All language subtitles for Taskmaster. NZ. S04E02. 720p. WEB. h264-EDITH. eng

- Cheehoo!

- Ha ha ha ha!

- Shame!

All right?

- Whee!

- Aaah!

- Whoo!

- Say cheese.
- Cheese.

- Kia or a koutou, and welcome
to Taskmaster New Zealand.

My name is Jeremy Wells, and thanks
to a series of freak events

that began with the creation of the
universe 13.8 billion years ago,

I am the Taskmaster.

A few months ago, I set five New Zealand comedians
of different first names and overlappingsurnames

a series of embarrassing,
pointless tasks,

all in the hopes of honouring
their parents, their loved ones,

and, most importantly, me.

At the end of the series, one
contestant will be the proud winner

of this excellent trophy
of my own head...

...which serves as a haunting
reminder of my own mortality.

Putting their reputations on the
line for your entertainment are

Bubbah...

...Dai Henwood...

Karen O'Leary...

Mel Brace well...

and Ray O'Leary.

As always, I'm joined by a man not
quite famous enough to be the host.

It's Paul Williams!

- Big news, Jeremy. I'm very proud to announce
I'm starting a not-for-profit organisation.

And basically I read an article that said that a
lot of turtles are killed by human drinking straws.

So I've designed a straw
specifically for turtles.

So it's smaller, and it's a very
solid plastic. It's not gonna break.

And I'm raising money to drop
100,000 of these into the Pacific Ocean

so the turtles can get sippin'.

Hmm. Sounds like a great idea

Tell us about this week's
episode prize task, Paul.

- This week's prize task ―

the comedians have been asked to
bring in the most unbelievable thing.

- All right, Ray, what's your unbelievable thing?
- I brought in this certificate.

- So it's unbelievable that
you brought in a certificate?

- No, it's what
the certificate says ―

'Ray O'Leary can do a back flip.'

- Can you actually do a back flip?
- Yeah.

- Can you show me?
- OK, but I need a run-up.

I need a run-up. Sorry.

- Normally you steal something
and run away,

but he's just left us
a pair of shoes.

- So don't believe me ― five points.

- Wow.
- I must say, when you back flip, you look very South American as well.

- I trained in Chile.

- Dai, what's the unbelievable thing that you brought in?
- I brought in this.

This is a G-code VHS

that I use to this day

to record and watch things.

When the apocalypse comes and broadband is not
available, what are you guys gonna be doing?

I'm gonna be rewatching
Warriors games.

- But what apocalypse would take out Wi-Fi
but not the electricity to power this?

- No, but I've got
a back-up gennie, bro.

- Karen, what's the unbelievable
thing that you've brought in?

- Well, first thing's first.
- I need to tell you that... I'm gay.

That's not a funny thing. You're not
allowed to laugh at that any more.

But obviously, when I was
growing up, I did have a time

when I sort of thought, OK,
am I definitely fully gay?

And there was only two men that I
decided I would turn straight for.

So the two men that I would have
turned straight for are these two.

Not the― Not the now you.
It was when you were Newsboy. Yeah.

It's that that unbelievable?

- I think it's highly unbelievable.

Well, if you wanna test yourself,
I've got some great VHS's of...

...of John Campbell
in his early days.

Mel.
- I've brought in something extremely unbelievable.

I've brought in Ripley's
Believe It or Not! book.

It's crazy.

- Oh.
- And I always read these books, and I thought... not.

Every time. But to add to the
unbelievable-ness of the book,

I have added some misinformation.

Things like this.

'Ray O'Leary has a girlfriend.'

- So Believe It Or Not ―
is real or is not?

Or is some not and some real?
- It's up to you!

- Bubbah.
- When you look at Ray, Mel, Karen Dai and I,

we're not a group of friends that you
would see in an arcade or just hanging out.

It's a very random group.
Will our friendship last?

- Where's this going?

- I hope it's going somewhere. Um...

I've decided for us.

You wouldn't believe this.

Some pictures of
the Taskmaster crew.

No way.

