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1
00:00:00,250 --> 00:00:01,580
Previously on Mom...
2
00:00:01,580 --> 00:00:03,830
I just got a text from my son.
3
00:00:03,830 --> 00:00:05,210
He hasn't spoken to me in years.
4
00:00:05,210 --> 00:00:07,880
I chose booze over my own son.
5
00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:09,840
Marjorie would love to babysit.
6
00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:11,340
Well, that's too bad.
7
00:00:11,340 --> 00:00:13,090
She's made her choices,
and I've made mine.
8
00:00:13,090 --> 00:00:15,180
Jerry decided that
he wants his daughter
9
00:00:15,180 --> 00:00:17,010
to have a relationship
with her grandma.
10
00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:19,680
Hey.
Hey.
11
00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,020
Your husband's a dick.
12
00:00:22,020 --> 00:00:24,020
Fine. And you?
13
00:00:25,020 --> 00:00:26,440
Out of nowhere, Adam said
14
00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:27,940
I'm not allowed in
his office anymore.
15
00:00:27,940 --> 00:00:30,070
Well, he is a little funny
about his privacy.
16
00:00:30,070 --> 00:00:32,070
You know I'm not allowed
in his jacket pockets?
17
00:00:32,070 --> 00:00:34,070
We're married,
and I can't have a Tic Tac?
18
00:00:34,070 --> 00:00:35,870
Hmm.
Or a twenty.
19
00:00:35,870 --> 00:00:37,870
I've worked at the
bar for over a year.
20
00:00:37,870 --> 00:00:39,910
Obviously, it's 'cause
I'm an ex-con.
21
00:00:39,910 --> 00:00:41,540
You want me to talk
to him for you?
22
00:00:41,540 --> 00:00:43,750
I'll probably forget,
but I'm happy to offer.
No.
23
00:00:43,750 --> 00:00:45,420
I'm just gonna act
like I'm over it,
24
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:46,960
and really resent him
behind his back.
25
00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:48,540
That's what I do.
Mm.
26
00:00:49,420 --> 00:00:50,760
Thank you, Ginny.
27
00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:52,420
This is perfect.
28
00:00:52,420 --> 00:00:54,050
What's with the
baby bouncer?
29
00:00:54,050 --> 00:00:56,260
Is Majorie treating her
cats like people again?
30
00:00:56,260 --> 00:00:59,310
I mean, the stroller was
embarrassing enough.
31
00:00:59,310 --> 00:01:01,770
She's babysitting
her granddaughter tomorrow.
32
00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:03,060
That's huge!
33
00:01:03,060 --> 00:01:04,600
How come nobody told me?
34
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,770
She did tell you.
She told all of us.
35
00:01:06,770 --> 00:01:09,610
Yeah, we talked about it
for most of lunch the other day.
36
00:01:09,610 --> 00:01:11,440
Well, I must've been
in the bathroom.
37
00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:14,950
No, you were there, and
engaged in the conversation.
38
00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:16,910
Really?
Yeah, you told her
you didn't think
39
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,240
she was ready for it.
40
00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:20,080
Then you ate my fries,
and told Wendy
41
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,250
her blouse was sadder
than The Notebook.
42
00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:24,960
Oh. That sounds like me.
43
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:26,500
Look what Ginny lent me.
44
00:01:26,500 --> 00:01:27,960
I know, because
you're babysitting
45
00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:29,750
your granddaughter
tomorrow. I remember.
46
00:01:29,750 --> 00:01:32,630
How? You weren't even
at lunch when I told everybody.
47
00:01:32,630 --> 00:01:35,430
You are both mean.
48
00:01:37,340 --> 00:01:39,930
(quietly):
Ooh. I had so much fun
messing with her head.
49
00:01:39,930 --> 00:01:41,510
Can we make that
a new thing?
50
00:01:41,510 --> 00:01:42,930
Let's make that
our new thing.
51
00:01:42,930 --> 00:01:46,100
Oh, you don't have much
going on, do you?
52
00:01:58,310 --> 00:01:59,900
Okay, uh, we both have
our cell phones,
53
00:01:59,900 --> 00:02:03,490
but just in case, I'm sending
you the numbers to the church,
54
00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:05,320
the reception hall
and the bride and groom.
55
00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:06,910
Please don't call
the bride and groom.
56
00:02:06,910 --> 00:02:08,660
I won't.
(Sophia babbles)
57
00:02:08,660 --> 00:02:11,830
Don't worry.
