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This programme contains
strong language and adult humour
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:22,879
Tonight on 8 Out Of 10 Cats:
All The Best Bits
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00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:25,679
from... Tom Allen...
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00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:27,959
..Johnny Vegas...
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00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:30,239
..Paisley Billings...
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..Fred Sirieix...
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..Anna Richardson...
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00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:36,919
..Liam Charles...
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00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:38,959
..Suzi Ruffell...
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..Joe Swash...
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00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:42,599
..Russell Kane...
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00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:44,639
..Judi Love...
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00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:46,439
..Finn Taylor...
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00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:48,279
..Ed Gamble...
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..and Rob Beckett,
their team captain.
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And facing them tonight,
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00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,639
Stacey Solomon...
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00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,319
..Alex Brooker...
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..Natasha Demetriou...
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..Richard Osman...
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00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:03,999
..Dotty...
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00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,279
..Rylan Clark-Neal...
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00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:08,599
..Kiri Pritchard-McClean...
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..Nish Kumar...
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..Tom Read Wilson...
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..Daisy Adams...
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..Sophie Duker...
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00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,199
..Angela Barnes...
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00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:19,919
..Catherine Bohart...
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00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:22,199
..and their guest team captains,
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00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:24,079
Katherine Ryan...
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00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:26,359
..Sara Pascoe...
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00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:28,079
..Kerry Godliman...
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..Josh Widdicombe...
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..and Aisling Bea.
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Now, welcome your host...
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..Jimmy Carr!
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CHEERING
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00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:43,679
Hello and welcome to
the 8 Out Of 10 Cats: Best Bits,
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00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:47,119
a show about surveys, statistics and
the best bits from the last series.
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00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:48,719
Did you know, for example...
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00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:52,079
..one in four Americans
didn't read a book last year?
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00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:54,439
Probably because they were too busy
reading other stuff -
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00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:55,760
like menus.
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00:01:57,440 --> 00:02:00,719
One in five women talk
to their mum at least once a day.
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00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:04,639
And not just women. I talk to
your mum at least three times a day.
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00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:06,880
Although £3 a minute
is expensive.
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00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:11,679
And 17% of Brits have had
sex on a dining table.
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00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:13,960
Turn over.
It's time for pudding.
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00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:20,040
Right, let's get started.
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00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:29,399
What Are You Talking About? That
is the name of our first round.
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00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:31,919
It is our panellists' job to guess
the British public's top three
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00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:33,479
most popular talking points.
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00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:36,279
Rob's team, what do you think
the nation has been talking about
this week?
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00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:38,079
Well, it must be the new
Brexit developments.
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00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:39,599
I don't know much about this,
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00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:42,840
but I think this might go down as
one of the worst Brexits ever.
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00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:49,919
The extensions... All I hear is
extension this, extension that.
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00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:52,959
I'm so annoyed with it. I don't even
go in my conservatory any more.
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00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:54,919
It's an extension.
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00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:58,039
I think Donald Tusk, who I can only
assume is a cartoon elephant,
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00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:00,039
he called it flextension.
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00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:03,599
And the flextension is meant to
be till June 30th, and that just
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00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:07,439
doesn't work for me, because it's my
birthday and Cheryl Cole's birthday.
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00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:09,799
And people will be having barbecues.
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00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,159
The next day no-one is going
to be in any fit state to
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00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:14,760
fight for diabetes medicine
in Dover. It's not a good day!
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00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,119
June 30th is also
when Glastonbury ends,
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00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:20,639
which I think is a really good time,
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00:03:20,640 --> 00:03:23,119
because I think it will make
the transition easier,
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00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,959
because you'll just
have been living in a tent,
shitting in the woods,
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00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:29,559
eating out of tins,
and then you go to no-deal Brexit,
which will be exactly the same,
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00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:32,080
except you won't have
to listen to George Ezra.
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00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:39,159
Listen, Jimmy, just between
you and me, right,
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00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:41,439
I've said some real
bad stuff about Brexit,
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00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:42,999
cos I think it's a really bad idea.
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00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,279
And I'm a bit worried now
that it's happening
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00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:47,639
they're going to deport me.
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00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:50,079
I basically need to roll
some of that back.
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00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:52,879
Leave means leave.
I hate all European food.
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00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:55,839
I just want to eat sausage and mash
and fish and chips,
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00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:59,039
and I just want it to get
all bunged up in my bowels,
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00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:00,959
and I just want to feel blockages,
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00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:03,559
cos there should be no freedom
of movement, whether it's goods
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00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,479
and people across the border
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00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:07,680
or faeces coming out of my anus!
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00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:11,679
Can we just take a moment there
to enjoy the punch line -
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00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:13,520
"faeces coming out of my anus"?
90
00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:18,719
Do you reckon they might row about
whether it's Brecksit or Breggsit?
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00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:22,439
I always say Brecksit. Yes, but a
lot of politicians say Breggsit.
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00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:23,639
What do you call it?
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00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:25,600
Fucking huge mistake.
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00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:31,999
OK. What else are people talking
about? Buzz in.
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00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,519
BUZZER
What have you got?
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00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:36,159
Is it Notre Dame burning?
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00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:41,359
I happen to know you were in France
last week? Yes, I was in Paris.
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00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:44,400
Well done. I smoked one blunt
under the spire...
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00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:48,559
It's not my fault they don't have
an ashtray.
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00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:50,919
It isn't even that old.
That spire...
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00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:52,919
"Oh, my God, history is burning
down!"
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00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:55,279
It was rebuilt in, like, 1973!
It's like... No...
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00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:58,039
No, it's bollocks.
I'm having it out now.
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00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:00,879
But... they keep going,
"All this history!"
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00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:03,600
It is like Trigger's broom.
They keep rebuilding it!
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00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:06,999
It's had about 15 spires!
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00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,359
JIMMY GUFFAWS
He's gone!
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00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:12,719
Oh... It's so... It's like we've
turned up the South London
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00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:14,120
this week somehow.
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00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:17,559
SOUTH LONDON ACCENT: "Notre Dame?
Think it's old, do you?
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00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:19,919
"Trigger's broom, mate.
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00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:23,760
"Those stained glass windows?
I sold 'em that double glazing!"
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00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:28,559
Suzi, what age were you
when you moved out?
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00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:31,319
I was 18 as well.
And never moved back?
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00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:34,359
No, I go back a bit now,
but every time I go home now,
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00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:36,799
my mum's like, "Oh,
you treat this place like a hotel."
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00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:39,279
And so I did what any of us
would have done -
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00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:40,679
I left a bad TripAdvisor review.
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00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:43,240
Two stars. "The maid was very rude."
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00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:48,559
Do you know what I do in hotels?
Yeah. I...
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00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:52,080
I'm revealing too much today.
I don't know what's happened -
I've had truth juice.
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00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:56,680
If I'm in a hotel, I will
trim my pubes there.
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What?!
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Oh, mate!
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00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:06,239
So, do you bring the scissors
or do you order down to reception?
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00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:08,679
No, I've got a beard trimmer. What?
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00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:10,959
If I do it at home
it's a bit of a mess
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00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:12,799
and you can never clear it all up.
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00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:15,159
A bit of wind, it's everywhere,
innit?
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00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:17,519
If your mum walked in
and you're trimming your pubes,
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00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:19,239
that can't be great.
No, it's not ideal.
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00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:21,199
At least she knows you're tidy.
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00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:23,840
When your mum says, "Go upstairs
and have a tidy round..."
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00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,559
..I don't think she means that.
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00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,919
And if she does,
definitely move out.
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00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,199
Do you manscape, Josh?
I don't, actually.
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00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:33,999
Do you think I should get into it?
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00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,879
Well, I just think... I'm looking
at your hair.
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00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:37,560
I'm imagining downstairs is...
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00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:42,160
I imagine it's like a pistachio
in a... in a bird's nest.
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00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:47,599
You've never...?
You've never trimmed your pubes?
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00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:49,959
No, but I'm gonna as soon as
I get home. You're gonna...
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00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:52,319
It's gonna be... It's a whole new
world for you, mate.
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00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:53,679
So, where do you start?
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00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,959
Well, wherever there's hair.
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00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,160
So, you just go full skinhead?
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00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:03,279
No, you can
do as much as you want off, like.
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00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:06,839
You've got to be careful
of the nuts, though, because...
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00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:09,719
..sometimes they fall
between the teeth of the blade.
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00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:11,960
How small are your nuts?!
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00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,680
Teeny little...
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00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:19,599
Rob, what do you think the nation
have been talking about?
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00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:21,959
Is it Julian Assange? Oh...
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00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:23,799
I do like that name.
I like saying it.
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Ass-annnnge.
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00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:28,919
Basically, he's been arrested.
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00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:31,919
He's been removed
from the Ecuadorian embassy.
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00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:33,639
They had to get rid of him.
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00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:36,479
Imagine, like, getting a job
at the embassy.
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00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:38,199
It's your first day. They are like,
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00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,679
"OK, so, there's a photocopier
there. That's the kitchen.
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00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,119
"Oh, yeah, see that bloke there?
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00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:45,839
"Don't worry about him - he's just
rubbing shit on the walls
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00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,199
"and he's been accused
of sexual assault.
