All language subtitles for Adam i Eva.2003

d You're All I Need d

d To Get By-y-y d

d You're All d
d Like The Sweet Morning Dew d

d I Need d
d I Took One Look At You d

d To Get By-y-y d
d And It Was Plain To See d

d You Were My Destiny d

d You're All d
d With Arms Open Wide d

d I Need To Get By d
d I Threw Away My Pride d

d I'll Sacrifice For You d

d Dedicate My Life To You d
d Oh, Oh d

d I Will Go Where You Lead d
d Come On, Baby d

d Always There In Time Of Need d
d Ohhh d

d And When I Lose My Will d

d You'll Be There
To push me up the hill d

d There's No,
No looking back for us d

d We Got Love d

d Sure Enough, That's Enough d

d You're All
You're all I need d

d To Get By d
d You're All I Need d

d To Get By-y-y d
d Yeah, Yeah, Yeah d

d Listen d
d You're All d

d Like An Eagle Protects his nest d d I Need d

d For You I'll Do My Best d
d To Get By d

d Stand By You Like A Tree d

d And Dare Anybody To try
and move me d d You're All d

d Darling, In You I Found d
d I Need d

d Strength When I was torn down d d To Get By d

d Don't Know What's In Store d

d But Together We can open any door d d Ohhh d

d Just To Do What's good for you d d Come On,
Darling d

d And Inspire You A little higher d d Ohhh d

d I Know You Can Make A Man d

d Out Of A Soul
That didn't have a goal d

d 'Cause We,
We got the right foundation d

d And With Love
And determination d

d You're All d

d You're All I Want to strive for and do a little more d

d You're All,
All the joys under the sun wrapped up into one d

d You're All
You're all I need d

d You're All I Need d

d You're All I Need d
d Ohh d

d To Get By d

d Oh, Baby d
d Ooh-hoo d

d Oh, Baby d

d Yeah d
d I Need You, Darling d

d Oh, I Need You d
d You're All d

d All I Need d

d Oh, Baby d
d Oh, I Need You d

d You're All I Need d
d I Need You Bad d

d You're All I Want d
d Oh d

You know
when a funeral is really awful?

When it's yours.

That's me, ray adams--

young, gifted and dead.

These are my remains.

And these three
mournful brothers,

they're the men who killed me.

Aw, they look so sad,
don't they?

But this is how
they really feel.

But they're not
the real reason I'm dead.

These are their women.
Fine, ain't they?

Some families
are blessed with great genes,

and the dandridge sisters
had it all.

But they're not the reason
I'm dead either. She is.

How did this sweet-faced woman
cause a man to die?

Well, it began six months ago.
Go! Go! Go!

Now howard cuts up the middle,

breaks a tackle and gets the first down.

Hey, baby, that's really nice of you, sweetie,
but we already have some food here.

- What are you doing in here?
- Trying to watch the game that's right behind you.

My book club is meeting
in here tonight.

Baby, remember when we
talked last month?

You said it was okay
if we watched the game.

Oh, yeah. Eva changed all that.
She was supposed to tell you.

- Well, she didn't.
- Hey, it's the men. What are you doing here?

Are you joining our book club?
It's gonna be very enlightening.

Sweetness, precious,
listen.

Would it be okay, you know,
if you could take it in the other room?

- Because we're all settled in.
- Yeah, the other room.

- Well, I guess we could.
- You got a great girl!

I love you, baby.
No! No, we cannot!

Oh, yeah-- oh.

Michael, timothy, darrell.

Our book club
is reading beloved,

and we're gonna need the television
to watch the film when we're done.

Oh, yeah. That's right, honey.
We need the room.

You did not tell me you wanted to
use the room in my house, eva.

Well, I'm telling you
right now, timothy.

And it is half
my sister's house too.

Community property.

See, 'cause I want kareenah to make
a good impression on the book club.

Don't you?
No!

- Excuse me?
- Yes.

Look, we were here first, eva.

Yes, but certainly the temporal
proximity of our advents...

Isn't determinative, is it?

- I'll get back to you on that one.
- Yeah.

'Cause I don't know what
she just said right there.

- You don't get to me with your $50 words, eva.
- That's right.

What would you say if I
demanded you to leave this room?

Yeah.
Yeah.

I would say I find your particular
brand of crack very amusing.

This isn't about a book...

Versus a football game, fellas.

Oh, no. This is about men
versus women.

Women who aspire to culture...

And men who aspire
to scratch themselves.

Women who bear the burdens in life
and men who create those burdens.

Women who uplift humanity
and men who uplift lap dances.

If society were left
to the whims of men,

we'd still be in caves carving pictures
with our non-opposable thumbs.

So, today, gentlemen,

is the day
for civilized behavior.

Today we women raise our voices against tyranny,
crudeness and play-off games.

And that is it, gentlemen.

End of story. The fat lady's singing!
Out of the room.

By the way, if any of that was lost upon you,
then I've just proven my point again.

Excuse me.

Kareenah, baby,

I am putting my foot down.

Damn! Damn! I can't stand her.

I can't stand her either,
but you really need to calm down.

You're making me stressed.
You need to stand up to your wife, timothy.

It's like she took your balls
and turned them into earrings.

Your wife is bling-blingin'
with your nuts.

This is what we get for being
with eva's little sisters.

They could never stand up
to us without eva.

I really did think I was getting one
of the fabulous dandridge girls.

I didn't know it came with
the sister-in-law from hell.

You gotta admit,
they were the finest women in the neighborhood.

We used to say their daddy's
johnson-- should be bronzed. Right.

Did you notice how they stuck together in an argument?

One for all and all for eva.
That's how they're getting down.

Come on, fellas.
We need to be more compassionate.

Their parents died when they
were young and left them alone,

so they have to stick together.
Yeah.

I should've used that argument to
get on eva about that dandridge fund.

- You know what? I would've done it.
- Look at you cosigning.

Mike, please, you need to let that go.
Every time. Okay.

They've been putting money in that
account ever since they were teenagers.

- What are they doing with it? Nothing.
- Step away from my man.

I bet they don't even know
how much is in there.

- There's no need for this.
- If he's your man, then what's he doing here with me?

Charity work, heifer.
Look-- look-- hey, hey, hey!

This is just
a big misunderstanding, okay?

Fellas, I know that brother.
Yo, ray!

Hey!

I didn't even know
he was back in town.

You should be mad at me,
not each other.

I've been dating both of you,
and-- true, we don't have a commitment.

But I couldn't decide between you.
Hey, fellas.

I think he might be the man to rid us of eva.

That dude? Aw, hell, no.
You'd be better off getting ike turner.

They're about to cuss his ass out
and leave him high and dry. Watch.

- Yeah, he's right.
- Let's go, ray.

Oh, me too?
Uh-huh.

- Get out of here!
- Be right back.

- Did you see that? Did you see that?
- Wow!

- Good to see you, man.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Fellas, he said he'll meet us
here the day after tomorrow.

So he's a freak.
How does that help us with eva?

- Eva just needs a man.
- Come on, now.

Remember, we tried that?
Remember rashaun? Yeah.

All I said was,
you was a little uptight.

But I like that though.

So it was like a compliment
in reverse.

Oh, reverse. Right. I see.
Yeah. Yeah.

You feeling me.
Yeah, sure.

Did you know that female spiders eat
the male when she's done with him?

Yeah. They date, they laugh,
and then she turns his ass into a crab cake.

Now, while the prospect of biting
your head off makes me happy,

I am sure that ultimately
you are not a happy meal.

So I'm moving on
to better cuisine.

Good-bye, rashaun.

Eva, wait. You're just
gonna say good-bye?

Oh, no, it's not good-bye.
It's hello in reverse.

Eva. Come on, girl.

- Eva put that man in the mental ward.
- You're always exaggerating.

Eva drove the brother insane.
I seen him last week.

Dude sound like ron hopper.
Now he t-t-talk like th-th-this.

This can work with ray.
The boy is a specialist.

He is a master player.

Listen, ray can get eva
to let go of her sisters.

Then when it's just us and them,
we can have all their love.

- Right, right.
- We can get him to seduce her.

- Yes!
- 'Cause all she really needs is some you-know-what.

Hold up.
What eva really needs is a sensitive man--

somebody that can help her
with her personality problems.

What she needs is a dude that can hit that
ass till she starts speaking in tongues.

Amen.

Right, right, right.
Can ray do that?

Okay, later,
after we finish doing it,

we're gonna lie together and hold
each other and talk for a while, right?

Okay. We can do it,
but I have to study. Come on.

Eva says if I stick to a study
schedule-- don't say the "e" word.

- Not in this house.
- I have to stick to my study schedule, okay?

All of us agreed.
What is with you dandridge women?

I love my sisters, okay?
I'm sorry.

I love you too.
It's just in a different way.

Okay. Then I demand that you love
me the same way that you love them.

You and them-- it's like apples and oranges.

What? Lady, I am your husband, okay?
I pledged my life to you...

