All language subtitles for Drop Dead Diva (2009) - S05E07 - Missed Congeniality (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 Celdra)_track3_[eng]

See that
aspiring model there?

That's me, Deb,

until the day I died.

I thought I'd go
straight to heaven,

but there was
a bit of a mix-up,

and I woke up
in someone else's body.

So now, I'm Jane,

a super-busy lawyer
with my very own assistant.

I got a new life,
a new wardrobe,

and the only people
who really know
what's going on with me

are my girlfriend, Stacy,

and my guardian angel, Paul.

I used to think everything
happened for a reason.

Whoo!

Well, I sure hope I was right

* La, la-la, la-la-la-la

* La, la-la, la

Good morning!
I made you coffee.

No, thanks.

Jane, we need to talk.

I'm late for work.
Yeah, but, Jane...

Not a good time.

Maybe later.

Mm-hmm, well,

last night, I told you
that I wanted Owen
to be my sperm donor,

and I really want
your blessing,

but you haven't
said a word to me.

Here's two words,
"Gotta go."

Will you zip me up?

Well, it's more fun
zipping you down.

Mm.

You know,
we've got a little time.

Maybe you
have a little time.

But I got to beat Kim
to the office.

Roger that.

Give me a head start?

Let's say 10 minutes?

So we don't arrive
together like yesterday?

Exactly.

I wouldn't
want to feed
that rumor mill.

By "Rumor Mill,"
you mean...

Teri.

All right,
I'll see you
at the office.

Okay.

Did I just see a boy
run into my office?

Yes, you did.

Herbal tea for you.
Thank you.

These are for the kids.

There's more than one?
Mm-hmm.

And their coach
is in your office.

Kimmy! Whoa!
You're enormous!

Dad, what are
you doing here?

Hey, hey, kid.
Wipe your paws.

What's going on?

Well, I was, uh, just
explaining a little
problem here to Owen.

He's a good man,
by the way.

Oh, right back
at you, Larry.

So...

I've been working
at a local park,
maintenance.

It doesn't pay much,

but at least I get to spend
my days out in the sunshine,
under blue skies.

I mean, how many old farts
do you know get paid
to hang out at the park?

I say it's genius.

Hooray for you.
You work at a park.

Doesn't explain
why the Bad News
Bears are in my office.

Well, about a month ago,
I'm working on a sprinkler.

Kids from the baseball
team come up,

and they ask me to hit out
some pop flies for them.

I guess one
of the dads didn't
show up or something.

But I had a blast.

Turns out the dad
is always busy,

so Larry took
over as coach.

Yeah. Bulldogs
are number one
in our division.

Hey!
Go, Bulldogs!

Hey, that's great.

Why don't you
send me an e-mail?
I'll try to catch a game.

Well, uh, that's sort
of the problem there, honey.

Uh, you see,
one of the rival coaches
ratted me out

right in the middle
of practice this morning.

The league requires that
a coach be a parent
or guardian of a player.

I don't know how
to help you, dad.

Well, Owen said that...
Yeah, what did Owen say?

That a prominent lawyer,
such as yourself,

might be able to convince
the league president
to do the right thing.

Kimmy, come on.
For the Bulldogs.
For the Bulldogs.

Lady...

We really need you.
Coach needs you.

I didn't know
they were listening.

Oh, yeah. Kids always
know what's going on.

We just don't
give them credit.

Of course
I'm gonna
help you.

One meeting.

Morning.

I need you to sign the card
for Kim's baby shower.
Mm-hmm.

Tell me again why we are
throwing Kim a baby shower.

Because Owen
asked us to,

and I'd rather not say
no to him right now.

Uh, it's not enough
that we have to work
for the Dragon Lady.

Now we have to pretend
that we like her, too?

It will be nice to have
the whole office there
for a happy occasion.

And by "Happy occasion,"
I mean Kim's maternity leave.

She'll be gone
for at least a month.

You know, I'm thinking
strawberry cupcakes.

Kim's allergic
to strawberries.
I know.

Oh, my god.

All right, fine.
Calm down.

We can get vanilla
to match her sex life.

Oh, my god!