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"He lives there.
It's fine, it's fine."
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00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:53,159
Do you think,
while Assange was in there,
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00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:55,839
like obviously they took his Wi-Fi
away, didn't they, so he couldn't
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00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:57,279
get involved in any of that?
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00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:59,639
I wondered if he needed to
get his whistle-blowing fix.
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00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:01,999
If he was like leaving
Post-it notes on the fridge,
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00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:05,439
like, "It was Barbara who
stole your milk, Dave." Just to...
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00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:07,640
You really know
those Ecuadorian names.
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00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:13,119
Barbara and Dave.
You know, the Ecuadorians.
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00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:14,919
OK, Aisling's team.
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00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:17,199
What have the nation been
talking about this week?
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00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:18,839
Oh, it must be Extinction Rebellion.
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00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:21,199
All of the stuff that's going on
with climate change.
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00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:22,839
I know you're not too
worried about it, Jimmy.
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00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:24,639
You'll never biodegrade. But...
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00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:27,759
..people are finally waking up to
what is going on in the environment.
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00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,719
And it was... It has gone on
for quite a while in terms of being
a protest.
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00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:32,839
It started off with people like,
"Oh, what is this?"
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00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:35,919
Then people got annoyed.
"You're getting in the way.
I'm trying to get to work."
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00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:37,959
Then people were like,
"Maybe they have a point.
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00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,999
"Here's a 16-year-old girl.
What's she saying?"
And now people are so into it.
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00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,359
It's very much the same
emotional journey I go on
187
00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:46,479
when I eat monkey nuts on Halloween.
I can't have enough of it.
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00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:49,479
I'm so obsessed by it. Why do you
have monkey nuts on Halloween?
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00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:50,999
Everyone has monkey nuts
on Halloween.
190
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,479
Pumpkins and sweets - sure.
191
00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,199
Monkey nuts - never heard of it.
192
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,879
This feels like some weird Irish
thing that you didn't realise...
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00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:58,559
I've only just discovered that.
194
00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:00,439
Because of the silence
of the audience
195
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,799
when I said, "Monkey nuts
on Halloween."
196
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:04,519
What you mean by monkey nuts?
Do you mean...?
197
00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:07,560
Those little ones that look
like you feed 'em to elephants.
198
00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:11,479
Guys, I know climate change
is pressing,
199
00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:13,839
but now it feels like there's
a bigger issue here at play.
200
00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:16,559
Stacey, you doing your bit for
climate change? What are you doing?
201
00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:17,959
Yeah, we recycle,
202
00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:21,160
and we try and wear the same clothes
all the time.
203
00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:25,279
You've got kids. Are you worried
about the next generation?
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00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:27,119
Yeah, of course. Yeah.
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00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:29,320
I mean, what kind of question
is that, Jimmy?
206
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:34,919
APPLAUSE
207
00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:36,839
We had an answer.
208
00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:38,320
CHEERING
209
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:43,999
Rob's team, what do you think are
the best things Europe has given us?
210
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,639
I mean,
food's got to be up there.
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00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:47,999
Do you like European food?
What's your favourite?
212
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:51,559
I'm not a big fan of European
food. I prefer British food.
213
00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:52,759
What sort of thing?
214
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:55,280
Nando's, Cafe Rouge. Zizi's...
215
00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,439
Proper stuff.
Yeah, proper stuff.
216
00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:00,999
European food,
what do you think?
217
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,559
No disrespect,
but too many cheeses in France.
218
00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:07,879
Too many cheeses? We've got cheddar.
We've got... the orange one.
219
00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:09,319
Dairylea. Dairylea.
220
00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:11,159
Cheestrings. Laughing Cow. Wotsits.
221
00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:13,799
The one with the cow, yeah.
Quavers. Quavers.
222
00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:15,399
We don't need all the other ones.
223
00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:17,600
Brexit means Brexit!
224
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:21,319
Now, we all like pizza, right?
We all like pizza.
225
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,760
There's some unusual ways of eating
it. Take a look at this.
226
00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:33,079
Until he turned round I thought it
was going straight through
227
00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:36,239
the back of his head.
Passing it through.
228
00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:39,519
Could you do that?
Could I do that? I could do that.
229
00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:43,119
Excellent. Hang on. I've got pizzas.
No... Oh, my God.
230
00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:45,399
Pass it over. Lovely.
231
00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:47,320
APPLAUSE
232
00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:52,799
Oh, my God! Oh, my God,
that's massive! I don't like...
233
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:54,839
Hang on... Oh, my...
Is this like a proper Italian?
234
00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:57,719
I think someone's
left it in the garden, Jimmy.
235
00:10:57,720 --> 00:10:59,640
You're taking the veg off?!
236
00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:05,439
Oh, you are so South London!
237
00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:06,719
If it was any good,
238
00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:09,079
they would have chopped it up
and put it in the sauce.
239
00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:10,359
I've got to try
and do this in one go?
240
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:12,560
You've got to try
and get that in one.
241
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,559
Oh, my God. Hang on.
242
00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:17,199
I think he can do it.
243
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,440
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
244
00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:26,920
Oh, my God!
245
00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:34,040
That's it for part one.
See you after the break.
246
00:11:43,945 --> 00:11:46,304
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
247
00:11:46,305 --> 00:11:49,184
Welcome back to 8 Out Of 10 Cats,
where we are still trying to guess
248
00:11:49,185 --> 00:11:51,544
our favourite thing to do
on a mobile phone. Rob's team,
249
00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:53,904
what do you think Britain
likes to do on its mobile phone?
250
00:11:53,905 --> 00:11:56,944
Is it messaging people there?
WhatsApping?
251
00:11:56,945 --> 00:11:58,544
Yeah, WhatsApp's a big...
Messenger.
252
00:11:58,545 --> 00:12:01,264
The worst thing on a WhatsApp is,
when you are in, like,
253
00:12:01,265 --> 00:12:04,344
a stag do group, and then
it comes up, the no-name numbers.
254
00:12:04,345 --> 00:12:06,104
And all you know about them,
no name,
255
00:12:06,105 --> 00:12:09,224
but just a picture of them
holding a massive carp. Yeah.
256
00:12:09,225 --> 00:12:10,704
Oh, no!
257
00:12:10,705 --> 00:12:13,105
These girls are all just pointed
to this lad when you said that.
258
00:12:14,745 --> 00:12:17,984
I'm in a WhatsApp group that was
called the Three Musketeers.
259
00:12:17,985 --> 00:12:19,464
It was with my two best friends.
260
00:12:19,465 --> 00:12:21,944
And then it was called
Two Musketeers And One Dick
261
00:12:21,945 --> 00:12:24,145
after a night out
that I don't remember.
262
00:12:25,865 --> 00:12:28,624
I think administrators have
too much power in a WhatsApp group.
263
00:12:28,625 --> 00:12:31,384
Because it is a brutal place.
"Hey guys, it's my birthday!"
264
00:12:31,385 --> 00:12:33,145
And it's like, "Rob left." Oh.
265
00:12:35,945 --> 00:12:38,584
The only thing worse than being
added into a WhatsApp group
266
00:12:38,585 --> 00:12:40,304
is finding out there's
one you're not in,
267
00:12:40,305 --> 00:12:42,824
which means they're slagging
you off. Yeah. The side group.
268
00:12:42,825 --> 00:12:45,224
Terrifying. Are you in
the female comedians WhatsApp?
269
00:12:45,225 --> 00:12:46,385
That is a loaded question. No!
270
00:12:48,905 --> 00:12:50,784
So there's
a female comedians WhatsApp.
271
00:12:50,785 --> 00:12:52,985
I know, I know, I'm in it,
but I'm deep undercover.
272
00:12:54,225 --> 00:12:56,984
Hang on, hang on, who's in this
group, then? Like, everyone...
273
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:59,344
Just all the really funny
female comedians.
274
00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:01,864
All the really funny female
comedians that Sarah's friends with
275
00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:04,664
who are in the group, and then
there's you. Look, you're going to
276
00:13:04,665 --> 00:13:06,304
get added and you're not
going to like it.
277
00:13:06,305 --> 00:13:08,584
I don't want a pity add.
278
00:13:08,585 --> 00:13:09,944
I'll add you, and I'll be like,
279
00:13:09,945 --> 00:13:12,304
"guess who was really great
on TV tonight?"
280
00:13:12,305 --> 00:13:14,664
And I'll say,
"New number, who's this?
281
00:13:14,665 --> 00:13:17,464
My thing with social media is,
I do think it's making us
282
00:13:17,465 --> 00:13:19,064
slightly more anxious.
283
00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:22,264
So it's hard to do this,
but try to live your life -
284
00:13:22,265 --> 00:13:24,624
just try it for a day by
this maxim -
285
00:13:24,625 --> 00:13:27,424
if I did it in real life,
what would the consequences be?
286
00:13:27,425 --> 00:13:29,184
So you wouldn't draw
back your curtains
287
00:13:29,185 --> 00:13:31,864
and show your baby in the bath to
a street full of strangers and go,
288
00:13:31,865 --> 00:13:33,424
"You, man with your hand
in the pockets,
289
00:13:33,425 --> 00:13:34,664
"would you like my baby?"
