don't know who told you that, but it's a lie. 613 00:36:24,009 --> 00:36:26,184 Please call me back. Bye. 614 00:36:28,220 --> 00:36:31,913 This is the Lyons. Leave a message and we'll call you right back. 615 00:36:31,948 --> 00:36:35,641 Hi Mom and Dad, it's just me. 616 00:36:35,676 --> 00:36:39,680 I just got out the show and I wanted to call to say hi. 617 00:36:39,714 --> 00:36:41,820 Hope you guys are well. 618 00:36:42,959 --> 00:36:45,651 We'll talk soon. 619 00:36:45,686 --> 00:36:47,929 I love you. 620 00:36:47,964 --> 00:36:49,621 A lot. 621 00:36:49,655 --> 00:36:52,210 ♪ Well, you know I've been a liar... ♪ 622 00:36:52,244 --> 00:36:54,281 I can't believe someone would do that to you. 623 00:36:54,315 --> 00:36:58,043 I mean, if someone told him I was a drunk or something I wouldn't care. 624 00:36:58,077 --> 00:37:00,148 'Cause it's true. 625 00:37:00,183 --> 00:37:02,116 This is just vicious. 626 00:37:02,150 --> 00:37:03,773 Fuck it. 627 00:37:03,807 --> 00:37:05,257 I'll be right back. 628 00:37:07,535 --> 00:37:09,227 That's Johnny, everyone! 629 00:37:09,261 --> 00:37:12,160 All right, now it's time for us to bring up one of our 630 00:37:12,195 --> 00:37:13,852 regulars here at Mostly Sondheim. 631 00:37:13,886 --> 00:37:15,888 Come on up, Dante! 632 00:37:15,923 --> 00:37:18,546 He's not gonna sing that song again? 633 00:37:18,581 --> 00:37:19,961 -Hey. -You better sing 'Meadowlark' later. 634 00:37:19,996 --> 00:37:21,135 Ok. 635 00:37:21,169 --> 00:37:22,895 This is one of my favorite songs. 636 00:37:22,930 --> 00:37:24,587 Oh yes he is. 637 00:37:26,830 --> 00:37:30,420 ♪ Fernando, the espresso man, 638 00:37:30,455 --> 00:37:33,423 ♪ brings me java when he can. 639 00:37:33,458 --> 00:37:36,219 ♪ Fernando, the espresso man, 640 00:37:36,254 --> 00:37:38,325 ♪ I love him a lot a lot a 641 00:37:38,359 --> 00:37:39,360 ♪ latte! 642 00:37:39,395 --> 00:37:42,708 Someone please shoot me! 643 00:37:42,743 --> 00:37:43,847 Here. 644 00:37:43,882 --> 00:37:45,055 Just shoot these. 645 00:37:45,090 --> 00:37:48,404 ♪ Fills my coffee with his cream! ♪ 646 00:37:48,438 --> 00:37:50,129 You're ok? 647 00:37:50,164 --> 00:37:51,924 Yeah 648 00:37:51,959 --> 00:37:53,098 ♪ I love him a lot a lot a 649 00:37:53,132 --> 00:37:54,237 ♪ latte! 650 00:37:56,895 --> 00:37:57,999 Thanks for coming here. 651 00:37:58,034 --> 00:38:02,072 I just wish I was in better spirits. -It's ok. 652 00:38:02,107 --> 00:38:04,420 Is it strange that he's not calling me back? 653 00:38:04,454 --> 00:38:06,663 Who? Oh, thanks. 654 00:38:08,907 --> 00:38:11,565 Scott. He isn't calling me back. 655 00:38:11,599 --> 00:38:12,911 What'd you think was gonna happen? 656 00:38:12,945 --> 00:38:16,777 You met him. You had sex. That's pretty much the end of it. 657 00:38:16,811 --> 00:38:19,193 But I thought he liked me. 658 00:38:19,227 --> 00:38:23,128 Eddie, it's not about liking you or not liking you. It was just sex! 659 00:38:23,162 --> 00:38:27,891 -But it was so special. -It was just sex, trust me. 660 00:38:27,926 --> 00:38:33,518 Just sex? So I should just go out and have sex with people? 661 00:38:33,552 --> 00:38:35,347 What the hell do I know? 662 00:38:37,487 --> 00:38:39,800 Why does being gay have to be this hard? 663 00:38:39,834 --> 00:38:42,803 I don't know, but you can't let this get you down. 664 00:38:42,837 --> 00:38:47,946 You can't let this asshole hurt you. You just have to pick up and move on. 665 00:38:47,980 --> 00:38:49,810 Everything is gonna be OK. 666 00:38:49,844 --> 00:38:52,157 And if you're looking for more then sex, 667 00:38:52,191 --> 00:38:54,884 you don't sleep with the guy an hour after you met him. 668 00:38:54,918 --> 00:38:56,886 I just feel awful. 669 00:38:58,128 --> 00:38:59,820 And my butt still hurts. 670 00:39:00,924 --> 00:39:02,236 I'm sorry. 671 00:39:03,341 --> 00:39:06,585 As Homer Simpson so admirably put it, 672 00:39:06,620 --> 00:39:13,178 "To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems." 673 00:39:13,212 --> 00:39:16,457 So, what are you gonna do about Sebastian? 674 00:39:48,524 --> 00:39:50,042 Paul? 675 00:39:50,077 --> 00:39:51,389 Yeah. 676 00:39:59,293 --> 00:40:00,743 Hey! 677 00:40:00,777 --> 00:40:02,538 Thanks for calling me back. 678 00:40:02,572 --> 00:40:04,125 No, I'm fine. 679 00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:08,544 I just have a lot on my mind right now. A lot! 680 00:40:08,578 --> 00:40:11,512 Look, I can't really talk right now. I'm on my way to a dance class, 681 00:40:11,547 --> 00:40:13,100 but I'll call you later. 682 00:40:13,134 --> 00:40:14,653 Bye, love you. 683 00:40:17,242 --> 00:40:20,694 Hey Sebastian, it's Paul. Again. 684 00:40:20,728 --> 00:40:24,249 Listen, I just got tested for you and I'm negative. 685 00:40:24,283 --> 00:40:25,802 We need to talk. 686 00:40:29,116 --> 00:40:31,601 What are you writing, your memoirs? 687 00:40:31,636 --> 00:40:34,501 No, I'm just trying to get my thoughts together. 688 00:40:34,535 --> 00:40:35,950 You're OK? 689 00:40:35,985 --> 00:40:40,092 Yeah, this whole Sebastian thing is just freaking me out. 690 00:40:40,127 --> 00:40:43,026 Oh, I got tested. -And? 691 00:40:43,061 --> 00:40:44,718 -I'm negative. -Of course. 692 00:40:44,752 --> 00:40:49,239 But no matter how safe you are, those tests are just so nerve-wracking. 693 00:40:49,274 --> 00:40:51,690 What did Sebastian say when you told him you were tested? 694 00:40:51,725 --> 00:40:53,899 Nothing. He hasn't even called me back yet. 695 00:40:53,934 --> 00:40:55,314 He's an asshole. 696 00:40:55,349 --> 00:40:56,730 No, he's just confused. 697 00:40:56,764 --> 00:40:59,629 No, he's an asshole. You at least deserve a phone call. 698 00:40:59,664 --> 00:41:03,081 You know, I try and look for a healthy monogamous relationship, 699 00:41:03,115 --> 00:41:05,739 or someone to spend my life with, 700 00:41:05,773 --> 00:41:08,396 but I always end up getting fucked. And not in a good way. 701 00:41:08,431 --> 00:41:12,711 That's why I don't do the love thing anymore. It get's too complicated. 702 00:41:12,746 --> 00:41:16,301 What you need is to get fucked... and in a good way! 703 00:41:16,335 --> 00:41:20,995 I want a husband, two point five kids, a house in the Hamptons and a dog. 704 00:41:21,030 --> 00:41:23,515 I don't wanna be a slut like everyone else. 705 00:41:23,550 --> 00:41:26,069 Are you talking about me? 706 00:41:26,104 --> 00:41:28,831 Oh, I don't think the word slut does you justice. 