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1
00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:52,792
(Chiming)
2
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:03,230
Evening news! The Standard!
3
00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:05,276
Evening news - Standard!
4
00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:11,070
Early edition! Evening news - Standard!
All the runners and riders. Paper!
5
00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:14,118
- Evening news is here!
- (Squealing tyres)
6
00:02:16,680 --> 00:02:17,669
Ha!
7
00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:29,032
OK, Fred.
8
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,553
- Hello, Mum.
- So you've done it again.
9
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:56,389
Look! I've had a reply
from your grandfather's lawyer.
10
00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:58,630
Oh, Mum!
11
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:02,599
You haven't been writing to Grandad
again to get me another job!
12
00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:07,151
Why not? It's time he took responsibility
for his own grandson.
13
00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:10,676
But, Mum...
14
00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:13,354
he's the Prime Minister of Great Britain.
15
00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:16,796
- (Tuts)
- He can't do anything for me.
16
00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:19,440
- Don't be silly!
- Oh!
17
00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:24,110
He gets me all the wrong jobs!
18
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:27,795
Banker, accountant...
(Haughtily) Stockbroker...
19
00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:29,950
I haven't been educated for that stuff!
20
00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:33,271
You have an appointment with him
at 10.30.
21
00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:35,954
Now come home
and put on your best suit.
22
00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:38,474
You mustn't be late, whatever happens!
23
00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:55,838
(Groaning) Oh!
24
00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:57,876
(Squealing tyres)
25
00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:59,480
They've been waiting
an hour and ten minutes!
26
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:02,870
- I couldn't help it.
- (Both) "The traffic was terrible."
27
00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:04,712
Ah-ay-ay!
28
00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:09,914
Hello? Norman Shields here.
29
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,070
Are you receiving me? Over.
30
00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:14,876
Wait. Over.
31
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:19,549
As Attorney General, Prime Minister,
I have for years beseeched you
32
00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:22,313
to accept responsibility
for your grandson.
33
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,958
(Mutters) Mm. Erm...
34
00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:28,237
Mm-mm... Damnation, Mr Ballard.
35
00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:30,993
You know full well... mm...
36
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:34,231
that I cut my daughter off
without a penny
37
00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:38,791
when... when she married
that, mm, that... that lout.
38
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:42,555
I know, I know. But he is still
your grandson, Sir Wilfred.
39
00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:45,393
Times have changed.
These are modern days.
40
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:50,508
Er, er... Modern days. Bah!
Er... give me the good old days.
41
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:54,195
Now, when I was
on the threshold of life...
42
00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:56,669
(Tuts) Oh, dear. Not again.
43
00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:14,191
I-I-lt seems... but yesterday...
44
00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:19,354
mm-mm... that... that I was
an undergraduate...
45
00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:23,149
at... at, mm, erm, Oxford.
46
00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:31,436
And... And a fine upstanding
young fellow I was too.
47
00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:35,398
That year... I met Isobel.
48
00:06:36,280 --> 00:06:41,070
'I dreamt of the day
when I could hold her in my arms.
49
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,469
'But the fulfilment of those dreams...
50
00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:46,552
'came as rather a surprise.'
51
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:49,552
Oh, Wilfred, you're magnificent!
52
00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:51,756
Such control. Such grace.
53
00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:54,354
Oh, I say! Do you really think so?
54
00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:58,911
Oh, absolutely! Such determination.
Such... power.
55
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,230
- (Crack)
- Such strength.
56
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,279
Oh!
57
00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:12,391
(Squeals) Oh, Wilfred! Help!
Save me!
58
00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:16,118
Water!
59
00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:27,472
Oh!
60
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:36,470
Oh, it's all right, darling.
It's only shallow here.
61
00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:38,516
I'll save you.
62
00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:52,277
Isobel!
63
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:55,513
Wilfred!
64
00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:58,193
Oh!
65
00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:00,111
Aah!
66
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:06,110
Oh, my darling Isobel!
67
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:08,509
I adore you!
68
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,033
Daddy!
69
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:19,157
And so... a marriage was arranged.
70
00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:23,836
Events took their natural course
and a daughter was born.
71
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:30,268
Little Emily grew up and blossomed
into a true English rose.
72
00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:35,480
But alas, the beautiful rose
became a thorn in my side.
73
00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:41,148
'Women... staged, mm, demonstrations
74
00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:43,708
'demanding... equality.
75
00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:48,992
'Emily became... a suffragette
76
00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:55,918
'and, chaining herself to the railings
of this historic old building,
77
00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:58,915
'she actually shouted:'
78
00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:01,468
Votes for women! Votes for women!
79
00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:05,155
We demand sex equality!
We want our rights!
80
00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:08,596
(All, chanting) We want votes!
We want to be
81
00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:11,513
Recognised by all
as the head of the family!
82
00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:14,876
We want equality, we demand our rights!
83
00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:17,679
We love Emily because
of the way she fights!
84
00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:21,469
Chain me to the railings,
starve me, let me die
85
00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:24,358
- Why can't women vote like men?
- (All) Why, why, why?
86
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:27,193
We want votes! We want to be
87
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:30,158
Recognised by all
as the head of the family!
88
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:34,518
Why don't you leave off?
A woman's place is in the kitchen.
89
00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:37,750
Let's have a bit of peace and quiet.
90
00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:39,592
We want votes!
91
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:43,195
'Fate chose this precise moment
to intervene.'
92
00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:45,840
- (Thunder)
- 'The rains came.'
93
00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:57,313
- Wanna come down here?
- Votes for women! Votes for women!
94
00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,789
- Votes for...
- (Thunder)
95
00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:01,916
Help! Help!
96
00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:30,036
(Thunder)
97
00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:37,798
(Sighs)
98
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:50,996
'Thus the blue-blooded dignity
of our family
99
00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:53,548
'was shattered.'
100
00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:58,316
And so the wedding took place
between my daughter, Emily,
101
00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:00,118
and... and
102
00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:02,156
(Mumbles crossly)
103
00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:04,674
Bert... Shields.
104
00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:08,116
A... A... sewer man.
105
00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:13,399
A union blessed by the birth of a son.
106
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:15,835
My grandson.
107
00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:17,148
Norman.
108
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:24,952
(Clears throat)
109
00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:33,716
Morning, Mr Ballard.
You were expecting me.
110
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,558
Yes.
111
00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:37,710
One hour and ten minutes ago.
112
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,515
This way.
113
00:11:47,680 --> 00:11:49,636
Say hello.
114
00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:51,278
Hello...
115
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:53,635
er, Grandad.
116
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:57,235
Do-Don't you call me G-Grandad!
117
00:11:57,320 --> 00:12:01,108
Really, Prime Minister.
After all, he is your grandson.
118
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,475
And you can't blame me.
119
00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:05,710
Hold your tongue and sit down.
120
00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:16,958
So... what kind of job are we going
to get him this time, Ballard?
121
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:19,349
But I've already got a job, ain't I?
122
00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:22,913
Yesterday, I stumbled on
what may be a solution.
123
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:26,515
Major Bartlett, one of your
Conservatives, owns a newspaper.
124
00:12:27,560 --> 00:12:30,472
Hmph. Er... Miss Thompson?
125
00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:34,838
See if you can find Major Bartlett
in the House.
126
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,911
'He's already here, Sir.'
127
00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:40,552
(Clears throat) I took the liberty.
128
00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:42,073
Hmph.
129
00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:46,791
Mm, yes, mm. Journalism... eh?
130
00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:49,474
Well, that's what I'm doing already.
131
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:53,075
- You know, in a way.
- In a way?
132
00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:56,675
I sell newspapers outside
Westminster tube station, don't I?
133
00:12:58,160 --> 00:12:59,912
A... A newsboy?
134
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:03,072
(Mumbles) In Westminster?
135
00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:05,872
Oh... oh...
136
00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:11,636
You... You... You knew about this,
Ballard?
137
00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:15,872
Yes, Prime Minister. That's why I thought
a change would be a good idea.
138
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,349
Show Major... Major...
139
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:21,796
Show Major, er... erm, in.
140
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,955
(Clock chimes)
141
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:30,715
Er, er... Major, er...
142
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:33,030
erm, erm... Burrows.
143
00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:37,156
- Bartlett, sir. Major Rupert Erwin Bartlett.
- Yes, quite so.
144
00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:40,949
- You've considered my application?
- The junior ministerial vacancy.
145
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,110
Ah, yes. Ah, ah...
146
00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:45,236
Junior Minister.
147
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:48,073
Oh! I don't think I've had the pleasure.
148
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:51,118
- You remind me of someone.
- Er, mm...
149
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:53,191
My grandson. Shields.
150
00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:55,999
Delighted to meet you.
151
00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:00,557
- You're not up for the junior minister?
- No, I'm only a...
152
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,517
Newspaper man!
153
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:06,559
- What a coincidence! So am I.
- The major owns the Tinmouth Times
154
00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:09,712
in his constituency -
little town in the West Country.
155
00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:13,156
- Over 200 miles away.
- 200 miles?
156
00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:16,276
That's a nice long way.
157
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:19,830
Well, I... My grandson was just telling me
158
00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:24,152
how much he would like to work
on a provincial newspaper.
159
00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:30,074
Prime Minister, I have a splendid idea!
160
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:33,709
Good, that's settled, then.
He can start tomorrow morning.
161
00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:37,236
Thank you, Major. I won't take up
any more of your time.
162
00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:40,790
But the ministerial vacancy,
could you give me a decision?
163
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:45,032
Now, don't worry, Barclay,
I've got your name well in mind.
164
00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:52,830
You sort out the travel
arrangements, Ballard. Hm? Erm...
165
00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:56,512
A one-way ticket to Tinmouth.
166
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:59,717
- It's already done, Prime Minister.
- Oh, oh.
167
00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:02,837
Oh, Ballard. 200 miles!
168
00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:04,353
(Both laugh)
169
00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:06,192
200 miles!
170
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,635
- Ballard! Ballard!
