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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,393 --> 00:00:03,829 - PREVIOUSLY ON AWKWARD... 2 00:00:03,829 --> 00:00:05,048 - MY LIFE WAS FULL OF UNEXPECTED CHOICES. 3 00:00:05,048 --> 00:00:06,006 - WE'VE DECIDED 4 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,616 NOT TO LET A GIRL COME BETWEEN US. 5 00:00:07,616 --> 00:00:10,053 - SO YOU NEED TO CHOOSE, HIM OR ME. 6 00:00:10,053 --> 00:00:11,881 - YOU SHOULD DATE EACH OTHER. 7 00:00:11,881 --> 00:00:14,362 BUT SOMEONE HAD TO WIN, SOMEONE HAD TO LOSE, 8 00:00:14,362 --> 00:00:15,363 AND I WAS STILL LEFT TO CHOOSE. 9 00:00:25,155 --> 00:00:27,070 - I USED TO THINK BEING IN LOVE 10 00:00:27,070 --> 00:00:30,117 WITH TWO PEOPLE AT ONCE ONLY HAPPENED ON REALITY SHOWS, 11 00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:32,032 WHERE FINDING A SOUL MATE WAS NUDGED ALONG 12 00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:34,556 BY A DOZEN ROSES, A CHEESE-TASTIC HOST, 13 00:00:34,556 --> 00:00:36,645 AND A CAMERA CREW UP YOUR ASS. 14 00:00:36,645 --> 00:00:38,734 I NEVER BOUGHT THAT BOGUS B.S.-- 15 00:00:38,734 --> 00:00:40,997 UNTIL IT HAPPENED TO ME. 16 00:00:40,997 --> 00:00:43,869 I DIDN'T HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN MATTY OR JAKE, 17 00:00:43,869 --> 00:00:45,349 BUT I WANTED TO. 18 00:00:45,349 --> 00:00:47,134 WHEN IT CAME TO LIFE-ALTERING DECISIONS, 19 00:00:47,134 --> 00:00:50,224 I RESORTED TO MY GO-TO METHOD OF PROBLEM SOLVING-- 20 00:00:50,224 --> 00:00:51,921 BLOGGING IT OUT. 21 00:00:51,921 --> 00:00:53,618 [computer beeps] 22 00:00:53,618 --> 00:00:56,230 "PICK MATTY." "PICK JAKE." 23 00:00:56,230 --> 00:00:57,927 "MATTY IS THE ONLY CHOICE." 24 00:00:57,927 --> 00:01:00,408 "JAKE IS AWESOMETOWN." 25 00:01:00,408 --> 00:01:02,758 TURNS OUT, MY READERS WERE AS CONFUSED AS I WAS. 26 00:01:02,758 --> 00:01:04,151 [computer beeps] "GET OVER IT." 27 00:01:04,151 --> 00:01:06,544 "PICK A GUY ALREADY." "TEAM MATTY." 28 00:01:06,544 --> 00:01:10,070 "TEAM JAKE. TEAM--JONAH? 29 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,159 "WE HAVE THIRD PERIOD TOGETHER. 30 00:01:12,159 --> 00:01:13,943 I'M THE ONE WITH THE JEW 'FRO." 31 00:01:13,943 --> 00:01:15,336 OH. 32 00:01:15,336 --> 00:01:16,598 IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO THINK 33 00:01:16,598 --> 00:01:18,252 WITH THE PEANUT GALLERY CHIMING IN. 34 00:01:18,252 --> 00:01:20,689 HOW COULD I POSSIBLY BLOG MY WAY TO AN ANSWER 35 00:01:20,689 --> 00:01:22,821 IF I COULDN'T WRITE MY TRUTH? 36 00:01:22,821 --> 00:01:25,041 UNLESS-- 37 00:01:25,041 --> 00:01:27,217 I TRIED MY HAND AT FICTION. 38 00:01:27,217 --> 00:01:29,741 IT WAS THE SIX MONTH ANNIVERSARY 39 00:01:29,741 --> 00:01:32,266 OF THE FIRST TRYST IN THE UTILITY CLOSET, 40 00:01:32,266 --> 00:01:33,789 AND JENNA COULDN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. 41 00:01:33,789 --> 00:01:35,269 THOSE ILL-FITTING CAMP SHIRTS, 42 00:01:35,269 --> 00:01:38,228 THE FILTHY SPACE, THE COLD, DANK FLOOR-- 43 00:01:38,228 --> 00:01:40,926 IT WAS THE MOST ROMANTIC THREE MINUTES OF HER LIFE. 44 00:01:40,926 --> 00:01:43,103 JOLTED BY A RUSH OF COLD WAFTING OFF 45 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:45,148 MATTY'S SUB-ZERO SKIN, 46 00:01:45,148 --> 00:01:46,976 JENNA COULDN'T HELP BUT CONSIDER, 47 00:01:46,976 --> 00:01:48,543 SHOULD SHE FINALLY LET HIM TURN HER 48 00:01:48,543 --> 00:01:50,414 SO THEY COULD SPEND ETERNITY TOGETHER? 49 00:01:50,414 --> 00:01:51,676 DO YOU KNOW WHAT TODAY IS? 50 00:01:51,676 --> 00:01:53,113 - TUESDAY. 51 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,244 - HE DIDN'T REMEMBER. 52 00:01:54,244 --> 00:01:55,985 JENNA WAS CRUSHED. 53 00:01:55,985 --> 00:01:58,466 SHE DIDN'T REALIZE THE UNDEAD COULD SUCK SO HARD. 54 00:02:00,816 --> 00:02:04,689 - HAPPY ANNIVERSARY. 55 00:02:04,689 --> 00:02:08,389 - HE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO GIVE YOU WHAT YOU NEED. 56 00:02:08,389 --> 00:02:09,955 BUT I CAN. 57 00:02:09,955 --> 00:02:11,653 - BUT SHE COULDN'T DISCOUNT JAKE, 58 00:02:11,653 --> 00:02:13,394 WHO SHE OCCASIONALLY REFERRED TO AS JACOB. 59 00:02:13,394 --> 00:02:15,787 SEXY IN HIS OWN RIGHT AND AN AMAZING KISSER, 60 00:02:15,787 --> 00:02:18,529 JENNA COULD ONLY IMAGINE HOW THEIR SEX WOULD BE. 61 00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:22,185 SHE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE HOT. 62 00:02:22,185 --> 00:02:25,493 FOR REAL, JAKE'S BODY TEMP HOVERED AROUND 150. 