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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Give it a moment.
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Nothing gets by me, Tina.
Uno what I'm thinking?
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I don't think you have any blues.
4
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I think you put the wild
card down, and chose blue,
5
00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:26,193
because you want us to
think you have blues.
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- Just go already!
- Uh, excuse me.
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I am employing a little
something called "strategy."
8
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I am taking my time because I
enjoy being the center of attention.
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00:00:34,910 --> 00:00:36,620
Until I put a card down,
you have to listen.
10
00:00:36,626 --> 00:00:38,407
It's been your turn for ten minutes.
11
00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:40,457
Well, since you're being so impatient,
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I'm gonna put my thing down,
flip it and reverse it back to Tina.
13
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Uno.
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So you did have blues. Touché.
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Henrietta, don't use a foreign
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language in front of the child.
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She'll get ideas.
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- It's your turn, Beatrice.
- Ah, ah, ah, ah!
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- You okay, Hollyhock?
- Yeah, I'm... I'm awesome.
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I feel really good.
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I just... I need a glass of water.
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Oh! Beatrice, trying to
slip a nine on a six.
23
00:01:00,852 --> 00:01:03,730
You think I've never seen
an old niner-sixer before?
24
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- Ah! Ow!
- Whoa, are... are you okay?
25
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I'm fine! I just... Ow!
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Did you cut yourself? It's okay.
I know what to do.
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You need some alcohol,
ice, a squeeze of lemon.
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- You'll forget all about your cut.
- I'll be right back.
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One.
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Oh!
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Oh!
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_
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_
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- Synced and corrected by medvidecek007 -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
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Californians are feeling the
pinch, and you butter believe
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it's "beclaws" of Woodchuck
Coodchuck-Berkowitz.
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I see, you're referring to my
hideous transplant lobster claws
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in an effort to distract...
39
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Do you want a governor who
can be rendered defenseless
40
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with two rubber bands?
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Woodchuck is down in the polls.
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Californians just aren't
connecting with his message.
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I have a very important
policy announcement.
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I've got new hands, baby!
45
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Now Woodchuck is way up in the polls!
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I guess his message was connecting
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with voters after all.
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Hey! How you doin'? Looking good.
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Mmm...
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Oh!
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What's the big deal? I have hands too.
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There's no way those new hands
are as perfect as everyone says.
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Nobody's hands are all the way clean.
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Computer, zoom in on that thumb.
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And enhance. Zoom in again.
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Enhance again.
57
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Zoom in three more times.
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Enhance. Enhance.
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Now zoom out once.
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De-enhance. Okay.
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- What are you doing?
- Quiet, "Face."
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"Brain" is working on something.
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Computer, take a scan on that thumbprint
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and cross-reference, please.
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Ha! Just what I expected.
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What?
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Before Woodchuck, the
hands belonged to one
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Ernest Contralto, a criminal.
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The man was a pedophile murderer.
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Well, if you gotta murder somebody...
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No, Tom. Not a pedophile-dash-murderer.
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A pedophile-slash-murderer!
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00:04:01,641 --> 00:04:05,145
Oh, no! The way you said
"slash" was very scary!
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00:04:05,228 --> 00:04:07,913
At first I didn't like
him, on account, uh...
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00:04:07,937 --> 00:04:09,518
He didn't have hands?
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00:04:09,524 --> 00:04:12,104
But then he got new hands,
so I liked him again?
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But then I found out
those hands are bad!
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Can't trust politicians.
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She's killing us on this hands thing.
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Much like Ernest Contralto
killed those innocent children
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after he pedophiled them,
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- with those very hands.
- Not helping!
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Your hands are being really
aggressive right now.
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Watch out!
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They're attacking your face!
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Hey, girl, whatcha working on?
Getting some clicks?
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Get them clicks, girl. Get.
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Them. Clicks.
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I'm working on another big piece
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about how Jessica Biel is owned
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by private prison lobbyists, who want...
92
00:04:44,768 --> 00:04:47,514
Oh, my Gaia, Diane, nobody cares.
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I care and I don't even care.
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So imagine how little someone
who doesn't care cares.
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00:04:52,484 --> 00:04:54,944
- Well...
- What if you had lunch with her?
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00:04:54,950 --> 00:04:56,523
- Why would...
- You could write about
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00:04:56,529 --> 00:04:58,901
what she smells like, how
she makes her face pretty.
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00:04:58,907 --> 00:05:00,795
These are things people
will want to know
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00:05:00,819 --> 00:05:02,742
about our first female governor.
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00:05:02,748 --> 00:05:03,923
Ugh!
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00:05:07,999 --> 00:05:09,668
I'll have the avocado toast.
102
00:05:09,751 --> 00:05:12,962
But instead of the avocado
part, I want fresh sea air,
103
00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:15,965
and instead of the toast, I'll
have a single grain of rice.
104
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And for you?
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Grilled cheese?
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Thank you for meeting me here, Diane.
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I just wanted to tell you,
you can keep writing
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whatever you want about me.
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Obviously, it has no
effect on the polls,
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because the only thing voters care about
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is stupid bullshit,
so knock yourself out.
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Well, today I just want to
know what you smell like.
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It's actually my new fragrance:
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"Bielist," by Jessica Biel.
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- Your perfume's called "B"-list?
- "Bielist."
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"B"-list. Like a "B"-list celebrity.
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No, "Bielist"
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- like Jessica Biel.
- I think we're saying the same thing.
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Do you want some? I got a
whole trunk of this stuff.
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- No, thanks.
- You sure?
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Mr. Peanutbutter always
loved the way I smelled.
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Well, I wouldn't flatter
yourself too much.
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He's very enthusiastic
about smelling in general.
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He's enthusiastic about everything.
