All language subtitles for The L Word (2004) S05E06 Lights! Camera! Action!.en

Previously on The L Word.

Well, at least the two of them
are getting along. How'd that happen?

We have Adele to thank for that.

Max thinks that there's something
really suspicious about you.

I'm letting it be known,
Mr. Brewer, that you're a homo.

What is the difference between you outing
him and the military outing me?

- Don't get too personal.
- Please.

- How do you say, "Fuck"?
- Who says that to who?

Last night, she said it to me.

How could you let a student
stand in front of your class

with a gun pointed to his head?

You want to take all of our life together
and just throw it in the toilet.

- I don't want to settle down.
- Are you already seeing somebody?

I told Camilla that I had to talk to you
before we did anything.

Where's Dawn?

I hope you don't mind,
but I just wanted you all to myself.

It's on, girlfriend. And your stupid-ass
Planet? It's done. It's fucking on.

- We just got caught up in a moment.
- It's just not going to happen again.

It must be difficult for you to have your life
and relationships examined.

What the fuck can she
possibly know about my life?

What can she know?

Pee, pee, pee... Pee... Pee.

You're not going to shoot the pee stream,
are you?

I might, so just keep on going.

I'm ovulating. Oh, my God, I'm ovulating!

- Honey! Bev, come here!
- Where do I enter from?

Where your mark is.

How exciting! You're ovulating!

Okay, so then I look at the stick,
and I kiss her.

Yeah.

Okay, I'm fine with all that, but then
it says that I "F" her against the sink.

- I'm not really sure what that means.
- Really?

Okay, well, that's why we're rehearsing,
to work out all this stuff.

- Can you hold my cup?
- Sure.

Okay, so this is what I want you to do.
Can I just be you?

Okay, so you are going to look at her,
and you're going to take her,

and you're going to throw her
up against the sink... Bam!

And you're going to
look at her with passion,

and then you're...
Don't worry, I won't kiss you.

You're going to take her,
and you're going to kiss her with tongue.

And then I want you to reach down,
and then I want you to finger-fuck her

and give her the best fucking orgasm ever.
Go for it.

You mean with my hand.

Yeah.

Unless you have some other apparati
that I don't know about.

How exciting! You're ovulating!

- I'm ovulating.
- Let's make a baby.

Passion! That's okay. Okay.

Wow, it looks like you guys
are sort of doing like a dance.

- You won't be able to see my hand.
- I'd like to.

It might be nice if you look like

you're actually giving her pleasure
rather than moving furniture.

- Okay.
- You know...

That looks... It looks like you're
sewing up a hole in her jeans. Yeah.

I don't really know
what I'm supposed to be doing.

Neither do I.

Step away! Move away from her.
Just step away from each other.

Adele, can you schedule time

for me and the other actresses
that have sex scenes?

You guys really don't
know how to fuck women, do you?

You guys are going to learn how to fuck.

I'm getting a lesbian sex coach
to teach you.

- Please.
- That would be great.

Shane, Shane, Shane.
What can we do for you?

I'd love to talk to you two.
If you don't mind.

- My girlfriend and I are listening.
- Good. Do you want to grab a table?

- No.
- Okay.

I came here to apologize.

I didn't mean any disrespect,
not towards you or to your relationship.

I apologize.

And I'm sorry for the way I treated you
when you came into my house.

I was just a little... I wasn't me that night.

So I'd like to make peace.

And if there's anything I can do
to even the playing field...

Well, there's just one thing I can think of.

Okay.

Jenny Schecter.
She's your roommate, right?

- My best friend and my roommate. Why?
- Well...

Come closer. I won't bite.

Get her to use SheBar as a location
in her big Hollywood lesbo movie.

- I don't know, Dawn, that's...
- Well, what?

You're too small-time, Shane?
Just a lil' ol' hairdresser?

If I recall, I never said
I was big-time to begin with, did I?

No.

All right. I'll ask her.
I can't promise you, but I'll ask her.

