All language subtitles for Maximum_Pleasure_Guaranteed_S01E02_720p_WEB-DL_30nama_30NAMA

to make your own food, huh?

I'm telling you, passive income.

Did you get this from a wealth podcast?

Maybe hosted by, you know, an alpha dude
with a shaved head.

Were there a lot of ads for cold
punches?

Because it sounds like it. No, listen to
me, okay?

We buy the old motel next to the
college.

We buy it for nothing. We fix it up. And
we de -hepatitis it. Would you want to

be the one to...

Rub out the blood and semen? Yeah, I'll
scrub it down, okay? We can hose it down

with antibiotics for all I care. I don't
whatever, okay?

We turn them into apartments.

I know carpentry. I can do most of the
work. Then what?

When you rent these apartments to broke,
unreliable college kids?

No. We rent it to their parents.

Guaranteurs. There's no risk.

You need permits, babe. You need
insurance.

Okay, Mr. Reality.

Well, it's just, it's a risk.

Look, you want to get rich?

Be boring.

YouTube funds. CDs.

Don't buy too many things. Don't buy too
few.

Don't tell your friends how much you
make.

Get something expensive for yourself.
Have a good place to hide it.

Oh, I have one. Maybe cook instead of
sushi every day.

Being profoundly cute is not a business
plan. You need discipline.

Well, I already put 30 % out.

Didn't know you had the money.

Well, I've been saving.

You really are cute, you know that?

It's kind of tragic how cute you are.

Oh, is that a yes?

Are you in?

I really like to do this together.

Well?

If it makes you happy.

Are you sure you can't sleep over?

I am very sure.

And like you, Hanson, I have a boss and
responsibilities.

Call me when you wake up.

It's wearing a scarf.

Smart. It is cold and flu season.

Early for Becky.

Yeah.

Seriously? Billie Eilish feeds her
frickin' Abyssinian.

Alright, alright, I'll get you the good
stuff.

Thank you.

Oh, my God. Is everything okay? Is Hazel
okay?

Yeah, yeah, Hazel's fine.

Uh, are you okay, Paula? Uh, yeah.

No, no.

Fuck. Fuck me in the fucking face.

You're on speakerphone, Paula. Mom, do
you have my new cleats?

Yeah, one of us is a little bit upset
because it's the first practice, and

they're a little bit nervous about
losing their center mid position to

You have all of her stuff, okay?

Except the new cleats.

I'm sure you have to have them. Maybe
you moved them when... Mom, I need them.

Chloe went to soccer camp.

Soccer camp, Paula. It's a goddamn
emergency.

Paula.

Paula. Mom.

Yeah, I don't have them, sweetie.

Okay,

you're off speakerphone, and we do have
the old cleats, which will be fine for

the day.

They suck so much. Yeah, they do suck.
We hate them worse than poison, but

they'll do, right?

Mm -hmm. Come on, sweetie, please.

All right, here's the plan. I got to go
to the airport after drop -off, but you

go to the house and grab the old one.

Mallory's going to be there.

Yeah. Okay, great.

Yeah, okay.

Bye. Bye, Daddy. Bye. Shoot. Okay. Love
you, Hazel.

What is your...

fucking deal, Paula?

I'm having a really fucking bad morning,
Carl.

Oh, you're having a tough start? You're
having a bad morning? Yeah, I'm having a

tough start. You want to know what Hazel
told me? Yeah.

She said she talked to your little
junkie boyfriend.

Yeah, she said he was really scary and
that he made her cry.

What the actual fuck, Paula? What is
wrong with you?

All right, look.

Mallory thinks we should just settle
custody in court, and my lawyer agrees,

so... I'm trying to be civil with you,
but you are making it very hard. Do you

understand that?

Paula, say something.

I have to go.

You have to go.

He locked you out again.

Come here.

New message from Carl.

New message from Steve.

New message from Suzie Wirth.

Incoming call from Suzie Wirth.

New message from Jerry.

New message from Steve. New message from
Carl. New message from Steve. New

message from Carl.

New message from Suzie Wirth.

Hi, Paula.

Hi, Mel. Her cleats are in there. Come
on in.

Can I offer you anything?

No, no, I gotta, I gotta get to work.

Oh, come on.

You can make a tea.

Okay, yeah, sure.

Didn't think you'd say yes.

It's like a, it's a power move.

I'm going to make you boil water to
prove I'm over any past ugliness.

Are you?

Probably not.

There are so many new aggravations that
I sometimes lose track of where I stand

on the old ones.

Yeah.

Hey, is something going on? No.

No, no, it's nothing.

This lady, like, pared out on me at the
market.

And I forgot my credit card, and I held
up the line, and there was some

shouting, and I probably could have
handled it better, but hopefully we

viral or anything. Like I said, it's
nothing.