Hi!

You're Donna Andrews.

I am.
Nice to meet you.

Jane Bingum.

I have followed
your career since
you won Miss Long Beach.

Oh.
I loved the answer
you gave

regarding the preservation
of songbird habitats.

"We must sing through
our actions..."

"So that birds may
forever sing for us."

I'm impressed.
Thank you.

I've actually competed
in a few pageants myself,

I mean, before
I became a lawyer.

Okay.

Well, look, I'm here
because I need a lawyer.

Teri, hold all my calls.
I'm in a meeting
with a new client.

I'm currently competing
in the Miss Universal
Globe pageant.

Yeah, I know.
I love that dress.

Thank you.

Earlier this morning,
I was in the greenroom,

waiting my turn for
evening-gown rehearsals

when I found this memo
left behind on a coffee table.

It's from
Peter Bronson,

the pageant owner.

It's a list of
the top 10 finalists for
this year's competition.

You're not on it.
Wait a minute.

The competition doesn't
even air till next week.

The judges haven't
even judged you yet.

So how can Peter Bronson
already know the top 10?

Peter Bronson is
rigging this pageant?
I think so.

Okay, we're gonna take
this memo to the Federal
Communications Commission.

They have jurisdiction
over broadcast events
like Miss Universal.

What do you say?

I say yes.

This pageant means
everything to me.

Whether I win or lose,
I just want a fair shot.

I know. I'll be in touch.

Thank you.
Thank you.

Oh, my god!

Oh, my god!

Was that Miss Universal U.S.A.
Donna Andrews?

Yes! Can you
believe that?

Oh, wait.
I've got
work to do.

Oh. I just need
five minutes.

Oh, I'm sorry.
It's just not
a good time.

You know,
we need to talk
and you keep running away.

Maybe because there's
nothing to talk about.

Fine.

I am going to speak
for both of us.

Stacy...

Jane, you know I can't ask
Owen to be my sperm donor
without your blessing.

But, Stacy, he and I,
we were engaged.

Which tells me
how much you must
respect him and his DNA.

And besides, it's not like
he's moving in with us.

I just need his
genetic material.

I bet you haven't even
considered the legal issues.

I mean, do you even
know the laws that govern
non-coital conception?

I found all the relevant
statutes online,

and I've read all
the pamphlets from
the fertility clinic.

Wow, Stace. Impressive.

I'm sorry I didn't
give you more credit.

Say, is that
a new dress?

Why, yes, it is.

Thank you for
your blessing, Jane.

You are as intelligent
as you are beautiful.

Wow. Well, that
was something.

And, you know,
I admit you made
some excellent points.

Thank you.

Thing is, you neglected
to consider one
teensy little fact.

And what is
that teensy little fact?

That Owen and I might
still get back together.

What?

Stacy, you know that
I am trying to make him
see that I am sorry

and that I am
open to rekindling
our relationship,

so don't you
think it's gonna
be a little weird

when Owen and I are married
and you're raising his child?

Do you really
think that I would
have even asked

if I thought for one second
you and Owen would
get back together again?

Excuse me?

Jane, I don't believe
that you still believe
you're gonna marry Owen.

Mm-mm. In fact,
I don't even think that
you want to marry Owen,

because if you had,
you would have
never kissed Grayson.

How dare you?

How dare you?

You are denying me the best
available genetic material
for no good reason.

You want
Owen's sperm?
Yeah.

Fine, go
and get it.

Fine. I will.

And thank you
for your blessing.

I'm sure the FCC agrees
that memo is convincing
evidence of pageant fixing,

a clear violation
of 47 USC, section 509.

The "Quiz Show" law?

Which, as you know,
bans any scheme
to predetermine contests

of knowledge,
skill, or chance.

Yes, but do pageants
really require skill?

They do.

Miss Universal is
not merely about beauty.

In fact, as of last month,
the talent portion
is now worth 40 per cent,

more than the interview
and evening gown combined.

Why would Peter Bronson
fix his own pageant?

The finalists that
Bronson pre-selected,

they all come
from the largest
foreign TV markets,

including the U.K.,
Brazil, and China.

