Original subtitles

- I love you, Dorothy. - I know you do, Tony.

You're a totally gorgeous creature.

I love you as well. You know I do, Tony.

Can I get a kiss? Go on.

Hey, Listen. You haven't seen my new golf clubs anywhere, have you?

- What new golf clubs? - I came home with them.

New golf clubs in a nice big leather golf bag.

- I never knew you could play golf. - I know. I'm like that.

- Mysterious kind of guy. - Dead mysterious.

- So anyway, you seen them? - Seen what darling?

My new golf clubs.

- When did you learn to play golf? - That's not really the issue.

- You gonna teach me? - Not without a set of golf clubs, I'm not.

- I'm sure I would have seen them, Tony. - I'm sure you would, too.

That's why I'm telling you, gorgeous, that when I went to get them they were gone.

That's so like you... Losing a whole set of golf clubs.

No, that's not like me at all. I haven't lost them, see?

- I think maybe you have. - Darling, I've no interest in golf whatsoever.

- You said you wanted to learn a minute ago. - Yeah, but I was kidding!

I was just bein'... I was jokin' with ya.

- You mean, you were lying to me? - Tony...

So, you're lyin' to me now?

Tony, I have no idea.

- Absolutely none? - No, none.

So, you wouldn't have moved the golf clubs? / No.

- Or sold the golf clubs? - No, Tony, I haven't!

Taken them down to the pawnbrokers and pawned them for cash?

- I've pawned nothing, Tony! - Because that would be just like you.

Leave me alone. I've no idea where they are, or where they went.

- So just don't start, Tony, okay? - Dorothy, I need my golf clubs!

Tony, you can't play golf!

If you've moved them, just tell me!

'Cause I know I left them in the living room.

You were telling me you're going to Amsterdam to play golf.

- Never you mind while... - 'Cause I don't even think Amsterdam has golf.

What the fuck do you know about Amsterdam?

Tony! What in the name of God do you know about golf?

Listen, you!

I know I left a bag of golf clubs in the living room,

and they weren't there when I went to get them.

Now, I want to know...

Tony, if you say you left a bag of clubs in the flat,

then there's bound to be a bag of clubs in the flat...

You're lyin'!

Shit!

Fuck!

Here, that's enough of that.

I'm gonna tear that flat apart,

and see if my golf clubs aren't there, Dorothy.

I swear to God, I'm gonna drink your blood.

I'm sorry. It must be the golf.

It's driven him mad.

I'm awful sorry about that.

Sorry.

Pluto, my boy,

come and see your daddy.

Tony?

Tony?

Pluto?

Pluto!

♪ When marimba rhythms start to play ♪

♪ Dance with me make me sway ♪

♪ Like the lazy ocean hugs the shore ♪

♪ Hold me close sway me more ♪

♪ Like a flower bendin' in the breeze ♪

♪ Bend with me sway with ease ♪

♪ When we dance ♪ ♪ you have a way with me ♪

It's in the middle of the fuckin' night! ♪ Stay with me, sway with me ♪

Do you think they care if it's in the middle of the fuckin' night over here?

I've got personal things to attend to!

♪ Given my eyes will see only you ♪ Screw your responsibility!

♪ Only you have ♪ ♪ the magic technique ♪

♪ When you sway I go weak ♪

♪ I can hear the sound of violins ♪

♪ Long before it begins ♪ Get in the car!

Get in the fuckin' car!

♪ ...thrill as only you know how ♪

♪ Sway me smooth sway me now ♪

You and me are startin' a new life this time, Pluto.

No more dealers, or junkies, or maniacs...

We'll be long gone before he gets back.

Oh, don't be scared, big boy.

Oh. Don't think this is gonna come out.

Thank God.

You rotten, shitey bastard, Tony.

Somebody smells nice.

Don't look at me.

It's the dog.

Lovely lunatics.

Can you give me an ounce of rolling tobacco and a packet of Maltesers?

Excuse me. When you've a second?

You shouldn't read that shite, you know,

because it seriously badly exploits women.

Four twenty-nine, please.

He's taken my money.

- Look, can I owe ya? - You mean, "Can you exploit me?"

I'll send it to ya in the post.

- Not allowed to give credit. - I need a smoke!

I'm on the run from a maniac.

So's my dog.

It's not a very healthy color, right enough.

Go on. I'll sub ya.

Go on!

Shut up, Pluto.

Pluto! Oh!

Give me ten seconds to catch my dog!

Pluto!

...fuckin' pisses me off, you are goin' nowhere!

Leave her alone!

Get off!

Get the...

You fuckin' bitches!

Get the fuck, ya fuckin' bitches!

