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Awesomest Maximus

The fate of the world is decided by
legends, men who are larger than life.

whose stories of courage not only in their
Time told ...

but forever fixed.

And so did
Awesomest Maximus.

Oh, sorry, friend!

Even though he was a stupid dick.

Hey, Quantas, man! How you doing here?
- Well, General.

As you see, is the state of
good for us.

Great.
- We are ready to finish it, General.

Something is wrong ...

Great, thanks Larry.
Throw it full. Enough.

With strength and honor!

Yes, and beer and blowjob!

You know what?
Will we use the archers?

The cavalry is too close.
- That's far enough away.

Fire!

The next time, the cavalry
one piece back, because this ...

The gods predicted Awesomest
Maximus would be the greatest general ever.

And if the gods predict your destiny ...

You might as well at a strip club
you go and get drunk.

General.

Quantus! How are you, man!
Check this out!

Unbelievable ... Awesomest.

I call it ... the motorboat.

What is a motorboat?
- A boat with a motor.

And what an engine?
- Al beat me death. Drink!

King Looney want to talk to you, sir.

Looney king, your father? Your wife,
princess, her father, King Looney, sir?

No! No. She does not mind!
You are barbaric strippers!

Your pipes for a yak
shiny stone ...

Thanks, Captain Game Decay!

What's wrong with you?
Do not you like boobs?

Well, I love it.
- You hate boobs.

I love great tits.
- No, not true.

Yes.

Touche.

Awesomest! Leave us girls. But
not too long, but the pills work 4 hours.

Looney king, the ruler of
everything he oversaw ...

and crazier than a rat with
hersensyfylus.

It's good to be king, not you, sir?
- Yes, certainly.

Awesomest, you are the son
I never had.

And then Orlando?
- I think Orlando is on boys.

That's a good point.

And, how do you like being married?
- You know Hottessa.

Once a princess, always a princess.
- Yes, just like her mother.

I think she's worried that you
Orlando as heir to.

Would he really not queen?
- That's good.

Okay, in this regard.

I want you to accompany Orlando in Greece.
- What is he doing in Greece?

I want you to help him to their
hairy Greek ass licking ...

and ensures that he did
not angry,

millions of visitors here so they do not
send back to our slaves ...

and will do weird things with our wives.

If I may ...

I can do, sir. We do our ...
great general not to bother.

I am a great general.
- Yes, you.

That was sarcasm.
- No, not true. That was the truth.

The fate of Troy is in your hands,
Awesomest.

Okay, Looney. I do it.

Forgive me, sir, but can Awesomest
only himself,

are you sure he can make a
important mission to can?

He's always me and the army
been able to save his skin.

You forget that when Awesomest
was born ...

The gods said that he was destined
was a legend.

But, sir, I'm not really sure ...
- We have the largest army in the world.

How hard can it fuck up?

Heavy.

It was the first time that Awesomest
only on an important mission was sent.

So he decided to consult
with his money-grubbing bitch Hottessa.

As if they knew anything about.

Awesomest, get your head out of the
clouds and listen to me.

This is something good. Daddy needs you
never given much responsibility.

He finally looks likely
Orlando that a complete gay.

Troy can not gay king.

You know what this means,
Awesomest?

If this goes well, he
you king of Troy.

And that means I
queen.

And we are going in the castle
servants live and have hope ...

and I am invited to
the best parties.

Not screwed up!
- No, I do not.

It sounds good.

Maybe you and me ...
to celebrate ...

We're married, Awesomest.
You have to earn it first.

Fat bitch ...
- What did you say?

Nothing! I was talking about myself.

I am fat. I want to lose weight.
I like yoga ... hot yoga with you.

I love you!

meanwhile, stood by himself
proclaimed Erotik Greek king,

the most ruthless king who was there,
I mean, that guy was a real dick,

and weird like "let-him-not
only-with-children "strange.

If you know what I mean.

Anyway. He was about
the savages of Tessali� overcome.

And after he Tessali� among Greek
regime had been ...

he would be THE man.

It's a good day for the crows.

And I hear they have the taste
Tessa Liana love.

Yes?
- Tessali�rs.

I told you!

No, you said it wrong.

I need about half an hour
orgy, I've already moved four times.

So I'm a very mild
god-king, okay?

Instead of that I do
men dead

let some time and save lives
and the old way.

Your best warrior against mine.
If mine wins, you are subject.

It's that simple.

And if mine wins?
- Then I'm leaving.

Really?

You have my word.
- Agreed.

Ginormus!

Jesus. How great was his
Mom's cunt was not to be?

Not big enough.

Testiclees!

Testiclees?

This effect has Ginormus to many.

Where the fuck is he? This is embarrassing!

I am here calling his name. We
all here and he does not. I am this Sat

I'm sorry. I know you do
something else to do. But I also.

Testiclees. He was the best warrior of King
Erotik, an immortal among men,

and in due course also a wimp.

I? Carbohydrates?

Testiclees, Erotik king wants to see you.

Tell your king that I am going nowhere until
I finished my beauty therapy.

the legend goes, when Testiclees was born,
a goddess plunged him into a river ...

making him invulnerable
would be.