63 00:02:25,493 --> 00:02:27,538 [computer beeps] 64 00:02:29,410 --> 00:02:31,238 MY BRIEF FORAY INTO FICTION 65 00:02:31,238 --> 00:02:33,544 LEAD ME TO ONE OBVIOUS CONCLUSION-- 66 00:02:33,544 --> 00:02:35,416 I WAS A HACK. 67 00:02:38,419 --> 00:02:40,595 SO I WASN'T ALL THAT GREAT 68 00:02:40,595 --> 00:02:42,510 WHEN LEFT TO MY OWN DEVICES. 69 00:02:42,510 --> 00:02:44,773 WHAT I NEEDED WAS A PUSH IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION, 70 00:02:44,773 --> 00:02:46,601 OR ANY DIRECTION. 71 00:02:46,601 --> 00:02:49,430 BECAUSE I WAS LOST, IN LOVE. 72 00:02:49,430 --> 00:02:51,736 WHENEVER I LOST MY KEYS, WHICH HAPPENED A LOT, 73 00:02:51,736 --> 00:02:53,085 I RETRACED MY STEPS. 74 00:02:53,085 --> 00:02:55,436 MAYBE I NEEDED TO RETRACE MY PAST 75 00:02:55,436 --> 00:02:57,960 TO FIGURE OUT MY FUTURE. 76 00:02:57,960 --> 00:02:59,831 - "IF YOU HAD A DO-OVER WITH MATTY, 77 00:02:59,831 --> 00:03:01,224 HOW WOULD YOU HANDLE IT?" 78 00:03:01,224 --> 00:03:04,401 A DO-OVER--IT WAS AN INTERESTING CONCEPT. 79 00:03:04,401 --> 00:03:07,230 AND I KNEW EXACTLY WHAT I WOULD DO DIFFERENTLY. 80 00:03:10,625 --> 00:03:13,193 [techno music] 81 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:14,716 - I WAS AFRAID YOU WEREN'T GONNA SHOW. 82 00:03:14,716 --> 00:03:17,936 - WAIT, I'M NOT GOING IN THERE. - WHY NOT? 83 00:03:17,936 --> 00:03:19,503 - BECAUSE IF I DO, WE'RE GONNA HAVE SEX. 84 00:03:19,503 --> 00:03:21,331 AND I'LL BE TOTALLY INTO YOU, 85 00:03:21,331 --> 00:03:23,246 AND YOU'LL IGNORE ME, AND I'M NOT COOL WITH THAT. 86 00:03:23,246 --> 00:03:24,856 SO IF YOU WANNA GET TO KNOW ME, 87 00:03:24,856 --> 00:03:26,510 ASK ME OUT. 88 00:03:26,510 --> 00:03:27,598 [acoustic guitar music] 89 00:03:27,598 --> 00:03:29,383 - ♪ WHEN WE MEET AGAIN 90 00:03:29,383 --> 00:03:31,559 ♪ MY BONES WILL ACHE 91 00:03:31,559 --> 00:03:34,257 - DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME YELLING AT YOU 92 00:03:34,257 --> 00:03:35,867 TO COME GET YOUR CLOTHES WHEN YOU CAME IN? 93 00:03:35,867 --> 00:03:37,304 - YEAH, I HEARD YOU. 94 00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:39,088 I JUST DIDN'T FEEL LIKE DOING IT. 95 00:03:39,088 --> 00:03:41,743 - WATCH YOUR TONE, YOUNG LADY, 96 00:03:41,743 --> 00:03:44,006 OR YOU CAN START DOING YOUR OWN LAUNDRY. 97 00:03:44,006 --> 00:03:46,269 THIS LETTER CAME FOR YOU. 98 00:03:46,269 --> 00:03:48,140 I'LL TAKE THE CLOTHES, BUT-- 99 00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:51,100 YOU MIGHT WANNA RETHINK THAT. 100 00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:52,797 [school bell rings] 101 00:03:52,797 --> 00:03:54,712 - GUYS, THIS IS JENNA. 102 00:03:54,712 --> 00:03:56,236 - HEY. 103 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,020 - SIT NEXT TO ME. 104 00:03:58,020 --> 00:04:00,762 JENNA, YOU WOULD LOOK SO PRETTY WITH A MAKEOVER. 105 00:04:00,762 --> 00:04:03,373 - OH, DAMN, IS IT "BRING A FREAK TO LUNCH" DAY? 106 00:04:03,373 --> 00:04:05,288 I TOTALLY FORGOT MINE. 107 00:04:05,288 --> 00:04:06,681 - BACK OFF, SADIE. 108 00:04:06,681 --> 00:04:08,683 JENNA AND I ARE TOGETHER NOW. 109 00:04:08,683 --> 00:04:10,641 - WE ARE? 110 00:04:10,641 --> 00:04:12,948 - I HOPE SO. [chuckles] 111 00:04:14,471 --> 00:04:16,865 - SPOILER ALERT, YOU WON'T LAST THE WEEK. 112 00:04:16,865 --> 00:04:19,737 SO FORGIVE ME IF I DON'T COMMIT YOUR NAME TO MEMORY. 113 00:04:19,737 --> 00:04:21,086 YOU'RE WELCOME. 114 00:04:21,086 --> 00:04:22,653 - LIKE A HUNGRY COYOTE, 115 00:04:22,653 --> 00:04:24,133 SADIE PREYED ON THE WEAK AND WOUNDED. 116 00:04:24,133 --> 00:04:25,700 IF SHOWED ANY FEAR AT ALL, 117 00:04:25,700 --> 00:04:27,963 SHE'D SPEND THE REST OF THE YEAR EATING ME ALIVE. 118 00:04:27,963 --> 00:04:29,617 WELL, I ALREADY KNOW YOUR NAME. 119 00:04:29,617 --> 00:04:31,706 IT'S SADIE SUCKS-TON, RIGHT? 120 00:04:31,706 --> 00:04:33,664 - [chuckles] 121 00:04:33,664 --> 00:04:37,146 - [laughs] - SORRY. 122 00:04:37,146 --> 00:04:38,800 I'M NOT SORRY. 123 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:44,719 - YOU ARE SUCH A BITCH. 124 00:04:44,719 --> 00:04:46,286 I LIKE YOU. 125 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,766 [laid-back music] 126 00:04:48,766 --> 00:04:50,899 - SO, "J", ARE YOU HANGING WITH US TODAY, 127 00:04:50,899 --> 00:04:52,117 OR ARE YOU EATING AT THE V.I.P. TABLE? 128 00:04:52,117 --> 00:04:53,597 IT'S BEEN, LIKE, A WEEK. 129 00:04:53,597 --> 00:04:55,207 - WELL, I'D RATHER EAT WITH YOU GUYS, 130 00:04:55,207 --> 00:04:56,557 BUT I DON'T WANNA HURT MATTY'S FEELINGS. 