All language subtitles for The.Office.US.S04E08.EXTENDED.1080p.WEBRip.x265-RARBG

(phone ringing)
(copier whirring)

So.

What's up?

- Me, all night, dreaming about
Angela's smoking hot body.

You're being gross.

Not from a male perspective.

You need to set me up with her.

I know she told you
that she's looking,

and she's totally not
responding to my moves.

What moves?

- I have moonwalked past
accounting like 10 times.

- I can't believe
that's not working.

Yeah.

- I don't know if I really
see you two together.

Really?

Well, maybe you should look in
the smart part of your brain.

She's very religious.

- Okay, well, I come
from a line of WASPs

so long it leads back to Moses.

- Okay, well, she takes her
convictions pretty seriously.

She can be kind of severe.

- Yeah, and I punched
a hole in a wall.

- That's right, you did.
- Yeah.

Now that I think about it,

Angela and Andy might
actually make a good couple,

but I couldn't do
that to Dwight.

Or Angela.

Or Andy.

- Okay, fine, I
don't need your help.

She'll eventually
relent to my pleading.

Just don't come to me
when you need something.

Okay.

- You should still come to
me, I'm a good guy to know.

- Dwight, could you
come in here please?

(binder clatters)

(upbeat music)

I used to get offers in the mail

for credit cards all the time.

They would say things like,
"Don't pay for six months,"

or, "You can transfer your
account from another card."

Do you think I'll get
any new ones I could...

What?

What do you mean, what?

Are you listening to
what I was saying?

- I was saying was aware
that you were speaking.

What is the matter with you?

What is the matter with me?

- Hey, Kevin, you're
a gambler, right?

A rounder, you play the
ponies, small horses.

- I do gamble, Michael.
- Yeah.

I was thinking about doing
some gambling myself.

You know, just a little bit
of money, maybe doubling it,

and then doubling it
several more times.

I don't know, kind
of just for fun.

I was thinking, do
you have any tips

or ideas about sure things?

Like a long shot that's
gonna come in big, big time,

but it's definitely
gonna come in.

Say a horse with a broken leg

who's hopped up on amphetamines.

Even if such a horse existed,

it doesn't sound like a winner.

Well, okay.

Or, like, a boxer

who is gonna throw
the big fight.

You know, like, he's tied
into some crooked dealings

and maybe his kid is
sick or something.

Like, who would I
call about that?

The mob.

- Do you know
anybody in the mob?

Okay.

Oscar, I'm gonna need to take
another advance on my salary.

Gentlemen, a word.

Look, you guys are my closest
friends in this office.

Right back at ya.

- And, as such, I come to you-

State your business.

- I am dying of lovesickness
and horny sickness.

That isn't possible.

Unless you mean gonorrhea.

- I'm talking
about Angela, okay.

Did you hear what she was
saying to Pam the other day?

- Yes, I did, but I
don't think she means it.

Angela is in a
great deal of pain

because of the death of her cat,

and she's in a kind
of grieving process,

and it makes her say things,
so best to just lay off.

No can do.

I am itching all
over with Angelapox.

- Oh my God, you
do have gonorrhea.

- Hey, Andy, maybe this
is one of those situations

where you just have to do her
to get her out of your system.

Stay out of this, you.

- What do you mean?
You have plans tonight?

I have my daughter tonight,

we're renting "Charlotte's Web."

- Well, you have
to make a choice.

It's either your daughter or me.

My daughter.

Okay.

I see how it is.

Oops.

That was cold.

- There she is the
lip-lappin' Vance.

[Phyllis] Hi, Michael.

How you doing, old girl?

What's going on?

- Actually, I wanted
to talk to you

about the vent above my desk.

It is-

- I haven't talked to
you in about a year,

since you got married, about
Bob and how's it's been going.

All right, he treating you well?

Does pretty well in
terms of money, right?

He's making enough money?

Is he supporting you
with enough money?

Yeah, he does very well.

Yeah? That's good.

That's good, you're very lucky.

Not everybody's that lucky.

It's hard, you know, it's hard.

Are you asking me for money?

- Oh, God, no, no,
no, absolutely not.

Do not embarrass
yourself that way.

- Well, actually, I
don't feel comfortable

giving Bob's money away-

- Phyllis, why don't you
just give me the money

and we'll forget about this.

Give you the money?

- Oh, forget it, you
can't take a joke.

That wasn't even a joke.

- He's always been
terrible with money.

- I bet it's Jan spending
him straight to the poor.