- Oh, sir!
171
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:14,391
Oh, oh, oh... Thank you, Ballard.
172
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,550
Now, sir. We're wanted in the House.
173
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:21,192
Miss Thompson will take care of you,
Mr Shields.
174
00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:22,713
Goodbye.
175
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:26,679
200 miles! Ha!
176
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:28,352
- Ballard!
- Sir David!
177
00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:29,509
(Crash)
178
00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:36,919
Tinmouth! Tinmouth.
179
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,476
Tinmouth!
180
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:56,795
(Whistle)
181
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:04,750
Young man! Young man!
182
00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:06,717
You've got my bag!
183
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,075
This is yours!
184
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:16,271
Please give me my bag!
185
00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:18,316
Give me my bag!
186
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:23,599
You've got yours!
Give... me... my... bag!
187
00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:28,036
- (Fading) Give it to me!
- Look after that.
188
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:04,109
- (Laughs) You got back, then?
- She got her bag though, that lady.
189
00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:07,749
- Oh, yeah? Where?
- Penzance.
190
00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:11,114
- Can I have mine, please?
- Yeah.
191
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:15,276
Thank you.
192
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:17,197
- Not bad.
- Not at all bad.
193
00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:21,674
- Ah, Shields!
- Bartlett.
194
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:25,039
Actually, you were due here at nine.
195
00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:27,076
Still, I suppose, first morning.
196
00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:29,196
- Bit of a rush I expect.
- Mm-hm.
197
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:32,477
I dare say you'd like to meet
your colleagues.
198
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:37,479
Here's Mr Norman Shields,
our new reporter.
199
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:39,516
Mr Ross, the editor.
200
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,916
Miss Lampton.
201
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,275
I hope you'll be very happy with us.
202
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,676
All right, come with me.
203
00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:57,229
(Typing)
204
00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:19,394
Shields, I expect a capacity
for work and punctuality.
205
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:23,439
I regret to note that you appear
to lack the latter quality. Understand?
206
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,317
Right, Chief.
207
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,675
You do shorthand, of course?
208
00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:29,716
I'm afraid not.
209
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:31,756
You type?
210
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:37,598
Mr Shields, do you think
you could cover this?
211
00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:39,750
Right, Chief. What is it?
212
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:43,316
- A jumble sale.
- (Shouts) Jumble sale?!
213
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:49,989
"To be opened by the Mayor,
New Congregational...
214
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:52,196
Mr Shields, I've read it!
215
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:54,430
(Subdued) Right, Chief.
216
00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:56,636
Now, here is a map.
217
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:13,795
You will find the Congregational Hall
marked on this map.
218
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:17,475
- Right, Chief.
- Don't call me Chief all the time.
219
00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:21,838
Notebook?
220
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,472
Pencil?
221
00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:25,952
Yellow.
222
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:32,836
Got a bicycle?
223
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:54,950
You'll have to buy one.
224
00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:58,669
In the meantime, you can borrow one
from Pearson.
225
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:00,716
Right, Chief.
226
00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:08,790
(Siren bells ringing)
227
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:35,589
Where's the New Congregational Hall?
228
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:37,716
That was it over there.
229
00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:42,153
Fred.
230
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:48,957
"Fire... Hydrant."
231
00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:51,474
And I had this all...
232
00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:59,393
Press! Press!
Press, Press, Press, Press, Press!
233
00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:01,550
Tinmouth Times!
234
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:03,596
Make way for the Press!
235
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:07,351
Excuse me.
236
00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:09,670
Er, are you the Mayor?
237
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:13,390
Oh!
238
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:16,552
I've, erm... I've been sent to cover
the jumble sale.
239
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:19,794
- Press, you know.
- It's been postponed.
240
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:23,668
Ah! Post... poned.
241
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:27,230
- Cos of the fire?
- This gentleman's responsible.
242
00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:30,516
What, for the fire? Oh-hoo-hoo!
243
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:34,479
- No, for the jumble sale.
- Oh, I beg your pardon!
244
00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:38,030
- I seem to have come too late.
- You can't be too late. I told you.
245
00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:40,190
(Spitting) It's been postponed!
246
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:44,076
Yeah, well, thanks very much.
247
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:56,956
You see a bike?
248
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:10,273
Oi! My bike!
249
00:24:10,360 --> 00:24:12,510
That's mine! You thieving...
250
00:24:18,120 --> 00:24:20,953
Here! Hey! This isn't a stop, you know.
251
00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:24,919
- Not right. Unfair to the others.
- That man's pinched my bike!
252
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:28,436
Has he now?
That's not right. No, no.
253
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:30,795
- Faster, faster!
- Faster.
254
00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:32,359
Faster!
255
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:35,071
Follow that bike!
256
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:37,549
- Tell him to go faster!
- Go faster.
257
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:40,757
Put your foot down.
Watch where you're going!
258
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:45,912
You gotta catch him, that's my bike!
259
00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:50,434
We'll call for that queue on the way back.
Shall I tell 'em or you?
260
00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:52,715
- You.
- All right.
261
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:55,873
(Rings bell)
262
00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:00,314
Won't be long! We won't be long!
263
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:06,515
I told 'em we won't be long.
264
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,470
Very kind of you, Tubby.
265
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:20,432
Don't let him gain on us, Tubby.
Tell him!
266
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:22,636
Don't let him gain on us!
267
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:27,314
Get a move on! He's only got a bike.
You've got a blooming great bus!
268
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:30,630
(Tyres squealing)
269
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:37,517
Hurry up and catch him
or go round the other way.
270
00:25:56,360 --> 00:25:58,715
You're closing on him. That's it! Go on!
271
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:01,238
Go on! You're dropping behind.
272
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:08,239
Good boy!
273
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:12,039
He's got my bike
and I'm determined to have him.
274
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:16,116
(Frantic hooting)
275
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:17,349
(Crashing)
276
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:30,756
Oh, you've let him get away!
277
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,070
Keep going and we'll head him off.
278
00:26:47,120 --> 00:26:50,032
He's behind! I told ya, we got him!
279
00:26:50,120 --> 00:26:53,112
It's no use-we got ya!
You can't beat a bus!
280
00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:55,794
- Slow down! I'll get him!
- Slow down!
281
00:27:07,120 --> 00:27:10,396
- He's gone right! Take the next turning!
- Turn right!
282
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:32,516
(lnaudible)
283
00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:52,919
Erm, excuse me.
284
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:55,992
I say, I'm really most awfully sorry,
285
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:59,390
but that wasn't my bike after all!
286
00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:48,837
- Can I help you?
- Oh, thank you very much.
287
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:52,835
- You are going in here, ain't you?
- Yes. Thank you very much.
288
00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:04,190
Thank you very much.
289
00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:06,475
Young man, this isn't my...
290
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:09,991
You again!
291
00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:48,676
Well! If it isn't our new ace reporter.
292
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:53,598
A funny thing happened to me
on the way to the jumble sale.
293
00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:56,194
Oh, come on, cheer up. Have a drink.
294
00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:58,236
I don't really, erm...
295
00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:01,349
Oh, come on! Be a devil.
296
00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:03,670
You're a reporter now.
297
00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:06,478
Eddie?
298
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:09,836
- Same again, Miss Lampton?
- Yes, but make it two.
299
00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:27,679
Well... Good reporting.
300
00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:29,716
And you. Er...
301
00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:39,517
Er, it's quite nice.
302
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:52,190
(Bubbling)
303
00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:57,351
(Retches)
304
00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:07,389
It's not bad. I think I'll have some of this.
305
00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:10,116
Same again...
306
00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:12,873
Eddie.
307
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:26,595
- (Bubbling)
- (Groans)
308
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:39,869
Erm, I'm so glad I met you tonight.
309
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:44,838
Can't tell you how glad.
310
00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:47,559
Well, I've got quite an evening ahead.
311
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:49,790
I've to cover the council meeting.
312
00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:52,952
(Slurred) Eleanor, do you think
I could come with you?
313
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:57,272
I've never been to... I've never been
to a council meeting.
314
00:31:57,360 --> 00:32:00,909
You must be mad, but if you want to,
you're very welcome.
315
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:02,752
Marvellous!
316
00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:04,831
Are you ready, then?
317
00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:08,951
Er, see you.
318
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:10,519
Aha!
319
00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:26,634
That's where the Lady Mayor,
Alderman Mrs Corcoran, sits.
320
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:28,676
Labour, of course.
321
00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:31,351
What, up there?
322
00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:33,556
Doesn't she get dizzy?
323
00:33:33,640 --> 00:33:35,676
The Lady Mayor is always dizzy.
324
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:38,517
So are her council.
325
00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:41,114
I heard what you said about the council.
326
00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:46,149
Let me inform you, the lady's remarks
refer only to the Labour members.
327
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:50,119
- Not to us Conservatives.
- Well, bully for you, Councillor Edge.
328
00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:55,073
Ah! There's the Mayor's husband.
329
00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:00,314
- Conservative?
- No, Labour.
330
00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:04,591
Alderman Corcoran, about this agenda,
I have something to say.
331
00:34:04,680 --> 00:34:08,992
You keep your ears open, mate,
and you'll hear what I have to say.
332
00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:11,640
Conservatives are on the right.
333
00:34:11,720 --> 00:34:15,030
Labour are on the left.
The Labour have the majority.
334
00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:48,116
(Hiccups)
335
00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:50,039
(Hiccups)
336
00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:01,795
(Hiccups)
337
00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:12,628
- Water.
- No! Sh!
338
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:26,837
(Hiccups)
339
00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:29,671
A glass of water.
340
00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:33,157
(Norman hiccups)
341
00:35:33,240 --> 00:35:35,470
(Whispers) A glass of water.
342
00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:37,437
(Hiccuping continues)
343
00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:10,993
(Loud hiccup)
344
00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:25,513
Psst!
345
00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:35,198
(Hiccups)
346
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:56,276
Hello, gorgeous.
347
00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:00,195
It's a bit crowded in here tonight.