Hey.

Hey, hey, hey.

Don't do that.

It's not nothing.

Ugh, I hate that feeling.

Sometimes, like, if I've had too much
wine the night before, I can get really

foggy the next day, like forget my keys
or my phone. I mean...

Had you been drinking, maybe?

Or is that why?

Like, you have a fun night the night
before?

No.

You know I had Hazel last night.

Oh.

Yes. Right. Sorry. I cut you off. So was
this Karen old or young? I better

get going. Wait. What? Why?

Because I forgot how committed you are
to ruining my life.

Paula?

Look, can we be civil?

happening now isn't anyone's fault uh
isn't it yours a little bit you think

you're the victim carl and i have a
different pov you and carl are trying to

take my daughter and move her to fucking
idaho so you can take your pov and you

can shove it right up your ass get your
own daughter mal like Let Carl crawl all

over you with his big sweaty chest bush
and grind away like he's trying to

dislodge a bag of Doritos from a fucking
vending machine. But I gotta tell you,

a baby is gonna ruin that sweet little
biking bot you've got going on there.

are gonna be exhausted and you're gonna
be boring and you're gonna fucking

wreath of diapers and breast milk. And
then who knows, maybe Carl dumps you for

a different co -worker.

She's my daughter, Mal.

You don't get to fuck up her life.

That's my job.

You're so dead.

What? Susie's been looking for you.
She's in a mood. What flavor?

Vanilla.

You okay?

Yeah, no, no, no.

Yeah, I cut myself on a tuna can.

Weird.

You're probably going to get lockjawed.

It was packed in spring water. I think
I'm okay.

Depends what the fault is.

Fix your car.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, and I will get these pages to you
by EOD.

Not EOD, ASAP. This has to go live in
two hours.

I know you have responsibilities beyond
this place, but candidly, I don't care

about anything beyond this place.

It requires commitment.

Commitment? Yeah. I mean, I'm 100 %
committed. I'm 105 % committed.

Yeah.

Hey, can you confirm that you did say
that the senator wasn't there on the

Hello, can I talk to you?

Uh -huh.

Okay, you did say that. All right.

Yeah, I'm almost... Sorry, you have a
visitor in the conference room?

Thank you for seeing me.

You want some cashews?

No? Okay.

So, I ran down those addresses you gave
me.

Guess what?

A sex worker was found dead in one of
them.

The responding officer sent a photo.

Sure looked like your guy.

I'm going to give you one chance here.

If you've got anything to tell me,
you're going to want to tell me now.

Right now.

I know.

You know.

I... I was there.

I saw the body.

Holy shit.

Five out. You think Paula's getting
arrested for dangling participles?

Seriously. You think she did something?

I don't know. DUI, maybe? Bleedering?

Kidnapping? That's a bit much.

Dog mapping?

Yeah, okay, that I can actually see.

Yeah, she's like, just that enough.

Yeah, like she sees a poodle tied up
outside a Starby's, and before she knows

it, she's got something to love.

Yeah, I should have called the police. I
was going to, and then I didn't. And

then when I didn't, I couldn't, and...
What possessed you to go there?

That was pretty reckless.

He was harassing me.

He called my ex -husband.

I have custody issues, and Trevor knew
about them. He knew about everything,

he was going to use it against me.

Okay? I didn't know what to do, and you
guys weren't helping me at all.

You had to confront him to scare him. I
went there to tell him to leave me

alone.

He was threatening my kid.

Okay.

So you arrived.

You rang the bell, kicked down the door.

What? The door was open.

So I just walked in, and then I found
him.

He was dead.

He was in the bathtub.

It was 8 .15.

What did you do next?

Aside from not immediately call 911.

I heard someone else come in, so I ran
and I hid in the closet.

And then I heard a...

A saw.

Like a power saw.

Was the body, uh... A little.

Did you see this person?

Old, young, anything will help.

No, I didn't see them.

I, uh, except... That's weird.

They were wearing Trevor's boots, uh,
with two different colored laces.

Well, maybe he knew Trevor, or maybe...

He forgot his murder booties and used
the dead man's shoes instead.

So, you find a dead body.

You think a killer is still in the
house.

You get away.

You're safe.

Then you skip off to work?

All la -di -da?

I mean, you have to admit it's strange.

Why not call 911?

You know, she did weirdly mention porn
the other day.

She's not a pornographer.

Even if she was, pornography is legal.
It's free speech.

Good point.

Unless it involves minors.

That's gross.

Bestiality. Also illegal.

And we're back to the dog thing.

What if it's an underage dog?

That'd be really bad.

You were scared.

I'll bet.

You must have been terrified.

I was, but not just of the guy. I kept
thinking about my kid and how my

ex -husband would use this to show that
I was unfit. If he knew that I was

tangled up with a camboy or at the scene
of a murder, I would...

