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1
00:00:14,660 --> 00:00:18,420
I said not cheese and pickle.
I just heard "Cheese and pickle."
2
00:00:18,460 --> 00:00:22,020
Ashley, when ordering
an item of cuisine, the word "not"
3
00:00:22,060 --> 00:00:24,500
is a vital component.
Why are you smiling?
4
00:00:24,540 --> 00:00:27,740
It's the sandwich man.
He's gorgeous. I got his number.
5
00:00:27,780 --> 00:00:30,540
I'm looking at him.
"A BLT and a cheese and pickle."
6
00:00:30,580 --> 00:00:33,940
Ashley, I don't know him, never
met him, don't know him from Adam.
7
00:00:33,980 --> 00:00:37,740
But I can tell you now, that bloke
who works in a scabby sandwich shop
8
00:00:37,780 --> 00:00:39,460
on a fucking industrial estate
is not gorgeous.
9
00:00:39,500 --> 00:00:43,260
You're doing it again.Yeah.
I'd surmise, that distraction
10
00:00:43,260 --> 00:00:45,380
is why I've now ended up with a
fucking cheese and pickle sandwich.
11
00:00:45,380 --> 00:00:48,380
In't it?It would be, yeah.
It would be. I'm having yours.
12
00:00:48,420 --> 00:00:50,460
Ohh.
Don't defy me, Ashley...
13
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:52,700
You are not having that...
14
00:00:52,740 --> 00:00:56,340
Targets one o'clock.
15
00:00:56,380 --> 00:00:58,420
Hello, gentlemen...
16
00:00:58,460 --> 00:01:01,860
Myself and, oh... Marcus.
Hello.
17
00:01:01,900 --> 00:01:04,220
Er, myself and my colleague here,
Mr Jennings,
18
00:01:04,260 --> 00:01:08,060
are conducting a short survey to
ascertain whether workers
19
00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:12,620
might enjoy a, er, a cafe-cum-bar
being erected here on site
20
00:01:12,660 --> 00:01:15,180
for your refreshments,
you know, your luncheon...
21
00:01:15,220 --> 00:01:17,060
Luncheon.
Post work.
22
00:01:17,100 --> 00:01:20,100
Post work. It's only five questions,
multiple choice.
23
00:01:20,140 --> 00:01:24,540
Would you be so obliged to get
on board with it?
24
00:01:27,740 --> 00:01:33,420
I'm getting fucked, like you did,
Marcus, and it's amazing.
25
00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:36,140
You cheating fucking bastard.
26
00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:37,660
Question one, quick fire.
27
00:01:37,700 --> 00:01:40,100
Do you like Caffrey's,
yes, no, maybe?
28
00:01:40,140 --> 00:01:43,620
Hello?Tommo, it's Liz here,
Sugar's mum.
29
00:01:43,660 --> 00:01:45,340
What? I'm with a client.
30
00:01:45,380 --> 00:01:48,220
Sorry, it's just that
there's someone in here,
31
00:01:48,260 --> 00:01:50,860
at the pub,
looking for Thomas Shaftner
32
00:01:50,900 --> 00:01:53,100
and it turns out that's you.
33
00:01:53,140 --> 00:01:55,620
What's he look like?
Is he big? Does he look dangerous?
34
00:01:55,660 --> 00:01:59,500
No, he's young and he knows that
you own The Rat and Cutter.
35
00:01:59,540 --> 00:02:03,140
But don't worry, I didn't tell him
that duck had sailed.
36
00:02:04,580 --> 00:02:07,340
Anyway, he says he wants to talk
to you about something important.
37
00:02:07,380 --> 00:02:10,300
Well, that's annoyingly
fucking vague, in't it?
38
00:02:10,340 --> 00:02:12,100
If it helps, he's German.
39
00:02:12,140 --> 00:02:15,060
German, young, I mean...
That's literally nobody I know...
40
00:02:15,100 --> 00:02:19,100
I tell you what, right...
tell him I'll be back in an hour.
41
00:02:19,140 --> 00:02:21,460
If it's important,
he can wait, can't he?
42
00:02:21,500 --> 00:02:23,900
Oi, dickheads, come on.
Mop up, we're off.
43
00:02:23,940 --> 00:02:26,380
Ashley!
44
00:02:26,420 --> 00:02:30,660
# The best things in life are free
45
00:02:30,700 --> 00:02:32,500
# But you can give them
to the birds and bees...
46
00:02:32,540 --> 00:02:34,420
Here he is. Oi.
47
00:02:34,460 --> 00:02:35,780
Thomas, come here.
What?
48
00:02:35,820 --> 00:02:37,700
Listen to this shit.
Hmm.
49
00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:41,460
I'm buying a fucking Mine Sweeper.
Cheap as chips. Bloody Mine Sweeper.
50
00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:44,140
You know the bunker?Yeah.
Gonna turn it into a weed grow.
51
00:02:44,180 --> 00:02:46,500
Deal with it.I will.
Deal with it.Ashley.
52
00:02:46,540 --> 00:02:49,900
Brandy and coke, mate.
Deal with it more.
53
00:02:49,940 --> 00:02:52,500
I'll tell you what...
You're a piece of work.
54
00:02:57,100 --> 00:03:02,700
So... I hear you're looking for me.
Thomas?
55
00:03:02,740 --> 00:03:07,300
Ah, technically, yeah, Tommo.
Hans Fischer.Oh, alright, yeah.
56
00:03:07,340 --> 00:03:10,740
Oh, sorry, erm... I'm overwhelmed.
57
00:03:10,780 --> 00:03:12,860
Right, yes,
I have that effect on people.
58
00:03:12,900 --> 00:03:14,580
You're a bit young for me, though.
59
00:03:14,620 --> 00:03:17,220
So, er... what can I do you for?
60
00:03:17,260 --> 00:03:21,180
Thomas... I know this will
come as a shock to you...
61
00:03:21,220 --> 00:03:23,660
Alright...
But...
62
00:03:23,700 --> 00:03:26,620
I'm your son.
63
00:03:29,180 --> 00:03:32,660
What?
You're my father.
64
00:03:32,700 --> 00:03:37,660
I've imagined this moment
for so many years.Oh. OK, alright.
65
00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:41,780
What's going on over there?
Yeah, alright, there we go.
66
00:03:41,820 --> 00:03:44,380
Who's that?
He's a big handsome cunt.
67
00:03:44,420 --> 00:03:46,940
He'll have nowt to do with him.
Yes, very good.
68
00:03:46,980 --> 00:03:48,660
I think you might be confused
69
00:03:48,700 --> 00:03:52,740
because I can't help but noticing
that you are a fully grown man.
70
00:03:52,780 --> 00:03:56,420
And significantly German....
German, right, yeah.
71
00:03:56,460 --> 00:03:59,420
As much as I'm a man of the world,
I've never had any dalliances...
72
00:03:59,460 --> 00:04:04,740
Veronica Fischer is my mother.
Foreign exchange student, 2004.
73
00:04:04,780 --> 00:04:07,580
See?
74
00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:11,420
Oh...my God.
75
00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:15,380
Mum says one time there was
no condom and you said,
76
00:04:15,420 --> 00:04:18,340
"Risk it for a biscuit."
77
00:04:18,380 --> 00:04:21,860
Well, here I am - the biscuit.
78
00:04:30,460 --> 00:04:33,300
He's got a fucking rucksack.
Thinks he's staying at my house.
79
00:04:33,340 --> 00:04:36,220
He wants you in his life, Tommo.
80
00:04:36,260 --> 00:04:38,620
Why? What the fuck is he playing at?
Yeah?
81
00:04:38,660 --> 00:04:40,940
With his fucking surprise surprise
Cilla Black
82
00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:43,340
from Dusseldorf mission
to find your dad.
83
00:04:43,380 --> 00:04:46,940
Eh?He's your boy, Tommo -
there's nothing more likely to cause
84
00:04:46,980 --> 00:04:50,220
a fucked up adult than an absent
father. Look around you.
85
00:04:50,260 --> 00:04:53,940
Him, her, her, you, all totally
and utterly fucked up.
86
00:04:53,980 --> 00:04:57,060
Thanks, Carol.Do you want that
for your boy, do you?
87
00:04:57,100 --> 00:05:00,660
Well, ob... obviously not, Carol,
but it's not ideal.Yeah, exactly.
88
00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:02,420
So, you need to make a bond
with him
89
00:05:02,460 --> 00:05:05,100
and learn how to bring him
into your life. We'll help,
90
00:05:05,140 --> 00:05:08,340
but you cannot be
shirking your responsibilities...
91
00:05:08,380 --> 00:05:10,540
You should take him
to Tinsley tonight.
92
00:05:10,580 --> 00:05:14,500
Oh, great idea, Erin, yes,
a regional pub hypnotist.
93
00:05:14,540 --> 00:05:16,620
A lovely way to increase
a family bonding.
94
00:05:16,660 --> 00:05:19,860
Police, don't move!