Oh my God!

I got you!

- Can I just say we've
never looked better?

- OK. Well, clearly,
you get five points.

- Yay!

- For dedication.
- Thank you!

- I think, Dai, I'll
give you one point.

If you had've brought in a video recorder to this
show in 1937, that would've been unbelievable.

Karen, two points for you.
That's not that unbelievable.

We can make that happen.

Oh!

- Four points for you, Ray.
Three points for you, Mel.

I'm OK to be in the middle.

- So why don't we crack on to
our first task proper, Paul?

- They say there's no I in team, but
there is a 'teams' in Taskmaster.

There's also a 'mattress' and a
'karate', but those aren't relevant.

'Teams' is though, because it's
our first team task of the season.

Take your jersey off.
Things are about to get toasty.

Hello, Bubbah.

Hello, Ray.
- Hello, Paul.

- Heeeeeeyyyyyy...

- What?! Why? Why are you here?
- What do you mean, why am I here? - I don't get it.

- He's here for Taskmaster New Zealand.
- Yeah, but why―?

- Dai Henwood, BA, Victoria University.
- Yeah, hello. Yeah.

- Who's this?

- Ray O'Leary.
- Melanie Brace―

Oh, you want a hug? OK.

- That's not a very nice way to say it.
- Isn't it? OK. I'm sorry.

- See, look at this team.
- Yeah, us two, cos the others are white.

- We're the flavour.
- I hate to break it to you, but I'm white.

Heeey!

- Hey! - How are ya? It's been too long.
- I'm confused!

- Hi. Lovely to meet you.

- Are you Maori?

Did you put us three versus
the white people?

- I'm actually really honoured that you said that I
might be Maori, and that would be cool. Butl'm not.

- I don't want to pull the race card, but I'm also...
- Aww. Well, pretend.

- Bubbah, I feel you're not listening to me. I'm white!
- OK, OK! Oh, shit!

- I reckon we take race completely out of this
and focus on the glue guns and the toaster.

'Make the most impressive windmill.'
- Oh no.

'You have until
there isn't a piece of bread...

- '...pushed down in the toaster.

- 'You cannot change the toaster settings
or re-toast an already-toasted bit of bread.

- 'The same person cannot operate
the toaster for two pushes in a row.'

- 'Most impressive windmill wins.

- 'Your time starts when Paul
puts a piece of bread down.'

- So we'll need to time out the toast, eh.
- Yes.

- No, you don't need to time it, oi.
Look. I learnt that this is minutes.

Oh. Do you have TikTok as well?

- Bubbah, you seem surprised that
there were such things as group tasks.

You were genuinely surprised
to see everybody.

- I didn't know that
there were teams.

I thought that he was my task.

No...

Like, that he was part of the task.

I wouldn't mind. Nah.

- So you know I'm the Taskmaster?
- Um, yeah― I didn't know that at the time.

You're on the news.

- Sort of.

I was just so amazed with that whole meet-and-greet
thing that I completely forgot what the task was.

What was the task?
- The task was very simple.

It was to build the best windmill,

but you could only build if
there was a piece of toast down.

- Should we get into it?
- Up first, it's the Three Amigos ― Karen, Bubbah and Dai.

- So they'll go like that.
And then I'm gonna make cross beams.

And then if we have multiple of
these, then it makes a beautiful...

- Day um!
- ...windmill. Do you reckon?

- K-Dog. Can I call you K-Dog?
- You can call me whatever you want. - Yeah-yah. K-Dog.

- So I reckon this is gonna pop at a minute, so
I'm just dropping it down― this one down early.

- So was the TikTok fact right?
- OK, so we're at one minute...

- I feel like you put that―
- ...30.

- I'll go, oi, cos look at this.
This is the brains of the operation.

- Now.
- OK, that seems like very early toast pushing.

- Nah, but also―
and we're snapping it in half.

Oh, you see, that one's come up.
- Oh, shit, shit, shit.

- Nah. I'll― - Tell me when
you push the toast down.