Before god and a bunch of
ugly-ass relatives I don't even like.

I gave up all my wild ways for you, and, baby,
I had a hell of a lot of them.

I never told you about the roses and the
butt-naked midgets or none of that shit.

I had midget pros in different area codes.
Uh-huh.

Therefore, I demands
to be a damn orange.

You can stop playing now.
You know what? Fine.

If a brother can't be an orange,
then you're cut off.

I'm cut off?
Yeah.

For real?
That's right. Back up.

I'm cut off? You gonna cut me off?
Don't touch me.

Don't do that. Don't do it.
Oh, damn. d

Don't do this. Don't.

Oh, damn,
the flesh is weak. Oh.

Mmm.

Up.

Down.

d Come On, Baby d

Right there.
d Fight What You're Feelin' d

d I Got So Much Love-- d

I have a dreadful problem. I need your help.

- Gosh, you're doing it.
- How the hell did you get in here?

Jacqui gave me a key
in case of an emergency.

- Are you okay?
- Don't mind us. We're just having sex.

So I should just come back in,
what, two minutes?

- Is it really important?
- Get your ass out!

- Just give us one minute.
- Oh, just one minute? Damn, it's worse than I thought.

Man, what the-- she probably
had a bad day or something.

Look, hold on.
Where you going?

Eva needs me.
But we need you too! No--

wait a minute! Damn you, eva!

- So, you two still talking about having a baby?
- Shh.

Not so loud.

If tim even hears the word "baby,"
He jumps on top of me.

Oh, that's just
his male biological clock.

It's when a man begins having baby fever,
like a woman.

I read about it
in psychology today.

All I know is that every time we argue about it,
he ends up drinking.

The drinking
isn't serious, is it?

No, but--

well, you know,
his father had a drinking problem. Mm.

Mmm. Ah!
What do you think I should do?

I don't like getting in
married people's business.

There's nothing wrong with a grown
man having an occasional drink.

Mm.

Although a study did show that a
drinking problem can be hereditary.

You don't want your baby coming out of the
womb talking about, "where the liquor at?"

It wouldn't be right.

Oh, hey, hey, hey.
Baby, I was still drinking that.

Honey, I know,
but you shouldn't drink so much, you know?

Eva and I were just talking,
and-- this is not what you need.

Do you wanna do the breathing
exercises bethany talked about?

I don't wanna breathe.
I just want a drink. I want that drink.

Baby, I don't like
to bring up the past,

but you know that little problem your daddy has.

- I am not my father.
- Oh, sweetie, I know. I know.

It's just-- tonight, no more drinking for me.
Okay.

- Thank you. Thank you.
- Baby, can I just--

d Ain't No Stopping Sunshine d

d Ain't No Stopping Me d

d Ain't No Stopping All The Love
That sets the people free d

Aw, come on, honey.
Sing it with me. Please? No.

It's our theme song.
Aw, party-poop. No. No. No. No.

d Don't Try To Tell Me
To wait till I belong d

Hey, I'm in here! Get out of here!
d You Can't Convince Me d

I hate that damn song!
Yeah! Smell that! Ew!

d Don't Matter What You Say
You can't climb ahead d

d I Push The Fear Away d

d You Remember What I Said
Now d

d You Can't Stop The Tide
Risin' high, no d

d You Can't Stop The Light
In my eyes d

d Oh, No d

d You Can't Keep Me Down
I'll tell you why-y d

d Ain't No Stopping Sunshine d

d Ain't No Stopping Me d

d Ain't No Stopping All The Love
That sets the people free d

d Ain't No Stopping Wisdom d

d Or Changing People's Minds d

d Ain't No Stopping Sunshine d

d Gonna Leave The Dark Behind d

d Oh, Yeah, Yeah d

This is ray adams, y'all.
What's happening?

I thought you moved to Florida.
I did.

I worked at a car dealership down there,
but that was about a year ago.

I never keep a job
more than a year.

- I work for jomo's meats in LA. Now.
- I know jomo's.

Why do you quit your job every year?
What's that about, brother?

Well, I have to service my many talents.
Oh!

I was brought up an orphan.
No mama, no daddy.

No ties. That's how I do it.

If you guys hadn't noticed,
ray is quite the player.

- As we saw the other night.
- Yeah. Love your work, baby.

You ought to be exempt
from taxes for that shit.

Nothing mike couldn't do.
No, I turned in my player card, ray.

I'm practically engaged to a
beautiful woman named bethany.

Congratulations.
Thank you, thank you.

She's gorgeous too,
but not as fine as her sister, eva.

- Yeah, I can't even front.
- I wish I was good enough for eva.

- I wish I was her garbage, man. Look.
- Pow!

She's cute. But why is
she scowling like that?

Her face is so tight.
That's her sexy smirk.

She ain't scowling.
Right. Right.

W-w-what's c-c-cracking,
f-fellas?

B-bitch!

Whoa!
Bitch!

Hey! Hey!

Back over here, man.
Don't pay the retard--

the drinking-- he got out early.
That's all.

Ray, how would you like
to meet eva?

- Is she giving it up?
- "Is she giving it up?"

- Man, she's double-jointed.
- She's lookin' up at her feet every night.

- Bumping her head on the headboard, all that.
- That's right.

What's wrong with her?

Nothing.
Nothing. Nothing.

So three grown men
walk into a bar...

To hook up a man
for a perfectly good woman.

What is it? She got five kids,
a violent ex-con boyfriend?

Is she one of those evil,
nasty sisters who beats a brother down till he's dust?

- What is it?
- It's the ex-con thing, bro.

- Darrell!
- Ray, ray, look, I gotta be honest with you.

Worth your while to take her out.
Eva is a piece of work, but we're prepared to make it

You're gonna pay me to go out with her?

Are you worried that that makes you look like a gigolo?

- No. I mean, I kind of like that aspect.
- Okay!

All right.
I'm in a financial bind.

My landlord is selling my house.
I need cash to buy it.

Man, that is perfect.
Then we all can benefit from this deal.

Take her out for a couple of months.

Not just distract her,
but make her fall hard for you.

I can definitely do that.
And I love a challenge.

Really, she can't be
all that bad, can she?

Eva's sisters gave her a cross
with jesus on it for her birthday.

- The next day, jesus was gone.
- You're kidding, right?

No. When you do it,
you have to make her fall in love with you,

then you tell her you're leaving
town and get her to go with you.

- Then you can dump her. It'll take her years to relocate.
- Yes!

Time-out. I'm sorry.
This ain't my kind of thing, you know.

I'm a lover, not a con man.
Mike, let's hang out sometime, okay?

But, ray--
get him a drink.

Take another look at her.
That's not a zero.

But think about it, ray.

You just had to bring up
the jesus thing.

He got muscles.
I didn't think he'd be scared of her.

Hey, I went out with that construction guy yesterday.
The cute one?

Mm-hmm. And you know
we ended up in the bed.

Did he have to take a number,
or was the line moving briskly?

Ooh!

No, no, tell it, please.
Ormandy, go.

Thank you, eva.
Honey, he dropped his pants,

and he whipped it out
all proud.

And I said, "oh, no.
Where's the rest of it?"

Ya have to put man in place sometime,
ya hear that?

- Did she just call me a bitch?
- Right.

What's up?

Hey!

Hey, baby.
Hi, sweetie.

Listen, eva, I need to have a little talk
with you about the dandridge fund.

Why is that, michael?
You're not in our family.

- But I'm almost in.
- Almost isn't in, now, is it?

Mike, honey, do you really want
to get into an argument...

With a woman in here, hmm?

Got some frosted mini-wheats in your scalp.
Hey! You're fine.

You're right, baby.
You got that thing for me? Oh, yeah.

Fiber? "Fiber power."

Are you okay, mike?
Is everything moving all right?

He's a little irregular. All right.
You don't have to announce it.

- And if she can't fix you, I know I can.
- Hey, I got somethin' for that.

You need to quit, telly,
'cause I ain't even close to going your way.

Damn. Let me call headquarters.

Hello. Yeah, it's me.
Listen, take mike off the list.

Mm-hmm.

Sixty-nine out.
Ooh-hoo-hoo!

I should've never came to this place,
better known as "man hell."

No, this is
a female sanctuary.

- Way the whole world ought to be.
Ain't that right, ladies? - Mm-hmm.

See you.
Bye.

Get some milk for them cornflakes.
Hey.

If you guys are gonna get married.
You should start making him take better care of himself

He should get a colonic or see a specialist.
And I know a good one.

Hey, got your order.
Where do you want it?

Freezer number one.
Make sure you stack them neatly.

Excuse me.

Hello.
Where's leonard?

He's sick. I'm oscar,
the assistant manager.

Okay, oscar,
I'm inspector dandridge from the health department.

Yes, I've heard about you.
Good. Then you know the drill.

Let's get clean.

It does not look good, oscar.

I found contamination
in red zones.

Your glass freezer door
has a hairline break in it.

And I found black pellets behind
the food containers in the back.

