Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,730 --> 00:00:07,570
Did we just wake up
at the exact same time?
2
00:00:07,570 --> 00:00:08,800
I think we did.
3
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,940
(chuckles)
We are totally in sync,
4
00:00:10,940 --> 00:00:12,580
even when we're asleep.
5
00:00:12,580 --> 00:00:13,810
We're cuter than otters.
6
00:00:13,810 --> 00:00:15,540
(chuckles)
7
00:00:15,540 --> 00:00:17,850
And I thought marriage
was gonna be terrible.
8
00:00:17,850 --> 00:00:19,820
You don't need to say
that every morning.
9
00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:21,480
(chuckles)
10
00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:24,220
Well, I love that I can share
my every thought with you.
11
00:00:24,220 --> 00:00:25,050
You can.
12
00:00:25,050 --> 00:00:27,520
But maybe sometimes
you shouldn't.
13
00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:29,090
For instance, the other day,
14
00:00:29,090 --> 00:00:31,590
when you were telling me that
my arms were getting flabby.
15
00:00:31,590 --> 00:00:32,930
Oh. I just said that 'cause
16
00:00:32,930 --> 00:00:34,230
I didn't want
to push you up that hill.
17
00:00:34,230 --> 00:00:37,830
So you weren't being mean,
you were being lazy.
18
00:00:37,830 --> 00:00:39,540
Can't I be both?
19
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:40,770
Better than anyone.
20
00:00:40,770 --> 00:00:41,970
Mm.
21
00:00:41,970 --> 00:00:43,670
What do you have
planned today?
22
00:00:43,670 --> 00:00:44,940
Oh, let's see.
23
00:00:44,940 --> 00:00:46,710
I'm gonna take your shirts
to the dry cleaner's,
24
00:00:46,710 --> 00:00:49,550
fix Mr. Munson's freezer
and... oh, yeah,
25
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:50,980
officially take your last name.
26
00:00:50,980 --> 00:00:52,680
What's wrong with
his freezer?
27
00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:54,580
I think you missed the headline.
28
00:00:54,580 --> 00:00:56,720
No, I heard you. But our
freezer's been acting weird.
29
00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:58,290
Could be the same thing.
30
00:00:58,290 --> 00:01:01,290
Adam, I have an appointment
at the Social Security office,
31
00:01:01,290 --> 00:01:03,630
where I will fill out
a government form.
32
00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:04,990
After 22 years,
33
00:01:04,990 --> 00:01:07,230
I am allowing myself
to show up on the grid.
34
00:01:07,230 --> 00:01:09,000
I know. That's a
big step for you.
35
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:10,700
Yeah. Especially since
there's a small chance
36
00:01:10,700 --> 00:01:12,200
I might be arrested.
37
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:14,670
And if you do, I can't be
forced to testify against you,
38
00:01:14,670 --> 00:01:16,170
because I'm your husband.
39
00:01:16,170 --> 00:01:19,110
That right there, that's why
I want to be Bonnie Janikowski.
40
00:01:19,110 --> 00:01:23,610
Cool. And keep me posted
on that freezer thing.
41
00:01:23,610 --> 00:01:27,220
Why are you acting like this
isn't hugely important to you?
42
00:01:27,220 --> 00:01:28,820
Whatever makes you happy,
Bonnie.
43
00:01:28,820 --> 00:01:30,620
It really doesn't matter to me.
44
00:01:30,620 --> 00:01:33,160
Well, it matters to me
and I'm doing it.
45
00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:40,130
Smooth.
46
00:01:43,830 --> 00:01:45,070
Hey.
47
00:01:45,070 --> 00:01:45,870
No time.
48
00:01:45,870 --> 00:01:48,070
All you had to do
is say "hey" back.
49
00:01:48,070 --> 00:01:50,170
I don't have time
for "Hey, hey."
50
00:01:50,170 --> 00:01:53,080
My boss thinks 15 minutes
early is five minutes late,
51
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:54,910
and I still haven't finished
proofreading those contracts.
52
00:01:54,910 --> 00:01:56,350
Ah. I would've read
those last night,
53
00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:59,050
so I'd be prepared for work
and be able to give my mother
54
00:01:59,050 --> 00:02:00,350
the cheery good morning
she deserves.
55
00:02:00,350 --> 00:02:01,280
(sighs)
56
00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:03,950
Veronica kept me
at the office till 2:00 a.m.