290
00:13:34,665 --> 00:13:37,024
Girls, you wouldn't
run into Asda and go,
291
00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:39,384
"Everyone stop shopping!
look at my smoky eye."
292
00:13:39,385 --> 00:13:41,864
No, of course not. That's somebody
who needs counselling.
293
00:13:41,865 --> 00:13:44,344
Tagging yourself into hospital
without explanation
294
00:13:44,345 --> 00:13:46,704
is one of the cruellest
things I've ever seen.
295
00:13:46,705 --> 00:13:48,905
"Russ is at Southend Hospital."
"Why?" Guess!
296
00:13:51,105 --> 00:13:53,504
do you know what I can't bear,
as well? The fake boasting.
297
00:13:53,505 --> 00:13:55,144
Oh, I'm so happy with my new sofa.
298
00:13:55,145 --> 00:13:57,664
And it's nothing to do with
the sofa. She is in a bikini.
299
00:13:57,665 --> 00:14:00,024
It's like, "Who likes my new sofa?
Oh, my God."
300
00:14:00,025 --> 00:14:02,384
My flap's come out,
I can't believe it. Oh, no.
301
00:14:02,385 --> 00:14:04,264
A cartoon dog face on...
HE BARKS
302
00:14:04,265 --> 00:14:07,224
If you've got a cartoon dog face
and your fanny out on the internet
303
00:14:07,225 --> 00:14:09,584
and you're 35, get help!
304
00:14:09,585 --> 00:14:11,304
Or get paid for it.
305
00:14:11,305 --> 00:14:13,945
LAUGHTER
That's what I was thinking!
306
00:14:16,585 --> 00:14:18,984
OK, fingers on buzzers.
One more thing to get.
307
00:14:18,985 --> 00:14:21,784
What else are people talking about
this week? Tom Allen.
308
00:14:21,785 --> 00:14:24,144
Sorry, I felt like I was
touching your penis. That's fine.
309
00:14:24,145 --> 00:14:26,424
That's the sound it makes! Is it?
310
00:14:26,425 --> 00:14:27,745
BUZZER SOUND
311
00:14:29,465 --> 00:14:32,544
I recover quick, though. Yeah.
312
00:14:32,545 --> 00:14:34,745
I imagine your wife is
a lights-out person.
313
00:14:36,785 --> 00:14:39,745
APPLAUSE
314
00:14:41,905 --> 00:14:45,304
She's more of an
"I've got a headache" person. OK.
315
00:14:45,305 --> 00:14:46,664
Tom, what do you think?
316
00:14:46,665 --> 00:14:49,624
Is there a news that there's a fear
that the UK may face
317
00:14:49,625 --> 00:14:52,145
a water shortage in 25 years?
Shit, sorry!
318
00:14:54,905 --> 00:14:57,264
Sorry? Is it? How embarrassing.
I didn't know!
319
00:14:57,265 --> 00:14:59,664
They said one of the ways
you can save water is by turning
320
00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:01,424
the tap off when you
brush your teeth.
321
00:15:01,425 --> 00:15:02,744
I mean, yours'll rust up.
322
00:15:02,745 --> 00:15:04,945
LAUGHTER
323
00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:15,184
Little dig for no reason there!
No reason. You've got a lovely face.
324
00:15:15,185 --> 00:15:17,425
Stupid teeth, but lovely...
325
00:15:19,905 --> 00:15:23,184
How is the UK making fun of
Rob's beautiful teeth?
326
00:15:23,185 --> 00:15:25,144
Like you guys know teeth in any way.
327
00:15:25,145 --> 00:15:27,984
Have any of you ever
been to a dentist?
328
00:15:27,985 --> 00:15:31,184
Also, you're not running out of
water. Hello? It's the UK.
329
00:15:31,185 --> 00:15:34,104
It rains more here than
in a Seal video. Get a bucket!
330
00:15:34,105 --> 00:15:36,704
Leave Rob alone!
331
00:15:36,705 --> 00:15:40,184
I can't believe... people
are genuinely worried about this,
332
00:15:40,185 --> 00:15:43,184
but it's a water shortage in 25
years' time. Rich, are you worried?
333
00:15:43,185 --> 00:15:45,144
What, 25 years' time?
No, not really.
334
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:50,185
Every time it rains,
I'm getting at first, so I'm fine.
335
00:15:52,185 --> 00:15:54,144
I'm excited about
the hot weather, Jimmy,
336
00:15:54,145 --> 00:15:57,584
because I'm regularly seen
in a bikini in my garden passed out,
337
00:15:57,585 --> 00:16:00,225
but in when it's hot out,
fewer people call child services.
338
00:16:03,185 --> 00:16:06,424
See, I'm going to be skinning out.
As soon as the sun comes out...
339
00:16:06,425 --> 00:16:07,904
Skinning out? Skin is out.
340
00:16:07,905 --> 00:16:10,344
Oh, skinning out! So the sun
comes out, the skin comes out?
341
00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:12,704
Yeah. OK, I've never heard
the expression skinning out!
342
00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:15,064
It's derived from patois,
right? Right.
343
00:16:15,065 --> 00:16:18,104
There's a song, it's like
a popular bashment song,
344
00:16:18,105 --> 00:16:21,384
and the artist screams,
"Skin out mi pum-pum!"
345
00:16:21,385 --> 00:16:24,104
Basically meaning that she's going
to get her genitals out.
346
00:16:24,105 --> 00:16:25,424
And I don't mean it like that.
347
00:16:25,425 --> 00:16:27,184
I just mean I'm going to
be skinning out.
348
00:16:27,185 --> 00:16:29,464
Not skinning out my pum-pum,
just, skinning out.
349
00:16:29,465 --> 00:16:30,824
Oh, good, because I misunderstood.
350
00:16:30,825 --> 00:16:33,424
I thought you were
skinning out your pum-pum. Yeah...
351
00:16:33,425 --> 00:16:35,625
You know me.
I'm old school like that.
352
00:16:36,705 --> 00:16:39,424
Time now for a bonus round, so Rob,
Sarah, join me in the middle.
353
00:16:39,425 --> 00:16:41,625
We're going to play
Haye, Who's On The Phone?
354
00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:51,304
OK, we're going to play
Haye, Who's On The Phone?
355
00:16:51,305 --> 00:16:52,985
Can we have some
dramatic lighting, please?
356
00:16:56,305 --> 00:16:59,704
Oh, yeah. OK, Sarah, if you dial
the last number on this phone,
357
00:16:59,705 --> 00:17:01,384
you may or may not connect with
358
00:17:01,385 --> 00:17:04,064
former heavyweight world champion
David Haye.
359
00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:07,304
Rob, you've just got to guess
if David Haye is on the phone
360
00:17:07,305 --> 00:17:08,824
or if she's bluffing.
361
00:17:08,825 --> 00:17:11,544
Oh, OK. OK. So, dial the last number
on this phone.
362
00:17:11,545 --> 00:17:12,904
We know each other quite well.
363
00:17:12,905 --> 00:17:15,864
I'm going to get you to turn around
so you can't see each other. OK.
364
00:17:15,865 --> 00:17:19,544
So he's just got to listen to me?
How do I... How do you use a phone?
365
00:17:19,545 --> 00:17:22,024
Got it, I've got it. He's just
going to listen to me, is he?
366
00:17:22,025 --> 00:17:24,024
He's not going to see my face?
You can see my face.
367
00:17:24,025 --> 00:17:26,824
No, he's looking away. I can't see
anything. He can't see anything.
368
00:17:26,825 --> 00:17:28,584
(I don't know anything
about boxing.)
369
00:17:28,585 --> 00:17:30,864
You do? Rob, you're allowed
to ask questions.
370
00:17:30,865 --> 00:17:32,144
Are you speaking to David Haye?
371
00:17:32,145 --> 00:17:33,624
Not to... Oh, sorry.
372
00:17:33,625 --> 00:17:35,904
That's a great
first question, though.
373
00:17:35,905 --> 00:17:38,664
Oh, hello, David Haye, the boxer.
374
00:17:38,665 --> 00:17:42,264
How are you? Oh, oh, you first.
Fine, thank you.
375
00:17:42,265 --> 00:17:45,465
Where is he? Ask him where he is.
Where are you?
376
00:17:47,105 --> 00:17:48,665
He's in a hotel in London.
377
00:17:49,985 --> 00:17:53,025
OK. So what's your favourite
thing about being a boxer?
378
00:17:54,705 --> 00:17:57,264
He likes to hurt people.
He likes to hurt people?
379
00:17:57,265 --> 00:17:59,144
Rob's going to ask you
another question,
380
00:17:59,145 --> 00:18:00,784
but he's thinking
of something to ask.
381
00:18:00,785 --> 00:18:03,104
Who did he beat to win the world
heavyweight title? Shit!
382
00:18:03,105 --> 00:18:04,584
LAUGHTER
383
00:18:04,585 --> 00:18:06,944
Have you got Google on you?
What's the question?
384
00:18:06,945 --> 00:18:09,464
Who did you beat... To be the
heavyweight champion of the world.