You know, you make that happen,
we might be talking détente.

Okay. All right.

- See you.
- Okay.

There's just one more thing.

I knew there would be with you.

It has to be called SheBar in the movie.

Not The Pluto Cafe,

or whatever the stupid thing was called
that's supposed to be The Planet.

- What?
- SheBar is such a better location.

I can't believe they were
going to pay $50,000 a day

for that wannabe Peach Pit of a shithole.

You're too much.

- I can't do it.
- What?

What can't you do, Shane?

Other than make my girlfriend come?

Listen, I didn't realize that's
what you wanted. I can't do it.

- Of course that's what we want.
- Kit's my friend, man.

You have problems with me,
you stay with me,

you don't fuck over my friend.

And I'm sure not going to
fuck them over for you.

So pointless.

Now I'm just going to have to
put your friend out of business

- the old-fashioned way.
- Is that a threat?

Are you still talking? Are you still here?

That's another threat. Got it.

It's so on! You're fucked.

- Shane, Shane.
- What?

Call me.

There's all your stuff.

I'll get the suitcase back to you.

Did you want to come in
and see if I forgot anything?

- I trust you.
- That's bullshit. You don't trust me.

I trust you.

We're just not good for each other.

I'm really sorry that I fucked your life up.

I was gay long before I ever met you.

Anyway, Brown, he had it in for me, so
I'm sure he would have found something.

So, I heard you got offered
some big, what, talk show or something?

What is it? The Look?

Nah, they're just interested.
I still have to audition.

They're looking for a replacement
for Kelly Corrigan.

Wow, that's great.

I don't know if I'm going to do it, though,

if I want to be, you know,
the replacement dyke.

- Come on.
- No, you know,

'cause they want me to be out
and flamboyant and audacious,

and, you know, it's on national television.

I don't know if I want to be gay
for the whole world.

This is why we're not good for each other.

Why would you think twice
about something like this?

- It's like a dream come true for you.
- You don't know what I dream of.

You're right. I'm going to go.

- Can I come in?
- Hey.

Kit and Angie, they're not going to be back
from Anaheim for a couple of hours.

I came early.

- I hope you don't mind.
- No, it's fine.

Are you having a dinner party
or something?

No, it's just for Angie.

I wanted to feed her before you got here.

I told Kit not to let her
eat a lot of crap at Disneyland.

Yeah, right.

That looks fancy. What are you making?

It's just stir-fried chicken
and some vegetables, noodles.

It smells amazing.

Did Jodi teach you how to cook?
I hear she's a great cook.

Actually, no. I taught myself.

I sometimes cook for me and Angie
when we're alone.

It makes me feel like we're,
you know, like a family. I enjoy it.

I'll have to cook for you sometime.

Bette.

Turn around.

Look, I know
that you don't want to hurt Jodi.

No, I don't.

What are we doing?

- Wait.
- Don't.

Spread your legs.

Are you talking dirty to me?

You're so wet.

I just wanna fuck you.

- Thank you. Thank you very much.
- I wanna speak to Tina.

So, Jenny, we have one more possibility
for Bev and Nina's house.

- It's in Kit's.
- Well, where the fuck is she?

Well, I don't really care
that it's a Saturday.

Can you tell her that I'm working
on Saturday because of her?

Yeah, well, I want you to
give her a message for me. Okay?

I want you to tell her
that it's not going to work.

All right? Vancouver doesn't pass as L.A.

And I'm not going to shoot here
in this waterlogged, provincial little city,

and it was a complete waste
of my time to come here

when I should have been back in L.A.,

prepping for my first day
of shooting on Monday, all right?

If you want... Jenny, actually,

there's been lots of shows
that have shot up here successfully,

so if you want
to take a look at the location...

Can you please also tell her
that I don't appreciate

her sending her studio fucking narc to spy
on me and tell me that black is white?

Okay? Right.

I'll have you know
I have absolutely nothing to gain

- by convincing you to shoot in Vancouver.
- Good, because I'm not.