Sophia and I are gonna be fine.
58
00:02:11,830 --> 00:02:13,370
Hear that?
Let's go.
I just...
59
00:02:13,370 --> 00:02:15,210
I want to cover everything
in the diaper bag.
60
00:02:15,210 --> 00:02:18,170
Let's go. I haven't had
a drink in 17 months.
61
00:02:18,170 --> 00:02:21,670
If we're bragging,
I haven't had one in 38 years.
62
00:02:21,670 --> 00:02:23,210
Should we leave her
the car seat?
63
00:02:23,210 --> 00:02:25,170
Actually, I bought one.
64
00:02:25,170 --> 00:02:26,510
Oh, all right.
65
00:02:26,510 --> 00:02:28,340
Uh, well, then
let me double-check it
66
00:02:28,340 --> 00:02:31,220
'cause 74% of car seats
are installed wrong.
67
00:02:31,220 --> 00:02:33,520
I had it installed
at the fire station.
68
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:35,230
We didn't
even do that.
69
00:02:35,230 --> 00:02:36,520
Thank you,
Marjorie.
70
00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:38,020
Mm-hmm.
(gasps)
71
00:02:38,020 --> 00:02:41,360
Goodbye, smushie.
I love you so much.
72
00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:42,570
Jerry, get in the car.
73
00:02:42,570 --> 00:02:43,860
Okay.
74
00:02:43,860 --> 00:02:45,740
Have a nice time.
75
00:02:47,740 --> 00:02:49,570
Okay.
76
00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:53,200
You and Grandma
are gonna have fun today.
77
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:55,250
Let me show you around my house.
78
00:02:55,250 --> 00:02:57,410
Okay, this is the kitchen,
79
00:02:57,410 --> 00:03:01,080
and this is the living room.
80
00:03:02,540 --> 00:03:05,710
And that's cat barf
I just stepped in.
81
00:03:05,710 --> 00:03:08,090
Oh, which one of you did this?
82
00:03:08,090 --> 00:03:11,430
We're gonna have
to interrogate the cats.
83
00:03:13,050 --> 00:03:15,100
Thank you so much.
84
00:03:15,100 --> 00:03:17,930
I've never seen
Boz Scaggs this sick.
85
00:03:17,930 --> 00:03:22,110
All right, so, Dr. Feeny doesn't
work on the weekends, so,
86
00:03:22,110 --> 00:03:24,650
if they say that
it's his liver, it's not.
87
00:03:24,650 --> 00:03:26,400
Those enzymes
are always elevated.
88
00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:29,780
And if they try to give him
amoxicillin, that is a big "no."
89
00:03:29,780 --> 00:03:31,070
Marjorie?
90
00:03:31,070 --> 00:03:32,410
Mm. You're right.
91
00:03:32,410 --> 00:03:34,120
You can handle it.
92
00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:36,410
Actually, I was gonna
say I can't handle it.
93
00:03:37,660 --> 00:03:39,460
How about I stay
here with the baby,
94
00:03:39,460 --> 00:03:41,290
and you take the
cat to the vet?
95
00:03:41,290 --> 00:03:44,840
No. This is the first time
my son is leaving her with me,
96
00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:46,300
and if anything happened...
Hey.
97
00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:48,590
I kept two kids alive.
98
00:03:48,590 --> 00:03:51,300
They're not really talking
to me, but they're alive.
99
00:03:51,300 --> 00:03:53,430
(Boz Scaggs yowls)
Okay.
100
00:03:53,430 --> 00:03:54,930
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
101
00:03:54,930 --> 00:03:57,140
I'll be right back.
102
00:03:57,140 --> 00:03:58,930
Call me if you need me.
103
00:03:58,930 --> 00:04:00,600
Oh, oh, oh, I'm
blocking you in.
104
00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:02,310
Here. Oh, just take my car.
105
00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:03,980
Oh.
106
00:04:05,610 --> 00:04:07,610
You know we'll never be able
to do that again.
107
00:04:07,610 --> 00:04:09,940
Why would we need to?
108
00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:14,030
Bye, Sophia.
109
00:04:14,030 --> 00:04:15,990
Hi.
110
00:04:15,990 --> 00:04:17,870
(laughs)
111
00:04:17,870 --> 00:04:20,460
My name is Christy,
and I'm an alcoholic
112
00:04:20,460 --> 00:04:22,960
and a gambler
and a natural blonde.
113
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:24,460
(laughs)
114
00:04:24,460 --> 00:04:26,500
Two truths and a lie.
