Original subtitles

♪ ♪

NARRATOR: This is my boss, Jonathan Hart,

a self-made millionaire.

He's quite a guy.

This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.

She's one lady who knows how to take care of herself.

By the way, my name is Max.

I take care of both of them,

which ain't easy,

'cause when they met,

it was murder.

♪ ♪

[WHIMPERS]

[UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS]

MYRON: I warned you, didn't I?

JENNIFER: Please... Please, don't be angry.

Don't plead with me. It won't do you any good.

MYRON: I can't let you go on living.

JENNIFER: Derek, listen to me.

You don't know what you're saying.

You've been under a terrible strain.

[CACKLES]

But I do know.

I know that I'm going to kill you.

But you couldn't! You wouldn't!

Don't think you can scream for help.

It's your chauffeur's night off, and we're alone.

Derek, please, listen to me.

I beg of you, listen to reason.

[CACKLES]

This is the only reason I know.

Take that. Bang! Bang! Bang!

TONY: Curtain! Give me house lights.

A loaded banana, Myron?

[CHUCKLING] Well, there was nothing else on the prop table.

Oh. Right. I want you to work on your motivation

for this scene, Myron.

I don't know from motivations.

I only know from root canals.

Forget you're a dentist.

You're now anartiste...

in the Bel Air Community Theatre.

You understand?

You got it, Tony.

Jennifer, that was very good.

Except, when you fall, darling,

make sure your head is turned upstage.

This way, you can sneak a breath if you need to.

Oh, that's a good idea.

Uh, incidentally, your English accent

is coming along very nicely.

Oh, I-I promise you I'll work on that, Tony.

Okay, we'll take a 10-minute break,

and then we'll come back top of act two.

Okay?

How are you doing, darling?

Pretty good. I've committed 14 lines to memory.

Terrific.

Yeah, but it's taken me three weeks.

Listen, the next time the community players ask us

to do something,

why don't we just mail 'em a check, all right?

Oh, now, Mr. Hart, you're making an even bigger contribution

being in our play.

You're very good, you know.

Thanks, Millie.

FRANK: Nobody else was gonna read this play!

Look, Frank, I am really s...

Oh, that Estelle.

She wouldn't even be in this play

if her husband weren't the director.

But what she lacks in talent,

she makes up for with a hefty pocketbook.

How about a cup of coffee?

Love it. Thanks.

Jonathan, Jennifer, I wanna talk to you.

Hey, Frank. How do you like the rehearsals so far?

Well, I think the, uh, performances are

far better than the writing.

Flappers Folly is my first experiment in high camp.

Well, I wouldn't worry about it,

the audience is gonna love it.

Well, I hope so. Anyway, come here.

I've just finished a new one.

And I think it is the best play I have ever written.

In fact, "It is great," the author said modestly.

[BOTH LAUGH] I'm sure it is.

Wait. Since you read Flappers first,

um, I thought maybe, just for luck,

you'd read this one too?

We'd be delighted. Sure.

Look out!

WOMAN: Oh, my God!

[MAN COUGHS] What happened?

A sandbag.

Well, that wasn't in the plot.

But thanks to you, I think we'll all be here opening night.

Boy, I'm glad nobody got hurt.

Oh, this is terrible. Just terrible!

Millie, everybody is okay. Yes, I know,

but we borrowed this table from the Johnsons,

and now, look at it.

TONY: All right, let's clear this mess up,

so we can get back to work.

We're going from the top of act two, okay?

All right, somebody get a broom.

I'll get a broom, Millie.

I don't know how we're gonna work with this thing.

All right, somebody... Larry, help me with this thing.

♪ Here we all live on the Mississippi ♪

Okay.

Here it is.

Oh, great.

"Tricksters." Ahh.

Well, I'm dying to read it.

Well, I'm dying to get your reaction.

Look, uh, I really wanna thank both of you

for all the encouragement you've been giving me.

Oh, you deserve it.

You're really good.

Well, thanks. You will read it soon?

I tell you what, I'll read it tonight,

and if you give me a call in the morning,

I'll give you the review. Terrific. Listen, Jonathan,

if you have time, I'd like for you to read it too.

Sure. And, uh, just to show you how confident I am,

how about lunch tomorrow?

Oh, that sounds good. Perfect.

Good. My place, 1:00.

I think I have finally mastered Crêpe à la Reine.

We can even come up with a couple of bottles of Chablis.

Right? Right.