- No! - Come here. Come here.

You evil, lyin' bitch.

- Stop it! - You're mine!

Brian, stop it, please!

Right, you're goin' nowhere!

You hear me? I'm going to fuckin' kill you!

No!

I'll be all right in a minute.

Get my breath back.

You just get sick listenin' to all that...

"I'm gonna fuckin' kill you" stuff.

Hmm. Mm.

Right. I'll...

help ya get him in the car.

What for?

So you can drive him home.

Call the police.

I can't drive.

And I'm not calling the police. He's my boyfriend.

I want you gone as soon as he wakes up.

If I was you, I'd dump him here.

I can't dump him here.

I'd lose my home and my job and everything.

How?

'Cause I work for his big brother.

Fuck, he's heavy, isn't he?

Oh, I think Brian's maybe going to be sick again.

Round to the left.

Quick!

Ah, shit!

Let's put him in the bath in case he throws up over anything else.

I've never seen a pink and white dog before.

He's half part pedigree.

Half part acrylic.

Really?

Never heard of them.

You know of anything I could use as a roach?

Don't make yourself too comfy, flower.

I didn't invite you back for a party.

I'm sorry.

I'm just still a bit shaky, and it'll help calm me down.

Okay. Have a scrounge in my rucksack.

There's bound to be somethin'.

Fancy a cup of tea?

Yeah.

Here.

I'm Petula, by the way.

Nice grass.

You missed your bus.

Petula.

Are you okay?

It's okay. It's just the cold.

It's only when we have too much to drink.

It's silly.

It was my own fault tonight.

'Cause he caught me going through his desk.

I was looking for my passport.

I wanted to visit my mum.

She's moved to Majorca.

Why does he keep your passport?

Why?

Because he loves me.

What do you think?

I had it like that once.

Do you think Brian will like it?

Oh, go on.

Trust me.

It'll really suit ya.

Nice surprise when he wakes up.

Is he okay?

Brian?

Brian?

A-Are you okay?

Brian? Say something.

Fick mich!

Fick mich!

Fick mich in meinen Arsch!

What is the matter with him?

Is he German?

Brian, Brian, stop it! Stop it!

Shut up, Pluto!

Brian?

Brian.

Brian, I'm sorry.

Is he kiddin'?

Brian, please. I'm sorry.

Just slap his face, gently.

Brian, come on, now. I'm really sorry.

- Just give his face a gentle, wee slap. - Oh, no, I'm sorry.

Don't be angry.

That's what you do to wake them up.

He's dead.

He's dead! Brian's dead!

Okay. Okay. Out of my road!

Get out of my road!

Oh, Dear God.

Will the police be able to tell I bashed his head in with scaffoldin'?

- 'Cause I didn't mean to kill him. - I know.

- I was tryin' to stop him killin' you. - I know.

I mean, you wouldn't have lasted another minute.

The way he was chokin' you and whackin' your head.

Petula...

I'll have to spend...

...years of my life in a jail cell, all by myself.

I mean, that's not fair!

I was only tryin' to help.

I don't even know the guy.

I was only... t-tryin' to...

What if we make an anonymous phone call and then disappear?

Well, we can't, because I haven't got a phone.

I know, but if we don't say who we are...

I know but I haven't got a phone.

I know, but then they won't be able to trace the call.

I haven't got a phone, okay? There isn't a phone.

We don't have a phone.

Look, you have to go to work.

I helped you, so you have to help me.

Now, before you're late, as though everything is hunky-dory.

Petula, wait.

You can't go yet. Take off your coat.

Phone me on Brian's phone.

Two rings, then hang up.

Then ring again immediately, so I know it's you.

Thanks for coming to help me.

Last night.

Mm.

Oh, listen!

You have to give me some money.

Oh. Right. Yeah, of course.

Um, how much do you normally charge?

What? No. Not for the haircut.

I want to get Tony's golf clubs out of the pawnshop.

Then if he comes back I can send him packing,

so he won't turn the place upside down again...

and accidentally stumble across your dead boyfriend.

Where's Brian?

Where... is... Brian?

He's, um... I don't actually know where he is.

Good morning.

Your Brian back on the drink again?

Then let's just pray His Lordship's met with...

a particularly horrible accident.

Hmm.

Petula!

Yes, Mr. McMinn.

I see.

Uh-huh.

Oh, right.

Yes, I'll start with the Eastern General.

The police have found Brian's car abandoned.

Mr. McMinn wants me to phone round the hospitals.

Oh, I am so sorry...

That's all right, Sheena. He'll be just...

lying in a heap somewhere.

Dorothy, they found the car abandoned,

and there's a policeman coming to see me in the morning...

if Brian doesn't show.

