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1
00:01:05,396 --> 00:01:07,330
D'oh!
2
00:01:23,278 --> 00:01:25,940
Would you turn off
that rock 'n' rock music?
3
00:01:26,014 --> 00:01:27,948
Don't have
a stegosaurus, man.
4
00:01:29,484 --> 00:01:31,918
These talking dinosaurs
are more real...
5
00:01:31,987 --> 00:01:33,978
than most real families
on TV.
6
00:01:34,055 --> 00:01:35,955
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
7
00:01:36,024 --> 00:01:38,925
Look, Maggie,
they have a baby too.
8
00:01:38,994 --> 00:01:42,395
It's like they saw our lives
and put it up on screen.
9
00:01:42,464 --> 00:01:44,261
Kids, I know
you're excited...
10
00:01:44,332 --> 00:01:46,892
about meeting
Aunt Selma's boyfriend.
11
00:01:47,702 --> 00:01:48,930
Before he gets here...
12
00:01:49,004 --> 00:01:51,700
I should tell you
something about him--
13
00:01:51,773 --> 00:01:53,263
something disturbing.
14
00:01:53,942 --> 00:01:55,705
Ooh!
15
00:01:55,777 --> 00:01:57,870
Ooh!
16
00:01:57,946 --> 00:01:59,538
Ee-ugh!
17
00:01:59,614 --> 00:02:01,878
Aunt Selma has
this crazy obsession...
18
00:02:01,950 --> 00:02:03,383
about not dying alone...
19
00:02:03,451 --> 00:02:04,713
so in desperation...
20
00:02:04,786 --> 00:02:07,550
she joined this prison
pen pal program.
21
00:02:07,622 --> 00:02:09,590
Her new sweetie
is a jailbird.
22
00:02:09,658 --> 00:02:11,057
Cool, he can teach us...
23
00:02:11,126 --> 00:02:13,321
how to kill a man
with a lunch tray.
24
00:02:13,395 --> 00:02:15,727
Now, now, he's
an ex-convict.
25
00:02:15,797 --> 00:02:18,061
He's paid his debt
to society.
26
00:02:18,133 --> 00:02:19,896
Then why
aren't you using...
27
00:02:19,968 --> 00:02:21,401
the good silverware?
28
00:02:21,469 --> 00:02:23,562
- I'm just not.
29
00:02:23,638 --> 00:02:24,570
That's them.
30
00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:25,901
Remember, everyone...
31
00:02:25,974 --> 00:02:27,908
be understanding
and forgiving...
32
00:02:27,976 --> 00:02:29,967
for the sake
of family unity.
33
00:02:30,045 --> 00:02:31,069
Everyone...
34
00:02:31,146 --> 00:02:33,546
I'd like you to meet--
35
00:02:33,615 --> 00:02:35,583
Aah! It's Sideshow Bob!
36
00:02:35,650 --> 00:02:36,947
What the..?
37
00:02:37,018 --> 00:02:39,851
I'm afraid their reaction
is understandable.
38
00:02:39,921 --> 00:02:42,856
Bart is the shamus in short pants
who sent me to prison.
39
00:02:42,924 --> 00:02:46,416
Your new boyfriend here
framed Krusty the Clown...
40
00:02:46,494 --> 00:02:48,792
- for armed robbery.
41
00:02:48,863 --> 00:02:52,060
If some snot-nosed little kid
sent me to prison...
42
00:02:52,133 --> 00:02:53,794
the first thing out
I'd find out where he lives...
43
00:02:53,868 --> 00:02:56,632
and tear him
a new belly-button.
44
00:02:58,106 --> 00:03:00,199
Lousy snitch.
45
00:03:00,275 --> 00:03:01,207
Yaah!
46
00:03:03,278 --> 00:03:06,543
You're forgetting
the first two noble truths...
47
00:03:06,614 --> 00:03:07,842
of the Buddha.
48
00:03:07,916 --> 00:03:09,713
- I am not.
- Yes, you are.
49
00:03:09,784 --> 00:03:12,048
One:
existence is suffering.
50
00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:15,317
Two: the cause
of suffering is desire--
51
00:03:15,390 --> 00:03:17,881
in this case, my desire
to do high-quality...
52
00:03:17,959 --> 00:03:19,551
children's programming.
53
00:03:19,627 --> 00:03:23,358
When prison ended that dream,
I became a seething cauldron...
