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1
00:00:02,252 --> 00:00:04,755
How you doing over there?
I'm good.
2
00:00:04,755 --> 00:00:06,798
Really good.
Good.
3
00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:10,761
Is it weird that I'm good?
4
00:00:10,761 --> 00:00:12,804
No, it's good
that you're good.
5
00:00:12,804 --> 00:00:16,808
Good. Well, I'm good.
6
00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:18,644
Every mom dreams of the day
when they drop
7
00:00:18,644 --> 00:00:21,980
their 42-year-old daughter off
at the airport to go to school.
8
00:00:23,941 --> 00:00:26,276
And I did it all by myself.
9
00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:27,861
Hey, I’m here.
10
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:30,948
Oh, not the dropping off,
the raising.
Oh.
11
00:00:30,948 --> 00:00:32,491
I mean, I wasn't there
the whole time.
12
00:00:32,491 --> 00:00:34,451
But I was definitely there
for the beginning.
13
00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:38,080
In and out during the middle,
and rock-solid from age 37 on,
14
00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:40,165
you know, the formative years.
15
00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:41,917
You have a lot
to be proud of.
16
00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:44,419
Damn right.
Georgetown Law School
17
00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:46,588
on a full scholarship.
18
00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:49,466
Phew. Lot of parents would be
in a puddle of tears right now,
19
00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:51,176
but you know
what I think of them?
20
00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:53,136
Selfish.
(chuckles)
21
00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:55,472
Not me, 'cause I’m focusing
on what she's gonna get,
22
00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:57,057
not what I’m gonna lose.
23
00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:00,686
(voice breaking): Which is
the most beautiful little girl
24
00:01:00,686 --> 00:01:02,896
a mother could ever have.
25
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,357
And this is why I drove.
26
00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:08,151
(crying): Oh, please.
You're gonna cry, too.
27
00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:09,653
Am not.
28
00:01:09,653 --> 00:01:12,572
The Father's Day card
she gave you last year?
29
00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:14,741
(crying):
Why would you do that to me?
30
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:17,411
'Cause you miss her
as much as I do.
31
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,329
I-I do!
32
00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:21,373
(both sobbing)
33
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,377
You want to go back and
watch the plane take off?
34
00:01:25,377 --> 00:01:27,421
I do!
Okay.
35
00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:31,383
♪ ♪
36
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:52,321
Bonnie, alcoholic.
ALL: Hi, Bonnie.
37
00:01:52,321 --> 00:01:55,532
Well, it's been a month since
Adam and I became empty-nesters,
38
00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:57,367
and we are loving it.
39
00:01:57,367 --> 00:02:00,329
We learn something new
about each other every day.
40
00:02:00,329 --> 00:02:02,372
And we learn a lot
about Christy, too.
41
00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:04,207
Apparently, she was the one
vacuuming the living room.
42
00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:05,250
(chuckles)
43
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:08,545
And another thing
we learned about her,
44
00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:10,547
she doesn't understand
time zones.
45
00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,466
She's smart enough to get
a scholarship to law school,
46
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,092
but she can't grasp
the fact that her 7:00 a.m.
47
00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:16,011
is my 4:00 a.m.
48
00:02:16,011 --> 00:02:19,431
She's constantly waking me up
'cause she can't subtract three.
49
00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,184
Well, my fault.
50
00:02:22,184 --> 00:02:25,354
I should've taken her
to kindergarten once in a while.
51
00:02:25,354 --> 00:02:27,147
Yeah, she's in law school.
She's fine.
52
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,024
That's it. Thanks.
53
00:02:29,024 --> 00:02:31,109
(applause)
Now that Christy's gone,
54
00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:32,486
would you like me
to roll my eyes
55
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,196
a little bit more
while you share?
56
00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:38,116
Tammy?
Tammy, alcoholic.
57
00:02:38,116 --> 00:02:39,284
ALL:
Hi, Tammy.
58
00:02:39,284 --> 00:02:41,078
Uh, it's my birthday tomorrow.
