All language subtitles for The.Office.US.S04E14.EXTENDED.1080p.WEBRip.x265-RARBG

I have spent the last month
here at Dwight's lovely farm.

Taking a little
bit of a vacation,

clearing my head
after Jan and I--

(mimicking gunfire)

No, I did not kill her.

We were just at different
places in our lives.

So, I thought I'd
be the bigger man

and allow her to
stay at the condo.

She has since moved on.

She is staying with her
sister in Scottsdale.

Fresh outlook and it's all good.

Okay, so look that over.

Make sure it's accurate.

- What is this?
- Your bill.

Minus the 10% Dunder
Mifflin corporate discount.

You were charging me?

I'm your friend.

- You occupied the America
room for six weeks.

That's our most popular room.

- There was no other guests
the entire time I was here.

- Right, because you
were in the America room

in an election year.

Okay.

All right, Dwight, take
my money, go ahead.

Keep in mind that
this whole thing

was just a business transaction.

The late nights, the
talks, slumber parties,

the crying jags, that
was all business.

That had nothing to do with
friendship and being friends.

Just ring me up.

Go ahead.

(paper tearing)

Thank you, Dwight.

- We don't take
debit cards anyway.

- Dwight, a little help
with the bags, please?

(upbeat music)

(brakes squealing)

- W.B. Jones is
renovating their offices.

And their construction
crews are taking up

some of the parking
spaces we used to get.

- So we had to park
at a satellite parking
lot over there.

- Which just means we get to
see more of our lovely street.

Tell them what we
saw today, Jim.

- Oh, today, we
saw a junkyard dog

attacking the bones of
a rotisserie chicken.

Nature.

Been here nine years.

Now, all of a sudden,
I'm supposed to park
half a mile away?

- I lost a penny out
of my loafers, Oscar.

I will quit.

As God is my witness, I will
quit if this is not fixed.

- Some of us make the
walk more than others.

[Brian] Hurts like hell.

Morning, Stanley.

(loudly groaning)

(door closing)

Did you pick a new chair?

It's been awhile.

- Pam, when I first
opened this catalog,

I thought I was just going
to be picking out a chair.

- But instead, you found
something to distract you

from ever picking out a chair.

Michael started the process
of selecting a new chair

about three weeks ago.

And normally, I wouldn't care,

but he promised me as old one.

It's way better.

It's one of these (blowing air).

I really want it.

Have you ever seen this woman?

Her?

The one in the
really great, mesh,

black, high-back swivel chair?

Look at her smile.

Those eyes, look at her eyes.

She's got, I don't know
what it is exactly.

She dresses like a
professional and yet, you know,

there is a side of her that
could just curl up on a couch.

Or in a great chair.

Oh, yeah, maybe.

But remember after
my dinner party,

when I said that I was
swearing off women?

- I definitely remember
your dinner party.

- I think what I
meant was that I am

completely swearing
off one woman, Jan.

I think that fate put
this catalog in my hands.

- Actually, I put the
catalog in your hand

'cause you have to
pick out a new chair.

What is it like being single?

I like it.

I like starting each day
with a sense of possibility.

And I'm optimistic.

Because every day, I get
a little more desperate.

And desperate situations
yield the quickest results.

Ladies and gentlemen,
would you please

open your supply catalogs
and kindly turn to page 85.

(phone ringing)

Yo.

Is this his new chair?

No, he hasn't picked one yet.

God.

When Pam gets
Michael's old chair,

I get Pam's old chair.

Then I'll have two chairs.

Only one to go.

- I am ready to
start dating again.

I'm getting back on the market.

So, FYI, for those of you
who are thinking about

fixing me up with
any of your friends,

use the woman on page
85 as a template.

That will be all.

(pen landing)

- I left my cell
phone in my car.

- Call us when you get there
so we know you're okay.

(machine whirring)

(phone ringing)

Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.

What?

I'm sorry?

I'm sorry.

Can you turn that
down, please, Kevin?

It only has one speed.

Hey, Kev-bo.

Wow.

Look at those feet.

Listen, man.

I am completely over Jan.

So, would you set me up?

- If I had somebody to
set you up with, Michael,

then I'd take her for myself.

I thought you were engaged.

Nope, Stacy broke up with me.