- I can put the toast down and you can get on
that, cos I get― Yeah, it's the two-in-a-row buzz.

- She knows what she's doing.
- Yeah.

♪ Hoop, there it is. ♪

That looks pretty good, mate.

- Thank you.

- And pop it down.

Great work, Bubbah.

- Look, you have not made
a toast error yet.

- Right side down.

Reset.

- OK, who's on...?
- Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho! That was a bit close!

Can you pop the toast down, please?
Thank you.

Loosen up.

You think I'm running
the gauntlet here, eh.

- Yes.
Don't worry.

Hennie's horny for the clock, baby.

- Should I go skedad?

- Skedad...
- Yeah.

- ...dle? - Yeah, skedaddle.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- What is Bubbah doing?
- She's gone to try and find something that we can use

for our windmill tower.

- ♪ Hoops, there it is. ♪

Aaaagh!

Wow!

I knew that was happening,
and it's so intense.

Ooh!

Yeah, pop it down.

- Was it really bad?
- It was quite loud.

- Yeah.
- Yeah. A bit

Aaah! Aaah!

- Oh, mate, this is really triggering cos that's
what my wife and I use as the start of lovemaking.

- Thank you, Dai.

- Make a W then stick it on.
- Oh! Do you know what the W's also for?

- Win.
- Win. Yeah.

- Yeah. - You did it.
- That's what it's for.

- Gotta do it like that.

- Yeah.

Mm mm mm!
- I've stopped the clock.

- Hey, high five. That was awesome.
- Yeah, boy!

- That was awesome!
- Yeah-yah!

- And look at the results. I mean, they
speak for themselves ― a big, gay windmill.

- I think K-Dog said it best when you
said, 'The results speak for themselves.'

That was genuinely incredible.
- Thank you.

- So, Dai, just to clarify,
what is Hennie horny for?

- I don't know. You know, Hennie's
horny for the toast, for the windmill.

I get in a bit of a vibe
when I'm timing things.

I'm a real time nerd.
- I spotted that.

And that was, like, my dream task.

- That's enough teamwork for now. It's time
for some rugged individualist capitalism.

We'll see you after
these commercials.

- Welcome back to Taskmaster, the show where
comedians toast bread in order to win a VCR.

Amazingly, we're in
our fourth season.

Where are we, Paul?
- We've just seen one team of comedians effortlessly

complete a complex task with
incredible results.

Now, the other team.

It's the Two Amigos ― Mel and Ray.

Do you understand the task?
- Um, no, I don't get it.

Sorry. Could you just explain―?
Damn it! Bastard.

- I think― OK. Should I wait by
the toaster just to be safe?

- I'm just gonna grab some stuff.
- Yeah, OK.

How long does the toaster go for, Paul?
- For one.

- Oh, is it on one? - Yes.
- Oh no. That's quick, right?

OK, I'll put it down straight away.
Oh no.

Do I just start
gluing things together?

I'll figure out how this works.

I've pushed down on the toaster as well.
Oh, well, that's gone for quite a while.

Paul, are you― Oh.

Can you please open up the timer app
on your iPad so, that way,

I can get a sense of how long
the toast toasts for?

- No, sorry.
- Oh, rats.

This is pretty good for a start
for a windmill.

- How are you doing? Have you started, Ray?
- No. Oh no―

What are you doing?!

- Start doing something!
- Paul, show me the iPad. Show me the iPad.

- There's nothing on there.
- Show me the timer. Show me the timer.

This thing goes for
at least a minute.

You have to put on the next bit
of toast. I put one in pretty quickly.

- Oh, wait, I'm supposed to do shit?
- You have to put down the next piece of toast.

Two people can't do the same thing in a row.
- OK. All right.

- So what would you
like me to glue together?

Oh no!

- What do you mean? I didn't...
What do you mean?

- There's no toast down.

Step away from the toaster, please.

- I did glue this together
while we were...

- Pass me the windmill please.

- Ray!

I had such a good start!
- I'm sorry, I panicked.

It's my fault.
I panicked with the toaster.