707 00:41:28,865 --> 00:41:30,142 Bitch! 708 00:41:30,177 --> 00:41:31,281 Whore! 709 00:41:31,316 --> 00:41:32,248 Slut! 710 00:41:32,282 --> 00:41:34,319 Oh, you wish! 711 00:41:34,353 --> 00:41:36,563 Look, if you wanna change, then change. 712 00:41:36,597 --> 00:41:38,875 If you don't, then stop bitching about it! 713 00:41:38,910 --> 00:41:43,052 It's just sex, it doesn't have to be special. 714 00:41:43,086 --> 00:41:46,227 It's just like working out. But with someone else. 715 00:41:46,262 --> 00:41:49,472 But I want sex to be special - to mean something. 716 00:41:49,507 --> 00:41:50,887 But why? 717 00:41:52,510 --> 00:41:55,892 Imagine if you went to a theme park and walked around 718 00:41:55,927 --> 00:41:58,999 until you found the perfect rollercoaster. 719 00:41:59,033 --> 00:42:01,449 By the time you picked the right one, the park would be closed, 720 00:42:01,484 --> 00:42:04,038 and you wouldn't have gotten to enjoy anything. 721 00:42:04,073 --> 00:42:07,939 Sometimes you should just shut up and enjoy the ride. 722 00:42:07,973 --> 00:42:09,388 Cute analogy. 723 00:42:09,423 --> 00:42:10,597 I am impressed. 724 00:42:10,631 --> 00:42:12,322 Thanks. 725 00:42:12,357 --> 00:42:14,359 Go on. Be a slut. 726 00:42:14,393 --> 00:42:18,087 Be a great big slut. Try 'Manhunt.' 727 00:42:18,121 --> 00:42:20,054 I'm not going on 'Manhunt.' 728 00:42:24,714 --> 00:42:26,958 Position? 729 00:42:26,992 --> 00:42:28,856 Top. 730 00:42:30,789 --> 00:42:32,998 Versatile. 731 00:42:33,033 --> 00:42:35,104 Hello! 732 00:42:35,138 --> 00:42:36,726 Tonight I've dug into my trunk 733 00:42:36,761 --> 00:42:39,557 and pulled out a song that I've never ever sung before. 734 00:42:39,591 --> 00:42:45,873 It seems to be the new theme song since I've had my 'epiphany.' 735 00:42:49,359 --> 00:42:52,880 ♪ I was raised to have values. ♪ 736 00:42:52,915 --> 00:42:58,299 ♪ Of my forbearance, my parents would be proud! ♪ 737 00:42:58,334 --> 00:42:59,887 This is fantastic! 738 00:42:59,922 --> 00:43:05,513 ♪ So forgive, this vulgar phrase which now I shall use. ♪ 739 00:43:05,548 --> 00:43:10,726 ♪ God, I need to get plowed! 740 00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:12,831 ♪ To hell with romance. 741 00:43:12,866 --> 00:43:15,178 ♪ Just drop your pants. 742 00:43:15,213 --> 00:43:19,769 ♪ I wanna be a slut. 743 00:43:19,804 --> 00:43:22,220 I decided to hook up online. 744 00:43:22,254 --> 00:43:24,567 It's happening. The end of the world is upon us. 745 00:43:24,602 --> 00:43:26,880 -Run for your lives! -Hell has frozen over. 746 00:43:26,914 --> 00:43:29,607 ♪ But now I don't care. 747 00:43:29,641 --> 00:43:34,301 ♪ As long as my feet end up in the air. ♪ 748 00:43:34,335 --> 00:43:38,443 ♪ Well, I wanna be a slut. 749 00:43:38,477 --> 00:43:42,447 I've tried the whole dating thing. It didn't work, so I'm trying something new. 750 00:43:42,481 --> 00:43:44,242 -Show us your profile! -No! 751 00:43:44,276 --> 00:43:48,936 Bitch, let us help you. We're professional sluts. Trust us. 752 00:43:48,971 --> 00:43:50,662 ♪ I'm eager to please. 753 00:43:50,697 --> 00:43:53,147 ♪ I'm down on my knees. 754 00:43:53,182 --> 00:43:55,460 You're using your headshot? Child, I have a camera. 755 00:43:55,494 --> 00:43:58,601 But do not use your headshot. That's just crazy! 756 00:43:58,636 --> 00:44:02,432 ♪ You'll be the grill, maybe I'll be the meat. ♪ 757 00:44:02,467 --> 00:44:07,472 ♪ I'll be the harbor and you'll be the fleet. ♪ 758 00:44:10,302 --> 00:44:12,857 -Perfect! -But you cut off my head. 759 00:44:12,891 --> 00:44:15,445 Exactly! Now we're gonna take one with your face. 760 00:44:17,655 --> 00:44:19,311 And you don't have to show this pic 761 00:44:19,346 --> 00:44:20,692 unless you're interested in the guy you're talking to. 762 00:44:21,935 --> 00:44:24,040 I never realized being a slut was so hard. 763 00:44:24,075 --> 00:44:26,318 ♪ Like a teenage gorilla. 764 00:44:26,353 --> 00:44:28,079 Don't worry baby, we'll help you. 765 00:44:28,113 --> 00:44:31,599 ♪ You don't have to be all that buff or a jock boy. ♪ 766 00:44:31,634 --> 00:44:33,912 ♪ Let's cut to the chase, 767 00:44:33,947 --> 00:44:36,674 ♪ let's see your cock, boy. 768 00:44:36,708 --> 00:44:38,710 ♪ All guilt has ceased. 769 00:44:38,745 --> 00:44:41,264 ♪ Pretend I'm a priest. 770 00:44:41,299 --> 00:44:45,786 ♪ I wanna be a slut! 771 00:44:45,821 --> 00:44:48,202 ♪ In the john in the mall, 772 00:44:48,237 --> 00:44:50,826 ♪ giving head in a stall. 773 00:44:50,860 --> 00:44:55,002 ♪ I wanna be a slut. 774 00:44:55,037 --> 00:44:57,729 ♪ Call me Maxwell, I'm good. 775 00:44:57,764 --> 00:45:00,076 ♪ To the very last drop. 776 00:45:00,111 --> 00:45:02,354 ♪ Call me bitch, call me whore, ♪ 777 00:45:02,389 --> 00:45:04,736 ♪ go ahead, call a cop. 778 00:45:04,771 --> 00:45:09,603 ♪ Whoever you call, just be sure he's a top. ♪ 779 00:45:09,637 --> 00:45:14,608 ♪ I've tattooed a target on my butt. ♪ 780 00:45:14,642 --> 00:45:18,094 ♪ Cause I wanna be a... 781 00:45:18,129 --> 00:45:20,165 It's like Will Rodgers always used to say, 782 00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:22,202 "I never met a man I didn't like." 783 00:45:22,236 --> 00:45:27,448 ♪ Cause I wanna be a slut! 784 00:45:30,279 --> 00:45:31,763 My parents woulda loved this. 785 00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:36,768 Paul Connor everybody. 786 00:45:36,803 --> 00:45:40,116 Lord! Take a break. Crazy! 787 00:45:40,151 --> 00:45:42,015 Alright, let's do something else. 788 00:45:42,049 --> 00:45:43,188 Sorry. 789 00:45:43,223 --> 00:45:44,086 Hi. 790 00:45:44,120 --> 00:45:45,570 Hey. 791 00:45:45,604 --> 00:45:47,606 I really liked watching you. 792 00:45:48,538 --> 00:45:49,781 Do you wanna see more? 793 00:45:49,816 --> 00:45:51,541 Mm-hm. 794 00:45:52,750 --> 00:45:54,027 You're place? 795 00:45:54,061 --> 00:45:55,166 Sure. 796 00:45:55,200 --> 00:46:00,792 ♪ I met my love in a very odd way. ♪ 797 00:46:00,827 --> 00:46:05,486 ♪ From a distance, we connected. ♪ 798 00:46:05,521 --> 00:46:07,903 That was awesome. 