Original subtitles

♪ ♪

NARRATOR: This is my boss, Jonathan Hart, a self-made millionaire.

He's quite a guy.

This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.

She's one lady who knows how to take care of herself.

By the way, my name is Max.

I take care of both of them, which ain't easy,

'cause when they met, it was murder.

♪ ♪

[WHIMPERS]

♪ ♪

JENNIFER: We should go to Japan more often.

Don't you think it would be fun

if we did a little bit of redecorating?

You know, put a few shoji screens

and some grass mats.

JONATHAN: You mean, sleep on the floor in one of those beds

that have those little blocks for pillows?

Well, I wouldn't go that far.

No geishas?

We always have Max. He cuts a mean sushi.

Well, what do you think?

I think we'll be the hit of Mildred's costume party.

You do, huh? Give me a little kiss.

Ah. Eh, eh, eh.

What is this?

Oh, I'm not trying to give you the brushoff.

All you samurai are alike.

It's really easy once you get the cross-reference system.

Personnel said I'd be doing secretarial work.

Oh, don't worry, you will.

Everybody starts out this way and works their way up.

[PHONE RINGING] This way you get the whole idea

and you learn how the company runs.

Excuse me.

Mr. Hart's office.

Uh, yes, she is.

Mindy, it's for you.

For me?

Yeah, you can take it over there.

Hello. MAN: Hello, Mindy.

I'm so pleased to have finally found you.

Oh, good morning, Mr. Hart.

Welcome back. How was Tokyo?

Mindy, are you there?

Yes.

We were at your apartment this morning.

It was disappointing not to find you in it.

I'll get them right over to you. Bye.

So we thought we'd drop by

and chat about... things.

[LINE CLICKS]

An hour?

Never mind. I'll call someone else.

Thank you. Bye.

[SIGHS]

Anything wrong?

No, I'm fine.

[SIGHS] Well, I'm not.

I've got to get these papers over to Mr. Hart.

He's got a very important meeting this afternoon.

I could take them.

You could? Yeah.

Would you?

Sure.

♪ ♪

DEANNE: Yes, Mr. Connolly.

Right. No problem. Bye-bye.

Hi. Hi.

I was told I could find Mindy Vernon here.

I'm her sister.

Oh, you just missed her. I'm sorry.

She took some very important papers over to Mr. Hart's house.

Oh, darn it.

I came all the way down from Saskatchewan, Canada.

Oh, well, you're welcome to wait, if you'd like.

She should be back in about an hour or so.

Would you excuse me?

I'll be back in a minute.

Feel free.

MINDY: It's Mindy Vernon from the office.

MAX [OVER INTERCOM]: Okay. Come on up.

♪ ♪

Well, we've come this far.

We can wait a little longer.

[KNOCKING]

Hello, I'm Mindy.

Hi, Mindy, I'm Max. Come on in.

How about a cup of coffee, Mindy?

I'm just cooking up a fresh batch.

That would be nice. Thank you.

How do you like it?

Black. Fine.

Make yourself at home. I'll be right back.

[SIGHS]

[TOY SQUEAKS]

No thanks, I don't really feel like playing, honey.

♪ ♪

It's okay.

[SQUEAKS]

Here you go.

Freeway, stop bothering the lady.

Oh, he's no bother. Thank you.

Have you got the papers for Mr. H?

Yes.

Here they are. Oh, thanks.

I'll go see if he's got anything to go back to the office.

I'll be right back.

♪ ♪

Max!

[BARKS]

Hi, Mr. H.

What do you think? You look great.

There's a young lady here from the office.

Darling, we've got company.

Oh.

She delivered this,

and she's waiting for whatever you got to go back.

How do you do? I'm Jonathan Hart.

This is my wife, Jennifer.

Hello, I'm Mindy Vernon.

How do you do? Would you like a cup of tea?

No, thank you.

I have some coffee.

They're really a lot of fun.

Yes, I can see that. Yes.

♪ ♪

All right, where is it?

Someplace safe.

Did you leave it with your friends?

You really expect me to tell you?

I'd rather you did.

You know what a cutting edge Ciro has to his conversation.

Did you leave it with that Hart fellow?

[SCOFFS]

If I tell you, you kill me. Right?

Could be.

In any case, I'm going to get it.

I have nothing to lose, have I?

Ciro.

Talk to her.

♪ ♪

Please, Ciro.

I was always very nice to you.

[CIRO SCREAMS]

We're going to have to do something

about improving your personality.

[LAUGHS]

I don't know, Guido,

I'm leaning more toward a Neapolitan crust.