54
00:03:23,431 --> 00:03:25,592
of rage and recrimination.
55
00:03:41,916 --> 00:03:45,010
When I was nominated for
best supporting performer...
56
00:03:45,086 --> 00:03:47,020
in a children's program
at the Daytime Emmy Awards...
57
00:03:47,088 --> 00:03:51,047
my bitterness ruined
the greatest night of my life.
58
00:03:51,126 --> 00:03:52,354
And the nominees are:
59
00:03:52,427 --> 00:03:53,917
Droopy Drawers...
60
00:03:53,995 --> 00:03:55,257
Colonel Coward...
61
00:03:55,330 --> 00:03:58,595
Pepito, the biggest cat
in the whole wide world...
62
00:03:58,666 --> 00:04:00,725
Sideshow Bob...
63
00:04:00,802 --> 00:04:02,827
and Suckup the Vacuum.
64
00:04:02,904 --> 00:04:04,872
And the Emmy goes to...
65
00:04:04,939 --> 00:04:06,873
I don't believe this...
66
00:04:06,941 --> 00:04:09,876
Sideshow Bob.
67
00:04:11,780 --> 00:04:14,544
This is one more Emmy
than you'll ever win...
68
00:04:14,616 --> 00:04:16,709
you bantering jack-in-the-box!
69
00:04:16,785 --> 00:04:18,878
Just don't drop it
in the shower.
70
00:04:18,953 --> 00:04:20,386
- No-talent, shill!
- Second banana!
71
00:04:20,455 --> 00:04:21,353
- Panderer!
- Bore!
72
00:04:26,628 --> 00:04:29,222
Uh, now for the highlight
of the evening--
73
00:04:29,297 --> 00:04:31,322
Best film-to-video transfer.
74
00:04:31,399 --> 00:04:33,560
Do you know
what prison is like...
75
00:04:33,635 --> 00:04:35,660
for a life-long
Republican?
76
00:04:39,407 --> 00:04:41,807
In our overcrowded cell
we became little more than beasts.
77
00:04:41,876 --> 00:04:45,676
- Who used my chap stick?
- Oh, I did. Here you go.
78
00:04:45,747 --> 00:04:47,806
I don't want it.
79
00:04:47,882 --> 00:04:50,442
My only joy came with plotting
a horrible revenge...
80
00:04:50,518 --> 00:04:54,215
against the boy
who put me there.
81
00:05:00,094 --> 00:05:01,026
Ay, caramba!
82
00:05:01,095 --> 00:05:02,960
Bart, if I
wanted to kill you...
83
00:05:03,031 --> 00:05:06,694
- I'd have choked you
as soon as I walked in.
84
00:05:06,768 --> 00:05:09,362
But what kind of guest
would I have been?
85
00:05:12,273 --> 00:05:13,706
Now, where was I?
86
00:05:13,775 --> 00:05:16,437
Ah, yes-- my lowest ebb.
87
00:05:16,511 --> 00:05:18,206
You can't take
my Emmy.
88
00:05:18,279 --> 00:05:19,769
You know the rules:
89
00:05:19,848 --> 00:05:22,715
awards for entertainment
are contraband.
90
00:05:22,784 --> 00:05:27,084
No Emmys, no Oscars,
not even a Golden Globe.
91
00:05:27,155 --> 00:05:30,124
But kismet be kind,
well as cruel.
92
00:05:30,191 --> 00:05:32,386
I received an answer
to my letter...
93
00:05:32,460 --> 00:05:34,724
from the prison
pen pal program.
94
00:05:34,796 --> 00:05:36,559
''Dear #2 460 1...
95
00:05:36,631 --> 00:05:38,724
''I need a man
and cannot find one...
96
00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:40,199
''among the law abiding.
97
00:05:40,268 --> 00:05:43,567
''I have a steady job
and a lucrative hobby::
98
00:05:43,638 --> 00:05:45,629
''filing nuisance lawsuits.
99
00:05:45,707 --> 00:05:47,607
''I share an apartment
with my twin sister.
100
00:05:47,675 --> 00:05:50,075
''Enclosed is a photo of us
on a tandem bike.
101
00:05:50,144 --> 00:05:52,305
I forget which one I am. ''
102
00:05:53,882 --> 00:05:55,850
''Dear Selma...