95
00:05:19,900 --> 00:05:22,060
Fucking Three-Eyed Pete.
Dickhead. What?
96
00:05:22,100 --> 00:05:25,660
Mine Sweeper, and I'll chuck
in the megaphone for 20 quid.
97
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:28,900
Get in shagging pub! What would
I need a bloody megaphone for?
98
00:05:28,940 --> 00:05:31,820
Come here, you scruffy cunt.
You're fucking late.
99
00:05:31,860 --> 00:05:38,300
Better work that. I swear to fucking
giddy Aunt. Get in here...
100
00:05:38,340 --> 00:05:41,940
I want to know everything about you.
There is so much to catch up on.
101
00:05:41,980 --> 00:05:46,300
Tell me all, start to finish.
Like what?
102
00:05:46,340 --> 00:05:52,300
Are your parents still alive,
my grandparents?Er, foster parents.
103
00:05:52,340 --> 00:05:55,580
Er, Leo and Margaret.
Over in Crossley Mere.
104
00:05:55,620 --> 00:05:56,820
Perfectly nice
people in their own way,
105
00:05:56,860 --> 00:06:00,460
but, alas, their way is not my way,
so we don't speak.
106
00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:02,020
I would love to meet them.
107
00:06:02,060 --> 00:06:04,220
Unless you're
into Westerns or The Daily Mail,
108
00:06:04,260 --> 00:06:05,700
there's very little to discover.
109
00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:09,060
Oh, I love Westerns.
Do you have any other children?
110
00:06:09,100 --> 00:06:13,020
My brothers and sisters?Well, er...
Not that I know of.
111
00:06:13,060 --> 00:06:18,820
Wife, girlfriend?No, no, no, I am
currently, as they say, celibataire.
112
00:06:18,860 --> 00:06:22,380
Which is French for single.
Like me.
113
00:06:25,460 --> 00:06:28,540
You into all that then?
Fitness game.
114
00:06:28,580 --> 00:06:31,540
Oh, it's my life.
Me and my friends at home,
115
00:06:31,580 --> 00:06:36,820
we have the saying...
Don't wish for it, work for it.
116
00:06:39,380 --> 00:06:42,180
You probably got that from me...
Yeah, I'm very driven,
117
00:06:42,220 --> 00:06:46,260
more in a business sense
than exercise. Go on, dig in.
118
00:06:46,300 --> 00:06:52,340
But, er, you are looking at this
region's premier entertainment guru.
119
00:06:52,380 --> 00:06:56,780
I keep a modest home, obviously,
but, er, most funds get folded
120
00:06:56,820 --> 00:06:59,700
back into the empire,
so, erm, mind them black bits.
121
00:06:59,740 --> 00:07:02,500
Mum is good with money too,
so I should have good genes.
122
00:07:02,540 --> 00:07:06,220
Oh, yeah...She's a financial
advisor - in Hanover.
123
00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:09,740
"Han over your cash..."
124
00:07:09,780 --> 00:07:12,020
No, no, that's, er...
125
00:07:12,060 --> 00:07:15,820
that's actually what first attracted
me to her, a very clever girl.
126
00:07:15,860 --> 00:07:19,700
And of course - horny.
127
00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:21,940
So..
128
00:07:21,980 --> 00:07:25,420
at least you can say you
were born of good sex.
129
00:07:25,460 --> 00:07:27,140
Yes, a cowgirl as I remember.
130
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:32,540
Which should be of interest to you
as a Western fan.
131
00:07:32,580 --> 00:07:35,580
It's good to know.
132
00:07:38,660 --> 00:07:43,740
Do you... like... pub hypnotists?
133
00:07:46,660 --> 00:07:48,940
Show me that finger.
134
00:07:48,980 --> 00:07:50,540
You know what that finger can do.
135
00:07:50,580 --> 00:07:54,540
That finger is a magic finger...
136
00:07:54,580 --> 00:07:59,860
You touch anyone here
and they will fall into hypnosis...
137
00:07:59,900 --> 00:08:03,140
OK, give it a whirl.
138
00:08:05,540 --> 00:08:08,100
Come on, how about that?
139
00:08:09,460 --> 00:08:11,940
German, is it?
Right, Jim.
140
00:08:11,980 --> 00:08:15,620
I'm not gonna start on him about
the fucking war.Right, shush then!
141
00:08:15,660 --> 00:08:18,980
It's not his fault his ancestors
were all fucking Nazis.
142
00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:22,100
Forgive and forget is what I say.
143
00:08:22,140 --> 00:08:27,700
Well, not forgive. Or forget.
144
00:08:27,740 --> 00:08:31,820
He alone who owns the youth
gains the future.
145
00:08:31,860 --> 00:08:34,380
Sorry. He's a... He's a mad cunt.
146
00:08:34,420 --> 00:08:36,420
Fucking arsehole.
147
00:08:36,460 --> 00:08:43,940
But what happens if you touch
your own head with the finger?
148
00:08:46,900 --> 00:08:49,580
Silly bugger's done it.
149
00:08:49,620 --> 00:08:51,580
What are we gonna do now?
150
00:08:51,620 --> 00:08:54,740
Not bad, is it?You should hire
this guy, for one of your clubs.
151
00:08:54,780 --> 00:08:56,980
I should, should absolutely, yeah.
152
00:08:57,020 --> 00:09:00,820
What clubs are them, Tommo?You know
which clubs those are, Erin.
153
00:09:00,860 --> 00:09:04,140
Those are the many clubs,
bars and dining establishments
154
00:09:04,180 --> 00:09:09,580
which I own and manage, Right,
on that note, I'm going for a piss.
155
00:09:09,620 --> 00:09:12,540
I need a strapping man
from the audience
156
00:09:12,580 --> 00:09:17,060
to come up and help lift these
poor hypnotised souls...Me.
157
00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:20,580
He's handsome, yeah, come on.
Come up.
158
00:09:22,780 --> 00:09:24,460
Go on, Hans!
159
00:09:27,820 --> 00:09:29,900
Wrong bathroom.
Why fucking lie to him?
160
00:09:29,940 --> 00:09:31,980
How am I lying to him, Erin?
161
00:09:32,020 --> 00:09:35,500
Saying you're successful,
run The Rat and Cutter.
162
00:09:35,540 --> 00:09:38,580
Well, the last time I checked,
I was quite successful.
163
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:41,060
More so than someone
who let her dickhead brother...
164
00:09:41,100 --> 00:09:43,660
Here we fucking go!
Run off with McCann's money
165
00:09:43,700 --> 00:09:47,940
and had to do a moonlight flit
to fucking deepest darkest Wales.
166
00:09:47,980 --> 00:09:51,380
You fucking wanker, you fucking
wanker. He's your fucking son!
167
00:09:51,420 --> 00:09:55,380
You're already fucking lying to him.
I'm trying to impress him.
168
00:09:55,420 --> 00:09:57,340
Aren't I, eh?
169
00:09:57,380 --> 00:10:01,900
So telling a few white lies,
about how high-flying his dad is,
170
00:10:01,940 --> 00:10:04,780
he goes all warm and fuzzy inside
and then in a few days,
171
00:10:04,820 --> 00:10:08,060
he fucks off
back to Frankfurt or wherever
172
00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:11,220
and it's happily ever after
for all of us, in't it?No.
173
00:10:11,260 --> 00:10:15,260
You tell him the truth
and you tell him what you are.
174
00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:18,340
And what am I, Erin?
175
00:10:19,460 --> 00:10:22,100
A dickhead with a fuck truck.
176
00:10:22,140 --> 00:10:26,700
That is a mobile erotic parlour.Get
your finger out of my fucking face.
177
00:10:26,740 --> 00:10:29,020
And if you hadn't have thrown me
out of my own club,
178
00:10:29,060 --> 00:10:32,860
by now I would be Hawley's answer
to Hugh fucking Hefner.
179
00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:39,180
He's my son, Erin, and I'll tell him
what he wants to hear.
180
00:10:40,500 --> 00:10:44,060
Quack quack duck. Quack quack duck.
181
00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:45,860
They are doing it!
182
00:10:45,900 --> 00:10:51,020
How the fuck can he be mine?
Quack quack duck.
183
00:10:51,060 --> 00:10:53,100
Come on, you lot.
184
00:10:53,140 --> 00:10:56,140
This is gonna blow
your fucking mind, sweetheart.
185
00:10:56,180 --> 00:10:59,420
I want to show you my club,
right, because there's a feeling,
186
00:10:59,460 --> 00:11:01,260
amongst some there this evening,
187
00:11:01,300 --> 00:11:04,860
that I might have been misleading
you about its current status...
188
00:11:09,380 --> 00:11:13,220
It's closed, right?
Yeah.
189
00:11:13,260 --> 00:11:16,980
So... did it... fail?
Fail?
190
00:11:17,020 --> 00:11:18,780
Fucking hell,
you're joking, aren't you?
191
00:11:18,820 --> 00:11:25,220
No, this... this is what you might
call a renovation project.