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Oh, my God. Does he still have
that dumb magic eye poster?
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What? No.
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When we were married,
he was obsessed with it.
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00:06:05,140 --> 00:06:07,934
And he would make me
stare at it for hours.
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Yeah, I bet.
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00:06:09,073 --> 00:06:11,177
But then, all of a sudden, I saw it.
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And it was incredible.
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And I was so happy that
I had waited long enough
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to experience this beautiful
thing, and I felt so...
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00:06:18,382 --> 00:06:20,092
Why is this disgusting
avocado on my plate?
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- Oh, I...
- I feel personally attacked right now.
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Oh, so sorry.
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Anyway, as I was saying
about the poster,
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it's funny how something so stupid
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could have this tremendous power.
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You know what I mean?
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Yeah. I think I do.
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A blog post about Jessica
Biel is gaining attention
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for the seemingly minor detail
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that the candidate would
not eat an avocado,
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calling the savory fruit,
quote, "disgusting."
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Who doesn't like avocados?
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I don't know if Jessica Biel has the
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right judgment to lead California.
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And I was totally convinced before,
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- so it's really...
- Whoa!
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... the avocado thing that
I have a problem with.
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Why would you say that
you hate avocados?
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I just have to live my truth, Katrina.
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00:07:04,970 --> 00:07:07,931
Her polls, like an
avocado exposed to air,
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00:07:08,015 --> 00:07:11,351
have quickly turned from a
verdant green to a mushy brown.
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00:07:11,435 --> 00:07:13,478
And with only seven days
until the election,
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00:07:13,562 --> 00:07:16,064
her campaign might be in the pits.
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00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:19,103
Wow. Who'da thunk that
such a small trivial detail
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could be the thing to take Biel down?
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Yeah, who'da thunk it?
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Who knew?
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I knew. I put the avocado
thing in the story on purpose,
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I knew people wouldn't like it.
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So just for the record, I "thunk" it.
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Even though it doesn't matter.
I don't need credit.
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But it does, if I didn't do that,
it wouldn't have happened.
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So, it's because of me.
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00:07:36,335 --> 00:07:38,837
- Well, whoever is responsible...
- Me. I just told you.
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00:07:38,921 --> 00:07:40,547
We shouldn't get too excited just yet.
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00:07:40,631 --> 00:07:42,552
The election is a week away,
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and a lot can happen in a week.
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This is far from over.
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_
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It's over. And the clear winner is
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Woodchuck Coodchuck-Berkowitz.
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- All right!
- Huzzah!
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- We did it!
- High five! Low five!
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Shadow puppet!
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Hand jive! Yes!
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00:08:00,192 --> 00:08:01,985
- We did it, didn't we?
- We did!
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00:08:02,069 --> 00:08:03,931
You and me, working together,
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00:08:03,939 --> 00:08:05,744
both contributing the same amount.
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00:08:05,781 --> 00:08:07,576
Well, I wrote the article
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00:08:07,592 --> 00:08:09,111
that got Woodchuck elected governor.
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00:08:09,117 --> 00:08:11,578
You're the one that made him
not governor in the first place.
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00:08:11,584 --> 00:08:14,295
I set 'em up. You knock 'em down.
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00:08:14,359 --> 00:08:16,077
_
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00:08:16,083 --> 00:08:17,459
Thank you for meeting me here.
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00:08:17,542 --> 00:08:20,587
My name is Yolanda Buenaventura
of the Better Business Bureau.
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00:08:20,671 --> 00:08:22,815
It would be funnier if your name was
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00:08:22,839 --> 00:08:24,168
Betty Buenaventura
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of the Better Business Bureau.
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00:08:25,509 --> 00:08:27,970
Well, I'm sorry you don't find
my name sufficiently comical,
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00:08:28,053 --> 00:08:30,138
but this is actually a
very serious matter.
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00:08:30,222 --> 00:08:31,682
- Oh.
- We've received complaints
196
00:08:31,765 --> 00:08:33,100
from several concerned parents.
197
00:08:33,183 --> 00:08:35,394
It seems that many
of your clown dentists
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00:08:35,477 --> 00:08:37,771
aren't actually licensed
to practice medicine.
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00:08:37,854 --> 00:08:40,273
Isn't laughter the best medicine?
200
00:08:40,357 --> 00:08:42,067
No. It is the worst medicine.
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00:08:42,150 --> 00:08:44,778
If you can even call it medicine,
which, legally, you cannot.
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00:08:44,861 --> 00:08:46,633
Well, what if I said my business
203
00:08:46,673 --> 00:08:48,776
was for entertainment purposes?
204
00:08:48,782 --> 00:08:51,243
That would require your
employees to be entertaining.
205
00:08:51,249 --> 00:08:52,943
According to your reviews on Yelp,
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00:08:52,950 --> 00:08:54,573
your clown dentists are, quote,
207
00:08:54,579 --> 00:08:56,452
"A cotton candy nightmare of Freudian
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00:08:56,476 --> 00:08:58,452
"invention that shakes one to the core."
209
00:08:58,458 --> 00:09:00,210
Ah, everyone's a critic.
210
00:09:00,293 --> 00:09:02,295
On Yelp? Yes, that is the idea.
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00:09:02,379 --> 00:09:05,340
It appears your business provides
no service but to terrify children
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00:09:05,424 --> 00:09:06,842
and the adults who accompany them.
213
00:09:06,925 --> 00:09:09,296
If this were October, you
could market your venture
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00:09:09,302 --> 00:09:11,221
as some sort of spooky
Halloween experience,
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00:09:11,304 --> 00:09:14,141
but since this is January, a
month which, to my knowledge,
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00:09:14,224 --> 00:09:16,727
contains no Halloweens,
I have no choice but to...