Yeah, women be shoppin'.

- I can't believe
he has a second job.

- He's not even good
at his first one.

Hey, guys.

What you talking about?

Okay, I know what's going on.

Talking about Jim and Pam.

If they're having sex,
what it looks like.

- I know.
- Michael.

Hey, hey, hey.

- Michael, are you
having money problems?

- Monkey problems, no, I'm
not having monkey problems.

Why would I have
monkey problems?

I know you heard me correctly.

[Michael] I hate monkeys.

- What's going on, why
do you have a second job?

I don't have a second job.

Maybe I am having an
affair with Suzanne Somers.

- But you tried to borrow
money from me earlier.

- And I would have
loaned it to you.

But I don't need it.

Doesn't Jan have money?

- I don't talk to my
girlfriend about money.

It is rude and unsexual.

True.

It's best to hide our
money problems from women.

I totally agree with you,

but I don't have money problems.

All right, you know what?

Watch this.

If I had money problems,
would I do this?

[Phyllis] Well.

- [Stanley] You just put
it back in your pocket.

Yeah, but I destroyed it.

It's not even usable anymore.

- The trick is always
pay yourself first.

Put away a little money even
before you pay your bills.

- Or you just marry a
millionaire refrigerator tycoon.

Scam of the century.

Thanks for your help.

This was very informative
and great, appreciate it.

Bob's a millionaire?

God, I've been banging the
wrong guys in this building.

Oh, he'd never sleep with you.

He's always hated you.

Hey, fellas, and the lady.

- I still do not have
your reimbursement check.

That's not why I came over.

I mean, it's a week late,

but I just came over to say hi.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Angela, you like lacrosse?

Lacrosse, the sport?

- Scranton U varsity is
gonna scrimmage the JV squad.

Should be pretty
interesting, you wanna go?

- No.
- 'Cause we could get

- some food afterwards.
- No.

Andy, no

(Kevin chortling)

Still waiting on that check.

- Hey, let's call
this what it is.

It's like she only wants to
hook up when Ryan comes around.

It's gotten to the point
where I get excited

every time I see that little
dude walk through the door.

- I just need to know
where this is going.

Hey, I like you.

What's not to like?

But you need to access
your uncrazy side.

Otherwise, maybe this
thing has run its course.

- Don't you dare walk away
from me, Darryl Philbin.

You are the most selfish person
I've ever met in my time-

Slow down, think it over.

- Darryl Philbin is
the most complicated

man that I've ever met.

I mean, who says exactly
what they're thinking?

What kind of game is that?

- Hey, cuz, heard you're
having money problems.

No, you didn't.

Listen, I got the answer.

You declare bankruptcy,
all your problems go away.

Creed Bratton has never
declared bankruptcy.

When Creed Bratton
gets in trouble,

he transfers his debt to
William Charles Schneider.

How would that help, Creed?

In Monopoly, you go
bankrupt, you lose.

- You don't go by Monopoly,
man, that game is nuts.

Nobody just picks up get
out of jail free cards.

Those things cost thousands.

That is a good point.

- Bankruptcy, Michael,
is nature's do over.

It's a fresh start,
it's a clean slate.

- Like the witness
protection program.

- Exactly.
- Not at all.

I've always wanted to be in

the witness protection program.

Fresh start, no
debts, no baggage.

I've already got
my name picked out.

Lord Rupert Everton.

I'm a shipping merchant
who raises fancy dogs.

That's the life.

(Michael coughs)

I declare bankruptcy.

(Oscar knocking)

Hey, I just wanted you to know

that you can't just
say the word bankruptcy

and expect anything to happen.

- I didn't say
it, I declared it.

Still, that's not anything.

Well, how do I do it?

- Well, are you absolutely
sure that you need it?

I have no idea.

- Okay, find an expert, have
him look at your finances,

consolidate your
debt, make a budget,

pay down your principal.

Could you do that?

I have work to do.

- You could do it
on company time.

I would authorize it.

I will pay you, I
will give you $4,000

of coupons, credits
and back rubs.

Back rubs?

Okay, 5,000, cash.

- Okay, that's probably
why you're in debt.

- Well, if me being generous
is a problem, then lock me up.

They might.

This is a lot of
credit card debt.

Yeah, tell me about it.

You know, Jan has
my credit cards,

and she's using them as
if I'm made of money.

She thinks I'm a
human ATM machine.

$218, Target.

That was Jan.

She bought washcloths
and sheets.