131 00:04:56,557 --> 00:04:58,210 - WHAT ABOUT OUR FEELINGS? - COME ON, GUYS. 132 00:04:58,210 --> 00:05:00,169 IT'S NOT LIKE I'M GONNA BE BFFs WITH SADIE 133 00:05:00,169 --> 00:05:02,127 AND BECOME POPULAR OVERNIGHT. 134 00:05:02,127 --> 00:05:05,174 [techno music] 135 00:05:05,174 --> 00:05:07,045 - ♪ COME WITH ME COME WITH ME ♪ 136 00:05:07,045 --> 00:05:09,221 - WHERE'D YOU SCORE THE LACTOIDS, HAMILTON-- 137 00:05:09,221 --> 00:05:11,311 SUDDEN GROWN SPURT OR CUTLETS? 138 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,269 - I GOT A BOOB JOB. - OVERNIGHT? 139 00:05:13,269 --> 00:05:14,966 - I HEAL FAST. 140 00:05:14,966 --> 00:05:17,012 - DO YOU THINK I SHOULD GET IMPLANTS? 141 00:05:17,012 --> 00:05:18,405 - MAYBE JUST A LIFT. 142 00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:20,450 - AND A NIPPLE REDUCTION. 143 00:05:20,450 --> 00:05:22,452 - HAMILTON, CAN WE SIDEBAR? 144 00:05:22,452 --> 00:05:24,585 - ISN'T IT OBVI SHE'S MOVED ON? 145 00:05:24,585 --> 00:05:28,197 SO FEEL FREE TO RESUME YOUR LIFE ON THE D-LIST WITHOUT HER. 146 00:05:28,197 --> 00:05:30,460 YOU'RE WELCOME. 147 00:05:30,460 --> 00:05:31,722 - COME ON, SADIE. 148 00:05:31,722 --> 00:05:33,681 TO JOIN THE MOB, YOU PROVED YOUR LOYALTY 149 00:05:33,681 --> 00:05:35,335 BY MAKING YOUR FIRST KILL. 150 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:38,294 TO STAY POPULAR, I HAD TO SACRIFICE MY FRIENDSHIPS. 151 00:05:38,294 --> 00:05:42,037 THEY'RE NOT D-LISTERS-- 152 00:05:42,037 --> 00:05:43,299 UNLESS YOU GRADE ON A CURVE 153 00:05:43,299 --> 00:05:45,040 THE SIZE OF HER SHELF-BUTT. 154 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,216 [laughter] 155 00:05:47,216 --> 00:05:49,392 SORRY. I'M NOT SORRY. 156 00:05:49,392 --> 00:05:52,264 AND JUST LIKE THAT, I WAS MADE. 157 00:05:52,264 --> 00:05:55,137 - NICE WHORE-DROBE, SKANKSQUATCH. 158 00:05:58,270 --> 00:05:59,620 - THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE COME UP 159 00:05:59,620 --> 00:06:01,448 ON MY RADAR, MISS HAMILTON, 160 00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:02,971 AND I HOPE IT'S THE LAST. 161 00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:05,800 [cell phone chimes] - YEAH, ME TOO. 162 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,279 WHY AM I HERE? 163 00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:08,846 - BECAUSE I DIDN'T LIKE MEAN GIRLS 164 00:06:08,846 --> 00:06:10,326 WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL, 165 00:06:10,326 --> 00:06:11,719 AND I DON'T CARE FOR THEM NOW. 166 00:06:11,719 --> 00:06:13,155 - IF YOU'RE CALLING ME A MEAN GIRL, 167 00:06:13,155 --> 00:06:14,635 YOU BETTER HAVE THE PROOF TO BACK IT UP. 168 00:06:14,635 --> 00:06:16,550 BECAUSE THE WAY I SEE IT, THAT'S SLANDER. 169 00:06:16,550 --> 00:06:18,334 - OH, NO. NO, NO, NO. 170 00:06:18,334 --> 00:06:19,727 I WASN'T IMPLYING THAT. 171 00:06:19,727 --> 00:06:22,947 I MEANT THAT AS A POPULAR, 172 00:06:22,947 --> 00:06:25,559 ENVIED STUDENT WITH GOOD HAIR 173 00:06:25,559 --> 00:06:27,778 AND A GREAT SET OF BAZOOMS, 174 00:06:27,778 --> 00:06:30,868 YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO USE YOUR POWER FOR GOOD. 175 00:06:30,868 --> 00:06:33,131 - OKAY, VAL, WHY DON'T I START WITH YOU? 176 00:06:33,131 --> 00:06:34,785 UNLESS YOU KEEP A LID ON THE CRAZY 177 00:06:34,785 --> 00:06:36,570 AND STOP DRESSING LIKE A WALMART GREETER, 178 00:06:36,570 --> 00:06:38,528 THE ONLY ACTION YOU'RE EVER GONNA GET 179 00:06:38,528 --> 00:06:40,269 IS YOUR ANNUAL VISIT TO THE GYNO. 180 00:06:40,269 --> 00:06:42,097 SORRY. I'M NOT SORRY. 181 00:06:42,097 --> 00:06:45,143 [rock music] 182 00:06:45,143 --> 00:06:47,145 WHENEVER PEEPS BITCHED ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL 183 00:06:47,145 --> 00:06:49,713 BEING THE MOST PAINFUL TIME OF THEIR LIVES, 184 00:06:49,713 --> 00:06:52,063 I ALWAYS ASSUMED THEY WERE LOSERS. 185 00:06:52,063 --> 00:06:54,588 BECAUSE I WAS HALFWAY THROUGH SOPHOMORE YEAR 186 00:06:54,588 --> 00:06:56,024 AND I WAS KILLING IT. 187 00:06:56,024 --> 00:06:57,852 EVERY GIRL WANTED TO BE AND 188 00:06:57,852 --> 00:07:00,463 EVERY GUY WANTED TO BONE-- EXCEPT THE GAY ONES, 189 00:07:00,463 --> 00:07:02,639 WHO STILL WANTED TO SEE MY BOOBS. 190 00:07:02,639 --> 00:07:04,336 BUT EVEN THOUGH MY LIFE WAS PERFECT, 191 00:07:04,336 --> 00:07:05,990 I COULDN'T HELP BY WONDER 192 00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:07,949 WHY THE HELL WAS I WASTING TIME 193 00:07:07,949 --> 00:07:09,820 RECOUNTING EVERY LITTLE THING THAT HAPPENED TO ME 194 00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:11,692 ON SOME LAME BLOG? 195 00:07:11,692 --> 00:07:15,304 BLOGGING WAS STUPID. 