All language subtitles for The.Office.US.S04E17.EXTENDED.1080p.WEBRip.x265-RARBG2

- [Michael] No,
no, no, no, no, no.

Michael, Michael!

- I do not want
to talk about it.

Unbelievable.

That, okay.

What happened, Michael?

- Oh, wouldn't you like
to know what happened

in the bathroom
by myself, pervy?

Suffice to say, I
finished my business.

I was just checking to make
sure everything was fine.

And my cell phone
fell out and on,

not in, but like on the rim.

- And then-
- It fell in.

- It's not, just let me
tell the story, okay, Jim?

I knocked it with my
knee and then it fell in.

And then I leaned
over and looked

and my glue tooth fell out
of my ear and that fell in.

Bluetooth.

And then I got flustered

and everything
started falling in.

My wallet fell in, my tip
calculator, my candy corn,

my white strips, all
fell in to the toilet.

And your keys fell in?

- I threw the keys
in out of anger.

- Right.
- This cannot happen again.

- That's what you
said last time.

I know I did.

(Phyllis laughs)
Phyllis, this is not funny.

This is not funny.

Well, technically
it is toilet humor,

which you claim to enjoy.

It is not toilet humor.

It is toilet tragedy.

(door slams)

Hey, hey, you know what?

This is the best thing
that ever happened to me.

I don't doubt it.

- Ladies and gentlemen, a while
ago you witnessed a tragedy

that befell me in the bathroom.

But as the adage goes,

out of great tragedy is
the mother of invention.

So without further ado,

I would like to present to you

something that I believe
will change the way

that we all do
business, so to speak.

Behold, the mesh toilet guard,

handy, portable, self -cleaning.

This little baby
goes where you go.

Who wants to give
it a test spin?

Phyllis?

Stanley?

Kev, you wanna?

Who wants to take it
on its maiden voyage?

Anyone?

Come on.

(Door slams)

Here's an idea.

Add a handle to that puppy,

and you got yourself
a tennis racket.

(upbeat theme music)

Hey. Ready?

Come on, show me excited.

Yes.

Yeah, I'm pretty excited too.

Today I'm headed
over to the job fair

at Valley View High School
to find some new interns.

Wanna get some fresh blood,

youthanize this place.

(door knocks)
Yep?

- All right, we're
on our way out.

All right, knock 'em dead.

And don't worry about Ryan.

Just get the sale.

He won't be able
to say anything.

Ryan put me on probation.

You remember Ryan.
He was the temp here.

Yeah, and it is not a good
time for me to lose my job

since I have some pretty
big long-term plans,

in my personal life with Pam

that I'd like her parents
to be psyched about

and not embarrassed by.

So I am about to do
something very bold

in this job that I've
never done before.

Try.

Hello, white people.

Hello, black fella.

- Good luck.
- All right, thanks.

- Hey, we doing this thing?
- Yeah.

- Oh my God, Darryl, you
look like Barack Obama.

Everybody, I'm
dating Barack Obama.

- Why are you dressed like
that?

Like what?

- Like you're
applying for a loan.

- Maybe he's going
to church. Or court.

Figured I'd look presentable.

Ah.

- You went a different way.
- I think you look nice.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

Okay, here's what
we're going to do.

I am going to instruct the kids
about management and sales.

Oscar will be in
charge of accounting.

Pam will be eye candy.

No, and also because
that is your alma mater.

Darryl will hire some
kids to the warehouse.

We don't have to worry
about internships with them

because they definitely
ain't goin' to college.

- What college did
you go to, Mike?

Let's go. (claps hands)

- Tuna, can I get a
little help please?

Danke schön.

Hit about 1200 balls last night

in preparation for today.

So hands are a little
tender. (laughs)

It's actually not funny at all.
It's incredibly painful.

- Whoa, Mr. McGuire. It's
been a couple of years.

- Hey Jim, how are ya?
Nice to see you, man.