But nowhere on the list
are favorites Iceland,
Namibia, and the U.S.,

who, by the way,
is incredible.

Thank you.
No problem.

You know what?
Peter Bronson does not
care about Miss Universal.

He cares about ratings
and big markets
that maximize profits.

That was
very informative.

Okay, so, what
do we do next?

You know what?
We could coordinate with
the U.S. Attorney's office,

'cause this is huge.

I mean, it's CNN huge.
I think we should call
Anderson Cooper.

I appreciate the visit,
but the FCC does not plan
to pursue this investigation.

Uh, with all
due respect,

what?

I mean, this is
far more serious

than Janet Jackson's so-called
wardrobe malfunction.

And that led to half
a million dollars in fines.
Mm-hmm.

Peter Bronson is a job
creator with business
interests worldwide.

The government isn't
gonna make a federal
case over a pageant.

I'm sorry,
but we're done here.

Stacy.

Hey, what
a nice surprise.

How are you?

Everything is great.

I have to ask
you something.

Oh, yeah.
Please, please sit.

Owen, I've been wanting
to get pregnant
for a while now.

I have looked high and low
for the perfect donor
to father my child,

which is a lot tougher
than it sounds
because I'm picky

and I want the absolute
best genetic material.

I want your sperm.

Wow!
Yeah, I know.

It's just you're
an awesome guy,

kind, stable, ambitious,
intelligent, attractive,
and funny.

Wow.
I'm happy to discuss
a variety of arrangements.

And...

I have pamphlets.

Also, you'd have
no financial obligations.

I'm looking for
a baby daddy,
not a sugar daddy.

What does Jane think
about your request?

I have her blessing.

Really?

Yes.

Uh...

I have
to think about it.

Of course, take all
the time you need.

I don't start
ovulating until Friday.

Knockety-knock,
knock-knock.

You ready for
the big meeting?
Yep.

Anything you
want me to say?
Nope.

You just keep your mouth shut
and let me do all the talking.

Yeah, that's a good plan.

Oh, yeah, those two
are totally doing it.

Dad.
What?

No, I'm saying
I got a sixth sense
about these things.

That's how
I knew your mother
was really into me.

Mm. Look how
that turned out.

What?
I'm just saying.

I'm just saying
you're totally off base.
I mean, come on.

A man and a woman can work
together without having sex.

Well, tell that
to your baby bump.

Look, why don't you just keep
your mind out of the gutter
and back on the Bulldogs.

Kim?

The baseball league
president is waiting for
you in Owen's office.

Be right there.

Don't forget your
baby shower
starts at noon.

Can't wait.

Mrs. Chase, thank you
so much for taking
this meeting.

Oh, of course.
Your father was one
of my favorite coaches.

We were sorry
to see him go.

Yeah, you know,
that's the thing.

We don't think
you should have
to see him go.

I mean, these days,
with parents so busy,

you should be encouraging
community participation.

I don't disagree.

In fact, I plan on raising
the parent restriction
at our next rules meeting.

The meeting's
not till January.

The Bulldogs' playoffs
are next week.

Hold on, according
to the league bylaws,

there is a second way
for coaches to qualify.

Really?
Yeah.

It says here,
"Any adult who lives

"within the White
Oak Park District
may volunteer at the park."

Coaching's a volunteer
position, correct?

Of course.
As it happens,

Mr. Kaswell's daughter lives
a half a block from the park.

Yeah. Any chance
there's a third way
to qualify?

Kimmy, it's the playoffs.

Fine. My father
lives with me.

As of today, my dad
is my roommate.

Well, then, I hereby
reinstate Larry as
coach of the Bulldogs.

Fantastic.

What are you doing?

My emergency
stash of pick-me-up
dark chocolate.

I know it's in
here somewhere.

I ate it last week.

It was a late night.
I'm sorry.

So, what's wrong?

The FCC refuses to pursue
charges against Peter Bronson.

I'm surprised you
thought the government
would get involved

over something
as trivial as a pageant.

Grayson, the Miss Universal
pageant is anything
but trivial.

I'm being serious.

Oh.