192
00:11:25,260 --> 00:11:28,300
Hundreds of thousands of pounds
of investor funding
193
00:11:28,340 --> 00:11:31,860
are being funnelled
into the place before you now.
194
00:11:37,020 --> 00:11:39,380
Avanti.
195
00:11:39,420 --> 00:11:41,420
Let me show you my vision.
196
00:11:43,700 --> 00:11:45,940
I wouldn't touch that.
Want hepatitis?
197
00:11:45,980 --> 00:11:49,340
Fucking hell... A-hah! Voila.
198
00:11:49,380 --> 00:11:52,260
So, as you can see, at present
it's very much an empty shell
199
00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:56,860
but - with a bit of vision -
it will morph from this caterpillar
200
00:11:56,900 --> 00:12:00,700
into a sexy butterfly of fun
and debauchery.
201
00:12:00,740 --> 00:12:03,100
You should make it a gig venue.
Hmm.
202
00:12:04,740 --> 00:12:10,940
The music from England, I've always
loved it, Smiths, The Stone Roses...
203
00:12:12,460 --> 00:12:15,980
Maybe cos Mum said you were from
here, I've always been drawn to it.
204
00:12:16,020 --> 00:12:19,700
Mani, from the Stone Roses, made me
pick up a guitar for the first time.
205
00:12:19,740 --> 00:12:23,020
Well, Three-Eyed Pete actually
used to be his roadie, so...
206
00:12:23,060 --> 00:12:24,340
Three-Eyed... Pete?
207
00:12:24,380 --> 00:12:26,020
Three-Eyed Pete,
he's a sort of friend.
208
00:12:26,060 --> 00:12:27,580
I say friend, he's a pe-nis.
209
00:12:27,620 --> 00:12:30,180
Is someone here?
Shouldn't be, should they!
210
00:12:30,220 --> 00:12:34,460
On my premises, unless it's the
cleaner, so that might be the case.
211
00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:38,580
We should look.
Er... no. Yes. Yes. Yeah, alright.
212
00:12:38,620 --> 00:12:42,540
Well, you stay here - I don't want
you getting hurt, you know.
213
00:12:42,580 --> 00:12:47,820
No way. I've only just found you.
I'm not having you killed.
214
00:12:47,860 --> 00:12:49,860
Just stay behind me.
215
00:12:55,540 --> 00:12:58,420
Come on.
This is my blue rooms, by the way,
216
00:12:58,460 --> 00:13:00,740
for exclusive clientele
and that.
217
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:03,580
It's nice.
218
00:13:03,620 --> 00:13:05,820
Ahahargh.
219
00:13:09,420 --> 00:13:11,700
Someone's sleeping here.
No. No.
220
00:13:11,740 --> 00:13:13,780
Let's go...
Someone's sleeping here.
221
00:13:13,820 --> 00:13:17,500
Get back cos I'm gonna deal wi' it.
222
00:13:17,540 --> 00:13:20,900
Excuse... Excuse me, excuse me..
223
00:13:20,940 --> 00:13:22,900
Wake up, we're not gonna hurt yer.
224
00:13:22,940 --> 00:13:26,100
What the fuck are you doing
in my club!Argh! Your, your club?
225
00:13:26,140 --> 00:13:28,460
No, it used to be your club, Glen.
226
00:13:32,420 --> 00:13:35,220
But now it's my club. Poor
deluded bastard, he is a drinker.
227
00:13:35,260 --> 00:13:38,940
My club, Tommo - ask Kenny Diamond.
I'll tell you what, you go upstairs.
228
00:13:38,980 --> 00:13:40,780
Get him a whisky.
I do not need a whisky.
229
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:44,460
Right, the optics are open, he'll
enjoy it. Won't you, love, eh?
230
00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:49,700
It's fine, we'll sort this, eh?
What are you staring at, sweetheart?
231
00:13:49,740 --> 00:13:52,780
What the fuck's this Kenny Diamond
shit? The council closed this down.
232
00:13:52,820 --> 00:13:56,380
And now they're allowing it
open again. Kenny greased palms.
233
00:13:56,420 --> 00:14:00,260
He's the licensee and he's promised
me the lease.You, you?
234
00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:01,660
Glen Glenson is back, Tommo,
235
00:14:01,700 --> 00:14:05,020
and all those who wrote him off
can...Shut up, you fucking turd.
236
00:14:05,060 --> 00:14:07,100
And I want your fucking keys back.
Agh.
237
00:14:07,140 --> 00:14:12,060
It's so sad, that boy's
had to grow up, all his childhood,
238
00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:17,420
not knowing his father.And when
he finds him, it's fucking Tommo.
239
00:14:19,660 --> 00:14:22,660
No, but, seriously,
boys need their dads,
240
00:14:22,700 --> 00:14:24,700
like if this little guy
was to come out
241
00:14:24,740 --> 00:14:28,180
and you weren't in his life,
that'd break my heart.
242
00:14:28,220 --> 00:14:30,780
You know he'd be fine.
243
00:14:30,820 --> 00:14:35,780
What? Look, I'm just saying, right,
if I wasn't in this boy's life,
244
00:14:35,820 --> 00:14:38,780
wouldn't know the difference.
No, in this podcast,
245
00:14:38,820 --> 00:14:42,060
they were saying that evolutionary
theory believes that babies
246
00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:46,380
come out looking like their dad
so the father takes responsibility
247
00:14:46,420 --> 00:14:48,380
instead of pissing off
and running away.
248
00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:50,820
Yeah.
You'd better not do that.
249
00:14:50,860 --> 00:14:53,980
That hurt, actually. Oh, Jesus.
250
00:14:54,020 --> 00:14:56,140
That even more. You.
251
00:14:56,180 --> 00:14:58,420
Listen to me,
if you don't look like me,
252
00:14:58,460 --> 00:14:59,860
I am gonna piss off.
253
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:02,740
Don't tell him that,
he might get upset.
254
00:15:02,780 --> 00:15:05,300
He's in bloody amniotic fluid
in the womb,
255
00:15:05,340 --> 00:15:08,540
with no concept of language,
you know.
256
00:15:37,460 --> 00:15:40,300
This is Kenny.
Leave a message.Kenny.
257
00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:43,460
It's Tommo. We need to speak, mate.
258
00:15:43,500 --> 00:15:45,500
Urgent.
259
00:15:54,260 --> 00:15:56,940
'Good morning.'
Give over.
260
00:15:56,980 --> 00:15:59,540
It's got a repeat. 'Good morning.'
261
00:15:59,580 --> 00:16:02,100
Glenson's back and he thinks
he's opening that club.
262
00:16:02,140 --> 00:16:05,700
I've got three words for him, Vin,
over my dead, four, in't it, body.
263
00:16:05,740 --> 00:16:08,460
Why are you here? You're meant to be
bonding with your boy.
264
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:12,300
How? He's into fucking lifting
weights and taking protein powder.
265
00:16:12,340 --> 00:16:15,700
The mind boggles. How did you bond
with Tyler when you found out?
266
00:16:15,740 --> 00:16:18,100
He was seven
when I found out, so it were easy.
267
00:16:18,140 --> 00:16:21,380
We played crocodiles and fucking
snuggling on t'couch.
268
00:16:21,420 --> 00:16:24,300
I can't do that.
'Sky diving.'
269
00:16:24,340 --> 00:16:29,460
You what?'Germans love sky diving.
I watched a documentary about it.
270
00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:31,900
They put on Lederhosen,
drink beer and...'Put it down!
271
00:16:31,940 --> 00:16:35,580
They drink beer and they do sky
diving.Right, very good, Cardi.
272
00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:37,060
Very good. I'll do that.
273
00:16:37,100 --> 00:16:40,180
In Hawley on a Thursday afternoon!
Look where the fuck we are!
274
00:16:40,220 --> 00:16:42,900
Your boy, he's into sport, yeah?
Yeah, sadly.
275
00:16:42,940 --> 00:16:46,300
I've got just the thing.
I have recently obtained
276
00:16:46,340 --> 00:16:50,540
exclusive membership
to the extremely hard to join...
277
00:16:50,580 --> 00:16:53,660
Northern Lawn Tennis.
How the fuck did you get that?
278
00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:55,700
Know what they say
when you walk in?
279
00:16:55,740 --> 00:17:00,700
'Good morning.'I fucking swear. Oh,
fuck off. Fucking therapy session.
280
00:17:00,740 --> 00:17:04,460
Sweep for mines. Don't let anyone
end up like sewn together Barry.
281
00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:06,140
'Good morning.'
282
00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:26,700
Would you...
It's a big clock that, innit?
283
00:17:26,740 --> 00:17:30,020
Do you know what you call
a clever clock?
284
00:17:30,060 --> 00:17:32,300
Clockwise.
285
00:17:34,060 --> 00:17:35,460
Would you like to tell me
286
00:17:35,500 --> 00:17:39,180
about what's brought
you here today, Vincent?
287
00:17:39,220 --> 00:17:43,620
Well, it's my fucking head, innit?
