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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:03,612 - PREVIOUSLY ON AWKWARD... 2 00:00:03,742 --> 00:00:05,005 - THE GUYS KEEP A "HOT OR NOT" LIST. 3 00:00:05,135 --> 00:00:07,355 - YOU CODED ME? - I MADE A DUDE DATABASE. 4 00:00:07,485 --> 00:00:09,835 I'M GONNA HATE-RATE THE [bleep] OUT OF THESE JOCK-OFFS. 5 00:00:09,966 --> 00:00:12,664 - I GUESS YOU'RE NOT 100% DOUCHEBAG AFTER ALL. 6 00:00:13,709 --> 00:00:15,928 - FIRST TIME? 7 00:00:20,324 --> 00:00:21,847 - NOW THAT I HAD FINALLY LET OWEN DOWN EASY 8 00:00:21,978 --> 00:00:23,588 AND MADE UP WITH MATTY AFTER HIS HEROIC PRO-GIRL STAND 9 00:00:23,719 --> 00:00:25,895 AT THE BONFIRE, MY GUY SLATE WAS CLEAR. 10 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,592 SO THIS MORNING, TAMARA AND I COULD LOG 11 00:00:27,723 --> 00:00:30,117 SOME WELL-DESERVED QUALITY TIME OVER HOT CHOCOLATES. 12 00:00:30,247 --> 00:00:32,945 [cell phone alert chiming] 13 00:00:33,076 --> 00:00:35,383 - OH, HI, HAVE YOU BECOME AMISH? 14 00:00:35,513 --> 00:00:37,689 I'VE BEEN CALLING YOU ALL WEEKEND WITH ME-RELATED INTEL 15 00:00:37,820 --> 00:00:40,257 AND I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU HAD ABANDONED ELECTRICITY. 16 00:00:40,388 --> 00:00:42,085 - HOT CHOCOLATE. BE NICE. MY PHONE WAS OFF. 17 00:00:42,216 --> 00:00:44,740 IT WON'T STOP-- [cell phone alerts chiming] 18 00:00:44,870 --> 00:00:46,829 - TAGS FOR MATTY-- 19 00:00:46,959 --> 00:00:50,398 #MAGICMATTY, #BLACKIRISHLICORICE. 20 00:00:50,528 --> 00:00:52,530 IT'S A SEVERE Y CHROMOSOME HASHTAG-A-PALOOZA. 21 00:00:52,661 --> 00:00:55,359 THE DUDE DATABASE HAS NOW GONE FULL-ON VIRAL. 22 00:00:55,490 --> 00:00:59,755 - HOW IS EVERY OTHER GIRL AT PHHS POSTING TO IT LIKE CRAZY? 23 00:00:59,885 --> 00:01:01,757 - OKAY. I MAY HAVE SHOWED A FEW GIRLS 24 00:01:01,887 --> 00:01:03,541 WHILE HATE-RATING AT THE BONFIRE. 25 00:01:03,672 --> 00:01:04,803 DO YOU LIKE THIS NEW PEACH LIP GLOSS? 26 00:01:04,934 --> 00:01:06,370 IT MIGHT BE A LITTLE TOO SHINY. - T. 27 00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:07,371 [cell phone alerts chime] 28 00:01:07,502 --> 00:01:10,200 - #2INCHRICH? YIKES. 29 00:01:10,331 --> 00:01:11,549 - THIS IS GONNA REALLY PISS SOME PEOPLE OFF. 30 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:12,724 WE SHOULD JUST DELETE IT. 31 00:01:12,855 --> 00:01:14,335 - IT'LL PLAY ITSELF OUT. 32 00:01:14,465 --> 00:01:15,597 NOW, PREPARE TO BE SHOCKED 33 00:01:15,727 --> 00:01:16,989 AS I REVEAL MY HOOKUP WITH-- 34 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:19,818 OH. EM. GEE. [clowd clamoring] 35 00:01:19,949 --> 00:01:22,821 [rock music] 36 00:01:22,952 --> 00:01:26,564 ♪ 37 00:01:26,695 --> 00:01:29,915 - A PUPPY DOG? A PUPPY DOG, REALLY? 38 00:01:30,046 --> 00:01:32,222 - THESE BOYS WOULDN'T LAST ONE BAD DUBSTEP REMIX 39 00:01:32,353 --> 00:01:34,224 OF GAY BAR JUDGMENT. 40 00:01:34,355 --> 00:01:37,053 - UGH, DUBSTEP. JUST LOST MY SEMI. 41 00:01:37,184 --> 00:01:41,492 - UNWRAP THAT PACKAGE, MAGIC MATTY! 42 00:01:41,623 --> 00:01:44,016 - OKAY, NOW I REALLY GET HOW YOU FELT ABOUT THE PHONEBOOK. 43 00:01:44,147 --> 00:01:45,148 DID YOU DO THIS? 44 00:01:45,279 --> 00:01:47,498 - #FABABS? 45 00:01:47,629 --> 00:01:48,978 I'D LIKE TO THINK I'M MORE CREATIVE THAN THAT. 46 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:52,895 - ISN'T IT BRILLZ! JUST TOTAL DRAMA. 47 00:01:53,025 --> 00:01:54,723 - WE GOT THIS DIRTY DEEDS DATABASE 48 00:01:54,853 --> 00:01:56,638 AND FORWARDED INVITES TO EVERYONE. 49 00:01:56,768 --> 00:01:58,030 - LET THE HOT GUYS KNOW THEY'RE HOT 50 00:01:58,161 --> 00:02:00,294 AND THE NOT GUYS KNOW TO GIVE UP. 51 00:02:00,424 --> 00:02:03,166 - SO NO ONE HAS ANY IDEA WHERE THIS DATABASE COME FROM? 52 00:02:03,297 --> 00:02:04,689 - SOME IDIOT SAVANT FRESHMAN? 53 00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:07,823 - IDIOT? THOSE BITCHES. 54 00:02:07,953 --> 00:02:09,390 THAT DATABASE IS WELL-BUILT. 55 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:10,608 THE INTEGRATION OF THE FACEBOOK PHOTOS ALONE-- 56 00:02:10,739 --> 00:02:12,175 - STOP DEFENDING IT! 57 00:02:12,306 --> 00:02:14,221 WHOA! 58 00:02:14,351 --> 00:02:16,875 OKAY, THIS HAS GONE OFF THE RAILS. 59 00:02:17,006 --> 00:02:18,747 WHAT IF IT COMES BACK AROUND TO ME? 60 00:02:18,877 --> 00:02:21,097 - FOCUS ON MY SHINY PEACH LIPS. NO ONE KNOWS IT WAS US. 61 00:02:21,228 --> 00:02:23,752 - JENNA HAMILTON TO MS. MARKS' OFFICE NOW. 62 00:02:23,882 --> 00:02:25,188 IMMEDIATELY NOW. 63 00:02:25,319 --> 00:02:27,582 - WELL, NO ONE KNOWS IT WAS ME. 64 00:02:27,712 --> 00:02:29,279 [cell phone alert chimes] 65 00:02:33,283 --> 00:02:34,502 - WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS DUDE DATABASE 66 00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:35,720 FOR RANKING SENIOR BOYS? 67 00:02:35,851 --> 00:02:37,809 J., WHO'S INVOLVED? 