799 00:46:07,937 --> 00:46:10,250 I do what I can. 800 00:46:11,251 --> 00:46:14,012 Did you cum? 801 00:46:14,047 --> 00:46:16,877 No. 802 00:46:16,912 --> 00:46:18,292 Oh no, no. 803 00:46:18,327 --> 00:46:19,949 I wanna make you cum. 804 00:46:19,984 --> 00:46:22,331 I'm just really drunk. 805 00:46:36,828 --> 00:46:39,486 Come on. 806 00:46:42,869 --> 00:46:44,422 What? 807 00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:51,256 Umm, yeah, uh, I don't cuddle. 808 00:46:54,466 --> 00:46:56,572 Goodnight. 809 00:47:16,695 --> 00:47:18,801 ♪ Looking at men makes us sick! ♪ 810 00:47:18,836 --> 00:47:20,147 ♪ Looking at men makes us sick! ♪ 811 00:47:20,182 --> 00:47:22,356 ♪ We don't wanna suck on dick! ♪ 812 00:47:22,391 --> 00:47:23,599 ♪ We don't wanna suck on dick! ♪ 813 00:47:23,633 --> 00:47:25,428 ♪ Sound off! -One, two. ♪ 814 00:47:25,463 --> 00:47:27,085 ♪ Sound off! -Three, four. ♪ 815 00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:27,983 ♪ Bring it on home. 816 00:47:28,017 --> 00:47:29,674 ♪ One, two, three, four. 817 00:47:29,708 --> 00:47:32,919 ♪ One, two. Three, four. ♪ 818 00:47:32,953 --> 00:47:36,957 Ok boys, it's time to start talking about Jesus! 819 00:47:38,614 --> 00:47:39,235 Sorry, I'm late. 820 00:47:39,270 --> 00:47:40,236 Oh, that's OK Sweetie... 821 00:47:40,271 --> 00:47:41,686 Son! 822 00:47:41,720 --> 00:47:43,653 We're just getting started here. 823 00:47:43,688 --> 00:47:45,690 Steve, why don't you get him a T-shirt? 824 00:47:52,110 --> 00:47:53,111 Thanks. 825 00:47:54,319 --> 00:47:57,495 Thanks. 826 00:47:57,529 --> 00:48:00,774 First thing I wanna do is learn our camp song. 827 00:48:00,808 --> 00:48:03,363 And if you ever forget what it's called, 828 00:48:03,397 --> 00:48:07,263 all you have to do is look down on your camp T-shirt. 829 00:48:07,298 --> 00:48:09,921 Now, this is how it goes. 830 00:48:09,956 --> 00:48:14,477 ♪ I'm gonna go straight... to Heaven. ♪ 831 00:48:14,512 --> 00:48:18,792 ♪ I'm gonna go be Jesus' friend. ♪ 832 00:48:18,826 --> 00:48:23,590 ♪ I'm gonna go straight... to Heaven. ♪ 833 00:48:23,624 --> 00:48:28,112 ♪ I'm never gonna be gay, be gay again. ♪ 834 00:48:28,146 --> 00:48:31,805 OK, now it's time for all of you to try. 835 00:48:31,839 --> 00:48:36,051 ♪ I'm gonna go straight... to Heaven. ♪ 836 00:48:36,085 --> 00:48:40,262 ♪ I'm gonna go be Jesus' friend. ♪ 837 00:48:40,296 --> 00:48:44,749 ♪ I'm gonna go straight... to Heaven. ♪ 838 00:48:44,783 --> 00:48:49,064 ♪ I'm never gonna be gay, be gay again. ♪ 839 00:48:49,098 --> 00:48:52,895 ♪ Here at 'FAGS' camp, we've come to learn ♪ 840 00:48:52,930 --> 00:48:55,967 ♪ how to change our ways. 841 00:48:56,002 --> 00:48:59,971 ♪ We're gonna stop being sissy men. ♪ 842 00:49:00,006 --> 00:49:03,768 ♪ So when we pray to Jesus, we can say ♪ 843 00:49:03,802 --> 00:49:05,321 ♪ I'm gonna go straight. Straight! ♪ 844 00:49:05,356 --> 00:49:07,772 ♪ To Heaven. Yeah! 845 00:49:07,806 --> 00:49:09,981 ♪ I'm gonna go be Jesus' friend. ♪ 846 00:49:10,016 --> 00:49:12,673 ♪ Hey Jesus! 847 00:49:12,708 --> 00:49:15,366 ♪ I'm gonna go straight... to Heaven. ♪ 848 00:49:15,400 --> 00:49:18,886 ♪ I'm never gonna be gay, be gay again. ♪ 849 00:49:18,921 --> 00:49:22,407 ♪ Here at 'FAGS' camp, we're on our knees. ♪ 850 00:49:22,442 --> 00:49:25,721 ♪ But it's just to pray! 851 00:49:25,755 --> 00:49:29,138 ♪ We're gonna learn to be rugged and butch. ♪ 852 00:49:29,173 --> 00:49:32,348 ♪ So when we pray to Jesus, we can say ♪ 853 00:49:32,383 --> 00:49:35,938 ♪ I'm gonna go straight... to Heaven. ♪ 854 00:49:35,973 --> 00:49:39,217 ♪ I'm gonna go be Jesus' friend. ♪ 855 00:49:39,252 --> 00:49:42,910 ♪ I'm gonna go straight... to Heaven. ♪ 856 00:49:42,945 --> 00:49:44,912 ♪ We're never gonna be gay. 857 00:50:27,817 --> 00:50:31,683 ♪ I'm gonna go straight... to Heaven. ♪ 858 00:50:31,718 --> 00:50:35,411 ♪ I'm gonna go be Jesus' friend. ♪ 859 00:50:35,446 --> 00:50:39,795 ♪ I'm gonna go straight... to Heaven. ♪ 860 00:50:39,829 --> 00:50:43,040 ♪ I'm never gonna be gay. 861 00:50:43,074 --> 00:50:44,524 ♪ Be gay again. 862 00:50:47,078 --> 00:50:50,840 Excuse me! I saw the show. I just wanted to say hi. 863 00:50:50,875 --> 00:50:53,912 -You saw the show? -Yeah. 864 00:50:53,947 --> 00:50:57,088 There's no way you could have seen it and made it back here this fast. 865 00:50:57,123 --> 00:51:00,057 Oh, well, I saw the show last night, 866 00:51:00,091 --> 00:51:02,438 but by the time I made it to the stage door you'd already left, 867 00:51:02,473 --> 00:51:05,096 so I came to meet you tonight. 868 00:51:05,131 --> 00:51:07,098 Glad you liked the show. 869 00:51:07,133 --> 00:51:09,307 You look familiar. 870 00:51:09,342 --> 00:51:12,586 Oh, I go to Mostly Sondheim once in a while. 871 00:51:12,621 --> 00:51:16,107 Oh, cool! Well, make sure you say hi next time you're at Sondheim. 872 00:51:16,142 --> 00:51:22,079 Do you... think maybe we could grab a drink or go for coffee or something? 873 00:51:22,113 --> 00:51:26,290 I don't know. I have to run but, I'm sure I'll run into you again soon, OK? 874 00:51:48,070 --> 00:51:49,451 Hey! 875 00:51:59,288 --> 00:52:02,188 So, how was your workout? 876 00:52:02,222 --> 00:52:04,673 Fine, yours? 877 00:52:04,707 --> 00:52:06,399 It was good. 878 00:52:15,684 --> 00:52:17,375 So I was thinking, 879 00:52:17,410 --> 00:52:18,618 maybe we could... 880 00:52:19,998 --> 00:52:23,001 -You know what would be really hot? -What? 881 00:52:24,348 --> 00:52:25,659 Not you. 882 00:52:31,078 --> 00:52:33,150 Do you want to take a walk? 883 00:52:33,184 --> 00:52:34,496 OK. 884 00:52:34,530 --> 00:52:36,222 But don't try anything. 885 00:52:36,256 --> 00:52:39,190 I won't touch you I promise. 886 00:52:41,917 --> 00:52:45,369 It's so beautiful here. -I know. 887 00:52:45,403 --> 00:52:48,717 Isn't it wonderful how God has brought us here to help us? 888 00:52:48,751 --> 00:52:51,444 Help us? Help us what? 889 00:52:51,478 --> 00:52:54,101 He should be helping us break out. 890 00:52:57,795 --> 00:53:00,349 Are you OK? Is there a problem? 891 00:53:00,384 --> 00:53:02,765 -Am I doing something wrong? -Huh? 892 00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:06,355 You haven't even tried to touch me. 893 00:53:06,390 --> 00:53:09,393 -You just told me you didn't want me to. -I thought you'd at least try. 894 00:53:09,427 --> 00:53:11,326 I didn't take you here to molest you. I just wanted to talk to you. 895 00:53:11,360 --> 00:53:13,604 You're not even attracted to me, are you? 896 00:53:13,638 --> 00:53:15,675 I think you're absolutely adorable. 