That's why I'm here.
288
00:17:43,660 --> 00:17:45,780
Do you collect feathers, you?
289
00:17:45,820 --> 00:17:49,340
I bet I know every one of these
fucking birds, here.
290
00:17:49,380 --> 00:17:50,940
Christ...
291
00:17:53,580 --> 00:17:56,100
Is that expensive?
It is.
292
00:17:56,140 --> 00:17:59,780
Looks expensive.
Fuck, it'd do me a lot of good that.
293
00:17:59,820 --> 00:18:01,980
I bet you wouldn't even know
it were gone.
294
00:18:02,020 --> 00:18:05,420
I might. It's my grandmother's.
295
00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:07,860
I don't believe you.
296
00:18:16,980 --> 00:18:20,860
My dad's a pisshead, my mum didn't
want me when I were little,
297
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:25,340
I found her recently and she still
don't fucking want me. So...
298
00:18:26,260 --> 00:18:28,860
Yeah, I guess that's it, really.
299
00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:31,980
That's just the end of that story,
is it?
300
00:18:32,020 --> 00:18:34,060
For fuck's sake. Me...
301
00:18:34,100 --> 00:18:36,980
Dad didn't know how to be a Dad.
Mum didn't know how to be a mum.
302
00:18:37,020 --> 00:18:41,980
They had me too young, they fucked
up. And they fucked me up.
303
00:18:42,020 --> 00:18:46,380
I've got bipolar. I can't keep hold
of my friends... the girl I adore,
304
00:18:46,420 --> 00:18:48,740
I can't be with,
cos I'm just not good enough.
305
00:18:48,780 --> 00:18:53,780
Everyone I've ever cared about
just...
306
00:18:53,820 --> 00:18:57,460
they have to leave me in the end.
307
00:18:58,580 --> 00:19:01,180
Everything's changing. I just...
308
00:19:03,700 --> 00:19:06,300
I want it to go back
to the way it was, that's all,
309
00:19:06,340 --> 00:19:11,900
even if it was all
just a pile of shite.
310
00:19:11,940 --> 00:19:15,940
That sounds like a lot.
Mm.
311
00:19:15,980 --> 00:19:19,020
Sign off? Ticked your box.
312
00:19:19,060 --> 00:19:23,140
Blame it all on my mum and dad, and
feel like you've earned your money
313
00:19:23,180 --> 00:19:25,500
and I get to go home and
feel like a fucking piece of shit.
314
00:19:25,540 --> 00:19:27,980
You seem to be telling me
like it's my fault.
315
00:19:28,020 --> 00:19:31,180
No, I'm fucking, I'm painting
you a picture, aren't I?
316
00:19:31,220 --> 00:19:35,060
That's what I'm doing! We've had
different lives, you and me!
317
00:19:35,100 --> 00:19:37,740
You're arranging birds' nests,
I'm growing weed,
318
00:19:37,780 --> 00:19:39,980
trying to not get my dick cut off.
319
00:19:40,020 --> 00:19:44,420
Right. It sounds like you think
you can read me very well.
320
00:19:44,460 --> 00:19:48,580
What makes you think that I don't
have the capacity to understand?
321
00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:50,460
What makes you think
I've always come
322
00:19:50,500 --> 00:19:53,900
from this wonderful background?
323
00:19:53,940 --> 00:19:58,180
Can I ask you who you're angry with
when you say all this?
324
00:19:58,220 --> 00:20:00,460
At the moment, you're angry with me.
325
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:04,820
But it isn't me
who's made things the way they are.
326
00:20:04,860 --> 00:20:07,580
Everything you've told me,
all your feelings are valid,
327
00:20:07,620 --> 00:20:13,460
but your anger, your sadness, need
directing in the right places.
328
00:20:13,500 --> 00:20:16,740
We need to decipher
between what's your illness
329
00:20:16,780 --> 00:20:19,620
and what's a genuine crisis.
330
00:20:20,700 --> 00:20:23,380
The experiences
would bring anyone to their knees.
331
00:20:23,420 --> 00:20:28,460
So it's no wonder to me
you struggle the way you do.
332
00:20:28,500 --> 00:20:34,820
And just to say, Vincent,
you don't have to get better today.
333
00:20:34,860 --> 00:20:37,740
I'm not going anywhere.
334
00:20:37,780 --> 00:20:42,380
I'm here for you.
That's the deal.
335
00:20:42,420 --> 00:20:45,380
So, maybe you can leave the snuff
box that's in your pocket
336
00:20:45,420 --> 00:20:48,980
and steal it next time
if that's more convenient.
337
00:20:55,100 --> 00:21:00,620
MUSIC: "Golden Retriever"
by Super Furry Animals
338
00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:02,740
Yours!
339
00:21:02,780 --> 00:21:05,620
# Hey said the devil
340
00:21:05,660 --> 00:21:09,780
# When I met her at the roundabout
341
00:21:09,820 --> 00:21:11,860
# She's got powers
342
00:21:11,900 --> 00:21:17,180
# Magnetic devours you
of everything you've got
343
00:21:17,220 --> 00:21:21,220
# She's a golden retriever
344
00:21:21,260 --> 00:21:25,100
# Retrieves your oldest coin
345
00:21:25,140 --> 00:21:28,900
# Leads you blindly
down every dark alley
346
00:21:28,940 --> 00:21:30,660
# Then she'll...
347
00:21:30,700 --> 00:21:34,820
Hello, boys.
348
00:21:34,860 --> 00:21:36,540
Daphne. Magenta.
349
00:21:36,580 --> 00:21:38,700
Should have known
you'd be members.
350
00:21:38,740 --> 00:21:42,260
And, er, who's this?
I'm Thomas' son.
351
00:21:42,300 --> 00:21:44,340
Whose?
Tommo.
352
00:21:44,380 --> 00:21:46,860
It's me fucking name.
Jesus Christ, Daffne.
353
00:21:46,900 --> 00:21:48,780
Can you not see the family likeness?
He's German.
354
00:21:48,820 --> 00:21:51,180
He's... he is German, yes.
Very good, Magenta.
355
00:21:51,220 --> 00:21:52,460
Yeah, grade A student, very sharp.
356
00:21:52,500 --> 00:21:57,140
Well... Guten Morgen.
Guten Tag, Madame.
357
00:21:57,180 --> 00:22:01,220
Wie geht es dir?
I am doing very well.
358
00:22:01,260 --> 00:22:02,740
Wo ist das Rathaus?
359
00:22:03,780 --> 00:22:06,700
You know that means
"Where is the town hall?"
360
00:22:06,740 --> 00:22:09,140
I'm Daffne.
Hans.
361
00:22:10,020 --> 00:22:13,700
Charmed, I'm sure.
You're fucking not charmed, love.
362
00:22:13,740 --> 00:22:18,860
Daffne, do not flirt with my fucking
progeny. It's beyond obscene.
363
00:22:18,900 --> 00:22:22,260
We're retiring
to the Deuce Bar for Pimm's,
364
00:22:22,300 --> 00:22:25,980
if anybody fancies joining us -
Great, I love to meet Dad's friends.
365
00:22:26,020 --> 00:22:28,780
Well...
Magenta.
366
00:22:30,180 --> 00:22:32,180
Fuck sake.
What's Pimm's?
367
00:22:32,220 --> 00:22:34,220
You need a semi-Western grip.
368
00:22:35,300 --> 00:22:39,980
If you drop the racquet on the
ground, bend down and pick it up.
369
00:22:40,020 --> 00:22:41,820
OK.
Strings facing to the ground.
370
00:22:41,860 --> 00:22:43,300
Argh!
Saw her knickers...
371
00:22:43,340 --> 00:22:45,860
Like holding a frying pan...
372
00:22:45,900 --> 00:22:49,060
No, he's reciprocating.
Don't fucking reciprocate, lad.
373
00:22:49,100 --> 00:22:53,300
And continue your natural swing,
like this...What the fuck?
374
00:22:53,340 --> 00:22:56,700
Yeah. She's definitely
keen on him, mate.
375
00:22:56,740 --> 00:22:59,060
She can be keen.
She's old enough to be his gran.
376
00:22:59,100 --> 00:23:03,940
Peachy.Also, he shall not jizz
where his father hath jizzed.
377
00:23:03,980 --> 00:23:05,300
It's practically incest, in't it?
378
00:23:05,340 --> 00:23:07,100
If he's gonna jizz on anyone,
Magenta.
379
00:23:07,140 --> 00:23:11,220
She's like 12, man.
She's 16, Cardi.I'm 15.
380
00:23:11,260 --> 00:23:13,140
You're 15, love?
Well done.Are yer?
381
00:23:17,140 --> 00:23:18,740
Grip the racquet...
382
00:23:18,780 --> 00:23:22,060
Fuck this. Right,
right, drink up, we're going.
383
00:23:22,100 --> 00:23:25,420
Are you insane? I'm not leaving,
look at this place.
384
00:23:25,460 --> 00:23:27,980
All these are on Mrs Bishop's tab.
