Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:08,600
This programme contains
strong language and adult humour
2
00:00:21,080 --> 00:00:22,999
Tonight on 8 Out Of 10 Cats...
3
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,959
Ding-dong, Emily on high -
4
00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:27,400
it's Emily Atack.
5
00:00:27,401 --> 00:00:29,359
Holidays are coming -
6
00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:31,279
it's Ola.
7
00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:34,719
And Rob Beckett, their team captain.
8
00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:37,080
And facing them tonight,
9
00:00:37,081 --> 00:00:39,720
he's a Christmas cracker -
it's Jamie Laing.
10
00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:43,280
Go Dasher, go Prancer -
11
00:00:43,281 --> 00:00:46,040
it's Natasia Demetriou,
12
00:00:46,041 --> 00:00:48,520
and Sara Pascoe,
their guest team captain.
13
00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:52,320
Now, welcome your host, Jimmy...
14
00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:56,719
..Carr!
15
00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:58,680
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
16
00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:03,760
Hello and welcome to the
8 Out Of 10 Cats Christmas Special,
17
00:01:03,761 --> 00:01:06,040
a show all about opinion polls,
surveys, statistics
18
00:01:06,041 --> 00:01:07,799
and of course, Christmas.
19
00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:09,559
CHEERING
20
00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:14,040
Did you know 8% of millennials are
offended by Christmas decorations?
21
00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:15,120
Snowflakes...
22
00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:18,400
..but also baubles and tinsel.
23
00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:22,240
A third of Brits think Lapland
is a fictional place.
24
00:01:22,241 --> 00:01:24,520
It's not, I've been,
and as strip clubs go,
25
00:01:24,521 --> 00:01:25,880
it's actually all right.
26
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:30,319
And one in four Brits don't think
snogging is cheating
27
00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:32,319
if it's under the mistletoe.
28
00:01:32,320 --> 00:01:34,640
But if that mistletoe is part
of a vajazzle,
29
00:01:34,641 --> 00:01:36,679
it's a different story.
30
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:38,240
Right, let's get started!
31
00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:46,999
What are you talking about?
32
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:48,599
That's the name of our first round.
33
00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:51,160
It's all panellists job to guess
the British public's top three
34
00:01:51,161 --> 00:01:53,079
favourite things about Christmas.
35
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:55,480
Rob Beckett, what do people
love about Christmas?
36
00:01:55,481 --> 00:01:57,760
The presents.
What's the best thing you ever got?
37
00:01:57,760 --> 00:01:58,680
Oh...
38
00:01:58,681 --> 00:02:00,200
Braces?
39
00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:05,200
It's hard, Christmas presents,
isn't it?
40
00:02:05,201 --> 00:02:07,560
Especially when you're married
and you've been with someone
41
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:08,999
a long time,
you've run out of ideas.
42
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:10,959
The best way, I think,
is throwing money at it.
43
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,480
Like last Christmas - I ended up
getting my wife three grand
44
00:02:13,481 --> 00:02:14,880
in used banknotes.
45
00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:17,719
That is a lovely gift.
46
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:20,600
Why did they have to be used
and how were they used?
47
00:02:20,601 --> 00:02:23,240
Cocaine, mainly.
48
00:02:23,241 --> 00:02:25,600
That's like calling your wife
a stripper, isn't it?
49
00:02:25,601 --> 00:02:27,960
Because you said
you're just throwing money...
50
00:02:27,961 --> 00:02:30,320
I don't just like... in her face like
that.
51
00:02:30,321 --> 00:02:33,040
I once had a really awkward thing
in a relationship where, you know,
52
00:02:33,041 --> 00:02:35,840
we've been together a few years,
you think you're in the same place,
53
00:02:35,841 --> 00:02:38,200
so I bought us
a holiday to Barbados
54
00:02:38,201 --> 00:02:41,279
and he bought me
an electric toothbrush.
55
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:43,279
And, yeah, it was a very tense
day.
56
00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:45,640
At the time, he felt very
embarrassed about it,
57
00:02:45,641 --> 00:02:47,359
but then actually
it was a good lesson.
58
00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:49,720
We went on holiday for a week
and we had an amazing time
59
00:02:49,721 --> 00:02:52,000
but the toothbrush was something
that I used every single
60
00:02:52,001 --> 00:02:53,759
day to masturbate.
61
00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:56,160
And so, in a way, a great gift.
62
00:02:56,161 --> 00:02:59,519
You can... And people don't even
worry about why it's in your bag.
63
00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:02,440
You can take it on holiday
with you. It's a great gift.
64
00:03:02,441 --> 00:03:06,760
And the other great thing is,
ladies, minty fresh vagina. Exactly!
65
00:03:06,761 --> 00:03:07,839
Exactly.
66
00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:10,240
Ola, best gift you've ever given.
67
00:03:10,241 --> 00:03:12,880
There was one year I actually
decided I was going to try and do
68
00:03:12,881 --> 00:03:15,560
Christmas like other people and
I bought everybody in the family
69
00:03:15,561 --> 00:03:17,840
a foot spa, but like half
of my family members
70
00:03:17,841 --> 00:03:19,479
just didn't take it home with them.
71
00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:22,160
Slightly weird at your house then
if you've you got six foot spas.
72
00:03:22,161 --> 00:03:24,640
You know what you could do?
Open up a place in the high street,
73
00:03:24,641 --> 00:03:26,119
all we need is couple of goldfish -
74
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:27,759
you know those things
where people...?
75
00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:29,359
Oh, yeah, the fish nibble
off the skin.
76
00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:31,239
Yeah, charge people £20 a go.
Lovely.
77
00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:33,600
You know those are really bad,
those fish things? Why?
78
00:03:33,601 --> 00:03:35,319
The fish don't
even get a lunch break.
79
00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:36,759
We'll they're having a lunch.
80
00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:38,719
They just keep on. 24/7.
They just keep going.
81
00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:41,560
It's actually against the
EU working time directive.
82
00:03:41,561 --> 00:03:44,000
They are very much remain,
those fish.
83
00:03:44,001 --> 00:03:46,280
Emily... best gift?
84
00:03:46,281 --> 00:03:47,999
Well, I don't know about Christmas,
85
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,320
but someone keeps sending butt
plugs to my house.
86
00:03:50,321 --> 00:03:51,919
SARA GASPS
87
00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:53,439
And they're changing each month.
88
00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:56,040
They not really kind of minimal...
Oh, I've got that with socks -
89
00:03:56,041 --> 00:03:58,400
where they send you a new pair
of socks every month.
90
00:03:58,401 --> 00:04:01,200
Well, you can't shove socks
up your arse. You can.
91
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:05,800
It's the weirdest thing and my dad
came round the other day
92
00:04:05,801 --> 00:04:08,760
and he was fixing something for me
and he pulled this drawer open,
93
00:04:08,761 --> 00:04:11,040
and this butt plug rolled out
on the floor, and he went,
94
00:04:11,041 --> 00:04:13,320
"What's that?"
95
00:04:13,321 --> 00:04:15,280
So you've kept the butt plugs...?
96
00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:18,760
It'd be a waste not to.
97
00:04:18,761 --> 00:04:21,160
Who had four minutes
for the butt plug conversation?
98
00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:24,439
What about you, Natasia?
99
00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:28,519
I have a half-Cypriot father
and he really comes in to his own
100
00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:30,800
because everything that he does
wrong is amplified more
101
00:04:30,801 --> 00:04:32,399
by the fact that it's Christmas.
102
00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:36,960
So he often wraps me up some
of his clothes and gives them to me.
103
00:04:36,961 --> 00:04:38,919
He's like...
CYPRIOT ACCENT: "It's very nice.
104
00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:41,400
"It's very comfortable. I've had
lots of lovely wear out of it.
105
00:04:41,401 --> 00:04:42,560
"Now it's your turn."
106
00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:46,200
What's the best thing he's ever
given you? A vest.
107
00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:49,519
He gave you a vest?!
He gave me his vest.
108
00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:52,040
He was like, "It keeps me so warm
and I am worrying about you
109
00:04:52,041 --> 00:04:54,480
"not keeping warm.
I can't help you everywhere.
110
00:04:54,481 --> 00:04:57,759
"So here's my vest."
And it's brown. It's brown there.
111
00:04:57,760 --> 00:04:59,439
AUDIENCE GROAN
112
00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:02,040
Sometimes if he's in a bad mood,
because Christmas is so...
113
00:05:02,041 --> 00:05:03,839
You never know
what's going to happen.
114
00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:06,160
Once he just chucked
a fiver at me and went,
115
00:05:06,161 --> 00:05:07,840
"Merry fucking Christmas."
116
00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:12,120
Now, some people say
kids aren't grateful,
117
00:05:12,121 --> 00:05:15,199
but take a look at this kid -
he really is dead.
118
00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:18,559
Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Dad!
119
00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:21,200
What?!
120
00:05:21,201 --> 00:05:25,440
Is it the Doctor? Oh, my God,
I wished for this! Seriously!
121
00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:29,680
It's the one! It's the one!
122
00:05:29,681 --> 00:05:31,399
Oh, my goodness!
123
00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:35,119
You know what, Dad? I'm too lucky!
124
00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:38,799
Oh, my God! YES!
125
00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:42,279
HE SCREAMS
126
00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:44,880
iPad Mini!
