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1
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##Ahh, the Simpsons ##
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D'oh!
3
00:00:59,832 --> 00:01:01,697
Good morning, world!
4
00:01:02,635 --> 00:01:04,034
Ow!
5
00:01:05,437 --> 00:01:06,768
Ow... ow...
6
00:01:08,107 --> 00:01:09,199
Good morning, Lisa.
7
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What are you so happy about?
8
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Why shouldn't I be happy?
9
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It's a beautiful day,
my homework is done...
10
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I got my mojo working,
and we're going on a field trip...
11
00:01:18,350 --> 00:01:19,282
this afternoon.
12
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And looks like I got me...
13
00:01:21,020 --> 00:01:24,387
a genuine glow-in-the-dark
police badge.
14
00:01:24,456 --> 00:01:26,754
Hmm...
15
00:01:28,093 --> 00:01:30,027
Hey, it's not in here.
16
00:01:30,095 --> 00:01:31,323
You stole it!
17
00:01:31,397 --> 00:01:34,059
No one wants
your stupid police badge, Bart.
18
00:01:34,133 --> 00:01:35,725
Hey, look what I got--
19
00:01:35,801 --> 00:01:37,735
a genuine official police badge.
20
00:01:37,803 --> 00:01:38,770
Calling all cars.
21
00:01:38,837 --> 00:01:40,771
Come out with your hands up.
22
00:01:40,839 --> 00:01:42,670
Hey, that's my badge, Homer.
23
00:01:42,741 --> 00:01:44,265
That's Officer Homer.
24
00:01:45,444 --> 00:01:48,607
Lousy prize-grabbing,
badge-wearing...
25
00:01:48,681 --> 00:01:49,238
Aah!
26
00:01:51,350 --> 00:01:52,374
You ate my homework?
27
00:01:54,353 --> 00:01:57,345
I didn't know dogs
really did that.
28
00:02:01,860 --> 00:02:04,328
Wait! Wait!
29
00:02:23,782 --> 00:02:25,113
D'oh!
30
00:02:25,184 --> 00:02:26,879
Bart Simpson, you're late.
31
00:02:26,952 --> 00:02:28,544
Go fill out a tardy slip.
32
00:02:28,620 --> 00:02:31,714
But I'm only five...
1 0, 20... 40 minutes?
33
00:02:31,790 --> 00:02:33,280
That's pretty damn late.
34
00:02:33,358 --> 00:02:35,223
Come on, over this way.
35
00:02:35,294 --> 00:02:36,318
Hey, girls...
36
00:02:36,395 --> 00:02:37,327
look at me!
37
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You can stop looking at me now.
38
00:02:41,300 --> 00:02:42,392
Ooh!
39
00:02:44,870 --> 00:02:46,462
Well, it's nearly 1 :00.
40
00:02:46,538 --> 00:02:47,971
You know what that means.
41
00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:50,838
That's right--
it's time for our field trip...
42
00:02:50,909 --> 00:02:52,809
to the chocolate factory.
43
00:02:52,878 --> 00:02:55,472
Did you remember
your permission slips?
44
00:02:55,547 --> 00:03:00,849
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
45
00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:02,409
Ugh!
46
00:03:02,488 --> 00:03:05,685
Oh, what a day.
47
00:03:05,758 --> 00:03:08,022
I'm going to eat
eight pieces of chocolate.
48
00:03:08,093 --> 00:03:09,856
I'll eat it till I barf.
49
00:03:11,263 --> 00:03:12,355
Don't worry, Bart.
50
00:03:12,431 --> 00:03:14,865
We'll find something
fun for you to do.
51
00:03:14,933 --> 00:03:17,197
Here's a whole box
of unsealed envelopes...
52
00:03:17,269 --> 00:03:18,531
for the P.T.A.
53
00:03:18,604 --> 00:03:20,367
You're making me lick envelopes?
54
00:03:20,439 --> 00:03:22,202
Licking envelopes can be fun.
55
00:03:22,274 --> 00:03:23,866
Just make a game of it.
56
00:03:23,942 --> 00:03:25,204
What kind of game?
57
00:03:25,277 --> 00:03:27,711
Well, see how many
you can lick in an hour.
58
00:03:27,780 --> 00:03:29,543
Then try to break
that record.
59
00:03:29,615 --> 00:03:31,708
Sounds like
a pretty crappy game.
60
00:03:31,784 --> 00:03:33,718
Yes, well, get started.
61
00:03:39,792 --> 00:03:40,884
Oh, my God!
62
00:03:40,959 --> 00:03:43,894
It's Cocoa Beanie himself.