57
00:02:03,950 --> 00:02:05,320
She never gets tired.
58
00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:07,090
She's like a machine
that runs on yelling
59
00:02:07,090 --> 00:02:09,160
and very expensive goat yogurt.
60
00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:10,930
Well, whatever you do,
61
00:02:10,930 --> 00:02:12,760
just don't pull a Christy.
What's that mean?
62
00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:14,930
You know, try hard for a
little while and then quit.
63
00:02:14,930 --> 00:02:16,630
How is that pulling a Christy?
64
00:02:16,630 --> 00:02:19,070
I finished college,
I'm in law school,
65
00:02:19,070 --> 00:02:20,270
I work three...
Oh, God, don't do the list.
66
00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:21,200
Hey!
67
00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:23,170
Hey! See?
There was time.
68
00:02:23,170 --> 00:02:25,340
The point is
I am not gonna quit this.
69
00:02:25,340 --> 00:02:26,710
She is a senior partner.
70
00:02:26,710 --> 00:02:27,940
Her name is
on the building.
71
00:02:27,940 --> 00:02:29,080
If I do a good job,
72
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:31,180
maybe she hires me
when I graduate.
73
00:02:31,180 --> 00:02:32,680
Before you know
it, I'm a judge
74
00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:34,850
and then eventually a
Supreme Court justice.
75
00:02:34,850 --> 00:02:36,350
They seem okay with
alcoholics now,
76
00:02:36,350 --> 00:02:38,990
so I could actually
have a shot.
77
00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:19,930
(hoarsely):
Wow.
78
00:03:19,930 --> 00:03:22,960
That was all kinds of bad idea.
79
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:24,670
Well, sorry, heart.
80
00:03:24,670 --> 00:03:26,530
VERONICA:
Christy!
81
00:03:26,530 --> 00:03:30,670
Coming.
Christy!
82
00:03:30,670 --> 00:03:33,040
Coming.
What took you so long?
83
00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:36,510
Uh, I was, uh-- I'm sorry.
I had to adjust my skirt.
84
00:03:36,510 --> 00:03:38,950
This zipper just wants
to be in the front.
85
00:03:38,950 --> 00:03:40,920
I need you to confirm
my lunch at Malone's.
86
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:43,550
Also, pull the files
on the Onyx Merger.
87
00:03:43,550 --> 00:03:44,720
(grunts)
88
00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:46,090
I need you
to get my car detailed.
89
00:03:46,090 --> 00:03:48,490
Don't take it to the
place I don't like.
90
00:03:48,490 --> 00:03:50,090
Come on.
91
00:03:50,090 --> 00:03:53,130
Pick up my prescription at the
pharmacy and get those cucumbers
92
00:03:53,130 --> 00:03:55,560
out of my lemon water.
Malone's, Onyx,
93
00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:57,700
cucumbers, prescription.
Schedule a meeting for
Thursday with Thad Edwards.
94
00:03:57,700 --> 00:03:59,170
Thad, Thursday.
95
00:03:59,170 --> 00:04:00,870
Check the court calendar
to see which judge I landed
96
00:04:00,870 --> 00:04:02,070
in the Higgins case.
97
00:04:02,070 --> 00:04:04,070
If it's Barris, text
me; if it's Johnson,
98
00:04:04,070 --> 00:04:07,840
file for an extension;
if it's Clarke, kill me now.
99
00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:10,180
Can you just say all that again
into my phone?
100
00:04:10,180 --> 00:04:11,550
No!
101
00:04:14,780 --> 00:04:16,450
Got it.
102
00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:20,160
Hi, Ken.
103
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,690
Oh.
104
00:04:21,690 --> 00:04:24,290
Hello, young lady.
105
00:04:24,290 --> 00:04:26,660
I've been waiting
for that all day.
106
00:04:26,660 --> 00:04:28,960
Oh, look at those legs.
107
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:31,270
Mmm. All the way
to the floor.
108
00:04:31,270 --> 00:04:32,870
Hey, hey.
You missed your chance.
109
00:04:32,870 --> 00:04:34,270
I'm married now.
110
00:04:34,270 --> 00:04:35,740
Ah, well, so am I.
111
00:04:35,740 --> 00:04:40,280
Uh, it makes it more exciting.
