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1
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DOORS OPEN
2
00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:07,399
'PACHELBEL'S CANON'
PLAYS
3
00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:09,120
GENTLE CHATTER
4
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:15,040
Lad!
5
00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:22,319
You ready?
More than I'll ever be.
6
00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:25,119
I wanna thank you
for being so patient with me,
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00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:26,760
not wanting
to have sex before marriage.
8
00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:31,480
Tonight, I'm all yours.
Every inch of me.
9
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:34,200
Let's crack on, lad.
10
00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:38,319
Tiny little fella, you,
aren't ya? Eh?
11
00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:40,079
How tall are ya?
12
00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:44,239
5' 2".
Nah, no way you're 5'2".
13
00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:46,679
Yeah, thought so. 5'1".
14
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,519
GASPING What?
15
00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:49,639
You said you were 5'2".
16
00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:52,239
I am. On a good day, like.
17
00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:55,319
God, I'm sorry. I can't.
I can't go under 5'2".
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00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:57,319
GASPING No, please!
19
00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:59,879
No, don't go!
I'll take you to San Carlo.
20
00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:01,679
Anything, please!
Get her back.
21
00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:04,520
Shame that. Lovely arse on her.
22
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:09,080
And the 2026
Ballon d'Or winner is...
23
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:11,599
...Reece Duffy!
24
00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:14,479
CHEERING,
MO EXCLAIMS
25
00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:16,719
'Freed From Desire'
by Gala
26
00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:18,159
MO SHOUTS,
APPLAUSE
27
00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:19,320
Nice one.
28
00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:23,879
My lad!
Ah-ah-ah!
29
00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:26,239
Hang on, hang on.
MUTTERING
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00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:27,919
Look, I'm-I'm sorry,
31
00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:30,719
but I'm-I'm afraid there's something
you all have to see.
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00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:31,999
What?
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00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:33,559
SHOUTING ON VIDEO
34
00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:35,080
'Yes, lad, yes!'
35
00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:38,479
BOY SHRIEKS,
AUDIENCE GASPS
36
00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:39,919
'He's seven!'
37
00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:42,199
'Is he? He's a bit big for seven.'
38
00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:45,559
'Bet everyone's big to you, lad.'
'Have that, you little mushroom.'
39
00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:47,719
AUDIENCE GASP,
GROAN
40
00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:49,439
Get off the stage!
BOOING
41
00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:51,679
Get him off. Get off!
42
00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:54,679
You should be ashamed
of yourself, lad. No!
43
00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:56,079
BOOING CONTINUES
44
00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:57,639
Get him out of here!
45
00:01:57,640 --> 00:01:59,919
♪ Hush little baby
Don't say a word... ♪
46
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:02,479
Why do you keep doing this?
♪ Daddy's gonna buy you... ♪
47
00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:05,360
Who are you? Show your face!
♪ A mockingbird. ♪
48
00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:09,959
Wait! No, no, no!
49
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:15,360
♪ Daddy's gonna buy you
A diamond ring... ♪
50
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:17,999
What are you doing in my house?!
51
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:21,919
The father and son didn't need words
when they were reunited.
52
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Their hug said everything.
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I do need words.
54
00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:27,239
Fuck off! Mum!
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Mum!
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00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:30,840
It's all right! It's only me!
57
00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:39,319
What have you done
to your hair, soft lad?
58
00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:40,759
It's a mid-fade.
59
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:43,360
A mid-fade or a mid-life crisis?
60
00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,879
Cheers for the confidence boost
SHE CHUCKLES
61
00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:48,879
Come on, scooch.
PHONE RINGS
62
00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:51,559
Oh, hang on. Er, hello.
63
00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:54,959
Mum! Mum! Mum!
64
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:57,000
What is he doing here?
65
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:03,119
Look, son. I've been wanting
to tell you this for a while now,
66
00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:05,240
but I just...
I couldn't find the right time.
67
00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:09,679
The DNA company mixed up
your results.
68
00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:11,320
Darren's your real dad.
69
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:15,279
Ha-ha! I knew it!
70
00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:17,759
Thank you! Thank you!
71
00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:19,839
No, no, no, no, no, Darren. No.
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I'm just...
I'm winding our Reece up.
73
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REECE EXHALES HEAVILY
74
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,559
Lord, why hast thou forsaken me?
Oh, Jesus wept.
75
00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:27,639
Look, Darren got in touch
a few months ago.
76
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,479
He's been really struggling.
77
00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:31,479
Anyway, last night,
he got kicked out of his flat,
78
00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:33,479
so I told him he can have
our spare room for a bit.
79
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:34,639
Please, son.