897 00:53:15,709 --> 00:53:17,228 Then kiss me. 898 00:53:17,263 --> 00:53:19,782 I want to know what its like. 899 00:53:19,817 --> 00:53:21,543 You've never been kissed before? 900 00:53:21,577 --> 00:53:23,407 No. 901 00:53:23,441 --> 00:53:25,340 Just kiss me, please. 902 00:53:26,133 --> 00:53:27,652 -I can't! -Forget about the promise. 903 00:53:27,687 --> 00:53:29,275 It's not about the promise. 904 00:53:29,309 --> 00:53:32,692 It's about this fucked up place. 905 00:53:32,726 --> 00:53:35,315 -We should get back. -Why? 906 00:53:35,350 --> 00:53:38,318 Are we just hanging out so we can make out? -No. 907 00:53:40,009 --> 00:53:42,184 What else could we do? 908 00:53:42,219 --> 00:53:46,223 Well, we could talk about this sick place. 909 00:53:46,257 --> 00:53:49,950 We can talk about who we really are. We can talk about... 910 00:53:49,985 --> 00:53:54,127 Sick? This place is here to help us become who God wants us to be. 911 00:53:54,161 --> 00:53:57,164 Yeah. You go on and find out who that is. 912 00:53:57,199 --> 00:54:00,133 I'm already what God wants me to be. 913 00:54:00,167 --> 00:54:01,962 And where are you going tonight mister? 914 00:54:01,997 --> 00:54:05,034 My first online date. 915 00:54:05,069 --> 00:54:07,865 Oh look, our little boy's getting all dressed up for a trick. 916 00:54:07,899 --> 00:54:11,248 It's like he's growing up right before our eyes. -Shut up! 917 00:54:11,282 --> 00:54:14,354 I'd say good luck, but you know these things are kind of a given. 918 00:54:14,389 --> 00:54:17,944 -He's real hot too. -Yeah, if he sent you a real picture. 919 00:54:17,978 --> 00:54:21,258 -What do you mean? -Don't listen to the bitter, dear. Just go have fun, 920 00:54:21,292 --> 00:54:23,639 and give it to him once or twice for me. 921 00:54:23,674 --> 00:54:25,814 Goodnight boys. 922 00:54:25,848 --> 00:54:27,885 Oh, thanks for the help with the profile. 923 00:54:27,919 --> 00:54:29,196 That's what slutty friends are for. 924 00:54:30,750 --> 00:54:32,648 Where are my pants? 925 00:54:32,683 --> 00:54:34,512 Right here. 926 00:54:34,547 --> 00:54:35,479 Thank you 927 00:54:38,551 --> 00:54:42,520 Oh, hey! I guess we bumped into each other after all. 928 00:54:42,555 --> 00:54:44,281 Hey! Nice to see you again. 929 00:54:46,973 --> 00:54:51,149 Yeah, I gotta go to work. 930 00:54:51,184 --> 00:54:55,222 Hopefully we bump into each other again. 931 00:54:55,257 --> 00:54:56,672 Yeah sure. 932 00:55:08,857 --> 00:55:10,237 Paul? 933 00:55:12,170 --> 00:55:14,863 You look just like your picture. 934 00:55:16,589 --> 00:55:17,728 I need a drink. 935 00:55:19,868 --> 00:55:23,216 Cranberry vodka. -Alright. 936 00:55:23,250 --> 00:55:25,045 You're really cute. 937 00:55:25,080 --> 00:55:27,358 Thanks! I see you in here a lot. 938 00:55:27,393 --> 00:55:29,809 I like the ambiance. 939 00:55:29,843 --> 00:55:31,224 I bet you do. 940 00:55:31,258 --> 00:55:33,744 I work down the block in the show "Adam and Steve - 941 00:55:33,778 --> 00:55:35,297 Just The Way God Made'Em." 942 00:55:35,332 --> 00:55:38,058 I hear it's great. I'd love to see it. 943 00:55:38,093 --> 00:55:40,509 I can get you comps. Give me your number I'll call you tomorrow and 944 00:55:40,544 --> 00:55:42,373 hook it up. 945 00:55:42,408 --> 00:55:43,409 Yeah, that'd be great. 946 00:55:51,209 --> 00:55:54,247 Let me know when you wanna... 947 00:55:54,281 --> 00:55:55,386 cum. 948 00:55:55,421 --> 00:55:56,525 Yeah. 949 00:55:56,560 --> 00:55:58,182 What are you doing after work? 950 00:55:58,216 --> 00:55:59,252 Huh? 951 00:55:59,286 --> 00:56:02,842 -The change is your tip. -Thank you. 952 00:56:02,876 --> 00:56:05,672 I got a tip with your name all over it. 953 00:56:05,707 --> 00:56:07,640 Thanks. I'm already taken. 954 00:56:07,674 --> 00:56:09,158 Come on! 955 00:56:09,193 --> 00:56:11,368 Come home with me, I'll fuck you like you've never been fucked before. 956 00:56:11,402 --> 00:56:14,267 Whoa Sparky, now you're getting a little inappropriate. 957 00:56:14,301 --> 00:56:16,303 Just give me another drink. 958 00:56:16,338 --> 00:56:18,616 How about I give you a little water? 959 00:56:18,651 --> 00:56:20,722 Why don't you just give me a little vodka? 960 00:56:20,756 --> 00:56:22,344 Why don't you go home and sober up? 961 00:56:22,379 --> 00:56:24,622 Why don't you just give me another fucking drink? You know I know the owner. 962 00:56:24,657 --> 00:56:26,037 Yeah, everyone knows the owner. 963 00:56:26,072 --> 00:56:27,970 Just give me another fucking drink! 964 00:56:30,387 --> 00:56:31,974 Are you fucking serious? 965 00:56:32,009 --> 00:56:33,251 Go sober up. 966 00:57:24,095 --> 00:57:29,480 Mom, Dad - I need to tell you something. 967 00:57:36,487 --> 00:57:38,696 So, how does this usually start? 968 00:57:40,871 --> 00:57:43,632 How do you want it to start? 969 00:57:43,667 --> 00:57:45,185 This is all about you. 970 00:57:47,912 --> 00:57:50,397 Umm... Well... 971 00:57:50,432 --> 00:57:52,745 Would you like me to undress for you? 972 00:57:52,779 --> 00:57:53,953 Sure. 973 00:58:04,446 --> 00:58:07,932 So, tell me about yourself. 974 00:58:07,967 --> 00:58:08,933 Sure. 975 00:58:11,798 --> 00:58:14,111 What would you like to know? 976 00:58:14,145 --> 00:58:17,666 Where are you from? Why do you do this? 977 00:58:17,701 --> 00:58:23,189 Well, I'm from Washington. Seattle, actually. 978 00:58:23,223 --> 00:58:28,677 I go to NYU. And this is how I pay for it. 979 00:58:28,712 --> 00:58:30,576 Nothing crazy or anything. 980 00:58:30,610 --> 00:58:32,578 Does your family know you do this? 981 00:58:32,612 --> 00:58:35,442 No. They do know I'm gay though. 982 00:58:35,477 --> 00:58:37,168 Are you seeing anyone? 983 00:58:37,203 --> 00:58:38,445 Yes. 984 00:58:38,480 --> 00:58:41,069 Does he know? 985 00:58:42,691 --> 00:58:44,313 How would you like a massage? 986 00:58:45,763 --> 00:58:47,558 Sure. 987 00:59:02,884 --> 00:59:05,818 Isn't this whole thing strange for you? 988 00:59:05,852 --> 00:59:08,579 It was... at first. 