112
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,210
NIKKI (in distance):
You know, I can hear you!
113
00:04:42,210 --> 00:04:46,510
The only thing that still works
on her is the ears!
114
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:50,150
So, what you got?
115
00:04:50,150 --> 00:04:50,950
Five shirts.
116
00:04:50,950 --> 00:04:53,020
All right.
The last name Plunkett.
117
00:04:53,020 --> 00:04:55,560
Actually, I'm on my way
to the Social Security office
118
00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:58,490
where I will officially become
Bonnie Janikowski.
119
00:04:59,330 --> 00:05:01,760
Sheesh.
120
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:04,770
So, J-A-N-E...
121
00:05:04,770 --> 00:05:06,840
No. J-A-N-I-K...
122
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:09,800
L-Let's slow-slow down.
J-A-N-E...
123
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:11,810
No. J-N-I-K...
124
00:05:11,810 --> 00:05:14,810
Wait. J-A-N-I-K...
125
00:05:14,810 --> 00:05:16,910
Wait, are-are you sure
there's no "C"?
126
00:05:16,910 --> 00:05:20,250
Well, now I'm not.
All right, uh, uh...
127
00:05:20,250 --> 00:05:23,590
Give me a pen.
I got to write this down.
All right.
128
00:05:23,590 --> 00:05:25,720
Uh...
129
00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:28,920
(grunts)
None of this looks right.
130
00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:32,290
Okay, there.
I think that's it.
131
00:05:33,330 --> 00:05:35,630
Oh. So there is a "C"?
132
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:41,100
Damn it, just leave it Plunkett.
133
00:05:42,340 --> 00:05:44,270
No. Disabuse your
client of the notion
134
00:05:44,270 --> 00:05:46,210
he is going to walk away
from this thing with anything
135
00:05:46,210 --> 00:05:47,710
that even resembles a win.
136
00:05:47,710 --> 00:05:49,880
It's over and everyone
knows it but you!
137
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,810
Hanging up!
138
00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:53,010
(whispers):
Hang it up!
139
00:05:53,850 --> 00:05:54,950
(phone beeps)
140
00:05:54,950 --> 00:05:56,350
I love watching you work.
141
00:05:56,350 --> 00:05:59,720
Ugh, well, that's
creepy. Take these.
142
00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:01,360
Where is my prescription?
143
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,090
Oh, um, right here.
144
00:06:03,090 --> 00:06:05,190
The pharmacist said
to take them with a...
145
00:06:05,190 --> 00:06:08,360
Yeah, I know how to take them.
You want one? You want one.
146
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:10,230
What is it?
147
00:06:10,230 --> 00:06:11,970
Adderall. We're all on it.
148
00:06:11,970 --> 00:06:13,970
Get on it. You're sluggish.
149
00:06:13,970 --> 00:06:18,870
Oh. No, thank you,
but thank you, but no.
150
00:06:18,870 --> 00:06:19,870
You sure?
151
00:06:19,870 --> 00:06:21,280
Yeah.
152
00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:22,310
Then get out!
153
00:06:22,310 --> 00:06:23,710
Get out!
O-Okay.
154
00:06:23,710 --> 00:06:24,950
Get out! Get out!
Okay.
155
00:06:24,950 --> 00:06:27,120
Okay.
Get out!
156
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,220
Do I seem sluggish to you?
157
00:06:32,220 --> 00:06:34,160
Uh, today or every day?
158
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:36,320
Eh, it doesn't
matter. Yes to both.
159
00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:39,130
My boss and everyone else
in the building is on uppers,
160
00:06:39,130 --> 00:06:40,800
which is not safe, or fair.
161
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,130
How am I supposed to compete?
162
00:06:42,130 --> 00:06:44,270
Sounds like someone's
about to pull a Christy.
163
00:06:44,270 --> 00:06:46,870
No, I'm not,
and stop calling it that.
164
00:06:46,870 --> 00:06:48,840
(phone rings)
Hey, babe.
165
00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:51,140
ADAM:
I'm at the grocery store.
Do you need anything?
166
00:06:51,140 --> 00:06:52,740
I'm good.
Ooh.
167
00:06:52,740 --> 00:06:54,340
Can you get some strawberries
for my boss?
168
00:06:54,340 --> 00:06:56,410
But not the big ones,
the little tiny sweet ones.