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00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:37,719
You know, last night,
I spent my last 20 quid
81
00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:39,279
on a custom OnlyFans video
82
00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:43,559
just so I could hear
a complete stranger say my name.
83
00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:45,000
Like I mattered.
84
00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:48,680
But she called me Darryl.
85
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:55,319
Yes! Hey!
86
00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:58,719
And your mum said,
me and you, we can get bunk beds.
87
00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:00,439
No.
Darren!
88
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:02,040
DARREN WHEEZES
No.
89
00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:12,679
No-one is taking Reece away
from me again.
90
00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,439
Not this time.
What?
91
00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:18,799
You are not his dad, all right?
92
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,079
Promise me you won't be his dad.
93
00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:22,959
Don't wanna be his dad.
Great!
94
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:24,959
Now you're letting
Disneyland Darren move in.
95
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:26,239
You're on fire, Mum.
96
00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:28,159
I didn't exactly plan all of this.
97
00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:30,359
Just, everything's starting
to feel so different.
98
00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:34,679
I know.
It feels different for me, too.
99
00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:40,319
But just because it feels different
doesn't mean anything has to change.
100
00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:42,320
It's still me and you, kiddo.
101
00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:45,759
And, yeah, occasionally now,
102
00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:47,359
you might hear me
in the dead of night,
103
00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:50,399
screaming,
"Deeper, Dunny! Go deeper!"
104
00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:52,200
You are despicable, you know.
105
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:56,439
You shagged her yet?
Absolutely none of your business.
106
00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:57,880
Don't worry, brother.
107
00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:01,079
You're good with your words
but shit with your cock.
108
00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:03,919
I'm bad with my words,
but I let my cock do the talking.
109
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,399
I am an absolute cocksman!
110
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:07,439
Tell you what,
111
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:12,999
I'd be willing to give you
a shagging masterclass, if you like.
112
00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:16,039
Yeah. Jodie's likes, Jodie's
dislikes. You know, mates' rates.
113
00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:18,599
No! Brothers' rates.
114
00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:20,679
You know what's mad?
115
00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:25,560
I still remember
exactly how to make her come.
116
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,640
DARREN SNORTS
Mad, the brain, innit?
117
00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:32,240
Come on.
118
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:42,839
Right, how can you be an ally?
I'm gonna show you.
119
00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:44,999
Global forced displacement
is at a record high.
120
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,399
Are you aware
of the shocking statistics?
121
00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:49,919
This is all I've got.
Er, that'll do.
122
00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:52,239
Me need monies for foodings. Please!
123
00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:54,119
Thank you
for your generous donation.
124
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:56,199
Monies for foodings! Please!
125
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:59,079
You can do your bit to combat
world hunger by opening your mouth.
126
00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:00,199
And here it comes!
127
00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:02,199
CHUCKLING
128
00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,439
One, two, three...
129
00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:06,159
Oh, and I'm sorry, lad.
130
00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:09,999
You knew Queen Victoria
ruled from 1837 to 1901,
131
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:13,319
but you didn't know the exact
temperature in Buckingham Palace
132
00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:15,039
on her birthday in 1885.
133
00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:16,479
Down you go.
134
00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:18,359
I told you to go 21 degrees, lad.
135
00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:20,439
Sir, Sir, he has done it again.
136
00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:22,879
You kindly allowed us to celebrate
Refugee Awareness Week,
137
00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:24,599
and now look at him.
138
00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:26,439
Reece, this stops now.
139
00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:29,479
In fact, I'd like you
to help her this week.
140
00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:31,759
I really think you'll benefit.
No, no, no, Sir.
141
00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:33,599
I do not want him
anywhere near me this week.
142
00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:35,519
It's the only way he's gonna learn,
I'm afraid.
143
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:38,959
See it as a chance
to gain a new perspective,
144
00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:42,119
to understand
on a deeper level what...
145
00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:44,759
poor little lads like this
have to go through.
146
00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:48,159
Sir, that's Aaron.
Mo's cousin in Year 9.
147
00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:49,560
Yes.
148
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:54,239
And until I see a welcome shift
in your attitude, Reece,
149
00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:55,759
you're off the school football team.
150
00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:56,879
SHE GIGGLES
151
00:06:56,880 --> 00:07:00,079
Nah, Sir, it's the semis this week.
Mr Finley's not gonna have it, lad.
152
00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:03,759
Who's gonna play up top? Mo?
He doesn't work for the team.
153
00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:06,280
Me score many goaling!
154
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:08,840
MO LAUGHS
155
00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:13,399
Where's your apron?
156
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:16,840
Some Year 10 lad's wearing it.
He's on work experience. Why?
157
00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:21,439
Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.