Perfect. Listen, I'm gonna watch

the rest of rehearsal out front.

I'll see you later.

TONY: Quiet, backstage! Curtain.

JENNIFER: Jonathan, listen to this:

"Suddenly, the monster's hairy hand

"crashes through the window and seizes her by the throat.

She screams."

[BARKS]

Well...

you're not a monster, are you?

You're just my little baby.

Go on.

You called for a monster?

[LAUGHING] No, it's Frank's play.

Speaking of which, our Crêpes à la Reine are getting cold.

Aw.

Well, I... I just have to finish a few more pages of it.

How do you like it? Oh, it's wonderful.

That will make Frank very happy. Come on.

Oh, no. I-I just wanna see how it ends.

Darling, we can finish it in the car. Let's go.

Oh. Okay.

♪ ♪

FRANK: Jonathan, Jennifer, you're early.

Oh, uh, Tony... Hi.

...Estelle.

Uh, this is a surprise. [CHUCKLES]

Well, come on in. Ahem.

Thanks.

[SIGHS]

Well...

this is where great drama is written, huh?

This is the place.

It's charming.

Thank you.

Well...

any special reason for your, uh, dropping by?

Oh, I just wanted to tell you how much I'd enjoyed

reading your new play.

Oh, I see.

Well, I didn't realize

it was the featured selection of the lending library.

Oh, well, I saw Estelle reading it,

and I couldn't keep my hands off of it.

It's a terrific play, Frank.

I mean, it's gonna be a big hit.

I'd, uh...

I'd really like to direct it.

[SIGHS]

Look, Tony, I don't want to seem rude...

but the reason no one has seen the play is because

I wanna send it out

to some Broadway producers first.

Now, it's nothing against you,

it's just that...

I don't wanna get tied up with a director as yet.

Especially a smalltime director. No matter how...

Look, I didn't mean it that way.

Frank, easy.

No hard feelings.

Frank, could I have a glass of water?

Oh, well, I'm very sorry. I should fix something.

Wine? Soda?

Oh, I'll have what you're having.

[MOUTHS INDISTINCTLY]

Water will be just fine for me.

Tony...

you have the manners of a pig.

♪ ♪

[SIGHS]

Look, uh, Tony, I didn't mean to get hot,

but, uh, the play is my baby.

Oh, I understand, Frank.

But I, uh...

I did take the liberty of showing your script

to a... A close friend of mine,

who happens to be a big Broadway producer.

You shouldn't have done that.

Not without my permission.

I wanna do your play very badly, Frank.

It would be a real career move for me.

I have a career to consider too.

My producer friend is willing to offer you a sizable option

as against a sizable sale.

Well, that's very encouraging.

Frank, what's wrong?

I don't feel very well.

TONY: One small point, Frank.

I took the liberty of putting my name on your script.

A producer could hardly deny me the right

to direct my own play, could he?

Tony, you didn't.

ESTELLE: Frank.

What is it? What's wrong?

What's the matter, don't you recognize

a dead playwright when you see one?

What did you do?

I spiked his Harvey Wallbanger.

You killed him? I'm calling the police.

Just a minute, sweetheart.

Unless you'd like me to make it a double funeral...

I know you've been having an affair with Frank.

I've had you followed for the last two months.

What are you doing?

I'm doing a little creative housekeeping.

I wouldn't want anybody to doubt the fact

that I was the author of the play.

Tony...

you murdered him for a play?

My dear girl, as Mr. Shakespeare said,

"The play's the thing."

♪ ♪

JONATHAN: That play is longer than Long Day's Journey Into Night.

Finished?

It's the most extraordinary play I've ever read.

Oh. I can't wait to read it.

There's this wonderful bedroom scene...

Stop. Please. Don't tell me. I wanna be surprised.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Frank.

Hey, Frank, you better wake up,

you're not gonna get out of this lunch.

Frank?

Frank!

What is it?

He's dead.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER ON POLICE RADIO]

You were meeting him for lunch, huh?

That's right.

What do you think, lieutenant?

Well, he had 100 bucks in his pocket,

so that, uh, rules out robbery.

Looks like he collapsed while he was working.

I would guess heart attack or stroke.

He was a very young man, lieutenant.

Yeah, well, you know these arty types.

Wine, women and whoopee.

And anything they could sniff, smoke,

or swallow.

Did you ever read

about the snowcapped hills of Hollywood?