169
00:06:56,410 --> 00:06:58,210
She had them
last spring in Capri,
170
00:06:58,210 --> 00:07:00,250
and they were
apparently magical.
171
00:07:00,250 --> 00:07:02,150
(chuckles):
I'll do my best.
172
00:07:02,150 --> 00:07:04,320
You know he's just gonna
get you raspberries.
173
00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:05,420
She's right.
174
00:07:05,420 --> 00:07:08,890
How was the Social Security
office, Mrs. Janikowski?
175
00:07:08,890 --> 00:07:10,260
It was great.
176
00:07:10,260 --> 00:07:12,760
The line moved quickly,
there was ample parking,
177
00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:15,730
and, uh, I made friends
with a woman from Kuala Lumpur.
178
00:07:15,730 --> 00:07:17,030
Awesome. See you at home.
179
00:07:17,030 --> 00:07:18,630
Bye. Love you.
180
00:07:19,430 --> 00:07:21,040
Look at you,
181
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,000
changing your name legally
for once.
182
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:24,840
(exhales):
Yeah, I didn't do it.
183
00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:26,110
What?
184
00:07:26,110 --> 00:07:28,180
You just lied
to your brand-new husband?
185
00:07:28,180 --> 00:07:29,480
I rescheduled, so technically
186
00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:32,050
I just pre-told him
tomorrow's truth.
187
00:07:32,050 --> 00:07:35,220
What about the woman
from Kuala Lumpur?
188
00:07:35,220 --> 00:07:37,290
Well, it might happen.
I'm a friendly person.
189
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:40,290
Another lie. Why didn't you go?
190
00:07:40,290 --> 00:07:43,660
Eh, it just didn't feel like
a good day to become Polish.
191
00:07:46,330 --> 00:07:48,760
Bonnie, your turn to sweep.
I pass.
192
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,470
You can't pass.
193
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,470
It's a hard pass.
194
00:07:52,470 --> 00:07:54,200
Fine, I'll do it.
195
00:07:58,470 --> 00:07:59,870
What are you doing?
196
00:07:59,870 --> 00:08:01,780
Sweeping.
197
00:08:01,780 --> 00:08:03,080
Yeah, I have three maids.
198
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:05,210
I don't think so.
199
00:08:05,210 --> 00:08:08,980
Who taught you how to do that,
a cartoon mouse?
200
00:08:08,980 --> 00:08:10,990
What's wrong with
what I'm doing?
201
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:12,820
Oh, good Lord,
give me that broom.
202
00:08:12,820 --> 00:08:15,060
(mouths)
203
00:08:17,060 --> 00:08:18,790
(ringtone playing)
204
00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:22,200
(groans) I hate her,
I hate her, I hate her.
205
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:25,330
Your mom's already
here. Who is it?
206
00:08:25,330 --> 00:08:27,500
The other most toxic person
on the planet.
207
00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:30,370
Hey, Veronica.
What can I do for you?
208
00:08:30,370 --> 00:08:31,540
Uh-huh.
209
00:08:31,540 --> 00:08:35,010
I am on it.
210
00:08:35,010 --> 00:08:37,250
(groans)
I can't go to the bistro.
211
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:39,980
I got to go run an errand
for my boss.
212
00:08:39,980 --> 00:08:41,820
She needs you to score
more pills?
213
00:08:41,820 --> 00:08:42,980
No.
214
00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:45,350
She needs pot.
215
00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,960
Yes, that's right.
I am leaving an A.A. meeting
216
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,160
to go buy pot.
217
00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:50,360
Seriously?
218
00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:51,830
You know,
my guy Earl used to work
219
00:08:51,830 --> 00:08:53,130
under the Third Street Bridge.
220
00:08:53,130 --> 00:08:55,530
He'll hook you up pretty good
if he's still alive.
221
00:08:55,530 --> 00:08:58,470
It's okay. She wants me to go
to her dispensary.
222
00:08:58,470 --> 00:09:01,000
Ooh, I've never been to
one of those. I want to go!
223
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:02,100
This'll be fun!
224
00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:03,400
I'll come, too.
225
00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:04,110
Road trip!
226
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:06,010
Tammy, it's four blocks away.
227
00:09:06,010 --> 00:09:08,140
Super short road trip!
228
00:09:08,140 --> 00:09:10,280
She's in your car.