What?
158
00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:24,399
Get the apron!
What?
159
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:25,520
Get the apron!
160
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:30,079
'Ey, a whole week with The Brimble,
though. That's torture, lad.
161
00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:34,559
Nah, him listening through the walls
as Mr Dunn pounds his ma all week,
162
00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:35,639
that's torture.
163
00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:39,719
Lad, I just can't believe Dunny's
coming inside your actual ma.
164
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:42,839
Oh, Mo!
Lads, shut up.
165
00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:44,799
I don't want
the whole school finding out.
166
00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:46,679
Eurgh! Mr Dunn's a perv.
167
00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:48,559
He's just given me a note saying,
168
00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:51,239
"Fancy some alone time
with Mr Dunn tonight?"
169
00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:53,479
JEERING,
SHOUTING
170
00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:55,159
That's disgusting.
171
00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:58,279
Hang on a minute, you lot.
Pipe down. Pipe down!
172
00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:00,359
Mr Dunn is not a perv.
173
00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:01,799
EXHALES
174
00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:03,759
That note was meant for me.
175
00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:05,479
STUDENTS EXCLAIM,
CHATTER
176
00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:08,759
Ah, as if!
Mr Dunn's shagging Reece's ma!
177
00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:11,079
LAUGHTER
178
00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:14,519
♪ Dunny's shagging your ma!
Dunny's shagging your ma!
179
00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:16,879
♪ Stand up
If Dunny's shagging your ma
180
00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:18,599
♪ Dunny's shagging your ma... ♪
181
00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:20,679
I think you need to stand up.
182
00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:23,239
♪ Stand up
If Dunny's shagging your ma
183
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:26,559
♪ Dunny's shagging your ma
Dunny's shagging your ma
184
00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:27,919
♪ Stand up
185
00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:30,159
♪ If Dunny's shagging your ma... ♪
Er, actually... son.
186
00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:33,479
You can sit back down.
We haven't done that yet.
187
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:35,559
Shh!
GROANING
188
00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:37,559
Unlucky, yeah? Unlucky.
MUTTERING
189
00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:39,639
We have done some stuff.
190
00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:41,479
JEERING
191
00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,399
Ohhhhh!
192
00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:47,039
♪ Dunny's fingering your ma
Dunny's fingering your ma
193
00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:49,519
♪ Stand up
If Dunny's fingered your ma
194
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:51,959
♪ Dunny's fingering your ma
Dunny's fingering your ma... ♪
195
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:55,599
Oi-oi, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
No. We haven't done that.
196
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:57,079
What?
MUTTERING
197
00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:59,679
Oh, Jo, I expected more from you,
you know.
198
00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:01,440
Mm.
199
00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:03,599
I know.
200
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:07,440
♪ Dunny's felt your ma's tits
Dunny's felt your ma's tits. ♪
201
00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:16,759
CHEERING
202
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,799
♪ Dunny's felt your ma's tits
Dunny's felt your ma's tits
203
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:22,359
♪ Stand up
If Dunny's felt your ma's tits
204
00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:25,799
♪ Dunny's felt your ma's tits
Dunny's felt your ma's tits
205
00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:28,479
♪ Stand up
If Dunny's felt your ma's tits. ♪
206
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:29,560
GIGGLES
207
00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:36,679
'Ey, would you rather do
Bonnie Blue's 1,000 men in 12 hours
208
00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:39,720
or Mr Dunn making gentle love to you
for 12 hours?
209
00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:43,399
I'd genuinely rather do
a thousand men. Mm.
210
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:44,440
PHONE CHIMES
211
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:46,679
Oh, my God.
212
00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:48,959
They're casting
for a Cilla Black musical biopic.
213
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:50,359
And it's an open call!
214
00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,239
You're Scouse, ginger.
What more do they want?
215
00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:53,440
AIMEE SQUEALS
216
00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:57,359
Hiya, Dad.
Hiya, love.
217
00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:59,719
All right, Wayno.
All right, Mia.
218
00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:01,959
"To be considered,
please send us a short video
219
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:05,479
"telling us a bit about yourself,
who you are and what you love."
220
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,239
For fuck's sake, I hate these.
Why?
221
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,959
Because I can hardly tell the truth,
can I?
222
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,639
Hi, I'm Aimee Morris.
223
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:13,039
I couldn't name a Cilla Black song
if my life depended on it,
224
00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:15,519
and I once rated dick pics
on Room4Fans.
225
00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:18,279
Were you aware
there's a surprisingly high amount
226
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,919
of circumcised penises
in the Merseyside area?