You were about to put some toast
down, and we lucked out.

- Isn't 'lucked out' good?
- Yeah, we lucked out. We made that.

- This might be the easiest decision that anybody
in the history of Taskmaster has ever had to make.

- There's no need to compare them.
Just give us the five points.

- Five to Bubbah, Dai and Karen.

And one point for you guys.

- Thank you.
- Thank you. - Thank you.

Yeah-yah.

- How are the scores
looking overall, Paul?

- Mel's on four; Ray's on five;
Dai's on six; Karen's on seven.

And on a perfect score of
10 out of 10, Bubbah.

Wow. OK.

Well, I think it's time to give our
other contestants a chance to catch up.

How about another task, Paul?
- All right. But let's hope they don't blow this one.

Hello, Dai.

- Oh.
- Hello, Ray.

- 'Sup, Paul.

- This is really nice.

- Some... mood lighting, I see.

- What's in the jar?
- Gherkins. I just―

You always bring me like, tasks
but I never bring you anything.

Do you want a gherkin?
- Yes, please.

- It feels like I've been out late, and I've come
home and my dad's been waiting to tell me off.

- You should have been here
five minutes ago.

'Blow out the candle in
the most bold and beautiful way.

- 'You cannot use your lungs.

- 'Most bold and beautiful
blow-out wins.

- 'You have 15 minutes or until
the candle is blown out.

- 'Your time started when
you entered the room.'

- I wasted time
giving away gherkins.

- Karen, do you understand
how this whole thing works?

I'm not gonna have anybody trying to bribe the
Taskmaster's assistant. That's wrong. Also, I don't know―

- I was just trying to be a friend to him.
- Well, it seemed like bribery to me.

- But he's got no power or control over anything.
- Exactly.

- So what was it― So this can be
anything other than friendship.

That's why I kissed him last time.

I could do it again if you want.

Does anyone wanna see that?

- I like that Karen asked everyone in the
room who wanted to see that apart from Paul.

- OK. This task seems pretty
straightforward.

We've got bold; we've got beautiful.
And of course, it's lung-less.

Who's up first?
- OK, so the pun is not very clear.

So I should say in advance
that it's Karen. Up first,

it's Kandlin O'Flarey.

- OK.

- What are you making?
- A beautiful headpiece.

It's not just going to be feathers.
- OK.

- Which hopefully will make it clear

that I'm certainly not wanting
to appropriate anyone's culture.

- OK.
- Other than a person with no taste white person.

I'm now gonna perform a contemporary balloon dance.
- OK.

- Could you just maybe
hum some music?

Yeah, that's good.

Keep humming, Paul.

- That― I really enjoyed that.
- Thank you. Well, I―

A lot of people don't know
that I do contemporary dance.

- What were you channelling,
particularly when you're on the ground?

Anything in particular?
- I was just being myself, really, you know.

Just getting to be, like, at one
with the balloons, with the dance ―

floating like a balloon around the
floor and having such a whale of a time.

- There's nothing more calming
than a loud pop.

- Well, I didn't know― I didn't think I was that
heavy. I didn't think any of them would pop.

Like, I was really
actually surprised.

But it was just an added bonus,
cos I got to scare Paul.

- Who's next, Paul?
- I hope this one works better.

It's Melt Candell.

- OK, I'm making my entrance, Paul. You've gotta commentate.
- OK.

- Here we see the red-feathered
soft-belly tiramisu.

It's beautiful.

- It's― It's beautiful.

Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!

Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!

Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!

Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!

Hoo!

Climate change.

Climate change is happening.

- I believe it said,
'Climate change is happening.'

Oh.

OK, I think it's dying now.

- It's― It's dead because of
climate change, I believe.

Is that right?
Yeah.

- Yes.

How many flaps did you
think it was gonna take?

- I thought it'd be like.
- It was gonna be in a moment.

And then I had to improvise.

And then I thought, well,
this has gotta have a message.

- Yeah. So I guess the message of climate change
was brought by wasting heaps and heaps of paper.

- Was it waste, or was it art?