59
00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:42,996
Uh, not a sober one, a
squeezing out of the womb one.
60
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,915
Normally,
61
00:02:44,915 --> 00:02:48,460
I love my birthday,
but not this year.
62
00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:52,214
My dad tracked me down
from prison and sent me a card
63
00:02:52,214 --> 00:02:54,007
saying he's gonna
call me tomorrow.
64
00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:57,469
What am I supposed to do
with that?
65
00:02:57,469 --> 00:03:00,013
The man killed my mom.
66
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,557
I haven't talked to him
since I was 14.
67
00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:04,393
And I don't want
to talk to him now.
68
00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:08,939
I know this program
is about second chances,
69
00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:11,024
but does that mean
I have to give him one?
70
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,235
I mean... I don't know.
71
00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:16,655
I'm totally spinning out
over what to do.
72
00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:18,198
Thanks.
73
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,617
(applause)
74
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,244
Well, now I feel bad
for sharing about
75
00:03:22,244 --> 00:03:24,204
how my Jacuzzi's
not bubbly enough.
76
00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:28,458
You know, there's a place
where you can get free hot wings
77
00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:30,168
on your birthday.
Nice.
78
00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:32,003
Yeah, they give you
a free wing for every year.
79
00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:34,381
It's the only time
I'm honest about my age.
80
00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:38,635
Wow, it is a mess over here.
81
00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:41,972
I know. Christy really did a lot
more cleaning than we thought.
82
00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:43,765
Yeah, well,
I'll pick up the slack.
83
00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:45,434
Great. She used to
do the coffee urn.
84
00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:47,394
Oh, on it.
85
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:49,396
(gasps) Oh, I think
we should throw this one away
86
00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:51,231
and start over.
87
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:55,318
Girls, don't forget Tammy's
surprise dinner tomorrow.
88
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:58,655
BOTH:
Get there by 7:00 and park
the car around the corner.
89
00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:01,241
Good. You're as
excited as I am.
90
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,452
Brilliant idea:
I'm gonna throw Tammy
91
00:04:03,452 --> 00:04:05,537
a surprise slumber party
tomorrow night at my house.
92
00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:07,205
(gasps)
Love it.
Sounds good.
93
00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:09,207
Bonnie, you know I've
been planning a dinner.
94
00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:10,250
But my idea's better.
95
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:11,918
Kind of is.
96
00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:13,962
I've been working
on this for weeks.
97
00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:15,213
Well, I'm sorry, but she told me
98
00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:16,506
she really wanted
a slumber party.
99
00:04:16,506 --> 00:04:18,300
When did she say that?
100
00:04:19,301 --> 00:04:20,427
When she was 14.
101
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:23,221
But I'm sure it's still true.
102
00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:28,143
Oh, damn it.
103
00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:29,644
What's up?
104
00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:32,522
I accidentally got
"It's a Girl!" balloons.
105
00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:33,940
Well, Tammy is a girl.
106
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:39,112
I'm sorry, I know you don't like
me to look on the bright side.
107
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,032
I really want to keep Tammy's
mind off her dad calling.
108
00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:45,076
This party has to be perfect,
and I messed up the decorations.
109
00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:46,953
Or you did that on purpose
so, when Jill gets here,
110
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:49,581
she takes over
and does everything for you.
111
00:04:49,581 --> 00:04:52,292
Look, I didn't marry you
so you could get to know me.
112
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:55,253
(knocking on door)
113
00:04:56,254 --> 00:04:59,090
Hey.
Hey.
114
00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:00,842
Oh, hey, Adam,
are you staying
115
00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:04,179
for the ladies-only party
that's only for ladies?
116
00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:05,972
No, Gus and I are going fishing.
117
00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:07,682
That's code for
drinking beer in a cabin
118
00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:09,184
and not fishing at all.
(chuckles)
119
00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:10,727
She's not wrong.
Mwah.
120
00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:11,728
Have fun.
121
00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:12,771
Come on, Gus.
122
00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:15,857
He doesn't even own a rod.
