Original subtitles

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING)

(CAROUSEL MUSIC PLAYING)

(ROLLER COASTER CLACKING)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

MAN: (INDISTINCTLY) Don't touch me!

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

(BUZZING)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

(BUZZING)

(TICKING)

(BUZZING)

Hello!

Hello? (DOORBELL BUZZES)

Hello?

Okay, okay, I'm coming, I'm coming.

(BUZZING CONTINUES) Wow.

What a dream. No more anchovies.

I've paid the gas and water. I've made the payment on the boat.

It could be the sheriff, though.

(EXCLAIMS)

Uncle Cyrus!

Hey, buddy-boy. What's shaking?

No! No! Go away. I don't want to see you.

Is that any way to talk to your only living relative?

You're not my only living relative.

Well, I know that and you know that,

but your neighbors are thinking right now

you're slamming the door in the face of a very nice old man

who may well be your only living relative.

I don't care.

Ah, the youth of today.

Very well. Fine. Sorry I bothered.

Goodbye. Good. Goodbye. Go on.

Oh,no.No,no. You're not going to trick me. Not with the old,

"I've gone away, listen to my retreating footsteps" trick. (LAUGHS)

Not this time.

Oh.

Good. Good.

(EXCLAIMS)

Hey, buddy-boy. It's good to see you.

You can't imagine how hard it was for me to find you.

You don't leave much of a paper trail, you know.

Well, you know how it is.

(CHUCKLES) It's good to see you, too, Uncle Cyrus, you know,

but I've got myself an important appointment I don't want to be late for

and I really don't see myself being home here anytime soon.

So, I guess this is goodbye.

And good luck to you.

Missing something?

My keys.

A little something I learned during the Korean conflict.

You weren't in the Korean conflict.

Ah, never said I was. I picked it up in New Orleans,

during the time of the Korean conflict.

Need a lift?

(ENGINE REVVING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(HORN BLARING)

BANDIT: Are you crazy? Get on the road!

I suppose you're wondering why I went to

all this trouble to look you up.

Yeah. That's the wrong direction.

That's what Angel said.

But I told her, "You don't know my nephew, Bandit."

Uncle Cyrus, the car is headed in the wrong direction.

I need to go north.

No problem.

You're destroying my car!

Where's first gear on this thing?

I got it, here we go.

Give me the keys, Uncle Cyrus. I'm warning you.

(HORN HONKING)

CYRUS: Oh, yeah, about Angel.

BANDIT: If it's all the same to you, I'd rather not talk about angels.

Uncle Cyrus, you're going to kill somebody!

You'd think they'd use the crosswalk.

CYRUS: Whoops! Missed my turn.

Hey, this car handles pretty good, kid.

Well, good, I'm so glad it meets your approval.

Now, will you pull over?

"Bandit," I told her, "always comes through in the crunches."

Listen, don't talk to me about crunches right now, okay?

(LAUGHS) There's that old Hadley sense of humor!

(HORN HONKING)

Uncle Cyrus, I'm not a Hadley.

Just because my mother's sister married into that looney toon factory

you have for a family, doesn't make me a Hadley.

Never did. Never will.

Uncle Cyrus? Uncle Cyrus?

Hmm?

Were you saying something? That's my bad ear.

Uncle Cyrus!

(TRUCK HORN BLARING)

ls it my imagination or don't people know how to drive anymore?

What?

Look, I don't know why you're here, Uncle Cyrus.

I don't know what you want,

and you know what? I don't want to know.

I need a favor.

I said, I didn't want to know, didn't I?

I have to take a short business trip.

Secret stuff. Very hush-hush.

First you have to get me some new shocks,

and you have to get my front end re-aligned.

Boy, a day like today makes you feel good to be alive.

You've got to turn right.

Where? There.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

CYRUS: I knew that.

CYRUS: Hey, I've gotta get me one of these things.

MAN ON PA: Clyde, we got a ca}! for you on fine six. Cal! for you, Clyde.

Are you crazy? What is the matter with you? Give me my keys!

Uncle Cyrus, I don't know how you got to my house.

I don't know how you found me, but however you did it,

take the same way and get out of here.

And you know what?

I'll see you at the next family reunion, okay?

We've never had a family reunion.

Well, now, you're starting to get my drift.

You know, you're right. You don't have the Hadley sense of humor.

Get out of my car and get out of my life!

You always were such a dramatic young man.

I think you got that from your father's side.

(SIGHS IN FRUSTRATION)

MAN ON PA: We need you at the loading dock, Jack.

Jack to the loading dock, please.

Go away!

Oh, hi there. Good morning.

You must be Bandit. Here to see Mr. Morrison?

I'm his secretary.

Well, please make this my lucky day and tell me Mr. Morrison isn't in.

Mr. Morrison isn't in.

Really? Really.

I don't suppose I could interest you in a cup of coffee

while we wait for him to come back?

I don't think so.

Well, how about lunch?

He's not coming back until tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

Family emergency.

Well, then, I guess that will give us a chance to get together

and have a little dinner, huh?

Would you like to leave a message?

No. Well, yes, see. I'm supposed to talk to him

about hauling a bunch of piece goods down to Biloxi and I...

I will talk to him tomorrow, I suppose.

O key-d o key.

O key-d o key.

Oh, boy.

Everything okay?

No. Everything's not okay.

Problem?

The job I was promised just disappeared into thin air.

I struck out just now with a very beautiful young lady,

and you are still standing here in front of my car.

Gee, it's a shame about the job.

Ha! Tell you what I'm gonna do.

I don't even want to hear about it.

Pays good money.

I don't care about the money. Will you get out of my car?

$1,000 a week plus three meals and a comfy bed.

Uncle Cyrus, you don't have $1,000 a week to pay anybody.

But, you know if I did, I'd pay it to you.

What do you say, kid?

Take over the carnival for two weeks and I'll remember you in my will.

(POLICE SIREN WAILING)

No.

Is that a friend of yours?

Oh, that's great.

(SINGING)

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

You sound like a dog in heat, Ed.

Did I ever tell you about the time I sang in concert with them boys?

I believe so. I'll take three.

And dealer takes one.

