All language subtitles for Anger.Management.S02E35.Charlie.Gets.the.Party.Started.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-alfaHD_track3_[eng]

Now I'm sure
we all have opinions

on what's happened here
in the last few weeks,

so I thought we should
talk about it.

Who wants to start?
Charlie?

An important relationship
has ended.

And if we're to be
honest with ourselves

and speak from the heart,

we'd understand that
we need time to reflect,

heal, meditate.

Ah, dear sinless Jesus,

shut your facial anus.

Why is he even here?

I have a much better idea.

- Me, too. Who wants
to go play some ball?
- I do.

Anyone mind if I
"trailblaze" a solution?

I say we have
an epic party.

I don't think
that Charlie

is the healthiest person
to listen to right now.

When he needs a kidney--
let's not
give it to him.

Charlie, will you
let him speak?

Charlie?

We gotta get back
out there, man.

We've been
body-snatched, people.

We've wasted the last
three years of our lives

trading our freedom for
warm beer and a cold steak.

I propose we purge
the demons of responsibility

and fill up
this house

with booze, girls,
and napalm.

Yeah, a party
does sound awesome.

I'm just not sure it's going
to accomplish anything.

Of course not.

Some hedonistic bacchanal
is not gonna solve
our problems.

It's merely avoidance.

Let's spend some time
journaling

and sit
in quiet reflection.

If I punch him,
will it hurt me?

Ow!

Yes, yes, it will.

Charlie, what
do you want to do?

Have the party of the gods,
or...

"Dear diary,
today I discovered
my first pube"?

Well, it is
a tough decision.

I mean, on one hand
there will be booze
and naked women.

On the-- you know what?
That's what I want to do.

All right.
I'm in.

One night's not gonna
wreck my whole season.

We're not talking about
one night, man.

We're talking about
a lifestyle.

- Yes! I love it!
- What about your patients?

- Yeah, what about us?
- You're all coming
along for the ride.

- So we're invited
to your party?
- Not a chance.

I'm proud of you, man.
I missed you.

Good to be back.

Let the games begin.

Hey, Charlie,
your dreams are the best.

There's an Indy car
in the driveway

and a naked lady
in the pantry

and they're both revved up
and rarin' to go.

Wait a minute,
wait a minute.

Is it Miss Reeby
from seventh grade science?

I think so.

I'll be right back.

Hey, Charlie.
Hey, Charlie.

- Hey, Charlie.
- Shut up.

Hey, Charlie.
Hey, Charlie.

Hey, Charlie.

- Hey, Charlie.
- Hey.

- Hey, Charlie!
- Hey.

Wake up!

What are you guys doing
in my bedroom?

What time is it?

Two o'clock.

I'm sorry, guys.

He looks better
than he did last week,

but he still looks
pretty insane.

I don't want to waste
any more of your
session time,

so let's do this
right here.

- Who wants to start?
- My boss wants
to talk to you.

I'm up for this
huge promotion,

but he won't consider me
until he's sure

that I'm making progress
with my anger issues.

And I think also
he said something about
my attitude problem,

but screw him.
He's a jerk.

Text me his number.
I'll talk to him.

Oh, no, he wants to
meet you in person

at the store
tomorrow at 9:00.

In the morning?
God, he is a jerk.

I got something.

My wife is seeing
a younger man.

What is he,
like, 100?

No. He's 65.

And I'm trying
to win her back,

but I can't compete
with that youthful energy.

You know, I could get
you some sample tubes

of TestosterGel
from my work.

It totally
rips your bod.

You'll feel like
a 65-year-old
in no time.

Do you have anything
that will make me
feel younger?

It's hard to learn
a second language
when you're older

and I'd really like
to learn Portuguese.

Okay, guys, I'm gonna
have to wrap it up here.

- But we just started.
- To be honest,

I really need to take
some time for myself.

You know,
to reflect

and heal...

and meditate.

So your new
dancer names

are Reflect, Heal,
and Meditate.

Come on, ladies,
I need somebody
up on the stage.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
these girls
are with me.

They're VIP guests at
a party I'm throwing tonight.