That is probably just graphite
from the new units we put in.

Your water's only 105 degrees.
Can you just let that slide?

The requirement is 110,
because science tells us...

At that temperature all
dangerous organisms will die.

That means in your water, some will live.
And not just any germs, oscar.

No. The bad-ass ones, the ones that can
swim in 105-degree-temperature water...

And live to party on
some child's french fries.

We don't serve fries.
Are you mocking me?

No, ma'am. That's good,
because I'm not done yet.

This entire kitchen gets a level-four
sanitation or you get written up.

What? No, that means
it's in the newspaper.

Thank goodness for you I've got a soft heart.
Heart?

You don't have a heart.

You got a hole with an ice pump in it.
You know, I don't understand you.

Why do you have to be
so goddamn uncompromising?

It's called
principle, oscar.

Maybe the world is in short supply,
but I am not.

People pay their tax dollars
for my principle...

So they can go into a restaurant
and not eat chicken fried rat...

Or bite into a bacon,
lettuce and ptomaine sandwich.

If I slack up on you,
then I have to cut everyone a break,

and pretty soon,
the almonds on your salad have legs.

If that makes me uncompromising, well,
I wear it as a badge of honor,

because I'm in
damn good company.

Martin luther king was uncompromising,
nelson mandela was uncompromising,

and I'm sure your mother
was uncompromising,

although the evidence of that
is not apparent today.

So, why don't you think of me
as your mom right now?

And mama says,
"clean it up!"

See you in 48 hours.

All right.
I'll go on the date with eva.

Mmm! Yes! Yes! What made you
change your mind, ray?

I saw her
at a restaurant.

If I can get that woman,
I'll go down in the player hall of fame.

You sure will. Okay, okay.

So what's your price?
I need five grand to get the house.

Five thousand dollars?
I don't know, man. Hey, hey, hey--

Forty-five,
what did you say about $5,000?

Um, I said,

"five pounds
of collard greens, man.

No ham." Ordering soul food.

Five thousand dollars?
Yes, man.

I saw her in action.
You're getting off cheap.

I don't know. I gotta talk
to the guys about this, ray.

All right. Well, let me know.
I'm ready.

Ooh.

Thank you. Thank you.

- I want to talk to you for a second, eva.
- What about, sir?

I was offered a position as deputy
health inspector in Chicago.

- That's great.
- I'm not taking the job,

but I think
you should consider it.

Me, theo?

The representative from Chicago's been here
all week checking out my best inspectors.

- He liked you. Send in Mr. Tillman.
- Yes, sir.

- Oh, goodness.
- Hello, eva.

- You were checking me out the other day.
- Yes, I was.

And you were amazing.

You passed with flying colors.

I should have worn my diaper.
Chicago's a tough town.

We need our inspectors to have your intensity.
Okay!

- I'm at a loss for words.
- And that doesn't happen often.

You don't have to
say anything now.

I've still got a few more candidates
in other cities to look at.

But I'll let you know in a few
weeks when I make my decision.

Meeting you was...
An experience.

Uh, theo. Right. Bye.

That's great. I wanted your job,
but this is way better.

- Oh, my god!
- This will be very exciting for you.

Better job,
more money in a new city.

Yeah, my sisters are--

- what?
- Nothing.

I'm sure they're gonna be
really happy for me.

Thank you
for recommending me.

Thanks.

I will see you in two weeks.
Thank you.

Great.
Bye.

How come I can never get my toes done on girls' night?

'Cause it's only
for the dandridge sisters.

And nobody wants to touch your funky-ass feet.

Oh! Ladies, ladies,
guess who I saw.

Lucius johnson.

- Luscious lucius.
- Hmm.

I wouldn't mind
seeing him again.

Me neither.
I wonder if he's married.

Eva, are you okay?

Yeah, sure.
Why wouldn't I be?

- Are you still stuck on lucius?
- No! G-god!

Come on. Ancient history.
Eva,

once you give a man some of your energy,
he always has it.

- Well, yeah.
- Especially if he popped that cherry.

- Pop, pop, pop!
- No, no, no!

There was no pop, pop,
popping of any cherries, ormandy. -

Lucius was my first,
and I was his. That's all.

Listen, the best way
to get over an old man--

is to get under a new one.

Yeah!
I am not thinking about lucius.

Okay?
It's girls' night, right?

I'm sure that a group of intelligent...
Women can come together...

And talk about something
besides men.

Sad.

Well, tim did introduce me to
somebody new in his department.

- Do you wanna meet him?
- I do need a date...

To the mayor's formal
fund-raiser in a couple weeks.

All right. I'll bite.
What are his vitals?

Thirty-six, divorced, two kids.
I hear he's in group therapy.

- Pass. - Mmm.
- Uh-uh.

Girl, messed-up men
are the best ones.

- A messed-up man is redundant.
- I don't need to be set up, okay?

I'm good.
I prayed on this.

God-- god's gonna
take care of it.

God ain't shipping out
no men.

Like hell he ain't.
Look here, when you talk to god,

tell him a sister needs
a tall, fine one.

- And not gay.
- You know you want the soul pole.

No, he didn't.
No, he didn't! Bam!

d A star for a star.

You shouldn't let eva stop us
from moving in together, beth.

See, I just don't sense
that we're spiritually...

In tune with each other... Completely.

And besides,
we're not married. Hmm?

I'm not gonna propose
just to spend the night.

Okay. Have I ever
pressured you about that?

Of course not.

And eva says cohabitation does not increase
the chances of a lasting relationship.

Oh, my god. Will you stop it
with the "evaisms"?

That woman with her statistics
and her philosophy-- mike, honey--

she's very intelligent.
Don't hate on her for it.

If she's so smart,
why doesn't she dissolve the fund...

And let you live your own lives
with your own money?

You know what? This is stress.
You wanna do some meditation, hmm?

No. No meditation.

Stress is why your colon
is all clogged up.

Thanks to eva's doctor,
my colon is a freeway.

Look, all I wanna do is spend the night with you...

And not have to get up in the middle
of the night like some criminal.

I enjoy spending time
with you.

I love the way you blink.

I love that smile.

I love you.

I love you too.

But why should a man buy the software
when he can download for free?

That is eva talking.
That is not you talking. No, actually--

jacqui said it,
but it doesn't matter.

You know, eva took charge of the family
after our parents died.

If we wanna have a child,
it should be our decision, not eva's.

All she said was that most marriages
fail within the first five years.

Fifty-two percent.
We've only been married for three.

If we had a baby
and something were to go wrong,

then there's an innocent life hanging
in the balance of our failure.

Nothing... Is going...

To go... Wrong.

Mmm. Hmm?

Besides, you know I didn't have a
good relationship with my father.

Honey, I know, but--
and all I want...

Is my chance...
To be a good daddy,

to have
a little brown bundle...

Of love... And life.

And I want it
because I love you.

Now, tell me,
is that so wrong?

Fifty-two percent.

Honey, eva gives great advice.

She put me through med school,
you know?

God, do I know that!

You know what?
You're not married to me.

You're married to eva.
I'm just a handyman with a penis.

Tim, like you ever fix
anything around here!

What-- what did I say?

d Wade In The Water d

d Wade In The Water, Children d

d Wade In The Water d

d God's Gonna Trouble
The water d

d God's Gonna Trouble
The water d

d Stepped In The Water
The water was cold d

d God's Gonna Trouble
The water d

d Chill My Body, Not My Soul d

d God's Gonna Trouble
The water d

d God's Gonna Trouble
The water d

I cannot believe we are paying
five grand to this man.

d Wade In The Water d Just
think of it as an investment.

Once eva's gone, we'll all be happy.
d Wade In The Water, Children d

d Wade In The Water d

It was a great idea-- you
having him meet eva at church.

- She is going to love that.
- Well--

fellas, I don't think we should be talking about this here.

God might hear us.
God made eva, so we're even.

Speaking of which,
where is this guy? d

Church is almost over.

Tim, this is a black church. It's never over.
d God's Gonna Trouble The d

d Wa-ter d

Excuse me.

Yo, what took you so long?

I'm not the churchgoing type.
You people get up early.

Nice job with the choir,
eva, girl. They were bangin'.

You know, reverend, your sermon today was great.
I mean, bang-up job.

Although you did Miss a word of
that verse from the book of acts.

I think I was the only one who caught it, and, well, god,
of course.

So I took the liberty of jotting down a few suggestions...

On how you can do better in the future.
Say what?

My child, please.
I appreciate that.

But you know what?
I got this.

Praise the lord.

Praise him.
Eva, we're all waiting for you.

Can't you see I'm busy, michael?
I am speaking with the reverend.

Oh, no, no, honey.
Please, go.

Go back to your friends.
Please-- no. Go.

Actually, reverend,
I needed to talk to you and get your advice...

For a friend of mine who has a
dilemma about a job she's considering.

Hmm.
I've got people who have much bigger problems, eva.

People whose souls need to be saved
from eternal damnation. Stuff like that.