217
00:09:16,733 --> 00:09:17,943
Wait! Wait.
218
00:09:18,103 --> 00:09:20,313
What if my clown dentists put on a show?
219
00:09:20,397 --> 00:09:23,703
A delightful, whimsical, non-terrifying
220
00:09:23,734 --> 00:09:26,605
clown-stravaganza?
221
00:09:26,611 --> 00:09:28,071
You would have to agree
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00:09:28,155 --> 00:09:30,157
we were a legitimate
business then, right?
223
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:33,201
- Go on.
- Give us a week. We'll put on a show.
224
00:09:33,285 --> 00:09:35,620
If you don't laugh,
I'll dissolve the business
225
00:09:35,704 --> 00:09:38,623
and release all my clown
dentists into the woods,
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00:09:38,707 --> 00:09:41,001
where they'll never bother anyone again.
227
00:09:41,084 --> 00:09:42,964
All right. You have one
week to create a show
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00:09:42,970 --> 00:09:44,712
that delights and astonishes me.
229
00:09:44,796 --> 00:09:46,923
But I should warn you,
I am a very tough crowd.
230
00:09:46,929 --> 00:09:48,584
I once met Paul Rudd at a cocktail party
231
00:09:48,590 --> 00:09:50,577
and I did not find him charming.
232
00:09:53,305 --> 00:09:55,932
Ooh!
233
00:09:56,016 --> 00:09:58,268
Excuse me.
234
00:09:58,351 --> 00:10:01,396
- Get outta my way.
- Like, hooked in a funny way.
235
00:10:01,402 --> 00:10:03,635
You call that funny? That's not funny.
236
00:10:03,663 --> 00:10:04,935
It's sad.
237
00:10:04,941 --> 00:10:07,027
Well, some would argue
that sad and funny
238
00:10:07,110 --> 00:10:09,968
are two sides of the same coin.
239
00:10:09,974 --> 00:10:13,158
Uh, no! Abraham Lincoln
and some weird flat house
240
00:10:13,241 --> 00:10:14,743
are two sides of the same coin.
241
00:10:14,826 --> 00:10:16,787
Take five, Picarello.
242
00:10:16,870 --> 00:10:19,998
I've got a week to whip
these dentists into clowns.
243
00:10:21,208 --> 00:10:23,126
But they're just not silly or wacky
244
00:10:23,210 --> 00:10:25,796
or prone to kooky hijinks of any kind!
245
00:10:27,923 --> 00:10:30,050
Should you be drinking that?
246
00:10:30,133 --> 00:10:32,967
Why not? I got no baby or boyfriend.
247
00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:35,257
Might as well get blotto, right?
248
00:10:35,263 --> 00:10:37,307
Um, shouldn't you be at work?
249
00:10:37,315 --> 00:10:39,261
I'm recal-bibrating.
250
00:10:39,267 --> 00:10:40,435
Oh!
251
00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:42,575
Ohh...
252
00:10:42,581 --> 00:10:44,083
Hey, maybe you should...
253
00:10:44,089 --> 00:10:47,926
Judah, look at my phone! Judah!
254
00:10:48,235 --> 00:10:51,321
You have a meeting with Flip McVicker.
255
00:10:51,404 --> 00:10:53,365
Tell his gal I'm running
ten minutes late.
256
00:10:54,415 --> 00:10:55,916
What gal?
257
00:10:59,496 --> 00:11:02,374
- So, you're a writer?
- Oh, actually that's a typo.
258
00:11:02,457 --> 00:11:03,750
It should say "Waiter."
259
00:11:03,834 --> 00:11:06,211
- But I'm an aspiring writer.
- Uh-huh.
260
00:11:06,294 --> 00:11:07,629
Sorry, that was a joke.
261
00:11:07,712 --> 00:11:09,881
That's the kind of witty
repartee you can expect from...
262
00:11:09,965 --> 00:11:11,675
Yeah, yeah. Thanks for
the business card.
263
00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:12,884
Wait, ya know,
264
00:11:12,968 --> 00:11:15,345
- I have this idea for a TV show.
- Oh?
265
00:11:15,428 --> 00:11:18,348
It's a grizzled former detective
who gets sucked back in...
266
00:11:18,431 --> 00:11:19,599
This sounds fabulous.
267
00:11:19,683 --> 00:11:21,643
Why don't you write a script,
we'll go from there?
268
00:11:21,726 --> 00:11:24,771
- I already wrote it. Boom.
- Oh, you brought it with you.
269
00:11:24,855 --> 00:11:26,358
I don't trust email.
270
00:11:26,421 --> 00:11:27,852
You know, the government.
271
00:11:27,858 --> 00:11:29,985
Yeah. Look, Flip,
before I even read this,
272
00:11:30,068 --> 00:11:33,029
I should tell you that this
town's a total crapshoot.
273
00:11:33,035 --> 00:11:34,984
Odds of the right person
finding your material
274
00:11:34,990 --> 00:11:37,074
and connecting with
it are a million to...
275
00:11:37,832 --> 00:11:38,996
One.
276
00:11:39,087 --> 00:11:42,562
I just know I have this
great potential inside me.
277
00:11:42,568 --> 00:11:43,784
I know I can do it.
278
00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:46,918
Even if no one else understands
or believes in me.
279
00:11:47,002 --> 00:11:48,753
I'm sure that sounds
pretty stupid but...
280
00:11:48,759 --> 00:11:51,804
It's not stupid. I believe in you.
281
00:11:54,384 --> 00:11:55,844
I don't know how else to describe it
282
00:11:55,927 --> 00:11:59,264
other than this feeling of
supreme warmth came over me,
283
00:11:59,347 --> 00:12:01,516
like this is what I've been
waiting for my whole life.