63
00:03:43,962 --> 00:03:46,897
I think this is something
Bart would have enjoyed...
64
00:03:46,965 --> 00:03:49,229
but it's the only way
he'll learn.
65
00:03:49,301 --> 00:03:52,236
Uh... uh...
children, please.
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00:03:52,304 --> 00:03:54,204
Uh...
67
00:03:54,273 --> 00:03:55,831
Welcome to
the chocolate factory.
68
00:03:55,908 --> 00:03:57,000
I'm Troy McClure.
69
00:03:57,075 --> 00:03:59,339
You probably remember me
from such films...
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00:03:59,411 --> 00:04:01,345
as The Revenge of Abe Lincoln...
71
00:04:01,413 --> 00:04:03,779
and The Wackiest Covered Wagon
in the West.
72
00:04:03,849 --> 00:04:07,114
The history of chocolate
starts with the ancient Aztecs.
73
00:04:07,186 --> 00:04:08,619
In those days...
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00:04:08,687 --> 00:04:11,451
instead of being wrapped
in a hygienic package...
75
00:04:11,523 --> 00:04:12,785
chocolate was wrapped...
76
00:04:12,858 --> 00:04:14,120
in a tobacco leaf.
77
00:04:14,193 --> 00:04:15,785
Instead of being pure chocolate...
78
00:04:15,861 --> 00:04:17,123
like we have today...
79
00:04:17,196 --> 00:04:19,130
it was mixed
with shredded tobacco...
80
00:04:19,198 --> 00:04:20,756
and they didn't eat it--
81
00:04:20,833 --> 00:04:22,801
they smoked it.
82
00:04:22,868 --> 00:04:24,130
You didn't believe me...
83
00:04:24,203 --> 00:04:26,797
when I said it would be fun,
did you?
84
00:04:26,872 --> 00:04:28,362
No, thir.
85
00:04:46,959 --> 00:04:48,790
My glasses!
86
00:04:51,396 --> 00:04:54,388
Please, kids, play sanitary.
87
00:05:04,142 --> 00:05:05,336
Tan I doe now?
88
00:05:05,410 --> 00:05:06,672
What?
89
00:05:06,745 --> 00:05:07,712
''Tan...
90
00:05:07,779 --> 00:05:11,408
I... doe... now?''
91
00:05:11,483 --> 00:05:12,848
Hmm...
92
00:05:12,918 --> 00:05:15,182
Well, there's still
a minute to go.
93
00:05:15,254 --> 00:05:16,346
Oh, why not?
94
00:05:16,421 --> 00:05:18,355
But don't you tell your teacher...
95
00:05:18,423 --> 00:05:19,947
I let you go early.
96
00:05:20,025 --> 00:05:20,957
Die don't.
97
00:05:29,768 --> 00:05:31,759
Aaaaah!
98
00:05:31,837 --> 00:05:33,361
Ugh!... Aah!... Unh!...
99
00:05:33,438 --> 00:05:34,666
Son of a b... Oof!.
100
00:05:34,740 --> 00:05:37,265
What next?
101
00:05:37,342 --> 00:05:39,149
Uh-oh.
102
00:05:45,389 --> 00:05:46,321
What's with the kid?
103
00:05:46,390 --> 00:05:47,448
Hands off
the material.
104
00:05:47,524 --> 00:05:48,582
What do you know?
105
00:05:48,659 --> 00:05:49,785
The kid's tough.
106
00:05:49,860 --> 00:05:50,827
He's got spunk.
107
00:05:50,894 --> 00:05:52,919
I wonder if he is lucky also.
108
00:05:52,996 --> 00:05:54,122
Pick a horse, kid.
109
00:05:54,197 --> 00:05:55,664
Shelbyville Downs, third race.
110
00:05:55,732 --> 00:05:56,721
Make it good.
111
00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:57,926
Eat my shorts.
112
00:05:58,001 --> 00:05:59,127
Eat My Shorts.
113
00:05:59,202 --> 00:06:00,499
Okay, let's see.
114
00:06:00,571 --> 00:06:03,096
Hey, wait a minute,
you little punk!
115
00:06:03,173 --> 00:06:04,572
That's the fifth race.
116
00:06:04,641 --> 00:06:06,336
I said the third race.
117
00:06:06,410 --> 00:06:07,434
Don't have a cow.
118
00:06:07,511 --> 00:06:09,911
Don't Have a Cow
in the third.
119
00:06:09,980 --> 00:06:11,914
Put a deuce on him.
120
00:06:11,982 --> 00:06:15,509
While we are waiting,
let me show you around.
121
00:06:15,586 --> 00:06:16,917
This is our bar...