385
00:18:09,465 --> 00:18:11,944
..to be the heavyweight
champion of the world?
386
00:18:11,945 --> 00:18:13,664
Oh, it's a nice memory, is it? OK.
387
00:18:13,665 --> 00:18:15,865
LAUGHTER
388
00:18:17,345 --> 00:18:21,145
Right, it's a Russian guy.
We know that much. (Do you know it?)
389
00:18:22,865 --> 00:18:24,224
Sarah, Sarah...
390
00:18:24,225 --> 00:18:27,384
The biggest heavyweight ever in the
history of boxing? So you beat him?
391
00:18:27,385 --> 00:18:30,504
Congratulations. It's a bit odd you
haven't remembered his name, David!
392
00:18:30,505 --> 00:18:33,545
Well, in fairness, he has taken
a lot of blows to the head!
393
00:18:34,705 --> 00:18:39,584
And was it a long match? Long match?
Do you call them matches or games?
394
00:18:39,585 --> 00:18:40,985
They're fights, normally.
395
00:18:46,345 --> 00:18:50,744
Oh, dear. Sarah really knows
her boxing. She could be bluffing.
396
00:18:50,745 --> 00:18:53,544
How tall's David? Ask how tall
David is. All right, ask how tall...
397
00:18:53,545 --> 00:18:54,984
How tall is David Haye?
398
00:18:54,985 --> 00:18:58,465
I mean, how tall are you?!
I mean, how tall are you!
399
00:18:59,665 --> 00:19:02,504
Definitely over 6 foot.
Definitely over 6 foot!
400
00:19:02,505 --> 00:19:06,904
OK, so, Rob, I would like to know
if you think David Haye
401
00:19:06,905 --> 00:19:08,544
is on the phone or not?
402
00:19:08,545 --> 00:19:11,904
Well, I think everything
Sarah said was wrong. What?!
403
00:19:11,905 --> 00:19:14,304
But I think she may be bluffing me,
404
00:19:14,305 --> 00:19:16,664
and I think she's
talking to David Haye
405
00:19:16,665 --> 00:19:19,024
and pretending
not to know the answers.
406
00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:20,584
So I think
David Haye's on the phone.
407
00:19:20,585 --> 00:19:22,264
You think David Haye's
on the phone. OK.
408
00:19:22,265 --> 00:19:23,824
Let's see if David Haye
is on the phone.
409
00:19:23,825 --> 00:19:25,224
Turn round.
410
00:19:25,225 --> 00:19:26,464
Let's reveal.
411
00:19:26,465 --> 00:19:27,904
It's David Haye!
412
00:19:27,905 --> 00:19:30,944
CHEERING
413
00:19:30,945 --> 00:19:33,304
David Haye, everyone!
Heavyweight boxing champion.
414
00:19:33,305 --> 00:19:35,824
Some excellent acting skills,
but Rob gets the point.
415
00:19:35,825 --> 00:19:38,544
Round of applause for David Haye.
Thank you very much, David Haye.
416
00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:41,825
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Wave goodbye, David.
417
00:19:43,545 --> 00:19:45,904
I'll leave this on,
if you want to watch the rest.
418
00:19:45,905 --> 00:19:48,944
Yeah, go on, let me see what's
going on. I'm enjoying it so far.
419
00:19:48,945 --> 00:19:51,384
Can you hold this so he can watch
the rest of the show?
420
00:19:51,385 --> 00:19:53,664
LAUGHTER
421
00:19:53,665 --> 00:19:55,304
APPLAUSE
422
00:19:55,305 --> 00:19:56,465
Hold that so he can watch?
423
00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:08,406
APPLAUSE
424
00:20:09,766 --> 00:20:11,525
Welcome back to 8 Out Of 10 Cats.
425
00:20:11,526 --> 00:20:13,565
Our next round is Pick of the Polls.
426
00:20:13,566 --> 00:20:16,565
Catherine, Richard, Katherine,
what do you like the look of?
427
00:20:16,566 --> 00:20:18,925
I like the look of Richard Osman.
428
00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:21,365
OK, you've picked Richard,
host of Child Genius,
429
00:20:21,366 --> 00:20:23,126
so we asked our studio audience...
430
00:20:26,966 --> 00:20:29,325
That's such a tough one because
people who were popular are
431
00:20:29,326 --> 00:20:31,205
obviously going to say popular and
people who were academic
432
00:20:31,206 --> 00:20:32,606
are going to say popular.
433
00:20:34,686 --> 00:20:37,085
What were you like at school? Were
you popular? Were you academic?
434
00:20:37,086 --> 00:20:39,445
I mean, I was popular with
the important people, which is
435
00:20:39,446 --> 00:20:42,046
to say I was academic,
so the teachers.
436
00:20:43,366 --> 00:20:45,805
I learned a rap that helped me
memorise all the 50 states
437
00:20:45,806 --> 00:20:49,045
and capitals of America.
Oh, brilliant. Let's do it.
Would you like to hear it?
438
00:20:49,046 --> 00:20:50,485
Yes, please. No! Here it goes.
439
00:20:50,486 --> 00:20:52,405
# Baton Rouge, Louisiana,
Indianapolis, Indiana
440
00:20:52,406 --> 00:20:54,125
# And Columbus is the capital of
Ohio
441
00:20:54,126 --> 00:20:56,485
# There's Montgomery, Alabama,
Helena, Montana
442
00:20:56,486 --> 00:20:58,365
# There's Denver, Colorado and
Boise, Idaho
443
00:20:58,366 --> 00:21:01,645
# Texas has Austin, Massachusetts,
Boston and Albany, New York
444
00:21:01,646 --> 00:21:03,485
# Tallahassee, Florida
and Washington DC
445
00:21:03,486 --> 00:21:05,845
# Santa Fe, New Mexico
and Nashville, Tennessee
446
00:21:05,846 --> 00:21:07,685
# Juneau's in Alaska and
there's Lincoln in Nebraska... #
447
00:21:07,686 --> 00:21:10,085
It goes on and on and on.
I WAS very smart!
448
00:21:10,086 --> 00:21:12,485
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
449
00:21:12,486 --> 00:21:16,885
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait.
Are you not doing the whole thing?
450
00:21:16,886 --> 00:21:19,245
I can't do the whole thing. You
can't include the whole thing.
451
00:21:19,246 --> 00:21:21,765
Why not? Listen, I've got one for
countries, too.
452
00:21:21,766 --> 00:21:24,565
# United States, Canada, Mexico,
Panama, Haiti, Jamaica, Peru... #
453
00:21:24,566 --> 00:21:25,646
Please don't!
454
00:21:29,406 --> 00:21:31,405
Dotty, what were you like at school?
455
00:21:31,406 --> 00:21:34,365
I was the one that got kicked
out of the class quite a lot.
456
00:21:34,366 --> 00:21:35,645
Oh, right, OK.
457
00:21:35,646 --> 00:21:37,605
I think they weren't challenging me.
458
00:21:37,606 --> 00:21:38,925
LAUGHTER
459
00:21:38,926 --> 00:21:41,285
What kind of challenge did you want?
460
00:21:41,286 --> 00:21:44,245
I just felt like, I don't need this
stuff, do you know what I mean?
461
00:21:44,246 --> 00:21:46,725
When am I going to use this?
All the time.
462
00:21:46,726 --> 00:21:49,725
Yesterday I was with a mate
and we had seven apples...
463
00:21:49,726 --> 00:21:52,005
LAUGHTER
464
00:21:52,006 --> 00:21:52,846
Right.
465
00:21:56,606 --> 00:21:59,885
And he said to me,
"I want a third of them.
466
00:21:59,886 --> 00:22:02,165
"How are we going to work this out?"
467
00:22:02,166 --> 00:22:03,286
But I don't remember.
468
00:22:04,726 --> 00:22:07,445
I can use a Bunsen burner. But
when have you ever had to use that?
469
00:22:07,446 --> 00:22:09,045
Do you know what I mean?
All the time!
470
00:22:09,046 --> 00:22:12,645
Friend'll come round, cup of tea,
pop on the Bunsen burner,
471
00:22:12,646 --> 00:22:14,046
blue flame...
472
00:22:15,446 --> 00:22:18,165
Shall we test who got
the most out of school?
473
00:22:18,166 --> 00:22:21,005
Let's have our very own
spelling bee. Nice!
474
00:22:21,006 --> 00:22:23,285
Come on. Come on up.
475
00:22:23,286 --> 00:22:25,725
APPLAUSE
476
00:22:25,726 --> 00:22:29,405
OK. I've never watched a spelling
bee in my life. Spelling bee. All
right, you stand there...
477
00:22:29,406 --> 00:22:32,085
We're not American! B-E-E!
478
00:22:32,086 --> 00:22:33,565
CHEERING
479
00:22:33,566 --> 00:22:35,925
Face each other. Sorry. OK.
480
00:22:35,926 --> 00:22:38,285
Now, we've upped the ante a little
bit... Yeah.
481
00:22:38,286 --> 00:22:41,445
..so if you answer incorrectly,
I will give you an electric shock.
482
00:22:41,446 --> 00:22:43,285
Oh, God.