Alright, fine.
385
00:23:28,020 --> 00:23:31,300
Fine... Stay. Yeah, have fun.
386
00:23:31,340 --> 00:23:33,620
Hans.
387
00:23:33,660 --> 00:23:36,540
Hang on. Hang on.
It's Kenny Diamond!Kenny Diamond?
388
00:23:36,580 --> 00:23:38,660
Kenny Diamond. Kenny Diamond.
389
00:23:38,700 --> 00:23:40,540
Kenny. Kenny.
390
00:23:40,580 --> 00:23:42,980
Kenneth...
Tommo.
391
00:23:43,020 --> 00:23:44,820
Vincent says
you wanna speak with me.
392
00:23:44,860 --> 00:23:49,900
Correct, Kenny, correct,
er, it is about the future ownership
393
00:23:49,940 --> 00:23:54,500
of The Rat and Cutter. Have you
signed anything with Glen Glenson?
394
00:23:54,540 --> 00:23:58,860
Nothing official.
We have a, a gentleman's agreement.
395
00:23:58,900 --> 00:24:03,980
Alright, OK, ah, well, listen, I'm
a gentleman, you're a gentleman.
396
00:24:04,020 --> 00:24:06,900
Right?
So how would you like to meet up,
397
00:24:06,940 --> 00:24:10,900
to discuss a better
gentleman's agreement.
398
00:24:12,140 --> 00:24:18,700
Go back on my word? Is that
what you're asking me?Yeah.
399
00:24:18,740 --> 00:24:23,780
Crow's Nest, 30 minutes.
Thank you, Kenny, very good. Right.
400
00:24:23,820 --> 00:24:25,420
Gotta go. Hans.
Oh, no, Tommo.
401
00:24:25,460 --> 00:24:27,860
Let him stay here with me,
I won't bite.
402
00:24:27,900 --> 00:24:30,700
No, he's coming with his dad.
I'm fine, I'm having fun.
403
00:24:30,740 --> 00:24:33,860
Honestly, I'll just come back
with the others.
404
00:24:33,900 --> 00:24:38,540
Don't you leave her with him.
Roger that.
405
00:24:41,660 --> 00:24:43,860
Tommo.
Kenneth.Have a seat.
406
00:24:43,900 --> 00:24:46,380
Thank you.
407
00:24:46,420 --> 00:24:49,660
Management lease,
two years minimum.
408
00:24:49,700 --> 00:24:52,020
Glen's offered 20 grand
but as a favour to you
409
00:24:52,060 --> 00:24:54,300
I'll allow you to outbid him.
410
00:24:54,340 --> 00:24:56,700
I want an offer in excess of 20
411
00:24:56,740 --> 00:24:59,620
otherwise I give this
back to Glenson.
412
00:24:59,660 --> 00:25:02,380
Right, Kenny,
I am a man, as you know,
413
00:25:02,420 --> 00:25:04,420
with a great many
financial commitments.
414
00:25:04,460 --> 00:25:09,940
And consequently liquidity
is not always... fluid.
415
00:25:11,180 --> 00:25:13,220
When do you need the money?
By Friday.
416
00:25:13,260 --> 00:25:15,140
By Friday?
By Friday.
417
00:25:15,180 --> 00:25:18,060
Friday it is then.
418
00:25:20,340 --> 00:25:22,340
Ha-ha!
419
00:25:25,220 --> 00:25:29,260
Vinnie? Vin.
Erin?! Hiya, where's Vinnie?
420
00:25:29,300 --> 00:25:32,220
In the back room... with Manolito.
Very good.
421
00:25:32,260 --> 00:25:35,020
Why?
Oh, it's fine.
422
00:25:35,060 --> 00:25:38,620
Vinnie, Vinnie... Vinnie, I...
Thomas.Hello.
423
00:25:38,660 --> 00:25:44,300
I love the war room,
perfect new business HQ. Inspired.
424
00:25:44,340 --> 00:25:49,060
Hey, we make a good team,
huh, you, me...Hey.Vincent.
425
00:25:49,100 --> 00:25:51,700
Shame your, er,
best friend couldn't be here.
426
00:25:51,740 --> 00:25:54,740
I think he like this...
He's not even texted me back yet.
427
00:25:54,780 --> 00:25:56,940
Bastard.I think he doesn't
want to be found,
428
00:25:56,980 --> 00:26:00,220
the MacDonaghs come after him again,
safer that way.
429
00:26:00,260 --> 00:26:04,940
Which reminds me, now Davey is back,
you do not tell the MacDonaghs
430
00:26:04,980 --> 00:26:08,340
it was me who rescued your friend
from the car. Best this way.
431
00:26:08,380 --> 00:26:12,220
Vinnie. Sorry. I need over 20 grand,
to buy back The Rat and Cutter.
432
00:26:12,260 --> 00:26:14,780
Listen to you. Throwing it out.
"I need 20 grand."
433
00:26:14,820 --> 00:26:18,340
Not happening.
We're doing a weed grow this year,
434
00:26:18,380 --> 00:26:20,340
not spending money
on a fucking club
435
00:26:20,380 --> 00:26:22,940
so you can wreck it again...
Thank you very much.
436
00:26:22,980 --> 00:26:24,540
Blaming me for the loss
of my own club,
437
00:26:24,580 --> 00:26:26,860
which I'm still grieving by the way.
438
00:26:26,900 --> 00:26:31,780
Not all men are cut out
for greatness, Thomas.
439
00:26:31,820 --> 00:26:35,180
Where can a man take a leak?
A bucket in the listening room.
440
00:26:35,220 --> 00:26:37,300
A red one, round there.
For weeing in.
441
00:26:37,340 --> 00:26:40,700
We've just moved in, ain't we,
you know what I mean. Sort it out.
442
00:26:40,740 --> 00:26:43,980
Listen... I need to show him myself
in my former glory,
443
00:26:44,020 --> 00:26:46,900
proprietor of Hawley's
premier entertainment venue.
444
00:26:46,940 --> 00:26:48,460
But you're not, Tom.
445
00:26:48,500 --> 00:26:51,140
You're not this man that you
keep pretending to be.
446
00:26:51,180 --> 00:26:53,660
Look at the state you're in!
447
00:26:53,700 --> 00:26:57,980
There is shit in bucket.
448
00:26:58,020 --> 00:27:00,420
It's Carol!
God's sake!
449
00:27:08,740 --> 00:27:10,660
Hey, hey, where is he?
Who?
450
00:27:10,700 --> 00:27:13,140
Fuck sake!
451
00:27:14,860 --> 00:27:18,540
Where's your mum, eh?
She went home.
452
00:27:18,580 --> 00:27:23,380
Where's my lad, then?
Went with her.
453
00:27:23,420 --> 00:27:27,020
Why are you here if she's gone?I
have a match at four.Match at four.
454
00:27:27,060 --> 00:27:30,220
Right, right.
Do you know what, right,
455
00:27:30,260 --> 00:27:33,180
I feel fucking sorry for you,
growing up with that woman
456
00:27:33,220 --> 00:27:37,500
as a role model, eh?
Loose morals.
457
00:27:37,540 --> 00:27:39,740
Dickheads!
458
00:27:39,780 --> 00:27:41,860
What?!
Tommo.
459
00:27:45,220 --> 00:27:47,780
Daffne? Daffne!
460
00:27:50,060 --> 00:27:52,300
Open this fucking door, right now.
461
00:27:52,340 --> 00:27:55,820
Daffne, Daffne.
462
00:27:55,860 --> 00:27:57,300
Daffne. Daffne.
463
00:27:57,340 --> 00:27:59,420
I swear to God...
464
00:27:59,460 --> 00:28:02,820
You're a liar.
You're not a businessman.No. No.
465
00:28:02,860 --> 00:28:05,940
You own a dungeon
and a fuck truck.Listen to me.
466
00:28:05,980 --> 00:28:08,700
I don't want a dad
who's a selfish liar!
467
00:28:08,740 --> 00:28:11,500
Hans, I...
468
00:28:11,540 --> 00:28:13,620
It's a mobile erotic parlour.
469
00:28:13,660 --> 00:28:15,340
Fuck you.
Hello.
470
00:28:15,380 --> 00:28:17,140
Nice one, yeah.
471
00:28:17,180 --> 00:28:20,420
I'm trying to make him proud of me!
472
00:28:20,460 --> 00:28:22,020
Thank you very much.
473
00:28:26,540 --> 00:28:30,140
MUSIC: "Train Song" by Vashti Bunyan
474
00:28:30,180 --> 00:28:34,980
# Travelling north,
travelling north to find you
475
00:28:35,020 --> 00:28:39,340
# Train wheels beating,
the wind in my eyes
476
00:28:39,380 --> 00:28:44,340
# Don't even know
what I'll say when I find you
477
00:28:44,380 --> 00:28:48,620
# Call out your name, love,
don't be surprised
478
00:28:48,660 --> 00:28:53,460
# It's so many miles and so long
since I've met you
479
00:28:53,500 --> 00:28:58,300
# Don't even know
what I'll find when I get to you
480
00:28:58,340 --> 00:29:02,740
# But suddenly now,
I know where I belong
481
00:29:02,780 --> 00:29:06,980
# It's many hundred miles...
Shit.