127
00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:52,919
That is sweet.
128
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:56,919
I'll be honest, Sara, I don't even
think you should give kids cocaine.
129
00:05:56,920 --> 00:06:02,119
His poor sister in the background
wishing she was an only child.
130
00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:03,559
People always go like,
131
00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:05,920
"The kids...
HE SNORTS
132
00:06:05,921 --> 00:06:07,959
"..They like the boxes more
than the actual presents
133
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:10,880
"on Christmas, don't they?"
No!
134
00:06:10,881 --> 00:06:14,159
Imagine wrapping up 15 empty
boxes and giving them to your kids -
135
00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:16,920
they'd be fuming.
136
00:06:16,921 --> 00:06:18,879
I remember I was about
nine years old
137
00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:21,280
and I was sitting in my bed
and I was awake
138
00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:23,239
because I was excited
for Santa Claus to come
139
00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:26,919
and my uncle walked in naked
with the sack over his shoulder.
140
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,280
And walked in and went,
"Oh, hello."
141
00:06:29,281 --> 00:06:32,280
I went, "What's that?"
And he went, "It's your presents."
142
00:06:32,281 --> 00:06:35,280
And he walked out again and I went,
"Well, that's it, it's done."
143
00:06:35,281 --> 00:06:38,479
You're really, really,
really lucky you were awake.
144
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:40,680
Number one.
145
00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:47,639
That's his alibi over his shoulder.
146
00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:49,520
It was full of lube...
147
00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:54,320
At least there was lube.
148
00:06:54,321 --> 00:06:56,680
Ola, what's the best
thing you ever got?
149
00:06:56,681 --> 00:06:58,359
Oh, well, my mum's version
of Christmas gifts
150
00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:00,720
was paying our school fees.
151
00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:02,639
That's what it is -
when you grow up
152
00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:05,000
with a British Nigerian household,
153
00:07:05,001 --> 00:07:07,840
you just get reminded
of what you've already got.
154
00:07:07,841 --> 00:07:09,679
And that's why I went
on to study accounting.
155
00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:13,080
You studied accounting. Well, where
were you when I needed you?
156
00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:23,919
OK, let's have a look and see
if presents are up there.
157
00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:26,160
Yes, it's Christmas presents!
158
00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:29,920
Last year, I got my girlfriend
a puppy for Christmas.
159
00:07:29,921 --> 00:07:32,640
It was so cute. I even put it in
a little box with a big bow on it.
160
00:07:32,641 --> 00:07:34,840
My mistake was sending it
second class.
161
00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:38,399
I like unusual presents.
162
00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:40,760
Last year, I bought my nan
a lifetime supply
163
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:43,120
of Werther's Originals,
which turned out to be
164
00:07:43,121 --> 00:07:45,880
three packets of
Werther's Originals.
165
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:53,120
What else do people
love about Christmas?
166
00:07:53,121 --> 00:07:55,920
OK, I think people love the food -
they love the Christmas dinner,
167
00:07:55,921 --> 00:07:58,960
all of the chocolates and the
drinking and the gluttony, yeah.
168
00:07:58,961 --> 00:08:01,240
I'm not a big fan.
You don't like Christmas dinner?
169
00:08:01,241 --> 00:08:02,519
I think it's overrated.
170
00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:04,920
So if it's rated, most people
would give Christmas dinner
171
00:08:04,921 --> 00:08:07,280
nine and a half out of ten.
Why? What would you give it?
172
00:08:07,281 --> 00:08:09,640
25 out of ten. Yeah.
It's the best meal of the year.
173
00:08:09,641 --> 00:08:12,080
No, it's not better than
shepherd's pie.
174
00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:16,999
Are you saying shepherd's pie
is better than Christmas dinner?
175
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,360
You've mashed up a roast dinner.
176
00:08:19,361 --> 00:08:22,040
You've mashed it up and put it in
a dish and you think that's better?
177
00:08:22,041 --> 00:08:24,800
Honestly, shepherd's pie
is unbelievable.
178
00:08:24,801 --> 00:08:27,000
Also... We've all heard shepherd's
pie, mate.
179
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,720
Christmas dinner - roast potatoes,
fine, they're a bit dry.
180
00:08:31,721 --> 00:08:32,999
You've got turkey, it's dry.
181
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,360
You've got Brussel sprouts,
no-one likes them.
182
00:08:35,361 --> 00:08:37,720
So you're saying a badly cooked
Christmas dinner is bad?
183
00:08:37,721 --> 00:08:40,000
No! Even a goodly...
A goodly cooked one.
184
00:08:40,001 --> 00:08:41,959
A goodly cooked one!
185
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:44,440
Goodly cooked one!
Are you now in Dickens?
186
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:46,920
Yeah!
187
00:08:46,921 --> 00:08:49,720
The bread sauce can do one,
I do agree with that. What?!
188
00:08:49,721 --> 00:08:54,120
Bread sauce is the best bit.
Oh, fuck off, shepherd's pie.
189
00:08:54,121 --> 00:08:58,840
Bread sauce is like porridge
for arseholes. Yeah.
190
00:08:58,841 --> 00:09:01,440
Pigs in blankets, do you like them?
They're lovely, they're fine.
191
00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:02,919
Pigs in blankets it strikes me...
192
00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:05,280
I mean, it's the very opposite of
being vegan, isn't it?
193
00:09:05,281 --> 00:09:07,640
To me... We've taken meat,
wrapped it in another bit of meat.
194
00:09:07,641 --> 00:09:11,239
Yep, and it looks like the pigs
trying to themselves back together.
195
00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:13,440
Get revenge on everyone.
It's really creepy.
196
00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:19,640
I don't get on board with this bird
inside a bird, inside a bird...
197
00:09:19,641 --> 00:09:22,400
Some of them do that seven birds...
Yeah, that's...
198
00:09:22,401 --> 00:09:24,880
I don't even know how many birds!
No.
199
00:09:24,881 --> 00:09:27,999
Can you name seven birds?
Woodpecker, budgie, pigeon...
200
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,800
Robin, robin!
Kingfisher.
201
00:09:30,801 --> 00:09:33,080
Also, anyone who wants to shove...
202
00:09:33,081 --> 00:09:35,320
..How big are these birds arses?
203
00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:39,119
Interestingly,
they don't have sphincters
204
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,720
and that's why they just poo
when they're flying around.
205
00:09:41,721 --> 00:09:43,439
That's why it just drops out.
206
00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:46,599
Sorry, but maybe I don't have
a sphincter.
207
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:48,960
Why do you think you don't
have a sphincter?
208
00:09:48,961 --> 00:09:51,240
Well, because it just like...
It just falls out of me.
209
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:56,000
Welcome to Christmas, everyone.
What?
210
00:09:56,001 --> 00:10:01,199
I went round to a date's house
two days before Christmas and...
211
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:03,159
Anyway, I woke up in the morning
and I was like...
212
00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:04,679
And I was naked in bed.
213
00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:07,040
And I was like, "Oh, my God!"
We were just very hungover.
214
00:10:07,041 --> 00:10:09,400
There was a knock at the door.
I was like, "Who's that?!"
215
00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:11,199
She said, "It's my mum."
"Why's your mum here?"
216
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,079
"Because it's my house."
I went, "Oh, my God!"
217
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:15,440
And I saw my boxers on the ground.
I'll show you.
218
00:10:15,441 --> 00:10:16,959
I quickly went like this
and put them on.
219
00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:19,320
I went, "Oh!" And the mum walked in
and I was standing there
220
00:10:19,321 --> 00:10:21,840
being super charismatic,
talking to the mum and the daughter
221
00:10:21,841 --> 00:10:24,440
and they were looking at me weirdly.
I was like, "What the fuck?"
222
00:10:24,441 --> 00:10:26,159
And I looked down and they were
inside out
223
00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:28,600
and I had skid marks
running all the way up.
224
00:10:28,601 --> 00:10:31,160
GROANING AND APPLAUSE
225
00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:36,320
There we go.
That's so horrible.
226
00:10:36,321 --> 00:10:37,959
Ola? Yeah? Christmas dinner?
227
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:42,440
A lot of the Nigerians go back
to Nigeria for Christmas.
228
00:10:42,441 --> 00:10:45,080
So there was one Christmas I was in
Nigeria, it's Christmas Eve,
229
00:10:45,081 --> 00:10:47,360
we were driving home with
a live turkey in the car.
230
00:10:47,361 --> 00:10:48,679
LAUGHTER
231
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:51,320
I don't see why that's funny.
232
00:10:51,321 --> 00:10:53,840
Wow - a live turkey in the car?
Yeah.
233
00:10:53,841 --> 00:10:55,359
Who killed it, then,
when you got home?
234
00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:56,679
Oh, you get someone to do it.
235
00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:58,960
There's are guys -
that's their job. All right.
236
00:10:58,961 --> 00:11:01,240
Like butchers.
237
00:11:01,241 --> 00:11:03,600
So you got to know you dinner?
238
00:11:03,601 --> 00:11:07,079
I think you should.
I think it's only polite.
239
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,079
Do you think he knew you
were going to eat him
240
00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:10,959
or he thought he was just,
like, in an Uber
241
00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:12,679
and then it had this terrible
ending?
242
00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:15,040
He thought he'd been
saved at the last minute.
