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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,308 --> 00:00:03,267 So how many restraining 2 00:00:03,267 --> 00:00:04,422 orders does the waitress have on you? 3 00:00:04,422 --> 00:00:05,207 Oh, a lot, dude. 4 00:00:05,207 --> 00:00:06,218 I mean, she's been irritated 5 00:00:06,218 --> 00:00:09,286 with me, and she's, like, "You got me fired from the Oldies Rock Cafe. 6 00:00:09,286 --> 00:00:10,080 You're gonna get me fired from 7 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:10,896 the coffee shop." 8 00:00:11,227 --> 00:00:12,085 This is incredible. 9 00:00:12,085 --> 00:00:13,602 You got to listen to this message. 10 00:00:13,602 --> 00:00:14,052 Come here. 11 00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:15,691 Seriously, this chick is so in is so in love with me 12 00:00:15,691 --> 00:00:17,088 it's crazy. 13 00:00:17,156 --> 00:00:17,989 Hi, Dennis, it's Caleigh. 14 00:00:18,057 --> 00:00:19,558 I was just calling to let you 15 00:00:19,625 --> 00:00:21,026 know that I hope you die! 16 00:00:21,093 --> 00:00:22,327 You are obviously a terrible 17 00:00:22,395 --> 00:00:23,929 person with no regard for anyone 18 00:00:23,996 --> 00:00:24,529 but yourself. 19 00:00:24,597 --> 00:00:26,231 I never ever want to see you 20 00:00:26,299 --> 00:00:28,033 again, you steaming pile of horseshit! 21 00:00:28,100 --> 00:00:28,700 Go to hell! 22 00:00:30,866 --> 00:00:31,413 Bro, that's amazing. 23 00:00:31,413 --> 00:00:32,712 That's, that's the best one yet. 24 00:00:32,712 --> 00:00:33,764 It's a really good one, 25 00:00:33,764 --> 00:00:34,069 isn't it? 26 00:00:34,069 --> 00:00:34,577 What are you 27 00:00:34,577 --> 00:00:35,082 talking about? 28 00:00:35,082 --> 00:00:35,720 She hates your guts. 29 00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:37,270 Dee, this chick is so in love 30 00:00:37,270 --> 00:00:38,650 with me, she doesn't even know it. 31 00:00:38,650 --> 00:00:39,546 They don't get it because 32 00:00:39,546 --> 00:00:40,612 you haven't explained it to them, bro. 33 00:00:40,612 --> 00:00:42,514 Oh, guys, I have a system, 34 00:00:42,582 --> 00:00:44,015 a foolproof system for getting 35 00:00:44,083 --> 00:00:47,189 any chick's undying love and devotion for life. 36 00:00:47,189 --> 00:00:48,920 What the hell are you talking about, dude? 37 00:00:48,988 --> 00:00:49,988 I'm talking about 38 00:00:50,056 --> 00:00:52,057 the DENNIS System. 39 00:01:25,015 --> 00:01:25,582 Ladies and gentlemen, 40 00:01:25,649 --> 00:01:26,737 the DENNIS System is a 41 00:01:26,737 --> 00:01:28,651 comprehensive approach to 42 00:01:28,719 --> 00:01:29,919 seduction that I have perfected 43 00:01:29,987 --> 00:01:31,254 over the years. 44 00:01:31,322 --> 00:01:32,822 See, my success with women does 45 00:01:32,890 --> 00:01:34,190 not solely stem from my good 46 00:01:34,258 --> 00:01:35,592 looks and my charm. 47 00:01:35,659 --> 00:01:37,296 There is a careful systemic 48 00:01:37,296 --> 00:01:39,141 approach that has allowed me 49 00:01:39,141 --> 00:01:40,363 to become the playboy that 50 00:01:40,431 --> 00:01:41,004 I am today. 51 00:01:41,004 --> 00:01:42,362 A playboy? 52 00:01:42,362 --> 00:01:43,601 Is that how you see yourself? 53 00:01:43,601 --> 00:01:44,238 Yes. 54 00:01:44,238 --> 00:01:45,104 He has banged a lot 55 00:01:45,104 --> 00:01:45,548 of chicks. 56 00:01:45,548 --> 00:01:46,405 You know, just shut up, Dee. 57 00:01:46,405 --> 00:01:46,799 Just shut up. 58 00:01:46,799 --> 00:01:48,113 Now, the first step to any 59 00:01:48,113 --> 00:01:50,012 erotic conquest is to D: 60 00:01:50,895 --> 00:01:52,074 "Demonstrate Your Value." 61 00:01:52,984 --> 00:01:54,157 In this most recent case, 62 00:01:54,157 --> 00:01:55,454 my subject was Caleigh, 63 00:01:55,454 --> 00:01:56,977 a cute pharmacist. 64 00:01:56,977 --> 00:01:59,026 I demonstrated my value to her 65 00:01:59,026 --> 00:02:00,147 by filling a prescription. 66 00:02:00,147 --> 00:02:01,764 I told her, "It's for my 67 00:02:01,764 --> 00:02:03,383 grandmother; she's quite ill," 68 00:02:03,383 --> 00:02:05,132 thus demonstrating my value as 69 00:02:05,132 --> 00:02:07,089 a loving grandson and all-around 70 00:02:07,089 --> 00:02:08,083 great guy. 71 00:02:09,209 --> 00:02:09,626 You're forging 72 00:02:09,626 --> 00:02:10,449 prescriptions now? 73 00:02:10,449 --> 00:02:11,843 That's the easy part, Dee. 74 00:02:11,843 --> 00:02:12,683 I would have gone in 75 00:02:12,683 --> 00:02:14,411 and bought a box of Magnum 76 00:02:14,411 --> 00:02:17,254 condoms, thus demonstrating that 77 00:02:17,254 --> 00:02:18,768 I have a monster dong. 78 00:02:18,836 --> 00:02:19,696 Right. That comes off a 79 00:02:19,696 --> 00:02:20,728 little bit desperate, Frank. 80 00:02:20,728 --> 00:02:23,090 Now if you want to have a Magnum 81 00:02:23,090 --> 00:02:24,101 condom peeking out of your 82 00:02:24,101 --> 00:02:25,068 wallet when you go to pay, 83 00:02:25,704 --> 00:02:27,115 that's a different story. 84 00:02:27,115 --> 00:02:28,990 Now let's move on. 85 00:02:28,990 --> 00:02:29,856 Once you've demonstrated your 86 00:02:29,856 --> 00:02:31,272 value, you are going to want to 87 00:02:31,272 --> 00:02:33,100 ask her out. 88 00:02:33,878 --> 00:02:34,802 Once you've asked her out... 89 00:02:35,966 --> 00:02:37,077 you move on to E: 90 00:02:38,287 --> 00:02:39,823 "Engage Physically." 91 00:02:39,823 --> 00:02:40,884 I personally try to engage the 92 00:02:40,884 --> 00:02:42,033 girl physically without ever 93 00:02:42,033 --> 00:02:43,669 going on the date, which to me 94 00:02:43,669 --> 00:02:44,713 is really just a waste of time 95 00:02:44,713 --> 00:02:45,164 and money. 96 00:02:45,164 --> 00:02:46,459 I'll tell her I know this great 97 00:02:46,459 --> 00:02:47,401 little restaurant that doesn't 98 00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:47,989 take reservations. 99 00:02:47,989 --> 00:02:49,733 That makes it sound cool, makes 100 00:02:49,733 --> 00:02:50,569 it sound exclusive. 101 00:02:50,569 --> 00:02:51,453 And then we get to the 102 00:02:51,453 --> 00:02:52,340 restaurant; the restaurant 103 00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:53,547 is closed, as of course, 104 00:02:53,547 --> 00:02:55,547 it always is on Sundays. 105 00:02:55,547 --> 00:02:57,313 So I'll feign surprise and say 106 00:02:57,313 --> 00:02:58,530 something along the lines of, 107 00:02:58,530 --> 00:02:59,469 "Well, I guess we could grab 108 00:02:59,469 --> 00:03:00,738 a pizza and watch a movie at 109 00:03:00,738 --> 00:03:01,646 my place." 110 00:03:03,146 --> 00:03:04,057 That's where I come in. 111 00:03:04,566 --> 00:03:05,485 Oh, you're a part of this? 112 00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:07,386 Oh, yeah, Mac has a very 113 00:03:07,386 --> 00:03:08,680 special place in my system. 114 00:03:09,192 --> 00:03:10,267 Yeah, you see, I'm on the 115 00:03:10,267 --> 00:03:11,378 couch when they come in and 116 00:03:11,378 --> 00:03:11,864 ask to be alone. 117 00:03:11,864 --> 00:03:13,149 And I say, "I can't go into my 118 00:03:13,149 --> 00:03:14,228 room because I found a black 119 00:03:14,228 --> 00:03:15,145 widow spider in there." 120 00:03:15,145 --> 00:03:16,303 And then Dennis fires back that 121 00:03:16,303 --> 00:03:17,731 he wants some privacy so they 122 00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:18,640 can get to know each other 123 00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:19,327 more better. 124 00:03:19,420 --> 00:03:20,631 And then I say... Oh, well, 125 00:03:20,698 --> 00:03:22,132 I guess we could always eat the 126 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:23,634 pizza on my bed and watch the 127 00:03:23,701 --> 00:03:26,403 DVD in my room. 128 00:03:26,471 --> 00:03:28,672 And once we're on my bed, 129 00:03:28,740 --> 00:03:30,040 it is game over. 130 00:03:30,108 --> 00:03:31,708 I engage her physically, 131 00:03:31,776 --> 00:03:33,977 and the sexual waltz begins. 132 00:03:34,045 --> 00:03:35,078 The pizza's good. 133 00:03:35,146 --> 00:03:37,781 You're the one that's good. 134 00:03:43,154 --> 00:03:45,722 Smooth! Very, very smooth 135 00:03:45,790 --> 00:03:47,224 stuff, very classy. 136 00:03:47,292 --> 00:03:48,659 I'm learning a lot from you 137 00:03:48,726 --> 00:03:49,359 right now, dude. 138 00:03:49,427 --> 00:03:51,295 Okay. Now, once you've had 139 00:03:51,362 --> 00:03:52,563 sex with the woman, she will 140 00:03:52,630 --> 00:03:53,897 naturally start to depend on 141 00:03:53,965 --> 00:03:54,865 you, okay? 142 00:03:54,933 --> 00:03:57,267 All women do this. 143 00:03:57,335 --> 00:03:58,435 They certainly do. 144 00:03:58,503 --> 00:03:59,503 You got that right. 145 00:03:59,571 --> 00:04:00,971 Sex with women. 146 00:04:01,039 --> 00:04:02,272 Once you bang 'em... 147 00:04:02,340 --> 00:04:03,307 Like that. 148 00:04:03,374 --> 00:04:05,175 Right, right. 149 00:04:05,243 --> 00:04:08,078 Which brings me to the first N: 150 00:04:08,146 --> 00:04:10,280 "Nurturing dependence." 151 00:04:10,348 --> 00:04:11,515 You're gonna want to nurture 152 00:04:11,583 --> 00:04:12,716 that dependence that she's 153 00:04:12,784 --> 00:04:15,018 feeling on you now, guys. 154 00:04:15,086 --> 00:04:16,086 Have her car towed. 155 00:04:16,154 --> 00:04:17,654 Or you can slash her tires. 156 00:04:17,722 --> 00:04:19,423 Either way, make her depend on 157 00:04:19,491 --> 00:04:20,491 you for rides. 158 00:04:20,558 --> 00:04:22,392 Or you can use my personal 159 00:04:22,460 --> 00:04:23,961 go-to, which is to create a 160 00:04:24,028 --> 00:04:25,662 fictional angry neighbor who's 161 00:04:25,730 --> 00:04:26,997 threatening her and tell her 162 00:04:27,065 --> 00:04:28,232 you'll take care of him. 163 00:04:28,299 --> 00:04:30,100 Hit up a pay phone so that she 164 00:04:30,168 --> 00:04:31,235 can't trace the calls back 165 00:04:31,302 --> 00:04:31,702 to you. 166 00:04:31,769 --> 00:04:33,103 Give her a call and say 167 00:04:33,171 --> 00:04:34,571 something along the lines of... 168 00:04:34,639 --> 00:04:36,306 I'm watching you, you bitch! 169 00:04:36,374 --> 00:04:39,343 You're gonna die tonight! 170 00:04:43,581 --> 00:04:44,848 Oh, for Christ's sake, 171 00:04:44,916 --> 00:04:46,216 you're a complete sociopath! 172 00:04:46,284 --> 00:04:47,284 Don't interrupt, okay? 173 00:04:47,352 --> 00:04:49,552 Now, if you completed all the 174 00:04:49,487 --> 00:04:49,987 other steps properly up to this 175 00:04:50,054 --> 00:04:50,921 point, she'll naturally want 176 00:04:50,989 --> 00:04:52,055 to take the relationship to 177 00:04:52,123 --> 00:04:53,590 the next level, but you're not 178 00:04:53,658 --> 00:04:54,224 gonna do that. 179 00:04:54,292 --> 00:04:55,259 You're gonna do the exact 180 00:04:55,326 --> 00:04:56,760 opposite: pull back, guys. 181 00:04:56,828 --> 00:04:57,694 Pull back. 182 00:04:57,762 --> 00:05:00,197 Which brings me to the second N: 183 00:05:00,265 --> 00:05:02,166 "Neglect Emotionally." 184 00:05:02,233 --> 00:05:03,567 Stop taking her phone calls. 185 00:05:03,635 --> 00:05:05,636 Cancel all your plans. 186 00:05:05,703 --> 00:05:07,204 Maybe that fictional angry 187 00:05:07,272 --> 00:05:08,639 neighbor that you've simulated 188 00:05:08,706 --> 00:05:09,940 comes back, and this time you're 189 00:05:10,008 --> 00:05:12,342 not around to cool him off. 190 00:05:13,711 --> 00:05:15,045 Hello? 191 00:05:15,113 --> 00:05:17,281 Welcome to hell! 192 00:05:25,123 --> 00:05:26,723 This will frighten the shit 193 00:05:26,791 --> 00:05:28,158 out of her, okay, and she'll 194 00:05:28,226 --> 00:05:29,393 start getting really mixed up 195 00:05:29,461 --> 00:05:30,661 because you're not there to 196 00:05:30,728 --> 00:05:31,195 protect her. 197 00:05:31,262 --> 00:05:32,296 She'll start questioning her 198 00:05:32,363 --> 00:05:33,897 self-worth, start questioning 199 00:05:33,965 --> 00:05:34,665 her self-esteem. 200 00:05:34,732 --> 00:05:36,667 And that's the perfect time to 201 00:05:36,734 --> 00:05:40,604 I: "Inspire Hope." 202 00:05:40,672 --> 00:05:42,806 In Caleigh's case, I went to her 203 00:05:42,874 --> 00:05:44,041 window and I screamed... 204 00:05:44,108 --> 00:05:47,177 Caleigh, listen, listen, wait. 205 00:05:47,245 --> 00:05:48,679 I want to tell you that the 206 00:05:48,746 --> 00:05:50,314 reason I was distant is because 207 00:05:50,381 --> 00:05:51,915 I was afraid you that were gonna 208 00:05:51,983 --> 00:05:52,816 break my heart, 209 00:05:52,884 --> 00:05:55,118 and I got scared. 210 00:05:55,186 --> 00:05:58,388 But I'm not scared anymore, 211 00:05:58,456 --> 00:05:59,223 baby. 212 00:05:59,290 --> 00:06:02,226 I love you. 213 00:06:02,293 --> 00:06:03,293 I need you. 214 00:06:03,361 --> 00:06:06,430 And then naturally, we bang. 215 00:06:23,713 --> 00:06:24,821 And this is the best bang of 216 00:06:24,821 --> 00:06:26,697 all because it's very emotional 217 00:06:26,697 --> 00:06:27,373 for her. 218 00:06:27,373 --> 00:06:28,936 You see, she thinks she's broken 219 00:06:28,936 --> 00:06:30,108 through my tough exterior and 220 00:06:30,108 --> 00:06:31,955 coerced affection from a man 221 00:06:31,955 --> 00:06:33,621 who is afraid to love. 222 00:06:34,621 --> 00:06:36,701 And then I slink out into 223 00:06:36,701 --> 00:06:38,440 the night, never to talk 224 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:39,114 to her again. 225 00:06:44,203 --> 00:06:45,505 Separate Entirely. 226 00:06:45,505 --> 00:06:47,733 Yes, Mac, that's right. 227 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:52,734 S: "Separate Entirely." 228 00:06:52,734 --> 00:06:57,622 D-E-N-N-I-S. 229 00:06:58,860 --> 00:07:00,216 The DENNIS System. 230 00:07:00,216 --> 00:07:01,994 That, my friends, is the key 231 00:07:01,994 --> 00:07:03,838 to winning any girl's heart. 232 00:07:03,838 --> 00:07:06,266 Good stuff. 233 00:07:06,711 --> 00:07:07,435 Better than I remember it. 234 00:07:08,260 --> 00:07:09,121 Are you kidding me? 235 00:07:09,121 --> 00:07:10,272 You are not winning their 236 00:07:10,272 --> 00:07:11,704 hearts; you're torturing them, 237 00:07:11,704 --> 00:07:12,722 and they end up hating you. 238 00:07:12,722 --> 00:07:13,817 Actually, Dee, they end up 239 00:07:13,817 --> 00:07:14,964 loving me more than they ever 240 00:07:14,964 --> 00:07:15,642 thought was possible. 241 00:07:15,642 --> 00:07:17,115 And you set it up so you can 242 00:07:17,115 --> 00:07:18,763 get these chicks back at any time, huh? 243 00:07:18,763 --> 00:07:20,001 That's exactly right, Charlie. 244 00:07:20,001 --> 00:07:21,133 You're really picking up on this 245 00:07:21,133 --> 00:07:22,038 I'm proud of you, bud. 246 00:07:22,038 --> 00:07:23,237 Okay, there is no way that 247 00:07:23,237 --> 00:07:24,416 girl is gonna come back to you 248 00:07:24,416 --> 00:07:25,588 after what you just put her through 249 00:07:25,588 --> 00:07:26,689 Oh, I could absolutely get 250 00:07:26,689 --> 00:07:28,273 that girl back anytime I want. 251 00:07:28,273 --> 00:07:29,272 I just choose not to. 252 00:07:29,272 --> 00:07:30,829 I 100% guarantee you this 253 00:07:30,829 --> 00:07:31,921 girl's finished with you. 254 00:07:31,921 --> 00:07:32,977 Well, I take that as a 255 00:07:32,977 --> 00:07:33,990 challenge, Dee, and I accept 256 00:07:33,990 --> 00:07:34,672 that challenge. 257 00:07:34,672 --> 00:07:35,360 I'll have her back by the end of 258 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:35,915 the day. 259 00:07:35,915 --> 00:07:37,333 Yeah, Dee, you just don't get 260 00:07:37,333 --> 00:07:37,704 it, okay? 261 00:07:37,704 --> 00:07:38,776 This is what men do! 262 00:07:38,776 --> 00:07:39,552 Yeah. 263 00:07:39,552 --> 00:07:40,835 This is what men do! 264 00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:42,056 This is men stuff! 265 00:07:42,056 --> 00:07:42,452 Yeah! 266 00:07:42,452 --> 00:07:43,570 Men stuff! 267 00:07:54,906 --> 00:07:55,772 You're probably getting 268 00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:56,840 DENNIS'd right now by that new 269 00:07:56,908 --> 00:07:57,941 boyfriend of yours and you don't 270 00:07:58,009 --> 00:07:58,642 even know it. 271 00:07:58,710 --> 00:07:59,576 What boyfriend? 272 00:07:59,644 --> 00:08:00,844 She don't have a boyfriend! 273 00:08:00,912 --> 00:08:01,978 Yes, I do. 274 00:08:02,046 --> 00:08:03,346 Ben-- you know, the online 275 00:08:03,414 --> 00:08:04,481 soldier that I met. 276 00:08:04,549 --> 00:08:05,816 We're back together now, so... 277 00:08:05,883 --> 00:08:06,283 What? 278 00:08:06,350 --> 00:08:07,451 That dude wouldn't date you 279 00:08:07,518 --> 00:08:08,785 after what you put him through. 280 00:08:08,853 --> 00:08:10,087 Maybe he'd DENNIS you, but he 281 00:08:10,154 --> 00:08:10,754 wouldn't date you. 282 00:08:10,822 --> 00:08:11,588 He's not DENNISing me. 283 00:08:11,656 --> 00:08:12,823 He's in the car right now. 284 00:08:12,890 --> 00:08:13,598 I told him to wait for me. 285 00:08:20,298 --> 00:08:22,065 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 286 00:08:22,133 --> 00:08:23,767 So, wait, your guy has been 287 00:08:23,835 --> 00:08:24,768 waiting out here the whole time 288 00:08:24,836 --> 00:08:25,435 in the hot sun? 289 00:08:25,503 --> 00:08:26,503 Yeah, I just told him to wait 290 00:08:26,571 --> 00:08:27,003 for me. 291 00:08:27,071 --> 00:08:28,171 He kind of just does whatever I 292 00:08:28,239 --> 00:08:28,672 say. 293 00:08:28,740 --> 00:08:29,306 It's pretty great. 294 00:08:29,373 --> 00:08:30,138 Why'd you tell him to do it 295 00:08:30,138 --> 00:08:30,712 with the windows up? 296 00:08:30,712 --> 00:08:31,724 I know, the engine's not even on 297 00:08:31,724 --> 00:08:32,316 That's just cruel. 298 00:08:32,316 --> 00:08:33,140 I didn't. I didn't. 299 00:08:33,140 --> 00:08:34,390 I just didn't tell him to do it 300 00:08:34,390 --> 00:08:35,240 with the windows down. 301 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:36,826 He's not, you know, the 302 00:08:36,826 --> 00:08:37,341 smartest, but... 303 00:08:37,341 --> 00:08:38,184 Dee, it's, like, 100 degrees 304 00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:38,572 outside. 305 00:08:38,572 --> 00:08:39,441 I'm assuming that he has 306 00:08:39,441 --> 00:08:40,947 engaged you physically? 307 00:08:41,444 --> 00:08:43,086 Well, I mean, of course we've 308 00:08:43,154 --> 00:08:43,954 engaged physically. 309 00:08:44,021 --> 00:08:44,755 Look at that body. 310 00:08:44,822 --> 00:08:45,889 It is stupid. 311 00:08:45,957 --> 00:08:47,791 Of course we've engaged over and 312 00:08:47,859 --> 00:08:48,358 over physically. 313 00:08:48,426 --> 00:08:49,259 But that doesn't mean that he's 314 00:08:49,327 --> 00:08:51,452 pulling some sort of a system. 315 00:08:51,629 --> 00:08:53,497 Hey, guys. 316 00:08:53,564 --> 00:08:54,498 Hey, Dee. 317 00:08:54,565 --> 00:08:56,032 I didn't see you there. 318 00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:57,100 Are you almost done? 319 00:08:57,168 --> 00:08:57,701 Yeah, yeah. 320 00:08:57,769 --> 00:08:58,935 I just, I got caught up in a 321 00:08:59,003 --> 00:08:59,369 story. 322 00:08:59,437 --> 00:09:00,370 But I'll be done pretty soon. 323 00:09:00,438 --> 00:09:01,538 Oh, oh, okay. 324 00:09:01,606 --> 00:09:02,739 Well, do you want me to come in? 325 00:09:02,807 --> 00:09:03,807 No! No, I don't, no. 326 00:09:03,875 --> 00:09:04,975 You just, you just stay where 327 00:09:05,042 --> 00:09:05,542 you are and... 328 00:09:05,610 --> 00:09:06,476 You know what, I'll text you 329 00:09:06,544 --> 00:09:07,410 when I'm wrapping up, and then 330 00:09:07,478 --> 00:09:08,645 you can crank the A.C., cool the 331 00:09:08,713 --> 00:09:09,279 car off for me. 332 00:09:09,347 --> 00:09:09,780 Sure thing. 333 00:09:09,847 --> 00:09:10,380 Okay. 334 00:09:10,448 --> 00:09:11,414 See you, fellas. 335 00:09:11,482 --> 00:09:12,582 Okay. 336 00:09:12,650 --> 00:09:13,483 We'll see you, man. 337 00:09:13,551 --> 00:09:14,618 Dee, you're getting played. 338 00:09:14,685 --> 00:09:15,352 You're getting played 339 00:09:15,419 --> 00:09:16,153 big-time. 340 00:09:16,220 --> 00:09:16,753 He's not doing... 341 00:09:16,821 --> 00:09:17,354 Big-time! 342 00:09:17,421 --> 00:09:17,854 ...anything. 343 00:09:17,922 --> 00:09:18,835 He's just-- I told him to sit... 344 00:09:25,081 --> 00:09:26,682 And there you go. 345 00:09:26,750 --> 00:09:27,483 Good to see you. 346 00:09:27,551 --> 00:09:28,083 See you soon. 347 00:09:28,151 --> 00:09:29,318 Bye. 348 00:09:29,386 --> 00:09:30,553 Hey, Caleigh. 349 00:09:30,620 --> 00:09:31,720 What do you want? 350 00:09:31,788 --> 00:09:33,622 Listen, before you say 351 00:09:33,690 --> 00:09:35,558 anything, I just want to say 352 00:09:35,625 --> 00:09:36,892 that I'm really sorry for 353 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:37,760 everything that went down 354 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:38,761 between us. 355 00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:40,229 It's all my fault. 356 00:09:40,297 --> 00:09:42,531 Nana took a turn for the worst, 357 00:09:42,599 --> 00:09:46,001 and it's got me in a really bad 358 00:09:46,069 --> 00:09:47,970 place. 359 00:09:48,038 --> 00:09:50,806 I just... I don't know what 360 00:09:50,874 --> 00:09:54,443 I would do if she died. 361 00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:55,511 I don't think your 362 00:09:55,579 --> 00:09:58,414 grandmother exists, Dennis. 363 00:10:02,619 --> 00:10:03,719 I beg your pardon. 364 00:10:03,787 --> 00:10:05,120 Uh, yeah, I looked into it; 365 00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:07,723 there's no, um, uh, Dr. Toboggan 366 00:10:07,791 --> 00:10:09,158 in Philadelphia either. 367 00:10:09,225 --> 00:10:10,693 Oh, no, yeah. 368 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:11,393 He doesn't... 369 00:10:11,461 --> 00:10:12,761 He's not based in Philly. 370 00:10:12,829 --> 00:10:13,495 Oh, no? 371 00:10:13,563 --> 00:10:15,097 No, it says "Philadelphia" right 372 00:10:15,165 --> 00:10:15,598 there. 373 00:10:15,665 --> 00:10:16,599 Oh. 374 00:10:16,666 --> 00:10:18,300 Yeah, no, that... I'm gonna call 375 00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:19,935 him because if he's still 376 00:10:20,003 --> 00:10:21,470 giving people prescriptions on 377 00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,038 that pad, those people could get 378 00:10:23,106 --> 00:10:25,374 in a lot of trouble. 379 00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:33,682 Oh! 380 00:10:33,750 --> 00:10:34,216 Whoa. 381 00:10:34,284 --> 00:10:35,184 W-What the hell are you doing 382 00:10:35,251 --> 00:10:35,684 here? 383 00:10:35,752 --> 00:10:36,518 I'm swooping in on your 384 00:10:36,586 --> 00:10:37,019 chick. 385 00:10:37,087 --> 00:10:37,820 What? No, dude. 386 00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:38,587 I'm trying to re-DENNIS this 387 00:10:38,655 --> 00:10:39,655 chick, so I can shove it in 388 00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:40,322 Dee's face. 389 00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:41,423 What, uh, what is this swooping 390 00:10:41,491 --> 00:10:42,091 in business? 391 00:10:42,158 --> 00:10:43,092 Oh, that's my system-- 392 00:10:43,159 --> 00:10:43,859 the MAC. 393 00:10:43,927 --> 00:10:45,661 "Move in After Completion." 394 00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:47,029 I wait till you're done with 395 00:10:47,097 --> 00:10:48,163 them, and then I swoop in, give 396 00:10:48,231 --> 00:10:49,231 them a shoulder to cry on, and 397 00:10:49,299 --> 00:10:50,232 then we hump. 398 00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:51,667 Oh, you've been humping these 399 00:10:51,735 --> 00:10:52,701 girls after I'm done with them? 400 00:10:52,769 --> 00:10:53,369 Oh, yeah, dude. 401 00:10:53,436 --> 00:10:55,137 I come in as the sensitive 402 00:10:55,205 --> 00:10:56,105 intellectual type. 403 00:10:56,172 --> 00:10:57,206 Why do you think I'm always 404 00:10:57,273 --> 00:10:58,240 reading books and shit when we 405 00:10:58,308 --> 00:10:59,174 do the spider routine? 406 00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:00,175 I thought you were just my 407 00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:00,843 wingman though. 408 00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:02,411 No, no, I'm swimming in your 409 00:11:02,479 --> 00:11:03,112 wake. 410 00:11:03,179 --> 00:11:04,046 Hey, what are you two 411 00:11:04,114 --> 00:11:05,180 dickheads doing here? 412 00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:06,181 What are you doing here? 413 00:11:06,249 --> 00:11:06,882 What do you mean? 414 00:11:06,950 --> 00:11:07,883 I'm here for the scraps. 415 00:11:07,951 --> 00:11:08,884 Frank, I haven't had a chance 416 00:11:08,952 --> 00:11:09,818 to get in there yet, okay? 417 00:11:09,886 --> 00:11:10,319 So just... 418 00:11:10,387 --> 00:11:11,487 What's taking you so long? 419 00:11:11,554 --> 00:11:12,755 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 420 00:11:12,822 --> 00:11:13,889 What, you have a system where 421 00:11:13,957 --> 00:11:14,923 you come in after Mac? 422 00:11:14,991 --> 00:11:15,591 That's right. 423 00:11:15,659 --> 00:11:16,792 I come in after Mac. 424 00:11:16,860 --> 00:11:17,960 But he's taking, like, forever 425 00:11:18,028 --> 00:11:18,494 this time. 426 00:11:18,561 --> 00:11:19,728 I got my Magnum condoms. 427 00:11:19,796 --> 00:11:21,430 I got my wad of hundreds. 428 00:11:21,498 --> 00:11:23,365 I'm ready to plow. 429 00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:24,700 You should see him feast. 430 00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:25,901 He's like a mantis. 431 00:11:25,969 --> 00:11:26,702 It's amazing. 432 00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:28,537 Oh, that's good. 433 00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,205 Call me that from now on. 434 00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:31,106 Mantis. 435 00:11:31,174 --> 00:11:32,107 No, nobody's calling you 436 00:11:32,175 --> 00:11:32,708 Man... 437 00:11:32,776 --> 00:11:34,176 Look, you guys got to back off, 438 00:11:34,244 --> 00:11:34,677 okay? 439 00:11:34,744 --> 00:11:35,511 I'm trying to re-DENNIS this 440 00:11:35,578 --> 00:11:35,978 chick. 441 00:11:36,046 --> 00:11:36,712 No, you back off. 442 00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,013 Wait-wait a second, Frank. 443 00:11:38,081 --> 00:11:38,881 He's right. 444 00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:39,748 It's a delicate ecosystem. 445 00:11:39,816 --> 00:11:40,416 We got to... 446 00:11:40,483 --> 00:11:41,583 we got to stick with it. 447 00:11:41,651 --> 00:11:42,651 Just let him do his thing, and 448 00:11:42,719 --> 00:11:43,752 then we'll come in for seconds 449 00:11:43,820 --> 00:11:44,653 and scraps. 450 00:11:44,721 --> 00:11:45,387 Get out... 451 00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:46,088 Just play it cool. 452 00:11:46,156 --> 00:11:47,256 ...before she sees you. 453 00:11:47,323 --> 00:11:48,157 Hurry up though, because... 454 00:11:48,224 --> 00:11:49,591 Magnum condoms and a wad of 455 00:11:49,659 --> 00:11:50,526 hundreds. 456 00:11:50,593 --> 00:11:52,361 Idiot. 457 00:11:52,429 --> 00:11:53,729 This is so exciting. 458 00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:55,397 You're gonna love this. 459 00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:57,666 Okay, just stop right there. 460 00:11:57,734 --> 00:11:59,968 Okay, and off with the... 461 00:12:00,036 --> 00:12:01,537 Okay, here we are! 462 00:12:01,604 --> 00:12:03,005 I set up a picnic for us! 463 00:12:05,075 --> 00:12:06,275 What the hell are you doing? 464 00:12:06,342 --> 00:12:08,243 What...? I-I set up a picnic. 465 00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:09,712 Do you, do you not like picnics? 466 00:12:09,779 --> 00:12:11,180 Okay, all right, I know 467 00:12:11,247 --> 00:12:12,381 what's going on. 468 00:12:12,449 --> 00:12:13,782 I-I'm onto you, guy. 469 00:12:13,850 --> 00:12:15,284 You bring me out here to some 470 00:12:15,351 --> 00:12:16,318 landfill in the middle of 471 00:12:16,386 --> 00:12:17,052 nowhere. 472 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:18,487 You blindfold me so I have no 473 00:12:18,555 --> 00:12:19,455 idea where I am. 474 00:12:19,522 --> 00:12:20,689 I'm gonna depend on you to get 475 00:12:20,757 --> 00:12:21,356 home... 476 00:12:21,424 --> 00:12:22,524 Dee, do you want to go? 477 00:12:22,592 --> 00:12:23,325 Yeah, oh, yeah! 478 00:12:23,393 --> 00:12:24,827 I want to go, but not with you. 479 00:12:24,894 --> 00:12:25,961 I'll go all by myself. 480 00:12:26,029 --> 00:12:26,862 I'll take the bus. 481 00:12:26,930 --> 00:12:27,930 And I'll also take this. 482 00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:28,430 Thank you. 483 00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:28,964 Well, here. 484 00:12:29,032 --> 00:12:29,765 Do you want a glass? 485 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:30,299 No, stop it! 486 00:12:30,366 --> 00:12:31,200 What... do you need bus fare? 487 00:12:31,267 --> 00:12:31,967 I don't need bus fare. 488 00:12:32,035 --> 00:12:32,868 I'm not sure the bus comes 489 00:12:32,936 --> 00:12:33,368 out here anyway. 490 00:12:33,436 --> 00:12:34,436 Okay, I'll walk then, okay? 491 00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:35,504 What...? In your heels? 492 00:12:35,572 --> 00:12:36,138 They're very nice. 493 00:12:36,206 --> 00:12:37,306 Here, take my boots! 494 00:12:37,373 --> 00:12:38,040 Stop it! 495 00:12:38,108 --> 00:12:39,141 Stop trying to make me depend on 496 00:12:39,209 --> 00:12:39,742 you, okay? 497 00:12:39,809 --> 00:12:40,976 I'm fine all by myself, buddy. 498 00:12:41,044 --> 00:12:42,344 I'm doing just fine by myself. 499 00:12:48,985 --> 00:12:49,818 Oh, my God! 500 00:12:49,886 --> 00:12:52,287 Are you okay?! 501 00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:53,489 I'm fine! 502 00:12:53,556 --> 00:12:54,490 Well, just, look, just stay 503 00:12:54,557 --> 00:12:54,990 there. 504 00:12:55,058 --> 00:12:55,991 I'm gonna come down to help. 505 00:12:56,059 --> 00:12:56,825 Leave me alone! 506 00:12:56,893 --> 00:12:57,793 I won't give you the 507 00:12:57,861 --> 00:12:59,094 satisfaction! 508 00:12:59,162 --> 00:13:00,596 I'm fine! 509 00:13:00,663 --> 00:13:01,864 I'm independent. 510 00:13:01,931 --> 00:13:02,865 What...? 511 00:13:02,932 --> 00:13:03,732 I-I don't need you! 512 00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:04,500 Wait... 513 00:13:04,567 --> 00:13:06,635 I don't need anybody! 514 00:13:08,271 --> 00:13:09,104 Where you going?! 515 00:13:09,172 --> 00:13:09,827 Shut up! 516 00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:20,182 Oh, what the hell?! 517 00:13:20,250 --> 00:13:21,817 Oh, what the hell, Charlie?! 518 00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:22,951 Hey! 519 00:13:23,019 --> 00:13:24,019 Look who's home. 520 00:13:24,087 --> 00:13:25,187 Uh, well, hang on a second. 521 00:13:25,255 --> 00:13:25,954 What you doing there? 522 00:13:26,022 --> 00:13:26,755 Oh, I'm calling the police. 523 00:13:26,823 --> 00:13:27,456 Uh, no! 524 00:13:27,524 --> 00:13:28,657 Uh, you don't have to call the 525 00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:29,191 police. 526 00:13:29,259 --> 00:13:29,792 Check it out. 527 00:13:29,859 --> 00:13:31,193 I'm here just to fix your 528 00:13:31,261 --> 00:13:31,927 garbage disposal. 529 00:13:31,995 --> 00:13:33,128 Is that a bag of hair in your 530 00:13:33,196 --> 00:13:33,796 hand, Charlie? 531 00:13:33,863 --> 00:13:34,296 Ah... 532 00:13:34,364 --> 00:13:35,197 Have you been breaking into 533 00:13:35,265 --> 00:13:36,465 my apartment and shoving hair in 534 00:13:36,533 --> 00:13:37,065 my sink? 535 00:13:37,133 --> 00:13:38,467 Okay, okay. 536 00:13:38,535 --> 00:13:39,368 Let's start over. 537 00:13:39,435 --> 00:13:40,202 We're getting way off topic 538 00:13:40,270 --> 00:13:40,836 here. 539 00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:42,271 I would like you to focus on the 540 00:13:42,338 --> 00:13:44,139 amount of value that I'm 541 00:13:44,207 --> 00:13:46,108 demonstrating to you by fixing 542 00:13:46,176 --> 00:13:47,476 your garbage disposal. 543 00:13:47,544 --> 00:13:48,644 Will you just get the hell 544 00:13:48,711 --> 00:13:49,411 out of my apartment? 545 00:13:49,479 --> 00:13:50,078 Are you sure? 546 00:13:50,146 --> 00:13:50,879 'Cause your garbage disposal... 547 00:13:50,947 --> 00:13:51,413 Pretty sure. 548 00:13:51,481 --> 00:13:52,381 It's way worse than when I 549 00:13:52,448 --> 00:13:52,881 got here. 550 00:13:52,949 --> 00:13:53,782 I think you should get out. 551 00:13:53,850 --> 00:13:54,449 All right. 552 00:13:54,517 --> 00:13:55,250 I like this blouse you're 553 00:13:55,318 --> 00:13:55,884 wearing; that's nice. 554 00:13:55,952 --> 00:13:56,385 Is that new? 555 00:13:56,452 --> 00:13:56,885 What is that? 556 00:13:56,953 --> 00:13:57,553 It's modern, right? 557 00:13:57,620 --> 00:13:58,587 This is my uniform that I 558 00:13:58,655 --> 00:13:59,855 have to wear for my other job, 559 00:13:59,923 --> 00:14:00,689 and it's ugly. 560 00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:01,757 Well, now, it's not ugly. 561 00:14:01,825 --> 00:14:02,758 It's just... 562 00:14:02,826 --> 00:14:03,792 You know, it's unique. 563 00:14:03,860 --> 00:14:05,194 So, what's this new job? 564 00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:07,029 I work at the fair. 565 00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:08,163 Working at the fair! 566 00:14:08,231 --> 00:14:09,898 Well, look at us, you know? 567 00:14:09,966 --> 00:14:10,532 I'm a plumber. 568 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:11,567 You're a fair worker. 569 00:14:11,634 --> 00:14:13,802 They go well together, right? 570 00:14:13,870 --> 00:14:15,604 Get out of my apartment. 571 00:14:15,672 --> 00:14:17,606 Oh, all right. 572 00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:20,209 I don't know. 573 00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:22,177 I did everything right and I 574 00:14:22,245 --> 00:14:23,045 can't get past the letter "D," 575 00:14:23,112 --> 00:14:23,579 dude. 576 00:14:23,646 --> 00:14:24,079 Okay. 577 00:14:24,147 --> 00:14:25,314 Well, what did you do, exactly? 578 00:14:25,381 --> 00:14:27,149 I broke into her place. 579 00:14:27,217 --> 00:14:28,217 I ripped her sink apart. 580 00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:29,418 I brought a bag of hair. 581 00:14:29,485 --> 00:14:30,052 You know what I mean? 582 00:14:30,119 --> 00:14:30,853 And I come across looking like 583 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:31,687 a total jerk. 584 00:14:31,754 --> 00:14:32,621 Yeah, of course, because 585 00:14:32,689 --> 00:14:33,522 nothing that you just described 586 00:14:33,590 --> 00:14:33,989 sounds correct. 587 00:14:34,057 --> 00:14:35,023 These are totally the type of 588 00:14:35,091 --> 00:14:35,657 things... 589 00:14:35,725 --> 00:14:36,391 You were talking about slashing 590 00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:37,659 a girl's tires and doing scary 591 00:14:37,727 --> 00:14:38,493 voices. 592 00:14:38,561 --> 00:14:39,328 Do you know anything about 593 00:14:39,395 --> 00:14:39,995 plumbing? 594 00:14:40,063 --> 00:14:41,496 Uh, no. 595 00:14:41,564 --> 00:14:42,431 Maybe it's just over my head, 596 00:14:42,498 --> 00:14:43,131 this system. 597 00:14:43,199 --> 00:14:43,832 You know, maybe I should just 598 00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:44,633 stick to stalking. 599 00:14:44,701 --> 00:14:45,434 No. 600 00:14:45,501 --> 00:14:46,168 Maybe that's my system. 601 00:14:46,236 --> 00:14:47,402 She got a job at the fair. 602 00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:48,637 It could be fun to stalk her at 603 00:14:48,705 --> 00:14:50,339 a fair. 604 00:14:50,406 --> 00:14:52,174 Jesus Christ on the cross. 605 00:14:52,242 --> 00:14:53,242 You look like shit. 606 00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:53,876 Yeah. 607 00:14:53,943 --> 00:14:54,776 Yeah, that's 'cause I spent the 608 00:14:54,844 --> 00:14:55,677 night in the woods, trying to 609 00:14:55,745 --> 00:14:57,145 demonstrate my independence. 610 00:14:57,213 --> 00:14:58,380 Okay, clearly, none of you 611 00:14:58,448 --> 00:14:59,514 have any idea how to run my 612 00:14:59,582 --> 00:15:00,449 system. 613 00:15:00,516 --> 00:15:01,049 Goddamn... 614 00:15:01,117 --> 00:15:01,783 All right, I'm going to get 615 00:15:01,851 --> 00:15:02,484 everybody what they want, 616 00:15:02,552 --> 00:15:03,385 including myself. 617 00:15:03,453 --> 00:15:04,553 Let me just think for a second. 618 00:15:04,621 --> 00:15:06,388 Let me just work something out 619 00:15:06,456 --> 00:15:09,091 here and, um... 620 00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:11,727 Whoa. 621 00:15:11,794 --> 00:15:12,828 What's he doing? 622 00:15:12,896 --> 00:15:14,379 Just shut up and let him work. 623 00:15:28,211 --> 00:15:29,544 We're going to the fair. 624 00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:31,480 That will provide the perfect 625 00:15:31,548 --> 00:15:32,882 setting for all of our needs to 626 00:15:32,949 --> 00:15:33,449 be met. 627 00:15:33,517 --> 00:15:34,550 Charlie, you'll demonstrate your 628 00:15:34,618 --> 00:15:35,885 value to the waitress by winning 629 00:15:35,952 --> 00:15:36,952 a prize at her booth. 630 00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:38,354 Good, dude, then I give her 631 00:15:38,422 --> 00:15:39,755 the prize and that's good. 632 00:15:39,823 --> 00:15:40,322 Mm-mm. 633 00:15:40,390 --> 00:15:42,124 No, that's dead wrong, actually. 634 00:15:42,192 --> 00:15:42,925 You're going to take the prize 635 00:15:42,993 --> 00:15:43,893 and award it to the bustiest 636 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:44,927 woman you can find. 637 00:15:44,995 --> 00:15:46,095 Okay, your indifference to the 638 00:15:46,163 --> 00:15:47,296 waitress will only make you 639 00:15:47,364 --> 00:15:48,431 more attractive to her. 640 00:15:48,498 --> 00:15:49,131 Oh. 641 00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:51,333 Now, Dee, because of your 642 00:15:51,401 --> 00:15:52,401 ridiculous missteps, you 643 00:15:52,469 --> 00:15:54,470 actually have no value, so your 644 00:15:54,538 --> 00:15:55,871 only hope is to lower Ben's 645 00:15:55,939 --> 00:15:56,605 value. 646 00:15:56,673 --> 00:15:57,807 You're going to do this by 647 00:15:57,874 --> 00:15:58,974 flirting with a carny in front 648 00:15:59,042 --> 00:15:59,575 of him. 649 00:15:59,643 --> 00:16:00,676 Oh, gosh, yeah. 650 00:16:00,744 --> 00:16:01,444 I don't know if I want to deal 651 00:16:01,511 --> 00:16:02,144 with a carny. 652 00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:03,179 No, no one likes dealing with 653 00:16:03,246 --> 00:16:04,146 carnies and that's why Frank 654 00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:05,948 will pose as one. 655 00:16:06,016 --> 00:16:07,483 Now, Mac, you're the final piece 656 00:16:07,551 --> 00:16:08,384 in this puzzle. 657 00:16:08,452 --> 00:16:09,752 I need you to resume your role 658 00:16:09,820 --> 00:16:11,253 as the thoughtful roommate and 659 00:16:11,321 --> 00:16:12,988 invite Caleigh out to the fair. 660 00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:15,925 There, I shall be waiting to win 661 00:16:15,992 --> 00:16:17,293 back her heart. 662 00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:18,427 How you going to do that? 663 00:16:18,495 --> 00:16:19,895 I got to get myself a 664 00:16:19,963 --> 00:16:21,068 grandmother. 665 00:16:31,145 --> 00:16:32,445 What's happening? 666 00:16:32,513 --> 00:16:34,180 What's happening is we're at 667 00:16:34,248 --> 00:16:35,548 the fair, Gladys, and you're 668 00:16:35,616 --> 00:16:36,616 going to act like my grandma, 669 00:16:36,683 --> 00:16:37,517 okay? 670 00:16:37,584 --> 00:16:39,652 My grandmother had an affair 671 00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:41,821 with Susan B. Anthony. 672 00:16:41,889 --> 00:16:42,722 I don't give a shit. 673 00:16:42,790 --> 00:16:43,523 Look, paying you not to talk, 674 00:16:43,590 --> 00:16:44,090 all right? 675 00:16:44,158 --> 00:16:45,458 So... 676 00:16:45,526 --> 00:16:46,759 Well, hello. 677 00:16:46,827 --> 00:16:48,027 This is a coincidence, huh? 678 00:16:48,095 --> 00:16:49,495 No, it's not. 679 00:16:49,563 --> 00:16:50,296 No, it's not, but it's 680 00:16:50,364 --> 00:16:51,664 exciting, isn't it? 681 00:16:51,732 --> 00:16:52,598 So, uh, what game do we have 682 00:16:52,666 --> 00:16:53,299 here? 683 00:16:53,367 --> 00:16:55,301 What game is this? 684 00:16:56,870 --> 00:16:58,404 "Speed Pitch." 685 00:16:58,472 --> 00:16:59,439 That's all you do? 686 00:16:59,506 --> 00:17:00,106 You throw a pitch? 687 00:17:00,174 --> 00:17:01,074 I mean, what prizes are there? 688 00:17:01,141 --> 00:17:02,341 There are no prizes, Charlie. 689 00:17:02,409 --> 00:17:04,177 It's just to see, "How fast can 690 00:17:04,244 --> 00:17:05,011 you throw?" 691 00:17:05,079 --> 00:17:06,191 Oh, well, then, I guess I'll 692 00:17:06,191 --> 00:17:07,552 demonstrate my value to you by 693 00:17:07,552 --> 00:17:08,915 firing off a wicked hot 694 00:17:08,915 --> 00:17:10,019 fastball, huh? 695 00:17:10,972 --> 00:17:11,941 You know this game is for 696 00:17:11,941 --> 00:17:12,469 children, right? 697 00:17:12,469 --> 00:17:13,377 I don't care it's for kids. 698 00:17:13,377 --> 00:17:13,817 All right? 699 00:17:13,817 --> 00:17:14,752 Let me demonstrate my value to you 700 00:17:14,752 --> 00:17:16,238 Please. 701 00:17:16,290 --> 00:17:17,190 When I was little, all the 702 00:17:17,258 --> 00:17:18,592 kids would beat me up and call 703 00:17:18,659 --> 00:17:19,359 me "bookworm." 704 00:17:19,427 --> 00:17:20,193 Right this way, Nana. 705 00:17:20,261 --> 00:17:21,161 Kids are so brutal. 706 00:17:21,228 --> 00:17:21,861 Oh. 707 00:17:21,929 --> 00:17:23,597 Hi, Mac. 708 00:17:23,664 --> 00:17:24,297 Caleigh. 709 00:17:24,365 --> 00:17:24,998 I didn't see you there. 710 00:17:25,066 --> 00:17:26,132 What are you doing here? 711 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:27,100 This is my nana. 712 00:17:27,168 --> 00:17:28,501 She's-She's on the mend, so I 713 00:17:28,569 --> 00:17:29,169 wanted to get her out of the 714 00:17:29,236 --> 00:17:29,836 house. 715 00:17:29,904 --> 00:17:30,804 This is your grandmother? 716 00:17:30,871 --> 00:17:32,038 Oh, yeah. 717 00:17:32,106 --> 00:17:32,872 Yeah, this is Nana. 718 00:17:32,940 --> 00:17:35,041 Yeah, isn't she precious? 719 00:17:35,109 --> 00:17:37,744 My grandmother was a lesbian. 720 00:17:43,017 --> 00:17:44,551 Well? 721 00:17:44,619 --> 00:17:45,352 How's it look? 722 00:17:45,419 --> 00:17:46,586 It's great. 723 00:17:46,654 --> 00:17:47,587 You look like a lizard. 724 00:17:47,655 --> 00:17:48,855 I like turtles. 725 00:17:48,923 --> 00:17:50,023 Okay. 726 00:17:50,091 --> 00:17:52,726 Ooh, look, a carny. 727 00:17:52,793 --> 00:17:53,326 Frank. 728 00:17:53,394 --> 00:17:54,127 Hey, Frank. 729 00:17:54,195 --> 00:17:54,661 Ooh. 730 00:17:54,729 --> 00:17:55,261 What are you doing? 731 00:17:55,329 --> 00:17:55,829 Lose the tie. 732 00:17:55,896 --> 00:17:56,663 You're way overdressed. 733 00:17:56,731 --> 00:17:58,098 I got a new angle. 734 00:17:58,165 --> 00:17:58,999 What? 735 00:18:00,801 --> 00:18:01,368 Leave us alone. 736 00:18:01,435 --> 00:18:01,901 Yeah, but listen. 737 00:18:01,969 --> 00:18:02,535 Just listen to me for one 738 00:18:02,603 --> 00:18:03,036 second, okay? 739 00:18:03,104 --> 00:18:04,604 Dennis, I've been looking all 740 00:18:04,672 --> 00:18:05,639 over for you! 741 00:18:05,706 --> 00:18:06,373 Where you been? 742 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:07,173 Hello. 743 00:18:07,241 --> 00:18:09,042 Dr. Toboggan. 744 00:18:09,110 --> 00:18:09,643 Nice to meet you. 745 00:18:09,710 --> 00:18:10,176 Thank you. 746 00:18:10,244 --> 00:18:10,910 Frank, what the hell are you 747 00:18:10,978 --> 00:18:11,411 doing? 748 00:18:11,479 --> 00:18:12,979 Uh, actually, it's Mantis. 749 00:18:13,047 --> 00:18:14,814 Mantis Toboggan, M.D. 750 00:18:14,882 --> 00:18:16,282 I got your test results. 751 00:18:16,350 --> 00:18:17,450 You're positive. 752 00:18:17,518 --> 00:18:19,085 You got the HIV. 753 00:18:19,153 --> 00:18:20,487 Yes, AIDS, big-time. 754 00:18:20,554 --> 00:18:21,354 Dennis, what are you...? 755 00:18:21,422 --> 00:18:22,789 You got the AIDS, big-time. 756 00:18:22,857 --> 00:18:23,757 What are you doing, dude? 757 00:18:23,824 --> 00:18:24,457 Did you see her face? 758 00:18:24,525 --> 00:18:25,592 Look at her. Look at her. 759 00:18:25,660 --> 00:18:26,693 I'm breaking her down. 760 00:18:26,761 --> 00:18:27,994 I'm making her feel worthless. 761 00:18:28,062 --> 00:18:28,928 You see? 762 00:18:28,996 --> 00:18:30,664 She thinks she's got the HIV. 763 00:18:30,731 --> 00:18:32,165 And I slip in. 764 00:18:33,134 --> 00:18:33,633 Get it? 765 00:18:33,701 --> 00:18:34,601 There's an order here, dude. 766 00:18:34,669 --> 00:18:35,402 Get back in line. 767 00:18:35,469 --> 00:18:36,803 No more thirds for Frankie. 768 00:18:36,871 --> 00:18:38,071 Seconds from now on. 769 00:18:38,873 --> 00:18:39,739 All right! 770 00:18:39,807 --> 00:18:40,640 That was all right. 771 00:18:40,708 --> 00:18:41,741 15. 772 00:18:41,809 --> 00:18:42,642 15. 773 00:18:42,710 --> 00:18:43,743 It's cause I'm getting tired. 774 00:18:43,811 --> 00:18:44,644 All right? 775 00:18:44,712 --> 00:18:45,612 My arm's blown out. 776 00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:46,579 Hey, "Speed Pitch." 777 00:18:46,647 --> 00:18:47,280 You want to play? 778 00:18:48,049 --> 00:18:48,815 Okay. 779 00:18:48,883 --> 00:18:50,283 Oh, hey, wait, wait. 780 00:18:50,351 --> 00:18:50,917 Hey, guy. 781 00:18:50,985 --> 00:18:51,451 You work here? 782 00:18:51,519 --> 00:18:51,951 Yeah. 783 00:18:52,019 --> 00:18:52,652 Yeah? 784 00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:53,820 Oh, shit, Ben. 785 00:18:53,888 --> 00:18:55,155 Look, a carny. 786 00:18:55,222 --> 00:18:57,157 Hey. 787 00:18:59,060 --> 00:18:59,759 So, I wonder if there's a 788 00:18:59,827 --> 00:19:01,361 kissing booth anywhere close. 789 00:19:01,429 --> 00:19:02,762 64. 790 00:19:02,830 --> 00:19:04,531 Ow! Ow! 791 00:19:04,598 --> 00:19:06,099 Oh, you stabbed me! 792 00:19:06,167 --> 00:19:07,500 He stabbed me with a key! 793 00:19:07,568 --> 00:19:08,001 Someone! 794 00:19:08,069 --> 00:19:08,935 Someone call a doctor! 795 00:19:09,003 --> 00:19:09,436 Ow! 796 00:19:09,503 --> 00:19:10,203 You idiot! 797 00:19:10,271 --> 00:19:11,171 Why would you stab me? 798 00:19:11,238 --> 00:19:12,372 I was flirting with you. 799 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:13,873 That guy paid me to. 800 00:19:13,941 --> 00:19:14,674 You weren't supposed to stab 801 00:19:14,742 --> 00:19:15,475 her, man. 802 00:19:15,543 --> 00:19:16,643 You were supposed to stab her! 803 00:19:16,711 --> 00:19:17,377 What?! 804 00:19:17,445 --> 00:19:18,778 You want to have me stabbed? 805 00:19:18,846 --> 00:19:19,779 I was going to protect you 806 00:19:19,847 --> 00:19:20,947 from the stabbing. 807 00:19:21,015 --> 00:19:22,716 Wrong! Wrong! 808 00:19:22,783 --> 00:19:24,050 Wrong! 809 00:19:24,118 --> 00:19:25,051 Wrong! 810 00:19:25,119 --> 00:19:26,052 You're supposed to let her get 811 00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:27,253 stabbed, hope that it hits a 812 00:19:27,321 --> 00:19:28,488 main artery, and then, as she's 813 00:19:28,556 --> 00:19:29,956 dying, you nurse her back to 814 00:19:30,024 --> 00:19:31,257 health, thereby making her 815 00:19:31,325 --> 00:19:32,392 totally dependent on you. 816 00:19:32,460 --> 00:19:33,093 Oh... 817 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:34,360 See, this is why nobody 818 00:19:34,428 --> 00:19:35,962 should be going off my system. 819 00:19:36,030 --> 00:19:36,930 What do you mean, "off your 820 00:19:36,997 --> 00:19:37,831 system"? 821 00:19:37,898 --> 00:19:39,099 My system of seduction that I 822 00:19:39,166 --> 00:19:40,366 used to win your heart that 823 00:19:40,434 --> 00:19:41,968 these idiots are ruining right 824 00:19:42,036 --> 00:19:42,535 now. 825 00:19:42,603 --> 00:19:43,603 Ben's the only one who's using 826 00:19:43,671 --> 00:19:44,404 it properly. 827 00:19:44,472 --> 00:19:45,338 Ben, please explain how the 828 00:19:45,406 --> 00:19:46,139 system works. 829 00:19:46,207 --> 00:19:46,940 I don't know what you're 830 00:19:47,007 --> 00:19:47,574 talking about. 831 00:19:47,641 --> 00:19:48,341 Are you telling me you had 832 00:19:48,409 --> 00:19:49,275 your face painted like a goddamn 833 00:19:49,343 --> 00:19:50,443 frog person and you have no 834 00:19:50,511 --> 00:19:51,745 ulterior motive here? 835 00:19:51,812 --> 00:19:52,412 I'm a lizard. 836 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:53,346 Ooh, whoops. 837 00:19:53,414 --> 00:19:54,380 Ooh. 838 00:19:54,448 --> 00:19:57,217 I dropped my monster condom that 839 00:19:57,284 --> 00:20:00,286 I use for my magnum dong. 840 00:20:00,354 --> 00:20:01,821 I'm out of here. 841 00:20:01,889 --> 00:20:02,322 No. 842 00:20:02,389 --> 00:20:03,022 I'll give you a ride. 843 00:20:03,090 --> 00:20:03,523 Thank you. 844 00:20:03,591 --> 00:20:04,023 What? 845 00:20:04,091 --> 00:20:04,557 What are you doing? 846 00:20:04,625 --> 00:20:05,158 I'm leaving. 847 00:20:05,226 --> 00:20:06,526 Dee, I don't like you. 848 00:20:06,594 --> 00:20:07,494 Well, how is that possible? 849 00:20:07,561 --> 00:20:08,595 You're a mean person. 850 00:20:08,662 --> 00:20:09,662 Ah, well... 851 00:20:09,730 --> 00:20:10,797 Oh, you wou... 852 00:20:10,865 --> 00:20:11,498 You go! 853 00:20:11,565 --> 00:20:12,332 You get out of here! 854 00:20:12,399 --> 00:20:13,299 Way to go, jerks. 855 00:20:13,367 --> 00:20:13,933 Good job. 856 00:20:14,001 --> 00:20:14,768 Yeah, you know, "way to go," 857 00:20:14,835 --> 00:20:15,335 to you. 858 00:20:15,402 --> 00:20:16,302 You work in a fair, carny. 859 00:20:16,370 --> 00:20:17,070 All right, don't call her a 860 00:20:17,138 --> 00:20:17,570 carny. 861 00:20:17,638 --> 00:20:18,638 I don't need you to take up 862 00:20:18,706 --> 00:20:19,205 for me. 863 00:20:19,273 --> 00:20:19,973 Get out of here. 864 00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:20,607 Shut up! 865 00:20:20,674 --> 00:20:21,107 Just go! 866 00:20:21,175 --> 00:20:21,841 Yeah, yeah. 867 00:20:21,909 --> 00:20:22,909 You goddamn idiots ruining 868 00:20:22,977 --> 00:20:23,476 my system. 869 00:20:23,544 --> 00:20:24,477 Everybody ruins my system. 870 00:20:24,545 --> 00:20:25,445 Nobody gets it. 871 00:20:25,513 --> 00:20:26,579 System, my ass. 872 00:20:26,647 --> 00:20:28,314 I hate carnivals. 873 00:20:28,382 --> 00:20:32,641 I need a ride. 874 00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:34,360 Sinc by ReHelen- Corrected by chamallow35 875 00:20:34,195 --> 00:20:35,531 www.addic7ed.com 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net 53319

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