- OK, Paul, I'm keen for some more
lung-less candle blowing out.

- Here's Dai Henwood.

- What's your biggest fear?

- Sharks.

- Pretend this flame is a shark.

This is the fin of the shark.

This is the hammerhead.

They're very― You wanna
watch out for hammerheads.

This...

is you.

You can conquer the shark.

Look into my eyes.

Look at the Argentinian kumquat.

Now look at the shark.

As the shark is extinguished,

so has any tension and fear
in your body.

Hors d'oeuvres!

Enjoy your meal.
- Who's bringing the hors d'oeuvres?

Dai?

- That was genuinely moving.

Are you still scared of sharks?

- Yeah.

And now he's also afraid
of Argentinian kumquats.

- I don't know what that vegetable was, but
it was definitely not an Argentinian kumquat.

- Yeah, but that's cos I'm a
therapist, not a greengrocer, Paul.

- A kumquat is an orange-like fruit
native to south-eastern China.

- And this is an Argentinian kumquat.
- Right.

- What other bold, beautiful candle
extinguishing do we have in store?

Find out after the break. We'll
see you soon with more Taskmaster.

- What an excellent series
of commercials.

We'd love to show you more, but
for now, it's back to Taskmaster.

Paul, where were we?
- We're dealing with candles.

Today, our contestants attempting to
blow one out without using their lungs.

Most bold and beautiful
blow-out wins.

- Paul, my desire to see more comedians
attempt this task has not been extinguished.

Please, I need more.

- A candle emits a ray o' light,

but in 1992, a woman named
Clare emitted a Ray O'Leary.

- Most bold and beautiful.
What's beautiful around here?

Feels pretty beautiful to me, Paul.

What do lips look like?

- Do you like lips?
- Yeah, I guess. Yeah, I like lips.

- Awesome.

- Would you like my lips?
- Yeah, you have good lips.

- OK, that's it.
You don't need to lay it on thick.

This is a workplace.

I don't want to hear you going on
about how luscious my lips are

and how juicy and plump
you find my lips.

That's good. She's looking hot.

This feels sensual, doesn't it?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Oh!

Lumiere, the candle.

I have been your lover for as long as I
can remember ― I, Cynthia, the leaf blower.

But I've learned your dirty secrets.

I learned you slapped
your mother twice.

I heard you kicked an orphan
in the shins.

And what's worse, is I've discovered, you've
really― I've not really been dating you, Lumiere.

I've been dating your evil twin.

♪ Dun-dun-dun. ♪

It's tense, right?
- Mm-hm.

- And all the betrayal through all the evil you've
done, Lumiere, I have no choice but to blow you out.

Au revoir, Lumiere.

Do you like her lips?
- Yeah.

- Do you wanna kiss her?

- Uh...

- So lip focused, Ray.
- Oh, with that,

I was trying to recreate an episode
of Bold and the Beautiful.

That's why all the drama was there,
and I've not seen an episode,

but I assume all the women
sort of have eyes,

and then sort of, like, their lips
extend out like an anteater.

- I think I could handle one more
comedian doing this task.

- We only have one more. Last but not least,
in the study with the candlestick, it's Bubbah.

- The most beautiful way.

- What do you find beautiful?
- Simple, like, clean blow.

A simple, clean blow.

I feel like hairspray
would make it go big.

- What was that bit?
- Like, Fire Nation vibes.

- What's Fire Nation?
- The Last Air bender. - Oh.

He's like...

- Oh, cool.
- Whoa. I almost did it.

Wait, maybe I could air bend it.

- What do you mean air bend?
- Well, I almost got it.

I go like this.
- Whoa...

- See, this looks like the Air bender stuff.
- I haven't seen it.

Do you think
the Taskmaster's seen it?

- Oh, wait, no!
Don't count that! Nooo!

Can we light that again?
- No, sorry.

- I thought it wasn't enough.
- What would it have looked like if you'd done it the way you wanted?

- I was gonna go like this.

And it probably would have
went like this.