But as she held him
with his little balls,

Testiclees continued his balls
vulnerable in combat.

Testiclees, your swords.

The stories about you true?

That my ass hair removal?
- No.

I once, accidentally, my mother
I fucked when we were both drunk?

So what.
We are both single.

No. Not.

That is the biggest Ginormus
guy I've ever seen.

I would not want to fight with him.

Therefore no one will remember your name.

I do not want to fight him because
I'm only ten years old.

Yes, it will be, wimp.

Yes, and you'll only be remembered because you
named by what happens in my scrotum is.

Look who decided
to join us.

The pot.

Why are you such a prima donna?

You know what?

I did not need this crap.

Testiclees, wait!

Look at the faces of men.

My goodness.

You and only you can send them back
pathetic to their families ...

with a swing of your sword.

He's really an asshole!

Dirty bastard!

Is there anyone else?

Is there anyone else?

Stop it, dick!

I thought so

Who are you, soldier?

Testiclees. The greatest warrior ever.

And even the most modest.

Wimp.

After the Tessali�rs reports, was
King Erotik 's bigger threat to Troy.

So Awesomest found his brother Orlando
the victory party ...

and could Erotik rimming ...

But without tongue, because it impaired
fool would still like to have it.

On behalf of myself and my beautiful
young wife, Ellen,

we welcome you in Greece.

Let us drink as friends!
- If friends!

At least until one of us the other
region gives a damn.

Just kidding.
It was a joke.

She understands him.

You dick.
- You dick!

Orlando, which has Erotik woman.

I know.
- Can you even less subtle?

I can try.

Excuse me. I try a secret
arrange meeting with Ellen.

Stupid bag.

You would not be here.

You said that last night too.

Last night I had drugs.

And the night before?

When I was pretty drunk.

Yes, you were good Sat

I've been all week from the map.
- I know.

This is the best spring break ever.

Orlando.

This pig is great!

Orlando, you're fantastic!
I had never thought of this combination.

You really have a good eye for fashion.
- My God, you think, really?

Better than any other man
I have ever met.

I'm so confused right now,
but I love your company.

Me too!
- I have a great idea.

Go with me to Troy.

Okay, not this crazy.

No, no, seriously. It will be so fun.
I have a huge bank account.

How huge?
- It is fairly large.

If you come into the peace between
Troy and Greece over ...

and millions of men die, the gods
curse us, we will be burned alive

but it's been a great week.

Plus, my dad thinks not
that I fall guys.

And what of, when I caught it
you watched the guard urinating?

Listen. I'm going right now, certainly
an experimental stage ...

but I love chicks.

Really, I love bitches.
Especially if they are fashionable, like you.

Look at.
- You're a sweetheart.

So, you come along? Please.

It might be horny as she
for me to war, so ...

I do it.
- Yes! Yes!

Hello, Awesomest
- Hey, Orlando!

Those Greeks know how to
throw a party, right?

I love you.

Thanks.

Do you love me too?
- What are you saying?

I must tell you something and you have
promise you will not be angry, okay?

Stick your finger up to
a pinky promise.

Damn. Back to Greece!
- No, no, Awesomest, please wait.

Wait!

I'm in love with her.

Orlando, you used all along
XTC week, you're in love with everyone.

That's exactly right.

But this time it's real.

Orlando, like the Greeks behind
find that Ellen is gone, they ...

So start wars, man.

If you bring her back, I go along.
For this is the girl I love.

I love you!

Okay, you're still high, right?
- No. Yes!

I promised your father and Hottessa
I would be responsible on this trip

and peace with the Greeks
would keep, okay?

And I'm pretty sure your dad knows that I
bully in the sink've been shit,

So I can not fuck up.

Awesomest, please.
- Orlando, you want that Troy is rotten ...

over some slut?

Never mind.
To Troy!

We go. We're not.
Decide for once damn it!

Daddy, this is Ellen.

Ellen Greece?
- No, not anymore. Ellen of Troy.

I knew nothing, King Looney,
I swear.

Sound the trumpets! My son
fuck a bitch! Time for a celebration!

Welcome to Troy, baby.
- Thank you, my king

Forgive me, sire.
But this war may come.

Stop it.
Focus on what is important.

My son is not lulzuiger ...

Nope.
I love vaginas.

Vagina, vagina, vagina.

My vagina.
- Her vagina. The hairy mussel.

The pussy.
- The honey pot.

Love box.

Sperm box.

The cunt.

The wet crack.

The neukgat.
- The neukgat.

The damp cave.

The penis instead.

Come on, I'll take you to your room, dear.

Son, this woman is really good!

Meanwhile prepared King Erotik
for war.

But he had the help of his
best warrior, Testiclees.

That was practicing with his cousin.

his nephew resembled him in
all respects.

Except in one.

Asshole!
- Come on, cousin Testiclees. Be a man.

Testiclees!

Nephew of Testiclees.

What do you want?

I want you with us at
fighting the Trojans.

What are we fighting this time?

The prince and stole my wife
Greece dishonored.

Why should I pick something
your slutty wife?

Because you have so much fame
and people will remember your name.