229
00:09:18,050 --> 00:09:19,890
(door whooshes)
230
00:09:21,090 --> 00:09:24,520
Why are we buying pot
in an Apple Store?
231
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:27,360
This is a lot different
than Earl's bridge.
232
00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:29,360
I don't like it.
Where's the shame?
233
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:30,760
Where's the danger?
234
00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:32,070
DJ:
Hi.
235
00:09:32,070 --> 00:09:33,500
I'm DJ. How may I help you?
236
00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:37,170
I have to buy pot
for my friend.
237
00:09:37,170 --> 00:09:39,040
Your "friend"?
238
00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:40,310
Ladies, it's legal.
239
00:09:40,310 --> 00:09:42,380
You can come out
from the shadows.
240
00:09:42,380 --> 00:09:45,480
(door whooshes)
241
00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:47,510
This place smells like
nursing school.
242
00:09:47,510 --> 00:09:49,080
Like high school.
243
00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:51,280
Her womb.
244
00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:52,790
Let's not get too excited.
245
00:09:52,790 --> 00:09:55,560
We're just here
for moral support.
246
00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:59,390
Man, those are some fat buds.
247
00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:00,490
That's Jolly Green Giant.
248
00:10:00,490 --> 00:10:01,830
We grow it in-house.
249
00:10:01,830 --> 00:10:04,160
It's a really nice
indica sativa hybrid,
250
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:06,530
about 30% THC.
251
00:10:08,270 --> 00:10:10,640
Wow, we've come
a long way from
252
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:13,740
"Here's what might
be weed in a bag."
253
00:10:13,740 --> 00:10:15,540
Would you like to
meet the plants?
254
00:10:15,540 --> 00:10:17,110
Ooh, I would like
to meet the plants.
255
00:10:17,110 --> 00:10:20,280
I would like to do
terrible things to them.
256
00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:21,410
We don't smoke.
257
00:10:21,410 --> 00:10:23,650
Gotcha. Let me show
you the edibles.
258
00:10:23,650 --> 00:10:27,520
Cookies, cereal, crackers,
pretzel bites, sodas.
259
00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:29,560
This isn't fair.
They legalized pot
260
00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:31,630
and put it in all
my favorite snacks!
261
00:10:31,630 --> 00:10:34,660
Oh, honey, it doesn't matter
what it's in. It's--
262
00:10:34,660 --> 00:10:36,560
(gasps) Holy crap,
it's in salad dressing!
263
00:10:36,560 --> 00:10:38,700
Somebody physically restrain me.
264
00:10:38,700 --> 00:10:40,670
I'm sure you get
this question all the time.
265
00:10:40,670 --> 00:10:44,600
I'm sober. If I rub
this CBD oil on my husband
266
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,670
and I somehow...
ingest it,
267
00:10:47,670 --> 00:10:50,410
is that technically
a relapse
268
00:10:50,410 --> 00:10:53,180
or just a great way
to handle my joint pain?
269
00:10:53,180 --> 00:10:55,380
Uh, I've never gotten
that question before.
270
00:10:55,380 --> 00:10:58,790
Not worth the risk. I'll stick
with whipped cream and Advil.
271
00:10:58,790 --> 00:11:02,590
Okay, um, I need an eighth
of Laughing Buddha,
272
00:11:02,590 --> 00:11:05,830
two packs of pre-rolled
Skywalker O.G.,
273
00:11:05,830 --> 00:11:07,060
and breath strips.
274
00:11:07,060 --> 00:11:10,360
Wait, I'm probably supposed
to get that from the pharmacy.
275
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:12,470
No, we have those here.
With pot in them?
276
00:11:12,470 --> 00:11:13,870
I'm gonna save you some time.
277
00:11:13,870 --> 00:11:17,740
Everything in this room
has pot in it. Including me.
278
00:11:20,370 --> 00:11:22,180
What about this bag?
279
00:11:22,180 --> 00:11:23,380
It's made of hemp.
280
00:11:23,380 --> 00:11:24,740
Ooh.
Ooh.
281
00:11:24,740 --> 00:11:27,610
I want to buy that bag.
I'm allowed to buy that bag.
282
00:11:27,610 --> 00:11:30,380
Oh, check it out.
This one's on sale.
283
00:11:30,380 --> 00:11:31,690
Pot goes on sale?