Honestly, I thought
a woman like yourself

would find pageants frivolous,
if not outright demeaning.

Well, you would be wrong.

You know, pageants
provide contestants
with self-confidence

while competing for valuable
college scholarships.

And pageants don't
just help the contestants.

They help
the countries, too.

They help the countries?

When Angola's Leila Lopes
won Miss Universe,

it raised the profile
of the entire country.

And Amelia Vega
of the Dominican Republic,

when she came in first,
tourism shot up dramatically.

Well, we both know
when you get passionate,
you don't give up.

I say forget the FCC.

On behalf of your client,
file a qui tam lawsuit.

Qui tam,
when the government refuses
to enforce certain laws,

private citizens
are empowered to step in

and sue on the government's
behalf as a whistle-blower.

Yes, and as
a whistle-blower,

they're entitled
to 30 per cent
of recovered damages.

Yes. Thank you,
Grayson.

Excuse me.
Mm-hmm.

Jane, I need you in
the conference room now.

Everything okay?
It's, uh, Kim's
baby shower.

Say no more.
Let's go.

Thank god you're here.

Teri, this is supposed
to be a shower, not a wake.

They refuse to drink
the baby bottles.

They're all scared
to guess Kim's weight.

And forget about the
"Guess the melted candy
bar in the diaper" game.

Kim licked them all.

The cupcakes
are delicious.

Can I go back
to my office now?

Are you kidding me?
No, Kim! Now, come on!

Let's get this
party started.

I'm pretty sure
this is a mars bar.

Dad, this is supposed
to be an all-girls party.

Hey, did you tell them
all your big news?

I'm moving in
with my daughter.

Excuse me.
Oh, thank god.

Someone ordered
a male stripper!

No. No, no.
I'm looking for
a Larry Kaswell.

Oh, I'm Larry.

Sir, you're
under arrest.
Huh?

Place your hands
behind your back.

Excuse me.
What are the charges?

Child endangerment,
13 counts.

So, let me get this straight.
Last week, you took
a bunch of nine-year-olds

on a spur-of-the-moment field
trip to the Santa Monica Pier

without their
parents' permission?

Yep.
What were
you thinking?

It was a beautiful day,
we were celebrating our win,

and everybody
had sunscreen on.

Dad, one of the moms
went to the park
to pick up her son,

and he wasn't there,
so she called the police.

I know. I know.

She's going through
some domestic dispute.

She thought the kid's
dad picked him up.

I don't know.
But she called the police back
and owned up to the mistake.

It doesn't matter,
once the complaint is filed,

the authorities
are obligated to act.

Oh, look, everybody's getting
their knickers in a twist

over a simple
misunderstanding.

I made a deal with the D.A.
You'll plead guilty
and pay a fine, no jail time.

Oh, great.

Can't wait to get back
to those Bulldogs.

No, dad, you're pleading
guilty to endangering
the welfare of a child.

The league is not gonna
allow you back as coach.

What are you talking about?
Then it's no deal.

I'm not gonna
abandon my kids.

They're not your kids.

For god's sake,
you weren't this upset when
you abandoned me 25 years ago.

Oh, come on, Kimmy.
That's not fair.

Dad, the D.A.'s office
is gonna be pissed
if you reject this plea.

And if we lose at trial,
they're gonna
demand jail time.

All right.

We're just gonna
have to win.

Boy, I'm starving.

I haven't had
anything to eat since
that dirty diaper.

Let's go see what's going
on at the coffee cart.

Miss Andrews,
I just have one question.

How did you feel when
you found Mr. Bronson's memo

listing the Miss Universal
finalists before the judges
had even selected them?

I felt shattered.

Look, I still believe
in the honor, integrity,

kindness and decency
of the pageant,

but that man,

he violated
all the rules.

Donna, isn't it true
you recently met

with reality-show producers
about developing a TV series

based on your life
as a pageant girl?

Yes, but...
In fact, the working title
of the TV series is,

The Beauty Queen Scandal.

Objection.
Calls for speculation.

Overruled.

How do you
know about that?

I'll take
that as a "Yes."

We now dismiss
the witness and call
Peter Bronson to the stand.