115
00:04:28,340 --> 00:04:30,800
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Have you seen this one?
116
00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:34,050
Wait. Where'd I go?
117
00:04:34,050 --> 00:04:35,470
Here I am!
118
00:04:36,470 --> 00:04:38,060
(sneezes)
119
00:04:39,350 --> 00:04:40,850
Oh. Oh, no, no.
120
00:04:40,850 --> 00:04:42,850
Don't-don't worry.
I'm not sick.
121
00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:46,020
I'm just very allergic to
kittens, and like a silly willy,
122
00:04:46,020 --> 00:04:49,190
I forgot to bring my medication.
(laughs)
123
00:04:49,190 --> 00:04:50,690
Oh. Mm.
124
00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:52,150
(Sophia laughs)
125
00:04:52,150 --> 00:04:54,860
Oh, you like that?
126
00:04:54,860 --> 00:04:58,200
(laughing)
127
00:04:58,200 --> 00:04:59,660
Yeah.
128
00:04:59,660 --> 00:05:01,040
Ooh. Wait.
129
00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:02,330
(laughing)
130
00:05:02,330 --> 00:05:04,330
Yeah. Uh-huh.
131
00:05:05,500 --> 00:05:08,000
Ah.
(laughing)
132
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:11,550
(sniffs, sighs)
133
00:05:11,550 --> 00:05:14,840
Uh-oh. All gone. (laughs)
134
00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:16,090
(crying)
135
00:05:16,090 --> 00:05:17,930
Oh, no. No, don't cry.
Don't cry.
136
00:05:17,930 --> 00:05:19,220
There's another box.
137
00:05:19,220 --> 00:05:20,520
(laughs)
138
00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:21,730
No, there isn't.
139
00:05:21,730 --> 00:05:23,020
(crying)
140
00:05:23,020 --> 00:05:24,350
Uh, um... Ah!
141
00:05:24,350 --> 00:05:26,230
Ha. We'll start over.
142
00:05:26,230 --> 00:05:27,560
Mm. Yeah.
(crying continues)
143
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,020
Ooh. Ah.
144
00:05:29,020 --> 00:05:30,860
(cries loudly)
145
00:05:30,860 --> 00:05:34,860
Come on. It's the same thing
we've been doing for an hour.
146
00:05:34,860 --> 00:05:37,410
Or ten minutes.
Oh, my God.
147
00:05:37,410 --> 00:05:39,410
(sneezes)
148
00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:42,540
Ugh. Ah.
149
00:05:42,540 --> 00:05:44,960
All right, I got what I need.
150
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:46,460
(sniffles)
151
00:05:46,460 --> 00:05:49,540
Ah. Oh, look.
It's our favorite game. (laughs)
152
00:05:49,540 --> 00:05:50,750
(sniffles)
153
00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:52,050
Ah.
154
00:05:54,220 --> 00:05:57,050
Oh, no. That's my mean
law school professor.
155
00:05:57,050 --> 00:05:58,720
(sniffles)
156
00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:01,060
Well, they're all mean,
but she makes the boys cry.
157
00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:05,390
Let's pretend to look
at the stool softener.
158
00:06:05,390 --> 00:06:07,230
Mm-hmm.
Excuse me.
159
00:06:07,230 --> 00:06:09,270
Aren't you in my
administrative law class?
160
00:06:09,270 --> 00:06:10,900
Ah. (sniffles)
161
00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:13,230
Professor Winslow,
I-I didn't see you.
162
00:06:13,230 --> 00:06:14,610
Yes. (sniffles)
163
00:06:14,610 --> 00:06:16,110
You look awful.
164
00:06:16,110 --> 00:06:18,780
Thank you.
165
00:06:18,780 --> 00:06:21,240
I didn't realize
you had a baby.
166
00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:25,410
If I'd done law school
with a baby, I'd be dead.
167
00:06:25,410 --> 00:06:27,620
Oh, well, no, she's not...
168
00:06:27,620 --> 00:06:29,630
Well...
169
00:06:29,630 --> 00:06:31,800
it is hard.
170
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:33,760
So this is why
171
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:37,090
you're always late and
distracted and unprepared?
172
00:06:37,090 --> 00:06:40,180
That's what you get
for trying to have it all.
173
00:06:41,850 --> 00:06:43,930
Well, I didn't realize
what you were dealing with.
