All language subtitles for Maximum_Pleasure_Guaranteed_S01E01_720p_WEB-DL_30nama_30NAMA

They finally arrived.

I mean, check this out. You have the
clock.

Absolutely. I can't wait. There he is.

All right.

Murder him.

I'm going to murder that guy. I'm going
to chop him up into tiny little pieces,

then I'm going to glue those pieces back
together, reanimate him, and chop him

up again. No, you're not, Paula.

Yeah, probably not. It's like a ton of
work.

Yeah, logistically speaking, it'd be
like a lot of work, like bone glue and

those weird clamps.

Who watches cable TV anyway?

Can you please like stop and just come
on, have a beer with me?

I've got too much to do.

I'll fall asleep. I'm old and broken.
You are not old. Well, I am broken.

How does this look?

Trev.

What? The goat is too small. Really?

It's a small goat, yeah.

Okay.

Small goat.

I need to get this place set up or else
Carl's not going to let Hazel sleep

here.

My ex -employer is, like, super
aggressive, and mine got his job because

good at softball.

Relax, yeah.

You're doing great.

Well, that is untrue. No, it is true.
You just have to push through this

beginning.

Beginnings are always the hardest part,
right?

No.

Endings are the hardest part.

Beginnings are, you know, full of
promise.

Like, maybe...

I don't know, just this one time,
instead of getting fisted by the giant

here in the sky, I'll, like, find love
or happiness.

Maybe even just a $20 bill on the
ground, right? But then, if this is the

happy part of my life, I might as well
just cut it short and take a bath with a

toaster.

No. If I can even find it. No, no
toasters.

It's possible I'm being dramatic.

Thank you for listening. Of course.

Oh, shit.

I hate to do this, but we've only got
like six minutes left.

Already? Yeah.

Unless you want another hour? Can we
make six minutes work?

Paula, come on. Six minutes? Six minutes
is like a lifetime.

Do you know how fast I can get you off?

Guy is suffocating down there.

Better let him breathe.

I'm going to make you feel so good,
Bala.

Because you deserve it.

Hey,

come on. Take your clothes off.

I want to see your body.

Take them.

Oh, no.

You're young and strong and smooth like
a dolphin's night of the clouds.

There's my baby. Hi, Mama. Hi, Hazel.

I really want to sleep over at your new
apartment, but Dad says I can't yet.

Oh, you totally can. No, tomorrow night.
It's going to be so hot.

We need to do the banana dance. Oh, my
God. I was born to banana dance.

You know, I can do all the tropical
fruits.

I can mango. I can pineapple.

Oh,

I got to go. Hey, Pete.

Can I pretty please get any fact checks
on that story, like, now?

Oh, well, I mean, it's 3 ,000 words, and
I just got it. Yes, but somebody is

always late on a deadline.

Excuse me?

J .K. J .K. He is on to a major story,
though, so we have to move.

People want to read about the senator's
improprieties. They don't care about

precise deeps. Okay, yeah, totally get
it, but just in terms of fact -checking,

there's some problematic deeps. What?

Well, like, she says she took the A
train to get to his office. The A train

doesn't even go there. She took A train.
It's truth E. Help us, Paula.

She took a train. Look, Paula, I know
you have a higher standard, but it's no

good if we finish second.

You've asked for a bigger role here,
yes?

Yes. We all agree this department needs
a leader.

And I'm totally ready for that. Yeah.

Management is looking at outside
candidates.

I have been pushing for you. Okay. Thank
you. Thank you. Don't thank me. Just

show everyone you are who I hope you
are.

You need this article by end of day. Do
you feel me?

You are felt.

Hey, P, you are felt?

What a deeply weird thing to say.

Yeah. Were you trying to be sarcastic
or, like, kiss her ass?

Neither of them worked, by the way. No,
because if you want to kiss her ass, you

would hide your anger better.

Yeah, like, we really hope you become
our boss.

Yeah, we really hope that you become our
boss.

And then if you would be sarcastic, you
would, like, change your inflection a

bit more. We really hope you would
become our boss. You have to change the

inflection.

Could you please go back to work?

Come on, Paula, we're just, uh, JK -ing.

Hello, which is JK.

It's Susie. It's a Susie impression
because of her accent.

Up yours, Rudy.

Okay.

Putting it up there. Love ya.

We need more cha -ching in those chats,
you know? We want to see our tits. We

need to see your tits.

Beautifully put, guys.

We want fancy sushi for lunch. Yeah,
yeah, yeah.

Invitation crab. We want crab crab.

Guys, remember, I do private video chats
as well. So, you know, you turn your

camera on, too.

Just put the request in down there.