And not because you mentioned
want a scrotum.

Fame, you say?

How much are we talking about fame?

Very much.

So much that will resonate forever.

Yeah, maybe mention it
or a sandwich at you.

Shut up, cousin of Testiclees!

Well, I do it.

Once I get permission
my mother.

Milfia, your son is here.

Hi Mom.
- Son.

You look out horny.
- Thanks.

Even though she was my mother,
I would still fuck her.

You want my opinion whether you
not to fight the Trojans?

How do you know?
- A mother knows.

If you fight the Trojans,
You will gain fame ...

but you'll die.

I thought so
- But if you stay here ...

we could pretend
we were just friends ...

mother and son, you know.

And it can be very horny.

Like the time New Year.
- Yes ...

I'm not so good.
I think I'm going to fight.

But I'm only five years
older than you.

The mother of Alexander the Great
was six months younger than him.

Mom, after two bad things
another is still poor.

That depends on how bad
you want to be ...

I want you in me.

I was already in you.
Nine months.

So you just fuck me and then
dump me, asshole?

I can not believe you
that have screwed up.

I? Come on, Orlando has it that del
brought home.

Besides, your dad is happy.
You're the only one who is angry.

My dad is absolutely insane,
Awesomest.

Now he thinks Orlando is not
Buggers and makes him king.

And you know what? I'm a fortune
spent on this crown.

Hottessa, look at the positive.

Discovered that when King Erotik
Orlando has usurped his wife,

there is still no empire left to
to dominate.

Oh, come on!

I bet so many Erotik
wives that he did not even miss.

You can better rectify.

What do you want me to do it?
- Ask the Ephores ...

how you can correct your mistake.

And prove yourself to my father.

And if everything goes according to plan ...

I'll finally ...

Day.

And so to Awesomest
The Ephores.

Those were a couple ugly,
sick bastards who said ...

them directly
had with the gods.

That or they were just high.

Hello, Ephores.
- Hi, General Awesomest Maximus.

You look good. This is
moved away since the last time.

Certainly that ... there.

Okay, not cool.

Want to come?

The problem with the Ephores was that you
may not got the answers you wanted ...

but if you played well,
you could have your pockets empty.

I mean, damn ...

What about here?

These girls can only be with the gods
talk about them as you drool?

Yes ... about it.
- Do you good to each other.

Yes, that was my idea
- Very good.

Let's get to business.

I have a fucking king Erotik
region comes ...

and now there must be a great war of ...

and my wife get seriously hurt.
So, I need your help.

Let's consult the Oracle.

Ellen?
What the hell are you doing here?

Please do not say it to Orlando.
- How did you get this job?

You're only a half hour in Troy.

Through a friend of a friend.

Ellen, come to pole 3.

I gotta go.
My turn on the pole.

Okay, I see you in the castle then.

I know her. Bit weird. She is a
family type. Long story. What now?

What do you mean?
- I need advice from the gods.

Let's consult the Oracle.

The Oracle has just left.

There are others.
- Many others.

How much?
- About seven.

I had never quit school ...

Poor wretch!

You know what I want.
- Do you really want me to do?

Yes!

That is pathetic and dirty
at the same time.

What's the verdict?

Judge what?

What I need to do to Trojan
to save the Greeks.

Exactly.
That.

Very mature. No thanks
- Watje.

According to the gods, you must
together with a winged horse ...

and a golden owl and you have
Medusa's head chopped off.

Who is Medusa?

No, no, he likes to fool you.
- Haha, funny.

I have an idea.

Choose a number between 1 and 10,000.

What?

Choose a number between 1 and 10,000, he said.
- I heard it, thanks.

300.

300?

Boom. That's it.

What do you mean?

Raw. Really fucking raw.

What are you talking about?

The gods say
Awesomest Maximus ...

must fight with the Greeks
300 soldiers.

What? Wait, 300 soldiers?
Against the millions of King Erotik?

The gods of the Greeks say that everyone
can defeat the whole Trojan army.

However, only a great general
can win with only 300 guests.

That is nonsense.
- You are irrelevant.

You challenge the gods?

Listen, I only have one question.

Which is 300 including me,
or without 300 ...

They are gods.
Do not think too far.

This is ridiculous.

The gods also say that their uniform
nichterig should be.

And, do not they look good?

Is it here yet
nichterig enough.

Good point. That is better.
I take care of it.

Got it.

Want those long arms
out of my body?

Pardon?

Looking for a fight?
- You come with me.

And who is this?

He was hiding in a tree.
- I hid me.

I'm one meter wide, asshole.

General, my name is Minoritees.
At your service.

Minoritees.
His mother named him really.

Your mother did you really?

What a bitch.
- Yes, she is.

I am a son of Troy ...

and I want to help the Greeks
rotten to save.

That was sweet.
- It was not.

Give him some respect. He is free
for a tough little guy.

Thank you, General.

My mother hid me as a baby,

but I practice my whole life
all with the spear.

That was a nice shot.

And take a look at this.

You like that?
- I did, yes.

Nice cards, good rhythm.
- Yes, a very good rhythm.

Here, take this.

What is this?
- I call it 'fried chicken.