103
00:05:55,917 --> 00:05:58,181
''your latest letter
set off a riot...
104
00:05:58,253 --> 00:06:00,016
in the maximum-security wing
of my heart. ''
105
00:06:00,088 --> 00:06:04,218
- Ohhh...
- [ Pffft ]
106
00:06:04,292 --> 00:06:07,284
Like the lone crocus
that pokes through
the prison yard...
107
00:06:07,362 --> 00:06:10,593
our love bloomed
despite all obstacles.
108
00:06:11,666 --> 00:06:13,861
Selma, may I?
109
00:06:13,935 --> 00:06:15,197
Uh, uh, uh...
110
00:06:15,270 --> 00:06:17,363
on the cheek.
111
00:06:20,675 --> 00:06:22,575
Inspired by the love
of a good woman...
112
00:06:22,644 --> 00:06:27,308
I resolved to be
the best darned inmate
#2 460 1 I could be.
113
00:06:29,317 --> 00:06:31,342
I bade farewell
to my cellmates...
114
00:06:31,419 --> 00:06:33,478
and left
with the woman I loved.
115
00:06:33,555 --> 00:06:35,045
Cutter.
116
00:06:35,123 --> 00:06:36,886
Icepick.
117
00:06:36,958 --> 00:06:38,050
Snake.
118
00:06:38,126 --> 00:06:41,061
I'm going to miss you
most of all.
119
00:06:41,129 --> 00:06:42,391
Aww!
120
00:06:42,463 --> 00:06:44,897
What a beautiful story,
Sideshow Bob.
121
00:06:44,966 --> 00:06:49,266
You're living proof
that our revolving-door
prison system works.
122
00:06:49,337 --> 00:06:51,328
I've never seen you so happy--
123
00:06:51,406 --> 00:06:53,237
giggling like a schoolgirl.
124
00:06:56,377 --> 00:06:58,174
I've got to admit it, Selma...
125
00:06:58,246 --> 00:07:00,271
he's a once-in-a-lifetime catch.
126
00:07:00,348 --> 00:07:03,249
I hope the police
are saying that as well.
127
00:07:05,887 --> 00:07:07,855
I can't believe you guys.
128
00:07:07,922 --> 00:07:10,482
This man framed
Krusty the Clown.
129
00:07:10,558 --> 00:07:12,526
- Bart!
- Indeed, I did...
130
00:07:12,594 --> 00:07:14,789
and I thank you for catching me.
131
00:07:14,862 --> 00:07:16,796
You seized the wheel...
132
00:07:16,864 --> 00:07:19,230
of my slow boat to hell,
and pointed it...
133
00:07:19,300 --> 00:07:21,393
towards the sunny shores of Selma.
134
00:07:21,469 --> 00:07:22,458
Here, here.
135
00:07:22,537 --> 00:07:23,561
Would you mind...
136
00:07:23,638 --> 00:07:25,868
if I did something
bold and shocking...
137
00:07:25,940 --> 00:07:27,464
in front of your family?
138
00:07:27,542 --> 00:07:29,942
All right,
but no tongues.
139
00:07:30,011 --> 00:07:32,138
Though kissing you
is like kissing some divine ashtray...
140
00:07:32,213 --> 00:07:34,613
that's not
what I had in mind.
141
00:07:34,682 --> 00:07:37,549
- Selma, will you marry me?
- [ Gasps ]
142
00:07:37,619 --> 00:07:40,520
Don't be a fool.
That man is scum.
143
00:07:40,588 --> 00:07:43,989
Then call me ''Mrs. Scum.''
144
00:08:28,482 --> 00:08:33,010
Could you...
pumice my corns for me?
145
00:08:33,086 --> 00:08:34,849
Avec plaisir.
146
00:08:34,921 --> 00:08:37,822
''A''... ''G''...
147
00:08:37,891 --> 00:08:40,485
''Q''... Seven...
148
00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:44,087
Close enough.
May you drive safely...
149
00:08:44,164 --> 00:08:46,098
and find true love.
150
00:08:46,166 --> 00:08:48,100
We now return to...
151
00:08:53,607 --> 00:08:56,576
Whoo-hoo! I love you people!
152
00:08:56,643 --> 00:08:58,736
I love my kids!
153
00:08:58,812 --> 00:09:01,576
Poor little guys.