989 00:59:08,614 --> 00:59:13,757 And you probably end up sleeping with fat old men. 990 00:59:13,791 --> 00:59:18,347 Sometimes I get to sleep with hot young guys like you. 991 00:59:20,557 --> 00:59:23,732 Do you sleep with hot young guys a lot? 992 00:59:23,767 --> 00:59:28,530 A lot of young guys just don't wanna deal with dating or meeting anyone. 993 00:59:28,565 --> 00:59:33,397 And with me there is no drama, you know? 994 00:59:33,431 --> 00:59:39,023 No bitching, no nagging. And what you see is what you get. 995 00:59:39,058 --> 00:59:41,474 I don't care if you want me to top or... 996 00:59:41,508 --> 00:59:44,408 if you want to fuck the shit out of me. 997 00:59:46,548 --> 00:59:48,723 Do you kiss all your clients? 998 00:59:50,034 --> 00:59:51,622 Only the ones I want to. 999 00:59:51,657 --> 00:59:53,693 Can I ask you a question? 1000 00:59:55,419 --> 00:59:57,421 You sure are full of questions. 1001 00:59:57,455 --> 00:59:59,492 I know this is strange but... 1002 01:00:00,666 --> 01:00:03,358 can I hold you? 1003 01:00:09,191 --> 01:00:10,779 I meant... 1004 01:00:10,814 --> 01:00:13,299 cuddle, hold you. 1005 01:00:16,613 --> 01:00:18,338 Sure. 1006 01:00:28,176 --> 01:00:32,352 ♪ You don't have to be a millionaire ♪ 1007 01:00:32,387 --> 01:00:35,493 ♪ with a mansion full of art. 1008 01:00:35,528 --> 01:00:39,601 ♪ I just want someone to sing me a love song. ♪ 1009 01:00:39,636 --> 01:00:43,881 ♪ If you'd sing me a love song,♪ 1010 01:00:43,916 --> 01:00:48,092 ♪ a simple, tender love song, 1011 01:00:48,127 --> 01:00:56,722 ♪ you'd steal my heart. 1012 01:02:06,412 --> 01:02:09,035 I didn't realize you were working here. 1013 01:02:09,070 --> 01:02:11,037 I'm not having a good day. 1014 01:02:11,072 --> 01:02:12,176 You wanna talk? 1015 01:02:12,211 --> 01:02:13,522 Yeah. 1016 01:02:13,557 --> 01:02:14,834 Let's go downstairs. 1017 01:02:20,012 --> 01:02:21,945 What's wrong? 1018 01:02:21,979 --> 01:02:24,223 I told my parents. 1019 01:02:24,257 --> 01:02:27,226 -Did you tell them everything? -Yeah. 1020 01:02:27,260 --> 01:02:29,504 It didn't go well. 1021 01:02:29,538 --> 01:02:31,057 What did they say? 1022 01:02:31,092 --> 01:02:32,334 Nothing. 1023 01:02:34,647 --> 01:02:37,961 They always say they love me and they said nothing. 1024 01:02:37,995 --> 01:02:41,585 I think my mom started crying. 1025 01:02:41,619 --> 01:02:43,967 I could almost hear their disappointment, 1026 01:02:44,001 --> 01:02:46,210 hear their hearts break. 1027 01:02:48,972 --> 01:02:52,458 They hate me. -They don't hate you. 1028 01:02:52,492 --> 01:02:56,773 It's tough for parents to hear their kids are gay. It just takes time. 1029 01:02:56,807 --> 01:03:00,328 I can't imagine being anything worse than gay. -Don't say that. 1030 01:03:00,362 --> 01:03:02,364 It's all going to be OK, you'll see. 1031 01:03:02,399 --> 01:03:05,264 No, it's not Paul. 1032 01:03:05,298 --> 01:03:08,888 You always say everything's going to be OK, but it's not. 1033 01:03:08,923 --> 01:03:11,857 Sometimes its going to be horrible. 1034 01:03:11,891 --> 01:03:14,376 Sometimes things turn out to be disasters. 1035 01:03:14,411 --> 01:03:17,690 You don't know what it's like to have your parents hate you. 1036 01:03:17,724 --> 01:03:19,796 You don't know what it's like to disappoint the people who raised you, 1037 01:03:19,830 --> 01:03:22,039 and gave you everything. You don't know! 1038 01:03:26,216 --> 01:03:28,183 I just wish there was a cure. 1039 01:03:29,529 --> 01:03:32,256 Something I could take to make me normal. 1040 01:03:32,291 --> 01:03:34,327 Some pill. Some shot. 1041 01:03:34,362 --> 01:03:38,262 You are normal Eddie. Why would you wanna change who you are? 1042 01:03:38,987 --> 01:03:41,231 You know what, you should go see that show, 1043 01:03:41,265 --> 01:03:43,647 "Adam and Steve - Just the Way God Made 'Em." 1044 01:03:43,681 --> 01:03:44,786 It might help you out. 1045 01:03:44,821 --> 01:03:47,340 Yeah, I hear the guy playing Adam is a slut. 1046 01:03:47,375 --> 01:03:50,171 I hear the guy who plays Steve just popped his cherry. 1047 01:03:50,205 --> 01:03:54,485 Paul, don't you ever just wanna fit in? 1048 01:03:54,520 --> 01:03:57,592 No, I never try to fit in. 1049 01:03:57,626 --> 01:04:01,009 Could you imagine if I tried to be like the people I grew up around? 1050 01:04:01,044 --> 01:04:05,151 I'd be watching professional wrestling and drinking beer out of a can. 1051 01:04:05,186 --> 01:04:07,326 A can, Eddie! 1052 01:04:07,360 --> 01:04:09,742 For a date I'd buy a nice box of wine, 1053 01:04:09,776 --> 01:04:13,953 drive to a parking lot to grab some girl's titties. 1054 01:04:13,988 --> 01:04:16,231 I don't mind being different. 1055 01:04:16,266 --> 01:04:17,819 I like it. 1056 01:04:17,854 --> 01:04:20,753 Because I know I'm better! 1057 01:04:20,787 --> 01:04:21,719 This is me. 1058 01:04:22,997 --> 01:04:24,895 Take it or leave it. 1059 01:04:24,930 --> 01:04:26,759 How is being a slut going for you? 1060 01:04:26,793 --> 01:04:27,553 Not too well. 1061 01:04:28,968 --> 01:04:30,418 I even hired a hustler. 1062 01:04:30,452 --> 01:04:33,179 Really? Was it good? 1063 01:04:35,388 --> 01:04:37,804 We cuddled. 1064 01:04:37,839 --> 01:04:40,324 You hired a hustler and you just cuddled with him? 1065 01:04:40,359 --> 01:04:42,568 And you thought bottoming for a bottom was pathetic. 1066 01:04:42,602 --> 01:04:44,535 I know, Eddie. 1067 01:04:44,570 --> 01:04:47,469 I'm just trying to figure out who I am. 1068 01:04:47,504 --> 01:04:49,989 And sometimes, when everyone around you 1069 01:04:50,024 --> 01:04:52,958 tells you you're supposed to be something else, 1070 01:04:52,992 --> 01:04:55,512 you start to think you are. 1071 01:04:55,546 --> 01:04:58,895 So you don't think you really wanna be a slut? 1072 01:04:58,929 --> 01:05:00,966 I just wanna be loved. 1073 01:05:03,140 --> 01:05:05,004 Do you think my parents still love me? 1074 01:05:06,557 --> 01:05:08,042 What do you think? 1075 01:05:09,733 --> 01:05:11,355 You always make me feel better. 