227
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,400
THEY LAUGH
228
00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:28,360
EERIE VOCALISING,
THUNDER RUMBLES
229
00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:36,719
I don't know this new country.
I don't speak its words.
230
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:39,719
What if I never belong in the UK?
231
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:45,599
It's OK. I was once like you.
I too have felt that fear.
232
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:49,519
When I moved from Sheffield
to Liverpool in Year 9, I was lost.
233
00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:52,799
New slang, new buses.
They even laughed at my accent.
234
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:56,679
But now I do belong,
and so will you.
235
00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:58,359
THUNDER RUMBLES
Where is Mama?
236
00:10:58,360 --> 00:10:59,559
Is that Reece?
237
00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:02,639
Back home, they called me a doctor,
now they'll call me a problem.
238
00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:05,319
Mama? Is that you?
LAUGHTER
239
00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:09,119
You are not a problem.
You are an asset to the nation.
240
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:13,079
Storm bad. We sinkings, Mama.
241
00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:14,959
Sacrifice yourself, Mama.
242
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:17,399
The storm is really settling.
You lie, Mama!
243
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,519
I no lie!
LAUGHTER
244
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:21,599
Who on boat thinks Mama should jump?
245
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,240
STUDENTS CLAMOUR
246
00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:28,999
Look, Mama, a prophecy!
Reece, give it back.
247
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,079
No, please, Mama!
Reece, give that back!
248
00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:32,119
Ah!
Oh!
249
00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:33,879
GASPING Mama?
250
00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:37,160
I'll etch your name into
the undercarriage of a lorry, Mama.
251
00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:39,679
MUSIC STOPS
252
00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:41,719
Why do you have to be
so selfish, Reece?
253
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:44,159
As long as you get your laugh,
nothing else matters, does it?
254
00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:45,799
But what about those of us
who do care?
255
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:47,399
Do you even think
what it's like for them
256
00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,760
to see you tear it down
like it's nothing?
257
00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:55,319
He's gone too far, him.
258
00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:57,000
Lad, you said you could do it.
259
00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:00,039
Whoa-ho, there!
There we go. There we...
260
00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:01,199
Go on, go on. Do a minute. Oh!
261
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,599
Ahhhh!
LAUGHTER
262
00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:06,919
It's my shoes!
It's my shoes, lad, I promise.
263
00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:09,479
Can Mia-Louise do more kick-ups
than cocks she's had this year?
264
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:11,239
Still a long way to go.
Go on, girl!
265
00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:14,079
Oh, my God, no comeback? Ooh!
Oh, my God...
266
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,959
You're right.
I haven't got my comeback.
267
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:18,999
It's still stuck on your ma's face
from last night.
268
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:22,679
Ohhhhh!
She's back. She's back.
269
00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:24,559
'Ey, can you do that again?
270
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:26,520
Oh, my gosh, look, she can do this.
271
00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:29,039
Oh, my God.
272
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:30,599
What?
OK.
273
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:33,239
Funny how you bang on
about Arne Slot, Mo,
274
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:37,199
calling him the Slot Machine
when I heard you couldn't get it up,
275
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,959
and it was like trying to put
a marshmallow in a slot machine.
276
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,479
Ahhhh!
LAUGHTER
277
00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:45,119
That's rumours.
Lad, they're rumours!
278
00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,040
They're rumours!
279
00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:49,999
CONNOR GASPS
Sick.
280
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:52,879
That's sick.
What?! Oh, my God!
281
00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:54,239
Christopher,
282
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:56,519
sometimes, Aimee still thinks
she has feelings for you.
283
00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:57,759
Really?
284
00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:00,159
And then I remind her you once ate
chicken wings with a fork
285
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:01,719
and they completely go away.
286
00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:04,319
JEERING I didn't have any wipes!
287
00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:05,919
I didn't have any wipes.
LAUGHTER
288
00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:08,599
Off you pop, boys.
I have no time for tears.
289
00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:11,239
Ohhhh!
No, that is sick!
290
00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:13,960
'Ey, Mia-Louise, it's kind of sexy.
291
00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:24,559
I've just spent the last ten minutes
in Disneyland Darren's room
292
00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:27,239
perfecting our secret best-mate handshake.
293
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:30,239
There's 11 moves...
and a sound effect.
294
00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:32,799
Look, it's just for a few weeks,
I promise.
295
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:33,999
Anyway, I'm really glad
296
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:37,119
I've got the two of youse
here together because...
297
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:40,439
Reece, there's something really
important I wanna talk to you about.
298
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:45,359
As you know, Phillip...
has come to mean an awful lot to me,
299
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:48,960
and so we've decided to move forward
together as a family.
300
00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,599
I know he cares about us deeply.
