All language subtitles for Adam and 6 Eves (1962)

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[ADAM WHISTLING]

Man, oh, man.

What a fiasco this little
jaunt has turned out to be.

Just imagine, me,

Smiley,

the most experienced
desert donkey alive�

and here I am teamed
up with a jackass.

And in toreador pants, yet.

Did you get that bit
with the binoculars?

You wanna know
what he sees out there?

I'll tell you:
nothin' but nothin'.

Just take a look.

Now, now ain't he a livin' doll?

I swear, I still don't know how I
managed to come up with this character.

Several times

it got so bad I
decided to cut out,

and a couple of
times I even started.

I know every foot of this desert
like I know the bottom of my hoof.

But each time I
get all set to go,

then I'd remember the map.

'Course I knew that hunting buried
treasure out here made about as much sense

as telling a hair-raising
story to a bald-headed man.

But still,

there was always

just a slim chance that
map might be the real thing.

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Here we are two days later

and still ain't another blastet thing
within a hundred miles in any direction.

Just sand,

sand, and more sand.

That's all we've seen for days.

We have made so many circles in the past
two days that I felt like an astronaut.

Adam had slobbed up all
the water, and to top it off�

my feet were killing me.

Oh, oh.

We've had it.

No more water.

No more food.

Just lots of sand.

Well, well.

Old hawk-eye has finally spotted
that Joshua tree and it's about time.

We've only passed that moth-eaten
thing about 70 times in the past 48 hours.

So now he gonna take a rest.

Well, I'm for that.

I think his mind is
beginning to wander,

and anything that weak should
never be allowed out alone.

He's going to stretch out there in the shade while I
stand out here in the sun wearing a full feed pack.

Well, what do you know,
he finally remembered.

But I'll bet a bale of hay against an old
button he had his own comfort in mind, not mine.

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We should be out there lookin' for water, but he'd
rather lay there in the shade hopin' for rain,

or perform an Indian rain dance�

layin' down, yet.

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Now, what's he looking at?

I wonder if he thinks he
sees something out there.

I don't see anything.

Get a load of that.

He looks like he's in a trance.

That sun musta
overcooked his pea brain.

Well, there goes Pudgy, heading
straight out into no man's land

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Oh, oh,

I's afraid this was
gonna happen.

Now I'm comencin' to
see 'n' hear things, too.

I'd better get out of here
fast before I crack up, too.

Still�

that oasis seems so real.

Cut off my tail
and call me Stubby.

I know I've stripped a
gear, but this I gotta see.

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Oh!

No, no, things like
this just don't happen.

A jungle native in the
middle of the desert.

Hey!

Poor guy's trynna drown himself.

Nobody can drink that
much water without poppin'.

Take it easy, Pudgy!

Now, what will Emily Post say?

It's a toss-up as to how long old space-brain
would have laid there lappin' water

if the sweet young thing
hadn't called attention to herself.

But when he did
look up, his eyeballs

popped like a couple
of tired ballons.

From his reaction it wasn't hard to tell that
Adam had never seen anything like this before.

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In his hometown, the girls were so
prim, they wore turtleneck bathing suits.

They weren't very
good looking, either.

In fact, the town held a
beauty contest every year,

and nobody ever won it.

But this sure was
a friendly native.

When she smiled, Adam's BB-brain blew the lid
like a pinball machine hittin' the jackpot.

Never saw so many sky
rockets go off in one small space.

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I don't know who
designed her costume,

but whoever it was should've been
placed in charge of government spending.

After a few moments she spoke
to him in her native language

and she seemed surprised
when Adam was unable to answer.

Verbally, that is.

Perhaps if he had concentrated on his sign language, he
might've been able to get the message through to her.

But he tried to explain
by usin' his head,

and the only thing that was good for
was something to hang his face on.

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A smile like that would
give most men ideas,

but ol' Adam�

he was a rare type,

after they'd made him,
they broke the jelly mold.

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Adam went pantin' after the
natives like he was radar-controlled,

but I knew the natives were
tryin' to pull a skin game.

Don't get me wrong,
I got nothing against

these beautiful natives,

but the trouble
was Adam's fortune,

good or bad, was mine, too.

Some jackasses
are just born lucky

no matter what happens, they
come up smelling like a rose.

In this case, he smelled
like a whole rose garden.

A forest full of beautiful
native girls and no competition.

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Egads!

Now they got him playing
ring around the roses.