123
00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:17,859
ADAM:
I'm gonna pick one up
at the liquor store!
124
00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:20,529
So...
(clears throat)
125
00:05:20,529 --> 00:05:22,697
Am I seeing your decorations
in their entirety?
126
00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:25,325
No. I got baby shower balloons.
127
00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:29,454
Mm-hmm, taking over.
128
00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:31,373
Mm-hmm, letting you.
129
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,587
(knocking on door)
130
00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:39,047
What's this?
131
00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:40,674
It's the cake
you asked me to bring.
132
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:42,509
But it's
from the grocery store.
133
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:44,386
I thought you'd bake
something.
134
00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:46,972
And I thought we'd be
at a nice dinner right now.
135
00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:49,724
Guess we were both wrong.
136
00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:51,434
We don't just go to bed, right?
137
00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:52,727
Don't look at me.
138
00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:54,437
My gosh, did none of you ever go
139
00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:55,855
to a slumber party
when you were kids?
140
00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:57,357
Foster care.
No friends.
141
00:05:57,357 --> 00:06:00,026
I was strung out on horse.
142
00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:03,446
Oh. Well, lucky for you,
143
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:06,575
I was extremely popular
and I will guide you through it.
144
00:06:06,575 --> 00:06:08,660
There is an ebb and flow
to a slumber party,
145
00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:10,912
not unlike a poem
or a good massage.
146
00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:12,122
(knocking on door)
147
00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:13,707
She's here. Big smiles.
148
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,542
Not the pageant one,
Jill, the real one.
149
00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:20,964
Hey. Remember what you wanted
for your 14th birthday?
150
00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:22,132
A case of beer?
No.
151
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:23,466
Curly hair? True love?
No.
152
00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:25,218
No. A slumber party.
And here it is!
153
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:27,053
ALL:
Surprise!
154
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:29,514
Oh, my God, you guys.
This is amazing!
155
00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:31,266
Look at the flowers
and balloons.
156
00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:33,018
And a sign with
my name on it.
157
00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:36,021
Oh, there's no way this
could possibly be better.
158
00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:38,023
Unless we had a homemade cake.
159
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:43,987
Never have I ever
160
00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:46,156
faked a toothache
just to get nitrous.
161
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,532
Oh.
(laughs)
162
00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:49,117
So, I drink if
I've done it?
163
00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:50,619
ALL:
Yes.
164
00:06:50,619 --> 00:06:52,454
We've been playing this game
for half an hour.
165
00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:54,289
How is this still
a question for you?
166
00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:56,875
The sentence structure
is very confusing.
167
00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:59,794
It should really just
be "have you ever."
168
00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:01,129
Well, normally,
you'd play this game drunk,
169
00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:02,339
so grammar doesn't matter.
170
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:05,216
Okay, let me try one.
171
00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:07,927
I have never,
ever, never...
172
00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:10,013
Oy.
(all groan)
173
00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:12,641
...had sex in a church.
WENDY:
Mm.
174
00:07:12,641 --> 00:07:14,851
Wait, it was a bris.
Do synagogues count?
175
00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:17,187
How about an Amish guy
at a barn raising?
176
00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:19,397
Any place where God is defiled.
177
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,150
Hey, didn't you have sex
at a funeral?
178
00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:24,194
I did,
but it was at the cemetery.
179
00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:26,363
Thanks for remembering, though.
180
00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:28,740
You go, Bonnie.
181
00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:32,035
Oh, good luck finding
something you haven't done.
182
00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:35,497
Never have I ever
eaten cat treats
183
00:07:35,497 --> 00:07:37,248
because I was curious.
184
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:40,543
I knew it!
(all laughing)
185
00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:42,671
Tammy, go.
186
00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:45,131
No, no, I want to go again.
187
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:47,133
Never have I ever
188
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:49,552
killed something I was
supposed to be taking care of.
189
00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:51,388
I forgot to water
your ficus. Get over it.
190
00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:54,641
All 73 of your cats
were still alive, weren't they?
191
00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:58,895
What'd you kill,
someone's buzz?