301
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:57,880
Because while blood might make
someone a father, Reece...
302
00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:03,919
...it's the heart of this man,
right here,
303
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:05,760
that makes him your dad.
304
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:15,999
SHE CACKLES
305
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,719
Mum! Should have seen the look
on both your faces!
306
00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:20,160
THEY EXHALE
307
00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:23,800
'Fix You'
308
00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:31,039
♪ Lights will guide
309
00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:33,879
♪ You home
310
00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:38,319
♪ And ignite
311
00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:40,959
♪ Your bones
312
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:46,280
♪ And I will try
313
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:52,199
♪ To fix you. ♪
314
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:55,080
MUSIC FADES,
SCATTERED APPLAUSE
315
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:03,279
Look... I wanna say sorry
about yesterday.
316
00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:04,679
I mean, I do think you take things
317
00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:06,439
way too far
that they become laughable...
318
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:07,679
Is this meant to be an apology?
319
00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:10,839
No. What I'm saying is, I know
there's a serious issue behind it.
320
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:13,119
So I asked Habib and Saghar
who live on my estate
321
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:14,599
if they'll come in and talk.
322
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:16,639
I mean, if people hear
from actual refugees
323
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:17,759
that are smashing life,
324
00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:19,639
then it might show people
that, you know,
325
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,119
refugees do bring something
to society.
326
00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:25,039
Thank you. I'll host.
327
00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:28,759
Just give me five minutes to, er,
come up with some questions.
328
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,119
Come on.
329
00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:31,360
DISTANT GIGGLING
330
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,639
I need to know his weaknesses.
What are you doing here?!
331
00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:38,359
I mean, I know his cock's one,
but what else? I don't know.
332
00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:40,599
So you don't think
he's got any weaknesses? Hm?
333
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:43,079
You think he's perfect, do you?
Do you love him?
334
00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:44,919
No, I don't love him.
Oh, so you hate him.
335
00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:48,319
I don't hate him either.
Will you make your mind up, son?!
336
00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:50,280
You're toying
with people's lives here!
337
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:57,999
Jodie? Jodie, listen to me.
Just one drink at the social.
338
00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,879
Come on. It's for your 40th.
'Fine.'
339
00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:04,319
But will you relax? It's like
you're desperate to impress me.
340
00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:05,799
You've already got me, Dunny.
341
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:08,359
All right, see you later.
Where are you going?
342
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:10,799
Oh, I'm just off
to see my ex-boyfriend Hank.
343
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:12,999
When I said we were seeing
each other, he was desperate
344
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,519
for a bit of break-up sex, so...
345
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:15,999
What?
I'm only joking.
346
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,359
He's not my ex.
I've got you both on the go.
347
00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:19,839
All right.
Bye!
348
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:21,039
She's gone.
349
00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:25,439
OK, could you start
by introducing yourselves?
350
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:29,639
Yes, er, my name, er, Habib.
Er, I am from Eritrea.
351
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:31,919
I've been here refugee five year.
352
00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:35,399
My name is Saghar from Afghanistan.
Refugee four year.
353
00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:37,799
You call yourself refugees.
354
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:42,519
I call you strong,
courageous, victorious.
355
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:45,279
I call you woman
with beautiful pig face.
356
00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:47,560
SCATTERED LAUGHTER
Thank you. I'm...
357
00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:52,479
Could you talk about your
successful lives here in the UK?
358
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:58,479
Yes. I work very hard seven year,
and now I qualify doctor here.
359
00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:00,959
APPLAUSE Amazing, Saghar.
360
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,159
But then my husband come
as refugee too,
361
00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,479
and he say I not be a doctor.
362
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:09,280
I stay in house, I cook for him,
I his properties.
363
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:13,519
Because woman have
smaller brain than men.
364
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:15,039
LAUGHTER
365
00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:17,039
Habib?
366
00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:19,919
Could you speak about how dangerous
it was back in Eritrea,
367
00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:22,679
that you had no choice
other than to leave?
368
00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:26,399
Hell on Earth. A place where despair
consumed every shred of hope.
369
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,839
I cannot even begin to fathom.
370
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:32,879
Because wi-fi very inconsistent,
and avocados not very ripe.
371
00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:34,079
It's not nice.
372
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:35,759
What about the war?
373
00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:38,559
No, no, no.
War... War very far away from me.
374
00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:40,999
I only say I in war
to come to the UK
375
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:42,799
to get the money for doing nothings.
376
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:47,119
The UK very, very kind for this.
Thank you, Mr Two-Tiers Keir.
377
00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:48,960
LAUGHTER
378
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:52,519
They're not refugees, are they?
379
00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:56,199
Nah. That's Harry and Nadia.