Try it. It's delicious.

You know what? This
is really delicious.

General Awesomest, we have
seen the Greeks.

They attack from the sea side
- We get it!

Quiet friend, you're not
with us.

Why? Because I'm black?

What? No.

What an asshole you think
I am. Of course not.

It is because I am small, right?

No, no ... no.

Why not?

Because you're black.

Drop all but dead!
And you do Awesomest!

Watch out.

And give my chicken back, asshole!

To hell! Clear bastard!

Perhaps we should prepare
the battle, General?

We are prepared. Everyone is.
- You do not have a helmet or sword.

My helmet is out there and
We have a mountain of swords.

You'll need to let you
struggle to prepare.

You know what?
Prepare yourself for battle.

Should I prepare?
- Not you.

You better be prepared.
- Let him just do it anyway.

I prepare for.
- You're never prepared for.

Prepare for battle!

DEAD SEA WORN.

My first fight.
This is really exciting.

Thank you took me, cousin.
I will make you proud.

I practiced on a few
great sword combinations.

There will be all Trojans are dead.

Actually ...
You stay on board.

Are you serious?

I can not at the same time
fight and watch over you.

What a bullshit!

Testiclees, You do not want
the rest wait?

We are only with ten.

Listen. Yes.

They are perhaps thousands
with bow and arrow ...

and they have a strategic
big advantage because they are higher.

And yes, the beach would be easier
are observable

if we wait for thousands
boats behind us.

But we are not just 'ten guests.

We are tough ten guests.

Am I right?

You know what's behind that
beach?

An open bar!

No, but I love your
thinking.

Trojan horny bitches?
- More gay stuff?

Who said that?
- He, not me.

What next?

Immortality! Grab it!
It is yours!

Okay, Testiclees ...

I really do not want 'that' guest.
- Well, you do so.

Sorry, but I try
rational thinking about it ...

If someone says they "who" guest
do not want, they do it so.

We are even much in the minority ...

do not you think it's better to wait
the rest, so we have an advantage ...

so we no heavy losses
lead to our best fighters?

Remember, they'll name
remember when you're dead ...

Who?
- She.

Who are "they"?

Other people.
- What do I care if others ...

I do not know my
remember names when I'm dead?

You tell him once
- Bill! Jeff. Bill. Jeff. Bill? Jeff?

He Testiclees.
He knows what he does.

What could go wrong ...

Good strategy, asshole.

Man, you were right.
- I know.

Do not be silly about it.
- I'm not.

Remain still.

You see, a work of art.
You can leave.

Stylish, sexy but scary
and intimidating.

It's really good.
- Now a dress ...

What did you say?

That you men ...

must address, General.

Most major generals ...
- I am one of them.

Two seconds. I'll be back.
- Take your time.

Because this will take a while.

To be going well.
- Look forward to it.

Okay, guys.

I'm not a great orator,
but forward.

The big question is:
"Why are we here?"

To tell you the truth, we can
us surrender and run away ...

and thus stay alive.

That preposterous.

And yes, run away ...

... And live.

Maybe you should realize it ...

all those cool things you
wanted to accomplish.

Hank, you still want long
agree with your daughter go fishing?

But if you die today, will
that there is not.

And your daughter grows
without a father.

And she'll probably
have to strip ...

and rubs it a score that is twice as old
like you is his thing on her tits ...

drachmas for two and a compliment.

She is all alone ...

What are you from, Orlando?

What does it look? I'm going to fight.
- Can now even girls in the army?

No. I am a man
and this is what men do.

I've had enough of my
dad thinks I'm a sissy.

Orlando, my son.
- Yes, Daddy?

My son ...

This is the sword of Troy.

As long as it protects a Trojan ...

the Trojans have a home country.

But if you lose the fight ...

then we are a homeless, dirty
wandering tribe wanted.

I do not want to pressure you,
but can you handle it?

Yeah, thanks Dad.
- Now go finish what Greeks!

Wait. If he dies, do you
me that sword back.

Yes, your highness.

Giuseppe. You always wanted to be
pottery and learn how to cook?

Italian food. I cook for everyone.

Yes, but now, instead of
spaghetti with meat balls ...

the "spaghetti and you're dead '!

Erotik, we need to talk.

Talk.
- Why do I need a fucking tent?

Something else we could not afford it.

You really do not understand.

When this is over, we remember
Testiclees itself only.

Oh, come on.

You're just a soldier.
I am a god-king.

Those are two things.
- Is that so?

Really, two things.

Then I cover them.

You are all alone until
you groan ...

the return of Testiclees.

Only King could have Erotik
himself in the third person talk.

This can also Testiclees.
- Stop interrupting me!

What is it? Do you have a problem
Testiclees that interrupts you?

Not normally. Only
moment.

Now you can see how
Testiclees drains.

Come on, cousin Testiclees,
we go.

King Erotik, you're a bag.

Take me to the Trojan general.

Is that the sword of Troy?
- Yes.

Dad got on. This has
Troy has never lost a war.

I'm going to be a hero.

This is fun.

Why do you have a dick
drawn on face?

It is not a dick, but a sword.