68 00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:40,160 ANY FACULTY? 69 00:02:40,290 --> 00:02:43,337 THE HEADPHONES ARE FOR YOUR PRIVACY. 70 00:02:43,467 --> 00:02:46,731 YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES I'M LIKE, "WHOA, #UPINMYGRILL," 71 00:02:46,862 --> 00:02:48,994 BUT THEN I GET ALL #MASCOTHEADHORNY AND-- 72 00:02:50,996 --> 00:02:54,086 - VAL, THE HEADPHONES DON'T REALLY WORK. 73 00:02:54,217 --> 00:02:56,785 - I NEED GUIDANCE! - OH, RIGHT. 74 00:02:56,915 --> 00:02:58,961 #2INCHRICH. 75 00:02:59,091 --> 00:03:01,006 - 2 1/2! 76 00:03:01,137 --> 00:03:02,182 - I'M GONNA GO. 77 00:03:02,312 --> 00:03:05,010 - THANK YOU! - OH. 78 00:03:06,838 --> 00:03:07,970 SORRY. 79 00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:09,798 [cell phone alerts chiming] 80 00:03:09,928 --> 00:03:11,756 - THIS HASHTAG STUFF REALLY SUCKS. 81 00:03:11,887 --> 00:03:13,541 - OW! - OH, YEAH. 82 00:03:13,671 --> 00:03:15,195 YOUR REP AS A SEX MACHINE IS SO HARD. 83 00:03:15,325 --> 00:03:16,935 - OW! - NICE GUYS FINISH LAST. 84 00:03:17,066 --> 00:03:18,894 - THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE YOU LET THE GIRLS FINISH FIRST, 85 00:03:19,024 --> 00:03:20,722 #SOPOLITEINBED. 86 00:03:20,852 --> 00:03:23,725 - SINCE WHEN IS BEING A GENEROUS LOVER A BAD THING? 87 00:03:23,855 --> 00:03:26,467 - HEY, NOT-SO-NAUGHTY-ROSATI! - [scoffs] 88 00:03:26,597 --> 00:03:28,251 - OH! 89 00:03:28,382 --> 00:03:29,861 NO, HE'S--HE'S JUST UPSET ABOUT 90 00:03:29,992 --> 00:03:32,299 HIS ADORABLE PUPPY DOG STATUS WITH THE GIRLS. 91 00:03:32,429 --> 00:03:34,997 - AH, WELL, THE LADIES OF PHHS HAVE A LOT TO SAY, 92 00:03:35,127 --> 00:03:37,304 DON'T THEY, #MANWHOREMCKIBBEN? 93 00:03:37,434 --> 00:03:38,696 - OKAY, IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT-- 94 00:03:38,827 --> 00:03:40,437 THAT PEOPLE WANT TO HANG OUT WITH ME. 95 00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:44,006 I AM ADORABLE. - TRUE, AND MODEST. 96 00:03:44,136 --> 00:03:46,487 I'M SURE YOUR IDEA OF HANGING OUT WITH ALL THESE GIRLS 97 00:03:46,617 --> 00:03:48,053 IS GOOD, CLEAN FUN. 98 00:03:48,184 --> 00:03:49,794 HOLDING HANDS, 99 00:03:49,925 --> 00:03:52,493 MILK SHAKES WITH TWO STRAWS, THAT KIND OF THING? 100 00:03:52,623 --> 00:03:54,408 - COME ON, YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE I'M SOME SORT OF PLAYER. 101 00:03:54,538 --> 00:03:56,453 - OKAY. WELL, HOW MANY ACTUAL DATES 102 00:03:56,584 --> 00:03:57,585 HAVE YOU TAKEN ANY OF THESE GIRLS ON? 103 00:03:57,715 --> 00:03:59,456 - I DATE! 104 00:03:59,587 --> 00:04:01,066 IN--IN FACT, 105 00:04:01,197 --> 00:04:03,982 I WAS JUST ABOUT TO TELL YOU 106 00:04:04,113 --> 00:04:06,985 ABOUT THIS DATE I HAD PLANNED FOR US. 107 00:04:07,116 --> 00:04:10,032 AND WHAT COULD BE CLEANER FUN THAN... 108 00:04:10,162 --> 00:04:11,338 MINI GOLF? 109 00:04:11,468 --> 00:04:13,383 - OKAY, AND HOW LONG INTO THE DATE 110 00:04:13,514 --> 00:04:15,342 BEFORE YOU TRY TO SINK A HOLE IN ONE? 111 00:04:15,472 --> 00:04:17,169 - IF THIS DATE WAS ABOUT MAKING A MOVE, 112 00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:20,216 WOULD I HAVE INVITED OTHER PEOPLE? 113 00:04:20,347 --> 00:04:22,044 IT'S A DOUBLE DATE. 114 00:04:22,174 --> 00:04:23,654 - YOU'RE JUST MAKING THIS UP RIGHT NOW, AREN'T YOU? 115 00:04:23,785 --> 00:04:26,657 - NO WAY! - NO WAY, MCKIBBEN. 116 00:04:26,788 --> 00:04:29,269 - SADIE, DO THIS FOR ME. I REALLY LIKE THIS GIRL. 117 00:04:29,399 --> 00:04:32,141 - IF YOU HAVE TO PRETEND TO BE ALL HARMLESS TO WIN HER OVER, 118 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,230 THEN CLEARLY, YOU'VE PICKED THE WRONG GIRL. 119 00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,145 AGAIN! - I'LL PAY YOUR WAY. 120 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,060 - YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR SERGIO, TOO. 121 00:04:38,190 --> 00:04:39,844 - DONE! THANK YOU. 122 00:04:43,979 --> 00:04:45,459 - SINCE YOU'RE HOMOSEXUAL SINNERS 123 00:04:45,589 --> 00:04:46,982 AND SEEM COOL WITH THE WHOLE "GOING TO HELL" THING, 124 00:04:47,112 --> 00:04:50,420 CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION? 125 00:04:50,551 --> 00:04:52,596 - PLEASE DO. 126 00:04:52,727 --> 00:04:54,337 - I'VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF GOING TO HEAVEN ONE DAY 127 00:04:54,468 --> 00:04:56,426 AND SPENDING ETERNITY WITH MY FAMILY. 128 00:04:56,557 --> 00:05:00,125 BUT NOW MY DAD CAN'T GO AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO HIM. 129 00:05:00,256 --> 00:05:02,040 - SWEET TITS, YOU GOT SOME BAD INFO. 130 00:05:02,171 --> 00:05:03,346 YOUR DAD'S NOT GOING TO HELL. 131 00:05:03,477 --> 00:05:05,740 HE'S GOING TO GAY HEAVEN. 