154
00:09:01,648 --> 00:09:03,240
So tragic.
155
00:09:03,316 --> 00:09:04,578
So nauseous.
156
00:09:04,651 --> 00:09:07,950
You should see the bus
they came to the studio in.
157
00:09:14,828 --> 00:09:17,058
What's next?
Oh, yeah.
158
00:09:17,130 --> 00:09:19,758
And now, a man who needs
no introduction...
159
00:09:19,833 --> 00:09:23,769
''The Chairman of the Company''--
you know who I'm talking about.
160
00:09:23,837 --> 00:09:25,304
Get out here, you gumba!
161
00:09:30,143 --> 00:09:31,735
who wants to say hello.
162
00:09:31,812 --> 00:09:34,144
- Huh? What?
- I can't believe it!
163
00:09:34,214 --> 00:09:38,082
They've been feuding for years.
164
00:09:38,151 --> 00:09:40,244
Come here, you.
165
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:42,288
- Oh, you old clown, you.
- I missed you.
166
00:09:42,355 --> 00:09:45,085
This guy is
a national treasure.
167
00:09:45,158 --> 00:09:48,389
That jerk I got
to replace you, he isn't fit
to hold your slide whistle.
168
00:09:48,462 --> 00:09:50,521
All I can be is myself.
169
00:09:50,597 --> 00:09:54,533
Krusty, can you ever forgive me
for putting you in jail?
170
00:09:54,601 --> 00:09:57,866
If they open the books on this telethon
I'm right back in there.
171
00:09:57,938 --> 00:10:01,305
- That Sideshow Bob is
a no-good show biz phony.
172
00:10:01,374 --> 00:10:03,433
Come on, Bart.
173
00:10:03,510 --> 00:10:07,207
If Krusty can find it in his heart
to forgive him surely you can too.
174
00:10:11,918 --> 00:10:14,443
Now, about your wedding dress...
175
00:10:14,521 --> 00:10:16,352
how should I put this?
176
00:10:16,423 --> 00:10:18,118
- White!
- White.
177
00:10:18,191 --> 00:10:20,352
What would you like
for appetizers?
178
00:10:20,427 --> 00:10:21,951
Ooh, appetizers.
179
00:10:22,028 --> 00:10:23,757
Homer, you're a trencherman.
180
00:10:23,830 --> 00:10:25,195
What should we serve?
181
00:10:25,265 --> 00:10:28,291
Well, you can't go wrong
with cocktail weenies.
182
00:10:28,368 --> 00:10:30,336
They taste as good
as they look...
183
00:10:30,403 --> 00:10:33,099
and they come in this
delicious red sauce.
184
00:10:33,173 --> 00:10:36,108
It looks like ketchup,
it tastes like ketchup...
185
00:10:36,176 --> 00:10:38,167
but, brother, it ain't ketchup!
186
00:10:38,245 --> 00:10:40,042
Selma, he makes a good case.
187
00:10:40,113 --> 00:10:41,273
Whatever you want.
188
00:10:41,348 --> 00:10:43,407
It all tastes
like Styrofoam to me.
189
00:10:43,483 --> 00:10:45,917
Selma, dear, I'm confused.
190
00:10:45,986 --> 00:10:47,044
When I was a kid...
191
00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:49,350
we were playing
with bottle rockets...
192
00:10:49,422 --> 00:10:51,754
and one shot
straight up my nose.
193
00:10:51,825 --> 00:10:54,885
I permanently lost my sense
of taste and smell.
194
00:10:54,961 --> 00:10:58,829
Okay, we've got cocktail weenies
and Swedish meatballs.
195
00:10:58,899 --> 00:11:01,231
Selma, this wedding
is spinning out of control.
196
00:11:01,301 --> 00:11:03,735
I've run through
eight of the ten dollars...
197
00:11:03,804 --> 00:11:05,829
they gave me
when I left prison.
198
00:11:05,906 --> 00:11:08,101
I told you I got money.
199
00:11:08,175 --> 00:11:10,405
I bought stock
in a Mace company...
200
00:11:10,477 --> 00:11:12,570
just before
society crumbled.
201
00:11:12,646 --> 00:11:15,114
Selma, that's wonderful!
I hope people don't think...
202
00:11:15,182 --> 00:11:17,844
I'm marrying you
for your money...
203
00:11:17,918 --> 00:11:21,319
instead of your...
less tangible qualities.