Petula.

- Do you know Northcraigs Beach? - Mm-hmm.

I will meet you at the coffee stall at 6:30.

Well?

The... hospital people have no idea about anything to do with Brian,

Mr. McMinn.

No. No, that's terrific.

We were just a bit curious if you knew whether...

he'd had an accident or something, or... died.

Uh, we've had no admissions of that name.

Or fitting that description.

Oh, good.

Well, good-bye, then, and thank you for being so...

helpful and, uh, informative.

They've not had any admissions fitting that name or that description.

- Was he with you last night? - Early on he was. Then...

later on... he wasn't.

Now, this is called a decapod crustacean.

That's a lobster.

Nature uses 'em to clean dead bodies.

Them and shrimps get all the drowned flesh off the bones.

What was the name of that fish I showed you?

- A halibut. - That's right.

Fishermen like halibut 'cause of their shapes.

Fishermen like to make them their girlfriends,

even though their body temperature's...

much lower than a proper girlfriend...

- Usually, that is. - Sandy.

Sandy, come here. Come away.

- Dorothy, I've brought you clothes. - I bought you a coffee.

Your stuff's covered in paint.

What? Oh, lovely.

- Thanks. - Thanks.

- We've got to shift him, Petula. - Where?

Somewhere it'll look okay that nobody found him straight away.

Right.

Somewherehe he might have gone without taking you.

where he could fall, bang his head

and die without us doing it.

His boat.

- He's got a boat? - It's his secret hideaway.

It's where he goes if he wants to hide what he's up to...

from his big brother.

We could just drop him down the hatch,

and it would look like he fell.

Traditionally, they're very dangerous things, hatches.

- How do we get him to the boat? - In a car.

- You told me you couldn't drive. - I can't.

Brian was giving me lessons.

Well, at least he was screaming filthy abuse at me

and punching me in an old Saab.

Oh! Fick mich! Fick mich!

Fick mich in meinen Arsch.

Ja!

Oh. Ja!

Mach schneller! Schneller!

Fick mich! Aah!

Pluto, tea time.

Come on.

What have you got?

Hmm?

Give it to me.

Ah, Pluto, give.

Fuck!

Oh, my God.

That is very, very, very bad.

♪ Oh, I cried last night ♪

♪ How I cried last night ♪

♪ For I knew the warning ♪ ♪ you had given me last night ♪

♪ Now it's over ♪

♪ Yes, it's over ♪

♪ And my tears are all too late ♪

♪ I don't sleep now ♪

Brian?

Is that you?

It's me!

I know.

I didn't really think it was him.

I just thought you might be somebody checking.

Just, uh...

I just wanted to see if you were...

all right... I mean, you and-and...

I want to say thank you for...

everything.

Don't be silly. Don't...

You're welcome.

Go to sleep.

Night-night.

Sleep tight.

Don't let the bugs bite.

You too.

Sleep tight.

Don't let the bugs bite.

♪ I still love you But I've only ♪

♪ learned it's over ♪

Morning, Miss, uh, Peploe.

Detective Inspector Hepburn, Eastern and District C.I.D.

Hello, Inspect... Detector.

George is okay.

I'm Petula.

Sorry, I didn't sleep very well.

Come in, please. Sorry I'm not up.

Oops. Sorry.

Please. Allow me.

Would you mind waiting here a minute, till I'm dressed?

Of course.

- You going into work? - Uh-huh. I have to.

They won't mind if I'm late, though.

Who won't mind? Ronnie McMinn?

Big softie, isn't he?

You a friend of his?

There's no such thing as friends on a golf course, I'm afraid.

So, Petula, you work for Brian McMinn?

Well, I work for his big brother, technically.

Uh-huh. And how long have you been living with Brian?

A year.

And how long have you worked for the firm?

About...

About a week longer than we've been living together.

Ah, love at first sight, eh?

Oh, absolutely.

It really was very much, and completely that.

Well, first, I should ask you:

Have you any idea where your boyfriend might be?

None.

- And you last saw him? - Tuesday night.

We'd been for dinner. We came home,

Brian sat up drinking, and I went to bed.

I suppose I just drank too much.

But I didn't so much go to bed as crash.

Was Mr. McMinn in a similar condition?

He was, probably.

I mean, I was only drinking Sea Breezes.

So you got the bruise from walking into something

while you yourself were inebriated?

Not from getting punched by Brian?

What is that supposed to mean?

I'm a Detective Inspector, Petula.

Do you know what a Detective Inspector does?

This is one of those police questions

you're supposed to say no to, isn't it?

Uh-huh.

You see, what a Detective Inspector does is, he detects things.