I'm sorry, but that doesn't sound like Frank Jordan to me.

Well, you can't tell a writer by his cover.

JONATHAN: It's so wonderful to have you home again, Lady Cynthia.

Oh, Rodney, you're such a good friend.

MYRON: Admittedly, it was inexcusable what I did,

but it was love, Cynthia.

Animal love!

Derek, please, I've only just returned from hospital.

But you don't understand. I...

I... I forgot my cue.

LARRY: Tony?

Tony, do we have to go on?

I mean, I feel rotten.

Poor Frank.

Yes. Yes, it was terrible.

He was such a talented man.

Okay, folks, let's call it a night.

Oh, one other thing, people.

Estelle has your costume vouchers.

Uh, do try and get into Celebrity Costume & Props

for your fittings. It's very important.

I just can't get over Frank's death.

Yes.

It certainly was a shock. Come on.

WOMAN: Good night, everyone.

ESTELLE: Oh. Here's your voucher.

Oh. Cheer up, darling.

Thanks, baby.

Get your costumes.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

Poor Frank.

He was such a talented man.

When you compare his new play to the play

we're doing right now, it's absolutely amazing.

He could have been a major playwright.

Frank's new play?

Yes. It's called Tricksters.

It's a wonderful mystery.

He asked us both to read it.

In fact, I... I still have it out in the car.

Oh. Here's your voucher.

I'll have to go after work.

Yup. Just make sure they have enough time

to do any alterations.

Here's one for you.

Yeah, thanks very much. Well, shall we?

Yes. Oh, before you both run off,

I wanna ask you some questions

about our scene in the third act.

Got a minute?

Ah. Sure, Myron.

♪ ♪

Look!

Hey, what are you doing there?

Jonathan!

Are you all right?

Yeah.

Well, it looks like all he took was a camera.

And the script.

What would he want with a script?

Ooh, did I take a hit on the head.

You want me to drive?

[EXHALES] Yeah, maybe you better.

Now I've got the scripts, the notes, everything.

I still can't believe you killed Frank for this play.

Oh. You'll soon get over your grief, my darling,

when I'm a big Broadway director.

No more of this tacky community theater crap for us.

Well, Tony, there's something you've forgotten.

Jennifer Hart has read the play.

She knows you didn't write it.

Hm. Well, that's simple.

We'll write Jennifer Hart out of the show.

Oh, no. You wouldn't.

Ah, yes, I would.

I rather like directing death scenes.

[CHUCKLES]

♪ ♪

[SIGHS]

Go on, Freeway.

[FRENCH ACCENT] Well. How is the bump on your head?

[NORMAL VOICE] Oh, your mountain is becoming a molehill.

You know, I still don't get it.

What? That thing about the script.

You mean, about why he took it?

Hmm. Well, maybe he...

He's an intellectual.

Or didn't have a library card.

Or maybe...

he just didn't want us to have it...

and he took the camera

to make it look like an ordinary robbery.

I'm glad you're thinking for both of us.

My, uh, head hurts.

Oh, well, then, we don't want to tax that bump, do we?

Will you take it easy? You're gonna melt my ice cubes.

[LAUGHS]

That's exactly what I had in mind.

JONATHAN: I wonder what surprise awaits us at Frank's place.

Look, honey, the cops told me not to let anybody in here

until after the investigation.

Oh, well, there must be some mistake.

Mr. Redmond, the owner of this building,

asked for us to start as soon as possible.

This is my assistant, Mr. Jonathan,

and our contractor, Mr. Max.

[CHUCKLING] Pleased to meet you.

Jonathan, the color of this building must go.

I certainly hope so.

MRS. PERKINS: Now, wait a minute.

Excuse me, honey, but, uh...

Mr. Redmond did not say nothing to me about redecorating.

Well, he must have.

Oh, Max, as long as we're here,

why don't you measure Mrs. uh...?

Uh, Perkins. Mrs. Perkins.

Yes, measure Mrs. Perkins' apartment.

Sure thing.

Oh, my apartment?

Well, I didn't know you were gonna do my apartment too.

But of course.

You are in the building, aren't you?

[LAUGHS] Come on, Mrs. Perkins.

Got my...

trusty ruler right in my pocket.

[GIGGLES]

Yeah, well, I guess I could let you in.

I'll just, uh, follow him.

So, what do you think?

Well, I think mauve would be a terrific color.

And I think we ought to redo the moldings too, don't you?