Hi. Hey, good looking. How you doing?

Yeah, good. I thought we were having
dinner together.

My mom is the exact opposite.

Like, super traditional.

You know, she's like a big fan of Barbie
Bush.

You know, we had like a farm with
animals and everything.

Really? Yeah.

You were looking at the blue ribbon
winner for my pig at the county fair.

No, you're fucking with me.

Wait, is this like a fantasy for one of
your other clients? Like they like to

watch you milk a cow real slow?

No, I'm serious.

It's true. I have a picture somewhere.

Honestly, I just didn't think I'd be
here, you know?

Like I'm supposed to have it all figured
out.

And I'm a mess.

I have you and a third grader to talk
to.

Like, I'm barely treading water.

That's good company.

Also, you're saying treading water,
like, is a bad thing, but, I mean,

water is what you do to keep from
drowning.

I did get a certificate in Girl Scouts
for treading water.

You are so smart and funny and sexy as
hell.

Wait, who's somebody? I don't know.

Door.

And just to clarify, this was all during
an internet sex thing, ma 'am?

What does that have to do with anything?

Respectfully, I'm only asking because I
think it may be fake.

What do you mean it's fake?

Fake, like not real.

But I don't want to diminish your
experience.

Let's play it out, say it happened.

Sure, why not? For a goof.

Do you know where he lives?

No.

Okay, so he could be in Romania, for all
we know. No, he's in America.

East Coast time, because we would make
plans and just say one, not like one

Coast time.

And northeast because we have the same
weather.

I feel like he's local.

Okay, sure.

Still, if he was assaulted, we wouldn't
know where exactly to send police

officers.

And another possibility is that, as I
said earlier, this could be fake, a

Scam.

You said you had your camera on. You
could see you?

Yep.

Okay, so he could have recorded you.

Are you married?

I'm divorced.

Me too.

Love isn't about getting yelled at all
weekend.

Assuming he did record you, he could
blackmail you.

No, he wouldn't do that. Okay, ma 'am,
maybe... Maybe you didn't know him.

Maybe it was all an act.

I mean, you pay a fee, you get some
tenderness.

Just because he does this kind of work
doesn't mean he's a bad person.

Of course not.

But still, this isn't the first time
we've seen this kind of scam.

And if it's that, tonight, maybe
tomorrow, you're going to get a call.

Does he have your number?

Yeah. May want to change that.

Anyway, he's going to tell you a sob
story.

Like he's in debt to some bad dudes or
something like that, and if he could get

10, maybe 20 grand.

He can be free. If he calls hang up,
don't engage.

These people are very good.

They know how to pick their marks.

Well, either you're wrong or I'm a
fucking idiot.

No, no, you're a human being.

A lot of garbage out there trying to
make money off that. Good people,

like magnets.

And sometimes they attract troublesome
things.

Oh, Jesus.

Sir.

Hello. Hey, Paula. How are you? Yeah.

You're my lawyer. You tell me.

You've been better. Looks like Carl's
team now wants to see Hazel's bedroom.

Really? No, it'll be fine.

Nothing's going to be easy with these
guys. It all boils down to Carl wants to

move. You don't want him to. Well, I'm
seeing Hazel this afternoon, so I can

the whole story.

No, you won't. Avoid conflict.

Let me handle it.

Hazel's friends are here. Her school's
here. What's going on with the

They haven't said anything official, but
it seems good.

Okay. Stable job. Newly promoted.

Role model for Hazel. I wish you were my
mom.

Anything else going on?

Nope.

Hey. Hi.

Hazel will be right down. She's just
watching Human Centipede.

Or is it Minions? Minions is the one
where they're sewn together, right?

I think that's despicable me.

Want to come in?

It'll be just a minute. You can stay out
here if you want. I don't care. It's up

to you.

It's hot.

Yeah. She tells you she wants to try ice
hockey co -ed.

I said no.

It's not going to happen. Oh, good,
good.

Practice is at 5 a .m. 5? Yeah. Who does
that?

Oh, I don't know. Like, way better
parents than us.

That's why our class is great, because
we get to sleep in and she doesn't have

her teeth knocked out.

Yeah, art is better than hockey.

That's right.

A little early, huh? Oh, we're
celebrating.

Mallory just signed a new client. Oh,
great!

Yeah, but that's also really lovely of
you to comment on my behavior. I'm not

commenting.

No comment.

Hazel, let's go, bud.

Fucking Christ.

Carl, does it have to be Boise? I'm not
moving to Idaho.

You might like it.

Oh, yeah.

I'll grow the county's biggest potato
and I'll become mayor by accident.

Come on.