483
00:22:43,286 --> 00:22:47,046
You'll be fine, don't worry about
it. OK. I do really need a wee.
484
00:22:48,726 --> 00:22:51,006
Imagine if I just pissed myself
here.
485
00:22:52,566 --> 00:22:55,605
You'd all be, like,
"No, we won't tell anyone."
486
00:22:55,606 --> 00:22:57,205
Argh! Fuck off!
487
00:22:57,206 --> 00:22:59,645
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
488
00:22:59,646 --> 00:23:01,965
Fucking hell! Does it really hurt?
489
00:23:01,966 --> 00:23:04,166
It's like a badger going up me arse!
490
00:23:05,366 --> 00:23:08,085
Does it really hurt?
No, it's fine. It ain't nice.
491
00:23:08,086 --> 00:23:10,286
Owwww!
492
00:23:12,726 --> 00:23:15,566
I didn't like that at all!
I thought you'd be into it. OK.
493
00:23:17,246 --> 00:23:19,805
Can we have some tension lighting,
please? I've pissed myself.
494
00:23:19,806 --> 00:23:20,966
DRAMATIC MUSIC
495
00:23:23,886 --> 00:23:26,965
OK, Tom. You're up first.
496
00:23:26,966 --> 00:23:29,526
Can you spell the word facetious?
497
00:23:37,126 --> 00:23:38,325
BUZZER
498
00:23:38,326 --> 00:23:39,286
Aaaargh!
499
00:23:40,726 --> 00:23:42,486
Oh, make it stop! Jimmy, no!
500
00:23:43,726 --> 00:23:47,166
That is incorrect. The correct
spelling of facetious is...
501
00:23:50,006 --> 00:23:52,285
There's no way there's a T in there,
is there? What did I say?
502
00:23:52,286 --> 00:23:53,925
You want to try again? No...
503
00:23:53,926 --> 00:23:55,445
LAUGHTER
504
00:23:55,446 --> 00:23:58,126
OK, next one. Rob. Yeah? Manoeuvre.
505
00:23:59,806 --> 00:24:01,085
Ooh...
506
00:24:01,086 --> 00:24:03,965
Don't fucking give it that,
like you know what's going on!
507
00:24:03,966 --> 00:24:07,205
I love the fact even Rich Osman
went, "Ooh..." Yeah.
508
00:24:07,206 --> 00:24:08,526
Good luck, Rob. Manoeuvre.
509
00:24:11,366 --> 00:24:13,206
APPLAUSE
510
00:24:14,806 --> 00:24:16,205
Take it, Rob.
511
00:24:16,206 --> 00:24:17,845
BUZZER
512
00:24:17,846 --> 00:24:18,806
Aaargh!
513
00:24:24,006 --> 00:24:27,006
That was like Back To The Future
when Biff got angry!
514
00:24:28,926 --> 00:24:29,886
Manoeuvre is...
515
00:24:32,926 --> 00:24:35,285
Ohhh... You should have just read
it off the autocue.
516
00:24:35,286 --> 00:24:36,766
I was going to say,
it's right there!
517
00:24:38,766 --> 00:24:42,205
OK, next one. Easy one.
Spell pterodactyl.
518
00:24:42,206 --> 00:24:44,406
Ah, fuck off...
519
00:24:49,046 --> 00:24:50,165
P?!
520
00:24:50,166 --> 00:24:51,405
Oh, yeah...
521
00:24:51,406 --> 00:24:53,606
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
522
00:25:13,286 --> 00:25:14,565
BUZZER
523
00:25:14,566 --> 00:25:15,646
Owww!
524
00:25:18,846 --> 00:25:21,566
OK. You were doing really well.
It was...
525
00:25:25,886 --> 00:25:27,845
You missed out the C.
526
00:25:27,846 --> 00:25:31,166
Oh, well, I was very worried about
getting electrocuted in the arse.
527
00:25:32,846 --> 00:25:35,285
They're like those things they used
to advertise that you
528
00:25:35,286 --> 00:25:37,285
put on your tummy
and got a six-pack.
529
00:25:37,286 --> 00:25:40,526
Yeah. I'm going to have an amazing
six pack. Just on my arse.
530
00:25:42,166 --> 00:25:44,046
If you play your cards right
later...
531
00:25:47,126 --> 00:25:48,246
Jimmy!
532
00:25:49,486 --> 00:25:54,406
Rob. I feel so sad. I've got
the posture of a dog at Battersea.
533
00:26:00,486 --> 00:26:02,286
Easy one for you, Rob.
534
00:26:04,566 --> 00:26:05,726
Rhythm.
535
00:26:09,006 --> 00:26:10,166
Great start.
536
00:26:14,966 --> 00:26:16,845
Correct! Yes!
APPLAUSE
537
00:26:16,846 --> 00:26:20,286
So Rob is the winner!
You've won the spelling bee!
538
00:26:23,326 --> 00:26:24,646
Aaargh! Ow!
539
00:26:26,446 --> 00:26:27,806
Argh! Get off!
540
00:26:32,206 --> 00:26:35,965
A survey recently revealed that
15% of pet owners love their pet
541
00:26:35,966 --> 00:26:38,606
more than their partner,
so we asked...
542
00:26:40,766 --> 00:26:44,005
All I know about dogs is poodles
are getting a lot of action at
543
00:26:44,006 --> 00:26:46,965
the moment cos they're all
crossed with a poodle, innit?
544
00:26:46,966 --> 00:26:50,205
Cockapoo, cavapoo, do-a-poo,
need-a-poo, had-a-poo...
545
00:26:50,206 --> 00:26:53,005
All the poo. It's true.
546
00:26:53,006 --> 00:26:55,605
There's so many different types of
dog now.
547
00:26:55,606 --> 00:26:58,005
When I was a kid,
I swear there was three.
548
00:26:58,006 --> 00:27:00,646
There was, like, Dulux dog,
Andrex dog, Blue Peter dog.
549
00:27:02,086 --> 00:27:03,245
That was all the dogs.
550
00:27:03,246 --> 00:27:06,525
There was dogs with balls,
working-class dogs. Yep.
551
00:27:06,526 --> 00:27:09,365
Dogs without balls, middle-class
dogs.
552
00:27:09,366 --> 00:27:12,445
Dogs with jackets, upper-class.
553
00:27:12,446 --> 00:27:15,165
Kiri, what have you got?
I've got a cat and dog.
554
00:27:15,166 --> 00:27:18,405
OK, so what about names, what have
you called them? OK, Oh, God.
555
00:27:18,406 --> 00:27:23,725
Er, so the dog is called Ci,
which is Welsh for dog.
556
00:27:23,726 --> 00:27:25,205
Fair enough.
557
00:27:25,206 --> 00:27:27,045
Just straight to the point.
Does he know that?
558
00:27:27,046 --> 00:27:29,885
He doesn't know anything,
he's thick as fuck.
559
00:27:29,886 --> 00:27:32,525
Then I've got a cat who's a rescue.
560
00:27:32,526 --> 00:27:35,085
I really like him,
except he insists on watching me
561
00:27:35,086 --> 00:27:36,885
and my partner bang.
562
00:27:36,886 --> 00:27:39,645
I'll think he's out the room,
I've cleared everything,
563
00:27:39,646 --> 00:27:42,005
and then we'll be at it and I'll
just sort of, we'll move round,
564
00:27:42,006 --> 00:27:45,005
and there'll be just a pair of
eyes watching me.
565
00:27:45,006 --> 00:27:46,725
I can't have sex
if the dog's watching
566
00:27:46,726 --> 00:27:48,926
and that's why
I always hold it like that.
567
00:27:54,086 --> 00:27:56,925
What's tasteful about
Naked Attraction, Anna,
568
00:27:56,926 --> 00:28:01,445
is that they're always flaccid.
Not always, Katherine. Oh, what?!
569
00:28:01,446 --> 00:28:06,165
Have you had incidents? We do have
to stop the show quite often...
570
00:28:06,166 --> 00:28:08,525
When it's...? We'll just say to the
fellas,
571
00:28:08,526 --> 00:28:11,485
"Look, can you just go and sort
yourself out and then pop back?"
572
00:28:11,486 --> 00:28:14,685
What?! "Sort yourself out"?
They've gone and...?
573
00:28:14,686 --> 00:28:18,485
I don't know what they do!
I don't know what they do.
574
00:28:18,486 --> 00:28:21,845
I don't know, I've never had
an erection on telly before.
575
00:28:21,846 --> 00:28:24,445
I've got one right now
and things are fine.
576
00:28:24,446 --> 00:28:28,125
Is it fellas that are just trying to
give themselves a little,
577
00:28:28,126 --> 00:28:30,485
you know, like,
a little jump-start... Yeah.
578
00:28:30,486 --> 00:28:32,845
..just to get, kind of, halfway
there? Yeah, exactly that.
579
00:28:32,846 --> 00:28:36,845
The best thing to do is wank
and then leave it and go on stage.
580
00:28:36,846 --> 00:28:38,606
How big is your penis, Katherine?!
581
00:28:39,686 --> 00:28:42,045
There's a proper thunk.
582
00:28:42,046 --> 00:28:43,565
You've done the show for quite a
while now.