And when the studio pulls the plug on
your movie because you're over-budget,

I'll have another job tomorrow.

Can you please open up the door?

Hey!

I don't...

I want you to know that I do not think
that you should be in this industry.

Okay?

I don't think
that you know how to deal with artists.

Jenny, Jenny, Jenny!
William just texted you back.

- What?
- Okay, listen.

"What is this Vancouver folly?
Of course, we're shooting L.A. for L.A.

"I just secured a bond, financing's in place.

"Aaron knows.
See you on set Monday morning.

"XOXO, William."

That's right, Sally!

I am so excited! I am so happy.

When did I text him?
I don't remember doing that.

- I feel like I'm going crazy.
- Okay.

When did I text him?

Listen, I hope you don't mind, but I just...

- I took the liberty.
- What do you mean?

Because I saw how unhappy you were,
and so I texted him myself.

I think that we need to celebrate.

Okay. All right. What do you want to do?

That's what I want to do.

And the next thing I'm going to do
is take you shopping.

You are so beautiful, okay? And I can see
that you're hiding behind those glasses.

If I may be so bold, I just...

We have so much to do.
We start shooting on Monday,

and you have to approve
the costume breakdown,

you've got to finish shot-listing,

- there's a ton of things to do.
- You know what?

I wanna take you shopping.

- Sally?
- Jenny.

I have a job for you.

I want you to take us to a place
where fashionable Vancouverites shop,

'cause we're going
to transform my lovely assistant.

Joyce is here to see you.

Send her right in, please.

- Hello, Phyllis.
- Joyce.

I know it was presumptuous
of me to call you,

and I'm not really expecting
too much sympathy.

I was just wondering,

maybe you could give me some advice,
make a recommendation.

I think we hit back with a countersuit.

Leonard needs to know
that you're not just going to roll over

and gift him with everything you've
worked so hard for all these years.

I mean, he's got balls. I'll give him that.

And his attorney, Joey Monahan?
He's no slouch either.

So, luckily for you, I've got
a trick or two of my own.

You want to represent me?

Phyllis, you hired me to represent you,

and then you fired me
so we could make sweet love.

And then you broke my heart.

So, the way I see it,
you're down a lawyer, I'm down a job.

Joyce, I didn't actually
expect you to represent me.

I was hoping for a recommendation,
for somebody else...

Phyllis, I'm the best in the business.
I win cases. It's what I do.

And I got a bum deal here,

so I'm not going to walk away
from a sweet piece of business

just because we didn't work out as lovers.

In fact,
I think you kind of owe me this one.

Good Lord.

Can I help you find something?

Yeah, I was wondering if you have
anything in the lower price ranges?

- Which range did you have in mind?
- 25 to 30?

- Excuse me?
- She's kidding.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Adele, this is Emile,
our personal shopper here.

This is Adele, my assistant.

- Emile.
- Shall I?

Yes, please start a room. And you, come
here, I want to show you some Chanel.

I don't know. Do you like it?

Yeah, but what about the fancy shoes?

You can wear the shoes on your first day.

- It's so expensive.
- Adele, really,

the thing is, we're making a film
about fashionable lesbians, you know.

So we have to be fashionable, and,
well, we're here doing research.

Wait, this is coming
out of the wardrobe budget?

We should get you some jeans now,
because... Adele. Adele?

The appliqué on the back of your jeans

was declared an abomination
by the Geneva Convention.

We've got to burn them
after we buy these. Come on.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Look.
- Wow.

Well, it's David Yurman.

And maybe we're getting
a bit carried away here.

This is quite expensive.

No, no, no. Not for me. It's for Niki.

You know, just a little gift
at the start of the production.

Okay. We'll take it.

- You know, Adele...
- Yeah?

You're the only one that knows
about Niki and me.

I know, I know,
and discretion is imperative.

The only reason I told you is
so you could protect us.

I'll make sure that nobody
has the slightest inkling.