482
00:29:07,020 --> 00:29:09,220
# And it won't be long
483
00:29:12,420 --> 00:29:17,100
# Nothing at all
in my head to say to you
484
00:29:17,140 --> 00:29:21,500
# Only the beat of the train I'm on
485
00:29:21,540 --> 00:29:26,740
# Nothing I've learnt
all my life on the way to you
486
00:29:26,780 --> 00:29:28,860
# One day our love... #
487
00:29:28,900 --> 00:29:31,100
When did you last see them?
15 years ago?
488
00:29:31,140 --> 00:29:33,420
Why you sweating?
Are you nervous to see them?
489
00:29:33,460 --> 00:29:35,260
I'm warm, aren't I, Cardi.
490
00:29:35,300 --> 00:29:38,700
I'm wearing nonbreathable fabrics.
Fuck me.
491
00:29:38,740 --> 00:29:41,700
Looks exactly the same.
Wagon wheel, that's handy.
492
00:29:41,740 --> 00:29:44,300
Don't jangle the danglers.
493
00:29:44,340 --> 00:29:47,740
Right. Here's the plan, we go in,
retrieve the boy child,
494
00:29:47,780 --> 00:29:50,820
then fuck the fuck out of this place
to the local hostelry
495
00:29:50,860 --> 00:29:53,140
and we'll smooth over this mess.
496
00:29:53,180 --> 00:29:58,500
Oh, and, er, be warned.
Leo, he's a bit of a close talker.
497
00:29:58,540 --> 00:30:00,220
What's a close talker?
498
00:30:00,260 --> 00:30:02,660
Tommy.
Leo.
499
00:30:02,700 --> 00:30:04,820
You can call me Dad, you know.
500
00:30:04,860 --> 00:30:10,620
You're looking... looking well.
And this is, er...?Ashley.
501
00:30:10,660 --> 00:30:13,980
Ashley.
Hmm. Nice work shirt.
502
00:30:14,020 --> 00:30:18,500
Thanks, it's sustainable, 100%
biodegradable, the eco choice.
503
00:30:18,540 --> 00:30:21,940
That's Cardi.
Nice to meet you, D-D-Dad.
504
00:30:21,980 --> 00:30:25,260
"Cardi," what's that short for?
It's short for Leslie Titt.
505
00:30:25,300 --> 00:30:28,020
This is turning into quite the day.
Is he in there then?
506
00:30:28,060 --> 00:30:30,660
He certainly is, yes,
you'd better come inside.
507
00:30:30,700 --> 00:30:32,820
Margaret, it's our Tommy.
508
00:30:32,860 --> 00:30:34,940
Better come inside.
509
00:30:36,220 --> 00:30:38,580
JJ.
You alright?
510
00:30:41,140 --> 00:30:43,980
Hey. What are you holding?
511
00:30:44,020 --> 00:30:46,940
This is our child.
Jesus.
512
00:30:46,980 --> 00:30:49,020
And she looks nothing like you.
513
00:30:49,060 --> 00:30:53,180
Are you leaving...?
Have you lost your mind?
514
00:30:53,220 --> 00:30:56,140
And why the fuck have you wrapped it
in a bloody blanket, Sugar.
515
00:30:56,180 --> 00:31:02,820
This is your baby, JJ.OK,
well, it's very white and ginger.
516
00:31:02,860 --> 00:31:06,660
And Chinese.
517
00:31:06,700 --> 00:31:08,740
Daddy was a mechanic,
before he left.
518
00:31:08,780 --> 00:31:12,180
He was into fish and very boring
podcasts.I am doing this...
519
00:31:12,220 --> 00:31:14,460
Woah.
520
00:31:18,540 --> 00:31:20,700
Hey, listen, come here.
521
00:31:20,740 --> 00:31:24,020
Now, there's only one thing
that would ever drive me
522
00:31:24,060 --> 00:31:26,060
out of your life, right,
523
00:31:26,100 --> 00:31:31,220
and that is pretending to be a dad
to a fucking carrot top doll, Sugar.
524
00:31:31,260 --> 00:31:33,420
OK.
Yeah.
525
00:31:33,460 --> 00:31:35,860
Do you want a greasy kiss?
Yeah.
526
00:31:51,100 --> 00:31:54,940
Er, Rooster Cogburn,
sequel to True Grit, not a classic,
527
00:31:54,980 --> 00:31:59,220
but it stars Katharine Hepburn.
So worth checking out. No. No. No.
528
00:31:59,260 --> 00:32:02,020
Clearly wrong,
that's red and that's blue.
529
00:32:02,060 --> 00:32:05,420
We thought it was a prank when Hans
arrived at the door, didn't we?
530
00:32:05,460 --> 00:32:07,500
I said to Leo, this is a prank.
531
00:32:07,540 --> 00:32:12,940
And he said, "Prank,
no way, Margaret, he's our grandson,
532
00:32:12,980 --> 00:32:14,900
I can feel it, inside."
533
00:32:14,940 --> 00:32:17,940
Are you happy to be grandparents?
No, technically, though...
534
00:32:17,980 --> 00:32:20,500
Oh, yes, never thought
we'd see the day, did we, Leo?
535
00:32:20,540 --> 00:32:23,940
Never thought we'd see the day.
And such a strapping lad.
536
00:32:23,980 --> 00:32:27,940
Not like Tommy.
He was a sickly youth.
537
00:32:27,980 --> 00:32:30,700
Always had problems, with his...
Not there.
538
00:32:30,740 --> 00:32:32,700
Problems with his?
Pardon?
539
00:32:32,740 --> 00:32:37,140
You said he always had problems
with his...With his -No. No. No.
540
00:32:37,180 --> 00:32:41,180
Wrong shape.Oh, sorry now.
And such a lovely looking boy.
541
00:32:41,220 --> 00:32:45,140
You know, you can't mind that he's
German when he has a face like that.
542
00:32:45,180 --> 00:32:47,860
As the big man says,
"A horse is a horse,
543
00:32:47,900 --> 00:32:49,940
it ain't make
a difference what colour it is."
544
00:32:49,980 --> 00:32:51,820
Right. I'm going for a whazz.
545
00:32:51,860 --> 00:32:53,860
Is it still in the same place?
546
00:32:53,900 --> 00:32:56,020
Yeah, course it fucking is.
547
00:32:56,060 --> 00:32:59,220
Do you not like Germans then?
548
00:32:59,260 --> 00:33:01,820
MUSIC: Cowboys Ain't Easy To Love
by Chris LeDoux
549
00:33:51,620 --> 00:33:55,660
Alright?
Alright?
550
00:33:55,700 --> 00:33:57,820
How are you?
551
00:33:57,860 --> 00:33:59,860
Better than you,
by the looks of things.
552
00:33:59,900 --> 00:34:04,700
You high?
Off my tits, mate, yeah.
553
00:34:04,740 --> 00:34:07,300
You're getting blasted
in your foster parents' house.
554
00:34:07,340 --> 00:34:09,660
Leo won't approve of that, will he?
555
00:34:09,700 --> 00:34:12,260
Long way past caring
what Leo thinks.
556
00:34:12,300 --> 00:34:14,820
If I ever did...
557
00:34:14,860 --> 00:34:16,900
Did I?
No, not really.
558
00:34:27,260 --> 00:34:30,540
How've I ended up like this, eh?
559
00:34:30,580 --> 00:34:32,180
What, what, what was, erm...
560
00:34:32,220 --> 00:34:35,860
what were going through me head,
when I was you?
561
00:34:35,900 --> 00:34:39,460
You couldn't really
understand normality,
562
00:34:39,500 --> 00:34:42,780
them lot downstairs, anyone, really.
563
00:34:42,820 --> 00:34:46,900
They seemed to have loads and loads
of pointless rules...Yeah.
564
00:34:46,940 --> 00:34:49,900
They do.Everyone's so worried
about what everyone else thinks,
565
00:34:49,940 --> 00:34:53,300
like it matters anyway.
I mean, that's fucking right.
566
00:34:53,340 --> 00:34:56,340
Get married,
lock themselves to one other person,
567
00:34:56,380 --> 00:34:59,380
trap themselves in a little house,
job they hate,
568
00:34:59,420 --> 00:35:02,460
and all in the name of security
and respectability.
569
00:35:02,500 --> 00:35:04,780
Yes,
fucking spontaneity out the window,
570
00:35:04,820 --> 00:35:09,100
have to ask permission to go for a
pint with their mates at the pub,
571
00:35:09,140 --> 00:35:11,820
can't stay out too late
because the alarm goes off at seven.