Why has the balls?
- That's the handle.

Whatever. Let's see
how bad this guy really is.

We are the dick.

Whatever you do, do not let him
see how frightened we are.

What a beautiful chariot.

Yes, that is beautiful.

Hello, Erotik.

We meet again,
Kontimus ...

Actually my name Awesomest.

I get my property back.

I'm not gonna lie.
This is a bit creepy.

And now?
- It feels good, thanks.

As you can imagine I am
somewhat strained by this stuff.

I can feel the tension.

It's in your shoulders.
- That said, my masseur also al

Can you make those circles?

You have the hands of a god-king.

I am a god-king
- That will be the reason you are.

Does not look like Awesomest
a born leader?

With me at his side, he
a great king.

We are many healthy, strong ...
- Ellen?

Yes, King Looney?

Come sit on my lap so I can
Orlando can feel when they beat the shit.

Good.

Great God, grace.

You have a lot ... men.

I will only use their archers
arrows darken the sun.

That I do not mind because I
quickly get freckles.

I thought so, instead of
This ... war.

We can perhaps
guest to guest finish.

If you sit on your knees ...

and kneels before and Erotik
Ellen gives me back ...

then I just slaves of your men
I raped your women and only two times.

Okay ... we rape them only once.

You should not fuck |.

Never kneel.

Sorry, not a Trojan kneels.

Orlando, what are you doing, man?

My god, I'm so sorry.

Did you suck his dick?
- I thought that was what he wanted.

How could you leave me for this?
For this guy?

I had half your men
fucked before I left, asshole.

You, come here.

Have you fucked her? It happens
nothing if you tell the truth.

Do you ...?

Just for a quiet man.
Can not we just finish talking?

No more talk Awesomest!
Now it's time to kill and maim!

All you have beautiful makeup.

I've done this morning.
- Well done.

You ... going on!

We do this!

That went well.

Attack!

It was ready for the greatest
battle of all time.

The Trojans were higher.

The Greeks were more.

Awesomest Only 300 men and
could prevent the destruction of Troy.

Wait!

Wait!

Wait!

Why do you call that?

They are still far away.

That constantly repeating yourself
is damn annoying.

I am the General and if I
so many times to say ...

that sucks for you, but
so there it is ...

I say, the more you repeat,
the less important it is.

"All the less important it is."

It is not necessary.
- "That's not necessary."

You set a bad example.
- "You're not a good example."

I'm a dick.
- You're a dick.

No, I said, 'I'm a dick. "
- No, I said, 'You're a dick. "

That's really mature.
- You're really growing.

Now!

Oops, sorry friend.

What should we do?
- We push them off the cliff!

That brings me to an idea.
We push them off the cliff!

We push you off the cliff!

We push them off the cliff!

Keep them push off the cliff!

Yes, we have you completely
pushed off of cliffs.

For Troy! Stop pushing!
You push me off the cliff!

Oops. My fault.

My fault?
- Yes.

The loss of their General
was hard at Troy.

Awesomest was the best
Trojan ever.

Awesomest is now dead.

Now is the time to grieve.

Awesomest, what a score.

Why did you die?

Quantas even turned on.

Goodbye, Awesomest Maximus.

For Hottessa came even harder.

I was too hard on him.

Now I'll never be queen.

Here ...

That must make you distract them.

Thank you.

Why?

King Looney was crazier than ever.

Wait, who's dead?

As usual, if a
Army lost its leader,

both parties agreed a
twelve days of ceasefire.

But, the big bastard
being who he was,

that King did not Erotik
across an advantage to search.

Do you like it?

Yes, absolutely.

Awesomest was cruel,
and be you.

That was even a bit racist.

I, however, are generous.

True enough.

If you tell me how I
Trojan walls can penetrate ...

you get everything you want.

A threesome.

Yes.

Or a quartet, with all girls.

Oh, yes!

That will give you both daily.

You get jewelry and liquor.

Okay, I'm sold,

the key to ...
- Beautiful women give you ...

one day turn up your ass.

Wait, what the hell?

So I'm not.
- I know.

I know what you think.

How can Erotik so generous?

Listen, that's not really my thing.

You get golden showers,

Dirty Sanchez.
Roman helmets.

Listen, for jewelery and drink was
I already sold ...

you do not have to keep going.

But you can have it all!

Shit exchange
semen exchange

sex with animals, all sperm
that you can!

Six foot rope Finissich
in your pee hole!

What the hell?
There is nothing in my pee hole!

Are you kidding, motherfucker?
- And do not forget ...

The shocking!

Jumpy?

That a man can not do.

Yeah, that's it

But the Trojans did much
that their General was not dead.

Just a little lost.

For a fat man he could
very good swimmer.

It has something to do with
mass and water displacement.

Anyway, Awesomest
lived.

More or less.

Damn, I thought you were dead.

Where am I?

The slave market.

That dick will sell us.

Come on friend, I am
a nice price for you.

You're definitely a jew?

Here, take this.

That takes away the pain.

Trust me, that's good stuff.

Hey, buddy, look
I had to.

I make a nice price for you.

Two get one free,
but only today.

Hey, asshole!