That's the way they told me to say it when I was a pro in Vegas.

Never cared much about Vegas. Monte Carlo man, myself.

Yeah? I got me a time share there. Yeah.

Along with Claudine Longet.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Calling car two! Car two, respond!

If he don't get beat in the next re-election,

I'm gonna seriously consider a career change.

Kill the music.

CLANTON: (ON RADIO) Pitts, Daniels, where are you? Respond. Over.

Copy that, Sheriff. Bring it on.

I want a proper response, Deputy.

Car number, name and location.

This is car number two, it's a Ford.

We like to call her Annie.

CLANTON: Not the car's name, you fool! Yours!

This is Deputy Ed Pitts and Joe Daniels, just out of town on 17, sir.

Affirmative! Pursue and intercept a black Stealth.

License number B-A-N-D-I-T!

That's "B" as in Baker.

That's "B" as in Bandit, you fool.

"A" as in apple.

"N" as in ninny.

"D" as in "Damn, there he goes!"

"I" as in "I do declare!"

"T" as in "Tell a big lie?"

No sign of him, Sheriff!

CLANTON: Well, he has to be up there!

I'm only a quarter mile from you!

A quarter mile! Damn!

We've gotta go after him.

Pitts! If you don't get over and let me pass...

(HORN BLARING)

Bad place to pass a lousy driver like you, Ed.

Yeah. Why, I do believe you are right.

Look what you did,

you poor excuse for a two-legged, upright primate with a brain!

Gee, Sheriff. I'm awful sorry.

Well, I'm not nearly as...

Well, nobody's as good a driver as you are.

Well, let's forget it this time.

But I don't want any clumsy, stupid slip-ups

like this when the Badges people arrive.

Badges? The TV show?

They'll be here this week. And I want Bandit off the streets

before they show up.

Nobody's going to spoil my day in the sun.

Not even the Bandit.

Yes, sir.

Okay, I didn't want to have to resort to this,

but if you can't do it for me, would you consider doing it for your Aunt Angel?

Aunt Angel?

Yes.

(LAUGHS) Who is Aunt Angel?

Did I forget to tell you about the wedding?

Wedding? (LAUGHS) Unbelievable.

What is this, number six for you, Uncle Cyrus?

Ah, what can I tell you?

I guess I'm just the marrying kind.

And this trip is sort of connected to that and... So what do you say?

Can you help me out on this?

BANDIT: Hmm, how can I put this?

No.

(MAN CHATTERING ON PA)

(sums)

Well, there's nothing I can say to change your mind?

No, no, ljust don't know anything about running a carnival.

I understand. Well, I'll give Angel your regrets.

Okay, and listen.

Congratulations on the marriage.

Hmm. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she's a pip.

Smart, pretty. Plays a wicked game of checkers. (CHUCKLES)

We met at an AAOP convention.

AAOP?

Association for the Advancement of Old People.

Uh-huh. It was love at first sight.

'Course, that could've been the bifocals.

Now, now, I'm sure it was that old Hadley charm.

See you. You think so, huh?

Sure.

Well, I have a picture of her someplace.

Well, it doesn't matter.

No. She looks quite a bit like your Aunt Gladys, only she's got all her teeth.

Listen, I'll go and see if I can find her, if you'll stick around.

Oh, no, no, no, no. Uncle Cyrus, I gotta go.

So, I've got some things I've got to take care of.

Listen, about the carnival and all that, I'm sorry.

Well, it was worth a shot, right? No harm, no foul. Right, buddy-boy?

That's right. Bye-bye.

Nice seeing you.

Good to see you, too.

Bye, Uncle Cyrus.

Take care of yourself, kid!

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

There you are, there's one. Bon appetit.

Thanks, Bandit. GIRL: Thanks.

Hello. Two more, son.

Take it up. Thank you.

I don't see what sounds so bad about helping that old guy out.

Oh, you don't see what sounds so bad, huh?

BOY: Hey, thanks. GIRL: Thanks.

Here you go. That's because he's not your uncle.

Listen, every time my Uncle Cyrus talks me into doing something for him,

I wind up either getting nearly run over

or knifed or shot at. And that's by his friends.

Sounds interesting.

Yeah, he's a liar, a cheat and a con.

LYNN: So that's where you get it.

Thanks, Bandit.

You know what I'm not going to get, though?

How in the hell did he find me?

(CLEARS THROAT) What?

Nothing.

Is there something you're not telling me?

There's a lot of things I'm not telling you.

He called you!

Who? My Uncle Cyrus called you.

You're the one who told him where to find me.

Don't be ridiculous. Why would an uncle of yours call me?

I really don't know!

But somehow he found you

and you told him where to find me. Didn't you?

I didn't give him your home address.

(EXCLAIMS) But you talked to him, I knew it!

Well, I told him you were doing a job for Trademart.

They must have given him your home address.

Lynn, I don't believe you.

He told me you were his only living relative.

But you know that's not true.

Yeah. Well, he seemed nice.

So... Hey, if he can get married at his age, there's still hope for you.

No,no,no, don't try to change the subject on me, there.

Now, I wonder what this Angel looks like.

Something like my Aunt Gladys, but she's got teeth.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

BANDIT: Wow, who's this?

LYNN: You didn't invite her?

No, did you? No, I would've...

I'm looking for Bandit.

(LAUGHS) That's me. What can I do for you?

I'm afraid I have some bad news for you. Your Uncle Cyrus, he...

Uncle Cyrus, what did I tell you?

Always getting himself in trouble.

What did he do now, what's he, in jail?

He died of a massive heart attack this morning.

What?

He was writing this at the time of his death.

I thought you'd want to know.

Thank you, I...

(STAMMERING) I can't believe it. I mean...

Did you work for Uncle Cyrus?

I'm sorry. I should have introduced myself.

My name is Angel.

(SIGHS) I really liked the old guy.

I'm going to miss him.

Nobody could do it like Cyrus Hadley could do it.

You don't think, you know, he died on his honeymoon, do you?

Boy, I don't even want to think about it.

(CLEARS THROAT)

You know, I'll have to admit, you're not exactly what I pictured

when Uncle Cyrus, you know, told me about you.