A soul lasts forever, reverend,
and this job may not.

Please, I need to tell her what to do.
Tell your friend I--

follow her heart.

Now, please, excuse me.

Amen.

Eva, this is ray adams,
a friend of mine.

Hello.
Hello, raymond.

Call me ray. No one calls me raymond.
Well, I do, raymond.

What's so funny?

I love a woman
who speaks her mind.

My girlfriend's the same way.

Oh. Well, good for her.

Ray, I didn't know
you were seeing anyone.

Oh, yeah, about six months now.

I see a friend of mine over there.
It's nice to meet you. All of you.

What the hell
was that, man?

Why did you tell her you had a woman?
We gave you half the money.

If you're thinking about screwing us-- mm!
Calm down. Calm down. Calm down.

No woman wants a man who another
woman doesn't already want.

The next time I meet her,
I'll make my move.

I'm sure me and my girlfriend
will be having trouble by then.

You're good.
I should've known. Yeah.

Look, tim is having some people
over next week for a barbecue.

Why don't you come by?
I will.

Just let the master
handle his business.

By the way, I'm gonna need
a little expense money.

Expenses for what?
I need funding to take eva on a date.

What about the five grand?
That was my fee.

"Fee." "Expenses."
See how the words are different?

Three hundred should do it.
Three hundred?

Three hundred dollars?

All right. Fine. Fine.

But you're on it.
Like wet paint.

Okay.

- Ray was pretty fine.
- Yeah, and he has a girlfriend. - Leave him alone.

- All the good prospects are all taken.
- Or gay.

You should always use an opportunity
like this to swoop on a man, eva.

When Mr. Mason left his wife last year,
I jumped right on it.

- Ormandy, Mr. Mason is 70.
- Are you crazy? See, an old man is a perfect man.

You give him a little viagra so
he can handle his business, ugh.

And right before he gets on your nerves, honey,
he dies and leaves you his cash.

That's like having a dick with a lottery number on it!
Yeah!

- Mm-mmm. That's nasty.
- Eva isn't a home wrecker.

So don't worry about them,
big sis. You can do much better.

- Jacqui, you are always blocking on eva.
- I do not.

You do too. You're spoiled.

- You always wanna keep eva to yourself.
- No, that's ridiculous.

- Isn't that, eva?
- Of course it is, honey.

Jacqui,
you are a big-ass baby.

- The queen of big-ass babies.
- So why are you guys always ganging up on me?

- Because you're an evil, twisted little heifer.
- Twisted!

- It has been this way since we were little!
- Ladies, is this how we behave?

When you cut off my baby doll's head when I was 10!

You broke my boo-boo kitty,
so the bitch had to die!

I'm moving to Chicago.

- Eva, what did you just say?
- I'm moving to Chicago.

I might be getting
a better job and moving...

To Chicago.

My boss told me
the other day.

Come on. I mean,
it's deputy health inspector of Chicago!

It's a great opportunity.

Look, I've been looking
for a way to tell you guys.

So there it is...
In a nutshell.

Eva, th-that--
that's great for you.

Yeah, it-- it is.

Girl, there's some fine brothers
up in Chicago.

So you're just gonna up and leave,
just like that?

No, I have to get
the job first.

I'll find out in a few weeks.
Oh, I'm sorry.

First you get the job,
then you pack up and leave like a thief in the night?

You're just gonna leave us like that?
Do not attack eva.

She has sacrificed for us.
I'm not!

Okay, okay, stop!

Please, stop it! Stop it!

If you don't want me to go,
jacqui, I won't.

- It's not my decision.
- It is if you're gonna hate me for it.

I don't wanna lose your friendship,
any of you.

Jacqui doesn't mean it,
do you?

I do want you
to be happy, eva.

So if going...
Makes you happy,

I'm happy.

You sure?

You promise?

Yeah.

Oh!

I love you, sister.
I love you too, sister.

Mm-hmm. We so pretty,
perfect and shit.

d Did I tell you
how beautiful you look today?

Hey, make sure you
cook that meat thoroughly.

I'd hate to tell you what kind of things live in raw meat.

Please don't.
Thank you very much.

Babe.
Is he eating those beans again?

What's wrong?
I see darrell found my spicy baked beans.

- Give him the heimlich.
- Separates the men from the boys.

- He knows better.
- No. See, give him some bread, you guys. Bread.

Baby, here, eat this.
Eat this. Here, here, here.

If you wanna help,
stop making these damn beans every function, eva!

- What did you put in that stuff?
- Special recipe.

- It's only for a real man.
- I just wanna hear him talk.

Give him some more beans.
Can he talk?

Oh, hey. I didn't know
mike's friend was coming.

Oh, baby, listen.
Why don't you take care of this?

I'm gonna go over and say hello.
Okay.

Excuse me, eva. Thank you.

Ray, what's up, yo?

He's really fine, eva.

I'm not impressed
by that... Much.

You say hi to ray, man?

Give him a chance.
You gotta bend a little, girl.

Are you saying
I'm not accessible?

Yes, that is what
I'm saying, eva.

You know, you're too good
of a person to be alone.

What's going on?
Everything's cool? Yeah.

I'm your sister, I love you,
and I'm asking you to bend.

Okay, but it's the fine ones
who leave you broke,

with bad credit
and a hair weave you don't need.

Mm-mm-mm!

Hello again, eva.
Hi, raymond.

Look here, I hope you don't mind,
but I invited ray.

No, he's most welcome.

Look, I have to
go tell darrell something.

I'll be right back.

Yeah, you know what?
These-- we don't need to cook these.

Excuse us.

Good to see you.

So, raymond, what is it
that you do again?

I deliver meat... For jomo's.

Meat delivery. Interesting.

Jomo's deals in only premium meats,
high-end clientele.

What about you?
I'm a health inspector.

- That sounds interesting too.
- I need a gurney for my ass.

See the man with flames
coming out of his ass?

We're gonna need backup.
Thank you. Squeeze and pull.

- How about we go get a plate of food?
- Sure. A nice hot one.

Two minutes and she
has not insulted him.

This could be very promising. Mm-hmm.
They feel good together to me.

So, you wanna go out
with me sometime?

Is your girlfriend coming too?
'Cause we could all play canasta...

Or parcheesi
or taboo or something.

Well, she's, uh--

actually, it's not working out.
We're not together anymore.

Oh.

As one car breaks down,
you just hop into another one?

I'd like to think that going out
with you is riding in a limo.

- I'm sorry. Did I insult you?
- No. No, it was very funny.

I just don't laugh a lot.

Lord, help me.
That's a good-looking man.

I can't keep
my legs together.

The sun comes up and you
can't keep your legs together.

Telly.
He's got sneaky eyes.

Jacqui, don't you start.

I didn't make the man's eyes all beady and shifty.
Shh!

- What?
- You never answered my question.

What question was that?
Will you go out with me?

Look, raymond, I know we just met,
and you seem like a really nice guy,

but I think I should tell you a little
something about myself. Okay.

I know the one thing
that scares men to death.

- What's that?
- I know the truth about them.

And the truth is,
most men don't really know what they want.

I've been through
all the basic types.

The playa-playas,
who think women are disposable toys.

The confused man, who doesn't know
if he wants to date you or your brother.

The lazy ones, who live with their mother
and expect you to pick up the check.

So if you really
wanna go out with me,

realize that it means
being a gentleman,

understand that it means respecting my mind,
body and spirit.

Eva, I'm not afraid of you.

And I wanna go on record as saying I totally respect...

Your mind and your spirit.

- What about my body?
- It's beautiful.

- But will you respect it?
- I'll do anything to it you want me to.

Look at that.
The corners of your mouth actually turn up.

A smart-ass.
I like that.

So, will you go out with me?

He's eating the beans.
He's eating the beans.

Oh, no, brother.
Don't do it, brother.

Ahhh!

Whoo! That's good.
That's really good.

- Kareenah sure can cook, huh?
- Actually, I made those beans.

Really?

You put your foot in them, girl.
Damn, I love spicy food.

- How about we go out this weekend?
- Sounds good.

Fabulous.

You're late.
I know.

I left early,
but there was a real bad accident on the street.

Really?

- Who told you I like lilies?
- Sometimes a man gets lucky.

Looks like somebody likes--

I was noticing all the pictures of the horses.

You look good.

I love horses. And thank you.

Here. Uh, let me
take these from you.

You ever see the accident rates
on these things?

They're very dangerous.
No.

That's why I drive this.
Okay.

You're joking, right?

Nope.

This is what you drive
when you take out a woman?

Yeah. It's clean
and it's free.

I'm saving to buy a house.
Oh.

I can understand that.
Home ownership is very important.

Does your mother live with you?
No.

Even better.

My boss has been hinting
he might want to slow down,

let somebody run
the day-to-day for him.

I think he might want me to do it.
That's great. When do you start?

I'm thinking about it.
There is nothing wrong with a little ambition.