Ah, then don't lean too close, or else you'll get sauce on you.

You get it? Huh?

[LAUGHING]

That's a good one.

Okay.

What do you want to put on top?

Oh, you know, the usual.

Onions, green peppers, extra cheese and anchovies.

And pepperoni, No pepperoni, Mrs. Hart?

You love pepperoni.

Oh, Guido,

how could I forget?

You see, you saved my pizza.

No need to tell you,

the pizza will be delivered personally by me, Guido.

Thank you. And make it a small.

When do you want it?

Oh. Let's see. It's 5:00 now.

How about around 8?

And please make sure the anchovies are fresh.

Hey, Mrs. Hart, I only use 100-year-old fish.

A hundred years old?

Because no anchovy is worth its salt before that.

You get it?

[LAUGHS] Of course.

Bye-bye, Guido.

Darling,

you're home early. Yeah.

I just talked to Guido.

I told him to deliver the pizza at 8.

Ah, great. Why don't you grab a shower,

and I'll open a bottle of Valpolicella?

Okay. I'll be down in 20 minutes.

I'll be up in 10.

[LAUGHS]

Now, let's see.

What goes with Valpolicella and pizza?

Ah.

No, that'll get stains on it.

Mm-hm. Ah! There we go.

That's perfect.

[GASPS]

♪ ♪

You're obviously not the pizza people.

No. We don't deliver, Mr. Hart.

We only pick up.

Put the wine bottle down, please.

[BOTTLE CLINKS]

What is it that you're exactly here to pick up?

Who else is in the house?

No one.

Oh, you've forgotten your wife?

You two been going together long?

Jonathan!

Jonathan!

Oh, darling.

Who are these people?

MAN: Who we are is not important.

What is important is that

we can do our business in a very civilized manner,

or we can kill you and manage without you.

♪ ♪

[SQUEAKING]

Get that dog out of here!

Freeway, go on.

I get the feeling you're here for more than the silverware,

Mister, uh... Kruger.

I'll take the bullet, please.

Bullet?

What bullet?

What are you talking about?

We know Mindy left it here.

Mindy.

The girl from your office?

What has she got to do with it?

The late Miss Vernon had everything to do with it.

How... late is she?

Permanently overdue.

Obviously this bullet is not the Lone Ranger's silver bullet.

I'm not sure I catch your meaning.

There's no intrinsic value.

No.

More, uh... sentimental value.

The bullet has been used.

Very good, Mr. Hart.

The bullet has your name on it.

That's about it.

And somebody found it someplace where it shouldn't be. Yes.

In the body of an ex-associate.

Uh... You know, we are due right now

at a dinner party,

and if we don't show up,

they're gonna be very concerned about us.

[PHONE RINGING]

That's probably them calling right now,

trying to find out where we are.

And it's a very special dinner

because it's the police commissioner's 50th anniversary.

Answer it.

Carefully.

Hart residence.

MAX: Hey, Mrs. H, how's it going?

Um, uh, fine, Max. Just fine.

Things here are going pretty good too.

I think it's going to be a long night.

Really?

For us too.

Tell her to hurry it up.

Darling.

We'd better get going.

What is Mr. H saying?

Oh.

That was the television.

But this line doesn't go into the bedroom.

You're right. No, it doesn't.

Oh, Mr. H took the set down to the living room.

No.

Well, I'll see you at breakfast.

[CHUCKLES]

I hope so.

[HANGS UP]

KRUGER: Look, I'm not gonna play games with you people.

It's not in my nature to be patient.

Mr. Kruger...

we don't know anything about your bullet.

And if we did,

we certainly wouldn't put our lives on the line for it.

Honestly.

[INTERCOM BUZZES]

What's that?

JENNIFER: The gate.

Probably the police commissioner,

wondering where we are.

Ciro.

Yeah?

MAN: Sergeant Cosgrove, Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

I'd like a few words with Mr. Hart.

I was close.

Come up.

♪ ♪

[PIANO PLAYING CHEERFUL SONG] [KNOCK ON DOOR]

Oh, uh, good evening. Mr. Hart?

Mr. Hart, I'm Sergeant Harry Cosgrove, RCMP.

KRUGER: Come in, sergeant.

Jennifer, we have a guest.

Max, did you take care of that little matter?

Very good.

See to the cars, would you?

I'm sorry to barge in like this, Mr. Hart, but it is important.

No problem. It happens all the time.

My wife, Jennifer.

Pleased to meet you.

It's a pleasure.