Cyrus told you about me?

Well, sure.

Why would he do that?

Why? Yeah. Why?

Because I'm his nephew and you're family now.

I guess Cyrus thought of us all as his family.

There's going to be a reading of the will tomorrow at 11:00 a.m.

Apparently he wanted you to be there.

Me? Why me?

Maybe he left you something.

Oh, no, no. He wouldn't have done that.

We weren't real close.

Besides, wouldn't he leave everything to you?

Why would he leave everything to me?

Well, I mean, you're his wife. Yeah.

His wife? (LAUGHS) He told you I was his wife?

You're not his wife?

Cyrus Hadley, you old dog. (LAUGHING)

ANGEL: I wonder what he was up to.

So,you“. You weren't with him, I mean, when he died?

Me and Cyrus?

That's a good one.

Yeah.

(LAUGHING)

I'll see you in the morning.

LYNN: Wow.

Okay. Bye.

Oh, boy.

LYNN: "Bandit, Angel." What do you think he meant by that?

I don't know. But I think I'm gonna find out.

(CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Martin.

Hello, Miss Angel.

Still working on the merry-go-round?

Yeah, I'd like to have this thing running by tomorrow.

We're losing revenue.

Yeah.

CLANTON: And here in Lee County,

we know how to keep our children off the streets,

our families out of the...

And here in Lee County,

we know how to keep our children off the streets,

our families together

and our churches filled to overflowing.

That's the Lee County way,

that's the Clanton way, that's the American way.

Pause for applause.

And now, my fellow...

Bandit!

(SIREN WAILING)

I got you this time. You're not getting away.

Sorry, Sheriff. No time to play today.

This is the Bandit.

I'm looking for the Chicken King. Are you with me, partner?

MAN ON RADIO: I don't know any Chicken King,

but my handle? Rooster if I can be of any help to you.

Hope you can. I'd like to close the door on a barnyard fox.

If his name's Cfanton, the door's as good as closed.

All right, thank you, Rooster.

ROOSTER: Ten-four, Bandit.

Got you.

(HORN BLARING)

CLANTON: Oh, not again!

Smooth move, Rooster, thank you much.

ROOSTER: Roger that.

(sums)

This is Sheriff Clanton here.

Just run into a little problem.

Request immediate assistance, now.

(REVVING)

MAN ON PA: Tex, we need you at the Ferris wheel.

We got no hydraulic pressure.

Hi there.

If you're looking for something exotic, Hi.

You've come to the right place.

Actually, I'm here for the reading of my uncle's will.

Oh, you must be Bandit.

I should've recognized you. You have that Hadley charm.

Yeah. They're over by the carousel.

Okay, thanks.

And if you change your mind about exotic, I'll be right here.

(CHUCKLES) I won't forget.

Bye. Bye.

LEONARD: Angel.

Leonard, what are you doing here?

Oh, an old friend, a partner for many years dies, I pay my respects.

You pay your respects at the funeral,

not at the reading of the will.

Nice to see you again, too.

(MOUTHING)

It was your late employer's wish that his will be read here,

at the base of his beloved carousel.

Cyrus. What a wonderful, weird, wacky kind of a guy.

We're gonna miss you.

Okay. Okay. Here we go.

"L, Cyrus Hadley, being of sound mind..."

(LAUGHS) Sound mind!

That's a good one. What a kidder!

Funny to the end.

Why don't I just cut to the chase?

Blah, blah, blah, blah and so forth...

Oh, right here. "And to my nephew, Bandit,

"who I always promised to remember in my will,

'"Hello, Bandit.“

Hello, Bandit?

"Hello, Bandit."

(LAUGHING) This guy cracks me up.

Okay, let's see.

"The carnival I leave to Angel Austin..."

And that's about it.

What?

The carnival goes to Angel and... Yeah. That's about it.

(PEOPLE MURMURING)

Mr. Sturley, that's a very generous gift Cyrus left me,

but it's not right.

It's right here in black and white.

No, I mean, it's not right, ethically.

Are you sure you're not leaving anything out?

Nope. But he must have left something to his nephew.

No, no, look, hey, I was hoping he wasn't going to leave me anything.

I mean, I don't know anything about running a carnival.

Still, you're family.

No, no, look.

The carnival is and always has been my Uncle Cyrus' family.

And I can see that he's leaving it in very good hands.

Nice to meet you.

Good luck.

MAN ON PA: Hank, you got a package up here at the office.

Hank, you got a package right here at the office.

Hi. Hi.

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

What are you doing here?

I work here. I'm sorry about the other day.

Cyrus asked me to do it.

Wait a minute. You're not Mr. Morrison's secretary?

You don't work for Trademart Textiles?

I'm sorry if I lost you a job.

It's just that Cyrus said he needed you.

No hard feelings?

Why would you do that?

Hey, we'd do anything for Cyrus. He's like an uncle to us.

Yeah. He's like an uncle to me, too.

Well, nice seeing you again.

Yup, nice seeing you, too.

MAN ON PA: David, your ride up and ready?

The inspector's coming in the morning.

Hank, I'm not gonna leave this thing up here unattended.

Looks like it's from your mama. Might be cookies.

Better get up here at the office. (CRASHING)

(MAN SHOUTING)

(PEOPLE CLAMORING)

MAN: Hey, we've got a fight over here!

Come on! We need some help.

(CRASHING)

WOMAN: I don't know who he is.

(PEOPLE CLAMORING)

(GROANING)

Should I hurt them?

Nah. Too small. Throw them back.

(GRUNTS)

Let me in, Albert. I've got some more trash.

This is what's going to happen to your carnival

if you don't come up with the 50 grand.

Excuse me?

I wasn't talking to you.

You are now.

Cyrus Hadley borrowed $50,000 last week from my boss.

He don't get out of paying by dying.

You have a signed loan agreement?

Yeah. I got my loan agreement right here.

You want to see it a little closer?

Your fight isn't with her. It's with me.

I heard she's the new owner.

I just bought the carnival.

Well, you just bought yourself a $50,000 headache.

You think so? Why don't you take yourself and your boys

and get on out of here before I forget to tell Albert not to kill you.