204
00:11:22,889 --> 00:11:26,586
Tomorrow we'll be
Mr. and Mrs. Bob Terwilliger.
205
00:11:26,660 --> 00:11:27,820
Isn't it grand?
206
00:11:27,894 --> 00:11:31,091
Hey, Bob, give some
of that honey this way.
207
00:11:31,164 --> 00:11:34,156
Mmm... mmm!
208
00:11:34,234 --> 00:11:36,964
Holy frijoles!
We've got ten minutes
till MacGyver.
209
00:11:37,037 --> 00:11:39,369
Driver, here's a fin.
Get me home, and don't spare the whip.
210
00:11:39,439 --> 00:11:42,101
Whatever you say, mum.
211
00:11:42,175 --> 00:11:44,268
- What did I miss?
212
00:11:44,344 --> 00:11:47,142
MacGyver was wearing a tank top.
213
00:11:47,214 --> 00:11:48,306
Dang.
214
00:11:48,381 --> 00:11:50,372
But I'm the only man in your life.
215
00:11:50,450 --> 00:11:51,883
Sit down and shut up!
216
00:11:51,952 --> 00:11:54,682
Se�or MacGyver,
you saved our village.
217
00:11:54,754 --> 00:11:56,551
Don't thank me.
218
00:11:56,623 --> 00:11:59,387
Thank the moon's
gravitational pull.
219
00:12:02,128 --> 00:12:04,756
That MacGyver's a genius.
220
00:12:04,831 --> 00:12:07,732
First of all, he's not a genius.
He's an actor.
221
00:12:07,801 --> 00:12:10,361
And second,
he's not much of an actor.
222
00:12:10,437 --> 00:12:12,598
You're lying.
You're lying!
223
00:12:12,672 --> 00:12:13,900
No, this is lying--
224
00:12:13,974 --> 00:12:16,909
that was a well-plotted piece
of non-claptrap...
225
00:12:16,977 --> 00:12:18,706
that never made me retch.
226
00:12:18,778 --> 00:12:22,544
- No!
227
00:12:24,584 --> 00:12:26,848
He was so cruel.
228
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:28,979
The things he said...
229
00:12:29,055 --> 00:12:30,716
they're just not true.
230
00:12:30,790 --> 00:12:32,985
There. There.
231
00:12:33,059 --> 00:12:34,117
The wedding's off.
232
00:12:34,194 --> 00:12:36,321
Fiddle-dee-dee.
Tomorrow's another day.
233
00:12:36,396 --> 00:12:37,363
Bart, stop that!
234
00:12:37,430 --> 00:12:39,421
No, he's right.
235
00:12:39,499 --> 00:12:40,864
We're a package.
236
00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:43,494
Love me, love MacGyver.
237
00:12:43,570 --> 00:12:45,435
I guess the wedding's off.
238
00:12:46,973 --> 00:12:49,271
Selma, I don't know what to say.
239
00:12:49,342 --> 00:12:51,310
Just tell me you like MacGyver.
240
00:12:51,378 --> 00:12:52,538
Very well.
241
00:12:52,612 --> 00:12:55,581
I-- I--
242
00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:58,618
I can't do it!
Even that car chase seemed tacked on.
243
00:13:00,587 --> 00:13:02,384
Would you two knock it off?
244
00:13:02,455 --> 00:13:04,889
I hate all the programs
Marge likes...
245
00:13:04,958 --> 00:13:06,550
but it's no big deal.
246
00:13:06,626 --> 00:13:07,786
You know why?
247
00:13:07,861 --> 00:13:08,793
- No.
- Go on.
248
00:13:08,862 --> 00:13:10,295
Whenever Marge puts on...
249
00:13:10,363 --> 00:13:13,457
one of her nonviolent programs,
I take a walk.
250
00:13:13,533 --> 00:13:15,797
I go to a bar,
I pound a few...
251
00:13:15,869 --> 00:13:18,861
then I stumble home
in the mood for love.
252
00:13:18,939 --> 00:13:20,065
Very well, Selma.
253
00:13:20,140 --> 00:13:21,903
Whenever you watch MacGyver...
254
00:13:21,975 --> 00:13:24,409
I'll take a vigorous constitutional...
255
00:13:24,477 --> 00:13:26,741
and return more in love than ever.
