All language subtitles for Candy Hollywood

Making it big, making it big

Making it big, making it big.

She's going to make it.

Don't try to fake it.

She's going to Hollywood.

Going to Hollywood.

She's going to make it.

Don't try to fake it.

She's going to Hollywood.

The way she wants, she can have any man.

Have it on legs, if you know what I
mean.

that she always tries.

Candy is good, she's sugar and spice,
just look at her now, she's

throwing a dice, she's living in a city
where homes don't finish, she's making

it big, making it big. Give it all she's
got, she's learning to adopt, she's

making it big, making it big.

Hollywood, she's making it big, making
it big.

Hollywood, she's making it big.

I'm really standing here at the
crossroads of the movie world.

Hollywood and Vine.

Hollywood, where all the movie stars
live.

And me, Candy Christian.

I'm really here.

Oh, gosh.

Miss Christian.

Who? Who are you?

And how did you know my name?

I am compelled to introduce myself.

My name is Johnny Door Opener.

Everyone calls me J .D.

Charlie, Mr.

Door Opener, how did you know who I was?

My business to know people.

Step inside the restaurant and I will
explain all.

I don't know.

I really shouldn't.

Oh, come on, Miss Christian, we have
been introduced.

Come on.

Come on.

Well, okay.

Two more coffees, honey.

Candy, let me introduce myself to you
properly.

Jay Dorfner, sex therapist.

Oh, oh, mistaken.

Former profession.

Read this.

Johnny Dorfner, actor, agent, and star
maker.

Star maker, that's me.

Gosh. Tell me, Candy, you must be a
model, aren't you? No.

I just got... Well, if you're not a
model, you must be an actress, right?

No, I'm not either.

I just got off the bus from... Candy, do
you realize that fate has brought us

together at this particular... Oh, thank
you. That service, right?

Candy,

do you realize that fate has brought us
together? This is destiny.

Now, you're a smart chick, right? Right.

So this won't go over your head.

Now, this planetary vibrational force
has been tonguing at me to bring us

together at this very time and place.

Gee.

This very day.

The 4 ,048th day of the zodiac calendar.

By the way, what month were you born?

June. June. I knew it. I knew it.

The minute I saw you, I said to myself,
you were a Gemini.

Right. This could only happen once in 2
,000 years. 2 ,000 years.

Wow.

What's the matter?

I got something in my eye. Are

you all right?

Yeah, yeah. Wait one second.

Are you sure?

Yeah. Candy, let me explain.

You're destined to become a big star.

I can see it all now. I can see the
headlines.

Candy wins Academy Award.

I'm the man that's going to make that
possible.

Really? Me?

Oh, gosh.

You have plenty of talent.

Look, my office is near. We'll drop by.

Well, okay.

I guess it'll be all right. That's a
spirit, kid. This is the stuff dreams

made of.

Hey, baby, keep the change.

What change?

What did you try to do? Make me look bad
in front of the bride, huh?

Turkey.

See that?

Sarah Dotson. I made her a star in two
weeks.

Golly! Just two weeks?

I opened doors quickly.

I'm a big man in this town.

What? Yeah.

I got one of my stars off the block
somewhere. I don't know. I forget where

is.

Gosh.

This is the place.

Gee, Mr. Door Opener. I can hardly
believe I'm here.

Where are we going?

In here.

Your office is in here?

Hey, I'm not like those other schmucks.
I like to stay close to my town.

Come on, no one's going to bite you.

New in America, Shadow Neva.

Made her famous, too.

Come on, Bob, let's see this way.

Golly,

do you know all these people?

These are the people I made famous.

See that guy there?

He used to be a big actor.

Now he's making dirty movies. He started
one last summer. He's still not done.

Here, have a seat.

Tell me, Candy, have you ever heard of
the Dong Show?

No.

Well, it's an amateur show where
newcomers get their start.

Why, uh... Rich Small did his first
impression there.

Banis Noor sang her first song.

Really? This could be your big break.

With a face like yours and such nice,
uh... teeth.

But can you sing?

No.

Well, um... I mean, I never really tried
before.

Well, look.