348
00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:02,669
Harry Marshall, the County Chronicle.
349
00:37:02,760 --> 00:37:05,194
Norman Shields,
the Times' latest addition.
350
00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:10,794
Herewith conveil this trial,
1953 by grace of our royal.
351
00:37:11,040 --> 00:37:13,110
The agenda which,
on the minutes of this,
352
00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:16,795
is duly had in the housing committee
of suburban development.
353
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:21,431
The housing committee, which had
forgotten the civil low-down,
354
00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:25,513
as duly made, with an asterisk
which marks each one separately...
355
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:27,670
That's the town clerk, Mr Nottage.
356
00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:29,830
Bit of a bore, but he's all right.
357
00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:35,153
And the assistants which grade for this
in this county council order, liaison...
358
00:37:35,240 --> 00:37:37,879
Hold the fort for me.
I'll be back for the speeches.
359
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:40,838
(Nottage) Other councils take heed,
and a deep heed,
360
00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:44,037
for this stands in their own chamber
over their worship too
361
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:46,270
as a mutual agreed fine.
362
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:49,875
And this as far as the river's concerned,
but this doesn't matter.
363
00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:53,794
Now this, underlined
and underhand this dale
364
00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:57,634
and Hansard in the Houses of Parliament
follows this,
365
00:37:57,720 --> 00:38:00,154
supported by the industrial
on either side.
366
00:38:00,240 --> 00:38:03,835
Now I call upon Hawdrobe Cawl.
367
00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:08,314
As chairman of the housing committee,
368
00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:10,834
I can say without fear of contradiction,
369
00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:14,390
- our housing record is second to none.
- Hear, hear.
370
00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:17,597
I speak for us all on this side
of the chamber
371
00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:20,274
when I say how proud we are of...
372
00:38:23,720 --> 00:38:28,919
(Chairman) The building of phase one
of our new...
373
00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:32,160
The speeches are on!
374
00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:41,472
We have met with opposition,
particularly from certain members...
375
00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:43,312
She's on...
376
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:46,949
- Hear, hear.
...petty restrictions and impediments,
377
00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:51,989
with the single-minded determination
that we have always displayed
378
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:55,038
in our undertakings
for the people of this town.
379
00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:57,554
She's on the phone.
380
00:38:57,640 --> 00:38:59,596
Her boyfriend, I suppose.
381
00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:02,831
- (Chairman) It is with great pride...
- Boyfriend?
382
00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:06,993
- Major Bartlett.
- (Chairman)... members of this council...
383
00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:09,071
- The Major?
- Why not?
384
00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:13,790
He owns a newspaper, he's an MP -
she knows what she's doing.
385
00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:15,916
During our term of office,
386
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:18,468
we have built 1,000 houses.
387
00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:20,994
- I don't believe it!
- Sh!
388
00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:27,032
So, Councillor Edge doesn't believe it.
389
00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:31,989
Councillor flaming Edge has the flaming
nerve to call me a liar to my face!
390
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:35,675
I shall ask Councillor flaming Edge
to apologise at once!
391
00:39:35,760 --> 00:39:37,990
Point of order! Point of order!
392
00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:41,789
Councillor Edge will feel the back
of my hand if he's not careful!
393
00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:44,633
- Mr Mayor, I protest...
- Hooliganism!
394
00:39:44,720 --> 00:39:47,393
Vulgar exhibitionism!
395
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:50,153
- (All shout at once)
- Appeal to clause seven!
396
00:39:50,240 --> 00:39:53,755
Someone should quell this, sir!
397
00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:57,596
If I could appeal the House...
398
00:39:58,680 --> 00:40:01,638
You're the cause of this! You're the...
399
00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:05,034
He's right! I've got to explain.
400
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:06,758
- Mrs Mayor!
- Shut up!
401
00:40:06,840 --> 00:40:09,195
Alderman Whatshisname...
402
00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:12,511
- (Nottage) They're pleading the rules...
- Order, please!
403
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:15,558
- Your Worship, please...
- Oh, dear.
404
00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:18,950
Some must indicate the close
of this thunderbowl!
405
00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:20,996
Hey, gabblemouth! Shut up!
406
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:23,640
(Mumbles incoherently)
407
00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:28,470
I have been insulted by a man
unfit to clean my shoes!
408
00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:32,872
- It wasn't me, it was that idiot reporter!
- It was nothing of the kind!
409
00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:35,714
Trying to wriggle out of it? Yellow-belly!
410
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:39,236
Point of order! Mr Nottage,
do something, please!
411
00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:42,517
I've got none of the civil of this chamber!
412
00:40:42,600 --> 00:40:46,275
The whole crowd! I would not
suppress this in my own house!
413
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:49,557
- There is a problem in this chamber.
- Mrs Thingummy!
414
00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:52,393
- Ladies and gentlemen!
- Mr Macebearer.
415
00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:54,675
Kindly remove this person.
416
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:05,997
Order! Order, please!
417
00:41:07,080 --> 00:41:08,752
(Smashing crockery)
418
00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:20,833
To start a fight like this
is absolutely disgraceful!
419
00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:27,272
- I've been stabbed!
- You murderer!
420
00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:29,112
- Traitor!
- Rabble!
421
00:41:29,200 --> 00:41:31,111
- Housewife!
- (Gasps)
422
00:41:32,880 --> 00:41:37,670
- You Tory butcher!
- I'm dying. Meeting adjourned.
423
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:40,071
- Meeting adjourned.
- (Crash)
424
00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:43,596
- Meeting adjourned.
- Oh, boy. What a story!
425
00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:07,189
There. That is the last of the coffee.
426
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:10,750
Oh, no. I don't want any more coffee.
427
00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:13,638
- I've had about a gallon already.
- Come on!
428
00:42:13,720 --> 00:42:15,711
(Gurgles)
429
00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:19,110
- Now, what happened?
- Oh.
430
00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:22,112
Alderman Corcoran said...
431
00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:28,469
He said he was gonna clump
Councillor Edge round the earhole.
432
00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:30,710
- (Cackles)
- Well, go on!
433
00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:33,075
(Sings drunkenly)
434
00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:36,596
# Susannah's a wonderful soul
(Spits and whistles)
435
00:42:36,680 --> 00:42:40,468
# Fiddle-di-di
Susannah's a wonderful soul #
436
00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:43,074
- (Whistles)
- Have some more coffee, please!
437
00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:45,116
No!
438
00:42:45,200 --> 00:42:47,555
(Chuckles)
439
00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:52,638
(# Jaunty big-band tune)
440
00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:12,709
- (Music stops)
- Now.
441
00:43:12,800 --> 00:43:15,473
Please. Go on with the story.
442
00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:20,918
Ha-ha-ha! A lady hits a man
on top of the head.
443
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:25,198
Who hit who on top of the head,
you silly little man?
444
00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:29,353
A lady hit a man on top of the head.
Oh-ho-ho!
445
00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:34,271
Erm...
446
00:43:34,360 --> 00:43:37,989
- I dunno.
- Try and think!
447
00:43:38,080 --> 00:43:40,389
The meeting was adjourned. That's all.
448
00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:42,710
Oh, take it off. I'll sponge it.
449
00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:44,438
(Phone)
450
00:43:46,880 --> 00:43:48,996
- Hello?
- Hello, poppet.
451
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:51,435
I'm on my way over to you.
452
00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:55,274
Darling, while I was talking to you,
there was a riot at the meeting.
453
00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:58,238
- 'Little Norman was...'
- Oh, I see.
454
00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:02,916
He had a couple of drinks and I had
to get the story out of him somehow.
455
00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:07,232
Eleanor? Could we twist the angle a bit?
456
00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:09,595
Arrange it to suit ourselves?
457
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:11,750
Give it an anti-Labour slant.
458
00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:16,674
It'll appear as Shields' article.
And get rid of him.
459
00:44:16,760 --> 00:44:18,955
'See you later. Bye, darling.'
460
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:20,393
Bye.
461
00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:44,237
(Laughter)
462
00:44:59,400 --> 00:45:02,392
Do you know where I could get a bed,
please?
463
00:45:06,200 --> 00:45:08,760
Not at this time of night.
464
00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:13,595
Yes, well, I was just wondering
if you could fix me up at your place?
465
00:45:13,680 --> 00:45:15,750
- Police station?
- Mm.
466
00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:18,790
Haven't done anything wrong, have you?
467
00:45:18,880 --> 00:45:21,110
Who me? No, no. No!
468
00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:23,191
Then keep moving!
469
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:25,475
What, all night?
470
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:16,309
He did what?
471
00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:18,516
No, Lady Mayor.
472
00:46:18,600 --> 00:46:20,830
Er, yes, Lady Mayor.
473
00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:22,876
I see, Lady Mayor.
474
00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:25,072
Goodbye.
475
00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:28,958
Apparently, we've distorted all the facts.
476
00:46:29,040 --> 00:46:31,474
She says Shields started the whole thing.
477
00:46:31,560 --> 00:46:33,312
Oh, no!
478
00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:35,630
- What are we gonna do?
- Sack him.
479
00:46:35,720 --> 00:46:39,633
- Wait a minute. After all, he has got...
- (Both) What?
480
00:46:39,720 --> 00:46:41,836
(Sighs) Potentialities.
481
00:46:41,920 --> 00:46:44,434
Potentialities? He hasn't come in yet!
482
00:46:44,520 --> 00:46:46,476
(Snores)
483
00:46:59,280 --> 00:47:01,919
Blimey, I've done it again!
484
00:47:10,240 --> 00:47:12,037
Ah!
485
00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:22,479
Ah. Mr Shields?
486
00:48:24,040 --> 00:48:27,635
Could you spare a moment
of your valuable time?
487
00:48:34,200 --> 00:48:37,476
Major Bartlett would like
to see you in his office.
488
00:48:37,560 --> 00:48:39,869
- What for?
- What for?!
489
00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:42,315
We've got a right one here, haven't we?