Uh, please, uh, have a seat.

Would you care for a drink?

Uh, no. No, thank you.

He doesn't have much of a tan

for somebody from sunny Southern California, eh?

Oh, our chauffer.

Uh, no, he's a bit of a night person.

Not much fun and sun.

Don't worry, darling.

You know what they say about the Mounties.

What?

They always get their man.

JENNIFER: Jonathan, look!

Look?

Oh, I'm sorry.

There's a nail clipper on the desk.

Can you reach it?

Not from here.

Freeway.

[WHISTLES]

Freeway, get the nail clipper on the desk, boy. Go on.

He doesn't understand you.

We sent him to obedience school, what did they teach him?

Go on, Freeway. Go on. Get it, boy.

They didn't teach him to fetch a nail clipper.

I'll get right down to business, Mr. Hart.

You might have read in the newspaper a few weeks ago

about this big drug bust in Toronto, eh?

No, I can't say that I caught that.

Did you read about that, Jennifer?

No, not me.

Interesting,

but what does this have to do with us?

Just getting to that.

We traced a girl by the name of Mindy Vernon to your company.

Indeed, I...

I don't believe I know her.

She just started working for your company about a week ago.

You see, Mr. Hart, this is what happened.

The head of this big drug operation in Toronto

was just about to name his silent partner, eh?

Unfortunately, the silent partner got to him first.

You... Killed him? Yes.

We have the gun with a perfect set of prints,

plus the bullet we dug out of the body.

[STOPS PLAYING] Ooh.

Oh, pardon me, Mrs. Hart.

It's all right. [RESUMES PLAYING]

Which is all the evidence we need to put the suspect away.

Fascinating.

Mm. Isn't it?

Except Miss Vernon worked for the coroner's office,

and she stole exhibit A.

The gun?

The bullet, Mrs. Hart.

Her one link with the silent partner.

This... This silent partner, where is he?

Well, he's not far ahead of me or Miss Vernon.

You see she and that bullet are the only things

between him and life in prison.

Any idea who he is?

No, nobody's ever seen him.

Except that he does travel with a man by the name of Ciro.

Ciro.

Ciro. C-I-R-O.

Hey, just like the old nightclub on Sunset.

Cyro's?

Wait a minute. I've got it.

Look. If we lift up together,

maybe we can walk over there.

I'm all for doing it together.

Try it on three.

One...

two... three. Up.

JENNIFER: A little farther.

Down.

Can you reach it?

A little farther.

One, two, three. Up, up

[GRUNTS]

That should do it.

Did you get it?

Got it.

Get it back to me.

Wait a minute, I'm not a pretzel.

Got it.

I got it. I got it.

Your secretary told me Miss Vernon brought something

to your house earlier today.

She hasn't been seen or heard of since.

How mysterious.

♪ ♪ lsn't it, eh?

I-if you don't mind,

I, uh... I will take a little quickie on that drink,

if the offer still holds.

Oh, certainly.

Jennifer, would you fix the sergeant a drink, please?

If I'm not too presumptuous,

Canadian Club and soda?

If you've got it, yes. Thank you.

Let me just check.

Uh, sweetheart,

I think I see the Canadian Club over there.

Whoops! Silly me.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, here it is.

[WHISPERS] Freeway! [SNAPS FINGERS]

Freeway!

He got out. It's too late now.

That Mountie must have a gun.

They'll kill him before he has a chance to use it.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

I think we can make it.

You think?

♪ ♪

[WHISPERING] Can you let it down a little more, darling?

[GRUNTS]

A little lower.

Just a little more.

Oh, dear.

Oh.

Hi.

[GRUNTS]

♪ ♪

Hey, pal. How you doin', huh?

[TOY SQUEAKING] Is this for me, huh?

So you can understand our anxiety,

of not only getting in touch with Miss Vernon,

but the utmost urgency

in getting our hands on that bullet.

Oh, yes, of course.

[CHUCKLES]

But I've, uh... I've stayed too long.

Thank you very much for the drink.

Haven't I stayed too long, huh?

[BARKING] You want this back?

[CHUCKLES]

Is it all right?

Oh, sure. Give it a pitch.

Ready? There you go.

[TOY THUMPS]

He's a cute little guy, huh? Yeah.

Uh, those pictures on the piano,

good-looking couple. KRUGER: Oh, yes, uh,

my brother and his wife.

Hm. Well, obviously you two get along.

I sure wouldn't have that many pictures

of my brother around our house. [CHUCKLES]

Especially his wife.