Mr. Bronson, where were
you when Miss Andrews
allegedly found the memo?

I was in a plane, returning
from a business trip to Macau.

Did you rig
the Miss Universal pageant?

No.

The pageant
cannot be rigged.

We employ
numerous fail-safes,

including
independent judges

and a big-four
accounting firm.

Is that all?
No.

Every document
that comes out
of my office

is printed on state-of-the-art
anti-counterfeiting paper.

I'm handing
Mr. Bronson a piece
of his office stationery

and a U.V. light.

Please shine the light
onto the paper.

We call the court's
attention to the Bronson
enterprises logo.

Now I'd like to ask
the bailiff to hand
the memo in question

to Mr. Bronson.

Please shine the light
over the memo.

There's no logo,
which means this didn't
come out of my office.

This is a forgery.

We move
to dismiss immediately.

Uh, hold on.
We need more time.

You've wasted enough
of the court's time.

This case is dismissed.

Jane! Jane!

Jane!

What?
What do you
want, Donna?

What happens now?

I go home, have a glass
of wine, and you disappear.

I know what it looked
like in there, but...

I'm not
an idiot, Donna.

The court dismissed your case
because you made it all up.

I'm certainly not gonna help
you get more attention.

Everything I told
you was the truth.

Oh, come on.

You're as fake
as that memo.

You just used me
to smear the reputation
of Miss Universal

and all for
your own gain.

How are you
holding up?

Oh. Handbags. Yikes.

You're in a bad,
bad place.

I can't believe
Donna Andrews lied to me.

At least your dad didn't get
arrested at your baby shower.

Yeah, that's
got to sting.

Look, I don't
know if you care,

but Peter Bronson
held a press conference

where he stripped
Donna Andrews of her title

and barred her
from competing.

Well, good.
Serves her right.

It's late and your
case was dismissed.

Why are
you still here?
Ugh!

I just had a fight with Stacy,
and I'm not ready
to go home and face her.

Let me guess.
Was her kale cleanse
making her irritable?

Sorry. What happened?

She wants my
blessing for Owen
to be her sperm donor.

Stop!

That violates
every rule of friendship.

No sperm...
No way, no how!

I know. But Owen and I
aren't together, so...

Yeah, but you
were together.

You need to go kick
some sense into her.

Yeah, you know what?
You're right.

I'm going
home right now.

Stacy?

I forbid you from using
Owen's sperm for your baby.

Jane...
It is a total violation...

Stop.
No, you stop.

You can't ask
your best friend's
ex for his sperm,

you know, especially
if they're not
100 per cent over.

Jane...
And you certainly
cannot have his baby.

I'm not having
Owen's baby.

Good. I'm glad
you're listening to reason.

Owen said no.

I went to go see him,
and he was nice
and everything,

but he just called me and told
me that he couldn't do it.

Sorry, sweetie.

No, you're not.

You're happy.

No. No.

I thought I would be happy,
but I actually feel terrible.

Are we expecting company?

No.

I'm expecting to be sad
for a few weeks.

Then these should get
me through Tuesday.

Sweetie.

I know that I said
I would support you.

So I should
have at least

talked it
through with you.

And I knew that picking
Owen would upset you,

but having Owen
as the biological father

of my future child
was the best choice.

Do you want
to talk now?

No. If it's okay,
I would rather frost.

I'm sorry, sweetie.

You made breakfast?

Yeah. Come on,
grab a stack.

You know, don't forget
you're eating for two there.

Oh, no time.
I need to prep
your testimony.

Honey, come on.

Breakfast is the most
important meal of the day.

Fine.

But, please, I need you
to focus on your case.

Okay, I will.
Now, you just
have to relax, honey.

I know you're a little
bit anxious, what,
with the baby coming

and Parker being
out of town and all.

Dad, Parker moved
to be with his
other family in Canada.

Yeah, yeah. I know.
He told me the same thing.

You spoke with him?

Yeah, while you
were in the shower.

I told him, man-to-man,
that he was shirking
his parental responsibilities.

Well, look, long story short,
he's gonna make every attempt

to be here for the birth
and possibly stay a few weeks.

