Original subtitles

Days of passion, nights of passion, nightmares and a fantasy.

Sensations that give me what I need.

I'm in slow motion, love potion, making love to the

camera eye.

Gyrations just make me fly.

Mr. Star Maker.

Star Maker.

Take me and make me a star.

Star Maker.

Heartbreaker. Show me who you are.

Set my sails for fairy tales.

No, I never had it so good.

There's a star rising in Hollywood.

This big appetite for hot night, I can't seem to

satisfy. The sensation just makes me fly.

This the star maker.

Star.

Who's the fairest one of all?

I ask you a question.

Who's the fairest one of all?

Hey, dummy.

It's not even 8 o 'clock.

You wake me up with that same bullshit question every morning.

Pussy got my face. I had my coffee, yeah.

Goddamn.

Come on out of there.

If you're looking for some information, you gotta be giving up something.

Do you think you're man enough to handle me this morning?

Yeah. When I was a kid, I used to wet the bed.

Everybody does.

Yeah, but not from the bathroom.

Wow!

Idiot.

Easy being a fantasy.

Once upon a time, there was a very sexy lady

named Joyce.

Her whole life had been a fairy tale, having real and imagined fantasies come

true with her friends.

The Mirror Fantasy,

Elmer Happy, Erin Grumpy, and Lois Sneezy, just to name a few.

She's an actress in the tinsel town of Hollywood and has the beauty and talent

to be a movie star.

Joyce is happy in the land of movie stars and the world of make -believe.

She's in her own fantasy world, dreaming of that one big break that will make

her a star.

Hollywood is a city where dreams come true.

Love wins out, and Joyce marries Dr. Lou White.

All is well, except Joyce is a wee bit jealous of her beautiful stepdaughter,

Snow. It seems that Snow occupied too much of Dr. White's time, and Joyce

him all to herself.

She's used to getting everything she wants.

Though she's beautiful, Joyce had an uncontrollable fear that she isn't the

beautiful and feels there's too much competition with snow in the picture.

Joyce has a very large appetite for sex and fulfills her desires in the flesh

and in her erotic fantasy.

I want

my

genie.

Son of God.

Oh, here it comes.

Oh, here it comes.

I'm coming. I'm coming.

Oh!

Come on, my half.

Can you go see if they're ready?

Answer to your question, dummy. Just know what it is the fairest of them all.

Good morning.

Good morning, darling.

It's a beautiful day, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

Yes? Breakfast is ready.

Thank you.

Oh, wait. How is breakfast?

Come on back to bed, huh? I wish I could.

But I have a full schedule at the hospital today.

Well, it's your loss. I do know that.

Except for that.

Morning, Jane. What's for breakfast this morning?

Sausage and egg.

Just eggs for me.

I've been eating a little too much sausage lately.

What are your plans this morning?

Oh, nothing special.

I've been meaning to talk to you about Snow, though.

Yes.

Look, I know she doesn't like me.

Thank you, darling. And Lord knows I've tried to make her. Make her understand.

She just doesn't realize what I'm doing is for her own good.

Well, she's still very young. She hasn't made up her mind as yet.

Oh, she's not all that young.

She's 19 and she's still Daddy's little girl.

No matter what her age, she's still my daughter.

That's just it, honey. That's why she has no direction.

You'll always think of her as your baby, thank you.

I mean, when I was 19, I had a career.

Let's not argue. That's one of the reasons she's left home. Oh, what you

say is I forced her out of the house.

Well, I did. I wanted to.

I mean, believe me.

I'm only trying to do what's best for her.

I mean, she's got to become productive.

You know, she can't be a pure, innocent little girl for the rest of her life.

Anyway, I set up an appointment for her with my...

Agent today at 3 o 'clock.

And I want you to make sure she keeps it, please.

Well, maybe you're right.

Snow's coming to the hospital this morning to pick up her allowance.

I'll make sure she makes the appointment.

Oh, beautiful.

Thank you.

I'm not going to rush.

I'm not ready.

Oh,

don't forget, we have that convention this evening.

I have my bags packed already.

I'll be ready. I'm looking forward to it.