I'll vote for you. I like a big potato.

You're making it ugly and it doesn't
have to be.

Like, can you just think about it,
please?

For one second.

Let's not do this right now like this,
please.

Think about her for one second.

How's the house?

You know it's an apartment, and it's
fucking dreamy. Great.

Yeah, it's... Hey, look, I'm not saying
this to start a fight, but I know how

bad you want to see Hazel over the
holidays. It's just impossible, and it's

going to work.

You can't do me one favor?

I can't do you this favor.

I'm going to wait in the car until her
movie's done, okay?

Okay. Just send her out when she's done.
You got it.

I don't know.

Are you ready to be super famous?

I only have three followers, Mom.

You, Dad, and Mel. Okay, I've got
takeout pizza, but I could also make you

pasta with bolognese.

Pizza! Pizza!

Okay, but I am getting way better.

I promise you.

Okay. Less watching and more making
pizza into energy.

Do it now!

Yeah. Do you like that drop thing? Oh, I
won't know for a bit, but thank you for

asking, dumpling.

I think they're going to get it. No. I
know you're going to get it. Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Hello!

Paula.

Paula, Paula, it's me. It's Trevor.

Paula?

Just a sec, Hazelman.

Not enough?

No. Bummer.

They're going to kill me.

Trevor, just don't. Just stop, okay?

Listen up. You need to send $15 ,000 or
he's dead.

You hear me?

He is dead.

Mom!

Can I play ice hockey?

No!

Detective Gonzalez.

Hi, it's Paula Sanders.

We called to ask him for money. What do
we do? We ignore him.

This is a nuisance, not a real crime.

Besides, we have nothing to go on.

That's it?

Listen, I'm sorry this happened to you.
I have to run.

Mom?

Why did you answer? I told you not to.

Right?

Hey, baby.

Shh. It's okay. I'm sorry. It was my
fault. My fault. Shh.

He was really crying, Mom.

Really?

Yeah. Big cry, baby.

He was probably watching Bambi.

Have so much fun, and remember, do not
poop your pants.

Okay, no promises. I love you. Bye.

Paula.

Paula. So, I know you said no, but the
soccer team still needs a second coach.

do it, but I ran out of Xanax. Just
kidding. I have so much Xanax. But I'm

already organizing the dance fundraiser,
and it is sapping my will to live.

Uh, uh, I... I never said no.

Oh. No.

Carl said you weren't interested.

Well, I am interested.

Wait, really? Yeah. I'm so interested. I
love soccer. Soccer's my thing. Really?

Yeah. Yay. Yeah, that's so fun.

Thank God. Thank God. Thanks for that.
Yeah, yeah. So the other coach is a dad,

Steve, but don't worry, he's not a
Steve.

I'll grab the equipment for you.

I'll be right back.

Well,

I heard everyone's downsizing their fact
-checking department.

Thank you, AI.

So how's your LinkedIn?

Tight as fuck. You?

Oh, I don't have that shit. I deleted
mine.

Why? I'm going to stand out by being
harder to find.

You know, like, elusive, kind of
exclusive.

Let me stop you there. That's a terrible
idea.

Is it, though? Think about it for a
second.

Still terrible.

Okay.

I guess I just disagree.

We're fine. They'll never get rid of us.

Thank you.

Hello, Paula.

Paula, it's me.

How the fuck did you get this number?

How the fuck did you get my fucking work
number?

Please.

Please, please. Stop, stop, stop.

Stop it, okay? You're going to kill me.
I know it's a scam, okay? I know it.

After all the time we spent together,
after everything that I shared with you,

just admit it, Trevor.

If that's even your real name.

What does it matter?

Either way, you need to pay.

We know everything.

Your job.

Your ex's job. Cute little hazel. We can
destroy your life.

I don't want that for you. I like you,
Paula. You know that.

Pay the money. Do it now.

We can destroy your life.

That's a lot of bread.

That's an aggressive amount of bread.

I wonder if too much bread is as
annoying to, like, starving kids in

Really? Because I don't want a loaf so
big it looks like I have itty -bitty

hands. You're going to food shame me? Do
you guys ever watch porn?

Did I hear that was... That's a big
change of subject from Paula.

Like on the internet.

As opposed to in a movie theater.

I just read this really weird story
where they said that they can scam you.

Yeah, those sites have a lot of malware.

Porn is kind of gross.

Well, sex work isn't gross. I mean,
people need to make a living.

No, bro, I know.

Hashtag sex work is work. We are all
allies. But, like, the industry itself

pretty abusive.

I don't know. I mean, my roommate has an
OnlyFans. It's no big deal.

Oh, your roommate, no. Not your
girlfriend.