You got two days to come up with the money.

Otherwise, we'll be back with the enforcer.

Sounds exciting.

(SOBBING)

Okay. No, no, no, no, no, not here. Never let them see you sweat.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

BANDIT: It's been a pleasure doing business with you.

ANGEL: I sure hope you know what you're doing.

(RADIO RINGING)

You've got the Bandit live.

LYNN ON RADIO: Bandit! It's Poorboy here.

I'm headed on down to Daytona. Want to come along?

Nope. I can't do it today. Guess what, buddy?

I just bought myself a carnival.

Carnival? You wanna run that by me again?

Hey, they needed a little help.

It's the least I could do for my Uncle Cyrus. Catch you later.

Whoa!

(HORNS BLARING)

(PHONE RINGING)

Sheriff Buddy Clanton.

Yes, sir. ls there some problem?

What? Impound it?

I can't do that.

I'm on my way.

You can't be serious. I can't just impound the carnival.

They haven't done anything.

LEONARD: Well, make something up.

This is kind of a bad time to get into anything slightly illegal.

I'm up for re-election.

I have the Badges people here doing a show about me.

Any clandestine activity might look bad.

I don't give a tinker's damn about any television show or any re-election.

I want that carnival.

Now, you take care of it or I will personally explain to the Badges people

that Sheriff Buddy Clanton has been on the take

from every pimp and bootlegger in Lee County.

Do I make myself clear?

(BEEPING)

You sure you don't want to report this?

Nope, I'm just gonna treat this one like an accident, partner.

And you're gonna stay in the carnival business, huh?

Couldn't keep me away.

Hmm. Well, it's your funeral.

You know something?

There's two things in this world you can't back away from.

A bully and a challenge.

It seems we've got ourselves a little bit of both here.

I'll catch you later. All right.

(sums)

DUKE: There's his car. Don't lose him.

My cousin Walter called me yesterday.

He wants me to come up and meet with the President.

Discuss my foreign policy ideas with him.

Well, when you reckon on going?

Oh, probably first of next week, most likely.

Oh, well, that's a shame.

I was going to invite you to come out to Los Angeles with me.

Man, I got a big-time screen test at Universal Studios.

(HORN HONKING)

What the hell is he doing?

JOE: Well, hey, Bandit!

What's new?

Ed's going to Washington next week. I'm headed for Hollywood.

(LAUGHS) ls that right? No lie, huh?

Yeah. So, how's things mflfl1you,son?

Good, l just bought me a carnival.

Oh, come on, Bandit. You're gonna have to do a little bit better than that.

Listen, there's a carload of reckless drivers behind me here.

I'm thinking maybe you might want to keep a special eye on them.

You know what I'm saying?

Thanks for the tip. Have a good day now.

All right.

You're letting him get away.

What do you want me to do?

Pass the damn car!

It's Cops!

So what? Pass the damn car. He's getting away.

(CHUCKLING)

(TRUCK HORN HONKING) DUKE: Look out for that truck!

(TIRES SQUEALING)

Damn, Joe. Looks like we've got us some offenders.

Hold on.

(SIREN WAILING)

(MEN COUGHING)

DUKE: You guys okay?

Hey, good-looking.

(CHUCKLING) How are you?

I hear you're our new boss.

You heard right.

Well, I just want you to know that we don't have any rules

against fraternizing with the help on this show.

I'll keep that in mind.

Okay.

What the hell does he know about running a carnival?

Look, it's my decision and that's final.

Martin, you have any idea who's been tinkering with my car?

What are you talking about?

(SIGHS) We're having a private conversation.

Which just ended.

I don't give a damn whose nephew you were.

This carnival goes down the tubes, I'm out of a job.

Now, I'm not about to sit around and watch some amateur come in and ruin it.

Oh, gosh, Martin. Are you that unhappy working for me?

You're damn right.

Well, that's terrible,

but I'm glad you felt you could share that with us.

I mean, the last thing we want to have is disgruntled employees.

That would be terrible for the morale.

I feel we should make a change immediately.

You're giving the carnival back to Angel?

No. I'm firing you.

You come and get your back wages in the morning.

Get the hell out of here, Martin.

(GASPS)

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

(PEOPLE CLAMORING)

All right. Hold it, hold it, hold it.

Come on. I could cite you both for public disturbance.

Of course, it's private property

and I don't really give a damn if you beat each other up.

But I do have business I need to discuss.

This ain't over between us, Bandit.

Anytime, son.

Pack a lunch.

I need to see you alone.

Listen, if it's about the carnival, I think you need to see me.

I just bought the operation from Miss Austin.

You? (LAUGHS)

Well, that turns this into pleasure as well as business.

I'm closing you down.

If I'd caught you earlier, I'd have you in jail right now

on about six different charges.

Oh, yeah?

Well, it's good thing you didn't catch me then, isn't it?

Oh, maybe I have.

Seems your Uncle Cyrus is overdue on the county entertainment tax.

To the tune of $10,000.

ALL: What?

There's no such thing as entertainment tax in Lee County.

There is now.

You can't just come in here and throw a new bill at us

and expect for us to pay it.

Oh, I can and I will.

In fact, I just did.

You have the $10,000 in my office by tomorrow morning, cash,

or I'll impound all your equipment pending public auction.

Meantime, my nephew Jasper, here...

Jasper!

Hey, Uncle Buddy. Look what I've got.

Jasper will be here with you all night

just to make sure you don't try to leave town.

You see anything you think looks the least bit suspicious, you call me. Hear?

I got it covered.

Okay, folks, everything's okay here.

You guys just go back and man your posts and things.

Sorry about that, thanks for your help.

(EXHALES)

I guess that's it, then.

Oh, that's it, huh?

Maybe we can make enough at the auction to pay the taxes

and give everyone a small severance.

Oh, boy, you sure give up quick, don't you?

You have a better idea?

No, but I'm working on it.

I'm thinking our friend Jasper just might fall in love tonight.

With a little help from his friends.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,

gather around, that's right, don't be shy.

Tonight, only $2 allows you to see extraordinary sights,

sights such as the Amazing Wilkinson, the Human Sheath.