And then when he's successfully detected them,

he inspects them,

in order to establish whether or not

there was any point in detecting them in the first place.

Mm-hmm.

And from where I'm standing,

I can detect some bruising around your cheekbone,

consistent with a blow.

And discoloration around your neck,

consistent with an attempted throttling.

I'm not being too personal, am I, Petula?

Now, do you have other men in your life,

or does Brian get violent when he drinks too much?

He doesn't!

I don't have any other men in my life, no.

So, either lover boy hit you and stormed out in a raging temper,

or... you've killed him and hidden his body.

That... is just utterly...

- and completely ridiculous! - What is?

That I've killed him and hidden his body, for goodness' sake!

I know.

I was being facetious in an attempt to stop you getting upset.

Well, even joking you shouldn't say.

I mean, how would you feel if your wife had just disappeared?

I'm not married. And neither are you, Petula.

All I'm saying is that what you're saying isn't such a thing...

you should make facetious remarks about, because it could be...

one of the sort of things that people get upset by.

Oh, my God!

Stuart, uh, I've got a wee bit of a situation developing here.

Ah, that's right, the missing persons.

Uh, Anybody needs me, I'll be back in the office after lunch. All right?

Could you look at that again, Petula?

I'm okay now, I think.

It's Brian's ring.

Was he wearing it when you last saw him?

Yes.

He wears it all the time.

It's stuck.

Well, he says he'll never get the bloody thing o...

off.

That's Brian's mobile phone.

What, are you up to trying it now?

Oh... Oh, no, I don't...

I mean... God, do I have to?

Petula, we have to know a few things quickly.

We have to know what Brian's state of health is,

whether or not this is a hoax...

And we have to...

You have to make sure...

that if there is a real problem here,

that we don't jeopardize Mr. McMinn's well-being by our actions.

Am I being clear?

What's the matter?

Are you not okay?

Um, I don't know what I'm going to say.

Well, find out what they want. They'll tell ya.

Hello?

Hello, Petula.

If Brian's brother wants Brian back,

he's going to have to pay money for him.

Um, they know my name.

Right. Ask 'em what they want.

They want money.

How much money do they want?

How much money do you want?

You're the one who works there.

What's a reasonable sum?

I mean, how much is he worth?

How much can Ronnie McMinn get his hands on?

I don't, um...

I don't know what you mean.

How much?

Petula?

He's dead now,

and we killed him.

So...

if we could get away from here, forever...

Huh?

I can't think of anything else to say.

Brian is dead.

You're all alone. It's just you and me.

Help me.

You want... exactly...

one million pounds, cash.

No! A real number! A serious number.

We're not a bloody imaginary...

One million pounds, or...

Ronnie McMinn will get his brother's head...

in a green nylon knapsack all tied up with a ribbon...

through the post.

Bloody hell.

Tell them you have to speak to Brian.

Hello?

I...

have to speak to Brian.

To know that he's all right.

To know that he's all right.

We can't bring him to the phone.

They can't bring him to the phone.

Then how do we know that they haven't

already decapitated Mr. McMinn?

- Um... - Ask him something.

Who?

Brian. Ask me to ask Brian a question.

- I have to ask him something. - What?

What do you want me to ask him?

Something only you and Brian both know.

Something only me and Brian both know.

All right. On you go.

Um, ask him...

Um, tell him to... Tell...

Oh, God, I can't think of what to ask!

Tell them to ask Brian to tell you...

when and where you and him last made love.

When and where did Brian and me...

...last make love?

Half an hour ago, up the bottom.

That is precisely...

one hundred percent spot on!

You're not contemplatin' somethin' silly here, are you, hen?

It's a favorite spot, you know.

It's love... lovely.

Ah, it's not lovely when you're fishin' them out of the water.

Away home and take an overdose.

They've hung up.

Did they answer the question?

What did they say?

Oh. They said, on the leather couch in his office.

Tuesday, lunch time.

Twice.

And, would that be correct?

Then I have to say that I think Mr. McMinn...

is a very, very lucky man, Petula,

because obviously...

Obviously he hasn't had his head cut off.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I thought that you meant...

You've had a massive shock, Petula.

Now, let me ask you before I go.

Do you have an easily accessible back entrance I can make use of?

Dave, have you seen Neil McIndoe?

- Who's Neil McIndoe? - Regional pathologist.

Big ugly fucker. No taste in clothes. Bad personal hygiene.

I got ya. In the canteen.

Reason I didn't know who you meant was, everybody calls him "Dog Breath."

Fuck me.

You're not eating that swill out of choice, are you, Neil?

Detective Inspector Hepburn. How's the golf, George?