490
00:48:42,400 --> 00:48:44,436
You've only been on the staff a few days
491
00:48:44,520 --> 00:48:47,876
and you've got the entire town council
at each other's throats.
492
00:48:47,960 --> 00:48:50,997
Do you know, Mr Shields,
that because of you,
493
00:48:51,080 --> 00:48:55,790
Councillor Quilter is in hospital with
concussion, and needed five stitches,
494
00:48:55,880 --> 00:48:58,474
that Councillor Edge,
Major Bartlett's agent,
495
00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:00,596
is in bed with nervous prostration,
496
00:49:00,680 --> 00:49:03,956
and that Councillor Mrs Doe Connor
has resigned from the council
497
00:49:04,040 --> 00:49:06,190
and from public life?
498
00:49:06,280 --> 00:49:10,239
And why do you think the Major
wants to see you in his office?
499
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:15,592
- The sack?
- Good boy!
500
00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:29,755
Morning, Major.
501
00:49:29,840 --> 00:49:33,276
Morning, Eleanor... er, Miss Lampton.
502
00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:38,236
- You wanted to see me, sir?
- Simply to congratulate you.
503
00:49:41,280 --> 00:49:44,477
- Congratulate me?
- On your splendid article.
504
00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:46,869
Look, it wasn't really me...
505
00:49:46,960 --> 00:49:48,951
it was Miss Lampton.
506
00:49:49,040 --> 00:49:52,157
It was your story, Mr Shields.
507
00:49:52,240 --> 00:49:54,708
Look, fair's fair.
508
00:49:54,800 --> 00:49:58,998
- She... She wrote it.
- From the facts you gave me, my dear.
509
00:49:59,080 --> 00:50:02,277
- The credit is all yours.
- (Sniggers) Well...
510
00:50:02,360 --> 00:50:04,999
- If you say so.
- Good.
511
00:50:05,080 --> 00:50:08,595
So we're all agreed
that it was entirely your article.
512
00:50:08,680 --> 00:50:10,477
All agreed?
513
00:50:10,560 --> 00:50:12,437
- Yeah.
- Good.
514
00:50:12,520 --> 00:50:15,159
Cos it's thoroughly upset the Council.
515
00:50:15,240 --> 00:50:18,710
I suggest you go to the Mayor's house
forthwith and apologise.
516
00:50:18,800 --> 00:50:21,951
- On your way, Shields.
- Do I have to?
517
00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:25,271
Borrow Pearson's bicycle
and this time don't lose it.
518
00:50:25,360 --> 00:50:28,909
- Right, Chief.
- And don't keep calling me Chief!
519
00:50:29,000 --> 00:50:31,116
Well, roger and out, then.
520
00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:37,589
You know something?
Little Norman's got a thing about you.
521
00:51:02,120 --> 00:51:03,872
- Who threw this?
- I did.
522
00:51:03,960 --> 00:51:07,316
- What you got in here, Mister?
- (Rings bell)
523
00:51:13,280 --> 00:51:17,273
- Give us a ride on your bike, Mister!
- Oi, shorty!
524
00:51:17,360 --> 00:51:19,316
(Laughter)
525
00:51:47,160 --> 00:51:49,469
(Laughter)
526
00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:30,550
Er, good morning. May I be permitted to
speak to Her Worship, my Lady Mayor?
527
00:52:30,640 --> 00:52:32,631
Won't you sit down?
528
00:52:33,360 --> 00:52:35,191
(Child) Come on!
529
00:52:35,280 --> 00:52:37,589
(Dog barking)
530
00:52:55,840 --> 00:52:57,796
Good gracious!
531
00:52:57,880 --> 00:53:01,589
Er, morning, Your Worship.
I'm Shields of the Times.
532
00:53:01,680 --> 00:53:03,636
Yes, I remember you.
533
00:53:04,680 --> 00:53:07,752
Er, perhaps you'd like to put
your bicycle in the kitchen?
534
00:53:17,120 --> 00:53:19,076
Oh, careful!
535
00:53:25,560 --> 00:53:26,879
(Clatter)
536
00:53:33,080 --> 00:53:35,036
Oh, careful!
537
00:53:46,960 --> 00:53:48,916
Oh, oh, oh!
538
00:54:01,320 --> 00:54:03,675
Oh, oh, oh! Just a moment!
539
00:54:09,440 --> 00:54:11,476
(Ripping)
540
00:54:12,160 --> 00:54:13,832
(Ripping)
541
00:54:13,920 --> 00:54:15,672
Take it! Take it.
542
00:54:27,760 --> 00:54:30,638
Oh, my dear! This is Mr Shields
of the Times.
543
00:54:30,720 --> 00:54:33,314
Mr Shields, my daughter Liz.
544
00:54:33,400 --> 00:54:35,630
- How do you do?
- How do you do.
545
00:54:37,280 --> 00:54:39,840
Shouldn't we let him down?
546
00:54:39,920 --> 00:54:41,876
Oh, yes.
547
00:54:53,560 --> 00:54:56,711
Put your glasses on, you silly girl!
548
00:54:56,800 --> 00:54:58,756
(Squeals)
549
00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:24,078
Thank you.
550
00:55:25,760 --> 00:55:27,716
The kitchen.
551
00:55:30,680 --> 00:55:33,513
Oh, dear, we'd better tidy up.
Come along.
552
00:55:36,000 --> 00:55:40,278
- What does he want?
- That, my dear, I've yet to find out. Oh!
553
00:55:43,720 --> 00:55:46,029
I-I'm sorry about that.
554
00:55:46,120 --> 00:55:49,999
Still, never mind. It's nice to have
a bit of peace and quiet, innit?
555
00:55:50,080 --> 00:55:52,355
- (Clattering)
- Damn and blast!
556
00:55:52,440 --> 00:55:54,396
It's my husband.
557
00:55:54,480 --> 00:55:56,789
Ernest, is that you, dear?
558
00:55:56,880 --> 00:55:58,950
Who the hell did you think it was?
559
00:56:02,360 --> 00:56:05,909
- What maniac left that bike in there?
- Mr Shields of the Times.
560
00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:09,117
- Daddy, do keep calm.
- I will when I'm good and ready
561
00:56:09,200 --> 00:56:11,111
and not before.
562
00:56:11,200 --> 00:56:15,159
Put your glasses on, girl. You're blinking
like a pedestrian crossing.
563
00:56:15,720 --> 00:56:17,472
What do you want?
564
00:56:17,560 --> 00:56:21,189
I came about last night's
council meeting. You made a mistake.
565
00:56:21,280 --> 00:56:24,511
Last night? Oh, I'll deal with this, dear.
566
00:56:24,600 --> 00:56:28,229
- You two go and make a cup of coffee.
- But I wanted to apologise...
567
00:56:28,320 --> 00:56:32,598
- Come and have a drink, Shields.
- Oh, no. I've packed it up.
568
00:56:32,680 --> 00:56:34,636
Last night's council meeting, eh?
569
00:56:34,720 --> 00:56:39,589
Yes. See, I was responsible
cos it was me who said it, not Mr Edge.
570
00:56:39,680 --> 00:56:44,117
Of course it was! I knew it all the time.
(Guffaws)
571
00:56:44,200 --> 00:56:46,555
Do you think I'm deaf, then?
572
00:56:46,640 --> 00:56:48,471
(Both laugh)
573
00:56:48,560 --> 00:56:51,233
It couldn't have been Edge, anyway.
574
00:56:51,320 --> 00:56:55,313
- Why not?
- Cos he hasn't got the guts!
575
00:56:57,320 --> 00:57:00,596
Would you like an item of real interest
for your paper?
576
00:57:00,680 --> 00:57:04,673
Oh, yeah!
Hold these, hold these. Hang on.
577
00:57:04,760 --> 00:57:07,957
- Oh, dear.
- Now then. Here we go.
578
00:57:08,040 --> 00:57:10,998
There is only one man that matters
in Tinmouth.
579
00:57:11,080 --> 00:57:15,312
- Only one.
- Only one. Alderman Ernie Corcoran.
580
00:57:15,400 --> 00:57:17,391
You're...
581
00:57:17,480 --> 00:57:21,109
And Major blasted Bartlett
knows that too!
582
00:57:22,920 --> 00:57:25,798
He won't even have the nerve
to turn up on Saturday.
583
00:57:25,880 --> 00:57:28,519
- Where?
- The Keir Hardie Estate, fool!
584
00:57:28,600 --> 00:57:31,797
- What's that?
- The opening of the thousandth house!
585
00:57:31,880 --> 00:57:35,111
Here. With an election
just around the corner,
586
00:57:35,200 --> 00:57:37,953
that will be worth 500 votes to me!
587
00:57:39,560 --> 00:57:45,078
And when that time comes there'll be
a new man on the train for Westminster!
588
00:57:45,440 --> 00:57:48,955
- No Major blasted Bartlett. Oh, no!
- Not him!
589
00:57:49,800 --> 00:57:51,756
Yeah. Guess who?
590
00:57:51,840 --> 00:57:55,469
I don't know. Guess who?
Well, I mean...
591
00:57:58,400 --> 00:58:00,709
It's right on the tip of my tongue.
592
00:58:02,400 --> 00:58:04,152
Ernie Corcoran?
593
00:58:05,240 --> 00:58:07,196
(Corcoran) That's right!
594
00:58:07,280 --> 00:58:09,236
Here, off you go.
595
00:58:09,320 --> 00:58:11,276
Don't forget, eh?
596
00:58:11,360 --> 00:58:15,069
Oh, I couldn't forget. I got it all down.
597
00:58:15,160 --> 00:58:17,515
Publish and be damned.
598
00:58:19,360 --> 00:58:21,954
Publish... and be...
599
00:58:23,040 --> 00:58:25,190
damned-oh!
600
00:58:32,520 --> 00:58:35,478
Publish and be...
I'll just put me shoes on!
601
00:58:40,320 --> 00:58:43,551
- Won't you stay for some coffee?
- I'd better not, thanks.
602
00:58:43,640 --> 00:58:45,790
- Your bike!