Well, yeah, I mean, the thing is,
if the other actors knew,

it would just cause so much drama and
just so much jealousy on set, you know?

I know.

I mean, everyone always
falls in love with the director.

Wow. Oh, my gosh! You look beautiful.

- Thanks.
- Do you like it?

I love it. Thank you.
I love it, I love it, I love it.

You know what?

I think we're going to wait till
we get back to L.A. to do your hair.

I think only Shane
should be touching your hair.

Good morning, sweet pea.
Are you hungry?

Should we make pancakes?
Let me go check and see what we have.

Okay, I'll go look.

We're out of milk.

I know what we should do.

What if we call Mama Bee

and see if she wants to
have breakfast with us?

That sound like a good idea?
What do you think?

Yeah! Let's call Mama Bee.
Do you want to come sit with me?

Let's call Mama Bee and see if she
wants to go to The Planet

and have pancakes.
Do you want some pancakes?

Okay.

I would love to go to breakfast
with you and Angie, but...

Yeah. Right, of course.

Tina, wait...

I think we're going to have to pass
on breakfast. Yeah, it's a really sweet idea.

But, yeah, give Angie a kiss for me.

Okay. Bye.

Don't you want to go out for breakfast?
I'm kind of in the mood to go out.

When are you not in the mood to go out?
You know what?

I would really just like to sit in my garden

and read the newspaper.

But, if you want to go to The Planet, and
do another podcast, then that would be...

Bette, I was just joking.
And I said I was sorry, too.

Are you going
to go on punishing me forever?

I'm sorry. I'm just...

I'm just stressed.

Do you want to go and see some art?

Would that help you to relax?

Or maybe we could go to the beach?
Drive up the coast to Zuma.

I think I just...

I just need a little Sunday alone time,
that's all, just to get ready for the week.

I mean, apart from everything else,
I have to appear before the board

and tell them what I'm going to do
about the Justin Donovan

- little gun-to-the-head escapade.
- What are you going to tell them?

I really don't know.

I'm so glad you guys met me.
I was feeling really lonely.

Oh, my God, that's why I called Shane.

Well, ladies, that's what
friends are for. What can I say?

But we're still going
to Phyllis's tonight, right?

- Yeah.
- Isn't Bette going to be there?

Is that... I thought you guys
were getting along lately?

Yeah. Yeah. It's not a problem.
Is Tasha coming?

It's over, Tina.
Do I look like I want to talk about it?

Come on, this is crazy.
You two are so in love.

It doesn't always matter.

I know, but can't you just talk to her...

- Did I not say I don't want to talk about it?
- Yeah?

- Do you still want to meet at The Planet?
- I'm here already.

With Alice and Shane.

Well, I really...
I really want to see you, Tina.

I can't right now.

Well, what about tonight?
I don't have any plans.

I'm actually going to your boss's house.

Puppies!

- Bette, I'm gonna have to call you back.
- Those aren't frigging puppies.

Just get Angie. Get Angie.

But I don't have rats.

It's impossible! I have the cleanest
establishment this side of...

Until further notice? Come on, man.

I haven't seen that many critters
since we shut down Paulie's Pizza.

We'll be asking folks to clear on out now.

Fuck, fuck. Shit. Shit. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Kit?

- How did this fucking happen?
- I have a theory.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Wild party, huh?

I thought
you weren't doing anything tonight.

I wasn't.

Where's Jodi? Is she here?

No, she didn't want to do a work thing,
and Phyllis is work for us.

Right.

Tina?

Do you want to get out of here?

Are you going to dance in your black bra?

You know, I was thinking about it,
but I just don't need one.

Oh, God.

- Where's Tina?
- I don't know, maybe she scored.

You think?

Wow.

It's getting good, huh?

- Whoa.
- What?

- Who's that?
- I don't know.

What do you mean, "What"? She's cute.

Mother!

You know, you can't stay too long.
I have to be on set at 7:00 in the morning.

Yeah, I know.

So this thing is really going through?

I mean,
Jenny's going to be directing a movie?