132 00:05:05,870 --> 00:05:08,264 - GAY HEAVEN IS A NONSTOP ARTISAN COCKTAIL MIXER 133 00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:10,440 COURTESY OF THE SCISSOR SISTERS AND HEATHERETTE. 134 00:05:10,571 --> 00:05:12,268 - IT MAKES STRAIGHT HEAVEN LOOK LIKE A BUSTED CLEARANCE SALE 135 00:05:12,399 --> 00:05:13,965 AT T.J. MAXX. 136 00:05:14,096 --> 00:05:16,316 THAT'S WHERE YOU'LL BE, LISSA. STRAIGHT HEAVEN. 137 00:05:16,446 --> 00:05:18,579 GET READY FOR BOXED WHITE ZIN AND AN ENDLESS LOOP 138 00:05:18,709 --> 00:05:20,885 OF EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND RERUNS. 139 00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:22,452 - WHAT? 140 00:05:22,583 --> 00:05:25,977 THERE ARE TOO MANY HEAVENS TO KEEP STRAIGHT! 141 00:05:26,108 --> 00:05:28,937 - IT'S LIKE KIERKEGAARD HUMPED A LOAF OF WONDER BREAD 142 00:05:29,067 --> 00:05:31,069 AND MADE A BABY. 143 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:33,898 - EVEN THOUGH VAL WAS MERCIFULLY CLUELESS ABOUT THE DATABASE, 144 00:05:34,029 --> 00:05:35,422 I DIDN'T KNOW IF TAMARA AND I WOULD STAY ANONYMOUS. 145 00:05:35,552 --> 00:05:36,988 [cell phone alert chiming] 146 00:05:37,119 --> 00:05:39,208 AND FRANKLY, DUDES WERE THE LAST THING ON MY MIND. 147 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,210 - HEY, JENNA! - HEY, OWEN! 148 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,038 - YOU KNOW, AFTER HOW THINGS WENT DOWN, 149 00:05:43,168 --> 00:05:45,867 IT'S--IT'S COOL YOU STILL PUT ME ON THE DUDE DATABASE. 150 00:05:45,997 --> 00:05:48,609 YOU KNOW, #SECRETHOTTIEWITHABODY. 151 00:05:52,047 --> 00:05:56,007 - DID OWEN JUST KISS YOUR CHEEK? - WHAT? NO. 152 00:05:56,138 --> 00:05:57,661 I MEAN, YES. 153 00:05:57,792 --> 00:06:00,925 - ARE YOU GUYS FRIENDS NOW? WHY THE RANDOM FANDOM? 154 00:06:01,056 --> 00:06:04,538 - OKAY. OWEN WAS THE GUY I HOOKED UP WITH AT NEW YEAR'S 155 00:06:04,668 --> 00:06:08,237 AND, LIKE, ONCE AFTERWARDS. - WAIT. WHAT? 156 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,021 - LOOK, I FEEL SUPER WEIRD ABOUT NOT TELLING YOU. 157 00:06:10,152 --> 00:06:11,893 I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HE WAS A SOPHOMORE. 158 00:06:12,023 --> 00:06:14,112 AND THEN I KIND OF TOOK HIS "V" CARD. 159 00:06:14,243 --> 00:06:16,376 AND NOW HE THINKS I HASHTAGGED HIM, BUT I DIDN'T. 160 00:06:16,506 --> 00:06:17,812 SO IT MUST BE SOMEONE PLAYING A JOKE-- 161 00:06:17,942 --> 00:06:19,248 - SPOILER ALERT, JENNA. 162 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,293 IWROTE THAT OWEN HASHTAG... 163 00:06:21,424 --> 00:06:23,426 AFTER WEHOOKED UP! 164 00:06:31,739 --> 00:06:33,393 - OKAY, YOU CANNOT WALK AWAY. 165 00:06:33,523 --> 00:06:35,264 THIS IS NOT BAD ENOUGH FOR A WALKAWAY MOMENT. 166 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,440 - OMG, THAT'S SO FUNNY BECAUSE... 167 00:06:43,794 --> 00:06:45,579 THE GUY WHO SITS THERE HAS MONO. 168 00:06:45,709 --> 00:06:47,798 - I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU LIKED OWEN! 169 00:06:47,929 --> 00:06:49,278 - WELL, I TRIED TO TELL YOU THIS MORNING. 170 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:49,974 YOU TRIED TO TELL ME... 171 00:06:50,105 --> 00:06:51,628 OH, YEAH. NEVER. 172 00:06:51,759 --> 00:06:53,587 - IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A ONETIME THING! 173 00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:54,805 HE'S JUST NOT LIKE THE GUYS I NORMALLY DATE SO-- 174 00:06:54,936 --> 00:06:57,765 - SO HE'S NOT A JOCK-DU-JOUR OR A DRUG PUSHER 175 00:06:57,895 --> 00:07:01,290 OR SOME HOT COLLEGE GUY YOU ABANDONED ON A MOUNTAIN? 176 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:02,770 - WELL, THAT WAS FACE-STABBINGLY THOROUGH. 177 00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:05,512 LOOKIT, T., OWEN IS GREAT, JUST NOT FOR ME. 178 00:07:05,642 --> 00:07:07,165 I AM HAPPY FOR YOU. - OH! 179 00:07:07,296 --> 00:07:08,776 SO HE'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, 180 00:07:08,906 --> 00:07:10,865 BUT HE IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME? [clapping] 181 00:07:10,995 --> 00:07:13,563 - MESDEMOISELLES... [speaking French] 182 00:07:13,694 --> 00:07:16,087 - WHAT DID SHE SAY? - SHE SAID, "GET OUT." 183 00:07:16,218 --> 00:07:18,960 - TAMARA AND I WERE CLEARLY SPEAKING A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE. 184 00:07:19,090 --> 00:07:22,224 AND I NEEDED TO FIND ONE PARTICULAR TRANSLATOR. 