Let's hear a scale.

That's great, kids. That's great. Now
let's see if you can dance.

Terrific. Isn't that cool?

Hello, Chuck.

Look, Chucky, this is J .D. I got a girl
here who can really sing.

You gotta put her on your show.

What a set of lungs.

Mamma mia.

You can?

Tonight?

That's fantastic. It's great. Hey, no
problem. Look, I'll have her there.

All right. Bye.

Now we gotta practice.

I am a qualified hypnotist.

J.

Door opener.

Used cars?

Johnny Door Opener.

Qualified hypnotist.

That's me, kid.

Excuse me, Mr.

Door Opener, but... J .D., kid. J .D.

Right. J .D.

J .D., I really don't see how being a
hypnotist and all can really help

me. I mean, what? Look, Candy, your
voice needs training. Normally it would

weeks and much money.

But I can put you under hypnotic trance
and accomplish the same thing in a

single lesson.

Golly, do you really mean it?

Hey, look, it's the Pope Jewish, huh?

You will be a veritable Barbra Streisand
in minutes.

Can we start right away?

Yeah, sure. Here, go right to the couch.

Now, oh, one thing before we start.

Yes? What's your favorite ice cream?

Vanilla. Oh, great.

Now, just relax.

I want you to focus all your attention
on my watch.

I want you to begin counting backwards
from 100.

Now, your eyes will become heavy.

Don't resist.

Let them close.

Listen only for the sound of my voice.

Do exactly as I say.

Now, begin counting.

100.

99, 98, 97, 96,

5, 4.

Strong stuff.

I have a big vanilla ice cream cone for
you, Candy.

Johnny knows how much you like ice cream
cones.

Now, stick it in your mouth.

Suck on it.

Isn't that good?

You've got to sing.

You've got to sing.

Let me hear you.

Yeah,

louder, louder.

Louder.

Thank you.

I love your

ice cream cone.

You love it in your mouth.

I love it in my mouth.

It's so big. It fills up your whole...
It's so big.

It fills my whole mouth.

Here you... Hum again.

Did you, uh, did you, um, like, uh, my,
uh, ice cream cone?

I loved your ice cream cone.

You did?

It was, uh, vanilla, your favorite.

It's delicious.

Now, candy.

Clap my hands.

You'll have a voice as sweet as candy.

I'm going to catch him.

Shoot me one, Wendy. Come on. I'm going
to catch him.

Do it. Do it.

Almost.

Almost. Give me another.

Give me another.

Come on, Wendy.

Come on. We can do it.

We'll get one. We'll get one. Come on,
Wendy.

You can do it.

Let's do it.

She's on the wrong show. She belongs in
Yellowstone Park.

Thank you, Wendy. We are out. Come on,
Wendy.

Hey, Wendy, come on. You gotta leave the
stage.

Great stuff. Come on.

Come on. You gotta leave the stage.
Quiet.

Okay, now, our next act is a little girl
from Michigan State University with a

voice so fine we call her Granulated
Sugar for short.

Folks, welcome Candy Christian!

The

minute you

walked in the joint, I could tell you...

A man of distinction, a real big
spender.

Good looking, so fine.

They wouldn't like to know what's going
on in my mind. So let me get right

to the point.

I don't pop my coat for every guy.

Liberties have to stay.

Rex T.

Just because you have such nice ass,
Chucky, baby, I'm giving her a big,

succulent 69.

You know what I mean, Chucky?

69. 69. No.

Okay, Jamie, what do you got?

Boy, I'll tell you what.

I sure would like a piece of that candy,
so I'm giving her a great big 69

inches. Oh, that is 69. Can you believe
it? That's a high score. Watch out now.

Here comes the killer.

JP Organ, what did you do?

What a set of lungs.

Anyone who could sing that much on her
chest deserves a big 69.

Kim,

you've been chosen the winner by our
panelists.

And here's your prize.

All right, all right. That's the end of
another Dawn Show, folks.

Let's have a big hand for our winner,
Candy Christian!

Hello, Candy Christian!

This is Chuck Farris saying so long from
Hollywood!

This has been a Chuck Farris production.

The Dom Show is filmed for a live
audience.

For any resemblance to persons living or
dead is purely coincidental and merely

the result of bad taste. My goodness!

Just keep smiling for the TV audience.

Mr. Beres, are you sure this is supposed
to be part of my prize?

Yes, Candy, I'm sure.

This is the best part.

You just keep smiling, and the whole
world will smile at you.

Good stuff.

Good stuff.

Oh, it's the best act in the show.

It's not even in the show.

Mr. Bearass was so nice, he let me spend
the night at his place.

That's great, kid.

You were sensational on the show.

Thanks, J .D.

And thanks also for offering to take
care of my check for me so nobody robs

What are agents for, kid?

I really don't know.

Well, they're to protect their stars.

And you're going to be a star, and I'm
your agent.

Besides, I got another show for you to
do.

Really?

Already? Mm -hmm.

Johnny Farson saw you on the Dong show,
and Chuck Brass told him you were

dynamite. Johnny Farson of the Last
Night show?

One and only, the man himself.

He's got a spot for you on his show
tonight.

This is the big time, kid.

Before you know it, you'll be in the
movies.

Golly, Mr. Door Opener, what'll I do?

I don't know another song.

J .D., kid, J .D.

All you have to do is talk.

But what will I talk about?

Anything that comes into your head.

Whatever you like.

But remember, just follow Farson's lead
and do whatever he tells you to do.

Shut down.

Got it, J .T.

Here's the address.

It's in Burbank.

Be there at 7 .30 tonight.

Thanks, J .D.

Oh, J .T., won't I need some cab fare?

Some are cured.

An agent's duty is to protect his
client's money.

I can't have you wasting it on needless
things like cash.

Gosh, you're right, J .D. I sure am
lucky to have you watch out for me.

Forget it. Just be there promptly at 7
.30.

I'm on my way.

Give it all she's got, she's headin' on
the top, she's makin' it big, makin' it

big. Hollywood, she's makin' it big,
makin' it big.

Hollywood.

Well, hello, honey. Need a ride?

Gee, yeah.

Well, hop in.

So, where are you going to, honey?

I'm going to Burbank.

I'm going to be on the Johnny Carson
show.

And am I nervous.

Well, I can sure see you got what it
takes.

My name is Samantha. My friends usually
call me Sam.

I'm Candy, Christian.

Nice to meet you, Candy.

Say, what time do you have to be there
anyway?

7 .30, promptly.

Oh, yeah.

You've got lots of time.

Let's go by my place. You know, I used
to be in pictures myself.

I could show you a few tricks, so to
speak.

All right, Sam, would you?

My pleasure, Candy.

Wow,

Samantha.

You sure do have a beautiful apartment.

Let me fix you a drink, Candy. What will
it be?

Oh, golly.

Don't think, Samantha.

I don't drink.

Oh, but everyone in Hollywood drinks.

This is the way you sort of warm up for
the big show, and it...

Kind of helps you get over your
nervousness.

Let's toast to your success.

Go on, honey. Drink it all down.

This is what everyone does in Hollywood
when they want to get together and be

friendly. It's kind of an old showbiz
tradition.

Well, then I guess I'll just have to get
used to it.

That's right.

Why don't you come and make yourself
comfortable?

How about some music?

Sure, Samantha, that sounds good.

Gee, Samantha, the music sounds great.

Why don't you sip some more of your
drinks?

Make yourself comfortable.

Gosh, Samantha, I feel real warm and
oozy.

Why don't you come and lie down and
it'll make you feel much better.

That's a good idea.

Oh, but first maybe take your dress off
so you don't wrinkle it for the evening.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Why don't you let me help you?

Let me massage you.

It'll make you feel more relaxed.

Do you like this candy?

Oh, my.

Yeah.

That feels nice, Samantha.

Here, why don't you lift up, Candy?

It'll make you feel, make you feel more
relaxed.

You'll really enjoy this candy.

This will help you to feel relaxed,
candy.

Does this feel good to you, Candy?

It feels nice, Samantha.

Why don't you rest a while now, dear?

I'll awaken you in plenty of time for
the show this evening.

No need to worry, Candy. We'll rehearse
everything first.

You just follow my lead.

Gosh, thanks, Mr. Farson.

Fifteen minutes till showtime, Johnny.

Thanks, Eddie. This way, Candy. We'll
rehearse in my dressing room. Was that

the man?

It sure was. I'll introduce him to you
later.

Gee, a real dressing room with a real
star on the door.

I've never been in a real star's
dressing room before.

Someday you'll have one of these of your
own, Candy, if you play your cards

right, that is.

What cards, Mr.

Farson? Oh, I'm speaking metaphorically,
Candy.

You have natural assets that will help
you go far.

Your smile.

Your natural warmth.

My warmth?

Yes, you're becoming part of a great
family. The family of show business.

one big family. Every one of us. Men,
women, boys and girls. All part of a

tradition.

Gee.

We have a duty, Candy.

And that duty is to serve our fellow
man.

To bring a little light into his life. A
little cheer.

Gosh, Mr. Barson. I never realized how
noble and unselfish show business was.

It kind of... chokes me up.

A little bit.

It often gets me up, too.

Let me propose a toast to you.

The first night of your new career.

Gee, thanks, Mr. Farson.

I have an outfit here that I want you to
wear tonight.

You do?

Drink up.

What size are you, Candy?

Seven.

This will do.

Oh, I think you look lovely in this.

Why don't you try this on, Candy?

Thanks, Mr. Farson.

But where will I change?

Right here.

Right here?

In front of you?

Big star?

Oh, sure.

This is showbiz. Just ignore me. I see
chorus fills changing all the time.

Here, let me help you.

Well, that looks lovely.

The panties, too.

This outfit has its own.

But... I think you're just right.

Mr. Farson, these panties don't have any
bottom in them.

It's the in thing here in Hollywood,
Candy.

Go ahead. Try them on.

Oh, that is nice.

I think you'll be a smash on the show
tonight.

Now, Candy, there's an old show business
tradition we need to pay homage to.

There is?

Yes. Just don't move.

Mr. Farson, this is a nice tradition.

I think I like show business.

That feels nice, Mr. Barson.

Now,

Candy, you do me.

Oh, that's nice candy.

How good is that?

Oh, that is nice.

A little faster.

Come on.

You're gonna be a star yet?

Why don't you lay down?

You'll be more comfortable there, Candy.

Just make yourself comfortable.

To give from one's breast fully, Candy,
is not merely a duty prescribed by an

outmoded superstition.

It is a beautiful and thrilling
experience.

Gee, Mr. Farson, that sounds exciting.

Yes, I've seen the wonders of the world,
Candy, but none of them compare to the

human breast.

It is the breast that prepares man for
the turmoil of the world.

Golly, do you really mean it?

Yes, Candy. Now hold them closer and
tighter together so I may feel your

warmth.

Like that?

That's good.

A little tighter.

That's holding.

Oh, that feels good.

Boy,

you're going to be great on the show,
Candy.

A little bit tighter.

I know someone who can do something
really big for you.

We'll get you on every show in the
country.

Oh, that's good.

Oh, that's good.

From beautiful downtown Vernon, it's The
Last Night Show starring Johnny Farson.

I met the man here with Doc Reverenson.
And now, Pete.

Here's Johnny.

Pete.

Here's Johnny.

I'm coming.

I'm coming. I'm coming.

Where's Johnny? I'm coming.

I'm coming.

I'm coming.

I'm coming.

Certainly exciting.

Here's Johnny.

There I came. I mean, Johnny.

And because they were running late, I
didn't get on the show.

Don't feel bad, kid.

After all, Farson must have liked you.
Otherwise, he wouldn't have asked you to

spend the night at his penthouse, right?

Maybe you're right.

He did give me this dress.

Eh? I have nothing to worry about.
That's my job. I'll get you on the show

again. Besides, we have other things
that are more important today.

I've got you in addition with Samuel
Golddicker, Hollywood's biggest

What's he produce?

Movies, sweetheart, movies.

Haven't you ever heard of Gone with the
Wind?

He produce that?

Nah.

Turn that down. That's how big of a
producer he is.

And he knows talent when he sees it,
too.

He used to be a big actor himself one
time until some smart -ass kid came

from one of those method acting schools
and took his place.

Anyway, he's making this movie, see?

And it's sure to be a big hit.

And he says a part there called for a
girl of your dimensions.

And he wants you to come right over.

Right now?

But, J .D., what'll I do?

Don't you think I better go over the
script or something?

I'm not prepared.

Now, don't worry about a thing. I don't
want to go over the lines with you

personally.

Here. Here's this card.

Now, scoot.

Traffic's late at this hour.

Okay. I'll pick you up later.

He must be Johnny Door Opener's new
discovery. Step right in.

Gosh, all you Hollywood people have such
big homes. Yes, well, step right this

way.

The movie you'll be auditioning for is
called Something's Got to Happen.

And you'll have the starring role
opposite Dean Martin.

Dean Martin?

Really?

Yes, it's a big part.

And you'll have to do a nude scene.

Mr. Golddigger?

I don't know.

Well, it'll be shot in a swimming pool
and no one will be able to tell that

you're naked.

It's no big thing.

However, for the purposes of makeup, I
must ask you to take off your clothes.

But... But, Mr. Golddigger, I feel so...
so

embarrassed. Surely you've auditioned
before?

Standard procedure.

Every star that's come before you has
done it, and they will continue to do it

long after you are gone. So, let's get
on with it.

Young lady, my time is valuable, and I'd
be getting too tired, so

please, please.

Very, very nice.

Let's spread these legs a bit here.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Oh, yes, I'm sure you'll be very
photogenic.

Well, now that we've passed this test,
let's go on to the screen test.

I don't think... I don't think I've ever
had one of those before.

Well, it's really quite simple,
actually. You see, those video cameras

up to record all the action.

Just like real movie cameras.

This way I can see just how well you
come off on screen.

Oh, now I understand.

Yes, okay. So let's take a seat over
here.

Move back just a bit, please.

Thank you.

Okay, you play the girl's part, page 92.

Back just a bit.

Is that good?

I must.

You are the only man for me.

No man can ever be handsomer.

No man can ever be stronger.

No man can ever satisfy me the way you
do.

Oh, Dicker.

The script, Pandy, the script.

Oh,

Sam,

you're so big.

You're so fulfilling.

in all the way?

More emphasis, Candy.

More desperation in your voice.

Tell me how bad you want me.

Tell me how much it hurts.

Oh, you love it, Candy.

Tell me how much you love it.

Yes, but I thought... Remember, Candy,
the cameras are rolling.

So don't mess up the scene.

in all the way.

Oh, Sam, I need

you so.

Don't leave me.

Please don't put it in all the way.

I did the part.

Absolutely.

Hi.

How's the test?

Great, great.

Good.

What am I supposed to do with this?

That's the best product I ever bought
you. Come on.

I've got to confer with my accountant on
this.

Fuck your accountant.

I already did, and she was... Come on,
give me, give me, give me, give me.

Here,

have a toothpick.

Hey, it's a perfectly good toothpick.

Bye,

Mr. Golddicker.

Sweetheart, you're gonna be a big star.

Left side really is my best side.

Well, I hope you were nice to Mr.
Golddicker.

He said I got the part, J .D. He did,
huh?

Hey, that's great. See, everything's
happening for you.

Now look, tonight we're going to a big
Hollywood party.

Big Hollywood party. Everybody's ever...

Heard about in the movies or seen on TV
will be there. Everybody.

Big party.

Maybe I ought to get you here, then.

Gee, J .D., a real Hollywood party?

The biggest.

Champagne and hors d 'oeuvres and
everything?

Yeah. And everything.

See this guy's place?

I got him his first big break on TV.

You did? Yeah.

Now, here's a couple of bucks.

How about it?

I got some auditions at the office.

Now, just take your time.

When you're done, walk over to the
office. It's just around the corner.

Okay. See you later.

Hasta luego.

He sure is a hard worker.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, that tastes sensational, sweetheart.