I would lose everything. I just, I
panicked.

Your ex sounds like a real jerk.

Not always, but yeah.

Lately, yeah.

Marriage is a marathon.

Sometimes you puke.

Hi.

What was that all about?

Oh, um, nothing. I just got scammed
online.

Oh. Shit.

Sorry. Credit card?

Nope. I met a guy, he seemed nice, and
then he scammed me.

Oof, that sucks.

Dating sites can be brutal.

Which one do you use?

The one where you have to show photos of
your graduate degree or the one where

you have to show photos of your
butthole?

Those are just a few basic prototypes.

It wasn't a dating site.

He was a cam boy.

He was a cam man.

He was an age -appropriate cammer.

Gee, how embarrassing.

It's not. It's amazing.

It's the best thing that ever happened
to me. Continue.

No, I just... I thought he really liked
me, and I opened up to him, and then

he totally scammed me.

Sorry, Paula.

No, I just keep thinking, like, I should
have known.

Like, I have been with...

a gold medal succession of jerks in my
life and and like carl was the first

genuinely good guy i ever even met and
and we were happy you know like we we

married and we moved to portland and i
got this job at a little local paper

they gave me a diners club card which
like nobody even accepts diners but i

it i was in the club and then We had a
baby, and then regular

bickering just turned into, like, real
fights about real things, and the

genuinely good guy turned out to be,
like, the biggest jerk of all, and now I

get scammed by camboys, and you guys
think I'm a super freak.

Okay, now you guys tell me your most
humiliating sex stories, right?

Okay.

I used to pleasure myself to Scooby
-Doo.

Hi.

Hi. Paula, I'm the new coach.

Here,

let me help you with that. Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Donuts for soccer practice, huh? Yeah,
yeah.

Everybody loves donuts. They are sweet,
they're moist.

They're America's fruit.

I'm Steve.

Oh, hi.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, right.
Oh, my God, I'm Paula. I totally did not

text you back.

No, no, it's okay. I over -texted. It's
just kids' soccer practice, right?

Yeah. My ex told me I need to be more
chill, so...

Be more chill.

Yeah. Wow. I think you dodged a bullet.

Mom. Mom. Where are my cleats?

Your cleats? My cleats.

Ow. Ow. Mom, I hate these.

Okay. Okay.

Do you think maybe there's something
else that's bugging you, sweetie?

No.

Chloe. She gave everybody cherry lip
balm but me.

Oof.

It's not nice to make someone feel left
out, is it? No.

No. Sorry that happened.

Yeah.

Hey, you know, on the night you were
born, right before you

slid out of me... Ew.

Yeah, it was kind of ew. But right
before that, there was a

storm. Wind was howling.

Hail was smashing the windows. And right
at the craziest, most intense part,

You came out.

You weren't like, oh, that sounds scary.

I'm going to stay safe inside. You were
like, that sounds awesome.

I want to see what that is.

And that's when I knew. I knew that you
were going to be brave and adventurous.

So forget about these lip balm girls.

Because what do I always tell you,
Hazel?

Brush your teeth.

Yeah, but you are a...

Badass. You're a badass.

You know that, right?

You're a badass.

Yabba. Wow.

That is totally inappropriate.

And I freaking love it.

Okay, get out there, badass.

I love you, mama. I love you, too.

Thank you.

Yabba. Yabba. Yabba!

Great job, Coach.

Hey, thanks.

All right, Hazelnut, go get your stuff.

Okay.

I had something that I would love for
you to read, if you had a sec.

Feeling a tad under the gun here.

Right. I should leave. Yeah.

Be still.

It's not shit.

Uh, yay.

Yes, yay, yes.

It's not shit is as good as it gets.

But it doesn't grab me.

Which, if you are an absolute utter no
-one, which, no offence. No, I'm aware,

I'm garbage. You need to overwhelm my
central nervous system like some rare

tropical disease.

We just need something juicier.

You know how fast I can get you off?

I've never been there. I hear it's
beautiful.

Are you going to come for me, Barbara?

Oh, you're so hot. You like that?

You like that? You like watching me
touch myself? Come on, piggy.

Roll around in the mud. Crawl for it,
little pig. Come on, piggy. Roll around

the mud. I lick you all over.

That's great. I'm so proud of you, Tom.

Come here, Barbara.

I lick you all over.

Does your girlfriend know about me? Did
you tell her what we do?

Show me how you touch yourself.

Oh, I love that movie.

Gee,

come get dinner with me.

Nope.

Come on. We'll get those bikes and wings
you like.

It'll be fun.

I think I'll solve a murder instead.

It's fun, too. We should try it
sometime.

What are you telling me, Paula?

All together, everybody.

All together, everybody.

Oh, to get everybody gets work.

Hello,

Hazel.