What?

God, that's terrible, man.

She's crazy.

Are you still on good terms
with any of her friends?

Not anymore.

It's a bitter situation.

- Oh, she's, you
don't deserve her.

All right.

Love, marriage, baby carriage.

Those have been my goals
ever since I heard that song.

Jan and I had love.

We did not have marriage.

We did have a baby
carriage, which I got her

for bringing groceries
home after she got a DUI.

Hi, Michael.

Hey, Kelly.

Ew, what are you doing here?

Nothing.

Just hangin', chillin'.

No agenda.

Would you consider hooking me
up with one of your friends?

Oh, all my friends are crazy.

My one friend,
Brianna, oh, my god.

(both laughing)

That's hilarious.

What's her number?

She's 23.

Mm, that's too young.

- Actually, I know
a ton of people

that I can set you up with.

Some of my friend's parents,
they're getting divorced now.

So I think some of those,
like, older ladies,

they're really looking for
a guy to go on a date with.

So what about you, Angela?

Do you have any single friends?

I don't.

Cute, little, religious type.

Someone who wears
a uniform, or--

A Catholic school girl?

- (snorting) No,
obviously older.

A nun?

Okay.

Oh, hello, Oscar
Meyer Wiener lover.

I bet that you have a
bunch of very liberal,

girl-type friends who
trust you implicitly

because they know
you'd never touch them

because of your condition.

You know, like, you're
just hanging out with them

and they're gossiping with you.

And they're walking
around in front of you

in their panties and
bras and (sighing).

- Man, I want your life.
- Thank you.

- Michael?
- What?

I have a friend who's single.

- Oh.
- Sandy.

She's gorgeous.

And she's got a feisty
personality, too.

Hm, feisty.

So she's not jolly or sassy?

Not like a jolly,
sassy opera singer?

- No, she's a professional
softball player.

Oo.

Catcher or infield?

I don't know, Michael.

- Is she a dress-wearer
or a pants-wearer?

Could we share a rowboat?

Could a rowboat support her?

What are you asking?

- I think I'm being very
clear what I'm asking.

Would an average-size rowboat
support her without capsizing?

It bothers me that you're
not answering the question.

- No, all right, no, she
can't fit in a rowboat.

- Dammit, I knew it, I
knew it, Phyllis, okay.

What is wrong with these people?

I would do anything for them.

And they're just
hanging me out to dry.

Dating shouldn't be hard
for somebody like me.

But it is.

And you know why?

Because nobody here
is willing to help me.

Nothing would ever get
done in this office

without a formal
request, would it?

Well, fine, here goes.

- I don't think that this is--

- Now, okay. I know that this
is probably not appropriate.

But I need help.

Because I want to
play ball with my kids

before I get too old.

And before that happens,
I need to get laid.

And before that happens,
I need to be in love.

And I don't want to
hear, I don't know,

I can't help, I don't know.

No, no, I'm a catch.

And I am not going to
be the one who got away.

So this is what
we're going to do.

Dwight is going to
handout index cards.

And I want you all to
write down the name

of an eligible woman for me
to date by the end of the day.

No, by the end of the
hour, or you are fired.

Write legibly, people.

There is nobody I hate enough

to write her name on this card.

- Well, I'm setting Michael
up with my fat friend anyway.

He can just deal with it.

Who are you putting down?

Oh, you don't know her?

- Who is it?
- Your mom.

(chuckling) Yeah, whatever.

Give that to me,
give that to me.

- Stanley, if you could
just pass this over.

No.

- Hi, Angela Martin, full-time
accountant, part-time pimp.

- Forcing your
employees to set you up

is not a technical violation
of any Dunder Mifflin rule.

But neither is forcing
them to help you

with a shot-by-shot
remake of Indiana Jones.

How do you make a
rule book like that?

- Because of the
construction at W.B. Jones,

half of us have to park
in the satellite lot.

It's, like, a 10-minute walk.

No, 30.

- Well, look, I have an assigned
parking place in front, so.

All right, all right, all right.

Let me try to think about

what it would be
like to not have one.

Okay, yes, that would be bad.

- Yes.
- Yes.

- That would be bad.
- Okay, so, help us out?

Wish I could, but I can't.

Well, can, but won't.