That one would've been cool.
- Yeah.

- Can we do one with the light?
- We could just imagine.

- Yeah. OK. let's imagine.
It would've been great.

- What a beautiful performance there at the
end. It's just a shame that none of it counted.

- Well, first of all, they said
that I couldn't use hairspray.

- So I feel hairspray was gonna make
more fire rather than less fire.

- I thought you spray it, and then it
goes, whoo! And then it stops going whoo.

Yeah, that's exactly what they
were worried about. Yeah.

- Um, OK, I've gotta score this.

Bubbah, obviously one for you,
clearly.

I think both Karen and Mel
were bold and beautiful.

Three points each.

I nearly fell in love,
myself, with Cynthia.

She was hot. Four points.

And I genuinely think, Dai,
you may have helped Paul

and helped the community with what you were
doing with sharks, so I think you get five.

OK, Paul. We've seen all
our candles extinguished.

What now?
- What now?

Let's go bowling.

- Hello, Bubbah.
- Hello.

- Hello, Paul.

- Do you need a hand?
- Yes, please. - Sure.

- Can you please come and hold this?

- Why?

- Because I need you to.

So apply quite a bit
of pressure upwards.

And try not to move it too much.

You got it?
- Yeah.

Why do I have to do this?

- Oh my...

'Put the―' Oh, it's glitter.

Oh, really?

'Put the bowl of glitter
in the fridge.

- 'If you spill any glitter,
you are disqualified.

- 'Fastest wins.

- 'Your time starts now.'

- You hold this. You come hold it.
- I'm timekeeping.

- Can you hold it?
- No, sorry. - OK.

- All right, Paul, let's get into it.
- You got it, Jeremy.

Up first, attempting to put the
glitter in the fridge, it's Karen O'Leary.

- Do you know if the top of this
broom is flat or if it's got a curve on it?

- It's slightly curved.
- Cos if it was flat,

then I'd be really good at balancing it down carefully.
- Oh, right.

- So, maybe, can you
get me a flat stick?

Anything that's just like, maybe,
got a bigger circumference.

- These are flat...
- Are they?

- ...but quite a small
circumference.

- But if there's two of them,
that could work.

- Oh, I see. They're not very long.
- Yeah, but I am actually taller than I thought.

I still very much doubt
this is gonna work.

I need a bigger circumference, Paul. This is, like, too small.
- OK. I could go look in the shed.

- OK, great.

- You can hold that while I'm gone?
- Well, time will tell.

But you could rush. That would be helpful if you could rush.
- OK.

- Oh yes! Look at that stuff.

- I found a piece of wood and
a piece of pipe.

If you spill any glitter, you will be disqualified.
- I know. I read the thing.

- OK.
- This is really wobbly, though.

Piece of shit.

What are you― You're not supposed to laugh. You're
supposed to be all straight-faced the whole time.

Is there glitter in this bowl?
- I'm not sure.

- No, I just need your shoulders
to help me balance up there.

Cos falling off would
be very embarrassing.

Can you get me a knife?
- That seems like that'll make this more dangerous.

- Live life on the edge, Paul.

You've got the safest knife possible. So that was...
- Yeah.

Did you spill any glitter?
- Nah.

Do you know where the glitter is?
- Uh-huh.

- Can you tell me?
- It's in the bowl.

- I need to find another bowl?
- Yeah.

- Oh, for f― God's sake.

- I've stopped the clock.

Nailed it

- You happy with that?
- No.

See ya. - Thank you, Karen.
- No, thank you.

- Right.

So there's a twist.

How long did Karen stand there with
the stick holding the bowl?

- She held it there for about
just under five minutes.

- So strong.
- Good.

Good.
- Look at the positives.

- How long did it take her to get the bowl in the fridge?
- 10.13.

- 10.13.

Yes. 10.13.

- Up next, the glitter
of the media landscape.

Here's some ads. We'll see you soon.

- Welcome back to Taskmaster ―

the show dedicated to answering the most
important question facing New Zealand society.

Which local comedian is the best
at doing silly little activities?