Take me out to dinner first
before you sit on my ass.

The sign of the Trojan legion.

He is a Spaniard.

That's not me.
I do not even speak Spanish.

Trust me friend, I ever fucked
a girl who said she was Lebanese,

there was no whistle from where.

She was a Spanish.

Hola.
What's your name?

I take them both.
- Agreement.

Two for the price of one, right?

Not for these two.

I'm Approximo.

And I bought you so I
profit can do with your death.

You live, fight and
die for me.

And that's not good news.

The good news is that I am the
I bought half price. So very cheap.

And I'm so much money.

What an asshole.
- He sure is.

Anyway, for you it is a
lose-lose situation.

I forgot to imagine.

The name is Awesomest Maximus.
- Yeah, right.

And I forgot me to imagine.
I'm fucking Julius Caesar.

You think I'm lying?

Dude, I mean it.

Look.
See?

I did myself.
I was completely drunk.

If you really Awesomest Maximus
are, what are you doing here?

You know, I'm not sure.

The last thing I remember is
that my troops pushed me off a cliff.

See, that's such nonsense.

No, no.

It was an accident.
- They were racists, right?

If you push someone off the cliff, then
try to stop them.

Come on, man.

Even if you were him,

you are not him.

Excuse me, 'Him'?

Awesomest Maximus.

I do not follow ...

They say the real baby
Awesomest accidentally ...

was thrown off a cliff ...

and the priest found you
Awesomest and called you ...

himself so he could protect themselves.

Let the future see General baby!
- Yes, we want to see him!

Can I hold him?
- No!

Yes.
- No, that's my baby!

I present to you ..

our future General
Awesomest Maximus!

Come on, show us his dick!

Would you say ...

I like baby from a cliff
was thrown?

These cliffs really fuck
my life.

You do not listen, do you?

Everyone knows that the ancestors
of Awesomest Maximus ...

big cocks were as
Trojans, right?

What about you?

No, trust me, that's okay.

If I'm excited,
if the girl is beautiful ...

Oh, my god.

Should I divorce you two sometimes?

Oh, my God!

No, it's not.
I explained something to him.

Can I even touch?

Just to see if it is real?

I Awesomest Maximus.

And I am Alexander the Great.

There there is always an intermediate.

Got it?

You're just not the
Awesomest real.

Sorry that I had to tell you.

My name's Jamal.

Your dick is on my foot, Jamal.

Sorry, my mistake.

That evening Awesomest thought to have
the mess he had experienced in his life ...

and that was for him a
very dramatic moment.

Awesomest, what are you doing?

I pray to the gods.
- What do you pray?

I have their help.
I have to prove myself.

Change my life.

And be a true warrior.

I want a blowjob and a sandwich
ham but sometimes that just is not so.

Attention gentlemen, please!

King has some Erotik
gladiator fights ...

during peacetime honor
of dead-General how he hot weather.

And guess who got the contract?
That's me. Because I am THE man.

It's time to prove yourself, your life
change and a true warrior.

Anyway, that means
you go to Troy to fight.

Nice.

Do not be so excited, because you
must go to the gladiator camp ...

to be better so me
not embarrass for thousands of people.

Grab your stuff in, gentlemen.

Thank you, sir!

Hey, gods?

Can I get a blowjob and a
get ham sandwich?

Jamal got his blowjob not

nor his ham sandwich.

But he went and Awesomest
or to the gladiator camp.

Awesomest Where, for the first time,
quit fooling around ...

and his training seriously.

Tie!

Tie.
- Yeah, you go ahead.

Your endurance
improves.

Run, you idiots!

Now you have it. Kill him!

Kill him!

So be it!

Now you have to bury him.

We have nobody.

But, well done though.

Ladies and gentlemen!

Welcome ...

with an afternoon ...

of murder and maim!

Oh do stop going on with that
cousin lit stuff.

Sponsored by King Erotik ...

Approximo and productions.

Come on Dad, we miss so much
even the beheading.

These gladiators ...

are trained to horrible ...

and repulsive to die ...

for your entertainment.

I love it when
They eat people.

If body parts in public
you may end up keeping them.

Apart from the livers.

Hottessa, if you can hear me ...

I may die today ...

I come home or to your king
be.

So, remember me.

Awesomest, have you smoked without me?
- Not today, Jamal.

I have to stay focused.

And they test for doping. Be careful.
- Really?

Hey, shit.
Gladiator What are you, man?

I'm an accountant.

We start with,

what I call,

"The slaughter of Abacus accountant!"

This guy fucked my book attitude ...

and he will pay for it!

That dick is no longer moving.

Tickets! I have
two front-row!

You can see blood and guts! Everything!
- How about, Dad?

We take two.

Here, buy your beer here!

Can I have a beer, Dad?
- Are you crazy?

What age do you think I am.

We then ...

The big Spaniard at the
Spumonii brothers from Pompeii.

This guy can what!

Are you ready for some brutality?

Alpha - Beta!
Hup, hup, hup.

Why we are here.

For the killing.
And the Spaniard ...

seems to be the new superstar.

So now you buy trading cards
now!

This guy kills himself up to the top!