Apparently.

I don't know what to do.

You're in love with Jodi, right?

I adore her,
and I respect and admire her. But...

But what?

It doesn't really compare.

I missed you.

I'm going to go now.

Jodi would be so devastated.

- She can't find out.
- Well, I'm certainly not going to tell her.

I'm sorry, I just...

I just need more time. That's all.

I'm not pushing you.
I don't even know what I want.

I know. I...

I just think we both need to take the time
to just figure out what we want.

That's all.

You know, what's right for us,
how to do the right thing.

I think we just need to take the time.

You need to figure out
what's right for you.

And I need to figure out
what's right for me.

Right.

Wow, Adele, can you believe this?

All of this because of a few little words
that I put on a page.

I know, and now you're just gonna
bring it to life before our very eyes.

You want me to take you
right to your room?

I would like to go to my trailer, sir.

That's your room.

- Your trailer.
- Right. Sir, please stop here.

I'm going to get out
and walk along the street of my dreams.

I'm so excited.

- Let's get out here. Let me take that.
- My purse.

- Okay.
- Thank you.

- Ready? Wish me luck.
- Good luck.

Here we go.

- Okay.
- Wow.

So, the catering truck
is back at base camp,

if you want us to get you some breakfast.

But if you want craft services,
you see that house right there?

- It's in the garage.
- Okay.

And that's the camera truck,
right there.

- Right.
- That's where you can find Sam, the DP,

- in between set-ups.
- Wow, okay.

How do you know all this stuff?
You've never been on a film set before.

I know, that's why I came here
at 4:30 this morning

when they were loading in,
just to make sure

I knew where everything is for you.

Hey, are you girls
looking for extras holding?

It's right there.

- Excuse me?
- That is Jennifer Schecter.

Hi. I'm Jennifer Schecter.

- The director?
- I'm sorry!

- Kyle?
- It's all right. No problem.

- Kyle's your name?
- Yeah.

Hi. Jennifer Schecter. Thanks.

- Hey. Get his name?
- I did.

- Blocking's up in 20.
- Great.

I'm glad you both are here.
I wanted to talk to you.

Well, I wanted Jodi
to have a say in the matter,

- before you and I went to the board.
- It's about my daughter, Molly.

I don't think you've met her yet, Bette.

And you didn't even go
to the party last night, missy.

I was working.

My daughter arrived
at a most inopportune time.

I was having fun. It was harmless.

Now she thinks I'm turning into
a promiscuous, debauched lesbian.

And what can we do to help you, Phyllis?

I need you to help me convince Molly
that lesbians can be respectable

and upstanding and stable,

all the values her father
and I instilled in her.

- How?
- Just let her spend some time

with the two of you together.
I want her to see two women

that have a stable, honest
and loving relationship.

By the way, we have to do something
about this boy

who tried to shoot himself in the head.

What? No, no.
He did not shoot himself in the head!

It wasn't a real gun.
He did not shoot himself.

- You propose?
- Well, I propose

that we have a press conference.
I'll make a statement,

and Jodi can do some form of a mea culpa.

I don't think it's going to work.
The board is out for blood.

- Molly's here to see you.
- Please send her in.

Sorry, I didn't realize...

Come on in, Molly! We're almost finished.

Come on, sit down.

This is Bette Porter,
the dean of our School of the Arts.

- Hi.
- Hello. Nice to meet you.

And her partner, Jodi Lerner,

she teaches in the sculpture department.

- Nice to meet you.
- And this is Tom. He's Jodi's interpreter.

- Hi.
- Hi.

They're lesbians.

- I'm resigning.
- What?

Justin Donovan's piece was one of
the best student works I've ever seen,

and I totally stand behind it.

But I know that, if Bette
had known about it in advance,

she never would have
let me go ahead with it.

That is absolutely not true.
I do not want you to resign.

Well, neither do I.

I love teaching here. I love my class.
But it sucks that your job is jeopardized

because of something
that I'm totally responsible for.

