All language subtitles for Afternoon delights USAC

You suck.

I've never seen you in a business suit,
much less a tuxedo.

I rented it.

I haven't worn a tuxedo since my senior
prom.

Jesus Christ, here comes Jerry. He looks
like a ringer. Okay, you guys, spare me

the wisecrack. I feel silly enough in
this getup.

Peter said his house, his rules. No, but
I mean, it's only poker night.

We've been playing cards together every
Tuesday night for two years. All of a

sudden, it's a formal game.

Well, Peter said that...

Poker was becoming boring and he was
finding something special. So, brush for

the occasion.

Look, I still feel ridiculous.

Shall we go up or shall we wait for
Alan? Let's go up. Alan's always there.

Yeah, come on.

People don't dress up often enough.

I mean, take poker night, for example.

I've known the gentleman you're going to
meet tonight for two years. And you

know what?

I've never seen one of them wear a tie.

So I figured, next time poker night is
going to be at my place, I'm going to

make it a little bit different.

Make it a real event.

Could you look around the head a bit?

Yeah,

I like it when you... That's good,
that's good.

So anyway, as I was saying, I wanted to
spice things up a bit.

Make this a real experience.

And that's where you come in.

Oh, the people at the agency said you
were good.

So far, you're fantastic.

Hold my balls when I come, would you?

Thank you, that was fantastic.

Now, would you tend to my guest while I
finish dressing?

Oh, yes, Mr. Farrell, sir.

Yes, Mr.

Farrell, sir.

Good evening, gentlemen.

Excuse me, did I ring the wrong bell?

This is Pete Farrell's apartment.

Yes, this is Mr. Farrell's apartment,
and you would be Mr. Barnett?

Yeah, but I... And Mr. Whitehead and Mr.
Pittman and, of course, Mr. Logan

always arrive a bit late.

Will you gentlemen come in? Come in.

Let me take your coats, gentlemen.

Thank you.

Thank you. And thank you.

On second thought, this might be the
beginning of a very interesting evening.

They're all here except Mr.

Logan, as you said, sir.

Thank you, Nina.

Ah,

that will be Mr. Logan. Won't you see
that he joins the others?

Listen, Gene, a little strange, but I
like him. I like him.

Thank you.

Thank you.

When did he get up?

Central casting?

I think Pete's setting us up for
something. I don't know what, but

Sure, after reading 500 copies of
Playboy cover to cover, he must be

brain damage.

You actually think we're going to play
poker? I mean, maybe this is all some

kind of a practical joke.

Of course we're going to play poker.

It's Tuesday night, isn't it? Hey,
waiter, table for four, please.

Very funny, very funny.

Gentlemen look great, absolutely great.

Hey, Pete, what's going on? I mean,
enough's enough.

What's the gag?

No gag.

No, really. I just felt since I was a
host this week, I would try to make card

night a little different.

Nina, if you would fix the gentleman a
drink.

I believe we're here to play cards.

Sounds good.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Well, Tie card deals, gentlemen.

Cheers.

Hey, what do you know?

Oh, come on.

Okay, boys.

Your deal, George. What's the case? Five
card studs, jacks are better.

Hand me up, suckers.

Okay.

There she is, five.

What happened to all the aces in this
deck? You got them all or what?

Sure deal, Pete.

What's the game?

We each have a queen.

What kind of game is this?

Each one of us has a woman in his past
that he's no longer involved with.

Except to write her weekly alimony
checks.

With annual cost of living increases.

Now, I propose that each one of us knows
at least one.

spicy little secret in our ex -wives'
lives.

If we didn't, we'd probably still be
married to them.

Maybe.

Now, how about it if we all share these
secrets with each other?

This sounds like something people do in
prison.

I thought we were here to play card
games.

Well, we could do it in the form of a
game.

How do you mean?

Each of us writes down on the pad in
front of you.

Privately, of course.

That one spicy secret of your ex -wife.
That one thing that she thought

she got away with.

And?

Later on, after all the stories are
read, we try to match the story with the

man. There might be something in the
story that might let us recognize who

wife is, what she looks like, where she
works.

Actually not, Al. We all met after our
divorces.

None of us know each other's wives.

I don't know. I think it's kind of dumb.

Why don't we just play cards?

What's the matter, Gary?

Still carry the torch for your old lady?
Are you kidding?

I can tell you stories about her that
would knock your socks off.

The pad's in front of you, Gary.

Are there any rules?

All right.

We refer to the woman in question as
Mrs. Smith. Any other names can be

or fictitious names.

We all have 30 minutes to write down our
story.

And in fact, Nina might inspire some of
you.

How do we know who goes first?

Well, this is poker night, isn't it?

High card goes first.

It's up to you, Frank.