No, no, no.
Dad, I do not want Parker
here for this child's birth

or anytime thereafter.

Look, I am perfectly
capable of raising
this baby without him,

the same way mom
raised me without you.

Kimmy, look, I'm just
trying to help you here.

Yeah?

Well, if you had
been around more,

then maybe you would
understand that calling
your daughter's ex-boyfriend

is just not okay!

Jane, I'm really sorry
to bother you at home.

What's so urgent?

Donna was
telling the truth.

Grayson, she's a snake.

She never wanted
to do the reality show.

Her pageant coach
approached TV producers
without her knowledge.

When they approached Donna,

she turned them
down and promptly
fired her coach.

How do you
know that?

After you left court,
we talked.

She told me everything,
which I verified.

Why didn't I do that?

It's obvious.

You believe in
the integrity
of the pageant.

When the evidence went
one way, you followed it.

Yeah, but I believed
in the pageant more
than the queen.

I refused to listen
to my own client.

What do we do now?

Donna, I just want
to say how sorry I am.

Well, I guess under
the circumstances,

I wouldn't have
believed me, either.

Okay, so,
the way I see it,

someone must have
forged that memo
and left it for you to find.

So you think
I was sabotaged.

Well, it wouldn't be
the first time something
like this has happened.

In 2007, Miss Puerto Rico's
makeup with spiked
with pepper spray.

And in 2010, Miss Australia
was stuck with pins
from her costume

moments before
she took the stage.

So maybe another
contestant left a phony
memo for me to find.

Knowing that you would come
forward and be disgraced.

Hey, I might
have something.

Great. Let's hear it.

Since we're looking
at other contestants,

I wanted to find out
who had the most to gain

by Donna's removal
from the pageant.

What did you find out?

Turns out Vegas
oddsmakers bet on
the Miss Universal pageant,

and Donna was the favorite
to win, until the lawsuit.

Okay. So, who's
the new favorite?

Miss China.

China's never
won before.

True, but she's gorgeous.

Not to mention she got a boost
when they added more weight
to the talent portion.

The girl can
rock a piano.

Okay, Donna, who all was
in the greenroom right
before you found the memo?

Miss China.

But she's a friend.

She would never do
anything to hurt me.

We're gonna
have to talk to her.

Okay.

Her name's Lanfen,
and she goes
to the cafe by her hotel

every day during
her morning break.

Great.

Let's go get
some coffee.

Oh, I'd never do anything
to put those kids in danger.

I just wanted them
to have a perfect afternoon.

So you took
them to the pier.
Yeah.

I wanted them to experience
the majesty of the waves,

the beauty of
the dolphins breaching.

Thank you.

Being a coach is like
being a parent, isn't it?

Oh, I'd say so.

Would you also say that you
apply your parental judgment
when dealing with the team?

Absolutely.
Hmm.

This document
is People's Exhibit "C."
What is it?

Affidavit.
Filed by?

My daughter,
Kimberly Kaswell.

The affidavit was filed
as part of her application
for college financial aid.

Objection.
We had no notice.

It's impeachment.
Notice isn't required.

Your honor, we'd like
the witness to, uh,
read the highlighted portion.

"My father is not
a presence in my life.

"He is unwilling to help me
with my educational expenses.

"I have had no meaningful
contact with him for years.

"And I don't see
that changing."

None of this has
any relevance to my
client's state of mind

at the time
of the field trip.

Ms. Kaswell's own
words show a history

of irresponsible behavior
when it comes to children.

I agree.

The jury may
consider the affidavit.

I never knew that
you had to write
a letter to your college.

It was a long time ago.

I was a terrible father.

It was unfair of me
to show up like I did.

Dad, let's just
go home.

No. You know what?
I want to take the plea.

You won't be
able to coach again.
You'll lose the Bulldogs.

Look, Kimmy,
I'm a goofball
most of the time.

But now
I'm being serious.

Please, take the plea.

I'll go home...

My home.

Ms. Kaswell.
Yes?

I'm the mother who called
the police when my son
Michael wasn't at the park.

I'm so sorry.

No. This isn't your fault.

Michael's a shy kid.