Okay.

Kmart, $178.

That was Jan again.

This time she went and she
bought glasses and silverware.

Okay.

- Who needs an entire
set of silverware?

- Well, grownups use
silverware, that's-

- Yeah, well, grownups can
also eat with their hands, so.

Okay, $125, Amazon.

- Oh, "Best of the Muppet
Show" on DVD, classic.

- $1,200, what's a
Core Blaster Extreme?

- That is, by far, the best
way to strengthen your core.

This machine, you sit
on a stabilizer ball,

you put your feet into
the power stirrups,

you reach up and you
grab onto the super rod,

and you twist, and you
twist, and you twist.

It strengthens your entire core.

Your back core, your arm core.

Your, the Marine Corps
actually uses it.

I think that's
how they got core.

I can only do, like,
one rep, it is so hard.

Amazon, again, $125.

I don't know that is.

- You forgot you already
bought the Muppet thing

and bought it again
accidentally, didn't you?

- No, well, I
thought I'd lost it

and it was in the DVD player.

Am I a shopaholic?

No, I really don't
drink anymore,

and, actually, I
like to be sober

when I buy stuff
because, I don't know,

I just don't want anything
to inhibit that rush

that I get when I'm
making a purchase.

I don't know, it
feels like I'm drunk

or, like, high.

(phone ringing)

- I left a little
present for Angela.

I think she's going to like it,

'cause I found it outside
Vance Refrigeration, all alone,

and I told her in the note
that the cat came to find her.

That they were destined
to be together.

I got game.

(phone ringing)

I made you an apology mix.

- Huh, that's lot of
the Michelle Branch.

- She's gonna change
your life, I'm so sorry.

- I'm never gonna listen
to these songs, ever,

but I do appreciate the thought.

- You take me away
for the weekend?

- No, look, I laid out
how I felt about things.

All right, we're
more than a ball

and a smile away
from being good.

(forklift whirring)

- Okay, the green bar is
what you spend every month

on stuff you need,
like a car and a house.

- That's so cool how you
have my name at the top.

- The red bar is what you
spend on non-essentials,

like magazines, entertainment.

- Right.
- Things like that.

This scary black bar
is what you spend

on things that no
one ever, ever needs,

like multiple magic sets,

professional bass
fishing equipment.

- How do you do this so
fast, is this PowerPoint?

- Okay, you need
to focus, Michael.

You need to stop spending money.

Yeah. What?

I hate to ask you this,

but are there any retirement
funds you can borrow from.

My CDs.

You have CDs?

- I do.
- Okay, okay.

What bank?

My CDs are in a portfolio.

A rather large portfolio
called Case Logic,

and the Case Logic
portfolio is currently

in the backseat of my car.

There is another smaller
Case Logic portfolio

clipped to my visor.
(Oscar groaning)

What?

- I'm asking about
certificates of deposit.

- I've been putting
money into CDs for years.

I bought music that
I didn't even like.

(phone ringing)

Dunder something.

No, we're all out of paper.

- Is there a paper shortage
I should know about?

I'm on break.

(recorder tooting)

- Man, Angela really
had a hold on him.

Angela.

Michael, I'm gonna set you

and Jan up with a
debt consolidator.

You meet with this guy-

- No, we are going to
leave Jan out of this.

She has to know.

We will find another way.

We'll ask PowerPoint.

- Michael, this is
a presentation tool.

You're a presentation tool

if you think I'm gonna
tell Jan about this.

- I'm done.
- No, you're not.

Okay, just, you're not a tool.

Look, we'll tell
her that it's bad,

but it could have
been a lot worse,

but due to some fancy
financial footwork,

I was able to cut it in half.

Jan is smart.

She poses.

- Dwight, how's
the hotel business?

Stupid.

- Have you checked
TripAdvisor recently?

No.

Maybe you should.

Maybe you should...

Whatever.

We wrote a good review.

Under comments, we
wrote, "The natural aroma

of the beets drifts
into the bedrooms

and makes you dream
of simpler times."

- [Jim] "The dawn goose walk
will tug at your heartstrings."

- [Pam] "Table-making
never seemed so possible."

- [Jim] "You will never
want to leave your room."

- [Pam] "The
architecture reminds one

of a quaint Tuscan beet farm."

- I'm glad you
enjoyed your stay.

We really did, it was fun.

(Dwight sighs)

- So, due to Michael's
clever financial maneuvering,

he finds himself
tremendously in debt.