Oh, yes. [LAUGHS]

[SIGHS] We better find that script

before she discovers we're not color coordinated.

I think Mrs. Perkins is gonna get a complete overhaul.

Here's a file on Tricksters right here.

JENNIFER: Good.

It's empty.

Really?

There's nothing here.

Look.

Nothing.

Looks like somebody got here before we did.

There must be something pretty important

in those scripts.

What about Farley?

JONATHAN: Farley?

JENNIFER: Frank's favorite fern.

Frank's favorite fern looks fairly faint.

You can say that again.

No, you try to say that again.

Come on, Farley. Think we could all use a drink.

We'd better get out of here.

JONATHAN: How'd it go, Max?

She didn't call the owner.

How'd you manage it?

I diverted her.

[TIRES SCREECH]

How're you doing, darling?

[UPBEAT JAZZ PLAYING]

Mine's almost a perfect fit.

Oh, you kid.

Let's boogie. ♪ Da-da, da ♪

Uh, no, darling. I think it's Charleston.

Oh, Charleston. ♪ Da-da, da-da ♪

BOTH: ♪ Da-da, da-da, da-da ♪

♪ Da-da, da-da ♪

♪ Da-da-da, da-da ♪

♪ Da, da-da ♪

♪ Do, de, da-da da-da... ♪

What's the matter, run out of dance steps?

♪ Da-da-da... ♪

[CONTINUES VOCALIZING]

Darling.

I think we ought to 23 skidoo.

Take it easy, cheetah.

Maybe he's attracted to my coat.

[GRUNTS]

Dah! Are you all right?

[EXHALES]

Yeah. Are you?

Yeah.

Look what they did to my ukulele.

Oh.

[UKULELE TWANGS]

JONATHAN: Yeah. Thanks very much, lieutenant.

Okay. Goodbye.

The autopsy on Frank indicates that he died of heart failure.

Without any evidence of foul play,

they can't continue the investigation.

Thanks, Max.

Well, what about this script snatcher

in the ski mask, and...

King Kong's younger brother?

It's all got to do with Frank's play.

Coffee, Mr. H? Yeah, thanks, Max.

Too bad we haven't got a copy.

Must be something in that script.

Do you remember the plot?

Well, sure.

It's about a woman

whose husband is slowly driving her crazy.

Sounds like a real Gaslight.

How does he do it?

Well...

They live in a very isolated house,

and he begins to stir up an old legend of a monster man,

which eventually drives her to commit suicide.

Then he inherits all her money

and marries his girlfriend.

Then she begins to blackmail him about his past,

in order to get whatever she wants.

And then, eventually,

they begin to plot against each other

in order to kill each other, eh, which they eventually do.

Wait a minute. I just seen that on The Late Show.

Well, I know it sounds cliché, but it's very well written.

There are lots of twists and turns.

And the characters are almost real.

Maybe Frank got his inspiration from real people.

Yeah, like somebody in the community players.

He worked with those people all the time.

That's exactly what I was thinking.

You know what we could do?

We could ask Millie Payson.

She knows all the dirt.

Speaking of dirt, Farley here needs repotting or something.

He's dying in front of our very eyes.

I don't understand that. I water him all the time.

Maybe he needs some TLC.

No. I talked to him yesterday very thoughtfully.

But whatever I said must have shook him up real bad.

I think Farley needs intensive care.

I'm gonna take him to McGregor's.

They're used to tough cases.

Max is talking to the plants?

Once in a while.

♪ ♪

MYRON: Inspector, I simply can't agree.

What happened was an accident.

Well, so it might appear.

But there is no explaining the absence of the butler,

nor the silk handkerchief in Lady Finchley's bath.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Enter!

Hello, Derek. Has Lady Anne arisen?

And who might this be?

Excuse me, inspector.

This is our dear friend, Rodney Frozier.

Oh. The "madcap playboy,"

as her ladyship expressed it.

One and the same.

And where were you, sir,

on the night of August the 4th?

Hm?

Really was a shame about poor Frank, wasn't it?

Really was. I mean, it was a shame.

Did you know him well?

Who? Oh, yeah... No, no.

A drink once or twice. Like that, you know?

Oh. He was such a nice guy, wasn't he?

Really nice. I mean, really a nice guy. Mm.

His, uh, new play is really sensational.

Is it? Is it? Yes.

This one seems to be pretty good too.

Of course, I mean, I'm no judge.