In fact, you should come.

I could use a big guy
out front with his arms folded.

Crystal, you're up.

No, no, no.
Crystal, you stay.

Enjoy your Cristal.

I'll cover your shift.

All right, ladies,
make it rain.

Let's see those singles.

- DJ, some Van Halen.
- Sir.

I'm gonna need you
to get down.

Believe me,
when he starts playing
"Runnin' With The Devil,"

- I'll be gettin' down.
- All right, that's enough.

- How's it going, Charlie?
- Sean?

Could you give me a minute?
I'm in a fight with Bill.

Which is a shame,
'cause I thought Bill and I
were gonna be friends.

Bill, I know him.
It's good, all right?

You must spend
a lot of money here.

Actually,
I manage the place.

You know, it's funny,
after I broke up with Jen--

After you
cheated on Jen.

After things
didn't work out

with your ex-wife
and myself--

Because
you cheated on her.

Long story short,
I'm doing well.

I work with a great company
that buys strip clubs.

We, uh, renovate 'em
and sell 'em.

To be honest with you,
I'm kind of wanting
to settle down

and maybe even
buy a house.

Could you do me
a favor and let Jen know
that I'm doing better

and that I'd really like
to start dating her again?

Look, I like you,

but Jen hates you,
and so do I.

So if you'll excuse me,
I gotta go recruit
some more girls

for a party
I'm throwing tonight.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Okay, all right,

what if I help you out
with your soiree?

I'll bring free booze,
more girls.

I got that covered.
What I need is fire-eaters
and contortionists.

Done. And down the line,
you'll help me with Jen, right?

There's no
downside to that.

The downside is
if she finds out

we're hanging out together,
she'll kill me.

All right, what if
I bring one of these?

What is that,
a dog being shot
out of a cannon?

That is a little person
dressed like a dog

being shot out of a cannon.

Jen's on vacation.
She'll never know.

Where is she going?

Haven't figured
that out yet.

That's very generous
of you, Charlie,

- but I don't want to
go to Santa Barbara.
- You have to go.

One of my patients
gave me this spa weekend

for my birthday
and it's about to expire.

Can we talk
about this later?

I got to change
my Facebook information

and get a new
email address.

Sean's back in town
and he's trying to
get a hold of me.

Sean?
I hate that guy.

I hear he's running
a chain of low-rent
strip clubs for losers.

And he's got some
stupid adult party business

throwing stupid parties
for stupid adults.

Sean, Sean, Sean!

It's like all we ever
talk about anymore is Sean.

This guy has
taken over our lives.

One of us has to get away,
to Santa Barbara.
It's only an hour!

Why do you keep
pushing Santa Barbara?

Okay, Jen, you want
to hear it?

You look like crap.

What?

Look at all this stress
you're carrying around.

It's affecting you.

Here.
Does this hurt?

Ow!

- You see that?
- Well, you squeezed me
really hard.

I barely touched you.

You need to get away.
Get a massage, get a facial.

You'll feel great.

All right, all right!
I'm going.

Good. Just make sure
that you do.

Oh, and I mentioned
you look like crap, right?

I can't believe you used
a whole tube in one day.

Well, I did, okay?
Now I need more.

I told you to
only use a little.

Why didn't you
listen to me?

I'm a professional.
This stuff has, like,

chemicals or sperm
in it or something.

It's not sperm,
it's hormones.

And I couldn't quit
using it.

For the first time
in 30 years,

I feel like I've got
what every woman wants.

Saggy old balls?

Confidence,

and that cream made 'em
jump right up

like two gophers
looking for cover.

Fine, take it.
But after this,
you're cut off.

Lose my number.

- This is only 40.
- Well, I'm a little short.

I had to buy condoms.

With this Hercules sauce,

I'm afraid that
I'm gonna blast
right through the wife

and hit a fertile woman.

I'm sorry
I ever touched this.

All right,
we gotta do this
on a regular basis.

Yes.

Check it out.
House next door's
for sale.

You guys move in there,
we build a tunnel,

and then you guys
come over here and
live with me.

What's the tunnel for?