What a way to go!

Good grief,

don't fall down, Pudgy

the Galveston flood would be nothing compared
to what we'd have here if you burst a seam.

I got to admit, he was
good-natured, but then he had to be.

He's too fat to run and
he didn't know how to fight.

He didn't gain all
that weight from eatin'.

He must've run into wind
with the phone in his mouth.

The girls put on a show
for Adam, and so did he.

You see, Adam�

was the head ballet dance
master for a herd of hippopotamuses

on tour through Cucamonga.

They say he was terrific until the
hippos found out he wasn't one of them.

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Yahoo!

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[SPLASH]

Oh, well�

there's more than
one way to take a bath.

He floundered around in
the pool like an old walrus.

I guess that's natural for a
guy packin' so much blubber.

As a walrus he
was doing all right.

He was tryin' to
make an impression,

but with so many women, the only time he got to
open his mouth was when he took a deep breath.

His acting was so funny
that I was forced to laugh.

[DONKEY BRAYING]

Oh, oh.

Looks like he's pretty mad.

I better get outta here.

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When he took a swing at me, I
could've booted him into orbit.

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Ah. Ah!

Another friendly native.

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The natives threw
a party for Adam.

They threw it here,
there, and everywhere.

Adam caught everything they threw and
settled down to stay for a couple months.

The natives were serious-minded,

but Adam was living
proof they could take a joke.

He was the only man on the oasis,
but the natives had plenty of dates.

They tried to fill him with food and got the same
results as a man's blown smoke rings into the wind.

He's a big man, but
he ate like a bird�

a six-foot vulture.

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One of the natives did a dance.

She put a crop of
grass on her left hip

and a crop of grass
on her right hip,

and then rotated the crops.

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Did you know that a silo, 10
ft. in diameter and 20 ft. high,

holds twelve-hundred and
seventy bushels of corn.

Man, that's an
awful lot of corn.

Say,

how did that 5th race at
Belmont Park come out today?

I had five across-the-board
on "Rolling Hills."

Did you know I used
to be a racing donkey?

Yep!

Fastest donkey in five counties.

Never been beaten
in a fixed race, yet.

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Say,

this reminds me of the good ol' days
when I used to dance with squares�

uh, squire the dances�

dance on squares� no,
no, I mean square dance.

I used to kick up a mean storm.

They called me
cyclone in those days.

The barn was always in
shambles when I got through.

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When she stepped on that thorn, she lost her
balance and her dignity at the same time.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Adam thought it was funny�
he had a weird sense of humor.

When he wanted to have a
good time, he went to a funeral.

The native girls thought he had a
lot of crust, but why shouldn't he?

After all, he was a big loafer.

When the girl resumed her dance, she was as
self-conscious as a prohibitionist with the hiccups.

And by the time she
regained her confidence,

Adam lost his interest.

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Gold.

The native bracelet and
the gold dish convinced him

there was truth
in the old saying

"All that glitters is gold."

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[Not too much]

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The discovery of gold had short-circuited his wiring
system and caused a tilt sign to light up permant.

So, Adam hurried off to
his pack and got the shovel.

After all, he'd never been near enough
to hard work to build any fear of it.

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[BIRD SONG, INSECT SOUNDS]

It was 120 in the shade when
Adam decided to dig for the treasure.

But he said he didn't mind since
he'd be going down by degrees.

Beside, he thought hard work
might help him build up his appetite.

What a laugh.

As it was, the only thing he didn't eat
for breakfast was dinner and supper.

I will say one thing:

He was a good worker.

Every time he lost his job,
his bosses were satisfied.

But I didn't envy him any.

It was so hot that the gophers were
walking around with their coats unbuttoned.

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The natives were more determined
than ever to keep Adam from the treasure,

but they had little on Adam.

In fact, they had
little on, period.

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Adam decided it was
better to watch in the shade

than it was to work in the sun.

The girls were
bathing in a pool.

A lot of people
would've envied the girls.

True, their pool

was only about
six feet in diameter,

but don't forget,

they had over a thousand
square miles of beach.

What got me mad was the way Adam
would leave his work to chase women.

Then, when he caught them, he'd
forget what he was chasing 'em for.

I wanted to get the
gold and get out of here.

This garden spot didn't
grow my kind of grub,

and my belly was beginning
to think my throat had been cut.

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[EVES GIGGLING]

At last he unfurled
the treasure map.