[Jan] You're broke?

- That's, how did you get
that from what Oscar's saying?

- [Jan] I mean, Michael,
how'd this happen?

Where exactly did your money go?

I don't get this.
I really don't.

I don't understand how
(train honking)

you could be so irresponsible.

I mean, it is astounding
to me, really.

I don't know what more to say.

Jan.

[Jan] Yeah, what?

Michael left.

[Jan] Okay, where did he go?

I don't know.

- [Jan] Well, is he
coming right back?

[Oscar] I don't think so.

[Jan] I'll be right there.

What am I doing?

I'm blowing Dodge.

I'm getting out of town.

Whatever you call it,

I am running away from
my responsibilities.

And it feels good.

(phone ringing)

You may ask me out to dinner.

Nothing fancy or
foreign, no bars,

no patios, no vegetables
and no seafood.

Dwight.

(Dwight sobbing)

- Did I ever tell you
why I left Scranton?

(Dwight mumbles)

Yeah, I didn't think I had.

Well, it was all about Pam.

(Dwight mumbles)

Yeah, I mean, she was with Roy

and I just couldn't take it.

I mean, I lost it, Dwight.

I couldn't sleep.

I couldn't concentrate
on anything,

and weird stuff, like
food had no taste.

So my solution was to move away.

It was awful.

And it is something that I
wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

And that includes you.

- Hey, I was thinking
about dinner.

Uh, dinner.

Let's see, maybe we should
try the new Italian place

where the dry
cleaner used to be.

Okay.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Okay.

- Jim's just really
passionate about Italian food.

- Yeah, I'm very passionate
about Italian food.

In fact, I'm in love
with Italian food.

(tires squealing)

- [Oscar] Jan, he
went running that way.

* Runaway train
never coming back *

* Run away and I'm
never coming back *

Michael?

Hey, Jan.

What's going on?

Not much.

What's up with you?

- [Jan] Why are you sitting on
a train, where are you going?

I'm out of answers, Jan.

What does that mean?

I told you, no more answers.

This is who I am now.

A guy on a train
with no answers.

I hope that can
be enough for you.

Michael, come on.

Running away from your problems

won't solve anything,
you know that.

I don't know that.

- Your creditors can follow
you anywhere with ease.

Your debt follows you around
the world electronically.

I'll stay off the grid.

Oh, Michael, come on, come on.

You can deal with this,
it's not that bad.

Yeah, it is.

It is.

I really messed up.

Well.

When my life fell apart

and they screwed me in New York,

and I felt like my whole world
was collapsing around me,

I didn't have anyone.

I mean, my whole family still

won't even talk to me,
on the advice of counsel,

and my friends were just
waiting for this to happen.

- That's really
nice of you to say.

- Michael, no, what
I wanna say is,

you were there for me.

By my side.

Without even a thought.

That's just who you are.

I mean, no matter

how badly I treat you

or what I'm going through,

you just, you are there for me,

and that is a guy
worth staying beside.

So where's this train taking us?

I think the engineer left.

- Hello, this is Dwight Schrute
calling from Dunder Mifflin,

and according to our records,

you appear to be low
on office supplies.

Oh, okay.

Sure, yeah, I can take
care of that right now.

- I can't see myself
spending the next six years

digging myself out
of that kind of hole.

Well, we will.

I have...

We just will.

Okay.

I have some ideas.

Tell me.

I am not gonna tell you yet.

[Michael] Well, please?

I won't tell anybody.

[Jan] Oh yes you will.

[Michael] Yeah, I will.

Don't sell your implants please.

- [Jan] I'm keeping them,
I know you like 'em.

They're kind of
uncomfortable though.

[Michael] It's nice, though.

- They're kind of painful.
- Looks cute.

- [Jan] And my nipples
aren't as sensitive now.

[Mose] Cannonball, ooh.

Lemon bomb.

Jim, Pam, watch.

Jim, Pam, watch.

- Jim, Pam, watch.
- Okay, we're watching, Mose.

[Mose] Go Yankees.

[Jim] Doing great, buddy.

[Mose] Name's Mose, buddy.

Dwight, can I stop?

They're not even looking.

- No, they paid for a
show, do more spins.

- Dwight, it's totally
okay, he can stop.

Hey, it's not your decision.

Higher.

[Mose] More spins.

- [Dwight] Just try
and keep the saw

right on your pencil mark.

Ah, dammit.

[Mose] Helicopter.

(tools clattering)

(upbeat music)