122
00:06:16,987 --> 00:06:19,751
and our slot machine
and card tables.
123
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Cool.
124
00:06:21,091 --> 00:06:23,355
Boss, here's the call
for the third race.
125
00:06:23,427 --> 00:06:25,725
It's Suffering Succotash
by a neck...
126
00:06:25,796 --> 00:06:30,597
over Yabba-Dabba-Do, Ain't I
a Stinker, and That's All Folks.
127
00:06:30,667 --> 00:06:34,262
Here comes Don't Have a Cow
flying on the outside...
128
00:06:34,338 --> 00:06:35,930
and it's Don't Have a Cow.
129
00:06:36,006 --> 00:06:37,371
I like this kid.
130
00:06:37,441 --> 00:06:39,375
And we were
gonna shoot him.
131
00:06:39,443 --> 00:06:40,705
Can you mix drinks?
132
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I don't know.
133
00:06:41,878 --> 00:06:43,038
I'll have a Manhattan.
134
00:06:43,113 --> 00:06:44,478
Make Legs a Manhattan.
135
00:06:44,548 --> 00:06:46,015
I'm not sure I...
136
00:06:47,217 --> 00:06:49,208
Mmm, mmm...
137
00:06:49,286 --> 00:06:51,220
Mm-hmm.
138
00:07:06,703 --> 00:07:07,635
Well?
139
00:07:07,704 --> 00:07:09,569
Su-perb.
140
00:07:12,376 --> 00:07:14,241
You got a job? Doing what?
141
00:07:14,311 --> 00:07:15,437
Uh, I don't know.
142
00:07:15,512 --> 00:07:16,911
Mixing drinks,
picking horses...
143
00:07:16,980 --> 00:07:18,572
cutting cigars-- a job.
144
00:07:18,649 --> 00:07:21,914
Your father and I
don't want you doing that.
145
00:07:21,985 --> 00:07:23,418
Homer, say something.
146
00:07:23,487 --> 00:07:24,920
What does it pay?
147
00:07:24,988 --> 00:07:25,818
Thirty bucks a week.
148
00:07:26,890 --> 00:07:29,085
I make more than that.
149
00:07:49,446 --> 00:07:51,175
I was looking for those.
150
00:07:51,248 --> 00:07:52,374
Thanks, doll.
151
00:08:11,535 --> 00:08:12,627
Duh...
152
00:08:16,907 --> 00:08:19,000
It's funny because it's true.
153
00:08:19,076 --> 00:08:21,101
Well observed.
154
00:08:24,648 --> 00:08:27,549
Chief Wiggum, you honor us
with your presence.
155
00:08:27,617 --> 00:08:29,244
Baloney! I won't rest...
156
00:08:29,319 --> 00:08:32,083
until one of us
is behind bars--you.
157
00:08:32,155 --> 00:08:34,749
You know anything
about a cigarette truck...
158
00:08:34,825 --> 00:08:36,918
that got hijacked
on Route 401 ?
159
00:08:36,993 --> 00:08:38,051
What's a truck?
160
00:08:38,128 --> 00:08:39,925
Don't play dumb with me.
161
00:08:39,996 --> 00:08:40,928
Relax, Chief.
162
00:08:40,997 --> 00:08:42,294
You seem tense.
163
00:08:42,365 --> 00:08:45,357
You know, the boy here
makes an excellent Manhattan.
164
00:08:45,435 --> 00:08:46,493
Ah!
165
00:08:46,570 --> 00:08:48,868
I'm still going
to put you away.
166
00:08:48,939 --> 00:08:50,065
Good for you.
167
00:08:53,477 --> 00:08:55,570
Bart! Have you
started smoking?
168
00:08:55,645 --> 00:08:56,577
No.
169
00:08:56,646 --> 00:08:58,170
Don't lie to me, boy.
170
00:08:58,248 --> 00:08:59,374
Uh-huh! Cigarettes.
171
00:08:59,449 --> 00:09:01,076
Just as I thought.
172
00:09:01,151 --> 00:09:03,585
My boss said
his warehouse was full.
173
00:09:03,653 --> 00:09:04,620
Yeah, right.
174
00:09:04,688 --> 00:09:06,849
I'm going to teach you
a lesson.
175
00:09:06,923 --> 00:09:08,413
I'm going to stand here...
176
00:09:08,492 --> 00:09:11,757
and watch you smoke
every one of those cigarettes.
177
00:09:11,828 --> 00:09:13,295
Then maybe you'll learn.
178
00:09:13,363 --> 00:09:15,729
Fat Tony sent me over
to pick up the goods.
179
00:09:15,799 --> 00:09:16,891
In here, my man.