185 00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:26,271 - OH. - PRETTY LOW, OWEN. 186 00:07:26,402 --> 00:07:27,795 HOOKING UP WITH TAMARA, 187 00:07:27,925 --> 00:07:29,753 AND THEN PRETENDING TO BE ALL SWEET WITH ME? 188 00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:33,191 - WAIT, WHAT? I MEAN, I THINK TAMARA'S RAD. 189 00:07:33,322 --> 00:07:35,193 - YEAH, I THINK SHE'S RAD, TOO. 190 00:07:35,324 --> 00:07:38,022 WHICH IS WHY I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU USE HER TO GET BACK AT ME. 191 00:07:38,153 --> 00:07:39,981 - WAIT, BUT YOU TOLD ME TO GO AFTER SOMEONE AMAZING. 192 00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:42,592 OF COURSE I'M GONNA GO AFTER TAMARA. 193 00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:44,812 - BECAUSE YOU LIKE HER, OR BECAUSE YOU WANT TO HURT ME? 194 00:07:44,942 --> 00:07:48,772 TAMARA IS MY BEST FRIEND, AND NOW SHE'S HURT. 195 00:07:48,903 --> 00:07:51,558 SO IF THAT MATTERS TO YOU, THEN YOU'LL STAY AWAY FROM HER. 196 00:07:53,255 --> 00:07:54,909 - [sighs] 197 00:07:55,039 --> 00:07:56,737 - ANY CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE 198 00:07:56,867 --> 00:07:58,956 HAVING TO DO WITH THE HASHTAGGING OF BOYS 199 00:07:59,087 --> 00:08:01,219 WILL BE HANDLED FORMER SOVIET BLOCK STYLE. 200 00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:04,484 - A LOT OF PEOPLE WERE STILL SALTY BECAUSE OF THE DATABASE. 201 00:08:04,614 --> 00:08:06,355 TAMARA AND I WEREN'T EXACTLY SWEET. 202 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,226 MAYBE SHE WAS RIGHT TO BE MAD AT ME. 203 00:08:08,357 --> 00:08:10,272 BUT SHE WASN'T RIGHT ABOUT IT ALL BLOWING OVER. 204 00:08:10,402 --> 00:08:12,753 NOT EVEN CLOSE. 205 00:08:12,883 --> 00:08:14,189 - YOU ASKED FOR IT, COMRADES. [screaming] 206 00:08:14,319 --> 00:08:16,844 THE HOSE IT IS. 207 00:08:16,974 --> 00:08:19,542 - SO THERE'S CHRISTIAN HEAVEN, MUSLIM HEAVEN, 208 00:08:19,673 --> 00:08:20,848 GAY HEAVEN, STRAIGHT HEAVEN, 209 00:08:20,978 --> 00:08:23,372 DO BISEXUALS GO BACK AND FORTH? - UGH! 210 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:26,462 SHUT UP. NONE OF THOSE EVEN EXIST. 211 00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:29,509 - YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN ANY OF IT? 212 00:08:29,639 --> 00:08:31,772 - IF YOU EVER TELL ANYONE THIS, 213 00:08:31,902 --> 00:08:33,469 I WILL GOUGE OUT YOUR EYES WITH MY THUMBS. 214 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,820 BUT I BELIEVE IN LOVE 215 00:08:36,951 --> 00:08:39,823 AND NOT SAYING SOMEONE IS GOING TO HELL FOR BEING GAY. 216 00:08:39,954 --> 00:08:41,651 BECAUSE WHOEVER SAYS THAT IS AN [bleep]. 217 00:08:41,782 --> 00:08:44,872 - GOD SAYS THAT! - YOUR HANDSY MOM 218 00:08:45,002 --> 00:08:47,048 AND NEWLY-MINTED GAY DAD SAY GOD SAYS THAT. 219 00:08:47,178 --> 00:08:48,876 NOT SURE THOSE HYPOCRITES SPEAK FOR HIM. 220 00:08:49,006 --> 00:08:51,008 [cell phone alert chimes] - THIS THING WON'T SHUT UP. 221 00:08:51,139 --> 00:08:55,273 IT'S RUINING MY CHARDONNAY AND MELATONIN-FLAVORED ME TIME. 222 00:08:55,404 --> 00:08:57,101 - SERGIO'S CAR STALLED. 223 00:08:57,232 --> 00:08:59,756 I'M GONNA GO TAKE THIS BOOZE BAG'S BENZ 224 00:08:59,887 --> 00:09:01,323 AND PICK HIM UP FOR THIS LAME DATE. 225 00:09:01,453 --> 00:09:03,499 - I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE. 226 00:09:03,630 --> 00:09:05,545 - NO, I TOTALLY KNOW THAT. 227 00:09:10,462 --> 00:09:12,160 - WHO ARE YOU? 228 00:09:12,290 --> 00:09:13,901 - I'M LISSA. 229 00:09:14,031 --> 00:09:16,599 YOU'VE MET ME, LIKE, SO MANY TIMES. 230 00:09:16,730 --> 00:09:19,471 - YOU LOOK LIKE YOU NEED A DRINK. 231 00:09:19,602 --> 00:09:21,169 - I THINK I NEED SOME ADVICE. 232 00:09:21,299 --> 00:09:23,258 - FROM ME? 233 00:09:23,388 --> 00:09:26,435 YOU NEED ADVICE FROM ME? 234 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,089 - TAMARA FOUND OUT I NEVER TOLD HER 235 00:09:28,219 --> 00:09:29,743 ABOUT HOOKING UP WITH THIS GUY THAT SHE LIKES, 236 00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:30,700 SO I SAID THAT SHE SHOULD HAVE HIM 237 00:09:30,831 --> 00:09:32,397 AND THEN SHE FLIPPED OUT ON ME. 238 00:09:32,528 --> 00:09:34,269 - OUCH. - WELL, I TOLD HER THE TRUTH. 239 00:09:34,399 --> 00:09:36,576 - YOU ALSO TOLD HER THAT SHE COULD HAVE THE GUY 240 00:09:36,706 --> 00:09:38,621 YOU WERE DONE WITH. OKAY, QUICK STORY. 241 00:09:38,752 --> 00:09:39,535 WHEN YOUR FATHER AND I WERE DATING, 242 00:09:39,666 --> 00:09:41,798 WE BROKE UP SEVERAL TIMES, 243 00:09:41,929 --> 00:09:44,322 BUT THE MAKEUP SEX WAS ALWAYS SO-- 244 00:09:44,453 --> 00:09:45,976 - MOM. - ANYWAY, 245 00:09:46,107 --> 00:09:48,022 TO TEACH HIM A LESSON DURING ONE OF THE BREAKUPS, 246 00:09:48,152 --> 00:09:50,154 I WENT OUT WITH HIS FRIEND, PAUL. 247 00:09:50,285 --> 00:09:53,070 WHEN WE GOT BACK TOGETHER, I TOLD HIM I HUNG OUT WITH PAUL. 248 00:09:53,201 --> 00:09:57,597 I DID NOT TELL HIM THAT PAUL TRIED TO GO ALL THE WAY. 249 00:09:57,727 --> 00:09:59,337 - SO I SHOULD HAVE TOLD TAMARA ABOUT OWEN, 250 00:09:59,468 --> 00:10:00,774 JUST NOT THE DETAILS? 