284
00:11:31,690 --> 00:11:34,420
I used to have to do things
to get a discount.
285
00:11:34,420 --> 00:11:36,860
Fortunately,
Earl was not bad-looking.
286
00:11:36,860 --> 00:11:40,360
For someone who slept
in a shopping cart.
287
00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:41,730
Here you go.
288
00:11:41,730 --> 00:11:43,600
Since you're
a first-time customer,
289
00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:45,730
throw in some gummy bears
and lollipops.
290
00:11:45,730 --> 00:11:49,370
And when you say
"gummy bears and lollipops..."
291
00:11:49,370 --> 00:11:50,500
Yes, they have pot in them.
292
00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:52,740
Son of a biscuit!
293
00:11:55,910 --> 00:11:57,510
Mmm.
294
00:11:57,510 --> 00:11:59,780
You're not a bowl of
marijuana-infused Cheerios,
295
00:11:59,780 --> 00:12:01,920
but you're still
pretty good.
296
00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:04,880
That was fun,
but I'd never do it again.
297
00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:06,690
They make it look all
happy-happy, joy-joy,
298
00:12:06,690 --> 00:12:08,660
which makes it hard to remember
that for me
299
00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:11,220
it led to
crappy-crappy, sad-sad.
300
00:12:11,220 --> 00:12:12,530
Me, too.
301
00:12:12,530 --> 00:12:14,390
And now that it's legal,
I can't go anywhere
302
00:12:14,390 --> 00:12:17,830
without walking through a cloud
of that sweet, sweet odor.
303
00:12:17,830 --> 00:12:20,530
It's true.
It's everywhere now.
304
00:12:20,530 --> 00:12:21,870
So is alcohol.
305
00:12:21,870 --> 00:12:23,770
Yeah, but I don't
walk down the sidewalk
306
00:12:23,770 --> 00:12:26,810
and get a glass of wine
thrown in my face.
307
00:12:26,810 --> 00:12:28,680
One time Jell-O,
but to be fair,
308
00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:31,710
I was... I was pretty mean
to that little boy.
309
00:12:33,250 --> 00:12:34,880
Maybe you'll be
a nicer person
310
00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:37,350
when you become
Bonnie Janikowski.
311
00:12:37,350 --> 00:12:38,820
Not likely.
312
00:12:38,820 --> 00:12:41,350
Oh, yeah,
you did that today.
313
00:12:41,350 --> 00:12:42,560
No, she did not.
314
00:12:43,660 --> 00:12:47,260
Oh. Oops, did I let that slip?
315
00:12:47,260 --> 00:12:48,630
Why?
316
00:12:48,630 --> 00:12:49,900
I don't, I don't know.
317
00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:51,700
Something about it
didn't feel right.
318
00:12:51,700 --> 00:12:53,570
Maybe it's 'cause you're so old.
319
00:12:54,370 --> 00:12:55,740
What are you doing?
320
00:12:55,740 --> 00:12:59,440
This is a violent woman
with a long reach.
321
00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:01,010
I just mean
when a 25-year-old woman
322
00:13:01,010 --> 00:13:03,010
changes her name,
it's no big deal.
323
00:13:03,010 --> 00:13:06,010
But it's much harder for someone
in their twilight years.
324
00:13:06,010 --> 00:13:09,720
Oh, just go on and hit her.
She's asking for it.
325
00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:13,720
It kills me to say this,
but Wendy has a point.
326
00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:15,690
I've been Bonnie Plunkett
my whole life.
327
00:13:15,690 --> 00:13:18,390
And something's telling me
I should stay that way.
328
00:13:18,390 --> 00:13:19,890
Mm. Honey, if you're
this conflicted,
329
00:13:19,890 --> 00:13:21,760
you should talk
to Adam.
330
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:24,460
Don't forget to tell him
you lied earlier.
331
00:13:24,460 --> 00:13:25,600
Oops.
332
00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,470
Why the hell
don't you just hyphenate?
333
00:13:28,470 --> 00:13:32,210
Bonnie Plunkett-Janikowski?
What am I, the alphabet?
334
00:13:36,410 --> 00:13:39,610
I just talked to
Thad's assistant Chad--
335
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:41,680
Yes, you heard that right.
336
00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:45,750
Uh, they're running late,
so you have some time.
337
00:13:45,750 --> 00:13:47,850
You're not yelling at me.