180
00:09:16,967 --> 00:09:19,231
You look good
with that cigarette--
181
00:09:19,302 --> 00:09:20,701
kind of sophisticated.
182
00:09:20,771 --> 00:09:23,171
Son, I'll never
doubt you again.
183
00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:25,470
The contents
of the hijacked truck...
184
00:09:25,542 --> 00:09:28,306
some 1 2,000 cartons
of Laramie 1 00s.
185
00:09:29,980 --> 00:09:31,242
We have... Please!
186
00:09:31,314 --> 00:09:33,179
We have a number of leads...
187
00:09:33,250 --> 00:09:35,718
and let me assure
all you smokers...
188
00:09:35,786 --> 00:09:37,720
there is no shortage
of cigarettes.
189
00:09:37,788 --> 00:09:39,312
How do we know that?
190
00:09:39,389 --> 00:09:42,119
Let me refer that
back toJack Larson...
191
00:09:42,192 --> 00:09:43,784
of Laramie Tobacco Products.
192
00:09:43,860 --> 00:09:45,327
Thank you, Chief.
193
00:09:45,395 --> 00:09:48,922
Folks, I'm pleased to announce
that a new truckload of Laramies...
194
00:09:48,999 --> 00:09:52,264
with their smooth good taste
and rich tobacco flavor...
195
00:09:52,335 --> 00:09:54,269
is already heading
toward Springfield...
196
00:09:54,337 --> 00:09:56,464
and the driver
has been instructed...
197
00:09:56,540 --> 00:09:59,668
to ignore all stop signs
and crosswalks.
198
00:09:59,743 --> 00:10:02,109
Police suspect the involvement
of reputed mobster...
199
00:10:02,179 --> 00:10:04,670
William ''Fat Tony'' Williams.
200
00:10:04,748 --> 00:10:07,876
Fat Tony is a cancer
on this fair city...
201
00:10:07,951 --> 00:10:09,282
and I am the...
202
00:10:09,352 --> 00:10:11,684
Uh, what cures cancer?
203
00:10:11,755 --> 00:10:13,780
Bart, is your boss a crook?
204
00:10:13,857 --> 00:10:15,347
I don't think so...
205
00:10:15,425 --> 00:10:17,586
although
it would explain...
206
00:10:17,661 --> 00:10:18,821
an awful lot.
207
00:10:18,895 --> 00:10:20,692
Me and the boys thank you...
208
00:10:20,764 --> 00:10:22,994
for hanging on to this for us.
209
00:10:23,066 --> 00:10:24,294
Thanks.
210
00:10:24,367 --> 00:10:25,959
Uh... say...
211
00:10:26,036 --> 00:10:27,731
are you guys crooks?
212
00:10:27,804 --> 00:10:30,796
Bart, um... is it wrong
to steal a loaf of bread...
213
00:10:30,874 --> 00:10:32,808
to feed
your starving family?
214
00:10:32,876 --> 00:10:33,968
No.
215
00:10:34,044 --> 00:10:35,807
For a large
starving family...
216
00:10:35,879 --> 00:10:38,643
is it wrong to steal
a truckload of bread?
217
00:10:38,715 --> 00:10:39,875
Uh-uh.
218
00:10:39,950 --> 00:10:42,714
And what if your family
don't like bread?
219
00:10:42,786 --> 00:10:43,912
They like... cigarettes.
220
00:10:43,987 --> 00:10:45,420
I guess that's okay.
221
00:10:45,488 --> 00:10:47,820
Now, what if instead
of giving them away...
222
00:10:47,891 --> 00:10:49,415
you sold them
at a price...
223
00:10:49,492 --> 00:10:51,653
that was practically
giving them away?
224
00:10:51,728 --> 00:10:53,958
Would that
be a crime?
225
00:10:54,030 --> 00:10:55,395
Hell no.
226
00:10:55,465 --> 00:10:56,932
Enjoy your gift.
227
00:10:59,269 --> 00:11:01,328
Su-perb.
228
00:11:12,082 --> 00:11:14,175
Give me three fingers
of milk, Ma.
229
00:11:16,253 --> 00:11:18,585
It's good he has
a part-time job...
230
00:11:18,655 --> 00:11:19,952
but I'm not sure...
231
00:11:20,023 --> 00:11:21,957
about the people
Bart's working for.
232
00:11:22,025 --> 00:11:23,424
I think they're criminals.
233
00:11:23,493 --> 00:11:24,858
Ajob's a job.
234
00:11:24,928 --> 00:11:28,227
If my plant pollutes the water
and poisons the town...
235
00:11:28,298 --> 00:11:31,426
by your logic,
that would make me a criminal.