583
00:28:43,566 --> 00:28:45,565
What is the perfect penis? What are
we looking for?
584
00:28:45,566 --> 00:28:48,965
Well, as every woman knows,
you want girth, not length.
585
00:28:48,966 --> 00:28:50,246
Yes! But...
586
00:28:52,006 --> 00:28:53,166
Oh, sorry.
587
00:28:55,926 --> 00:28:59,525
You say girth, not length,
do you mean no length whatsoever?
588
00:28:59,526 --> 00:29:03,445
I'll be honest, hands up - mine's
like a can of tuna.
589
00:29:03,446 --> 00:29:04,645
Fishy?
590
00:29:04,646 --> 00:29:08,525
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
591
00:29:08,526 --> 00:29:10,005
That's what they're after?
592
00:29:10,006 --> 00:29:11,925
As long as it doesn't smell like a
can of tuna, I think
593
00:29:11,926 --> 00:29:13,925
we're going to be OK.
GROANING
594
00:29:13,926 --> 00:29:16,126
It's spring water,
not brine, don't worry.
595
00:29:17,446 --> 00:29:20,446
Can I just say, don't say to a girl,
"My penis is like a can of tuna."
596
00:29:21,646 --> 00:29:22,726
Hockey puck?
597
00:29:24,686 --> 00:29:27,565
Now, before we carry on,
as a tribute to Naked Attraction,
598
00:29:27,566 --> 00:29:30,685
we're going to play Carrot In A Box:
Naked Attraction Edition.
599
00:29:30,686 --> 00:29:32,126
Rob, Katherine, come on down.
600
00:29:34,926 --> 00:29:40,765
OK. Regular viewers will be familiar
with Carrot In A Box.
601
00:29:40,766 --> 00:29:42,165
The rules are simple.
602
00:29:42,166 --> 00:29:46,045
You each get a box. One of the boxes
contains a naked penis.
603
00:29:46,046 --> 00:29:49,125
The aim of the game is to end up
with a dick in the box.
604
00:29:49,126 --> 00:29:50,086
Bring on the boxes.
605
00:29:52,086 --> 00:29:53,726
If you just step back a little bit.
606
00:29:55,406 --> 00:29:57,765
Yes, it's a
game of bluff in the buff.
607
00:29:57,766 --> 00:30:01,166
OK, in a moment, I'll ask Rob to
look in his box. Why me?!
608
00:30:02,446 --> 00:30:04,805
If Rob doesn't see his chap's chap,
609
00:30:04,806 --> 00:30:07,565
then he'll have to bluff
Katherine into giving him her box.
610
00:30:07,566 --> 00:30:09,925
Ultimately, Katherine gets to choose
611
00:30:09,926 --> 00:30:12,645
whether she keeps her box or
swaps with Rob.
612
00:30:12,646 --> 00:30:15,205
OK, Rob, so you want a cock,
Katherine, you want a cock -
613
00:30:15,206 --> 00:30:18,725
no change there - but there's only
one cock.
614
00:30:18,726 --> 00:30:21,246
Let's say Carrot In A Box:
Naked Attraction Edition.
615
00:30:24,446 --> 00:30:27,565
Rob, can you look in your box.
Ugh...
616
00:30:27,566 --> 00:30:30,485
Katherine, you're not allowed to
look inside your box.
617
00:30:30,486 --> 00:30:34,285
You want a proper... You don't
want to miss a thing.
618
00:30:34,286 --> 00:30:35,845
Oh, for fuck's sake.
619
00:30:35,846 --> 00:30:37,605
LAUGHTER
620
00:30:37,606 --> 00:30:39,246
I don't know what I was expecting!
621
00:30:43,046 --> 00:30:46,685
Little beauty, innit? Have a
little look. I've had a look.
622
00:30:46,686 --> 00:30:48,045
Do we keep looking?
623
00:30:48,046 --> 00:30:51,285
Do you want to keep your box or do
you want to swap with Katherine?
624
00:30:51,286 --> 00:30:54,445
I'm going to keep it.
There's a dick there, Katherine.
625
00:30:54,446 --> 00:30:56,285
There's a dick in your box?
626
00:30:56,286 --> 00:30:58,966
That's the closest I've ever been to
one that's not mine.
627
00:31:00,846 --> 00:31:02,085
That's a lie.
628
00:31:02,086 --> 00:31:03,646
LAUGHTER
629
00:31:06,006 --> 00:31:08,846
Do you think Rob's bluffing?
Was it cut or uncut?
630
00:31:12,366 --> 00:31:15,045
I can't give you a firm
answer on that.
631
00:31:15,046 --> 00:31:18,125
Speaking of firm,
is he pleased to see you are not?
632
00:31:18,126 --> 00:31:19,885
OK, er...
633
00:31:19,886 --> 00:31:20,846
Get down!
634
00:31:22,166 --> 00:31:25,326
Softer now. Softer now.
You just blew on his dick! Yeah.
635
00:31:28,086 --> 00:31:31,725
It looks like it's retreating.
I think it's panicked.
636
00:31:31,726 --> 00:31:34,845
Are there any distinguishable
features on the dick?
637
00:31:34,846 --> 00:31:37,565
He's drawn a face on it...
638
00:31:37,566 --> 00:31:39,206
..and it moves when he laughs.
639
00:31:41,046 --> 00:31:43,725
OK, so do you think he's bluffing,
do you think there's
640
00:31:43,726 --> 00:31:46,245
a dick in the box, or do you think
you've got a dick in the box?
641
00:31:46,246 --> 00:31:49,405
I think Rob is bluffing because he's
gone back to look at the dick
642
00:31:49,406 --> 00:31:53,365
so many times and Rob is a
respectable family man,
643
00:31:53,366 --> 00:31:56,605
I don't think he'd be so thirsty
for the cock.
644
00:31:56,606 --> 00:31:58,285
I'm getting into it!
645
00:31:58,286 --> 00:32:01,046
OK, so it's time now for the
blindfolded taste challenge.
646
00:32:04,246 --> 00:32:07,445
OK, so what do you think,
you think he's bluffing?
647
00:32:07,446 --> 00:32:10,365
I think that there's a dick in MY
box. I think that Rob is bluffing.
648
00:32:10,366 --> 00:32:13,205
I mean, there's a point for whoever
wins this so, gentlemen,
649
00:32:13,206 --> 00:32:16,125
if you could face forward and...
Ooh!
650
00:32:16,126 --> 00:32:20,366
..Katherine's man,
we would like you to open your box.
651
00:32:22,366 --> 00:32:24,205
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
652
00:32:24,206 --> 00:32:26,125
Oh, no!
653
00:32:26,126 --> 00:32:28,485
So that's a point for you, Rob.
654
00:32:28,486 --> 00:32:32,125
I mean, it's worth saying,
you did look a lot at that dick.
655
00:32:32,126 --> 00:32:34,045
You kept going back for more.
656
00:32:34,046 --> 00:32:37,085
I thought, you know, it's a nice
dick, why not have a look at it?
657
00:32:37,086 --> 00:32:40,565
It's not very often you get to see
a dick that much.
658
00:32:40,566 --> 00:32:43,245
I'm relaxed, I'm a comfortable guy,
I'm comfortable with my sexuality.
659
00:32:43,246 --> 00:32:46,085
If I want to look at a dick,
I'll look at a dick.
660
00:32:46,086 --> 00:32:48,766
Yeah, Rob! That's beautiful!
661
00:32:52,086 --> 00:32:54,326
And just to prove
we were not lying...
662
00:32:56,286 --> 00:32:57,965
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
663
00:32:57,966 --> 00:33:00,445
That's a point to Rob, everyone!
Point to Rob!
664
00:33:00,446 --> 00:33:02,646
We'll see you after the break!
665
00:33:10,875 --> 00:33:13,315
APPLAUSE
666
00:33:16,955 --> 00:33:18,994
Welcome back to 8 Out Of 10 Cats.
667
00:33:18,995 --> 00:33:21,274
And The Winner Is, is the name
of our final round.
668
00:33:21,275 --> 00:33:22,155
Here is your question.
669
00:33:23,595 --> 00:33:25,954
What do you think?
BUZZER
670
00:33:25,955 --> 00:33:28,314
I'd love to be invisible,
but I wouldn't do anything.
671
00:33:28,315 --> 00:33:30,914
I would just lay on my sofa at home
and be left alone.
672
00:33:30,915 --> 00:33:33,434
I'd just lay there
and not be told to do anything.
673
00:33:33,435 --> 00:33:35,954
Oh, I can imagine the thing
you would do. What would I do?
674
00:33:35,955 --> 00:33:37,314
You'd go around.
675
00:33:37,315 --> 00:33:39,994
Go where? Go around in this
audience. Doing what?
676
00:33:39,995 --> 00:33:41,994
You'd be doing stuff.
677
00:33:41,995 --> 00:33:43,714
I know what you mean, Fred.
678
00:33:43,715 --> 00:33:48,114
Really the question is, what is
the SECOND thing I would do?
679
00:33:48,115 --> 00:33:50,315
They'd think the ladies
changing rooms were haunted.