Oh, no!

No, no, no, no.

My grandfather would
be spinning in his urn

if he knew that I was out
here with a Dartmouth boy.

You take that
shirt off right now

or I will take it
off for you, sir.

I am totally and
completely kidding!

(laughing)

Andy Bernard. Cornell, '95.

Phil McGuire, Dartmouth, '74.

- Got some blisties.
- Yeah, you do.

- Hey, I'm Kevin, are
we gonna play or what?

Yeah, absolutely.

Let's make it interesting.
Say, 10 bucks a hole.

- Great.
- What are we talking?

Skins. Acey deucy?

Bingo bango bongo?

Sandies, barkies,
arnies, wolf, what?

There is no golf if
there's no money involved,

and I'm gonna take this petty
cash that I got from Oscar

and turn it into
next month's rent.

Let's start with skins.

Let's start with skins.

By cart, me and
Andy, you and Jim.

Let's do it.

- If your client
likes Italian food,

you bring them to Cuginos.

And if your client
likes a little action,

you bring them a gambler.

And if your client hates
Cornell, you bring 'em Andy.

(crowd chattering)

- So many memories
in this old gym.

Pretending to have PMS

so I didn't have
to play volleyball.

Pretending I have PMS so I
didn't have to play basketball.

Those were the days.

- Little over the
top, don't you think?

- Show 'em what
you brought, Mike.

- That's all we brought.
- This is all we need.

- We'll see.
- Yes, we will see, Oscar.

We will see, because
a blank sheet of paper

equals endless possibilities.

Conceptual. All right.

We are open for business.

Hello.

What up?

Hello.

Hello.

What's up?

Blank sheet of paper.

Blank sheet of paper.

- Guys, do we have
to stay all day?

I mean, Michael's gone.

Can't we just go?

- Yeah. And then I finished
my work months ago.

Excuse me, people.

It has come to my attention
that some of you have forgotten

who is in charge here.

When Michael is gone,

Jim is in charge.

When Jim has gone,

Andy and I are in charge.

When Andy is gone, you
answer to me. Okay?

Excuse me, where do
you think you're going?

Oh no, no, no, no. You're
not leaving.

No, Stanley?

Do not walk out that door.

If you walk out that
door, so help me,

I will...

He left.

Last time I checked,

the American work
day ends at 5:00 PM.

You will all stay at your
desks until that time.

Or you will suffer
the consequences.

What consequences?

I will tell on you.

(golf cart whirring)

Andy, you're up. Let's go.

- Giddy-up. Let's do this.

People assume I'm great at
golf, but like everybody,

I hated golf lessons
when I was a kid,

so I used to just hang out
with the sailing club instead.

Got my knot on.

Damn it!

Kevin, your shadow.

You totally blocked out the
entire sun at the last second.

Threw off my rhythm.

No I didn't.

Damn it!

Aw! Aw!

Aw!

Okay, who's up?

Guy's kind of a douche.

Yeah, well, you know, Cornell.

I guess. (laughs)

- Well, kids today have a
very short attention span.

They are into texting
and video games,

and sex, and they just,

they get distracted easily.

And today, they're being
distracted by the other booths.

- You ever go to one of these
when you were in high school?

Nope. You?

No.

Maybe we should have.

(laughs)

No, surprisingly enough,
I did not always dream

of being an accountant
at Dunder Mifflin.

When I was in high school,
I was just a normal kid.

I made decent grades. I played
bass in a new wave band.

I had a poster of Kim
Basinger over my bed.

Oh, how I want it
to be Kim Basinger.

- There's some filing,
restocking the supply shelves,

replacing the water jug,
which nobody likes to do.

Um, We eat a lot of cake.

Cool.

(laughs)

Yeah, and you know,

you basically learn
how an office runs.

- Hello.
- So...

- Hi. Can I talk
to you for a sec?

Excuse me.

This is Michael, my boss.