Oh. Well, we're just room -mixing them.
Right.

Because it's cooled off.

If I only sleep with you when it's hot
out.

There's room at the air conditioning.

You can use the Freon.

Are you okay, Paul? Yeah, I'm fine.

That's a lot of bread.

Fuck.

Sorry, what's that?

There's no stars.

You can see the moon, but, like, that's
it.

Oh, yeah, it's because it's too bright.

We have all these cars and street lights
and stuff.

Sometimes it just doesn't get dark
enough to see the stars.

That really sucks.

Hey, watch it with the S -word.

That is not the S -word.

It's shit.

Shit, shit.

You know, I'm gonna take you camping one
day.

You won't believe how many stars you can
see.

Yeah, you can see so much more in the
dark.

I think I found him.

Paula. No, no, no, no. You don't
understand.

No, I do.

As we thought, it's a scam.

He recorded you. He has your info.

Okay? He can CSI enhance and use it
against you. Exactly. And that's what I

to him.

So he lives in Harding Park.

He's in one of three houses across from
Mr. Crabb on Craft Avenue.

It's right by the airport.

See? So now what do we do?

We continue to investigate.

We're already doing everything we can,
given the facts. You're doing everything

you can?

I just gave you exactly where he is.

Can't you go check out the houses? Can't
you do fucking anything?

I am trying to explain to you how the
system works.

I am an officer of the law. I am not
your gal pal.

This is the real world.

I will continue to look into it.

But as I've told you, change your
number.

Put one more barrier between you and
him.

We have three major stories in the
coming weeks. The things that we

Can I just take this?

Yeah. Hello.

Hey, how are you?

Hey, I talked to Mallory. If you want
Hazel over the holidays, we're okay with

it. We can make that happen for you.

Really? Yeah, really. I think you guys
will have fun.

Yeah, yeah, we will have fun. That's
great. That's awesome. Thank you. All

right, I got to go. I'm on the Peloton.
I'm about to puke all over northern

Italy.

Hey, you know what I want to do tonight?
What?

I want to go buy a bunch of gifts that
we totally don't need and then maybe

a bunch of chocolate syrup just in a
bowl and you can eat it with a spoon. Or

straw if you want to.

Maybe watch that movie that you really
want to watch. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, homework?

No. You said homework?

You want to do homework instead? No.

I can't twist your arm, you know.

If you love homework so much, then I
guess that's what we're going to have to

tonight. You don't want to have the best
day ever?

Yes, I do.

You do? Yes. You don't want to do
homework?

No. Boo -hoo.

Boo. Boo.

Back of the head.

No. And some of it got in my ear. And
that's how I got the ear infection.

You did?

Yep. Do you want some hot tamales on
this?

No. Why? No, because he's gross.

Oh. He's like yin and but ten times
bigger.

Oh, really?

Roscoe was showing me how to like, like,
uh, defeat him.

You're the best sleeper in the town.

Good night.

Yeah, I'm a T -Mobile customer and I'm
thinking about changing my number.

Yeah. No, not yet, but how would that
work with my 80 contact?

Anyone who wants to grab a leg, time to
wake up.

I want Pop -Tarts.

Hey. Hi, Daddy.

You're seven minutes late.

Hey, how many seconds?

Bye, Mommy.

You have fun? Bye, baby. You going
inside?

Yep. Bye.

I'm going to talk to Mom for a second.
I'll see you right in there, okay?

Okay.

Okay.

What the fuck are you doing, Paula?

What?

Did some guy named Trevor FaceTime me
and he's desperate to talk to you? Who

fuck is Trevor?

He looked about 20 and strung out. Is
that who you're fucking now? You fucking

midnight cowboy?

You know what he said to me? He said
that I needed to get your attention or

was a dead man.

What the fuck does that even mean?

Please, what does it mean?

But how the fuck did he know about
Portland?

Why would you tell him about Portland,
Paula?

Why would you tell fucking anyone?

Fucking answer me, please.

I'm lost here.

What is wrong with you?

You know what, actually, I'm calling my
lawyers and I'm telling them this. And

I'll tell you, Paula, you can forget
about seeing Hazel over the holiday.

not going to happen. And if you are
acting erratic again...

I don't think it's safe for you to be
around Hazel unsupervised. I'm sorry,

it's fucking not.

I need it. I need that. I mean, I knew
something was wrong with you. You can't

do that. But what the fuck is wrong with
you? Carl, you can't do that. You can't

do that. I can fucking do that. No, you
can't do that to me. Yes, I can.

Tighten your fucking shit up.

Why are you calling me?

No. No.

No.

Cracked in the dark.