Born and bred Scousers.
380
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,839
Cheers, lad, nice one.
381
00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:00,399
See you later, Reece.
You're right, Reece, lad.
382
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:02,559
It was funny.
Why can't you just let me do this?
383
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:05,319
Cos you have to make yourself be
the main character all the time.
384
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:08,199
It's called caring. The world
can't be full of Reece Duffys.
385
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,159
Selfish, no conscience, no guilt.
386
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,679
Imagine that. Be sick.
We'd all just crack on!
387
00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:15,559
Yeah. All just living an easy life
with no consequences,
388
00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:17,999
because that's how you like it,
isn't it, Reece?
389
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,719
Or never trying, never stepping
out of your comfort zone
390
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,479
so then you never have to fail.
391
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,719
But I have to do this.
392
00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:28,040
Do you understand that? I have to.
393
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:35,559
♪ I can't always be... ♪
394
00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:37,159
But I'm absolutely knackered.
395
00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:39,159
I've got to go to work
early tomorrow.
396
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,280
Surprise!
397
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:45,840
Thank you.
SHE SQUEALS
398
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:49,199
Mum. You look lovely.
Love you.
399
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:50,440
Ah, love you.
400
00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:54,359
You all right, Jode?
All right, Callum? Where's your mum?
401
00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:56,279
Oh, she, er,
she said she's coming later.
402
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:58,000
OK.
403
00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:01,119
Shall we get you something to eat?
404
00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:03,320
Yeah.
Yeah? OK. Come on.
405
00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:08,999
Ooooooooh!
406
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:12,679
A surprise party.
What do you want, a medal?
407
00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:15,599
You know what's no surprise, mate?
408
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:19,520
The fact that your cock
still hasn't been in her fanny.
409
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:24,519
It's fucking lovely in there, mate.
410
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:26,839
Right! This stops now!
411
00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:28,479
You wanna take my son.
412
00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:30,519
You wanna take
what means most to me,
413
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:33,679
well, then, I'm gonna take
what matters most to you.
414
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:36,680
'September'
by Earth, Wind & Fire
415
00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:50,320
INAUDIBLE
416
00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:53,120
HE SNIFFS
417
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:56,239
Prick!
418
00:19:56,240 --> 00:20:00,679
Lad, you've gone from no dads
to three dads.
419
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:02,639
THEY LAUGH
420
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:04,119
Hey, rank them, lad.
421
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:07,399
Rank them. Rank them.
Rank them! Rank them! Rank them!
422
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:08,839
All right, all right, all right.
423
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:11,639
I mean, I guess three's got to be
the biological bellend, like.
424
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:14,319
MUSIC STOPS,
MICROPHONE FEEDBACK
425
00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:16,799
Hello, everybody.
426
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:20,479
My name's Darren,
and I'm an old friend of Jodie's.
427
00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:21,799
Aw!
428
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:26,359
Well, a while ago now I, er...
well, I hit rock bottom.
429
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:29,159
I thought there was nothing left
of me worth saving.
430
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:33,959
And then along came
this incredible woman.
431
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:36,039
Aww.
432
00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:38,079
YOU pulled me from the wreckage.
433
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:42,039
You saw something in me
when I couldn't see it in myself.
434
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:46,960
And because of that, you and I
will always share something real.
435
00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:49,639
Happy birthday, Jodie.
436
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:52,000
APPLAUSE
437
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:55,320
What a load of bollocks.
438
00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:59,199
Goose bumps, lad.
439
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:02,559
Er, hi, everyone.
440
00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:04,879
I just wanted to say a few words
about my Jodie.
441
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:06,159
Aw.
442
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:09,120
You see,
it wasn't a spark reigniting...
443
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:13,160
...it was a flame
that had never gone out.
444
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:16,479
A true connection.
445
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:17,879
Aww.
446
00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:21,079
APPLAUSE
447
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:23,439
Aw, impressive
from your favourite dad.
448
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:26,079
Shut up, lad.
449
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:28,600
We all know a true connection...
450
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:31,840
...can only ever fully be achieved...
451
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,839
...when those two people
have shagged.
452
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:38,919
'Pony'
by Ginuwine
453
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:40,120
Oh, my God.
454
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:42,999
I'm not watching.
455
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,759
Wait, wait, wait, lad,
he's about to give your ma a lappie!
456
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:49,279
No, he's not, lad!
EXCITED CHATTER
457
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:51,039
Please tell me this isn't happening.
458
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:53,759
CHEERING
459
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:55,719
Go 'ead, Daz!
460
00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:57,840
Oh, my God!
461
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:01,559
The belt's off!