(PEOPLE GASPING)

Bet that smarts when he coughs.

BANDIT: He's a professional, Jasper. I wouldn't try that at home.

No way.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, a mere $2

allows you to see sights you will never forget.

Sights such as the Amazing Fiona!

The Human Rag Doll.

You know, Jasper,

l hear there's a few positions she only does in private,

if you know what I mean.

(WHISPERS) Not really.

Well, ask her.

I seem to have lost my ticket. (GASPS)

(LAUGHS)

But I was wondering if I can still get a ride anyway?

It's funny. Martin said it wasn't working, but it seems to be just fine.

What do you say we give it a try?

(CAROUSEL MUSIC PLAYING)

Yup.

(sums)

You...

Do you notice how many people

want to see this carnival shut down?

Or taken over.

Does that seem strange to you at all?

Everything seems strange to me lately.

And what about this thing with old Uncle Cyrus

writing both of our names down on a piece of paper just before he died?

Thought maybe he just wanted us to meet.

Well, I'll tell you, I don't know if that's the reason or not,

but I'm sure glad we did.

(CHUCKLES)

MAN 1: How'd you do tonight, Hank? MAN 2: I did real well.

Yeah, me too. How'd your show go?

It was good. Good.

I'll see you back over at the commissary. All right.

MAN 3: When you've finished sweeping up over there,

you want to give me a hand moving stuff inside?

JASPER: Miss Fiona, ma'am. I'm here for our appointment.

Miss Contortionist, ma'am.

FIONA: Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

(CHUCKLES EXCITEDLY)

I think that deserves a drink.

(PANTING)

Oh, thank you.

Cheers!

Man!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Good evening, Miss Angel. (BOTH GASP)

Having a good time?

I thought you said this wasn't working.

Oh, guess I was wrong.

Maybe you know a little more about running carnivals than I thought you did.

Have a nice night.

Angel, look, it's okay.

(LOUD EXPLOSION)

(PEOPLE CLAMORING)

It's the carousel truck!

It was Martin. I saw him there just a few minutes ago.

He's staying at the Palomino.

We should just call the police and have them pick him up.

Listen, guys like Martin need to see

that we're not going to back down from him, and we're not.

At least let me go with you.

I'll be back for breakfast.

Take care of yourself.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(LAUGHS WILDLY) Whoo-hoo!

Hey, there's equipment down there, you fool.

Damn it!

MAN: Hey, look out!

(PHONE RINGING)

WILSON: Governor's mansion. One moment, please.

Good morning, Mary.

Good morning, sir.

Thank you, Wilson.

BANDIT: Hey, Poorboy.

Bandit! You have any idea what time it is?

I sure do, partner. It's the best time of the day.

Listen, I got a job for you.

You think just any time you call,

I'm just going to jump up and run?

I sure do. Listen, you got to meet me at the carnival.

Pronto, buddy.

L just got a small matter here to take care of

and I'll meet you there. Just get here, Lynn.

Carnival, huh?

Hustle! Step it up. Let's go!

This ain't no picnic.

What the hell? (GASPS)

Oh. (CLEARS THROAT)

Um.

Sheriff Clanton?

Um, I'm Liz Russell. Um...

Badges associate producer.

Ready when you are.

Yeah, I'll be right out.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Here he comes.

That's good, that's good. Don't look at the camera.

What's that?

(sums)

Sheriff, can you go back in and we'll try it again?

What's that?

LIZ: Yeah, go back in the house and we'll try it again.

Go back in the house and come out of the house.

Just come out of the house and go to your car and don't look at us.

Come out of the house and go to the car and...

Right.

Now? Now.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Day late and a dollar short. Sorry, the carnival's closed.

Just looking for a friend of mine. Bandit? Bandfi?

Really?

Come on.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Come on in.

Hi. Someone here to see you, Bandit.

Hey.

Thank you.

How you doing, partner? Excellent.

What's going on? I think the other day I neglected to introduce you

to Harold Lyner Denton Ill, better known as Lynn,

who is the other best driver this side of the Mississippi.

Denton? Any relation to...

The Governor? Only by blood.

So, what've we got?

BANDIT: Well, I... I need you to help

Miss Austin get her carnival trucks from here to the county line.

Because there's some very unpleasant people with guns trying to stop her.

LYNN: Guns? BANDIT: Yeah, but don't worry,

they're not going to find you on these roads.

And meanwhile, I'm going to be out trying to distract the Sheriff.

Sheriff? Yeah.

Ain't life a gas? We don't have much time to lose, let's do it.

But what are we going to do when we get to the county line?

We still have a loan shark to deal with.

Now, don't you think we can deal with some little old loan shark?

I mean, what would old Uncle Cyrus have done?

I don't know.

I mean, he always had a way of making everything just turn out all right.

Well, that is exactly what we are gonna do.

ANGEL: I'd bet hard currency you're gonna pull it off. (CHUCKLES)

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

(ENGINE STARTING)

(PANTING)

(PEOPLE CONTINUE CHATTERING)

(CHATTERING CONTINUES)

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

(SNAPS FINGERS)

I demand to talk to the press.

Get a grip. We're not the press.

We' re Badges.

My lawyer wired bail last night. It should be here by now.

This is my scrapbook,

if you need any press clippings, anything of that nature.

Ah, great.

Just sit still till I get this mic on.

Sure thing. JASPER ON RADIO: Uncle Buddy.

I demand to make another phone call!

We can recreate some of my more famous cases. Uncle Buddy.

Well, we're pretty sure of what we want to get.

Thanks anyway.

(SHOUTING) Uncle Buddy!

Don't even worry about covering up. We gotta go.

Okay, everyone knows where they're going and everything?

Mayday, Mayday. Jasper got to the walkie-talkie.

Let's roll.

Mind if l ride along?

My pleasure.

All right, I'm gonna take care of the Sheriff.

And you get yourself to the county line, okay?

Bye.

MAN 1 ON RADIO: Boys, we got ourselves a convoy.

Everybody to Rocking Chair, keep it nice and tight.

MAN 2: Roger that.

We'll all monitor 19 and keep an eye out for County Mounty.

When you see him, pass it along.