Should, maybe, but shorn't.

Michael, please.

- What part of shorn't
don't you understand, Kevin?

Look, I could probably
handle it, yes.

But I think it would
be a good exercise

for you guys to
do it yourselves.

We won't let you down.

- You can't because
I don't care.

Listen, don't forget to
fill out those cards.

My love cards.

- Michael and my sister
might hit it off.

Thanksgivings with Michael.

(card tearing)

- I put down the number
to a sex addict hotline.

- All right, time's
up, pencils down.

Please, pass your future
Mrs. Michael Scott's forward.

I'm just gonna write down

the number of my
boss at corporate.

It's gonna save me
a lot of paperwork

if I don't have to act as
the middleman on this one.

And, you know, they
should hear it from him.

Pammy.

I don't have anybody.

- You don't have one
single girlfriend?

No.

- I'm not looking for
a perfect 10 here.

Just somebody to hang out with.

Just fun, healthy, young woman.

Sorry.

I think, deep down,
Michael's a good person.

You just forget sometimes.

Like, whenever he says
or does something.

I know what the problem is.

They are used to seeing me
with a hot girl on my arm.

They're thinking, oh, he's
successful, he's handsome.

Not gonna have any
trouble finding a woman.

Well, that's what I thought.

A kindergarten teacher
who is great with kids.

Maybe an ex-model.

And now she wants to do
something with a brain.

No, I don't.

- How about a professional
volleyball player

who models on the side?

You know, just a
fun, look, here,

it doesn't have to be a model.

Don't rule out model.

But just in terms of models,

there are like 20
different categories.

There's face models,
hand models, body models.

Yes.

I actually know a sex model.

- Really?
- Yep, yeah.

She's blind.

Is that a problem?

- No, it's all about
the personality, Jim.

Okay.

Are you talking about Beverly?

Yes.

Because she's not a sex model.

She's the toll booth operator.

Oh, yeah.

Send me a picture.

So far, these are my leads.

A blind toll booth operator
and a 1,200 pound catcher.

(cards tapping)

It's a start.

- Hey, Phyllis, what you
knitting, a bedspread?

A sweater for Bob.

Well, he's gonna love it.

You're a knitress of the night.

Speaking of Bob, we
have a favorite ask.

- We would like for
him to call W.B. Jones

and tell him to give us
our parking spaces back.

- Oh, Bob doesn't let me
talk to him about business.

Why don't you just
talk to Jones directly?

We tried.

His secretary won't
let us see him.

Dammit, we're hitting brick
walls everywhere we turn.

- What are we
supposed to do now?

- Well, I think that there's
only one card left to play.

We need a business park meeting.

Five families?

- Okay, Wendy, hot
and juicy red head.

We'll give this a try.

(numbers dialing)

(line ringing)

- Wendy's.
- Hello, Wendy.

This is Kevin's friend, Michael.

- This isn't Wendy.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

Could you put her on, please?

- [Worker] Dude, this
is a Wendy's restaurant.

Dammit, Kevin.

Okay, um, could I
just have a frosty

and a baked potato, please?

- [Worker] You have to come to
the restaurant to order food.

- Well, I'll send
somebody to pick it up.

- Just have it ready.
- It's ready now.

Well, put it aside.

Thank you, Kevin.

Jenny, no description.

867-5309.

(line ringing)

[Man] Hello?

Ah, yes, is Jenny there?

[Man] Very funny, man.

It's hilarious.

- Overly protective
older brother?

- Okay, I have collected
the rest of the ladies.

Good, good.

Because this batch was awful.

Part of my job is to make sure

the boss is sexually satisfied.

I'm not embarrassed about that.

I'm proud of it.

Meredith, extension 106.

- Who wrote that?
- Meredith.

Oh, okay.

That's sweet.

This one says chair model.

I wrote that.

Michael, you shouldn't
have to settle.

This is my pledge to you.

I will find her and I
will bring her to you.

And as God is my witness,
she shall bear your fruit.

That sounds good.

Go get her.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

First, go to Wendy's, get my
food, come back and then go.

That is fantastic.

Thank you, thank you very much.

This is just what I needed.

The furniture company
gave me the name

of the advertising agency.

They gave me the name
of the photographer.