1076 01:05:13,219 --> 01:05:15,152 It is gonna be OK. 1077 01:05:16,084 --> 01:05:18,259 ♪ The day I met you, 1078 01:05:18,293 --> 01:05:21,434 ♪ I could hear the overture start ♪ 1079 01:05:21,469 --> 01:05:24,644 ♪ like a musical theatre love story ♪ 1080 01:05:24,679 --> 01:05:28,234 ♪ where a lover gives his heart. ♪ 1081 01:05:28,269 --> 01:05:33,999 ♪ I have never been in love. 1082 01:05:34,033 --> 01:05:41,627 ♪ This has got to be our gift from God above. ♪ 1083 01:05:45,769 --> 01:05:48,323 ♪ I won't change for you. 1084 01:05:48,358 --> 01:05:52,155 ♪ I won't become somebody else. ♪ 1085 01:05:52,189 --> 01:05:57,884 ♪ I am now the man I'm supposed to be. ♪ 1086 01:05:57,919 --> 01:06:01,164 ♪ I won't change for you. 1087 01:06:01,198 --> 01:06:05,271 ♪ I won't change for you my God. ♪ 1088 01:06:05,306 --> 01:06:12,969 ♪ I just want to know you love me as I am. ♪ 1089 01:06:19,389 --> 01:06:23,876 ♪ This is our musical theatre love story. ♪ 1090 01:06:23,910 --> 01:06:26,534 ♪ We're making it scene to scene. ♪ 1091 01:06:26,568 --> 01:06:29,571 ♪ Our love is strong and growing ♪ 1092 01:06:29,606 --> 01:06:31,988 ♪ on our journey to be free. 1093 01:07:43,576 --> 01:07:46,855 -Hey Paul, can I ask you something? -Of course. 1094 01:07:46,890 --> 01:07:50,204 -I have a sore throat. -Take a cough drop. 1095 01:07:50,238 --> 01:07:53,448 No, I read online that it can be one of the first signs of HIV and... 1096 01:07:53,483 --> 01:07:54,656 also my glands are swollen, and... 1097 01:07:54,691 --> 01:07:58,004 If you're scared you should go get tested. It's free. 1098 01:07:58,039 --> 01:07:59,765 Do you think I might be? 1099 01:07:59,799 --> 01:08:02,147 After just once? I mean, wouldn't it be like a sign from... 1100 01:08:02,181 --> 01:08:05,219 From what? God? Look, HIV is a disease. 1101 01:08:05,253 --> 01:08:08,774 It has nothing to do with God or punishment. 1102 01:08:08,808 --> 01:08:12,674 If God wanted us dead, he'd send down the fires of Sodom and Gomorrah. 1103 01:08:12,709 --> 01:08:14,642 Just go get tested. 1104 01:08:14,676 --> 01:08:16,954 Would you go with me? 1105 01:08:16,989 --> 01:08:18,680 Of course. But you're gonna owe me a drink. 1106 01:08:18,715 --> 01:08:20,406 And next time wrap it up. 1107 01:08:21,890 --> 01:08:23,823 God you're so stupid. 1108 01:08:28,069 --> 01:08:31,176 Alright everybody, we have a very special treat tonight. 1109 01:08:31,210 --> 01:08:33,592 We're about to pop somebody's cherry everybody. 1110 01:08:33,626 --> 01:08:36,319 We have a Mostly Sondheim virgin! 1111 01:08:36,353 --> 01:08:37,872 Come on up Charles! 1112 01:08:42,532 --> 01:08:44,223 Well, umm 1113 01:08:46,087 --> 01:08:51,057 I'd like to dedicate this song to a special guy I keep bumping into. 1114 01:08:51,092 --> 01:08:54,130 I don't really know how to talk to him so... 1115 01:08:54,164 --> 01:08:58,617 I thought I would try talking to him in his language - music. 1116 01:08:58,651 --> 01:09:01,413 So I wrote this for him. 1117 01:09:14,771 --> 01:09:20,121 ♪ I have never believed in fate before, ♪ 1118 01:09:20,156 --> 01:09:24,919 ♪ but I'm seeing you most everyday. ♪ 1119 01:09:24,953 --> 01:09:27,542 ♪ You've been haunting my mind, ♪ 1120 01:09:27,577 --> 01:09:30,821 ♪ since I saw you in the light, ♪ 1121 01:09:30,856 --> 01:09:35,447 ♪ and you took my breath away. ♪ 1122 01:09:35,481 --> 01:09:38,553 ♪ There are forces at work 1123 01:09:38,588 --> 01:09:41,315 ♪ that we don't understand, 1124 01:09:41,349 --> 01:09:44,076 ♪ but they're bringing us closer ♪ 1125 01:09:44,110 --> 01:09:48,908 ♪ as if it were planned. 1126 01:09:48,943 --> 01:09:54,500 ♪ If someone up there wants us to be together, ♪ 1127 01:09:54,535 --> 01:09:59,022 ♪ then who are we to disagree? ♪ 1128 01:09:59,056 --> 01:10:04,130 ♪ If someone wiser knows we'd be good together, ♪ 1129 01:10:04,165 --> 01:10:08,756 ♪ it's not our place to ask why, ♪ 1130 01:10:08,790 --> 01:10:16,073 ♪ and I think we should give it a try. ♪ 1131 01:10:16,108 --> 01:10:20,526 ♪ If providence deems we fall in love, ♪ 1132 01:10:20,561 --> 01:10:24,772 ♪ then there's nothing we can do. ♪ 1133 01:10:24,806 --> 01:10:29,949 ♪ And I cannot deny what I'm feeling deep inside, ♪ 1134 01:10:29,984 --> 01:10:34,264 ♪ and I think you feel it too. ♪ 1135 01:10:34,299 --> 01:10:36,611 ♪ So it's hopeless to fight. 1136 01:10:36,646 --> 01:10:39,269 ♪ There's no place to retreat. ♪ 1137 01:10:39,304 --> 01:10:44,723 ♪ So give into your heart for surrender is sweet. ♪ 1138 01:10:47,484 --> 01:10:49,693 Look, I should let you know that I'm 1139 01:10:49,728 --> 01:10:51,626 really not looking to hook up or anything. 1140 01:10:51,661 --> 01:10:53,283 Me neither. 1141 01:10:53,318 --> 01:10:56,286 I just came out to my parents and it didn't go very well 1142 01:10:56,321 --> 01:10:57,908 so the last thing on my mind is sex. 1143 01:10:57,943 --> 01:11:01,222 I can't even imagine telling my parents I'm gay. 1144 01:11:01,257 --> 01:11:03,224 I'm Mormon. 1145 01:11:03,259 --> 01:11:05,019 Is that worse than being a Southern Baptist? 1146 01:11:05,053 --> 01:11:10,196 ♪ And I think we should give it a try. ♪ 1147 01:11:10,231 --> 01:11:18,653 ♪ I think we should give it a try. ♪ 1148 01:11:29,388 --> 01:11:32,253 -How'd it go? -Good. I'm fine, 1149 01:11:32,288 --> 01:11:34,669 but they want me to come back in a few months to do it again. 1150 01:11:34,704 --> 01:11:37,293 -OK. -Oh, I can't leave yet. 1151 01:11:37,327 --> 01:11:40,606 They want to take me back and give me a counseling session in a few. 1152 01:11:40,641 --> 01:11:43,057 Teach me about safe sex. 1153 01:11:43,091 --> 01:11:45,542 No problem. I can wait. 1154 01:11:45,577 --> 01:11:47,820 Thank you so much for coming with me. 1155 01:11:49,719 --> 01:11:51,997 I'm glad you're OK. 1156 01:11:57,105 --> 01:11:58,314 So... 1157 01:11:59,038 --> 01:12:00,730 I met a cute boy last night. 1158 01:12:00,764 --> 01:12:01,903 Oh, me too! 1159 01:12:01,938 --> 01:12:03,422 Mine sang me a song. 1160 01:12:03,457 --> 01:12:04,941 Mine's a Mormon. 1161 01:12:06,874 --> 01:12:09,394 I think we're both pretty damn pathetic. 1162 01:12:11,741 --> 01:12:15,054 I think I like being pathetic. 1163 01:12:15,089 --> 01:12:18,023 Eddie, you wanna come back now? 1164 01:12:27,722 --> 01:12:28,965 David? 1165 01:13:01,584 --> 01:13:04,794 I can't believe we're doing this. 1166 01:13:04,828 --> 01:13:06,278 We said we were going to be here. 1167 01:13:06,312 --> 01:13:09,730 We can't miss the biggest opening night of his life. 1168 01:13:09,764 --> 01:13:14,976 Even if the whole show just seems so wrong? 1169 01:13:15,011 --> 01:13:19,809 I am just as troubled by all of this as you are, 1170 01:13:19,843 --> 01:13:22,087 but he's still our son. 1171 01:13:30,336 --> 01:13:31,786 Hey everyone. 