I'm, um... I'm in insurance, you know.

No. Mm-hm.

I didn't know.

Mm. Hm.

Did you, uh...

by any chance,

get a chance to read his new play?

Mm, no, uh...

I, uh, barely got through this one.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Yes, well, it was such a shock, wasn't it?

Mm. Terrible shock.

I mean, I just can't imagine

Frank having any enemies, can you?

No, I just... I mean, Frank with enemies, it's, uh...

You know, if you'd like to talk more about Frank,

I mean, in depth...

Yes?

Why don't we...? Why don't we get together

and discuss it sometime over a drink, perhaps?

Oh. Listen...

just how much insurance

do you and Jonathan have?

I mean, usually the husband has so much more than the wife,

and I find that an inequity. Uh-huh.

I mean, it's something ERA should get into.

[MAN LAUGHING] Yes.

I mean, isn't marriage a balance, a parity as it were?

Ah. I... I think I hear my cue.

Oh. [CLICKS TONGUE]

Sure. Could you do me a favor?

I'd be happy to.

Can you reach my coat?

Oh, absolutely.

Ah. Thank you.

You're welcome. We'll talk later.

I look forward to it.

JONATHAN: Anyone for tennis?

No. Well, anyone for a cucumber sandwich?

A spot of tea? Pimms Cup?

No? Pity.

Well, if I can't interest you at tennis,

then that's that.

Ta-ta for now.

Did you find out anything?

Yes. I'm underinsured.

TONY: Jennifer! Your cue!

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

Well, out of the hospital, at last!

Perhaps you could shed some light on these dealings.

I most certainly can.

It all began at the Hotsy Totsy Club.

Rodney Frozier's mother,

the lady duchess...

You're giving a wonderful performance, Jonathan.

Thanks, Millie. But I hardly know the words.

Oh, you'll get them.

I've been with this group for 20 years,

and rehearsals are always difficult.

But don't worry.

You must know all these people very well.

Oh, I certainly do.

And some of them, I wish I didn't know.

How well did you know Frank?

Oh, if these...

If I could tell all these stories.

If these walls could talk.

My, my. But I'm sure they have ears.

[CHUCKLES]

Well... I'd like to hear more about all of this.

Oh? Mm-hm.

Would you like to come by our house

and have have a cup of coffee,

say, uh, tonight?

Oh, I'd like that very much.

Oh. Shh!

I'll see you then.

Thank you.

Excellent. That's excellent.

Now, we'll just try the shooting scene again.

And we'll take it from where you draw the gun, Myron, okay?

Okay. Ahem.

JENNIFER: Uh...

let's see...

All right.

Please, Derek, I beg of you,

listen to reason!

[LAUGHING]

This is the only reason I know.

Take that! Bang!

Bang!

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

A pear, Myron? You shot her with a pear?

[SIGHS] I ate the banana for lunch.

Wonderful.

Millie.

Where's the gun? Millie, I want the gun.

Millie, give me the gun!

Thank you, dear.

Now, Myron, this is a gun.

It looks very real. [CHUCKLES]

But it's loaded with blanks. See? [GUNSHOT]

You two better get used to this noise,

because if you jump, the audience won't, right?

Now, Myron,

point it straight at the heart and give it some life, right?

Okay. Once again.

[JENNIFER COUGHS]

Please, Derek, I beg of you,

listen to reason!

[LAUGHS]

This is the only raisin I know.

Raisin?

Myron, did you say "raisin"?

Raisin. I said raisin.

Okay. Let's take it again from the top.

♪ ♪

Here, let me help you.

Oh, thanks, Max. I got it, Max.

Farley.

Oh, no.

Not even Mr. McGregor's green thumb could save you.

That isn't it, Mrs. H.

This plant was murdered.

Murdered?

McGregor analyzed the soil to see what was going on.

They found alcohol in it and weed killer.

Alcohol?

It wasn't the alcohol that did it, it was the weed killer.

Pretty strong stuff. Klandren.

This stuff is so deadly,

that they don't like to sell it anymore.

Why would anyone do that to a houseplant?

Max...

did they say the poison was in the soil or in the alcohol?

They didn't say. You want me to get rid of it?

No, I think the police ought to have a peek at this.

I'll give Lieutenant Grey a call.

If they've tested everything else,

they can test that. What'd you say it was?

Klandren.

Lieutenant Grey, please.

♪ ♪

Anyone want any more coffee?

Oh, no, thank you, Max.