I don't know.
Not even sure why
we bought the house.

Hey! So, huh?

Did I come through enough
for you to help me
out with Jen?

Are you kidding me?
This is amazing.

Ah, crap,
it's Patrick.

Hey, Patrick.

What do you want?
I'm meditating.

With all that noise?

Hey, any fool
can meditate in a quiet room.

What's up?

This is your reminder call
about the meeting tomorrow.

What meeting?

The one about my job.

Oh, right, yeah.

Just, uh,
good luck with that

and be confident,
but not cocky.

No, it's your meeting,
Charlie.

I already have a job.

Charlie, you're supposed
to meet my boss tomorrow
morning at 9:00 a.m.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah, yeah.

I'm just on
a really high level
of enlightenment.

Don't worry.
9:00 a.m., I got it.

Just put it
in your phone, okay?

Okay, it's in.
9:00 a.m. I'll be there.
Good night.

Hey, Charlie.

Hey, I told this girl
that I could juggle anything.

Give me your phone.

Hey, Charlie!
You gotta see this.

One of the contortionists
is taking a bath in your sink.

Is she hot
or is it just weird?

It's a compelling
combination of both.

Be careful with
the phone, Tiny King.

Thank you very much.

Okay, check this out.

I can't juggle.

We're still gonna
do it, though, right?

Come on, Sean,
you can make it.

I don't know, man.

That's what you said
last time

and my knee
still really hurts.

But now you know
to simplify the dive.

Take out the somersault.

Oh... my... God.

What the hell
do you think you're doing?

You were supposed to meet
with my boss this morning
about my promotion.

Yeah, at 9:00.

- It's 11:00.
- That's impossible.

I set my alarm.

Ah, crap. Tiny King,
where's my cell phone?

I don't know.

The last time I saw it,

some tall jerk
threw it in the Jacuzzi.

Oh, hey,
look at that.

Alarm's still
going off.

I can't believe this.

I have been waiting
on this promotion

and now you blew it.

I was gonna make
twice as much money

and get to look down
on at least three times
as many people.

I'm going down there
right now to talk to him.

You must be
kidding me.

What?
We're hot tub buddies.

Look,
in our condition,

it was not safe
to go in here alone.

Where's the key?

I think that
lame-o cop-stripper

we stole the handcuffs from
still has it.

That wasn't a stripper,
that was just a real cop
getting naked.

Sergeant Phil's
a great guy.

You really screwed me here,
Charlie.

Patrick,
look at my eyes.

What do you see?

Pinballs bouncing around

in a machine
gone haywire.

Yes.

A pinball machine
called determination.

And guess who's got
the high score.

Me.

Come on, Michelle.

I am going to
get you that promotion

if it's
the last thing I do.

All right, this might
be a super long shot,

but is anybody here
a locksmith?

- I nailed it! Yes!

Thank you!

You think Patrick's boss

is going to be weirded out
by the handcuffs?

I couldn't
find a hacksaw.

I was lucky
I found my pants.

Here, give me this.

He won't even notice.

We'll stick to our story
that you're my grad student

- and you're observing,
okay?
- Okay.

Hi. I'm Zac.

Oh, that's cotton,
it'll wrinkle.

Let me hang that up.

Okay, so why do you have
a woman handcuffed to you?

Michelle isn't
just any woman.

She's a patient
of mine.

And she has
a terrible phobia

of meeting
other people's bosses,

so I created
a behavioral
therapy technique

to force her
to face her fears.

I have to say,
your methods are--

- Innovative?
- Insane.

I'm not
a mental patient.

I'm perfectly
well-adjusted.

I'm a stripper.

We met at a club last night
and then we got handcuffed
to each other at a coke party.

That wasn't
a coke party.

You obviously weren't
hanging out downstairs
in the guest room.

You know what?
We're not here to
talk about me, damn it.

Trust me,
Patrick is doing great.

And I promise you that

his passive-aggressive
outbursts are a thing
of the past.

And you, you, Zac,

you...

you are going to look
like the Grand High Priest
of Einsteins

if you promote this
very talented young man.

How are you a therapist?