Be a lot better if some fucker hadn't

ripped off my clubs out the back of my car.

The reason I come here to eat this swill is so I can enjoy my lunch...

without being surrounded by body parts.

I thought pathologists had no feelings.

That's a myth.

Like, "all pathologists have bad breath."

Where is your finger from?

You tell me.

Off a dead person, or a live one?

Obviously dead.

If you cut a finger from somebody that's alive,

that finger will exsanguinate.

All the blood will drain from it.

You cut that finger from a corpse,

the blood inside is already semi-coagulated.

That's what I thought.

Somebody playing practical silly fuckers?

Oh, some medical student, no doubt.

They're such scum, those fuckers.

This is Brian's finger.

- You recognize the ring? - I know my own flesh, George.

Does this mean he's alive?

On balance, Ronnie...

All things taken into account, and after...

after listening to expert advice, I can say...

absolutely.

He was alive when it was cut off.

The girl's spoken to him.

If they hadn't killed him by then, they won't kill him now.

Oh! Uh, what are you, uh... Sorry, I have to keep that.

I'm going to see it's returned to my brother.

Not now, later. I have to keep it in custody for the time being.

Custody?

I mean, in-in... as evidence.

Don't! Uh, don't. Sorry. Sorry, Ronnie. Please.

Don't touch that. I haven't had time to have it dusted yet.

For fingerprints?

I'm sorry, Ronnie, but I have to ask you...

...one question. Just to get the...

possibility out of the way.

And this is, uh, this is simply to eliminate a line of inquiry.

George, ask me.

There's no possibility, is there,

that Brian would be so hard up for money

that he would sacrifice one of his own fingers...

in an attempt to inveigle funds out of his big brother?

Ronnie?

He'd only have to ask me.

Right.

In that case, we proceed in the light of this being

a bona fide kidnapping and extortion.

They want precisely two million pounds.

All right, then.

I'll meet you about seven o' clock tonight.

And, listen, can you drive?

So, that's it, then.

Sorry, what do you mean, that's what?

That's the famous couch where it all happened.

"Tuesday lunch time."

"Twice."

Does Brian think he can still keep you happy...

with only nine fingers, Petula?

What?

Still, that's a lot of money for a wee bit of your body. Hmm?

Isn't it? Eh?

Which bit of your body...

is worth the most to you, Petula?

Mr. McMinn...

Those are lovely lips.

My wee brother was still alive when his finger was cut off him.

Can you imagine how...

sore that must have been,

chopping through bone and gristle...

and tender flesh?

Brian's too soft for any of that.

Isn't he, Petula?

I...

I don't know what you're talking about.

You didn't do it for him.

Did you, Petula?

Because, if I thought...

Well...

You could kiss those lovely lips good-bye.

And I wouldn't stop there...

Petula.

Any messages for me, Stuart?

Somebody called Ronnie McMinn phoned this morning.

Got his number if you need it.

Nah, just a pal of mine, I'm looking for a game of golf.

Any luck with your clubs?

What do you expect?

The police are a bunch of worthless, skivin' assholes.

What about your missing persons?

Fucked off in a drunken huff and left his missus.

How? Is she a dog?

Stuart, my son, she is a total fuckin' dog.

Can't blame the poor fucker.

Or maybe he topped himself having to gaze

at her ugly mug while trying to digest food.

Clutch, accelerator, brake.

No! Brake, accelerator, clutch.

Surely.

Neutral.

"Always make sure your vehicle is in neutral...

"before you start your engine, Petula.

Or I will punch your fucking lights out."

"Mirror, signal, maneuver."

Now, what the fuck was that about?

Oh! Oh, Petula!

Petula, slow down, slow down!

Oh, my God! Oh, God!

We'll bring Brian's body here after it gets dark.

And we can make it look like the kidnappers held him here...

and then tortured him...

for days and days and days before they killed him.

You have a very brilliant criminal mind.

Dorothy, what are you doing?

Well, torturers don't tidy up, Petula.

The place should be a complete smelly tip wreaking of lager.

Right!

Also, we should get some Chinese take-aways

and chuck them all around the place.

And also we should get some, uh,

filthy socks and pants and shite of Tony's...

'cause I bet you a million pounds

kidnappers' pants smell just like Tony's pants.

Fick mich in meinen Arsch.

"Fick mich in meinen Arsch," Petula.

What? Are you judging me?

No, I'm not judging you.

If I was judging you, you'd be in jail for murder,

and kidnapping, torture.

- So? - Dorothy, that is totally gross.

You get off me, you monster!

Gonna sniff my cheesy "grunties", flower?

Gonna suck mein socks and fick meinen Arsch?