251 00:10:00,904 --> 00:10:03,298 - SOMETIMES YOU TELL JUST ENOUGH OF THE TRUTH 252 00:10:03,428 --> 00:10:04,908 TO SPARE PEOPLE THE HURT. 253 00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:08,303 - HMM, THAT STORY WAS ACTUALLY REALLY RELEVANT. 254 00:10:08,433 --> 00:10:10,522 THANKS, MOM. - HMM. 255 00:10:10,653 --> 00:10:12,133 - WAIT, WAS ANY OF THAT EVEN TRUE? 256 00:10:12,263 --> 00:10:15,310 - OH, HONEY, YOU FEEL BETTER. DOES IT REALLY MATTER? 257 00:10:18,052 --> 00:10:20,837 - GABBY, IF YOU DROP MATTY NOW, NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW 258 00:10:20,968 --> 00:10:23,797 WE WERE AT THIS ASTROTURF KIDDIE DUMPING GROUND. 259 00:10:23,927 --> 00:10:26,930 - JUST NO ONE INSTAGRAM ANYTHING. 260 00:10:27,061 --> 00:10:29,498 HEY, MAYBE WE SHOULD SPLIT UP INTO TEAMS. 261 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,674 LITTLE FRIENDLY COMPETITION? 262 00:10:31,805 --> 00:10:34,024 - THAT'S KIND OF UNFAIR, DON'T YOU THINK? 263 00:10:34,155 --> 00:10:36,244 I MEAN, WE'RE BOTH ATHLETES AND THEY'RE... 264 00:10:36,374 --> 00:10:37,941 - FINISH THAT THOUGHT, MIJO. 265 00:10:38,072 --> 00:10:40,378 - OH, NO. IT'S NOW MY NEW MISSION IN LIFE 266 00:10:40,509 --> 00:10:43,555 TO DESTROY YOU AT MINI GOLF. 267 00:10:48,952 --> 00:10:50,911 [knock at door] 268 00:10:53,522 --> 00:10:54,915 - EVENIN', MA'AM. 269 00:10:55,045 --> 00:10:56,264 I'M HERE TO CHECK OUT YOUR PLUMBING. 270 00:10:56,394 --> 00:10:58,179 - JAKE, ARE YOU... 271 00:10:58,309 --> 00:11:00,181 OH, GOD, IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE SEXY OR SOMETHING? 272 00:11:00,311 --> 00:11:02,357 - WELL, MY CUSTOMERS USUALLY AREN'T THIS FORWARD, 273 00:11:02,487 --> 00:11:04,925 BUT IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR, I'M GOOD TO GO. 274 00:11:05,055 --> 00:11:07,318 - OKAY, STOP SAYING THINGS AND COME INSIDE. 275 00:11:07,449 --> 00:11:10,104 - I'M JUST TRYING TO GIVE YOU A TASTE OF THE BAD BOY. 276 00:11:10,234 --> 00:11:11,496 - OKAY? 277 00:11:11,627 --> 00:11:13,063 BUT YOU'RE NOT A BAD BOY. 278 00:11:13,194 --> 00:11:16,414 - UGH, NOT EVEN HERE? I CAN'T WIN. 279 00:11:16,545 --> 00:11:17,894 NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY, 280 00:11:18,025 --> 00:11:19,069 WHETHER I'M THE CLEAN-CUT CLASS PRESIDENT 281 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:22,899 OR A SERIOUS MUSICIAN OR A STUDLY PLUMBER, 282 00:11:23,030 --> 00:11:25,728 I JUST KEEP GETTING THE CUTESY BULL[bleep] 283 00:11:25,859 --> 00:11:30,646 LIKE #PUPPYLOVE OR #TAKEHOMETOMOMMY. 284 00:11:30,777 --> 00:11:32,169 I WANT TO BE #HITITANDQUITIT. 285 00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:35,303 - AW, YOU'RE JUST NOT DOUCHEY ENOUGH FOR THAT, 286 00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:37,522 WHICH IS A GOOD THING. 287 00:11:37,653 --> 00:11:40,438 BECAUSE WHEN YOU LEARN TO BE COMFORTABLE WITH WHO YOU ARE, 288 00:11:40,569 --> 00:11:41,875 IT WON'T MATTER 289 00:11:42,005 --> 00:11:44,268 IF YOU'RE WEARING A VARSITY JACKET OR A GUITAR 290 00:11:44,399 --> 00:11:47,750 OR A PLUMBER'S OUTFIT YOU SAW IN A BAD '80s PORN. 291 00:11:50,274 --> 00:11:52,755 - ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT ME TO CHECK YOUR PIPES 292 00:11:52,886 --> 00:11:56,367 BEFORE I BURN THIS RIDICULOUS GETUP? 293 00:12:03,287 --> 00:12:06,421 - AH, SCREW IT, A QUICK SNAKING COULDN'T HURT. 294 00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:11,774 - OH! NICE. 295 00:12:11,905 --> 00:12:13,515 - IT'S ALL IN THE WRIST. 296 00:12:13,645 --> 00:12:15,735 OKAY, JUST LIKE HERE. 297 00:12:15,865 --> 00:12:18,738 - OH, MY, COACH. HANDS. 298 00:12:18,868 --> 00:12:22,089 - FOCUS, MCKIBBEN. - GOT IT. 299 00:12:22,219 --> 00:12:23,786 HOLE IN ONE. 300 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,137 - YEAH! - [sighs] 301 00:12:27,268 --> 00:12:28,835 - ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE UP, SERGIO. 302 00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:31,620 MISS THIS, AND I WILL RIP OFF YOUR [bleep]! 303 00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:34,101 - THAT ONLY HURTS YOU, BABE. 304 00:12:34,231 --> 00:12:36,973 - [coughs] 305 00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:39,759 - HA! HUH? - MM-HMM. 306 00:12:43,284 --> 00:12:45,765 - HMM? 307 00:12:45,895 --> 00:12:47,375 - ALL RIGHT. OKAY, OKAY. 308 00:12:47,505 --> 00:12:50,247 I ADMIT, I AM THE WORST MINI GOLFER HERE. 309 00:12:50,378 --> 00:12:52,554 BUT HOW ABOUT THIS-- I MAKE THIS HERE PUTT, 310 00:12:52,684 --> 00:12:55,078 AND YOU KISS ME TONIGHT? 