196 00:07:15,304 --> 00:07:17,045 - HEY, PRETTY GIRL. 197 00:07:17,045 --> 00:07:19,613 I NEED YOUR EXPERT OPINION. 198 00:07:19,613 --> 00:07:22,964 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS FOR THE SOTOS' COCKTAIL PARTY? 199 00:07:22,964 --> 00:07:24,705 - ADD EARRINGS. HOOPS, NOT STUDS. 200 00:07:24,705 --> 00:07:26,054 CHANGE THE PUMPS. AND YOU MIGHT WANNA 201 00:07:26,054 --> 00:07:28,099 THINK ABOUT BUSTING OUT THE SPANX. 202 00:07:28,099 --> 00:07:30,537 - OH. THANKS, HONEY. 203 00:07:30,537 --> 00:07:32,887 I WOULD BE A MESS WITHOUT YOU. 204 00:07:32,887 --> 00:07:36,151 OH, AND THIS LETTER CAME FOR YOU. 205 00:07:36,151 --> 00:07:37,457 - CAN YOU READ IT TO ME? 206 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,459 MY NAILS ARE STILL WET. 207 00:07:41,025 --> 00:07:42,940 - OKAY. 208 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,944 "DEAR, JENNA, AS YOU ARE NOW, 209 00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:50,992 "YOU ARE--AWESOME! 210 00:07:50,992 --> 00:07:52,646 "WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS 211 00:07:52,646 --> 00:07:54,996 "HOW PERFECT YOU ARE IN EVERY WAY. 212 00:07:54,996 --> 00:07:56,563 "YOU ARE A ROLE MODEL 213 00:07:56,563 --> 00:07:58,086 "FOR GIRLS THE WORLD OVER, 214 00:07:58,086 --> 00:08:00,567 "BECAUSE YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, SKINNY, 215 00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:02,743 "COOL AND STYLISH. 216 00:08:02,743 --> 00:08:06,616 "I WOULD NOT CHANGE A SINGLE THING ABOUT YOU. 217 00:08:06,616 --> 00:08:10,707 LOVE, MOM." 218 00:08:17,235 --> 00:08:19,281 - THANKS, LACE. 219 00:08:19,281 --> 00:08:20,674 [knock at door] 220 00:08:20,674 --> 00:08:22,937 YOU CAN GO NOW. 221 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,201 - OKAY. 222 00:08:26,201 --> 00:08:27,898 [door opens] 223 00:08:27,898 --> 00:08:30,161 - WOW. YOU LOOK SMOKIN'. 224 00:08:30,161 --> 00:08:32,381 - I AM SMOKIN'. 225 00:08:32,381 --> 00:08:34,122 - [laughs] 226 00:08:34,122 --> 00:08:36,385 I SAW TAMARA AT THE GAME AND SHE ASKED ABOUT YOU. 227 00:08:36,385 --> 00:08:37,691 YOU SHOULD REALLY HANG OUT WITH HER SOMETIME. 228 00:08:37,691 --> 00:08:39,475 - I CAN'T. SHE'S A DORK. 229 00:08:39,475 --> 00:08:41,042 AND I DON'T HAVE THAT LUXURY NOW. 230 00:08:41,042 --> 00:08:42,913 AS THE MOST POPULAR GIRL AT PALOS HILLS, 231 00:08:42,913 --> 00:08:45,481 IT'S MY JOB TO WORRY ABOUT WHAT EVERYONE THINKS. 232 00:08:45,481 --> 00:08:47,875 AND THEY THINK ABOUT ME ALL THE TIME. 233 00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:49,572 - WELL, FOR WHATEVER IT'S WORTH, 234 00:08:49,572 --> 00:08:51,356 TAMARA MISSES YOU. - SHUT UP. 235 00:08:51,356 --> 00:08:54,185 - NO, REALLY, SHE DOES. - NO, REALLY, SHUT UP. 236 00:09:02,367 --> 00:09:04,848 MMM. 237 00:09:04,848 --> 00:09:06,328 OH, I CAN'T BE HORIZONTAL. 238 00:09:06,328 --> 00:09:07,895 I JUST HAD A BLOWOUT. 239 00:09:07,895 --> 00:09:10,201 BABE, I JUST GOT LASERED! 240 00:09:10,201 --> 00:09:11,942 LAY OFF THE MERCH. 241 00:09:11,942 --> 00:09:14,292 I TOLD YOU, THEY HAVE TO SETTLE IN. 242 00:09:14,292 --> 00:09:16,468 - IT'S BEEN THREE MONTHS. 243 00:09:16,468 --> 00:09:19,123 [Bad Feeling by Veronica Falls] 244 00:09:19,123 --> 00:09:21,561 - ♪ YOUR FACE IN THE MIRROR ♪ 245 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,345 - SO, ARE YOU THINKING 246 00:09:23,345 --> 00:09:25,260 LIMO OR TOWN CAR FOR THE DANCE? 247 00:09:25,260 --> 00:09:26,827 - I TOLD YOU 20 TIMES, 248 00:09:26,827 --> 00:09:28,916 I WANT A BLACK ON BLACK STRETCH LIMO. 249 00:09:28,916 --> 00:09:30,526 DO I NEED TO WRITE IT DOWN, 250 00:09:30,526 --> 00:09:32,963 OR IS READING AN ISSUE? 251 00:09:37,141 --> 00:09:38,882 - DON'T GET MAD AT ME FOR SAYING THIS, 252 00:09:38,882 --> 00:09:40,188 BUT SOMEONE HAS TO. 253 00:09:40,188 --> 00:09:42,146 JENNA HAMILTON'S A RAGING BITCH. 254 00:09:42,146 --> 00:09:43,800 - I KNOW. BUT SHE HASN'T ALWAYS 255 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,149 BEEN LIKE THAT, MAN. 256 00:09:45,149 --> 00:09:47,978 SHE USED TO BE REALLY COOL. 257 00:09:47,978 --> 00:09:51,329 SHE WAS THE FIRST GIRL WHO ACTUALLY LIKED ME FOR ME-- 258 00:09:51,329 --> 00:09:52,983 OR SO I THOUGHT. 259 00:09:52,983 --> 00:09:55,725 - SO THEN WHY DO YOU PUT UP WITH HER CRAP? 260 00:09:55,725 --> 00:09:58,119 - I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD SEE EACH OTHER ANYMORE. 