243
00:11:15,041 --> 00:11:16,479
He thought it was like
a Disney movie -
244
00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:18,439
I'm going home with him, I can't
believe my luck!
245
00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:20,800
I've made new friends.
Oh, don't!
246
00:11:20,801 --> 00:11:23,080
You could say at least I'm not
stuffing another five birds
247
00:11:23,081 --> 00:11:24,840
up your arse.
248
00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:28,720
Emily - Christmas dinner,
what do you like?
249
00:11:28,721 --> 00:11:30,439
Oh, I love it all,
I absolutely love it.
250
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,800
But my favourite bit
is the cheese board afterwards.
251
00:11:32,801 --> 00:11:35,160
I once ate a whole wheel
of brie at Christmas
252
00:11:35,161 --> 00:11:36,959
and then drank a bottle
of Baileys.
253
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:40,079
Was the rest of your family just
staring at you as this happened?
254
00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:41,799
I love cheese so much.
255
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:44,160
You know how people have the cheese
and crackers?
256
00:11:44,161 --> 00:11:47,559
I just have cheese on another slab
of cheese and a bit of chutney.
257
00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:48,719
Yeah. Gorgeous.
258
00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:51,080
I mean, you cannot attack
a full brie without chut.
259
00:11:51,081 --> 00:11:54,319
Without chut! You know, that's what
they call it down the old East End.
260
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,919
The brie and the chut.
261
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:58,120
Again, it's overrated, isn't it?
No, it's not!
262
00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:02,400
What's better for you?
Banoffee pie.
263
00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,359
It's a good pie.
264
00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:08,720
I think science should
experiment on you.
265
00:12:08,721 --> 00:12:10,759
It's not! If someone put cheese in
front of you and said,
266
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:13,560
"Would you like that or would you
like banoffee pie or banana split,"
267
00:12:13,561 --> 00:12:15,239
you'd pick the other
two in a heartbeat.
268
00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:17,600
If someone put shepherd's pie
or a Christmas dinner,
269
00:12:17,601 --> 00:12:19,960
you'd pick the shepherd's pie.
No, you wouldn't! Yes, you would.
270
00:12:19,961 --> 00:12:21,279
No-one agrees with you.
271
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:23,640
I don't think you're qualified to
talk about this
272
00:12:23,641 --> 00:12:25,320
because you can't even
wipe your own arse.
273
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,720
So...
274
00:12:30,721 --> 00:12:33,919
..I don't think we have
to take that seriously.
275
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:37,199
OK, let's have a look and see
if it's up there.
276
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,400
Most popular thing, yes -
Christmas dinner.
277
00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:44,559
Turkey has been a traditional part
of Christmas since Victorian times.
278
00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:47,639
What people don't realise
is just how versatile Turkey can be.
279
00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:51,360
You can serve it pink, tasteless,
dry, undercooked, or burnt.
280
00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,640
That's it for part one.
See you after the break.
281
00:13:05,725 --> 00:13:07,605
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
282
00:13:09,765 --> 00:13:12,605
Welcome back to 8 Out Of 10 Cats
where we're still trying to guess
283
00:13:12,606 --> 00:13:15,205
the British public's top-three
favourite things about Christmas.
284
00:13:15,206 --> 00:13:17,565
OK. Fingers on buzzers. Rob.
285
00:13:17,566 --> 00:13:19,845
Is it the decorations?
Do you go all out?
286
00:13:19,846 --> 00:13:21,764
I do, but I'm getting a bit annoyed.
287
00:13:21,765 --> 00:13:25,284
Like, who put garden
centres in charge of Christmas?
288
00:13:25,285 --> 00:13:27,645
LAUGHTER
"Oh, do you want to go
289
00:13:27,646 --> 00:13:29,364
"and see Santa?" "Yeah.
Oh, where is it? Lapland?
290
00:13:29,365 --> 00:13:30,884
"A toy shop?" "No. Garden centre."
291
00:13:30,885 --> 00:13:33,765
You know, get the tree,
fair enough.
292
00:13:33,766 --> 00:13:36,125
But, like, "Oh, do you want
to see and see reindeer?"
293
00:13:36,126 --> 00:13:38,084
"Yeah, is it the zoo?"
"No. Garden centre."
294
00:13:38,085 --> 00:13:40,645
"Do you want to go and see
a massive sad animatronic polar bear
295
00:13:40,646 --> 00:13:43,165
"doing that?" "Oh, yeah. Where we
going?" "Garden centre."
296
00:13:43,166 --> 00:13:45,565
LAUGHTER
It's a disgrace.
297
00:13:45,566 --> 00:13:48,245
The thing about the Christmas trees
is, I mean, you can go and buy one
298
00:13:48,246 --> 00:13:50,965
or you can go and cut one down
yourself, but it doesn't go well.
299
00:13:50,966 --> 00:13:53,365
Toddlers, Christmas trees -
they don't mix. Take a look.
300
00:13:58,485 --> 00:14:01,405
Lexi, out of the way, please. Lexi!
301
00:14:01,405 --> 00:14:02,365
LEXI!
302
00:14:04,085 --> 00:14:06,285
LAUGHTER
Lexi.
303
00:14:07,845 --> 00:14:10,125
Oh, it's Lucas!
I thought it was Lexi.
304
00:14:10,125 --> 00:14:11,085
Is he OK?
305
00:14:13,685 --> 00:14:15,524
Oh!
306
00:14:15,525 --> 00:14:17,405
Help him!
307
00:14:20,885 --> 00:14:24,084
LAUGHTER
308
00:14:24,085 --> 00:14:26,005
Good job, Aidan.
309
00:14:31,685 --> 00:14:34,405
That is the worst parenting ever.
310
00:14:34,406 --> 00:14:39,045
Doesn't stop filming, doesn't help,
doesn't even know the name. Yeah.
311
00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:42,005
Imagine if the last words you ever
heard were your parents
312
00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:44,325
calling you your sibling's name.
313
00:14:44,326 --> 00:14:45,924
I'm not Cheryl.
314
00:14:45,925 --> 00:14:48,325
Christmas is dangerous,
though, innit?
315
00:14:48,326 --> 00:14:49,804
You do dangerous things. Yeah.
316
00:14:49,805 --> 00:14:53,804
We went ice skating
at the fucking garden centre!
317
00:14:53,805 --> 00:14:57,284
All right, Rob. All right!
It's Christmas. Just be nice.
318
00:14:57,285 --> 00:14:58,724
You know why I'm angry?
319
00:14:58,725 --> 00:15:01,045
My wife's banned tinsel.
320
00:15:01,046 --> 00:15:02,484
Said it's a bit chavvy.
321
00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:05,604
I worry she's going to ban me
next year.
322
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,965
Yeah, I think that's an issue
I have with my wife as well.
323
00:15:07,966 --> 00:15:10,325
I like the classy stuff
and she likes the tacky stuff.
324
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:12,605
Yeah. So there was this house
that had all these really tacky
325
00:15:12,606 --> 00:15:14,965
and really over-the-top lights.
326
00:15:14,966 --> 00:15:17,325
So I had to take her and
my daughter to go see them,
327
00:15:17,326 --> 00:15:20,005
go stand outside someone
else's house at night. And...
328
00:15:20,006 --> 00:15:22,004
But they had a box there.
329
00:15:22,005 --> 00:15:24,685
Like, if you like the lights,
you can donate to this charity
330
00:15:24,686 --> 00:15:26,284
that helps polar bears.
331
00:15:26,285 --> 00:15:28,765
And I thought to myself,
"OK, so they're dying
332
00:15:28,766 --> 00:15:30,644
"because the sea levels are rising
333
00:15:30,645 --> 00:15:33,005
"cos of global warming
and climate change,
334
00:15:33,006 --> 00:15:35,765
"probably because you kept
all these lights on." Yeah!
335
00:15:35,766 --> 00:15:37,164
LAUGHTER
336
00:15:37,165 --> 00:15:39,605
OK, some Christmas decorations,
very impressive.
337
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:42,325
Some make you never want to
meet the people responsible.
Have a look at this.
338
00:15:42,326 --> 00:15:43,924
# Christmas season
339
00:15:43,925 --> 00:15:45,724
# Starting sooner every year
340
00:15:45,725 --> 00:15:47,204
# It's October
341
00:15:47,205 --> 00:15:48,884
# Stores with plastic Christmas
trees
342
00:15:48,885 --> 00:15:50,484
# Ransack the mall
343
00:15:50,485 --> 00:15:52,164
# Shop until you lose your mind
344
00:15:52,165 --> 00:15:53,764
# Spike the eggnog
345
00:15:53,765 --> 00:15:55,724
# Sit back and watch Rudolph, Frosty
Tiny Tim
346
00:15:55,725 --> 00:15:56,804
# And Scrooge
The Grinch
347
00:15:56,805 --> 00:15:57,884
# Or Charlie Brown
348
00:15:57,885 --> 00:16:00,765
# It's time. #
349
00:16:04,925 --> 00:16:07,565
If that's your house, fuck off.
350
00:16:07,566 --> 00:16:08,604
LAUGHTER
351
00:16:08,605 --> 00:16:11,445
My dad gets decorations from...
352
00:16:11,446 --> 00:16:13,084
I honestly don't know where.