311 00:12:55,209 --> 00:12:56,863 - IF YOU MAKE THIS PUTT, I'LL DIE OF SHOCK, 312 00:12:56,993 --> 00:12:58,908 SO YOU'LL BE KISSING A CORPSE. 313 00:12:59,039 --> 00:13:01,737 - OH, I WILL TAKE THAT AS A YES. 314 00:13:06,089 --> 00:13:08,178 OH! - OH! WHOA! NICE! 315 00:13:08,309 --> 00:13:10,311 YEAH! - NO! 316 00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:13,270 - SO WHEN A HOOKUP IS ON THE LINE, SUDDENLY YOU CAN PLAY? 317 00:13:13,401 --> 00:13:15,446 - WELL, IT'S A CLASSIC WAY TO STEP UP THE GAME. 318 00:13:15,577 --> 00:13:19,494 - I THINK "GAME" IS THE OPERATIVE WORD HERE, PLAYER. 319 00:13:21,452 --> 00:13:22,758 - OKAY. 320 00:13:22,889 --> 00:13:25,326 WHAT DID I DO? - DON'T FEEL BAD. 321 00:13:25,456 --> 00:13:28,285 MAYBE MINI GOLF JUST ISN'T AN ATHLETE'S GAME. 322 00:13:28,416 --> 00:13:29,939 - [laughs] 323 00:13:33,856 --> 00:13:35,858 - WHEN I DON'T ANSWER MY PHONE, 324 00:13:35,989 --> 00:13:37,991 IT'S 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU. 325 00:13:38,121 --> 00:13:39,993 - JUST WAIT. 326 00:13:40,123 --> 00:13:41,255 I WAS A JERK ABOUT THE OWEN SITUATION 327 00:13:41,385 --> 00:13:43,866 AND DEFINITELY SAID SOME WRONG THINGS. 328 00:13:43,997 --> 00:13:45,259 - GO ON. 329 00:13:45,389 --> 00:13:47,304 - I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU ABOUT OWEN SOONER. 330 00:13:47,435 --> 00:13:48,915 I SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD YOU ABOUT THE VIRGINITY THING 331 00:13:49,045 --> 00:13:50,046 OR SAID THAT HE WAS HUNG UP ON ME, 332 00:13:50,177 --> 00:13:51,874 WHICH CLEARLY ISN'T THE CASE, 333 00:13:52,005 --> 00:13:53,136 SINCE HE IMMEDIATELY WENT AND HOOKED UP WITH YOU. 334 00:13:53,267 --> 00:13:54,659 I MADE IT ALL ABOUT ME. 335 00:13:54,790 --> 00:13:57,924 - BECAUSE YOU THINK THE WHOLE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND YOU. 336 00:13:58,054 --> 00:13:59,751 - OKAY, JEEZ, I AM TRYING TO APOLOGIZE. 337 00:13:59,882 --> 00:14:01,928 - APOLOGY DECLINED. HI, OWEN. 338 00:14:02,058 --> 00:14:03,668 - OWEN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 339 00:14:03,799 --> 00:14:05,322 - UH, DRINKING JUICE. 340 00:14:05,453 --> 00:14:08,282 - I INVITED HIM. OH, AND HE TOLD ME WHAT YOU SAID, 341 00:14:08,412 --> 00:14:10,675 ABOUT HOW YOU THINK HE'S USING ME TO HURT YOU! 342 00:14:10,806 --> 00:14:12,286 AGAIN, IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU! 343 00:14:12,416 --> 00:14:14,201 - OWEN, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TOLD HER THAT. 344 00:14:14,331 --> 00:14:16,681 - I WAS YELLING AT HIM FOR NOT TELLING ME ABOUT YOU 345 00:14:16,812 --> 00:14:18,422 IN THE FIRST PLACE, 346 00:14:18,553 --> 00:14:20,685 AND HE TERROR-SPILLED IT OUT OF FEAR FOR HIS YOUNG LIFE. 347 00:14:20,816 --> 00:14:22,383 SO TURN YOUR OUTRAGE BACK OVER HERE. 348 00:14:22,513 --> 00:14:24,733 - TAMARA, CHILL. I AM TRYING TO MAKE THINGS BETTER. 349 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,126 - BY KEEPING MORE SECRETS? 350 00:14:26,256 --> 00:14:29,129 BY ASSUMING OWEN WOULDN'T WANT ME FOR ME? 351 00:14:29,259 --> 00:14:31,000 YOU STILL DON'T GET IT. IT'S NOT EVEN ABOUT OWEN. 352 00:14:31,131 --> 00:14:33,655 - IT'S NOT? - OWEN, BE QUIET. 353 00:14:33,785 --> 00:14:35,352 JENNA, THIS IS ALL ABOUT YOU AND ME. 354 00:14:35,483 --> 00:14:36,876 - YOU AND ME? 355 00:14:37,006 --> 00:14:39,052 - ACTUALLY, IT'S MOSTLY JUST ABOUT YOU. 356 00:14:39,182 --> 00:14:41,141 WE'RE HAVING JUICE NOW. 'KAY, THANKS, BYE! 357 00:14:46,798 --> 00:14:48,104 - DON'T GET IN THE BACKSEAT, GABBY. 358 00:14:48,235 --> 00:14:49,932 HIS PUTTER DOESN'T WORK RIGHT! 359 00:14:50,063 --> 00:14:52,326 - YEAH, NOT EXACTLY GOOD WINNERS, HUH? 360 00:14:52,456 --> 00:14:54,458 WELL, THEN AGAIN, 361 00:14:54,589 --> 00:14:57,635 YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY THE--THE BEST LOSER I'VE EVER SEEN EITHER. 362 00:14:57,766 --> 00:15:01,117 - BEING COMPETITIVE GOT ME A FULL RIDE TO STANFORD. 363 00:15:01,248 --> 00:15:02,510 - OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? I-I GIVE UP. 364 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:04,033 SO, ACTUALLY, YOU WIN. 365 00:15:04,164 --> 00:15:07,254 - MAYBE THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, MCKIBBEN. 366 00:15:07,384 --> 00:15:10,300 THINGS COME SO EASY TO YOU, YOU CAN'T HANDLE A CHALLENGE. 