Come on, that's disgusting!

I'm going for a pee.

Pluto, get out!

Bloody hell, that can't be pleasant.

I mean, that is as thick as a baby's arm.

Would you let a baby do that to you with its arm?

Petula, get away from there!

Fuck!

Oh, fuck.

Is that...

somebody we know out there, Dorothy?

Eh?

Eh, who's the fucking stiff, Dot?

Tony, that's, uh,

Petula's boyfriend.

And he was in an accident.

And it's got nothing to do with you, Tony, so just don't start!

Okay? Don't start!

Petula?

You've got to be kidding.

Alright.

I want my golf clubs, you.

Is this what you're looking for, you evil bastard?

Get out, Tony,

or I'll stab you. I honestly will.

Where'd you get one of them, doll? Jesus.

Listen, Dorothy, I'm not well.

I'm sick, doll.

I didn't know that was in there, darling.

Don't get upset at me.

There's something in my golf bag I need, Dorothy.

Make me feel better, doll.

I'm feelin' shite.

And then I'll be out of here. You know me, babe.

I'll get my gear and mellow out and vamoose, babe.

You get it, and you get out.

See.

My stash, doll And my works...

'cause I need my stash, eh?

And I need...

my gun.

Now what the fuck is fucking going on here, eh?

I'm askin' you right now!

What the fuck were you doin' with my underpants, eh?

Now there's no way you could describe these as cheesy.

These are as fresh as a newborn daisy.

Oh, Pluto.

My baby. Come to bed.

Pluto, no. No!

Pluto!

Now put that knife down,

or I'll shoot Scooby Doo here...

right in the middle of his face, eh?

So what's the score then, eh?

Who's the poor bastard out in the cold?

He's my boyfriend.

Who killed him?

Well, he was beating me up...

and-and Dorothy came past and rescued me.

Nobody meant to kill anybody, Tony.

Oh! Oh, and that makes it okay then, does it?

Some poor fucker goes down that fucking tunnel,

and it's okay by you pair 'cause it was only an accident.

So how come he's not buried in a grave...

in a fucking cemetery if it's all so hunky-dory?

Look, we were going to phone the authorities.

Don't you patronize me, Petula. I'll cut your face off.

He'd been kidnapped.

I heard you just now.

So how much is your stiff worth, eh?

If you lie to me, I'll hurt the dog really badly.

- Tony, it's not... - A million pounds.

You're kidding?

Well, well, well.

That's enough for all three of us to play with, isn't it, girls?

Now, then,

come and sit down next to me, Dorothy, come on.

And hit me with some of that...

really fabby gear out of my golf bag.

Your friend is gorgeous, by the way, Dorothy.

Have you pair got a wee thing going, huh?

That'd be rather...

Oh, rather nice.

Do yourself.

No, Tony, please.

- Tony, you know... - Do yourself...

or I'll shoot my dog in the face with my golf gun.

Look at her, Petula.

A former connoisseur.

The good old days, eh, Dorothy?

Now let me be frank with you, Petula.

I'm not interested in money.

There's other things I need much more than money. That right, Dot?

Here.

Now,

I want you to take off your tights...

and tie young Dorothy's hands behind her back.

Now, Petula,

I want you to take off your pants.

Why?

'Cause I'm gonna fuck you, gorgeous.

Then you and I are gonna watch while Scooby Doo fucks Dorothy.

You bastard!

I'm gonna fucking kill you.

You bastard!

One, two, three.

Leave it.

Still here, boss?

Have you got the keys for the secure room?

Why? What are you looking for?

Just, uh, just checking something, Stuart.

I can't stay.

I have to go back to the house.

If I stay out,

the police will know something's wrong.

Can you manage?

All Right. Phone me in the morning, first thing.

Tony's tied up now. I have to go.

- Oh, Jesus! - Petula, wait.

Get my dog to the hospital.

Don't worry, I'll take care of him.

And he's not your dog.

He's my dog.

And if he dies,

You die as well, you bad, evil bastard.

It's not my dog.

He's called, uh, Pluto or-or something.

Um, right. How much...

How much do vets cost? Here.

Sorry, miss! Look, you can't just...

And also, watch when you sew him up,

because he's 50% acrylic.

I was only joking about you and Pluto.

I love you, Dorothy.

I'm sorry I hurt you.

I'm dying, Dorothy.

If you don't get me to a hospital, I'll die.

Tony, you'll be in a hospital in a couple of hours.

My arm's numb, fingers are cold.

I'm freezing cold all over.

Just a wee while longer.

Don't let the bugs bite.

Remember? I used to say that...

time you were ill, and I looked after you.