[CHUCKLES]

Ah, Max. There you are. Everything all right?

Uh, it's been a great pleasure, sergeant.

Oh, thank you.

I know this is Hollywood,

but does everyone out here wear dark glasses at night?

[GRUNTING]

Cosgrove ought to be out in a minute.

We might as well leave with a police escort.

Looks like our police escort got a lift of his own.

[WATER SPLASHES]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

All right, I dumped the body in the lake.

Let's go look for the Harts.

It's impossible. It's too dark.

While you guys were outside,

one of the lights on that security panel

was just blinking.

That light right there

was blinking like crazy just a minute ago.

Someone either came through the gate or over the wall.

No, it's almost a mile down to that road.

I don't think the Harts had time to get that far.

L.A. Mobile.

L.A. Mobile?

It's Max.

Wait.

Good evening.

May I help you?

Who are you?

I'm Max.

Oh.

Really?

Well, um...

Are the, uh...

Are the Harts home this evening?

No, I'm sorry. They're out for dinner.

Oh, that's too bad.

Who shall I say was calling?

Oh, just tell them that Malcolm dropped by.

I'm their interior decorator.

I just came by to discuss some wonderful new ideas

I had about the treatment of the windows.

[FREEWAY BARKING]

[BARKING]

Uh, he must smell my dog. Yeah.

There's a lot of dog to smell.

I have an enormous Russian wolfhound.

Will you please tell the Harts that Malcolm dropped by?

I'll catch them later. Ta-ta.

Max.

Won't you join us?

[DOOR OPENS]

Harts, I certainly hope you can hear me.

I have an offer for you

I hardly think you'll be able to refuse.

You may have noticed that Max has returned to the fold.

Which does put you in a bit of a dilemma.

No phone, no car,

much less a chauffer to drive it.

So...

you've got 10 minutes to get back in here,

or you better look around for a new driver.

And remember, I've got my eye on that security computer.

If I have any indication you're going over the fence or gate,

well...

goodbye, Max.

Ten minutes!

We've got to get back in.

But all the doors are locked with an alarm.

All except one.

♪ ♪

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

[BRENDA HUMMING]

[TOY SQUEAKING]

[TOY SQUEAKS]

Hm. "Made in Japan."

[TOY SQUEAKING]

Hi, you cute little fella.

Are you playing with your toy?

KRUGER: Brenda!

What do you want?

KRUGER: Brenda!

I'm coming!

Remind me to have the security people wire Freeway's door.

What now?

It's a little too crowded in there.

Let's try the back stairway.

And let me have your bracelet, okay?

Bracelet? Why? Yeah.

A little bait for Brenda.

KRUGER: Watch that alarm.

It's there. Where's it going?

Where did this come from?

Mrs. Hart,

you've got good taste.

Brenda, where you going now?

Do you mind if I powder my nose?

[SIGHS]

Well, time is running out, Max.

Maybe the Harts haven't been too satisfied

with the way you've been polishing the car lately.

I can't believe you're going through

all this trouble for a lousy bullet.

Bullets are very important.

I even have one here with your name on it.

You're about to be demoted to dead.

Aha!

Beautiful. Hm.

Nice.

Very, very nice.

JENNIFER: Tsk, tsk, tsk.

I don't want to have to use this.

[SIGHS]

Frank?

Frank, are you there?

KRUGER: What do you want?

There's something up here you really ought to see.

KRUGER: You found the bullet?

No.

It's more important than the bullet.

KRUGER: More important?

Ciro, go upstairs and see what Brenda's babbling about.

Brenda.

Where are you?

BRENDA: In the bedroom.

Brenda?

That's more fun than I had drinking it.

Won't you have a seat?

Here, use this.

And, uh, darling,

don't forget the nail clippers.

[WHISPERS] Max.

Where are they?

In the kitchen?

Don't even think it, Mr. Hart.

The bullet is mightier than the sword.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Find yourself a comfortable chair, Mr. Hart.

Mrs. Hart, perhaps you'd like to take

Ciro's knife upstairs and cut him free.

Now!

I assume you didn't do them in with your sword.

I'm beginning to feel sorry about that.

Max, why'd you come home so early?

We got to the dessert,

then she started talkin' marriage.

Right now, the idea's beginning to appeal to me.

[TOY SQUEAKING]

[TOY SQUEAKING]

Freeway, enough already!

Thank you, Freeway,

Max.

Well, I guess I'll be running along now, Mr. Hart.

But unfortunately, I can't leave

any evidence behind this time.

Look,

what would it be worth to you

to leave here without... Without a trace?