192
00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:00,230
No.
193
00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:01,856
A man.
194
00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:03,316
TAMMY, BONNIE AND MARJORIE:
What?
Wait,
195
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:04,943
did this just segue
into Murder Mystery?
196
00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:07,445
Because I did not
authorize that.
197
00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:10,031
Last week,
I had two patients in the ER
198
00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:11,741
and only one ICU bed.
199
00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:14,494
I advocated for one guy
over the other,
200
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,454
so the doctor took him first.
201
00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:18,581
By the time we found a bed,
202
00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:20,375
the other patient had died.
203
00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:22,669
Oh, sweetie, that's
not your fault.
204
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,546
You're a nurse. You
have to prioritize
205
00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:26,423
based on who needs it more.
206
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:28,675
But I'm not sure I did.
207
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,927
The other guy was rude to me.
208
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,848
I'm worried
that I was playing God.
209
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:39,644
No. You just have
a really tough job.
210
00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:41,896
You didn't kill
anybody. My dad,
211
00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:43,565
on the other hand...
New game. New game, Jill.
212
00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:45,859
(clears throat) Yeah. Okay.
This one's my favorite.
213
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:48,820
Tammy, you breathe really fast
until you get light-headed,
214
00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:50,947
and the rest of us will push
on your chest till you pass out.
215
00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:52,240
It's called Pass Out.
216
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,325
As a medical
professional,
217
00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:56,286
I am not sure I
can allow this.
218
00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:58,788
As a sober person,
I don't think it's a good idea.
219
00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:01,166
Aw. I can't drink.
I can't do drugs.
220
00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:03,793
Now I can't even have people
cut off my air supply for fun?
221
00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:05,378
Damn it.
222
00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:11,676
All right, ladies,
welcome to Sex Bucket.
223
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:12,677
(all laugh)
224
00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:14,012
This contains the names
225
00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:15,764
of the men
from our Wednesday meeting.
226
00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:18,141
When it is your turn,
you will pick two names
227
00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:20,101
and choose the one
you would sleep with.
BONNIE: Oh!
228
00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:21,102
WENDY:
Ah.
Birthday girl?
229
00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:22,353
Ooh, all right.
230
00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:24,147
(clears throat)
Let's see.
231
00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:26,399
Vigorous Handshake Dave...
232
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,318
(all laugh)
...versus
233
00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:29,736
Paul the Veteran.
234
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,738
Ooh.
Ooh, that's tricky. Oh.
235
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:33,406
I choose Paul.
Don't love the beard,
236
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:34,991
but thank you for your service.
237
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,326
(all laugh)
238
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,411
Okay. My turn, my turn.
Okay.
239
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,038
All righty.
240
00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:44,000
Angry Mark
the Meditation Teacher...
241
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,627
Uh-huh.
242
00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:47,212
...or Tight Jeans Tom.
243
00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:48,713
TAMMY:
Hmm.
Oh, I don't know.
244
00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:49,547
Just pick one.
245
00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:50,924
I prefer Tom,
246
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,842
but there's a lot
of self-adjusting.
247
00:09:52,842 --> 00:09:54,803
This isn't real.
248
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:56,471
That doesn't mean
it couldn't lead to something.
249
00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:58,598
Okay, part of what makes
this game fun is pace.
250
00:09:58,598 --> 00:09:59,974
Marjorie, go.
251
00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:01,684
I don't want to
play this game.
252
00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:03,394
If we as women
want to be treated
253
00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:04,979
with respect and dignity,
254
00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:07,315
we shouldn't be sitting here
objectifying men.
255
00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:10,360
(scoffs) We're only
objectifying the hot ones.
256
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:14,155
Well done.
You ruined Sex Bucket.
257
00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:16,074
Next game, Jill.
258
00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:17,450
All right. Truth or Dare.
259
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,494
Love it!
I'll go first. Dare.
260
00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:22,080
I have one.
261
00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:26,417
(clears throat)
262
00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:28,169
Hello.