So I can't live with that. I'm resigning.

But, remember, I have my work,
and, most importantly, I have you,

so I'll be fine.

- How far behind are we?
- Only an hour and a half.

Jesus.

Has Niki stepped down?
Great. Here she comes.

Hi. I'm so excited.
This is the first shot of the film.

Okay, so what you're going to do is,
you're going to walk up here,

you're going to be sniffing the rosemary...

Where's the prop person with the sprig?

Okay, so you're going to be sniffing this.

Yeah, I don't know why I'd be holding that.
I mean, it's stupid.

Because Tina gave it to you out back,
by the pool, and we just rehearsed it.

Yeah, I know, but who walks around
with a plant for no reason?

- Why would I still be carrying it around?
- Jenny, we've got to go, we're out of time.

Okay. Fuck the rosemary. That's cool.

Okay, here we go!
Let's block it up, please.

- And roll sound, please.
- Sound speed.

Oh, fuck.

Thanks.

Okay.

- Action.
- Right. Action!

Yeah, well, I don't want to write about
being a student anymore, you know.

I'm done with that part of my life.

You might change your mind
when you get older.

Actually, I'm thinking about going back
to school to start a new career.

You should do it.

Maybe in a couple of years.
Right now, I'm trying to get pregnant.

Oh, my gosh. That's so great.

Hey. Cut.

Sorry. Can I... Where's...

Where's the continuity...
That's not the line, okay?

The scripted line is, "Jim said
that you and Bev were a couple."

So you're confused how she could
have a baby, 'cause she's a lesbian.

Well, that's retarded.

Everybody knows that lezzies are
having babies all over the place, Jenny.

Right, but the character, in my script,

has just arrived to L.A.
She's from the Midwest.

She's naive.
She's never met a lesbian before.

She's never met a lesbian before?

What about Ellen and Portia?
I mean, does she not have a TV?

Hey, how about you say the scripted line?

Come on. Come on.

No, no, no. Don't get upset.
Just... She's an artist.

- What?
- You want to go take care of it?

Hey! Niki!

Hey.

What's going on?

Hey.

- We hooked up the other night, Jenny.
- I know.

And now you're just treating me
like I'm some random actress,

- like you don't even know me.
- No! I thought that it was really...

I thought that it was really amazing.
Did you get the necklace that I gave you?

I don't care about some lame-ass necklace.

You didn't even come in
to see me this morning.

- It's like you don't care about me at all.
- No, that's not true.

I didn't come in to see you this morning

because I don't want all
these fucking dimwit actors

gossiping about you
or gossiping about me.

But you know what I wanted to do
when you walked onto set today?

I really wanted to kiss you.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Wow. You're still mad.

I thought that you were angry.

- What?
- Come here.

What?

- I really wanna fuck you.
- Me, too. Fuck me.

Oh, my God, come here.
I'm going to fuck you.

- Wow.
- My God, I'm gonna fuck you.

- Are you wet?
- Oh, my God.

Hey. Hey!

You might want to check this out.

Oh, my God. Fuck!

- Come here.
- Don't come yet.

What the fuck!

- Mr. Kornbluth.
- What?

- Mr. Halsey's just arrived at base camp.
- That's great. William's here.

I can't wait for him
to hear what's happening

on the set of his little lesbian movie.

Here you go, Mr. Halsey.

An egg white with
white asparagus omelet,

- just for you.
- This is so great.

Look at that.

That is the prettiest omelet
that I've ever seen.

Mr. Halsey.

- Hi.
- Hey!

I'm Adele Channing,
Jennifer Schecter's assistant.

Would you like an omelet, Adele?

They're making them
with the yolk or without.

No, thank you.
Thank you, but, no, thank you.

Jennifer wanted me to find you,

to let you know that
there's been a little problem

- with Niki this morning.
- Really?

Well, let's go see what's wrong.

The thing is, Mr. Halsey,
I think you should know that

Jennifer and Niki are kind of
involved with one another.