MAN 3: This is Mad Dog. I've got the back door and I'm moving.

And here in Lee County,

we know how to keep our children off the streets,

our families together

and our churches filled to overflowing. That's the Lee County way.

That's the Clanton way, that's the American way.

(SIREN WAILING)

MAN 1 ON RADIO: This is the back door. County Mounty coming past you.

MAN 2: Ten-four. He's passing me now. Get ready, Rocking Chair.

MAN 3: Okay, Rocking Chair.

On my cue.

Now! (HONKING)

Holy moley. Hold on! Still rolling.

(ALL SCREAMING)

(SIREN WAILING)

(HORN HONKING)

Oh, yeah, a minor delay, but the footage is great.

That's enough! I've got important police business.

Bob? Sheriff Clanton?

Hey, listen, are you okay? Bob?

Hurry up! (ENGINE STARTS)

Oh, jeez!

Uncle Buddy! Uncle Buddy!

Hey, Uncle Buddy!

It's a good thing you left me this walkie-talkie, huh?

"Uncle"? Just get in the damn car, Jasper.

Hey! Am I on TV?

(GRUNTS)

You got any twos?

Go fish.

Damn.

Triple dog damn.

Uncle Buddy, you'll never believe what that...

Shut up, Jasper!

Car two! Car two, respond.

This is car two. Deputies Pitts and Daniels, headed south on 17. Over.

Any sign of the black Stealth license plate, "Bandit"?

Ain't seen hide nor hair of him.

But you give us your location and we'll throw a net around that sucker.

Deputy, please use proper police talk.

Whose turn is it? We're professionals here.

Beautiful. New game, you deal.

I'm on US Highway 51, one mile north of 17.

Five miles.

Five miles north of 17.

Poorboy, you still out there on the public highways and byways?

That's a negative.

We're definitely off the beaten path, Bandit.

Okay, partner. Eyes on the road and hands upon the wheel.

You stay in touch, okay?

I'm gonna slap that two-bit sheriff and his hayseed deputies

with a lawsuit that will make...

What the hell?

Where's the carnival?

What happened to the carnival, huh?

What happened to the damn carnival?

You better call the boss.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

I don't want to hear this, Duke.

Look, I'm telling you what's here, boss. Nothing.

No booths, no trucks, no fat lady, nothing.

Look, you want us to go look for them?

I mean, how far away could they be?

They're driving trucks, for Pete's sake.

For crying out loud.

All right, you just stay there till I call you.

Damn, damn, damn!

He says stay until he calls.

...and then, I don't know what hit me.

I guess that contortionist lady

must have put something in that Hawaiian punch she gave me...

CLANTON: I don't think we should talk

about the details of an ongoing investigation, Jasper

(TIRES SCREECHING) There he is!

(SIREN WAILING)

Wow, did you get it? BOB: Yep, yep, I got it!

Close up, it's great, it's great!

This is Sheriff Clanton. I order you to pull over and surrender your vehicle.

(THUD)

LIZ: Stop! CLANTON: I can't!

The accelerator's stuck.

LIZ: Oh, stop, please!

CLANTON: Ah, damn!

Poorboy, you got your ears on?

LYNN: Still moving.

How's our friend?

Well, I just gave him a little bit of a driving lesson,

but he's not going to be down for long. How are you all doing?

We're making the slowest getaway in history.

I think the worst of it's over.

According to the map, we just got to cross over this fake

and it's about 10 miles to good road.

Okay, that's a copy on the slow getaway.

Listen, I'm on my way to meet you. Easy does it.

We'll be there. God willing and the creek don't rise.

Uh-oh.

LYNN: Oh, don't let a little sign bother you.

BELLE: It's not the little sign I'm worried about. It's the little ferry.

We might have a problem.

BELLE: There's no way we're getting these trucks on that ferry.

LYNN: Are you kidding?

We've been in much worse trouble than this.

You just gotta have faith.

Back off!

I got a weight limit.

You can't put that truck on the ferry. You'll sink it.

Hope you got your swimsuit under there.

It's a nice day for a dip.

(CHUCKLES) At least the water's warm.

Well, she didn't sink. Let's go!

It didn't sink because it's braced on the bank.

Now you got one minute to back off or I call the Sheriff.

I really don't think you want the Sheriff out here.

Yeah? Give me one good reason why not.

Well,

for one I don't think that your safety measures are up to code.

You wouldn't want the Sheriff out here

taking too close a look at your operation now, would you?

Fine. We'll leave the Sheriff out of it.

Now you get off of my ferry or I'll let you do your talking to Killer.

LYNN: Killer? (CHUCKLES)

This is my problem, Lynn. I'll handle it.

No, it's okay.

This is the only thing I have that's worth anything at all.

This, and my word to these people that I'd get them across the lake.

The ring is nearly a carat.

You get my trucks across this lake and it's yours.

Well, from where I stand,

you got a lot more valuable property than some ring.

My ring is what's available. Deal?

I get the ring whether you make it or not?

Either way.

Let's go!

You know how to swim, don't you?

All right, untie me, both sides!

Okay, come on over here. And pull them ramps.

All right, grab the poles there, help to push off. Get us off of here.

(MOTOR STARTING)

(RADIO RINGING)

Yeah!

Lynn, buddy, how you doing?

Ah, swimmingly.

(LAUGHS) All right, well, you say hello to old Jake for me.

And keep yourself afloat.

And remember, if anything goes wrong,

you can always use your seat cushion for flotation.

I'll see you in about a half hour.

I hope we're still here.

(PEOPLE WHOOPING)

Get along, big rig!

Oh, yeah!

Well, I'll be damned.

I didn't think anybody could get that truck across.

Well, what're you waiting for?

We've got four more trucks to get across this frog pond.

Yes, ma'am!

(SCREAMS EXCITEDLY)

One down, five to go. Line them up, boys,

we're going for a little ride.

Bring her on down!

Come on now. Come on.

What we have to do now is coordinate the search effort.

We'll be leaving this site soon

to go back to the office and go over maps.

Damn it, Jasper, push!

lam pushing, Uncle Buddy. It's really stuck.

Get in the damn car.