Please, you know how forgetful you are.

How can you say that?

I never forget.

Bye. Bye, love.

Mobile unit 137.

Could you please get me 2276 South?

This is Dr. White.

Morning, Nancy.

I was expecting my daughter this morning. Has she arrived yet?

Please tell her to wait in my office.

I should be there shortly.

How can you say Snow is the fairest of all?

Oh, you're such a Hollywood square.

That's an easy one.

She's pure. She's innocent. She's the apple of her daddy's eye.

Oh. That's awful.

Makes her sound like a bar of ivory soap.

Why don't we fix up our own little apple? You know, with a love potion 69?

That'll take care of her.

All her pure innocence.

It's the young that I've got to work on. Here, honey.

I don't need to stick around for this.

Right.

And I know just the way to make her eat it.

Won't your daddy be surprised when he sees her belly rise?

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Snow.

How do I look?

Do you like it?

I just bought it. You look adorable.

You know, Joyce and I were talking about you at breakfast this morning.

Don't give me that pouty face.

You know Joyce loves you, and she is concerned about you.

I know.

I just wish it could be like it used to be. Just you and me, Dad.

I hate to admit it, but you are growing up.

And Joyce and I love you, but we have a life of our own.

You don't want to be saddled with an old bogey like me around your neck the rest

of your life.

Oh, Daddy.

You're no old bogey. Yeah, I know. Just a bogey.

No, but seriously, Joyce is concerned. And she does love you, and she set up an

interview with her agent.

With her agent?

Nothing definite.

But would you like training to be an actress?

Gee, I don't know, Dad.

Well, you try. Do it for me, will you?

Okay, just for you, Dad. Here's the address, Dad.

I'll make you find it.

Yes, here it is.

I'll be down in two seconds.

Thank you.

Alma J.

Happy?

Mr. Happy's office.

I'm sorry, he's not in at the moment.

May I take a message?

Okay, I'll tell him that you called, Mr. Grumpy.

Good to see you.

It's been an awfully long time. Too long.

Is Elmer in?

No. Why don't you wait in his office?

He should be back in a half hour.

Yeah, okay, I think I'd like to do that.

I need a favor.

Maybe I should talk to you again.

Hello?

No, I'm sorry he isn't here right now.

Could you please hold all calls for at least half an hour?

Thank you.

Well, what can I do to help you?

Well, the reason I set an appointment up for Snow with Elmer this afternoon is

so that you could convince her to come to this masquerade party I'm throwing

this evening.

Can't you just ask her?

Oh, God, no. You've got to be kidding. I despise the little brat.

She's coming between my husband and me, you know.

So, I've loaded this apple with a love potion. It'll make her go crazy.

I want her father to realize she's not a pure, innocent little girl. You know

what I mean?

Well,

listen, Elmer has agreed to give her the red carpet treatment, and I want you to

make sure that she eats the sample before she gets to my house by nine.

Well, Hap will take care of the rest of it, huh?

I think that can be arranged.

Seems I can spend after a long time.

I was just thinking the very same thing.

Take this.

Feel good.

Mm.

Still have that allergy, huh?

Well, whenever somebody comes by mouth, I just have to sneeze.

It's hereditary.

All the sneezy sneeze.

Well, it's different.

Feels good.

You're an original Lola.

Is this Mr. Happy's office?

Yes, it is. You must be Snow White. Yes, I am.

Okay.

Mr. Happy, Snow White has arrived.

Send her right in.

Okay, thank you.

Come right this way. Mr. Happy is going to send you.

Come in.

Now, stand right there. Let me look at you.

You're much more beautiful than I expected.

Do you really think so?

Of course.

I've represented the most beautiful women in Hollywood. The biggest, the

best.

You're funny.

Good afternoon, white residence.

Yes, one moment, please.

Mrs. White, it's Miss Meezy from Creative Star Agency.

Thank you, Jane.

Hello?

Snow just got here.

She's in happy love.

Everything is going to be taken care of.

Fabulous.

Another reason I called is to tell you that Aaron Grumpy is casting for his new

show, Charlie's Devils.

You just might want to ask him to the party.