263
00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:30,630
I would like to buy
one packet of condoms--
264
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,507
your smallest size--
265
00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:35,635
and every flavor of Slim Jim.
266
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:38,721
And also,
I would like to tell you this.
267
00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:48,314
♪ You make me feel ♪
268
00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:53,027
♪ You make me feel like ♪
269
00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:56,114
♪ A natural ♪
270
00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:58,032
♪ Woman ♪
271
00:10:58,032 --> 00:11:00,076
♪ Woman! ♪
272
00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:01,953
(laughter)
273
00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:04,664
All right, ring it up.
Let's end this nightmare.
274
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,544
♪ ♪
275
00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:13,214
(whooping, laughter,
indistinct chatter)
276
00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:15,675
All right,
you can take it off now.
277
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,427
(phone ringing)
278
00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:19,721
Oh, God.
279
00:11:19,721 --> 00:11:21,514
Is that your dad?
No, it's this guy
280
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:24,601
who works at Home Depot--
he likes to talk dirty to me.
281
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:27,604
Hey, Steve.
I got to call you back.
282
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:29,564
No, you're a whore.
Gotta go.
283
00:11:31,983 --> 00:11:34,944
Okay, Jill, your turn.
Truth or dare?
284
00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:36,863
Um, truth, please.
285
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:39,490
How many times a week
do you and Andy have sex?
286
00:11:40,491 --> 00:11:42,243
12 to 15.
287
00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:44,245
Oh, my God!
Seriously?
You lie!
288
00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:46,497
I don't even have sex
12 times a year.
289
00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:50,960
You could at least pretend
to be surprised.
290
00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:54,130
Wait. Don't
you get bored?
291
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:57,050
Nah. We mix it up
with toys and role play.
292
00:11:57,050 --> 00:12:00,219
My favorite is "upscale Realtor
at a very open house."
293
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:01,679
BONNIE:
Mmm.
294
00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:03,348
My mom was a Realtor.
295
00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:05,892
She used to let me stick
the signs in the lawn.
296
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:08,186
(clicks tongue)
I'd forgotten about that.
297
00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:09,771
Nice work, Jill.
298
00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:12,732
How was I supposed to know?
299
00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:15,652
Pillow fight!
300
00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:18,071
(laughter, indistinct shouts)
301
00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:22,700
Whoa!
302
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,827
Whoa. Whoa.
303
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:26,829
(panting)
304
00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:28,581
(grunts)
305
00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:36,631
What's wrong with you?
306
00:12:36,631 --> 00:12:39,676
What do you mean?
She was whaling on me!
307
00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:41,678
Yeah, but you
really crossed a line.
308
00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:44,389
We don't hit our elders.
They're brittle.
309
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:46,683
You know what?
Screw you guys.
310
00:12:51,354 --> 00:12:52,647
(door slams)
311
00:12:52,647 --> 00:12:54,691
(Marjorie sobbing)
312
00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:59,028
Don't worry, it's
not a slumber party
313
00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:01,197
till somebody cries.
314
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:02,365
♪ ♪
315
00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:08,204
Well, this party
just went off a cliff.
316
00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:09,580
No, it's okay.
317
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:12,000
This is the part
where we pick sides.
318
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,043
We're not 12.
We're not picking sides.
319
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:15,795
I'm gonna go check on Bonnie.
320
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,797
I'll check on Marjorie.
321
00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:22,093
Well, we just picked sides,
but okay.
322
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:27,390
Bonnie makes me angry
in a way no one else can.
323
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:29,726
Maybe I hit her too hard
with the pillow,
324
00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:32,895
but a woman
can only take so much.
325
00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:36,315
Marjorie, it isn't safe
to eat raw cookie dough.
326
00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:39,193
Seriously?
327
00:13:39,193 --> 00:13:41,195
You're worried
about cookie dough?
328
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:43,823
I used to huff bug spray.
329
00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:47,076
I'm sorry that tonight
got messed up.
330
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:49,287
I just wanted to keep
your mind off your dad.
331
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:51,330
It did. A little.