462
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:03,600
He looks like Hercules.
463
00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:05,880
Go on, Darren!
464
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:10,600
Lad, that's what
he's gonna do to your ma!
465
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:13,519
My mouth's watering.
466
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:15,519
Oh, my God, this is...
467
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:17,440
LAUGHTER
468
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:21,479
Ah, that's your mum.
469
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:23,680
I wish I was in that chair.
470
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:29,119
CHEERING Go on, lad!
471
00:22:29,120 --> 00:22:30,879
WHISTLING
472
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:36,120
He's 69ing your ma!
473
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:42,280
Whoo!
474
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:45,919
Darren! Darren!
475
00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:47,240
That's mine.
476
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:51,280
Go on, Disneyland!
477
00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:56,199
Oh, he's number one, lad.
He is number one.
478
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:57,919
OK.
479
00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:00,719
Maybe a true connection
does require physical chemistry,
480
00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:03,840
but it also requires
emotional chemistry.
481
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:06,960
Ahhh!
482
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:10,359
Go on, Sir.
483
00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:12,319
Jodie, I can be a cocksman,
I promise you that.
484
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:15,959
I see the real you,
unlike this Disneyland twat.
485
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:17,919
Oh!
486
00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:19,280
Hey, lad, he's smooth with it.
487
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,079
OK, his dance was hot.
488
00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:25,719
He's one sexy Manc.
489
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:28,879
But tonight, he'll go home
for a sad, lonely wank.
490
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:31,319
CHEERING
491
00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:35,079
I'll give you a masterclass
that'll make you... moan.
492
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:37,799
And I see the strength it took
to raise this kid alone.
493
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:39,000
Get off, lad.
494
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:43,359
How is he a teacher?
495
00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:47,479
I'll rock your world...
all through the night.
496
00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:51,920
But having you by my side
sets my soul alight.
497
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:54,159
Oh!
498
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:56,680
CHEERING
499
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:01,319
Dunny! Dunny!
500
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:07,039
There is not a doubt in my mind
that you are getting it tonight.
501
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:08,959
BOYS EXCLAIM
502
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:10,519
PHONE RINGS
503
00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:13,640
Oh, sorry, love.
I better take that.
504
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:16,159
Hiya.
505
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:18,240
I think I might have
over-promised a bit there.
506
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:21,319
Oh, no.
507
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:23,719
OK.
508
00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:25,240
Yeah, no problem. Tonight?
509
00:24:26,360 --> 00:24:27,760
All right.
510
00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:31,560
What is it, Mum?
Don't worry, son.
511
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:34,280
You all right?
512
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:38,519
Listen, your mummy's had
to go away for a little bit.
513
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:40,120
Why?
514
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:46,119
Do you wanna come and stay
with me and Reece tonight? Yeah?
515
00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:49,120
We'll have a sleepover.
We'll get some snacks.
516
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:53,719
It's OK. Come here.
517
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:55,600
It's all right. Come here.
518
00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:58,280
It'll be all right.
519
00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:08,439
So, let's Socially Injust-This,
520
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:11,399
sponsored this week
by Voltage Energy Bars,
521
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,839
packed with protein for when
you're fleeing your home
522
00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:17,359
and your treacherous journey takes
an unexpected turn for the worse.
523
00:25:17,360 --> 00:25:23,079
So, this week has been
all about refugee awareness.
524
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:27,439
♪ Don't stop believin'... ♪
525
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:30,919
♪ Sowing the seeds of love... ♪
526
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:32,479
RECORD SCRATCHES
527
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:36,639
♪ We are family
528
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:38,159
♪ I got... ♪
529
00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:41,799
Ladies and gentlemen,
it's Reece Duffy,
530
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:43,839
the boy who never lifts a finger
to help
531
00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:46,479
but always has the energy
to criticise those of us who do.
532
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:47,839
Er, please.
All right.
533
00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:50,639
Fairs, I should be doing more,
and I'm gonna try.
534
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:52,719
I swear.
535
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:55,279
But it's not gonna be for issues
that are miles away
536
00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:58,079
that get hashtags
and sound all noble.
537
00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:01,039
Cos what about the causes
closer to home?
538
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:03,239
A friend of my ma
got sectioned yesterday
539
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,439
for trying to kill herself.
540
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:07,680
She's an alcoholic,
and she's got two kids.
541
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:10,319
Imagine that.
542
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:12,919
Alcohol destroying your brain
that much
543
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:16,359
that you think leaving your kids
like that is the best option.
544
00:26:16,360 --> 00:26:17,879
And what happens to them now?
545
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:20,439
They've got no dad.
What's their future?