261 00:09:58,119 --> 00:10:00,034 I'M SORRY, JENNA, YOU'RE JUST-- 262 00:10:00,034 --> 00:10:02,253 YOU'RE NOT THE SAME GIRL I MET AT CAMP. 263 00:10:02,253 --> 00:10:03,951 YOU CHANGED. 264 00:10:03,951 --> 00:10:06,649 AND TO BE HONEST, I'M KINDA INTO SOMEONE ELSE, 265 00:10:06,649 --> 00:10:09,478 SOMEONE OFF THE GRID AND-- 266 00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:11,959 AND NORMAL AND DOWN TO EARTH. 267 00:10:11,959 --> 00:10:14,526 - YOU STUPID MORON. 268 00:10:14,526 --> 00:10:16,050 YOU CAN'T BREAK UP WITH ME. 269 00:10:16,050 --> 00:10:17,747 I'M BREAKING UP WITH YOU. 270 00:10:17,747 --> 00:10:20,228 AND FOR THE RECORD, IT'S NOT ME, IT'S YOU. 271 00:10:20,228 --> 00:10:22,143 I DON'T NEED YOU ANYWAY. 272 00:10:22,143 --> 00:10:23,927 I COULD HAVE ANYBODY I WANT. 273 00:10:23,927 --> 00:10:26,451 I'M JENNA HAMILTON! 274 00:10:32,980 --> 00:10:33,937 [screams] 275 00:10:39,334 --> 00:10:40,552 - SINCE MY DO-OVER FANTASY TURNED OUT 276 00:10:40,552 --> 00:10:41,553 TO BE MORE OF A NIGHTMARE, 277 00:10:41,553 --> 00:10:44,382 I DECIDED SECOND-GUESSING MYSELF 278 00:10:44,382 --> 00:10:45,645 WASN'T THE WAY TO GO. 279 00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,821 MAYBE I HAD MADE THE RIGHT DECISION 280 00:10:47,821 --> 00:10:49,474 TO GO INTO THAT CLOSET WITH MATTY. 281 00:10:49,474 --> 00:10:50,911 - "ENOUGH ABOUT MATTY. 282 00:10:50,911 --> 00:10:52,173 "I'M PRO JAKE. 283 00:10:52,173 --> 00:10:54,175 HOW DID YOU TANK THAT RELATIONSHIP?" 284 00:10:54,175 --> 00:10:55,916 THOUGHT THAT WAS PRETTY OBVIOUS. 285 00:10:55,916 --> 00:10:57,657 I SHOULD'VE TOLD HIM THE TRUTH ABOUT MATTY 286 00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,136 FROM THE BEGINNING. 287 00:10:59,136 --> 00:11:00,834 BUT I COULDN'T GO BACK TO THE SCENE OF THE CRIME 288 00:11:00,834 --> 00:11:03,880 TO RIGHT THE WRONG-- OR COULD I? 289 00:11:06,883 --> 00:11:08,319 STOP. 290 00:11:08,319 --> 00:11:09,669 BEFORE YOU KISS ME, YOU SHOULD KNOW. 291 00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:10,670 THAT GUY I'VE BEEN UPSET ABOUT, 292 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,410 IT ISN'T YOU. IT'S MATTY. 293 00:11:12,410 --> 00:11:13,760 I JUST HAD TO LAY IT OUT THERE 294 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,109 BEFORE YOU GOT FURTHER INVESTED IN ME 295 00:11:15,109 --> 00:11:17,067 AND I GOT INVESTED IN YOU BECAUSE IF I DIDN'T, 296 00:11:17,067 --> 00:11:18,634 SOMEONE WOULD'VE GOTTEN HURT-- 297 00:11:18,634 --> 00:11:20,897 NAMELY YOU, WITH A PUNCH TO THE FACE. 298 00:11:20,897 --> 00:11:22,769 SO IF GIVEN THE CHOICE BETWEEN YOU OR MATTY, 299 00:11:22,769 --> 00:11:24,858 WHICH NORMALLY I WOULD DEBATE FOR MONTHS, 300 00:11:24,858 --> 00:11:26,337 I PICK YOU. 301 00:11:26,337 --> 00:11:28,122 - THIS IS A LOT TO PROCESS. 302 00:11:28,122 --> 00:11:30,211 - TRUST ME, YOU'LL BE MUCH HAPPIER WITH ME 303 00:11:30,211 --> 00:11:31,516 THAN YOU'D EVER BE WITH LISSA. 304 00:11:31,516 --> 00:11:32,996 SO I'LL BREAK IT OFF WITH MATTY, 305 00:11:32,996 --> 00:11:35,825 YOU GET RID OF LISSA, AND WE CAN BE TOGETHER. 306 00:11:38,872 --> 00:11:40,743 - WHAT I'M SAYING IS, 307 00:11:40,743 --> 00:11:43,398 I DON'T THINK THAT EITHER ONE OF US HAS BEEN HAPPY. 308 00:11:43,398 --> 00:11:46,096 I FEEL LIKE I NEED SOME SPACE. 309 00:11:46,096 --> 00:11:48,316 - YOU'RE TRANSFERRING TO ANOTHER SCHOOL? 310 00:11:48,316 --> 00:11:50,100 - NO, LISS. 311 00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:54,148 I THINK THAT WE SHOULD, YOU KNOW-- 312 00:11:54,148 --> 00:11:56,367 - BREAK UP. - BUT I REALLY LIKE YOU. 313 00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:58,152 - ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS, 314 00:11:58,152 --> 00:12:01,372 WHICH IS WHY I'M GONNA BE DATING YOUR BEST FRIEND. 315 00:12:01,372 --> 00:12:02,678 - WHA--? 316 00:12:02,678 --> 00:12:04,332 - YEAH. 317 00:12:04,332 --> 00:12:06,856 - [exhales] 318 00:12:06,856 --> 00:12:08,162 SHOULD WE BE DOING THIS IN YOUR ROOM? 319 00:12:08,162 --> 00:12:10,120 - IN MY FANTASY, MY MOM AND DAD 320 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:11,818 WERE OUT OF TOWN... A LOT. 321 00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:14,472 MY PARENTS ARE IN-- ARUBA. 322 00:12:14,472 --> 00:12:16,387 IT WAS A WIN-WIN FOR EVERYBODY. 323 00:12:16,387 --> 00:12:18,912 - COOL. 324 00:12:18,912 --> 00:12:20,522 - AHH, YEAH. - AAH. 325 00:12:20,522 --> 00:12:22,393 both: AHH. - WAIT, WAIT. 326 00:12:22,393 --> 00:12:23,786 - [moans] - OOH, DON'T MOVE. 327 00:12:23,786 --> 00:12:25,179 - YEAH. 328 00:12:25,179 --> 00:12:27,572 [exhales] 329 00:12:27,572 --> 00:12:30,097 OH, MY GOD. 330 00:12:30,097 --> 00:12:31,881 - OH, MY GOD. 331 00:12:31,881 --> 00:12:34,928 - "T," THE SEX WITH MIND-BLOWING. 