I gotta hand it to you.

You have got more guts and determination than any two people I've met.

It's got nothing to do with courage.

Yeah? What, then?

These people are just counting on me, that's all.

Where did they find you?

(ALL CHUCKLING)

Whoa!

Well, what're we waiting for? Let's go!

Yeah, come on, boys, let's get 'em. Let's go now.

ANGEL: Thanks!

(GROUP CONTINUES CHATTERING)

(TRUCK DOORS CLOSING)

BUDDY: All units report!

OFFICER: This is car four. No sign of the carnival on the Interstate.

Car two, ditto on 17.

Well, there must be some mistake.

There's no other way for them to get out of the county.

Why, you. Out! Out, out, out, out!

Out! Leonard, this is the Badges crew.

I don't care who they are. You have 30 seconds to get them out of here

or I'm personally gonna take that camera and wrap it around your gizzard.

Coffee break.

We'll be doing a B-roll outside.

You had no call to do that, Leonard.

You stupid, starstruck goon. While you messed around with this TV crap,

you let the whole damn carnival slip out of town.

I've got it handled. I've got units here and here and...

Yeah?

Snake Valley! They have to be on Snake Valley Road.

There's no way they can make it through there. No way.

Duke. Yeah, boss?

They're on a stretch of road called Snake Valley.

It runs between 51 and Interstate 5.

Now you come in on 5, meet them head on

and do what's necessary to get that equipment.

Do you want me to kill them?

(SHOUTING) I said do what's necessary!

Hey, Sheriff, wait for us!

We'll finish the damn interview later!

Let's go!

(SIREN WAILING)

LIZ: Stick with them, this could be better than we thought.

Howdy, partner. Howdy.

What took you so long?

Just stopped to take in a few sights.

All right, hello. Look here.

It's all downhill from here.

LYNN: Literally. BANDIT: It sure is.

ALBERT: We're never gonna make it down this hill.

Bandit'll get us down.

Bandit! He's the one that got us into this in the first place.

Just whose side are you on?

(CHUCKLES) I'm on our side, son.

We're all gonna wind up in jail, and for what?

You should've just handed the carnival over to the Sheriff.

And then what? Watched these people starve to death?

You gonna find them a new job, huh, Albert?

You're as crazy as old Cyrus was.

These people aren't my responsibility and they're not yours.

You want to walk away, walk away.

I'm getting this caravan to the county line with or without you.

He's right, Angel. You don't owe us.

We have to take care of ourselves.

(ALL AGREEING)

(LAUGHS) You are taking care of yourselves.

I mean, Lynn can drive Albert's truck, if you can drive my car.

Let's go for it.

All right, then. Wait.

I'm sorry, Miss Austin. I don't know what I was thinking.

Sometimes my brains just turn to mush.

I'll drive.

MAN: All right. WOMAN: Attaboy!

Please, wait.

Don't send me away. This is my family, too.

All right, Albert. It's all yours. Let's go.

MAN: We can do this. WOMAN: We can do this.

(SIREN WAILING)

All cars proceed to Snake Valley Road and Interstate 5.

We left the battery mic on.

Put it on the speaker.

CLANTON: (OVER SPEAKER) Repeat! Snake Valley Road and Interstate 5!

Repeat Snake Valley Road and Interstate 5!

Will you move this piece of junk!

There it is, Snake Valley Road.

Hey, I used to like the scary rides at the carnival.

Then this should be your dream come true.

Just like Uncle Cyrus would've done it.

(MOANS)

(PHONE RINGING)

Yeah? Where are you?

They won't get past us. I guarantee it.

Yeah, right, that son of a...

All we have to do now is wait.

Lynn, buddy, you got your ears on?

Still moving.

You remember those boys I told you about with the guns?

Yeah, I recall something about that.

Yeah, well, they found us, buddy.

Ah, swell.

It's time to play a little game of follow the leader, okay?

We're right behind you.

(CHUCKLES) We got them now.

Hey, what are they doing? (HONKING)

Whoa!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

BANDIT: The door is open, come on in.

A little nervous there, weren't you?

Uh-huh. (CHUCKLES)

Hey, Duke, what are you gonna tell the boss about this one?

LYNN: Why did we stop?

Well, we don't have to worry about the sharks, right?

I mean, they're gonna be picking up scrap metal for a while.

I think I heard the load shift.

WOMAN 1: Oh, my God. WOMAN 2: Whoa!

ANGEL: What is that?

BANDIT: Well, well. A silver angel, huh?

Hello, Uncle Cyrus.

And hello again, Martin.

Martin, you knew about the silver all along?

I was paid good money to keep an eye on this here silver

and return it to its rightful owner. Which I will now do.

And the rightful owner is?

No,no,no,no. This ain't no true confessions time, Bandit.

This is bye-bye sucker time.

Albert, let's go.

What? Albert? Albert?

I'm sorry, Miss Austin. But I have to think about my old age.

I tried to tell you to stop.

ANGEL: Oh, Albert. MAN: I can't believe this.

FIONA: How could you do that?

Try it again.

(ENGINE SPUTTERING)

(PHONE RINGS)

Hello? Duke, where the hell are you?

They tried to run us over, but every/body's okay.

Did I ask you about your welfare?

What about the carnival? Do you have them?

Uh, not exactly. They wrecked our car.

But they're still a long ways from the county line, boss.

If we can get this thing started, I'm sure we can stop them.

You keep saying that, Duke, you dummy!

Well?

You know, I'm thinking our good Sheriff knows

a little bit more about this than he's willing to talk about.

Do you think you can wrangle these people toward Interstate 5?

Sure. Where're you going?

I'm going to go after this bastard that just stole my truck.

You think I'm gonna let him get away with something like that?

Not to mention all that silver, son.

Yeah, and when they start shooting at you, you got any plans for that?

Yeah, yeah, I think I might

go discuss my problem with Old Man Wilson.

See what he's got to say about it.

Come with me. Listen, take care of these people, be safe, okay?

Hurry UP-

Old Man Wilson? MAN: Good luck, Bandit.

Sometimes I guess it's best not to ask. Let's go!

FBI? My name is Angel Austin. I want to report a robbery.