284
00:12:01,529 --> 00:12:02,738
That's amazing!
285
00:12:02,744 --> 00:12:04,656
Todd, the world is dark and scary and
286
00:12:04,695 --> 00:12:06,352
full of creepy clown dentists...
287
00:12:06,358 --> 00:12:08,444
They're working very
hard to be less creepy.
288
00:12:08,648 --> 00:12:11,359
But when I hold this script
in my hands, I have hope.
289
00:12:11,443 --> 00:12:14,029
I gotta get this made.
What do I always say?
290
00:12:14,112 --> 00:12:16,281
"What's the difference between
an agent and a manager?"
291
00:12:16,364 --> 00:12:18,992
Uh, managers are always
talking about the differences
292
00:12:19,075 --> 00:12:22,162
between agents and managers
and agents don't as much?
293
00:12:22,168 --> 00:12:24,271
No! Managers can produce!
294
00:12:24,295 --> 00:12:25,993
This script is a sign.
295
00:12:25,999 --> 00:12:28,209
I gotta get off my ass
and produce this baby.
296
00:12:28,215 --> 00:12:29,341
Todd?
297
00:12:29,347 --> 00:12:32,291
Get me a meeting with Turtletaub.
Set something up with his gal.
298
00:12:32,297 --> 00:12:33,798
Who is this gal?
299
00:12:37,135 --> 00:12:40,055
Okay. Clentists, assemble!
300
00:12:41,598 --> 00:12:44,225
Wipe those serious looks off
your faces and listen up!
301
00:12:44,309 --> 00:12:45,769
We gotta help Princess Carolyn,
302
00:12:45,852 --> 00:12:48,749
but also we gotta prep for
our big show next week.
303
00:12:48,755 --> 00:12:51,358
If only there was a way
to do both at once.
304
00:12:51,441 --> 00:12:53,485
What a ludicrous notion!
305
00:12:53,568 --> 00:12:55,059
Doctor Picarello,
306
00:12:55,098 --> 00:12:57,232
we might make a clown out of you yet!
307
00:12:57,238 --> 00:12:59,240
Oh, joy!
308
00:13:01,743 --> 00:13:03,286
Special delivery.
309
00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:06,805
This next part is critical.
Remain wacky.
310
00:13:06,829 --> 00:13:09,243
This is a highly frivolous situation!
311
00:13:11,151 --> 00:13:14,362
- What's in the package?
- It's a hand delivery item.
312
00:13:14,798 --> 00:13:15,840
Hey!
313
00:13:15,924 --> 00:13:19,844
- Now, Doctor Boing Boing!
- I am in position.
314
00:13:24,641 --> 00:13:26,810
All right, Princess Carolyn, sit tight.
315
00:13:26,893 --> 00:13:29,229
Whoa!
316
00:13:29,312 --> 00:13:31,693
... before, so it's really the avocado
317
00:13:31,717 --> 00:13:33,846
thing that I have a problem with.
318
00:13:38,405 --> 00:13:39,823
Target is acquired.
319
00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:42,492
Deliver the goods, Doctor Boing Boing!
320
00:13:44,035 --> 00:13:45,120
Ah!
321
00:13:45,126 --> 00:13:47,837
It's sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-showtime!
322
00:13:47,998 --> 00:13:49,833
- Whoa!
- Oh!
323
00:13:49,916 --> 00:13:52,627
- Princess Carolyn!
- Lenny, thanks for making time.
324
00:13:52,711 --> 00:13:54,170
Didn't realize I had.
325
00:13:54,254 --> 00:13:55,755
Are you drunk?
326
00:13:55,839 --> 00:13:57,882
You smell like somebody
tried to put out a fire
327
00:13:57,966 --> 00:13:59,551
at the booze factory with more booze.
328
00:13:59,634 --> 00:14:02,178
Uh, new perfume, "Sealist," by Seal.
329
00:14:02,262 --> 00:14:04,931
Now let's get to brass stacks.
330
00:14:04,937 --> 00:14:07,219
So it's a hot young writer.
331
00:14:07,274 --> 00:14:09,013
It's TV. It's me producing.
332
00:14:09,019 --> 00:14:10,848
- "TV?"
- Just look at this script.
333
00:14:10,854 --> 00:14:13,023
I know it's gonna knock your socks off.
334
00:14:13,029 --> 00:14:14,614
Eh...
335
00:14:15,346 --> 00:14:18,022
Know that website,
"What-time-is-it-right-now-dot-com,"
336
00:14:18,028 --> 00:14:19,946
you go to when you want
to know what time it is?
337
00:14:20,030 --> 00:14:21,849
- Yeah.
- They look to make a play
338
00:14:21,855 --> 00:14:23,616
in the gritty prestige streaming world,
339
00:14:23,700 --> 00:14:26,036
and it could make a big
splash with a huge ad buy.
340
00:14:26,119 --> 00:14:28,830
Plus, you got the built-in audience
who don't know what time it is.
341
00:14:28,913 --> 00:14:31,041
That's huge! That's so many people!
342
00:14:31,124 --> 00:14:33,376
Yeah, yeah, this could be
perfect as their first series,
343
00:14:33,382 --> 00:14:34,675
but we'd have to get in fast.
344
00:14:34,681 --> 00:14:36,665
They wanna premiere
before Daylight Savings.
345
00:14:36,671 --> 00:14:38,381
Let's set the pitch for next week.
346
00:14:38,465 --> 00:14:40,216
Philbert? Who's Philbert?
347
00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:42,921
He's this grizzled but very
good-looking detective
348
00:14:42,927 --> 00:14:45,096
who gets sucked back in to something.