You remember?

It was you who made me ill, Tony.

♪ I don't want a lover ♪

♪ I just need a friend ♪

♪ I don't want a lover ♪

♪ I just need a friend ♪

♪ You can't just leave me ♪

♪ To face life on my own ♪

♪ I know you don't love me no more ♪

♪ I knew this day'd come ♪

♪ Even when it cuts so deep ♪

♪ It's true I still want you ♪

♪ But the harder I try ♪

♪ The more I seem to lose ♪

♪ I don't want a lover ♪

♪ I just need a friend ♪

♪ I've had time to recover ♪

♪ Now that I know it wasn't love ♪

♪ It's always a different story ♪

♪ When it's me who's in the wrong ♪

♪ But you can't have it all ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm the one who's strong ♪

♪ I've already been burnt before ♪

♪ Once but never again ♪

♪ I know the time will come ♪

♪ That's when you'll need me there ♪

♪ I don't want a lover ♪

♪ I just need a friend ♪ Brian?

♪ I've had time to recover ♪

♪ Now that I know it wasn't love ♪

♪ I don't want a lover ♪

♪ I just need a friend ♪

♪ I know you never cared ♪

♪ Now that I know it wasn't love ♪

Who's there?

I could put you in the jail, Petula.

Or, I could lose a little bit of weight,

work on my tan.

Please.

And make you very, very happy.

Please, I'm sorry.

I'd be right in thinking I can smell blood, gorgeous?

Mm.

Blood and shampoo.

Chicks.

I've wanted one like you all my life, Petula.

You're a very lovely creature.

Listen, Dorothy... The mobile phone you have called is switched off.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!

Back upstairs to bed, Petula.

I want you to have a nice sleep so that you look gorgeous for Brian...

when he comes back to get my money.

Sleep tight.

Ah, Mr. McMinn. Mr. McMinn!

These gentlemen are here to see you.

Then show these gentlemen into my office, Maureen!

Pluto!

Pluto!

Pluto!

My baby. Oh!

Thank you.

Bridges Service Station, please.

Bitches.

I'll drink your blood.

All right, Maureen.

I can't get over it, George.

The suffering he must have gone through.

Don't think about it, Ronnie. He'll be fine.

Makes me sick to my stomach.

That's a mere pittance.

Two million pounds.

George, I'd pay twice this to catch these fiends.

I know, Ronnie. I know.

I want you to promise me something.

Fifteen minutes alone with them.

Show them what happens when you fuck with Ronnie McMinn.

You are confident this is the best way, George?

I trust you on this one.

Whenever they tell us where the drop is, Ronnie,

then I've got them.

See, the hardest part of a kidnapping is picking up the ransom.

That's where we catch kidnappers every single time.

Nobody's ever clever enough to figure out how you collect

a bag of money without being followed.

Ninety-nine percent are apprehended at that point.

I'm sorry, Mr. McMinn.

A very peculiar phone call from some Irish girl who says that

"Petula has to get in that taxi outside,

and the drop," whatever that's supposed to mean,

"is the Bridges Service Station."

Hello, Stuart?

Yup, The Bridges Service Station.

Carrier is en route.

Fingertips Executive Sauna and Massage is open Monday to Friday,

- 10:00 a.m. till 11:00 p.m. - Right!

That's the backup in position.

Okay?

Right, in you get.

Just hang on, driver.

- Honestly, I don't know if I should... - Just do exactly what you're told.

I'll be behind you every step of the way.

Ronnie, what?

He's my brother, George. I've got to be there.

Ronnie, for God's sake, this is a very delicate business.

If you're seen, everything's up shit creek.

Now, you've got to trust me!

What is going on, Mr. McMinn?

Brian's dead, and that fucker knows it.

I'll show him what I fucking trust!

Dorothy!

- I... Did you... - I told her.

He looks as if he should be home in his basket.

Pluto.

Sit, sit.

Pluto, down! Down!

Good boy, good boy.

Step away from the dog!

Step away from the dog!

Run, run, run, run, run, run, run!

Tell me you never gave a million pounds to that dog!

That's what you told me to do!

- You told me to do what you said! - You stupid fucking bitch!

Get off! Get off me!

Get... Ouch! Ow!

Oh, shit!

C.I.D. This is an official crime scene.

You're officially shut till I get back! Understood?

Go, Pluto, go! Go!

Go home!

Oh, shit!

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!

Shit, shit, shit!

♪ The look of love ♪

♪ Is in your eyes ♪

♪ A look ♪

♪ Your heart can't disguise ♪

I really feel I have to say that...

you're one of the most gorgeous creatures

I've ever set eyes on in my life.