367 00:15:10,431 --> 00:15:12,476 - YOU DON'T KNOW ME. 368 00:15:12,607 --> 00:15:14,739 THIS IS THE FIRST TIME WE HAVE INTERACTED, 369 00:15:14,870 --> 00:15:17,046 YET YOU SEEM TO BE AN EXPERT ON--ON WHO I AM? 370 00:15:19,179 --> 00:15:21,311 - I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN TRYING WAY TOO HARD 371 00:15:21,442 --> 00:15:22,573 TO CONVINCE ME YOU'RE A GOOD GUY. 372 00:15:22,704 --> 00:15:23,835 - DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT 373 00:15:23,966 --> 00:15:26,186 IT MIGHT BE BECAUSE I LIKE YOU? 374 00:15:26,316 --> 00:15:27,970 IF YOU'RE SO UP FOR CHALLENGES, GABBY, 375 00:15:28,101 --> 00:15:30,190 WHY DON'T YOU CHALLENGE YOURSELF? 376 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,583 GET TO KNOW ME, INSTEAD OF DOING THE EASY THING 377 00:15:32,714 --> 00:15:34,237 AND--AND ICING ME OUT BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE 378 00:15:34,368 --> 00:15:36,152 A BUNCH OF STUPID HASHTAGS AND RUMORS. 379 00:15:36,283 --> 00:15:38,633 YOU SEEM BETTER THAN THAT. 380 00:15:40,243 --> 00:15:43,290 ANY OF THIS GETTING THROUGH? 381 00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,684 SCORE! 382 00:15:46,815 --> 00:15:48,512 I'M KIDDING. 383 00:15:48,643 --> 00:15:50,210 - YOU KNOW THAT WHOLE "YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT" THING 384 00:15:50,340 --> 00:15:51,646 IS THE ONLY THING THAT'S GETTING TO ME, RIGHT? 385 00:15:51,776 --> 00:15:54,692 - YEAH. WHY DO YOU THINK I SAVED IT FOR LAST? 386 00:15:58,870 --> 00:16:00,568 - THE MORE I TRIED TO DO THE RIGHT THING, 387 00:16:00,698 --> 00:16:03,310 THE WORSE THINGS GOT. [cell phone alert chiming] 388 00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,355 TAMARA AND I WEREN'T THE ONLY ONES HAVING FRICTION. 389 00:16:05,486 --> 00:16:08,010 THE DUDE DATABASE WAS RUBBING EVERYONE THE WRONG WAY. 390 00:16:10,143 --> 00:16:11,796 NICE TO SEE A FRIENDLY FACE. 391 00:16:11,927 --> 00:16:13,581 - ABSOLUTELY. THE FRIENDLIEST FACE. 392 00:16:13,711 --> 00:16:16,062 THESE LADIES HAVE NO [bleep] IDEA. 393 00:16:16,192 --> 00:16:17,846 - OKAY? 394 00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:20,675 - STOP! DEAD IN YOUR TRACKS. ATTENTION, SENIORS. 395 00:16:20,805 --> 00:16:24,505 DO YOU FIND YOURSELF FRIENDLESS AND ALIENATED FROM EVERYONE? 396 00:16:24,635 --> 00:16:26,159 COME TO THE CLUB ROOM IN FIVE MINUTES 397 00:16:26,289 --> 00:16:29,901 TO FIND OUT HOW TO STOP BEING AWFUL PEOPLE. 398 00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:31,468 MANDATORY! 399 00:16:31,599 --> 00:16:34,558 THERE IS A LOT OF HATE IN HERE. AND I GET IT. 400 00:16:34,689 --> 00:16:35,995 I CAN SEE WHY SOME OF YOU HATE EACH OTHER. 401 00:16:36,125 --> 00:16:37,997 I HATE SOME OF YOU, TOO. 402 00:16:38,127 --> 00:16:39,999 I MEAN, SOMETIMES WHEN YOU COME INTO MY OFFICE 403 00:16:40,129 --> 00:16:42,566 WITH YOUR WHINING, I WANT TO KILL MYSELF. 404 00:16:42,697 --> 00:16:46,527 BUT WELCOME TO VAL'S "UR THE CHANGE"! 405 00:16:46,657 --> 00:16:50,139 THE "YOU'RE" IS SPELLED U-R. 406 00:16:50,270 --> 00:16:54,013 LET'S GET ALL THAT HATE OUT IN THE OPEN. GO! 407 00:16:54,143 --> 00:16:56,537 - I COULD GO FIRST, VAL. 408 00:16:56,667 --> 00:16:59,105 - OH, WHAT A GOOD ATTITUDE, SADIE. 409 00:16:59,235 --> 00:17:00,410 DON'T EDIT YOURSELF. 410 00:17:00,541 --> 00:17:01,890 WE CAN ALL TAKE IT, RIGHT, EVERYONE? 411 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:05,241 HUH? 412 00:17:05,372 --> 00:17:07,200 - I HATE... 413 00:17:07,330 --> 00:17:10,072 THIS LAME EXERCISE YOU'RE FORCING ON US. 414 00:17:10,203 --> 00:17:13,206 YOU'RE A FAKE TEACHER AND SHOULD BE FIRED AGAIN 415 00:17:13,336 --> 00:17:16,339 OR THROWN IN JAIL FOR GROSS NEGLIGENCE. 416 00:17:16,470 --> 00:17:19,255 DO US ALL A FAVOR AND SELF-DEPORT 417 00:17:19,386 --> 00:17:21,127 TO WHATEVER NOWHERE COUNTRY 418 00:17:21,257 --> 00:17:24,652 GAVE YOU YOUR 3-EASY-STEPS ONLINE DEGREE IN COUNSELING 419 00:17:24,782 --> 00:17:26,871 AND DEMAND A REFUND. 420 00:17:27,002 --> 00:17:28,308 YOU'RE WELCOME. 421 00:17:28,438 --> 00:17:32,529 WOW! I DO FEEL BETTER. 422 00:17:34,966 --> 00:17:36,751 - NEXT! 423 00:17:36,881 --> 00:17:40,059 - I HATE THAT ALL YOU MOST BASE LEVEL OF BASIC BITCHES 424 00:17:40,189 --> 00:17:42,800 NEED INFANTILE BONDING EXERCISES TO PROCESS YOUR [bleep]. 425 00:17:42,931 --> 00:17:45,194 GROW A PAIR. - PREACH! 426 00:17:45,325 --> 00:17:49,111 - I HATE THAT--THAT-- 427 00:17:49,242 --> 00:17:51,548 THAT GOD IS AN [bleep]! 428 00:17:55,335 --> 00:17:57,163 - ISN'T GOD THE WORST? 429 00:17:57,293 --> 00:18:01,428 - I HATE THAT GUMMY WORMS WON'T TELL ME THEIR SECRETS. 430 00:18:01,558 --> 00:18:02,646 NO FACES. 431 00:18:02,777 --> 00:18:04,822 - I HATE THIS. IT'S WEIRD. 432 00:18:04,953 --> 00:18:07,608 AND, WELL, I'D RATHER BE DOING ANYTHING ELSE. 433 00:18:07,738 --> 00:18:11,177 - EXCEPT MAYBE PLAYING MINI GOLF? 434 00:18:11,307 --> 00:18:12,178 [snorts] 435 00:18:12,308 --> 00:18:14,528 - I DON'T HATE ANYTHING. 