174
00:06:43,930 --> 00:06:46,810
But I'm gonna be more
patient with your mommy
175
00:06:46,810 --> 00:06:49,310
now that I realize
why she's such a mess.
176
00:06:51,110 --> 00:06:52,360
Hang in there.
177
00:06:53,820 --> 00:06:55,280
I will!
178
00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:57,490
(laughs, sniffles)
179
00:06:57,490 --> 00:07:00,620
Where was this treatment when
I got pregnant in high school?
180
00:07:04,370 --> 00:07:07,330
Got your text.
What's going on?
181
00:07:07,330 --> 00:07:10,880
(sighs)
I thought I was having
an allergy attack,
182
00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:12,880
but I think
I'm coming down with something.
183
00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,510
(sniffles) You can't catch
anything from a cat, right?
184
00:07:15,510 --> 00:07:17,970
What were you doing with it?
185
00:07:17,970 --> 00:07:20,970
Just take over with the baby.
All right.
186
00:07:20,970 --> 00:07:22,220
All right, step aside.
187
00:07:22,220 --> 00:07:24,220
Let me show you
how this is done.
188
00:07:24,220 --> 00:07:26,520
40 years late, but okay.
189
00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:29,810
Hey, I did something
190
00:07:29,810 --> 00:07:32,150
morally questionable.
191
00:07:32,150 --> 00:07:34,320
Is this about the cat again?
192
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:37,360
I ran into my professor
at the pharmacy
193
00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:39,650
and let her believe
Sophia's my baby,
194
00:07:39,650 --> 00:07:42,160
and now she thinks
I have a super hard life,
195
00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:43,870
and she's gonna give
me special treatment.
196
00:07:43,870 --> 00:07:46,700
Hit me with
the morally questionable part.
197
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:49,000
That's it. I lied to her.
198
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:50,580
First of all, that sounds
like a lie of omission,
199
00:07:50,580 --> 00:07:52,210
and nobody counts those.
200
00:07:52,210 --> 00:07:54,040
But more importantly,
your life is hard.
201
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:55,840
Yeah, but I don't
have a baby.
202
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:57,260
So your life is hard
in different ways.
203
00:07:57,260 --> 00:08:00,380
You've got, like, 27 addictions
and 12 jobs.
204
00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:02,390
Okay, it's only
two addictions.
205
00:08:02,390 --> 00:08:04,550
That we know about.
206
00:08:04,550 --> 00:08:06,890
Honey, your life is a crapfest
207
00:08:06,890 --> 00:08:10,390
wrapped in a nightmare
on top of a dumpster fire.
208
00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:13,900
Great. Now
I'm sick and sad.
209
00:08:13,900 --> 00:08:15,270
(sniffles)
210
00:08:15,270 --> 00:08:17,440
Marjorie has my car.
Give me your keys.
211
00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:19,570
Don't wreck my car.
(groans)
212
00:08:19,570 --> 00:08:22,200
Don't leave her
in a basket at the laundromat.
213
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:24,410
Oh, come on! Aren't we laughing
about that yet?
214
00:08:24,410 --> 00:08:26,410
We are not.
215
00:08:27,410 --> 00:08:30,250
We can laugh about it.
216
00:08:30,250 --> 00:08:33,420
Okay, we've been through
all your grandma's
217
00:08:33,420 --> 00:08:35,420
drawers and closets,
218
00:08:35,420 --> 00:08:38,550
so we're officially
out of things to do.
219
00:08:38,550 --> 00:08:40,420
Mm.
220
00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:44,930
By the way, women's underpants
don't all look like that.
221
00:08:44,930 --> 00:08:47,100
But if you're curious
about how people dressed
222
00:08:47,100 --> 00:08:49,270
in pioneer days, you're welcome.
223
00:08:49,270 --> 00:08:51,730
(Bonnie chuckles)
224
00:08:53,810 --> 00:08:55,900
♪ Ooh, do-do-do,
doo-dee, boo. ♪
225
00:08:55,900 --> 00:08:58,110
What to do?
226
00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:03,150
See, this is what we needed.
227
00:09:03,150 --> 00:09:06,950
A little fresh air,
change of scenery.
228
00:09:06,950 --> 00:09:08,620
Ah, look!
229
00:09:08,620 --> 00:09:10,620
I got hammered at that winery.
230
00:09:11,620 --> 00:09:13,960
And that one.
231
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:17,420
Ooh, did coke behind that one
with a gentleman in long boots.
232
00:09:17,420 --> 00:09:19,090
(laughs)
233
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:22,920
Don't look at me
with that judgy face.