349
00:14:45,102 --> 00:14:46,342
No, I mean who is he?
350
00:14:46,348 --> 00:14:48,141
- You got a star attached?
- Not yet, but...
351
00:14:48,224 --> 00:14:49,934
Eh, we can't go in without a big name.
352
00:14:50,018 --> 00:14:52,284
TV pitching is like the Israeli flag,
353
00:14:52,347 --> 00:14:53,849
it's nothing without a big star.
354
00:14:53,855 --> 00:14:55,142
Sorry, Princess Carolyn.
355
00:14:55,148 --> 00:14:56,441
No! Fish!
356
00:14:56,845 --> 00:14:58,298
Oh, whoa...
357
00:14:58,345 --> 00:15:00,306
Ooh, spinny.
358
00:15:00,622 --> 00:15:03,911
Uh-oh! She is out like sauerkraut.
359
00:15:03,948 --> 00:15:07,160
Don't let Turtletaub
get back to his office.
360
00:15:07,243 --> 00:15:10,754
This sounds like a job for the
"Waltz of the Rubber Chicken"!
361
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:13,619
Doctor Picarello, you gotta
revive Princess Carolyn.
362
00:15:13,625 --> 00:15:15,543
Give her ten cc's of honka-honka.
363
00:15:15,627 --> 00:15:16,836
Stat!
364
00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:17,962
Oh!
365
00:15:18,658 --> 00:15:20,584
Hey! Hey! Pardon me. Excuse me!
366
00:15:20,590 --> 00:15:23,176
- Oh! Allow me to lead, my lady.
- Wow.
367
00:15:23,259 --> 00:15:26,763
- What the shell is this?
- So beautiful.
368
00:15:26,846 --> 00:15:30,326
It says so much without
saying anything at all.
369
00:15:30,332 --> 00:15:31,684
You gotta be kidding me.
370
00:15:31,768 --> 00:15:33,395
Okay, okay, how about Aaron Eckhart?
371
00:15:33,478 --> 00:15:35,647
He owes me a favor and he
can disappear into any role.
372
00:15:35,730 --> 00:15:38,793
Yeah, he can disappear so good,
the audience disappears with him.
373
00:15:38,799 --> 00:15:40,259
- Tony Shalhoub!
- Tony Sha-who-ub?
374
00:15:40,343 --> 00:15:42,720
This is "What-time-is-
it-right-now-dot-com,"
375
00:15:42,803 --> 00:15:44,819
not "What-time-is-it-fifteen-years-ago
376
00:15:44,825 --> 00:15:48,184
dot-Geocities-dot-com-
slash-Monk-fanpage."
377
00:15:48,190 --> 00:15:50,484
Please. I need this so bad.
You don't understand.
378
00:15:50,554 --> 00:15:52,403
This project is my Ba...
379
00:15:52,443 --> 00:15:54,093
My Ba...
380
00:15:54,099 --> 00:15:56,810
- It's my baby.
- Well, if you can't attach a real star,
381
00:15:56,893 --> 00:15:58,270
- your baby's dead.
- No!
382
00:15:58,353 --> 00:15:59,729
Oh, thank you.
383
00:15:59,735 --> 00:16:02,196
There's gotta be a name
that does something for you.
384
00:16:02,202 --> 00:16:06,021
Uh, Jack Huston... Hugh... Hugh Jackman.
385
00:16:06,027 --> 00:16:07,606
- BoJack Horseman!
- There's someone...
386
00:16:07,612 --> 00:16:08,858
- Corbin Bernsen.
- No.
387
00:16:08,864 --> 00:16:10,824
- Ben Mendelsohn.
- No, no, no. Hold on.
388
00:16:10,907 --> 00:16:12,638
BoJack. That's an idea.
389
00:16:12,646 --> 00:16:14,864
Yeah, yeah, sure. A BoJack-type.
390
00:16:14,870 --> 00:16:17,074
I swore I'd never work
with that asshole again,
391
00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:18,665
but you gotta admit he's got heat.
392
00:16:18,748 --> 00:16:21,251
Star of Secretariat,
disappears for a year,
393
00:16:21,334 --> 00:16:23,511
shows up again to do one episode
394
00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:26,046
- of a reality show about butts.
- Right, but...
395
00:16:26,052 --> 00:16:29,211
And then you get him playing a rich,
complex anti-hero like Philbert,
396
00:16:29,217 --> 00:16:31,167
now there's a show that screams,
397
00:16:31,173 --> 00:16:33,022
"What time is it right now?"
398
00:16:33,028 --> 00:16:34,238
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure.
399
00:16:34,244 --> 00:16:35,829
I'm saying, there are a lotta guys...
400
00:16:35,835 --> 00:16:38,066
P.C., can you get me BoJack or not?
401
00:16:38,072 --> 00:16:41,104
- Of course I can.
- I'll send over a contract, iron-clad.
402
00:16:41,188 --> 00:16:43,482
I don't want to risk that
jerkwad skipping town again.
403
00:16:43,565 --> 00:16:45,474
Make sure he signs it before the pitch.
404
00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:46,906
Uh, will do.
405
00:16:46,912 --> 00:16:49,461
And, uh, go easy on the sauce, huh, kid?
406
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:50,983
Sloppy don't suit you.
407
00:16:50,989 --> 00:16:54,246
♪ Rubber chicken Rubber chicken ♪
408
00:16:54,252 --> 00:16:56,128
Ah, I got that damn
thing stuck in my head.
409
00:16:56,453 --> 00:16:58,079
Guys, that was amazing!