572
00:35:11,860 --> 00:35:13,780
Daren't even look at another woman,
or man,
573
00:35:13,820 --> 00:35:16,180
because I've got this
ring on your finger,
574
00:35:16,220 --> 00:35:18,660
like a fucking sheep in a field,
branded,
575
00:35:18,700 --> 00:35:22,380
letting all the world know
I'm taken. Don't even look at me
576
00:35:22,420 --> 00:35:25,060
because I've committed myself
by the rules of the land
577
00:35:25,100 --> 00:35:28,260
to a lifetime of,
at best, mediocre sex.
578
00:35:28,300 --> 00:35:31,700
I was right. We, we were right.
579
00:35:31,740 --> 00:35:35,060
Yeah, and now it's those same
people, the same teachers, doctors,
580
00:35:35,100 --> 00:35:39,220
businessmen, in their fucking suits
and shirts and what have you.
581
00:35:39,260 --> 00:35:41,540
They're the ones
paying for my services, and why?
582
00:35:41,580 --> 00:35:43,300
Because ever since Adam and Eve
583
00:35:43,340 --> 00:35:45,300
traipsed into
the fucking Garden of Eden,
584
00:35:45,340 --> 00:35:47,780
human beings have wanted
their bits playing with
585
00:35:47,820 --> 00:35:50,900
and that will never change.
Exactly.
586
00:35:51,980 --> 00:35:56,220
Everything I thought,
when I was you, was right.
587
00:35:58,260 --> 00:36:00,140
Yeah.
Go on.
588
00:36:00,180 --> 00:36:02,900
Off You fuck.
Alright.
589
00:36:04,180 --> 00:36:05,380
Oh, and, er...
590
00:36:05,420 --> 00:36:08,900
just a bit of advice, if anyone asks
you to engage in Spicy Gringo,
591
00:36:08,940 --> 00:36:13,100
just, er, just refuse,
it's too much.
592
00:36:17,460 --> 00:36:19,020
MUSIC: "Disco 2000" by Pulp
593
00:36:19,060 --> 00:36:22,380
FYI, John Wayne were a racist
and a homophobe.
594
00:36:22,420 --> 00:36:24,500
Sit down, Leonard.
595
00:36:24,540 --> 00:36:27,420
Oi, you. Pub, now.
596
00:36:27,460 --> 00:36:30,180
You can't tell me what to do.
This is your father speaking.
597
00:36:30,220 --> 00:36:32,300
Pub.
598
00:36:34,740 --> 00:36:36,180
Hello.
599
00:36:36,220 --> 00:36:39,460
Vinnie... have you thought any more
after our little bathroom chat?
600
00:36:39,500 --> 00:36:41,980
Look, Donna...
We're being very tolerant.
601
00:36:42,020 --> 00:36:44,980
But our patience is wearing thin.
602
00:36:45,020 --> 00:36:47,380
Where's Dylan, Donna?
603
00:36:47,420 --> 00:36:51,620
I've told you,
we're nothing to do with Dylan.
604
00:36:51,660 --> 00:36:53,460
Right. And I've told you
605
00:36:53,500 --> 00:36:57,700
that I can only be in business
with people that I trust. Alright?
606
00:37:04,260 --> 00:37:07,380
I don't really drink.Shut
the fuck up and get it down yer.
607
00:37:07,420 --> 00:37:13,020
Right. First things first,
did you fuck her?
608
00:37:15,020 --> 00:37:17,500
Who?Who do you think I mean?
My fucking elderly foster mum?
609
00:37:17,540 --> 00:37:19,340
Mrs Bishop?
Mrs Bishop, yes.
610
00:37:19,380 --> 00:37:21,900
The lovely Daffne.
No.
611
00:37:23,220 --> 00:37:25,500
No?
612
00:37:25,540 --> 00:37:30,660
Right, I were expecting
something different.
613
00:37:30,700 --> 00:37:33,260
Why?
I don't know...
614
00:37:35,380 --> 00:37:38,540
She got my trousers off
and she really wanted to...
615
00:37:38,580 --> 00:37:42,940
When it came to it... I...
I didn't want her to be my first.
616
00:37:42,980 --> 00:37:44,780
Yeah. Wh... wh... what? What?
617
00:37:44,820 --> 00:37:49,060
You mean you...?
Yes. I'm saving myself.
618
00:37:49,100 --> 00:37:51,780
Right, well, yes, OK, so fine.
619
00:37:51,820 --> 00:37:54,980
Why?
I want the first time to be special.
620
00:37:55,020 --> 00:38:01,420
Hmm. Wow, your mamma's brought
you up with some funny ideas.
621
00:38:05,700 --> 00:38:07,420
I'm sorry I lied.
622
00:38:07,460 --> 00:38:10,820
Right, strictly speaking
none of it was untrue.
623
00:38:10,860 --> 00:38:15,300
There were just some, y'know,
significant omissions.
624
00:38:15,340 --> 00:38:19,820
But why?Why? Hans, you came
fucking waltzing into my life,
625
00:38:19,860 --> 00:38:23,660
saying where's my dad, obviously
in a... in a German accent.
626
00:38:26,220 --> 00:38:29,460
You wanna know about my life...
627
00:38:29,500 --> 00:38:31,980
Right, well,
I'll tell you about my life, right.
628
00:38:32,020 --> 00:38:34,940
Picture the scene.
Born to two shitty parents
629
00:38:34,980 --> 00:38:37,860
that didn't give a crap about me.
Er, not one, but two broken arms
630
00:38:37,900 --> 00:38:39,820
by the time social services
took me away
631
00:38:39,860 --> 00:38:43,180
at the grand old age of
12 months, ladies and gentlemen.
632
00:38:43,220 --> 00:38:45,020
Shunted about
from one care home to the next,
633
00:38:45,060 --> 00:38:47,180
with a load of other kids
who no-one gave a shit about.
634
00:38:47,220 --> 00:38:51,700
Leo and Margaret were the first
people who ever cared about me...
635
00:38:51,740 --> 00:38:53,940
and, er, boring as they were,
fuck me,
636
00:38:53,980 --> 00:38:56,660
I didn't want their life,
Jesus Christ,
637
00:38:56,700 --> 00:38:58,580
this fucking claustrophobic
little box.
638
00:38:58,620 --> 00:39:00,980
I couldn't understand
how they were happy
639
00:39:01,020 --> 00:39:03,500
but bless 'em,
they wanted what was best for me.
640
00:39:03,540 --> 00:39:09,020
So... I got out.
641
00:39:09,060 --> 00:39:12,980
Not very far, obviously, but,
er, but the way I live my life,
642
00:39:13,020 --> 00:39:17,900
it... it could be a million miles
away from all that, couldn't it?
643
00:39:17,940 --> 00:39:22,500
What I do is a public service.
644
00:39:22,540 --> 00:39:29,700
You know, the world, Hans...
is so fucking repressed, right,
645
00:39:29,740 --> 00:39:31,900
and people, they have kinks,
desires,
646
00:39:31,940 --> 00:39:34,740
these perversions,
these fucking dreams.
647
00:39:34,780 --> 00:39:39,740
Right, and, and, and they push 'em
so far down inside,
648
00:39:39,780 --> 00:39:42,140
and that's why they come to me.
649
00:39:42,180 --> 00:39:44,420
They come to me
and the fantasies burst out
650
00:39:44,460 --> 00:39:51,500
and for an hour
of their miserable fucking lives
651
00:39:51,540 --> 00:39:54,100
they're in ecstasy.
652
00:39:54,140 --> 00:39:58,820
Sometimes also on ecstasy.
653
00:39:58,860 --> 00:40:04,620
You... you... you seem like a good
lad... I don't feel things
654
00:40:04,660 --> 00:40:09,540
like how other people do...
maybe, you know, like love.
655
00:40:09,580 --> 00:40:11,660
Maybe I love you,
maybe that's what...
656
00:40:11,700 --> 00:40:14,340
maybe that's what that is.
Maybe, yeah, yeah, I do.
657
00:40:14,380 --> 00:40:17,180
I mean... yes, I... I... I love you.
658
00:40:19,860 --> 00:40:24,940
And then that's why I lied.
659
00:40:27,220 --> 00:40:31,500
Listen, I am who I am,
I'm not ashamed of it,
660
00:40:31,540 --> 00:40:35,740
but if you don't like it, you're
very welcome to pack up your things
661
00:40:35,780 --> 00:40:38,940
and head back to Deutschland
662
00:40:38,980 --> 00:40:41,500
and we'll say no more about it.
663
00:40:48,180 --> 00:40:51,460
I would like to see them,
664
00:40:51,500 --> 00:40:55,140
the dungeon, your fuck truck.
665
00:40:55,180 --> 00:40:59,060
I want you to tell me
everything about you.
666
00:40:59,100 --> 00:41:04,700
Over another pint.
667
00:41:04,740 --> 00:41:07,140
I mean, drink that one first,
fucking hell.
668
00:41:09,460 --> 00:41:13,060
So, what's the truth
about The Rat and Cutter?
669
00:41:13,100 --> 00:41:16,100
The truth about The Rat
and Cutter is, right,
670
00:41:16,140 --> 00:41:19,900
I ran it and it
were a fucking roaring success.