234
00:09:24,510 --> 00:09:27,680
Damn, it's so adorable. Hmm.
235
00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:30,430
I should have spent more time
looking at Christy's face
236
00:09:30,430 --> 00:09:32,480
when she was a baby.
237
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:34,770
I bet it was cute.
238
00:09:34,770 --> 00:09:37,310
Ah, gettin' sad.
239
00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:39,270
Let's crank some tunes.
240
00:09:39,270 --> 00:09:41,110
(Gloria Stefan and Miami Sound
Machine's "Conga" plays)
241
00:09:41,110 --> 00:09:42,690
Ooh!
♪ Do the conga ♪
242
00:09:42,690 --> 00:09:44,700
♪ No, you can't
control your body any longer ♪
243
00:09:44,700 --> 00:09:47,200
♪ Hoop-ah, ta-ta, ta-ta,
da-da, bah-boo ♪
244
00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:48,990
♪ Bah, dee-dee-dee,
do the bomba ♪
245
00:09:48,990 --> 00:09:51,160
(trills loudly)
246
00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:53,120
Yeah! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. Oh!
247
00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:54,830
(instrumental interlude plays)
248
00:09:54,830 --> 00:09:57,210
Oh! Aw, damn!
249
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,550
Oh.
250
00:10:02,550 --> 00:10:05,300
(fake cries)
251
00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:08,300
You feel like
helping me change a tire?
252
00:10:09,890 --> 00:10:12,140
Don't pretend to be asleep.
253
00:10:20,980 --> 00:10:22,230
(sighs)
254
00:10:24,030 --> 00:10:26,530
Are you kidding me?
255
00:10:26,530 --> 00:10:29,160
(sighs)
Great, Marjorie, no spare tire,
256
00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:32,660
but you got
an emergency Christmas sweater.
257
00:10:35,750 --> 00:10:37,540
(handle clacking)
258
00:10:37,540 --> 00:10:39,330
Oh, no.
259
00:10:39,330 --> 00:10:40,540
No, no.
260
00:10:40,540 --> 00:10:41,920
No, no, no, no, no, no.
261
00:10:43,550 --> 00:10:45,380
Oh.
262
00:10:45,380 --> 00:10:47,050
Sophia?
263
00:10:47,050 --> 00:10:49,010
See the little button?
264
00:10:49,010 --> 00:10:50,550
Open the door.
265
00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:52,260
Do you know "open"?
266
00:10:52,260 --> 00:10:53,510
Waah!
267
00:10:53,510 --> 00:10:55,720
Oh. Don't laugh at me.
268
00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:58,190
I'm trying to help you.
269
00:10:58,190 --> 00:11:01,560
Oh, no. Oh, my God,
I'm failing another baby.
270
00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:03,190
Okay, don't panic.
271
00:11:03,190 --> 00:11:05,530
Just think. Just think.
272
00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:12,740
Bad idea.
273
00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:15,410
Look at me know it's a bad idea
before I did it.
274
00:11:15,410 --> 00:11:16,700
Okay.
275
00:11:16,700 --> 00:11:17,910
Oh.
276
00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:23,710
Don't worry.
277
00:11:23,710 --> 00:11:26,960
Aunt Bonnie knows
how to break into cars.
278
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:30,090
Stop with the judgy face.
279
00:11:36,270 --> 00:11:38,390
(gasps)
Better.
280
00:11:40,770 --> 00:11:42,310
Yes!
281
00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:45,610
Here's Bonnie!
282
00:11:45,610 --> 00:11:47,570
(Bonnie giggles)
283
00:11:47,570 --> 00:11:49,400
Hey.
(chuckles)
284
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:50,900
Ooh.
285
00:11:52,450 --> 00:11:54,070
Hold on.
286
00:11:58,120 --> 00:11:59,960
I... am...
287
00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:01,750
amazing!
288
00:12:03,630 --> 00:12:05,420
And stuck in a trunk.
289
00:12:09,470 --> 00:12:13,800
♪ Row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream ♪
290
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:15,470
♪ Merrily, merrily, merri... ♪
291
00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:18,600
How the hell
did you manage this?
292
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:21,190
Why do you assume
it was my fault?
293
00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:29,690
Isn't this more fun than waiting
back there for a tow truck?
294
00:12:30,860 --> 00:12:33,320
(Looney Tunes music plays)
295
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,320
You are gonna love Bugs Bunny.