256
00:13:26,813 --> 00:13:28,212
Oh, Bob.
257
00:13:28,281 --> 00:13:29,475
Bart no like.
258
00:13:29,549 --> 00:13:30,880
Bad medicine.
259
00:13:33,653 --> 00:13:35,746
I could have been
the flower girl...
260
00:13:35,822 --> 00:13:38,188
and I wouldn't keep
falling down either.
261
00:13:38,258 --> 00:13:40,055
Hey, they chose Maggie, okay?
262
00:13:40,126 --> 00:13:42,185
If you want to go
for cutesyness...
263
00:13:42,262 --> 00:13:44,230
instead of competence, fine.
264
00:13:44,297 --> 00:13:46,128
Do you, Bob, take Selma...
265
00:13:46,199 --> 00:13:49,896
to have and to hold,
in sickness and in health...
266
00:13:49,970 --> 00:13:51,631
till death do you part?
267
00:13:58,011 --> 00:14:00,775
- Mmm.
- Oh.
268
00:14:02,515 --> 00:14:04,107
Hey, wiener boy...
269
00:14:04,184 --> 00:14:06,709
where do you think you're going?
270
00:14:13,126 --> 00:14:17,153
I'm the only single girl
left in the family.
271
00:14:20,233 --> 00:14:22,565
Well, I guess
it could be worse.
272
00:14:22,635 --> 00:14:24,398
Oh, there's Krusty the Clown.
273
00:14:24,471 --> 00:14:25,460
Krusty!
274
00:14:25,538 --> 00:14:27,563
Krusty, say something funny.
275
00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:29,232
Oh, gee, a joke, huh?
276
00:14:29,309 --> 00:14:30,901
Um... uh... funny.
277
00:14:30,977 --> 00:14:33,241
Okay,
this guy walks into a bar...
278
00:14:33,313 --> 00:14:36,908
and takes out a tiny piano
and a 1 2-inch pianist--
279
00:14:36,983 --> 00:14:39,975
Oh, no, wait.
I can't tell that one.
280
00:14:40,053 --> 00:14:42,351
Dear friends, 41 years ago...
281
00:14:42,422 --> 00:14:47,689
God took 1 68 pounds of clay,
and he made me a woman...
282
00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:50,195
and for this,
I thank him.
283
00:14:50,263 --> 00:14:51,855
I just wanted to say...
284
00:14:51,931 --> 00:14:54,195
on the advice
of my new husband...
285
00:14:54,267 --> 00:14:56,735
I've decided
to give up smoking...
286
00:14:58,238 --> 00:15:01,139
except for after meals
and after MacGyver.
287
00:15:01,207 --> 00:15:05,268
Selma, dear,
you'll bury us all.
288
00:15:05,345 --> 00:15:06,607
Chief Wiggum,
you've been around.
289
00:15:06,679 --> 00:15:09,477
You don't trust
Sideshow Bob, do you?
290
00:15:09,549 --> 00:15:12,211
Lighten up, son.
If he was going to commit a crime...
291
00:15:12,285 --> 00:15:15,721
would he have invited
the number-one cop in town?
292
00:15:15,789 --> 00:15:17,723
Now, where did I put my gun?
293
00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:21,591
Oh, yeah. I set it down
when I got some cake.
294
00:15:24,831 --> 00:15:26,560
I don't know what to say.
295
00:15:26,633 --> 00:15:29,397
Just tell me what you
know I want to hear.
296
00:15:29,469 --> 00:15:31,903
I'm dying of jealousy.
297
00:15:31,971 --> 00:15:34,132
Thank you.
298
00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:38,243
That's right, dear.
299
00:15:38,311 --> 00:15:39,778
Enjoy your rest.
300
00:15:39,846 --> 00:15:42,781
The wedding was
very tough on you...
301
00:15:42,849 --> 00:15:45,545
and the honeymoon
is going to be...
302
00:15:45,618 --> 00:15:47,279
murder.
303
00:16:03,484 --> 00:16:05,952
Welcome to our video honeymoon.
304
00:16:06,019 --> 00:16:09,079
We're using the video camera
cousin Doug gave us...
305
00:16:09,156 --> 00:16:11,681
and the videocassette
Homer gave us.
306
00:16:11,758 --> 00:16:15,250
Hey, and after we watch this,
we can tape over it.