The photographer, a Spaniard,

used a Wilkes-Barre
modeling agency.

The agency gave me the
following information.

Deborah Shoshlefski,
142 South Windsor Lane.

Dead, car accident.

Case closed.

She's dead?

(loud squelching)

But she's so young.

- She was so young
and now she is dead.

As dead as every dead
animal who has ever died.

Oh, god.

- Why don't you
sit down, Michael?

(loudly sighing)

Come on.

There we go.

- Michael, you
didn't even know her.

Try not to be so hurtful, Jim.

- Jim, how dare you?
- Please,

not at a time like this.

(loudly sighing)

Okay, Michael, you know what?

I might have someone for you.

- Oh, really, what's
her name, Burger King?

No, I mean it.

She's really nice and sweet.

And you guys might
actually get along.

- I don't, I don't
think I'm ready.

Is she hot?

- I'm setting Michael
up with my landlady.

She's really sweet.

And whatever, I just can't
take Michael like this.

No question about it.

I am ready to get hurt again.

- We need to assemble
the five families.

No, not the five families.

We have to.

The five families are
the five companies

of Scranton business park.

The bosses rarely meet.

There's Michael Scott, Regional
Manager, Dunder Mifflin.

Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.

Paul Faust of
Disaster Kits Limited.

They call him cool guy Paul.

W.B. Jones of W.B.
Jones Heating and Air.

Grade-A badass.

And Bill Cress of
Cress Tool and Dye.

Bill Cress is super
old and really mean.

- Kevin, I don't have
time for this right now.

I'm trying to get a date
with Pam's hot friend.

And she needs to
meet me right now.

- I'm calling the
meeting anyway.

Thank you very much.

Our suspect has
straight, brown hair.

She is wearing blue
jeans and a black top.

So, behold, our bachelorette.

Give her a 10 for looks

and a three for her ability
to describe herself.

Hello, my lady.

Michael?

Oh.

Are you Michael Scott?

Sorry, Michael what?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm supposed to be meeting
someone named Michael.

- Oh, that's not, yeah--
- Michael?

Michael?

Large hot chocolate with caramel
and a shot of peppermint.

- So you get the rent
checks every month

and what happens next?

What?

- You're asking me what
I do with the checks

that people write to me.

Just making conversation.

Why is it so hard
to meet people?

All I want is somebody
nice and sweet.

And someone I can talk to
and share an experience with.

You know?

Why is it so hard
for people like us?

I don't know.

- You want to see
what I walked out on?

This is going to blow your mind.

Look at that.

- She's beautiful.
- Yeah, yeah.

And you can't see
your whole body.

Down here, she has a boob job.

She was just crazy smart
and really manipulative.

- And I don't know.
- Michael?

Hello, Michael?

- I'm gonna head out.
- Oh, okay.

Well, I enjoyed
this conversation.

It was very nice.

It was like talking to the
sweet, old lady on the bus.

That's incredibly rude.

Now you ruined it.

- Hey, you okay?
- I'm scared.

Look, relax, okay?

I grew up in corporate circles.

It was my entire social life.

- So, let me take the lead.
- Okay.

And we're gonna be fine.

- But sometimes you come
off like a bit of a jackass.

- So can you just not do that?
- Yeah, sure.

Can I handle this?

Well, let's take a looksie.

Born and bred in
Simsbury, Connecticut.

By the time I was
22, I'd graduated

from an Ivy League
college, Cornell.

By the time I was 31,
I was regional director

in charge of sales at
Dunder Mifflin Stanford.

So yeah, pretty sure
I can handle this.

Where's Scott?

- Michael Scott could
not make it today

due to an unforeseen
prior engagement.

- Let's just meet
back in an hour.

Gentlemen, please.

We called this meeting.

Andrew Bernard is
the name of me.

And this is my associate,
Mr. Kevin Malone.

Things.

All right, what do you want?

Well, first of all,

I'd just like to say
what an honor it is

to be sitting here
with you gentlemen.

- You have about 10 seconds--

- We want our
parking spaces back.

Whose parking spaces?

W.B. Jones' construction guys

park in our parking
spaces every morning.

And some people have
to park really far away

and walk all the
way to the office.

And some people sweat
too much for comfort.

My god.

- I don't have time
for this, guys.