But, uh...

perhaps just a touch more brandy.

Certainly.

JONATHAN: You were saying?

I was saying... Oh. Oh, um, Frank.

Um, Frank was such a nice boy, you know.

But... there are others in the group

that are not exactly the kind of people

I'd like to have for tea.

Who, for instance?

Well...

our esteemed director, for one.

My...

this is lovely coffee, by the way.

Oh. Thank you.

Go on.

Well...

Tony carries on as if he were bigtime,

and he's only directed one off-off-Broadway play.

And that was a real turkey.

Anyway, the only place he can work is community theater.

He seems to know what he's doing.

Oh, yes, he does, all right.

And he certainly knows how to live too.

What do you mean?

Well, don't you think he lives awfully well

for a person in his position?

Yes.

That's because he lives off his wife's money.

Estelle is very wealthy, you know.

And do you know who was very friendly...

with whom?

No. Who?

Uh, this is all very interesting.

But, uh, could you tell us a little bit more about Frank?

Well, now, don't be in such a hurry, young man.

I'm getting to that.

Frank and Estelle...

[WHISPERING] were...

you know.

Frank and Estelle?

Yes.

Did Tony know about that?

Oh, no. I don't believe so.

Anyway, he didn't, uh, let on.

Now, I just happened to overhear them

planning to meet. That's how I found out.

I wasn't snooping, you understand.

I just... I just...

happened to be there.

And do you know who drinks during rehearsal?

BOTH: No. Who?

Well, I'm awfully glad that Millie let Max take her home.

Yeah, all thatcoffee did go to her head.

Yes, it did, didn't it?

Darling.

Do you think that Tony could have found out

about Frank and Estelle?

It certainly is a motive.

We never talked about murder.

No, but we, uh, have been thinking about it.

I guess we have.

The thing that gets me...

is the method.

You mean the poison?

Yeah, it doesn't seem like a... A crime of passion.

I know what you mean.

And it has a sort of woman's touch to it.

Yeah. A woman scorned.

You think so?

Unless that's what the director wants you to think.

♪ ♪

[PLAYS RANDOM NOTES]

♪ Three blind mice ♪

♪ Three blind mice ♪

♪ Frank and Estelle ♪

♪ Jennifer Hart as well ♪

♪ I poisoned Frank ♪

♪ As my poor wife cried ♪

♪ Now Jennifer Hart ♪

♪ Is the next to die ♪

♪ She knows too much ♪

♪ To be left alive ♪

It's just amazing how you can lose yourself in your work.

Oh, please, Estelle, stop playing the bereaved lover.

The part doesn't suit you.

What are you doing?

I'm setting the scene

for the dramatic conclusion.

Mrs. Jennifer Hart is about to have

an unfortunate accident.

Real bullets can solve a multitude of problems.

And for once, the shooting scene

should have real life.

[CHUCKLES]

Or should I say, death?

♪ ♪

Thanks very much, lieutenant.

I'd appreciate it if you keep in touch.

Right.

Any news?

They tested out the poison.

Oh?

Yeah, and they'll have the results in a day or two.

You know, darling, the one missing link

in this whole thing is the script.

It just doesn't seem to fit into the triangle.

[SIGHS] I know what you mean.

What possible connection

could Estelle and Tony have with Frank's play?

He is a director.

That he is.

Okay. I got it.

Got what?

Tony Vacarro's agent.

Practically called every theatrical agency in town.

"Lew Elliott."

What do you want to see him for?

I wanna find out what's in Tony's future,

and that's as good a place as any to find out

whether he's got one.

But, darling...

we have a dress rehearsal this afternoon.

Have you ever known me...

to miss a cue?

♪ ♪

Send him in, by all means.

Baby, believe me,

I know where you're coming from.

But let me remind you,

it was that 4-foot chimp who go all the reviews.

Am I right or am I right?

Okay. So what's another thou a week to a hit show?

Okay. Okay, if that's your final word.

But don't come crying to me

if Bonzo has an emotional breakdown

and can't make it to the set.

I want you to think about it, okay, sweetheart?

Ciao, babe.

Jonathan Hart.

Hart Industries, huh?

May I call you Jon?

Sure, I, um...

We're going to produce a play.

Well, finally, uh, Hart Industries

got a little smell of the grease paint, huh?

Yes, that's right.

I'm interested in, uh, a director.

Well, um, I got plenty of directors here.