Jesus, my palms are sweating.

I'm not used to making speeches.

My wife was not the kind of person...

you would call an early riser.

Fortunately for her, I made enough money
so that she never had to work.

She loved sleeping late in the morning.

I had to leave for the office by 8 .30 a
.m., so we never had sex in the

morning, except on weekends.

Of course, that was the only time I was
there when she woke up.

It's not that she didn't like sex in the
morning.

That was the problem.

She was incredibly horny when she woke
up.

There was a one time of day when she was
insatiable.

The problem was, five days a week I
wasn't there when she was so horny.

Something was bound to happen, and of
course something did.

Oh, yes.

Fuck me.

The above -mentioned life of Mr. Smith
are true to the best of my knowledge.

Your humble servant, John Smith.

Holy shit. You mean one of us was
actually married to someone like that?

Why did he get a divorce?

It's hard to say.

You know, it might become tiresome
coming home every night and finding a

hat left in the hallway that somebody
left.

Maybe Mr.

Smith should have changed his schedule,
you know.

Take care of her. He could have changed
jobs and become a construction worker.

Well, let's find out who's next, all
right?

Frank's out.

It's up to you, Gary.

Well, here goes.

A Day in the Life of Mrs. Smith by Mr.
Smith.

To say that my wife, as she was then,
had time on her hands is an enormous

understatement. But it was a vacuum she
seemed to fill with great energy.

When she wasn't attacking a department
store with an army of credit cards, she

was catering to her preoccupation with
good health.

On Monday, she would see her
gynecologist.

On Tuesday, her shrink.

On Wednesday, she would...

Jog over to see her podiatrist just to
make sure her $50 running shoes weren't

ruining her feet.

On Thursday, she would see her
gynecologist.

Anyway, this story is about Friday
afternoon.

Just one of many Mrs. Smith spent on her
unending quest for a life free from

tooth decay.

Good afternoon. I have a 4 .30 p .m.
appointment with Dr. Harkness.

Yes, of course. She must be Mrs. Smith.
That's right. May I take your coat?

Thank you.

If you'll just make yourself
comfortable, please. Thank you.

If you'll open up, we'll take some
pictures, see how you're doing this

Okay, hold it right there.

are Mrs. Smith's x -rays today, Dr.
Harkness.

See how our best patient's doing.

Just as I thought.

Not a sign of decay anywhere.

She's got a nice mouth, don't you think?

Lovely, doctor.

Well, I'll tell you what. Why don't you
give her a thorough cleaning?

I'll stop in before you're through.
That'll leave me some time for Mr.

Brodsky's bridge work. Yes, of course,
doctor.

Mrs. Smith, I'm afraid I have some bad
news for you.

Dr. Harkness has examined your x -rays
and you have a small cavity.

What? I've never had a cavity. Is he
sure?

Yes, quite sure. But it's nothing to
worry about. He'll remove the decay and

fill it in for you in no time. You do
have something, don't you?

Don't give it another thought. I'll give
you some nitrous oxide and you won't

feel a thing.

That's it. Just lie back.

Relax.

Breathe deeply.

That's good. Keep breathing.

Mrs. Smith?

Mrs.

Smith?

Nancy, Nancy.

Can I practice over this?

Sure.

Yeah.

Thank you.

You don't suppose she knows, do you,
Nancy?

I gave her more than enough nitrous
oxide, Doctor. She'll wake up and never

the difference.

In closing, I can only say that if this
game proves amusing enough to play

again, I will tell you all of Mrs.
Smith's heroic afternoons at the

gynecologist. Till next time.

Mr. John Smith.

You know, it's hard to believe that I've
been playing poker for the past two

years with our first two Mr.

Smiths. This is better than a porno
flick.

Well, gentlemen, the field is narrowing
down.

Three cards.

High card is... You're the one out.

With all the money she could possibly
spend available to her, it's hard to

believe that my ex -wife, I guess I'm
supposed to call her Mrs. Smith, she got

her kicks in the sleaziest places
imaginable.

After I left for the office, she would
leave our apartment with a suitcase.

I guess she didn't want the neighbors to
see the strange outfit she wore in the

afternoon.

The freakier the better as far as Mrs.
Smith was concerned.

That was awesome.

The end is right. It was the end of my
marriage.

Somehow I just couldn't tolerate my wife
sucking off strangers in dark places

every day.

I figured that was a good way to catch a
disease that you can't pronounce.

Anyway, that's my story.

Just in case you're curious, I don't
know what the movie was.

I think it's amazing that they didn't
talk. I mean, sex with no verbal

communication at all.

I don't think I could get off on that.

Words. Words I used to explain things.

There was no need to explain anything in
that theater.

Well, if they started talking about it
and rationalizing it, they would wind up

thinking about each other.

No, I think George is right.

Sex for sex's sake, depersonalized and
raw.

Hard to achieve, though.

It could only be done with a total
stranger.

That's what the third Mrs. Smith seemed
to have in mind.

Right. Well, it looks like it's between
you and... Phone call for you, Mr.

Farrow. Oh, who is it?

Um, it's your ex -wife.

Well, I wonder what she could want.

Oh, probably money to go to the movies.

Maybe she got a dentist bill this month
and needs help with it.

Yeah, or broke a fingernail on
somebody's hard hat.

Very funny, very funny.

Uh, just tell her I'm busy. I'll call
her later.

Yes, sir.

Well, as I was saying, it's between you
and I, George.

High card?

Bring in the box, please.

Come in.

Please.

You must be Mr. Warren. That's right,
Mrs. Smith.

What did you say?

I said that's right, Mrs. Smith.

What did you say?

I said yes, mistress.

That's better.

I'm going into the bathroom to change.

I want you to remove all of your
clothing and assume the appropriate

and be quick about it. I haven't got all
day.

My ex -wife was an only child.

I married her because she was the
quietest, most gentle woman

I'd ever met.

Well, to start off with, she was a
librarian.

She was a bit mousy, but I guess I had
saved, sold my wild oats, and I

wanted to settle down with someone
simple.

Boy, I was in for a surprise.

Our Mrs. Smith took an hour for lunch
every day.

She would leave the library each day,
gentle

and serene.

And arrive at some midtown hotel.

Well, you judge for yourself.

I'm not entirely pleased.

Yes, mistress.

Yes, who?

I don't hear you.

Speak up. Speak up. Bring that chin up.
Speak up.

Yes, what?

Yes, mistress.

Yes, what?

Take a peek at this beautiful pink
nibble.

Just a peek.

Oh, you're making me fall. Bring it up
gently, gently.

All the way up.

Now let me see you kiss it.

Let me see, let me see.

And you will play with my pussy.

You will make my cunt so wet.

Look at how I can see it.

Take that.

You're almost worthy.

Do you understand me?

Get the tongue in there.

First look at it. Look at it. Spread it
wide.

I want to see it too.

That's it.

I want to see that tongue. Stick it all
the way out as far as you can.

I want a big tongue.

I won't let you come back until it grows
if you don't do it right.

Look. I'm playing with my nipples. Look.

Is that nice?

Hmm? Oh, yes.

Oh, yes. Don't stop. Don't stop.

Don't stop. I'm liking it now.

You're good.

You're almost good.

Almost good.

I want to spread wide.

I

think...

I think I'll let you... Let you bring
your cock up to me.

Now.

I have no strength left now.

Take this hand and play with those
balls.

Hot and juicy, full of crumbs.

You know what I think.

Oh, yes.

What do I want to? Yes.

That don't work.

Oh, don't do that. Just stick it in
more.

you now.

Fuck it.

Fuck it.

Fuck it.

Bye.

It's filling up.

Jay?

Yes? Would it help with the loss?

Leslie? Leslie?

Amazing.

What did you say?

The whole thing made

me wonder what would happen if you lost
your library card.

Anyway, I suppose it was more
interesting...

than spending a day with a dewey decimal
system.

Thank you for your attention.

Yours truly, John Smith.

You know, I have no idea at this point
who could be married to any of these

women. I think I'd like to be married to
all of them.

It might become more clear after we hear
the fifth story.

That's right, Pete. There's one story
left.

True.

I guess show business must have been in
her blood.

I first met Mrs. Smith in a college
production of King Lear.

We both had small parts, and if I do say
so myself, we were awful.

It was my first and last run -in with
the theater.

I thought the same was true for Mrs.
Smith, but I guess I was wrong.

Somewhere deep in the...

the recesses of her psyche, her need to
perform and her need for sex got all

mixed up.

At least that's the way it turned out.
It's just like my second grade teacher,

Mrs. Lipschitz, used to say, an idle
mind is the devil's workshop.

Good old Mrs. Lipschitz.

I told you, you're late.

Yeah, I know, I know.

It doesn't matter.

Barbie's a no -show.

She showed up, saluted out, Harry sent
her home.

Now he's having trouble finding a
replacement.

Who's your friend?

Her? I don't know her. She's not with
me.

Uh, the ad. Oh.

I'm answering the ad and screw.

Don't let her out of here.

Oh, I don't want to get out here.

I'd like to audition for the movie.

Audition?

Honey, you don't need to audition.

You'll do just fine.

My name's Pennyworth.

And that's all you'll get.

Shut up, creep.

Why don't you go tell Harry we've got
someone?

I was in last June's Hustler.

You probably saw me.