What do you mean,
romantically involved?

Yes. Yes.

So the director of the picture
is sleeping with the star?

- Is that what you're saying?
- Yes.

And it's not always a bad thing.

- No?
- No.

How is it not a bad thing?

You know, in the case of...

In the case of Niki...

She's just so young
and so fresh and so green.

- Really?
- Well, she is.

I gotta tell you, she was just
really nervous about this role.

And, the thing is, Jennifer knew
how much you wanted,

how much you needed Niki for this role.

And when she sensed that Niki
was about to drop out,

well, she made her her lover.
Everything changed after that.

Well, that's interesting.
That's a very interesting approach, Adele.

Yes, I think that it saved the movie.

Well, I'm going to
have to really think about that.

Read your contract, Schecter!
I can replace you with or without cause!

- Calm down, Aaron.
- Is that your position?

No, it's not my position, Jenny.
I think it could be difficult for production,

- but, no, it's nobody's business, really.
- William. William.

I don't know what you've heard,
but I have never, in all my days

of being in show business, had to put up...

Wow! There she is!

- Come and give your daddy a hug.
- Hi, I've missed you!

- He's being so mean to me!
- Mean? Don't you be mean to my baby!

Okay.

- That's the watch!
- I'm wearing it.

- That's the watch I got for you!
- Yeah.

You are really something else.

That little Niki Stevens.

Her movie hasn't even opened yet,
and already she's out of control.

Well, she's a bit fragile.

Well, if there's anyone who can
take a fragile person

and glue them back together,
I think that would be you.

Now, didn't we make
an excellent decision?

- Fuck her, right? I don't even miss her.
- Yeah.

- I know you don't.
- Okay, Alice. Are you ready?

Yeah, just, my eyes are tearing
from the mascara.

- Allergic to it sometimes.
- Take a deep breath. Okay?

- Okay.
- Great. Okay.

- You cool?
- Totally.

- All right. Rolling.
- Great.

Hi! I'm Alice in Lesboland,
and we're here on location.

It's a very special day.

We're here on the set of Jenny Schecter's
new film, Lez Girls.

It's about the lives and the loves
of lesbians in Los Angeles,

and we're going to meet the star
of the movie, Niki Stevens.

And, that's it, lots of girlie action.

- Okay. Good?
- Yeah.

Okay. I'm all right.

- You okay?
- Yeah.

- You sure?
- Yeah.

We've got a problem
with some of the neighbors.

What kind of problem?

There's a group of neighborhood folks over
there threatening to shut down the film.

They say they don't want their
neighborhood portrayed as

a hotbed of lesbian sex
and salaciousness.

- We have permits.
- I'll go handle it.

- Well, they say no one talked to them.
- Let's take the limo.

And from what we know about it,
none of us want to be associated

with this film, okay?
It's unrealistic. It exploits...

Frankly, we're angry at how lesbians

are portrayed as conniving,
promiscuous sex fiends.

Listen, ladies, I don't know where any of
you got your information from,

but I just want to tell you guys...

Jenny, that's Dawn Denbo,
she was at our party last week.

- Does she live in this neighborhood?
- I don't know. I doubt it.

She doesn't live here. She doesn't even
live in this neighborhood.

She doesn't. This is a personal thing.

That doesn't matter. We have friends
who live in this neighborhood.

It doesn't matter.

You know what?
Let me tell you something.

- Have you even read the script?
- Yes, I've read the script.

- You have?
- I've read some scenes, and it sucked!

I auditioned for Donna.
I gave her my sides.

So, how much do you think they want?
Would 5,000 apiece do it?

No!

Who is this, your Daddy Warbucks?
What's up with this?

No, no.
We're not interested in your money, okay?

No, it's the principle of the thing.
We're not interested in that. No.

- We'll take it.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Unbelievable.

Ladies, if you'll follow,
I'll cut you some checks.

Yeah, okay, you know what?
Fine. That's... What's that?

$25,000 out of your pockets? Fine.