353
00:16:13,085 --> 00:16:16,484
He was like, "I got you some very
special little birdies for the tree,
354
00:16:16,485 --> 00:16:19,764
"they're very sweet little birdies,"
and they are like... honestly,
355
00:16:19,765 --> 00:16:22,125
their claws are made of black wire
356
00:16:22,126 --> 00:16:26,124
and their eyeballs are hanging out
on, like, small sticks,
357
00:16:26,125 --> 00:16:27,564
and they're like that.
358
00:16:27,565 --> 00:16:30,205
So do you go visit him in Broadmoor
for Christmas?
359
00:16:31,845 --> 00:16:34,765
What is the weirdest thing that's
happened in your house at Christmas?
360
00:16:34,766 --> 00:16:37,485
My dad pooed himself on
Christmas morning.
361
00:16:38,645 --> 00:16:41,245
It was honestly one of the funniest,
but, like, saddest things.
362
00:16:41,246 --> 00:16:43,605
It was Christmas morning
and my dad had taken the dogs
363
00:16:43,606 --> 00:16:47,324
for a walk and he came in, sort of
stormed into the kitchen
364
00:16:47,325 --> 00:16:49,645
and my mum went,
"Oh, I'll put the kettle on,"
365
00:16:49,646 --> 00:16:51,164
or something really sweet,
366
00:16:51,165 --> 00:16:53,645
and he went "Fuck off, bitch."
367
00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:55,925
And I was like, "Dad,
don't talk to Mum like that.
368
00:16:55,926 --> 00:16:56,964
"It's Christmas morning."
369
00:16:56,965 --> 00:16:58,924
And he went, "Yeah,
but how would you feel
370
00:16:58,925 --> 00:17:01,605
"if you fell over in the park
and then pooed your knickers?"
371
00:17:06,005 --> 00:17:08,365
How does he make shitting
yourself adorable?
372
00:17:08,366 --> 00:17:10,925
Also, the fact that he had
knickers on.
373
00:17:12,685 --> 00:17:15,485
Well, I can tell you, Christmas
decorations are not on the list,
374
00:17:15,486 --> 00:17:19,284
but many houses in Nottingham
are lit up with flashing lights
during the Christmas period,
375
00:17:19,285 --> 00:17:21,765
mainly because there's a
police car parked outside.
376
00:17:23,205 --> 00:17:26,245
All right. Fingers on buzzers. What
else do people love about Christmas?
377
00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:27,644
BUZZER
Go on.
378
00:17:27,645 --> 00:17:30,605
I think people love watching
all of the TV
379
00:17:30,606 --> 00:17:33,045
that's Christmassy, and
Christmas films and things.
380
00:17:33,046 --> 00:17:35,885
Oh, yeah, yeah. Christmas telly
is such a massive part of Christmas.
381
00:17:35,886 --> 00:17:37,484
It's basically a marathon.
382
00:17:37,485 --> 00:17:39,765
It's what makes you feel
Christmassy, isn't it?
383
00:17:39,766 --> 00:17:40,804
Favourite Christmas TV?
384
00:17:40,805 --> 00:17:43,325
I don't really watch the
Queen's Speech.
385
00:17:43,326 --> 00:17:45,605
I mean, it's like,
I find it really hard...
386
00:17:45,606 --> 00:17:47,404
I mean, I know there's posh,
387
00:17:47,405 --> 00:17:49,084
and then there's Queen posh,
388
00:17:49,085 --> 00:17:51,365
but I actually can't understand
what she's saying.
389
00:17:51,366 --> 00:17:52,604
It's just like...
390
00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:54,965
POSH ACCENT: Merry Christmas...
391
00:17:54,966 --> 00:18:02,964
INDISTINCT POSH ACCENT
392
00:18:02,965 --> 00:18:04,925
She sounds like a sad walkie talkie!
393
00:18:06,845 --> 00:18:10,004
You slightly look posh when you do
that. There's something... Yeah.
394
00:18:10,005 --> 00:18:12,365
But it's all in the teeth, posh.
395
00:18:12,366 --> 00:18:14,645
OK. Let me see the posh face.
OK, the posh, like...
396
00:18:14,646 --> 00:18:16,084
Oh, so, Jamie...
397
00:18:16,085 --> 00:18:20,445
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
398
00:18:20,446 --> 00:18:23,165
INDISTINCT
399
00:18:24,805 --> 00:18:27,765
That's actually a
really good impression.
400
00:18:27,766 --> 00:18:30,245
Are you 100% sure
Boris Johnson's not your dad?
401
00:18:30,246 --> 00:18:32,525
I dunno!
402
00:18:32,526 --> 00:18:34,805
OK. Favourite Christmas TV, Emily?
403
00:18:34,806 --> 00:18:36,244
I like that Snowman one, you know...
404
00:18:36,245 --> 00:18:38,605
I mean, it's a bit depressing,
though, isn't it,
405
00:18:38,606 --> 00:18:40,244
when he melts at the end?
Oh, it's sad. So sad.
406
00:18:40,245 --> 00:18:42,685
It's to teach children about death.
Like, that's its point.
407
00:18:42,686 --> 00:18:45,045
And that's the thing, when
you actually think about it,
408
00:18:45,046 --> 00:18:47,044
so much of Christmas TV
is absolutely miserable.
409
00:18:47,045 --> 00:18:49,405
All the soaps kill someone off,
all of the adverts
410
00:18:49,406 --> 00:18:51,765
are quite tear jerkers...
Strictly Christmas special,
411
00:18:51,766 --> 00:18:54,165
all the husbands have
left their wives.
412
00:18:54,166 --> 00:18:55,684
LAUGHTER
413
00:18:55,685 --> 00:18:58,525
I'm TV all the way at Christmas.
Like, Christmas Eve,
414
00:18:58,526 --> 00:19:01,485
my wife, like, sometimes suggests,
"Want to go to midnight mass?"
415
00:19:01,486 --> 00:19:04,525
No! Nothing good starts at midnight.
416
00:19:05,685 --> 00:19:08,325
Everyone always spoils
Christmas Day, as well, don't they,
417
00:19:08,326 --> 00:19:10,084
with getting too pissed
on Christmas Eve.
418
00:19:10,085 --> 00:19:12,525
I do this every time.
I go, "Right, I'm going out for one.
419
00:19:12,526 --> 00:19:14,084
"I'm going for one to the pub."
420
00:19:14,085 --> 00:19:17,684
Cut to stumbling in and you
end up in the Christmas tree.
421
00:19:17,685 --> 00:19:19,965
I don't think you can get too
drunk at Christmas.
422
00:19:19,966 --> 00:19:21,564
I think that's the beauty of it.
423
00:19:21,565 --> 00:19:23,925
Like, it hides every level
of alcoholism. Yeah.
424
00:19:23,926 --> 00:19:26,525
The fact you have to drink in
the morning and that's encouraged,
425
00:19:26,526 --> 00:19:29,325
and there's all these crazy drinks
you don't get at other times
of year.
426
00:19:29,326 --> 00:19:31,765
Crazy drinks you don't get at
other times of the year? Eggnog.
427
00:19:31,766 --> 00:19:33,204
What the frick is eggnog?
428
00:19:33,205 --> 00:19:35,565
Well, bring in the drinks.
429
00:19:35,566 --> 00:19:37,925
I got drinks for you.
I got Christmas drinks. Did you?
430
00:19:37,926 --> 00:19:40,205
Yeah, I've got Christmassy drinks.
Oh! This is so exciting.
431
00:19:40,206 --> 00:19:42,044
I've got here a turkeyball shot.
432
00:19:42,045 --> 00:19:45,324
No. So whose is whose? You're going
to have to have the egg...
We're both vegan.
433
00:19:45,325 --> 00:19:47,965
You can have the carrot one.
OK, I'm going to have the carrot.
434
00:19:47,966 --> 00:19:50,805
You can also have the red wine. OK.
I made my own mulled wine.
435
00:19:50,806 --> 00:19:53,165
Shall we share a little bit
of the...? Yeah, share the...
436
00:19:53,166 --> 00:19:54,724
Let's do eggnog first, over here.
437
00:19:54,725 --> 00:19:57,085
Try the eggnog. What is eggnog?
It's pretty good.
438
00:19:57,086 --> 00:19:58,884
It's egg, rum, nutmeg, milk,
double cream.
439
00:19:58,885 --> 00:20:00,564
Right. It's not a flake.
440
00:20:00,565 --> 00:20:02,925
It's not a flake. Cinnamon stick.
It's a cinnamon stick.
441
00:20:02,926 --> 00:20:05,405
It's bark. It's a cinnamon stick!
It's a cinnamon stick.
442
00:20:05,406 --> 00:20:07,284
It's tree bark.
443
00:20:07,285 --> 00:20:09,685
Shall we try the carrot juice?
So nice.
444
00:20:09,686 --> 00:20:12,725
Carrot juice, so carrot juice,
vodka, ginger ale...
445
00:20:12,726 --> 00:20:15,405
Taste it. Shit, that's really nice.
446
00:20:15,406 --> 00:20:18,644
OK. Let's try my family recipe
for mulled wine. Try it first.
447
00:20:18,645 --> 00:20:20,565
Oh, what the fuck? What is that?
448
00:20:22,325 --> 00:20:23,724
What have you done to her?
449
00:20:23,725 --> 00:20:25,284
No!
450
00:20:25,285 --> 00:20:26,885
What have I put in my mouth?