I thought joining a team
might bring him out
of his shell, but it didn't.

Then your
dad showed up.

The man has endless
patience and he really
gets through to the kids.

I know it's none
of my business,

but whatever happened between
the two of you in the past,

you can be
proud of him now.

He's a good man.

Thank you.

Got a minute?

Donna, what are
you doing here?

You figured she'd
just disappear, didn't you?

I'm happy to see her.

Uh, who are you?

She's a lawyer.

Lanfen, can we talk to you
for just a minute?

I guess.
I'll cut to the chase.

We believe you
sabotaged Donna.

That's crazy.

Come on, Lanfen.

You planted that fake memo,
and you know it.

We were friends.

And this conversation,
it's over.

You know, now that
Donna is disqualified,

you're the favorite to win,

and we know that
you were in that
greenroom right before her,

giving you
the perfect
opportunity.

I wasn't in
the greenroom.

I got called
out last minute.

Really? By whom?

The Head of Pageant P.R.

He wanted me to take
some publicity photos.

There are no publicity photos
taken during the rehearsals.

I know. I thought
it was strange,

but, you know, he said
he needed a photo of me
with my country's flag.

I still have his
text message.

I'm really
sorry, Lanfen.

I was sad when you lost
your title, honest.

That was awful.
Yeah.

I feel badly for
accusing her,

but she did have
the most to gain.

Wait a minute.

The big winners at pageants
aren't just the contestants.
The countries win, too.

You think a country
forged the memo?

No, but I think all
roads lead to China.

Donna, I know who
rigged this pageant.

Mr. Bronson, you have
business dealings
across the globe, correct?

Yes.

And, currently, you have
a pending deal for
a casino in Macau, China?

That's right.
Now, according to your
corporate quarterly report,

you have spent
$450 million
on the project

but have yet to be
approved for your
gaming license.

We expect it
any day now.

Now, tell me, Mr. Bronson,

you testified that you
were recently in Macau.

Did you meet with
any government officials?

Yes, the Minister
of their Gaming Commission.

And?

And the Minister
of Arts and Culture.

Did you promise
the Minister
of Arts and Culture

that Miss China
would win the pageant

if they pressured
the gaming commissioner

to get you a license
for your casino?

That's ridiculous.

Now, isn't it true
that you recently changed
the pageant rules

to give more weight
to the talent competition,
thus favoring Miss China?

I don't know who
the rule change favored.

Well, as of three days ago,
Donna Andrews was
still the odds-on favorite.

So you had to find
a way to disqualify her.

Hence, you had
your P.R. Head
plant a fake memo,

knowing that Donna
would find it and go public.

I mean, I have to admit,
it's kind of brilliant.

Anyway, on the day
my client found the memo,

you had your Head of P.R.
take publicity photos
of Miss China, didn't you?

If you say so.

Oh, I do say so.

And, in fact, we subpoenaed
his e-mail account

and discovered that those
photos were subsequently sent

to an official at the Chinese
Ministry of Arts and Culture.

Now, of course, we did,
we contacted that official,

and he told us that
the photos were for
Miss China's victory parade,

which has already
been scheduled.

But she hasn't won
the pageant yet...

Or has she?

I refuse to answer
on the grounds it
might incriminate me.

That's a good idea,

since bribing
a government official

is a violation of the
Foreign Corrupt Practices Act,

whether it is suitcases
full of cash or
a simple pageant crown.

Boys, you can
arrest him now.

Based on this newly
discovered evidence,

we ask that you reverse
your earlier ruling

and issue a verdict
in favor of my client.

So ordered.

Oh, and Mr. Bronson...

Never mess
with a beauty queen.

I understand Mr. Kaswell
is accepting the plea.

Yes, your honor.

No.

Um, I'm sorry, your honor.
My client rejects the plea.

What?
Kim.

Dad, the jury
needs to hear from
someone else, me.

As you all now know,
my father left me
when I was a kid.

He didn't teach me
how to ride a bike.

He didn't attend
my school play.

And he certainly didn't
coach my baseball team.

He walked out,

and I hated him for it.