296
00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:38,200
I used to watch it all the time
when I was a kid.
297
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:40,500
And sometimes in college
when I was hi...
298
00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:42,330
hey, baby.
299
00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:45,130
(cartoon gunshots)
300
00:12:45,130 --> 00:12:46,960
Huh.
301
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:50,050
I don't remember them shooting
each other in the face so much.
302
00:12:50,050 --> 00:12:53,010
Oh, my God. He just picked
his mouth up off the floor
303
00:12:53,010 --> 00:12:54,510
and stuck it back on.
304
00:12:54,510 --> 00:12:57,140
I'm just gonna turn this off.
305
00:12:57,140 --> 00:12:58,510
(sighs)
306
00:12:58,510 --> 00:13:00,350
You are so sweet.
307
00:13:00,350 --> 00:13:01,810
And your skin is flawless.
308
00:13:01,810 --> 00:13:03,480
Do you have a specific routine,
309
00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:07,230
or is it just not having been
on Earth very long?
310
00:13:07,230 --> 00:13:10,230
You're right.
A lady never tells.
311
00:13:14,150 --> 00:13:16,160
(speaking baby talk)
312
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:20,200
Oh, I want one of you so bad.
313
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:34,910
Hey, ladies.
314
00:13:34,910 --> 00:13:37,410
Oh, Jill, you didn't
steal a baby.
315
00:13:37,410 --> 00:13:38,950
It's Marjorie's granddaughter,
316
00:13:38,950 --> 00:13:40,830
but I'm kind of pretending
like she's mine.
317
00:13:40,830 --> 00:13:43,170
Ooh, it's cold in here.
Could you hold her for a second
318
00:13:43,170 --> 00:13:44,420
while I grab her hat?
319
00:13:44,420 --> 00:13:46,290
Ugh, no.
Not a fan.
320
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:49,260
You're a nurse.
321
00:13:49,260 --> 00:13:51,420
Of adults.
322
00:13:51,420 --> 00:13:53,340
What is the matter with you?
323
00:13:53,340 --> 00:13:56,430
Babies are the most precious
things in the world.
324
00:13:57,430 --> 00:13:58,640
(sighs)
325
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:00,640
And I am never gonna have one.
326
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,440
Oh, you don't know that.
327
00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:04,690
It's starting to feel that way.
328
00:14:04,690 --> 00:14:06,310
(sighs)
329
00:14:06,310 --> 00:14:09,150
And I've been doing my best
to put on a brave face,
330
00:14:09,150 --> 00:14:11,860
but then this little bundle
of joy lands in my lap,
331
00:14:11,860 --> 00:14:13,950
and I can't hold it
together anymore.
332
00:14:13,950 --> 00:14:15,780
(sniffles)
333
00:14:15,780 --> 00:14:18,450
Can somebody please take the
baby so I could get her hat!
334
00:14:18,450 --> 00:14:19,700
You do it.
I don't know,
335
00:14:19,700 --> 00:14:21,830
I'm not really into babies.
336
00:14:21,830 --> 00:14:23,670
Look at the baby!
337
00:14:23,670 --> 00:14:26,000
(Tammy chuckles)
338
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,210
You don't think
she smells weird?
339
00:14:31,130 --> 00:14:34,010
I know I'm supposed to trust
that my higher power has a plan,
340
00:14:34,010 --> 00:14:35,800
but... I'm not really interested
341
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,640
if that plan doesn't
include me being a mother.
342
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:40,020
Aw.
343
00:14:41,980 --> 00:14:43,230
See?
344
00:14:43,230 --> 00:14:45,150
Adults I'm good with.
345
00:14:45,150 --> 00:14:46,480
(Sophia crying)
346
00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:48,860
Here. I'll
take her outside.
347
00:14:48,860 --> 00:14:50,480
No, you need to be
here more than me.
348
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:51,690
I was just gonna
bitch about Adam.
349
00:14:51,690 --> 00:14:53,530
You're having
a breakdown.
350
00:14:53,530 --> 00:14:55,990
(crying): But she could still be
my baby for a few more hours.
351
00:14:55,990 --> 00:14:58,370
Ooh. Yikes. Listen. Wendy,
you start the meeting.
352
00:14:58,370 --> 00:15:00,490
I'm gonna take her
back to Marjorie's.
Okay.
353
00:15:00,490 --> 00:15:02,870
Ugh. The little hands.
354
00:15:07,420 --> 00:15:09,250
Look at you so tiny.