And you're gonna have to pay a lot more
before it's over.

- I got two of those for you.
- Fuck you, Denbo!

- And your dumb lover. You're a rat fuck.
- Bye, Cindi.

Don't talk to my girlfriend, Shane.

- Adele, I like your makeover.
- Thanks.

- I'm liking those new jeans as well.
- What, these old things?

Come on, you know
you bought them yesterday.

I bought them yesterday.

Well, whenever you bought them,
they look cute.

- They do, they look good on you.
- Thank you.

So, what are you thinking about?

Okay, I'm thinking just really long
and really straight bangs,

coming forward like this.

And then maybe a couple pieces
on the side, here?

And a couple pieces on the side, here,
all coming forward, so, kind of

- straight across and forward here.
- Like Jenny's haircut?

No... I wasn't thinking
that it was like Jenny's.

Yeah, it is very much like Jenny's.
If that's what you want.

Well...

If you think... Then we don't have to do it.
That's okay.

I'm not saying... I know,
I just want to make sure that you knew.

So you don't mind having your hairline
being pushed forward a bit?

- Bring this down?
- No, that's good.

- Yeah, that looks...
- Bring it down further?

- Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
- That's what you want?

Okay.

Shorter? Right about there?
Right above the eyes?

Yes, right about there.
I think that's what I want.

She was so noble.
She was going to take the fall for me.

Where's she at?

She's working, but I think she's going
to come over tonight.

It sucks that she has to resign.

I can't even tell you how fucked up it is.
It's so fucked up.

I mean, Jodi is really the most
anti-gun person I've ever met.

Really, for her, the entire piece
was about gun violence.

- Well, I was thinking about getting a gun.
- No, you're not getting a gun.

Ever since the robbery, I want
to protect myself, I want to feel safe.

You're not going to feel safe with a gun.
A gun does not make you feel safe.

- You're not getting a gun.
- Ladies, you can't go this way.

- They're making a movie.
- I live in this neighborhood.

And we are friends of the producer.
And the director. Both!

- It's okay. They're with me.
- Told you.

- Are you here to visit the set?
- If that's okay.

It's great! Come on.
I'll show you around. You're just in time.

- We're about to have the martini.
- Martini?

Well, not for me.

No, no, it's the last shot of the day, Kit.

- I can't believe you're here.
- I couldn't resist.

So you guys are gonna get in the car,
and you're going to pick it up from,

"I'm so glad that we're home," okay?

- Hey, everybody.
- Look who's here.

How are you, guys? Hi.

Be very quiet, please.

Come sit over here.

Okay, so you guys get in the car and...

Jenny is fucking the star.

- Jesus.
- Or should I say, she's fucking herself?

- Hey, Max, how are you?
- You got your hair cut?

Yeah, Shane did it. It was her idea.
You like it?

Seems like it's a pretty
popular cut around here.

- What do you mean?
- I mean, it kind of looks like Jenny's hair.

- I don't think so.
- You don't?

It looks good. Looks good on you.

You know those fucking SheBar girls?

They came and they tried
to shut the production down.

- Get the fuck out.
- I'm not kidding.

- Yeah.
- You know... You know,

we're going to take them down.
That's it. It's on.

- Are you guys with me?
- Yeah.

- I'm always with you.
- Seriously.

I am. I wish Tasha was here.
She'd know what to do.

Then give her a call.
I'm just saying. Come on.

This is a really big deal.

It's pretty amazing, isn't it?

And Jenny's at the helm.

Yup.

Really interesting hair choice
on Adele there.

I'm telling you, it was not my choice,
but she just insisted upon it.

What?

- What?
- She told me

that she was uncomfortable with it,
and that you encouraged her to do it.

- She said...
- Did you?

No! She said that?

Yeah, she said she didn't want to do it,
you insisted.

Why would she say that?

It's freaky, you guys.

But you know what?
I think it's going to be great.

It's going to be great
because you're producing it.

- Sandra, can we shoot?
- Yeah!

Let's go!