307
00:16:15,329 --> 00:16:19,060
There's Shelbyville Falls,
Rolling Rock...
308
00:16:19,132 --> 00:16:22,226
and here's another
breathtaking sight...
309
00:16:22,302 --> 00:16:24,202
my brand-new hubby.
310
00:16:24,271 --> 00:16:26,364
I wanted a room
with a fireplace...
311
00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:28,340
you brainless luggage monkey!
312
00:16:28,408 --> 00:16:30,376
Like the one in your brochure!
313
00:16:30,444 --> 00:16:31,672
Oh, Selma, dear.
314
00:16:31,745 --> 00:16:34,976
I was just chatting
with my good friend... Dennis.
315
00:16:35,048 --> 00:16:37,983
Now, smile for the camera,
that's a good lad.
316
00:16:40,954 --> 00:16:42,216
Ah, fire--
317
00:16:42,289 --> 00:16:45,884
Scourge of Prometheus,
toaster of marshmallows...
318
00:16:45,959 --> 00:16:47,859
eradicator of deadwood.
319
00:16:47,928 --> 00:16:50,726
Oh, Selma, dear--
you and your little camera.
320
00:16:50,797 --> 00:16:53,391
What do you say we
shut it off for a while?
321
00:16:53,467 --> 00:16:55,059
And make love?
322
00:16:56,637 --> 00:16:58,161
I suppose so.
323
00:16:58,238 --> 00:17:00,763
Oh, that's sweet.
324
00:17:00,841 --> 00:17:04,140
Why would Sideshow Bob
go so nuts over a fireplace?
325
00:17:04,211 --> 00:17:06,577
Because he wants
his honeymoon...
326
00:17:06,647 --> 00:17:07,841
to be romantic.
327
00:17:07,915 --> 00:17:10,042
Romantic? With Aunt Selma?
328
00:17:10,117 --> 00:17:12,745
I guess you're too young
to understand.
329
00:17:12,819 --> 00:17:13,808
Hmm...
330
00:17:17,991 --> 00:17:21,620
Bob, one of my fillings fell out.
331
00:17:21,695 --> 00:17:25,028
Even murder
has its ugly side.
332
00:17:25,098 --> 00:17:28,363
Bob, would you mind
rubbing my feet?
333
00:17:30,637 --> 00:17:33,333
Darling,
you make it sound like a chore.
334
00:17:33,407 --> 00:17:35,705
Ooh. Oh.
Good. Mmm.
335
00:17:35,776 --> 00:17:38,370
- Soon I will kill you.
- Huh?
336
00:17:38,445 --> 00:17:40,208
Son pieds sentit beau--
337
00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:42,373
French for ''her foot smells lovely.''
338
00:17:42,449 --> 00:17:43,381
Oh.
339
00:17:43,450 --> 00:17:45,111
Prepare to be murdered.
340
00:17:45,185 --> 00:17:46,015
Huh?
341
00:17:47,788 --> 00:17:51,417
That's... Sanskrit for
''your toes are like perfume.''
342
00:17:52,526 --> 00:17:55,051
- Voy a matar a usted.
- Wha?
343
00:17:55,128 --> 00:17:58,063
That's Spanish for
''I am going to kill you.''
344
00:17:58,131 --> 00:18:00,463
- Say what?
- I do believe it's time...
345
00:18:00,534 --> 00:18:02,161
for your beloved MacGyver.
346
00:18:02,235 --> 00:18:04,931
- Oh, hey, you're right.
347
00:18:15,148 --> 00:18:17,673
- Well, time for my walk.
- Mm.
348
00:18:17,751 --> 00:18:20,185
Don't forget to die.
349
00:18:20,253 --> 00:18:21,914
Ding-dong.
350
00:18:21,989 --> 00:18:24,856
I was feeling kind of lonely
without Selma.
351
00:18:24,925 --> 00:18:27,018
Mind if I watch TVwith you?
352
00:18:27,094 --> 00:18:29,619
Oh, go ahead, Patty.
353
00:18:29,696 --> 00:18:31,960
Tonight, on MacGyver...
354
00:18:32,032 --> 00:18:33,158
MacGyver...
355
00:18:33,233 --> 00:18:34,393
MacGyver...
356
00:18:34,468 --> 00:18:35,332
MacGyver...
357
00:18:35,402 --> 00:18:37,529
Aunt Selma has one hour to live.