355
00:15:09,250 --> 00:15:11,050
Just starting out.
356
00:15:11,050 --> 00:15:14,010
Good news:
it's a great time to be a woman.
357
00:15:14,010 --> 00:15:15,720
You can be fierce now.
358
00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:19,260
You don't have to take
C-R-A-P from anybody.
359
00:15:19,260 --> 00:15:21,390
You can speak your mind.
360
00:15:21,390 --> 00:15:24,560
You can tell a guy
when he's being a D-I-C-K.
361
00:15:26,350 --> 00:15:28,690
Know what?
We're gonna make one stop.
362
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:34,860
I quit.
What?
363
00:15:34,860 --> 00:15:36,700
Whose baby is that?
364
00:15:36,700 --> 00:15:38,620
Don't change the subject.
I can't work for someone
365
00:15:38,620 --> 00:15:40,120
who doesn't trust me.
366
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:41,870
Who doesn't trust you?
Whose baby is that?
367
00:15:41,870 --> 00:15:44,080
You don't trust me.
You banned me from your office.
368
00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:46,210
I mean, I get it.
Don't trust the ex-con.
369
00:15:46,210 --> 00:15:47,540
We don't deserve
a second chance.
370
00:15:47,540 --> 00:15:49,130
Why let us out at all?
371
00:15:49,130 --> 00:15:51,210
Okay, here's a little something
I learned at home.
372
00:15:51,210 --> 00:15:53,260
Do you need a meeting?
373
00:15:53,260 --> 00:15:54,920
Oh, 'cause I'm feeling
my feelings?
374
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:57,090
Tammy, I told everyone
to stay out of my office.
375
00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:58,390
You did?
Yeah.
376
00:15:58,390 --> 00:16:00,100
Why?
'Cause I don't trust Joe yet,
377
00:16:00,100 --> 00:16:02,260
and I didn't want
to single him out.
378
00:16:03,390 --> 00:16:05,270
Oh, yeah, Joe's super creepy.
379
00:16:05,270 --> 00:16:07,230
Why'd you hire him
in the first place?
380
00:16:07,230 --> 00:16:09,600
'Cause he's an ex-con, and
I'm trying to give him a break.
381
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:12,320
Oh. Well,
I feel a little foolish.
382
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,400
Do you want to un-quit?
383
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,280
Yes, please.
And now that I'm back,
Okay.
384
00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:20,280
can I get some
free employee wings?
385
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:21,780
(slurring):
Hello, baby.
386
00:16:24,740 --> 00:16:26,080
Never mind.
We're leaving.
387
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:27,290
Well...
388
00:16:27,290 --> 00:16:28,670
whose baby is that?
389
00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:32,590
We're home.
390
00:16:34,340 --> 00:16:35,760
Christy?
391
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:39,130
Sophia?
392
00:16:42,300 --> 00:16:43,640
Christy?
393
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:50,150
(ringtone playing)
394
00:16:51,770 --> 00:16:53,110
(groans softly)
395
00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:55,780
Hello?
396
00:16:55,780 --> 00:16:57,110
Where are you?
397
00:16:57,110 --> 00:16:58,610
I don't know.
398
00:16:58,610 --> 00:17:00,320
Where is Sophia?
399
00:17:01,610 --> 00:17:03,990
She's with my mom
at your house.
400
00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:06,790
I'm at my house.
No one's here.
401
00:17:06,790 --> 00:17:09,960
Hold on. I'll-I'll
conference her in.
402
00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:12,790
(ringtone plays)
403
00:17:12,790 --> 00:17:14,290
Go for Bonnie.
404
00:17:14,290 --> 00:17:15,550
Where are you?
405
00:17:15,550 --> 00:17:16,840
I'm on the side of the road
406
00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:18,510
watching Arlo change a tire.
407
00:17:18,510 --> 00:17:19,800
What?
What?
408
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:21,340
Where is the baby?
Hey, Marjorie.
409
00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:23,350
She's at your
house with Jill.
410
00:17:23,350 --> 00:17:26,060
I'm at my house.
There's no one here.
411
00:17:26,060 --> 00:17:28,140
Let me
conference her in.
412
00:17:28,140 --> 00:17:29,640
(phone rings)
413
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:30,980
Hello?
414
00:17:30,980 --> 00:17:32,650
Where are you?
Oh. Leaving a meeting.
415
00:17:32,650 --> 00:17:34,150
Where is my granddaughter?