Aaron Grumpy?

I'm Grumpy and Goldstein?

Right, the one who produces husky and starch.

What a great idea.

Can you handle the invitation for me? Sure, honey.

Oh, and be sure to invite all the freaky people you know.

I'd really like to do that.

I'll talk to you later. Goodbye.

Ciao.

I can see it now.

MGM! Ta -da!

Warner Brothers!

Ta -da!

Paramount! Ta -da!

Proudly presents Miss Snow White!

Ta -da!

I don't want to be a movie star.

You'll meet Robert Redford. Okay.

We're off to the studio.

Miss Sneezy, I want you to take Snow to the studio.

Now, uh, take her wardrobe, makeup, stick her to the red carpet treatment. I

want her to shine at that party tonight.

Now, um, you take her directly to the party, and I'll meet you there, okay?

Wonderful, wonderful girl.

You see, you're gonna be a star.

Is that your lunch?

No, this is a good luck apple.

Are you ready?

Uh -huh. She's got fiery eyes that glisten. She climbs the ladder of

When she talks, nobody listens.

They say she looks just like the rest.

Phones that never read seem to make the loudest sound.

She searches for the answers, but her hands are tied and bound.

She's a movie star.

Catch her when she falls, or she'll break apart like

a china doll.

When she went, her friends are jealous, but they're the only friends she's

got. She can't trust someone new.

That girl might steal her part.

Men all think she's beautiful and such an easy mark.

You break apart like a china dust.

What? Sneezy, darling. It's been so long since I've seen you.

Oh, and who is this lovely child?

Oh, this is Snow White. Snow White. Oh, just put yourself in my hands, love.

Oh, you're just gorgeous.

And what are we doing for this young lady?

We have to get her ready for Elmer J. Happy's party tonight.

Mr. Happy's party? Oh, such things will do with her. You just will not believe.

Now, remember, Bruce, I want it to look like a real show place.

An arena of erotic fun and excitement, huh?

Oh, and while I'm thinking about it, take the bed out and put it in the

room and make it the center of attraction.

Jesus, I love it. I simply adore it.

I could put revolving floodlights in the corners and strobes shining on the bed.

Believe me, when I get finished with this place, you'll swear you just

into the Arabian Nights.

Beautiful.

And I think I'll come as a queen.

Oh, I thought I was coming as a queen.

You are one, darling.

This is a masquerade. Be original.

Why don't you come as a closet?

You don't have to get so damn bitchy simply because you're one whole lot.

What are you the jealous one?

Jane, what the hell is going on here?

We're having a masquerade ball.

Where's Mrs. White?

She's in the playroom.

Thank you.

Oh, Leo!

Don't worry.

Elmer J. Happy called me this afternoon and he asked me to join his masquerade

party. He's unveiling one of his new lovelies.

Joyce, you forgot.

Oh, no. I got you this divine Harpo Marx costume.

You forgot the convention.

No, I didn't.

When is it?

airplane leaves in about 45 minutes.

Oh, God.

I forgot.

Oh, darling, I'm terribly sorry.

It just slipped my mind.

Well, I guess you'll have to go without me.

I don't know what I'm going to do with you.

You have to use your head more often.

Oh, I will, darling.

I will, I promise.

Starting tonight.

Now, come here. I want to show you the sound I got this evening.

Is flight 565 to New York on schedule?

Thank you.

Is everything okay, darling?

Yeah, the flight's on schedule.

I really wish you could join me.

This is going to be an interesting convention.

Don't you think so?

We're going to have lectures on new types of organic compounds.

I'm really sorry I'm going to miss it.

But you know, I would just absolutely insist that I get this job.

I do have my image to maintain.

I understand, dear.

Do try to have a good time without me. Oh, I will try, darling. You know that.

But it's going to be hard without you.

I understand.

I'll walk you to the door.

We've blown it!

What are we going to do now?

I mean, I planned this whole party just to prove to my husband that this

precious little snow isn't so goddamn pure and innocent.

If not my fault, you know something.

I just fantasy.

Look, party not total loss.

Aaron Grumpy come look for star for Charlie's Devils.