436 00:18:14,658 --> 00:18:18,401 I GUESS I'M JUST A NICE GUY THAT WAY. 437 00:18:18,532 --> 00:18:20,447 - I HATE WHEN MY BEST FRIEND 438 00:18:20,577 --> 00:18:22,318 DOESN'T TELL ME HUGE THINGS IN HER LIFE, 439 00:18:22,449 --> 00:18:25,408 AND THEN THROWS ME HER SLOPPY SECONDS LIKE IT'S A FAVOR. 440 00:18:25,539 --> 00:18:27,280 - AND I HATE WHEN YOU CAN'T SEE 441 00:18:27,410 --> 00:18:28,933 THAT I AM SINCERELY TRYING TO HELP! 442 00:18:29,064 --> 00:18:30,457 - I HATE THAT YOU CAN'T SEE 443 00:18:30,587 --> 00:18:32,241 THAT I'M NOT ALWAYS SECOND BEST! 444 00:18:32,372 --> 00:18:34,287 - I HATE THAT YOU THINK YOU'RE SECOND BEST. 445 00:18:34,417 --> 00:18:35,723 I MEAN, YOU'RE SO ORGANIZED, 446 00:18:35,853 --> 00:18:37,638 AND--AND YOU HAVE YOUR [bleep] TOGETHER, 447 00:18:37,768 --> 00:18:39,509 AND YOU DON'T EXIST IN THIS CONSTANT STATE OF TEEN ANGST. 448 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:42,077 - WELL, I HATE THAT YOU DON'T SEE 449 00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:43,818 THAT YOU'RE THE KIND OF RELAXED COOL 450 00:18:43,948 --> 00:18:46,603 THAT I WILL NEVER RELAX ENOUGH TO BE. 451 00:18:46,734 --> 00:18:48,562 ALL THE GUYS FLOCK TO YOU AND... 452 00:18:48,692 --> 00:18:51,347 [scoffs] I'M JEALOUS. 453 00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:54,437 - T., YOU'RE GORGEOUS. YOU GOT INTO COLLEGE. 454 00:18:54,568 --> 00:18:56,483 YOU'RE ABOUT TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR FUTURE. 455 00:18:56,613 --> 00:18:59,268 YOU'RE AMAZING. - THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT. 456 00:18:59,399 --> 00:19:02,271 WAS THAT SO HARD? YOU'RE AMAZING, TOO. 457 00:19:02,402 --> 00:19:05,796 - YOU KNOW WHAT, CLEARLY, THIS ISN'T WORKING. 458 00:19:05,927 --> 00:19:08,756 I'M GUESSING IT'S YOUR FAULT. 459 00:19:08,886 --> 00:19:10,975 I'M JUST GONNA THROW IN THE PUBERTY VIDEO 460 00:19:11,106 --> 00:19:12,890 AND PRETEND LIKE THIS NEVER HAPPENED. 461 00:19:20,811 --> 00:19:22,204 - AFTER TAMARA AND I VERY PUBLICLY CLEARED THE AIR, 462 00:19:22,335 --> 00:19:23,640 WE STILL NEEDED TO ANONYMOUSLY ATONE 463 00:19:23,771 --> 00:19:26,165 FOR OUR ANONYMOUS DUDE DATABASE DRAMA. 464 00:19:26,295 --> 00:19:27,731 SO WE DECIDED TO ADD POSITIVE HASHTAGS 465 00:19:27,862 --> 00:19:29,994 TO LEVEL THE PLAYING FIELD. - WHAT ABOUT KYLE? 466 00:19:30,125 --> 00:19:33,346 HE'S A TOUGH ONE. - #EMOSTUD? 467 00:19:33,476 --> 00:19:37,393 OH, #SECRETTIGERINBED! 468 00:19:37,524 --> 00:19:40,309 [cell phone alerts chiming] 469 00:19:47,490 --> 00:19:49,971 - OWEN! HEY, COME HERE FOR A SEC. 470 00:19:50,101 --> 00:19:52,452 - JENNA, TAMARA, 471 00:19:52,582 --> 00:19:54,497 LOOKS LIKE YOU GUYS ARE GETTING ALONG. 472 00:19:54,628 --> 00:19:56,064 - YOU STEPPED INTO SOME HEAVY DRAMA 473 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,719 THAT WAS NOT OF YOUR MAKING, AND WE'RE SORRY. 474 00:19:58,849 --> 00:20:02,026 I JUST HOPE THIS DIDN'T FULLY SCAR YOU OR ANYTHING. 475 00:20:02,157 --> 00:20:05,726 - ARE YOU KIDDING? TWO SENIOR GIRLS IN TWO WEEKS. 476 00:20:05,856 --> 00:20:08,555 I'M BASICALLY A LEGEND. I MEAN, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. 477 00:20:10,948 --> 00:20:13,212 - UGH. HE'S SO #ADORABLYGOOFY. 478 00:20:13,342 --> 00:20:15,475 IS IT TRAGIC THAT I STILL WANT SOME? 479 00:20:15,605 --> 00:20:17,607 - YES! - J.K., I'M DONE. 480 00:20:19,522 --> 00:20:21,045 - HEY, I THOUGHT YOU SAID WE COULDN'T DELETE 481 00:20:21,176 --> 00:20:22,395 THIS STUPID DATABASE? 482 00:20:22,525 --> 00:20:24,135 - JENNA, PLEASE. YOU CAN'T DELETE IT. 483 00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:25,702 - TOO LATE, I ALREADY DID. 484 00:20:25,833 --> 00:20:27,922 - NO! JENNA, I DIDN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T DELETE IT! 485 00:20:28,052 --> 00:20:30,011 I MEAN DON'T [bleep] DELETE IT! 486 00:20:30,141 --> 00:20:32,448 [cell phone alerts chiming] 487 00:20:38,802 --> 00:20:41,414 - HOLY [bleep]. 488 00:20:45,113 --> 00:20:46,462 - NEXT ON AWKWARD... 489 00:20:46,593 --> 00:20:48,464 - IT'S LIKE A DATING DUST BOWL OUT HERE. 490 00:20:48,595 --> 00:20:49,639 I'M GONNA HAVE TO CANCEL THE VALENTINE'S DANCE! 491 00:20:49,770 --> 00:20:50,858 OUCH. 492 00:20:50,988 --> 00:20:52,163 - THE WHOLE SCHOOL WANTS TO KILL ME 493 00:20:52,294 --> 00:20:53,687 AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS "OUCH"? 494 00:20:53,817 --> 00:20:55,254 IT IS YOUR FAULT THAT THE RANKINGS WENT VIRAL, 495 00:20:55,384 --> 00:20:56,864 YET I CONTINUE TO TAKE ALL THE HITS. 496 00:20:56,994 --> 00:20:59,997 I'M JUST GONNA HAVE TO SAVE VALENTINE'S DAY BY MYSELF. 497 00:21:00,128 --> 00:21:01,521 I RENTED US A PARTY BUS. 498 00:21:01,651 --> 00:21:02,652 [groaning] 499 00:21:02,783 --> 00:21:03,958 HOLLA, PARTY PEOPLE. 37487

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