- Yeah.
- Justin.

- Hey, remember, what we talked
about in car on the way out?

"Only the best and
the brightest."

- He's nice, and he
seems interested.

He's totally wrong, Pam.

Hey.

- Hi.
- How you doin'?

Listen, I don't think that
a handsome, funny, smart,

funny looking kid like
you should limit himself.

You could do whatever
you wanna do.

You could be a classy janitor

or a cashier with dignity

or a migraine worker.

Maybe for you, paper
should be more of a hobby.

- Sorry for wasting your time.
- Oh, no problem.

And he signed!

Did he put his name
on a piece of...

Okay, that was supposed
to be a blank canvas

on which to put their
hopes and dreams.

And he just made it into
a stupid piece of paper.

We need another one immediately.

- Yeah. The booth
is lame without it.

I only brought the one.

Are you mental?

Michael, Do you remember,

you specifically told me to
only bring one sheet of paper?

You said, "It only takes one
sheet to make a difference."

And I said, "Are
you sure Michael?"

And you said, "Pam, Pam, Pam."

And then you sneezed in my tea,

and then you said, "Don't
worry, it's just allergies."

Do you remember that?

I don't.

We can just turn it over.

- No, we need a
new, fresh sheet.

This is not a virgin
piece of paper anymore.

This is been a defiled
piece of paper.

- Okay. I'll go look
for another one.

- And that is why I
need a smart intern.

- Hey, so how's the direct
mail business going?

- I can't complain. People
love their junk mail.

- Now, are you getting all
your paper from PPC or-

You know what, Jim?

I'm not really looking to
change things up right now.

I just came out here to get
out of the office a little bit.

So why don't we just play? Okay.

Absolutely. We'll do.

So I guess I'll just
work on my short game.

Hello there?

What is this company?

- Well, it's funny
that you should ask

because it's really
more than a company.

Dunder Mifflin Paper.

Thanks.

Okay. Damn it, Oscar.

Yeah, I'm trying to lure
these kids into my booth,

but kids are very wary of
being lured these days.

Thank you, Dateline.

Thank you.

- Hey Kel, he's in the
bathroom. Let's go.

(phone rings)

Extension 128.

Hi ya pumpkin, it's Creed.

Say, we're gonna ditch this
bitch. You in?

- No.
- You out?

Pumkin's out! Let's go gang.

Whenever I'm here by myself,

I like to pretend that
all the others are dead.

So this is nice.

Roy.

Nine years of my life.

My old art room.

Oh, maybe it's still here.

No, no.

They must've take
it down. Never mind.

(phone rings)

What do you want?

- Michael, I know
you're swamped.

I just thought you should know

that everyone in
the office has left

except for Angela and I.

Do not worry, though,

I have taken down their names

and I have docked
them a personal day.

- Who cares? I'm not
there. Jim's not there.

Why should they
have to be there?

So what else is up?

(dial tone)
Mike?

Thank you.

Wha, what is this?

Piece of paper?

- This isn't Dunder
Mifflin paper.

- It's some sort
of Pedleton crap.

- Well, I think they'll
get the spirit of it.

- Pam, Pam, Pam,
Pam, Pam, Pam, Pam!

We're dying here.

I want you to go
back to the office

and I want you to
get the real stuff.

I want you to get
ultra white card stock.

Are you serious?

- Yes. And don't
call me Shirley.

Oh.

Ah. Damn it.

- You could just pick it up,
take the triple bogey.

Yeah, I, I'll get it out.

- Thank you.
- Yup.

Out in 12.

- (clapping)
- Yes. (laughs)

Finally.

Come on, Andy.

(mobile phone rings)

Ah, come on Tuna!

- Hey, can't really
talk now. What's up?

- Just checking
in. How's it going?

- Ah, you know,
we'll see. We'll see.

- I just drove 20 miles
round trip back to the

office to get Michael a single
sheet of white paper.