410
00:16:58,163 --> 00:17:01,333
But if we're going to convince
Yolanda we're ready for the big top,
411
00:17:01,416 --> 00:17:03,710
we need to really hunker
down over the next week
412
00:17:03,793 --> 00:17:07,130
and put together a show
so undeniably hilarious
413
00:17:07,214 --> 00:17:09,754
and life-affirming, that she has
414
00:17:09,778 --> 00:17:11,794
no choice but to say...
415
00:17:11,803 --> 00:17:13,547
_
416
00:17:13,553 --> 00:17:15,678
Wow! What a great show!
417
00:17:15,717 --> 00:17:17,551
Okay, you can keep your business...
418
00:17:17,557 --> 00:17:18,767
- Hooray!
- Perfect!
419
00:17:18,850 --> 00:17:21,436
... is what I would say if
you'd put on a good show.
420
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:24,497
Just so you understand the rubric
when I declare my actual reaction,
421
00:17:24,523 --> 00:17:26,101
which is: "I did not enjoy that."
422
00:17:26,107 --> 00:17:27,556
Oh, no!
423
00:17:27,572 --> 00:17:29,730
My hooray was premature!
424
00:17:29,736 --> 00:17:31,512
So I must recommend that you
425
00:17:31,536 --> 00:17:33,629
dissolve this venture immediately.
426
00:17:33,740 --> 00:17:36,952
All right, you heard the lady.
Get into the car, everyone.
427
00:17:37,035 --> 00:17:38,486
I'm taking you to the woods,
428
00:17:38,502 --> 00:17:41,033
out by the old abandoned insane asylum,
429
00:17:41,039 --> 00:17:43,583
near the elementary
school where you belong.
430
00:17:46,795 --> 00:17:48,785
Hey, so I'm taking
the rest of the day off.
431
00:17:48,791 --> 00:17:49,959
What? Why?
432
00:17:49,965 --> 00:17:51,669
Just don't feel like working right now,
433
00:17:51,675 --> 00:17:53,631
so I think if I force it,
434
00:17:53,687 --> 00:17:55,589
I'm just gonna do a bad job.
435
00:17:55,595 --> 00:17:57,795
- Thank you, Stuart.
- But I did want to remind you
436
00:17:57,801 --> 00:17:59,295
about that bitch meeting you have
437
00:17:59,301 --> 00:18:02,471
- this afternoon at that clock website.
- You mean the pitch meeting.
438
00:18:02,477 --> 00:18:05,391
Pretty sure it said "bitch"
meeting on the calendar.
439
00:18:05,397 --> 00:18:07,929
Seemed a little harsh.
I could go double-check,
440
00:18:07,935 --> 00:18:10,980
but the calendar's all
the way downstairs so...
441
00:18:10,986 --> 00:18:13,655
- No, Stuart. Thank you.
- You're welcome.
442
00:18:21,127 --> 00:18:23,463
- What?
- Hey, BoJack, great news!
443
00:18:23,469 --> 00:18:25,953
- Bad time. Can't talk.
- Wait, just listen for a...
444
00:18:30,255 --> 00:18:31,590
Okay.
445
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:35,343
Here we go, baby.
446
00:18:37,630 --> 00:18:39,755
_
447
00:18:39,848 --> 00:18:42,225
Oh, man! You are not
finding what you need!
448
00:18:42,231 --> 00:18:44,312
The deck is a harsh mistress, Tina.
449
00:18:44,318 --> 00:18:47,437
Hollyhock, you gotta get in here!
Tina is drawing so many cards.
450
00:18:47,443 --> 00:18:48,648
It's amazing.
451
00:18:48,654 --> 00:18:49,816
Hollyhock!
452
00:18:50,028 --> 00:18:51,145
Hollyhock?
453
00:18:51,151 --> 00:18:53,194
Hollyhock?
454
00:18:53,278 --> 00:18:54,404
That's her name?
455
00:18:54,410 --> 00:18:56,496
Yes, for the third time,
her name is "Hollyhock."
456
00:18:56,502 --> 00:18:57,545
And her last name?
457
00:18:57,551 --> 00:19:00,846
Manheim-Mannheim, uh, Steamroller...
458
00:19:01,161 --> 00:19:02,329
Is there more?
459
00:19:02,335 --> 00:19:04,546
I think there's a Lopez
in the mix somewhere?
460
00:19:04,706 --> 00:19:05,957
A Chung maybe?
461
00:19:06,041 --> 00:19:08,001
I'm sorry, sir, I can't help you.
462
00:19:08,084 --> 00:19:10,623
Okay, just... any
information you can give me
463
00:19:10,629 --> 00:19:13,000
on the 17-year-old horse girl
who came here by ambulance
464
00:19:13,006 --> 00:19:15,091
15 minutes ago would be
of interest to my friend,
465
00:19:15,175 --> 00:19:17,838
Mr. Franklin's... friend, Mr. Hamilton.
466
00:19:17,844 --> 00:19:20,263
If you can't prove you're her
parent or legal guardian,
467
00:19:20,347 --> 00:19:22,057
I can't release any information to you.
468
00:19:22,140 --> 00:19:23,183
- Guerrero!
- What?
469
00:19:23,189 --> 00:19:25,414
Hollyhock Manheim-Mannheim-Guerrero...
470
00:19:25,420 --> 00:19:28,747
Robinson... Zilberschlag-Hsung-
Fonzarelli-McQuack.
471
00:19:28,753 --> 00:19:30,351
That's her name. And
she's about five-eight.
472
00:19:30,357 --> 00:19:32,947
And she's 17, her birthday
is in September. And...
473
00:19:32,953 --> 00:19:34,229
She looks like me.
474
00:19:34,235 --> 00:19:36,112
And she loves apples
but hates apple sauce.
475
00:19:36,196 --> 00:19:37,517
And she's funny.