332
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:52,749
Not at all.
333
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:54,375
But I appreciate it.
334
00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:56,961
I honestly don't know
what I'm gonna do if he calls.
335
00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:59,797
Well, whatever you
decide, I got your back.
And I got yours.
336
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:01,549
Good. 'Cause what
do you want to bet
337
00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:03,885
Marjorie's out there talking
smack about me right now?
338
00:14:03,885 --> 00:14:05,344
No, she's not.
339
00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:07,180
Yes, she is.
(chuckles)
340
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,182
Sorry, I've been
spying on both sides.
341
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,933
Well, come on in.
Okay.
342
00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:13,352
This is really turning out
to be a great slumber party.
343
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:15,396
I was worried without wine
coolers and boys sneaking in,
344
00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:16,981
it was gonna suck.
345
00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:18,775
Well, I'm beginning
to think that getting
346
00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:20,359
a bunch of alcoholics together
to act like teenagers
347
00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:21,152
was a bad idea.
348
00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:22,570
So what now?
349
00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:24,030
Well, Bonnie's
got to go out there
350
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:25,490
and beg
for Marjorie's forgiveness,
351
00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:27,366
and then when Marjorie
goes to sleep,
352
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:30,661
we have to put her hand in
hot water so she pees herself.
353
00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:32,789
Your call, big sauce.
354
00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:34,415
Well, that's pretty immature.
355
00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:36,084
I love it.
Aah!
356
00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:37,919
Oops. I'm sorry.
357
00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:41,589
What's going on?
358
00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:43,299
I'm calling an Uber
and going home.
359
00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:44,842
Pissed off and
leaving early?
360
00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:46,803
For women who have never
been to a slumber party,
361
00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:48,304
you're sure checking
all the boxes.
362
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:49,847
Oh, come on.
363
00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:51,766
Can't we just let this go
and have some fun?
364
00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:54,727
How about you dare me
to go to Jiffy Lube
365
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,312
and say I didn't know
it was for cars?
366
00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:59,315
Tammy,
I'll bake you a cake tomorrow
367
00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:00,900
and we'll celebrate.
368
00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:05,196
Actually,
I think I'm gonna go, too.
369
00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:07,115
Maybe we should
just call it a night.
370
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:10,284
We haven't even talked anybody
into cutting their hair yet.
371
00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:11,911
Nobody is going anywhere.
372
00:15:13,371 --> 00:15:15,414
Hey!
I don't want to
hear it, Bonnie.
373
00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:16,833
What is wrong with you?
374
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,709
Why are you being
such a grouchy, grumpy,
375
00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:21,254
grocery-store-cake-buying
sourpuss?
376
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,589
My doctor told me
377
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:25,758
that I have something wrong
with my heart.
378
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:26,968
I love you so much.
379
00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:29,053
You have to live forever.
380
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:33,266
Put your meat sticks down.
381
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:35,143
Marjorie needs a
heart transplant.
382
00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:38,688
No. It's nothing
like that.
383
00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:42,024
(sighs) I need a stent
put in my existing heart.
384
00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:44,443
Oh, my God.
That's so awful.
385
00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:47,488
But still, that was no excuse
for hitting you like that.
386
00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:49,323
Bonnie, I'm sorry.
387
00:15:49,323 --> 00:15:52,160
I guess I just didn't
realize how afraid I am.
388
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,828
I forgive you. And I
won't make you pee yourself
389
00:15:53,828 --> 00:15:54,912
when you fall asleep.
390
00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:56,622
What?
What?
391
00:15:57,373 --> 00:15:59,250
Why didn't you
tell us?
392
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:01,419
'Cause it's Tammy's birthday--
I didn't want to ruin it.
393
00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:03,045
Honestly, there's
no ruining it.
394
00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:05,381
I've been freaked out
myself all night long.
395
00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:08,217
Every time my phone makes
a noise, my heart stops.
396
00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:09,677
Sorry, Marjorie.
397
00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:12,388
New game.
398
00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:14,390
It's okay, Jill--
that ship has sailed.