671
00:41:19,940 --> 00:41:24,540
But, er, alas,
paperwork is not my forte
672
00:41:24,580 --> 00:41:30,140
and, er, in a petty act of revenge a
certain detective, Carl Slater...
673
00:41:30,180 --> 00:41:33,020
Carl Slater bums dogs?
Fuck me. How do you know that?
674
00:41:38,340 --> 00:41:41,380
It were his nan's poodle actually.
675
00:41:41,420 --> 00:41:46,820
Well, he shut us down. And, er,
in so doing he toppled my empire.
676
00:41:46,860 --> 00:41:51,060
So who was the guy sleeping there?
That's a, a long story.
677
00:41:51,100 --> 00:41:54,180
But the short version is that, er...
678
00:41:54,220 --> 00:41:57,940
I'm now 21 grand shy of being
reinstated as the owner
679
00:41:57,980 --> 00:42:00,980
of Hawley's
premier entertainment venue.
680
00:42:01,020 --> 00:42:05,580
You need 21 grand.
Mm. By Friday.
681
00:42:05,620 --> 00:42:09,020
By Friday?
682
00:42:12,060 --> 00:42:15,260
That's a lot of money.I know,
you don't have to rub it in.
683
00:42:20,740 --> 00:42:22,060
Peter.
684
00:42:22,100 --> 00:42:24,180
Yeah?
What the... are you not up?
685
00:42:24,220 --> 00:42:28,180
What if I am? I'm not with a hooker.
686
00:42:28,220 --> 00:42:31,140
Look, we need a favour.
Favour? What favour?
687
00:42:31,180 --> 00:42:32,420
Put some clothes on.
688
00:42:32,460 --> 00:42:34,420
You're about to do a nice
thing for another human being.
689
00:42:34,460 --> 00:42:39,380
You look like shit. Get gone.
Go on. Get out of it. Go on then.
690
00:42:39,420 --> 00:42:41,420
This is it, Mani's house.
691
00:42:41,460 --> 00:42:45,140
Wow, he's probably got
gold records in there.
692
00:42:45,180 --> 00:42:47,940
The guitars
he played Made Of Stone on.
693
00:42:47,980 --> 00:42:50,300
Oh, yeah.Original artwork
from album covers.
694
00:42:50,340 --> 00:42:52,220
Hans, that's not even the best bit.
695
00:42:52,260 --> 00:42:56,100
The best bit is that our friend
Peter of the Third Eye,
696
00:42:56,140 --> 00:42:59,020
over here, yeah,
he's not only their ex-roadie.
697
00:42:59,060 --> 00:43:02,940
No, no, no he also happens to be
a close personal friend, yeah.
698
00:43:02,980 --> 00:43:05,820
Of The Stone Roses,
and so for a small remuneration,
699
00:43:05,860 --> 00:43:09,180
he is going to introduce you,
son, to your guitar hero.
700
00:43:09,220 --> 00:43:12,300
How's that?What, today?
Right now.Noooo.
701
00:43:12,340 --> 00:43:16,060
Right now.Nooo.Yes!
702
00:43:16,100 --> 00:43:18,660
Avanti.
703
00:43:18,700 --> 00:43:21,740
Ooh, here we go.
You alright, love?
704
00:43:21,780 --> 00:43:24,140
Go on then.Alright, yeah.
Is Mani around, please?
705
00:43:24,180 --> 00:43:25,500
You remember Three-Eye'd Pete
the roadie.
706
00:43:25,540 --> 00:43:28,260
You're the cunt
that stole Ian's jacket.
707
00:43:28,300 --> 00:43:30,220
No, hang on a minute,
that's a false allegation.
708
00:43:30,260 --> 00:43:33,980
Fucking allegation, is it?
Here y'are...
709
00:43:34,020 --> 00:43:36,580
If it's false, how come
we've seen it for sale on eBay?
710
00:43:36,620 --> 00:43:41,460
You're barking up the wrong...
Listen, you better fucking...
711
00:43:41,500 --> 00:43:46,220
Sling it.
And you lot fucking do one.
712
00:43:46,260 --> 00:43:48,420
Mani. Mani.
Mani, before we go...What?
713
00:43:48,460 --> 00:43:52,420
Hans. Mani. Mani. Hans.
Hans.Huge fan.
714
00:43:52,460 --> 00:43:55,740
You German?Yes.
Oh, my fucking giddy aunt.
715
00:43:55,780 --> 00:43:59,300
The worst gig I ever played was
Munich '99. What a bag of shit.
716
00:43:59,340 --> 00:44:02,780
Sling your fucking hook.
Come on, lovey.
717
00:44:02,820 --> 00:44:04,420
Twats!
718
00:44:04,460 --> 00:44:06,380
That was the best surprise ever.
719
00:44:06,420 --> 00:44:09,340
And now, I have a surprise for you.
720
00:44:09,380 --> 00:44:11,380
Come on.
721
00:44:14,380 --> 00:44:17,020
OK, let him see.
722
00:44:17,060 --> 00:44:19,060
Ta-da.
723
00:44:20,140 --> 00:44:23,060
It's all yours.
724
00:44:23,100 --> 00:44:26,620
What? How?
Mum set up a trust fund for me
725
00:44:26,660 --> 00:44:29,500
when I was born and it matured
when I turned 18.
726
00:44:29,540 --> 00:44:32,900
Fifty-five thousand euros.
727
00:44:32,940 --> 00:44:36,180
So, after you told me
about Kenny Diamond...By Friday.
728
00:44:36,220 --> 00:44:38,140
I went to see him.
729
00:44:39,060 --> 00:44:42,620
I want a three-year contract,
signed and official.
730
00:44:42,660 --> 00:44:46,220
By Friday.
By Friday?By Friday.
731
00:44:50,140 --> 00:44:53,140
My lad... why'd you do
something like that for me, eh?
732
00:44:53,180 --> 00:44:57,020
Because you're my dad.
733
00:44:57,060 --> 00:44:59,620
I want you to do two things for me.
734
00:44:59,660 --> 00:45:02,020
One, apologise
to Leo and Margaret.
735
00:45:02,060 --> 00:45:05,500
It might be OK to let them in
just a little.
736
00:45:05,540 --> 00:45:09,780
And second, promise me
you'll sort out your drug habit.
737
00:45:09,820 --> 00:45:13,420
I need you to be around
for a long time.
738
00:45:13,460 --> 00:45:15,820
Drug habit?
739
00:45:15,860 --> 00:45:19,380
He thinks I've got a drug habit
this one.Dude. You have.
740
00:45:19,420 --> 00:45:22,020
I mean, Christ.
741
00:45:23,980 --> 00:45:28,260
Alright. Alright, yeah, I swear...
742
00:45:47,700 --> 00:45:50,900
MUSIC: "Spread Your Love"
by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
743
00:46:14,340 --> 00:46:16,500
# Spread your love like a fever
744
00:46:18,060 --> 00:46:20,300
# And don't you ever come down
745
00:46:21,340 --> 00:46:24,980
# Spread your love like a fever
746
00:46:25,020 --> 00:46:27,460
# And don't you ever come down
747
00:46:28,860 --> 00:46:31,660
# I spread my love like a fever... #
748
00:46:33,420 --> 00:46:35,460
Jehan Jevani.
749
00:46:35,500 --> 00:46:39,860
I'm arresting you for possession
with intent to supply.
750
00:46:39,900 --> 00:46:43,420
You do not need to say anything
but it may harm your defence...
751
00:46:43,720 --> 00:46:46,350
Subtitle re-sync by
Your friend, Quester.
752
00:46:46,780 --> 00:46:48,980
Her dad's just fucking died.
753
00:46:49,020 --> 00:46:50,420
He wanted me to have the flat?
754
00:46:50,460 --> 00:46:52,180
He owed a lot of people money.
755
00:46:52,220 --> 00:46:55,980
It's so weird being back here.
756
00:46:56,020 --> 00:46:58,620
Oh, that's not a good knock.
757
00:46:58,660 --> 00:47:01,100
We're the bailiffs.
Ten grand by tomorrow.
758
00:47:01,140 --> 00:47:03,580
How are we gonna find
ten grand tomorrow?
759
00:47:03,620 --> 00:47:06,140
I am gonna get you, Erin Croft.
760
00:47:06,180 --> 00:47:09,500
Oi!
Shit! Run! Run!
761
00:47:11,100 --> 00:47:14,700
MUSIC: " So Much Trouble
In My Mind" by Sir Joe Quarterman
762
00:47:14,740 --> 00:47:17,220
# I got so much trouble in my mind
763
00:47:18,780 --> 00:47:21,180
# I got so much trouble in my mind
764
00:47:22,900 --> 00:47:24,900
# I got so much trouble in my mind
765
00:47:27,020 --> 00:47:29,500
# Give me the strength to carry on
766
00:47:30,540 --> 00:47:32,460
# Give me the strength to carry on #59206
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