That's true.

Yeah, but now I have to compete with the sex -crazed virgin.

Thanks to you and that goddamn apple.

Take them to other room.

Got to learn to use head once in a while, pale face.

That's the second time I've heard that tonight.

So, I invited about 50 guests, and, hey, I hear Lonely's going to snow the

apple. So, everything's going pretty well. I'm pretty happy about it.

Aaron Grumpy, hey, I've got someone I want you to meet.

This is Joyce White.

For a moment, I didn't know whether I was meeting the Joyce White or two Yule

Brenners.

Mr. Grumpy, I have heard so much about you.

I've always wanted to be in one of your television programs.

Well, why don't we talk about it sometime?

Why don't we talk about it now, before the party?

I'll do anything to get the lead in your show.

What do you mean by anything?

I think the word is self -explanatory.

What did she say?

You inquired, what do you mean by anything?

She replied, I think the word is self -explanatory.

I'm a very busy man, Miss White. I don't have time for games.

I like everything spelled out for me.

Elmer is unveiling a new discovery.

Very boring.

Why don't we go to another room and talk about this card?

I'd be delighted.

Broken heart is picking up the pieces of a part that's long forgotten.

Oh, I wish I could go back, figure out the reason.

Wonder how it ever got started. I was by the front foot of a ghost.

Radio clapping, the music.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, suck my cock.

Oh, baby.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Oh, baby. Oh, it feels so good.

Oh, baby, look it.

How's that feel, baby?

Oh, I'm gonna eat your pussy.

Is that a boy?

Isn't Erin going to take me?

No, she's not.

Erin has a normal flight to report to.

That's why it's so mean.

I do all this fucking...

I'm gonna work it dry.

um

Bye.

She's so wet. Oh, baby.

Oh, you've got the nicest ass.

Oh, Jane, my dick.

Oh, Jane, my dick.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Ouch.

Oh, that feels so horrible. It's good.

Oh. Oh, that hurts so good.

Oh. Oh. I want to be your slave.

Oh, that hurts so good.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Attention! Attention, everybody!

Attention! Do not stop talking!

Elmer J. Happy happily introduces the face, the body of the decade, Miss, the

one, the only Miss Snow White!

Everybody's tonight.

It's so horny. Fuck me.

Fuck me.

That's it.

Yeah.

Eat it. Eat it. Good.

How was the drink?

Get her on the bar.

I want that.

Eat that pussy.

Eat it.

All right. Look at that.

She goes all night long.

Come

on

now, it's my turn.

Thank you.

Oh, what a hole, man.

She has all the fun.

Ah, you can have some fun, too. Come on, let's go.

Let me have a turn, man.

All right, take numbers, man. We'll take numbers over here.

Look at that. Woo!

Baby.

I'm ready.

Oh, baby, I'm ready to come.

Put her on the floor.

Yeah, put her on the floor. Come on, man. Go, snow, go, snow, go, snow, go,

snow, go, go.

Next.

I'm coming.

Oh, yes.

But, Elmer, there must be some more people you can get.

I'm afraid not. They're all spent.

Mr. Grumpy, you haven't met my latest discovery, Miss Snow White.

My God. You're handsome.

Excuse me, I didn't get that.

Get away, God damn it, and leave us alone.

Come with me, my beauty. I'm going to make you a star.

Didn't Durante say that?

Aaron never said anything original in his entire life.

For some reason, I have an awful craving for an apple.

I don't have any apples.

But I do want to love them.

And I want to do it just once.

And it will be beautiful.

Why once? You haven't had a woman since 1946.

Yeah, I was in my 39 Chevrolet at a drive -in. The movie was It

Happened One Night.

Did you enjoy it?

I loved it, so she put popcorn up my ass.

Thank you.

Oh.

Please, do it to me again.

Only once.

You mean you're gonna wait another 38 years?

every other chick in Hollywood.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, Joyce White is first of all.

With all her charm and wit, she will be the star of every groupie's new hit.

With all your charm and all your wit, Joycey baby, I gotta tell you, Full of

shit. It says right here.

It's Snow White that joined Charlie's Devils. Hey, sorry, Joyce.