416
00:17:34,150 --> 00:17:36,190
Well, Tammy brought her
back to your house,
417
00:17:36,190 --> 00:17:38,530
because I was having
a bit of a meltdown.
418
00:17:38,530 --> 00:17:40,200
No good comes from babies.
419
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:42,030
Tammy's not here.
420
00:17:42,030 --> 00:17:44,490
I'll conference her in.
421
00:17:44,490 --> 00:17:45,700
(phone rings)
422
00:17:45,700 --> 00:17:47,330
Hello?
423
00:17:47,330 --> 00:17:49,080
Where's Sophia?
Where are you?
Where's the baby?
424
00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:51,540
Is this a conference call?
I've never been on one of those.
425
00:17:51,540 --> 00:17:53,670
Just tell me
where you are.
426
00:17:53,670 --> 00:17:55,170
I'm in your living room.
427
00:17:55,170 --> 00:17:57,000
OTHERS:
No, you aren't!
No, you're not!
428
00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:58,840
Wait. Yes, you are.
429
00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:00,380
Goodbye.
430
00:18:01,380 --> 00:18:04,180
Oh... ah...
431
00:18:04,180 --> 00:18:08,180
There's my beautiful girl!
432
00:18:08,180 --> 00:18:09,680
She prefers "fierce woman."
433
00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:12,270
Also, if you blow on her belly,
she giggles.
434
00:18:12,270 --> 00:18:13,940
Then again, who doesn't?
435
00:18:18,780 --> 00:18:21,240
(doorbell rings)
436
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:24,070
Hi. How was the wedding?
437
00:18:24,070 --> 00:18:26,240
It was great.
Where's Sophia?
438
00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:28,030
Right there. Hi!
439
00:18:28,030 --> 00:18:30,370
We had the best time!
440
00:18:30,370 --> 00:18:34,080
We danced.
People filled my wineglass.
441
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:37,040
No one bit down on my nipple.
442
00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:39,420
Oh, I'm so glad.
443
00:18:39,420 --> 00:18:42,760
Sophia and I had a
wonderful day, too.
444
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:45,260
You know, I got to admit, I was
little nervous about this,
445
00:18:45,260 --> 00:18:46,550
but you really came through.
446
00:18:46,550 --> 00:18:48,930
You're the best.
Oh. (laughs)
447
00:18:48,930 --> 00:18:50,270
You really have changed.
448
00:18:50,270 --> 00:18:51,930
That means a lot.
449
00:18:51,930 --> 00:18:55,940
So, um, maybe we
can do this again sometime.
450
00:18:55,940 --> 00:18:57,900
I would love that.
I would love that.
451
00:18:59,900 --> 00:19:01,400
(sighs):
Okay.
452
00:19:04,740 --> 00:19:06,610
Jerry. Wait.
453
00:19:07,990 --> 00:19:09,280
Um...
454
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:11,410
I didn't exactly
do this alone today.
455
00:19:11,410 --> 00:19:14,620
Uh, I had to take
a sick cat to the vet,
456
00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:17,290
so I left Sophia
with Christy,
457
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:20,250
and then Christy
came down with a cold,
458
00:19:20,250 --> 00:19:23,630
so she gave Sophia
to her mom, and...
459
00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:25,630
Basically, everyone
on my speed dial
460
00:19:25,630 --> 00:19:28,640
took care
of your daughter today.
461
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:30,850
But I guarantee you
462
00:19:30,850 --> 00:19:32,470
she was safe and loved
463
00:19:32,470 --> 00:19:35,020
the entire time.
464
00:19:35,020 --> 00:19:37,100
Although she
did go to a bar
465
00:19:37,100 --> 00:19:39,270
and attend
her first AA meeting.
466
00:19:40,610 --> 00:19:42,610
(sighs)
467
00:19:42,610 --> 00:19:45,280
I-I can't believe
you told me all that.
468
00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:49,120
Well... it's just,
it took so long
469
00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:52,490
to get you back in my life--
I want to be completely honest.
470
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:55,960
I appreciate that.
471
00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,000
(softly):
Okay.
472
00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:59,790
Talk to you later, Mom.
473
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:06,220
(exhales)
474
00:20:10,350 --> 00:20:12,560
(ringtone plays)
475
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:14,180
(sniffs)
476
00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:15,520
Hello?
477
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:17,980
He called me Mom.
478
00:20:18,980 --> 00:20:20,230
Oh, my God.
479
00:20:20,230 --> 00:20:22,400
I'll conference everyone in!
32632
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