But I intend to.

I'm talking about a whole new identity,

no loose ends.

This was my only loose end.

Well, think about it.

There's got to be some back-up Mounties

riding behind Cosgrove.

Oh, you're talking about money.

One million dollars.

Tax free.

Cash.

You can put your hands on that kind of money?

Yeah. A couple of phone calls,

and the vault drawer tumblers will start dropping.

How can I trust you?

Because I'll fly you out of the country

in my own personal jet

to any place you want,

as long as I know that Jennifer is safe,

and that Max is safe.

How can you trust me?

Somewhere over the Pacific,

I'll have Jennifer contact the aircraft.

And if she's safe,

and Max is safe, fine.

And if they're not, I'll drop you in the drink.

[CHUCKLES]

I like it.

JENNIFER: Well, I don't!

Jonathan, you...

I won't let you go with these people.

Darling, it's the only way.

We have no other choice.

I think your husband's right, Mrs. Hart.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR] What's that?

The front door.

It's Guido, the pizza man.

I turned off the alarm.

Max, get the door.

Ciro, up on the landing.

Mrs. Hart.

Max!

Be careful.

Max, what are you doing here?

Mrs. Hart said that you were gonna take the night off.

Well, uh,

when I heard they ordered one of your pizzas, I...

I couldn't stay away.

Hi, Guido. How are you?

Oh, just terrific, Mrs. Hart.

Just terrific. How are you?

Mrs. Hart, excuse me, I don't want to be rude,

But this is a very small pizza.

for the whole crowd, you know?

We didn't expect this many people, Guido.

Uh, no, no. You see, you never know

who's gonna drop by.

GUIDO: Hey,

why don't you let me call down at the place,

and I order two more pizzas to take out?

This way you can... No,

that's quite all right, Mr.... Uh, Guido.

We had a late lunch on the plane coming in.

Oh, you people are from out of town?

Uh, yes, and we're expecting to take the next plane out.

GUIDO: Where's that?

Where's what?

The, uh... The out of town?

Canada.

Canada. Canada?

My goodness. That's up in the North Pole.

Hey, that's a killer. Too cold for me.

No, no, that's... I...

I got a cousin in Fort Erie. Do you know where that is?

Oh, sure. I was born there.

Well, I wasn't raised there. But I was born there.

Okay. Well, then, you must have heard of his restaurant.

You must have. It's called Pompeii East.

It's just... KRUGER: Look, uh,

why don't we just settle up?

We still have some business to get to.

How much is it, Guido?

Seven-eighty, Mr. Hart.

JONATHAN: Why don't you

sign for it, darling?

Sign?

Oh, yes.

I'll just do that, and I'll put your tip

right here.

But, Mr. Hart, you never signed before.

Why you wanna sign now?

Your credit's good enough for me.

Jenny, don't be absurd.

I mean, I'll take care of this.

It's the least I can do, after having

barged in on you like this. There you are. Ten dollars.

I'm gonna make change for you. No. Keep the change.

We'll check your restaurant out next time.

That's very kind of you.

Good evening to everybody. You nice people.

[CHUCKLES]

[SCREAMING]

Ooh!

[GUN CLICKS]

[GRUNTING]

Mr. Hart!

This one works. You mind if I do the honors?

Remember what I told you, darling?

The Mounties always get their man.

We'd given you up for dead.

You mean the lake trick?

Before I was a Mountie, I was a frogman

for Her Majesty's underwater demolition team.

Best set of lungs in the outfit.

Guido?

Ms. Hart, excuse me.

You remember I said to you, "$7.80"?

And the nice people say, "Keep the change"?

He only gave me a $5 bill.

Ey.

[LAUGHS]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Hey, that's terrific, Max.

MAX: I'll say.

She's been married three times.

So she decided to give it up.

Sounds great. I'll see you in the morning.

Take care. Bye-bye.

My lord?

Ah.

Sake.

Yes. That's perfect.

Are you aware that they don't intend to serve dinner

at the party until 10:00?

No, I was not aware.

Domo arigato gozaimasu.

Do itashimashite.

And so...

I have prepared for us a little snack.

Ah, pizza.

Mm-hm. A la Guido.

Mm.

What more could a simple samurai ask for?

Pizza, sake, and you. [CHUCKLING]

Mm, thank you.

I see you brought your instrument with you.

Yes.

Would you care to play something?

Your every wish is my command.

[RAVEL'S "BOLERO" PLAYING]

On a scale of one to 10,

you are absolutely my very favorite.

[LAUGHS]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