332 00:12:34,928 --> 00:12:36,581 IT WASN'T JUST A PHYSICAL EXPERIENCE. 333 00:12:36,581 --> 00:12:39,062 IT WAS EMOTIONAL AND SPIRITUAL. 334 00:12:39,062 --> 00:12:40,542 - THERE WAS ZERO CHEMISTRY. 335 00:12:40,542 --> 00:12:42,326 - SORRY, MAN. THAT BLOWS. 336 00:12:42,326 --> 00:12:43,719 - I DON'T MEAN TO BE WEIRD, 337 00:12:43,719 --> 00:12:45,634 BUT WAS THERE CHEMISTRY WITH YOU AND JENNA 338 00:12:45,634 --> 00:12:47,418 THE FIRST TIME? - DEFINITELY. 339 00:12:47,418 --> 00:12:48,942 - SO IT IS ME. 340 00:12:48,942 --> 00:12:50,291 DAMN IT! 341 00:12:50,291 --> 00:12:51,988 MAYBE I SHOULD TRY IT AGAIN. 342 00:12:51,988 --> 00:12:56,123 HEY, DO YOU MIND WAITING IN THE CAR? 343 00:12:56,123 --> 00:12:58,212 - ♪ OH, I NEED 344 00:12:58,212 --> 00:13:02,259 ♪ YOUR BEDROOM EYES 345 00:13:02,259 --> 00:13:07,917 ♪ OH, I NEED YOUR BEDROOM EYES ♪ 346 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,748 - I WASN'T SURE IF IT WAS EXHAUSTION 347 00:13:12,748 --> 00:13:14,445 FROM OUR RECENT BONE-A-THON, 348 00:13:14,445 --> 00:13:16,012 BUT JAKE WAS ACTING STRANGE. 349 00:13:16,012 --> 00:13:17,884 MAYBE HE WAS AFRAID I WASN'T AS INTO HIM 350 00:13:17,884 --> 00:13:19,537 AS HE WAS INTO ME. 351 00:13:19,537 --> 00:13:21,626 AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE WAY TO SET HIS MIND AT EASE. 352 00:13:21,626 --> 00:13:23,628 I LOVE YOU. 353 00:13:23,628 --> 00:13:26,022 - AWESOME. 354 00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:33,725 - AWESOME? WHAT WAS THAT? 355 00:13:33,725 --> 00:13:35,336 - YOU NEED TO BACK OFF. 356 00:13:35,336 --> 00:13:37,817 AS IN, PUT YOUR THING DOWN, FLIP IT, AND REVERSE IT. 357 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,601 YOU'RE GONNA SCARE HIM AWAY. 358 00:13:39,601 --> 00:13:41,037 - BUT I LOVE HIM. 359 00:13:41,037 --> 00:13:42,386 - THAT'S THE SEX TALKING. 360 00:13:42,386 --> 00:13:44,388 - YEAH. YOU'RE IN A SEX TRANCE. 361 00:13:44,388 --> 00:13:46,173 - NO, I'M NOT. 362 00:13:46,173 --> 00:13:47,609 AM I? 363 00:13:47,609 --> 00:13:49,002 - YOU WERE SO RIGHT. 364 00:13:49,002 --> 00:13:51,091 JAKE'S TOTALLY COOLED IT ON THAT SKITCH. 365 00:13:51,091 --> 00:13:53,789 - SO INSTEAD OF LOOKING LIKE AN A-[bleep] 366 00:13:53,789 --> 00:13:55,530 BY PUNCHING JENNA IN THE FACE 367 00:13:55,530 --> 00:13:57,575 OR PUTTING BLEACH IN HER SHAMPOO... 368 00:13:57,575 --> 00:13:59,403 - I WAS JUST SPITBALLING. 369 00:13:59,403 --> 00:14:01,188 - YOU'RE IN THE PERFECT POSITION 370 00:14:01,188 --> 00:14:03,799 TO SWOOP IN AND WIN HIM BACK. 371 00:14:03,799 --> 00:14:06,062 YOU'RE WELCOME. 372 00:14:06,062 --> 00:14:08,369 NOW GET IN THERE-- 373 00:14:08,369 --> 00:14:10,414 AND ACT COOL. 374 00:14:10,414 --> 00:14:12,068 - YEAH. 375 00:14:12,068 --> 00:14:13,896 - I JUST FEEL LIKE SHE'S SUFFOCATING ME 376 00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:15,985 AND I CAN'T EVEN TALK TO HER ABOUT IT. 377 00:14:15,985 --> 00:14:18,118 I'M SORRY. IS THIS WEIRD FOR YOU? 378 00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:20,294 - NO! I LIKE HEARING ABOUT YOU AND JENNA, 379 00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:22,035 ESPECIALLY HOW SHE ANNOYS YOU. 380 00:14:22,035 --> 00:14:24,733 - WELL, I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BE SAYING THIS, 381 00:14:24,733 --> 00:14:27,127 BUT I THINK I MADE A MISTAKE. 382 00:14:27,127 --> 00:14:28,345 I MISS YOU, LISS. 383 00:14:28,345 --> 00:14:29,694 - [squeals] YAY! 384 00:14:29,694 --> 00:14:31,479 WE'RE BACK TOGETHER. 385 00:14:31,479 --> 00:14:33,220 [giggles] 386 00:14:33,220 --> 00:14:35,309 [kissing] 387 00:14:35,309 --> 00:14:36,919 - OH, YEAH. 388 00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:39,095 - JAKE'S ABOUT TO PUMP AND DUMP YOU. 389 00:14:39,095 --> 00:14:40,618 HE'S GETTING BACK TOGETHER WITH DUMB-O. 390 00:14:40,618 --> 00:14:42,533 - NO WAY. WE'RE IN LOVE. 391 00:14:42,533 --> 00:14:44,448 - YOU'RE IN LOVE. HE'S IN AWESOME. 392 00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:46,102 [cell phone chimes] 393 00:14:47,669 --> 00:14:49,540 - HE ISDUMPING ME. 394 00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:50,802 WHAT DO I DO? 395 00:14:50,802 --> 00:14:52,979 - YOU NEED A SEXORCISM. - NO! SAVE FACE. 396 00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:55,242 BLINDSIDE HIM WITH A PREEMPTIVE DUMP. 397 00:14:55,242 --> 00:14:57,505 - BUT HE'S THE ONE. 398 00:14:57,505 --> 00:15:00,595 both: SEX TRANCE. 