Now I'm going to show you some moves.

Every good singer, every great singer's
got to have great moves.

Come here.

Got something down.

Good night.

Good night.

Woo.

Close your eyes.

Now open them.

It's beautiful.

Get it.

Oh, you have great moves, kid.

Great moves.

Great moves. Great legs.

You'd be in another Juliet house before
you know it.

Good grief!

Candy, cover your eyes

I'm auditioning here.

Did I dance all right, Mr. Door Opener?
Just fine, just fine.

Don't forget, the address of the party
tonight, 830 Sharpton. Okay.

Candy, you look beautiful.

I should send you to that beauty parlor
every day.

Hey, we're gonna go to this party
tonight. You're gonna meet all the big

all the big shots. You're gonna be in
the movies before you know it. All the

people you wanna meet are gonna be there
today.

Oh, gosh.

You're gonna have so much fun.

Oh, thank you. You mind? Oh, hello.

You leave!

Oh.

oh oh

Oh, dear.

Oh.

uh oh

oh oh

Come on.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, my

God.

Oh,

God.

um oh

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Good grief!

Pay no attention.

This is an old Hollywood tradition.

Cast and friends get together before a
big shoot. Come on, let's have a drink.

Come on, come on, come on.

Isn't that Rocky Stallion, the big
Academy Award winner over there? That's

Hey, Rock, a little bit of... Hey, J
.D., what's happening?

Oh, it's empty. Here.

Isn't that Johnny Farson from the last
night show?

That's him. He gets around. Is he with
him? Sarah Gossett.

The one you made famous in two weeks?
Two weeks. Two weeks.

Is that Chuck Beres from the gong show?
How's it going, Johnny?

Oh, pretty good.

How's yourself?

All right.

I haven't heard from you in quite some
time.

Well, I've been busy, you know.

Yeah, real busy. Busy season.

Well, I think I'll go to the powder
room, enjoy your drink.

I'll be back.

Don't buy any fish.

I don't have any intentions to.

Who was that?

I don't know. I think she works here.

Will you excuse me, Johnny? I have to go
to the powder room, too.

No problem. Hurry back.

Is that Ed, the man?

Yeah, I told him.

Hurry back.

I see you came in with Johnny Door
Opener.

Yeah, he's helping me with my career.

It got me this fabulous part opposite
Dean Martin in Samuel Golddicker's new

movie.

You're full of shit, honey.

I got that part.

Well, you're both wrong because I got
that part last week. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. I got a part there, too.

Well, you can kiss that part goodbye
because when I get through with you...

Wait, wait.

Girl, there's no sense in this.

I'm sure Mr.

Don Opener can straighten it all out.

Yeah, let's go have a little talk with
Mr. Carter. Yeah, right now.

There he is.

You too, Tom. Who got that part in the
gold digger's picture?

Well, you got the part, baby.

She got the part? Yeah.

No, you got the part. I screwed him
twice for that part. Well, as you say,

got the part.

I've got so much trouble.

Oh, look, I got this.

These

Hollywood

people are crazy.

I think I'll go to Washington.

People are sane.

Where'd you say you were going a little
late?

I'm going to Washington. Well, ain't
that something. I'm going there, too.

You know, I've got relatives in high
places.

She's gonna make it.

Don't try to fake it.

She's going to Hollywood.

The way she walks, she can have any man.

Having her legs, if you know what I
mean.

She's got a nice look, just look at
the...

And she always tries.

Candy is good, she's sugar and spice.
Just look at her now, she's

throwing a dice. She's living in a city
where homes don't fit her. She's making

it big, making it big. Give it all she's
got, she's heaven's on the top. She's

making it big, making it big.

Hollywood, she's making it big, making
it big.

Hollywood, she's making it big.

Wait! I have great news about some super
exciting films that are coming your

way. First, from Caribbean Films, Tropic
of Desire, a film I produced and shot

on the beautiful island of Hawaii.

Also, Fantasy World, an experience in
erotic fulfillment.

And I'm sure you won't want to miss my
next film, The Longest Foot, inch for

inch the most exciting football game
you'll ever see.