358
00:18:37,604 --> 00:18:39,367
Hey, down in front.
359
00:18:42,809 --> 00:18:44,834
Good-bye.
360
00:18:51,451 --> 00:18:54,818
Front desk, there's been
a terrible accident in my room!
361
00:18:59,393 --> 00:19:01,827
Poor Selma.
You were having...
362
00:19:01,895 --> 00:19:03,157
such a lovely evening...
363
00:19:16,943 --> 00:19:19,343
Selma!
Oh!
364
00:19:19,413 --> 00:19:20,846
You tried to kill me.
365
00:19:20,914 --> 00:19:22,313
I want a separation.
366
00:19:24,151 --> 00:19:26,745
My best-laid plans
have gang agley.
367
00:19:26,820 --> 00:19:28,754
Do you have room in your jail...
368
00:19:28,822 --> 00:19:30,414
for a two-time loser?
369
00:19:30,490 --> 00:19:32,981
No, but that never
stopped us before.
370
00:19:34,261 --> 00:19:35,421
Bart, I must know...
371
00:19:35,495 --> 00:19:37,395
how did you untangle my web?
372
00:19:37,464 --> 00:19:38,863
Yeah, Bart, clue us in.
373
00:19:38,932 --> 00:19:41,526
I'd hate to tell
the number-one cop in town...
374
00:19:41,601 --> 00:19:42,693
how to do his job.
375
00:19:42,769 --> 00:19:45,203
No, please, it's
the only way I'll learn.
376
00:19:45,272 --> 00:19:46,261
All right.
377
00:19:46,339 --> 00:19:48,102
Sideshow Bob
seemed desperate...
378
00:19:48,175 --> 00:19:50,040
to get that fireplace, but why?
379
00:19:50,110 --> 00:19:51,372
Then it hit me--
380
00:19:51,445 --> 00:19:53,072
The gas!
381
00:19:53,146 --> 00:19:56,172
Surely anyone would
have noticed a gas leak...
382
00:19:56,249 --> 00:19:58,649
except Aunt Selma.
383
00:19:58,719 --> 00:20:01,449
I permanently lost
my sense of smell.
384
00:20:01,521 --> 00:20:03,580
She happily watched MacGyver...
385
00:20:03,657 --> 00:20:05,124
unaware that her room...
386
00:20:05,192 --> 00:20:07,854
was silently filling
with natural gas.
387
00:20:07,928 --> 00:20:09,657
All it needed to explode...
388
00:20:09,730 --> 00:20:12,460
was a single spark,
say, from a cigarette.
389
00:20:12,532 --> 00:20:13,829
I've decided...
390
00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:15,390
to give up smoking...
391
00:20:15,469 --> 00:20:17,460
except after meals
and MacGyver.
392
00:20:17,537 --> 00:20:21,166
Her only hope was a plucky
young boy and his slow-witted father.
393
00:20:21,241 --> 00:20:23,903
When Aunt Selma lights up
after MacGyver...
394
00:20:23,977 --> 00:20:26,070
she'll be blown
to kingdom come.
395
00:20:26,146 --> 00:20:26,874
Come again?
396
00:20:29,850 --> 00:20:31,044
After trying four times
to explain it to Homer...
397
00:20:31,118 --> 00:20:34,451
I explained it to Mom
and we were on our way!
398
00:20:34,521 --> 00:20:35,749
To the Simpson Mobile!
399
00:20:58,145 --> 00:21:01,080
But wait. If you saved Selma,
why did the room explode?
400
00:21:01,148 --> 00:21:03,048
Oh, I'll field that one.
401
00:21:10,690 --> 00:21:12,817
Oh, right, the gas.
402
00:21:19,132 --> 00:21:22,659
with all my criminal buddies!
403
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:29,065
I feel like such a fool.
404
00:21:29,142 --> 00:21:31,804
Well, he fooled
almost everyone...
405
00:21:31,878 --> 00:21:36,212
but there was one little boy
who never lost his mistrust.
406
00:21:36,283 --> 00:21:37,648
Thanks, Mom.
407
00:21:37,717 --> 00:21:40,914
Now, let's get out
of this gas-filled hallway...
408
00:21:40,987 --> 00:21:44,582
- before we all suffocate.
409
00:22:50,735 --> 00:22:53,226
- Shh.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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