Paul, where are we at?
- Five of New Zealand's sharpest comedy minds

are attempting to put
a bowl of glitter in the fridge.

Fastest to do so wins.

- Let's see some more comedians fall
for your cruel, cruel tricks, Paul.

- Of course.
Here's Dai, Mel and Ray.

- I don't like this.

I don't like this.

Can you bring me this chair?

- Where do you want the chair?
- It's fine. I got it, actually.

I don't even need your help.

- You know the best revenge you
can do in a break-up?

Especially if your ex
had shag pile carpet―

...had shag pile carpet.

And then― Look, I'm over here, mate.
- OK.

- And then you pour a thing
of glitter on the ground.

Oh yeah, but that might not be
the bowl of glitter.

- Wait, is it bowl glued there?

If I pull this broom away, that bowl fall down?
- I'm not sure.

- Hey, that was a nice little bit of
subterfuge you did there.

- OK. Where is the glitter?

- I don't reckon it's in this room.

- Where's the bowl of glitter?

Where's the bowl of glitter?

Bowl of glitter.
The bowl of glitter.

- It was 'Put the bowl of glitter
in the fridge, ' right?

There's a bowl of glitter out here.

- I'm gonna go to the kitchen.

Oh, it's right there.

There's the fridge.

- Stopped the clock.

I've stopped the clock.

I've stopped the clock.
- OK.

- Yeah, I reckon
I might've won that.

- Thank you, Paul.
- Thank you, Mel.

How did you find that?

- Ray, that was uncalled for. Poor old Paul's
probably still got glitter in his suit.

- The whole record, the only thing I felt guilty
about doing was blowing that glitter in Paul's face.

But after watching that video back,
I was right to do it.

- Dai thought that he'd won that one.
He was the fastest.

Was he the fastest?
- Well, Mel ― 4.16.

Ray ― 3.54.

And Dai ― 1.59.

Wow. OK.

So who have we saved till last?

- Last, but not Lisa ―

Why would it be Lisa?
She's not on the show.

It's Bubbah.

Oh, you're kidding me.

- What's wrong?
- OK, it's glued.

Where's the bowl of glitter?

Where's the bowl of glitter, Paul?

- I can't say, sorry.
- Far!

Oh my God. Which fridge, Paul?!
- There's only one fridge in the house.

- There's only one fridge. OK. I'll be
back. I'm just checking if it's in the...

Oh, Paul!

- What?

- What the hell?

Put the... Is it, like, a trick?
- What?

- Bowl of glitter.

That's too easy.
You wouldn't put it there.

That's way too easy.

Have you seen the bowl of glitter?
- Yeah.

- With glitter inside?
- Uh-huh.

- Previously to this?
- Yes.

- And not, like, in a dream?
- I saw it.

- You touched it?
- Yeah.

- OK.

It's gotta be right
in front of my eyes, eh.

I think I'm gonna rule out
the kitchen.

- OK.
- Cos that's too easy.

Ohh, yo.

Wait, you're playing with me.

You've got the bowl.

Oh man!

How long has that been?

- About eight and a half minutes.

- I'm gonna look around the house.
- OK.

- Where's the bowl and the fridge?

- Any luck in that drawer?
- No.

Am I cold or hot?

- How are you feeling? I hate
you. Oh my God. I hate you.

OK.

Is it in the lake?
- I can't say.

- Damn!

Are you enjoying this, Paul? Do you enjoy watching this?
- Yes.

- Where am I not looking?

I'm not good at finding shit.

Put the bowl of glitter...

in the fridge.

What kind of glitter?

- It's purple.

- Purple glitter.
- Mm-hm.

Is it in the dishwasher?
- No.

I feel like it's here somewhere,
at least out here.

- How do you feel?
- Not confident.

- Oh.
- But hopeful.

How do you feel?
- Not confident.

- In me?
- No, in myself.

- OK.
- Sorry. I thought you meant about myself.

- Yeah.

You assholes!

That wasn't there the whole time.

No, that wasn't.