So I could have just had
them fax it to me, I guess.

- Oh, I like you.
- Talk to you later?

Yeah. Alright, bye.

All right.

Sorry, I got to annoy
you one more time.

What if I bring
down shipping costs?

You can try.

But I've looked at your prices.

Even with free shipping,

doesn't work.

It's just, It's not
in the stars, Jim.

Six.

Yeah.

- All right. All right,
race to the next hole.

Ooh, winner gets 10 bucks.

Wait, wait for me. Andy!

Shortcut! Short cut!

- (golf cart shatters)
- Oh!

I fell in the sand trap.

I am depressed.

Ever since Ryan left,

I've been going through
Empty Nest syndrome

and I call it that

because that's the way I felt

when Empty Nest
went off the air.

I am lonely and I
need a new Ryan.

(machine whirring)

All of these jobs suck.

I would rather live jobless
on a beach somewhere

off the money from
a large inheritance

than I have to work in any
one of these crapholes.

They suck.

Hey.

Game over.

Hey, Mike.

I think, you owe these
nice folks an apology.

I'll go get the ball.

Hey there,

Michael Scott, regional
manager, Dunder Mifflin.

- Brett Bailey. Nice to meet
you.

That is a very firm handshake.

Oh, wow. Ah, killing
my hand there.

So what is your poison?

You like a sales, accounting?

Sales. Sales would be cool.

- Sales is and could
be very, very cool.

If you like paper and
you love to laugh,

this is the place for you.

Sounds great.

- Right here. We
have a lot of fun.

This is one of our staff.

This is Pam Beasley,
receptionist extraordinaire.

- Hey, Pam.
- Check that out, huh?

- Hi, nice to meet you.
- Pretty nice.

- Yeah.
- She sits there all day.

You get to look at her.

I want you to hold
out your hand.

Tell me what you feel.

- Paper.
- That's called card stock.

That's what you're feeling

and what you're feeling
inside is confusion.

Butterflies, exhilaration.

You're thinking, am I
good enough for this job?

Do I have what it takes?

I think we both know the answer.

We'll find out that out
together.

You can keep that.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

- Sweet.
- Don't fold it though.

- Thank you very much.
- Oh, thanks.

- Okay. So we owe
approximately $200 to Kevin.

It looks like Andy
will be paying 7,500

for capsizing the golf cart.

Apparently, that's illegal here.

- Still, it's a
beautiful day, huh?

It is a beautiful day.

You know, our
customer service is-

- No, no, just enjoy
the moment, Jim.

Yeah.

Really is nice out.

- We have the Dundees, my
birthday, that was blowout

and it's sexy, sort
of a sexy atmosphere.

You know, the other
day in the parking lot,

I actually found a condom.

So, I've meaning to ask you,
do you know whose that was?

So sexy-

- Man, well, it
was to meeting you.

I'm gonna, I need to go. Okay.

- Hey, you know
what? Coincidence.

I am going to go for a
little stroll on myself.

You psyched about the summer?

- Oh yeah,
- Yeah, me too.

- Okay. I'm gonna
go to the bathroom.

- Okay, be my guest
and do your worst.

- To be honest, I'm
not so good at math.

I know it seems like

there'd be a lot of
math in accounting.

It's not brain surgery.

You should see some of the
people in my department.

(laughs)

- It is right by my
house. I could walk there.

- You sound like
the ideal candidate.

- oh, come on.
- Hey.

So I forgot to mention that
my old temp is now my boss.

So, gives you an idea how
quickly you can move up.

Yeah, I get it. Okay.

I'm not interested. Stop
following me around.

You're really starting
to freak me out.

- One other thing I wanted to-

Look, I was just being polite.

I don't want to waste
my life selling paper

for your stupid company, okay?

Oh.

- Tuna, can you put
this in my mouth for me?

No.

Here we go.

1, 2, 3 up.

Oh, oh.