Are you okay?
338
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:54,290
Oh. Aren't you pretty.
339
00:13:55,860 --> 00:13:57,530
What you got going on there?
340
00:13:58,830 --> 00:14:02,340
I was feeling kind of tired,
so I took extra Adderall.
341
00:14:02,340 --> 00:14:03,540
Then I felt jumpy,
342
00:14:03,540 --> 00:14:04,970
so I ate a couple
pot gummies.
343
00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:07,910
Then I forgot I ate the gummies,
so I ate more gummies.
344
00:14:07,910 --> 00:14:10,810
(laughing)
345
00:14:10,810 --> 00:14:13,580
Chad and Thad-- I just got that.
346
00:14:16,780 --> 00:14:19,920
I may not be able
to handle this meeting.
347
00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:23,060
Do you have makeup remover
348
00:14:23,060 --> 00:14:26,860
or a hat with a veil?
349
00:14:26,860 --> 00:14:31,060
This is my first gummy bear
experience, and it's not good.
350
00:14:31,060 --> 00:14:32,600
Here are my takeaways.
351
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:35,570
A: Don't eat nine.
352
00:14:35,570 --> 00:14:38,670
B: I'm gonna die.
353
00:14:39,810 --> 00:14:41,670
Maybe I should
reschedule the meeting.
354
00:14:41,670 --> 00:14:44,780
No. We need
this client because...
355
00:14:44,780 --> 00:14:46,950
(whispers):
this firm is in trouble.
356
00:14:46,950 --> 00:14:48,920
We are this close to bankruptcy,
357
00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:51,580
and we just spent a lot of money
on new chairs.
358
00:14:51,580 --> 00:14:53,750
It was so dumb.
359
00:14:55,590 --> 00:14:57,420
Veronica, this is a classic
360
00:14:57,420 --> 00:14:59,760
"too high slash panic attack"
situation.
361
00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:01,060
Yep, yep, that feels right.
362
00:15:01,060 --> 00:15:02,830
Open that window.
I want to jump out.
363
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,700
Look in my eyes
and repeat after me:
364
00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:09,700
I am okay.
365
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:12,410
You are okay.
366
00:15:12,410 --> 00:15:16,810
No, you are okay.
367
00:15:16,810 --> 00:15:20,510
I am trying to get you
to say "I am okay."
368
00:15:20,510 --> 00:15:23,920
But I am so not okay,
and I'll never be okay!
369
00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:27,890
(sighs) All right!
I'm gonna have to slap you.
370
00:15:27,890 --> 00:15:29,890
Do it!
371
00:15:36,030 --> 00:15:39,430
Ugh! I can't!
I can't slap my boss!
372
00:15:39,430 --> 00:15:40,600
Do it!
373
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:41,700
Say something mean.
374
00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:42,970
Tell me
I'm a terrible assistant.
375
00:15:42,970 --> 00:15:44,940
Tell you? I thought
you already knew.
376
00:15:49,140 --> 00:15:51,440
Hey! That helped!
377
00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:53,480
Let's go again!
378
00:15:54,950 --> 00:15:56,750
I'm not high!
379
00:15:58,080 --> 00:15:59,650
(groans)
380
00:16:02,460 --> 00:16:04,490
Ah, damn it, you're home.
381
00:16:04,490 --> 00:16:05,890
(door closes)
382
00:16:05,890 --> 00:16:08,460
Oh, we're just telling
each other the truth now?
383
00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:11,500
Okay, your hair is ridiculous.
384
00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:14,900
No, I got you a gift, and I
wanted to surprise you with it.
385
00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:17,100
And-and what-what's wrong
with my hair?
386
00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:18,940
It looks like
it's trying to escape.
387
00:16:18,940 --> 00:16:22,110
Give me my present.
388
00:16:22,110 --> 00:16:25,010
I ordered us a new welcome mat
that says "The Janikowskis"
389
00:16:25,010 --> 00:16:26,680
'cause that's who we are now.
390
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:29,480
That is...
391
00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,050
so sweet.
392
00:16:31,050 --> 00:16:32,220
Yeah.
393
00:16:32,220 --> 00:16:34,520
And yet I feel
I don't deserve it.
394
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:35,960
Why not?
395
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:39,090
Because only one of us
is a Janikowski.