I was a secretary in my department.
Now I'm the lead inspector.

I gave myself five years to get there.
I did it in four.

There you go,
doing that thing you do with your face again.

Just drive
your meat wagon, man.

Did you hear about the black caveman they found?

They knew he was black by the curve of his jaw,
length of his spine,

cadillac he was buried in.

You tell me a joke now.
I'm not a jokey-joke type person, so--

okay. How about
a little music?

Ahh!

All right, all right.

Yeah.

I love this record.

d I Will Love You Anyway d

d Even If You Cannot Stay d

d I Think You Are
The one for me d

d Here Is Where
You ought to be d

d I Just Want
To satisfy you d

d You're Not Mine
And I can't deny it d

d Don't You Hear Me
Talking, baby d

d Love Me Now
Or I'll go crazy d

d Ohhh, Sweet Thing d

d Don't You Know
You're my everything d

d Ohhh, Sweet Thing d

d Don't You Know
You're my everything d

This must be a pretty good restaurant,
you being a health inspector and all.

Oh, yeah. Most places
I can't even go to.

They try to poison me.
But this place is-- oh, god, it's different.

The manager has OC.D.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder.

He cleans all day long.
You could eat off the floors.

Sounds appetizing.
Oh, you think that's funny?

Did you know that if food
isn't prepared just right,

your throat can close up and you
can drown in your own vomit?

Oh, I'm hungry now.

Mmm! Just like
mama used to make.

Okay. That's really funny, raymond,
but I know when somebody's choking.

You can stop now.

Oh, my god. Call 911!

That's not the hug I was hoping for,
but it'll do for now.

I'm just playing.

Is everything all right?
Yes.

Yes.
My friend here was just telling a little joke.

- What are you doing here?
- Well, well, inspector dandridge.

Now, you-- you manage the red
leaf restaurant across town.

Oh, no, not after
your last inspection.

I was fired for a broken light bulb in a freezer.
Remember?

No. No, no, no,
I don't want you.

I want the man with OC.D.

Eva, relax.
Sorry.

The old manager's not here.
How's that salad working?

You know,
we used our special house dressing just for you.

- Creamy, isn't it?
- I'm not eating here. Let's go.

I'm sure it's okay.
Did you hear what I just said?

- I am not eating here. Let's go!
- Okay. Okay.

Don't forget to validate.

Don't be mad at me.
I just wanted to stay.

And have her
put things in my food?

I don't think so, pal.
I just think you overreacted a little bit.

You're a civil servant,
not the F.BI.

Well, excuse the hell
out of me.

Why don't you tell me about the
demanding world of meat delivery?

So, you just basically pick it up
and deliver it to a guy named bob?

Or is there some sort of math involved?
You don't need to be so nasty.

Oh, there is definitely a need
for me to get nasty.

My job is serious.
It is not a hobby.

Guess what, meat boy.
I'm sure my job pays more than yours does.

So in my eyes, the eyes
of society and the I.RS.,

that makes me bigger
and better than you.

So why don't you think about
that the next time you're out...

Doing the complex work
of toting around a pig's ass.

'Cause that's like a family thing.

You know, with the thing--
excuse me.

Hello. Kareenah, it's eva.
I need to talk.

Hey.

It's eva. And kareenah.
We got an emergency.

Jacqui, it's eva.

And kareenah.
And bethany. Code seven, girl.

No!

- What's up?
- The date was catastrophic.

Wait till I tell you what happened.
This fool had the nerve to--

- what the hell went wrong?
- Kareenah was falling in love with having a baby.

And me and my wife
were cuddling. I mean,

I was hitting it real manly,
and I didn't get to finish.

They had a four-way phone
conference about your date all night.

I thought you was the master player.
The master player.

I can't get to her.
Most women have a few barriers around their hearts.

Eva has an electrified fence
with rabid pit bulls. Okay?

And that mouth!
My ears are still bleeding.

We got to do something about this,
'cause we can't have eva messing up our plan.

Ray, listen, all you have to do is to find a
way to get back on her good side. That's all.

- He's gotta sleep with her. That's what you gotta do.
- Yeah, that's it.

Look, I would love to have another shot with her,
all right?

My pride was hurt.
But I'm sure it's out of the question.

What, you don't like women?
Watch yourself now.

- You have to have sex with her.
- I don't think that's the answer.

Oh, man, he don't like women!
I told you this dude was--

hey, hey! I do like women,
all right? How are you?

Look, fellas, I'm sorry,

but there's no way she's
gonna go out with me again.

Hmph. No way. I'll
give you your money back.

You're damn right
you will.

'Cause I'm in
damn good company.

Martin luther king
was uncompromising.

Uncompromising.

Uncompromising.

And so am I.
Here is your citation. Eva.

What, raymond? I am working.
So am I.

And you were right.
There's no math involved.

Why did I stop her from leaving?

It wasn't just curiosity
that made me go after her.

Now that I'm dead,
I know it was something special about eva.

I know you're upset with me,
but I want you to go out with me again.

And why is that?
'Cause you're pretty.

That's the most shallow thing I've ever heard.

It's not like I got to really know you.
So basically, I'm working on beauty here.

Well, you know what?
I am so much more than what's on the outside, okay?

More than what appeals
to some... Meat man.

And thank you for the compliment.

I feel like I owe you.
We can do anything you want.

Anything?
Anything. Sky's the limit.

Wait. Okay. Okay. Whoa. Whoa.

Whoa! Oh, god. Oh, god.
Hang on! Hang on!

My ass feels like it got
caught in a blender.

You did good.
You only fell, what, four times?

Yeah.

I have a confession to make.
I used you.

I can't afford to
come here all the time.

I come but once a month
when I save my pennies.

When you asked to go out again,
I didn't really want to, but...

I thought, you know--

I guess that makes me
a bad person, right?

No. I just wanted to make up
for the other night.

Did you know I wanted to be a horse
trainer when I was a little girl?

No. But I could have guessed.

What happened?

I had to take care of my sisters,
and a beginning horse trainer doesn't pay big bucks,

so I took a job with the city
and another as a waitress.

And there you go.
Steady pay checks.

So why didn't you go back to it
after your sisters were okay?

You know what?
Let's do something you want to do.

Anything?

Yeah, sure.

I have to say, this is exactly
how I thought you'd be living.

What, you got something
against pool?

No, but a sofa wouldn't
kill you, would it?

Uh-uh.

Your turn.

So how does
a meat delivery man...

Afford a nice place like this?

He struggles and makes do.

Did I tell you my boss and I are
going to the mayor's mansion...

So we can show him cuts for
a private dinner he's having?

You're doing a meat show
for the mayor?

Meat presentation.
There's a subtle difference of humiliation.

So you never did
answer my QUESTION:

Why you didn't go back into horse training
after your sisters got on their feet?

I don't want to talk
about it, okay?

It's hard to get to know someone
when they won't talk to you.

You know,
we're having a really good time right now, raymond.

Let's just drop it, okay?

Did you know...

That I was an orphan
just like you and your sisters?

My mom gave me up after I was born.
I don't think she even knew who my father was.

Yeah, so that explains it,

why the idea of staying
in one place scares you so much.

Scares me?
I said I was a multi-talented guy that liked to travel.

- I didn't say I was scared.
- I read about it.

When a child is abandoned,

he becomes afraid that his
entire life will fall apart again.

I don't think
you should feel bad about it.

It's a completely
natural reaction.

Okay then.

I won't feel bad
about it.

What about you?

Okay.

Our parents died
in a car accident when I was 18.

Insurance paid for the house,

and we started a bank account
that we called the dandridge fund.

I guess as they grew older,

I settled into this cushy
little life I have now.

And I didn't wanna go back and chase
dreams of becoming a horse trainer.

So I guess if it doesn't kill you,
it makes you stronger, huh?

I think what people mean
when they say that...

Is that you deal with whatever pain that
you have by building a bridge over it...

With all the things that life
hasn't taken away from you.

So if it doesn't kill you,
it makes you build a bridge.

Yeah. Yeah. That's good.
I like that. I'm gonna use that.

You should be proud
of yourself.

No. I'm proud
of my sisters.

What about you, eva?
I know all that devotion cost you.

It did.

There was this guy,
lucius johnson. Lucius.

Anyway, he was
our local Mr. Everything.

You know. We were young,
but it was serious.

We were gonna get married,
and ready for the world was gonna sing at our wedding.

But... He asked me to choose
between him and my sisters.

And when I didn't choose him,
he dumped me. Why didn't you choose him?

Because my sisters needed me more than he did,
and what I needed didn't matter.

So, what about you, raymond?
What has the tragedy in your life given you?

You know!

Just cough up the damn money
so I can get goin'.

Uh, okay. I didn't mean
to interrupt.

- Yeah, you never do, mike.
- Pay you on the bet later, mike.

No problem, ray.

It's all good, baby.

Mike's a lucky pool player.
That I am.

Look, I'm gonna let you two
get back to your date.

See you later.

You know,
mike and his little buddies are not fooling me.

I didn't think so. No.
They set us up, you and me.

They want us to date so I'll stay out of their hair.

You might not believe this.
They don't really like me very much.

I didn't get that.
Really?

So, uh, do you mind that
they set you up with me?

Just show me how to
hit the ball straight.

You want me to show you how to hit the ball straight?
Yeah.

First, hold
the stick straight.

That's it.
Now slide the stick between your fingers.

Eva never misses our night.

Something must
have happened.

- Maybe she had an accident.
- Oh, please. Eva would call from the ambulance.

- Eva's with ray.
- What?

But... She hates him.
We all agreed.

- How do you know that?
- She called me on her cell phone to say that...

She and ray were going
horseback riding.

- I guess it went well.
- Horses? Three WORDS: E-rot-ic.

Horses make me feel all tingly.

Shut up. Shut up.

Oh, my god.

Eva has a man.

d I Am Your Star For Life d d Yes,
I Am d

d Entertaining For You d
d All Night Long d

d And I'm Willing To Do d d Yes,
I Am Yes, I am d

d Anything You Want To d
d What You Want Me To Do d

d Baby, I'll Shine So Bright d
d Shine So Bright d

d When You Look Up At Me d

d You Will Understand We d

d Were Meant To Be d

d I Am Your Song d

d Ready To Be Sung d

d And The Name Of This Tune d

d Is "I'm Your Number One d

d Whenever You Need Me" d

d Just Call On My Name d

d And I'll Be There
In a hurry d

d And On That You Can Depend
And never worry d

d I'll Be Your Star For Life d
d I'm Your Star d

- hey, guys.
- Eva.

Chi-town is calling you.

Congratulations, eva.

I don't know what to say.
Um, wow.

Can I have some time
to think about it?

- Sure, but why? This is a great opportunity.
- I know. I know.

A lot's changed in my life
since all this happened.

I know
how relocation can be.

Take some time.
Thanks.

Ray, you are the messiah.

I haven't seen eva
in a week, bro.

And kareenah and I are having baby talk,
my blood pressure's down,

and, fellas, I do believe
I am growing another penis.

Eva's cool because ray got her into bed.
Right, player?

That's right.
No, no. We're just hanging out.

- He's modest. - Now you have to tell
her you're moving to another state...

So she can get out
of our lives forever.

Yeah. Tell her you're going
to somewhere like Delaware.

Can't nobody find that shit
on the map. I know I can't.

- Do you have to be so gleeful about it?
- What did he say?

Hey, ray, ray,
ray, ray, ray.

- You gotta be tough. You gotta stay strong for all of us.
- Yeah.

Men who get away with shit are the
backbones of this here country, ray.

Yeah, life, liberty and
getting away with shit, ray.

Did you know that eva does charity work,
teaches bible studies?

She loves animals.
She rides this horse named romeo.

He reacts to her
like he understands.

We didn't say she was a bad person.
We said she was an irritating person.

Yeah, and that horse
is probably retarded, man.

- I'm just saying--
- just saying what, ray?

We had a deal, ray.

- Remember your motto? Player first--
- women second.

- Now, are you the man or what, ray?
- Come on, ray.

You're not hearing me.
Are you the man or what, ray?

- You know I'm your man.
- Yeah! All right!

That's a player.
I wasn't worried.

That's my money working
right there.

Eva, you
flying solo tonight?

Yeah, my boyfriend ray had some
kind of inventory thing tonight, so--

so you given any thought
to the offer?

I'm still thinking
about it, sir.

Don't let me rush you, eva.
We do have a small window here.

I'll keep that in mind. Thanks.

Excuse me.

Hi.

Um, let me get a white wine
spritzer, please.

You got it.

Eva. Eva dandridge?

- Lucius?
- I thought that was you. How you been?

I'm fine, lucius.
It's nice to see you again.

I want you to meet somebody.

My wife, renee.
Baby, this is eva.

- The one I told you about.
- Oh, the love of his life.

I've heard so much about you.
I hate you.

Yeah, eva and I were engaged after high school,
but it didn't work out.

- You dumped me, lucius. - Right.
Didn't you have to go work for your baby sisters?

Eva, you broke
lucius's heart.

Thank god you did though.
Or else I never would have got him.

These are our kids.

They're cute. Real cute.

I'm assistant to the mayor now.
Hired me right out of general motors.

At a very generous salary.

- So, eva, what is it that you do?
- I'm a health inspector.

Great.
So you go look at dirty kitchens and public restrooms...

And stuff like that?

- Sounds fascinating, girl.
- It pays the bills, yeah.

So where's your date?

He's running late.

Sorry, baby.
I had that thing.

You okay?
Yeah.

Hi. Ray adams.

How you doing, man? Lucius johnson.
My wife, renee. Hello.

Lucius.
Heard a lot about you.

- So how long you two been going out?
- Not long.

I was in africa on business.
The city is trading with the brothers over there.

I came all the way back
to escort eva.

I had no idea the city of Los Angeles
was a trade partner in africa.

You wouldn't.
It's on the highest levels of city government.

Really?
Well, let's hear all about this so-called trade program.

Ray, shush.
It's fun time now. Mr. Mayor!

Hey.

Ray, how is my main man?
Good, sir. Good, good.

Good to see you.
This is my date, eva.

So this is eva.

Ray, you didn't
do her justice.

Thank you, sir.

- And this is, uh, lumpy and reeses.
- Lucius and renee, sir.

I'm one of your new assistants and I thought that-- ray.

I want you to bring this beautiful
young lady up to the house sometime.

Will do, sir.
Great to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.
Thank you, sir. Thank you.

Ray, my man.
I'm sorry about that--

you can have a rain check
on kissing my ass, leo.

I have to dance with
the prettiest girl here.

Right.
Good seeing you again, eva.

If you don't stop
staring at her,

I'm gonna slap the taste
out of your mouth.

Was that okay? The question is,
how did you do it?

Well, first I got home
from work early,

then I watched you from across the
room looking like you wanted to die.

Okay. And what
about the mayor?

I did a hell of a meat presentation for him.
Remember? That's right.

He's a really nice guy.
I only had to beg him once.

You know you look good
in that tux, right?

Your hair looks fine.

Thank you. Bethany did it.
Really?

I should go by there one day. No.
Promise me you will not go in there.

Okay. Okay.

You know, you're a good dancer.

You know.
Body movement's my specialty.

Smooth.

You know, they once banned
dipping in some countries...

Because it was considered
a form of foreplay.

I didn't know that.

Okay.

You learn something new every day, huh? Yeah.

How long do you
wanna stay here?

After watching lucius grovel,

not long.

What you wanna do?

Something fun.

Nice sofa.

I bought it just for you.

Just a second.
Let me get this off.

No, eva. Don't take
your clothes off.

You wanna do it with them on?
I'm into that. Let me hike this up.

No. No, no, no, no.
I can't do this.

The bulge in your pants
didn't get that memo, so--

no, no, no, no. I-- I need
to tell you something.

Yes. Whatever it is, yes.
Yes. No, look.

I don't wanna move too fast.

Fast? No. The average american couple
has sex on their third date, and...

We have been dating way,
way, way longer than that.

I just--

look, you've been through
so much stuff with men.

And I don't wanna mess things up.
I want it to be perfect.

I just think
we should wait a while.

I have to respect that,
don't I?

Yeah, I guess you do.

I have to go.

Please, don't be mad at me.
No, I'm not. It's just--

I just never had a guy who cared so
much about my feelings. It's kind of--

ooh. It's making me
want you even more.

And if I don't leave
right now,

I'm gonna start saying all kinds of hot, nasty,
dirty things.

How hot and nasty?
Real freaky.

Go. Go.
Oh, god. Okay.

Stay.
Yeah? Oh, god.

No.
Okay.

Look--

Yes!

Oh, my god.

Did I hurt you?
Yes.

But I liked it.
Yeah?

Maybe next time we'll actually make it to the bed.

Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

That was good.

Ray,

I wanted to say, the stuff I said before,
I just wanted to apologize.

I mean, how I acted.

That was
a beautiful apology.

The best part was when
you called me ray.

That's 'cause there's not a lot of
need to be formal right about now.

'Cause I'm a big ho.

If you really wanna make it up to me,
tell me a joke.

No. I'm not a good joke teller. I'm terrible.
That's what makes it so special.

Okay. Oh, god.
Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay.

This guy goes to a zoo, right?

You're gonna like it.
Okay, he goes to a zoo.

And he sees this gorilla.
Okay.

Okay. And he says to the gorilla, "yo, brother.
Can you give--"

No. He says,
"yo, brother. Can you loan--"

Yeah. "Yo, brother.
Can you loan me a dollar?"

And the gorilla says,
"that's why I don't wear pants."

Right.
Oh, my god.

Don't you get it?
The pants and the gorilla.

Yeah. Best joke
I ever heard.

Best joke I ever heard.
I forgot about that joke.

Oh, my god.
Oh, my goodness.

Ray?
Hmm?

Thinking about what you told me
about your parents.

God, I mean, my folks died,
but I had my sisters to live for, you know?

I just think it might be--

it might be easier for you to get
over your fear of building a life...

If you had someone there
to help you do it.

I see.

You wanna be my bridge.

It's not like I wanna get married to you or anything.

I can-- I can be a really
good friend, that's all.

You give me your body, and then
you offer me your friendship?

My priorities are straight.
Thank you very much.

I'm offering you the best of me right now.

Eva.
Hmm?

I'm not the person
you think I am.

I know most women think their
man is the one that's different.

None of us are different.

I'm just like other men.

Maybe not as good as most.

I want you to think about what it
would take to build a bridge with me.

I can handle it, ray. Okay?
I can handle it.

As long as you keep giving me what I need,
I am good.

Is that all you want?
Yeah.

That. That.
A whole lot of that.

A lot of that?
A lot of that.

And all the other stuff too.

You hear me?

How can I turn down
a deal like that?

You can't.

Can you?

What's up?

Hey, girl. Nice shoes.

Ormandy. You look good.

Telly, baby,
give me some love.

Eva, what has
gotten into you?

- Not "what," "who."
- What are you wearing?

- Eva, you're glowing.
- What did you do?

Shit, I ain't sharing
my "bidness" with you.

- Oh, my god. She said "shit."
- And "bidness."

- She gone mad to her ass.
- Y'all need to stop trippin'. I'm just in a good mood.

It's a beautiful day out. I'm with my girls.
Stop sweatin' me. My joints is hot.

And my cakes is moist.

Can a sister get some water or
a fan or iceberg or something?

- Okay, eva, for real. You're scaring me.
- Did you and ray do it or not?

Well,

he did show up
at the mayor's fund-raiser.

Just when I was trapped by lucius johnson...

And his wife.

- You saw lucius? What did you do?
- Nothing. Ray did it.

He put that little sucker
in his place.

Excuse me. Is there
like some, um, boning...

Or salad tossing or something in this story?
Stop it.

Come on.
Okay. After he rescued me,

we danced all night long.

Slow, close,

just pelvis to pelvis.
Mm-hmm.

And then we went back
to my place...

And had a nice
respectable evening.

And then we burned
a hole in the floor!

You better
work it, honey!

Wow. There's my baby.
Let's get freaky-deaky.

Come on. To the bedroom.
Follow me.

You know what eva told me?
Here we go.

She told me that ray drives his old
van from his job to save money.

So what? I mean, what's that
got to do with freaky-deaky?

I don't feel like
I sacrifice like ray does.

You know,
when I need to get back into being focused on school.

Look. First off, ray and eva,
they ain't you and me.

I know that.
They're not married.

They ain't phone-boning.
They're not having sex. None of that.

Actually, they do have sex.

He hit that?
Mm-hmm.

And from what I hear,

you could take a little lesson
from him in that department.

What the--

what's that supposed to mean?
He got some tricks and shit?

I seen the dude
lickin' his lips and stuff.

Come on, sexy. Let's play doctor.
Tim, listen to me, all right?

I have been thinking a lot
about ray and eva...

And how they have this
wonderful new relationship, right?

And it's made me think about myself
and the plan that I had for my life...

And how I let it go.

What? But, baby,
I threw all my condoms out.

Honey.
Ohh.

I'll get you some more.
They're on sale at target.

Come on, kareenah!
Sweetie, listen.

I am ready. Baby, I am so damn fertile
that if you kiss me you'll get pregnant.

This isn't like buying a coat.
If you have a baby,

you can't give it back
if you don't want it.

Who said that, ray or eva?
I don't remember.

Honey, why is my potpourri
on the bed?

See--
get the dustbuster.

It was-- I was gonna--
tired.

Baby, I thought we've
been through this already.

Ray and eva have a good relationship
and they don't cohabitate.

Oh, my god. That's all I've been hearing lately.
Ray and eva. Ray and eva.

It's not like they're will
and jada or george and weezy.

They each have their own place.
They have respect for each other.

Ray doesn't even
care about eva. I paid--

I paid close attention to him.
He does not like her.

Sure. That's why ray
calls her every day.

That's why they have lunch
together three times a week.

That's why eva's thinking about passing
on a new job to stay. What job?

Eva was offered
a new job in Chicago.

But she's gonna say no
because she found ray.

- Ain't that a--
- but here's something that'll make you happy.

- We're dissolving the dandridge fund.
- Really? That's great.

- Eva's gonna keep it all.
- What?

You know. She has a new life, a new man.
She's gonna need that money. Okay, baby.

Here's all your stuff.
Let yourself out, okay? Love you.

d Ain't No Stopping Sunshine d

d Ain't No Stopping Me d

d Ain't No Stopping
All the love d

d That Sets The People Free d

d Ain't No Stopping Wisdom d

d Or Changing People's Minds d

d Ain't No Stopping Sunshine d

d We'll Leave The Dark Behind d

d 'Cause You Can't Stop It d

d My Sunshine d

d You Can't Stop It d

d My Sunshine d

d You Can't Stop It d

d My Sweet Sunshine d

d You Can't Stop It d

d Mmm, You Can't Stop It d

d You Can't Stop It d

d Oh, Yeah, Yeah d

d Gonna Spread My Love Around d

Is there something wrong?

I took your advice and convinced
my boss to let me run his company.

He told me I could
start next week.

He did? That's great.
Congratulations.

That's good news, right?

Yeah.

You made me realize
I can't run from myself.

It's like someone gave me
a pair of glasses...

That filter out all the foolishness and stupidity in my life.

What have I given you
for that gift, eva?

Nothing.

You taught me how to trust again, ray.
I wouldn't call that nothing.

And you've helped me come
to a decision of my own.

What?

Baby,
if you're gonna be here,

then this is exactly
where I wanna be.

Crossed the line with eva,
didn't you, ray? No.

Don't lie, you lyin'
bald-headed son of a bitch.

All I did was what
you paid me for.

And now that eva's in a relationship,
our women are even worse.

Everything that you do
comes back on us.

And eva's keeping
all the money, ray.

That's not my fault.
Like hell it ain't your fault, ray!

Something's wrong with you, ray.
You've been having too much damn fun with eva.

You haven't asked for any
expenses lately. Why's that?

You pay for the woman.
You must like the woman.

That's ridiculous. I'm a player. I'm on the job.
What's in the garment bag, ray?

Nothing. A suit.
I got a promotion at work.

A promotion? That is eva all the way.
No, that's me.

Then what the hell is this?
Tupperware.

That's eva's
middle name.

I just needed
to organize a few things.

Organization is eva's
second middle name.

Look, eva got a job offer
in Chicago.

You're gonna dump her. That way,
she has no reason to stay here, get it?

Yes. Say "yes," ray.
She's staying because of me?

Uh-uh. She's staying because you boned her.
You boned her!

We know all about it, partner.
And that is like stealing from your job.

You have embezzled the booty.
Now, look.

You're gonna call her tomorrow,
and you're gonna tell her it's over.

No. He did not just say "no,"
did he?

- No, I said "no."
- Listen, now! Hold up for a second!

You're supposed to be a master player.
You forgot the rules.

Players don't feel.
That's like a pimp with a health plan, brother.

Mike, where did you find
this big-ass bamba, man?

You done went from dmx to babyface on us, man.
What's up with that?

Wait. They done gave you
a copy of their theme song.

They done made you a orange.
Okay, okay, look.

I'm sorry. I do like her,
all right?

I had to open my heart to get to her,
and when I did, she got to me first.

- I think I might love her.
- Love?

Love is an excuse, an alibi,
a justification for sex.

But it is not something that should stop
a man from keeping his promise, ray.

Look. I'm sorry, fellas.

I'm going
to see eva tonight,

and the least I can do is tell her in person what I did.

So... That's it.

Mike?

Come on. Let's go.

Mike. Mike!

So, is she real good, man?
Does she have some methods that she did?

'Cause I'm trying
to get jacqui--

ha!

This is bull--

thank you, thomas.
No problem.

I need to get up out of here so y'all
can get back to dissin' us brothers.

I know how y'all is.
Excuse us?

Aw, man. Y'all females
be trippin', man.

Look. First y'all
drive men away,

then y'all wanna bitch and moan
when y'all ain't got one.

Hold up. Hold up.
Code 12.

You know why I complain,
thomas?

- 'Cause I need a real man.
- Here we go.

I need a real man,
not a child or a boy.

Give me a hard rock,
not a soft little toy. Well!

You think women are hard?
You think we're evil and mean?

- Well, I think maybe you don't need us.
- Maybe you on the wrong team.

So I need a real man,
and my standards are high.

Don't like what you just heard?
Then you need not apply.

Wait a second. Fresh meat.

Come on.
Leave 'em alone, ladies.

Mike. Honey, is something wrong?
I got some bad news.

It's, uh-- it's about ray.

Ray!
My ray?

What-- is he okay?

Some story, huh?
Well, it's not quite complete.

We got three hours before the funeral, fellas.
Is all the food and water okay?

Everything is okay.
Darrell, where did you find this place?

This is an old postal storage warehouse,
but we don't use it anymore,

not till now.

Look here, ray, you got everything you need.
You even have two bathrooms.

Bucket number one,
and bucket number two.

You'll be a little gamey in a few days,
but you'll be alive.

This won't work. Oh, yes,
it will, baby muscles.

See, you've died in a car accident,
according to this police report.

Show him. Right here.
Yeah, yeah.

Eva needed to know that your
body was immediately cremated.

What about my family?
Did you think about that, smart guys?

You ain't got no relatives, ray,
and very little friends, thanks to your job-hopping.

And eva took that job in chi-town
after she found out you were dead.

It's not fair for you
to make her leave under a lie.

It wasn't fair for you to screw us on that deal.

No, ray. Let him go.
Let him go!

Come on. Fellas,
fellas, fellas, listen.

Listen. Maybe we need to just think
about this for one minute, all right?

No, you think about this.
It's our word against his.

By the time he tells eva the truth,
she'll be long gone.

And then we can say we didn't know anything
about this sick joke that he played on her.

What the hell are you doing
falling in love with eva?

I think it's 'cause she got some good booty, man.
See all that aggression he got in him?

That's 'cause he ain't gettin' none.
Let's go.

The booty's good.

Come on, tim.

Tim, come on!

First of all,
I'd like to thank all of you for coming today.

You know,
ray and I didn't really know each other very long,

but... In that short amount
of time,

we became really close.

You know, when someone
enters your life, you--

you don't really know
how it changes you...

Until they're gone.

I thought you said this was gonna be a simple funeral.

Who are
all these people?

Eva. She invited
all her friends from work.

Where the hell does
eva work at, soul train?

Look at all these black people in here.
It's packed.

Look, just hang in there.
It's gonna be okay. I promise.

I've, uh,

invited my friend valerie
from my church choir...

To sing a song.

d Amazing d

d Grace d

d How Sweet d

d The Sound d

d That Saved d

d A Poor Wretch d

d Like Me d

d I-i-- I Once d

d Was Lost d

d But Now d

d I Am Found d

d I Was Blind d

d But Now d

d I See d

eva!

Lord, it's a miracle.

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god. Baby.

What happened? Oh, my god.

This whole thing was a lie.
It's all a lie.

No,
I wasn't in on this, okay? Y'all did this on your own.

Tim, mike and darrell...
Faked my death...

So that you'd leave town.
That's a lie!

Eva, he wanted to dump you,
but he didn't have the guts to tell you face-to-face.

That's what happened. Mm-hmm.
Ray?

Is that true?

No, it isn't.
Don't, tim!

- Please!
- It's over.

Eva, we did take ray.

And we lied about him
being dead.

This is the best funeral I've ever been to in my life.

Ooh, you got
that right. Huh.

I'm sorry.

It's not their fault.
Like hell it isn't.

You three...

Have yet to feel my rage.

Eva, you don't understand.

It was because of me.

The only reason
I went out with you...

Is because they paid me to.

I was supposed to...
Make you like me...

Then trick you
into moving away.

But I didn't know you then.

I didn't realize
how wonderful you are--

how much you've changed me
and make me wanna change.

I know
I was wrong, but...

What we have is bigger
than all the mistakes I've made.

I'm certain of that.

How much did they pay you?

Eva, that's not--
how much?

Five thousand dollars.

But, eva, I'm giving them that money back,
and I promise--

Ooh!

You are exactly
who I thought you were.

So, I guess you're single now, huh?

Excuse me.

d Give Myself A Common Goal d

d We Travel On Two-lane Roads d

d Eventually We Met
Where it ends d

Police!

Eva, please.
Let me have a minute. Stalker!

Sixty seconds, eva. Okay, okay,
one minute. Go, raymond.

Raymond?
How did I get all the way back to raymond? Right.

I don't want you
to stop being mad.

I understand
how you feel.

I'm upset, too, at myself.

But we need to remember what we're losing here.
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

I know you still have
feelings for me.

I have feelings for you.

Life is hard, eva.
We both passed up on a lot of good things.

We are too wise
for that now.

I am never, ever gonna find
another woman like you.

I love you.

You know what I learned
about love, raymond?

It isn't a virus that infects you.
It's a choice.

We choose to be in love,
and we choose what love makes us do.

I earned your choice,
and you stole mine.

I was ready to give up
my entire life for you,

and all you were
ready to do was let me.

So are you sure?

Are you sure you love me?

Or are you just upset that...

I found out
what you were and...

Made a different choice?

That's what I thought.
Excuse me. I have travel plans.

What's up, fellas?

Eva, you don't
have to rub it in.

We've been trying to apologize to your
sisters for weeks. They still hate us.

My sisters love you.

They love you so much.

I was just a distraction
and a huge pain in the ass.

And I am so sorry.

We dissolved the dandridge fund
and split it up yesterday.

Let's go home.
Let's get out of here.

And I can read you a book.

Yeah. As long as
it's not a scary book.

I don't like scary books.

Maybe we could have
some, uh-- some make-up sex.

Don't worry.
I have plenty of protection.

We don't need it.

I wanna do this right now
before I lose my nerve.

What are you doing?

Oh, my god. Oh, my god!
Oh, my god.

Will you?
Yes.

Congratulations.

You know what? We should all go to dinner.
Eva, let's-- yeah.

Holy mother of god.

Hey, eva!

Whoa. Whoa.

I quit my job, sold my house
and bought him.

You shouldn't have.
I can't be bought.

I got him a home in a stable just outside of town.
It's paid up for a year.

Are you even listening to me?

Yes. Now you listen to me.

You said love is a choice.
Well, I love you.

And I'm not leaving.
I'm gonna show up at your job every day.

I'm gonna send you gifts,
and tell you I'm sorry...

Until you understand that I will not live without you.

Or until you call
the cops on me, but...

Even that won't stop me.

Excuse me, ma'am.
Is this your animal?

Yes, Officer.
This is my horse.

My horse.

You're gonna have
to move him off the street.

d La, La, La, La, La, La d

Will you buy
a horse for me?

No.

d My Cherie Amor d

d Lovely As A Summer Day d

d My Cherie Amor d

d Distant As The Milky Way d

d My Cherie Amor d

d Pretty Little One
That I adore d

d You're The Only Girl
My heart beats for d

d How I Wish That
You were mine d

d It's So Unbelievable d

d I'd Never Ever Let You Go d

d My Heart Is Yours d

d For Keeps d

d Let's Make
A Vow d d Let's Make A Vow, Baby d

d Right Here And Now d
d Here And Now d

d This Is The Day
That I prayed for d

d That I Prayed For d

d And You Are The Girl
Of my dreams d

d Of My Dreams d

d And My Place In Life d

d Is Right Here
By your side d

d On This Day d

d At This Very Moment d

d This Very Moment d

d O-o-oh, This Very Moment d

d Today It's You And I d

d We Celebrate
A brand-new life d

d That God Has Given Us d

d We Said The Words I Do d
d Yes d

d Forever All My Love For You d

d This Is The Day
That I prayed for d

d I Prayed For d

d And You Are The Girl Of my dreams d d The Girl d

d You Are The Girl
Of my dreams d

d And My Place In Life d

d Is Right Here By your side d d By Your Side d

d On This Day d d On This Day On this day d

d On This Day d
d At This Very Moment d

d This Very Moment d

d At This Very Moment d

d This Very Moment d

d At This Very Moment d

d I Can't Believe It's True d

d I'm Standin' Here
In front of you d

d And You Are Here d

d With Me d

d This Very Moment d

d O-o-oh, Yeah d

d If You Need Me, Baby,
I'm for real d

d The Rest Of Your Life
I'll take you to paradise d

d I'm Gonna Give You
All my love, yeah d

d We Went Through This Before d

d Actin' Like The L's
Can't bag 'em no more d

d Nightgown Draggin' On
The heated marble floor d

d Flash Cartier When you open up
the door slide these on, baby d

d So Butter
Still relate to the gutter d

d Just Your Lifestyle's different spirit uplifted d

d Fell In Love
With a cat who's gifted d

d Turn Your Back To Paradise
Damn, I missed it d

d If You Need Me, Baby,
I'm for real d

d The Rest Of Your Life
I'll take you to paradise d

d Paradise Is Very Nice d

d If You Want It, Baby,
Just be real d

Hello. Is linda there?

Hey, babe.

Listen, I'll pick you up
over on fairfax.

I'm at work.

No, you know you can't come by.

I'm pretending to be gay.

Because in LA.,
a straight hairdresser is an unemployed hairdresser.

Well, at least
until I get my own place.

Absolutely.
Okay, I love you too.

Telly, honey.
Would it kill you to come in there and do some work?

Oh, I'm sorry. I just had to check on my honey.
You know how they are.