Aw, I totally chipped a tooth.

Do you want a straw?

- Excel spreadsheets.
They just calm me.

You probably don't know this,
but I live for spreadsheets.

What about you?

- When I was a kid, I used
to take things from my house.

Box them up,

load them in the back of
my mom's station wagon

for no reason whatsoever.

That's when I knew.

Yeah, I don't really like
my job, but I love my life.

Love my daughter,
love my friends.

Love the Eagles
and I like Kelly.

Oh, and I love that old busted
up couch in front of office.

- Thanks.
- I don't get it.

I don't get this place.

The cool kids don't like paper.

The losers do.

It's weird.

No offense, but your
high school sucks.

You're very lucky
that we took you in.

Yeah, I know.

Listen, that kid, Justin,
who came up to you,

he was really nice.

You kind of just blew him off.

Really?

Okay. All right, I
will hire Justin.

He will just be my extreme
home makeover person edition.

Okay.

All right.

Hey Justin, I cannot
believe I'm saying this,

but I'm going to offer you an
internship at Dunder Mifflin.

You are welcome.

Let's go.

- Which one is
Dunder Mifflin again?

The bank?

- I'm sorry, I just
have a ton of brochures.

Paper company.

Single sheet of
paper, conceptual.

Come on moron, work to do.

- I'm, I'm sorry. I'm sort
of in the middle of this.

- Wait, you want this kid
to be in the air force?

- Absolutely. Justin is
smart, capable, ambitious.

- And he aims high.
- Timeout.

You think this kid could
be a fighter pilot?

- I think Justin could be
anything he wants to be.

Okay.

Okay.

(Dwight sneezes)

Bless you.

Thank you.

- Just in time.
- Hi.

- Just in case,
what's your last name?

Polznik.

This just in, Justin Polznik!

Whaa...(laughs)

I now realize that Brett Bailey

is like the hot
girl in the movie

who in a surprise twist, turns
out to be a raving bitch.

And that Justin is the
ugly girl in the movie

who takes off her
glasses and she's hot.

And you realize that
she was always hot.

She was just wearing glasses.

And that you were the blind one.

He's the most important
thing in my life right now.

Have you given any more
thought to Dunder Mifflin?

- Well, you took
away the brochure.

So I just sort of-

- No, yeah, but you
don't need the brochure.

The brochure is up
here and it's in here.

I think you are smart and
capable and you aim high.

- That's what the
recruiter just said.

I'm right.

I want you to meet
my family. Come on.

Oscar Martinez,
accountant extraordinaire.

This is Justin.

- Hey.
- Hi.

This is Darryl Philbin.

Isn't he big?

And you've already met her,
Pam Beasley, office hottie.

She will do you know.

(laughs)

No. No.

But she has already dated
two guys in the office

that we know of, so this
could be number three.

You never...

Come here.

I would never say
this to her face,

but she's a wonderful
person and a gifted artist.

- What? Why wouldn't you
say that to her face?

So what do you think?

Think these guys are nice?

Guys that I didn't
bring are even better.

Justin, I'm willing
to commit right now.

Would you do me the honor

of spending this summer
with us at Dunder Mifflin?

I think, I think you
are very special.

You didn't want me before.

- That's what you said.
- No, I didn't.

- You were, you were
kind of a jerk to me.

- I am-
- And I'm going to go now.

- Why don't...
Hey.

- What are the chances I
could get a permanent position

with you guys once I've
interned?

Pretty good, I guess.

- Cool.
- Yeah.

Wow.

I'm gonna be an accountant
at a paper company.

Yay.

Oh, wait a second.

Oh, I just got a text.

Oh geez. How embarrassing?

We just filled the
intern position.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Man. That's, it's too bad.

It's okay.

Listen, Megan,

is there anything that
you're really interested in?

Anything at all?
History, medicine, dance.

I Play the guitar.

- That's great. You
play the guitar.