- Oh, yeah.
603
00:58:48,360 --> 00:58:50,316
It must be awfully exciting.
604
00:58:50,400 --> 00:58:53,949
It's all right going downhill,
but uphill gets the back of your legs.
605
00:58:54,040 --> 00:58:56,031
No, working on a newspaper.
606
00:58:56,120 --> 00:58:58,759
- Oh.
- The presses and everything.
607
00:58:58,840 --> 00:59:02,753
Oh, that's exciting too. Pop in sometime,
I'll show you round.
608
00:59:02,840 --> 00:59:05,798
- Oh, I'd love to. Thank you very much.
- All right.
609
00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:07,313
Bye.
610
00:59:07,400 --> 00:59:10,836
Don't you think it would be easier
out the back way?
611
00:59:10,920 --> 00:59:12,876
Well, safer.
612
00:59:12,960 --> 00:59:14,598
(Giggles)
613
00:59:30,280 --> 00:59:33,875
- Little Norman strikes again.
- But it's the truth!
614
00:59:33,960 --> 00:59:37,873
- Mr Corcoran word for word.
- You have a lot to learn, sweetie.
615
00:59:39,240 --> 00:59:43,199
Ah, Mr Shields. Would you be so kind
as to pop along to the Major's office?
616
00:59:43,280 --> 00:59:45,475
He would like a few words with you.
617
01:00:10,800 --> 01:00:14,588
So, Alderman Corcoran is to be
on the train to Westminster? Not me?
618
01:00:14,680 --> 01:00:17,478
- So he said.
- You expect me to publish that?
619
01:00:17,560 --> 01:00:21,030
- "Publish and be damned", he told me.
- Get out!
620
01:00:21,120 --> 01:00:23,315
- Out?
- Out of the office!
621
01:00:23,400 --> 01:00:26,756
- (Phone)
- Out of this town! Out of the country!
622
01:00:31,880 --> 01:00:33,836
What? Who?
623
01:00:33,920 --> 01:00:37,356
Can't you speak up?
Oh, Mr Prime Minister!
624
01:00:37,440 --> 01:00:40,238
Yes, sir. Yes, he's right here, sir.
625
01:00:40,320 --> 01:00:42,515
He wants to speak to you.
626
01:00:43,400 --> 01:00:45,356
Hello, Grandad.
627
01:00:45,440 --> 01:00:47,431
No, it's no good. I don't...
628
01:00:47,520 --> 01:00:50,717
I can't help it. I should be back
at Westminster tomorrow.
629
01:00:50,800 --> 01:00:53,155
(Enraged shouting)
630
01:00:53,680 --> 01:00:56,114
- He's gone potty.
- Mr Prime Minister?
631
01:00:56,200 --> 01:00:58,395
He must have misunderstood.
632
01:00:58,480 --> 01:01:02,189
No, he's a great asset
to the newspaper. Yes.
633
01:01:02,280 --> 01:01:05,317
Oh, no, sir. I've promoted him. Yes!
634
01:01:05,400 --> 01:01:09,712
Er... to political and municipal
correspondent.
635
01:01:09,800 --> 01:01:12,439
Yes, he's a splendid fellow.
636
01:01:12,520 --> 01:01:14,715
Chip off the old block.
637
01:01:14,800 --> 01:01:17,360
Yes, sir. Right, Mr Prime Minister.
638
01:01:18,800 --> 01:01:21,553
Political... and municipal! Golly!
639
01:01:21,640 --> 01:01:25,474
What do you reckon will be
my first assignment? Sir?
640
01:01:25,920 --> 01:01:28,309
Keir Hardie Estate. Tomorrow.
641
01:01:28,400 --> 01:01:32,075
- The thousandth house.
- Oh, Corcoran mentioned that.
642
01:01:32,160 --> 01:01:34,435
Said it'd be worth 500 votes to him.
643
01:01:34,520 --> 01:01:38,991
Another thing he said...
I shouldn't tell you really!
644
01:01:39,080 --> 01:01:41,548
He reckons you'd be scared to go!
645
01:01:42,400 --> 01:01:44,550
- He did, did he?
- Yeah.
646
01:01:44,640 --> 01:01:47,950
- Send Mr Ross in, please.
- I'll tell him.
647
01:01:55,280 --> 01:01:59,432
Ah, Mr Ross! Would you be so kind
as to pop along to the Major's office?
648
01:01:59,520 --> 01:02:01,670
He'd like a few words with you.
649
01:02:08,920 --> 01:02:10,876
For heaven's sake!
650
01:02:10,960 --> 01:02:15,511
I been promoted! The Major said
"My dear lad, you are an asset to us."
651
01:02:17,720 --> 01:02:21,235
So. We have a new political
correspondent.
652
01:02:21,320 --> 01:02:26,269
- Political... and municipal.
- (Grimly) And municipal.
653
01:02:26,360 --> 01:02:29,193
Rather a long-felt want, don't you think?
654
01:02:29,280 --> 01:02:32,989
- Shouldn't you be at a baby show?
- I'm on my way!
655
01:02:33,080 --> 01:02:35,514
Eleanor! Eleanor!
656
01:02:35,600 --> 01:02:38,398
Soon those babies will be adolescent!
657
01:02:38,480 --> 01:02:40,869
Come out tonight. I must celebrate.
658
01:02:40,960 --> 01:02:43,110
Let me take you out to dinner, eh?
659
01:02:43,200 --> 01:02:46,988
- Come on.
- Oh, all right. Just this once.
660
01:02:50,080 --> 01:02:52,036
Victoria Hotel?
661
01:02:52,120 --> 01:02:54,350
- Half-past seven?
- Right.
662
01:03:03,400 --> 01:03:06,710
(# Soft music)
663
01:03:30,280 --> 01:03:32,874
I've always wanted to do that!
664
01:03:37,120 --> 01:03:39,714
I'm supposed to be meeting a girlfriend.
665
01:03:39,800 --> 01:03:42,360
But I'm early.
666
01:03:42,440 --> 01:03:46,433
Oh. I'm supposed to be
meeting someone too. (Laughs)
667
01:03:46,520 --> 01:03:51,389
If we waited together, you could teach
me to wiggle my fingers.
668
01:03:51,480 --> 01:03:53,550
Will you order now, sir?
669
01:03:58,360 --> 01:04:01,511
- What will you have, Miss Corcoran?
- Oh, please call me Liz.
670
01:04:01,600 --> 01:04:03,556
Erm, orange squash.
671
01:04:03,640 --> 01:04:07,155
- I don't drink alcohol.
- One orange. And?
672
01:04:07,240 --> 01:04:09,390
Two orange... squashes.
673
01:04:18,640 --> 01:04:21,359
Erm... Your dad's quite a character.
674
01:04:21,440 --> 01:04:24,000
I'm glad you liked him. He liked you.
675
01:04:24,080 --> 01:04:25,991
- Eh...
- No, honestly!
676
01:04:26,080 --> 01:04:28,514
He said "I think he'll be very useful."
677
01:04:31,160 --> 01:04:34,869
Oh, did he? Well, all that stuff
about the Keir Hardie Estate
678
01:04:34,960 --> 01:04:39,238
and Ernest Corcoran being the only man
who matters, Bartlett wouldn't publish.
679
01:04:39,320 --> 01:04:42,596
I'm not surprised. It's a Tory newspaper.
680
01:04:42,680 --> 01:04:45,638
Well, I am covering
the house opening tomorrow
681
01:04:45,720 --> 01:04:48,359
and they're gonna print what I say.
682
01:05:00,880 --> 01:05:04,270
Oh, darling! I'm so glad
you found a little friend
683
01:05:04,360 --> 01:05:08,956
because I just can't make it tonight - I'm
stuck with some dreadful office thing.
684
01:05:09,040 --> 01:05:11,076
A press girl's life isn't her own.
685
01:05:11,160 --> 01:05:13,116
Sweetie, I'm so sorry. Believe me.
686
01:05:13,200 --> 01:05:15,953
- (Stutters)
- I'll explain it all in the morning.
687
01:05:16,040 --> 01:05:18,508
Now... have fun, you two.
688
01:05:51,640 --> 01:05:54,074
She's got some lovely clothes.
689
01:05:56,600 --> 01:05:58,636
I'm sorry, Norman.
690
01:05:59,920 --> 01:06:01,876
- Liz?
- Yes, Norman?
691
01:06:02,960 --> 01:06:05,520
Put your hands together.
692
01:06:05,600 --> 01:06:07,670
Now, press your fingers down.
693
01:06:07,760 --> 01:06:10,069
No, only the two middle ones.
694
01:06:12,600 --> 01:06:15,672
No. Now, put your glasses on again, eh?
695
01:06:17,240 --> 01:06:21,597
Right. Now, finger exercises begin.
Turn around.
696
01:06:58,920 --> 01:06:59,955
No!
697
01:07:02,120 --> 01:07:05,351
Hey! Bricks are for building,
not throwing.
698
01:07:05,440 --> 01:07:06,839
Ow!
699
01:07:06,920 --> 01:07:09,070
(Car draws up)
700
01:07:15,240 --> 01:07:16,719
Thank you.
701
01:07:16,880 --> 01:07:18,836
- (Boing)
- Ooh!
702
01:07:18,920 --> 01:07:20,956
(Faint applause)
703
01:07:23,840 --> 01:07:26,593
Sorry, sir. I didn't notice
you was in there.
704
01:07:26,680 --> 01:07:28,432
(Laughter)
705
01:07:36,800 --> 01:07:38,916
Oh, I nearly did it again!
706
01:07:39,000 --> 01:07:40,911
- (Thud)
- Aah! Ooh!
707
01:08:18,360 --> 01:08:20,749
Aah! Aah!
708
01:08:43,040 --> 01:08:46,635
- Oh, no!
- Shut your eyes and don't look down.
709
01:08:53,480 --> 01:08:55,152
Help!
710
01:09:03,080 --> 01:09:05,435
Are you all right, dear? Come along.