Uh, anybody that you're, uh, particularly interested in?

Yes, I'm interested in one director that you handle.

Tony Vacarro.

Oh, Jonny.

Uh, Tony Vacarro's, uh, all tied up right now.

He's working on a very big deal.

Uh, I can't really talk about it too much.

Uh, Rona's gonna break the story next week on Coast to Coast.

Well, then I'll call Rona myself.

She owes me one. You know what I mean?

Uh, Mr. Hart, wait. Now... Now don't go away mad.

Now, um... you're a very respectable man.

Uh, I'm a very respectable man.

I think we can do business. Uh, I trust you.

Tony Vacarro...

wrote a script.

That's a catchy title. Tricksters.

Tony Vacarro wrote this?

He's a writer and a director, huh?

Yeah, who knew, huh? That Tony's a double threat.

He's a threat, all right.

Jonny. I know that you're as happy as I am

that Tony finally got his foot in the door.

Yeah. That's shoe business.

Max, is Mrs. H still there?

No, she's gone to rehearsal. Why, what's the matter?

I think Tony Vacarro killed Frank.

Why?

He put his name on Frank's script and sold it.

What's that got to do with Mrs. H?

Well, she's the only one who actually read it.

And if Tony did kill Frank,

then he'll probably try to kill Mrs. H as well to shut her up.

Max, uh, I'm on my way to the playhouse.

Okay, Mr. H.

ESTELLE: And you think Derek Abercrombie

would kill his wife over a broken toy?

Hm. That's ridiculous.

Ridiculous to you,

but he's been acting rather strangely of late.

And I believe he's sick...

in the mind.

ESTELLE: Really?

And I thought he was just acting upper class.

Hi, Myron.

It's almost time for us to go on.

Yes. [PANICKED BREATH]

Well, don't worry.

It's only a dress rehearsal. Relax.

I suppose you're right.

No need to get nervous.

I hope I don't blow my lines.

Oh. You'll knock 'em dead.

♪ ♪

L.A. Mobile, this is Jonathan Hart.

Get me the Bel Air Community Players will you, please?

WOMAN [OVER PHONE]: I'm sorry, the line is busy.

[TIRES SQUEAL]

[HONKING]

I'm quite worried about you, Derek.

Worried?

Why would you worry about me?

Your nerves.

Dr. Johanson says you could do with a good rest.

MYRON: You'd like me out of the way, wouldn't you?

[HONKING]

[HONKS]

[TIRES SQUEALING]

[HONKING]

Ugh!

I warned you, didn't I?

Oh, please.

Please, don't be angry.

MYRON: Don't plead with me. It won't do you any good.

I can't let you go on living.

JENNIFER: Derek, listen to me.

You don't know what you're saying.

You've been under a terrible strain.

What I do know...

I know I'm going to kill you.

You couldn't! You wouldn't!

Don't think you can scream for help.

It's your chauffeur's night off. [GASPS]

We're very much alone.

JENNIFER: Please, Derek, I beg of you,

listen to reason.

[LAUGHS]

This is the only reason I know.

Now, die!

Die! Die!

[GUNSHOT] [ESTELLE SCREAMS]

[MURMURING]

Are you all right? Yes. It...

It was Tony. I couldn't let him do it.

I don't understand how real bullets got in the gun.

I didn't realize you could be shot for a bad performance.

Where is Tony? I don't know.

He was out there a minute ago.

Somebody get the police.

♪ ♪

[SCREAMS] Look out!

[EXCITED CHATTER]

[ACTORS GASPING]

Jonathan!

[EXHALES]

Not a bad show, huh?

Sorry, Tony...

but you gotta take the good reviews with the bad.

JENNIFER: Well, I thought the play came off really well.

Considering.

Considering what?

Well, considering I could hardly get the lines straight.

Oh-ho. I don't think anybody noticed.

I hope not.

You know, darling, the community players

are about to schedule their new season.

Oh, no. Mm-mm.

No? Not me.

Oh... The closest I'm gonna get to a theater

is a seat in fifth row, center.

Well, you're no fun at all.

Max.

[GIGGLING] What is that costume?

You like it?

JONATHAN: It's, uh, a little startling.

[CHUCKLES]

Are you going to a costume party?

Nah. I thought I'd try out for that Shakespeare group.

They're doing Hamlet.

What do you think: To be or not to be,

that is the question.

Believe me, if that's the question,

you don't wanna know the answer.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

♪ ♪