399 00:15:00,595 --> 00:15:02,118 - [exhales] OOH. 400 00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:05,034 I HAVE RECEIVED MANY A SIMILAR TEXT. 401 00:15:05,034 --> 00:15:07,210 THERE IS NO DOUBT ABOUT IT, YOU ARE TOAST. 402 00:15:07,210 --> 00:15:09,299 - SO HOW DO I KEEP HIM? - WE HAVE TWO OPTIONS. 403 00:15:09,299 --> 00:15:11,649 ONE, YOU TATTOO JAKE'S NAME ON YOUR ARM 404 00:15:11,649 --> 00:15:13,564 WHERE IT'S VISIBLE TO THE VIEWING PUBLIC. 405 00:15:13,564 --> 00:15:15,653 THEN YOU BEG HIM TO STAY TOGETHER. 406 00:15:15,653 --> 00:15:17,481 HE'LL SAY YES BECAUSE HE'S A SUCKER. 407 00:15:17,481 --> 00:15:21,137 AND THEN, NEVER GET IT REMOVED. 408 00:15:21,137 --> 00:15:23,183 OR WE COULD DO IT THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY. 409 00:15:23,183 --> 00:15:26,708 - I'M PREGNANT. 410 00:15:26,708 --> 00:15:30,538 [giggling] 411 00:15:30,538 --> 00:15:32,105 - [snickering] 412 00:15:32,105 --> 00:15:34,107 LOOKS LIKE HISTORY'S REPEATING ITSELF. 413 00:15:34,107 --> 00:15:35,586 MAYBE YOU'LL HAVE A GIRL SO YOU CAN 414 00:15:35,586 --> 00:15:37,632 PASS ON THE LEGACY OF SLUTITUDE. 415 00:15:37,632 --> 00:15:39,329 - JUST BECAUSE JAKE AND I ARE BACK TOGETHER, 416 00:15:39,329 --> 00:15:41,766 DOESN'T MEAN I'M GONNA HELP YOU RAISE YOUR BABY. 417 00:15:41,766 --> 00:15:43,899 UNLESS IT'S, LIKE, REALLY CUTE. 418 00:15:48,208 --> 00:15:49,992 - THIS DAY SUCKS. 419 00:15:49,992 --> 00:15:51,646 - WHICH IS WHAT YOU SHOULD'VE DONE 420 00:15:51,646 --> 00:15:53,604 SO YOU WOULDN'T BE IN THIS POSITION. 421 00:15:53,604 --> 00:15:55,650 - MY ADVICE, GIVE THAT RUGRAT UP FOR ADOPTION. 422 00:15:55,650 --> 00:15:56,825 CUTE WHITE BABIES GO FASTER 423 00:15:56,825 --> 00:15:58,566 THAN SINGLES AT A [bleep] BAR. 424 00:15:58,566 --> 00:15:59,959 - GUYS, I'M STILL EATING FOR ONE. 425 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:02,004 I JUST SAID THAT TO HOLD ON TO JAKE. 426 00:16:02,004 --> 00:16:03,310 - YOU WERE TRYING TO TRAP HIM? 427 00:16:03,310 --> 00:16:04,746 - [shushes] 428 00:16:04,746 --> 00:16:05,965 YOU MAKE IT SOUND SO HORRIBLE. 429 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:08,880 - JENNA, IT IS HORRIBLE. 430 00:16:10,186 --> 00:16:12,754 - SO YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT? 431 00:16:15,235 --> 00:16:16,627 - SORRY. 432 00:16:16,627 --> 00:16:18,238 I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO LOSE YOU. 433 00:16:18,238 --> 00:16:21,110 - EVEN IF YOU WERE, WE COULD NEVER BE TOGETHER. 434 00:16:21,110 --> 00:16:22,894 I WOULD LOVE THAT REALLY CUTE BABY, 435 00:16:22,894 --> 00:16:25,636 BUT I WOULD NEVER LOVE YOU. 436 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,862 - WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE? 437 00:16:33,862 --> 00:16:34,863 SHOULDN'T YOU BE IN ARUBA? 438 00:16:34,863 --> 00:16:36,996 - WE SHOULD BE. 439 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,649 SEEMS LIKE WE'RE THERE A LOT THESE DAYS. 440 00:16:38,649 --> 00:16:40,651 - WE CAME HOME AS SOON AS WE GOT THE NEWS. 441 00:16:40,651 --> 00:16:42,218 - I'M NOT PREGNANT. 442 00:16:42,218 --> 00:16:44,568 IT WAS A LAST-DITCH EFFORT TO TRY AN KEEP JAKE. 443 00:16:44,568 --> 00:16:46,701 - OH, THANK GOD. 444 00:16:46,701 --> 00:16:48,268 [laughs] 445 00:16:48,268 --> 00:16:51,097 I AM FAR TOO HOT TO BE A GRANDMA. 446 00:16:51,097 --> 00:16:53,490 - I DON'T TRUST YOU ANYMORE, JENNA, 447 00:16:53,490 --> 00:16:57,059 WHICH IS WHY I NEED YOU TO PEE ON THIS STICK. 448 00:16:57,059 --> 00:16:58,843 - [sighs] 449 00:16:58,843 --> 00:17:00,497 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE MAKING ME DO THIS, DAD. 450 00:17:00,497 --> 00:17:02,630 I'M SO NOT-- 451 00:17:02,630 --> 00:17:04,501 PREGNANT? 452 00:17:06,764 --> 00:17:07,939 - SWITCH PLACES WITH ME, MAMA BEAR. 453 00:17:07,939 --> 00:17:11,117 YOU DON'T NEED TO SEE THAT. 454 00:17:12,857 --> 00:17:14,120 - [shudders] 455 00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:15,817 DODGED A BULLET. 456 00:17:15,817 --> 00:17:17,514 - ♪ UPSIDE DOWN 457 00:17:22,432 --> 00:17:23,825 - TURNS OUT, I COULDN'T TRUST 458 00:17:23,825 --> 00:17:26,436 MY INSTINCTS OR MY BLOG, 459 00:17:26,436 --> 00:17:28,438 WHICH APPARENTLY WAS HIJACKED BY AN ANGRY MUSE 460 00:17:28,438 --> 00:17:31,659 DETERMINED TO SEND MY DO-OVERS OFF THE RAILS. 