Adam had come into possession of
the map while workin' for Wan Long Gon,

a Chinese laundry.

He had been getting
along fine at the laundry,

until one day he returned some shirts without
breaking the buttons and ripping the collars.

Naturally, he got
fired on the spot.

The boss was so mad, he
threw Adam in the gutter.

then wrapped up Adam's
belongings and threw them out, too.

When he got home

Adam discovered the boss had
wrapped his things in a treasure map.

The map was Adam's downfall.

Today all his friends
call him "Theory"

because he seldom works.

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When Adam started spanning-off
distances, I became a little worried.

Well, I didn't know
how well he could count.

When he started kindergarten, Adam was different
from all the other five-year-olds in his class�

Adam was twelve.

But Adam didn't
let that stop him.

What he lacked in intelligence, he
more than made up for in stupidity.

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The natives weren't mathematicians, either,
but they sure knew how to add and distract.

They added to the scenery and distracted
from Adam's power of concentration.

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One of the natives started
a favorite game of mine.

Jigsaw puzzle.

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Adam hated to go to work just
to support a lazy bum like himself

but he finally got to it.

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The natives knew that
Adam was looking for gold.

They had diagnosed his
case by feeling his purse.

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Adam hadn't been able to think
since the day he went to the race track.

Made a mental bet with
himself and lost his mind.

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The natives tried to
entice Adam again,

but the smell of perfume had
been replaced by the smell of gold.

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No! No, look.

15 paces, Pudgy!

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[LAUGHING]

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[LAUGHING]

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[LAUGHING]

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He was playing in the sand when he
decided to pluck some fruit from a tree

with a multi-colored trunk

and exceptionally-nice limbs.

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[SHE SCREAMS, HE EXCLAIMS]

So it was Fatima the Witch.

No wonder her body looked funny.

She had dishpan-hands all over.

The natives' scheme
worked beautifully.

They had Adam so confused, he didn't know whether
he was shootin' craps or plantin' tulip bulbs.

Truth was that Adam didn't
trust the natives too far,

and they didn't
trust him too near.

One minute he's racing
away from the area,

and in the next minute
he's racing back.

We should've named him Sputnik
since he was always running in circles.

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The other natives took
advantage of Adam,

but he didn't seem to mind.

They say fat men
are good-natured,

and Adam was no sourpuss.

In fact,

he had so many double chins that he
had to use a bookmark to find his necktie.

But the natives still had no
right to take a sap for his map.

I will say one thing:

Adam made the
natives come to him.

He was too lazy to move.

As a matter of fact,

he was the kind of guy
who would stand for hours,

holding a cocktail shaker,
waiting for an earthquake.

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[EVES LAUGHING]

The native was still tormenting
Adam when Fatima appeared.

What a beast.

She acted like a young Colt

but she looked like an old .45.

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She was a different
kind of native.

Who wouldn't be
with a face like that?

But there was some hope that her
limbs would help her to branch out.

Then, Fatima, in desperation,
decided to show him her map.

Not the one she was wearing,
but the one she was carrying.

It was the missing piece,
and Fatima expected a reward.

But she reminded
Adam of rich pastry.

She made him sick.

Of course,

everybody has some faults.

I knew a young donkey once
who corrected all his faults

and made a perfect
ass of himself.

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The natives didn't know how to
stop Adam from finding the gold,

but one of them said she
thought she could swing it.

And she almost succeeded,

but not quite.

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He headed straight
for the treasure,

when he sees another native,

doing a dance to the rain god.

But it didn't dampen
Adam's spirits,

although he was thunderstruck when
she appeared like a bolt out of the blue.

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When the dance ended,

Adam was in such a fog that he
ran head first into a rubber tree.

Help, Help! Oh!

Now, mother nature had delayed
for 30 years to make him into a man.

Then, along comes this native,

and she makes a fool of
him in less than 5 minutes.

Yah!

[BIRD SONG]

The next native put
Adam into a slow spin.

She was just the kind of native
he wanted to go around with.

Her costume had him puzzled.

He couldn't figure out
where she carried her hankie.

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When the natives failed,

one by one they acted like sour
grapes and came at him in bunches.

The natives were
filled with carnival spirit.

Adam had never
been to a carnival,

but once he went to a flea
circus and stole the show.

At least half a dozen natives
were taken part in the spectacular,

speaking in a round
figures, of course.

The natives had
Adam spell-bound.