Testiclees. It Testiclees.

Testiclees.

Do not worry.
I handle this ...

I think.

That is my guest.

Kill him, fat bastard!

What the hell?

I thought the bag was immortal?

Gladiator Camp is great.

You not entertained?

You not entertained?

Here you are anyway
occurred?

Actually, I'm here for
tiger fight for four hours.

So do I.

Well, then ...

let it be a lesson about
the dangers of ...

field during the game jump
sporting events.

Clear is that masked man?

Especially for the children.

Tell him that I Approximo
want to meet.

Drop your weapon.
Erotik King wants to meet you.

Listen, fat Spaniard ...

Spaniard's all right, though I am there
not so fond of.

You did great today.

The way you turn a head to smithereens.
Very nice and I want to represent.

I want to be your agent.

That's a nice offer.
Can I think about it?

I can give any kind of grape you want.
- Grapes are good.

Do you like a blowjob?
- Sure, who does not? That is excellent.

Ever had one in a chariot?
- No, I'm not so adventurous.

A little bumpy, but still ...
- Spaniard.

Put your mask off ...

and the rest as you
at your ease.

It's Awesomest.

My name is Awesomest Maximus,

leader of the world's superpower,

man of a horny, but pushy
sexually enlightened woman and killer ...

the be invincible
Testiclees, so yeah ...

I am THE best.

This is not Testiclees!

He has not slain Testiclees.

He has slain his cousin.

You have killed me, asshole!

Asshole!

No, no, no, it was different!

He jumped up and he ...
I'm sorry!

Shall we kill him, my king?
- No.

I have something else in
Kontimus thoughts.

Awesomest.

What idea?

I tell you later.

Can you not say?

I say it later.

Get ready to come out!

Beg for mercy and it is
all over.

Fuck you!

You know I do,

but this is the moment
bad things happen to you.

What?

Sir, we have news from the arena.

I told you that I do not
wanted to be disturbed until Erotik ...

Testiclees moans to have back.

As far as I know, there
no moans been.

It's your cousin, sir, he ...

He was dressed like you to
gladiator fights and ...

he ...

Throw it out!
- We were heavily drunk ...

and your cousin jumps into the arena
and for a bet ...

and gladiator ...

Awesomest who turned out to be, the General ...
- What happened to my cousin?

Awesomest looked at him
for you and ...

cut off his head.

How can someone confuse
for my nephew?

I'm 12 inches taller,
I have a better bone structure,

I have 16% less body fat
and I have much more muscle!

My cousin confuse me?

Awesomest ...

you're going to.

What do you see now?

Fat lady!

These are big sluts say.

GOATS

Sit on his face!

Sit on his face!

Erotik, sick bastard!

Wait, just kill me!

No!

Freedom!

That jerk is mine.

That he did not, fame seeker.

You, get him!

Come on, trutjes.

Look there's Awesomest!
Open the gates!

Was looking for someone a General?

Awesomest!

This is not fast.

That would be the first time.

And you will not enjoy.

As usual.

That night received Awesomest
the reception of a hero.

His new strength and endurance
Hottessa was wild with desire.

They were husband and wife.

Conqueror and conquered.

Master and servant.

And eventually he became her soul.

Did melt her heart and gave
her many orgasms.

And vice versa.

Hey, try it
for your criticism.

How could you idiots
let him escape?

We? You're there also a
some responsibility for.

I forgot my place, right?

We must attack them,

before they attack us.

But we can still take
not break through walls.

Listen, I'll help you out of trouble ...

and after I thought about it ...

I'd like to once
try a golden shower, okay?

But I choose the wateraar.

Otherwise, it is two, threesomes,
liquor and jewelry.

None of that junk!

Are you sure?

No sperm?
- I'm sure.

You need to know.

So do we ...

We have a big wooden dick
drag all the way here.

Look at that big dick.

Some send flowers,
Some wooden penises.

He is very nice.

Artistically speaking,
not in a gay way ...

Fuck that joint no.

That reminds me of a
Macedonian boyfriend of the past.

Ahmed was his name?

Yes.

Please note, they get the
the city.

We need the city introduction,
and then look at it.

It could be a trap,
my king.

To our knowledge there are Greeks in that
if we stand out in the city.

We need the city introduction,
and then look at it.

My king, I have heard.

I think we should get
and burn.

Maybe you're right, Quantas.

But who am I to a given
dick in the mouth look.

To the city.

Reverse!

Now push it there.

From behind!

And push it in again.

A little slower now.

Just ram it in, dammit!

Sorry about your cousin, man.

Between us everything is okay, right?
- No, no ...

Oh, my god.

That was fantastic.

Do not you mean, Awesomest?

Indeed.

I did not know you that you had.

Actually I had it in you.

I liked it when you
hit me in the face.

Really?
- Yes, it was full of passion.

How about some S & M?
- Awesomest!

The Greeks are in town.

What?
How?

A giant penis.

Thanks.
But how?

They attack the city.

You've done well,
my little friend.

Is your hand in my ass?
- No.

Maybe.

Leave me the fuck alone, man!

Kiss my black ass, asshole.

Let the lives of the soldiers
savings and solve it the old way.