1172 01:13:31,821 --> 01:13:35,721 Now remember Patty has a new song at the end of the show. 1173 01:13:35,756 --> 01:13:38,552 I can't believe they're adding a new song opening night. 1174 01:13:38,586 --> 01:13:41,313 They don't call it off-Broadway for nothing. 1175 01:13:45,317 --> 01:13:48,113 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to opening night 1176 01:13:48,147 --> 01:13:51,081 of "Adam and Steve - Just the Way God Made'Em!" 1177 01:13:51,116 --> 01:13:54,844 Before we begin, we must inform you that the coalition of Christians 1178 01:13:54,878 --> 01:13:56,673 has rated our show "FLAMING." 1179 01:13:56,708 --> 01:14:00,919 This doesn't mean we condone or encourage the homosexual lifestyle. 1180 01:14:00,953 --> 01:14:03,542 It just means that if you enjoy our show, 1181 01:14:03,577 --> 01:14:06,856 You'll end up burning in Hell right next to us! 1182 01:14:11,101 --> 01:14:15,347 God? If you're listening, we need some help! 1183 01:14:15,381 --> 01:14:17,453 I'm frightened Adam, I'm frightened! 1184 01:14:17,487 --> 01:14:21,042 We're lost in the woods and we don't know where we're supposed to be going. 1185 01:14:21,077 --> 01:14:22,665 Hello! 1186 01:14:27,324 --> 01:14:30,466 Are you a good witch or a bad witch? 1187 01:14:30,500 --> 01:14:32,502 Why, I'm not a witch at all. 1188 01:14:32,537 --> 01:14:35,747 I'm your guardian angel, Dorothy. 1189 01:14:35,781 --> 01:14:39,509 An angel? Did God send you here to bring us to Hell? 1190 01:14:39,544 --> 01:14:44,169 No Dear. He sent me here to bring you to New York City. 1191 01:14:44,203 --> 01:14:47,137 New York City is God's favorite city, 1192 01:14:47,172 --> 01:14:51,348 but you can't go there shirtless. Here! 1193 01:14:53,419 --> 01:14:54,973 Wear these. 1194 01:14:55,007 --> 01:14:56,906 Aren't they a little small? 1195 01:14:56,940 --> 01:15:00,012 Trust me, Steve. It'll look divine! 1196 01:15:01,497 --> 01:15:03,499 These do look good. 1197 01:15:05,086 --> 01:15:06,467 You look great. 1198 01:15:06,502 --> 01:15:08,504 You too. 1199 01:15:08,538 --> 01:15:10,782 Did you think I would steer you wrong? 1200 01:15:10,816 --> 01:15:14,164 After all, you're both friends of Dorothy now. 1201 01:15:14,199 --> 01:15:15,511 Can I ask you a question? 1202 01:15:15,545 --> 01:15:17,167 Of course Steve. 1203 01:15:17,202 --> 01:15:19,445 Does God hate us because we're gay? 1204 01:15:19,480 --> 01:15:21,620 Honey, how could you even think that? 1205 01:15:23,449 --> 01:15:27,212 ♪ God made all different types of people ♪ 1206 01:15:27,246 --> 01:15:29,870 ♪ with different jobs to do. 1207 01:15:29,904 --> 01:15:33,321 ♪ He made all of the breeders 1208 01:15:33,356 --> 01:15:36,566 ♪ to make more gays like you and you. ♪ 1209 01:15:36,601 --> 01:15:39,362 ♪ So sure, they might be jealous. ♪ 1210 01:15:39,396 --> 01:15:42,503 ♪ Don't listen to what they say. ♪ 1211 01:15:42,538 --> 01:15:46,024 ♪ You're just the way he made you. ♪ 1212 01:15:46,058 --> 01:15:48,923 ♪ God loves gays. 1213 01:15:48,958 --> 01:15:51,995 ♪ God loves gays. 1214 01:15:52,030 --> 01:15:54,826 ♪ God loves gays. 1215 01:15:54,860 --> 01:15:57,898 ♪ Each one of you is special 1216 01:15:57,932 --> 01:16:00,763 ♪ in your own way. 1217 01:16:00,797 --> 01:16:04,007 ♪ Some people are gays in hiding. ♪ 1218 01:16:04,042 --> 01:16:07,045 ♪ They're the ones who love to shout. ♪ 1219 01:16:07,079 --> 01:16:10,427 ♪ They need to know God loves them ♪ 1220 01:16:10,462 --> 01:16:13,534 ♪ to help them with their coming out. ♪ 1221 01:16:13,569 --> 01:16:16,433 God is going to send you to the fires of Hell! 1222 01:16:20,161 --> 01:16:22,888 ♪ God loves gays, Honey. 1223 01:16:22,923 --> 01:16:24,787 Being gay is an abomination, 1224 01:16:24,821 --> 01:16:26,892 and the only thing worse than being an abomination... 1225 01:16:26,927 --> 01:16:28,411 is being a Jew. 1226 01:16:32,449 --> 01:16:35,694 ♪ God loves gays, Mary. 1227 01:16:44,289 --> 01:16:50,502 ♪ God madly loves the gays. 1228 01:17:26,572 --> 01:17:29,955 ♪ God loves gays. 1229 01:17:29,990 --> 01:17:31,750 ♪ God loves gays. 1230 01:17:31,785 --> 01:17:33,614 ♪ Yes he does. 1231 01:17:33,649 --> 01:17:35,409 ♪ Each one of you is special 1232 01:17:35,443 --> 01:17:40,483 ♪ in your own gay way, 1233 01:17:40,517 --> 01:17:43,106 ♪ and it doesn't matter 1234 01:17:43,141 --> 01:17:46,316 ♪ if you are butch or fey. 1235 01:17:46,351 --> 01:17:50,320 ♪ Stay just the way he made you. ♪ 1236 01:17:50,355 --> 01:17:53,047 ♪ God loves gays, Honey. 1237 01:17:53,082 --> 01:17:55,809 ♪ God loves gays, Mary. 1238 01:17:55,843 --> 01:17:58,708 ♪ No matter what your job is, 1239 01:17:58,743 --> 01:18:01,573 ♪ He loves you the way you are. ♪ 1240 01:18:01,607 --> 01:18:05,025 ♪ You can be a politician 1241 01:18:05,059 --> 01:18:07,890 ♪ or working in a leather bar. ♪ 1242 01:18:07,924 --> 01:18:11,169 ♪ God loves all He created 1243 01:18:11,203 --> 01:18:13,965 ♪ no matter what people say. 1244 01:18:13,999 --> 01:18:17,382 ♪ Stay just the way He made you ♪ 1245 01:18:17,416 --> 01:18:18,728 ♪ cause 1246 01:18:18,763 --> 01:18:21,041 ♪ He loves you. 1247 01:18:21,075 --> 01:18:23,043 ♪ He loves you. 1248 01:18:24,423 --> 01:18:27,944 ♪ He loves you. 1249 01:18:30,844 --> 01:18:42,200 ♪ He LOOOOO... 1250 01:18:46,791 --> 01:18:51,968 ♪ HE LOOOOVES... 1251 01:18:54,143 --> 01:19:02,738 ♪ GAYS! 1252 01:19:06,327 --> 01:19:08,502 I was up for that part. 1253 01:19:12,437 --> 01:19:14,335 I think I'm gonna like it here. 1254 01:19:14,370 --> 01:19:16,924 There are so many friends of Dorothy here. 1255 01:19:16,959 --> 01:19:19,582 You know what this journey has taught me? -What? 1256 01:19:21,584 --> 01:19:23,655 That I want you in my life forever. 1257 01:19:25,105 --> 01:19:26,658 Steve? 1258 01:19:28,798 --> 01:19:30,006 Will you marry me? 1259 01:19:30,041 --> 01:19:32,595 Of course I will. 1260 01:19:32,629 --> 01:19:37,117 No, no, no! You can't do this. This is an abomination. 1261 01:19:37,151 --> 01:19:42,156 The Lord God said that two men should not sleep in the same bed. 1262 01:19:42,191 --> 01:19:45,435 It is Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. 