But they didn't fool me.

They went for men who
were tall, dark and handsome,

while Adam was
short, fat, and hands.

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The natives

were trying hard to keep
Adam away from the treasure,

but they didn't seem to
realize that he saw no evil

heard no evil,
and spoke no evil.

Well, this kept him out of trouble, but it
made him pretty much of a bore at parties.

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But if he intended to walk the straight and
narrow, he had to stop making the rounds.

He was still in danger.

But the natives were also
having their ups and downs.

Just watching them warmed
the cockles of his heart,

but he had cold feet.

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The trouble with
resising temptation

is that it may never come again,

but Adam decided
to leave anyway.

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I was all set to follow him,

when a native came out of the
bushes and began to scratch my ears.

She was a real nice native,

but her face will
never be her fortune,

although it did run
into a nice figure.

I realized, Fatima was just
using me to get in good with Adam,

but her little
scheme didn't work.

He took one look at her face and
decided he had other things to do.

She had a great
deal of will power,

but she underestimated
Adam's won't power.

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The next native tried to
attract him with an exotic dance.

Adam did stop to
admire her costume,

but that didn't take too long, since
about all she had on was the radio.

I knew she was
wasting her time on him.

After all, they were
two different types.

She liked boys,
and he liked girls.

I had to admire the natives.

Dancing was their business,

and it was a pretty
good business,

considering the fact that

she started out with
nothing but a shoe string.

Do you notice those delicate fingers
cymbals this native dancer's wearing?

Well, finger cymbals seem to have
become popular in Turkeystinople

during the umpti-first century.

The formula for this alloy that gives
the most delicate and musical tones

is not known today.

To get the best musical effect

the cymbals our carressd together
like the kiss of two garlic-eatin' lovers.

Ah, those delicate cymbals.

Yep,

you got to have cymbals
for a dance like this.

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Ah!

Cymbals.

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I was glad when
Adam decided to leave.

The sun was boiling hot,

even though the oasis
seemed to be "her-conditioned."

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I breathed a sigh of relief.

When Adam finally began
to dig for the treasure,

or at least that what I
thought he was doing,

but as it turned out later,

he was only playing in the sand.

He was charged with ambition,

but I guess, Pudgy just
couldn't keep up the payments.

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He dug a big hole, but all
he found in it was space.

I felt sorry for him.

To save money for this trip he had to cut
out drinking, smoking, gambling, and women.

So I knew he'd be cuttin' out paper
dolls next, if he didn't find the treasure.

He was so interested in his work

that he didn't see the native
watching from behind the bushes.

She had a nice face,

but I couldn't help noticing
that here torso was more so.

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Adam's forefathers
thought nothing of hard work,

and Adam didn't
think much of it, either.

But he kept right on digging, while the female
spy went to report to the other natives.

Well, I wouldn't
exactly call her a gossip,

but I noticed

that she had her mouth open so
much that her tongue was sunburned.

The natives were
hatching some foul plot

and Fatima didn't like it.

She was willing
to fight for Adam,

but she was out of ammunition
before the battle even started.

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The natives decided they could lure Adam away
from the treasure by displaying some of their own.

They started by exhibiting
a generous nature�

also, how generous
nature had been to them.

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Adam fell for their tricks,

but I knew they would
setting a trap for the map.

None of them had
any medical training,

but they certainly
knew how to operate.

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They might have succeeded,

if Fatima hadn't cut in.

Poor girl.

She didn't stand a chance.

But was still in there trying.

I don't know why she
wanted a big fat man like him,

not that Adam hadn't
tried to lose weight.

Once he had sworn off
food and drink completely,

and in fourteen days
he lost two weeks.

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It took a little arguing,

but finally Fatima agreed to show
Adam where the treasure was hidden.

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All of Fatima's parts seemed
to be working perfectly,

but it took a little
while to get her bearing.

When she finally pointed out the spot, Adam dropped
to the ground like an Arab bowing toward Meccca.

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Well, he found a box

or at least he thought he did.

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Gold!

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Gold!

Gold!

Gold!

Gold!

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Gold!

Gold!

Gold!

Gold!

Gold!

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Unless the price
of sand skyrockets,

we ended up just as broke
as the day we started out.

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Funny,

but somehow the whole thing
seems like it never really happened,

and I'm not too
sure that it did.

By the way,

do you happen to have a
treasure map somewhere, too?

Hmmm?

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