But the man who
walked out on me

isn't the same man
who stands before you today.

By coaching the Bulldogs,
my father found a way

to become the amazing
man that I always
wanted in my life.

Years ago, I would
have told you to lock him up,
throw away the key.

But the man I hated,

he no longer exists.

Larry Kaswell is kind,
and he's decent.

He's responsible.

So please don't
punish who he was.

Celebrate who
he's become.

I know I will.

Hey. Thank you
for meeting me.

Of course.
What's going on?

Well, for starters,

the government is collecting
fines from Bronson
for bribing foreign officials,

and you are entitled
to 30 per cent
of those fines.

Oh, my god.
I know.
But it gets better.

Okay, the U.S. Attorney
was gonna force Bronson
to liquidate the pageant,

but I had a better idea.

In lieu of your 30 per cent,
I suggested that they give
the pageant to you.

Give the pageant to me?

I'd own the pageant?

Well, I mean,
unless you prefer the cash.

Oh, my god!
That's amazing!

Oh, Jane, I promise to be
the best pageant owner ever.

And I vow
to protect and defend
the honor, integrity,

kindness and decency
that are the soul
of any true pageant queen.

Oh!

Hey.
Hi.

Can I help you?

Uh, well,
I won my
qui tam case.

Yep, that is
great news.
Yes.

Grayson already told me.

Oh.

What's going on, Jane?

Okay.

I know that you
said no to Stacy,

and I think I know why.

Do you, now?

Being a sperm donor
for a lovely woman
trying to have a baby?

Owen, that is something
you would do.

If it weren't for me.

So this is about you.

The only reason
you said no is
because you think

that we might
still get back
together,

and if that is
what you want,

I'm ready to work
through our issues

and someday,
start a family
of our own.

But if I'm wrong,
and we're really,
really over,

please, please be
true to who you are

and help Stacy
start a family.

Got your text.

Am I going to jail?

The clerk called.

You're home free,
and you get to go back
to coaching the Bulldogs.

But you have to continue
living with me through
the end of playoffs.

Oh, well, great.
Thanks.

I, uh...

I don't know
what to say.

Look, I'll be out of
the house by the end of
the championships, okay?

Not so fast.

Once the baby's here,
I'm gonna need a little help,

so I expect you
to pull your weight.

I, uh... I don't even know
how to change a diaper.

Never learned.

I, uh...
Whew, boy.

I guess there's a first time
for everything, huh?

Well, you can
start with this.

Uh...
Oh, great.

Just pretend it's
a diaper bag.

Hey, dad,
I'll meet you
at the elevator.

All right, sweetheart.

Grayson, got a minute?
Sure. What's up?

Excuse me.

Is something going on
with you and Nicole?

I'm not judging
you if there is.

I mean, we all know
I've found company
with people at this office.

Why are you asking?

Come on.
Lawyers and support staff?

I mean, if you're serious
with her, then fine.
Good for you.

But if it's just a fling,
they tend to end in tears
and out-of-court settlements.

So as a partner,

I'm asking you to consider
whether it's worth ruining

a long-term
working relationship
for a bit of fun.

I'll take care of it.

Hey.

Hey.

Can we talk in private?

Everything okay?

Let's go outside.

Nicole...

I want to say that
I've enjoyed the time
we've spent together.

Me too.

But we both know
it's just been a fling,

and I'm not really
a fling kind of guy.

Well, I appreciate
you telling me.

So...

I'd like us
to go on a date...

Like, a real date.

If that's cool.

Okay.

But I got to warn you,

I don't sleep with guys
on the first date.

Gonna go.
Yeah.

Okay.

Hey.

Hi, Stace.

Uh, do you have a minute?
I'd like to talk now.

Yeah, yeah.
Sure. Of course.

Um, just packing up
for the night.

Maybe I can take you
out for a drink.

Yeah, okay.

Is everything okay, sweetie?

Mm-hmm.
Jane, I'm having a baby.

What?
Oh, my god, what?

Owen just told me
that he changed his mind.

He's gonna be
my sperm donor.

Oh, my god.
That's amazing.

Oh, my god.
Um, I'm so
happy for you.

Oh!