Pennyworth. The girl who swallowed
Wisconsin.

Um, no, I'm afraid not.

Uh, who's Harry?

Harry owns this place.

He's the one who shoots the films. He's
the one that pays you. That's who he is.

Hey, uh, I hear we got some new meat.

Um, I'm here about the ad.

Uh -huh.

Yeah, you'll do all right.

$150 for the day and you get lunch.

You call that lunch? Yeah, please,
please, please.

She gets extra for DP.

DP? What's DP?

Uh, you know, one up the front and one
up the back.

Harry knows I don't do anals. Isn't that
right, Harry?

Yeah, right, Cheryl.

Total penetration.

Is that possible?

Don't worry about it. It'll do just
fine. We'll take you through it. Yeah,

Well, let's go.

Time's money. Come on.

All right, the set we're going to be
using this afternoon is in here.

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Mrs. Smith, you are a wonderful woman.

Folks, your outfit does not do you
justice. Maybe if you changed it to look

little more comfortable. Todd, please.

She's all right, but, you know, who
knows if she can give a good head.

I mean, she... You told me, right, that
I get the best out of your business.

Go, go with it. Yeah.

Yeah.

Fuck it, baby. Fuck it. There you go.

Have that.

Let me see your face. Let me see what it
looks like.

There you go.

Uh -huh. Uh -huh. A little harder.

A little harder.

Love it. Love it. You want it. This is
your sustenance. This is your life. Here

we go.

There we go. Beautiful.

Gorgeous. Gorgeous.

Here you go, Benny.

Enjoy your work, enjoy your work, enjoy
your work. Here you go.

I want to come up now, Buck. I want to
get closer to your face.

Here we go.

Back off, Oxenstein.

Here we go. Pen down.

Tummy, tummy. Here we go. Hit that cock
hard now.

Harder, harder.

you a little bit on the head of his
cock. Now listen, what I'd like you to

just show ecstasy, sheer joy. This woman
is working overtime to make you the

happiest man in the world.

Okay, let's see.

What I'd like you to do, close the
camera, please. Come right over here.

Fuck, if you'd mind moving for a minute.

Just sit yourself down right there. Hey,
she's us. There you go.

Hey, goodbye.

Penny, get behind Buck.

Buck, stand up. Here we go.

Now, here it is.

See? A little closer.

How much am I getting back today?

Don't worry about it. Did you have lunch
yet?

Spread her leg. Spread her leg. Yeah,
yeah.

Slowly, slowly.

It only hurts at first.

There you go. Beautiful, beautiful.
That's it.

A little pause.

Okay, Buck, keep your ass up for a
while. There you go. All right.

Let me hear you moan.

Yes, yes, go for it, go for it.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Let me see.

Sublime joy.

Come on. Right. Wait. Hold it. Hold it.

Mm -hmm.

Huh?

I would never have found out about the
exploits of Mrs. Smith had I not gone to

a bachelor party at a sales convention.

They were showing a stag film.

As you have already guessed, the very
person I had vowed to love, honor, and

obey was up there on the screen proving
to the world that two into one can go.

Yours truly, Mr. John Smith. I think I'm
going to get my coat.

Why?

It's not over yet.

It is for me.

Alan's right.

It really doesn't matter whose story is
whose.

It's not important.

Gary's right, Pete.

Will someone please tell me what's going
on here? I mean, we have to guess.

That's the whole point of the game.

But it's not, Pete.

You know, I've been happy to play poker
here every Tuesday night for two years.

But on other nights, I do something
else.

So? I was once married to the sexiest
woman I ever met.

But you knew that before.

No, he didn't, Peter. And neither did I.

Not until I heard someone else read my
story.

Then I saw it all differently.

Frank's right, Pete.

Hearing somebody else read the story
kind of makes me understand the things

did.

One thing's for sure.

What's that?

She was better than poker.

That's true.

Do you know what I'm going to do?

What? What?

I'm going to...

Hop in a cab, go uptown to my ex -wife's
apartment, and beg her to take me back.

Exactly what I was thinking. Wait a
minute, wait a minute.

Don't you want to find out who the wives
really were?

I don't think it's important.

Take the mystery out of the whole thing.
Nah, leave it as it is.

Nina, you're one in a million.

Oh, thanks, Mr. Barnett.

Thanks,

Pete, for everything.

Good night, fellas.

Good night.

Mr. Farrell, your ex called again and
she said you're late.

You too, huh?

Yes, me too.

Actually, I decided to see her earlier.

In fact, I was quite delighted when
everybody left.

Um, just one more thing, Mr. Farrell.

Which one was she?

Your wife, I mean.

No, no. I think George was right. It's
better left a mystery.

Good night, Nina.

Good night, Mr. Farrell.