461 00:17:31,659 --> 00:17:35,184 OR WAS GUT SUBCONSCIOUSLY TRYING TO PROTECT ME 462 00:17:35,184 --> 00:17:37,491 FROM A MISERABLE FUTURE WITH BOTH GUYS? 463 00:17:37,491 --> 00:17:40,146 WHICH MEANT THERE WAS A THIRD PARTY IN THE MIX. 464 00:17:40,146 --> 00:17:44,150 I COULD PICK JAKE OR MATTY OR NO ONE. 465 00:17:45,934 --> 00:17:47,892 - I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE YOU BLEW OFF CAMP 466 00:17:47,892 --> 00:17:50,591 FOR SUMMER SCHOOL. - IT WAS SO WORTH IT. 467 00:17:50,591 --> 00:17:53,159 WITH THE EXTRA CREDITS, I CAN GRADUATE EARLY. 468 00:18:03,169 --> 00:18:05,780 - WHY WOULD YOU WANNA DO THAT? 469 00:18:05,780 --> 00:18:08,348 - BECAUSE NOTHING INTERESTING EVER HAPPENS IN HIGH SCHOOL. 470 00:18:08,348 --> 00:18:10,959 - REALLY, NOT EVEN GETTING DIGITIZED 471 00:18:10,959 --> 00:18:13,875 BY RICKY SCHWARTZ IN THE BACK OF THE BUS? 472 00:18:13,875 --> 00:18:17,226 - YOU DIRTY LITTLE-- YOU KNOW WHAT. 473 00:18:22,188 --> 00:18:23,885 - IF YOU HAD GONE TO CAMP, "J," 474 00:18:23,885 --> 00:18:25,495 MAYBE YOU'D BE A WOMAN OF THE WORLD TOO. 475 00:18:25,495 --> 00:18:30,326 MATTY MCKIBBEN WORKED AT CAMP POOKAH THIS SUMMER. 476 00:18:30,326 --> 00:18:33,373 - WHY DOES EVERYONE ALWAYS CALL THAT GUY BY HIS FULL NAME? 477 00:18:33,373 --> 00:18:36,332 - LIKE MATTY MCKIBBEN WOULD EVER NOTICE ME. 478 00:18:36,332 --> 00:18:37,855 - CAMP LEVELS OUT THE PLAYING FIELD. 479 00:18:37,855 --> 00:18:39,814 IMAGINE IF YOU GUYS HAD HOOKED UP, 480 00:18:39,814 --> 00:18:42,338 OR HAD SEX IN A CLOSET OR SOMETHING. 481 00:18:42,338 --> 00:18:43,383 BOY, THIS YEAR WOULD BE DIFFERENT. 482 00:18:43,383 --> 00:18:46,168 - ME AND MATTY MCKIBBEN? YEAH, RIGHT. 483 00:18:47,691 --> 00:18:50,520 - OH. WHOA. 484 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:51,826 I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT. 485 00:18:51,826 --> 00:18:53,828 - THAT'S OKAY. 486 00:18:53,828 --> 00:18:56,004 - MISSED ONE. 487 00:18:58,006 --> 00:18:59,703 - WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A FLIRTATIOUS WINK 488 00:18:59,703 --> 00:19:02,706 FROM MATTY OR A COY SMILE FROM JAKE, 489 00:19:02,706 --> 00:19:04,578 THE BOYS WALKED OFF WITH THEIR GIRLS, 490 00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:08,190 NEVER EVEN BOTHERING TO ASK JENNA'S NAME. 491 00:19:17,199 --> 00:19:21,290 [indistinct chatter] 492 00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:23,205 - ISN'T IT GREAT THAT MATTY AND JAKE 493 00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:26,382 FINALLY CAME OUT OF THE CLOSET? 494 00:19:33,302 --> 00:19:33,998 - WHAT I DISCOVERED DURING MY JOURNEY 495 00:19:33,998 --> 00:19:35,435 INTO THE WORLD OF FICTION: 496 00:19:35,435 --> 00:19:38,525 ONE, THERE WAS NO POINT IN HOPING FOR A DO-OVER, 497 00:19:38,525 --> 00:19:41,267 BECAUSE SOMETIMES THEY SUCKED MORE THAN THE REALITY. 498 00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:43,269 TWO, I DID NOT WANT TO WRITE FICTION. 499 00:19:43,269 --> 00:19:46,272 THREE, I COULDN'T WRITE FICTION. 500 00:19:46,272 --> 00:19:48,448 AND FOUR, I COULDN'T WRITE THE FACTS 501 00:19:48,448 --> 00:19:50,276 WITH AN AUDIENCE. 502 00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:53,017 SO WHEN IT CAME TO THE BOYS, I HAD NO REGRETS. 503 00:19:53,017 --> 00:19:54,845 IF I HADN'T TRUSTED MY INSTINCTS, 504 00:19:54,845 --> 00:19:56,891 I WOULD'VE MISSED OUT ON SOME AMAZING 505 00:19:56,891 --> 00:19:59,937 AND INCREDIBLY PAINFUL EXPERIENCES, 506 00:19:59,937 --> 00:20:02,331 EXPERIENCES THAT MADE ME WHO I AM 507 00:20:02,331 --> 00:20:04,812 AND PAVED THE WAY FOR WHO I'D BE. 508 00:20:04,812 --> 00:20:07,336 GOOD, BAD, OR UGLY, I WAS GOING TO GO WITH MY GUT. 509 00:20:07,336 --> 00:20:10,121 IF A DO-OVER WASN'T AN OPTION, 510 00:20:10,121 --> 00:20:11,514 MAYBE A START-OVER WAS. 511 00:20:11,514 --> 00:20:14,387 AND I FINALLY KNEW WHO IT WOULD BE WITH. 512 00:20:14,387 --> 00:20:16,563 BUT WHY WAS I TELLING THE PUBLIC AT LARGE? 513 00:20:16,563 --> 00:20:19,130 IT SHOULD BE PRIVATE. 514 00:20:28,575 --> 00:20:29,924 HI. 515 00:20:34,711 --> 00:20:36,191 - NEXT ON AWKWARD... - SPIN THE BOTTLE, 516 00:20:36,191 --> 00:20:37,584 IT WAS A REQUISITE RITE OF PASSAGE. 517 00:20:37,584 --> 00:20:40,326 THE BOTTLE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WANTED, BUT I DID. 518 00:20:40,326 --> 00:20:42,153 REMEMBER, ALL GOOD THINGS IN MY LIFE 519 00:20:42,153 --> 00:20:44,112 ARE CLOSELY FOLLOWED BY SOMETHING BAD. 520 00:20:44,112 --> 00:20:47,028 THE OTHER SHOE IS POISED TO DROP AT ANY MOMENT. 521 00:20:47,028 --> 00:20:48,638 both: SURPRISE! 522 00:20:48,638 --> 00:20:50,292 - EVER HEARD OF A KNOCK? 523 00:20:50,292 --> 00:20:54,292 - WE'RE SENDING YOU TO EUROPE! 36707

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