Megan, be a musician. Spend
your life making music.

Don't work in an office.

Promise me. You'll
never stop making music.

- I haven't been
playing that long.

- Practice till
your fingers bleed.

- Okay
- Go get 'em, Megan.

I just couldn't do that
to that little girl.

Last man standing.

Excuse me.

Okay, Jim, you owe me one 120

and Phil, you owe me 230.

Let's open a tab,

'cause you and me are gonna
be playin' more often.

- Count me in.
- Nope.

All right.

Okay.

You had some fun and
I think I paid for it.

So let me just get my
last shot in there.

Is there anything
you can do for me?

I'll tell you what.

My fiscal year
ends in two months.

Let's talk then.

- Sound good.
- Absolutely.

- Good playing with you guys.
- Right on.

- I'm gonna take so
much money off that guy.

That guy is a whale.
I'm gonna clean him out.

This is really gonna
get me out of a hole.

He's not my client.

You know, it's a tough thing

seeing a grown man take six
shots to get out of a sand trap,

but I had to give phil
credit for not quitting,

which is what I told him.

I also told him that
I don't quit either.

And I'd call him
every single day

until he gave me his business.

Which he then did,

after 15 minutes of
me blocking his car.

So I am now his paper supplier,

and I shot a 102 today,

so I'm feelin' pretty good.

- The Job Fair will be
closing in five minutes.

Eighth period will
commence as scheduled.

- Hold on the Fort. I
have to do something

Excuse me.

If you can hear me,

I would like you to look
around at all these companies

and know that none of them
are good enough for you.

H&R block?

Come on.

I mean, I don't even
know what they do.

"Frank Regan Funeral Home?"

Too much formaldehyde.

The Air Force?

Air Force is cool.

The refreshments?

Bush league, you know,

that's not what you want.

Dunder....

That, okay.

I see security is coming,

so I just want to say,
come to Dunder Mifflin.

Dunder Mifflin, a
great place to work.

Anybody? Show of hands?

Anybody wanna intern
at Dunder Mifflin?

We do not offer college credit,

we cannot give you
any sort of pay,

but it is a really fun
work environment.

Anybody? Show of hands?

Damn it. Okay.

I'm gonna wrap it up here.

Thank you for your
time and drive safe.

- Hi.
- Hello.

I was just wondering what
kind of jobs do you guys have?

- Are you interested
in graphic design?

Yeah.

Can I fill out an application?

- Oh, Absolutely.
Here, take a seat.

I should let you
know right away.

This is just an entry-level
job. It's really basic.

And we're looking for
like a self-starter.

Someone who can meet deadlines

and just pretty much just
go the extra mile, I guess.

- I can do that.
- Great.

And obviously we're
looking for someone

who knows Photoshop and
Dreamweaver, Corel painter,

Illustrator, After
Effects, all the basics.

I don't know any of those.

- It's actually not
super complicated.

I mean, I'm sure
there's some sort of

like adult education
classes in the area,

but if you're really serious
about graphic design,

I would think about New
York or Philadelphia,

they got amazing programs
out there for design.

- New York, Philadelphia.
- Yeah.

All right. Cool, well, thanks.

And I'll, I'll look into those.

- You should.
- New York or Philadelphia?

- Absolutely.
- Okay.

Thanks.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

You realize you were taking,

- I can't-

Beers?

- You closed it?
- I closed it.

Yes!

Congratulations to you, sir.

- Thank you. Oh,
thank you very much.

Appreciate it.

- Well done. Nice job.
- Thank you.

You know what? Screw this.

Oh, wow, wow, wow.

Today I did something stupid.

I questioned myself, and I
will never do that again.

'Cause I look at somebody
like Jim Halpert,

and I think that guy could
do anything he wants to do.

He could do anything and
he chooses to work here

selling paper, just like me.

Yeah. Kiss her.

Kiss her good.

(upbeat music)