680
00:33:51,995 --> 00:33:54,554
If you did do that, right,
which is obviously very creepy,
681
00:33:54,555 --> 00:33:57,514
but when you're invisible
you can still bump into people.
682
00:33:57,515 --> 00:33:59,314
Because after a while
they'd be like,
683
00:33:59,315 --> 00:34:02,754
"There's something wrong in that
changing room. I keep falling over."
684
00:34:02,755 --> 00:34:06,035
And just every so often we hear...
HE MOCKS JIMMY'S LAUGH
685
00:34:14,835 --> 00:34:16,874
Natasha,
what superpower would you have?
686
00:34:16,875 --> 00:34:19,234
If I could work out some sort
of superpower
687
00:34:19,235 --> 00:34:21,794
where I didn't have to go
to the toilet any more,
688
00:34:21,795 --> 00:34:24,835
I could just, like, ingest it
somehow, without it poisoning me.
689
00:34:26,515 --> 00:34:28,154
I just need it all the time.
690
00:34:28,155 --> 00:34:31,074
I'm a toilet woman. I honestly...
NISH LAUGHS
691
00:34:31,075 --> 00:34:34,074
I wake up in the morning sometimes
and think, today is not about
692
00:34:34,075 --> 00:34:37,074
what I have to do,
it's where my piss wants to go.
693
00:34:37,075 --> 00:34:39,795
That's called a
urine infection, babes.
694
00:34:41,795 --> 00:34:43,714
My dad, I was at home for Christmas.
695
00:34:43,715 --> 00:34:47,314
And I came on my period,
and my mum was like,
696
00:34:47,315 --> 00:34:49,674
"Can you go out,
when you go to the shops,
697
00:34:49,675 --> 00:34:51,394
"can you get some sanitary towels
for Tash?"
698
00:34:51,395 --> 00:34:54,194
And he brought me back TENA Lady,
699
00:34:54,195 --> 00:34:55,634
because he just saw them.
700
00:34:55,635 --> 00:34:58,034
But honestly, the best thing
I've ever been given.
701
00:34:58,035 --> 00:34:59,634
The best gift you've ever received.
702
00:34:59,635 --> 00:35:01,994
So he bought them by mistake
and you just leant into it?
703
00:35:01,995 --> 00:35:03,994
"Well, I'll use these."
It was just like...
704
00:35:03,995 --> 00:35:06,274
You can't fully let go
because it's too scary,
705
00:35:06,275 --> 00:35:07,875
but you can a little bit.
706
00:35:10,875 --> 00:35:12,914
You just didn't let it all hang out?
707
00:35:12,915 --> 00:35:15,514
When it's like, "I'll just let
that out," and then I have some time
708
00:35:15,515 --> 00:35:17,835
before I have to run to the toilet.
709
00:35:19,195 --> 00:35:21,914
There is a fine line between just
a little bit and self-loathing.
710
00:35:21,915 --> 00:35:24,314
I haven't got anyone.
I'm not in a relationship,
711
00:35:24,315 --> 00:35:26,314
I do what I bloody want.
712
00:35:26,315 --> 00:35:29,314
I think I wouldn't give up
my power to use...
713
00:35:29,315 --> 00:35:31,674
I do a lot of my best thinking
on the toilet.
714
00:35:31,675 --> 00:35:34,194
I have sit-down wees,
I don't mind admitting to it.
715
00:35:34,195 --> 00:35:36,194
Oh, come on. Do you hear that?
716
00:35:36,195 --> 00:35:40,074
They judged you more than
Natasha pissing herself.
717
00:35:40,075 --> 00:35:42,114
Whoa, whoa.
Let's press pause on all this.
718
00:35:42,115 --> 00:35:44,114
What do you mean you have
sit-down wees?
719
00:35:44,115 --> 00:35:46,394
Sometimes I have a sit-down wee.
I treat myself... Why?
720
00:35:46,395 --> 00:35:47,994
Because I'm not an animal.
721
00:35:47,995 --> 00:35:50,874
I treat myself to a sit-down wee.
Why should ladies have all the fun?
722
00:35:50,875 --> 00:35:52,434
Oh, I do that, too.
723
00:35:52,435 --> 00:35:54,794
That's right, because
you don't have to concentrate.
724
00:35:54,795 --> 00:35:56,714
Exactly! You just sit down
and relax.
725
00:35:56,715 --> 00:35:59,874
Concentrate? I don't need to
concentrate. It's hard having a wee.
726
00:35:59,875 --> 00:36:03,274
Like, I don't want to get into the
mechanics of it, but first thing
727
00:36:03,275 --> 00:36:06,394
in the morning, try and have
a piss - it goes everywhere.
728
00:36:06,395 --> 00:36:09,315
You have to aim! It's like
the mouth of your dick's yawning.
729
00:36:10,795 --> 00:36:13,714
Whoa! Fucking hell!
730
00:36:13,715 --> 00:36:16,154
And sometimes it goes like that.
731
00:36:16,155 --> 00:36:19,195
It goes like that. I can't do
that, I think that's a French thing.
732
00:36:26,475 --> 00:36:29,834
Sometimes on a night out, you know
when there's like 15 in a row,
733
00:36:29,835 --> 00:36:32,754
I will try and piss in all of them.
734
00:36:32,755 --> 00:36:34,354
Like, hold it and go.
735
00:36:34,355 --> 00:36:37,914
Has someone ever walked in as you're
doing a weird crab walk across?
736
00:36:37,915 --> 00:36:39,234
You've just got to own it.
737
00:36:39,235 --> 00:36:41,515
You go, "Mind out, mate,
I'm doing the full set."
738
00:36:49,075 --> 00:36:50,114
What do you think?
739
00:36:50,115 --> 00:36:51,714
People looking for employment now
740
00:36:51,715 --> 00:36:53,994
have to take
all of their pics off-line.
741
00:36:53,995 --> 00:36:55,554
Because I hire baby-sitters,
742
00:36:55,555 --> 00:36:58,634
and my first thing
is to go straight to their Instagram
743
00:36:58,635 --> 00:37:00,395
and see how big of a slut they are.
744
00:37:02,355 --> 00:37:03,834
Pick the slutty baby-sitters?
745
00:37:03,835 --> 00:37:06,314
I pick the sluttiest baby-sitter.
I don't want her leaving me
746
00:37:06,315 --> 00:37:07,714
for a better job.
JOHNNY SNEEZES
747
00:37:07,715 --> 00:37:10,074
No, I have a lovely baby-sitter.
748
00:37:10,075 --> 00:37:12,034
Johnny,
have you sneezed on your jumper?
749
00:37:12,035 --> 00:37:13,514
Come here.
750
00:37:13,515 --> 00:37:14,995
ALL: Urgh!
751
00:37:16,275 --> 00:37:19,074
I did not want to interrupt
the conversation over there,
752
00:37:19,075 --> 00:37:21,834
so I was going, "Ahh... choo!"
753
00:37:21,835 --> 00:37:24,194
I was doing such a half-sneeze.
754
00:37:24,195 --> 00:37:27,595
You've never not wanted to interrupt
a conversation in your life.
755
00:37:29,115 --> 00:37:31,474
I got a sneezing fit. I apologise.
756
00:37:31,475 --> 00:37:34,834
I just was turning round
and going, "Blaahh..."
757
00:37:34,835 --> 00:37:36,754
And not trying to make a noise.
758
00:37:36,755 --> 00:37:39,034
Anna. Yeah? Starting a new job...
759
00:37:39,035 --> 00:37:41,555
No, hang on! I had a sneezing fit.
760
00:37:42,875 --> 00:37:45,234
I had a genuine sneezing fit.
761
00:37:45,235 --> 00:37:47,754
I was turning round,
trying to sneeze quietly,
762
00:37:47,755 --> 00:37:52,554
I did it more on the left, the right
is still quite heavily congested.
763
00:37:52,555 --> 00:37:55,834
But there's nothing
I can do about that.
764
00:37:55,835 --> 00:37:57,555
I don't know why it came on.
765
00:37:59,475 --> 00:38:01,875
Just wanted to be part of the team.
766
00:38:03,755 --> 00:38:06,114
Anna. Yes? Anna...
767
00:38:06,115 --> 00:38:07,914
It's all right,
I'll take my inner T-shirt
768
00:38:07,915 --> 00:38:10,234
and blow my fucking nose.
KATHERINE: No, don't...
769
00:38:10,235 --> 00:38:12,195
ALL: Urgh!
770
00:38:15,075 --> 00:38:18,234
Well, that must be... You've now got
some sort of chest oyster.
771
00:38:18,235 --> 00:38:20,435
No, it's all right.
I'm back in the game.
772
00:38:23,755 --> 00:38:26,154
ROB: Is it holding in a fart?
773
00:38:26,155 --> 00:38:28,915
Yeah. Sorry, do you need me
to pull your finger?
774
00:38:32,035 --> 00:38:33,994
I... I vouch for that. Especially...
775
00:38:33,995 --> 00:38:36,354
Do you know what
a Dutch oven is? Yes.
776
00:38:36,355 --> 00:38:38,114
I feel like I really don't want
that to be a recipe
777
00:38:38,115 --> 00:38:40,114
in your new book, Liam.