It's silver ingots. No, I'm not sure exactly when or where.

But it's silver ingots, about a quarter of a million dollars worth, I think.

Has anyone reported it missing?

Hello?

They hung up on me.

Well, try them again.

(DIALING)

(SIRENS WAILING)

My deputies will catch up with them.

Your deputies couldn't find the station house with an atlas.

Now you put up a road block at the county line.

If Angel tries to run it, you blow her away.

(OVER SPEAKER) You're asking me to kill innocent people?

Look, that million dollars is mine.

If you help me get it, a piece of it is yours.

I'm out of my league on this, Leonard. I have to pass.

You don't get it, do you?

There ain't no pass on this one, you dummy!

What do we do?

We call Robert Stack.

What? We call the FBI.

The FBI.

Dan Rather is going to eat his shirt when we scoop him on this!

(LAUGHING)

ANGEL: Okay, thank you very much.

Branson Bank silver heist. Three years ago.

Wait a minute. Are you trying to tell me

my Uncle Cyrus was a bank robber?

Apparently the statute of limitations runs out in two days.

If Cyrus hadn't died, he would've gotten away with it.

Two days?

And it was more than we thought. Close to a million dollars.

I mean, no wonder everyone was after it.

Whoa, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Are you telling me I got a million dollars in my truck right there, right now,

and I'm gonna let it get away?

Time for a little highway ballet.

You just try stopping this rig with that toy.

(LAUGHING)

What are you doing?

I'm getting him to build his confidence.

You're doing a good job.

Well, thank you!

Leave them alone.

It's personal.

(LAUGHS)

Come on, Martin. Keep it coming. Follow me, son.

Man, I don't like this.

I don't care.

Calling all units. Calling all units. Car two, report.

ED: This is car two, deputies Pitts and Daniels, copy.

What is your 20, please?

Please?

We're working our way down Snake Valley Road.

I'm sorry it's takin' so long, we're going just as fast as we can.

No need for explanations, Deputy.

When you reach the bottom of the hill,

please proceed to the junction of Interstate 5 and Snake Valley Road.

The carnival trucks will be between us.

Sheriff Clanton, are you okay?

Just do as I say!

(SCREAMING) Will you just do as he says!

Yes, sir.

DUKE: No, no, that was tight, you're loosening it.

Don't tighten that one.

Come on!

Hey, boys, it looks like you all could use another lift.

Can I help you?

Sheriff Clanton?

He's on a case right now.

Where is he?

What's taking so long? I'm on hold at the FBI.

So is Jimmy Hoffa! Try the other line.

They're taking calls in order!

I don't want to lose my place!

Okay, calm down.

I think we should go back.

I don't care what you think.

Got him. There's his car.

Watch out for the cable!

BANDIT: Joe? Ed? You boys out there somewhere?

Yeah, we're on Snake Valley Road working our way down to Interstate 5.

Well, it's looking like Old Man Wilson's cable trick

has caught us yet another trespasser. Over.

(CHUCKLES) You worked that old cable gag again?

BANDIT: When all else falls, you gotta go back to your old favorites.

Listen, I'm thinking you'll want to get out here and pick these boys up.

I believe they're wanted by the FBI.

JOE: Be there in a flash.

Ten-four.

So, you think you'll be all right with this truck full of silver?

No problem.

Okay. Old Man Wilson is gonna take care of you

till Joe and Ed get here.

I got to get up the road and I'll see you at the county line.

I want to thank you.

What do you want to thank me for?

All I've done so far is nearly get you killed.

Most people think that carnies are not quite human.

You taught us to stand up for ourselves and then you showed us how.

You're a lot more like your Uncle Cyrus than you know.

Well, what was I gonna do? I mean, he remembered me in his will, right?

Oh, and you don't know how to say, "You're welcome."

You're welcome.

Oh, Jesus.

Come on, come on, come on!

I don't see them.

They beat us here, they beat us here?

They're headed for the county line.

Take it easy, Leonard. We're still five miles from the county line.

We'll catch them.

Well, come on, move. Get going!

(CAR HORN HONKING)

Bandit!

Bandit! Give me your gun!

Will you get out of the way so I can get a shot at him?

Run him into the ditch!

Whoa!

JASPER: Hey, Uncle Buddy. The FBI was just here looking for you.

Boy, this must be your biggest case ever!

Oh, I told them you were with Leonard Blair.

They should catch up with you all right!

Call it in. Tell them we've spotted Clanton.

LEONARD: I said run him into the ditch!

(LEONARD SHOUTING)

(SCREAMING)

Better than that. Tell them we got him.

JASPER: Uncle Buddy?

They find you yet? Uncle Buddy?

What's taking so long?

I'm still on hold. I'm getting interference.

(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)

Helicopters! It's the FBI!

Clanton! Look, they got Clanton!

(SIREN WAILS)

FBI AGENT 1: There you go.

Get him right... Get him right on in the car.

FBI AGENT 2: Come on. Let's go. Take a walk out here.

Well, looks like every/thing's under control here.

FBI AGENT 3: Here you go. Thanks to you.

And so ends the Branson silver heist mystery.

One of the largest bullion thefts in US history

pulled off three years ago by Leonard Blair,

and his partner, the late Cyrus Hadley.

Solved only days before the statute of limitations ran out

by Badges in our discovery that Sheriff Buddy Clanton was an accomplice.

The very man we came here to honor.

Well, I'll take my dollar back.

What? $1.

That's my sale price for the carnival.

A dollar.

Sure, I mean, that's what I bought it for.

You don't expect me to take a loss, do you?

No.

May I escort you to the county line?

I'd be much obliged.

LIZ: Naturally, we won't accept the $100,000 reward.

Badges only desire, as always...

Okay, folks, let's move it out. Mount up.

...is to provide a public service. No, that reward will go,

deservedly enough, to the new owner of Hadley's Carnival, Miss Angel Austin.

And so, Angel Austin caught her brass ring

on a carousel of silver with the help of Badges

and an elusive, intriguing enigma

named simply the Bandit.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a wrap.

(TRUCK HORNS HONKING)

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)

Subtitles by: Tommy0412