Your best warrior against mine.

If we win, you leave
Troy forever.

And if we win?

Then we have surrendered.

Agreed.

Testiclee ...
- I'm already

Or you're too late or too early.
Your timing is terrible.

Learn to live with it.

And who is your best warrior?

Orlando!

Just kidding.

My god. I just
shitting in my pants.

You should have seen your face.
No, just kidding. That was mean.

I agree.
I'll fight him.

Well, let's begin. I must
my loincloth line for 3 hours to do.

Come on!

I know.
This is still weird.

You can not kill Testiclees indestructible.
- That's my boy.

I had suggested otherwise.

Leave him alone, sir Testiclees!

If you want to deal with someone,
count than me!

His name is Testiclees,

because his testicles
its weak point.

What's that dick still a genius.

It is time Testiclees
put a stop to make.

The end is near.

Oh, yeah, if so, take it.

My balls!

My balls!

No!

Who is this chick?
- Please. He is my only son.

Dude, is your mother?

Mom.

I give it a kiss,
then it gets better.

That is so sweet.

There's nothing like motherly love.

No, this was my moment to be!

Greeks!

Trojans!

No, no, wait!
- Waiting? What?

I know he is a
gemenerik a bit is

A little?
- One can understand him just wrong.

Not at all.

Yes, you see, all that killing and
subjects is simply because ...

You overcompensates.
- About Offsets?

What?
- Who you really are.

In here.

That's true.

He has me.
- I know I'm through.

That's because I love you.

I'm gay.

Damn, I knew.

Do not you understand?
Why do you think I took Ellen?

I wanted to make you jealous.

I mean, people died,
it went a bit out of hand ...

and I feel bad for me there, but
I tried to provoke reaction in you.

Why did you just not?

Because I did not know what to say.

So do I. I was so jealous when you
came to visit and you spend all your time ...

spent with her.
- I knew it!

Who cares about to reign
of Troy to be?

Girl, you can still queen
of Greece.

You know what! Fuck greece
and you too!

Come on, this whole war
because you started ...

queers, not from cash
dared to come?

I had to climb a mountain, fell
off a cliff, lived in a cage,

I was choked by fatty cellulite

I even killed a disabled child
and for what?

Okay, Erotik, if I let you live ...

promise to return home to
and return Troy to leave alone?

And Orlando, promise you
Women will no longer steal from others ...

and that you are not thousands of men
injaagt more death?

I swear.

Great, then the power
I was assigned as a Trojan General ...

I declare this war as ended.
We win, you lose.

I'm so proud of you.
- Thanks, honey.

I have good news and bad news.

First, the good news.

Troy has been saved.

You're the man I became
knew you could.

And I am queen.

Fantastic, what's the bad news?

I'm in love with Ellen
she joins us live.

Fantastic, what's the bad news?

I knew you would enjoy.
- That's the bad news? Okay, bye.

And what did he say?

It's good.
- Happy.

Fantastic! Fantastic!

And so it happened that the wrong
Baby was the right man.

A man who became a general.

A general who became a legend.

a legend whose name is not only
Points will be his time ...

but forever.

The Legend of Awesomest Maximus .

That really happened?

But what about those stupid voice?

I do that to some
important to sound.

Please, you're not saying
you believe that guy his drivel?

He tries just in our
gowns to come.

Listen, bitch, this is really
happens. I will be king.

And where is your wife, the queen?

Hottessa? Probably in the castle.

We have an appointment,
We have an open relationship.

Invent something new, punk.
Come on.

But I thought he was cute.

Drinking on my account ...

The fate of the world is
in the hands ...

of legendary men.

Whose stories ... suck my
great balls.

General, I have underestimated.

Today you showed strength ...

you showed honor ...

Today you come a long way since ...
- You said 'come'.

I try to respect ...
- "I try to respect ..."

Repeat what I say?
- "If you repeat what I say?"

Are we playing that game?
- "Are we going to play?"

You are by far the worst General ...

"You are by far ... you're
not even a General.

Unbelievable.
- What do you mean?

I thought you had changed.

That I am.
- You have not changed.

I have changed the world.

Translated by JR Jones
Control by: Dejavu and Poppetje1969

I am Edward and I Barbanell
Shakespeare monologue label does well.

Oh, huge fire!

Remember when I half Darren
cut all the way down to his balls?

I had visualized it all ...

Really? I never thought!

Give me my chicken back, asshole.

We're doing a musical chairs ...

You know, most of the musical chairs
win, continue to kill and murder ...

Jeff, I can not come here.

This guy is an amateur. I have
never of "The Revenge of the nerds heard.

A kingdom for a stage, princes
acting, and monarchies to maintain.

You need therapy.
- You think?

Come on, Trojans!

Between us, your highness, Hottessa
gives up.

Do not be silly, that's normal.

Try it doggystyle. Some
women know. Try it.

It's a burden.

This war started because the two of you ...
- Beware.

Is there anyone else?

Change the performance of many years
in an hourglass ...

and let me.

The chorus of this history,

Who, as a prologue, pray
for your patience.

Loved to judge. Our game.

Translation: DoriE