Fuck, shit.

Goddamn.

Lois, put me through to OJ Happy right this minute.

Of course, Mrs. Joyce White.

Yes? Is this Miss Drippy? Yes. Miss Drippy Foster?

Yes. I have a collect call from someone named Charlie.

A collect call?

I'll accept.

Go ahead, please.

Hi, Charlie. What can I do for you?

This is important.

Where are the other girls?

You made an excuse to get them out of the home because the boyfriends are

over tonight.

Why you and he together?

I'm ashamed of you.

I never said I was an angel, Charlie, did I?

I called to tell you to be careful.

Mandel Turk is broken out of prison and has sworn revenge on you.

Oh, my God. What are we going to do?

We? Don't you ever watch the show? Nobody knows me.

I'm going to the theater. What are you going to do?

Cut.

How was the sound?

Sounds okay.

How about the picture? Really good.

Okay. Let's get on to this scene 27.

This is where the villain comes in.

Where's Bashful at? Come in, Bashful.

Yeah, I'm ready to go, Eric.

Look, Bash, there's got to be a very strong energy level.

He said, I want you to put out everything you can.

Do you really understand?

Yeah, I think I can do it.

What's this? Look at his hair, for Christ's sake. He looks like little

Annie. Christ, he couldn't scare the balls off of Mikey.

Where's the wardrobe?

Get it. Come on in here.

Jesus Christ. Give him some makeup.

Put some right on his hair.

All it down. Good.

Get it over on the other side more.

Jesus Christ.

Who does your hair for crying out loud?

Remember, I want you to rough her up.

She sent you to prison just because you killed her father.

You've got a right to be mad.

Yeah, but you don't really want me to hurt her, do you?

She doesn't mind. That's her thing. She did... You're the director.

You've got it.

Places.

sound tape.

Ready to roll.

Roll sound.

Speed.

Roll camera.

Rolling.

Mark it.

101H, take two.

Action.

I wonder why he put this where he would never find it.

He'd never look in the oven.

Oh, my God.

Gun you hid there.

Remember me, baby?

Mad dog Turk.

Yeah, no slammer was big enough to hold me.

Now you're going to get yours.

Oh, geez, that looks great. Like you didn't even see it coming.

I get a feeling about that.

That's a print. Half hour lunch.

Are you okay?

Well, I think so. But why didn't you do that anyway?

Mr. Grumpy changed the script.

Yeah, well, he didn't tell me about it. He likes surprises. I hope it looks good

on film.

Well, I'm going to have some lunch.

Well, listen, why don't you have some with me, Snow? Walk down to the

and get some.

I don't want to be tempted. I'm on a very special apple diet.

Well, I'll just order something in, okay?

Hey, Joe, ham and cheese sandwich and a beer, please. Ham and cheese sandwich

and a beer.

Pepsi,

then.

No,

that'll be coming soon.

Thanks.

Something's wrong.

I don't feel so good. What is it, Snow?

Help! Help! Someone get a doctor! Fast! Call an ambulance!

Someone help!

Snoring, all right? So fainted. Quick, get a doctor. Someone help.

Pat, get a doctor.

I had that part.

Help. What happened? Oh, Elmer, you didn't tune it out.

I had that contract. He said he'd be back.

He said it was my part. And now, no has it.

Oh, there's only one person that could have done this. One lousy person.

Elmer, when I get a hold of you, Elmer J. Happy, when I get a hold of you!

You son of a bitch! When I get my hands on you, I'm going to knock your dick in

the dirt!

You dirty devil!

Blasphemy! Son of a bitch!

Bastard! That part in Charlie's Devils was mine and you fit now in it!

Take it easy, Joyce.

I got news for you. Yeah, well, I got news for you and none of it's good.

I've got a part for you.

In the biggest movie of the year. In the biggest movie of the year. Francis Ford

cappuccinos. Francis Ford cappuccinos. The Godmother.

The what?

You're kidding.

No. Aaron Grumpy's producing it.

He wants me?

Yes.

He said your performance the other weekend was the greatest he'd ever been

involved in.