What the hell? OK.

- Thank you, Bubbah.

- I hate this game.

- Yeah!
- Yeah.

- Do you wanna talk about this, or should we just move on?
- Just give me the time, man.

- I can't believe you were blaming
Paul the whole time. It was there!

- And then I thought― I thought that I was gonna
come here and it was real that it wasn't there.

But it was the whole time.

- The bit where you're wandering
around outside like― - I know!

I just watched it with you, man.

Bro.

- It's great that this whole
experience you're not gonna be

reminded of every time
you look at your arm.

- It did look like it took a long time,
but it's not like it took half an hour.

It took 29.57.

- All right.
Should we divvy out the points?

- One point for Bubbah,
two points for Karen,

three points for Mel,
four points for Ray,

and five points for Dai Henwood.

- We'll be back with our
live-task dessert soon.

But first, finish off your veges.
Here's another ad break.

- Welcome back to Taskmaster.

Who will win the tattoo on Bubbah's
arm? Only time will tell.

We're just about to see our comedians
attempt a live task.

But before we do, Paul, can you just
give us a scoreboard update, please?

- In the lead with 16 points ―
Dai Henwood.

Oh.

- OK, contestants, please make your
way up to the stage for the live task.

- Dai Henwood, could you please read the task?
- Oh, it'd be a pleasure.

'Be tall, a ball, or Paul.

'Each contestant will take it in
turns to enter the changing room

'and have 15 seconds to become
tall, a ball, or Paul.

'If Jeremy correctly guesses what
you are, you are eliminated.

'Most deceptions wins.

'Your time starts
on Paul's whistle.'

Did anyone understand that?
- No.

- I'm already tall.

Same

- So Bubbah will enter
the changing room.

She'll have 15 seconds to
become either a ball...

tall, just so it's clear,

or there's a jacket in there
to put on to become Paul.

Bubbah, please enter
the changing station.

It's gonna be great.

Five seconds.

Jeremy.
- Bubbah...

you are tall.

Correct.

- No! - Yes, you were.
- You're tall.

I'm a flat ball.

- Bubbah, you are eliminated on the first one.
- Oh no! No!

- Please take a seat.

Now I got it.

- Dai Henwood, please enter
the changing station.

- I'm gonna ask a question, Dai.

- Are you aroused?
- Always.

- You're Paul.

He is a ball.

I'm a ball.

- Karen. - Yeah?
- Please enter the changing station.

- Karen, you are Paul.

- Nah.

I'm a flat tall.

- Mel, please enter
the changing station.

- Are you OK, Mel?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

- You're a ball.

- I was a ball!

- Ray, please enter
the changing station.

- You're tall.

- Ray was a ball.

Our final two.

Dai Henwood, please enter
the changing station.

Dai, you are a ball.

- Correct.

Ray, please enter
the changing station.

Five seconds.

- Ray, you are Paul.

There it is.

- He was tall.

- All right, come on down, and
we'll figure out what's going on.

Well, I reckon anyone on the first
round who was out gets one point.

- OK, so that's Bubbah,
Karen and Mel.

- Ray gets five, clearly.
- OK.

- And I think Dai should get four points.
- OK.

- So what does that mean for
the overall episode points?

- It means the winner of episode
two with 20 points ―

Dai Henwood!

- Thank you.

- Congratulations, Dai.

You are now the official owner of
your own VCR,

a cheap book and
a back flip certificate.

Go up and enjoy your fare.

So, another episode of Taskmaster
draws to a close.

We learnt that if Bubbah's on your search
and rescue team, you're in a lot of trouble.

But most importantly, we learnt that
Dai Henwood is the winner of Episode two.

Thank you so much for watching.
See you next time. Ka kite ano.

Captions by Jessie Puru.

Captions were made with
the support of NZ On Air.

www.able.co.nz
Copyright Able 2023

- Welcome, Paul.
This is gonna be quite a trip.

- Sorry, Paul, I just need to take
a moment to collect myself.

- As soon as that tape started to
play, it looked like all of you had PTSD.