451
00:20:28,485 --> 00:20:30,765
What happened?
452
00:20:30,766 --> 00:20:32,444
That's gravy and wine!
453
00:20:32,445 --> 00:20:35,325
It's red wine, Marmite, Polos,
and a locket.
454
00:20:37,165 --> 00:20:38,765
My mouth!
455
00:20:41,045 --> 00:20:42,724
If you know what's in it,
456
00:20:42,725 --> 00:20:45,005
it's still disgusting.
457
00:20:45,006 --> 00:20:47,084
Still really disgusting!
458
00:20:47,085 --> 00:20:50,524
If you're pairing wines, that will
go lovely with the shepherd's pie.
459
00:20:50,525 --> 00:20:52,485
That is fucking horrible!
460
00:20:53,685 --> 00:20:54,884
It's like what...
461
00:20:54,885 --> 00:20:58,164
..like a urine infection
would taste like.
462
00:20:58,165 --> 00:21:00,525
It's like a thick piss. Yeah.
463
00:21:00,526 --> 00:21:02,805
And yeasty from the Marmite.
A yeasty, thick piss.
464
00:21:02,806 --> 00:21:05,165
A thick, yeasty, red piss.
465
00:21:05,166 --> 00:21:07,885
What haven't we tried?
We haven't tried the sprout one.
466
00:21:07,886 --> 00:21:10,645
OK, so this one's just for you,
cos you're not vegan.
467
00:21:10,646 --> 00:21:13,125
JAMIE: It's got, has it got
meat in it? Yeah. Yeah.
468
00:21:13,126 --> 00:21:16,804
So that's turkey stock,
vodka, lime juice...
469
00:21:16,805 --> 00:21:18,204
LAUGHTER
470
00:21:18,205 --> 00:21:20,925
..Worcester sauce, and...
Oh, my God!
471
00:21:22,365 --> 00:21:24,925
That is the most vile thing
I've ever... That's like...
472
00:21:24,926 --> 00:21:27,285
Emily quite likes it, I think.
473
00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:29,565
It... I... I can't say
what that tastes.
474
00:21:29,566 --> 00:21:30,844
What does it taste like?
475
00:21:30,845 --> 00:21:33,045
That tastes like sweaty bollocks.
476
00:21:34,725 --> 00:21:36,244
Which is fine...
477
00:21:36,245 --> 00:21:38,164
It's an acquired taste!
But it's cold.
478
00:21:38,165 --> 00:21:40,525
Hang on a second. So that
tastes like sweaty bollocks,
479
00:21:40,526 --> 00:21:42,805
which would be fine, but it's cold?
Yeah.
480
00:21:43,965 --> 00:21:46,325
They should just be
a little bit warm.
481
00:21:46,326 --> 00:21:49,045
Well, cold and sweaty is clammy.
Yeah. You don't want clammy balls.
482
00:21:49,046 --> 00:21:51,965
You're poorly. If you're cold and
sweaty, you're very poorly. Yeah.
483
00:21:51,966 --> 00:21:54,605
How are you checking
people's health?
484
00:21:54,606 --> 00:21:57,045
Try it, Rob. Just try it.
I'm going to, I'm going to!
485
00:21:57,046 --> 00:22:00,444
You're delaying it for no reason!
Oh, my fingers now smell like
sweaty balls.
486
00:22:00,445 --> 00:22:01,845
LAUGHTER
487
00:22:02,965 --> 00:22:04,605
That's what we have to put up with!
488
00:22:07,245 --> 00:22:09,645
This is like... Exactly!
489
00:22:09,646 --> 00:22:11,925
It clings to your mouth!
It's like Gaviscon.
490
00:22:11,926 --> 00:22:13,604
This is... this is...
491
00:22:13,605 --> 00:22:16,525
Can we got a slow-mo
of Rob's face just now?
492
00:22:18,085 --> 00:22:19,685
Oh, oh, oh!
493
00:22:20,965 --> 00:22:22,325
And again.
494
00:22:24,125 --> 00:22:26,044
You try some, Jim.
Want a little bit? I...
495
00:22:26,045 --> 00:22:28,805
I'll bring it over, I'll just pop
over here. You can have a little
bit.
496
00:22:28,806 --> 00:22:31,884
Have a little sip. Thanks, man.
Here you go, I'll just pop it there.
497
00:22:31,885 --> 00:22:33,445
Is he going to?
498
00:22:38,285 --> 00:22:41,285
LAUGHTER
499
00:22:41,286 --> 00:22:43,485
Yeah, that's sweaty balls.
500
00:22:45,485 --> 00:22:46,765
I miss my uncle.
501
00:22:48,445 --> 00:22:50,205
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
502
00:22:53,085 --> 00:22:55,445
OK, let's see if Christmas TV
is up there.
503
00:22:55,446 --> 00:22:57,645
That's what we were talking about,
Christmas telly!
504
00:22:59,325 --> 00:23:01,044
Oh, my God.
505
00:23:01,045 --> 00:23:02,405
Yes, Christmas telly.
506
00:23:05,445 --> 00:23:07,564
We all love a bit of Christmas TV.
507
00:23:07,565 --> 00:23:10,724
Like the time divorce papers were
handed to someone from EastEnders.
508
00:23:10,725 --> 00:23:12,925
Best Strictly final ever.
509
00:23:15,605 --> 00:23:18,005
If you're a big fan of Doctor Who
and you're looking forward
510
00:23:18,006 --> 00:23:20,285
to the Christmas special,
I don't want to spoil it for you,
511
00:23:20,286 --> 00:23:21,725
but grow up. It's a kids' show.
512
00:23:23,405 --> 00:23:25,685
So those were our favourite
things about Christmas.
513
00:23:25,686 --> 00:23:27,444
But let's not forget office parties.
514
00:23:27,445 --> 00:23:30,005
47% of people say they'd like
to drink less
515
00:23:30,006 --> 00:23:31,724
at the office Christmas party,
516
00:23:31,725 --> 00:23:34,005
but duty calls and
that wastepaper bin
517
00:23:34,006 --> 00:23:35,605
isn't going to shit in itself.
518
00:23:37,605 --> 00:23:39,885
I gave my boss two fingers
at the Christmas party.
519
00:23:39,886 --> 00:23:41,685
She liked it. I got a promotion.
520
00:23:42,965 --> 00:23:44,885
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
521
00:23:47,925 --> 00:23:49,684
On Christmas Day in the Philippines,
522
00:23:49,685 --> 00:23:52,045
they eat Edam cheese
and oxtail soup.
523
00:23:52,046 --> 00:23:54,445
So here's a tip - try and avoid
the Philippines on Boxing Day.
524
00:23:56,805 --> 00:23:59,285
We played hide and seek
last Christmas with Nan.
525
00:23:59,286 --> 00:24:00,764
No-one could find her
526
00:24:00,765 --> 00:24:03,325
until the council broke down
her door on January 15th.
527
00:24:05,605 --> 00:24:07,805
Well played, Nana. Well played.
528
00:24:09,205 --> 00:24:11,765
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
529
00:24:14,645 --> 00:24:17,125
Now, before we carry on,
time for a quick bonus round,
530
00:24:17,126 --> 00:24:19,685
everyone's favourite Christmas game,
Sprout Mouth.
531
00:24:22,965 --> 00:24:26,044
The rules are simple. First, put
as many sprouts as you can in
your mouth
532
00:24:26,045 --> 00:24:28,405
and your team-mates have to
guess what you're saying.
533
00:24:28,406 --> 00:24:30,685
The team that guesses the
most phrases are the winners.
534
00:24:30,686 --> 00:24:31,924
OK, Sara, your turn first.
535
00:24:31,925 --> 00:24:34,965
Here's your sprouts.
Here's your questions. There you go.
536
00:24:34,966 --> 00:24:38,404
Thank you. And all you've got
to guess is what Sara is saying.
537
00:24:38,405 --> 00:24:40,885
So I'm going to put as many
in my mouth as I can.
538
00:24:40,886 --> 00:24:43,245
Yeah. OK. That's one.
539
00:24:43,246 --> 00:24:44,604
Oh...
540
00:24:44,605 --> 00:24:46,965
MUFFLED: I don't want
to gag on sprouts.
541
00:24:46,966 --> 00:24:48,445
Well, you're pretty good
with two in.
542
00:24:52,085 --> 00:24:53,804
Do you want me to get a toothbrush?
543
00:24:53,805 --> 00:24:55,725
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
544
00:25:00,125 --> 00:25:01,484
How many feels right, Sara?
545
00:25:01,485 --> 00:25:03,765
How many...?
Four feels right.
546
00:25:03,766 --> 00:25:05,164
OK, your time starts now.
547
00:25:05,165 --> 00:25:08,085
MUFFLED:
548
00:25:08,086 --> 00:25:09,885
"Hello, everyone. Merry Christmas."
No!
549
00:25:14,325 --> 00:25:16,525
"Hello, everyone. Merry Christmas."
No!
550
00:25:20,445 --> 00:25:22,645
"Do you want to have my baby?"
551
00:25:24,285 --> 00:25:26,565
Sara, if you want to
play your joker,
552
00:25:26,566 --> 00:25:28,125
you could take one sprout out.
553
00:25:30,165 --> 00:25:31,804
Very ladylike.
