All language subtitles for Rafter Romance.EN

Give us a ride!

Julius. Julius.

Julius!
Yes, mama.

Keep an eye out for him,
will you?

All right, mom. Fine.

Max, i'm telling you,

in six days,
comes due the real-estate tax.

Also the water tax.

Also the assessment
for better sewers.

Also the insurance.

Tenants,
you have plenty.

But why don't they pay,
huh?

Maybe i got a soft heart,
mama.

Maybe you got a soft head.

A soft heart... that's all right
for a good husband.

But a soft head,

that make a schlemiel
and not a businessman.

So, what you got to
say to that, eh?

Noodle soup.

Meshugener,
if there ever was one.

Noodle soup
for breakfast.

Always eats
noodle soups for breakfast.

Sure. Noodle soup.
Why not?

With noodle soup like this,

it's a positive
inspiration.

Even lions in the cage,
i could face like daniel.

Tax collectors, you face,

with 6% added interest
from the late payments.

Papa! Papa!

Hey, what's the matter?

Here he comes now.
Who?

Ooh!

Mama, you wait and see
what i'm gonna do. Watch.

What?

Good morning, mr. Bacon.
It's a lovely morning.

Yeah, it's a lovely morning.
I haven't got it.

Did i ask you?

Not since
yesterday afternoon.

Now, listen, jack,
i've been carrying you

for three months already,

and not a cent of rent
did i get from you.

Now, it ain't right, you know?
I got expenses, heavy expenses.

Look, she's up there now.

She's been up there
already a half-hour.

Could i help it?

Why don't you and she...

no, no, i'd rather
move to a park bench.

Doggone it, i told you
not to let her into my place!

No, jackie,
wait a minute, jackie!

Listen, she likes you.

Jack, she's got confidence
in you as a novice.

You could call it a loan,
couldn't you?

Listen, eckbaum, you could
call it a lot worse than that,

and you'd still be right.

Listen, i know what's in back
of that old dame's mind.

And i won't have it. But,
jack, she wants to help you.

That's my business.

All right, then,
so it's my business.

After all, i'm a landlord,
not a salvation army captain.

You wouldn't listen to her.
You won't listen to me.

Oh.

Now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute, jack, listen.

Wait a minute.
I got an idea.

Now, listen to this,
jack.

Now, the attic
you live in is big,

so big you could put
another party in it, easy.

Another party?!
Why not?

Night-watching in the loft
all night, you are, ain't you?

Yeah. Well, the attic is empty.

You wouldn't know
it was happening.

Another party, huh?
Sure.

So, that's what
you've been cooking up

in that basement den
of yours... a pal, a bunkie.

Say, listen, you...

elise: Jackie!

Oh.

Now, don't get excited.
I'll arrange it.

Julius!

Julius:
What do you want?

Get a bowl of noodle soup
right away.

It's on the fire, papa.

Bring it up
and keep your thumb out of it.

Oh, julius!

Two bowls of soup,
i should have ordered.

One for the carpet.

Oh, good morning,
mr. Eckbaum!

Good morning, miss carroll.
Look in the bowl.

Noodle soup from rosie.

Pink cheeks,
it'll make for you.

Aw, you shouldn't have
done that, mr. Eckbaum.

Why not?

That's awfully
nice of you,

and i do appreciate it,
but...

it's all right. Go on.
Eat it. Gesundheit.

You make me feel so terribly
guilty about the rent.

I know you've been
awfully patient,

and i guess you'll just
have to continue being patient.

Of course, mr. Eckbaum,
this can't go on forever.

Ah, that's it exactly,
miss carroll.

It can't go on forever.

I wasn't gonna
bring up the subject,

but since you mentioned it,

i could have rented
your apartment

three times over again.

But y-you can give me
a little time.

Three months' rent overdue.
That's a lot of money.

For you,
that's impossible.

Now, look, you took your
papa's insurance money,

you came to new york
to get a job,

now how much
you got left?

A dollar,
maybe a dollar and a half.

You know, new york is a
tough town, miss carroll.

The money goes
before the job comes.

Now, i'm not a hard man,
miss carroll.

With a wife that makes
noodle soup like rosie,

how could i be a hard man?

Now, look, i got an idea.
Wait here.

Sit down, miss carroll,
and sip your soup.

There.

Now, on the top floor
is the attic.

Now, for you, i could make
that attic for $15 a month.

I could even wait
for the payments.

You know why?

Because in there already,
there's another party living.

It's all right. It's all right.
We can make an arrangement.

You two wouldn't
see each other.

You wouldn't even speak
to each other, even.

That i promise you.
Now, what do you say, huh?

Sounds pretty horrible.

Horrible?

I want to do you a kindness,
and you tell me it's horrible.

But you haven't given me
a chance to tell you.

It looks as though
i have a job at last.

Yeah? That's fine.

See?

"Icyair
refrigeration company. "

Eh, that's impossible.

Posting cards like that,

you got already enough
to make an album.

For you, maybe, i'm glad you get a job.

But for myself, i have
to rent your apartment.

Oh, mr. Eckbaum,
you're not.

After all your consideration,
i really think that...

well, miss carroll,
what else can i do?

You know, i got taxes,
heavy taxes.

You know, this ain't
the eckbaum foundation

for indignant females.

And it's better for you,
broke like you are,

to have good food
for yourself,

which you ain't been
getting lately,

than to have
an expensive apartment.

And for $15 a month,

you'll have a place
so comfortable to live in,

i guarantee you'll be
like a bug in a rug.

Now, you think it over,
miss carroll,

and i'll arrange it, huh?

Papa! Papa!
What?

They're at it again.
Who? Where?

In the attic.

You shouldn't snoop.
Get out of here.

It's beautiful.

You know, jack,
i want to help you

because i believe
you've got talent,

real talent, my boy.

Then i wish you'd leave me alone
to exercise it.

I don't want your help.
I got to get some sleep.

Don't you want
any help at all?

No!

I wish you'd get that through
that wig of yours right now.

This isn't a wig.

Why are you so mean to me,
jack?

Why won't you let me
make you comfortable?

You know, jackie,
i like this picture.

I'll buy it.

You're an artist.
You want to sell pictures.

That's legitimate.

That picture
isn't for sale.

That isn't worth $5.

Listen,
when i sell a picture,

it'll be because
it's got something to offer.

I don't want your charity.
I wish you'd get out of here.

I'll give you
$100 for it.

No!

All right.
I'll give you $200.

Oh, elise, stop making
a fool out of yourself.

Maybe i'm
a silly old woman,

but i'll give you
$300 for it.

No!
Jack!

Jackie!

$300!

I'm speaking to you
like a father to a son.

Now, don't be a yonkel.

Lady, wait a minute.
Artists are terrible.

If you only knew
how much rent he owes me!

Well, my boy,
you've burned your bed,

and now lie in it.

I loathe landlords.

There goes 300 bucks.
Most of it mine.

Well, you didn't expect me
to take it, did you?

Take it? Why not?
A woman like that?

How much money she's got,
she doesn't even know.

And how does she spend it?

Lifting her face,
a poodle dog.

It might as well be you.

Then you could be
a better painter.

Don't you see?

Yeah, a fine painter
she'd make out of me.

I'll stick
to night-watching.

All right, then,
that settles it.

You stick to night-watching,
and the other party comes up.

Tonight, in this attic.
Hey, wait a minute!

No, no, no, no, no,
i wouldn't argue.

All night, you're in the loft,
ain't you?

Yeah.

Well, from 8:00 at night
until 8:00 in the morning,

this place belongs
to the other party.

You don't speak. You
won't even know who it is.

I'll see to that.

When the other party is working,
then this place is yours.

When the other party is here,
then you stay out.

Well, i won't stand for it!
I won't have anybody else here!

Aw, now, listen, eckbaum,
i'll get you the rent money.

Well, part of it, anyway.
Now, how will that be, huh?

It'll be a surprise, but it
won't change the situation.

Now, listen, jack,
i want to help you.

I want to help myself.
So you better do it.

Otherwise, out!

Well, it's a dirty trick,
and for two cents,

i'd punch you
right in the nose.

Yeah?

I didn't expect you
to kiss me.

You take the center desk
on the left, please.

And you take the one
at the far end on the left.

You take the middle desk
on the right, please,

and you take the one at
the far end on the right.

Miss mary carroll?
Yes?

Aesop agency?
Yes.

You understand
the terms...

$10 a week
and a 5% commission

on all iceboxes sold
through your efforts.

A very generous offer.
Oh, yes.

You'll find
a locker room in here,

and come back
immediately.

Oh, thank you.

You'll have to wait.

Girls! Girls!

You will now receive
full instruction

from mr. H. Harrington hubbell,

assistant sales manager
of the icyair corporation.

Miss carroll, will you take
this desk, please?

Come, come, girls,
now, come, come.

Fun's fun...

but you're telephone solicitors
now, remember.

Voice with a smile.

Now, each one of you
has on her desk

two sheets of paper.

This one, the... this...

no. Uh...

This one here.

You'd want to think
i don't know myself which one!

This one here,
the list of...

this one... this one,
the list of pros...

this one,
the, uh, sales talk.

This one,
the list of prospects.

Now, reading from the list
of prospects, you take a name.

Call mr. So-and-so
at such-and-such a number,

and then you read as much
of the sales talk to him

as you can before he,
uh, hangs up.

Uh, is that clear?
Are there any questions?

Then supposing we try.

You with the dark eyes,
will you begin first, please?

"Have you investigated the
possibilities of your icebox,

"mrs. Supply name of party?

"40 crystal-clear cubes
of purest ice

to enhance
the injurement of... "

oh, oh, oh, oh. "Injurement," "injurement"?

Enjoyment. full tongue.
Enjoyment. See?

Uh, now let's see
about you over there.

Will you please try?

"71/2 cubic feet
of storage

"for your vegetables,
your butter, your eggs,

and other pershables. "

Ooh, "pershables"?
Perishables. Perishables.

And now you, with
the little red curls,

will you try, please?

"All this is yours
with an icyair, mr. Ross,

"the electric icebox
whose name is synonymous

with electric
refrigeration. "

That's right, fair sir.
Did you hear that, girls?

"Synonymous"
the first time.

That's the way to read it,
just as if you were ladies.

Now, remember, "synonymous,"
"perishable," and "enjoyment. "

Now, fly to it.

"71/2 cubic feet
of storage for your butter,

"your eggs, your vegetables,
and other perishables.

"All this is yours with
an icyair, mr. Rosenberg,

the electric icebox
whose n... "

Don't be frightened.
He won't bite you.

He's 2 miles away.
Here, try this one.

Hello, miss carroll.
You're moving.

Well, mr. Eckbaum,
i'm working.

I've got a job. I'm
with the icyair company.

And as soon as
i can sell an icebox...

no, no, no, no, in the first
place, your apartment is rented.

In the second place,

you couldn't keep up
such an apartment,

so i moved your things
to the attic.

Come on. I'll show you.
Come on. Right this way.

Oh, but, mr. Eckbaum...

right in here, miss carroll,
right in here.

Ah, here we are.

It'll look a little strange
to you at first.

But after you get used to it,
you won't leave it.

I guarantee you.

Now, look,
over here is your bed.

Look, i'll show you how
pretty i'm gonna make it look

with these pillows.

See how beautiful that is?
Just like home.

Quite large, isn't it?

Sure, it's beautiful,
magnificent.

Mary: But what about
the other party, mr. Eckbaum?

What... what other party?

Eh, don't you worry
about that.

The nighttime,
the attic is yours.

In the daytime,
you ain't here anyhow,

so what do you care?

As far as
you're concerned,

the other party
is invisible.

Well, what do you say,
huh?

There doesn't seem to be
much i can say, does there?

Now, look, i'm gonna show you
how everything is lovely here.

Now, over there
is your bureau.

Over there
is your cedar chest.

And here is a rocking chair.
Look, see? It works.

And over there is your
clothes closet right here, see?

Look, uh,
and here is the shower.

And over here is the stove,
where you cook.

Look, see?
You cook right here.

And here is the sink.

Hot and cold water
all the time, look.

L-i'll go and fix it
right away.

Mr. Eckbaum!
Mr. Eckbaum?!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah?
What? What's the matter?

What are these?!

Them? Huh?

Uh, pants.

Well, does the other party
have a habit...

you see,
the other party, she...

she?!

Well, i'll tell you
the truth...

are you trying to get me
to share a room with a man?

Of all the vile,
horrible things

i've ever heard
in my whole life!

Miss carroll, no, no,
never, never, never.

I swear it on my mother.
I wouldn't tell you a lie.

Now, look, look, miss carroll,
i'll be frank with you.

Now, look, it's a man, yes,
but you'll never meet him.

You'll never
speak with him.

I wouldn't even
tell you his name, even.

All night, he's working.

He wouldn't be
anywhere near here.

I should hope not!

Now, you see,
miss carroll,

everything is positively
the best that i can do.

Now, it's satisfactory,
ain't it, miss carroll?

Now,
what do you say, eh?

Well, there's nothing else
i can do for the time being.

Sure, sure.

But as soon as i can sell
an icebox, mr. Eckbaum...

then you'll pay me
some back rent, huh?

Now, listen, miss carroll,
you know, that other party,

he ain't such
a bad fella, either.

I don't want to know
anything about him,

and i certainly don't
want to meet him.

From the looks and the
condition of this attic,

he must be
perfectly disgusting.

Now, if you don't
get out of here right away,

maybe you'll meet him.

And, you know,
that ain't in the arrangement.

Now, come on.
Get out of here till 8:00.

Then you can come back.

Hello, young fella!

What is it
you're having today?

Ham on a roll,
a pound of coffee,

and a can
of evaporated milk.

Say, gus, grind that
coffee fresh, will you?

I'll do that.

Say, gus, that's
a pretty nice number.

Sure it is. It's kosher.
It's imported.

You can have it
for 25 cents a pound.

"Good morning,
mr. Warburton.

Have you investigated the
possibilities of your icebox?"

No, no, no.
"Good morning, mr. Warburton.

"This is the
icyair corporation.

Have you investigated the
possibilities of your icebox?"

"Good morning,
mr. Warburton. "

Good evening,
miss abercrombie.

"Have you investigated
the poss... "

i beg your pardon.

Well, you said, "good morning,
mr. Warburton. "

Well, i... that is...

oh, it's quite all right,
i assure you.

A warburton
never takes umbrage.

Good evening.

Eckbaum!

Eckbaum! Eckbaum: Hey, yeah, yeah.

Coming right up.
Coming.

What's the matter?

What are these?

Uh... them?

Pants.

Ladies pants.

Now, now, here. Who told you to touch them?

It's none of your business.
You leave them alone.

Now, listen, eckbaum,
you come clean.

What are you trying to do?
Have you got a woman up here?

Who, me? Uh, uh, now, listen,
you be a gentleman.

Now, don't get excited.

I'll explain
the whole circumstances.

You'll explain, my left foot.
Now, listen, jack, listen.

Now, listen, eckbaum,
i know these dames.

They come to greenwich village
from small towns

looking for romance.

I don't care
if she is broke.

She's just trying to
hang one over on you.

What do you think this is...
7th heaven?

On the 4th floor,
it couldn't be.

Trying to make a flophouse
out of this joint?

A flophouse for women!

She slides out of bed,
and i slide in. That's swell.

Flophouse? I...

w-w-w-what is
a flophouse?

I just told you
what a flophouse was.

Well, no,
not in the same bed.

Never at the same time,
anyhow. On that, i insist.

15 minutes before she can come
in, you got to get out.

You understand that?

Even if i have to put julius at
the door to see that it happens.

A rotten outrage...
i won't have any moonfaced,

corn-fed,
goggle-eyed spinster...

oh, yes, you will. You got to
agree to that, now, jack.

Agree to it? Agree to it?
Agree to nothing.

I don't want any sour-faced
old maid in my studio,

messing up my space,

sharpening pencils
with my razor blades.

Mrs. Eckbaum.

What is it?

Mrs. Eckbaum,
that... that person.

Of all the horrible,
disgusting creatures...

the things he said!

I don't know how
i'm gonna live in that place.

Oh, no, no, miss carroll.
It will be all right.

From my past experience,
it's much better for you

to have a man in your apartment
than a woman.

Shh, shh, now,
sit down nicely.

I'm going to make you
a nice glass of tea.

Oh, miss carroll,
it's all right.

And he was nice about it,
too.

When he saw your furnishings,
you ought to heard

the grand things
he said about them,

and about you, too,
miss carroll.

Come on, now, he's left.

You can go upstairs
and arrange your things.

You two are gonna
get along splendid.

I guarantee it.

All right, mr. Eckbaum.
We'll get along.

Sure, you will. Sure.

Well, mama,
i arranged it!

Sorry. Wrong number.

Miss carroll, miss carroll,

where are you taking those
bright, bright eyes?

Home to the little nest,
mr. Hubbell.

Oh, not yet, not yet.

First, a dinner, a banquet, with
nice old mr. Hubbell, huh?

A banquet, mr. Hubbell?

Well,
you might call it that.

Mr. Hubbell never
does things by halves

when he gives a party,
you know.

a party,
mr. Hubbell? A banquet?

Oh, mr. Hubbell,
are you gonna have a party?!

What time is it?
And where?

Good evening,
miss abercrombie.

How are all the little
iceboxes this evening?

Are you really interested,
mr., uh... mr., uh...

warburton.

Warburton,
in the iceboxes, i mean?

Am i?
I'm crazy for iceboxes.

You just give me
one good icebox...

have you ever investigated

the possibilities of icyair,
mr. Warburton?

The original
electric icebox,

whose name is synonymous
with electric refrigeration.

No bolts to handle,
no screws to turn.

There's no buttons
to push.

Simply plug in the switch,
and icyair begins its magic.

Fancy that.

40 cubes
of crystal-clear ice

to enhance the enjoyment
of all cold drinks.

71/2 cubic feet of storage
for your butter and eggs...

yeah, it sounds very,
very attractive.

I think i could use six.

Six?
Yes.

You see, my aunt, she's starting
a development in westchester.

Houses, you know, she
builds them and sells them.

Yes, i think six to start with,
sort of a trial.

Oh, mr. Warburton,
that's perfectly wonderful.

Oh, not at all,
not at all.

When i saw you sitting
on that breadbox that evening,

i said to myself,
"now, there's a young lady

that deserves
to get along. "

And when you said, "good
morning, mr. Warburton... "

wasn't that
a strange coincidence,

my using your name,
i mean?

Oh, well, one coincidence
or another, what does it matter?

The hand of fate.

Oh, and such
a little hand, too.

What type of icebox do you think
your aunt would like?

Why don't you call her

and then give me a ring
at the icyair company?

My extension number
is 18.

Well, auntie generally
does what i tell her.

Yes, it's amazing the way
that woman relies on me.

Well, what type of icebox would
you suggest, mr. Warburton?

Well, let's go
into that later.

Well, now...

i never would have
believed it!

What?

You see that line?
Mm-hmm.

That means that something very
nice is going to happen to you.

A tall, dark man is going to
come into your life.

And this other line, you see
this other little line there?

Hmm, it says you're
going to meet a stranger.

Isn't it funny?

If that breadbox hadn't
been in front of hoffman's

and you hadn't
been sitting on it...

and you hadn't been looking out
of the window...

you'll never know how lovely
you looked, framed in salami.

Oh, look, it's 8:00.
I must be going.

Gee, so do i.

But what about
those iceboxes?

Hmm? Oh, yes,
the iceboxes.

Well, i've got to
get to the office.

I have
a director's meeting.

Why don't you give me a ring?
Spring-7-7-1-2-1.

We'll discuss it further,
say, about 9:00?

Spring-7-7-1-2-1.

Yeah.

Are you... are you sure you
really want those iceboxes?

Oh, positively,
positively.

Well, all right, then.
Thank you so much.

Goodbye.
Goodbye.

Hello? Who? Mr. Warburton?

I'll see if he's in.

Hello?

Mr. Warburton's
secretary speaking.

Just a minute.

hello? Who?
Oh, miss abercrombie.

The exterior dimensions
of our model "t," mr. Warburton,

are 5411/64" high,
323/64"wide, 229/32" deep.

Chrome-plated hardware,
all steel model,

with two metal freezing trays.

Of course, mr. Warburton,
the model ideally suited

for the needs of a small family
is our tx-11-19,

with a food shelf area
of 13.2 square feet,

making 72 ice cubes, or 81/4
pounds of ice at freezing.

Of course, if you want a larger
icebox in the single-door model,

you'll have... huh?

Yes, yes, miss abercrombie, yes,
but it's a bit overpowering.

Well, perhaps if you could
meet me tomorrow evening

with the literature,

we could go into the matter
more fully.

Yes, in the meantime,
i'll get in touch with my aunt.

It's just possible
that she may want to

try several of the models.

Yes, tomorrow evening, then,
say, 6:30 at the same place?

All right.
Good night, miss abercrombie.

Oh, he wants me to meet him
tomorrow with the booklet!

Oh, that's fine!
Oh!

It's a sale! It's a sale!
I could hear it!

And he was so business-like
and right to the point.

See, you can't
fool me about people.

It's a sure deal.

Uh, miss carroll,
seriously, now.

Without dragging in
the chinese army,

what about a little
dinner tonight?

Tonight, mr. Hubbell,
i don't believe i can.

Why not,
my little josephine?

Well, you see, my...
oh, my sister's baby is ill,

and she asked me
to take care of it.

Some other time perhaps,
but thank you so much.

Good night.
Good night.

Hello, miss carroll.

Hello, julius.
Is your dad in?

Yeah, i'll call him.

Pop, miss carroll
to see you.

Mr. Eckbaum, would you
chase that terrible person

out of my room
while i change?

He ain't in, pop.
I seen him go out.

Well, i don't know,
miss carroll.

That ain't
in the arrangement.

But i've got to
meet mr. Warburton.

It's about those iceboxes,
you know.

Oh, well, that's different.
Business is business.

In that case,
i'll make an exemption.

All right, miss carroll,
but don't take too long.

Now, julius,
you sit right down there.

When mr. Jack bacon
comes in,

you stop him right
in his tracks, do you hear?

Now, remember, you sit there
and don't move.

All right, pop.

Ow!

Not yet, he ain't come,
miss carroll, but i'm watching.

Where's mr. Eckbaum?

So quick, miss carroll?
That's fine.

Well, good luck
with them iceboxes.

Mr. Eckbaum, that man upstairs,
do you know what he did?

He left a note saying
the shower was working.

And as soon as i tried it,
it fell down on top of me.

Oh, just an innocent prank.
He's always making jokes.

It don't mean nothing.

It don't mean nothing?
Feel that bump on my head.

Ouch!
Mama, feel.

I tell you, mr. Eckbaum.
I won't stand for it.

Living under conditions like
these is utterly impossible.

Hello, mr. Bacon.

Hello, julius.

Papa, he's home!

As soon as i sell these
iceboxes, mr. Eckbaum,

we'll have to
make other arrangements.

All right, miss carroll,
you sell the iceboxes,

and we'll make yontif.

Get out of here!
Go on!

Papa, it's good luck!

Get out of here, you!

Loafer.

Good luck, huh?

I'll give you a good luck
in a minute!

Well, of all the dirty,
rotten tricks!

Look at him
over there!

Cab, lady?

What'll it be?

How much are
your wheat cakes,

and how much
are your hamburgers?

20 and 10.

I'll have a hamburger
and coffee.

On the fire, lady.

Icyair corporation?
Miss abercrombie, please.

You haven't got
a miss abercrombie?

Well, that's funny.

She said she was
miss abercrombie.

Well, all i know is,
she's got red hair.

Yeah, light red hair,
sort of a strawberry color,

and she sells iceboxes.

Oh, yeah, and her extension number is 18.

Hello?

Oh, mr. W...

mr. Warburton,
it may interest you to know

that i don't believe
a word of what you're saying.

I doubt if you have an aunt,
and if you had,

i doubt if she'd
know the difference

between an icebox
and a streetcar.

Yes, mr. Warburton,
it was too bad

i had to wait half an hour
in a blinding downpour.

N... no, mr. Warburton.

No, not at any time.
I'm not interested.

I have no intention of ever
seeing or speaking to you again!

Now, my dear, work hard.
Get your eight hours sleep.

And pay attention to what
mr. Hubbell has to say...

saul ballingreen.

4-3-8-2-1.

8 pounds of ice
at a filling, mr. Burns,

in delectable, handy,
crystal-clear cubes

for your convenience.

Aid in filling... in serving
unexpected guests.

Or take out one tray,
remove the partition,

and fill with any one of the 25
recipes from our little b...

great work,
bright eyes.

No one ever listened to as much
sales talk as that before,

and that calls
for a celebration

and not one minute
later than this evening.

Well, mr. Hubbell,
i don't know that i...

aha, i see promise wavering
in those bright eyes.

I've got two tickets
for the ziegfeld tonight,

and you don't look to me

like a young lady who would
play a man a dirty trick

three times in succession.

Are you with me, or must
i choke myself to death

on one of our
larger ice cubes?

All right, mr. Hubbell, for
the sake of dear old icyair.

Fine, i'll come around
for you about 8:00,

and then we can eat
after the theater.

8:00.
All right.

Miss carroll, please?

Oh, it's mr. Hubbell,
ain't you?

Just a minute, mr. Hubbell.
I'll go up and call her.

Julius, entertain mr. Hubbell
while i go upstairs.

You are not entertaining me,
julius.

Who is it?

Mr. Eckbaum.

Miss carroll,
mr. Hubbell is downstairs.

And it's better that you should
make an impression on your boss,

so i'm gonna let you
have back your old room.

Never mind. Hurry up, hurry
up, hurry up. Hurry up.

He's waiting, he's waiting.
Hurry up.

Right... right in here,
miss carroll.

Here's your overcoat.

All right,
mr. Hubbell, come on up!

A fine girl,
miss carroll is, you know?

She's worth twice
what you're paying her.

Right in here.

Knock on the door.
Knock on the door.

Ah, the little duchess
herself.

Good evening.

Good evening,
mr. Hubbell.

I'll be with you
in just a minute.

It's a very nice little place
you have here.

Well, yes, isn't it?

Yes, indeed.
Very nice.

I'm quite ready
to go now.

Will you join me
in a little snort?

No, thanks.

You don't mind, then, if i do? Not at all.

Well, may all your little ones
be troubles.

Hmm, that's very nice,
very nice.

Yes, sir.

Very nice, indeed.

Yes, sir, it's quite a cozy
little nest you have here.

Well, you see, it isn't my...
that is, it...

i understand.
I understand perfectly.

Don't you think
we better be going?

I understand.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.

You see, I-I-it...

ooh.
Oh. Hello, sweetheart.

You see, it's quite
a strange situation.

You don't have to explain
a word to me, my dear.

Cab.

Fritzie: Yes, sir.

Drive once around
the park, please,

and then to the
ziegfeld theatre.

You know, you got an 8:30
curtain at ziegfeld.

You ain't got the time.

Oh, don't let's miss
any of it.

Well, then i guess
we'd better make the most

of what time we have,
huh?

How about it? Think
we'd do better going up 5th?

You tend to your driving, and
i'll do all right by myself.

Now, how about putting
those little red curls

over on this fatherly
old shoulder, eh?

You got your tickets,

or do you want i should stop
at the cut-rate?

You got cigarettes?
You got matches?

I got cigarettes.
I got matches.

I've got a flask
on my hip.

And i've got enough
of your conversation.

Now, you tend
to your driving.

Well, some folks
like to be reminded of it.

You know, because when
you go out in intermission

and you ain't got no cigarettes,
it ain't so handy,

especially
if the lady smokes.

Do you smoke,
miss carroll?

Personally, i'm burning.

Well, it don't hurt
to remember those little things

to most people.

Now, you take my old lady.

How that dame goes for those
little personal touches.

You know, like getting up
in the middle of the night

and making her
a fried-egg sandwich.

Do you fry one or two eggs,
mr., uh...

oh, just call me fritzie.

Well, now, miss,
it all depends.

You see, the old lady
is subject to indigestion.

She's got gas.

Well, step on it.

Madam, madam,
just a minute, please.

How dare
you call me "madam"!

I loathe landlords.

Great.

Jackie! Jackie!

Elise:
Open the door!

Jack, open the door!

Jack!

All right, i'm coming.

Oh! Oh!

Oh, four...
four flights of stairs.

Outrageous!

Whew!

Whew! Ooh!

Oh! Wait a minute!
Wait a minute!

Not on the bed.

Well, i must sit down
and get my breath.

Oh, please, please, elise,
i'm superstitious.

Oh, nonsense.

I must get my breath.

Oh! Hold it! Hold it!

Hold it.

Now.

Whew! Whew!

Jack, i've got an idea.

I'm going to throw out
all this junk

and make this
our little nest.

What?!

Yes, i'm going to
change everything.

New curtains,
new furniture...

good furniture...

new pillows,
velvet pillows...

dozens of them.

This is going to
be our little bower.

Oh, no, it isn't.

You... don't do that.

I loathe being pawed.

Why are you so mean
to me, jackie?

Let's have a little drink.

Where's your glass?

You don't expect

mrs. Elise peabody
whittington smythe

to drink out of a bottle.

Sit down.

Aw, don't be ridiculous,
elise.

Come on, you've got to
get out of here.

Come on, now,
like a good girl.

I don't want to
be a good girl.

What's that get you?

I want life and love.

I want you.

Oh, come on,
elise, come on.

Oh, jackie.

I loathe everything
in this place.

"Dear mr. Eckbaum,
attached, find $2.

Will you please ask julius
to get my laundry?"

Jackie! You've got
a woman up here!

I knew it! I knew it!
That's a woman's handwriting!

And she wants her laundry.

How dare she.

I'll get her laundry!

Here, give me that.

Leave it alone.
That's hers.

Now, you get out of here.

Oh, jackie,
this is terrible.

You're living in sin.

This is very wicked
of you.

$2 for laundry.

Oh, jackie.

Oh, i'm not.
Don't be silly.

Is she young?

Is she beautiful?

I tell you, i don't even know the woman!

It's an arrangement.

No, jackie,
this isn't an arrangement.

This is the day i saw.

She's taking you from me.

Oh, will you stop that?

Look, elise, will you
please get out of here?

No, i'm not going.

I'm going to wait
and see that woman.

All right, if you won't get out,
i'll get out.

Make yourself comfortable.

Jackie, bring back
some ginger ale.

Hello! Wait!
I want to talk to you!

There's nothing
you can say to me!

I actually waited in the rain
for you for one solid hour!

What?!

...for one solid hour.

I showed up!
What?

I showed up!

I can't hear anything
with this crazy noise.

Well, look, come on,
let's go down here,

and i'll tell you
all about it.

Mr. Warburton, i told you
i had no intention

of seeing or speaking
to you again.

Oh, please,
miss abercrombie.

If you only knew how i'd
suffered the last few days.

I had every intention
of keeping that appointment,

and then at the last moment,
unforeseen circumstances.

Oh, you mean the shower?
Yeah. What?

The shower, the downpour.

Oh, yes, yes, of course.

I should have realized

that sudden downpours
do make a difference.

Yes, indeed, they do,
miss abercrombie,

indeed, they do.

By the way,
have you had dinner?

Mr. Warburton,
really you mustn't.

Oh, please,
it's the least i can do.

Where would you suggest...

the colony, pierre's,
the ambassador, the ritz?

So, you see,
i just had to know you,

even if i haven't got an aunt
in westchester.

You know, i don't think
i ever believed

you really had,
mr. Warburton.

Suppose i told you

that i was a night watchman
in a crummy loft.

Suppose i told you
i was just a chambermaid.

Check, please. $1.

Oh, to be sure,
the check.

Bring me some change.

What are you
going to do tomorrow?

Tomorrow?
Yes, tomorrow.

You don't have to
work sundays, do you?

Tomorrow...

oh, i believe
the icyair company

is giving a picnic
for their employees.

3-legged races, greased pole,
prizes, and refreshments.

I wonder
if it'll be any fun.

Sounds terrible.

I thought so, too,
but perhaps we might...

we? Oh, you mean you and me?
Oh, well, that's different.

Well, yes, if you'd like.

We're each supposed to
bring an escort.

Say no more. You'll be escorted
to your little pink ears.

Thank you.

Won't you even let me
put you in a cab?

Mnh-mnh. Thanks.
But don't forget.

You're going to meet me in front
of the icyair building

in the morning at 9:00.

The night will be
all too long.

Flowers, buddy?
Look, nice and fresh.

It's the last bunch.
I tell you what i do.

Give me 75 cents
to buy for the lady.

Well, a happy thought.

Here.

Thank you
never too much.

Would you wear these
to the picnic tomorrow?

Aww, thanks, but you shouldn't
have done that.

Oh, please, i'd only spend the
money on something foolish...

a yacht, a bassoon,
a polar bear.

Well, i've...
i've got to say good night.

I have some work to do
at the office.

Good night, jack.

Good night, mary.

What am i doing here?

That's what
i'd like to know.

Who are you?

Who are you?

How dare you
ask me who i am.

Well, whoever you are,
that's my bed.

Stop that!

What are you doing here?

I haven't
the faintest idea.

Well,
why did you come here?

I don't remember a thing.

Is this your garret,
my girl?

It certainly is. And if it's any
interest to you, that's my bed.

And that's my bureau,
and that's my cedar chest.

And whose bed is that?

That...

that's none
of your business.

Perfectly disgusting!

Wash my hands
of the whole sordid mess.

You're not worthy of him.

Him? Who do you mean?

That little, cheap,
5-cent artist.

I tried to help him,
to protect him,

but you're dragging him
down and down.

I'm not!
Don't you say that!

I don't even know him,
and i've never seen him.

And if you're an example of his
friends, i hope i never see him.

And now,
would you please get out,

or shall i call
mr. Eckbaum?

How dare you.

I've never been so insulted
in my life.

Disgusting.

Mrs. Elise peabody
whittington smythe...

disgusting affair
in a garret.

You dirty, filthy,
detestable creature!

Mary? Mary? Mary?

Boys and girls!
Boys and girls!

Now, the main events of the day
are going to take place now.

We're going to have the races.

We're going to
have an obstacle race,

a sack race, a 3-legged race,

a fat men's race,

and various
other kinds of races,

including the human race.

� and the icyair refrigerator �

� is the best icebox
you'll ever have �

Well, this is
a lot more like it.

Like what?

Like a picnic.

What's your idea
of a picnic?

Oh, someone you want to be with
and a chance to be with them.

A spot like this, quiet.

It is quiet, isn't it?

Now comes the big moment
of the day.

We're going to award the prizes
for the winners of the races.

Now, the first winner
to receive a prize

is miss tilly prendergast,
who won the obstacle race.

Tilly, it gives me
great pleasure

to award you
this badge of merit

for having won
the obstacle race.

And in the race of life,

may you always overcome
all obstacles with equal ease.

Have you seen mary?
No, i haven't.

Well, the next is,
morton mcgillicuddy.

The winner!

Morton won the, uh,
fat men's race.

He won it by a neck
and three chins.

There you are, morton.
There's your badge.

Have you seen mary?
No, i haven't.

Next come bobbie finklestein,

ophelia grogan,
and tessie ellis.

Come, come, girls,

don't hide your talents
under a bushel.

Now, to each one of you,

in the great and glorious
name of icyair,

i award these badges.

Have any of you seen...
all: No, we haven't.

I wonder if we can keep on
seeing each other like this.

I don't see why not.

You know, you're such
a sweet girl, mary.

I don't amount to much.

Well, your arteries
are all right, aren't they?

And that arm feels
pretty substantial.

And you're not dependent upon
the public's charity, are you?

No, my arteries
are all right,

my arms
are all right, but...

...i can't answer
for my heart.

What's that?

I didn't know it was that late.
I'll bet they're leaving.

Thank you, sir galahad.
We're left behind.

Ugh!
Ohh!

Are you all right?

Yeah.

I'm all right. Are you?

Sure... oh!

What's the matter?

I think
i sprained my ankle.

Oh, jack, wait, here.
Wait, let me help you up.

Let me help you.

Oh, that's too bad.

Well, they're gone.

Maybe that's in our favor
anyway.

Yeah, but how are we
gonna get home?

Taxi. Come on.

Ow!

Hey! Hey!

You wait here.
I'll go phone for a taxi.

Well...

taxi!
Hey, taxi, hey!

Mary! Mary, don't phone!
I got a cab!

Yoo-hoo! Mary!

110 bleeker.
Go down 11th avenue.

Come on, mary,
here you are.

Gee, this is lucky.
Yeah.

Careful, now, careful.

Here, you can
keep the quarter.

Is this...

yeah, this is the place.

Not as bad as it looks.
It's worse.

Well, uh,
what floor do you live on?

You'd be surprised.

2nd floor... ladies millinery
and dresses, babieswear,

glassware, curtains,
portieres, and whatnot.

Everything in this store
is strictly on credit.

10% down, the rest
when we catch it.

Don't forget our
big fire sale next week.

Going up? 3rd floor... men and boys.

Going up. Last call.

Men and boys
ready-to-wear clothes.

We regret the elevators
have been disconnected.

Next week,
we hope to have escalators.

4th floor... period furniture,
antiques,

oriental and domestic rugs,
delicatessen and bake shop,

restaurant, dog harnesses,
leashes, and puppy biscuits.

Come on in.

It's pretty terrible,
but come on in anyway.

Well, now that you're all right,
i guess i'd better go.

What? "all right"?
Say, listen, young lady,

i've been putting up
a pretty brave show,

but the fact is i'm likely
to pass out at any minute.

Come on, stay with me
a little longer, will you?

Well, all right,
but just for a little while.

That ankle
ought to be bound up.

I'll see if i can find
something to bind it with.

Here, this will do.

Hey! Look out!

It's all right.
It isn't any good.

Hey, don't do that!

She'll be madder
than 17 siamese scorpions.

She'll break out in spots!

Oh, no, she w...
"she"? Who?

Oh,
i don't know her name.

You see, mary, there's some
kind of a scrawny old maid

that's got
half of this attic.

Scrawny old maid?
Really?

Yeah, it's some fool arrangement
of the landlord's.

I don't know her.
I've never even seen her.

She's got the place at night
while i work in the loft.

And you have it during the day.
How interesting.

It's the one blot
on my life.

Eckbaum asked me to do it
just to help her out.

You see,
she's down and out.

Oh, she is?

Yeah, and you'd think she'd act
in keeping with her situation.

But of all the mean,
unpleasant...

oh, you don't like her?

Like her? I'd like
to break her skinny neck.

Ouch! Ohh!
Sorry.

You know why i never met you
that day at the park?

She took my suit...
my one decent suit!

and hung it
under the shower.

Aw, she didn't.

Oh, didn't she, the little
old sour-faced, dried-up...

oh, she's a blight!

Papa! Papa!

What's the matter?
What's the matter?

They're together,
him and her.

That's impossible.
That shouldn't be.

I'll snip that right in the bud.
Get out of the way.

Oh, she's a pest,
sitting up nights,

just thinking of mean,
nasty little things to do.

She ought to live
in a rathole.

I wish she did. I'd fill it
full of ground glass.

Well, if you feel that way about
her, then i guess i'd better go.

Oh, no, please. She hasn't
got anything to do with us.

Well, i'd better...

well, suppose
she should come in here.

I wish she would.

I'd tell her just what i've told
you, right to her pasty face.

Oh, you would?
I certainly would.

But there's no chance

because she's not allowed
up here till 8:00.

Well, i'd better go.

I hope your ankle
gets all right.

Mary, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.
What is this here?

What am i seeing?
A hallucination?

Now, listen, jack, you know
it ain't in the arrangement

for you two
to be together.

What are you talking about?
What arrangement?

That's all right. Please.
I'm going right away.

No, you stay
where you are.

What are you trying to
slip over, eckbaum?

At least i'm allowed
to have visitors here.

Now, jack,
we hashed that up long ago.

Now, you got to stick
to the agreement.

You from 8:00 in the morning
till 8:00 at night.

You from 8:00 at night
till 8:00 in the morning.

But to be together alone
at any time, say,

that ain't even
respectable.

You got to go right away,
miss carroll.

Say, wait a minute.
You?

You live here
in this attic?

Certainly,
she lives in this attic.

Now, jack, listen, stop taking
me for a boogie ride, you hear?

Then you're the one
that put my suit...

my good suit...
under the shower.

Why did you tell me
the shower was working

and then fix it
so it'd fall on my head?!

It fell on your head? Oh,
that's funny, isn't it?

Yes, on my head,
and i've still got the bump.

Furthermore, if you think sawing
my bed in half was a funny idea...

how about the time you put
glue on my toothbrush?

I asked you nicely to leave
that toothbrush alone.

It's a pity you can't
keep your hands off things.

Keep my hands off things?

What about my $2,
the $2 for my laundry.

You never did find that $2,
did you, mr. Eckbaum?

I put $2 on that table.
L-I...

who put what $2
on whose table?

It's perfectly ridiculous.

I loathe disputes.

My girl,
did i understand you

to say this young man
took your $2?

And that's another thing.

When i came here last night,
i found this woman on my bed.

What was she doing
on my bed?

Here's $5, my girl. Now,
will you go away and leave us?

Elise, what are
you trying to do?

No, jackie, let me
give this girl her money.

It's probably all
she cares about anyhow.

She's not worthy
of you, jackie.

I'm going to take you
away from it all.

I have an idea.

I'm going to
charter a yacht,

and we'll sail away together
on the wings of the wind.

We'll do nothing
of the sort.

What? You don't want to sail
away on the wings of the wind?

You persist in continuing
with this affair

with this
little snippet?

Don't you call me a snippet,
you ice wagon!

How dare you!

I forgive you, jackie.

Now, listen, madam,
contain yourself.

How dare you!
Take your hands off me!

Don't you dare touch my comb,
you wicked old whale!

Look out, mary.

Hear, hear, what are you
doing to this little girl?

I'm not going to stay
in this place another minute!

Here, little lady,
what's it all about?

That filthy, horrible,
detestable man

and his filthy,
horrible, detestable...

oh, yeah?!

Well, you hop in the hack.
I'll attend to that.

Look here,
are you two married?

No, just living together.

And if you think what
i think you think,

i'll punch you
right in the nose.

Well,
as the girl's employer,

i demand an explanation
of all this.

Oh, in your icebox,
hubbell!

So, here you are!

I'm a guy
that don't argue.

Ugh!

Mary? Mary?

Aw, mary, darling,
i'm awfully sorry about the $2.

I did take it,

but i'll bet you can't guess
what i did with it.

W-w-w-what?

I took you to dinner,
then i bought you roses.

And, oh, i'm awfully sorry
i sawed your bed in half.

Aw, mary.

Shame on you!

Well, how did i know
he wasn't the guy?

Nobody told me.
But it's all right.

I'll get him.

Never mind, mr. Hubbell,
i'll fix it.

Go and put your eye
under the sink.

Put the sink
under your eye.

Mary: I never want to
see you again.

Don't you dare touch me.

Aw, mary, will you
please be reasonable?

Aw, look, i couldn't help
it. So, you're the mug!

When that lady says something,
she means it!

Don't you dare touch him,
you big bully.

Can't you see he's,
that is... i love...

he's got a sore foot.

Hey, don't answer me now,

but do you want that i should
drive you around the park

a time or two?

Papa, are they
gonna get married?

Sure. I arranged it.
Such an arranger.