You show up late
reeking of booze,

handcuffed to a stripper,

and you expect me
to trust your judgment?

I'm a victim
of circumstance here.

Charlie,
I found the key.

It's in my bikini top
where you hid it.

Of course it is.

Do you mind turning around?
I got to get the key.

- Where's Michelle?
- I dropped her off
at her other job.

She dresses up
as a fairy princess
for kids' parties.

Awesome.
Which one?

Sleeping Beauty,
which is perfect

because she was ready
to pass out.

I'm not sure
what to say to you.

Say the truth.
Tell me what
you're feeling.

You got to be mad at me.
I've screwed up twice now.

You know what?
I am mad.

I'm mad that
I can't yell at you

because I got
the damn promotion.

That's impossible.
I was terrible in there.

I know.
My boss thinks the fact
that I've gotten better

despite my therapist
being completely insane

is a testament
to my character.

That's fantastic.

I don't know
if we have a pair of
swim trunks your size,

- but if you want to--
- I'm not getting in the pool.

Listen,
you should, man,

because this vodka will kill
anything that's alive in here.

Okay, well,
see you later.

Enjoy the rest
of your nervous breakdown.

Thanks, buddy.

You know what, Sean?

I really never
liked you.

But this party...
this party was awesome.

- You're okay, man.
- Right on.

- Honesty time?
- Please.

I didn't think you
were really helping me
out with Jen,

so I posted pictures
of the party tonight

on Instagram
to make her jealous.

Why are you
telling me this now?

Oh, she's standing
over there.

I really don't
like you again.

- So it's true.
- Hey, stranger.

You want a beer?

You son of a bitch.

This is why you sent me
to Santa Barbara.

So you could
hang out with Sean.

No, no.
When I sent you
to Santa Barbara,

I had no idea that this
was going to happen.

Oh, you didn't know
that you were going to
throw a party with Sean?

No, I didn't know
you'd find out and this thing
with you would happen.

Jen, you just
left the spa.

You're going
to ruin your nails.

You're pigs!
I hate you both!

Ah!

You idiot!

She showed up, Charlie.
She still likes me.

Would you come plug this leak?
I got to get some duct tape.

Listen, man,
I don't think duct tape
is going to stop this.

No, I'm going to use it
to seal the tarp I'm going
to wrap your dead body in.

- Ed: Hey!
- Give me a reason.

- It's Ed.
- That's almost enough.

What are you doing
in my garage?

I told you
no more drugs, junkie.

I came to give you
your drug back.

- It's the devil's medicine.
It makes you crazy.
- What happened?

My wife opened the door
and I didn't say anything.

I just grabbed her
and kissed her.

Aw, that's disgusting.
I got to go.

Wait. Then I got
into the bedroom

and she told me
to take off my socks.

Well, I didn't want to,
so I ripped the door
off the hinges.

Next thing I know,
I'm in the backyard naked

punching a tree.

You told me
you were going to
read the warnings.

It says right here,

"This product may cause
aggressive behavior."

And you used a tube
and a half in a day.

Don't you yell at me!

That was not me.

That was
the ointment talking.

Wait, Ed.

Here.
Some medicine
for your feet

so you can take
your socks off with
your wife next time.

Thank you, Lacey.

You're welcome.

You're gross.

Hey, buddy.

Hey, moron.

Whew.

That was some party, huh?

Too small.

So how'd it go with Jen?

Having a giant hangover

and spending
four hours on the phone
with an angry chick...

doesn't get
better than that.

So how'd you leave it?

As long as you and I
aren't hanging out anymore,

she and I are cool.

Bummer for you.

I just bought
the house next door.

I'm sorry, what?

Listen, man,
I've got to be close by

if I'm going to work
my way back into Jen's heart.

Do me a favor,
don't tell her.

I want it to be
a surprise.

You can't live next door.

The bank says that I can.

You know what
we should really
consider doing also?

Building a tunnel that
connects the two houses.

Forget it.
You and I are not
hanging out anymore.

All right.

So what are
we doing tonight?

I just told you, nothing.

- Barracuda Bar?
- Fine.

But no tunnel.