711
01:09:05,520 --> 01:09:08,910
- We'll get a chair.
- Oh, thank you.
712
01:09:23,520 --> 01:09:25,556
(Whispering)
713
01:09:42,960 --> 01:09:45,633
This great moment
through this afternoon
714
01:09:45,720 --> 01:09:48,359
for the launch of this 1,000th of houses
715
01:09:48,440 --> 01:09:51,000
which culminate
in the progress of this council.
716
01:09:51,080 --> 01:09:54,789
We're graced with the august presence
of Lady Mayor for the gathering
717
01:09:54,880 --> 01:09:57,189
and Major Bartlett the self-made man
718
01:09:57,280 --> 01:10:01,512
which made the newspaper beneficent
for the whole humanity.
719
01:10:01,600 --> 01:10:05,798
All the family, great for this house
which gave them the slummery
720
01:10:05,880 --> 01:10:08,155
and a pleasant prospect in the heart of it.
721
01:10:08,240 --> 01:10:12,631
And now the mauve scroll
for the duke, Major Mayor Bartlett.
722
01:10:24,520 --> 01:10:26,033
Go on!
723
01:10:26,120 --> 01:10:29,157
Your Worship, Mr Town Clerk,
ladies and gentlemen.
724
01:10:29,240 --> 01:10:32,789
Never mind the speeches,
when do we get into our house?
725
01:10:32,880 --> 01:10:35,235
Now, wait a minute, please.
726
01:10:35,320 --> 01:10:37,276
As your Conservative MP,
727
01:10:37,360 --> 01:10:39,430
I congratulate your Labour corporation
728
01:10:39,520 --> 01:10:43,274
on reaching our target
of 1,000 houses... at last.
729
01:10:43,360 --> 01:10:46,796
Your target? Twaddle!
You lot just talk. We build.
730
01:10:46,880 --> 01:10:48,836
- Who planned the estate?
- Who built it?
731
01:10:48,920 --> 01:10:53,311
Never mind who did what! Cut
the politics. When are we gonna get in?
732
01:10:53,400 --> 01:10:56,517
No, no. Please, please.
Ladies and gentlemen,
733
01:10:56,600 --> 01:10:58,636
I'm delighted to be here this afternoon.
734
01:10:58,720 --> 01:11:03,077
And now without more ado,
I will formally open the 1,000th house
735
01:11:03,160 --> 01:11:05,116
with this golden key.
736
01:11:06,280 --> 01:11:08,157
Key. Key.
737
01:11:10,120 --> 01:11:11,951
- Key?
- Key?
738
01:11:12,040 --> 01:11:14,235
The key!
739
01:11:14,320 --> 01:11:15,719
Key?
740
01:11:32,880 --> 01:11:33,869
(Crowd gasps)
741
01:11:37,720 --> 01:11:40,359
Now, sit down, everyone,
and don't panic.
742
01:11:40,440 --> 01:11:43,637
I know where to find it.
Keep talking, Mr Mayor.
743
01:11:43,720 --> 01:11:47,872
Don't sit down, I'm taking the chair away.
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
744
01:11:48,880 --> 01:11:52,634
Er... ladies and gentlemen, I would be
doing less than my duty,
745
01:11:52,720 --> 01:11:57,714
were I not to thank all the people behind
the scenes who have worked so hard
746
01:11:57,800 --> 01:11:59,756
on the, er, plumbing.
747
01:11:59,840 --> 01:12:02,752
And then of course we must thank...
748
01:12:02,840 --> 01:12:05,877
- Oh!
- (Laughter)
749
01:12:08,760 --> 01:12:10,796
Aah!
750
01:12:24,080 --> 01:12:25,832
I got it! The golden key.
751
01:12:25,920 --> 01:12:28,309
I've got it. I've got the key. I've found it.
752
01:12:28,400 --> 01:12:30,595
Everybody on your feet! Come on.
753
01:12:30,680 --> 01:12:33,433
On your feet.
It was under the platform.
754
01:12:33,520 --> 01:12:35,715
The golden key.
755
01:12:35,800 --> 01:12:39,156
Everybody into the house.
All inside! Come on!
756
01:12:51,400 --> 01:12:54,392
(Croaks) Erm... This is the hall,
757
01:12:54,480 --> 01:12:56,516
and that is the lounge.
758
01:12:57,560 --> 01:13:00,028
- Hall and...
- Lounge.
759
01:13:03,280 --> 01:13:05,111
Excuse me.
760
01:13:05,200 --> 01:13:07,668
- Stop pushing at the back!
- Stop pushing.
761
01:13:20,520 --> 01:13:23,432
- Hold it!
- The bedrooms are upstairs.
762
01:13:23,520 --> 01:13:24,873
Ooh, my back!
763
01:13:29,520 --> 01:13:34,548
This is the larger bedroom, or
what I like to call the master bedroom.
764
01:13:54,560 --> 01:13:56,471
Enough in there! Hold it!
765
01:13:57,200 --> 01:14:01,113
This is the small bedroom but there isn't
enough room for all of us.
766
01:14:01,200 --> 01:14:02,758
Oh!
767
01:14:09,000 --> 01:14:12,276
- The house is collapsing!
- Everybody out!
768
01:14:14,840 --> 01:14:16,512
Hurry! Hurry!
769
01:14:17,360 --> 01:14:19,396
- Everybody out!
- Hurry up!
770
01:14:47,200 --> 01:14:50,272
Now look what you've done -
you and your politics!
771
01:14:51,640 --> 01:14:53,949
I've got to get back to the paper. Ta-ta.
772
01:14:55,120 --> 01:14:57,190
Well done, Corcoran.
773
01:15:00,880 --> 01:15:02,472
(Laughter)
774
01:15:29,080 --> 01:15:32,959
Oh, darling. The Keir Hardie Estate
article's on your desk.
775
01:15:33,040 --> 01:15:35,793
- Just sign it, will you?
- Sign it?
776
01:15:35,880 --> 01:15:38,314
I haven't even written it yet!
777
01:15:38,400 --> 01:15:41,836
I did it for you.
On the Major's instructions.
778
01:15:43,600 --> 01:15:45,670
Erm... I see.
779
01:15:46,680 --> 01:15:49,240
Well... thank you.
780
01:15:50,840 --> 01:15:53,593
- What's the hurry?
- Darling, I have a date.
781
01:15:53,680 --> 01:15:56,240
I have to bath, change
and be out by eight.
782
01:15:56,320 --> 01:15:59,232
- Where are you going?
- Is that your business?
783
01:15:59,320 --> 01:16:01,276
Yes, it is.
784
01:16:01,360 --> 01:16:04,796
Who's this special man
that you have got to have a bath for?
785
01:16:04,880 --> 01:16:07,348
You've no right to question me!
786
01:16:07,440 --> 01:16:10,591
Oh, yes, I have-because I love you!
787
01:16:14,240 --> 01:16:16,276
I do love you, Eleanor.
788
01:16:17,720 --> 01:16:21,713
Norman, you must get this nonsense
out of your head.
789
01:16:22,280 --> 01:16:26,114
We'll have a nice, long chat
later this week, I promise you.
790
01:16:28,240 --> 01:16:32,677
- It's Major Bartlett you're seeing, isn't it?
- If you must know, yes, it is.
791
01:16:32,760 --> 01:16:36,673
I thought so.
Well... he is the boss, isn't he?
792
01:16:37,760 --> 01:16:40,320
And my future husband.
793
01:17:13,400 --> 01:17:14,958
Oh.
794
01:17:15,040 --> 01:17:17,952
Oh, I thought it was...
795
01:17:18,520 --> 01:17:21,637
I was just passing.
You said to drop in if...
796
01:17:23,080 --> 01:17:25,036
Did I?
797
01:17:25,120 --> 01:17:29,398
Oh, yes. Erm... Yes.
798
01:17:29,480 --> 01:17:33,314
If you're busy writing your article
about this afternoon, I'll...
799
01:17:33,400 --> 01:17:35,516
No, not really busy.
800
01:17:36,120 --> 01:17:38,156
It's been written for me.
801
01:17:38,240 --> 01:17:40,356
Major Bartlett's approval slip.
802
01:17:44,360 --> 01:17:47,989
"The opening of the 1,000th house
on the Keir Hardie Estate
803
01:17:48,080 --> 01:17:50,594
"was a happy occasion
for all concerned.
804
01:17:50,680 --> 01:17:55,196
"Major Bartlett's witty speech...
Golden key to happiness?!
805
01:17:55,960 --> 01:17:58,190
"Delighted family take up residence?!"
806
01:17:58,280 --> 01:18:00,430
It's a load of lies.
807
01:18:00,520 --> 01:18:04,274
- Well, you know.
- What are you going to do about it?
808
01:18:04,360 --> 01:18:07,113
- What can I do?
- Don't let them get away with it.
809
01:18:07,200 --> 01:18:10,237
- Make them print the truth!
- I can't!
810
01:18:10,320 --> 01:18:14,313
- What about Major Bartlett?
- Blast Major Bartlett and party politics!
811
01:18:14,400 --> 01:18:17,790
- What about your father?
- With all due respect, blast him too!
812
01:18:17,880 --> 01:18:20,155
(Laughs) Oh, Liz!
813
01:18:20,240 --> 01:18:22,470
Anyway, they'd never print it.
814
01:18:24,760 --> 01:18:28,309
They would if you put on
Major Bartlett's approval slip.
815
01:18:41,320 --> 01:18:42,878
Erm...
816
01:18:42,960 --> 01:18:47,556
Just a minute, erm...
Disaster hits the Keir Hardie Estate.
817
01:18:48,360 --> 01:18:50,316
House falls down.
818
01:18:55,360 --> 01:18:57,874
- Morning, Rigby.
- Morning, Major.
819
01:18:58,560 --> 01:19:00,039
(Hums)
820
01:19:00,120 --> 01:19:03,908
- What are you doing in my office?
- Have you gone stark, staring mad?
821
01:19:04,000 --> 01:19:07,197
- Cutting both our throats?