554
00:25:31,805 --> 00:25:34,005
INDISTINCT
555
00:25:41,405 --> 00:25:44,884
Oh. Cover my big pudding
in bran... brandy butter. Yeah!
556
00:25:44,885 --> 00:25:46,525
That's one. That's one.
557
00:25:48,245 --> 00:25:50,765
Sprout back in. Another one.
OK, here we go.
558
00:25:50,766 --> 00:25:52,605
Hello, everyone.
559
00:25:57,005 --> 00:25:58,964
Is it "Hello, everyone.
Merry Christmas"?
560
00:25:58,965 --> 00:26:00,924
That's Jamie's guess.
561
00:26:00,925 --> 00:26:02,844
He's not going to guess it once,
Sara,
562
00:26:02,845 --> 00:26:05,605
he's going to guess it four times.
563
00:26:05,606 --> 00:26:07,285
Try and dribble a bit more, Sara.
564
00:26:12,645 --> 00:26:13,845
Oh!
565
00:26:16,245 --> 00:26:17,885
Oh, that's not going to help.
566
00:26:22,045 --> 00:26:24,325
What was that? Sock...
567
00:26:24,326 --> 00:26:26,124
Sock. Mm. Oh.
568
00:26:26,125 --> 00:26:27,444
Fuck.
569
00:26:27,445 --> 00:26:29,444
Fuck me.
570
00:26:29,445 --> 00:26:30,964
Glove.
571
00:26:30,965 --> 00:26:32,124
MUFFLED: Stuff.
572
00:26:32,125 --> 00:26:33,484
Dove?
573
00:26:33,485 --> 00:26:34,804
Shove? Sauce?
574
00:26:34,805 --> 00:26:36,284
MUFFLED SHOUT
575
00:26:36,285 --> 00:26:37,564
Love?
576
00:26:37,565 --> 00:26:40,165
Stuff. BOTH: Stuff!
577
00:26:40,166 --> 00:26:41,764
Stuff... My... My... My...
578
00:26:41,765 --> 00:26:43,445
Stocking... Girlfriend?
579
00:26:47,085 --> 00:26:48,444
Stocking. Mm!
580
00:26:48,445 --> 00:26:51,325
Stuff my stocking...
581
00:26:51,326 --> 00:26:52,844
Brilliantly? Filling?
582
00:26:52,845 --> 00:26:54,564
Silly? Mm-hm!
583
00:26:54,565 --> 00:26:57,165
APPLAUSE
584
00:26:57,166 --> 00:27:00,165
And, Rob, this is yours to beat.
There you go, grab those.
585
00:27:00,166 --> 00:27:02,445
Put between 15 and 20 in... Yeah.
586
00:27:02,446 --> 00:27:04,324
LAUGHTER
587
00:27:04,325 --> 00:27:05,804
Sara, you did very well,
588
00:27:05,805 --> 00:27:08,205
but I mean, really, you're up
against a pro here. I know.
589
00:27:08,206 --> 00:27:10,925
How many did you have in?
She had four. Four is a lot.
590
00:27:10,926 --> 00:27:13,125
Oh, he's going to get four
in one side.
591
00:27:15,125 --> 00:27:17,645
Oh, my God.
There's so much more room.
592
00:27:19,685 --> 00:27:21,525
He's not even filled the middle!
593
00:27:23,805 --> 00:27:27,204
Look at his mouth! OK, that's six.
594
00:27:27,205 --> 00:27:29,044
He's got six in there. No!
595
00:27:29,045 --> 00:27:31,004
Oh!
596
00:27:31,005 --> 00:27:34,204
Seven. No! No way!
597
00:27:34,205 --> 00:27:36,605
That is nothing to be proud of.
That's too many! No...
598
00:27:36,606 --> 00:27:38,925
No! No!
599
00:27:40,605 --> 00:27:42,885
That's eight! Oh, my God.
600
00:27:42,886 --> 00:27:44,804
Can you get one more in, Rob? Go on!
601
00:27:44,805 --> 00:27:46,444
No, don't! He can't, he can't.
Eight...
602
00:27:46,445 --> 00:27:47,725
Nine!
603
00:27:49,085 --> 00:27:50,964
No, no, no...
604
00:27:50,965 --> 00:27:52,205
No!
605
00:27:53,685 --> 00:27:55,404
Don't do it. What?
606
00:27:55,405 --> 00:27:57,444
Ten! What?!
607
00:27:57,445 --> 00:27:58,684
Rob Beckett!
608
00:27:58,685 --> 00:28:01,365
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
609
00:28:03,165 --> 00:28:05,445
LAUGHTER
610
00:28:05,446 --> 00:28:06,724
OK, so here come the phrases.
611
00:28:06,725 --> 00:28:08,204
He's got about eight in there.
612
00:28:08,205 --> 00:28:12,004
I feel like this game was invented
in Harvey Weinstein's hotel room.
613
00:28:12,005 --> 00:28:14,765
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
614
00:28:17,565 --> 00:28:19,325
Rob, your time starts now.
615
00:28:30,245 --> 00:28:32,565
BOTH: Don't try to tickle
the turkey.
616
00:28:32,566 --> 00:28:33,844
That's right.
617
00:28:33,845 --> 00:28:36,365
Oh, he's adding another
controversial one. Wow.
618
00:28:36,366 --> 00:28:38,565
OK, that's the first one.
He's got one.
619
00:28:47,885 --> 00:28:49,484
Now...?
620
00:28:49,485 --> 00:28:52,245
Is?
621
00:28:52,246 --> 00:28:54,605
Knees? Needs!
622
00:28:54,606 --> 00:28:56,444
Needs!
623
00:28:56,445 --> 00:28:58,085
Now needs...
624
00:28:59,685 --> 00:29:00,885
A...
625
00:29:02,645 --> 00:29:04,485
Naughty?
626
00:29:06,045 --> 00:29:07,565
He needs a naughty curry?
627
00:29:10,325 --> 00:29:12,364
Slowly?
628
00:29:12,365 --> 00:29:16,685
Sherry? Mm!
Nan needs a naughty sherry.
629
00:29:16,686 --> 00:29:17,965
Right two for two.
630
00:29:20,845 --> 00:29:22,125
One more for the win.
631
00:29:23,405 --> 00:29:25,685
Santa... They've gotten smaller.
632
00:29:27,485 --> 00:29:29,205
Sandra? Santa?
633
00:29:38,125 --> 00:29:39,765
Fart? Santa's sack?
634
00:29:40,965 --> 00:29:42,285
Slags. No.
635
00:29:44,285 --> 00:29:45,804
Sags. Shags.
636
00:29:45,805 --> 00:29:47,644
Sags! Oh.
637
00:29:47,645 --> 00:29:50,245
Santa's sack sags...
638
00:29:50,246 --> 00:29:54,805
So slightly. Mm!
639
00:29:54,806 --> 00:29:56,365
Rob is the winner!
640
00:29:57,845 --> 00:29:59,324
Obviously, don't try that at home
641
00:29:59,325 --> 00:30:01,204
because you might choke on
a Brussels sprout,
642
00:30:01,205 --> 00:30:03,885
and that's too hilarious
a way to die.
643
00:30:03,886 --> 00:30:06,365
Also, what did you think
Sandra was up to?
644
00:30:07,725 --> 00:30:10,005
So at the end of all that,
Rob's team have two points,
645
00:30:10,006 --> 00:30:11,564
Sara's team have two points.
646
00:30:11,565 --> 00:30:13,885
That's it for part two,
see you after the break.
647
00:30:23,969 --> 00:30:25,569
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
648
00:30:27,529 --> 00:30:29,889
Welcome back to the
8 Out of 10 Cats Christmas special.
649
00:30:29,890 --> 00:30:31,568
Our next round is
Pick Of The Polls.
650
00:30:31,569 --> 00:30:33,929
Rob, Ola, Emily,
what do you like the look of?
651
00:30:33,930 --> 00:30:36,849
Those lovely little singers?
OK, you want the singers.
652
00:30:36,850 --> 00:30:40,209
All right. So we asked our studio
audience, what do you prefer?
653
00:30:43,049 --> 00:30:45,929
What do you think?
Carols are rubbish, ain't they?
654
00:30:45,930 --> 00:30:49,888
That fa-la-la-la-la one.
Write a lyric, will you?
655
00:30:49,889 --> 00:30:54,209
It's like a placeholder. We'll think
of something. "Fa-la-la-la-la!"
656
00:30:54,210 --> 00:30:55,328
What is that?
657
00:30:55,329 --> 00:30:57,168
I use it all the time at Christmas.
658
00:30:57,169 --> 00:30:59,849
Just, like, "What day are they
coming for the bins?"
659
00:30:59,850 --> 00:31:02,529
"Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!"
660
00:31:02,530 --> 00:31:05,289
That's the best thing about carols,
is that you don't have to know
661
00:31:05,290 --> 00:31:07,649
all of the words to be able to
shout one bit.
662
00:31:07,650 --> 00:31:10,129
That's what's so great about being
at school or being in the choir.
663
00:31:10,130 --> 00:31:12,048
SHE HUMS QUIETLY
664
00:31:12,049 --> 00:31:14,329
SHOUTS: "Five gold rings!"