778
00:38:40,115 --> 00:38:42,034
I like a good fart,
especially, like,
779
00:38:42,035 --> 00:38:45,154
the loud ones that have loads
of depth of, like, smell and that.
780
00:38:45,155 --> 00:38:46,434
So I can't...
781
00:38:46,435 --> 00:38:48,834
It's honestly like you're
describing a loaf right now.
782
00:38:48,835 --> 00:38:50,714
This is the idea.
OK, please go on.
783
00:38:50,715 --> 00:38:53,474
Yeah, so I normally like top
and tail with my pals or whatever
784
00:38:53,475 --> 00:38:54,714
if they stay at mine,
785
00:38:54,715 --> 00:38:57,514
so I can't really fart that much
if they stay in my bed.
786
00:38:57,515 --> 00:38:59,834
When your friends stay over,
you top and tail? Yeah.
787
00:38:59,835 --> 00:39:01,195
That's called a 69, Liam.
788
00:39:05,235 --> 00:39:07,874
Because my bed is pretty big, innit,
so I'm not like,
789
00:39:07,875 --> 00:39:09,274
"Oh, you can stay on my sofa,"
790
00:39:09,275 --> 00:39:11,034
because my sofa's a bit tired now.
791
00:39:11,035 --> 00:39:12,754
Have you not got a floor?
792
00:39:12,755 --> 00:39:14,594
Yeah, but who wants to sleep
on the floor?
793
00:39:14,595 --> 00:39:17,794
I'd rather that than your
stinky arse in my face.
794
00:39:17,795 --> 00:39:19,314
How does your sofa get tired?
795
00:39:19,315 --> 00:39:22,955
I mean, what does it do all day?
LAUGHTER
796
00:39:29,595 --> 00:39:31,514
Holding it in does hurt as well.
797
00:39:31,515 --> 00:39:33,354
Holding it...
I went on a flight once
798
00:39:33,355 --> 00:39:35,634
with somebody that
I didn't know very well
799
00:39:35,635 --> 00:39:37,394
and I held it in the whole flight.
800
00:39:37,395 --> 00:39:39,754
I got there and I thought
I was dying.
801
00:39:39,755 --> 00:39:42,274
I genuinely was doubled over
in pain from the wind
802
00:39:42,275 --> 00:39:44,554
that I'd accumulated
whilst in the air.
803
00:39:44,555 --> 00:39:46,554
Are you sure you're pregnant?
804
00:39:46,555 --> 00:39:49,634
When you first start seeing someone
and you're staying over,
805
00:39:49,635 --> 00:39:51,914
you don't really want
to fart in bed with them.
806
00:39:51,915 --> 00:39:52,795
Like, you have to hold it in.
807
00:39:52,796 --> 00:39:54,714
I remember I tried to hold
it in for hours and hours
808
00:39:54,715 --> 00:39:57,074
and it was, well, I'm going
to have to go to the toilet.
809
00:39:57,075 --> 00:39:59,354
It was a flat share, but she had
an en-suite room and I was like,
810
00:39:59,355 --> 00:40:00,394
"How am I going to do this?"
811
00:40:00,395 --> 00:40:02,194
So what I did,
and I still use it to this day,
812
00:40:02,195 --> 00:40:04,594
if you just pull
your arse cheeks open,
813
00:40:04,595 --> 00:40:06,795
it just sort of whistles out of you.
814
00:40:08,195 --> 00:40:12,035
It feels like you're deflating,
like "Sssssssss..."
815
00:40:14,035 --> 00:40:15,674
It went on for ages.
816
00:40:15,675 --> 00:40:18,795
I nearly woke her up and go, "You're
going to have to listen to this!"
817
00:40:22,435 --> 00:40:24,714
OK, top superpower,
what do you think?
818
00:40:24,715 --> 00:40:26,514
I'd like to suddenly be white.
819
00:40:26,515 --> 00:40:29,594
Like, cos... sometimes
you go to parts of the country
820
00:40:29,595 --> 00:40:32,074
and everyone's looking at you
and you'd just like to be able to
821
00:40:32,075 --> 00:40:34,315
press a button and be like,
"Hi, Nick Cooper."
822
00:40:37,075 --> 00:40:40,354
I work in accounts
and wear red socks.
823
00:40:40,355 --> 00:40:43,715
Ha ha ha ha! Let's play bridge.
824
00:40:46,435 --> 00:40:47,674
BUZZER
825
00:40:47,675 --> 00:40:48,955
Smelly helmet?
826
00:40:52,275 --> 00:40:54,914
I was going to say burping.
That is outrageous!
827
00:40:54,915 --> 00:40:56,714
That mime's amazing!
828
00:40:56,715 --> 00:40:59,235
Well, I suppose the equivalent
for boys is disco fanny.
829
00:41:02,355 --> 00:41:05,514
I heard someone describe it
once as being a bit gamey.
830
00:41:05,515 --> 00:41:07,914
Gamey?!
831
00:41:07,915 --> 00:41:09,675
Not mine! Not mine!
832
00:41:10,995 --> 00:41:13,554
TOM: Have you ever seen
the Great Wall Of Vagina?
833
00:41:13,555 --> 00:41:15,554
Yes! Isn't it beautiful?
834
00:41:15,555 --> 00:41:18,594
It's a wonderful work of art,
I think my favourite, actually,
835
00:41:18,595 --> 00:41:22,914
where about 70 vulvas
are cast in stone. Yes.
836
00:41:22,915 --> 00:41:24,034
Do you know what, Tom?
837
00:41:24,035 --> 00:41:26,474
If somebody had asked me to
guess your favourite work of art,
838
00:41:26,475 --> 00:41:28,114
that would not have been...!
839
00:41:28,115 --> 00:41:29,474
LAUGHTER
840
00:41:29,475 --> 00:41:31,834
You know, I think it's curious,
I think it's because
841
00:41:31,835 --> 00:41:34,635
I'm so familiar with the other,
I want to see it. Mm-hmm.
842
00:41:35,755 --> 00:41:37,315
Just, he keeps on giving!
843
00:41:38,835 --> 00:41:40,314
Do you know, whenever...
844
00:41:40,315 --> 00:41:43,394
Like, cos as women, we get our bits
looked at all the time, don't we?
845
00:41:43,395 --> 00:41:46,994
Like, nurses, gynaecologists, fuck
it, I'll let the window cleaner have
a look! Everyone.
846
00:41:46,995 --> 00:41:48,754
LAUGHTER
847
00:41:48,755 --> 00:41:52,034
Every time a nurse or a
gynaecologist has looked at my bits,
848
00:41:52,035 --> 00:41:54,394
they've told me
I've got a lovely cervix.
849
00:41:54,395 --> 00:41:57,914
I don't know what that means,
but I do know that in my life,
850
00:41:57,915 --> 00:41:59,914
I've been told my cervix is lovely
851
00:41:59,915 --> 00:42:02,115
way more than I've been told
my face is.
852
00:42:03,835 --> 00:42:05,394
Do they say that?
853
00:42:05,395 --> 00:42:08,314
"That's a lovely one. You could
eat your dinner off that!"
854
00:42:08,315 --> 00:42:11,034
I think it just means that
it's got good blood flow
855
00:42:11,035 --> 00:42:12,594
and it's sort of shiny.
856
00:42:12,595 --> 00:42:14,954
I used to be a nurse.
You can tell, can't you?
857
00:42:14,955 --> 00:42:17,234
You used to be a nurse?
Yeah. Wow. Yeah.
858
00:42:17,235 --> 00:42:18,834
I didn't know that. How fascinating.
859
00:42:18,835 --> 00:42:21,194
Have you seen
a lot of... a lot of them, then?
860
00:42:21,195 --> 00:42:24,274
Quite a lot, yeah. The most
disturbing thing I've ever seen is,
861
00:42:24,275 --> 00:42:26,714
it can happen sometimes, when people
get old,
862
00:42:26,715 --> 00:42:29,074
things get a little
bit... change place... I...
863
00:42:29,075 --> 00:42:31,594
I've seen a woman shit out
of her vagina, that's what...
864
00:42:31,595 --> 00:42:33,874
Oh!
865
00:42:33,875 --> 00:42:35,395
Katherine Ryan!
866
00:42:36,875 --> 00:42:39,075
Look, they got what they pay for.
867
00:42:40,395 --> 00:42:42,674
That wins.
That's worse than smelly helmet.
868
00:42:42,675 --> 00:42:44,514
LAUGHTER
869
00:42:44,515 --> 00:42:47,154
Funny story,
that's how it got smelly!
870
00:42:47,155 --> 00:42:49,274
LAUGHTER AND GROANS
871
00:42:49,275 --> 00:42:52,154
PAISLEY: Are you serious?!
I thank you.
872
00:42:52,155 --> 00:42:53,875
APPLAUSE
873
00:42:55,115 --> 00:42:57,594
Thanks to all our panellists,
our wonderful studio audience
874
00:42:57,595 --> 00:43:00,394
and to all of you watching at home.
That's it from us. Goodnight.
875
00:43:00,395 --> 00:43:03,434
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
876
00:43:03,435 --> 00:43:06,395
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