476
00:19:38,384 --> 00:19:39,991
But she isn't mean.
477
00:19:40,015 --> 00:19:41,445
Which is pretty remarkable,
478
00:19:41,451 --> 00:19:44,120
'cause a lot of 17-year-olds think
you have to be mean to be funny,
479
00:19:44,126 --> 00:19:46,296
but Hollyhock is very sweet,
480
00:19:46,302 --> 00:19:48,327
even if she can be sarcastic.
481
00:19:48,333 --> 00:19:51,061
But she has this smile with...
482
00:19:52,164 --> 00:19:53,248
Does that help?
483
00:19:53,254 --> 00:19:55,542
No, man. Are you her legal guardian?
484
00:19:55,548 --> 00:19:57,550
I'm not leaving here
until I get to see her.
485
00:19:57,556 --> 00:19:59,266
Have a seat.
486
00:19:59,272 --> 00:20:01,566
Well, I don't like
pedophile murderer hands,
487
00:20:01,805 --> 00:20:05,100
but I also don't like people
talking trash about avocados.
488
00:20:05,183 --> 00:20:07,686
This is a real head-scratcher for me.
489
00:20:07,769 --> 00:20:09,081
I mean, what's next?
490
00:20:09,152 --> 00:20:11,392
The grief for every meal...
491
00:20:11,398 --> 00:20:13,316
- She'll be fine.
- Huh?
492
00:20:13,322 --> 00:20:15,145
We have to think what's
best for Hollyhock.
493
00:20:15,151 --> 00:20:17,195
- Hollyhock is going to be okay.
- Excuse me.
494
00:20:17,201 --> 00:20:18,745
Did you say Hollyhock? Are you...
495
00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:19,961
Jose Guerrero.
496
00:20:19,967 --> 00:20:21,881
Hello, yes! Yeah. Thank God you're here.
497
00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:23,768
- I'm BoJack Horseman.
- Yeah, we know.
498
00:20:23,774 --> 00:20:25,280
I'm her dad, Steve Mannheim.
499
00:20:25,286 --> 00:20:26,942
I'm the wrong Mannheim to mess with.
500
00:20:26,948 --> 00:20:27,991
I'm Dashawn Manheim.
501
00:20:27,997 --> 00:20:29,868
I'm probably the right
Manheim to mess with,
502
00:20:29,874 --> 00:20:32,794
unless we're talking about a
dance battle, in which case...
503
00:20:32,877 --> 00:20:35,839
Five, six, seven, eight. Ha!
504
00:20:35,922 --> 00:20:38,516
- You've been warned.
- Okay. Yep.
505
00:20:38,522 --> 00:20:41,344
Cupe Robinson III. I
think you're just ghastly,
506
00:20:41,428 --> 00:20:43,888
and I was against this
whole caper from the bell.
507
00:20:43,972 --> 00:20:45,515
- Okay.
- Otto Zilberschlag.
508
00:20:45,598 --> 00:20:47,600
Uh, formerly a huge fan.
509
00:20:47,684 --> 00:20:49,602
- Now... just a regular fan.
- Got it.
510
00:20:49,686 --> 00:20:51,855
I know of you, but not
through your work.
511
00:20:51,938 --> 00:20:53,398
- Okay.
- I'm Gregory Hsung.
512
00:20:53,404 --> 00:20:56,115
I only watch foreign films.
That's my deal.
513
00:20:56,276 --> 00:20:58,481
Arturo Fonzarelli,
514
00:20:58,544 --> 00:21:01,215
but I'm pretty cool
so people call me the
515
00:21:01,231 --> 00:21:02,276
"Ice Man."
516
00:21:02,282 --> 00:21:03,735
And I'm Quackers!
517
00:21:03,741 --> 00:21:05,535
- Quack, quack, quack!
- Easy, Quackers.
518
00:21:05,694 --> 00:21:07,906
How's Hollyhock? They
wouldn't give me information.
519
00:21:07,912 --> 00:21:09,550
Why would they? You're not her dad.
520
00:21:09,574 --> 00:21:11,034
No, I know. I just... Is she okay?
521
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:13,418
She will be. The doctor
said she's lucky to be alive.
522
00:21:13,424 --> 00:21:14,509
What happened?
523
00:21:14,515 --> 00:21:16,415
- She overdosed.
- What? No.
524
00:21:16,421 --> 00:21:18,959
How could you let this happen?
Quack, quack!
525
00:21:18,965 --> 00:21:22,051
- Quackers! Settle down.
- What was she on? I had no idea.
526
00:21:22,135 --> 00:21:23,219
You had no idea?
527
00:21:23,303 --> 00:21:25,388
Have you looked at her?
She's as thin as a pole.
528
00:21:25,472 --> 00:21:28,183
You know I don't care for
your Polish jokes, Dashawn.
529
00:21:28,266 --> 00:21:30,310
She told us you were taking care of her.
530
00:21:30,393 --> 00:21:32,145
- I was.
- I knew she was too young
531
00:21:32,228 --> 00:21:34,708
to be on her own like this.
She's a child!
532
00:21:34,773 --> 00:21:36,957
She called Pedro
Almodóvar's I'm So Excited
533
00:21:36,996 --> 00:21:38,395
"excessively kitsch."
534
00:21:38,401 --> 00:21:41,350
Kitsch is excessive! That's the point!
535
00:21:41,356 --> 00:21:42,751
Can I see her? Can I talk to her?
536
00:21:42,781 --> 00:21:45,027
- You're lucky we don't call the police!
- Quack, quack.
537
00:21:45,033 --> 00:21:47,869
Our kid got hooked on
amphetamines because of you!
538
00:21:47,875 --> 00:21:49,823
- No, I didn't...
- Quack, quack, quack, quack.