665
00:31:14,330 --> 00:31:16,969
# Lamb shepherd's pie!
666
00:31:18,569 --> 00:31:22,368
# Banoffee pie, no turkey,
I'm Jamie Laing
667
00:31:22,369 --> 00:31:25,289
# And I'll have a fucking banquet
at mine! #
668
00:31:31,529 --> 00:31:33,809
I think pop songs are better
because then you have...
669
00:31:33,810 --> 00:31:37,048
SHRIEKS: "It's Christmas!"
670
00:31:37,049 --> 00:31:39,969
I always thought Noddy Holder
sounds like a condom.
671
00:31:42,929 --> 00:31:45,849
Like, "Have you got a Noddy Holder?
If not, I'll go to the shop.
672
00:31:45,850 --> 00:31:48,689
"I'm out of Noddys, mate." "I'm not
doing it without a Noddy Holder.
673
00:31:48,690 --> 00:31:51,049
"I've run out of Noddys."
What's so great about that is
674
00:31:51,050 --> 00:31:53,409
if someone was like, "Don't worry,
I've got a Noddy Holder."
675
00:31:53,410 --> 00:31:55,168
I'd be like, I've changed my mind.
676
00:31:55,169 --> 00:31:57,208
I don't want to do it any more.
677
00:31:57,209 --> 00:31:59,489
Noddy Holder! Noddy Holder.
678
00:31:59,490 --> 00:32:01,048
It's depressing when you're single,
679
00:32:01,049 --> 00:32:02,968
when I was single
I'd put a condom in my wallet.
680
00:32:02,969 --> 00:32:05,008
Just in case. Why, for what reason?
681
00:32:05,009 --> 00:32:06,649
So I can have protected sex.
682
00:32:09,009 --> 00:32:10,648
No, he used to put a condom
in his wallet
683
00:32:10,649 --> 00:32:12,248
so he can fuck his wallet safely.
684
00:32:12,249 --> 00:32:15,808
The worst thing was, if you were
going through a bit of a dry patch,
685
00:32:15,809 --> 00:32:18,209
then eventually the leather
in your wallet would form
686
00:32:18,210 --> 00:32:20,609
the shape of the condom
even once you took it out.
687
00:32:20,610 --> 00:32:22,608
It was so degrading, like, oh, look.
688
00:32:22,609 --> 00:32:24,328
What do you prefer?
689
00:32:24,329 --> 00:32:27,089
Carols? Oh, massively prefer carols.
690
00:32:27,090 --> 00:32:29,449
What is the one?
# Rup-pup-pup-ah... #
691
00:32:29,450 --> 00:32:32,209
Sing it all.
No, go on, sing that one.
692
00:32:32,210 --> 00:32:33,928
THEY SING "LITTLE DRUMMER BOY"
693
00:32:33,929 --> 00:32:36,209
# Rum-pum-pum-pum! #
694
00:32:36,210 --> 00:32:37,688
What's that?!
695
00:32:37,689 --> 00:32:40,209
I think if you had a brain injury,
that's how you would sound.
696
00:32:41,569 --> 00:32:43,288
I would pay him, if you did
Christmas carols
697
00:32:43,289 --> 00:32:44,728
at my house, I'd watch for hours.
698
00:32:44,729 --> 00:32:47,929
"You know the one!
# Rum-pum-pum-pum! #"
699
00:32:49,529 --> 00:32:51,288
I like East 17, Stay.
700
00:32:51,289 --> 00:32:54,129
That for me is the perfect Christmas
song, it's got no religion in it.
701
00:32:54,130 --> 00:32:56,809
But you can't like that because
Brian Harvey got addicted to
702
00:32:56,810 --> 00:32:58,609
jacket potatoes and
then ran himself over.
703
00:33:00,449 --> 00:33:01,848
My favourite Christmas song is
704
00:33:01,849 --> 00:33:03,528
Mariah Carey's
All I Want For Christmas
705
00:33:03,529 --> 00:33:06,169
because I love the way she sings it.
How does she sing it?
706
00:33:06,170 --> 00:33:09,169
SINGS NASALLY:
# I just want you for my own
707
00:33:09,170 --> 00:33:13,849
# More than...
Mannn mnnnn comnnnn tunnng... #
708
00:33:13,850 --> 00:33:17,009
HUMS NASALLY, ONLY MOUTHING LYRICS
709
00:33:25,209 --> 00:33:27,088
Your TV's is not broken.
710
00:33:27,089 --> 00:33:29,609
That's how she's doing it.
711
00:33:29,610 --> 00:33:32,329
HUMS, MOUTHING LYRICS
712
00:33:32,330 --> 00:33:33,888
Where's the sound coming out?
713
00:33:33,889 --> 00:33:36,569
You don't want to know, Rob,
you don't want to know.
714
00:33:36,570 --> 00:33:38,489
The sound is falling out of her.
715
00:33:40,289 --> 00:33:41,808
The more time I spend with you,
716
00:33:41,809 --> 00:33:44,009
the more I think your dad
might be just normal.
717
00:33:45,409 --> 00:33:47,088
Maybe you're the problem.
718
00:33:47,089 --> 00:33:49,729
A favourite Christmas song,
what do you like, Ola?
719
00:33:49,730 --> 00:33:52,769
I like to buy all the Africa
charity singles
720
00:33:52,770 --> 00:33:54,368
they release at Christmas.
721
00:33:54,369 --> 00:33:56,769
I just find it a much easier way
to send money home.
722
00:33:58,769 --> 00:34:01,489
When is someone going to ask me
to do one of those, honestly?
723
00:34:01,490 --> 00:34:04,928
I just think I'm so up for it.
724
00:34:04,929 --> 00:34:08,488
I mean, I like just like in general,
when the carollers come to my house,
725
00:34:08,489 --> 00:34:10,208
I like to...
I like to look through them
726
00:34:10,209 --> 00:34:12,048
and try and spot which
one could go solo.
727
00:34:12,049 --> 00:34:14,409
Start planting ideas
in his head.
728
00:34:14,410 --> 00:34:16,769
"Don't waste your time with
these lot. You can go far.
729
00:34:16,770 --> 00:34:18,648
"You can go far
if you apply yourself."
730
00:34:18,649 --> 00:34:21,049
It's a bit awkward when they're
just standing there singing,
731
00:34:21,050 --> 00:34:22,688
you're just looking at them going...
732
00:34:22,689 --> 00:34:25,489
They're just going "Brightly shone!"
in your face.
733
00:34:26,689 --> 00:34:29,329
What do you think people prefer?
Christmas carols or pop songs?
734
00:34:29,330 --> 00:34:31,689
Rob? I think pop songs.
What are you gonna go for?
735
00:34:31,690 --> 00:34:34,249
I think it's carols.
SHRIEKS: # Pop songs! #
736
00:34:35,889 --> 00:34:38,729
I'm with carols with you. I've
been outvoted. You're going carols.
737
00:34:38,730 --> 00:34:41,049
You're going pop songs.
Well, I can tell you the answer is
738
00:34:41,050 --> 00:34:42,208
70% of our studio audience
739
00:34:42,209 --> 00:34:43,929
prefer Christmas pop songs.
740
00:34:49,689 --> 00:34:52,089
Band Aid famously asked,
Do They Know It's Christmas?
741
00:34:52,090 --> 00:34:54,369
And the answer is no. So you don't
have to get them anything.
742
00:34:55,729 --> 00:34:58,089
So the end of that round
it's three points for Rob's team
743
00:34:58,090 --> 00:34:59,808
and two points for Sara's team.
744
00:34:59,809 --> 00:35:02,369
That's it for part three,
see you after the break.
745
00:35:16,205 --> 00:35:18,605
Welcome back to the 8 Out Of
10 Cats Christmas Special.
746
00:35:18,606 --> 00:35:20,885
And The Winner Is is the name
of our final round.
747
00:35:20,886 --> 00:35:24,044
Here's your first one...
748
00:35:24,045 --> 00:35:25,444
Ooh.
BUZZER
749
00:35:25,445 --> 00:35:26,765
Sort my arse out.
750
00:35:28,205 --> 00:35:30,805
Would that be my resolution
or yours? It's mine. Because
751
00:35:30,806 --> 00:35:32,404
if it's yours, that's OK.
If it's mine,
752
00:35:32,405 --> 00:35:34,685
it seems a bit aggressive.
Yeah, accusatory.
753
00:35:34,686 --> 00:35:36,684
GRUFFLY: Gonna sort her arse out!
754
00:35:36,685 --> 00:35:39,045
It's whatever you want it
to be, Jimmy.
755
00:35:39,046 --> 00:35:40,085
Merry Christmas.
756
00:35:41,725 --> 00:35:44,085
What do you think - the most common
resolution?
757
00:35:44,086 --> 00:35:46,445
I reckon it's to break
up with someone. What?! Yes.
758
00:35:46,446 --> 00:35:49,564
Come on. Your Christmases
are so depressing.
759
00:35:49,565 --> 00:35:52,285
I once broke up with someone
on Christmas Eve. No!
760
00:35:52,286 --> 00:35:55,205
And we still lived together and we
didn't have anywhere else to go -
761
00:35:55,206 --> 00:35:58,125
had to spend Christmas with him
and I hadn't bought him any gifts
762
00:35:58,126 --> 00:35:59,844
because I knew
what we were breaking up.
763
00:35:59,845 --> 00:36:02,125
And then I had to sit there
and unwrap the things
764
00:36:02,126 --> 00:36:04,044
that he'd bought me... Yeee!