1263 01:19:45,470 --> 01:19:47,955 If God were here right now, what would He say? 1264 01:19:47,990 --> 01:19:49,785 Why don't you just ask me? 1265 01:19:49,819 --> 01:19:51,407 Who are you supposed to be? 1266 01:19:51,441 --> 01:19:53,961 What did they expect? God! 1267 01:19:55,721 --> 01:19:59,277 The Father. The man upstairs. 1268 01:19:59,311 --> 01:20:00,312 Watch this. 1269 01:20:01,693 --> 01:20:03,039 Let there be darkness. 1270 01:20:04,696 --> 01:20:07,595 I said LET THERE BE DARKNESS! 1271 01:20:07,630 --> 01:20:09,666 Now watch this - my favorite part. 1272 01:20:09,701 --> 01:20:11,737 Why the fuck is it so dark down here? 1273 01:20:15,465 --> 01:20:20,781 If you are God, then you know it's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. 1274 01:20:20,816 --> 01:20:23,163 You shouldn't believe everything you read. 1275 01:20:23,197 --> 01:20:25,165 But your book specifically says... 1276 01:20:26,891 --> 01:20:29,686 My book? Who said it was my book? 1277 01:20:29,721 --> 01:20:33,104 What do you think, I faxed it down here? 1278 01:20:33,138 --> 01:20:35,658 It was written by man. 1279 01:20:35,692 --> 01:20:38,557 It was interpreted by man. 1280 01:20:38,592 --> 01:20:41,422 It was abused by man. 1281 01:20:41,457 --> 01:20:43,839 I never told people to hurt and kill. 1282 01:20:43,873 --> 01:20:45,530 I told everyone to love. 1283 01:20:45,564 --> 01:20:48,636 You mean, you love the gays? 1284 01:20:48,671 --> 01:20:51,570 Didn't you just hear the last song? 1285 01:20:51,605 --> 01:20:54,021 Maybe we were wrong. 1286 01:20:56,265 --> 01:21:00,338 I'm so sorry we tried to change you. 1287 01:21:00,372 --> 01:21:03,065 Can you ever forgive us? -Of course I can. 1288 01:21:03,099 --> 01:21:05,653 I love you both so much. 1289 01:21:05,688 --> 01:21:07,690 I guess we were wrong. 1290 01:21:12,557 --> 01:21:14,870 Forgive me 1291 01:21:14,904 --> 01:21:19,081 ♪ I didn't realize 'til now 1292 01:21:19,115 --> 01:21:25,535 ♪ that our cold, self-righteous words could hurt you so. ♪ 1293 01:21:25,570 --> 01:21:29,608 ♪ I was taught very young, 1294 01:21:29,643 --> 01:21:33,233 ♪ by those who came before me, ♪ 1295 01:21:33,267 --> 01:21:36,167 ♪ to fear and condemn 1296 01:21:36,201 --> 01:21:39,377 ♪ the things I don't know. 1297 01:21:39,411 --> 01:21:43,208 ♪ There is fear in the hearts 1298 01:21:43,243 --> 01:21:46,453 ♪ of those who would change you. ♪ 1299 01:21:46,487 --> 01:21:53,080 ♪ Fear of the light that shines from you. ♪ 1300 01:21:53,115 --> 01:21:59,431 ♪ They don't know that light was designed by God, ♪ 1301 01:21:59,466 --> 01:22:05,541 ♪ who gave it a brilliant and beautiful hue. ♪ 1302 01:22:05,575 --> 01:22:09,269 ♪ And to those who would change you, ♪ 1303 01:22:09,303 --> 01:22:12,099 ♪ or send you away, 1304 01:22:12,134 --> 01:22:18,381 ♪ you must proudly stand your ground and say, ♪ 1305 01:22:18,416 --> 01:22:24,491 ♪ I was put on this Earth as I am. ♪ 1306 01:22:24,525 --> 01:22:31,084 ♪ I was born with my own special blessings. ♪ 1307 01:22:31,118 --> 01:22:37,193 ♪ I let them shine and not give a damn. ♪ 1308 01:22:37,228 --> 01:22:45,063 ♪ I was put on this Earth as I am. ♪ 1309 01:22:47,479 --> 01:22:51,138 ♪ There is envy in those 1310 01:22:51,173 --> 01:22:54,176 ♪ who recklessly judge you, 1311 01:22:54,210 --> 01:23:00,423 ♪ wishing their hearts could love like yours. ♪ 1312 01:23:00,458 --> 01:23:06,533 ♪ They don't understand, they can reach within, ♪ 1313 01:23:06,567 --> 01:23:12,263 ♪ and find all the love, forgiveness restores. ♪ 1314 01:23:12,297 --> 01:23:18,269 ♪ And to those who condemn you with fury and shame, ♪ 1315 01:23:18,303 --> 01:23:24,620 ♪ you must strongly plant your feet and proclaim, ♪ 1316 01:23:24,654 --> 01:23:30,419 ♪ I was put on this Earth as I am. ♪ 1317 01:23:30,453 --> 01:23:36,425 ♪ I was put here to live as His creation, ♪ 1318 01:23:36,459 --> 01:23:42,603 ♪ and I know I'm loved in virtue and sin. ♪ 1319 01:23:42,638 --> 01:23:48,126 ♪ I'm calm and content within my own skin. ♪ 1320 01:23:48,161 --> 01:23:54,029 ♪ I was put on this Earth as I am. ♪ 1321 01:23:54,063 --> 01:24:00,069 ♪ I was born with my own special blessings. ♪ 1322 01:24:00,104 --> 01:24:05,695 ♪ I let them shine and not give a damn. ♪ 1323 01:24:05,730 --> 01:24:10,735 ♪ I was put on this Earth 1324 01:24:10,769 --> 01:24:17,845 ♪ as I am! 1325 01:24:24,576 --> 01:24:27,855 Is there anything you wanna say to each other? 1326 01:24:27,890 --> 01:24:31,376 You know, marriage is a commitment of love. 1327 01:24:31,411 --> 01:24:35,656 It's the binding together of your two souls throughout eternity. 1328 01:24:35,691 --> 01:24:40,040 Don't ever make this commitment unless you sure you're ready. 1329 01:24:40,075 --> 01:24:43,906 You know I love you, but are you ready? 1330 01:24:43,940 --> 01:24:46,702 If not, I'm willing to wait. 1331 01:24:46,736 --> 01:24:49,739 My whole life, I've wondered what was wrong with me. 1332 01:24:49,774 --> 01:24:52,604 The problem was that I hated myself. 1333 01:24:52,639 --> 01:24:56,125 And it made me feel so alone. 1334 01:24:56,160 --> 01:24:58,369 You will never be alone again. 1335 01:24:58,921 --> 01:25:01,820 You showed me how to love myself, 1336 01:25:01,855 --> 01:25:03,650 and now I'm ready to love you. 1337 01:25:03,684 --> 01:25:05,686 I'm so ready. 1338 01:25:05,721 --> 01:25:08,862 Our little Steven is getting married. 1339 01:25:09,966 --> 01:25:13,729 ♪ You'll never be alone. 1340 01:25:13,763 --> 01:25:15,869 ♪ I'll always be here for you. ♪ 1341 01:25:15,903 --> 01:25:19,355 ♪ You'll never be alone. 1342 01:25:19,390 --> 01:25:21,875 ♪ I'll always love you, 1343 01:25:21,909 --> 01:25:25,154 ♪ and I'll be faithful to you. ♪ 1344 01:25:25,189 --> 01:25:27,743 ♪ Then with my blessing, 1345 01:25:27,777 --> 01:25:30,780 ♪ and as the angels sing with glee, ♪ 1346 01:25:30,815 --> 01:25:33,818 ♪ I'll call you one now 1347 01:25:33,852 --> 01:25:36,752 ♪ through all eternity. 1348 01:25:36,786 --> 01:25:43,103 ♪ You'll never be alone! 1349 01:25:43,138 --> 01:25:44,553 I love you Adam. 1350 01:25:44,587 --> 01:25:45,588 I love you Steve. 1351 01:25:45,623 --> 01:25:48,626 And they're just the way I made'em! 1352 01:26:04,745 --> 01:26:05,988 That's our son! 1353 01:26:07,196 --> 01:26:08,370 That's our son! 1354 01:26:35,328 --> 01:26:36,777 Thanks. 1355 01:26:58,868 --> 01:27:01,285 We are so proud of you. 93899