399
00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:16,017
Nope. This one's called
Fear Bucket.
400
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:17,518
I just made it up.
401
00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:20,771
Ah. These were for Pictionary,
but I'm gonna pivot.
402
00:16:20,771 --> 00:16:22,815
Write down your deepest fears,
403
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:25,735
and we are gonna set 'em on fire
so they lose their power.
404
00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:28,404
Be honest.
405
00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:30,698
And they can't all be: "I'm
afraid Marjorie's gonna die."
406
00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:34,493
♪ ♪
407
00:16:37,371 --> 00:16:39,707
"I'm afraid of making
a mistake at work
408
00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:41,375
and hurting someone."
409
00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:44,503
"I'm afraid
410
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:47,089
"if I don't take my dad's
call, I'm gonna regret it,
411
00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:49,425
"and I'm afraid if
I answer the call,
412
00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:52,094
I'll be betraying
my mother."
413
00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:55,723
"I'm afraid Andy and I
are having so much sex
414
00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:58,893
because we have nothing
to talk about."
415
00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:02,480
"I'm afraid I'm not
going to get to see
416
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:03,981
my granddaughter
grow up."
417
00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:08,194
"I'm afraid of spiders."
418
00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:12,782
"I'm afraid the people
in this group
419
00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:14,408
don't know
how much I love them."
420
00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:15,993
Aw...
421
00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:18,204
Shut up. I meant
to write spiders.
(laughs)
422
00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:21,499
Is it just me, or
is this the best game
we've played all night?
423
00:17:21,499 --> 00:17:23,376
I loved it.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
424
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,962
(Southern accent):
We should put some hot dogs
on them fears.
425
00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:27,421
(laughter)
426
00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:29,674
(phone ringing)
427
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:33,552
It's him. I still
don't know what to do.
428
00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:34,512
Got your back.
429
00:17:34,512 --> 00:17:36,722
(takes deep breath)
430
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:37,974
Hello?
431
00:17:37,974 --> 00:17:39,934
Yes, I'll accept the call.
432
00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:43,604
Yeah. Hi.
433
00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:45,940
(exhales)
Well, I wasn't gonna,
434
00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:47,942
but here I am.
435
00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:49,860
So...
436
00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:53,197
what's new with you?
437
00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:55,408
Really? I'm sober, too.
438
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:58,494
Yeah, almost
three years, yeah.
439
00:17:58,494 --> 00:18:01,247
Wow, that's a long time.
440
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:03,291
Good for you.
441
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,502
Look, um...
442
00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:10,881
I'm with my friends, so I can't
really talk right now, but...
443
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:14,677
(choked up): thank you
for remembering my birthday.
444
00:18:14,677 --> 00:18:16,429
Okay, bye.
445
00:18:18,681 --> 00:18:20,725
(laughs)
446
00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:22,768
♪ ♪
447
00:18:27,982 --> 00:18:31,527
(groans) My back is gonna
hate me in the morning.
448
00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:33,946
My left ass cheek is
totally numb.
449
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:36,532
We may be too old
to sleep on the floor.
450
00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:38,576
Why does Marjorie
get the couch?
451
00:18:38,576 --> 00:18:40,494
(quietly):
Because she's dying.
452
00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:45,583
I'm not dying and I'm not deaf.
453
00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:47,793
Although lately
I've been having trouble
454
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:49,837
in noisy restaurants.
455
00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:52,506
Guys, it's
almost 4:00 a.m.
456
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:54,258
We've got
to go to sleep.
457
00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:57,386
Jill's right. We're gonna be
so cranky in the morning.
458
00:18:57,386 --> 00:19:00,181
Thanks for the best
birthday ever, you guys.
459
00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:05,394
Good night.
Night.
Good night.
460
00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:08,606
(ringtone playing)
461
00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:11,484
Unbelievable.
462
00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:14,028
Hi, Christy.
463
00:19:14,028 --> 00:19:15,988
No. I'm up.
464
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,100
How's it going, honey?
33162
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