546
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:23,479
Maybe we focus on causes
that are far away
547
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:26,199
cos then we don't have to face
anything too real.
548
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:29,199
And, look, I'm not saying
let's ignore the world's problems.
549
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:31,960
What I'm saying is why don't
we help what's closer, too?
550
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:35,319
Cos if we're closer to it,
551
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:38,239
isn't that where we can make
the greatest difference?
552
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:41,080
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
553
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:44,320
Nice one.
554
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:51,359
Hey, there she is!
555
00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:53,559
Hey, erm, hey!
556
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:56,559
We put that video up on TikTok
of you doing kick-ups
557
00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:58,999
and destroying us,
and it has blown up.
558
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:02,079
Pow. I've called it
Kick-ups And Put-downs.
559
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:04,559
Look at the comments.
"She ate them up."
560
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:06,359
"She should do
a Cruyff turn and burn."
561
00:27:06,360 --> 00:27:08,959
We need to do more!
Yes.
562
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:10,719
Give us the ball, then.
563
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:12,680
Really?
CHUCKLING
564
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:17,039
Ah, lads, she's sick!
565
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:20,359
EXCITED CHATTER
566
00:27:20,360 --> 00:27:24,240
Hey, you look like you're about
to be cast in the remake of Moana.
567
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:29,159
LAUGHTER
568
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:30,479
Go on, show us the video.
569
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:31,880
Reece?
570
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:37,199
What you said about, why don't
we focus on what's close to us?
571
00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:38,999
Annoyingly,
maybe you've got a point.
572
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:43,520
Sometimes, everyday life
is just... messier.
573
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:46,959
We can agree on that, Brimble.
574
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:49,559
Any chance of talking to Meachy
to get me back on the footie team?
575
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:52,999
Maybe. Because even I know
playing Mo up front doesn't work.
576
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:55,359
No hold-up play, no pressing.
577
00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:57,799
You're basically asking
to be overrun in transition.
578
00:27:57,800 --> 00:27:58,879
CHUCKLES
579
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:00,679
♪ I know that I'm your homie... ♪
580
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:02,039
See you in a bit.
581
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:05,039
♪ I ain't just gonna let that go. ♪
582
00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:08,479
Hey, Wayne.
You know that disease you have?
583
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:11,199
Is it the same one
that Stephen Hawkings fella had?
584
00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:13,439
Like, you're gonna start talking
like a robot an' that?
585
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:14,919
Different one, that, love.
586
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:18,679
That's MND. I've got MS.
587
00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:20,439
Oh.
PHONE CHIMES
588
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:23,079
I just got an email
from the Cilla casting people.
589
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:24,879
They want me to come
to the audition days
590
00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:26,319
they're having in Liverpool.
591
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:28,639
I thought you didn't send a video.
I didn't. Look.
592
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:29,720
That was me.
593
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:33,039
What?! Show me now!
594
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:34,599
LAUGHTER
595
00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:37,319
So, do I just lie?
596
00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:40,879
I'm Eleanor Ponsonby,
I fell in love with performance
597
00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:43,759
aged three when I played a snowflake
in The Nutcracker.
598
00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:48,199
Of course, I've never seen a penis,
but I've won various awards
599
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:50,719
for my feminist monologues
about them.
600
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:52,159
AIMEE CHUCKLES
ON VIDEO
601
00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:54,039
Look, I had to send it in
602
00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:56,119
because she didn't see the point
in applying.
603
00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:58,199
She thought she wouldn't stand out.
604
00:28:58,200 --> 00:28:59,719
And that kills me.
605
00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:02,239
Cos I've seen what she can do.
She's amazing.
606
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:06,959
And this,
it's all she's ever wanted.
607
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:10,479
I really, really hope
you can see what I see.
608
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:11,999
Thank you.
609
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,199
Oh, my God.
610
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:17,759
This is happening.
That's my girl.
611
00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:19,240
Come here.
612
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:22,279
I need an outfit!
613
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:24,719
SHE CHUCKLES
614
00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:26,799
AIMEE SQUEALS,
GIGGLES
615
00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:28,759
You know how, like, a phone
after a few years,
616
00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:31,079
just stops working and goes to shit?
617
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:33,600
What you've got's a bit like that,
innit, Wayno?
618
00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:36,439
Yeah.
619
00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:38,280
♪ So
620
00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:41,799
♪ Anyone who had a heart
621
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:48,599
♪ Would take me in his arms
And love me, too, fool
622
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:52,479
♪ Couldn't be another heart
That hurt me
623
00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:57,759
♪ Like you hurt me and be so untrue
624
00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:00,999
♪ Anyone who had a heart
Would simply take me. ♪
625
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:03,040
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