- What are you talking about?
822
01:19:07,280 --> 01:19:08,793
Look.
823
01:19:12,000 --> 01:19:14,639
"Both political parties claim credit..."
824
01:19:14,720 --> 01:19:18,235
- This isn't the article I authorised!
- So who the hell wrote it?
825
01:19:18,320 --> 01:19:23,075
- It could only be one person.
- Shields.
826
01:19:23,160 --> 01:19:26,550
Bartlett, you get rid of
that little idiot reporter of yours
827
01:19:26,640 --> 01:19:29,598
or some of your unsavoury behaviour
828
01:19:29,680 --> 01:19:32,319
will be exposed
at the forthcoming election.
829
01:19:32,400 --> 01:19:36,075
So there's going to be mudslinging
at the election, is there?
830
01:19:36,160 --> 01:19:37,912
Anyway, what election?
831
01:19:38,000 --> 01:19:41,470
Let's not kid ourselves.
You know very well what election.
832
01:19:41,560 --> 01:19:44,870
Take my advice-get rid of Shields!
833
01:19:48,760 --> 01:19:51,035
This article-how did it get in?
834
01:19:51,120 --> 01:19:54,430
- It had your approval slip on it.
- Absolute disaster.
835
01:19:54,520 --> 01:19:58,513
Take Shields off politics and put him
out of harm's way-entertainments.
836
01:19:58,600 --> 01:20:00,556
Yes.
837
01:20:01,800 --> 01:20:04,268
- Good morning, Major.
- Get out!
838
01:20:04,360 --> 01:20:07,875
- (Stammers) About housing...
- Get out, Miss Popkiss! Get out!
839
01:20:07,960 --> 01:20:09,916
I must get rid of that woman.
840
01:20:12,640 --> 01:20:14,631
Get out!
841
01:20:16,200 --> 01:20:18,236
Not you, dear lad.
842
01:20:24,280 --> 01:20:27,829
Once again, I must congratulate you.
An excellent article.
843
01:20:28,520 --> 01:20:30,909
Really?
844
01:20:31,000 --> 01:20:34,959
Well, it isn't exactly good for you, is it?
845
01:20:37,120 --> 01:20:40,715
- Or Mr Corcoran.
- That's what I like about the article.
846
01:20:40,800 --> 01:20:43,314
It's so entirely unprejudiced.
847
01:20:43,400 --> 01:20:47,598
So in future you'll be covering
entertainments.
848
01:20:47,680 --> 01:20:51,195
- What, as well as politics?
- Instead of.
849
01:20:52,720 --> 01:20:55,075
But I like writing about politics.
850
01:20:55,160 --> 01:20:58,311
It could give me a chance
to help someone.
851
01:20:58,400 --> 01:21:01,676
What better way to help the townspeople
than making them happy?
852
01:21:01,760 --> 01:21:03,751
Entertainments.
853
01:21:04,880 --> 01:21:06,996
I like politics.
854
01:21:07,880 --> 01:21:10,599
- I'll ask Grandad.
- Oh, no, no!
855
01:21:10,680 --> 01:21:14,070
If you can find a way of
promoting entertainments,
856
01:21:14,160 --> 01:21:16,469
this newspaper will back you all the way.
857
01:21:17,480 --> 01:21:20,153
What, you mean I can arrange
858
01:21:20,240 --> 01:21:22,470
and, erm, organise things?
859
01:21:23,840 --> 01:21:25,796
Anything you like.
860
01:23:04,480 --> 01:23:06,710
I didn't hear you ring.
861
01:23:07,880 --> 01:23:11,077
- You're Willoughby.
- I know who I am. Who are you?
862
01:23:11,160 --> 01:23:15,551
- I'm Shields of the Times.
- A reporter? How delicious!
863
01:23:15,640 --> 01:23:18,791
- I'm in charge of entertainment.
- There isn't any.
864
01:23:18,880 --> 01:23:21,678
Except what we make ourselves.
865
01:23:21,760 --> 01:23:24,354
What are your plans for holiday crowds
this year?
866
01:23:24,440 --> 01:23:27,477
Same as last year and, funnily enough,
the year before that.
867
01:23:27,560 --> 01:23:29,516
- None.
- None?
868
01:23:29,600 --> 01:23:31,750
But this is a holiday resort.
869
01:23:31,840 --> 01:23:33,796
This is a last resort!
870
01:23:33,880 --> 01:23:37,350
We've got a chocolate machine
with no chocolate in it,
871
01:23:37,440 --> 01:23:40,671
two speak-your-weight machines
with the voices gone,
872
01:23:40,760 --> 01:23:44,514
and we've got a distorting mirror
that's cracked.
873
01:23:44,600 --> 01:23:48,115
On Major Bartlett's authority,
our paper will back you all the way.
874
01:23:48,200 --> 01:23:51,715
Major Bartlett?
That's interesting. All the way?
875
01:23:52,600 --> 01:23:54,556
Er, Memo to Ross.
876
01:23:55,560 --> 01:23:58,836
As my election campaign
has now started,
877
01:23:58,920 --> 01:24:01,036
you will virtually be in charge.
878
01:24:02,560 --> 01:24:04,710
- (Knocking)
- What do you want, Shields?
879
01:24:04,800 --> 01:24:09,749
I have had the most marvellous idea!
And Willoughby's going to help.
880
01:24:09,840 --> 01:24:13,310
- Who's Willoughby?
- The town's entertainments officer.
881
01:24:13,400 --> 01:24:16,631
Oh. Well, type it in triplicate
and submit it in the usual way.
882
01:24:16,720 --> 01:24:20,679
I can't wait for all that.
This is a beauty contest. With girls.
883
01:24:20,760 --> 01:24:23,718
Not in keeping
with the dignity of the newspaper.
884
01:24:23,800 --> 01:24:26,234
Dignity of the... What do you reckon?
885
01:24:26,320 --> 01:24:31,474
A beauty contest could be very dignified,
Major. I could enter for it myself.
886
01:24:33,520 --> 01:24:35,715
- All right, then.
- Yes.
887
01:24:35,800 --> 01:24:37,711
A dignified beauty contest.
888
01:24:38,600 --> 01:24:42,036
- Busy, Major?
- Oh, just organising a beauty contest.
889
01:24:42,120 --> 01:24:44,759
Oh?
890
01:24:44,840 --> 01:24:47,673
- How interesting.
- It was Shields' idea.
891
01:24:47,760 --> 01:24:49,955
Thank you, Miss Fairchild.
892
01:24:53,360 --> 01:24:56,636
If you want me, Major,
you've only to buzz.
893
01:24:56,720 --> 01:25:00,349
So you're using the new girl now,
instead of Miss Popkiss?
894
01:25:00,440 --> 01:25:03,193
Yes, she's much faster.
895
01:25:03,280 --> 01:25:05,236
That I can well believe.
896
01:25:05,320 --> 01:25:07,788
- Now, darling...
- Erm...
897
01:25:07,880 --> 01:25:11,509
Er, shall I carry on
with my beauty contest column?
898
01:25:11,600 --> 01:25:15,479
- Yes, do, Shields.
- I'll do about 500 words...
899
01:25:17,440 --> 01:25:19,590
Beauty contest? Twaddle!
900
01:25:19,680 --> 01:25:23,593
Then he has the gall to criticise
the council for no summer shows.
901
01:25:23,680 --> 01:25:27,229
Cracked distorting mirrors,
chocolate machines with no chocolate!
902
01:25:27,320 --> 01:25:29,276
It's a dirty, filthy libel!
903
01:25:29,360 --> 01:25:31,999
- Dirty, filthy truth, Daddy.
- Liz, dear!
904
01:25:32,080 --> 01:25:34,036
It seems like that to me.
905
01:25:34,120 --> 01:25:38,079
Holiday-makers don't come here.
What's the use of a beauty contest?
906
01:25:38,160 --> 01:25:41,038
- I think Norman's right.
- Norman?
907
01:25:41,120 --> 01:25:44,999
- Perishing little halfwit!
- He might not sound clever to you,
908
01:25:45,080 --> 01:25:47,833
and perhaps he doesn't put things well,
909
01:25:47,920 --> 01:25:51,117
but he says something
because he believes in it,
910
01:25:51,200 --> 01:25:53,156
not to get something from it.
911
01:25:53,240 --> 01:25:58,109
If I thought for one instant that you were
getting interested in that midget reporter,
912
01:25:58,200 --> 01:26:00,270
I'd have him out of this town so fast...
913
01:26:00,360 --> 01:26:02,510
Careful. You'll have one of your attacks.
914
01:26:27,000 --> 01:26:29,275
Hurry up. There's not much time.
915
01:26:29,360 --> 01:26:31,635
That's all right. We're all ready now.
916
01:26:31,720 --> 01:26:36,350
- Girls all here?
- I'll count 'em. There should be seven.
917
01:26:37,560 --> 01:26:39,357
(Screaming)
918
01:26:39,440 --> 01:26:41,396
What happened?
919
01:26:41,480 --> 01:26:43,550
Erm... only six.
920
01:26:45,080 --> 01:26:48,516
- Liz!
- I just came to wish you luck, Norman.
921
01:26:48,600 --> 01:26:51,478
If there's anything I could do to help...
922
01:26:56,000 --> 01:26:59,117
Hey, Liz, you can help.
923
01:27:00,320 --> 01:27:02,436
Will you be a contestant?
924
01:27:03,440 --> 01:27:05,590
One of the girls hasn't turned up.
925
01:27:07,800 --> 01:27:10,439
- Do you think I dare?
- Why not?
926
01:27:10,520 --> 01:27:13,034
Come along now. don't let's talk rubbish.
927
01:27:14,360 --> 01:27:17,397
You're a bit late!
We were about to put a substitute in.
928
01:27:18,480 --> 01:27:20,550
What, her?
929
01:27:20,640 --> 01:27:22,676
Right, Liz. Get changed.
930
01:27:22,760 --> 01:27:25,911
- But I haven't got any...