539
00:21:49,829 --> 00:21:52,707
Okay, I feel like there's a
lot of male energy right now.
540
00:21:52,868 --> 00:21:54,703
Why don't I come back in a couple hours?
541
00:21:54,709 --> 00:21:56,878
Give Hollyhock a chance to
rest before I talk to her.
542
00:21:56,884 --> 00:21:57,974
Are you insane?
543
00:21:58,006 --> 00:22:00,487
You are never seeing Hollyhock again.
544
00:22:00,493 --> 00:22:02,283
- Look, if I could just...
- Never.
545
00:22:11,893 --> 00:22:13,686
- I have four grapefruits.
- Okay.
546
00:22:13,770 --> 00:22:15,355
Henrietta, would you like a grapefruit?
547
00:22:15,438 --> 00:22:17,774
I have but four, but I
will share one with you,
548
00:22:17,857 --> 00:22:19,609
for I am kind and honest.
549
00:22:20,464 --> 00:22:22,465
No, no. No, no, no.
550
00:22:24,364 --> 00:22:26,407
Oh, God. Oh, my God. Oh, God.
551
00:22:33,606 --> 00:22:35,629
_
552
00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:40,838
- Where's the girl?
- She's gone, Mom.
553
00:22:40,922 --> 00:22:43,591
Oh, yes, I took her, didn't I?
Where did I put her?
554
00:22:43,675 --> 00:22:46,344
Oh, Henrietta, would
you help me pack this?
555
00:22:46,427 --> 00:22:48,763
- I want to bring it to my son.
- Thanks, Mom.
556
00:22:48,846 --> 00:22:51,252
- It's for my son.
- Right.
557
00:22:52,042 --> 00:22:53,679
How did I not see it?
558
00:22:53,685 --> 00:22:56,312
All this time, I thought you
were a terrible parent.
559
00:22:56,318 --> 00:22:57,483
And you were.
560
00:22:57,495 --> 00:22:59,409
But I blew it even worse.
561
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:01,423
It turns out being a parent is
562
00:23:01,470 --> 00:23:04,189
impossible, so I guess I
can't be that mad at you.
563
00:23:04,195 --> 00:23:06,130
Mad at me? No, Henrietta,
564
00:23:06,193 --> 00:23:08,277
this is the right thing. You'll see.
565
00:23:08,283 --> 00:23:09,742
Maybe we deserve each other.
566
00:23:09,826 --> 00:23:12,328
Where is the girl?
I made the girl coffee.
567
00:23:12,412 --> 00:23:14,539
Jesus, you two and your coffee.
568
00:23:14,545 --> 00:23:15,645
Wait.
569
00:23:15,723 --> 00:23:16,825
No.
570
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:18,585
Oh!
571
00:23:18,668 --> 00:23:20,003
What did you put in this?
572
00:23:20,086 --> 00:23:22,422
That's an old family secret.
573
00:23:28,386 --> 00:23:29,554
"Chub-B-Gone?"
574
00:23:29,637 --> 00:23:32,307
- Takes the pounds right off.
- This whole time.
575
00:23:32,390 --> 00:23:34,517
Just until she learned
to take it herself.
576
00:23:34,601 --> 00:23:36,311
- Of course it was you.
- Henrietta!
577
00:23:36,394 --> 00:23:38,187
No. All this "I-don't-know-where-I-am
578
00:23:38,271 --> 00:23:41,691
or-who-my-son-stuff" is, is
officially not cute anymore.
579
00:23:41,774 --> 00:23:43,526
You ruined the one good thing I had.
580
00:23:43,610 --> 00:23:47,030
The one thing I didn't ruin
myself, but of course I did
581
00:23:47,113 --> 00:23:49,991
because I thought it was a good
idea to give you one more chance.
582
00:23:50,074 --> 00:23:52,290
- Where is Crackerjack?
- Stop.
583
00:23:52,296 --> 00:23:54,280
You are out of chances.
584
00:23:57,796 --> 00:23:58,927
What?
585
00:23:58,933 --> 00:24:00,996
Hey, BoJack, great news!
586
00:24:01,002 --> 00:24:02,761
- Bad time. Can't talk.
- Wait, just listen...
587
00:24:05,471 --> 00:24:07,181
Thank you for holding, Mr. Horseman.
588
00:24:07,187 --> 00:24:09,272
I understand you're
interested in our facility
589
00:24:09,353 --> 00:24:11,381
and wanted our first available room.
590
00:24:11,387 --> 00:24:14,390
No, I said "worst available room."
591
00:24:17,393 --> 00:24:19,228
FYI, we keep these blinds down
592
00:24:19,312 --> 00:24:21,105
because the window
looks out at a Dumpster.
593
00:24:21,189 --> 00:24:22,690
- Noted.
- You know...
594
00:24:22,774 --> 00:24:24,400
You kick me a little coin right now,
595
00:24:24,484 --> 00:24:27,111
I can make sure your mother
is very well taken care of.
596
00:24:27,195 --> 00:24:28,473
Oh! In that case,
597
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:30,731
please watch me not reach for my wallet.
598
00:24:32,825 --> 00:24:34,696
Well, this is your life now.
599
00:24:34,775 --> 00:24:36,994
This is what it all added up to.
600
00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:39,993
You, by yourself, in this room.
601
00:24:40,875 --> 00:24:42,919
Best of luck. See ya never.
602
00:24:45,566 --> 00:24:46,942
Who is that?
603
00:24:46,948 --> 00:24:48,366
Ugh. Bye, Mom.
604
00:24:48,512 --> 00:24:49,888
BoJack?
605
00:25:39,500 --> 00:25:42,789
- Synced and corrected by medvidecek007 -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
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