Now, don't be surprised if he pops in your house this evening.

He didn't even touch me.

This is a new errand. He called me 15 times to make up this evening with you.

Yeah, well, this evening's fine.

I think there's some way to get Leo out of the house.

That'll be all, Miss Sneezy.

Could you have this typed up and on my desk in 15 minutes?

Yes, sir. Thank you.

Congratulations, Joyce.

Yes, congratulations.

What is the part involved?

Oh, it's easy.

You just have to carry around this horse's head, a bag of quick -drying

put cotton in your cheeks, and go, eh, and talk.

Aren't you good?

You're the best agent.

I know it.

Aren't you happy?

Yes, sweetheart.

I still get 10%. You get more than that, darling.

You get a piece.

Took matters into my own hand.

The world must be nuts.

They thought Paul Revere was the original Minuteman.

Mr.

Grumpy's here to see you, ma 'am. Oh, well, to show him.

Aaron! Hi, Joyce.

What an unexpected surprise.

I'm so glad you could come. Oh, gosh.

I got something for you. I have some contracts to sign.

What kind of contracts? For what?

It's for Godmothers, part one, two, and three.

Three of them? Isn't that neat?

I can't believe it. I thought you'd like that.

Let's take a look.

You want to see them?

No, no, no. I think we can sign these letters, don't you?

Well, I got some things for tonight, too.

Yes, I see.

Definitely have a way with words.

Yeah, my brother's a farmer.

I can tell.

Listen, I can't even deal with these at the moment.

I had a hard day.

Let's see what we can do.

Oh, this looks like fun.

Oh, such an evening I had planned for you.

Oh, this sounds great. I need a good evening.

Not yet.

I think I'm putting on a pound.

Get over there.

Can I get in there?

Yeah, just sit down.

That feels

great.

When did you get this thing?

Oh, God, it's been a long time since you've been here. I had a...

No.

Hi.

Is that your maid?

Jane. Come in, Jane.

Care to join us?

Sure would. What took you so long to ask?

We didn't see you. We just saw you.

Take those shoes off and join me.

Here.

Take those shoes off.

I had no... I had no idea you would like this, Daddy.

I've been waiting here after that.

Well, I'm sure glad you are.

Who are you?

I'm Dr. Charming.

Where am I? What am I doing here?

You're at the medical center.

You were stricken with a heartbreak of apple biolitis.

Don't be afraid.

You'll be all right now.

I'm not afraid.

I just had the strangest feeling come over me when you kissed me.

Would you do it again?

My pleasure.

Here, lie down over here so I can suck your cock.

Oh, that feels good.

Come on.

I like that.

You know, just think to do it.

It's awful, isn't it?

How's that feeling?

Is it going in?

Too far?

How's that?

I want you to cleanse your tongue.

Push.

Push.

Work it.

Work it.

Beautiful. Beautiful.

Now you're going to do it.

Work it.

So, hi.

Baby, you're not so beautiful.

Yeah, that's great.

Yeah, let's do it.

Joyce, we have a contract this time.

On one condition.

I get the attestation that both goodies are part of my contract.

Are you going to keep coming?

Especially this time.

Got it.

Jerry, you'll take me to the shower, won't you?

I sure will, Grumpy.

Hi, Darren.

Mr.

Grumpy, are you able to shower now?

Yes, I am.

Jane, you may go on my bath, too, please. I sure will.

Remember, 6 a .m.

We start.

I'll send my filter to the car.

Mirror, mirror on the wall.

What the hell's going on here?

It's all right, baby. Look, I'll be with you in just a second. You see, I'm on.

I guess there's only one thing to say.

So long, sweetheart.

Hey, man, wait for me, boogie. I'm going too.

Oh, you too, Jeannie.

It's okay. You'll get along without us. It's another fantasy coming along right

now.

Mirror, mirror on the wall.

Is anybody in there?

Hello?

Bob, are you in there?

I missed my plane.

I guess I lost my job.

I am your fantasy.

Oh, I tell you what.

Hollywood.

My fucking town.

And I love it.

I'm in slow motion, the potion, making

love to the camera eye, gyrations that just make me

fly.