236
00:11:31,501 --> 00:11:33,435
Bart's been acting
very strangely...
237
00:11:33,503 --> 00:11:35,437
and that pizza delivery truck...
238
00:11:35,505 --> 00:11:38,531
has been parked
across the street for two weeks.
239
00:11:38,608 --> 00:11:41,270
How long does it take
to deliver a pizza?
240
00:11:41,344 --> 00:11:42,470
Our cover's blown.
241
00:11:42,545 --> 00:11:43,477
Let's roll.
242
00:11:45,115 --> 00:11:47,447
See? It was all
your imagination.
243
00:11:47,517 --> 00:11:50,247
Homer, I want you to go
down to that club...
244
00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:51,548
and talk to them.
245
00:11:51,621 --> 00:11:54,055
See what kind
of people they are.
246
00:11:54,124 --> 00:11:56,058
Please, Homie.
247
00:11:56,126 --> 00:11:57,787
Oh, all right.
248
00:11:59,863 --> 00:12:01,694
Hmm.
249
00:12:03,433 --> 00:12:05,094
Read 'em and weep, boys.
250
00:12:05,168 --> 00:12:06,430
Another pair of sixes.
251
00:12:06,503 --> 00:12:07,868
Beats me.
252
00:12:07,938 --> 00:12:09,166
I was bluffing.
253
00:12:09,239 --> 00:12:10,763
You win again,
Homer.
254
00:12:12,075 --> 00:12:13,838
I am thrilled your boy...
255
00:12:13,910 --> 00:12:15,275
can continue
to work here.
256
00:12:15,345 --> 00:12:17,245
If you need a hat-check girl,
I've got a daughter.
257
00:12:17,314 --> 00:12:19,942
Homer, you're
a hell of a father.
258
00:12:21,084 --> 00:12:23,552
Homer! What did
you find out?
259
00:12:23,620 --> 00:12:25,952
The only thing
going on down there...
260
00:12:26,022 --> 00:12:27,284
was male bonding.
261
00:12:27,357 --> 00:12:29,291
More stink lines, boys.
262
00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:31,292
Hmm?
263
00:12:31,361 --> 00:12:33,124
What are you boys doing?
264
00:12:35,031 --> 00:12:37,226
You didn't see nothing.
Now, beat it.
265
00:12:42,138 --> 00:12:43,696
So, Fat Tony,
you invite...
266
00:12:43,773 --> 00:12:46,037
me and my associates
to your club...
267
00:12:46,109 --> 00:12:47,337
with the promise...
268
00:12:47,410 --> 00:12:50,038
of the finest Manhattans
in all of Springfield.
269
00:12:50,113 --> 00:12:53,776
Now you say your bartender
isn't here?
270
00:12:53,850 --> 00:12:55,249
I don't know
what happened.
271
00:12:55,318 --> 00:12:57,252
Louie, make up
some Manhattans.
272
00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:59,845
I only know how to make
wine spritzers.
273
00:12:59,923 --> 00:13:00,855
Now!
274
00:13:07,163 --> 00:13:12,362
What have I done to deserve
this flat, flavorless Manhattan?
275
00:13:17,674 --> 00:13:18,868
Mmmmm...
276
00:13:20,643 --> 00:13:22,167
Come on, boys.
277
00:13:23,747 --> 00:13:25,078
The kiss of death.
278
00:13:25,148 --> 00:13:26,581
That's all I need.
279
00:13:30,353 --> 00:13:32,287
...lousy Skinner.
280
00:13:32,355 --> 00:13:34,289
You are late for work.
281
00:13:34,357 --> 00:13:36,325
Of course
I'm late for work!
282
00:13:36,393 --> 00:13:39,294
Principal Skinner
kept me after school.
283
00:13:39,362 --> 00:13:40,886
Is Skinner causing you trouble?
284
00:13:40,964 --> 00:13:42,488
He sure is, patron.
285
00:13:42,565 --> 00:13:44,499
Hmm. Perhaps we should go...
286
00:13:44,567 --> 00:13:46,899
to meet and greet
this individual.
287
00:13:46,970 --> 00:13:48,232
Come on, boys.
288
00:13:52,342 --> 00:13:54,640
Some large men
to see you, sir.
289
00:13:54,711 --> 00:13:57,942
I don't have an appointment
with any large men.
290
00:13:58,014 --> 00:14:00,141
You Skinner?
291
00:14:00,216 --> 00:14:02,446
I'm Principal Skinner, yes.
292
00:14:02,519 --> 00:14:05,545
And how did you get past
the hall monitors?
293
00:14:11,061 --> 00:14:14,588
Children, I don't know
how to break this to you...
294
00:14:14,664 --> 00:14:16,791
but Principal Skinner is...
295
00:14:16,866 --> 00:14:18,424
missing.
296
00:14:21,371 --> 00:14:22,497
Uh-oh.
297
00:14:32,159 --> 00:14:33,091
- [ Gasps ]
- What..?
298
00:14:34,995 --> 00:14:36,428
Mm-mmm.
299
00:14:36,497 --> 00:14:39,728
I thought I found him,
but it was only a cat.
300
00:14:45,172 --> 00:14:47,606
- Chief Wiggum?
- Chief Wiggum?
301
00:14:47,674 --> 00:14:49,107
Please, I assure you...
302
00:14:49,176 --> 00:14:52,771
we'll be using the most advanced
scientific techniques...
303
00:14:52,846 --> 00:14:54,279
in the field of...
304
00:14:54,348 --> 00:14:55,406
body finding.
305
00:14:58,485 --> 00:15:00,385
I see wedding bells...
306
00:15:00,454 --> 00:15:02,615
for Vanna White
and Teddy Kennedy.
307
00:15:02,689 --> 00:15:05,817
If we could just stick
to Principal Skinner.
308
00:15:05,893 --> 00:15:09,294
Chief Wiggum, I am merely
a conduit for the spirits.
309
00:15:09,363 --> 00:15:11,661
Willie Nelson
will astound his fans...
310
00:15:11,732 --> 00:15:13,825
by swimming
the English Channel.
311
00:15:13,901 --> 00:15:15,027
Really? Willie Nelson?
312
00:15:19,072 --> 00:15:21,131
He loved fire drills.
313
00:15:21,208 --> 00:15:23,642
Will you get a hold
of yourself, lass...
314
00:15:23,710 --> 00:15:24,836
for the wee bairns.
315
00:15:24,912 --> 00:15:26,573
Hey! Look at me!
316
00:15:26,647 --> 00:15:27,841
I'm Skinner's body.
317
00:15:27,915 --> 00:15:29,212
That is not funny.
318
00:15:29,283 --> 00:15:31,751
I heard he's buried
under his parking spot.
319
00:15:31,818 --> 00:15:34,753
I heard he was ground
into hamburger for lunch.
320
00:15:34,821 --> 00:15:36,413
I heard Bart
had him killed.
321
00:15:36,490 --> 00:15:37,752
That's just a rumor.
322
00:15:37,824 --> 00:15:39,758
You're engaged in speculation.
323
00:15:39,826 --> 00:15:40,815
I know the law.
324
00:15:40,894 --> 00:15:42,486
You can't prove anything.
325
00:15:50,337 --> 00:15:51,395
Wuhaa!
326
00:15:51,471 --> 00:15:52,733
You killed me!
327
00:15:54,608 --> 00:15:55,939
- Nuhh...
- Nuhh...
328
00:16:01,648 --> 00:16:04,082
You killed me, Bart!
329
00:16:09,523 --> 00:16:12,117
You k-k-killed me, B-Bart.
330
00:16:21,535 --> 00:16:22,968
Reverend Lovejoy!
331
00:16:23,036 --> 00:16:25,061
You've come
to comfort me?
332
00:16:25,138 --> 00:16:26,400
Yes, Bart.
333
00:16:26,473 --> 00:16:28,236
There, there.
334
00:16:28,308 --> 00:16:30,071
There, there.
335
00:16:34,481 --> 00:16:35,743
Kill my boy.
336
00:16:35,816 --> 00:16:37,044
Kill my boy.
337
00:16:43,490 --> 00:16:45,720
There.
338
00:16:56,970 --> 00:16:59,097
You're eight hours
early for work.
339
00:16:59,172 --> 00:17:00,264
I like that.
340
00:17:00,340 --> 00:17:01,932
Did you kill my principal?
341
00:17:02,009 --> 00:17:03,840
Chinese guy with a moustache?
342
00:17:03,910 --> 00:17:05,434
No. My principal.
343
00:17:05,512 --> 00:17:06,774
That Skinner guy?
344
00:17:06,847 --> 00:17:08,508
No, we didn't kill him.
345
00:17:08,582 --> 00:17:10,277
You're all under arrest...
346
00:17:10,350 --> 00:17:12,784
for the murder
of Seymour Skinner.
347
00:17:12,853 --> 00:17:13,615
What's a murder?
348
00:17:13,687 --> 00:17:15,621
Don't play dumb with me.
349
00:17:15,689 --> 00:17:16,917
Cuff them, boys.
350
00:17:20,193 --> 00:17:21,319
Oh, Bart.
351
00:17:21,395 --> 00:17:24,125
Why couldn't you
have gotten a paper route...
352
00:17:24,197 --> 00:17:25,221
like other boys?
353
00:17:25,298 --> 00:17:26,959
Wait till I get you home.
354
00:17:27,034 --> 00:17:28,228
Who's that guy?
355
00:17:28,301 --> 00:17:29,734
Lionel Hutz, attorney.
356
00:17:29,803 --> 00:17:32,294
I'll be defending you
on the charge of...
357
00:17:32,372 --> 00:17:33,396
murder one!
358
00:17:33,473 --> 00:17:35,532
Wow. Even if I lose
I'll be famous.
359
00:17:38,979 --> 00:17:41,846
That Simpson boy
is looking at 1 80 years.
360
00:17:41,915 --> 00:17:45,908
Thank God we live in a country
so hysterical over crime...
361
00:17:45,986 --> 00:17:48,614
that a child can be tried
as an adult.
362
00:17:48,689 --> 00:17:50,919
I didn't order
this guy killed.
363
00:17:50,991 --> 00:17:53,084
Aren't you the head
of this gang?
364
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:54,923
No. I just stop by the club...
365
00:17:54,995 --> 00:17:57,293
to read the complimentary
newspaper.
366
00:17:57,364 --> 00:18:00,765
Then who is the kingpin,
the capo di tutti capi?
367
00:18:00,834 --> 00:18:01,960
That's the guy.
368
00:18:02,035 --> 00:18:03,627
Hey!
369
00:18:03,704 --> 00:18:05,968
Forgive me, Don Bartholomew.
370
00:18:06,039 --> 00:18:09,634
We tried to stop the kid,
but he wouldn't quit.
371
00:18:09,710 --> 00:18:12,611
Prostitution, loan sharking,
numbers...
372
00:18:12,679 --> 00:18:16,137
The kid liked to wet his beak
in everything.
373
00:18:16,216 --> 00:18:18,616
You've been his father
for ten years.
374
00:18:18,685 --> 00:18:21,449
Do you really think
he could be the leader...
375
00:18:21,521 --> 00:18:23,785
of a murderous
criminal syndicate?
376
00:18:23,857 --> 00:18:25,324
Well, not the leader...
377
00:18:25,392 --> 00:18:26,654
I mean...
378
00:18:26,727 --> 00:18:28,888
Oh, it's true, it's true!
379
00:18:28,962 --> 00:18:30,657
All the pieces fit.
380
00:18:35,402 --> 00:18:37,063
In light
of the testimony...
381
00:18:37,137 --> 00:18:39,332
from your gangsters,
your father...
382
00:18:39,406 --> 00:18:41,271
your teachers and
a seemingly endless parade...
383
00:18:41,341 --> 00:18:43,605
of emotionally shattered
baby-sitters...
384
00:18:43,677 --> 00:18:45,907
this court has
no choice but to...
385
00:18:45,979 --> 00:18:47,003
Stop!
386
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,173
Principal Skinner!
387
00:18:49,249 --> 00:18:50,511
I thought he was dead.
388
00:18:50,584 --> 00:18:53,246
I suppose you're wondering
where I've been.
389
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:55,083
It all started a week ago.
390
00:18:55,155 --> 00:18:56,247
I was at my desk...
391
00:18:56,323 --> 00:18:58,450
updating the school
dress codes...
392
00:18:58,525 --> 00:19:00,789
when I was confronted by toughs...
393
00:19:00,861 --> 00:19:03,762
acting on behalf
of one Bart Simpson...
394
00:19:03,830 --> 00:19:05,127
or so they said.
395
00:19:05,198 --> 00:19:07,098
We think the boy
has promise.
396
00:19:07,167 --> 00:19:08,600
Get out!
397
00:19:08,668 --> 00:19:12,126
To get my mind
off that ugly confrontation...
398
00:19:12,205 --> 00:19:15,299
I went home and began bundling
my old newspapers.
399
00:19:15,375 --> 00:19:16,808
Suddenly the pile fell.
400
00:19:16,877 --> 00:19:18,139
I was trapped.
401
00:19:18,211 --> 00:19:21,476
Let this be a lesson
to recycle frequently.
402
00:19:21,548 --> 00:19:25,143
I stayed alive
by eating my mother's preserves...
403
00:19:25,218 --> 00:19:26,776
and maintained my sanity...
404
00:19:26,853 --> 00:19:29,048
by dribbling
a nearby basketball.
405
00:19:29,122 --> 00:19:31,613
I made a game
of seeing how many times...