Just give them
back their spaces.

- Okay.
- We good?

Okay.

Could have done this over email.

- After Stacy left, things
did not go well for awhile.

And it was hard to see.

It's just nice to win one.

(door opening)

- Margaret, the
landlady, really, Pam?

Is that what you think of me?

She's sweet and cute.

I thought you'd get along.

Oh, okay.

Well, I'm looking for passionate
affair, not companionship.

I'm a man of intensity, of cool
and youth and passionately.

God.

- Margaret?
- I know.

- You just got yourself
kicked out of your apartment.

(both chuckling)

Oh, I don't care.

I didn't really like that
place that much anyway.

I'll just move.

Oh, really?

Who's gonna take you in?

You're messy, you're a
klutz, you spill everything

and you leave the volume
on the TV way too loud.

Yeah.

Maybe I'll just move
in with my boyfriend.

'Cause he's kind of a slob, too.

Okay, sure, let's do it.

- (chuckling) No, I,
well, I'm not gonna,

I'm not gonna move in with
anyone unless I'm engaged.

- Have I not
proposed to you yet?

I don't know, no.

Oh, well, that's coming.

Oh, right now.

- No, I'm not gonna
do it right here.

That would be rather lame.

Okay, so then when?

Pam, I'm not gonna tell you,

I hate to break it to you,
but that's not how that works.

Oh, right, yeah.

Wait, I'm serious.

- It's happening.
- Okay.

- And when it happens, it's
going to kick your ass, Beasley.

So stay sharp.

I've been warned.

I am not kidding.

Got it a week after
we started dating.

I don't know, man.

I was with Jan for so long.

I was excited about
meeting somebody new.

Put my heart out there.

Just (sighing).

You know what you need?

Closure.

You're right.

What do you mean though?

There was a woman in your life

who affected you very deeply.

And she left before
you could say goodbye.

I think you need to say goodbye.

Hm.

Come on, I'll drive.

- We did it.
- I did it.

We got our spaces back.

Wow.

Nice job.

- Yeah, nice.
- Yeah, there it is.

You're welcome.

Am I a hero?

That would be so pretentious
for me to sit here and say,

yes, I am a hero.

I happened to have done
a very heroic thing.

But, you know, at
the end of the day

I just did what
any hero would do.

- So.
- Yeah?

- I basically charmed
their Jockeys off.

(quietly chuckling)

- Angela, you've got a little
bit of emotion on your face.

There, you got it.

Did I do this for me?

No.

I did this for the little
guy, for Joe six pack.

The guy who wakes
up every morning

in his $400-a-month apartment,

wonders how he's gonna pay
his mortgage that month.

Wonders how he's going to
fill his car up with oil.

Wonders, how am I gonna pay
my kid's orphanage bills?

That guy shouldn't have to
wonder where he's gonna park.

How did she die?

I guess you could say she died

of blunt force trauma
and blood loss.

She got in a car accident

and plowed into the side
of an airplane hanger.

God, she was so innocent.

She was stoned, apparently.

- You know, I used
to think that I had

this perfect person out
there waiting for me.

But now, I know that
that's just silly.

Because she's dead.

What do you do?

- You wait until next year's
chair catalog comes out

and you find someone
who's still alive.

- And you move on.
- Yeah.

- Where do you want
to go for dinner?

I don't know.

I kind of hate all our
regular places right now.

Oh, you know what?

That one...

Hey, Pam.

Will you wait for me one
second while I tie my shoe?

- I hate you.
- What?

My shoe was untied.

What is your problem?

Oh, my god, you thought I was,

oh, no, no, no.
Oh, oh.

How could I have thought that?

How could I have thought that?

* Bye bye, Miss
Chair Model Lady *

* I dreamt that
we were married *

* And you treated me nice *

* We had lots of kids *

* Drinking whiskey and rye *

* But why'd you have
to go off and die *

* Why'd you have
to go off and die *

* Oh, you believe
in rock in roll *

* Can music save
your mortal soul *

* And then you have
to dance real slow *

* Well, I know that
you're in love with him *

* 'Cause I saw you
dancing in the gym *

* They both turned
off their shoes *

* No more rhythm and
blues was returned *

* Rhythm and blues *

* This will be the
day that I died *

(upbeat music)