- Well, borrow some!
931
01:27:27,160 --> 01:27:29,116
Right, it's time.
932
01:27:29,200 --> 01:27:33,478
Don't forget-you're in charge backstage
because I'll be compering.
933
01:27:33,560 --> 01:27:35,551
So good luck.
934
01:27:47,960 --> 01:27:51,157
Chocolates? Cigarettes?
935
01:27:53,200 --> 01:27:55,236
(Usherette) Cold drinks?
936
01:27:56,120 --> 01:27:58,588
All those posters
and nobody's interested.
937
01:27:58,680 --> 01:28:02,832
Men not interested in girls -
I can't believe it! It's unhealthy.
938
01:28:14,960 --> 01:28:17,110
The... The judges.
939
01:28:17,200 --> 01:28:19,236
Look after 'em.
940
01:28:32,160 --> 01:28:34,151
Police! Police!
941
01:28:34,240 --> 01:28:37,835
Over the road! There's girls walking
about with hardly any clothes on!
942
01:28:37,920 --> 01:28:41,356
Don't go over there!
It's just like a harem.
943
01:28:41,440 --> 01:28:44,273
They've all gone raving mad over there.
944
01:29:06,800 --> 01:29:08,756
Right, stand by!
945
01:29:09,480 --> 01:29:11,516
Everybody on stage!
946
01:29:16,480 --> 01:29:18,869
- Well done, Norman!
- Ready?
947
01:29:18,960 --> 01:29:21,599
Give me a few seconds
before curtain up.
948
01:29:21,680 --> 01:29:24,035
Where's the pianist? No pianist!
949
01:29:24,120 --> 01:29:26,998
- You'll have to play.
- I'm the compere down there!
950
01:29:27,080 --> 01:29:29,071
And the pianist, down there.
951
01:29:42,760 --> 01:29:44,716
(Norman grunts)
952
01:29:49,320 --> 01:29:51,311
(Groans)
953
01:29:51,400 --> 01:29:53,755
(Audience laugh)
954
01:29:57,000 --> 01:29:58,956
(Clanging piano strings)
955
01:29:59,880 --> 01:30:01,438
(Laughter)
956
01:30:13,680 --> 01:30:15,238
(Applause)
957
01:30:25,440 --> 01:30:27,396
(Compere) Miss Elizabeth Rivers.
958
01:30:29,640 --> 01:30:31,358
(Applause)
959
01:30:39,000 --> 01:30:42,151
- Miss Penelope Squires.
- (Applause)
960
01:30:53,080 --> 01:30:56,436
And now... Miss Ruby Fairchild.
961
01:30:56,520 --> 01:30:58,351
(Applause)
962
01:31:28,120 --> 01:31:29,951
(Applause)
963
01:31:34,320 --> 01:31:39,189
And now a young lady
who, when you see her,
964
01:31:39,280 --> 01:31:41,157
will take your breath away.
965
01:31:42,400 --> 01:31:44,595
(Gasps) Like that.
966
01:31:45,840 --> 01:31:49,913
Luscious, scrumptiously attractive
and... beautiful.
967
01:31:51,000 --> 01:31:52,956
Miss Liz Corcoran.
968
01:31:57,640 --> 01:31:59,596
I can't!
969
01:31:59,680 --> 01:32:01,830
You can.
970
01:32:04,800 --> 01:32:07,234
(Applause)
971
01:32:19,600 --> 01:32:21,556
Bring down the curtain.
972
01:32:27,360 --> 01:32:31,399
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
may I have your voting cards?
973
01:32:32,640 --> 01:32:34,790
I think you'll find we're all agreed.
974
01:32:40,600 --> 01:32:42,033
Norman!
975
01:32:45,280 --> 01:32:46,633
(Laughter)
976
01:32:53,400 --> 01:32:55,231
The winner.
977
01:32:56,560 --> 01:32:59,632
- Ruby Fairchild.
- It's rigged. The Major.
978
01:33:01,040 --> 01:33:03,270
Don't worry, it's none of our business.
979
01:33:04,240 --> 01:33:06,196
Ruby Fairchild.
980
01:33:08,640 --> 01:33:11,598
Ladies and gentlemen,
on this piece of paper
981
01:33:11,680 --> 01:33:14,035
is the name of the Tinmouth
beauty queen.
982
01:33:15,040 --> 01:33:18,589
When the curtains part,
you will see her on the throne.
983
01:33:25,720 --> 01:33:27,472
(Booing)
984
01:33:29,600 --> 01:33:31,955
(Jeering)
985
01:33:42,160 --> 01:33:44,116
(Shrieks and sobs)
986
01:33:48,960 --> 01:33:51,110
Please leave me alone.
987
01:33:56,320 --> 01:33:58,276
(Angry shouting)
988
01:34:00,000 --> 01:34:03,879
Now, er, gentlemen, if you'll just...
Please! Gentlemen, if you...
989
01:34:03,960 --> 01:34:07,270
- Er, gentlemen, please!
- Ruby!
990
01:34:07,360 --> 01:34:09,954
Ooh! Eleanor.
991
01:34:10,040 --> 01:34:11,473
Ooh!
992
01:34:12,960 --> 01:34:16,077
- What have you to say about this?
- Keep out of this!
993
01:34:16,160 --> 01:34:18,958
Gentlemen, I would like to say
a few words.
994
01:34:19,040 --> 01:34:20,996
Gentlemen, conduct yourselves
995
01:34:21,080 --> 01:34:24,755
in the dignified manner
to which this town is accustomed.
996
01:34:24,840 --> 01:34:27,877
This demonstration is an example
of Labour hooliganism
997
01:34:27,960 --> 01:34:30,030
and it will not be tolerated.
998
01:34:30,120 --> 01:34:33,237
That, Bartlett, is a remark
that you will live to regret.
999
01:34:33,320 --> 01:34:35,550
Our Labour stock
has never stood higher.
1000
01:34:35,640 --> 01:34:40,555
This trumped-up beauty contest is
nothing more than a Tory conspiracy.
1001
01:34:40,640 --> 01:34:44,519
You're sabotaging the years
of sacrifice I've given this constituency.
1002
01:34:44,600 --> 01:34:48,036
Sacrifice? You've only ever spoken once
in the House of Commons
1003
01:34:48,120 --> 01:34:51,078
and that was to ask
for a window to be opened.
1004
01:34:51,160 --> 01:34:54,470
- Look, I'm going now.
- Yes. You're fired.
1005
01:34:55,840 --> 01:34:59,276
That doesn't surprise me.
But before I do go,
1006
01:34:59,360 --> 01:35:02,716
don't you two ever think of anybody
but yourselves?
1007
01:35:02,800 --> 01:35:06,076
I mean, you're both intelligent men.
1008
01:35:06,160 --> 01:35:09,232
- I wish I had your brains.
- Turn on the mike.
1009
01:35:10,480 --> 01:35:13,074
- (Click)
- (Echoing) You're an MP.
1010
01:35:13,160 --> 01:35:15,151
- And I soon will be.
- Who knows?
1011
01:35:15,240 --> 01:35:18,596
- Over my dead body!
- Whoa! What's the matter with you?
1012
01:35:18,680 --> 01:35:21,672
'Why don't you leave off?
All you do is bicker.'
1013
01:35:21,760 --> 01:35:24,035
Now let me have my say.
1014
01:35:25,440 --> 01:35:28,079
As I see it, you two are like...
1015
01:35:29,640 --> 01:35:32,632
captains of a sort of people's ship of life.
1016
01:35:32,720 --> 01:35:38,033
'And they rely on you two
to steer them on a safe course.'
1017
01:35:38,920 --> 01:35:43,630
But because of your own selfishness,
you keep on taking them into storms
1018
01:35:43,720 --> 01:35:46,917
with big waves.
1019
01:35:47,000 --> 01:35:51,312
And if you and all the other politicians
and the leaders of the world
1020
01:35:51,400 --> 01:35:55,791
don't work together, you know,
one of these days...
1021
01:35:55,880 --> 01:35:58,030
Open the curtains!
1022
01:35:58,120 --> 01:36:00,236
...you're gonna drown all the people.
1023
01:36:00,960 --> 01:36:05,795
Here. I been talking a lot, ain't I?
1024
01:36:05,880 --> 01:36:08,269
I have to get off me soapbox.
1025
01:36:08,360 --> 01:36:10,669
'(Laughs)'
1026
01:36:10,760 --> 01:36:14,548
Oh, well, I'm going back
to me pater's town in Westminster.
1027
01:36:15,320 --> 01:36:17,470
Goodbye, sir.
1028
01:36:18,920 --> 01:36:20,990
(Cheering)
1029
01:36:35,480 --> 01:36:38,040
Well done, Norman. Go on, take a bow.
1030
01:36:41,160 --> 01:36:43,276
- Bye, Robin.
- Bye-bye.
1031
01:36:48,920 --> 01:36:51,036
Give those to Liz for me.
1032
01:37:07,600 --> 01:37:09,192
Norman.
1033
01:37:12,880 --> 01:37:14,552
- I'm going, Liz.
- Why?
1034
01:37:14,640 --> 01:37:17,313
- I don't think I've been successful here.
- I do.
1035
01:37:17,400 --> 01:37:20,836
Daddy and Major Bartlett
are having a drink at the hotel.
1036
01:37:20,920 --> 01:37:24,117
- That's a good start.
- Yeah, a good start.
1037
01:37:24,200 --> 01:37:26,395
- Bye.
- Norman!
1038
01:37:27,960 --> 01:37:31,350
- Couldn't I come with you?
- What about your dad?
1039
01:37:31,440 --> 01:37:34,193
He'd lose a daughter but he'd gain a son.
1040
01:37:34,280 --> 01:37:36,555
- Yeah.
- (Whistle)
1041
01:37:36,640 --> 01:37:38,915
Come on, we'll miss the train.
1042
01:37:41,600 --> 01:37:44,876
- We've missed it!
- No, we haven't!
78085
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