Oh, shit!

Hey, Pluto! Here, boy!

Is your daddy home, Pluto?

What is that? You got some gear for him, boy?

Because your bad dad owes your uncle Aidan big time!

What happened to your head?

- The dog! - What's with the fucking shoving, pal!

That's a lot of gear that dog was holding for my china.

Right, you junkie fuck! Tell me where the dog lives!

Pluto!

Come here! Good boy!

Well done.

Come on.

Tony?

Are you awake, Tony?

Shit.

Hold the gun by the muzzle.

Now, throw the gun to me.

Get your hands in the air.

Now!

Is that Brian McMinn in there?

Is that your hostage?

That's him.

He needs a doctor.

Jesus.

It looks like you've just killed your hostage,

which is a...

pretty fundamental error.

Now, miss,

would you please not stand in front of the window.

- What? - Do as you're told.

Step away from the window, and you won't get hurt.

Come on now!

I'm a detective inspector with the Eastern and District Regional Constabulary.

Thieving bitch! That's my golf clubs!

No one fucks with Ronnie McMinn.

Ronnie.

Ronnie.

Fuck you!

Shit!

Oh, Jesus!

Tony.

Hey, I saved your life there, mister.

And I have to tell you,

this whole thing...

was dreamt up by that bitch there and her pal.

No one...

No one,

least of all a fucking filthy creature like you...

or your dimwit pal,

fucks with Ronnie...

Petula!

McMinn.

♪ Small town girl goes west 'cause she thinks ♪

♪ it's the only way to stay alive ♪

♪ Now she knows best ♪ ♪ the who's who and who's not ♪

♪ Who's hot and who's the more fly ♪

♪ Now when she stands before you ♪

What am I going to do about this?

There's bound to be some tools in the boot.

Oh, there's not gonna be any tools in there, is there?

Shit!

Dorothy, get the bag!

- There's not gonna... - Dorothy, open the bag!

♪ There she goes again ♪

♪ Slippin' and slidin' ♪ ♪ duckin' and divin' ♪

♪ There she goes again ♪

♪ Tryin'all the new stuff ♪ ♪ tryin' to be fly ♪

♪ There she goes again ♪

♪ Slippin' and slidin' ♪ ♪ duckin' and divin' ♪

♪ There she goes again ♪

Got nothing smaller than a hundred?

No, sorry.

Two sixty.

I haven't charged you for your funny colored guide dog

or your blind pal.

I'll need to come back with your change, hen.

No, that's all right.

Keep the money.

It's a present from Pluto.

♪ All decked out ♪ ♪ in her designer clothes ♪

♪ 'Cause she's shootin' from ♪ ♪ the hip with a credit card ♪

♪ Everybody thinks ♪ ♪ she's a bittle lit old ♪

♪ But you can't take long ♪ ♪ on an eyesore ♪

♪ Drivin' in a Beamer ♪ ♪ with the top down ♪

♪ Sunset queen in a big town ♪

♪ If you don't pay ♪ ♪ she'll go out of your way ♪

♪ Yeah, you don't want her ♪ ♪ hangin' around ♪

♪ Now, a stick and stone ♪ ♪ may break the bone ♪

♪ But it don't quench the fire ♪

♪ I wonder what ♪ ♪ she's looking for tonight ♪

♪ There she goes again ♪

♪ Slippin' and slidin' ♪ ♪ duckin' and divin' ♪

Dorothy?

Mm-hmm?

You know how Pluto's 50% acrylic?

Yeah?

Is that the half that's pink?

It is.

Really?

So does that make him dry-clean only?

♪ Now stepping stones and licking ♪ ♪ bones and cast them all aside ♪

♪ I wonder what she's ♪ ♪ looking for tonight ♪

♪ There she goes again ♪

♪ There she goes again ♪

♪ There she goes again ♪

♪ There she goes again ♪

♪ There she goes again ♪

♪ Slippin' and slidin', ♪ ♪ duckin' and divin' ♪

♪ There she goes again ♪

♪ Tryin' all the new stuff ♪ ♪ Tryin' to be fly ♪

♪ There she goes again ♪

♪ Slippin' and slidin', ♪ ♪ duckin' and divin' ♪

♪ There she goes again ♪

♪ Tryin' all the new stuff ♪ ♪ Tryin' to get high ♪

♪ She's so high ♪

♪ There she goes again ♪

♪ She's so high ♪

♪ There she goes again ♪

♪ She's so high ♪

♪ There she goes again ♪

♪ She's so high ♪

♪ There she goes again ♪

♪ She's so high ♪

♪ There she goes again ♪

♪ She's so high ♪

♪ There she goes again ♪