406
00:19:31,691 --> 00:19:34,854
I could bounce the ball,
and breaking that record.
407
00:19:34,928 --> 00:19:37,829
The police arrived
to search my home.
408
00:19:37,898 --> 00:19:39,297
Find anything, boys?
409
00:19:39,366 --> 00:19:40,458
No sign of him.
410
00:19:40,534 --> 00:19:41,592
Princess Opal?
411
00:19:41,668 --> 00:19:43,636
I'm afraid
it's splitsville...
412
00:19:43,703 --> 00:19:45,796
for Delta Burke
and Major Dad.
413
00:19:45,872 --> 00:19:47,499
They seemed so happy.
414
00:19:47,574 --> 00:19:50,839
I shouted until I was hoarse,
but they couldn't hear me.
415
00:19:50,911 --> 00:19:52,276
I'm in here!
416
00:19:52,345 --> 00:19:54,279
Well, let's go.
417
00:19:54,347 --> 00:19:55,507
Okay, Chief.
418
00:19:55,582 --> 00:19:58,016
I realized
if I was ever getting out...
419
00:19:58,084 --> 00:19:59,642
I had to do it myself.
420
00:19:59,719 --> 00:20:01,243
I formed a crude rocket...
421
00:20:01,321 --> 00:20:02,515
from a cigar tube.
422
00:20:02,589 --> 00:20:05,023
Remembering an experiment
from my days...
423
00:20:05,091 --> 00:20:06,683
as a science teacher...
424
00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:08,352
I concocted a fuel...
425
00:20:08,428 --> 00:20:10,487
from baking soda
and lemon juice.
426
00:20:10,564 --> 00:20:14,056
The rocket took off with
a mighty blast of carbon dioxide...
427
00:20:14,134 --> 00:20:15,999
dragging a vacuum cleaner
cord.
428
00:20:16,069 --> 00:20:17,969
I grabbed the vacuum cleaner...
429
00:20:18,038 --> 00:20:20,836
pushed the cord-retractor
button...
430
00:20:20,907 --> 00:20:23,398
and was on my way to freedom.
431
00:20:23,476 --> 00:20:25,239
And that's my courageous story.
432
00:20:27,347 --> 00:20:28,780
The prosecution moves...
433
00:20:28,849 --> 00:20:31,977
that this testimony
be stricken from the record.
434
00:20:32,052 --> 00:20:34,282
Denied. Case dismissed.
435
00:20:34,354 --> 00:20:35,582
Your Honor...
436
00:20:35,655 --> 00:20:37,885
uh, do I still get paid?
437
00:20:39,559 --> 00:20:41,618
I hope there are
no hard feelings.
438
00:20:41,695 --> 00:20:42,627
Get bent.
439
00:20:42,696 --> 00:20:43,856
I deserve that.
440
00:20:43,930 --> 00:20:46,626
I know we let you down,
but me and the boys...
441
00:20:46,700 --> 00:20:49,134
we still think
you've got a big future...
442
00:20:49,202 --> 00:20:51,193
in racketeering
and extortion.
443
00:20:51,271 --> 00:20:53,796
I used to think
your gang was cool...
444
00:20:53,874 --> 00:20:55,171
but now I learned...
445
00:20:55,242 --> 00:20:57,005
that crime doesn't pay.
446
00:20:57,077 --> 00:20:58,806
Yeah, you're right.
447
00:21:08,521 --> 00:21:11,820
Blood on the Blackboard::
The Bart Simpson Story...
448
00:21:11,892 --> 00:21:15,328
starring Richard Chamberlain
as Principal Skinner...
449
00:21:15,395 --> 00:21:16,987
Joe Mantegna as Fat Tony...
450
00:21:17,063 --> 00:21:19,327
Jane Seymour
as the woman he loved...
451
00:21:19,399 --> 00:21:22,061
and Neil Patrick Harris
as Bart Simpson.
452
00:21:22,135 --> 00:21:23,466
Let's get out of here.
453
00:21:23,536 --> 00:21:24,594
Shut up.
454
00:21:24,671 --> 00:21:26,764
Where do you want it, Skinner?
455
00:21:28,675 --> 00:21:30,870
Not smart.
456
00:21:33,013 --> 00:21:35,607
- Cool!
- When do we get the check for this?
457
00:21:35,682 --> 00:21:37,445
They changed it
just enough...
458
00:21:37,517 --> 00:21:39,451
so they don't have
to pay us.
459
00:21:39,519 --> 00:21:41,987
You know who
the real crooks are--
460
00:21:42,055 --> 00:21:44,216
those sleazy
Hollywood producers.
461
00:22:51,815 --> 00:22:53,749
Shh!
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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