765
00:36:04,045 --> 00:36:05,804
Was there a little
bit of you that thought,
766
00:36:05,805 --> 00:36:08,165
I'm going to break up with him,
because then I know
767
00:36:08,166 --> 00:36:10,645
I don't have to do the shopping?
No, it wasn't...
768
00:36:10,646 --> 00:36:12,324
Why did you just smile
before you said no?
769
00:36:12,325 --> 00:36:14,525
Because that was just
a handy side-effect.
770
00:36:15,765 --> 00:36:19,124
What about you, Jamie?
Writing thank-you letters.
771
00:36:19,125 --> 00:36:21,325
You are so posh!
772
00:36:22,445 --> 00:36:25,964
Or passing driving tests.
773
00:36:25,965 --> 00:36:28,805
How many? Guess how many times
I've booked my theory test.
774
00:36:28,806 --> 00:36:30,364
Four. I would say seven.
775
00:36:30,365 --> 00:36:31,604
51.
776
00:36:31,605 --> 00:36:33,124
There's no way...
777
00:36:33,125 --> 00:36:35,845
51 times you've booked your theory
test. How many times
778
00:36:35,846 --> 00:36:37,644
have you done the theory test?
Three.
779
00:36:37,645 --> 00:36:40,605
It's because you've spent too much
time learning how to ride ponies.
780
00:36:40,606 --> 00:36:43,045
No, it's not! Green is go, red is
stop,
781
00:36:43,046 --> 00:36:45,605
if there's a roundabout, wait
for the cars. You're fine.
782
00:36:45,606 --> 00:36:48,525
This is why Prince Philip
ran someone over.
783
00:36:48,526 --> 00:36:50,805
Ola, have you got a New Year's
resolution?
784
00:36:50,806 --> 00:36:52,764
I asked my wife, actually.
785
00:36:52,765 --> 00:36:55,565
what her New Year's resolution
was and she said, this year,
786
00:36:55,566 --> 00:36:58,525
she'd like to be married to a guy
who was one stone lighter.
787
00:37:00,565 --> 00:37:03,884
Nice! So the turkey's
going to live.
788
00:37:03,885 --> 00:37:07,164
I feel your pain there, like, every
year, it's my thing.
789
00:37:07,165 --> 00:37:08,604
I say, right, come on.
790
00:37:08,605 --> 00:37:11,245
People online, they call me fat all
the time. I write,
791
00:37:11,246 --> 00:37:15,045
but what you don't realise, I go to
the gym every single January.
792
00:37:17,165 --> 00:37:20,444
The worst thing I've ever done
is I found myself on January the 1st
793
00:37:20,445 --> 00:37:23,644
struggling down a really busy high
street trying to carry
794
00:37:23,645 --> 00:37:26,005
an exercise bike home with me.
795
00:37:26,006 --> 00:37:28,205
Why don't you just get a real bike
and ride home?
796
00:37:32,845 --> 00:37:35,685
Spitballing ideas here, I know.
797
00:37:35,686 --> 00:37:37,484
OK, it's related to that. What else?
798
00:37:37,485 --> 00:37:39,845
What's your New Year's resolution?
This year,
799
00:37:39,846 --> 00:37:42,924
I really want to get into my
skateboarding again.
800
00:37:42,925 --> 00:37:44,444
Oh, fuck off!
Just crack on with it.
801
00:37:44,445 --> 00:37:46,925
By the end of the year, I want
to be able to do a half-pipe.
802
00:37:46,926 --> 00:37:50,724
Next year, full-pipe.
Year after that, pipe and a half.
803
00:37:50,725 --> 00:37:52,484
Ultimately, I want you to see
this face
804
00:37:52,485 --> 00:37:55,005
when you look up the word "gnarly".
805
00:37:55,006 --> 00:37:57,205
JIMMY CACKLES
806
00:38:00,005 --> 00:38:02,365
I reckon you're more of
a rollerblader, though.
807
00:38:02,366 --> 00:38:04,725
I can see you rollerblading.
Rollerblading, yeah,
808
00:38:04,726 --> 00:38:07,085
I used to have a pair of
Bauers back in the day.
809
00:38:07,086 --> 00:38:09,365
Did you just wink at me
about your rollerblades?
810
00:38:09,366 --> 00:38:11,085
Yeah, I don't know why.
811
00:38:12,245 --> 00:38:13,724
I don't know, I don't wink enough.
812
00:38:13,725 --> 00:38:16,485
Mate, that'll be it,
I'm going to wink more.
813
00:38:16,486 --> 00:38:18,845
It really suits you, winking.
814
00:38:18,846 --> 00:38:22,404
Yeah. Do a sexy
I've-just-met-you wink at me.
815
00:38:22,405 --> 00:38:23,685
Sexy one?
816
00:38:27,925 --> 00:38:31,044
I just think that you will
remember me.
817
00:38:31,045 --> 00:38:32,724
I can't imagine you flirting.
818
00:38:32,725 --> 00:38:35,485
I'd find it the funniest thing
in the world to watch you.
819
00:38:35,486 --> 00:38:38,804
Yeah, you wouldn't normally
be my target.
820
00:38:38,805 --> 00:38:40,725
Target?! Nice.
821
00:38:42,125 --> 00:38:44,325
Or victim. You know,
target or victim.
822
00:38:45,925 --> 00:38:47,484
Jamie, do you even have to flirt?
823
00:38:47,485 --> 00:38:50,724
Do you just bring your bank
statement?
824
00:38:50,725 --> 00:38:53,844
I don't know how. Well,
flirting... How do you meet people?
825
00:38:53,845 --> 00:38:56,285
Um... Romantically.
I go, "Are you all right?"
826
00:38:57,365 --> 00:38:59,645
And then you would say? Fine.
827
00:38:59,646 --> 00:39:01,364
Sweet, that's it. Done.
828
00:39:01,365 --> 00:39:02,964
It got me, it got me. It got you?
829
00:39:02,965 --> 00:39:04,484
So you make sweets
830
00:39:04,485 --> 00:39:06,925
and that's like the most
disgusting flirty thing.
831
00:39:06,926 --> 00:39:09,685
You have vegan ones.
We are vegan, we're vegan, yeah.
832
00:39:09,686 --> 00:39:12,964
That's me flirting. I've already
got laid. Here we go.
833
00:39:12,965 --> 00:39:14,845
That wasn't sex. Oh!
834
00:39:16,285 --> 00:39:19,444
I remember the first time I ever
went to, er, second... second base
835
00:39:19,445 --> 00:39:21,925
with a girl. I was really excited.
I was like, "Oh, that's..."
836
00:39:21,926 --> 00:39:24,445
Came back to school
and it was like a Western.
837
00:39:24,446 --> 00:39:26,484
I went and kicked open the door.
838
00:39:26,485 --> 00:39:29,445
All the boys. I went, "Boys,
you'll never guess what, I'm a man."
839
00:39:29,446 --> 00:39:32,205
And then when I told them the story,
they said, "What happened?"
840
00:39:32,206 --> 00:39:33,924
I said, well, this has happened,
I said,
841
00:39:33,925 --> 00:39:36,885
"And you know when you,
er, go inside
842
00:39:36,886 --> 00:39:39,205
"and you find the clitoris?"
843
00:39:39,206 --> 00:39:40,525
And they went, "What?!"
844
00:39:41,925 --> 00:39:43,684
Turns out the clitoris
wasn't inside.
845
00:39:43,685 --> 00:39:46,085
That's what I found out. Right?
Yeah, yeah.
846
00:39:46,086 --> 00:39:48,925
Having sex with the girl
is like going into a cockpit
847
00:39:48,926 --> 00:39:50,405
and trying to land a plane.
848
00:39:55,405 --> 00:39:57,285
Jamie, don't call it a cockpit.
Yeah, yeah.
849
00:40:01,485 --> 00:40:04,884
OK, most common New Year's
resolution? Is it about smoking?
850
00:40:04,885 --> 00:40:07,365
I feel that's a boring one...
Smoking is number two.
851
00:40:07,366 --> 00:40:10,245
Very close with
the gym. Losing weight?
852
00:40:10,246 --> 00:40:11,925
That's the right answer.
853
00:40:13,845 --> 00:40:17,404
Yes, the most common New Year's
resolution is to lose weight.
854
00:40:17,405 --> 00:40:20,325
The top-three resolutions are lose
weight, do more exercise
855
00:40:20,326 --> 00:40:21,804
and stop smoking.
856
00:40:21,805 --> 00:40:24,165
So the best thing to do is run
down to the shops, buy some
857
00:40:24,166 --> 00:40:25,365
cigarettes and eat them.
858
00:40:27,565 --> 00:40:29,444
BUZZER
Well, that sound tells me it's
859
00:40:29,445 --> 00:40:32,165
the end of the show, which means
the final scores are Sara,
860
00:40:32,166 --> 00:40:33,724
Jamie and Natasia have two points.
861
00:40:33,725 --> 00:40:36,165
Rob, Ola and Emily are the winners
with four points.
862
00:40:38,245 --> 00:40:40,685
Thanks to our panellists,
our wonderful studio audience,
863
00:40:40,686 --> 00:40:43,205
and to all watching at home. That's
it from us. Goodnight!
864
00:40:43,206 --> 00:40:45,165
Subtitles by Red Bee Media
68693
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.