396
00:16:40,530 --> 00:16:43,400
I didn't, uh, go to the
Social Security office.
397
00:16:44,660 --> 00:16:46,200
You lied to me?
398
00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:49,170
Well, I thought I was telling
you today's truth yesterday.
399
00:16:50,140 --> 00:16:52,540
I-I can see why
you're confused.
400
00:16:52,540 --> 00:16:55,140
So... what happened?
401
00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:59,050
I just have this little
voice saying, "Don't do it."
402
00:16:59,050 --> 00:17:02,180
The-the thing is, I-I hated
being Bonnie Plunkett
403
00:17:02,180 --> 00:17:03,180
for most of my life.
404
00:17:03,180 --> 00:17:07,050
I was a drunk, a-a thief,
a terrible mother.
405
00:17:07,050 --> 00:17:09,260
I-I felt worthless
and broken.
406
00:17:09,260 --> 00:17:12,090
But then I did all
this work on myself,
407
00:17:12,090 --> 00:17:13,830
and I finally love
Bonnie Plunkett,
408
00:17:13,830 --> 00:17:17,060
and I just, I'm not
ready to let her go.
409
00:17:17,060 --> 00:17:18,970
Wow.
410
00:17:18,970 --> 00:17:21,100
I had no idea
you felt that way.
411
00:17:21,100 --> 00:17:22,570
I didn't either.
412
00:17:22,570 --> 00:17:24,570
I'm sorry. I know this
was important to you.
413
00:17:24,570 --> 00:17:26,770
And don't say it wasn't,
because you clearly paid
414
00:17:26,770 --> 00:17:29,110
for expedited shipping
on that welcome mat.
415
00:17:30,510 --> 00:17:33,180
It was only three dollars more.
416
00:17:33,180 --> 00:17:35,720
I... I just wanted
the whole world to know
417
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:36,920
that we're a family.
418
00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:38,790
(groans softly)
419
00:17:38,790 --> 00:17:41,120
Why would you say
something like that?
420
00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:42,720
What?
421
00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:45,260
So sweet.
Now I'm waffling again.
422
00:17:45,260 --> 00:17:46,990
No, no, no, no, no,
don't waffle.
423
00:17:46,990 --> 00:17:48,590
You finally love
Bonnie Plunkett,
424
00:17:48,590 --> 00:17:51,830
and I've always loved
Bonnie Plunkett, so...
425
00:17:51,830 --> 00:17:54,000
stay Bonnie Plunkett.
426
00:17:55,100 --> 00:17:58,470
All right,
but I'm doing this for you.
427
00:18:00,110 --> 00:18:02,680
And, hey, this doesn't mean
we can't have a welcome mat
428
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:04,040
that says "The Janikowskis."
429
00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:06,680
At the very least,
you and Gus are Janikowskis.
430
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:09,850
Gus's last name is Wooferton.
431
00:18:12,750 --> 00:18:16,260
Let's just put out the mat.
I'm sure he won't complain.
432
00:18:16,260 --> 00:18:18,020
(chuckles)
433
00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:22,600
"The Jackinowskis."
434
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:25,130
Everyone always wants
to put a "C" in it.
435
00:18:32,100 --> 00:18:34,070
Hey.
Hey. How was work?
436
00:18:34,070 --> 00:18:35,740
Excellent, thanks to you.
437
00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:37,180
Really?
438
00:18:37,180 --> 00:18:39,040
Yeah. I saved my boss's ass
439
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:41,180
when she got way too high
and freaked out.
440
00:18:41,180 --> 00:18:44,720
You are really good at that.
Did you have to slap her?
441
00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:47,990
Yep. But just like you,
she hit back.
442
00:18:47,990 --> 00:18:49,420
But...
443
00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:50,760
I sobered her up enough
for her meeting,
444
00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:52,730
and now I get to go to court
with her tomorrow.
445
00:18:52,730 --> 00:18:54,560
Mostly to carry her yogurt,
but still.
446
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:56,730
Congratulations!
(chuckles)
447
00:18:56,730 --> 00:18:58,600
So now with the way
this turned out,
448
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:00,670
can sticking with it
and persevering
449
00:19:00,670 --> 00:19:02,430
and getting huge
success be called...
450
00:19:02,430 --> 00:19:05,340
Pulling a Bonnie Plunkett?
Yes, it can.
32128
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof